All language subtitles for Attack.Of.The.50.Foot.CamGirl.2022.720p.BluRay.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX]

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- I bet
you're wondering

how this all got started.

Well, it began about three
days ago up at the house.

- Hey, all you Woodys out there.

Wanna join me?

My new Beverly Wood shower
seltzer will have you

in here with me.

The refreshing bubbles are

like my hands are wrapping
around your hot bod.

So swipe up to see
more and to buy it.

It's cruelty free and
you'll be in here with me.

Tips appreciated
on my SuperFans.

- And cut!

Damn it.

I told you not
to get water on the lens.

- Sorry, I thought it would
be good for the Woodys.

- No, you just might have
ruined a $2,000 camera.

- I think the suds on the
product may cover the label

and distract from the brand.

- I didn't ask.

- Beverly, you need to
learn to take direction.

- I like to improvise a little.

The fans love it.

It makes it more real for them.

More real means more money

and who doesn't
want more of that?

- Oh, I certainly do.

- How did the scene turn out?

- It was super hot.

Steamy, in fact.

I mean, if it turns out okay.

- If it didn't, I can do it
again and again and again.

I like to do it again.

- I'm gonna go check this

and if by some
miracle it turns out,

it'll go live in
a few, all right?

Told you to sell it, yeah.

Thank you, darling.

- Just the way you like it.

Very over, very easy.

- Fuschia, I'm empty.

- Indeed you are, Beverly.

- Hitting those a little
hard today, aren't we?

What is that, number
five before noon?

- Who's counting anyways?

Besides, I hit like a girl.

Hard.

Fuschia, read off the
boring stuff, won't you?

- From yesterday alone,

Beverly Wood branding received
3.2 million individual views

across all brands.

2.6 million clickthroughs,
34,000 conversions,

and SuperFans contributed
with 12,000 new monthly subs.

Bringing that total
to 1.8 million.

- That's wrong.

Calculate it again.

- But the numbers are
correct and reverified.

There was a loss of 7,000 subs.

- Why?

- Well, because you-

- It's because those squids
can't handle their money.

Expired credit cards,
missed payments.

They live in their
mom's basement

cuz they spend all
their money on you.

The hottest girl
on the internet.

They think that you're
talking to them,

that you're with them.

Who the hell do they think
is holding the camera?

Casper the horny ghost?

- It's you, babe.

It's all you.

My brilliant dashing husband.

- God bless those sweaty losers.

And that's why you need

to let me handle the business
side of things, all right?

You do you.

When it comes to money,
you gotta listen to me.

I know what I'm doing here.

- You always have my best
interest at heart, don't you?

- Of course, doll.

And that's why nobody must
ever know that we are married.

- I hate this part.

I wanna show you
off to the world.

- No, it'll shatter
their fantasy.

They'll cancel their
subs in seconds.

Unless they're into
the cuck thing,

but I can't do one of
those, you know my policy.

- But other girls have their
boyfriends and their husbands

in their profiles.

- But those girls aren't you.

Don't compare yourself
to some cam gob.

I got this, all right?

Our future is so bright,

we're gonna have to wear
very expensive shades.

- Oh, how about this?

- Oh, those are cute.

I'm gonna feature
them on my snap later

when I'm pretending to do stuff.

- Oh, how about this?

- This is ugly.

No one has enough money
for me to wear that.

Burn it.

Top me off.

- Any gold in these boxes?

- I need something wow.

- I was thinking last night

and I had a very
interesting idea

about diversifying the profile.

- More brands?

- Yes, more everything.

But just hear me out, okay?

Maybe not the brands,
but the content.

Now these type of posts
would do much better

for our lesser ambassadors.

- Then why would I want-

- I'm envisioning a campaign,
just a few posts at first.

One shoot and then we spread
the content over several days.

Then we drop the video.

- We do that already.

- Yes, we do that already,
but not with another girl.

- I don't like it.

- But the
fans will love it.

- I'm a solo artist.

- It's a collaboration.

- With who?

Nobody has my numbers.

- But nobody has the
numbers when they're a noob,

you know that, unless
they're banging a rapper.

- I never had to clap
my butt for likes.

Not at the start, anyways.

I am a self-made visionary.

- Yes, but some new blood would
really in inject some life

into the brand, you know?

Look, I've run the numbers.
We need to go big on this.

Look.

Look at those digits.

It's what the fans want.

- You already have someone
in mind, don't you?

Spit it out.

- It's Fuschia.

- Her?

She's my assistant.

- She's our assistant.

- I can't, I can't believe this.

Have you even seen her
naked fleshy parts?

- Yeah.

No, no, of course not.
- I think it's a great idea.

I mean, I think it's
such a great idea

that I wish I had thought of it.

- Look, love, we
did some test shots.

- You are incredibly average.

- No, she's perfect.

I mean, she would be the
perfect collaboration with you.

Normal, everyday,
mundane Jane next door

next to a statuesque
goddess like yourself.

- Well, philanthropy
is the backbone

of what I wanna achieve here.

I like it.

- Ah, great
decision, honey buns.

- But she needs to
keep those glasses on.

Hot girls never have poor eyes.

The movies taught me that.

- Okay.

- So what's the status

of Beverly Wood's
Unholy Meat-rimony?

- Ah, yes, I just got
a text from the lab.

Samples should be
ready this week.

- This week?

No, tomorrow.

- Yes, but honey, there
are safety concerns.

The FDA has to approve it.

- FDA?

Fuck Dat Anyways.

Tomorrow.

Fuschia, come hither!

I'm empty.

What do I pay you for anyways?

Any of you Woodys
wanna fill me up?

- Why don't you go to bed?

- I can't, I'm too busy.

Where's Fuschia anyways?

- She left hours ago.

She doesn't live here.

- Why are you dressed like that?

- Because I'm going out.

Potential client, remember?

- But I'm totally faded
and it's horny o'clock.

- I really wish I could but
this client is really important.

- Stay in with me tonight, I
wanna get unfiltered with you.

- I really can't.

- There is enough cosmo in me

to let you do that
thing you like.

- That thing?

- Oh yeah, that thing.

- Gotta go.

You need help getting in bed?

- Forget the meeting.

Stay in, cuddle with me.

- Don't wait up.

- Yes, big round of applause
for the lovely, talented,

the incomparable Janelle.

How you doing, bud?

What gets your motor running?

- One old fashioned and a cosmo.

No, make that a peachy keen.

- Two cold beers coming up.

I'll send Sadie over with
some ice cold mugs for you.

- Thanks.
- Thank you, buddy.

- Oh!

Thought you'd never get here.

- I'm right on time.

Why are you so nervous?

To us.

- It's just frustrating.

I've been waiting.

- Ah, your debut?

- I can just taste it.

- Everything is going to plan.

We can't rush these things.

- I want it so bad.

- And you're gonna
have it so good.

Just do as I say,
when I say it, okay?

- I suppose you're right.

You know best.

- Of course.

Fuschia, you have the
hottest body I've ever seen.

- And my personality.

- Yeah, and your personality.

Trust me.

Once I set up this first
shoot, I'm gonna...

We are gonna make a
fortune off of your assets.

- But what about Beverly?

She's a titan in this industry.

She is this industry.

- Beverly's the past.

You're the future, Fuschia.

I got this.

- But how?

- Trust me.

I got enough dirt on
that washed up drunk

to cancel her immediately.

- Are you sure?

- Oh yeah.

All of her fans and all of her
brands will turn their backs

on her in one post.

The only thing people love
more than lifting stars

to the heaven,
smashing them to hell.

- Oh, I can't wait!

- Give them a rise and
they'll rise you up.

- What about the money?

- I told you, I'm her
husband, remember?

I already have half her wealth.

One more drunken signature
and I'll have the rest.

- I can see it now.

The look on her face when I
kick her out of my mansion.

- Catty, I like it.

- After I spit in her face
for messing up my mojo.

- Wow.

- Then I'll kick
her in the Botox

and make her eat sewage soup.

- I don't think I've
ever been more turned on

than right now.

- Here you go.

Get a room.

- Get up.

Get up.

- What?

- What, what is that?

Is that lipstick?

- Lipstick?

No.

No, you kissed me on
the cheek last night.

You were so drunk, remember?

- That's like the
second time this week.

You should use my
Beverly Wood lip debalm.

- I'm not one of your Woodys.
You don't have to upsell me.

- Numbers are down.

When's the new
brand demo coming?

- This morning.

- It is morning.

- It's00 a.m.

- Morning starts when I wake up.

Get them here now.

- Oh baby, yes.

- What are you
going on about now?

- Oh man, it's astounding.

- Like a new insect species
found in the Sumatra?

- Better.

So much better.

- Like new photos
from the Mars Rover,

confirming my suspicion

of an aquatic ecosystem
breeding mammals?

- Mams, big beautiful mams.

- Let me see.

But this is...

Oh, now I see.

- Right?

- Stellar.

- Interstellar.

- Will you two
troglodytes button it up?

This is a serious presentation

we're about ready to
make to a serious client.

She's not all that anyway.

It's all digital trickery.

Real women don't need filters.

We are magic.

- I'd like to test her
hypothesis in the lab.

- I'm pondering the
experience as we speak.

- How would we test that theory?

- Photo shoot.

- Precisely.

You would make an
excellent control subject.

The scientific
community would owe you

a great, enormous
gratitude to the world.

- Zip it, you two,

or I will dissect you both
right where you stand.

- Ah, scientists.

- Our benefactor.

- Salutations.

- Yeah, well, a good
morning all depends

on the mood of Beverly

and her mood depends on
if this is ready or not.

So let's hope it's ready.

- Well, there's still some
tests that need to be done.

- Yeah, my advice is
to not bring that up.

- It's imperative
to know the risks.

- Yeah, it's imperative
that it looks good.

Facts are coincidental.

Everything is about appearance
nowadays anyways, isn't it?

- Not in the least.

And it's not ready
for consumption.

- That's for sure.

- What my cohort, Dr.
Lana meant to say was

the market for
bioprotein is ravenous.

- It's the future of
sustaining our world

a little bit longer.

- Morning, bitches.

- Gentlemen, lady,
Ms. Beverly Wood.

- How do you do?

- I do very well.

- I am such a huge fan.

- Of course you are.

- I have all your products.

That's why I smell so good.

- So you're a Woody?

- Oh, hell yeah.

- We have some really
exciting things

for you to see today, Ms. Wood.

- Well, I hope what's under
those dishes is more impressive

than your outfit.

- They're science
clothes, pretty standard.

- Let's get to it.

Beverly Wood's
Unholy Meat-rimony is

the most important
brand of my career.

I want to feed the world.

I want kids in Africa or
wherever they eat sand

to chant my name.

Thanksgiving, I
will be on the table

of every man, woman,
and child on the earth.

- Thanksgiving is a construct
of the United States.

- That's cuz you lack my vision.

Beverly Wood Incorporated
will be like a religion.

Jesus only turned
rocks into bread

and look where it got him.

I'm gonna be like the
Mother Teresa of meat.

- No pressure at all.

- Well, let's see it.

- Can I get a drum roll, please?

- It looks
like a fucking carrot.

- Well then, it's
a rousing success.

Give yourself applause.

Bravo, comrades.

- What do you mean?

- Well, it's not a real carrot.

I mean, it looks real, but
it's a Beverly Wood carrot.

Patent pending, 100%
made in a laboratory.

No seed, soil, water,
photosynthesis, nothing.

- Like my faux fur jeggings?

- Maybe.

But if you let me explain
the process to you,

it's really exciting.

- Don't bore me with
the science-y stuff.

- She wouldn't get it anyway.

- I almost heard that.

- My bad.

What Dr. Dennis means is

nothing about this
carrot is a carrot.

It's organic and it's
entirely nonorganic.

It isn't genetically modified,

it is entirely
genetically created.

Got that?

- Each one of these is 100
zillion percent sustainable.

- There's no such thing.

It's 100% and that's enough.

- Each one of these dishes
is totally 100% sustainable

to infinity.

They're fortified with nutrition
and absolutely delicious.

Well, in theory.

No animals were harmed in the
production of these vegetables

because no animals were used

in the production
of these vegetables.

And unlike real vegetables,
no bugs were collateral damage

as a result of
harvesting the plants.

- Do you know that
vegans kill more wildlife

by way of insects than the
entire meat-eating population?

It's vegan genocide.

- I think I saw that in meme.

- And now, the
meat de resistance.

- A hot dog?

You went with a hot dog, not
a steak, not even a burger?

- No.

- It's Dennis's favorite.

- It is, I love them.

- It looks like a wiener.

It smells like a wiener.

- Does it taste like a wiener?

They're all different.

- Holy Stephen Hawking.

- Dennis, you're being
totally awesome right now.

- The taste is still uncertain.

- Let me try it.

- We still must run
some more tests.

- Not yet, dear.

There's still more to
the presentation, right?

- Okay, buckle up
for the good part.

It self-replicates.

- Voila.

- As long as there is
a single crumb left,

it will self-replicate.

Nobody will ever
go hungry again.

- This is truly remarkable.

We could feed the world
with just one of these.

- It's my weenie!

- But why stop at just franks?

You know, we could feed
the whole entire world

with anything.

- Neapolitan ice cream?

- Why would you do that?

- It's Dennis's favorite.

- And you get three in one.

- The point is there is no limit

to what we can do with this.

The future of the world's food
supply chain is basically us.

- This is the future of food,
the end of world famine.

- All thanks to me, Beverly
Wood, savior of the salivating.

- And assuming it's actually
edible without side effects.

- Right,

so what kind of side effects
are we talking about here?

- Death.

- Gastral bloating.

- Total and severe body melt.

- I've got a slogan.

Beverly Woods, Unholy
Meat-rimony, in your face!

- We've been meaning to
discuss that title with you.

- This will win
me a Noble Prize.

- Noble Prize, right, Gary?

- Right, all the smartest
people in the world

have all been mispronouncing
it all these years.

- Right, so how do we
get this to market?

- Well, with tests and
more tests and tests.

- Could take years.

- Years are boring.

I wanna save the world now.

- Yeah, there's gotta be a way
we can speed up this process.

- At the very least,

we need to test it on
laboratory animals.

- Absolutely not.

I will not stand for cute
little guinea pigs being treated

like guinea pigs.

Beverly Wood Incorporated
is cruelty free.

Record this.

- Wait, Beverly, no.

- For the love of
the Hadron Collider,

put the wiener
down and back away.

- Let her.

At least we'll know.

- One small bite for
visionary entrepreneur woman,

one giant leap for
ambassador kind.

- Oh, that's hot.

- Gary, she could die.

- Die hotly.

- Any reactions?

- Experiencing any discomfort?

- Bloating?

- Total body melt?

- So darling, how
do you really feel?

These are the first steps
to world domination,

so I need you to be honest.

- I feel great.

Woohoo!

Whoa.

- Body melt.

- Definitely gastral implosion.

- I just need to sleep this off.

- Right, but I just need you
to sign these papers first.

- What is it?

- Just a new
contract I've been working on.

- Whatevs.

Will you stay by my side?

- Yeah, sure, sure.

- Call Fuschia.

Have her repost that
foot smoosh video

from last month, okay?

- Oh, is it all right

if we do the bubble
pop butt video instead?

- Whatever, we
can't miss a post.

- Okay.

Great presentation, gang.

You know where the door is.

- Thank you, sir.

- Wonderful.

Except for the
pending puddle of goo

that was once my fappiness.

- TMI, Gary.

- Sorry.

We really screwed up this one.

- Nonsense.

Just need a few minor tweaks.

- We really
screwed the pooch on this.

- Kind of.

It's her own darn fault.

I mean, we told
her the beautiful,
delicious looking food

that we made to save
the world wasn't edible.

- Why don't you two go
home, get some rest?

I am going to stay here
and observe Ms. Wood.

- I'd like to observe
more of Ms. Wood.

- You don't even like her.

I mean, two beautiful female
specimens in the same room?

It's just gonna be
just a vicious attack.

- True, we are hot and I
don't much care for her,

really at all,

but I don't want her to die.
- I don't want her to die.

I mean, I'm not doing
anything, I can stay.

I mean, I'd like to
stay. Can I, can I stay?

Let me stay.

- Beat it.

- If you say so.

- You know what I mean.

She'll be okay.

Trust me.

- You think if anything
bad were to happen,

it would've happened already?

- Most certainly.

It's a tummy ache.

Inhaling an entire
undigested hot dog

and a cosmopolitan isn't the
most nutritious of lunches.

She'll be fine.

- Damn it.

- You go do your thing.

I've got this from here.

- I'm sorry, what?

Oh, do you mind?

- Scoot, go get some rest.

Doctor's orders.

- Ah, thanks.

- Nice guy you
got there, Ms. Wood.

- Oh!

Tell me all about it,
don't leave anything out.

- Well-

- Did she die?

Was she convulsing and croaking?

- Actually-
- Oh, oh!

Was she black and blue
when she kicked the bucket?

- Actually no,

because she didn't die.

- Oh.

- But she did the
next best thing.

Got her to sign these.

- She signed over her
entire company to you?

All the assets?

- Yep.

- Oh, awesome!

- Can't believe it.

- But she's not a ghost,
so what's that do for me?

- What do you mean?

You're the Fuschia of
this business, remember?

Plans just changed a little.

I don't have to
get my hands dirty.

The lab food will
do the job for me.

- How's that?

Didn't even kill her.

- Yeah, but it's not
been tested, remember?

Who knows what kind of
arsenic is in there.

Did I say arsenic?

I meant additive.

- Oh, you are sly.

- And besides, this little
piece of paper is all I need.

I already own the company.

Getting rid of her will
be like wiping my shoes.

- Easy peasy.

- Hey, why don't you stay
with the mansion tonight?

- No, that would
be too suspicious.

- No, it'll look like you're
a concerned assistant.

- Oh.

Role playing.

I'm down.

- Where's Bradley?

- I sent him out to de-stress.

His phone kept blowing up.

- Where'd he go?

- He didn't say.

- I put a tracker on his
phone the other night.

Interesting.

We've never been to that
seedy side of town before, ew.

- I'm sure he just wanted
to take the edge off.

- Fuschia lives near there.

I'm sure he was trying
to edge something.

- How does your tummy feel?

- I feel great, honestly.

I feel full of energy,

like I'm bursting at
the seams, you know?

- That is great to hear.

So maybe we should
continue the experiment.

- Oh yeah.

- Wait, wait, wait.

You stay here.

I'm gonna check on Bev,

make sure she's asleep
and the doctor's gone.

- Okay.

So?

- She's in bed with the doctor.

- Oh.

She's in bed with the doctor.

Gives me an idea.

Oh.

- I knew it, how could you?

- Babe, babe.

How are you this morning?

- Fuschia here was so concerned

about your wellbeing last night,

I told her she could
sleep on the couch.

She was inconsolable.

- I was, I was, I could
barely contain myself.

- Okay, but why were
you on the couch?

- You were in bed with
Dr. Lana, remember?

- That was necessary therapy.

I got my eye on you.

- Oh yeah?

- Look, ladies, while we
have the blood pumping,

let's put it to good use, yeah?

Let's do that combined photo
shoot we were talking about.

- Get real!

- Not in the mood.

- You want to talk real?

Numbers are real and
they're down 42% today.

- Let's do a photo shoot.

I don't know what happened.

It must have shrunk the wash.

- Or maybe you
gained some weight.

Or a lot.

Just saying.

- All right, ladies, this is
the first time for all of us.

A first time for Beverly
generously sharing the spotlight

and a first time
ever for Fuschia.

Let's do it!

- Try to keep up.

- Try not to fall and break
your hip.

- All right, ladies, as we're
going live with this one.

It's an event, so event!

More of that.

- Ow!
- Ow!

- Legendary!

Oh, this is historic.

Pop that top.

Holy crap, ladies.

And cut!

We got it.

Wow, you two really
knocked it out today.

A bit too literally, but
you know what I mean.

- It's what I do
every day, dear.

- Fuschia, you
really brought it.

You definitely have a future.

- Live in the now, honey.

Get me a cosmo, won't you?

You are still my
assistant, right?

- Not for long.

- What was that?

- Nothing.

- Why did you get me
such a small glass?

Am I on a diet or something?

- Wouldn't be a bad idea.

- You are getting a big head.

- Everything about you's
been getting big lately, FYI.

- Fuschia, why don't you take
the rest of the day off, huh?

You did great today.

I'll give you some
notes later, okay?

- Oh.

I'd love to chew on your notes.

- I bet you would.

And you!

- Just hold that
incriminating comment.

- The numbers from the shoot.

So many likes, so many comments.

- See, I told you
it would pay off.

- These numbers are huge.

- Is everything okay, love?

- They're bigger
than I ever imagined.

- See, just put up with
Fuschia a bit longer, okay?

This is too good to pass up.

- No, it's me.

They love me.

- Yes, love, it's all you.

This is so weird.

Beverly!

Beverly!

Beverly!

Beverly!

Where are you, hun?

- I'm out here!

- Been looking all over for you.

- Don't come
out, I'm working on my tan.

- You know how much on love
to see your beautiful bod

in the morning.

- I'm not photo ready.

- You okay?

- I know when you're fibbing.

You wanna talk about it?

Yeah, well, whatever it
is, I'm sure it's no...

Big deal!

- I know, I know, I'm...

- Huge!

- You're not supposed to point
out a woman's shortcomings.

- What the hell happened?

- Wow,
you're really big.

- What are you doing?

- Babe, I need to record this.

The numbers, they'll be mammoth.

We need to share
this with the Woodys!

- They'll turn on me.

- No, babe.

You're certified viral.

See?

- Let me see.

I can't read it, it's too small.

- Trust me, you're huge.

- Here we go again, kicking
a person when they're giant.

- What I meant was
the numbers are larger

than they've ever been before.

They want more.

And big baby, we're
gonna give them more.

I'm calling Fuschia.

- Fuschia?

- This video is gonna
make me a fortune.

- You mean us a fortune, right?

- Fuschia, come check this out.

What do you think?

- I think it looks
like a freak show is

what I think it looks like.

What next?

You gonna slap a beard on her?

Make me shoot with fat boy?

- Hey, this is a great
opportunity for you, okay?

- Uh-uh, I've seen the comments.

I'm the star.

From now on, it's solo.

Just me or I go out by myself.

- Bradley, get her out of here

before I squash her
like the bug she is.

- What was that all about?

I told you to dance to my tune.

- You meet me at
the bar tonight.

We have to go over my new terms.

- Crap.

- See these numbers?

Read these comments?

It's all me.

The public wants more of me

and I'm going to
give it to them.

- Impressive.

But don't get ahead of
yourself, all right?

My plan is-

- Uh!

I thought I was your plan.

- You are, but we have to
look at this rationally here.

- I'm a social media
hungry millennial

and you want me to be rational?

- Okay, just hear
me out, all right?

This big turn of events has
just doubled our revenue

in only 24 hours.

Now, that is nothing
to sneeze at.

Beverly's misfortune has
turned into our fortune.

- Does that mean you want to
plant a family tree inside me?

- Yeah.

Of course, baby.
- Oh!

- It's an earthquake!

Leave the jukebox!

- Oh, oh my God!

- Oh my god, she's huge!

- Beverly?

This is not what it looks like!

- Beverly, this is everything
it looks like, bitch!

- Hello, tech lab?

- Science nerds, get here, now!

- Remarkable.

- Absolutely incredible.

- So hot.

- So what's
happening to me?

- You have grown to an alarming
size at an alarming rate.

- Duh, but do you know why?

- I'd say the
self-replicating enzyme,

the one that we warned you
hadn't been tested yet,

somehow mutated when
you ingested it,

again, much to our
protestations, mind you,

and the result is this.

- Total and complete bigness.

- Am I gonna be growing
until my head hits the stars?

- There's no way
of knowing, really.

- And what about my clothes?

They seem to be growing
with me, thankfully.

- Well, it appears that
anything that touches your skin

is also affected by
the growth enzyme.

- Well, thank heavens for that.

Can you make me normal?

- It's gonna take tests.

Lots and lots of tests.

- You're literally like the
biggest star on the planet.

We're normal.

Every other person living and
dead are the same and boring.

Why would you wanna be
like any of us, normal?

I've always dreamed of
being something more

than humanly possible,

but sadly I'm forever
stuck in this sexy shell.

- You're so sweet.

- And you're still the
most beautiful specimen

I've ever seen.

- Tone it down, Gary.

This is a real conundrum

with a possibly
catastrophic outcome.

- I'm just speaking my piece.

- What are you guys doing?

- Well, we knew you
were feeling blue

about your current situation

and Gary here had
this wonderful idea.

- Oh, that's so sweet.

- Almost done.

And voila!

- So what is it?

- Taste it and see.

- Our gift to you.

- Actually it was my gift.

My, my gift to you.

I thought of it, my idea.

- Oh my god, a cosmo?

And it's the best
one I've ever had.

- I know I'm a scientist,

but this is awesome
beyond calculation.

I used to be in lust.

Now I'm in love.

- Give
it up, lover boy.

Unfortunately she's
already taken.

- Guy's a douche.

- Come on.

Let's see if Dr. Lana
has made any progress.

- He loves me.

He loves me not.

He loves me.

- Hi, love!

What's up?

Besides you, get it?

- Oh, it's you.

- Of course it's me.

Your loving husband.

I live here, remember?

- I saw you with that
tramp last night.

- No, no, no, that was
perfectly innocent.

It was just a meeting.

We were discussing business.

- Some business.

You were cheating on me!

- No, absolutely not.

We were discussing strategy
for the next couple months.

- I bet.

- Look, love, while you're big,

there's plenty of
money to be had.

We really gotta get on this.

- What now?

- I have a killer
idea for a photo shoot

with you and Fuschia.

- Look, babe, we don't know
how long this is gonna last.

You could be normal
tomorrow and...

- And what?

I'm not good enough for you?

I'm not making you enough money?

- Oh my god.

Let the old has-been pout.

You know what?

You're just mad because the
only place you look good is

in front of a Viking ship.

- Get her out of
here now, Bradley,

and take yourself with her.

- Look, babe, just
let me explain.

- Listen to you.

She's so freakishly tall,

the only person she can listen
to is the man on the moon!

- You okay?

- Of course I'm okay!

You haven't seen the
last of me, Bitchzilla.

- Babe, did you see
what I just got?

- I really thought you loved me.

- What are you talking
about? Of course I love you.

The cars, the mansion,
the clothes, all of it.

- Those are things,
Bradley, not me.

It was always about what I could
do for you, never about me.

- Babe, you're delusional.

- You think I don't know
about you and Fuschia?

I saw it with my own eyes.

- Let me explain.

- You're always Bradsplaining,

I just never noticed it before

because I was truly
in love with you.

It was never about the business.

It was about making a
perfect world for us.

- And we can still have that.

Babe, I love you.

- Then Bradsplain this.

I wasn't so drunk that I
didn't know what I was signing.

I signed it because I
didn't think it mattered

because we would be
together forever!

- Oh boy.

- I don't know,

but I think it has something
to do with this food.

- Is that your final
scientific explanation of this?

- That's all I got.

- There's nothing we
can do about it here.

Let's gather the specimens

and take them back
down to the lab.

- Right now?

- Yes, right now.

- And
miss the fireworks?

- Should we intervene?

- I hope she steps on that putz.

- Oh, you'd love
that, wouldn't you?

- Totally.

- I suppose we could
offer some moral support.

- Or maybe prevent
a crushing murder.

- Nah, screw that guy.

- I trusted you.

I loved you.

I'm out of here.

- Oh, Beverly!

- Should we follow her?

- We need something
with some zoom.

- I have some zoom.

- Oh, she wants numbers?

I'll give her numbers.

Oh yeah, if you liked it big,

I'll show you big, baby.

Way big.

Big!

Maybe this wasn't
such a good idea.

- She could be hundreds
of miles away already.

What are you gonna say to
her when we catch up to her?

- I haven't really
thought about it,

but I've always been
able to talk my way

out of any situation.

- That's the problem.

You converse out of your
ass and not your heart.

- Really messed up, Brad.

A woman needs to
feel appreciated, not
like a piece of meat.

- And it was your meat that
caused this whole thing.

- As if you know how
to talk to a woman.

- I talk to my mother
quite frequently

and she enjoys my company,
thank you very much.

- He is right, you know.

- How do we even know
we're going the correct way?

- Look, there!

She's close.

- Yeah, I can smell her perfume.

Beverly Woods Juice D'Amor.

- Love juice?

She needs a marketing firm

to come up with
some better names.

- Hey.

- I think it rolls
off the tongue.

- Ew.

- Feel so stupid!

- Let me handle this.

Babe!

- Stay away.

I'm warning you.

- He's handling it well so far.

- She has to work on her aim.

- He's gonna need our help.

- Let me just talk to you.

- I realized something.

You're always talking
to me, not with me.

- Let's be honest.

Sometimes you tend to, whoa!

Yep, you're right,
I'm a Bradsplainer.

- Go away, or the next one
won't be a warning rock!

- We can work this out.

- What's the point?

I signed everything
I worked for away

to a miserable cheater.

- Yeah, you sure did.

- And where's your
little hoochie anyway?

She didn't wanna come
and rub it all in?

- Babe, Fuschia's not
even in the picture.

She's nothing to me.

Just another girl.

- I'm not just any girl.

I'm Fuschia, the future.

- Holy shit, where'd
she come from?

- This is not good.

- You're right.

This is great.

- Fuschia, I was just
talking about you, sweetie.

- Save it.

- Shouldn't we be
doing something?

- Yeah, somebody should
be recording this.

- Bradley's got you covered.

- Yes, Woodys, the moment
you've all been waiting for!

A total cacophony of
cat fight calamity.

Donate now and donate big!

Hey, ladies.

Hey, ladies.

- Is he serious?

- I told you he was a worm.

- Wave at the camera!

- You really are a
scumbag, aren't you?

You don't care about us girls.

Everything's for you,
nothing's for us.

- Let's put it this way.

- Go on.

- I'm outta here.

- Where do you
think you're going?

- No, not the car.

- You like this?

Then go get it.

- That was limited edition!

- Oh, key word, was.

- Look, ladies, there has to
be a way we can resolve this.

Let's just sit down,
have a few cocktails,

and then maybe, I don't
know, we can, you know?

- Oh, I know.

- Good old Bradley knows
how to make things right.

Sexy time cure-all.

- Is he serious?

- Unfortunately he is.

Why wait?

- Y'all might wanna
start walking home.

This'll be a while.

Whoever said more than a
handful is a waste was a moron.

- I know what you
wanted but never got.

What every man wants.

- What's that?

- You tried so many times
and I turned you down,

but now, now I'm ready for it.

- Oh, no.

- Oh, yes.

- No, no, no.

- What's your fantasy, Bradley?

- Two girls!

- Oh no!

- Death by motorboat.

- The ultimate way to go.

- Wait, you're not going to...

- No.

Oh.

- Oh no.

- I am so glad we
became friends actually.

- Me too.

- I was horrible
to you, I'll admit,

but it's cuz I was
kind of jealous.

- Samezies.

You're just so perfect.

Made me feel insecure.

I just wanted what you had.

- Us women, we need
to stick together,

not tear each other down.

- I'll drink to that.

- Cheers.

- I can't believe he
ate that entire carrot.

- Large and in charge.

- Well, I guess sometimes we
all need that special someone.