Original subtitles

Ladies and gentlemen,

you're about to see why absinthe is illegal in the United States.

What I would like you to do...

...Is take a deep breath in through your nose...

...and let it out as we go.

- Thank you, you bastard. Thanks. - All our money?

Our tickets, our "pastards."

This is why Paris... Uh... This is why... Fuck, sorry.

Oh, fuck, I forgot the line.

- Sorry. Sorry. - Pardon.

- Sorry. - Pardon.

- Oh, fuck, I'm sorry. - Pardon.

She's... Sorry about that.

You're so fucking clumsy.

Look. Look at this picture.

No more hitting me in the testicles.

Administer the testicle clamps!

Shh. Recording.

Fuck me. Sorry.

Sorry, what do I say? What do you say when you...?

I'm gonna rip away his pants and look at his dick, okay? Okay.

- Heh, heh. - Ready? Quick, shut up.

Sorry, sorry, sorry.

Sorry, I fucked it up. Keep going, keep going.

Okay, right. Okay, okay. All right.

Welcome to Club Vandersexxx...

...Amsterdam's most erotic club...

...where your every fantasy will be fulfilled.

Let's get ugly!

That is the one and only special feature for the DVD.

Now with more embarrassing footage.

This is a dead rabbit. I'm gonna show it to Michelle.

I'm Fred Armisen. See you on the set.

Oh, no, fuck.

Shake that ass.

Whoo!

Shake it. Look at me.

Argh!

Oh, okay, take it.

Take it all, you dirty girl.

Take it. Take it all, you dirty girl.

- I wish. Can I be a real girl today? - Not today.

This will end badly.

For you and your... I'm completely fucking it up. Sorry.

I heard two years ago, Nicky Jager's... Fuck.

This will end badly.

And your super-size imperial... Oh, shit.

Wow, awful, start again.

And your super-size imperial... Oh, shit.

Can you say, "What the fuck did I do last night?"

Uh! Mm.

Oh, fuck. Oh, I'm sorry.

Shit. You don't have to run like that, you could, uh...

Shit, what could she do?

Administer the testicle clamps!

Check these out! I'm 18 years old!

The sheer joy, the gratitude for being who you are and where you are.

Oh, that's some pretty fucked-up shit.

Oh, love you. I love you!

And knowing how to love is really knowing how to love your life...

...and be grateful for all that you are.

Om...

Help me. No.

Om...

I'm sorry.

Sorry. Sorry.

Don't rub your junk.