Original subtitles

(Dr. Doom) Oh, the cursed superheroes. (grunting)

Fools! Doom will prevail!

Oh! Stalemate.

Deadlock. Attrition.

(inhales) Months spent gathering fractals and still,

no closer to rebuilding the Infinity Sword.

Right, Mommy Doom?

Why do cheaters never prosper?

(sobbing)

(Woman) My, somebody woke up grouchy.

Ahhh! Mommy dearest?

(woman laughs)

Oh, Enchantress.

Haven't you Asgardians interfered enough in my affairs?

Oh, great. Another one.

Mint me.

Ah.

Thank you, Skurge.

Go play with the Supervillains.

I can shift the balance of power

between you and the Superhero Squad.

Doom will rule.

Yes, really? What do you have in mind?

Sorcery?

Love.

Ugh!

What has love got to do with me?

For many years, Doctor, my wicked heart has burned for Odin's son, Thor.

I've conjured an Asgardian Love Lutefisk.

A portable, powerful spell to make Thor fall hard

for the first person he sees.

Namely me, Amora, the Enchantress.

Hmm, I see.

And then with Thor under your power,

you can turn him.

It's what I do best.

And when Thor comes to the side of evil...

Excellent!

Without Thor's bite, the Superhero Squad

cannot keep me from the Infinity Fractals!

-Yes. -(laughing)

Yes, yes, but...

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

What do you get out of this?

(laughs)

I get Thor.

(Doom) With that Infinity Sword, I will rule the universe!

All right, Squaddies. Time to Hero Up.

♪ When the bad guys are out All you have to do is shout now ♪

♪ Who's gonna Hero Up? ♪

♪ Well, they may not get along But they're always fighting strong now ♪

♪ Who's gonna Hero Up? ♪

♪ Who'll save the day? The Super Hero Squad ♪

♪ They'll Hero Up again ♪

♪ Super Hero Squad! Hero Up! ♪

♪ Wolverine and Hulk are fierce ♪

♪ Dr. Doom ends up in tears ♪

♪ When Iron Man Joins the fight ♪

♪ Falcon darts in from the sky Silver Surfer by his side ♪

♪ Thor's hammer Has thunder's might ♪

♪ Who'll save the day? The Super Hero Squad ♪

♪ They'll Hero Up again ♪

♪ Super Hero Squad! Hero Up! ♪

♪ Super Hero Squad! Hero Up! ♪

♪ Super Hero Squad! ♪

I hate those Squaddies!

Yes, yes! (laughing)

Thor? Thor?

Big, blond, oaf of a hero?

-(cackles) -Why?

Mmm, you should've seen him in high school.

(rock music playing)

Behold my power chord prowess.

My lead playing hath no equal.

-(giggles) -Yeah, we doth rock so hard.

(giggles) Can I be in your video?

Nay, witch. Thou dost headbang like a girl.

Now be gone lest thou detract from my mighty rocking.

More cowbell! Thus spoke Thor!

(sobs) To be spurned so by the very oaf you love.

Oh, it burns. (sobbing)

Very well. I'll take the universe and you get Thor.

(chuckles) Win-win. (laughs)

Your nose is dripping, dear.

(sniffles)

Amora, my crush object,

when whilst thou cease thine endless idolatry

of that highborn Thunderer, Thor?

Soon, Enchantress will be mine.

For this day, I will be rid of Thor forever.

So sayeth Skurge, the Executioner.

(alarm blaring)

(Ms. Marvel) Iron Man. Come in, Iron Man.

Need some backup, Ms. Marvel?

Doom's brought Fin Fang Foom out from underground,

and he's taking another run at the the Great Wall.

Don't panic. Hulk and the Surfer are just a minute away.

(Woman roars)

Fear not, fellow warrior woman. Help is on the way.

(whistles) On second thought, I better handle her myself.

"It" myself, the mission.

See how I stand here with my arms folded defiantly?

Odin hath decreed otherwise, mortal.

Oh, my son.

(startled scream) Odin, my father, what brings thine enormous

and disturbingly transparent head to Earth?

Be not a dufus, child.

Frigga, your mother, is concerned.

Thou must meet a nice Asgardian girl and soon,

or even an Olympian girl, as long as she is mythic.

Guess again.

So you say, but know this.

Valkyrie Brunhilde of Asgard now lives nearby.

Brunhilde, you say?

Yeah, I remember her from school.

Mousy little thing, overbite,

cool chariot, but no subwoofer.

Hotchie motchie.

Yon Valkyrie hath... (coughs) filled out.

Tell me you shall call her, Thor.

You betcha.

Though she knoweth it not, the Valkyrie is mine.

Oh, yeah, that just happened.

Oh, if that's how you feel, tough.

First come, first served.

No, thou didn't.

(roars)

Soon you super pin-heads will be sorry you ever messed with the Lethal Legion.

Mr. Abomination, tear down this wall.

Yeah. (laughing)

And just who are you?

Call me Valkyrie, earthling.

Come on. Let's rearrange lizard-breath's ugly face.

With pleasure, mine ally.

Hark, yo, and so forth.

Cranky-pants and Valkyrie, mind if we join you?

(whinnies)

(groans)

S.H.I.E.L.D. priority arrest, scuzzbuckets.

(Iron Man) Looks like another win for the good guys.

Welcome to Super Hero City, Valkyrie.

I'd love to take you and your pretty pony out for some dinner.

Be you Tony Stark, the Iron Man of legend?

Nay, I be the Iron Man with opera tickets.

I saw they were performing Ride of the Valkyries tonight,

and I thought of you, very hummable, very Wagnerian.

(sighs)

Isn't that smooth? I mean, sweet?

Oh, your failure to protect the Infinity Sword

hath placed the entire cosmos in grave peril.

All yours, Thor.

Now's my chance.

Thor will fall hopelessly in love

with the next person he sees, me.

Love Lutefisk away!

(mumbling) Oh, look. A quarter.

Ahhh!

Ooh.

Ahhh!

Oh, MODOK.

Uh, those eye rays are new.

You must stop. Hey! What the...

MODOK, I love you!

That is disturbing.

Love hath smitten Miss cranky-pants

in the most unfavorable way.

(panting) Wow.

MODOK, I love you!

Aw, how cute.

(groans) Oofta.

(kissing sounds)

OK. That's it. I'm struggling.

It's even better when you help.

Which eye do I gaze into?

Uh, all of them.

Ugh, I have seen many a gruesome sight in battle,

yet I may be ill.

You're letting me go with just a ticket?

(laughs) No. I know I have standing orders to neutralize you,

but you're just such a cuddle bug.

A love ticket.

-I'm confused. -Isn't it great?

Here's my private S.H.I.E.L.D. frequency.

Call me on it.

And MODOK, do not stand up a federal agent.

(laughs) I'm just kidding. Kind of.

Now give baby some sweet and sour.

Oh, avert thine eyes.

Ugh, keep your good guy germs to yourself.

Mmm, love you! (giggling)

Do you all think MODOK is as dreamy as I do,

or is he even dreamer?

Isn't life wonderful?

The only thing stranger than Ms. M having a crush

is Ms. M having a crush on MODOK.

(retching) That's just twisted.

Which remindeth me. (chuckles) Valkyrie?

Oh, what an Asgardian.

Thor must hang out with yon warrior woman again.

And pronto, Tonto.

Huh, all previous calculations have been thrown off

by Ms. M and her new romance factor.

(Thor) Uh... (gasps)

This data is so disgusting, the computer won't accept it.

And neither can I.

♪ The sun Is shining brighter ♪

♪ Rain clouds blow away ♪

♪ It's as though The whole world ♪

♪ Knows what I want to say ♪

♪ You make me feel so happy ♪

♪ Turn the gray sky blue ♪

♪ You're the cherry On my sundae ♪

♪ I think you feel it, too ♪

(vocalizing)

♪ Because love, Love, love, love ♪

♪ Love is a wonderful thing ♪

♪ You know, love, love Love, love ♪

♪ Love makes me Dance and sing ♪

♪ It makes me dance and sing ♪

♪ I wake up in the morning ♪

♪ The first thing that I do ♪

♪ Is sing the song of love ♪

♪ About the love I feel for you ♪

♪ Because love, love Love, love ♪

♪ Love is a wonderful thing ♪

♪ You know, love Love, love, love ♪

♪ Love makes me Dance and sing ♪

♪ It makes me dance and sing ♪

♪ You make me feel so happy Every time we kiss ♪

♪ Blue birds can't Stop singing ♪

♪ They want to feel Like this ♪

♪ Because love, love Love, love ♪

♪ Love is a wonderful thing ♪

♪ You know that love Is a wonderful thing ♪

(Thor) If MODOK can get a girl,

surely Odin's most handsome son can.

Mm-hmm. Wow, I wonder if this is rent controlled.

Hello, fair maiden.

Uh, excuse me, Ms. warrior.

I mean, Valkyrie.

Words come hard for a Prince of Asgard like me,

but last night, when I heard you were in town,

my heart soared.

Not sword like the shiny blade you carry, mind you,

but soared as in, "Wee, look at me go."

Zounds.

(groans)

Gad, Skurge.

What evil have you done?

Your school mate hath been frozen solid

courtesy of mine mystic axe.

As she made her dinner, vile villain.

A waste of good Asgardian meatballs.

Frozen food never tastes fresh when thawed.

Hast thou never watched the cooking man shows on the jumping picture box?

Speak not of food, thou blond buffoon.

My heart hungers for the Enchantress,

but we of Asgard Vocational weren't good enough

for you Breidablik students.

For Asgard! Huzzah!

Fool, this be no kind of wonderful.

Yes, I am the Enchantress's fool,

but if I cannot have her, then no one can.

Attack a woman while her back is turned and her food is frozen?

Have at thee, fiend!

(MODOK) Uh, nummy bear?

Yes, candy pants?

I just wanted you to know that these past few days have been a dream.

I am a new MODOK.

A mental organism designed only for kisses.

Oh, baby, you're just like a fat, swollen tick but even cuter.

What did I do? What did I do? What did I do?

Hold it, MODOK. (gasps)

-Leave her alone. -Oh, darn.

Ahhh! Ouch!

Drat.

-(gasps) -She's with me.

(groans)

You leave my sweet, little Modey-Wodey medicine ball alone.

Don't you get it? He's my boyfriend.

(MODOK) That's what I've been saying, honey,

but it's like I'm talking to myself.

You'll find Thor more than a match, brute.

If thou seekest a match, compare thyself to meat in a freezer.

It taketh more than ice to stop the mighty Son of Odin.

(laughs)

Be that so? I'll make you, Thor.

-Says you. -Says I, yes. Have at me.

(together) Have at you. Gesundheit.

Whoa! Gosh, that's warm.

Hot enough for you, runt?

Speweth away all you like, knave.

I useth mine fist.

(screaming)

(grunts and groans)

Ahhh! Why, I ought to...

(Squaddies) Iron Man has a crush on yellow hair.

Iron Man has a crush on yellow hair.

(Iron Man) Will you guys can it?

What does he have that I don't?

You're obsessing, brain bucket.

If Ms. Marvel goes over the wall to Doom,

my job gets a lot harder.

(Hawkeye) Harder than you think.

Hello, Hawkeye. Let me guess.

S.H.I.E.L.D.'s getting involved.

We can only assume Ms. Marvel went evil. We have to take her out.

Yeah, you're right. Wait! I don't want to take her out.

I just don't want MODOK taking her out.

Clean the transistors out of your ears, shellhead.

-(Hulk chuckling) -Marvel knows all of our secrets.

We can't lose her to Doom, or he gets the fractals,

rebuilds the big sword, and the universe is toast.

We've got to destroy Ms. Marvel.

(Modok laughing)

Enchantress, MODOK is wooing Ms. Marvel to the side of evil.

Your plan is going to work.

Perhaps for you.

Look. Come now.

One burly blond is as good as another.

Having a high-ranking S.H.I.E.L.D. official under my control

will be even better than Thor.

Wrong. You have much to learn about affairs of the heart.

Witch, if Doom doesn't know something,

it isn't worth knowing.

(laughing) MODOK, my best minion.

How goes your brilliant "turn Ms. Marvel evil" plan?

Well, let me tell you, Doom, you metal-mouth throne-squatter.

Let me tell you something, see?

I'm checking out of Villainville, see?

And joining the heroes, see?

Of course, I might do a little jail time,

but my gal runs the jail.

Wink, wink, nudge, nudge.

Don't wiggle your eyebrows at Doom.

Back off, Doomy-Doo!

Zap me and I'll sic my super girlfriend on you.

-Ciao. -That freak! Oh! (grumbling)

-Wrong. -(grunts)

(sighs) My prince, all men are my fools save you.

And me.

And Doom.

Why can't I get anyone to pay attention to me?

Um, Enchantress?

Get lost. Can't you see I'm pouting?

(sobbing)

Warm thyself, Valkyrie.

Let Skurge do his worst.

You have but to axe.

To me, Mjolnir. 'Tis all Thor may stand.

Thor standeth no more.

Ahhh!

Val!

(groaning)

Lo...

(groans)

I be a dunderhead.

Hence vocational school and that haircut.

My mad love for Enchantress almost cost an innocent life.

Worse, thine shenanigans hath ruined mine Asgardian meatballs.

Fear not, Miss V. Thor liketh to eat out.

Let us ditch the fool with the tool and find thee some shawarma.

Thor, wouldst thou remove thine helmet?

Mine wicked cool helmet?

Oh, me thinks I'm in.

Take thine thug friend home,

repair the damage to the city,

and never, never return.

At least not without calling first.

In school, oft I did find thee cute,

you know, for a jock.

She touched my hair.

Destroy Ms. Marvel?

-Doesn't that seem a bit harsh? -Fury's orders.

Can't we just whack her on the nose with a newspaper?

Energy tip with an ultimate nullifier sheathing,

guaranteed to down anything short of the Thing.

Oh, my great big, disgusting, evil mastermind,

you're so strong. Yes, you are.

Now that you've gone good, we can get married.

-Shall we say Niagara Falls, kitten? -Meow.

Dude, how can I change your mind?

Allow me. This arrow should remove the spell.

Wait a minute. Enchantress. Of course, it's a love spell.

-Why didn't I see that before? -I beguiled you. Part of my charm.

Just as Hawkeye will now do my bidding and fire this magic arrow.

For you sugar puss, I'd fire a magic howitzer.

I hate magic.

Well, I suppose it beats the alternative.

Whoa. Ah!

-(gasps and groans) -Ahhh!

(laughing) Clumsy human.

-I'm fine. -Thank goodness. Give us a smoochie.

What did you say?

Uh, oh, OK. Hey, whoa, we can take it slow.

Ahhh!

(MODOK) I'll get counseling.

-(Doom) MODOK! -(cat screeches)

You know, Iron Man, the vessel of my heart remains unmanned.

Well, don't burst that vessel, Amora.

Your evil love cooties don't work on every guy.

-(snarls) -See that?

High-tech cootie protection.

I put it there while you were busy beguiling Hawkeye.

(growls) Till we meet again, Iron Man.

Hey, Ms. M, got a second?

There's something inside you need to see.

Tony, don't give me any grief about this.

It's bad enough that witch's spell had me cheating on my boyfriend.

Oh, boyfriend, huh?

He's away on a mission in space.

Mission in space, right. Anyway, don't worry.

The guys know better than to tease a federal agent. Come on.

Yeah, we picked up this surveillance footage

from a place downtown.

How is my little cutesy ootsy,

mushy squishy, fruity booty moo-noo-noo?

(MODOK) Me? I'm your little curtsy oosty, squishy wishy,

fruity booty moo-noo-noo?

-(all laughing) -Fruity booty.

Ew, is that MODOK's drool in your hair?

(Ms. Marvel growls)

(Ms. Marvel groans) Ooh, dang!