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1
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Morning, comrade!
2
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Ow, ow, ow.
3
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This is how
we drink tea in Russia. With pain.
4
00:00:28,822 --> 00:00:32,618
Okay, can you stop with the accent?
It's a little early for that.
5
00:00:32,701 --> 00:00:35,704
It's never too early to be in character.
6
00:00:36,288 --> 00:00:38,040
Well, yes, it is.
7
00:00:38,123 --> 00:00:40,334
What do Russians have against mugs?
8
00:00:40,417 --> 00:00:41,627
You need the metal thing.
9
00:00:41,710 --> 00:00:44,672
There's a metal thing with a handle
that the cup goes into.
10
00:00:44,755 --> 00:00:45,756
How do you know that?
11
00:00:45,839 --> 00:00:49,760
I used to date a Russian woman.
Yana Popov. Like the vodka. No relation.
12
00:00:49,843 --> 00:00:53,681
But she didn't get along with my dog,
and she had a weird mole.
13
00:00:55,474 --> 00:00:57,226
So, why am I here early?
14
00:01:05,609 --> 00:01:07,736
What the fuck? Why is that there?
15
00:01:07,820 --> 00:01:08,988
It was too hot.
16
00:01:11,574 --> 00:01:12,700
I'll get paper towels.
17
00:01:18,122 --> 00:01:20,124
You drag me here
at the ass-crack of dawn...
18
00:01:20,207 --> 00:01:23,335
It's early morning. It's nice.
It's... It's quiet.
19
00:01:23,419 --> 00:01:26,880
Look, I have tolerated her being here
because I, uh...
20
00:01:26,964 --> 00:01:29,466
I actually enjoy
watching you make her feel like shit,
21
00:01:29,550 --> 00:01:33,345
but we have an unspoken rule that we stay
as far away from each other as possible.
22
00:01:33,429 --> 00:01:36,307
It's time to break that rule.
You said, "Find me a great heel."
23
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She's a perfect heel for your face.
24
00:01:38,183 --> 00:01:40,519
Sam, I am not working with her.
25
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You are a bright shining star.
26
00:01:42,313 --> 00:01:45,733
She is a dirty, nasty,
stepped-in-dog-shit heel.
27
00:01:46,150 --> 00:01:46,984
Hey.
28
00:01:47,610 --> 00:01:52,239
You are USA. She's Soviet Union.
29
00:01:52,323 --> 00:01:55,659
It's the title card for the pilot.
It's the main event, Debbie.
30
00:01:57,286 --> 00:01:59,747
In Soviet Union, we clean with rubles
31
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and hide paper towels under mattress.
32
00:02:05,878 --> 00:02:08,088
Nothing? That was solid.
33
00:02:08,589 --> 00:02:11,759
She was killing the other day with that.
All right? I swear.
34
00:02:12,551 --> 00:02:13,802
Do the thing I like.
35
00:02:16,722 --> 00:02:20,684
I am Zoya... the Destroya.
36
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You are weak capitalist dog.
37
00:02:24,813 --> 00:02:28,567
I am noble Soviet bear.
38
00:02:31,820 --> 00:02:32,905
Okay.
39
00:02:33,781 --> 00:02:36,325
Do it in the ring.
It'll look better up there.
40
00:02:36,408 --> 00:02:37,451
Okay.
41
00:02:39,787 --> 00:02:43,832
This way you can see what she can do.
All right? Just watch, Debbie. Watch.
42
00:02:44,416 --> 00:02:46,877
So, I've been working
on these opening moves called
43
00:02:46,960 --> 00:02:48,712
"the hammer and sickle."
44
00:02:51,340 --> 00:02:53,801
I'll just show you.
I'll just show you. Um...
45
00:02:53,884 --> 00:02:57,388
So, it's... the hammer!
I start with a body slam.
46
00:02:57,471 --> 00:03:00,974
You get back up,
and then I sickle your feet so you... You:
47
00:03:02,017 --> 00:03:04,937
And then I get you here.
I got you in a hammerlock.
48
00:03:06,230 --> 00:03:09,900
You get up, you turn it around on me.
You lock me up, and you think you got me,
49
00:03:09,983 --> 00:03:11,985
but then I come back around
50
00:03:12,069 --> 00:03:13,987
with the soon-to-be-famous
51
00:03:14,071 --> 00:03:16,198
"rough toilet paper!"
52
00:03:16,782 --> 00:03:19,243
And then, you know,
it's fight, fight, fight.
53
00:03:19,326 --> 00:03:20,661
I'm bad, you're good.
54
00:03:20,744 --> 00:03:21,954
I'm winning.
55
00:03:23,664 --> 00:03:26,208
You're winning.
56
00:03:26,291 --> 00:03:29,795
Oh, step off! She's still got me!
57
00:03:29,878 --> 00:03:32,339
Oh, you stupid American swine!
58
00:03:34,174 --> 00:03:37,845
You think you're getting
away, but I get you by your hair.
59
00:03:39,179 --> 00:03:44,059
I spin you around,
and I set you up for "the bread line."
60
00:03:48,105 --> 00:03:51,859
I get you up again
for "the potato soup."
61
00:03:52,484 --> 00:03:54,611
Eat it!
62
00:03:54,695 --> 00:03:56,447
Still working on the names.
63
00:03:56,530 --> 00:04:00,909
And then, you know, I still...
I've got you by the hair and big finish.
64
00:04:01,410 --> 00:04:03,537
"Vodka for breakfast!"
65
00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:10,836
But then, of course,
you would come back and defeat me
66
00:04:10,919 --> 00:04:16,842
with something all-American and awesome,
because you're...
67
00:04:18,093 --> 00:04:18,927
blonde.
68
00:04:21,221 --> 00:04:22,723
Wow! See?
69
00:04:23,974 --> 00:04:25,559
She's the best villain we have.
70
00:04:26,059 --> 00:04:27,561
It's everything you need.
71
00:04:28,854 --> 00:04:30,189
I think we can do better.
72
00:04:35,861 --> 00:04:37,821
That was not what I had hoped for.
73
00:04:37,905 --> 00:04:41,867
Well, maybe you could have warned me,
and then I could have prepared more.
74
00:04:43,410 --> 00:04:46,205
- Take the day off.
- But I'm here. I'm ready to work.
75
00:04:46,288 --> 00:04:50,417
Well, you can't work if I can't get
your scene partner into the goddamn ring.
76
00:04:51,335 --> 00:04:52,795
I'll deal with Debbie.
77
00:04:53,587 --> 00:04:54,922
So, what am I supposed to do?
78
00:04:55,005 --> 00:04:57,508
I don't know. Get a facial. Go shopping.
79
00:05:02,137 --> 00:05:04,139
I guess I could work on my character.
80
00:05:04,681 --> 00:05:05,599
Sharpen the edges.
81
00:05:06,183 --> 00:05:09,061
I once went so method
as April in a production of Company,
82
00:05:09,144 --> 00:05:10,646
my boyfriend didn't recognize me.
83
00:05:11,313 --> 00:05:13,857
Then he hit on me at an airport bar.
84
00:05:14,733 --> 00:05:15,818
And then, well...
85
00:05:16,819 --> 00:05:20,739
I was really great in that production.
I just used my pain to emote.
86
00:05:21,490 --> 00:05:22,324
Yeah.
87
00:05:22,908 --> 00:05:24,034
Deep dive.
88
00:05:27,746 --> 00:05:30,415
Deep dive.
89
00:05:33,168 --> 00:05:34,878
Oh, goddamnit!
90
00:05:35,462 --> 00:05:36,588
Fuck.
91
00:05:47,933 --> 00:05:49,351
You wanna order dessert?
92
00:05:49,685 --> 00:05:51,228
- Breakfast dessert?
- Fuck, yeah.
93
00:05:52,020 --> 00:05:53,814
Like carrot cake?
94
00:05:53,897 --> 00:05:56,525
Oh, my God. Yes. That's genius.
95
00:06:01,280 --> 00:06:02,781
I don't think I have time.
96
00:06:02,864 --> 00:06:05,284
- I gotta go to practice.
- Ditch.
97
00:06:05,367 --> 00:06:09,872
Come on. We could hang out, go to Poseur,
flip through records at Aron's.
98
00:06:09,955 --> 00:06:11,456
I really have to.
99
00:06:12,958 --> 00:06:16,003
- So, maybe I could come with you.
- Sam says rehearsals are closed.
100
00:06:16,628 --> 00:06:17,546
Who's Sam?
101
00:06:17,629 --> 00:06:19,339
Our director, Sam Sylvia.
102
00:06:20,007 --> 00:06:22,551
Have you ever seen Venus in Chains
or Gina the Machina?
103
00:06:22,634 --> 00:06:24,970
Oh, yeah, yeah.
I think I saw that Venus one.
104
00:06:25,053 --> 00:06:27,973
It sucked. All tits and blood.
Total hack job.
105
00:06:28,432 --> 00:06:29,516
That's the genre.
106
00:06:30,601 --> 00:06:32,686
Ripping off De Palma isn't a genre.
107
00:06:32,769 --> 00:06:34,062
De Palma ripped off Hitchcock.
108
00:06:34,646 --> 00:06:38,025
So, he's a double hack. A hack of a hack.
Fucking perfect.
109
00:06:40,360 --> 00:06:42,487
- I've gotta go.
- Come on. I was kidding.
110
00:06:44,698 --> 00:06:47,826
I'm sure when people read your zine,
not everyone thinks it's art.
111
00:06:47,909 --> 00:06:51,121
Hey, Agnostic Toad is fucking awesome.
I don't care what people think.
112
00:06:51,204 --> 00:06:52,915
I'm not writing it for the masses.
113
00:06:53,707 --> 00:06:54,541
Justine.
114
00:06:55,959 --> 00:06:57,461
Come on, one more coffee.
115
00:06:58,420 --> 00:06:59,671
Maybe I'll see you later.
116
00:07:01,298 --> 00:07:02,215
Wha...? Maybe?
117
00:07:12,351 --> 00:07:13,727
Gregory.
118
00:07:13,810 --> 00:07:17,189
Just the man I wanted to see.
Hey, how do you say "Gregory" in Russian?
119
00:07:17,856 --> 00:07:18,732
Gregory.
120
00:07:18,815 --> 00:07:20,484
Uh, excuse me. I have to go.
121
00:07:21,068 --> 00:07:22,819
- Go? Where?
- Do you need something?
122
00:07:22,903 --> 00:07:25,572
I know the machine is out
from diet orange,
123
00:07:25,656 --> 00:07:27,199
but there is grape.
124
00:07:27,282 --> 00:07:29,534
Oh. I'm not really a soda person.
125
00:07:30,035 --> 00:07:33,288
Listen, Gregory...
I need to pick your brain.
126
00:07:37,042 --> 00:07:39,294
I don't need to pay for it.
127
00:07:39,920 --> 00:07:41,296
"Pay for it"?
128
00:07:41,380 --> 00:07:43,757
Brain picking, dick licking...
129
00:07:45,759 --> 00:07:48,637
I have woman... sometimes.
130
00:07:49,471 --> 00:07:50,722
She gets mad at me.
131
00:07:51,515 --> 00:07:52,516
Says I don't listen.
132
00:07:53,100 --> 00:07:55,936
- I am not a hooker.
- Of course not.
133
00:07:56,019 --> 00:07:58,313
Uh... how you saying? Escort.
134
00:07:59,314 --> 00:08:00,691
I'm an actress.
135
00:08:00,774 --> 00:08:05,112
I'm playing a character.
Zoya the Destroya, the Soviet Scourge.
136
00:08:05,195 --> 00:08:07,614
I have cousin Zoya.
You look nothing like her.
137
00:08:07,698 --> 00:08:10,617
She's a big girl, and good personality.
138
00:08:11,493 --> 00:08:13,912
I need to learn more about being Russian,
139
00:08:13,996 --> 00:08:16,206
and you're the only Russian I know.
140
00:08:17,040 --> 00:08:18,083
You don't know me.
141
00:08:18,709 --> 00:08:20,002
And I have to be going.
142
00:08:20,711 --> 00:08:24,339
- Can I come with you?
- It's a family function.
143
00:08:25,007 --> 00:08:26,133
Families love me.
144
00:08:28,760 --> 00:08:29,594
Look.
145
00:08:30,012 --> 00:08:33,515
I really wanna be
an authentic representation,
146
00:08:34,141 --> 00:08:36,685
not some cartoon Russian villain.
147
00:08:37,352 --> 00:08:39,146
Out of respect for your culture.
148
00:08:39,229 --> 00:08:42,524
I think you deserve better
than Boris and Natasha.
149
00:08:50,782 --> 00:08:51,950
Fine. Go change your clothes.
150
00:08:52,034 --> 00:08:54,745
Uh, and don't dress
like what you say you're not.
151
00:08:56,997 --> 00:08:58,707
Listen up, you little punk.
152
00:08:58,790 --> 00:09:00,417
You need to be in school.
153
00:09:00,500 --> 00:09:04,046
And end up an old spinster librarian
like you?
154
00:09:04,129 --> 00:09:06,548
- No, thanks.
- I'm not a spinster.
155
00:09:06,631 --> 00:09:10,677
I'm a genius.
And I get all the boys with my big brain.
156
00:09:10,761 --> 00:09:14,848
Oh, yeah, 'cause guys love a big brain.
157
00:09:14,931 --> 00:09:16,349
Ooh, you little guttersnipe!
158
00:09:18,351 --> 00:09:19,978
You're just jealous of my horse!
159
00:09:21,188 --> 00:09:22,439
What horse?
160
00:09:22,522 --> 00:09:24,983
Oh. Sam's getting me a horse.
161
00:09:25,067 --> 00:09:27,277
Why do you need a horse
if you're the brain?
162
00:09:28,111 --> 00:09:32,032
I think he's just trying to butter me up
for a big part in his next movie,
163
00:09:32,115 --> 00:09:33,700
Mothers and Others.
164
00:09:34,409 --> 00:09:35,786
Mothers and Lovers.
165
00:09:35,869 --> 00:09:38,538
No, I think it was "Others."
I sort of read it.
166
00:09:39,331 --> 00:09:40,332
He let you read it?
167
00:09:40,916 --> 00:09:42,626
Well, Sam read it to me.
168
00:09:43,210 --> 00:09:47,464
Yeah, but I was sleeping
and then I'd wake up and doze off again,
169
00:09:47,547 --> 00:09:49,758
and he was reading, reading, reading...
170
00:09:50,425 --> 00:09:52,010
His voice is quite soothing.
171
00:09:54,429 --> 00:09:55,514
So, you're, like...
172
00:09:56,640 --> 00:09:57,599
sleeping with him?
173
00:09:58,308 --> 00:10:01,186
Well, like I said,
I'd doze off and then wake up again.
174
00:10:01,269 --> 00:10:02,479
It's not great sleep.
175
00:10:03,438 --> 00:10:05,190
The sex is nice, though.
176
00:10:05,857 --> 00:10:06,817
I'm pretty into it.
177
00:10:10,362 --> 00:10:13,156
You wanna feel Russian,
you must drink vodka.
178
00:10:24,042 --> 00:10:25,627
Oh. Wow.
179
00:10:26,336 --> 00:10:28,046
That's strong.
180
00:10:31,299 --> 00:10:32,926
Guess I'd better get used to it.
181
00:10:33,343 --> 00:10:37,264
Zoya drinks
like a sailor and swears like a fish.
182
00:10:37,347 --> 00:10:38,515
Fish don't talk.
183
00:10:39,683 --> 00:10:40,642
Hoo.
184
00:10:41,143 --> 00:10:42,936
Really feeling that.
185
00:10:43,562 --> 00:10:45,605
Probably should've had breakfast.
186
00:10:45,689 --> 00:10:48,316
You want some sturgeon on rye bread?
187
00:10:49,067 --> 00:10:52,904
- Aw, look at you being a considerate date.
- This is not date.
188
00:10:53,572 --> 00:10:55,365
I have woman, sometimes.
189
00:10:56,283 --> 00:10:57,450
She gets mad at me.
190
00:10:58,034 --> 00:11:00,203
She says I don't take her out enough.
191
00:11:02,581 --> 00:11:03,415
So...
192
00:11:05,125 --> 00:11:06,626
what's with the horse head?
193
00:11:08,211 --> 00:11:10,964
My cousin Michael is chess champion.
194
00:11:11,464 --> 00:11:13,842
Eighteen-and-under division. Very good.
195
00:11:14,467 --> 00:11:17,929
Oh, so, is this,
like, a celebration for him or...?
196
00:11:19,222 --> 00:11:20,599
Did he die?
197
00:11:20,682 --> 00:11:23,518
- I can't tell from the faces.
- He's new to America.
198
00:11:24,477 --> 00:11:26,646
Was very difficult for him to get out.
199
00:11:26,730 --> 00:11:29,774
So, we sponsor him, make big noise.
200
00:11:29,858 --> 00:11:34,154
And Russia likes Jews
only slightly more than faggots.
201
00:11:34,237 --> 00:11:35,989
Oh, I didn't know you were Jewish.
202
00:11:36,656 --> 00:11:39,409
I wear a giant chai.
203
00:11:39,951 --> 00:11:44,080
Oh... I thought that was a cat.
204
00:11:44,164 --> 00:11:46,875
No! No! I change my mind.
205
00:11:47,667 --> 00:11:49,794
Fuck religion. Don't touch my penis.
206
00:11:50,378 --> 00:11:51,671
Here we go. Say goodbye.
207
00:11:52,380 --> 00:11:53,715
It only hurts a little.
208
00:11:56,885 --> 00:11:59,221
- What's going on?
- His bris.
209
00:11:59,429 --> 00:12:02,891
Now that we're in America,
we're free to be Jews.
210
00:12:04,976 --> 00:12:05,936
Is covenant.
211
00:12:07,187 --> 00:12:08,063
We celebrate.
212
00:12:13,234 --> 00:12:15,862
Well, if it ain't Miss America.
213
00:12:16,237 --> 00:12:18,365
You know, I think I seen you before.
214
00:12:19,866 --> 00:12:23,078
Oh, darling.
Where would we have ever crossed paths?
215
00:12:23,161 --> 00:12:25,789
No, I know I seen you.
216
00:12:27,165 --> 00:12:29,918
It was at the supermarket.
They take all my food stamps there.
217
00:12:31,503 --> 00:12:32,796
Yeah, I did.
218
00:12:32,879 --> 00:12:36,049
- I saw you there in the frozen-food aisle.
- That is impossible.
219
00:12:36,383 --> 00:12:39,094
I only eat fresh fruits and vegetables,
220
00:12:39,678 --> 00:12:43,556
bloody red steaks
and, well, the occasional apple pie.
221
00:12:43,640 --> 00:12:46,643
Mm-mm. No, I know I seen you there.
222
00:12:47,227 --> 00:12:48,770
I was going through with my cart,
223
00:12:48,853 --> 00:12:52,315
looking for them Mrs. Paul fish sticks
and the Hungry-Man dinners.
224
00:12:52,816 --> 00:12:55,151
Love me the mashed potatoes
in a Hungry-Man dinner.
225
00:12:57,070 --> 00:12:59,447
I really can't see where
we would've crossed paths.
226
00:12:59,531 --> 00:13:01,866
- You see...
- No. Right there,
227
00:13:01,950 --> 00:13:04,202
by the ice cream and the Puddin' Pops.
228
00:13:05,161 --> 00:13:06,162
There you were...
229
00:13:07,122 --> 00:13:09,833
a stone-cold frozen bitch!
230
00:13:16,840 --> 00:13:18,675
That's right. America will not...
231
00:13:24,639 --> 00:13:25,807
You pushed me.
232
00:13:28,560 --> 00:13:29,394
Yeah!
233
00:13:33,398 --> 00:13:35,525
Mama said no!
234
00:13:36,735 --> 00:13:39,154
- Go, Welfare Queen!
- Yeah, what you know about that?
235
00:13:39,237 --> 00:13:40,822
What you know about that?
236
00:13:46,786 --> 00:13:51,708
Welfare Queen!
Welfare Queen! Welfare Queen!
237
00:13:51,791 --> 00:13:55,628
Welfare Queen! Welfare Queen!
Welfare Queen!
238
00:13:56,212 --> 00:13:59,966
Welfare Queen! Welfare Queen!
Welfare Queen!
239
00:14:02,635 --> 00:14:04,095
Hey, hey, hey. Where you going?
240
00:14:04,179 --> 00:14:07,015
I'm supposed to be
the face. They're chanting for her.
241
00:14:07,098 --> 00:14:09,642
Come on, Debbie. This could work.
242
00:14:09,726 --> 00:14:13,938
I mean, this is like an internal struggle
about racial inequality in America.
243
00:14:14,022 --> 00:14:16,191
She hogs the ring
and the story makes no sense.
244
00:14:16,274 --> 00:14:18,318
- Find someone else.
- Maybe you're too picky.
245
00:14:18,902 --> 00:14:22,447
Am I? Or am I your headliner? Unless
you've got some other name-brand actress
246
00:14:22,530 --> 00:14:23,782
hiding under the bleachers.
247
00:14:24,324 --> 00:14:26,076
No, you know what? You're right.
248
00:14:26,451 --> 00:14:28,411
You're right. We'll just keep going
249
00:14:28,495 --> 00:14:30,914
until we find somebody
you're comfortable with.
250
00:14:31,790 --> 00:14:33,541
Oh! Oh! Oh!
251
00:14:36,795 --> 00:14:38,713
Go, go, go!
252
00:14:41,633 --> 00:14:43,385
Life is suffering.
253
00:14:44,427 --> 00:14:46,930
I was just saying that this morning.
254
00:14:47,013 --> 00:14:50,725
I am so on the Russian wavelength.
255
00:14:50,809 --> 00:14:52,102
I am like...
256
00:14:52,185 --> 00:14:57,816
one of those dolls
in a doll, in a doll, in a doll.
257
00:14:58,441 --> 00:14:59,776
I am many dolls.
258
00:15:00,485 --> 00:15:05,532
Because I am so into myself.
259
00:15:05,615 --> 00:15:07,742
Do you get it, though? I'm into myself.
260
00:15:08,827 --> 00:15:10,120
It's a thinker.
261
00:15:10,620 --> 00:15:12,705
Will you introduce me to more people?
262
00:15:12,789 --> 00:15:13,623
No.
263
00:15:14,165 --> 00:15:19,587
You say you want real thing,
but you keep asking stupid questions.
264
00:15:19,671 --> 00:15:24,092
We didn't all work in factories
and write sad poetry.
265
00:15:24,175 --> 00:15:26,845
Ah. Okay, fine.
I'll just introduce myself.
266
00:15:31,015 --> 00:15:34,644
I am Zoya.
Thanks to you for having me at party.
267
00:15:35,270 --> 00:15:36,312
Who is this?
268
00:15:36,855 --> 00:15:38,106
Where's Lupe?
269
00:15:38,189 --> 00:15:39,774
She's mad at me.
270
00:15:39,858 --> 00:15:41,985
Thinks I don't pay
enough attention to her.
271
00:15:42,569 --> 00:15:43,486
Mm.
272
00:15:44,070 --> 00:15:46,156
Is more fun than work break at Gulag.
273
00:15:46,865 --> 00:15:49,284
What's the matter with her?
What's she talking about?
274
00:15:49,367 --> 00:15:53,496
She's in character. Actress.
So she says. Maybe hooker.
275
00:15:53,580 --> 00:15:57,792
When Michael heals,
she might be a nice present for him.
276
00:15:57,876 --> 00:16:01,463
Why did you bring an actress whore
to a sacred rite of passage?
277
00:16:01,546 --> 00:16:06,509
- She's bothering everyone.
- You know I have trouble saying no.
278
00:16:06,593 --> 00:16:08,428
Somebody please get me a drink!
279
00:16:09,637 --> 00:16:10,972
Nice to meeting you.
280
00:16:11,055 --> 00:16:13,516
I have to get the boy some vodka.
Excuse me.
281
00:16:13,641 --> 00:16:15,351
Nice to meeting you, too.
282
00:16:17,812 --> 00:16:18,980
I love that.
283
00:16:19,063 --> 00:16:22,066
"Nice to meeting you."
"Nice to meeting you."
284
00:16:22,150 --> 00:16:24,319
"Zoya, nice to meeting you."
285
00:16:25,278 --> 00:16:27,113
Okay, okay. I'm sorry,
286
00:16:27,197 --> 00:16:31,326
but isn't a bris supposed to happen
when you're a baby?
287
00:16:31,868 --> 00:16:36,539
I mean, if you can scream for vodka,
maybe you're a little too old.
288
00:16:38,166 --> 00:16:40,168
In Russia, it wasn't option.
289
00:16:40,710 --> 00:16:42,587
We had to live in secret.
290
00:16:43,505 --> 00:16:47,217
Now he's in America,
he gets to be who he is.
291
00:16:48,176 --> 00:16:50,720
Oh... like Yentl.
292
00:16:51,095 --> 00:16:55,058
Yentl had to come to America
to be who she was.
293
00:16:55,141 --> 00:16:56,518
Yes,
294
00:16:56,601 --> 00:17:01,523
Michael and me and all our relatives,
we're just like Yentl.
295
00:17:02,065 --> 00:17:04,526
Is she going to sing something from Yentl?
296
00:17:04,609 --> 00:17:06,486
- Don't encourage her.
- Yentl!
297
00:17:07,737 --> 00:17:09,822
But I love Barbra Streisand.
298
00:17:11,115 --> 00:17:12,325
And it's my party.
299
00:17:16,955 --> 00:17:18,623
Does anyone have a microphone?
300
00:17:19,499 --> 00:17:20,500
What's happening?
301
00:17:21,626 --> 00:17:25,046
Michael want you to sing song
from Yentl.
302
00:17:29,551 --> 00:17:31,469
You sing from Yentl, da?
303
00:17:33,805 --> 00:17:34,931
You know Yentl?
304
00:17:35,014 --> 00:17:38,309
Come on. Everybody knows Yentl.
305
00:17:39,310 --> 00:17:41,563
This is for my buddy right here.
306
00:17:41,646 --> 00:17:43,606
You've had a very rough day.
307
00:17:43,690 --> 00:17:46,985
So, picture me in a little cap
and glasses,
308
00:17:47,068 --> 00:17:49,821
okay, pretending to be a man.
309
00:17:49,904 --> 00:17:51,781
- Who is this girl, huh?
- Ahem.
310
00:17:53,283 --> 00:17:55,785
♪ There are moments ♪
311
00:17:56,286 --> 00:17:59,581
♪ You remember all your life ♪
312
00:17:59,664 --> 00:18:02,750
♪ There are moments you wait for ♪
313
00:18:02,834 --> 00:18:07,088
♪ And dream of all your life ♪
314
00:18:07,839 --> 00:18:11,426
♪ This is one of those moments ♪
315
00:18:11,509 --> 00:18:12,885
♪ Moments ♪
316
00:18:13,469 --> 00:18:18,600
♪ I will always remember this chair
That window ♪
317
00:18:24,439 --> 00:18:27,108
Can't fight me if you can't catch me!
318
00:18:27,191 --> 00:18:29,360
Infidel!
319
00:18:37,702 --> 00:18:38,620
Nope.
320
00:18:39,162 --> 00:18:41,456
Come on, you... You rabid dog.
321
00:18:41,539 --> 00:18:44,584
You mangy mutt. You wanna bite me?
322
00:18:45,043 --> 00:18:46,252
You wanna bite me?
323
00:18:47,128 --> 00:18:47,962
Help!
324
00:18:48,046 --> 00:18:50,715
Okay, then you could just charge me.
Do you wanna bite me?
325
00:18:50,798 --> 00:18:52,133
Just bite me. Okay.
326
00:18:52,216 --> 00:18:53,718
She's gonna bite me!
327
00:18:53,801 --> 00:18:57,930
Oh, my God!
She could bite me squarely in the butt!
328
00:18:58,014 --> 00:18:59,641
If she desired.
329
00:19:00,767 --> 00:19:02,226
That's really reductive.
330
00:19:02,769 --> 00:19:05,313
Okay. I mean, I'm not really su...
331
00:19:05,480 --> 00:19:08,483
So, what am I supposed to do? Debate her?
332
00:19:18,618 --> 00:19:20,286
Hey. You leaving?
333
00:19:20,370 --> 00:19:22,538
Why not?
Today's a glorified private rehearsal.
334
00:19:22,622 --> 00:19:23,706
I have a star problem.
335
00:19:23,790 --> 00:19:26,668
What about the 12 other girls
busting their ass out there?
336
00:19:26,751 --> 00:19:28,643
You and Barbie, get your shit together.
337
00:19:28,667 --> 00:19:30,667
And I'll come back
when you're ready to work.
338
00:19:32,632 --> 00:19:33,466
Great.
339
00:19:39,514 --> 00:19:41,349
Hey... Can I get a little privacy, please?
340
00:19:43,226 --> 00:19:44,435
Hey!
341
00:19:45,853 --> 00:19:48,564
- What's up, old man? You need something?
- Hilarious.
342
00:19:49,065 --> 00:19:50,817
Why don't you work
on your wrestling skills?
343
00:19:50,900 --> 00:19:52,777
You've got the biting wit down pat.
344
00:19:52,860 --> 00:19:55,405
Yeah, why don't you work on your movies
instead of selling out?
345
00:19:55,947 --> 00:19:58,866
What the fuck does that mean?
How am I selling out?
346
00:19:58,950 --> 00:20:00,660
Uh, I don't know,
by doing a wrestling show
347
00:20:00,743 --> 00:20:02,328
that's just a big casting couch for you.
348
00:20:03,496 --> 00:20:04,330
Fucking Rhonda.
349
00:20:05,581 --> 00:20:06,666
Goddamnit.
350
00:20:07,959 --> 00:20:10,795
That's none of your business,
so, just keep quiet.
351
00:20:10,878 --> 00:20:13,381
Right. You only listen to women
if you're fucking them.
352
00:20:13,464 --> 00:20:15,550
Wow, maybe you should go back to practice.
353
00:20:15,633 --> 00:20:18,469
If you don't start impressing
the shit out of me on the mats,
354
00:20:18,553 --> 00:20:21,889
I'm canning your weird, stalkery,
overly critical ass.
355
00:20:22,473 --> 00:20:23,474
You got that?
356
00:20:27,687 --> 00:20:29,105
You have piss on your pants.
357
00:20:31,315 --> 00:20:33,943
Jesus Christ.
358
00:20:35,820 --> 00:20:37,530
I feel good about this one.
359
00:20:38,448 --> 00:20:41,784
I mean, she barely talks,
and she can move.
360
00:20:44,996 --> 00:20:47,999
Viking scum, this is America.
361
00:20:48,541 --> 00:20:53,129
Take your horns and your raiding
and go back to Norway.
362
00:20:55,506 --> 00:20:57,800
Wait, whoa. What are you doing?
363
00:20:58,551 --> 00:20:59,385
Oh!
364
00:20:59,469 --> 00:21:01,554
I was Liberty Belle!
365
00:21:04,474 --> 00:21:07,518
You need to hire someone else,
someone without rage issues.
366
00:21:07,602 --> 00:21:09,312
One's too hot, one's too cold.
367
00:21:09,395 --> 00:21:11,898
Goldilocks,
why are you fighting the inevitable?
368
00:21:11,981 --> 00:21:15,026
- Because she fucked my husband!
- Oh, so what? That's life.
369
00:21:15,109 --> 00:21:16,027
Get over it already.
370
00:21:16,110 --> 00:21:18,946
You still have to wake up
and be a professional.
371
00:21:19,530 --> 00:21:22,575
You can't just go out and do coke
and piss away all your money
372
00:21:22,658 --> 00:21:25,369
and screw people
who are named after liqueurs.
373
00:21:25,453 --> 00:21:27,288
I mean, what happens then?
374
00:21:28,456 --> 00:21:31,042
- You end up here?
- You end up here.
375
00:21:31,125 --> 00:21:34,712
Okay, well, I am trying to make the best
of a bad situation.
376
00:21:34,796 --> 00:21:38,591
- I mean, how much worse can it get?
- Worse? You're young, you're working.
377
00:21:38,966 --> 00:21:40,968
I mean, shut the fuck up.
378
00:21:41,052 --> 00:21:42,678
I could be at home with my baby.
379
00:21:42,762 --> 00:21:44,347
Oh, my God!
380
00:21:44,430 --> 00:21:48,309
Not this again. Please. Babies are boring.
381
00:21:48,392 --> 00:21:50,603
I mean, they don't party,
they haven't traveled,
382
00:21:50,686 --> 00:21:52,146
they have no sense of irony.
383
00:21:52,730 --> 00:21:54,065
And you love this shit.
384
00:21:54,148 --> 00:21:56,901
You love being a temperamental star.
I know you do.
385
00:21:56,984 --> 00:21:58,319
If you were at home with that kid,
386
00:21:58,402 --> 00:22:00,905
your life would become just anger
and resentment.
387
00:22:00,988 --> 00:22:03,032
No work, no husband.
388
00:22:03,115 --> 00:22:07,703
You would burn up in a smoldering ash heap
of rage and disappointment.
389
00:22:08,287 --> 00:22:11,582
You think that's good for you
or your boring baby? It's not.
390
00:22:12,166 --> 00:22:13,000
Look.
391
00:22:14,710 --> 00:22:18,005
- Ruth is the right match for you.
- Sam.
392
00:22:19,131 --> 00:22:22,051
Because one, she's actually talented,
393
00:22:22,134 --> 00:22:25,096
and two, she's gonna make you look great.
394
00:22:26,138 --> 00:22:27,890
Hate her all you want.
395
00:22:30,852 --> 00:22:32,895
Shalom, everyone!
396
00:22:33,980 --> 00:22:36,732
Shalom!Mazel, mazel!
397
00:22:37,275 --> 00:22:40,194
I am Gittel, the Orthodox Warrior!
398
00:22:40,861 --> 00:22:42,446
It's all about the Jews now.
399
00:22:43,030 --> 00:22:46,450
- The fuck is this?
- I will beat you with a chicken.
400
00:22:46,951 --> 00:22:50,955
I will lock you up
with my completely covered legs
401
00:22:51,038 --> 00:22:54,333
and guilt you into submission.
402
00:22:54,417 --> 00:22:55,293
What now?
403
00:22:56,419 --> 00:23:00,131
It's my new character.
See... Look, you're right, you're right.
404
00:23:00,214 --> 00:23:04,427
If Russia can't go to war with America,
what's the point? Right?
405
00:23:05,011 --> 00:23:07,013
So, I am gonna take...
406
00:23:08,514 --> 00:23:12,101
the terrorist, and we are gonna kill.
407
00:23:12,685 --> 00:23:16,606
I'm gonna... I'm gonna build settlements
all over your ass,
408
00:23:16,689 --> 00:23:18,858
and then you're gonna try to blow me up,
409
00:23:18,941 --> 00:23:23,487
but it won't work,
because I'm too clever and thrifty.
410
00:23:23,571 --> 00:23:25,072
And then I'll just...
411
00:23:25,156 --> 00:23:30,494
I'll enter the ring with like 17 children
who have those little curls and...
412
00:23:30,578 --> 00:23:32,246
Oh, God! It's gonna be great!
413
00:23:32,330 --> 00:23:34,081
I mean, don't get me wrong.
414
00:23:34,165 --> 00:23:36,751
I love the Russians. I love the Russians.
415
00:23:36,834 --> 00:23:39,462
Could have gone all the way
with the Russians, who are...
416
00:23:39,545 --> 00:23:42,048
They're pretty big Streisand fans,
by the way.
417
00:23:42,590 --> 00:23:44,008
But then again, who isn't?
418
00:23:44,925 --> 00:23:45,885
I gotta adjust.
419
00:23:46,636 --> 00:23:49,722
So, it's all about going with the flow.
420
00:23:50,264 --> 00:23:52,767
Just... Come on, bitch.
421
00:23:53,601 --> 00:23:55,770
Watch me drop some Talmud on ya head.
422
00:23:55,853 --> 00:23:57,396
- Um...
- You don't...
423
00:23:59,899 --> 00:24:02,610
I've been working on stuff with Melrose.
424
00:24:06,030 --> 00:24:07,365
What am I supposed to do?
425
00:24:10,618 --> 00:24:12,787
Typical whiny Soviet.
426
00:24:15,164 --> 00:24:16,457
"What should I do?
427
00:24:17,083 --> 00:24:18,918
I'm so cold,
428
00:24:19,001 --> 00:24:24,632
so, I only dress in gray
and build things out of cinder block."
429
00:24:25,508 --> 00:24:26,759
Lousy Commies.
430
00:24:28,094 --> 00:24:30,221
You think your nukes are so big?
431
00:24:30,971 --> 00:24:33,265
Wait till you get a load of our warheads.
432
00:24:33,808 --> 00:24:36,310
Because this is
the greatest country on Earth,
433
00:24:36,394 --> 00:24:38,229
and I am willing to fight for it.
434
00:24:40,231 --> 00:24:41,107
Yeah.
435
00:24:43,693 --> 00:24:45,277
Let's go, you dirty Russian.
436
00:24:45,361 --> 00:24:47,154
Oh, shit.
437
00:24:51,492 --> 00:24:52,618
Yeah, come on.
438
00:24:52,702 --> 00:24:53,703
Oh.
439
00:24:55,037 --> 00:24:58,332
You want to play
with me, prom queen? Take this.
440
00:24:59,333 --> 00:25:02,920
You think you're so great... with your...
441
00:25:03,504 --> 00:25:09,135
Your... decadent fast food
and your disgusting football,
442
00:25:09,218 --> 00:25:13,597
which is wrong name for this sport,
because football is soccer.
443
00:25:15,516 --> 00:25:18,019
Can't even name your sports right.
444
00:25:21,981 --> 00:25:23,649
In America, we're free.
445
00:25:24,400 --> 00:25:27,403
Free to kick your red, scary ass
even redder.
446
00:25:29,321 --> 00:25:34,702
In Soviet Union,
we eat stars and stripes for breakfast.
447
00:25:35,202 --> 00:25:37,371
That's because there's no food.
448
00:25:38,456 --> 00:25:42,918
All you people have to eat are turnips,
snow and misery.
449
00:25:43,002 --> 00:25:46,172
We are empire.
450
00:25:46,255 --> 00:25:47,882
Well, we are America!
451
00:25:48,674 --> 00:25:51,594
Ooh!
452
00:26:01,312 --> 00:26:03,064
- Throw me.
- What?
453
00:26:03,606 --> 00:26:05,941
Use this hand and throw me.
You'll look great.
454
00:26:09,361 --> 00:26:11,906
- All right, on three?
- All right.
455
00:26:14,283 --> 00:26:16,535
Ooh!
456
00:26:16,619 --> 00:26:18,704
I'd stay down there if I were you, Boris.
457
00:26:20,915 --> 00:26:22,500
And God bless the USA.
458
00:26:23,918 --> 00:26:27,630
Oh, you may have defeated me today,
459
00:26:27,713 --> 00:26:31,217
but this cold war
is only starting to heat up.
460
00:26:31,300 --> 00:26:32,968
Sorry. Sorry. I get the last line.
461
00:26:33,052 --> 00:26:34,845
- Fine.
- Freedom!
462
00:26:39,600 --> 00:26:40,643
I'm gonna barf.
463
00:26:45,981 --> 00:26:48,317
Russia. World's biggest alcoholics,
464
00:26:48,400 --> 00:26:50,694
and they can't even hold their liquor.
Am I right?
465
00:26:59,119 --> 00:27:02,122
I have woman, sometimes.
466
00:27:02,665 --> 00:27:05,960
She thinks I don't give enough pleasure
with mouth.
467
00:27:09,630 --> 00:27:13,342
I really like this girl, man...
but I can't seem to say anything right.
468
00:27:14,218 --> 00:27:15,594
Hmm...
469
00:27:15,678 --> 00:27:18,013
Maybe you give pleasure with mouth.
470
00:27:18,472 --> 00:27:22,476
You don't talk so much,
you don't say wrong things.
471
00:27:24,353 --> 00:27:25,312
That's a thought.
472
00:27:28,428 --> 00:27:36,785
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