Original subtitles

[phone beeping]

I'm going to put away my gun! No funny stuff, guys!

-All right. -All right.

Hey. That's Normandy, my friend! [laughs]

Uh, Alban. I've changed my mind. I don't want to jump.

Come on. Stop. What are you talking about? It was your idea, and it's a great one!

-It's too high. I don't want to! -Yeah, it's high. Of course!

-I don't want to jump from an airplane! -Vince!

-No! -No, stop it! This is France! It's home!

Do it for yourself! Do it for Mom. Do it for Louise.

-Okay. Yes. -[Alban] You've got to go! Go!

-Let's jump, my friend! -[Vincent whimpers]

-[device beeping] -[Alban] Ready? Go on.

Put on your goggles!

[device continues beeping]

THE FRENCH MANS

Yeah! We did it! Vince! We made it!

-Stop! Nobody move. -[Alban] Holy shit!

-Untie me very carefully. Be careful. -It was so awesome!

[Vincent breathes heavily]

-Oh, it's okay. [laughs] -[Alban] Good. Oh, fuck.

Thanks. [laughs]

[Vincent] It's fine. [panting]

No, no. Don't worry. Everything's okay. They're not loaded.

Anyway, thanks. That was amazing. Let's do it again, whenever.

-See you. -That was nice. See you!

Oi! How are we supposed to get home from here?

-Your accent's too thick. What? -What? I didn't understand.

What do we do to get back to England?

Oh, well. "What do we do to get back?"

Uh, well, figure it out, mate!

Do what we're doing! Figuritoutzen!

-[Vincent] Wait. Hold on. Okay. -[Alban] Come on!

[device beeping]

Raise your thumb or they won't see it. They're far away.

And try to look nice, huh. No one's gonna stop

-for a hitchhiker who looks weird. -I'm nice. Why'd you say that?

-[cow moos] -[rooster crows]

You know, if they operated on Mom, it must be endocarditis.

That or atherosclerosis.

What? What are you talking about? How do you know that?

Because Rachida asked me a lot of questions, you know.

She thought I was a cardiac surgeon, so I did some research for myself.

-[Vincent sighs] -Whatever it is, it's something serious.

And I-- I want to be there when she wakes up.

-[Vincent sighs] -[cow moos]

If she wakes up.

Alban, the problem is we can't go see your mom in the hospital

with a bacteriological weapon in my pocket.

Are you joking? We haven't done all this for nothing.

This thing, I'm gonna scrap it. Get rid of it.

Hell no. First, we can't just throw the VX out into nature.

Second, there's no point in returning to France

if we can't get our old lives back.

[sighs] Anyhow, we're dead.

[sighs] Truly and officially dead.

What do you think the Secret Service are gonna do?

It would look bad.

Not to mention, the double agent business, they'll want to keep the hush.

And so, if they find us--

Well, if they find us, they'll send us back to Morocco, that's it.

Or, uh, Guiana, or the North Pole if we're lucky.

[Alban sighs]

[whispers] Wait, I-- Uh…

I might have an idea.

Maybe this thing could help us.

-[vehicle approaching] -Hey, stop.

-[Vince] Come on, come on, come on! -[tires screech]

-[Alban] Hey, he's stopping. Come on. -Oh, great.

-Thank you! -Thank you!

[driver laughs]

-[Vincent] No! Oh, seriously? -[Alban] No. Asshole!

-What the hell? I can't believe it. -Fuck.

Oh, no. Fuck…

-[Vincent] Fuck this shit. [sighs] -[Alban] This is nuts.

-No, you're right. -I wouldn't dare do something like that.

It's not like it used to be. You're right.

People don't stop for hitchhikers anymore.

-No. They're too scared. -This is nuts.

[Alban sighs]

-We'll never get there on time. -[sighs]

We're not any closer now than when we were in Morocco.

Why would you say that? That's not like you at all.

At some point, you have to face the facts, Vince.

I am not as good as you think. You have a tendency to overestimate me.

I am not as clever as you think.

That's all.

-[sniffs] -To be honest, uh…

there were a few times that I thought you might be a little dumb.

-Oh, yeah? When? -No, well, I don't know, uh…

But it's true. You spout a lot of bullshit, you know.

-Such as? -I don't know right now.

-Oh, well, you don't know, so… -I mean--

Okay. That says it all.

Okay, well. For example, you can't beat a gazelle in a race.

No. Well, maybe not in a sprint,

but under winter conditions, in a marathon, uh…

Yeah, I could beat one. Excuse me.

-You didn't learn Mandarin on your own. -Vince, you're getting mixed up.

You don't realize if you master Japanese culture, it's nothing more.

Learning Mandarin is child's play.

Fine, but you wouldn't know how to fly a cargo plane on your own.

Uh…

-To take off, yeah, I would. -Oh, yeah?

-Mmm, no. I don't think so. -Well, then think again.

Anyway, what I want to say is that we're a team.

Right? I would never have gotten out of that hole in Morocco on my own.

And we'd be dead without your forklift license.

I think you're right, uh, about destiny.

You need to take hold of it.

[vehicle approaching]

-[horn honks] -Vince! What are you doing?

[air brakes hissing]

[music plays on radio]

-Uh, thank you for stopping, by the way. -I didn't really have a choice, did I?

Yeah, sorry. We were starting to feel a bit hopeless.

Yeah.

So, where are you going?

-Beaucastel. -Yeah, in Moselle.

Well, it's your lucky day. I'm going to Strasbourg.

My name is Patrick.

-Nice to meet you. -Alban.

Vincent.

Don't touch it!

Never touch this thing!

[pants] Uh. That being said, it's… [chuckles]

It's your thermos. You do exactly what you want to do with your thermos.

-Thanks, it's my coffee. Yeah. -[Alban] Sorry.

Please excuse me.

See? There's my name.

[radio host] Scottish authorities are investigating a burglary

that took place at a Seveso-classed facility for high bacteriological risk

last night in Grangemouth.

The burglarized premises contained a new nerve agent that,

according to some sources, could cause millions of deaths

if released into the atmosphere.

Patrick, could I borrow your cell phone, if you don't mind?

-Please? -Yeah.

…not confirmed whether anything was stolen during the break-in.

According to the UK Home Secretary, there is no terrorist risk

associated with this incident.

[couple kisses]

[brakes squeal]

Christmas Market STARTS DECEMBER 12

[band playing "Jingle Bells"]

[band continues playing]

You think we'll have to wait here long?

Maybe. I don't know.

No, I don't think so.

-[sighs] -I can't believe that we're in Beaucastel.

[both chuckle]

Well…

I never would've believed I'd be so happy to be back.

Why is that?

I just hate this town.

-Beaucastel? -Mm-hmm.

Yeah, I couldn't stand living here.

[band continues playing]

But it's a wonderful town.

What don't you like about Beaucastel?

No, it's-- I-- Nothing. I mean, I--

It was me.

I felt bad. I don't know. It was just awful back then.

So I thought it was the town's fault, but, uh…

-I felt trapped. -Hmm.

But I was always just saying,

"No, no, I'm going-- I'm going to move to Paris. I--

I'll be able to really start living my life."

But that was nonsense. It was-- It was a trap.

An excuse to, uh…

-"Try nothing, live nothing"… -Hmm.

You know?

So what are you going to do now?

[sighs] I'll just-- I'll find Louise.

Try to, uh, to see if there's any way to…

[sighs] And you?

Well, I think I'm going to enlist. [sighs]

In the military?

Secret Service.

Well, objectively, uh…

I-- I'm strongly predisposed for it.

Say what you will. Stop being blind, okay?

I've saved your life far too often

-for it to be some kind of coincidence or… -Uh…

Me, too. I've saved your life several times even.

Yeah? And when?

I don't know. When I took a bullet for you, for example.

That's exactly what I'm explaining to you. When you took a bullet.

It-It's always the civilians who get shot.

I mean, never the pros. I've never been shot.

Well no, because I jumped in front of you, remember?

Well, precisely. [chuckles]

Vince.

I'm an enigma.

-Hmm. Mm-hmm. -I'm an absolute paradox.

At some point,

-you need to stop denying the evidence. -Of course.

-Excuse me. -Hmm.

-Good evening, gentlemen. -[gasp]

Son of a bitch. You scared us.

[in French] ♪ O, O, we will have presents ♪

♪ E, E, the children are-- ♪

[Agent Joly gasps, in English] Jesus!

So we have a black BMW traveling at very high speed

on the byroad 12 headed downtown.

We are in pursuit.

[phone beeping]

[siren wailing]

[tires screeching]

I must say, I was surprised to hear from you.

Last I heard, you were in prison in Morocco for drug trafficking

-and not to be released. -[Alban] Mmm.

We played it smart. Nice and smooth. [chuckles]

-We've been through hell. -[Alban] Hmm.

You have to admit we weren't too bad this time. [laughs]

Well that's fine, but unfortunately, you can't stay here.

-Why not? -We can't ensure your safety.

We still don't know who booby-trapped your vehicle.

But surely, if we work together on this, we'll find out, because I--

Stop right there. We don't have time to listen to your theories, Piquet?

You claimed that you have information concerning the theft of a VX neurotoxin

from a high-security lab in Scotland.

What exactly do you know?

BEAUCASTEL wishes you a Merry Christmas and a happy holiday!

[siren wailing]

MUNICIPAL POLICE

I'm not sure I understand.

The team of mercenaries from this Yuri

broke you out because they thought you were who?

Experts in explosives.

-Yeah. -For making bombs.

Hmm. And you escaped them by putting Mentos in a bottle of Coca Cola?

-[Vincent] Yes. -Well, yeah. A Mentos bomb.

I mean, obviously, you've never heard about this, but we did it, okay?

So show me.

[Alban] Here it is.

But-- Why did you steal Pat's thermos?

Oh, that's-- I-- I-- Actually, I thought you'd forgotten it.

[Vincent] What?

Well, if anyone wants coffee or--

Give me the VX. I'm going to put it in a safe place.

Our lives back first.

But we can't just resurrect you like that!

-No suspect in sight. -[officer through comms] Copy that.

[phone beeping]

There are people who want you dead, all right?

When they realize you're alive, they'll try again.

And we're not really sure we can stop them.

Why not?

-Well, because we can't. -[scoffs] You already said that.

In fact, you didn't even try.

Huh? You lied to us. Go on, admit it, at least--

Us dead was that much more practical for you, that's all.

You really think it's the right time, huh?

We're right in the middle of a crisis that's way beyond you.

[beeping continues]

Listen. It's Christmas Eve.

Alban's mom is going to spend it all alone in the hospital.

My fiancée's wasting away her life

trying to understand the things that you're trying to hide.

[phone beeping faster]

[mother] Hey!

-Give me the VX. -That wasn't the only solution.

-[mother] Asshole. -Hey!

No one takes my son's teddy bear!

[mother groans]

Jerk.

[band playing "We Wish You A Merry Christmas"]

[panting]

[phone beeping]

-Okay, he's chasing after you. -[Vincent] Yeah.

We need to split up.

-Give me the VX. -Oh, no. Pro-- Promise me first.

No way. This isn't the time, all right. Millions of lives are at stake, you know.

Exactly. That's why it's the perfect moment.

[scoffs] Fine. Okay, listen. I admit you were right.

-We could have put you under surveillance. -Ah!

And maybe we'd have been able to intercept them before they got to you.

But we had other things to take care of,

like issues of terrorism and national security.

-[sighs] -So, yes. Sorry.

But your private lives were secondary to us.

They're looking for you now, so you need to keep moving.

I'm going to call for backup,

-but give me the VX. -Uh-uh.

[air brakes hiss]

-[person 1 shouts] -[Vincent grunts] Sorry.

Hey, look.

-That's the men whose car blew up! -[Vincent] This is yours.

-[person 2 shouts] -[Alban] Excuse me.

Set up a security perimeter. I want eyes everywhere.

-Understood. -I just sent you a visual of the suspect.

If you find Piquet and Bourne, he's right behind them.

[phone beeps]

[crowd chattering]

[phone beeping]

Suspect in sight.

[phone continues beeping]

[Julie] Is that seriously your Christmas present?

-[friend] Vincent? -[Julie] You're joking.

-But-- No. Julie, listen. -Don't change the subject. Answer me.

-Quit your BS. Did you find me a headlamp? -No.

-[Julie] No. Answer me! -It's Vincent!

-It's true-- -[Julie] Stop it. For the last time…

And do you think it's a normal Christmas present?

-Where is he? -He's heading north.

Nobody fires. Head north, everyone.

[phone beeping fast]

[special agent] Don't move.

Hands up. Slowly.

Turn around.

Come forward.

Forward!

Stop.

Okay, guys.

What do you have to do to get a cup of coffee?

[laughs] Tell me about it.

[Mrs. Q] Where are Piquet and Bourne?

-[gunshot] -[people screaming]

[special agent] Who fired?

All units. We've got a lone shooter on the scene. Be ready to act.

-[Vincent] Who the hell fired? -[Alban] We don't care. Go! Run!

[Vincent] Shit!

[panting] Fuck, Alban! There.

Go.

[grunts] There.

[grunts]

[Vincent] Okay.

-Okay. -Go. Your turn.

-I won't make it, Alban. -What?

-I can't do it. -What? No way. I'm not leaving you.

-Go, go, go. -No, no.

If we split up, he can't follow us both.

-You go see your mother. -I'm not gonna leave you here.

See your mom, Alban. That's been our goal.

-I'm not gonna leave. -I'll handle it. Go.

-No! We're together and staying together. -No. I can manage.

-I said no. We're not splitting up! -Alban.

I swear I'm going to make it. Get outta here.

Vince…

-[Vincent] I'll be okay. -[sirens wailing]

[panting] It's okay. It's okay.

[breathing heavily]

W-Wait, I know you.

-No… [breathes shakily] -You killed my brother.

Your brother?

No, no. I haven't killed anyone. We haven't kill anyone.

I swear to you. He had a motorcycle accident.

He tried to kill us. He drove right into us.

Wait, you're the one who booby-trapped the car then.

It looks like it didn't work.

So I am going to watch you die. Huh?

[gasps] No! No, stop! Please, no!

-This way I will be sure. -No! Don't do this!

[stun gun clicking]

[grunts]

No, you aren't doing anything, buddy.

[Agent Joly] That bomb nearly killed us, asshole!

Suspect neutralized and disarmed.

He just confessed to booby-trapping the car and causing the explosion.

Good work, guys.

We'll bring in Piquet and Bourne for questioning as well.

Unfortunately, they're gone.

Both of them?

Affirmative.

[whispers] Thanks.

Go on.

[police sirens]

Thanks.

[panting]

Department of Meurthe-et-Moselle Planning Agency

[people at party laughing]

[people at party chattering, laughing]

Clinical biology Traumatology

Cardiac surgery Cardiology

I really didn't know what to do.

What I mean is, what is the point of putting that on the invitations?

He's right. No one reads them anyway.

Come on. Come on. Get ready for the picture.

Cheese!

[camera shutter clicks]

Great! One more. Come on. Let's do it.

-Where is Louise? -But you are dead.

Where's Louise?

Isn't he supposed to be dead.

Um, room 140. That way.

-Okay. Thanks. -You're welcome.

[nurse chattering]

[Alban grunts]

Mr. Ben Ali hates to be screwed over.

-So let me tell you what's gonna happen. -Yes.

You're going to give me that fucking eye

because I am going back to Morocco with an eye.

And if not with that one, then I'll go back with another.

-[moans] -So, don't do anything stupid.

Tell me where that eye is, understood?

Understood.

It's in my pocket.

-What? -Yes. It's in my pocket.

Ah. That's good.

Okay, cool. [laughs]

-[kisses, chuckles] -[Alban] Hmm.

-That's cool. -Cool.

Cool. [chuckles]

-Yeah, cool. -Cool.

-So, can I go then? -Oh, yeah. Of course. [chuckles]

-Right. I'm going. -Yes.

[sighs]

[whimpers] I knew you were still alive.

[both breathing heavily]

[Solange] My God. [pants]

[both gasp]

-Oh, my God. -Mom.

-Oh, Mom! Mom. -[Solange crying]

-My baby. -Mom.

[Solange] Oh, it's you. It's you.

[people chattering indistinctly]

[person applauds]

[people whistling, cheering]

It's a Christmas miracle.

[shovel thudding against solid object]

[siren blares]

-[DGSE agent 1, in Arabic] Hey! Hands up! -[DGSE agent 2] Get down!

-Stop! -[DGSE agent 3] Hands up!

NATIONAL SECURITY POLICE

[in English] Well done, Rachida.

You've really earned your million and a half.

[chuckles]

Did you hear that?

[Alban, on phone] That's wonderful!

Merry Christmas, my Rachida!

[chuckles] This money is going to change everything for my family.

Oh, yes, I can imagine. But, Rachida, I need to confess.

My name isn't Yann. I--

I lied to you.

-[chuckles] I know. -I'm not a surgeon.

I'm not a street fighter, uh…

I am not a member of Jason Bourne's family.

I've never skied in my life. I said all that to impress you.

And I want you to know I'm a nobody.

And yet, you must be a man to take down Tarek Ben Ali.

And I find that very impressive.

That's kind of true. I hadn't looked at it like that.

And anyway, it wasn't all your stories that made me fall in love with you.

It was you, Yann.

But-- But I'm not Yann anymore. I-I-I'm Alban.

My-My-My first name is Alban.

-Alban, Rachida. Rachida, Alban. -[chuckles]

Okay.

[metal clinking]

And so, is there anything else you'd like to tell me, Alban?

-[chuckles] No, I've told you everything. -[clinking continues]

Uh, but I would just like to know, could I call you back in a bit?

Oh, I really hope that you will call me.

But you'll pick up when I call back?

-Promise? -[chuckles] Of course, Alban.

[in Arabic] Bye, dear Rachida.

Bye.

[in English] I miss you already.

[phone beeps]

[grunts] Okay, that's it.

Awesome. Well done.

Right? It's good to be alive.

Oh, yeah. I'd have to agree.

[both chuckle]

I wonder what time midnight mass is tonight.

Oh, well, I don't know. What time would you say?

Yeah, okay. You think that midnight mass must be at midnight.

Yes, I think that it's best for a midnight mass to be at midnight. Yeah.

-Yeah, well you're so naive. -[chuckles]

Okay. I'll check the Internet then.

-Me? I'm naive? I'm the naive one? -Yeah. Yes.

Who's the one who was swept off his feet like a fool by the Becker girl?

-[Alban] Who? -You were drooling so much.

-You were so naive. -Actually you didn't understand any of it.

You're so dense that you didn't even catch on that I was pretending to be in love.

-[Vincent] Bullshit! -[Alban] No-- There you go. Look.

Beaucastel. 10:30 p.m., midnight mass. There. Is that good for you? So naive.

-[Vincent] Okay, but that's an exception. -This is an exception?

-[Vincent] Yes. -Well, welcome to the real world, dude.

You know, I'm talking to you like this, Vince, because you're my friend, huh.

And you should stop being so trusting of everyone. I wanna tell you this. Look--

-Like midnight mass here. -Wait, if I--

If I need to, uh-- if I need to stop trusting everyone,

-that means I should stop trusting you. -Well, yeah.

Because you're truly the embodiment of everyone and everything.

If you trust me, it's because I wanted you to. I created conditions for that trust.

-[Vincent] Wow. -It's mind control.

So you could feel safe.

[Vincent] Is this another spy agent technique?

[Alban] No, this technique comes from my dentist.