Original subtitles

(Dr. Doom) Those blasted Infinity Stones!

(MODOK) Yeah, those blasted stones.

(Abomination) Who needs 'em!

Who needs them?

Who needs them!

I need them you nitwits!

The holder of the Infinity Stones controls the universe!

Yeah, that's what I said. You need 'em.

You're darn skippy!

(MODOK) What he needs is a chill pill.

(both snicker)

Silence!

I have been through the belly of the beast.

Uh, Fin Fang Foom?

Moomba? Groot? Spragg the Living Hill?

Hulk? Ms. Marvel?

(cries out)

It does not matter which beast.

I have been through the wringer.

Up the down staircase and out the heart of darkness.

Jailed! Beaten!

Bested by my inferiors.

Forced to take a potty break every 20 minutes!

I need to sulk.

I mean, regroup in the peace and serenity of my homeland.

Oh, Latveria.

(both) Latveria?

Latveria? Yes!

Where a damp, dark

and foreboding evil castle

waits for me.

Now give me another piece of divinity log.

(Dr. Doom) What is this?

(Abomination) Pretty.

Wait a minute.

(both) Ow!

Oh, that girly castle is mine.

Doh!

With this Infinity Gauntlet I, Thanos, will rule the universe!

All right Squaddies, time to Hero up!

♪ When the bad guys are out all you have to do is shout now ♪

♪ Who's gonna Hero up? ♪

♪ Well, they may not get along but they're always fighting strong now ♪

♪ Who's gonna Hero up? ♪

♪ Who'll save the day? The Super Hero Squad ♪

♪ They'll Hero up again ♪

♪ Super Hero Squad! Hero up ♪

♪ Wolverine and Hulk are fierce Thanos ends up in tears ♪

♪ When Iron Man joins the fight ♪

♪ Falcon darts in from the sky, Scarlet Witch by his side ♪

♪ Thor's hammer has thunder's might ♪

♪ Who'll save the day? The Super Hero Squad ♪

♪ They'll Hero up again ♪

♪ Super Hero Squad! Hero up ♪

♪ Super Hero Squad! Hero up ♪

♪ Super Hero Squad ♪

(groans)

Ms. Marvel calling the Super Hero Squad!

Hey, Ms. M. Why the salad face?

Peek-a-boo! (giggles)

Today is your lucky day, Iron Man.

I've gotten SHIELD to foot the bill

for a bonding retreat at the most wonderful new spa.

-A what? -A spa day!

(laughs)

Don't you think you all need to pamper yourselves

-once in a while? -I do pamper myself,

you should see what my onboard audio system costs.

A spa day? Really?

With the rest of the Squad patrolling

the known universe for signs of Thanos?

Scarlet Witch has a point. This doesn't smell right.

Well, everything smells great over here, Wolverine.

Check it out.

I'm Nick Fury!

Now haul your keisters over here pronto,

ya lousy goldbricks!

Sending coordinates now.

Marvel out.

-Gotta be a trap. -Ya think?

Okay, okay. So it's a trap,

we still have to rescue Ms. Marvel.

And I can't remember the last mission

that came with a free foot rub.

Oh wait, yes I do.

Ah that Iron Fist sure knows his feet.

Helicarrier, lock onto those coordinates.

(Helicarrier) Helicarrier locked on.

Changing course.

What is going on here?

(both) Welcome to the New Castle Doom:

a relaxing luxury retreat.

Doombot, have you completely lost your programming?

Spa fun.

It is our wish that you will cherish your memories of Latveria for a lifetime.

Have a nice day. Spa fun!

I am not luggage!

I am Doom!

Ow.

(strains)

-For you. -Owie!

Come on, lackeys!

(whistles) Swank place.

Yeah. Quelle decor.

Mauve and sea foam green? Hideous.

Aah! What is this?

There is no "Luxury Lounge" at Castle Doom.

What happened to my dungeon?

(woman) Oh. Right there!

Hiya, Doomsie. How's the fugitive life?

Spa Fun! Hot Stone Treatment!

Hot Stone treatment-superheated, for super heroes!

Spa fun!

Who programmed my robots to give treatments?

(woman) I did.

And you have got some nerve,

Vicky, coming by without calling first.

Mama?

But, how did you escape your imprisonment...

I mean your retirement in Chthon's realm?

(mumbles)

Not now. Company's coming.

(Iron Man) Doctor Doom?

(Scarlet Witch) And Coco von Doom.

What did I tell ya, Witchy? No such thing.

Welcome to the New Castle Doom:

a relaxing luxury retreat.

(grunts)

Have-Have a nice day.

(shrieks)

(laughs)

One down.

And three to go.

(coughs)

Well, you can't fight all the time, eh?

No, can't fight all the time.

(all laugh)

No, 'cause if you fight all the time then that's...

you know, too much fighting, right?

What have you done, mother?

What is that pink frou-frou poopy stuff?

My secret aroma-therapy weapon, Super-Chill mist.

Spa Fun!

Hurry up. Now, welcome guests.

Pedicures and facials are awaiting you

in the Luxury Lounge.

(Iron Man) Wow the perks just keep on coming.

No fun like "Spa Fun."

I are confused.

Huh?

Why, thank you.

(laughs)

(chomping)

(belches)

(laughs) I must congratulate you

on your fiendish plan, Coco dear.

You've killed with kindness,

and so stylishly.

Such exquisite evil, such infernal grace.

My bunions wait for no one. Chthon,

rub out those kinks.

I cannot believe that Chthon had her imprisoned in his realm,

and now he's her punk puppy servant!

(shudders) Disgusting.

Anything for you, Coco, my sweet.

Ugh.

Don't you know there are things a son

should simply never see?

Ah relax, sonny boy.

Chill out.

Ha. Micro air-purifier in the mask.

Just like Mama taught you, aren't you just the clever one?

More clever than you.

So, how's your criminal empire going?

That awful place, Villainville?

Uh. Destroyed?

Good. What a dump.

Oh!

And aren't you on the run for breaking out of prison

or something?

Yes.

Well don't feel bad, Vicky,

some of us are just too weak to take over the world,

or too timid, or too lame.

With my Super-Chill mist,

I'll show you how world domination is done!

Whatever, Mommy dearest,

but Castle Doom is my home,

my lair of evil!

I demand that you change everything back at once.

Oh, bravo, my temperamental little child.

Need I remind you that the castle deed is in my name?

Oh.

At least can I have my old room back?

I'll let you stay, Vicky...

If you massage my feet,

file my corns, shampoo my hair,

and spit-shine my mask!

(Dr. Doom) Oh, Mommy.

Fine!

(Wolverine screams)

(Wolverine screams)

(cries out)

Don't stop. Don't stop!

Sigh.

Can you believe it?

(cries out)

Is it me, or is the clientele here a little dicey?

Ugh. Heroes.

(screams)

Oh, man, that hurts so good.

Ahh...

No pain. No owies.

Ah. Yeah, that feels...

(cries out)

Chair's shorting out!

(screams)

(Wolverine screams)

You might be a hero, dear,

but you've got some truly evil and nasty skin problems.

(giggles) I know. It's the mask.

I wear it all the time.

I'm working my knuckles to the bone,

clearing out your pores.

It's like I'm rooting for truffles under there!

(giggles)

(gasps)

Hey! What the heck am I doing here?

(giggles)

Oh, I don't even know what I was saying?

All finished. Time for a soak.

(groans)

Ahh...

Mmm. The water's so warm.

That's because I'm scared.

So I peed.

You all know my personal valet,

my ne'er do well son, Vicky.

Heya.

Ahh, surrounded by luxury.

I feel like a rich guy.

Well, don't just stand there like an lox,

Iron Man needs service.

This is not the Latverian lifestyle

I have grown accustomed to.

No back talk from you, little man.

Who do you think you are? This is my castle

and what I say goes,

my way or the highway!

Yes, mother dear.

That cursed nagging power.

Make sure he gets a proper pedicure, too!

Oh, this can't be real.

This can't be real! I must pinch myself.

This isn't a dream!

It's all too real!

(gasps) Air! Air!

(laughs) The hot spa water's made you all shrively.

(laughs)

Why don't you zip it?

That's enough lounging around for you two dodos.

(grunts)

I need sixty pounds of bat guano for a special facial mask.

Belfry's in the tower.

Uh, which way to the tower?

Upstairs!

You know who could really use a facial?

The Incredible Hulk.

(chuckles) Ain't he un-glamorous?

Feh.

Speaking of glamor,

where'd Scarlet Witch has get to?

I assure you that you needn't worry about her.

Ah. If I was still a villain,

I'd want a trap just like this.

(hum grows louder)

(sniffs)

(cries out)

What's going on around here? Where am I?

Doh.

That cursed Hex power

not only ruined the tanning trap,

it cleared your head.

I know now. You're that evil Chthon.

Yes, and I'm too relaxed myself to imprison you in my dimension,

although the association dues are quite reasonable.

Doombot, attack!

Spa fun!

(grunts)

Spa fun!

I can't hex with my hands pinned.

(laughs) Nice.

(strains)

(gasps)

Not so fast, kitten.

Ah, sunburn.

(giggles)

Chthon, go and prepare my ultimate weapon.

Oh, now I know what you're really up to, mommy dearest.

What genius!

With the heroes duped in a stupor,

you can hold the world hostage

to your diabolical nagging whims.

Well, well, well, I'm surprised that you were smart enough

to follow my brilliantly evil scheme.

I suppose brains do run in the family.

But I have more than mere aroma-therapy

to make the world submit to me.

(laughs)

That's right, she dupes to conquer.

Get it?

Chthon for the win.

(giggles)

Oh.

Oh, my. A ruby-quartz laser tanning death ray!

It ain't a squirt-gun, baby.

Fasten your seatbelts,

it's going to be a bumpy night.

But your wicked plan would subject the world to your nagging power!

You know it.

(giggles) Piggyback!

Whoa. Slow down.

-Giddyap. -Oh, wake up, hero.

Wake up, wake up, wake up!

If you take over the world,

what am I supposed to do?

Mm-hmm.

I'm going to stop you, Mommy dearest.

Eh, I'll deal with him later.

Time to show the world who's the mama.

You go, girl.

I'll start first with a little tough love...

(electricity crackles)

...by destroying Super Hero City,

halfway around the world.

Hey...

never mind.

You... quit it, okay?

It's not nice.

Super Hero Squad, um, Hero up.

♪ When the bad guys are out all you have to do is shout now ♪

♪ Who's gonna Hero up? ♪

♪ They'll save the day again ♪

♪ Super Hero Squad! Hero up ♪

Mm-hmm.

Spa fun.

Spa fun. Spa fun.

Hey, you doombots.

Must fight the relaxation.

(snores)

Oops. Forgot the claws.

(grunts)

Ah, so good.

My advanced metabolism is already burning off your Super Chill, Coco!

(giggles) Mostly.

So what, dear?

Boys don't like girls who fight.

Huh? What?

Your room is a mess. Get your elbows off the table.

Stand up straight! Spit out your gum! Look at me when I'm talking to you!

Nagging force too strong.

Still too chill.

(groans)

I'd love to kick you, but I just washed my hair.

Chthon!

Let 'er rip!

(farting)

Ewww.

No!

At last, the world will submit to me, Coco Von Doom.

-Mother! -Oh!

Well, not if we can help it, Mommy.

(strains)

No.

We've been in Iron Man's lab on the Helicarrier, Granny.

What did you call me?

I just developed a Super-De-Chillifying Mist.

Chemistry beats aroma-therapy, hands down!

Give me that!

C'mon, wake up you guys.

Uh, Mandarin!

Ugh. Morning.

(yawns) Morning.

(clamoring)

(laughs)

Here ya go, Squaddies, lock 'er up.

You'll never put me into human bondage.

I'll have a dark victory.

(Ms. Marvel) Can it, Coco Von Doofus.

You and your boyfriend are going into SHIELD custody.

(laughs)

(mutters)

Doom, on the other hand, is an escaped prisoner.

Drat.

You'll never take me alive.

(laughs)

(screams)

(loud splash)

(bubbles gurgle)

(Dr. Doom) Nuts!

MODOK, you fool!

You were supposed to have the rocket idling

outside the window!

One or two Infinity Stones

are not enough to make up for this latest blow to my ego.

From now on, I'm after the whole Infinity Gauntlet itself.

Time to confront Thanos,

and nothing's going to stand in my way.

(laughs)