Original subtitles

[ thundering ]

[ man ] For some it has been given to know

the secrets of the kingdom of heaven.

But for others, they are in parables.

Breakfast!

[ water running ]

Phillip!

You look nice.

That's because I'm going to church.

I'm not going.

It's my only day off.

Are you gonna come down here

and have a civilized breakfast with your son?

I'll go get him. Thank you.

Dad!

You know how you can feel what's bothering someone

just by looking at 'em?

Dad?

[ blowing raspberry ]

That was Phillip.

♪ Those that can't quite function ♪

♪ In society at large

♪ They're going to wake up on this morning ♪

♪ And find that they're in charge ♪

♪ But those the world's set up for ♪

♪ Who are really doing quite well ♪

♪ They're going to wake up in institutions ♪

♪ In prison or in hell

♪ In prison

♪ Or in hell

♪ Today was supposed to be the day ♪

♪ Molecules decide to change their form ♪

♪ Laws of physics lose their sway ♪

♪ And youthful indiscretion now ♪

♪ Is suddenly the norm

♪ With the good kids sprouting horns ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah

♪ And today was supposed to be ♪

She's upstairs.

♪ Just another day

♪ Today was supposed to be ♪

♪ Just another day

♪ No, no

♪ Today was supposed to be ♪

♪ No, no

♪ Just another day

♪ Oh no

♪ Today was supposed to be ♪

♪ Oh no

♪ Not just another day

♪ It was supposed to be

♪ Today was supposed to be opposite day ♪

Mom?

[ weeping ]

Oh, God.

Sorry.

[ crying ]

I can't do it.

[ woman ] So the sex is not mixed up with love or intimacy

or emotions or connections

or any of that kind of bullshit.

I mean, that notion of love is so pre-Gloria Steinem.

It's so 1950s "mother's little helper,

bake me a pound cake in Gary, Indiana."

[ woman ] Jamie, I know.

I mean, for fuck's sakes, I am a liberated woman here.

I am a postmillennial girl.

Having sex is not something I should be made

to feel guilty about.

I mean, men don't feel bad about it when they do it,

so why should I?

Jamie, you're so right.

[ dinging ]

[ moaning ]

Okay.

Well...

Thank you.

Thank you very much.You're welcome.

You're welcome.

Yeah. Or...

I'm sorry, thank you.

That was, um... that was fine.

So what are you doing later?

It was nice to have met you.

[ sighing ]

It ain't always easy to see the upside of shit.

[ man ] Welcome to the Bordasch/Newman Agency.

Thanks for joining our focus-group family.

Today your moderator is Fred.

What we have is a market- prototype presentation.

It's a mockup, it's not a finished commercial.

What we're doing and what we need your help with

is to figure out

how what you see on the television screen

makes you feel, okay?

And don't pay any attention to the cameras.

Our writers are just observing your reactions

and that's why on the piece of paper that I gave you,

under the heading, "My thoughts,"

we want you to write your thoughts.

Okay?

So let's start.

[ man ] Holzhammer Chowder.

Phillip Katz.

V-2-6-3-F.

[ man ] Sex doesn't have to be confused by love or intimacy

or emotions or connections.

Men don't feel bad about it when they do it.

So why should you?

Mmm...

Holzhammer's Clam Chowder!

Mm-hmm!

Holzhammer's Clam Chowder.

Tastes like a bowl of heaven.

Holzhammer's Clam Chowder.

Tastes like heaven in a bowl.

All right.

Don't forget to indicate which catchphrase appeals to you.

Phillip Katz, I think you have what it takes

to be a Clio Award winner!

But you're not there yet.

Take for instance this commercial you did today.

It's fun, it's zany, it has a hook.

But...

what exactly are you trying to say to the world?

What am I trying to say to the world?

Phil, tonight, I'm gonna ask you to do something.

I want you to stay here in this revered firm,

in this historic downtown building.

I want you to formulate and fulminate and fabricate.

I want you to dream fruitful dreams all night long,

until you come up with exactly what you,

Phillip Katz, junior copywriter extraordinaire,

wants to tell the world--

What you want to tell the world.

About?

Clam chowder?

Resolve the pitch.

Taste the creamiest chowder.

Holzhammer's.

Taste some creamy clam chowder.

[ phone ringing ]

This is Phillip.[ Mrs. Katz ] I don't think it's healthy

for you to go back to work so soon.

Hi, Mom, how are you? I made dinner

and I don't appreciate you letting it get cold.

[ Phillip ] Pestering a chowder, the nagging chowder. Hello?

Are you there? Yeah.

Hello?

Yeah, I'm here.

Your father didn't satisfy me.

He never did.

[ dial tone ]

♪ Come, come like sugar my love ♪

[ man ] Tippy, a furry gerbil that talks.

Everyone loves talking rodents.

More talking gerbil.

Mmm...

♪ These images that burn my eyes ♪

♪ Like the thumb prints of the sun ♪

♪ Oh sugar pill

♪ I believe you

♪ Oh sugar pill

♪ I wanna eat you up ♪

♪ Up, up...

[ Mrs. Katz ] It made your father jealous...

... that I was gonna be a professional.

I left school for him

so he wouldn't feel so bad about himself.

Now look.

♪ Now I am blissed out

♪ I have kaleidoscope eyes ♪

♪ I'm light as cotton

♪ I am wide as the sky ♪

♪ This is where my thoughts come to die ♪

♪ And I am happy [ alarm clock beeping ]

♪ Oh sugar pill

♪ Oh sugar pill oh sugar... ♪

[ man ] Our paths crossed only once,

but we both had a profound effect on each other.

See, most people, they just walk by,

nobody even looks you in the eye anymore.

And they all say the same thing...

"I'll get you on the way out."

[ man ] Are those helping you?

Excuse me?

The pills.

What needs of yours are being met by taking them?

Needs?

Uh... my mom's doctor gave them to me.

Bingo.

Tell the man what he won.

[ chuckling ]

Do you see the difference between the question

I asked you and the answer I got?

I asked you what needs are being met

and you told me your mother's physician said

that they were "permittable."

Hey, lady!

It's not what you are, it's who you are.

I want to see your shoulders back and your chin up

the next time you walk by here

so I know that you're thinking better of yourself.

[ chuckling ]

Ha-ha.

You talk like that to everyone?

Only my disciples.

Wanna enlist?[ change rattling ]

Uh...

I don't have any change.

Let me get you on the way out.

My message was not intended to guilt you

into acting charitable.

Yeah, if we--

You and I can empathize,

if I can tell you how your actions impact my needs.

Let me get my coffee and I'll take care of you.

Thanks-- thanks.

You ought to loosen up that tie.

You wear it like a noose.

The only truth is your own truth!

A noose?

My... my father just-- he just--

He just hung himself.

Congratulations.

[ woman on TV ] Sorry to interrupt your regular scheduled programming,

but we have breaking news here at the Channel 8 desk.

Channel 8, hard news 24/7.

What we are hearing unofficially

is that they are predicting the sun

has anywhere from one week to six months of hydrogen left...

[ woman ] Phillip? ... before it runs out of fuel

and collapses onto itself completely.Phillip Katz?

They have been furiously making calculationsDo you want a receipt?

about the amount of hydrogen

left at the core of the sun and it does not--

The sun's dying, you wanna fuck?

Do you want a receipt?

Yeah.

What did you mean by "congratulations"?

[ man ] Where are my manners?

Gabe.

Phillip Katz.

What's alive in you, brother? Huh?

You see, I used to be a divorce attorney,

pulling people apart

when I could have been putting them together.

Y'know, what I meant is that we are all born preloaded

with the tragedy of our parents dying.

The worst is over.

You're halfway home.

Well, now you don't have to worry about

what he thought about you,

how he made you feel, what he taught you,

how he punished you.

What the fuck did he know anyway?

He took the easy way out.

Now you can be your own man and look to yourself.

[ humming sustained pitch ]

That's the $10 version.

Out of this event,

out of this grief, out of this mourning,

from this corner on,

you will be known to us as

Son of Morning!

Thanks for taking the time to connect with me.

Now go and be the change

you wish to see in this world.

[ dog barking ]

Oh...

[ man ] Returning now to a Channel 5 special report.

Welcome back to our continuing coverage of Planetary Panic.

We know you've got a lot of options to choose from

here in the South Florida area.

[ multiple TVs blaring ]

[ woman on TV ] If it were only for this, Earth would probably

be spared, but new research...

[ man on TV ] ... begin when the core temperature reaches

around 100 million Kelvins.

[ man on TV ] Waves and extreme rainfall events,

floods, possibly wind events, like storms.

More bad news for the ailing sun,

this time out of Belgium.

Climate models predict that over the next five days,

we are likely to see a rise in global average temperatures

of maybe 1 or 1h°...

... all report severe disruptions

in cellular service today,

responsible for global system mobile communication...

[ Phillip ] Mom?

I've taken a job at a coffee shop.

Do you think you're gonna be okay?

I have nobody.

There's a special prayer service for the sun.

I can't go.

I need you to come with me.

In layman's terms, if you would, please, sir,

tell us a little bit about the mechanics

of what's going on with the sun right now.

Well, Jim, there comes a time in the life cycle of every star

when man...

Each man must ask his Father,

his Holy Father,

to forgive him his sins

and to forgive us the sins of humanity,

to quench the fiery storm above

and relieve us of the dangers of the vacuum

of His might.

God has forgotten us,

abandoned us because we have forgotten Him.

We have abandoned Him.

God has forgotten you

because you have forgotten Him

and because you, my children,

have abandoned His church.

All He asks of us, all He asks...

Clam chowder?

... is more talking gerbil.

[ speaking in foreign language ]

[ screaming ]

[ chanting in Latin ]

Holy...

[ all shouting ]

[ Mrs. Katz ] Stop that!

This is a church!

Phillip!

I'm in a church in Boca.

I have a breaking story.

I'm gonna get an interview and this is gonna be big!

This one's for you.

[ man on TV ] Sorry to interrupt, but it looks like

we have some breaking news for you

in an exclusive report from Channel 5

entertainment reporter Josephine Tuttle in Boca Raton.

[ Josephine ] In 1858, it was Lourdes, France,

where Bernadette Soubirous saw the Virgin Mary 18 times.

On October 13, 1917,

it was Portugal where hundreds of spectators

claimed to have seen Our Lady of Fátima in the sky.

Now, almost 90 years later, another miracle has occurred,

this time in the exclusive South Florida resort town

of Boca Raton.

Welcome.

My name is Thomas.

I'll be your concierge

for the duration of your stay with us.

[ Josephine ] There was pandemonium inside

the Third Nicene Church of Boca Raton

where tears of, yes, blood

flowed not from the eyes of the Virgin Mary statue

but from an actual congregation member

known for the moment only as "Phillip."

Come on, come on, come on...

Members of the small ecumenical congregation

came out today to pray for the health of the sun,

but what they found was an entirely different

kind of "son" altogether.

This was the scene just hours ago,

a fervor of hysteria to see, touch and hear

the man that many are already calling a modern-day messiah.

[ siren blaring ]

[ man ] Sir...

[ Thomas ] Sorry, sir, are you still resting?

[ Phillip ] No.

Am I in a hotel?

That you are.

The owner should be arriving in town a week Thursday.

He'd very much like to come up for a meet and greet,

probably be accompanied by his usual

coterie of derelict child stars

and strung-out supermodels.

Should be mildly amusing.

He's footing the bill, so...

You've received a great number of gifts.

Just here in the living room.

[ man on TV ] I'm sure by now you are all familiar with this story...

Oh, my God.

... reporter Josephine Tuttle.

Most of them are from fans.

There are a few from corporate sponsors

wanting endorsements, no doubt.

And there's a delegation from the governor's office

that wants to meet with you.

What's going on? Sir?

What is this?

What is what?

This-- this real?

This is real?

Well, I suppose that really depends on your

definition of reality.

If that's all, sir, have a blessed day.

And you might stay away from the windows.

The Romans are growing restless.

They're running low on bread.

And you are, as I'm sure you've realized by now,

the circus.

[ crowd shouting ]

[ gasping ]

[ doorbell ringing ]

[ knocking ]

I'm sorry, are you in the middle of a bath?

I can wait outside until you're done.

Atmospheric.

You like it atmospheric, huh?

Who are you? Josephine.

Oh, I'm Phillip.

I know.

Did you arrange all this?I did.

I just happened to be at the church,

praying for that sun thing, or against it.

Whatever.

You understand.So you saw what happened.

I did, I saw what happened to you

and I realized immediately

that you were gonna need a friend,

someone to insulate you from the wolves

and the succubi.

Hi, Mrs. Katz.

I'm David from Alchemy Talent.

You spoke to my assistant.

Flew in from the coast on the first red-eye I could catch.

Can I come in and talk?

Sure.

Great.

This is Chad and Jim.

Could they come in, too?

[ Josephine ] I want you to be able to trust me.

There's gonna be many other so-called news journalists

and they're gonna promise you things:

money, trust, confidentiality.

They'd even do things, sexual things.

They're all whores.

I was at the church with you, praying.

I was touched...

... by what you did.

I appreciate all this, I really do, it's amazing.

I just don't think that what they say about me is--

I just think that the blood...

The blood.

... from my eye,

I think it was because I stopped taking

my stress medication.

Oh.

That was not stress.

That was not the result of not taking stress pills.

Forget about those pills.

Don't ever mention those pills again, ever, to anyone.

Okay, I-- I-- I am pretty sure

that I'm not what they think I am.

I'm pretty sure I'm not what you think.

I want to help you.

I want to do a one-hour

exclusive in-studio interview with you.

Just you and me.

And the lighting guy.

The sound guy, the cameraman and the grips.

Just you getting your message across.

You'll have to pull up your breeches

and you have to growsome balls

and just accept your destiny.

Mmm.

Mmm... this is delicious cheese.

Mrs. Katz, we've done a little research.

We know about the refinancing.

We know about the second and third mortgages on this house.

I told him.

I'm not good at finances.

I told him.

What am I, an economist?

Mrs. Katz.

Mrs. Katz.

Mrs. Katz.

Your husband also left a sizable debt in his business.

I warned him every day for years,

but he never listened to me.

Nope.

Your student loans are out of control.

Five graduate degrees.

A Master's in Ornithology.

What is that, even?

Birds.

You are the king now

and the people deserve to know what their king

is dreaming about, don't they?

I've been having a dream.

Mmm, mmm...

Actually, I've been having it over and over again.

What is that, Brie?

Maybe you're right.

Of course I am.

About what?

Maybe my dream has some significance for the world.

I'm sure it's very important.

All told, you're down, give or take,

about a half a million dollars.

I did the best I could.

If I could get ahold of your son...

If you could convince Phillip to sign with us.

Mrs. Katz.Mrs. Katz.

Mrs. Katz.

We're gonna let people know who you are,

what you've done, what you're going to do.

[ Chad ] Mrs. Katz.

Mrs. Katz.Mrs. Katz.

You'd be out of debt by the end of the month.

[ Josephine ] So I don't want to pressure you,

but I need to let my boss know in the next hour

or he's probably gonna fire me.

[ David ] Do we have a deal?Do we have a deal?

[ man ] In response to the rapidly escalating situation,

an emergency multinational conference of astronomers,

astrophysicists, and...

[ man ] Is he the son of God, or... [ Josephine ] He is the son of God.

I think he's the son of the son of God, no?

Grandson of God.Yeah, that works.

So that's what we're gonna go with?

He's the grandson of God, then, because--

No, that or we can just stay with "messiah,"

if that makes it easier.It's up to you.

I think that's better.

I think that "grandson," it limits

the audience potential in terms of demographics.

Oh, fine.Great, we're sticking with "messiah" then, perfect.

Laurel, looking forward to your story next week.

Next week?

Are we even gonna be alive next week?

Has anyone heard anything about the sun?

Have you all forgotten about the fact that the sun

is about to turn into

a massive fucking vacuum cleaner?

I told you before, if you can't control this sun thing,

I'm gonna yank you

and replace you with the weekend girl.

All right, boys.

Sandy.

Henchy.

Gentlemen... let's dance.

[ tape rewinding ]

You ready?

I can do that.

Okay, what we need out of him for sidebars,

has he performed any miracles that we don't know about?

Has he been arrested, misdemeanors or fines?

Does he have a girlfriend?

Is he gay, does he have a gay lover, if so, who?

[ Frederick ] Josephine, this is Frederick. Hold on.

Frederick. ... the network decided to carry the interview.

Nice work.

The network's decided to pick up the feed.

Phillip, you're gonna become a nationwide phenomenon,

bigger than Je--

Bigger than The Beatles.

Oh, my God.

[ man ] Counting down.

Ten... nine...

[ man ] Woo!

This is gonna be huge.

Is this not gonna be great, huh?

I love that kid, I goddamn love that kid, right?

[ tone ringing ]

Now that you have the spotlight,

the attention of the people,

what is the message that you'd like to get across?

What is it that you'd like to say to the world?

Yeah.

[ chuckling ]

[ woman ] Look at him, there he is.

That's God.

What you feel, what you really feel.

It's a complete and total clusterfuck.

Next question, go to the next question!

[ man ] Josephine, go to the next question, please?

You've chosen to reveal yourself here in South Florida.

What made you choose this particular locale

for your cotillion?

Did she just say his cotillion?

Say something!

Say something, you ruinous prick!

[ Josephine ] There's been a lot of speculation,

particularly in the blogosphere,

that you've come to the Earth to make some sort of sacrifice

for the sun so that it doesn't die.

[ phone ringing ]

Channel 5.

It's his mom. Are you crazy?

I'm not gonna put that idiot's mother

on live national television!

Hey, remember that guy I fucked the other day?

At the coast bar?

[ drill whirring ]

[ man ] Say something.

Patch her through.

His mom.

His mom.

What?

The messiah's mother.

Messiah's mother!

Messiah's mother!What?

The fucking messiah's mother's on the phone!

Uh-oh!

[ Mrs. Katz ] Phillip.

Phillip, I don't think it's fair

you get to have all the fun.

Mrs. Katz--

Phillip, there are hundreds of people outside our house

holding candles.

They keep asking me if I'm a virgin.

I'm a widow!

Push into his eyes.

[ chanting in Latin ]

[ sighing ]

♪ No one's famous

♪ We're all strangers

♪ Now I can't even talk to you ♪

♪ No one's famous

♪ We're all contagious

♪ And I'm scared that I'm losing you ♪

♪ I was working on my wish list ♪

♪ Count of Monte Cris list more or less a diss list ♪

♪ That's comprised of several enemies ♪

♪ Maybe you'll remember me

♪ She said, she said

♪ In a book all about it ♪

♪ I doubt you'd even understand ♪

♪ No one's famous

♪ We're all strangers

♪ Now I can't even talk to you ♪

♪ No one's famous

♪ We're all contagious

♪ And I'm scared that I'm losing you ♪

[ helicopter flying overhead ]

[ phone ringing ]

Hello? [ Chad ] Mrs. Katz.

I have David from Alchemy Talent for you.

David?

I'm surrounded.

They won't leave.

Hi, this is David.

David, what do these people want from me?

Hello?

I have David.

David?

Yeah, hi, I'm here, hi.

Hi, I called him on the phone,

I did what you said.

Mrs. Katz.

Mrs. Katz, you need to go to him.

He's your son and this is his time of need.

Also, I pitched him really hard at the staff lunch

and it could not have gone better.

Go to him, go to him, Mrs. Katz.

Go to him and make him understand

what he needs to understand.

Oh, I gotta take this.

All right, let me know how it goes.

David?

[ group applauding ]

The governor asked me to come down here today,

meet with you

and figure out what we have in common

and see how we might be able to work together

over the course of the next couple months

before the election rears its ugly little head...

yeah...

to see what you want to accomplish

and to let you know a little bit about

what we're looking to do.

Sounds good.

If there was one thing, policy-wise,

you understand, policy-wise,

if there was one thing that we could do to help you,

to help get you on our side,

what would that one thing be?

Uh, one thing?

Yeah, policy-wise, I'm talking, policy-wise.

Whatever you want us to do to help you with this--

You know, the thing that you're doing to--

to help the... sun.

The sun?

We're talking about things like stem-cell research,

fetus rights, oil drilling, gay marriage,

that kind of thing.

See, we are willing to go far for you.

We're willing to go very far, very far.

I mean, we'll even reverse suffrage if you want.

[ chuckling ]

Well, one thing...

policy-wise,

that-- that-- that I would want--

In my district, people are concerned about

prisoner recidivism.

Is that a concern of yours?

Yes.

Are you pro-life or pro-choice?

Do you like babies?

Yes.

Yes, yes!

He's pro-life.

Somebody write that down.

Now, Mr. Katz, all we're looking to get from you

in return, of course,

is your endorsement for the midterms.

[ knocking ]

[ man ] Sir, do you have a minute?

Bob, I'll call you back.

What's up?

There's someone I think you'll wanna meet.

Send her in.

Thank you.

All right.

Let me hear your story.

Well, it all started in a bar.

[ man ] Good afternoon, Palm Royale.

[ Gabe ] Hello, I'm Gabe.

How are you doing?

How may I direct the call?

Thank you for taking the time to connect with me.

I have an urgent need to connect with

my good friend, Phillip Katz.

Phillip Katz, transferring now.

Thank you.

[ beeping ]

Hello?

Hello?

Phillip, it's me, Gabe.

You didn't forget me, did you?

[ Thomas ] Due to the volume of calls,

the messiah will not be able to personally attend to your wish.

Please accept the messiah's gratitude for your call

and have a blessed day.

[ dial tone ]

Hello?

Hello?

[ man on TV ] ... 80% of the world,

what many people are describing

as a good old-fashioned miracle.

It seems that with everyone's eyes and ears on Phillip Katz,

the sun has continued puzzling astrophysicists

as to what this latest release of radiation means.

Scientists the world over are going back and forth

about whether the sun's core

is shrinking or expanding.

One thing is certain, the sun is very unstable.

There are no precedents for these reasons.

It seems all we can do is pray

and hope that our new messiah has some ideas of his own

about stabilizing the sun.

Maria?

[ Maria ] Theological experts worldwide

are poring over the copywriter's past work

in an attempt to discern the significance of anything

from magazine advertisements

for toilet-bowl cleansers to his last television commercial

for condensed oatmeal.

[ man ] All right, thanks, Maria.

Some of you might recognize Maria Sanchez

from the weekend desk.

She'll be taking over duties from long-time anchor

Laurel Sanders, who's on personal leave.

Your indulgences have arrived, sir.

These came in the mail.

They're from Asia.

Really?

How exotic, sir.

There you are.

I hope you're puckish, sir.

This may tide you over.Thank you, Thomas.

[ man on TV ] ... hundreds of thousands of people...

Bon appétit.

... trying to catch a glimpse of our savior-- Josephine?

[ Josephine ] Tom, the crowds outside of this historic hotel

have not subsided.

[ Thomas ] Anything else for you, sir?

Thomas. Your Grace?

She looks so sad.

No one is giving up hope.

Maybe I can help her.

[ crowd chanting ] Phillip, Phillip, Phillip!

Hi, how are you? Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God!

I'll leave you to it, then, shall I?

I'm Phillip. [ screaming ]

Are you all right?

Sorry.

No, no, don't worry.

It's fine.

I like your shirt.

[ screaming ]

I saw you on the news and I--

You were very beautiful

and you looked like you were troubled

or upset for some reason.

And I thought maybe you'd want to come up here and chat.

What can I do for you?

Bleed on me.

[ thundering ]

[ Phillip ] I've been having this recurring dream about the sea.

It's one of those lucid dreams people talk about,

like, when you're awake within your own dream

and you know it's a dream,

but you know you're awake in the dream.

I can't figure out what it means.

People seem to think that this dream

might have some significance for the world.

Maybe for the sun thing.

Would it be okay if I invite some friends over?

Sure.

[ man ] Mr. Katz, it's about the endorsement.

We are prepared to offer you $5 million.

That's weird...

[ woman ] Where's the motion...

[ phone ringing ]

[ man ] St. Mary. Who?

Sir?

St. Mary of the Catholic Church.

I've never heard of her.

[ phone ringing ]

[ woman ] Then after 1:30, you have a meeting with the ambassador.

Then at 4:00, you have tea with Prince Harry,

followed by...

Jesus, fuck, I'm gonna have to call you back.

♪ Well our mamas they left us ♪

♪ And our daddies took a ride... ♪

Come on.

Shit!

♪ And we held our head up high ♪

♪ Well we once were the jesters ♪

♪ In your kingdom by the sea

♪ And now we're out to be the masters ♪

Over here! Come on!

Come on, play with us.I love you, Phillip!

♪ We want to feel ya

♪ We don't mean to kill ya ♪

♪ We come back to heal ya ♪

♪ Jangling soul

♪ Edward and the

♪ Magnetic Zeros

[ coughing ]

♪ Well your laws are for dummies yes ♪

♪ Your institution's dead

♪ I say we're out to blow the trumpet ♪

♪ To wake you all from bed ♪

♪ From bed

♪ We want to feel ya

♪ We don't mean to kill ya ♪

♪ We come back to heal ya ♪

♪ Jangling soul

♪ Edward and the

♪ Magnetic Zeros

[ man ] My guest tonight,

Jamie Johnson, on a very special edition of "Sunbeat Now."

First of all, this is really big news

you're breaking here on "Sunbeat."

You're pregnant with the messiah's child.

How exciting for you.

I'm just happy to bring attention to the plight

of the single expectant mother/celebrity/author.

Now, you dated Phillip before he was famous.

He wasn't even Phil the Messiah then.

The question everyone wants to know,

and forgive me for asking,

how is Phil the Messiah in bed?

Puta.

[ giggling ]Come on.

Is he a giver or a taker?

Does he try to satisfy you

or does he just take care of himself?

All those intimate details are in my book,

"Immaculate Deception."

No, you don't.

[ laughing ]

So the messiah in bed...

That's the deception.

Glenn, unfortunately,

even God doesn't know how to please a woman.

Mrs. Katz. Mrs. Katz.

Mrs. Katz, you look great.

Don't worry.

He's gonna love you.

[ birds chirping ]

[ whistling ]

[ clearing throat ]

I was told you wished to speak with me.

Yes.

Hello, I'm Mrs. Katz.

Ahh.

How may I be of assistance?

I'm here to see Phillip.

He's my son.

I'm not at liberty to grant access to his person.

Okay, what room is he in?

Madam, I cannot allow the release of that information.

I want to see my son!

[ birds crowing ]

[ cell phone ringing ]

If you'll excuse me.

Hello?

[ Josephine ] It's me, Josephine.

I need to see Phillip now.

If you'll have a drink in the vestibule,

you never know what the cat may drag in.

[ phone ringing ]

Hello? It's me, Josephine.

I'm outside. Outside where?

Outside your door.

Shit. Shit?

Shit what?

What shit, what?

I can't let you in right now. Why not?

Do you have a girl in there?

[ Glenn on TV ] Do you have any advice for any of the...

Phillip, are you aware of what's on TV?

If you have an opportunity, grab it by the balls!

I'll meet you down by the pool.

Did you do it, did you fuck her?

I slept with her once, briefly.

Don't tell me, I don't want to know.

I have to do the right thing.The right thing?

I hope you mean an abortion.

You're pro-choice, right?

Well, yes, but not officially.

People think you're becoming decadent.

We don't want to give them ammunition.

If this is my responsibility,

I need to get in touch with her. Well, we need to do an interview.

Something positive, something upbeat.

People are freaking out about this sun thing

and we need to give them something

simple and straightforward.

If you don't give them a message soon,

you run the very real risk

that they are going to turn on you.

Don't you understand?

I want to give them a message.

I want to have a message.

I want to save the sun from dying.

I don't know how.

I don't know what to do.

If you don't come up with something to sell them,

they're gonna think that you took advantage

of this whole sun thing for your own benefit.

Took advantage?

I never said that I was any of this.

You're the one that made me into all of this.

You took advantage of your position in life.

That was your choice.

I didn't mean to, I just sort of fell into it.

Listen.

The message doesn't matter.

It's how you make people feel

about the message that counts.

[ Mrs. Katz ] Phillip!

They wouldn't let me through to your room!

I-- I need to talk to you

about these men from Hollywood!

[ screaming ]

Hold on, Mom, I'm coming.No, you can't go out there, there's a lot of photographers.

I have to help my mom.Hey, Keith!

You can't afford any more bad press right now.

She's my mom, I have to--

Hey, hey!

Get off me.[ Mrs. Katz ] I'm drowning!

Don't you know who I am?

Do you watch the news?Throw her a noodle.

I'm the second coming of--

You are both going straight to hell!

I want your first and last names,

you are both going straight to hell!

Get the fuck off me!

[ Glenn on TV ] Boffo for Jamie Johnson's booty,

reported to be good for not six, not seven

but eight digits.

Pat on the back for something she claims

to have written in less than three weeks.

Thomas, I need your advice.

Thomas.

Do you think that I'm...

Lord of all things?

Not quite sure that I'm qualified to make

that sort of decision, sir.

I bled from my eyes in a church.

Well, I pissed blood once after eating bad shellfish

off the coast of Argentina.

Didn't seem to grant me any magical powers.

So you don't think I am?

I'm an employee, sir.

I have no opinion.

As the son of God, I command you

to tell me what you think.

I thought it was the son of the son--Oh, all right, fine.

As the son of the son of God,

I command you to tell me what you think.

Excuse me, sir, but the point is,

this is a very difficult time

for people living on the Earth.

There's all this business of the sun going on right now.

The sun up there, not you.

Uh, may I?

[ "Hava Nagila" playing ]

Uh, I'm so sorry.

They're preparing a bar mitzvah next door.

I'll ask them to turn it down, shall I--

[ music stops ]

Oh, divine intervention.

Phillip, there's really no need for you to be so worried.

What's happening to you is nothing new.

You're not the first.

I have concierged for rock stars,

for film icons, for football players.

When they can no longer distract the public

by throwing a football or lip-synching a song,

they move on...

and look for someone else to distract them.

Right now...

it's your turn.

The world is looking to you for its distraction.

But what if I'm not divinely chosen?

Chosen, not chosen.

Does it really matter?

Lead or be led.

Serve or be served.

I chose to serve.

Ended up being towels and cheese, mostly.

I need to do something important,

something that will change things.

Why not make a speech?

A speech!

I need to get to work.

Well, don't forget your visage de guerre, sir.

Thank you, Thomas.

Thank you for everything.

Thank you, sir.

Ooh, can I have the ch-- Yeah.

Thank you.

[ "Hava Nagila" playing ]

[ man on TV ] Back to our exclusive special on Jamie Johnson,

mother of the child of the son of God.

Hello in there?

What do you want?

She mentions that she never had a long-term relationship...

Leave me alone!

For Christ's sake, can't you all just leave me alone?

I'm not here for your son, Mrs. Katz.

I'm here to help you.

If you have something to say,

say it before somebody else does.

[ man ] Truly amazing.

And who should I make it out to?

Son of Morning.

Is that with an "O" or with a "U"?

Whatever you feel is right.

First I want to thank you for taking the time

to connect with me.

When I listen to you speak, I feel a sense of loss

and because I have a need to feel hopeful,

I'm requesting that you hear my need

and refrain from spreading your message.

My message?Yeah, your example.

You are profiteering off of a gift.

Your time's up.

You'll need to buy another book. No, no.

Your campaign of vulgar opportunism is distracting us

from the hope that Phillip brings to all of us.

You can't talk to me like that.

I'm famous.

This-- this is not your salvation.

This is your destruction!

Get the fuck out of here or I'm calling the cops.

I-- I hear your requests to feel safe.

My need for you to hear my pain was not meant.

Time's up.No, no, no, wait.

It's impossible for us to talk

and listen at the same time.

Do something with your life, you sad piece of shit!

I apologize on behalf of your childhood caregivers.

You are loved, you are needed.

Security! No, no, no!

Security!

Just...

We are not immune to a disease

of our own creation!

Security!

Give me that, give me that!

Security!

[ screaming ]

[ thundering ]

[ bell ringing ]

Sir, there are some gentlemen waiting.

They're from the state attorney general's office.

They wish to speak with you.

Do they have an appointment?

No.

Thomas, I really can't see anybody

until I'm done writing my speech.

Hmm.

[ man ] Here at CCA, we have Jennifer with the story.

Jennifer?

[ woman ] Peters' immediate claim after the slaying of Jamie Johnson

was that Phillip had ordered him to kill her

and her unborn child

in order to attract attention to Peters' own

nonprofit conflict- resolution charity.

Public reaction has soured overnight

for the fledgling savior.

Shall I let the gentlemen in?

What? I'd rather not get involved.

You don't have to get involved.

Just-- just-- just tell them I'm in the bath.

Mustn't forget.

The owner of the hotel has rung up.

He's asked me to leave this with you.

What is that?

Oh, shit!

Right, well, I'll just let the gentlemen in, shall I?

And then, unfortunately, I'll have to be off.

I'm serving champagne cocktails

in the Manatee Lounge.

Sir...

good luck.

♪ Suppertime in the hole...

[ pounding on door ] Investigators believe that Mr. Katz may have been

compensating Peters for the future murder

of Jamie Johnson and her unborn fetus.[ pounding on door ]

♪ Suppertime

♪ Old Saint John on death row ♪

♪ He's just waiting for a pardon ♪

♪ Old Saint John on death row ♪

♪ He's just waiting for a pardon ♪

♪ Jury on trial I testify ♪

♪ I got to keep on runnin' 'til the well runs dry ♪

♪ Jury on trial I testify

♪ I got to keep on runnin' 'til the well runs dry... ♪

[ man ] Mr. Katz.

You have a martyr complex?

No.

Yet you claim to be the messiah.

You say so, not me.

I can assure you, I didn't say so, Mr. Katz.

[ thundering ]

They.

Sir, who are "they"?

More talking gerbil!

Come on!

Who are "they"?

More talking gerbil!

Sir?

[ thundering ]

Who are "they"?

Everybody-- the television, the Internet.

Everybody.

Sir, the deposition panel was formed--

Yeah, we're not here to discover

what everybody else thinks.

We're here to find out what Mr. Katz believes.

I spoke to the lieutenant governor, a personal friend,

and he is less than thrilled with this massive cornhole

you have dumped on his doorstep.

He has given this panel judicial authority

and we can hold you in contempt, boy!

Sir, do you claim to be someone called--

Are you the Son of Morning?

And, if so, is it "sun" with a "U" or "son" with an "O"?

And is it "morning,"

like in the "sun" with a "U" or is it "mourning,"

like in a bereavement?

Mr. Katz, are you the Son of Morning?

He's not cooperating.

Were you in any type of correspondence

with a gentleman by the name of Gabriel Peters?

[ thundering ]

No response.

Did you ever instruct

Gabriel Peters in question to murder a woman

by the name of Jamie Johnson, or anyone else,

in the name of something called "The Son of Morning"?

[ screaming ]

More talking gerbil.

Is he on drugs?

No, not that I'm aware of.

Well...

maybe he should be.

Dr. Villager, do something about him,

would you, please?

♪ There's nothing to do here ♪

♪ So just whine and complain ♪

♪ In bed at the hospital

♪ Coming and going

♪ Asleep and awake

♪ In bed at the hospital ♪

♪ Tell me the story of how you ended up here ♪

♪ I've heard it all in the hospital ♪

♪ Nothing's sufficing

♪ Doctors on tour

♪ Somewhere in India...

[ man on TV ] I'm the only one?

I'm the only one that knew this dude was a fraud?

Come on, the messiah?

Really?

He had you?

Well, guess what?

I'm the messiah's black friend, how about that?

[ phone ringing ]

Hello?

[ woman ] Mr. Katz, you have a telephone call

from your mother.

Would you like to accept the call?

Yes, please.

Hi, Mom?

[ Josephine ] No, it's Josephine Tuttle.

How are you?

No response.

Did you hear the news?

What news?

Jamie Johnson was a fraud.

She was never pregnant to begin with.

She used you to sell her book.

Do you have any reaction to that?

♪ Don't stop, don't stop

♪ Put out the fire on us

♪ Bring the buckets by the dozens ♪

♪ Bring your nieces and your cousins... ♪

[ knocking ]

Hey there, pal.

How you doing?

It seems from the tests we conducted and examined

that you, my friend, are suffering from

some highly elevated levels of cortisol.

What do I have?

Well, in my opinion,

you got one big case of being stressed out,

clinically.

Not a heck of a lot more than that.

So what I'd like to do

is I'd like to get you on these for awhile

and see how that works out.

Depending on your reaction, we'll go from there.

I'd like to keep you for observation,

out of the spotlight for the time being.

Okay.

Oh, and, Phillip,

try to find an outlet for all this anxiety, huh?

Otherwise, you're never gonna make it, buddy.

♪ Run

♪ Run

♪ Run to your grave

♪ Run

♪ Run

♪ Run to your grave

♪ Run

♪ Oh run

♪ Run to your grave

♪ Run

♪ Oh run

♪ Run to your grave

♪ 'Cause they're coming

♪ For your brain but

♪ They will leave

♪ With your head

♪ They've got money

♪ And science

♪ But they will leave you for dead ♪

♪ Sleep

♪ Sleep

♪ Sleep in your tomb

♪ Sleep

♪ Oh sleep

♪ Sleep in your tomb

♪ Don't bury your body

♪ With your diamonds

♪ 'Cause you know they

[ sighing ]

Mom?

Mom?

Phillip?

I'm so sorry, I--

I wasn't prepared for visitors, I...

What visitors?

I would've gotten ready.

I would've made myself up.

Presentation is five-tenths of the...

the thing.

What are you talking about?

Phillip, do you know Katherine Jayne?

Katherine Jayne?

It's the Katherine Jayne disaster supply kit for women.

This is going to improve the lives

of men-less women everywhere.

It's so that when something happens bad,

a woman can remain refreshed and looking her best.

Feel my skin.

How does that feel?

When did all this happen?

When?

When you were at your five-star resort,

fantasy hotel

with your fabulous celebrity friends.

When I was left here alone to fend for myself.

That's when Joyce came here,

and she said that I would be the best person

to get these supply kits to women who need them.

More talking gerbil!

You're not the only one

who can save people, you know.

I'm going to bed.

I'm tired of being unappreciated.

I need to resolve myself.

Clinically.

[ man on TV ] In a meeting today at the global site in Geneva,

a consensus of the world's leading stellar scientists

have concluded that the terrestrial sun's

recent increase in flare activity

is actually the result of a normal cycle

and does not represent the final stage

in the death of our sun, as many have believed.

I have something to say.

Okay.

On television.

You had your chance, your 15 minutes are up.

But I know what I want to say now.

I have a message.

Please?

I don't know.

You owe me.

I'm doing this bullshit piece on sea turtles

at Spanish River Beach.

I could try to pull some strings.

I might be able to get you a few minutes

between traffic and sports with Fritz.

Thank you.

This is Josephine Tuttle reporting to you live

from Spanish River Beach here in Boca Raton

with Phillip Katz,

who one time, not very long ago,

was thought by the majority

to be man's last hope for salvation

from fear of the dying sun.

I have covered Phillip's story

from the day he chose to reveal himself

to a small congregation here in Boca Raton.

There's been some confusion as to whether Phillip

may have been some kind of false messiah.

In this live interview,

Phillip Katz will finally reveal his story to the world.

Now? Yeah.

What I've learned, from my experience,

is that when the world is about to end,

food tastes better,

fabrics feel softer,

the air smells better,

dreams seem more real

and people...

People are very strange.

We live in and are educated by a system

that is supposed to protect us, but it doesn't protect us...

[ horns honking ]

... distracting us from our compassionate nature.

But if something is missing in your life,

you can't look to another person to fill that void...

[ horns honking ]

I can't tell you what the clam chowder tastes like.

You have to taste it for yourselves.

[ exhaling ]

[ Gabe ] We have tried before, we have failed.

But we must try again.

We love to build people up and then break 'em down.

Maybe it's pointless, maybe it's justified,

maybe we're just constantly disappointed in each other.

It's hard to say.

But hey...

I saw the sun rise this morning.

♪ Well I lost my innocence today ♪

♪ I could feel her in my bones ♪

♪ My bones my bones, my bones ♪

♪ My blood, my blood my blood, my blood ♪

♪ I woke up tired scared and sad ♪

♪ Soaked drained I felt so bad ♪

♪ Today, today, today

♪ What you still, you still you still, you still ♪

♪ Won't you say you say, you say, you say ♪

♪ What you feel, you feel you feel, you feel ♪

♪ Which is nothing but hollow feelings yeah ♪

♪ I am done I just don't care ♪

♪ And forget happiness

♪ I'm fine

♪ I'll forget everything in time ♪

♪ I swear I didn't know

♪ You know me

♪ How I can't let go

♪ And we're not gods

♪ We're just hacks

♪ All that life amongst the cracks ♪

♪ The scars the siege that breaks ♪

♪ The ugliest scenes the worst mistakes ♪

♪ And everywhere I see her face ♪

♪ Such a beautiful child such an awful waste ♪

♪ And there's no innocence like hers ♪

♪ Just emptiness and nerves

♪ And this light

♪ From the window of my car ♪

♪ She'll never see it

♪ Oh my God

♪ I was so surprised

♪ It blew up in my face ♪

♪ Lord I lost my nerve

♪ Oh my God

♪ Oh my God

♪ Oh my God

♪ And I tear

♪ I tear

♪ So hard

♪ And I tear

♪ I tear

♪ So hard

♪ And I beg and scream ♪

♪ I was wrong

♪ It's over she's gone ♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

[ music ends ]