Original subtitles

that wasn't my fault at all

I have to overcome

I've been for years keep all the energy

only for one person

that poured

all love and support what I was going to give to that one person

remember

I am much older than me dating a high school teacher

Dating a boyfriend my age

I don't know what's different

I've never dated anyone my age.

for a long time There was no language to express this

I didn't know how to express it

that it wasn't my fault That I was just a child

I started to realize

At that time, 16 years old was a child. I didn't think

who can rebuild this because there was no

I couldn't see it any other way

I had to be okay, I had to make excuses

Not everyone wants to see the truth

That it's prevalent in half the population because that's the truth

affects everything it's a serious problem

a secret only we know

what will happen to me then if you could tell me

It's not just life changing

a lot of what i wanted be stolen or

On the road to becoming the human figure you dreamed of

"Sheryl Nichols"

I want to tell you that I'm leaving

to one person because you become obsessed

When I was 16, I met my teacher fell in love

Even when I went to university I was still dating my teacher

when personality is formed flew like that

can't get it back

"Los Angeles, California"

I live in Los Angeles now

in little elm the desire to escape

find the strength to get out of that relationship gave me a reason

but the teacher It was also the part I was obsessed with.

'You Can Be Better' It was a habit

I was groomed and abused

I've been dating teachers for years that it was my choice

I've been believing

who is responsible for the outcome I thought it was me

But now the teacher takes control It became clear that I was holding

only after a few years

that this relationship wasn't okay I started to realize

this documentary when it comes to making

I didn't know what format

how to lose control of your life

put her in her position She just knew she wanted to ask

It's hard to talk alone

2017

Cheryl came to visit she told me this story

She said she needs a partner

"Ari Basil Cheryl's friend"

what happened to her I want to explore

She said she needed an objective opponent

in the production process

Cheryl to herself Questions not to ask

She took on the role of asking

The moment I started digging into Cheryl's story

How far can this spread I started to wonder

"Instagram 14.8 million followers, 2,661 following"

her friend for us I posted on Instagram

"Students' stories Tell me please"

'Abused by teacher' Has anyone had any experience?'

Emails came in weeks.

'The school teacher She called me into the classroom'

'I changed my grade from a B to a D-' The asset that will raise the grade again'

'I told you I had'

'Coaches always tell us You talk like a pervert'

'I was raped for 3 years'

'In his office had sex with me'

who is this?

it's anonymous

‘Teach students the right skills Standing behind me to show you

'He attached himself to me'

'While the students stare I was frightened and stiff'

'That kind of thing A popular girl steps in'

'You and your sister She said the same thing at his hands'

'It lasted until it was revealed'

'Then things got worse'

'The teacher was forced to retire'

I have one more mail

‘The teacher told me in a few days I persuaded him to send me naked pictures'

'After a few months, the teacher and I've been to bed more than once'

'I never said a word'

'Thank you for listening to me'

'I needed someone who cared'

'Whoever you are I'm relieved to have spilled it'

I feel like no one will listen I just want to say something

They get it by sending mail The good thing is

I'm just telling the story

I wanted to find an answer for me

"2017"

I lost contact with that person In 2017 I contacted

Is it crazy to send this?

Should I send it by another email?

No, is it okay if I send it to my mail?

yes, you...

can you find me

'I haven't been in touch for a long time'

'It must be strange to receive an email It feels strange to write.”

“Why are you sending me this email?”

'I'm making a documentary right now. in high school'

'I will deal with our relationship' It is to inform'

'If you're willing about what happened'

'I'd like to talk'

'From your point of view So that it carries value and weight'

sent

'Dear Cheryl'

'Everyone is fine Have a ruined relationship'

'I'm in love I know how clumsy it was'

'Because of my lies Do you feel better?'

He said he was the one who was clumsy I'm trying to drive

i was 16

'What I want to know is As you well know'

'In 1999, you were married and Even though he was a teacher at Little Elm'

'A relationship with me That's why I decided to start'

'In our relationship, to me I had no control or power at all'

'Cause I was naive He's just a pitiful guy with you."

I'm good at changing the situation to my liking

To that extent, manipulating people I didn't know you'd be good at it

He has overused his tricks

'This is a good boy. This is a bad boy'

being a good kid he admits

think it's cool It was about being a girl

As time went by, I got tired.

under his direction I couldn't figure out where you were

Later everything became a question My personality itself was questionable

I had to think about even the smallest things

'I listen to this music Was it because the teacher ordered it?'

'I write like this Did the teacher write it this way?'

What we want to do in this documentary the important thing is

how and why this happens

These men love young women to facilitate exploitation

what cultural things happen is to talk

Shame matters This cycle of shame

It starts in adolescence

we oversexualized female youth

to romanticize live in culture

It permeates film, TV, and music.

"Alison Wood Author of "Lolita's Life"

Magazines, movie awards, photos, etc.

look at the celebrities It was hard to live as a teenager

Alanis Morissette in middle school

Focusing on Fiona Apple 'Girl Power' was popular

let's go to high school popular celebrities are

Britney spears Became Christina Aguilera

To the era of the pop princess It went right over

Women's wear in the 2000's rather than the clothing itself.

body is the center

there was a lot of exposure

we have female celebrities from the point of view

The masculine gaze worked.

sexy

The relationship between an older man and a younger woman In case of romance

quite a lot

Movies I saw at the time how individuals are treated

I told you everything you need to know

"Wendy Ortiz psychotherapist"

culturally love between teacher and student

beautification exists

"Dr. Holly Schilling "Clinical Psychologist"

We are teachers and students

What I want to date glorify the student or

let me think so

Like the movie 'Election'

teacher-student relationship It's a funny comedy.

"Read, Write, Revenge"

We see it as a culture accepted mentally

I think it's a very toxic culture.

Unfortunately, the culture used in media and entertainment

it aroused victim blaming

approach to dealing with real cases. has affected

"America vs. Jeffrey Epstein"

our culture a woman's voice

"Mark A. Schweikert lawyer"

created an atmosphere of reluctance

Victims are trustworthy think there won't be

Even if there is such a person I think you'll be blamed

Even after 6 years

"Ali Raisman"

For the most basic answers and responsibilities are fighting

we face the reality

to protect victims Big changes must happen

When I decided to make this documentary I felt like I was stuck

It was frustrating

the people around me did you know that

If you knew, why didn't you stop I had to know

There was a scandal surrounding me

after leaving Texas I came to understand and face it properly

In that respect, Little Elm There is also a return

About when I was shortsighted

I'm trying to broaden my horizons

I'm in the case

I was being dominated

his point of view seen from only one point of view

were the events

Back to Little Elm When I talk to people close to me

know what they saw

tell the story more holistically I can understand

about this I can talk openly

Don't you feel a little relieved?

dig into the past

telling a painful story

I'm afraid I'll make you feel guilty

your experience though what others have to go through

There is hope that you can stop it

- Know - yes

I'm with you

great

it's okay

Little Elm, Texas

I have to run 19 hours and 40 minutes

I'm just inside what can be dealt with

I'm making a big deal

even when talking my mouth is stiff

tension in the voice I'm thinking what I feel

this self-consciousness

I wish it would disappear

I don't want to keep feeling anxious

what other people think of me

the feeling of being noticed I want to stop feeling

face to face with this I want to fight

I hope others know

10km to Little Elm

Now it's 6.66 miles

6.66 miles?

I'm really nervous

I haven't seen my friends since 2002

roughly

such a big problem it doesn't look like

It's not a big deal my whole life

Convince yourself and come to know

all that abuse kept pushing me

I want to be accepted by others I have to endure

I've come to the point where I think

"Little Elm, Texas"

"Little Elm"

I'm a small town in Texas I grew up in Little Elm

Little Elm in the 90's It's a really small town

"Brandy Pries Cheryl's friend"

It was enough to pass by in a blink of an eye

a student in our class

"Katie Hall Cheryl's friend"

I think there were 60 people in total.

there are more cattle than people I was kidding

It was the epitome of Texas.

"Daniel Penalosa Cheryl's friend"

God and football, it was family oriented

It is a place with many good memories

But it was male-centric.

Growing up in Texas, men

Acted as the gatekeeper of reputation

Depending on the guy who pays attention to me I've been given my worth

Men told me when I was a little girl Look at the way you said it

Everyone seemed to be my dad

All the men around me how to behave

That I'll be a good kid all my life felt the pressure

I started cheerleading

to be interesting it was one way

It didn't really reflect my personality.

Cheryl as a child She took an active part in everything

Whatever she did, she did her best

"Theresa Nicholls Cheryl's mother"

she was such a child

I spent a lot of time as a child I sent it alone

had a lot of imagination I kept thinking and daydreaming

in English class I studied 'Anne's Diary'.

In the process of theatrical production of this work

"Anne Frank's Diary Demo by Sheryl Nichols"

I asked for directing. did a play

Many citizens came to see

taking her mom down her hallway I remember you saying

'I want to be an actor'

Her mom always supported me

i am i I thought it was little Meryl Streep

'Wake up in the middle of the night She stared at the James Dean poster'

'In his film Imagining myself appearing'

'I thought about the number of times I saw the work'

I'm here

I can't listen

Daddy, Edgar hugged me look at the shape

yes

Ari, come and look at this.

look at this picture

Most of my classmates were reluctant to talk

who knew what had happened I needed to know who else was

Why I wasn't protected

'Hello, from high school about what happened'

'I'm making a documentary'

'I don't know if you heard from Kat. I had a little talk with him'

'About that time I want to hear your opinion'

'I wonder if you remember anything? You can just talk to me'

'Hello, Nat. I talked to your sister yesterday'

'Still a documentary I'm filming'

'You may not like it, but 'Theatrical talk'

‘The things we were all close to, etc. going to do it'

'hi'

'To send by DM It's strange, but

'A relationship between a student and a teacher' I'm making a documentary'

'You're in my high school with bad intentions'

'A suspicious person I don't know if you've ever met'

'Do you know anything want to talk'

'Call me if you're interested'

'Call or text me You can tell it to go off'

- It seems fine. - Yes, it is.

great

wait a minute

great

how is it?

high school reunion I didn't know you did

I got an invitation

this is the moment It seemed like a defining moment

to classmates I wanted to hear your story

how are you?

"Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania"

- yes - yes?

Are you going to the reunion?

yes i will go I said I'd go

so go Because I can't come now

I won't leave you there alone

I'm still at a loss you know why

Katie was my spiritual guide.

Thanks to Katie, I I felt like a human

our senior year I was watching a slide show

"Class of 2001"

those days I remember it pretty well

in fact in the meantime I remembered that a lot happened

with the things I was miserable

painful things

The overall goal of this project is to shed light on what happened

What Happened in Little Elm not only your experience

living in a small town What Happened to Women and Men

teacher sexual assault To the point of passing it off with a sigh

people talk inside If you're willing to confide

had a similar experience

our school girls I think there will be more

Expected results are two

I'm worried that everyone will shut up

all your experiences that I have an idea to say

- yes - If you know you want to remember

- yes - I will open my heart

when i went to high school

I'm a cheerleader in a small town smarter than you look

that you are an interesting person who wanted to know

"Sometimes I don't know where the top is that's going to be okay"

to a more complex person I wish I could see

in 10th grade A new drama teacher has been hired.

He was a really nice person

You liked me right away

fun and free I was a hippie teacher

She never lost her smile She taught me to think creatively

She was and she was in love

She had a husband to a drama teacher when he comes to school

She helped direct the play.

And in Little Elm When I started teaching her

she was the most popular teacher

everyone loved that guy

He wrote a skit together

"Josh Pearson Cheryl's friend"

and actually He performed a skit together

He started an acting club I used to play at the teacher's house

He had a bohemian vibe

Instruments were everywhere

There was a colorful tapestry.

he was out of his mind

All I saw was a smile playful

"Total naughty people"

He was a kind and smart man.

his own passion I was the one to share

He came with a bass guitar and he plays the guitar

He showed me how to play

He always gave me a warm welcome

"Come in, let's all play together here"

The group was five or six. Cheryl has always been

his classroom position

My favorite teacher Tom Warwick's classroom I was right next to you

in that corner of the school

she spends a lot of time

That person just before rehearsal for the play I even appeared

when that happens We analyzed poetry together.

And we made friendships

I've never been born

like that with adults I've never been close

I thought I was mature

like that with adults I never got close

He and the drama teacher I could suddenly become friends

were two adults

When I talk about poetry or books

that person is smart I thought it was sharp

the fact that I'm smart

who paid attention It was my first time

that person is someone special great at finding

that special thing You kept waking me up

let him pay attention to me

I suddenly

who everyone thinks is great

catch the eye I felt accepted

I didn't know it would be a trap

Adolescents see the world as I always think of hostility

I want to escape from the boring life It's part of healthy rebellion

I'm building my self

because I was already It was easy to use

I already have a lot of imagination I was a wanderlust

Going to his classroom after school I was expecting

what can't happen because I firmly believed

I felt safe

"Sheryl Nichols"

in high school finished high school English course

In grades 11 and 12 I went up to the university course

He did my English assignment helped

studying poetry in his classroom I've been spending a lot of time

"Indigo Mix CD"

we got very close

There were moments of flirting

that person accidentally It was like touching my hand.

Then came Christmas

He and the drama teacher to see family

to leave for a month

I couldn't see him

He told me to send and receive mail. But I didn't have any mail

that person helped he created an e-mail address

we mail started to exchange

'To my dear pony'

'Come on first'

Account information from 'Sheryl Nichols'

change to another

Do not use your real name in the mail and send it

computer geeks the general rule is

know?

My email also says 'What about Quilty?' come by name

you can do that too

i don't have mail

I helped him make it

My email name I came up with is It was 'The Blue Pony'.

The nickname he calls me It was a 'pony'

Quilty was Claire Quilty's last name.

From "Lolita" I'm a pedophile and a villain

All of this was done in utmost secrecy.

Injected thoughts into my head

who to be friends with I told you what not to do

he can trust himself He's a man to follow

set his position He used to say things like this

'You look so pretty when you dance, Cheryl'

'I'm so full of energy full of life'

I pick out the things I care about

I focused on

yourself such things that I thought it was special

I must have heard it with my own mouth.

now was in the past all this

was grooming

The sexual part of the abuse i know it started

By the way, so far you and in the future

it's my top priority

'Others are nice too. Not my little pony'

'Tell me how you've been'

'how was your weekend?'

'About a certain boy Any new progress?'

I know he can't

Say you want to date me I started taking it out

'If you can It would be nice'

'I wish I could kiss you'

'I wish I could kiss you I can't'

'I can't'

talk about sex I started doing more

'I have more questions to ask'

'You did'

like a real monkey you know what monkey means

I have no choice but to admit I don't know what you mean

I thought it meant penis there's no way

you talk sexually to me Because I never do

'You really make me hot You're good at writing'

'If the world ends when we go to heaven'

'I'll lend you some of my memories'

'I have many'

'You can have as many memories as you like'

'Cause I'm flooded with that memory take care'

"Bright Future"

The real turning point was then

walking down the hallway

It was when he passed by the classroom.

that person called me

'Hello, I have something to give you'

I passed the folded paper into my hand.

looking straight into my eyes I said 'it's yours'

'heaviness'

'The desk is unknown wide wooden bunker

'There are 30 desks in that room'

'Like a rock shrine I have a desk'

'There's an unusual snake living there'

wanting what you can't have from longing

It was a poem about boredom.

I knew it was a poem about me

'When we meet Pure and serene, but smiling'

'At the ball I stand up and dance'

'Lean forward When you whisper and yearn'

since that time I'm completely captured

no matter what you have to sacrifice I wanted to be in this relationship

My instinct at the time was put it all to one side

I told you to make this a priority

"February 11th"

It was February 11th

17th birthday it must have been a month ago

I went to his house with my friends

all sitting on the couch I was watching a movie

Then the other kids left one by one

me and him Only the theater teacher remained.

As soon as the drama teacher left the room my heart raced

the person holding my hand I took you to the door

After pushing me up against the wall

kissed me

Like the bubble I was in

in a thousand pieces It seemed to explode

I was really scared

Do you remember feeling out of control

'What should I do now?' I had doubts

The answer was derived like this 'Now we're sexual'

"Little Elm, Texas"

I wrote a draft last night

Not sure if this is right

you help me

"Title: It's me again! From: Cheryl Nichols"

'Again, inbox You must have been surprised to have my mail'

'When I contacted you a few years ago'

'About what happened between us I was hoping you would talk'

'You shared a lot then'

'Conversations exchanged quickly'

'Out of the core'

'It became a battle of allegations'

'If you're willing to I want to talk to you again'

'What happened at the time I want to understand'

- I'm going to send it now - five

four, three

two, one

If your parents find out If that person is arrested...

- Heck, I just replied. - what?

I just wrote 'Hi Cheryl, I'm not interested, how are you'

I hope he admits

I want to believe that there is a good side

But I'm still trying to keep it a secret

Trying to shame me

I don't give a damn

what happened to me what i've been through

I don't admit the impact it had

For example, my romantic relationship, sexual relationship

relationship with other teachers

people who want something from me How it affects the way you believe

"Déjà vu, you see déjà vu"

The right thing to do is step forward

'I did'

'I did this to others'

'to others don't do this'

But you won't

Not as good as I remember

- hi - hi

- I miss you - me too

he was so charming

it was for all of us

There was a reason we all went out together

We went to his house to play

together formed a community

we were misfits

I felt comfortable going there. I went there to play

I'm sorry you weren't comfortable

How do you feel?

how do i feel

that we all didn't know disappointing

You didn't notice the truth

Yes, every time I...

Even if it's not intentional Maybe I pretended not to see

What happened when you were 16? did it start then?

- Wait, don't you know? - I know, I know.

- To the extent that the two of you are dating - Wait, you...

I always guessed

But that's the case

never heard from you

it was true

it really happened

When we get to that house...

must have been hard

- yes - I'm sorry.

I did everything except intercourse

if i had acted differently it would have been nice

Now that I've become an adult man...

Sorry

we kiss It wasn't long before

we go to the next step

without clothes decided to see each other

how he feels The purpose was to fulfill

satisfy that person Dealing with needs was key

you told me what to do

i am in this relationship I thought I had power

- I thought you had power - The relationship was unequal

The first person I ever had sex with...

It was a non-consensual relationship

I felt completely taken advantage of

All I know is That the relationship was inappropriate

the two of you are so close

all uncomfortable it was inappropriate

I'm afraid someone will catch me I was always worried

But that person He convinced me he was good at hiding

I know

There must have been more victims

At Little Elm High School I've been through it a few times

"1999-2000 Acting Club"

a kind of precedent Created a prejudice, 'It's okay'

'Abuse will happen' Teachers will cross the line'

"Little Elm, Texas"

- Oh My God - It was fun.

When was this time?

It was in my senior year

Writing was the catalyst

"Crystal Crow Cheryl's friend"

my heart on paper I felt like I could pour

i read that that person to me

To improve writing skills and content Thought he gave good feedback

I wrote a poem about my boyfriend

Feelings of a lonely female youth write a poem full of

write a short the person gave the feedback

Have you ever felt that it was too sexual?

When I was a minor I never felt it was a grade

Now that I'm an adult You know it was too sexual

Would it be okay if I told you how it was?

- yes - yes

the person in the classroom Have you ever talked about sex?

yes

I think he said it more than once

One incident remained in my mind I even told my husband

my boyfriend at the time

He wants to try anal sex he told me

And I...

I guess I wrote it down

- yes - I understand?

- Sure - go to him

I don't even know what he said

Anyway, that person He described to me how he does it

It was a pretty shocking conversation. I was talking about lubricant.

lean forward

Said I should bring a towel

that it might get messy

- Crystal, I'm so sorry. - don't cry

at our school at the time A girl who has never been through this

- not much - right

between teachers and students in school

- A lot happened. - yes

Looked like a gutter to me

Because her grandmother is a kindergarten teacher she always wanted to be a teacher

As she began teaching

much more than before

about what happened to me

I'm angry

As a creative student who writes The feeling of being in a classroom full of

I don't know exactly

a certain girl she has more than one

always a woman

having a hard time There is only one female student

she is suffering from depression

Eating disorders or family problems

She is a gifted student in general i want help

want support

want to be kind

wanting confidence and attention

I don't want sex

And

I didn't want either

When I heard Allison's story

she wanted to know more

Then Allison on her podcast She hears you talking about 'Lolita'

She's just like my story She thought she shouldn't write

to an abuser like me She even got 'Lolita'

I came across Lolita when I was 17.

of high school...

"Lolita's life Allison Wood Memoir"

I got one from my English teacher.

Teacher is about our love it's a beautiful story

I said it was the pinnacle of romance.

She was 17 and ignorant She believed her teacher

"Allison Wood's Award-Winning Work published in the "New York Times"

Here's a picture of your cat, great.

When reading someone's memoir I know something about him

that person about me It's strange that you might not know

I feel like I'm being watched

I only know by reading the book

I've been through it too

I also dated a teacher that relationship

almost the same as your case

to someone else Your book was recommended

I want to read it once I read a book

I read with full enthusiasm It was amazing

It felt like reading my diary it was a great experience

we always rape I think I'm being bullied by a stranger

most people most women

to someone you know raped by someone close to me

My teacher said that I am smart and mature. She made me feel insightful

It can also be seen in this abuse pattern That's one of the horrible parts.

all children go to school

all

But we know these perpetrators

sitting in our classroom

Let me keep doing my teacher work.

'Many students She was talking about the assistant football coach at school'

'It was my English teacher' Her teacher married the student'

'The teacher who impregnated a female student She wasn't fired'

"Women's Locker Room"

'I picked the wrong girl to finish everything collapsed'

"Little Elm, Texas"

- I just got an email. - yes

look where

'I made up my mind a long time ago'

“My relationship with Cheryl Nicholls will be liquidated forever'

'Trick me, cheat me He is a thief and a harmful person'

'He's a bad person'

Are you saying I'm a toxic person?

“My relationship with Cheryl Nicholls will be liquidated forever'

what bank do you go to I'm talking what I'm supposed to say

thievery?

self-guarantee I'm talking about my student loans

Co-guarantee of the loan I can't pay

- That person... - right

- Did you have to pay? - Yeah, you misplaced the warranty.

yes, with the youth That's what dating is like

Teens take out student loans I can't pay you back, fool

This man rewrites the story i'm really angry

that person did what i did he said that

this story between us not a beautiful thing

The story of me being a victim transaction being rewritten

it wasn't beautiful

I'm sorry but I've grown up

but he's the same

Everyone of him covers his skin

Everyone like I used to that he would be a scarer

I'm guessing

they will regret it

that you will regret

“If you have experienced sexual abuse you are not alone"

"American Sexual Assault Organization Hotline Call or visit our website"

"Get help"

Subtitle: Jiwon Jang