Original subtitles

[Solange] Did you bring me my cookies?

-Solange, are you allowed to have them? -Yes. Of course… [whispers] …I'm allowed.

[whispers] Okay. So why are we whispering?

[whispers] Well, because they're very strict here about food.

Okay. [chuckles]

Oh, bravo. I'm so glad. Thank you! [gasps]

-Oh! That was a close one, huh? [chuckles] -[chuckles]

How are you? You look tired.

I've been working late.

[sighs] There's-- There's nothing new in the investigation.

It's almost like they don't want us to find the culprits.

I need to understand who did it and why.

But you know an investigation won't bring them back to us.

I know.

I just want the truth.

I feel like the Secret Service is giving us the runaround.

We couldn't see the bodies.

[sighs] We couldn't see the bodies because--

-Because they were too damaged. -[sighs]

I want my son near me,

like I want my husband near me, but… [scoffs]

An investigation won't bring them back.

They're gone.

Wanting to understand is one thing, but…

the way you've stopped living is a mistake.

When someone is as pretty and young as you…

[laughs]

But you know… hey.

No matter what happens, I'll always be like a second mother to you.

-[sniffs] Definitely. -[chuckles]

-You're brave. Right? -[sighs] Not that brave.

Oh, come on.

Hmm. It takes a lot of courage to smuggle cookies in here.

-[Louise chuckles] -[laughs]

Shall we open the box?

Take care of yourself, okay? [chuckles]

[nurse] Solange, how many times do I have to tell you?

-You aren't supposed to have sweets! -[Louise chuckles]

[Solange] Yes, ma'am.

THE FRENCH MANS

[tires screech]

[airplane passing overhead]

[person 1] Hello, gentlemen.

Follow me.

Listen, guys.

Here are the two most important members of our team.

Jérémy Melki and Fabien Poulain.

Uh, which of you is Jérémy, and which is Fabien?

-Not sure. -It doesn't matter.

-Well no, I-I'm Jérémy, uh, Melki. -Um,

and-and I'm-- I'm, well… Fabien Poulain.

[airplane passing overhead]

It certainly wasn't easy to find you guys.

Transferred from three different prisons in eight months.

-[both] Yeah, that was-- -We've been through hell or a nightmare.

As soon as you get somewhere, they tell you to scram. [chuckles]

"Gotta move." [chuckles]

-It's annoying. -Never any time to unpack--

Is this a joke? These are the guys we've been waiting for for three weeks?

Jérémy and Fabien are the best. Okay?

None of us are capable of doing what they do.

Bioterrorism is their specialty.

Chemical weapons hold no secret for them, and so they are going to make our bomb.

So you're the VX specialists?

Yes. Yes.

Specialists. Uh…

-You could say we're not that bad. -Uh-huh.

And that we enjoy making them.

-Maya, what's the problem? -[Maya] We risked a lot getting them out…

-What do they call VX? -[person 1] They're geeks, damn it…

[whispers] It's a-- It's a gas, I think.

-A lethal kinda gas. -[person 1] Take my word for it,

-few chemists can stabilize VX… -They're not kidding.

…and you have two of them right in front of you.

-Do you prefer to handle it yourself? -[Vincent] Sorry. Excuse me. Actually…

[chuckles] No, sorry. Because, I might as well tell you the truth.

-There might be a little misunderstanding. -Yeah, we're--

-We're just-- Sorry to interrupt. -Yeah.

Let-Let's save time.

Uh, it's true that we like to make bombs.

-But the ones we make are homemade. -Yeah. That's not--

-Small-scale, just for children, you know. -[gasps]

Oh, no. It's-- No. [stammers]

Listen but I mean, they're more like Mentos bombs.

-Exactly. -That's what we know best.

That is, we take a container, and we put in some Mentos…

They don't care. I don't think they care at all.

You may be looking for pros with a bit more technical experience

than what we could bring you.

We're not-- We're not the most-- Maybe we're not the most experienced enough.

-And I understand you're disappointed… -It's very hard.

[person 1 laughs]

[laughs]

Just laugh, Maya! They're kidding. You can see that they're kidding.

[person 2] Listen, Maya.

These guys invented untraceable PET.

They're number one in miniaturized chemical bombs that are highly lethal.

So stop bugging them with your stupid questions.

Okay?

I'm sorry.

-[person 2] She didn't mean to offend you. -It's no problem.

So long as it doesn't happen again, we'll forget about it.

I'm Yuri. I look after the money.

-Fabien Poulain. -Maya.

-Still Fabien Poulain. -Régis. [chuckles]

-And I'm still Fabien Poulain. -And I'm Ken.

So where's Barbie? [chuckles]

[chuckles]

[Ken] Okay, let's get this stuff.

[Vincent] What stuff?

[gasps, whispers] We're screwed. We're screwed.

-[whispers] Why is that? -Hmm?

[whimpers]

[Bertrand] We have three witnesses who described the scene to us.

-Attila is dead. -[chuckles]

And the eye?

Oh, that's the bad news, I'm afraid. They took it.

Who's "they"?

Those two hmars? Pipo and Bimbo?

[chuckles] Uh, yes.

[chuckles] Are you kidding?

Uh, no.

Okay. You get it back for me.

Uh, well, the problem is…

[inhales deeply] …we actually don't know where they are.

Okay, so what I mean is that, when they escaped through the riot,

they were, in fact, freed.

-But not by us. -Who got them out, then?

Uh, no-- No idea.

[chuckles]

[inhales deeply]

The idiot wanted to go back to France to see his mother.

You know where they're going.

So find them.

-You can count on me, Mr. Ben Ali. -[Tarek] Hmm.

So get lost.

[chuckles]

Luckily, they didn't think of asking us for the eye,

because air travel clogs my, uh, digestive system.

Alban. Concentrate, please.

They're not going to ask you for the eye. They don't give a damn about it.

These guys don't even know who Tarek Ben Ali is.

They take us for Fabien Widget and-and Jérémy Whatsit, bomb experts.

That's okay. I get it. I'm not a total idiot.

But what I'm wondering is what are these guys trying to get from us, okay?

That's what I don't get.

[Vincent gasps]

Alban, Alban. Look.

Oh, fuck. I understand. Do you recall the equations on the prison wall?

-Very well. -Look. They're the same.

The guys who were there before us, they were Fabien and Jérémy.

They wanted to help them escape except they got us instead.

-The grappling hook. All of it. -Yeah.

And now we're supposed to be specialists. [panting]

Except we don't know shit about what--

-We're gonna die in excruciating pain. -No, no.

Because we won't panic. Pull ourselves together.

-We're very smart people. -It's…

-You're in good company. -I don't know.

We're not gonna let a bomb screw us up. This isn't our first barbecue.

-This wasn't easy to find. -You--

I hope it'll be fine.

Oh, well. Yeah. It's fine. We'll take a look.

[Vincent breathing heavily]

Not bad. Not bad. [chuckles]

Okay, perfect. We received your message.

-Yeah. -We're aware

this will only keep the product stable at the right temperature for 24 hours.

-In theory. -But there will be a secret lab on-site.

-You can make the bomb when we get the VX. -Oh, yes, because…

-Then we'll contact the buyer directly. -Okay. But, uh, who is our buyer?

I think it's best not to ask too many questions.

It wasn't a quest-- Well, yes, if you like.

[Ken] You know, we're just middlemen. Yuri negotiates a price.

-And we just, uh… -Shop around.

That's it. Exactly, shop around.

-We get what we need to make… -[cylinder pops open]

-[Vincent gasps] -…bombs…

and sell them to the highest bidder.

Cool. [chuckles]

-[Yuri] Gentlemen. -Yes?

Gentlemen, nine-millimeter semiautomatic. Simple, no frills. Sound good?

We're familiar with it.

Wow, it's heavy. This is no fake.

-[Alban] Magnificent. -[Vincent gasps]

-[Yuri] You like it? -Nice.

[cocks gun]

-[Vincent] Ow. -[Alban] Okay.

-I'm not sure how to… -No, it's not loaded.

-Can't do it. [gasps] -[Alban] Um…

Quick question. You wouldn't happen to have a grenade, or…?

In these operations, we always have-- Just for backup. It's not for-- [laughs]

-You won't need a grenade. -[Vincent] No.

-No? -No.

Wh-- What about those ammo belts?

If there's an extra one, uh, I'll take it. [chuckles]

Those are for machine guns.

Can't we have something a bit more… Is this all we have?

It's enough.

Okay, put on your suits. We're leaving in 15 minutes.

[stutters] But, uh-- Where to?

Grangemouth. Scotland.

Grangemouth? That's far away, isn't it?

For that matter, I don't even know where we are right now, so…

-Where are we? [sighs] -It's best not to ask questions. Okay?

-So-So we never ask questions? -That's it. No questions.

Come on. Load the equipment.

-[sighs] This is a real nightmare. -What?

I mean this. All of this. And why the fuck Scotland?

Well, you heard them. To make bombs.

But neither of us know how to make bombs, Alban. Neither of us.

Yes, Vincent. I can make a bomb. I just have an ethical concern.

Yeah, right.

We need to get out of here as quickly as possible.

Well, I'm with you there.

We gotta go to Scotland and then… [whistles] …pull an Irish goodbye.

Irish goodbye? But that's nonsense, you-- I mean, you think we're on a school trip?

These guys won't let us get away once we're there.

It's no joke.

No. We gotta get out of here. It's now or never. Right now.

Okay, so I'll be the pilot. You, the copilot. There. Yeah.

-So now you know how to fly a cargo plane? -Uh, yeah.

[scoffs]

I've got 1,000 hours of simulator time on software. Yes, I can man it.

On what? [scoffs]

On F-19 Stealth Fighter, Vince.

On Amiga?

Okay. So maybe you pilot, I copilot.

But it's not about who's the pilot or the copilot!

We're not flying this thing! [panting]

And all we can do is run away. So that's what we do, all right? On three.

One, two…

Stop.

Three!

-[vehicle approaches] -[tires screech]

-No! -Whoa! Where do you think you're going?

-Calm down. We weren't-- -Now, where you going?

We break you out of prison and this is how you thank us?

-But we're not who you think we are. -No, I'm not Fabien Poulain.

No, we know nothing about bacteriological weapons.

That's right. We're musicians. We were going to Canada

-to do an unplugged concert. -We're not musicians.

No, what I really do-- I'm a forklift driver

-for a trucking company in Morocco. -No, not even that.

We work for the Department of Meurthe-et-Moselle Planning Agency.

-We used to. -I'm a subcontractor, so I don't work.

If you lie to me one more time,

-I will put a bullet in your head. -[both] But we're not lying.

It's all true. I swear.

So who the hell are you?

Okay. I'm Vincent Piquet. He's Alban Bourne.

-And we're-- We're normal guys, okay? -[Alban] Yeah.

-[Vincent] We come from Beaucastel. -Yeah, it's in Moselle.

[pants] We just want to go home. We were set up by a drug lord.

-He kidnapped us on a plane. -Yeah.

I can't even believe what I'm telling you.

[Vincent and Alban panting]

-We're not who you think we are. I swear. -No.

We-- We just want to go home, that's all. My mom-- My mom is very sick.

-Okay, that's enough. Shut up. -Don't hurt us.

All right. Okay. Listen carefully.

I'm with the DCRI.

-What is that? -You know. It's a retirement fund.

-The secret service. -[Alban] Yes, I was joking. [chuckles]

You're a secret agent?

-Well, classy. -[sighs] Thank you, sir.

For five years, I've been on this team.

Everything I've built is to accomplish this mission.

As soon as you have the VX, I can take them down.

But we don't know anything about bombs. We can't do that.

You won't get that far.

As soon as you give them the VX,

my guys will surround the building and intervene. And they'll be neutralized.

You want to go home, don't you?

-Oh, yes, yes. -Yes.

I'll take you home.

But first you have to be Fabian and Jérémy for another 12 hours.

Then it's good. It's over. You go home.

-Okay? -Yeah.

[vending machine squeaks]

[electronic beeping from tablet]

Hey, do you have any change?

-What? -[Alban] Look.

[sighs] No. Stupidly, I left my wallet in the cell in Morocco.

-That was dumb. I'm really hungry. -[Vincent] Cut it out, Alban.

Gentlemen. We're each gonna to wear one of these watches.

We must all have exactly the same time, to the second.

Okay. Régis, once we're there,

you'll neutralize the guard at the lab door

before he sounds the alarm.

Once I've hacked the firewall, I'll have control of the elevators.

In the meantime, you'll have retrieved the VX.

Gentlemen, what can we expect when we get to the laboratory?

Gentlemen?

Go on, explain.

[Vincent] Hmm.

Um…

What should we expect when we get into the lab?

Uh…

Test tubes.

Vials.

Bunsen burners. Microscopes.

Uh… Little pipettes.

The whole shebang.

So, uh, you'll have to remember, gentlemen, miss Maya,

to wear your safety glasses

and, above all, not to touch your eyes with your fingers.

[Régis and Ken laugh]

Come on, guys. This is no time for kidding around.

You're not the ones handling

the highly dangerous bacteriological weapons.

-Okay? We are.We'll handle those. -Yeah.

That's our job and that's normal.

We don't work with submachine guns. [laughs]

So the only thing I ask of you is a bit of respect.

Because once we're inside,

your lives will be in our hands.

They won't be in yours, or in yours or in yours.

They'll be in ours.

In mine.

And in Vincent's.

Uh, no, J-Jérémy's.

J-Jérémy's. Thank you.

Listen to him.

[Alban clears throat]

VX can kill anything living within a one-mile radius.

No one wants to entrust this to amateurs. Do we all agree?

Correct.

Please continue.

No, I'm good.

I was more or less finished.

Excellent briefing. [chuckles]

-[liftgate whirring] -[Ken] There's more. Hold on.

[liftgate whirring]

The helicopter will drop us on the roof of the building at 3:00 a.m.

That's the precise moment

when all the week's security recordings are backed up and the memory cards erased.

That leaves us four minutes

before the elevators and cameras are working again.

Four minutes to access the roof and rappel down to the sixth floor.

No, no, wait. Four minutes is-- It's very short, four minutes, huh?

Yeah, it's not a lot.

One second more and we're screwed. We can all say goodbye to the 45 million.

Well, okay. [chuckles]

It's okay.

Just about the rappelling down, you mentioned, uh…

Heights make me uncomfortable, so--

Don't worry. You're the stars. We'll bring you back another way.

[Ken] Maya will hack the site's server and create an order for two vending machines

to be delivered to the sixth floor.

But the lab where the VX is located has the highest level of security.

The vending machines will be unloaded by lab personnel

and installed in the secured area.

[crunches]

You will have to wait inside the vending machines for ten hours.

[coins rattle in vending machine]

[vending machine beeps]

[multiple beeps]

[scientist taps on vending machine]

[continues tapping]

[snack thumps]

[scoffs]

[Ken] The lab closes at 11:00 p.m., but we will arrive four hours later.

At that time, there will be only one guard on duty.

[Vincent] Alban!

Alban!

-Alban! -[Alban] Yeah?

What does your watch say?

[watch beeps]

Three o'clock!

[sighs] Shit, mine too.

[sighs] Do you think they did it?

I don't know. What do you want me to say?

[sighs] Geez.

Why does this always have to happen to us?

What?

[Vincent] What "what"? This!

Having to-- to-to steal bacteriological weapons for terrorists.

[Alban] You know, technically speaking, it's really only happened to us once.

Well, yeah. Okay. Fine, then.

[Alban] Maybe it's, uh, it's up to us to make sense of it all.

It's up to us to find out which way to get out of what, you know, it's--

[sighs] I know I can't explain it to you,

but we're not gonna be pushed around and just do what we're told.

[helicopter whirring]

We're not victims, man.

We're men. We're the game masters here.

[glass shatters in distance]

[silenced gunshot]

[gasps] Oh, fuck. They bumped off the security guard.

-[Alban, gasps] Jesus Christ. -[Vincent] What's going on?

Come on, guys. Put your masks on. Go, go, go.

[Vincent] Why? What's going on?

Nothing. He cut himself on some glass. I'll take care of it.

Come on! What are you doing? Come!

Yeah. I'm coming! Just grabbing some supplies!

[buttons on door panel beep]

[high-pitched beep]

-You ready, gentlemen? -[beep stops]

Come on. Quick, quick, quick!

[both breathing heavily through gas masks]

[Alban whispers] Easy, easy, easy.

[whispers] Hey. Take it easy, Vince. Easy.

-Shh! -Come on. Easy!

[Vincent] There it is.

Whoa! Careful! Don't touch the glass! It's extremely unstable.

Do you have to yell like that? This is stressful enough as it is!

Oh, fuck. Not the glass. Not the glass. Not the glass.

-[Alban] You're shaking. Let me do it. -[Vincent] Okay.

-[Ken] How much time, Maya? -One minute.

Gently, gently, gently…

-May I proceed? -[Vincent] Yeah.

Thanks.

[Vincent whispers] Yes. Yes, yes, yes. Yes, yes. Easy.

[Alban] Close the door.

-[Maya] Hurry up! -[Alban] What?

-[Alban] Do you have it? -Yes. [laughing]

-How did you do that? -[Vincent] I don't know.

[both laughing and speaking indistinctly]

[Vincent] Oh…

[devices beeping]

Sorry, I screwed up.

Don't worry, Maya. Everything's fine.

-We're managing. No problem. -[door closes]

-Ken, please. -Anyone want a Mentos?

[Vincent panting]

-Okay. Thanks. -[silenced gunshots]

[silenced gunshots]

[exhales sharply] Weren't they supposed to be arrested?

Change of plans.

Okay, so, uh, where-- where are your DCRI guys?

-A-Aren't they ready? -I really hope not.

I may have lied a little.

What? But what are you gonna do with it?

I'm going to sell it. I already have a buyer.

The difference is that now…

I won't have to split it four ways. [chuckles]

-It's my best Christmas ever. -No, no. Wait a minute.

[stammers] That doesn't show much Christmas spirit, does it?

[stutters] We don't-- We don't know how to make a bomb with this, okay?

I know. That brought the price down.

But it'll still do.

Now put it in here, please.

Drop your gun! You got it?

-Drop your gun. -[laughing] Yes! Yes, Alban!

-Yeah. You forgot I had one, didn't you? -Yes.

-It isn't loaded. -[Vincent stops laughing]

-[Vincent] What? -How's that?

Who gave it to you?

-Uh, you did. -Ah.

-[gun clicks] -We're fucking dead.

-Don't come any closer or I'll drop it. -Oh, I don't think so.

Oh, yeah? Well, two minutes ago, we almost dropped it so…

-[Alban] Yeah, exactly. -[Vincent] Huh? No, but… [chuckles]

Anyway, if you shoot me, I'll be forced to drop it.

Very well. Then I'll kill your friend.

No, no, no! No, no.

Now, just put it in the cylinder.

-[Vincent pants] Don't come near me. -[Yuri] Go on!

No! I'm warning you, I'll drop it!

-It's not as if you had a choice. -Listen to him!

He's right! Do what he says!

-No. Absolutely not! -Do it now!

-[groans] -[grunts]

-[Alban] Come on! Let's go! -[gasping]

Fuck!

[Vincent panting]

[silenced gunshot]

[Vincent panting]

-[Vincent] That way. [panting] -[elevator button beeps]

-Vince! Hurry, he's coming! -[Vincent] I'm doing the best I can!

-[elevator dings] -[Vincent] Come!

[Vincent] What? Straight ahead, straight ahead.

[Vincent grunts]

[forklift engine cranks]

-Wait, wait. No, wait-- -Hurry. Start it. Start it.

Now's the time to prove you have your forklift license.

Wait, look. You see. They didn't have that in Morocco.

-You know this is incredible! I can't-- -I don't give a fuck. Start it!

-What are you doing there? -[Vincent gasps]

How do you think this is gonna end, huh?

Come on, give it to me. Don't be stupid.

[Vincent groans]

[door opens]

-[guard] Hey! What are you doing? -[gunshots]

[forklift engine revving, beeping]

-[multiple silenced gunshots] -[bullets ricocheting off metal]

[tracker beeping]

[station announcer] Passengers must board immediately.

Passengers must board immediately.

[train horn blows]

-[whistle blows twice] -Oh, shit.

Tickets, please.

We're screwed. [pants]

Get into a compartment. I've got an idea.

This one. This one.

Yeah.

[wind blows]

-[exhales] -We'll be safe here, right?

[Vincent] Yeah.

Yeah. Let's make the most of it and get some sleep.

Yeah, well, I'm making a quick trip to the restroom

because I feel like Attila's eye is just about to pop out.

Well, make it quick.

Be right back.

[sighs]

[line rings, clicks]

[operator, through phone, in Arabic] You have reached Toba Center. Welcome.

[in English] You have reached the Ogygia Penitentiary Center. Please hold.

[line rings, beeps]

[sniffs]

[camera shutter clicking]

Hello. The next flight for Paris, please. [sniffs]

-For Paris? -Yes, Paris.

-Paris, Paris, Paris… -[announcer] …gate seven.

[announcer, in Arabic] Passengers for flight 9625…

[in English] What the hell took you so long?

I was trying to clean this.

Wh-- What are we gonna do with the gas?

They said it would expire within 24 hours,

so, uh, once in France, we throw it away. That's all.

No, no. It doesn't work like the expiration date on yogurt, okay?

They said it gets really dangerous in 24 hours.

[sighs] I don't know. We should give it back to the experts.

There's something written on it.

[train whistle blows]

There! There, there. Look!

No, turn it, turn it, turn it!

Looks like a code.

No, no. It's not a code. I know what it is.

-Those are GPS coordinates. -Yeah, that's it.

You're right, dude.

I bet they indicate where Attila hid all his money.

Holy shit. That'd be good for us, huh?

Oh! Even better than good.

I'm gonna write down what's written on it right away.

Hold this.

-Uh, I'd rather write it down myself. -Oh, it's all right. It's not dirty.

-Yeah, it is. -Okay, go ahead. Write.

If you're disgusted, so be it. It's clean, you know.

-[steam hisses] -[chime plays over intercom]

[announcer] Your attention, please. You have reached Dover Priory Station.

-[steam hisses] -[train whistle blows]

[Ferry station employee] Passengers for Calais.

Passengers for Calais. Boarding…

Even if we panhandle, we'll never have enough to pay for two tickets.

Hmm.

Hey, hey. Uh, could you let me have some change then?

What for?

[phone rings]

Cardiology ward.

No. Sorry, sir. She's about to enter the OR.

When is she going to get out of the OR?

Okay. You don't know, but… [stammers] …I really need to-- You know-- I--

No, what you don't understand is that I am her s--

[ship horn blows]

[sighs] It got cut off.

[Alban sighs]

My mother is about to have surgery, and I'm not even there. It's--

Don't worry. It'll be fine.

Hey, Alban. It'll be fine, I'm sure.

And you'll be with her when she gets out. There's a ferry tonight.

Okay, come on. We have to find a way to make some money.

Yeah, and to eat something, too. Because I'm-- I could eat a whole cow.

[chef] One chateaubriand, medium rare, with pommes dauphine.

And five coq au vin.

-Okay? Okay? -[kitchen staff] Oui, Chef! Oui, Chef!

Hey, guys. Oh. Washing dishes isn't eating.

So drop the grandma's chicken and speed it up. Okay?

-Okay. No problem. -Yes, chef.

[chef] Come on, guys! I expect excellence. The French touch!

[cooks] Oui, Chef!

Hello! Two tickets to Calais.

Two. Calais.

-The, um, next ferry leaves in 30 minutes. -[Vincent] Thank you.

Tempting, isn't it? We could buy a round trip and…

-[Vincent] No. -What?

Do you have your passports?

Uh, passports?

Uh, no, but we're in Europe, right?

We don't need passports in the EU, do we?

Let me guess. It's probably because of Brexit.

It's got nothing to do with Brexit.

You need a passport to go between France and the UK under any circumstance.

Even as French citizens when we return to our native country?

Sorry. You cannot board the boat without a passport.

Don't worry, Alban. We will get home.

-Bye! -I'm skeptical.

[airplane whirring]

-Sorry, guys. We're closed. -This won't take long.

-What's it about? -Does that plane work, I mean, fly?

Yes, of course.

But, uh, not at the moment. It's winter.

-Yes, but it's a beautiful day for flying. -[chuckles] Sorry, my friends, uh…

It's impossible today, no.

Yes, today.

-Yesterday? -No, not "yesterday."

"Yes," comma, "today."

Okay, we'll do this with a British accent if you prefer.

[in a British accent] We are going to France right now. Okay?

You want me to fly to France?

Yes. Please.

That's impossible, my friends.

It's forbidden to land in France without authorization.

We won't be landing then.

[tires screech to a stop]

-[engine revs] -[tires screech]