Original subtitles

(laughter)

-(groans) -(laughs)

Now, that's comedy.

Zeus, classic sky father.

Oh, Gyros,

deity of tasty things

wrapped in pita bread.

What brings you to Olympus,

home of the Greek Pantheon?

Oy, bad news, My King.

Thor, Prince of Asgard,

has been spending way too much time on Earth.

Oh, he's huge down there.

He's even become bigger than Hercules.

Argh.

Those other supreme beings think they're so hoity-toity.

What, with their fancy Viking hats

and their steel and their big fuzzy vests.

Hercules!

(loud crash sounds)

(chuckles) Oh, snap.

Uh, good boy.

See, Thor? I want you to go to Earth

and pound that high and mighty thunder head

into spanakopita.

We'll show them whose son is better.

Opa!

With this Infinity Gauntlet,

I, Thanos, will rule the universe!

All right, Squaddies, time to hero up.

♪ When the bad guys are out, all you have to do is shout now ♪

♪ Who's gonna Hero up? ♪

♪ Well, they may not get along,

but they're always fighting strong now ♪

♪ Who's gonna Hero up? ♪

♪ Who'll save the day? The Super Hero Squad ♪

♪ They'll Hero up again ♪

♪ Super Hero Squad! Hero up ♪

♪ Wolverine and Hulk are fierce, Thanos ends in tears ♪

♪ When Iron Man joins the fight ♪

♪ Falcon darts in from the sky, Scarlet Witch by his side ♪

♪ Thor's hammer has thunder's might ♪

♪ Who'll save the day? The Super Hero Squad ♪

♪ They'll Hero up again ♪

♪ Super Hero Squad! Hero up ♪

♪ Super Hero Squad! Hero up ♪

♪ Super Hero Squad ♪

(groans)

Odin, come right in.

(strains)

Alas, good sir, Mayor,

Odin can not take this meeting in person.

My Asgardian schedule doth kill.

'Tis this economy.

Yeah, tell me about it.

Super Hero City invested in an island in the South Pacific.

Turned out the island was evil.

The X-Men shot it into space.

Now, the city's broke.

Hath you some vulgar ploy to make money?

And how. I've got this nutty, can't-miss idea for a theme park.

Asgard Land.

Huh? Huh?

Mmm, not so much.

What else hath you?

An official Asgard comic book.

Journey Into Mystery Starring The Mighty Odin.

I'd be the writer.

You? I didn't even know you could read.

Well, let me put it this way.

If had written this episode, we'd all be whole lot funnier.

(Thor) This child-safe playground be now open, so speaks Thor.

Let all exhausted parents abandon their children here

where they can not be hurt nor have any fun.

Hold your applause.

Come, be not shy, children.

Nothing here is dangerous.

(Man) Nothing, say me.

Uh...

Whoa, didst thou get the license of that chariot that hit me?

Hercules, son of Zeus!

Aah, where?

You, you big oaf.

That's right. (laughs)

I am Hercules, the lion of Olympus

and one tough son of a sky father.

(sniffs)

Whew, manly.

Uncultured and disgusting.

But if it's a fight thou wants then it's a fight thou gets.

'Tis about to get real serious, children.

Best go home and watch cartoons.

(laughs)

Opa!

Well, well, well, lookie here.

The pompous snobs from Asgard.

Oh, I say, yokels from Olympus,

we Asgardians live not in your trailer parks.

Nice shot, Dad.

Ha, this is you.

(vocalizes)

-(laughs) -(gasps)

(chuckles) Good, Dad

War! Asgard declares war on Olympus!

Uh, Father Odin, thou might want to turn it down a notch.

Not now!

(both strain)

No! Olympus declares war on Asgard!

Hey, hey, don't fight here, guys.

You'll demolish half the city.

We can't afford it.

Can't Asgard and Olympus solve problems the old fashion way?

A contest of champions?

I say, a competition.

By my leave, a grand idea.

-(sighs) -(laughs)

Sif's overbite.

So be it, a contest to be held on Mount Olympus.

A contest of champions.

Boy, if I could sell tickets to this fight,

my city's money problems would be over.

Bing.

(Mayor) Sue, when they wouldn't let me into your wedding,

-I didn't hold a grudge. -(Sue) I know.

When Johnny and Ben crashed a Fantastic Car into my house,

I didn't complain.

You're right.

When Reed knew my kid was a Skrull and forget to tell me

till after the Bat Mitzvah.

I get it. I get it. I owe you.

But the rules say, no one can take pictures on Mount Olympus.

Yeah, yeah, right.

No one can be seen taking pictures.

You know, an invisible person can take all pictures they want.

Or in this case, video.

Live video so I can sell the pay-per-view rights.

Oh, Susan Storm Richards, your city needs you.

(sighs)

Okay, Mr. Mayor.

(Thor) Ah, there. 'Tis well I pack light.

Only the essentials.

Hair products, hammer polish, GPS.

Yeah, right.

Hey, is there any way I can tag along?

Nay, Reptil, my Jurassic friend.

This be an unofficial mission.

This battle be Thor's and Thor's alone.

Aah, Father.

Wouldst thou maybe knock before coming in?

I merely come to drop this off.

Hachi-Machi.

A new costume.

Yeah!

Yes, wear it proudly, scion of Asgard

and make your father proud in turn.

Now, hie thee to Olympus.

Your destiny awaits, Thor.

By Balder's sweet popcorn.

Thor hast need for a full-length mirror.

(snickers)

(Thor) Me thinks I should have sprung for the roller bag.

Mop the floor with them, Thor.

Have a good trip. Don't drink the water.

Hulk don't understand.

So long, friend Wolverine.

Watch your back, bub.

Ciao for the nonce, friends.

Huzzah!

Oh! Hulk forgot to ask big hammer to bring back t-shirt.

(chitters)

(purrs)

By Odin's extra crispy take-out.

A red chicken!

Uhh, Compsognathus.

One of my smallest dinos.

Reptil, my friend, thou canst not be here.

Olympians doth barbeque chickens.

I won't be a chicken.

Brave lad.

Well, how about a couple of eggs before you switch back?

This was almost as bad as flying coach.

(Zeus) Thor and Hercules will compete in the legendary five labors.

(beeping)

How insulting, I'm working in television.

You amuse me, Asgard clown.

My place is on the victory stand,

or perhaps somewhere with a flagon of punch

and several adoring chicks.

Woo-hoo.

Laten these proceedings no longer,

ogre-necked and disturbingly hairy lout.

The Prince of Asgard will put you in your place.

The first challenge,

defeat the Stymphalian birds.

Ha, there be no challenge in Stymphalian birds.

Quick question. What are Stymphalian birds?

(chitters)

(screeches)

Hitchcock was right.

(cries out)

Dude, these birds aren't even the big ones.

(screeches)

Farewell, Thor.

(laughs)

Oh, boy.

By the eternal flame,

I say thee nay

(grunts)

(screeches)

(laughs)

Mjolnir, let us end this perilous affront.

(cries out)

(chuckles)

One bird brained.

Now, to defeat the others...

Ones?

Opa!

(snickers)

The winner of the first challenge, the clearly superior Hercules.

Ooh, ain't that kick in Pantheon.

(sighs)

And now the second challenge.

Defeat the dreaded eight-headed Hydra.

The one who comes out of the cave with the Hydra's head wins.

Well, don't just stand there flexing, go.

Go!

(blows landing)

(cheers)

(Odin) Oh, go, Thor.

'Tis done.

One head of Hydra.

Uh, Thor, that's not its head.

It's not?

I see, but there were eight of them.

-Ew. -(gags)

That was just gross.

(Scarlet Witch) Thor's already lost the first two competitions.

If he loses one more event, that'll be the best of five.

And then Hercules will win the contest.

If you lose one more challenge,

then Zeus... I mean, Hercules will win.

Do not let that happen, son of me.

The glory of Asgard lives or dies at thy hand.

Man, pressure, huh?

Verily, I told thee.

So things haven't gone your way.

You can still pull this off. Come on, let me help.

I can be your coach.

Thou truly believeth I may triumph?

Hey, do not question your coach!

-Now, drop and give me 30. -Easy.

(chuckles) Sorry, I got a little carried away there.

Behold the third challenge.

(sniffs, groans)

What monstrous odor is this?

(horse whinnies)

(Zeus) Clean the wretched Augean stables.

(laughs)

Aw, this challenge is a snap.

I'll simply redirect the river.

Uhh, sorry to tell you this, but the river's dried up.

No river?

Oh, why doesn't anybody tell me these things?

Hold still. 'Tis for your own good.

(strains)

Powder. Clip.

(gasps)

Snap out of it, Thor.

You're too worried about what your dad thinks.

You're right, I am the Prince of Asgard

and the powers of thunder are mine to command.

(horses whinny)

Thor wins the challenge!

Scoreboard!

Yes.

Yeah!

Nice.

And now the forth challenge.

The obstacle course.

(bell dings)

(chuckles)

Yeah, welcome back, buddy.

Come on, come on, Thor. You got this!

(strains)

Ooh, spoon.

(strains)

Oh, if I had some bacon, I would be done.

(snarls)

Ooh.

Come on, Thor. Come on.

(cheering)

Hold that lead, Thunder bub.

(cheers)

(both straining)

(grunts)

(gasps)

(strains)

(sack tears)

Hey! (pants)

Huzzah!

(all) Go, Thor, go!

All right, yeah!

Woo-hoo!

My son.

I have no son.

(thunder crashes)

(laughs)

Hmm, what is he up to?

(Gyros) Oh, the contest is tied and everyone will gather here

for the fifth challenge.

(laughs)

The perfect place for Odin and Zeus to meet their end.

And with them gone, Loki will reign supreme.

(laughs)

(camera beeps)

(grunts)

Isn't that right, Invisible Woman?

(strains)

Isn't it past your bed time? (chuckles)

Mr. Mayor... anyone who can hear this, it's...

Loki is going to...

Sue Richards of the Fantastic Four is on Mount Olympus?

Did... Did she just say Loki?

Sue, what's going on?

(Sue snores)

Cripes, somebody K.O.'d the Invisible Woman.

With the video feed down,

there's no telling what else is happening on Mount Olympus.

Oh, there's a way. Come on, Hulk.

Let's go get you that t-shirt.

Goodie, goodie, goodie, goodie.

HERBIE, prep the new helicarrier on open a dimensional rift.

Everyone else, Hero up!

♪ When the bad guys are out,

♪ All you have to do is shout now, who's gonna Hero up? ♪

♪ Well, they may not get along, but they're always fighting strong now ♪

♪ Who's gonna Hero up? ♪

♪ Who'll save the day? The Super Hero Squad ♪

♪ They'll Hero up again ♪

♪ Super Hero Squad! Hero up ♪

♪ Super Hero Squad! ♪

(Iron Man) Okay, Squaddies, let's spread out and find Sue.

Oh, what, you come to gloat?

Save your breath. I can still beat you.

Nay, nay, easy, easy.

Not to gloat. You merely seem sullen.

Yeah, my father keeps hassling me, bro.

Aye, mine as well. Mine as well.

'Tis our fathers who want this more than us.

(vocalizes)

Zeus keeps trying to relive his past glories through me.

Like I want to be Zeus 2.0, the sequel, you know?

Father's always get carried away with this stuff. 'Tis true.

Don't let it get you down, my hirsute brother.

In the end, he's not Hercules. Get ready. You are!

-Yeah. -Be your own man.

Or in your case, be your own half mortal, half mythic deity.

-Huh? -The fifth and final challenge,

the taming of Cerberus.

Aah, come, it doth be go time.

Well, there's supposed to be a three-headed dog there.

Gyros, what is the meaning of this?

I gave him away.

He wasn't house trained if you know what I mean?

Gyros? You don't get it.

There is no Greek deity of tasty things wrapped in pita bread.

There is only the Trickster of Asgard.

(laughs)

Loki!

Oh, good, you're wearing the hats I gave you.

-(both gasp) -Zeus and Odin,

come together as one and destroy your sons.

(laughs)

(both) Father!

Odin and Zeus?

But together they're too powerful.

Nay, everyone has a weak spot.

Odin and Zeus's weak spot stands yonder.

Keep our all fathers busy.

Loki is mine.

Bring it on, brother.

-But your efforts will be all for not. -(roars)

Do you hear me? Not!

(laughs)

(yells)

You've lost, Thor.

Asgard and Olympus belong to me.

(laughs)

Not.

(strains)

We do you not yield?

Because Thor fighteth not for Thor.

Thor fights for Asgard.

Thor fights for Midgard.

And Thor fights for Odin.

(cries out)

Whoa!

(loud crash sounds)

Oh, about time they got here.

Hulk want t-shirt!

(grunts)

(Mr. Mayor) Sue... Sue, are you there?

Mr. Mayor, I'm fine.

Why aren't you behind the camera?

We're missing all the action.

Brother... (chuckles)

...how good to see you.

This battle endeth here.

(laughs)

(grunts)

(groans)

(groans) Bye now. (body thuds)

Whoa, that be one bad headache.

You know, at some point,

we really should complete the fifth challenge.

I say nay. No more challenges.

The contest is over and it's a tie.

Hercules and Thor are winners both.

Yeah, Hercules agrees.

Congratulation, Thor.

Could or sons have acted wisely?

(groans)

The good guys win again. Enough said.

Hulk went to Mount Olympus

and all Hulk got was this lousy t-shirt. (chuckles)

(Hercules) Once more into battle, Thor-o.

No fathers, no witnesses, and no ties.

Verily, this time we finish.

-Have at thee. -(music plays)

Let's see who shreddeth the most.

Take it to the rainbow bridge.

Odin, five golden cows on my boy.

Oh, let them be, Zeus.

Thor hath won a greater prize this day. His father's respect.

Hmm, I suppose we should settle this feud ourselves.

Aye, or we could go punish Loki?

I call first hits.

(clears throat)

Oh, come on, Thor. If you let me broadcast this,

I'll give you 40% of the profits.

All right, 30%, but that's my final offer.

(cries out)

Okay, 20%. Take it or leave it.