Original subtitles

How would you like to be let down again and again?

That magic chemistry set will go with you to Copenhagen.

You know it disappeared just after I got it.

That's when it went wrong. You sat for hours with it.

Why do you always call it "magic"? It's just a chemistry set.

I'm a toy veteran.

I know a magic set when I see one.

It's like we have nothing in common anymore.

We never have any quality time together.

You haven't even read my memoirs.

From early US export and up till today.

As if it wasn't good enough.

It does have many footnotes.

We can read it on the boat to Copenhagen.

- You never invited me. - I thought you would know.

You should have asked.

He is always so sad.

"EAGLE" VISITS NYHAVN JAZZ CLUB

Grandfather? When you played in Copenhagen.

Did you imagine you would have a grandchild -

- you would bring back with you when you grew old?

Not always, but sometimes.

Why were you called "Eagle"?

All the boys had nicknames. But why it was Eagle.

No, perhaps I was a bit of a strange bird.

I only played now and then.

Is that you?

Yes. I was madly in love with your Grandmother.

And when she sang. Wow.

Once I wanted to show off, standing on the stage edge -

- playing my saxophone. Then I fell!

- Were you bleeding? - I lost a lot of blood.

Luckily a Dane gave me some of his.

You should have met her.

Not only was she beautiful, she was something more.

Scandinavia's hottest voice.

31 years and 3 months since she died.

I could have died myself, just thinking.

. just thinking about her.

You don't have to play when we get to Copenhagen.

Oh yes. I can't disappoint the other boys.

But.

It wont be real jazz, without her.

What is it?

Go sleep in the living room for a while.

I shouldn't have taken Grandmother's picture downstairs.

Sorrow... pain...

I'm great under such circumstances. He needs me.

He needs someone to find out what's wrong.

He has no telephone here on the island.

The intelligence of teddy bears has always been underestimated.

I will not listen to it!

Let's see...

After a few years under the arm of Simon's grandfather, I was forgotten.

Some years later I had a rewarding period with Simon's father.

But even then I was replaced by a younger magic chemistry set.

I lost faith in myself.

But being small thought me much about what's wrong in life.

Small? Wrong?

- The chemistry set! - Must you go on about that now?

A good friend hid it behind the wardrobe at the Christmas party.

What are you waiting for? I'll make you a magic drink.

I'll make you so small you can float inside grandfather's body.

Then you can help him in there.

One part pink powder.

One milligram yellow.

Imagine yourself absolutely minimal.

Miniscule. Invisible.

As a tiny dot. Insignificantly small.

I'm thirsty!

It won't work.

You're just kidding.

It was a good idea, anyway.

Simon?

My goodness.

Please let this end well!

Hey, you.

The taste is bitter, it's your call.

I know.

Cerebral Nerve Center?

- We're supposed to answer "Head". - Don't interrupt me.

- Cerebral Nerve Center? - It's me. The bitter taste bud.

- The phones are going wild. - We're getting reports of intense pain.

Who is calling? If they only could say where they're calling from?

I should have known. Nobody has time listen to me.

We must order a cry for help.

Atonal and high pitched.

Inform the Voice Cord Operator that he will receive our cry order. Express!

This is the Head. A new scream is needed express.

- Who are you? - Simon.

Simon?

- I'm trying to find out what's wrong. - Wrong?

Don't cry! I can't stand to see people cry.

Actually, I can't stand it either.

I don't know what to do or where to go.

Scrub down.

There is no more saliva.

One of the Bad Breaths!

- They call me Mapster. - Mapster?

Mapster Bloodcellson. Employed by the Corporal Charting Company.

I haven't gotten very far on the map. But I haven't been employed very long.

- Where did he grab himself? - He couldn't say where it hurt.

Maybe it is heartache.

I have to meet someone in the lungs. Your must not disturb.

- Whom shall you meet? - Just a red blood cell.

We must hurry!

No, not the windpipe!

Jerk! No one has access to the windpipe.

How could you endanger Old Eagle's life like that? You're so stupid!

The voice cord. We must find out what's wrong.

I'm really frustrated.

I have a commission to compose a major scream.

And I can't get it right.

You take that!

They need to be close together.

No.

It's too little air to create a decent sound in the voice cord.

- Why? - I wish I knew.

Do you think it's heartache?

Do you think he knows?

I don't know.

This, my friend...

This is heartache.

I first got the order 31 years ago.

Grandmother.

The order has come in many times since, but I never manage to do it.

- Do you think he is going to die? - I'm a composer. I can't answer that.

As long as your friend and I feel sparky...

I can see it's the same scream order we have had for the past hour.

Come on!

From my time of glory. The best I have ever delivered.

It could be heard from the tip of the toes to the top of the head.

- Come on! - Once, this was considered an art.

See you.

I never get tired of this.

- We've got to hurry. - Where are we going?

To the lungs.

Hi, Mapster.

There's only one legal way in. Through the alveolis.

We have to get there.

Then we have to my uncle. He's a Secretion Service Agent.

- Secretion Service Agent? - Yes. The body's secret spy.

- He specializes in fluid-snatching - Fluid-snatching?

Criminals that steal precious liquids from the body. Saliva and tears.

But he has arrested so many that they want to taste he's blood.

Stick with me.

The lungs are rated "R".

Oh no! Mapster!

Mapster!

Where is Mapster?

I have never seen your around. What' your name?

- Simon. And yours? - Alveola.

- What a pretty name. - I was named after this place.

This is where my parents met.

It used to be much nicer here.

It's a mystery where all this smoke comes from.

It's the B-lung workers. They've been here so long they've lost their voice.

You have to get out, or you'll lose it too.

- But I hardly know anybody out there. - You can come with me and Mapster.

Where have you been? Do you want to find out what's wrong?

- Shouldn't you meet someone? - Forget it!

Maybe I shouldn't be coming along? Mapster is so grumpy.

Of course you should!

Uncle. He is ok.

It's the Secretion Service Agent.

Salt Hackers are at it again.

The Salt Hackers?

Look here.

- Here are the wanted. - He's seen all the criminals.

The Salt Hackers can destroy us all.

Where are the Salt Hackers?

- A Salt Hacker. - We must find them!

I think we need more blood.

I'll take care of them.

Excuse me, do you think you could help me... finding these?

Help you? Why should I help you?

- We are going to get the Salt Hackers. - How interesting.

- Your mommy is looking for you. - Haven't you got a map, Mapster?

- Did Alveola hear that? - I'm sure she didn't.

Quiet! She's right behind us.

Take cover! Testosterones!

What was that?

They race through the body to make men fall in love with women.

- Just forget going further down. - Love check...

- None gets through to the heart. - Was he checked?

- Love check... - Love check?

- I heard about it in the lungs. - What?

If we want to go further we'll have to look love in the eyes.

- Must we pass through the heart? - All other entrances are closed.

- Love guards! - We must get through.

You're so sweet you can go straight to the heart.

- Halt! Destination? - Destination?

We're looking for this salt cell.

You know where it is?

- Do you love Old Eagle? - I love my boss.

Cross your heart and promise that you always let love conquer?

With my hand on my heart. I do.

- An alien body. - Yes, an alien body.

- What shall we do with the intruder? - We'll not let him in.

- Certainly not. - We have to think clearly.

The smartest must be to lock him up in a small cage.

If we let them in we'll have them running all over us.

- And then they... - Agree?

- The scary thing is that they breed. - They steal our jobs.

We'll lock him up...

Nice!

Quiet! Chamber music! Perhaps the Princess will sing?

The Princess? Do you have your own princess here in the body?

Yes. Only those accomplishing something great may meet her.

Have you met her?

No. But after 25 years in the Corporeal Charting Company -

- I hope to receive a medal for long and loyal duty.

- I'm sure you'll get one. - Maybe. Quiet!

Look up on the top. The Princess' own guards.

The stylish color is because the Princess is of royal blue blood.

Why do you play so sad?

The Princess is depressed because of Old Eagle's pain.

Nothing is the way it is supposed to be in the body. She can't bear to sing.

Do you know anything? You must tell us.

He came with Bad Breath after a classical concert some months ago.

Called himself Salt Hacker and had a very spicy language.

A heart chamber musician never forgets the face of someone so out of tune.

The Salt Hacker said they planned a huge kidneystone to blow up this place.

Kidneystone?

Use the map.

- Can you draw? - The bladder, there.

The urinary tract ...and there are the kidneys.

He said they were many. It would happen soon.

You're not leading us into a trap?

- The music of the heart never lies. - We need a plan.

Watch out! Alveola!

The Salt Hackers!

No one escapes the fat control here in the gall bladder.

You'll stay here until you've lost your baby fat.

Now I was interrupted again!

Mrs. Bile. She's a total health nut.

You'll take down that he slept long into the day.

Right now!

Her job is breaking down the body's fat, -

- but she's also made herself in charge of the guilty conscience.

Stand up straight when I'm talking to you!

Note that he hasn't visited his cousin for 30 years. And you!

Write that absolutely nobody takes our situation here seriously.

I don't know if I can take this... We must send the bad conscience.

Don't know if I can take this much longer. I'll quit.

Send it back.

In return?

Meaningless!

Get back up there!

We're gonna get the Salt Hackers!

It's an emergency!

How shall we get out of here?

We're going to starve to death.

Come here.

- Why do you put up with all this? - Put up with what?

- There's so many good things! - Goodies...

- Even warm and cuddly things. - You mean there is another life?

- You can just sleep in! - You're saying sleep in?

- You can collect baseball cards. - No bad conscience necessary.

Are you serious?

Yes.

They are saying there is another life.

We want to be cuddled.

Get in line! Show some backbone!

- We want to be cuddled. - A fat life!

- No! - And we want to sleep in.

Why must we make the bad conscience?

- A cuddle prolongs life. - Rubbish! Only hard labor does.

- No, cuddling prolongs life. - Good food... a good life.

We don't want to lead a poly saturated extracted life.

No!

Even if you are not enjoying yourself, you must let us.

Hurry!

Come back!

The stomach is the coolest place I know.

Careful about what we say to the cells in the stomach.

They're hungry and easily irritated.

He hasn't eaten because of the Copenhagen trip.

It's one of the peanuts.

You? ...You?

My name is Alveola. Can you tell us how to get rid of the kidneystone?

Cheveaux rouge ... Cheveaux rouge...

You... Can you talk to him? He's just saying "chevy race" or something.

Cheveaux rouge. It means red hair in French. He thinks it's your name.

The professor is a little confused. Old people don't like to move.

- Move? - Yes.

When Old Eagle was young, the brain decided what to do.

Now that he has grown old, it's the stomach which decides.

So we have moved down here.

Can you ask him how to destroy the kidneystone?

- Now! - Kidneystone! Salt Hackers!

Salt... sodium chloride... vanish.

H2O.

H2O?

H2O means water. You need water.

Water?

Why do we need water?

Where do we get the water?

- Where do we get it? - Say it!

We'll try to get them, but we can't promise.

Where can we find water? It's dry everywhere.

- That's the place of honor in the body. - Good day!

- Good day? - It's the Danes. They saved us once.

- Old eagle had an accident. - We lost a lot of men.

He was in love and fell down from the stage.

For the body to survive, we needed many new blood cells.

A Danish innkeeper gave some of his own.

They can choose food and drink before everyone else.

Don't mention the kidneystone.

It would kill them not to taste Danish food next week.

- Good day! - Good day.

You wouldn't happen to have any water?

Why settle for ordinary water when "snaps", Danish firewater, is available?

Yes! Let's taste a small one.

We can't disappoint them.

A toast to cooperation across the borders.

- Farewell, Mapster! - Farewell, friends!

- Isn't it my turn? - Yes.

You may wonder why we Tear Tank Operators play these days?

But Old Eagle never cries anymore. So there is no need for my tears of joy.

Or for my tears of sadness.

Every time the alarm goes, we come running... with our tears.

But nothing happens. Either old Eagle don't want to -

- or it's because people out in the big world think it's terrible.

You should have been here when Old Egale had a woman.

Then my tears of joy were called for quite often.

My tears of sadness too.

- Now there's nothing. - Nothing at all.

We need water.

If we use your tears for something important and become famous -

- we'll mention you in interviews.

That might be something?

- I don't want to become famous. - We have no need for that stuff.

- Why do we need the water? - I have no idea.

But the professor is the only one besides me who's never wrong.

Take the breathgun!

Hold tight! Come on!

Hold tight!

Alveola, wake up!

Simon! Simon!

Where are we?

What if we never make it back?

- Let's ask them for directions. - No!

- Why not? - Because I should know where we are!

- Simon is right. - You always say that.

- You to are always ganging up on me. - No!

- I don't want to talk about it. - You never talk about difficult things.

Not with you, I don't.

I'm Alveola.

A. Pendix.

- Can you tell me where we are? - This is the place for the unemployed.

Can't you get a job?

No one needs us cells from the appendix.

You must go in that direction to get out.

Come with us. We need more blood.

No! We don't need him!

Even if I don't work, I have thought a lot.

I mean... just for myself.

Thought and thought and thought.

- Come on! - We need more wise blood cells.

No!

No, I'm sure you don't need me if he says so.

- Come on! - Can't you be a little friendly?

- He just wanted to help. - No one needs guys from the appendix.

- What's happen to the tearwater? - Our liquid's been liquidated!

We must hurry! Maybe he's following.

There's the bladder.

- Alveola, you better head home. - Why?

- This is not for girls. - But I saved the tear tanks.

Now only brute force counts.

- So let's arm wrestle. - No way! I want you to leave.

Look, you're even crying. I hate it when people cry.

- Simon doesn't like it either. - I don't mind when Alveola cries.

I have never seen her so mad.

Actually, I have never seen her mad.

- Will you dive after me? - Not in a see of pee.

Wimp! Do you want me to go alone?

Mapster!

Did you hurt yourself?

I won't answer such a stupid question.

What happen to all the pee?

Mapster, why are you so angry all the time?

She likes you a lot better than me.

- And I'm in love with her. - Why don't you try to be nice to her?

I'm so nervous, and that makes it hard to be friendly.

Alveola is the prettiest thing I've ever seen.

I've been in love with her since Old Eagle had hiccups -

- and we had a dance on the diaphragm. An eternity ago.

Look over there! The urinary tract. It will take us to the kidneys.

Look!

So that is where all the pee is being stopped.

We have to wait until they fall asleep.

Mapster?

You don't have to be jealous.

I will not take Alveola away from you. I have never been in love with anyone.

- Never? - Well, almost.

Once. But I've only seen her on a picture.

You mean you were in love with a picture?

- Do you think I'm nuts? - No...

But it's something else to meet them in real life.

- It's a picture of my Grandmother. - Have you never seen her?

How sad. Mu Grandmother is dead too.

Even I could cry thinking about it.

Though I have never done it before.

- It might help talking about it. - It's so difficult.

That's something us boys have in common. You and I and Old Eagle.

Not finding it easy to talk about these things.

Do you think he's still in love with her?

It must be so hard.

If we get out of this alive, you can hold Alveola's hand if you like.

But not for too long.

Help!

Spray!

Watch out!

Watch out, Mapster!

Spray!

Watch out!

Watch out!

Watch out!

Yes!

Simon!

Mr. A. Pendix!

Where did you get hold of the water?

A drop here, a drop there...

Being unemployed, I learned to make do with little.

- It was just nice to make a new friend. - You heard everything?

Simon's a great guy.

But I've known you longest and like you best.

Do you like me?

We just grabbed the tear tanks and sprayed them.

- Grandmother! - Simon!

- I thought you were dead forever! - I'll never die in Grandfather's heart.

- It's yours. - But you saved us in the end.

Could never have done it if you didn't believe in me.

No one have ever believed in me before.

Thank you.

I received a new scream commission just before the party.

Heartache.

It kept coming.

It's like you out there think crying is wrong.

I'm telling you: It's better than any medicine.

Yes, I am telling you: It is so much better than any medicine.

It won't be any fun going to Copenhagen when he's so sad.

But I'm here.

I will never leave this place.

And he will never let me go.

Bu Simon, can you do me a favor?

Ask Grandfather to play some real jazz when you get there.

What shall I ask him to play?

Ask him to play...

What does that mean?

That a man's got a soul.

My blood brother.

I'm not really into goodbyes.

You're my best friend.

- Can we get this over with quickly? - Sure.

Footnote: One remains small until someone says he's your friend.

Then one regains belief in oneself -

- and gets big again.

Oh no! What if he gets stuck?

Hi!

The strangest thing... One minute I was lying there, the next I'm fine.

- But... - But what?

Nothing.

Yes, keep it to yourself. It's our secret.

Was there any teddy bears in there?

You must tell me about it when we get alone.

Grandfather?

Do you think you can play "Man's got soul" when we get to Copenhagen?

Can you hear her?

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http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0116681 Jakten Pa Nyresteinen - Body Troopers (1996) English.srt AKA: Chasing The Kidney Stone FPS: 25.000

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