Original subtitles

-(gong sounds) -So, Hogun the Grim,

how goeth things with my firstborn son, Thor?

He never calls, he never writes.

Thor continues to adventure with the Super Hero Squad.

Oh, yes, my son's heroics make me proud. Thank you, Grim Hogun.

Next!

(gong sounds)

Oh, that's me.

(gasps) Amora the Enchantress? What do you want, sorceress?

Why, Thor, of course! But I'm sick of waiting around for him.

If I can't be happy, at least I can be royal.

Love Lutefisk, away!

(guffaws) Enchantress!

Wilst thou maketh me piest Asgardian in all of Asgard

and take my hand in marriage? Oh, not literally, darling. I needeth my hand.

It's only an expression. (laughs)

Right. Except for this here difference in their ages,

if anybody knows why these two should not be joined

in a hunk-a-hunk of burning matrimony...

Aren't you forgetting something?

Perhaps, like Frigga, your wife?

By the mackerel! I am already married! (grunts)

Huh, what was I saying?

(sobbing)

(sobbing continues)

(long sniffle)

(continues sobbing)

(chuckles) Now where were we?

All right, now. By the power vested in me by, uh, well, you, Odin,

I now pronounce thee man and wife.

Thank you. Thank you very much.

(kissing)

(Evil laughter)

With this Infinity Gauntlet, I, Thanos, will rule the universe!

All right, Squaddies, time to hero up.

♪ When the bad guys are out, All you have to do is shout now♪

♪ Who's gonna hero up? ♪

♪ Well, they may not get along, But they're always fighting strong now ♪

♪ Who's gonna hero up? ♪

♪ Who'll save the day? The Super Hero Squad ♪

♪ They'll hero up again ♪

♪ Super Hero Squad! Hero up ♪

♪ Wolverine and Hulk are fierce, Even Thanos is in tears ♪

♪ When Iron Man Joins the fight ♪

♪ Falcon darts in from the sky, Scarlet Witch by his side ♪

♪ Thor's hammer Has thunder's might ♪

♪ Who'll save the day? The Super Hero Squad ♪

♪ They'll hero up again ♪

♪ Super Hero Squad! Hero up ♪

♪ Super Hero Squad! Hero up ♪

♪ Super Hero Squad ♪

(grunts)

(sighs)

It'd be so much easier to just let the lawn die.

Then I wouldn't have to mow it all the time.

This is so boring.

Yes! Saved by the mysterious blur!

(pants)

Hey, Quicksilver! What's the rush?

I'm looking for my sister. She's been missing for weeks.

Wanda? No, no, no. She's not missing. She's on the Helicarrier.

-Whoa! -(crash)

(groans)

Hang on, sis!

Yeah, you're welcome.

Dad! She's on the Helicarrier!

My daughter, the Scarlet Witch, is on the Helicarrier?

She must have been captured by the good guys!

Oh, the poor girl! What horrendous ordeals she must be enduring!

(Scarlet Witch) I cannot endure this ordeal any longer!

We are not watching anymore shows about funny pets!

It's science research.

Verily! Thor hath taught the Hulk to catch a Frisbee! Go long, boy!

Hulk got it!

If Falcon and Wolverine weren't out in space on Thanos Patrol,

they'd be on my side.

(laughs) Such levity. 'Twould be difficult, since you are standing.

Hey! You're gonna love this show.

It's called "Destroy, Destroy, Destroy."

(gasps)

(grunts)

All father! Your giant holographic head

arrives just in time to give us pause.

Oh, yes. Arise, Son of Asgard.

Father Odin? You look different.

(laughs) I hath news, Thor.

Oh, just spill it, will you?

We're married! See? Check out this rock!

I say thee, yeesh!

Ta-ta, son!

This cannot stand!

I must hie my heinie to Asgard and stop this madness

lest she rent out my room!

Poor Thor. And his mother, Frigga.

How could Odin go and marry the Enchantress of all people?

Ooh! How could he not? At least we know his eyes are working.

Wow! And suddenly getting put in time-out doesn't seem so bad.

Huh, I have a million of these.

Thor needs our support, not our ridicule.

(beeps) Can't we do both?

Wanda, you're right. We should go with Thor and help him.

Ah, Hulk fetch! (grunts)

Uh, where Big Hammer?

Herbie, set a course for Asgard.

But first, set the DVR to record my show.

(beeps) Already season passed it.

And that, my friend, is why you are an invaluable member of this team.

Observe.

One of the advantages of my magnetic powers:

skitching a ride!

Yay! (laughing) Sorry.

When I think of all the millenni I've wasted on that gigolo!

(sobbing)

Oh, he does tend to jiggle.

There, there, Mother. It's the same old story:

you know, the more powerful the man,

the younger the witch on his arm.

(sobbing)

Let me get you some more tea.

Ooh! I can't believe my luck!

This wasn't even my scheme,

but I'm going to use it to end up ruling Asgard!

Score!

Change the drapes.

Call somebody to redo the floors the walls, and the upholstery.

And get this icky old man off my throne.

Whoops, he can stay. It's just so exciting being Quee

(laughs)

Loki!

Come to pay your respects to your new stepmother?

Not exactly, Enchantress.

-Pudding face, how about a cuddle? -Not now!

Oh, you'll have plenty of time for that after what I'm about to tell you.

Ever read the Norse Saga of Rules?

There's a particularly riveting part here about commoners.

What?

A non-royal, a plebe, a... you.

You see, when Odin married you, he married an atrociously common commoner.

He gave up his right to the throne!

He's no longer king, so you're not the queen!

Hah! In your face! (laughs)

Happy dance, happy dance.

(laughs) Watch the horns.

(humming)

Oh, yeah, baby.

This-this cannot be!

No, no, he's right, bouncy bear.

I was going to mention it,

but thy bodaciousness held my tongue as if in a vice.

And furthermore,

since Odin's firstborn is too busy fighting cosmic villains on Earth,

who's next in line and the rightful King?

Let's see, um, who could it be? Um.

Oh, yeah, it's me! (laughs)

(vocalizes)

Father! What madness be this?

'Tis love madness, baby boy!

Forsooth! Odin hath abdicated the throne for love!

The new King of Asgard be-eth his firstborn son, Thor!

Uh! Who with the what now?

Long live King Thor!

Oh, no! Long live King Loki!

-(laughs) How do you like it? -Shut up.

Hey! I may not be queen, but that's no way to talk to your new stepmother.

Now go to your room, young man, before I spank you!

(grimaces) You're not my real mother! (blows a raspberry)

You know what? Fine! Have fun being king, Thor.

Now if you'll excuse me, my husband and I

have to go look into some retirement housing.

Okay, Squaddies, fan out! Find Thor and see what's going on.

Thor, you...

Hey, that was easy. Hi, Thor.

-What that on Big Hammer? -A crown.

An honor to meet you, Squaddies. You've always been Hogun's heroes.

Friends, hath I got a story for you!

Odin unwittingly abdicated his throne.

Thor is the new ruler of Asgard.

Oh, well, thank you. You just stole the Thunder Prince's thunder.

What he said.

Wow, congratulations, your ruler-ship.

That is pretty cool.

(beeps) Alert! Thor must stay here to be king.

Buh! Big Hammer not coming home?

Alas, no, green friend. A greater duty calls.

(all snigger)

Hammer say "Doody."

(sighs) I said "duty" with a "T."

(chuckles) You said it again.

(sighs) Fare thee well, Herbie. I shall miss thy girlish laugh.

Good-bye, Scarlet Witch.

I shall miss fighting over yon television remote with thee.

Hasta la vista , Hulk.

I'm sure someday thou shalt find where thou buried all thy action figures.

(quiet sobbing)

And I'll... Oh, there I go.

And I'll miss you most of all, Tin Man.

-It's Iron Man. -Don't spoil my moment.

(sobs) Hulk never see action figures again?

Hmm, Wise King Thor.

King Thor the Wise. MC Thory-Thor.

Huh, it's all on me now to leadeth my people

and solveth all their many, many problems.

-(gong sounds) -(clears throat)

Ah, this troll's tree overhangeth in mine property.

And its leaves droppeth in mine swimming pool!

-(belches) -(grimaces)

Lo! I shall use mine uru hammer to break the tree in half.

And the pool!

(grunts)

That is what Wise King Thor bringeth to the table!

A Hammer!

Healthcare?

Education?

Taxes?

Hah! Hammer! Hammer! Hammer!

(laughs) This is fun!

Next?

(clamoring)

Oh!

Big Hammer gone forever?

Here, Hulk, sit down on my lap.

On second thoughts, don't.

Sometimes, we have to say good-bye to the things we love,

like when your pet goldfish ran away.

(beeps) Alert! Goldfish went to live at Marine World. Remember?

Huh? Why fishy want to join military?

(chuckles) Hulk, marine also means...

You know what, never mind.

Huh! That's silly.

-(explosion) -Aah!

I won't allow you Squaddies to hold my daughter prisoner!

Magneto!

(laughs) Well, well, if it isn't the invincible Iron Man.

Now that we've come together, I'm going to relish taking you apart.

Not if I take you apart first!

(grunts)

(grunts)

What a sad and harmless super hero you are.

Don't bet on it. I'm just getting started!

No, you're not. I am!

(grunts)

Can't fight. Can't move.

Like being trapped inside an electromagnetic vice!

Correct, Iron Man. And now comes the moment where I relish taking you apart.

(grunts) Magneto's magnetic power,

dismantling my armor with me inside!

(chuckles)

(screams)

Ooh, look.

Hulk find his little fishy.

(grunts)

Sorry.

-(screams) -(grunts)

-(thud) -(grunts)

You no hurt Hulk's friend any more.

(grunts)

(roars)

(grunts)

(Magneto) Quicksilver! Get this green-skinned oaf off of me now!

-Oh! -Ooh!

(pants)

Uh-oh, Hulk dizzy.

Where air go? (pants)

(thud)

(grunts)

(laughs, grunts)

(thud)

Daddy?

What are you doing to my friends?

Her "friends"?

Isn't it obvious? Wanda's been brainwashed!

It may take weeks to reprogram her.

Pietro, keep her from hexing!

Uh! Let go of me, you... you brother, you!

Daddy!

Odin, lift up your feet so I can vacuum under them!

(cries out)

I've given you the best 15 minutes of my life, minus commercial breaks,

and what do I have to show for it?

That's it! I'm canceling the Lutefisk!

Huh?

Somebody crossed my whammy with a mystic shimmy!

(grunting)

(laughs) And that shimmy would belong to yours truly.

(laughs) Enchantress and Odin will stay stuck married for all eternity!

Now, to destroy my dear half-bro Thor, and get that crown.

Oh, poor King Thor. So much responsibility.

Uneasy lies the head that wears the crown, eh, brother?

I... Wha... Uh!

What dost thou mean? I'm not lying down.

Oh, and I can only imagine how much you must miss your old heroic life.

(sighs)

I mean, I'm not even tired. It's daytime.

No!

You stop playing stupid, brother! You should not be king!

I wonder if I'm allowed to leave for bathroom breaks?

(cackling)

(siren wailing)

(crash)

(grunts)

(thud)

(yells)

Didst thou say something?

You dumb bunny! I'm trying to destroy you with my mystic blast!

(gasps)

Not cool, brother.

(Scarlet Witch) Eh, you don't get it!

We're on 24-hour alert in case Wolvie and Falc find Thanos!

And Thor's left us short-handed.

She's babbling, Father.

I say thee nay!

You're always saying "thee nay." Naysayer!

I'm rubber and thou art paste!

Whatever thou sayeth, bounceth off me

and sticketh to thou with haste! So sayeth Thor.

Duh, your teeth are brighter than you are.

Oh! You taketh that back, you horn-helmeted toad!

Make me.

The most powerful Asgardian of all is still my mind slave!

So I'll reclaim the throne the old fashioned way

by destroying both King Thor and Prince Loki!

I did not see this coming.

(Enchantress) Don't just stand there, destroy them already!

For thee, anything, sweet potato pie.

-(grunts) -(groans)

By Odin's mighty mustache,

we mustn't harm a hair on Father's poor mind-controlled head!

Mmm.

Uh-oh!

(grunts)

I'm more worried about my own head, thank you.

Get them!

I summon the Odinforce!

(grunts)

Oh, snap.

Come on, green guy, snap out of it. We need you!

Oil leak. (beeps)

(grunts)

Huh? Oh.

(trills lips)

Hulk got this.

(grunts)

Whew! Thanks. I was getting a leg cramp, and a neck cramp.

Back cramp. Shoulder cramp. Toe cramp. Sacroiliac cramp.

Can you get a cramp in your uvula?

(yawns)

I hope my warranty's still good. (beeps)

Just be glad you don't have a uvula.

Uh, hey, where pointy?

We're gonna save our teammate, Hulk! Time to hero up!

♪ When the bad guys are out, All you have to do os shout now♪

♪ Who's gonna hero up? ♪

♪ Super Hero Squad! Hero up ♪

No take more of Hulk's friends away!

Daddy! Which part of "these are my friends" do you not understand?

Pretty much the whole thing.

(groans)

Stay thy hand, Father! Thou shalt regretteth it in the morning.

I...

cannot.

Oh!

Dear boy.

(gasp) You-you broke my spell?

And my shimmy? Oops!

You!

Who dareth ensourcelle the King of Asgard?

Actually, you're not the king. You married a commoner, remember?

Them's the breaks.

-(gasps) -I divorce thee!

-I divorce thee! I divorce thee! -Whatever.

Father, I believe this doth belong to you.

Now bring me my good Frigga, who has sufferedeth long enougheth.

There, done.

Odin's no good to me as a husband without being king.

(Frigga) You conniving temptress!

Only now that he's not married to you anymore, he's king again!

Huzzah!

Oh! Oh!

I just can't win.

Ah! Welcome to my world.

Oh, well. I've got three episodes of Scandinavian Idol recorded.

Later.

-(crash) -(all gasp)

-(Hulk growling) -(all groaning)

Uh... (nervous chuckle) What are you gonna do?

My friends. (chuckles)

Daughter! We are going home this instant!

Tough love, baby.

I'm not going anywhere with you, Father.

How dare you use that tone of voice with me, young lady?

As long as you're living under my roof, you will live by my rules!

But I'm not living under your roof. I'm a... hero.

(grimaces)

Kids today.

You try to raise them right, you try to set an evil example,

and this is the thanks I get?

Yes, my magnetic homeboy. We must take care

that the unbreakable bond of a father's love

never becomes a shackle, or a tether, or a garrote.

Uh, thou knows what I meaneth.

(stifled sob) I loveth when Father uses big words!

(sobs)

What? Don't look at me, I have allergies.

-I have something in my eye. -Yes.

Make Hulk cry.

Oh, bravo, Father.

I'm touched. Not!

(blows a raspberry)

I don't want to go back to being an evil intern, Daddy.

My home is with the Squaddies.

I'm one of them now.

If you need me, you know where I'll be.

Indeed,

but know this,

If our paths ever cross as hero and villain, I will not hold back!

Me neither.

Come, Quicksilver!

(both gasp)

Oh!

Could you, uh, heroes give us a ride back to Earth?

(nervous chuckle)