Original subtitles

Add infinity to infinity,

and I can scatter the six of you

across time, space and reality!

You’ll be out of my universe forever!

(cries out)

Oh, how neighborly.

(grunts)

Oucheth.

(electricity crackles)

Mayhaps some worthy in yon Space Station can direct me home.

Oh, I hope their bathroom’s clean.

Hello? Any hero home?

Bonjour?

Census bureau!

Nanu-nanu?

The gates?

Hmm. ’Tis deserted. Oh well.

Long have I wished for time enough to perfect my shadow puppets.

Shadow puppet time, shadow puppet time.

Fluffy.

Fenrir.

Fafnir.

Hmm, that went faster than I expected.

(groans)

I am alone, adrift in a far dimension,

no hope of return.

Rouse thyself, Thor!

A scion of Asgard does not give up.

Although we’re only on page two,

something must turn up soon.

(hums)

Any moment now.

My. How the cloud-dweller hath fallen.

Defeated by one once my ally.

Am I not worthy to wield thee, Mjolnir?

Dids’t thou choose me solely

for my title as Prince of Asgard?

Canst the mighty Thor no longer cut it?

Is that what you’re saying?

Ohh, sweet Mjolnir.

Well, why don’t I just take my hammer and go then?

(sighs)

Nay, the story would be too short.

(gasps)

What’s that? Look behind me?

Nay, there is no one.

Be this hammer humor?

(grunts)

Trash day already? Better take you out.

With this Infinity Gauntlet,

I, Thanos, will rule the universe!

All right Squaddies, time to Hero up!

♪ When the bad guys are out, all you have to do is shout now ♪

♪ Who’s gonna Hero up? ♪

♪ Well, they may not get along, but they’re always fighting strong now ♪

♪ Who’s gonna Hero up? ♪

♪ Who’ll save the day? The Super Hero Squad ♪

♪ They’ll Hero up again ♪

♪ Super Hero Squad! Hero up ♪

♪ Super Hero Squad! Hero up ♪

♪ Wolverine and Hulk are fierce, Thanos ends up in tears ♪

♪ When Iron Man joins the fight ♪

♪ Falcon darts in from the sky, Scarlet Witch by his side ♪

♪ Thor’s hammer has thunder’s might ♪

♪ Who’ll save the day? The Super Hero Squad ♪

♪ They’ll Hero up again ♪

♪ Super Hero Squad! Hero up ♪

♪ Super Hero Squad! Hero up ♪

♪ Super Hero Squad ♪

(groans)

Junk mail. Junk mail. Bill... Oh! Fan mail!

Comic convention registration, bill, fast food coupons.

(bell chimes)

-(glass breaks) -(cat screeches)

-(bell chimes) -(saw revs)

Oh, newspapers.

Redwing will like these.

If newspapers ever totally go away,

what will line the birdcages of America?

I shudder to think.

Ah. Keepin’ the Stark Tower shipshape for when turns up.

And the other Squaddies, too.

Ah, but I digress.

Say, a recorded telephone voice message.

(Woman) What gives, Tony?

I thought we had a date last night...

Hmm. Guess she didn’t get the memo.

(Woman 2) Iron Man? More like Heart of Stone Man.

You couldn’t even call.

My mother says I’m a great catch!

She could grate cheese with that voice.

(whistles)

(phone rings)

Put down that chocolate and turn off the waterworks, sister.

Iron Man didn’t stand you up, the Super Hero Squad is missing.

We got a distress call

from that plucky little robot, HERBIE.

Turns out the Silver Surfer is a tad tarnished.

But say, I’m free for lunch.

Uh-huh. Well perhaps some other time.

What are you doing on Flag Day? (laughs)

(dial tone)

(Mayor) There. Just five million sheets of stationery to go.

What, you prefer Super Heroless City?

The City Formerly Known as Super Hero?

Scarlet Witchita?

A name change?

That’s gonna stop the Dark Surfer the from attacking?

(Mayor) Maybe we should lose the super hero angle.

Market something else.

(fighting sounds)

(grunts)

-I say thee nay! -Neigh?

A horse joke. How sensitive.

No, no, no, no, no, it’s nay,

like N-A...

(mutters)

(laughs)

(yells)

(strains)

Weapons to mop the floor with you,

evil servant of the Stranger.

(electricity crackles)

Stranger?

I know him not!

He’s a trans-galactic warlord.

You know, big guy, yay high.

Coming back to you?

(grunts)

Oh, hello out there.

Holster thine upright!

I would speak with thee...

(cries out)

And I would you wouldn’t!

(coughs)

Wow, that’s quite tart.

Scent so lemony.

(grunts)

(groans)

Ah. Thou art a worthy, if overly-sanitized, foe.

Let us truce!

I am Thor. What may I call thee?

Beta Ray Bill.

Wow. Three names!

And a strange name indeed!

Oh. Tell me about it.

Why couldn’t I have been Beta Ray Bob? Parents.

I wouldst thou speak more of this Stranger.

Methinks I like him not.

The Stranger’s why my people built this space station.

I’ll explain. Use this.

(gasps)

By Balder’s balding baldric!

What an entertaining form of exposition!

The Stranger attacked my planet.

In defense, my people created a group of Super-Soldiers,

made from the DNA of vicious animals...

(Thor) So, horses are vicious?

Just go to the next picture.

The Super-Soldiers fought the Stranger off our planet,

but they weren’t enough to stop him. They...

(Thor) Oh? Wert thou going to a hukilau?

(Beta Ray Bill) Oops. Sorry, that’s from vacation.

The Stranger captured our soldiers for his own army.

Now the only thing keeping him from my planet

is this space station’s energy field.

The energy field you put a hole in!

Uhh, I... You...

Thou hast no proof!

Er. Say on how thou escaped yon Stranger.

I’m not a soldier.

They genetically enhanced me to be a janitor.

I’m the cleaning crew

of the space station Scuttlebutt.

(laughs)

Thou said "scuttle".

So is this truce over,

or will you stand with me against the Stranger?

Hmm. Yon Bill knows not of my earlier defeat.

Am I puissant enough to defeat this Stranger?

Uh. Are you doing a group huddle with yourself?

What’s tha... Oh fine. Have it your way.

Thou hast my steel at thy command, friend Bill.

I don’t need steel.

I need glue or something.

We’ve got to fix that hole in the energy field before...

(alarms sound)

It’s too late.

Hey! You know how hard it is to get carbon scoring off this thing?

Get not thy space-knickers in a bind, friend Bill.

How many soldiers are they?

One. Two. Three.

Oh, sorry.

Horse DNA. You know?

No matter.

For they shall soon feel the wrath of Thor!

Ahh, battle. I have missed you so.

(grunts)

(gasps)

(electricity snaps)

Garbage in, garbage out!

(strains)

(all cry out)

Whoa! That was amazing!

Dude!

Well, I don’t like to brag,

so you tell me what was most awesome.

I meant the weapon.

That hammer could make anyone a fighter.

Oh. Totes, but ’tis my own hand guiding mine hammer...

Nah, I saw you. You hardly had to do anything.

It was point-n-smash.

Well it’s observe point and smash.

But surely I could have done the same without mine hammer.

Right.

Why did you put a silly face on it?

(gasp) ’Tis personal.

There, there, there.

He did not mean the "silly" part.

I’ll give you two some alone time

and fix that thing before the Stranger hears we’re open for business.

It grieves my gullet, Mjolnir.

But I must bid thee farewell.

I say the nay!

Mjolnir, ’tis hammer time.

(Male singer) ♪ You make me feel so happy ♪

♪ Turn the gray sky blue ♪

♪ You’re the cherry on my sundae ♪

♪ I think you feel it, too ♪

(hums)

♪ Because love, love, love ♪

♪ Love, love, love is a wonderful thing ♪

♪ Love is a wonderful thing ♪

Sweet Mjolnir.

(sighs) This battle be Thors’ and Thors’ alone.

The Son of Odin fears no warlord!

I shall prove my might in naked combat.

-Eew. -Nay. Not naked like naked.

Naked like no weapons. Never mind.

Hmm. How odd.

The lenses align. But to what purpose?

Oh!

Eureka. Oh-ho.

Feel the healing warmth.

(gasps) Yon light wilt melt the good ship Scuttlebutt!

’Tis hammer time!

Er... Me time!

Time to kick some glass!

(grunts)

Mwah. Ha!

I have no need of mine hammer when I have mine guns!

Sir Rockington and... Larry.

I... I’m working on a better name. Leave me alone.

(grunts)

By my troth, I am indeed a worthy adversary.

You are something.

But that wasn’t the word

I was thinking of.

Methinks it be the Stranger Bill spake of!

Drat. I have not mine hammer to soliloquize to.

How dare you interfere!

Who are you, anyway?

I shalt not answer, fiend.

My father told me "speaketh not to strangers."

Fine, mush mouth. We don’t have to speaketh.

I’ll just destroy you.

The Stranger is not one to sit on his hands.

Well come and getteth some!

(grunts)

(Stranger laughs)

(grunts)

(laughs)

(groans)

Save room for seconds.

(laughs)

(groans)

Beware. I shall make thee Val-holla!

(grunts)

(strains)

Be a pal, helmet-head,

and open the Space Station for me, would ya?

(grunts)

There.

This should patch that hole.

That’s not coming out of my paycheck.

(growls)

(laughs)

(grunts)

Oh!

(strains)

(laughs)

(gasps)

Oh. Raven poop.

Aah!

Mjolnir!

Nay, good hammer...

Wow, you’re looking great.

My thanks, but I must prove that I alone be enough.

(strains)

(laughs)

Your loss!

(strains)

(laughs)

Silly villain. None but Thor can lift mighty Mjolnir.

Stupid thing’s defective.

But I can destroy this Space Station

and the pitiful planet it protects all by my lonesome.

Who did that?

Easy, big fella.

(grunts)

Ha! Tough enough, pony boy.

(groans)

(mumbles)

(sneezes)

Enough!

When I’m through with you,

there won’t be anything left to clean up!

(grunts)

What just happened?

Mjolnir has chosen thee!

Thou must take up mine hammer.

Take it.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. I’m no warrior.

I was genetically made to be a janitor.

That’s what I am. That’s my only thing.

Amused scoffing.

We are what we choose to be.

I have fought thee, and I know

behind those dishpan hands lieth the heart of a hero.

(roars)

Did I miss something?

Cause my mind wandered.

(grunts)

Huzzah!

I understand thee now, Mjolnir.

Thou choosest by valor, not by birth or rank.

Thy belief in me is the proof I need that I be worthy!

Hmm. Mayhap the battlefield is unsafe for self-discovery.

(grunts)

To arms!

(chuckles)

Hope you’re ready

for a hammer and cheese sandwich!

(growls)

Ah, ah, ah. Baby steps, hero Bill.

The witty repartee will come eventually.

Right, right. How about...

(roars)

Oh, good choice.

(both yell)

My ears!

Clean up your act!

(grunts)

And now the fuzzy side.

(grunts)

Ha! I am flush with victory.

Clean up on Aisle 6!

Oh! Ahh!

You piece of...

Ah, ah, ah, ah. Language.

Piece of work! Piece of work!

(strains)

He doesn’t like that.

(grunts)

(growls)

(cries out)

Whoa!

I’m so dizzy!

My head’s spinning!

Can’t forget my roots.

Ha! Well played, horse boy!

(grunts)

(grunts)

Thanks, Bill.

Those things controlled our minds.

We couldn’t fight back.

And our universe’s version of Frère Jacques

kept blasting in our heads.

Oof. The Stranger’s more twisted than I thought.

I heard that!

I’ll get you, my little pony.

You and your friend with the bleach-blond hair!

I gave him some air-holes.

We will return home and tell of your valor.

We can leave out the janitor part.

No. It’s who I am.

And that’s enough for Mjolnir.

Well said, friend Bill.

Uru metal doth know what is good.

I shall be proud to use mine hammer ever after.

Er, thou canst give it back now.

Anytime.

Oh! (chuckles) Tradesies!

(both gasp)

A mystic weapon of my own?

Zounds! I never knew Mjolnir could do thus!

Tis an alternate dimension thing

or sloppy continuity.

Lo! I shall name thee

Breaking Wind!

Hmm.

Er, Wind Breaker!

Lo! No, no.

Storm Breaker!

Ha! There you go.

We are brothers,

lords of thunder, bound to serve all in need.

A Norse is a Norse.

Of course. Of course.

(laughs) Mine family is thine now.

Er. Thou mightest want to avoid Aunt Flosshilde.

She pincheth cheeks, so don’t turn your back on her.

Can’t wait.

But first you have to get home.

Maybe the scientists on my planet can help you.

-Ah, what good horse sense. -Stop. Seriously.

(Bill whinnies)

(Woman) Oh, it’s you.

Chill, Princess. I’m just looking for the Super Hero Squad.

I’d rather not see a certain member of your Hero Squad ever again!

Iron Man broke your heart, huh?

What? No!

It’s that gnarly Dark Surfer.

He’s using the Infinity Sword

and Gauntlet to terrorize my people.

Hang in there. When we find the Dark Surfer,

we’ll pay him back.

In the currency of smackdown!

(static)

Princess? You there?

Can I get an IT guy in here? Where’s Eugene?

(theme music playing)