Original subtitles

(Dr. Doom) No, it is just so much fun

to hold the whole world in your hands and crush it.

(cackles)

Give me, give me, give me.

(cackles) Yes!

(MODOK cackles)

Where is Team Toxic?

(MODOK) Team Toxic, present and accounted for...

Pyro, Zzzax and Glue Gun Guy. Ya-ya.

Hey! That's Paste Pot Pete, and you know it, MODOK

Hey, didn't you get fired?

Well, not exactly. Ha!

There were extenuating circumstances,

legal issues, licensing concerns,

-a Canadian boycott... -(Dr. Doom) Stop!

Too boring.

Uh! Yes, sir.

Team Toxic, time to implement a new plan of attack.

Uh, quick question.

Does it involve cats? Because I'm allergic.

(Dr. Doom) I have created a giant sieve

that is currently in low orbit above the city.

-Neat. -Cool.

(Dr. Doom) Now, I want you, Team Toxic,

to construct this super spinner

and place it here atop the globe,

so the machine will spin the Earth faster and faster,

and then, it will stop it suddenly. (cackles)

Super Hero City will fly into the sieve,

which will catch all of the fractals.

Oh, it is genius!

(Paste Pot Pete coughs) Yeah.

The super spinner was my idea, thank you.

I drew up the plans.

(Dr. Doom) You're welc... Ooh, silence!

It was my idea.

Dr. Doom shares credit with no one. No one!

You got schooled.

The machine's ready to roll.

So are we.

The giant sieve is in place.

All systems are go.

Excellent.

-(klaxons blare) -(Dr. Doom cackles)

(Dr. Doom's cackling continues)

(Doom) With that Infinity Sword, I will rule the universe.

All right, Squaddies! Time to Hero Up!

♪ When the bad guys are out All you have to do is shout now ♪

♪ Who's gonna Hero Up? ♪

♪ Well, they may not get along ♪

♪ But they're always fighting strong now ♪

♪ Who's gonna Hero Up? ♪

♪ Who'll save the day? The Super Hero Squad! ♪

♪ They'll Hero Up again! ♪

♪ Super Hero Squad! Hero Up ♪

♪ Super Hero Squad! Hero Up ♪

♪ Wolverine and Hulk are fierce ♪

♪ Dr. Doom ends up in tears ♪

♪ When Iron Man joins the fight ♪

♪ Falcon darts in from the sky Silver Surfer by his side ♪

♪ Thor's hammer has thunder's might ♪

♪ Who'll save the day? The Super Hero Squad! ♪

♪ They'll Hero Up again! ♪

♪ Super Hero Squad! Hero Up ♪

♪ Super Hero Squad! Hero Up ♪

♪ Super Hero Squad! Hero Up ♪

♪ Super Hero Squad! ♪

I hate those Squaddies!

(Pyro) Crikey, what went wrong?

(Iron Man laughs)

Looks like someone fried a circuit breaker.

Oh, it was me. Imagine that.

Oh, crud.

You guys didn't really think

you could build something like that and we wouldn't notice, did you?

Build what? I don't see anything.

(Pyro) Oh, well, waltz my Matilda. Where'd that come from?

(Wolverine growls) Right.

Can't we just beat them now?

Ha-ha! Thou speaketh Thor's language!

Mine, too. All right, Squaddies, let's Hero Up!

♪ Who'll save the day? ♪

♪ The Super Hero Squad! ♪

♪ They'll Hero Up again! ♪

♪ Super Hero Squad! Hero Up ♪

(laughs)

Don't get cocky, kid.

Onward!

(yells)

Suit overloading. Rerouting circuits.

Aah! Reroute! Reroute!

The Prince of Asgard guffaweth at your feeble attempt to shock him.

Guffaweth, I say.

Now, taste real lightning.

Unh!

Mommy.

(Pyro yelling)

(Thor) Thou are trapped, villain.

Eat hammer, foul fiend.

Huh! Mine hammer?

(Paste Pot Pete laughs) Got you. What's the matter, blondie?

Stuck on your hammer, or stuck on yourself?

Whoa!

I am be-glued!

Time for a little payback, thunder lord.

Rerouting's complete.

Hold your breath people, here comes Iron Man.

Aah!

Many thanks. Let us finish this!

Hooah!

(Paste Pot Pete screams)

Ah! We don't have any choice.

We have to hit the self-destruct button.

Din-dunce-dan.

Uh-oh, sorry.

No, no, no, I think it works.

(radio announcer) It's another scorcher here in Super Hero City.

Temperatures are going to reach an all-time high.

Whatever you do, stay cool.

(Captain America) All right Hulk, let's get hupping. Got work to do.

Cleaning this fountain will be fun,

Good and good for you.

It's all part of my plan to beautify Super Hero City.

So, let's get cleaning, big fellow.

You did volunteer, remember?

Community service is good for everyone.

Hulk not volunteer.

Lobster put Hulk's name on list.

Hulk hate water. Hulk hate Lobster, too.

Hulk, Americans don't hate on our friends.

And water is definitely our friend, from sea to shining sea.

Come on, climb in. Give it a try.

-It might help you cool off. -Ugh!

Hulk hate water.

I hate hot weather. It only means one thing.

People will want stuff. Cold stuff.

(cell phone rings)

Wait a minute. Iceman.

(man) Dude! Come over and fill my cooler with ice,

'cause we're having a party.

Man!

(man 2) Iceman, is that you? It's so hot out today.

Can you stand over here and blow a cool breeze on me or something?

That's it. No more Mr. Ice Guy.

I now proclaim this my Icy Cave of Being Aloneness.

Hello, I'm Dr. Val Ventura,

also known as Flatman.

Welcome to the conference on global warming.

My assistant Reptil isn't a super genius like me,

so please forgive him if he says anything silly.

Let's begin.

(Flatman) Mr. Sun, as seen here,

has gotten angry with poor Mrs. Earth

and has decided to turn up the heat.

Uh, wait, Flatman.

Global warming is about greenhouse gases.

You know, pollution that comes from our cars and factories.

It traps the heat from the sun.

You're welcome to your opinion,

but you're wrong.

-Ugh! -Look at my powerful drawings.

-Mr. Sun is so mean. Grrr. -Ugh!

(Iron Man) Wait a microtesla.

Why would you put a self-destruct button on this machine?

It makes no sense.

So you cannot get your filthy hero hands on it.

Uh, we don't want it.

Are you sure? I mean, it's a really great machine.

It spins the Earth really fast.

Oh, you got to want it!

Yeah.

Ha-ha! I can just see it now, Iron Man.

(Glue Gun Guy) You're all like, "What a great machine!

I got to have it."

And we're like, "No, you can't."

And you're like, "But it's just so awesome.

Hand it over."

And I'm, like, pressing the self-destruct button

and destroying the whole thing. Boom!

And then, I'm like, "Ha-ha-ha-ha! In your face!"

But we want it destroyed.

You do?

-(villains weep) -Are you guys crying?

I am, and so is Zzzax.

(crying continues)

There's no crying in super villain land!

Team Toxic, my tuchus. More like Losers' Legion.

Well... well, we may be losers, but we're sore losers!

(Wolverine) Oh, smooth move, glue for brains.

You just melted the polar ice cap.

Uh, is that good?

See for yourself.

Hulk hate you. Hulk hate you, stupid water!

Mrs. Earth has this lovely head of icy white hair.

It's going to be a long time

before the polar ice caps could possibly melt.

Huh! Or maybe a little sooner.

There's nothing to be afraid of, Hulk.

Say it with me, water is good. Water is good.

Water is... Uh-oh!

I may have spoken too soon.

Hulk hates you, water.

When faced with danger, Hulk, Americans always...

We must overcome our fears, big fellow, and help others.

Hulk not afraid, Hulk hate,

because Hulk not float.

(yells)

Oh, that is a problem.

Okay, global warming is bad.

But it won't get any worse.

Ugh!

(sighs)

(Iron Man) Those rising waters will submerge the entire planet.

Job one, save lives.

Ms. Marvel, Thor, you two are in charge

of rescue operations.

Good hunting. Uh, rescuing. You know what I mean.

So says I.

Onward.

Over there, Hulk. A tax payer stranded on a rooftop.

Hulk helping. Hulk happy.

Okay, looks like it's going as well as it can under the circumstances,

which leaves me with the real challenge...

putting the earth back together.

For my plan, I'm going to need two things.

First, I need to reverse that melting process

with a freezing process.

I need Iceman.

Looking good, Jean.

-Iceman. -(Iceman) No.

Iceman, come out. I need your help.

No. Go away.

Come on, Icy. The polar icecaps have melted

and the world is underwater.

Yeah, right. I've heard that one before.

-You have? -Five times today.

That's because it's true.

You probably just want me to make popsicles,

like the last time it was really hot outside.

Hey, come on, those were fudgesicles,

and that was a special request by the Mayor.

I don't care.

I'm not coming out of my Icy Cave of Being Aloneness.

Leave me alone.

You leave me no choice, Suzy snowflake.

I'm coming in there, dragging you out.

Do what you got to do, IM.

I just know it's some kind of joke.

It's always a joke.

Like the time Thor wanted to take Valkyrie ice-skating in July,

or the time Falcon tricked me into making

it snow inside S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters.

Both times, I was tricked by free donuts. Both times.

Huh!

Hey, Iceman, I got to jet.

No hard feelings.

I'm leaving some free donuts

outside your door with that special icing.

-You'll love it. It's a gift. -Donuts? Where are the donuts?

Always falling for the free donuts trick. Whoa!

Whoa! You weren't lying about the ice caps melting.

What can I do to help?

You can freeze everything, and fast.

Fast may not be fast enough. We may be too late to stop it.

Velociraptor legs.

Yeah!

Um, Flatman, we'd better get to higher ground.

Nonsense. The waters won't get any higher.

I refuse to believe that global warming could possibly...

(blubbers)

Sheesh. I've heard of the head-in-the-sand approach.

This is more like head-under-the-water.

Brachiosaur tail.

(sighs)

(crowd speaking indistinctly)

Fear not, we shall save you.

I hope.

I just have to think of how.

(Captain America) Hero up, Thor.

And get a haircut. You look like a hippie.

Hulk help.

(Hulk bubbling) Hulk hate water.

(giggling)

(Iceman) This is the second part of your big plan?

Huh! I should have stayed home in my Icy Cave of Being Aloneness.

Watch and learn, Iceman. This is how I roll.

Danger is my middle name. Living on the edge.

Yes? Oh, it's you, rust bucket.

(Iron Man) Dr. Doom. I know we've been mortal enemies in the past...

And by the past, I mean, well, just yesterday.

But even if we have fought each other

with the burning hatred and bitterness

of a thousand red hot suns,

that's no reason we shouldn't come together now,

in this moment of global crisis to save our planet.

If you could hand over the schematics,

control sequence codes to giant sieve and big machine,

it would be just...

Don't think so.

And I was supposed to watch and learn what, exactly?

I want those schematics.

(laughing)

-(Hulk growling) -Stop, stop. Hey, that's not...

Doom is all yours, IM.

Give them to me.

What the heck?

Doom-bot.

Yes, but I am the real thing.

(Iron Man) Look at you and your stupid metal suit.

That's the dumbest-looking thing I've... What? Never mind.

(both roaring)

Oh! I just had this cleaned.

Deploy flares.

Oh, nuts.

Here, take the schematics.

Take them, take them, take them.

(Dr. Doom yelling)

(thud)

(Iron Man) Hello, I'm talking to supervillains in the neighborhood.

Do you have a few minutes?

I know we've been enemies in the past.

When I say past, I mean, well, just this morning.

But I'm asking you for the good of the planet

to rebuild the giant machine as quickly as possible.

See, see?

I told you, you guys wanted it.

So there. (laughs)

In your face, Iron Man,

in your robot-like face.

Oh, boy, that felt good.

-You finished? -Yeah, pretty much.

Good. I got these schematics from Dr. Doom.

Oh, you wanted the schematics?

I have a copy right here, since the super spinner was my idea.

I would've given them to you right away.

Oh, fine. We've got a lot of work to do.

(Iron Man) We need to reverse the polarity of the spinner

so that it spins on its own axis,

thereby creating a giant whirlpool.

This will drain the excess waters back to the pole.

After that, it'll be up to Thor and you, Iceman.

Yeah.

Ha-ha! Yeah. Burn, baby, burn.

-(laughs) -Attaboy.

(sniggers)

(ship's horn blows)

Iron Man, the ships are full.

We still got a lot of stranded people in big trouble here.

Whatever it is you're going to do, I suggest you do it fast.

Roger that, Wolvie. We're ready.

Don't call me Wolvie.

Villains, let's crank this up.

Yeah.

(beeping)

(citizens cheer)

Hang in there, Hulk.

This looks like a job for Captain America.

Hup, hup, hup, hup, hup...

Iceman, Thor, you're up.

Prepare thyself, mine frosty friend.

-Okay. -For lo, the storm doth cometh.

(chortles)

(citizens cheer)

Don't worry chum, I've been there.

It's no picnic.

Hup, hup, hup, hup.

(Flatman) And, that, my esteemed friends and colleagues,

is why global warming simply does not exist.

Did I mention that the earth was flat?

(sighs)

(Paste Pot Pete) Oh, ha-ha...

Oh, I can't wait to see the look on Iron Man's face

when we self-destruct that baby one more time.

Woo-hoo! He-he! High-five. Ha! Ugh!

Oh! Sorry. It's the glue.

And now, for the big finish.

(beeping)

-Oh, crikey. -(beeping)

(Paste Pot Pete) Oh, this can't be good.

(Iceman) I can't believe Team Toxic thought you wouldn't notice them

putting a self-destruct device on the big machine.

Yeah, but I'm kind of glad they did.

Because sometimes,

what makes life worthwhile are the little things.

Hey, I wonder what happened to Hulk and Captain America?

(Hulk) Ah, ah, ah...

(Hulk sneezes)

Ew! And this looks like

a job for Captain America's

hanky doodle dandy. Ugh!

Ah, ah, ah...

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

(Hulk sneezes)

Hey-o. You bent my tiny head-wing.

(theme music playing)