Original subtitles

[Vincent] We didn't know about the-the drugs.

We only knew about the passports.

They gave us the luggage. We aren't Canadian. We aren't singers. We--

-No. No. -We aren't Bryan and Laurent.

-We aren't Thierry or Yann either. -Shut the fuck up, for God's sake.

Yeah. I am Alban Bourne, and this is Vincent Piquet.

It was a guy named Tarek Ben Ali who…

-Wait, who? -…got us these fake passports.

-[both] Tarek Ben Ali. -[in Arabic] Pull over.

How do you know Ben Ali?

-Okay, we'll explain everything to you. -[Alban sighs]

[Vincent] The French Secret Service hid us here under false identities

as part of the witness protection program,

and for our safety they took away our passports.

But we need to get back to France because my mom is sick.

That's why we wanted to get fake passports.

So we were introduced to this guy, Tarek Ben Ali--

-But-- -He was supposed to help us.

Yeah, but we promise we didn't know that he was gonna use us

-as drug mules. -Course not.

-[Alban] No, never. -Okay.

Are you ready to make a statement?

Yes, of course.

-Sure. It's the truth, so… -Yeah. Yes, yes.

I need 24 hours to verify your story.

But you're still guilty, so you're still going to prison.

NATIONAL SECURITY

THE FRENCH MANS

[guard speaking Arabic]

[both gasping]

-[in Arabic] Stop right here. -[door buzzing]

[in English] Stop here.

Follow me.

[inmates clamoring]

[calling out in Arabic]

Hey, hotties.

[in English] Here's your suite, newly available.

-[clanging] -[inmates clamoring]

It was occupied by two Frenchmen like you.

They were transferred out last night.

And why were they transferred?

For their own safety.

Uh, I would like to make a phone call, please.

-Yeah, me too. -You have the right to one phone call

every two weeks.

Course, that's a reward for good behavior.

Otherwise, once a year.

But we won't be staying here that long.

-[Alban] No. -[Vincent] No.

-No. No, we're innocent, both of us, so-- -[stammers] This is temporary.

Well, why didn't you make that clear to me before?

Oh, I would have gotten you a better room if I'd known you were innocent.

[keys clanking]

If you want my opinion,

he was being sarcastic.

-Yeah, I'm positive. -Yeah, you're…

Oh, shit.

You can't show weakness, Vince.

These men, they can sense fear.

I saw it on a doc about American prisons.

They don't mess around, believe me.

You know, at any moment

a guy is gonna come up to you, pick a fight and punch you in the face.

And then, if you don't fight back, you're screwed.

You're dead. You-- You're a marked man, Vincent.

Respect yourself, 'cause if you do that, then you'll be respected.

They kick your ass daily if you don't.

[sighs] No, if we don't piss them off, we won't get our asses kicked.

They didn't need a reason in that American doc.

You also might be used as a sex toy. No?

-Hello! -[canteen worker] Hello.

So, we will have,

well, uh, a bit of everything. [chuckles]

It looks good.

I have a slight preference for, uh, chickpeas.

Everything you have seems delicious.

-[sighs] -You aren't eating your chickpeas?

-No. -What's wrong with them?

Uh, nothing. Nothing's wrong. They're gross, that's all.

Hey, look at the other tables. They've finished everything on their plates.

We don't know them. We don't know their rules.

We don't know their codes.

If they notice, you might be offending them.

-Okay, fine. You can finish them then. -No, no.

I don't want to be seen as the guy who finishes everyone else's plate.

Come on, think, Vincent.

Don't turn around now, but there's a guy staring at me.

I said don't turn around.

But what's he doing?

Now he-- Oh, he's licking his lips.

Like, "I have chapped lips," or like, "I want you"?

-More like the second one. -Shit.

What?

He's about to choose you as his future boyfriend.

[whimpers] What?

Eat your chickpeas.

[worker] Can you repeat the names for me?

Vincent Piquet and Alban Bourne.

Hold on a moment, please.

[phone beeps]

I have a call from Morocco for you, ma'am.

JUSTICE FOR VINCENT AND ALBAN

[Mrs. Q] Transfer the call to me.

Who's calling?

Agent Yacoub. Moroccan DGSN.

I'm listening.

I need to know if you have two protected witnesses on our territory.

Vincent Piquet and Alban Bourne.

Is your line secure?

I never imagined that one day I'd be thinking about math problems in prison.

It reminds me of my ninth-grade math teacher,

all alone in front of his board.

He lost his mind over some sophisticated equation.

That's bullshit.

-[Vincent] He was really dumb. -[prison guard] 421 and 422,

you have a meeting with the DGSN.

-[keys clanking] -[door opening]

[Vincent] We'll tell her everything. She wants Tarek, not us.

You-you think she'll let us go?

She came to negotiate.

We need to play it smart.

Hey, guys. I'm happy to see you both again.

So tell me, guys. Uh, Mr. Tarek Ben Ali has heard a rumor that you were

going to meet with a law enforcement representative this afternoon.

He thought it might be a good idea for you to have legal counsel in the room.

Don't worry about it. He'll take care of all my legal fees.

Tarek Ben Ali trapped us.

[Bertrand] No. You didn't seriously believe

your 1,847 euros would cover passports

and plane tickets? [clicks tongue]

-You aren't here by chance, guys. -What do you mean?

Rather than asking you for more money,

Mr. Tarek Ben Ali preferred to send you to this prison

so that you could do him a little favor.

If you do all that you are asked, we, in return, will respect the deal we made

-and you'll see your mom again. -Now wait, wait, wait.

[stammering] How little is this favor? Because…

Yeah, that's a really good quest…

Yeah.

There's a prisoner. ID number 214, a certain Attila.

He stole a lot of money from Mr. Ben Ali and stashed it somewhere.

And you two, you're gonna figure it out.

-Huh? -Yes, but--

but surely we're gonna be released today,

so, uh, we can't do this favor for you.

Okay, well then-- [chuckles]

That cop will tell you that you can get you out, but the problem is

that she doesn't have any proof of what you said about Mr. Ben Ali.

And even if she had it,

she wouldn't be able to release you today.

Besides, if you ever decide to spill the beans on Mr. Ben Ali,

there won't be any more todays or tomorrows for you.

-[Vincent sighs] -[Alban groans]

So I have here-- [chuckles] You're going to love this.

A nice photo of the last guy who wanted to, uh,

testify against Mr. Ben Ali.

Would you like to see it?

[both gasp]

[chuckles] Hashtag "No filter."

-[lock turns] -[door opens]

The date is December 19th at 1:05 p.m.

Questioning of Vincent Piquet and Alban Bourne.

So, gentlemen, the last time we saw each other,

you started telling me about your interactions with a Tarek Ben Ali.

Is that right?

[inhales] You stated that you were not aware of the presence of drugs

in your luggage.

That they had been delivered by an associate of Tarek Ben Ali,

who had also taken care of getting you fake passports.

[inhales] Are these the known facts as you described them to me?

[chuckles]

[sighs]

Boys?

I'm sure your lawyer told you I can't help you, but that's not true.

I checked your story. I know who you are.

So with just a bit of cooperation, I'll send you home.

Not to mention that there is a reward for anyone

who leads us to Ben Ali's location.

-A very large reward. -Hmm,

my clients would like to know when you'll be releasing them.

[sighs]

-Very soon. -Very soon. When?

[Bertrand sighs]

[buzzer sounds]

You made the right choice, guys.

Now you'll need to take care of Attila.

-[Alban] Hmm. -He has a stash somewhere.

Mr. Ben Ali wants to know the location.

Yeah, okay, I'll do whatever you want, but how do we find this Attila?

He's in the infirmary. Approach him. Befriend him.

Gain his confidence and, most of all… [inhales]

…learn his secrets, huh?

Wait, I-- Why do you need us t-t-to do this?

I mean, can't you see we're not gangsters?

-[chuckles] -[Vincent] Can't you ask other people?

-No. Unfortunately, there's no one else. -[Vincent sighs]

Attila is someone who is-- How should I say this?

Excessive.

Oh, yes, one important thing. Don't look him directly in the eyes.

Okay, and how do we get to the infirmary?

Everything is planned.

-Here. -[Alban gasps]

Swallow this now.

It's homemade.

[Vincent sighs]

-Does it work quickly? -Mmm. [chuckles]

[stomach gurgling]

-[Alban inhales sharply] Oh. -[gurgling grows louder]

[Vincent] Ah.

I'm so ashamed.

[stomach gurgling]

[doctor] You're lucky.

It's just traveler's diarrhea.

Okay.

Damn.

Traveler's diarrhea.

So, uh, what's next? We'll spend the night here, right?

-[clicks tongue] -No?

You're going right back to your cells.

-Uh, excuse me, Doctor, but… -Hmm?

…see, the problem is that we've already had several bouts of traveler's diarrhea.

-[Vincent] Yeah. -We don't want to have an accident,

and are afraid of dehydration, so if we could…

-[doctor] Dehydration? -Yeah.

[doctor sighs]

-I saw that there were-- [grunts] -[doctor] Get dressed.

[Alban] But we-we can't…

And wait for a guard to come get you.

But what if we have an accident in the cell later?

Doctor, hey, please, ju-just one night.

This isn't a hotel.

No, that's not the issue, but it's just that--

If we could spend just a bit more time here, to, uh, recover.

Sometimes it comes back even stronger. [breathes shakily]

-You know. -Get out. Go to your cell.

[stomach gurgling]

-[inmates clamoring] -[Vincent sighs]

We really embarrassed ourselves for nothing.

[Alban] Mm-hmm.

I wanna see my mom.

[door opens]

Let me go! Let me go, you son of a bitch! I'll knock your teeth out! [growls]

Cut the crap, Attila, or you'll end up in solitary confinement.

[Attila] No. First I'm gonna rip off your fingers and make you eat them one by one!

[prison guard] Oh, yeah. Last warning.

Yeah, right. Shut the fuck up!

[grunting, panting]

[Vincent gasps, pants]

[Alban] Hey, dude.

What's up?

-[screams] -[Vincent screams]

-[Attila laughs] -[Alban laughs]

That was a good one. [laughs]

Not bad. [laughs]

You really got us. [laughs]

Excellent. [chuckles]

What brings you here?

[wheezes]

Acts of brutality.

Torture.

-All right. -Murder.

-This is classic stuff. -Yeah, classic, classic.

And more. [chuckles] That's only what they found out about.

[Vincent exhales sharply]

Uh, and, uh-- [whimpers]

What, um--

Why do you goof around so much, huh?

[making rasping sounds]

-[Vincent gasps] -[laughs]

[door creaks]

Yallah, princesses. Time to get back to your cell.

Yeah, uh--

-Please. -[Alban] We're ready.

[chuckles]

I'm sure we'll run into each other later today.

[muezzin calls]

[clamoring]

[buzzer sounds]

[door slams]

[prison guard] Wait here.

I can't do this, Alban. [breathes deeply] I can't.

We have no choice, Vince.

I don't wanna end up like that guy in the photo.

I wanna see my mother again.

-Think about Louise. -But they're psychopaths.

-Yeah, I know. -Look.

Let me do it.

Someone needs to go tell these rats that they're ruining the view here.

[whistles]

He can do the job.

[Vincent] Huh? What are you doing?

He's not afraid of anything, this guy.

[Vincent] Huh?

Oh, yeah, he's a vicious one. He's a total maniac. He's uncontrollable.

In France, everyone's afraid of him.

This lunatic left school at 12.

[scoffs] When he walks down the street, people run like rabbits.

He opens beers with his teeth.

-He's blacklisted from every casino. -[sniffing]

Oh, yeah. I don't like losing. [chuckles]

And last summer, he killed a kid.

-Oh? -Uh, no, no, no.

Uh, no. Uh-- uh, a kit.

A kit. I bumped off a baby fox.

And why did you kill a baby fox?

Because I was in a dark mood.

And so this asshole scares everybody?

[scoffs] This asshole?

So, tell me, big guy.

Do you know anyone tough enough to take a bullet?

Huh? Show them.

-Where's that bullet? -On the other side.

Oh.

So if you wanna talk to the asshole who shot him point-blank, you'll find him.

But it won't be easy, because you'll have to dig him up.

-[Alban] Look. -Good.

[Alban] That's good?

Hey, we'll see about that.

You see that guy over there? He's called Scorpio.

You go find him, and you're going to tell him this.

[whispers inaudibly]

[Vincent breathes sharply]

Hi. So, uh, my colleagues want to know if…

[inhales and exhales shakily]

…you could by any chance go fuck your mother and her entire family.

-[Scorpio shouts] -[Vincent pants]

-[thud] -[Attila laughs]

But we should go help him right? I know my friend. He's gonna tear him apart.

-[Attila laughs] -[Attila's friend] We should.

[all shouting]

[Attila laughs]

A real kamikaze, huh?

[Alban] Yeah. I warned you, my friend is a nutcase.

[grunts] Well, I need guys like you.

[Vincent whimpers]

-[grunting continues] -Thanks, man.

[Attila laughs]

-Ah, I love you, man. -[Vincent exclaims]

What's missing here, what's missing is the torture.

-You see? -[Alban] Mmm.

Tearing off the balls of some idiot who's shitting himself,

that, you see, that's the kind of thing we're missing here.

You ever tortured someone innocent? Ha.

That's just the best.

'Cause you, you-- You see, you don't know they're innocent.

-[Attila laughs] -[Vincent] Yeah.

-[Alban] Mm-hmm. -[Attila] So it goes on.

And on and on and on.

Ah, just telling you about it gives me goose bumps.

-Ah. -Oh, well, us too.

-Uh, we miss violence so much. -[Attila] Oh, yeah.

But most of all, we're trying to keep our spirits up. [chuckles]

But, uh… [clears throat] …having a-a-a project,

I find it helps to keep going here.

A project? Might this be a project that's violent?

-Oh, yes. -Yes, yes, of course. Absolutely.

-[Vincent] Very violent, even. -So ideally, we would want to, uh,

-to get, uh, the guy who took us down. -[chuckles]

You know.

Tarek Ben Ali. That's his name.

I don't know if you-- if you've heard of him.

Does it ring a bell?

Tarek Ben Ali?

[Vincent grunts]

Are you asking me if I've ever heard of Tarek Ben Ali?

[Vincent grunts, squeals]

Uh, some people even say that he's the one who sent you here.

What if I told you I'm the one that got him? Hmm?

And that I killed his only son and ten of his men?

And that I completely ruined his business by stealing a half-ton of Colombian hash

and all of his cash?

And that I stashed all of it in a place that only I can find?

An eye for an eye.

-[spits] -[Vincent gasps]

Well, clearly, uh, it's a passion of his to spit on you.

An eye for an eye.

[Alban] It's his eye.

Yeah, no, he-he told us-- he told us that the money was stashed somewhere

and he-he showed us his glass eye.

So, uh, we think that the eye is the key.

That's very interesting.

It's fascinating actually.

Mr. Ben Ali will be happy to hear about all of this.

-Well, cool. -When can you get it though?

-What? -Well, uh, his eye.

Well, we're not gonna take his eye out.

Well, if it's necessary…

Hold on. [stammers] It's his eye, okay? I mean, it's attached to his head.

-We can't just steal it from him. -Should I remind you of your options?

-[Alban sighs] -[Vincent sighs]

So, uh, let's assume,

let's assume that we manage to get it.

Will you-- Will you get us home then?

Yes. As soon as you have it, we'll send you both back home.

[Vincent sighs]

It's worth doing.

-What? -His eye.

[performer singing country song in English]

[song fades out]

[Vincent] But it's impossible.

[Alban] Nothing is impossible.

[Vincent scoffs] Nothing is impossible? Yes, lots of things are impossible.

We can't, uh-- We can't-- We can't fly away.

We can't run away by walking through the walls.

So in my opinion, we can't rip an eye out without its owner noticing.

No, that's impossible. We'd get killed.

Okay, but we can make him another one, can't we?

Huh? How-how are we gonna do that, huh?

We steal a ping-pong ball, make a little dot on it

and switch it while he's asleep?

Think about it.

Okay, fine, we'll have to kill him then.

What?

Yeah, we're gonna have to kill him.

You know, at some point, you're gonna have to understand that he's a murderer, okay?

-[Vincent scoffs] -And he's the one who killed Tarek's son.

Yes, he may be a scumbag, but we're not killers.

We're the victims here.

We're innocent, and I wanna remain that way.

But that's the thing. We don't have to resign ourselves to being victims.

That's what you don't understand.

Uh, we can change that. We can change our destiny.

Oh, no, we can't change our destiny.

Destiny means that you can't escape it.

Yeah, yeah, right.

Well, all I can tell you is that I'm starting to get depressed.

I don't even know what day it is. I don't know anything anymore.

It's, like, December 21st or 22nd. Something like that.

Then…

Christmas is in three days.

[Alban breathes deeply]

Hmm.

So wh-what's your favorite Christmas dish to make?

Oh, I like sausage and ham.

In fact, in the afternoon on Christmas Eve,

Mom and I always cook together, and, uh, she makes great escargots, so, uh--

It's a ritual. We always do it, and then I love--

It's-it's-it's probably my favorite moment of the year, to tell the truth. [chuckles]

And then we drink champagne,

and since she never drinks, she's already tipsy when we sit at the table,

and afterwards she falls asleep,

and I watch Die Hard for some Christmas ambience. [chuckles]

What do you eat for Christmas dinner?

[Vincent] Ah, usually a turkey with chestnuts.

Uh, but Louise, she-- she doesn't really cook.

So, in general, I put it together.

[chuckles] I always cook wearing a Christmas sweater,

a really ugly one, you know?

In the beginning, when we were together,

I told her that I thought Christmas sweaters were really corny.

So she gave me one as a joke.

Since then she gets me one every year. [chuckles]

It's our own private little joke.

And now I-I can't even imagine celebrating Christmas without an ugly sweater.

[Alban chuckles]

I also love it when, you know, when it's early December

and they put up the giant Nativity scene and the Christmas tree at City Hall.

That's when you really know Christmas is coming.

Have you ever looked closely at the three wise men?

No? Because with my best friend-- I was 13, maybe, I'm not really sure--

Uh, one evening we snuck into City Hall and we drew sideburns on the wise men.

-[laughs] -They never removed 'em.

-Really? -Really. [chuckles]

Every Christmas, I go see if they still have their little sideburns. [chuckles]

Yep, every year they have 'em.

Yeah, I hope to see these sideburns for myself one day.

[bed creaks]

[sighs]

[inmates clamoring]

Yallah, get up. It's time for your phone call.

Hey, do you want to have your phone call or not?

[both grunting]

[phone rings]

Hello. This is Louise Botello's office.

[whispering] It's Lionel.

Yes, hello. I'd like to speak to Louise Botello, please. It's very urgent.

One moment, please.

-Vincent, this is really not a good idea. -It is.

-No. -If she knows we're alive, she can help.

-No. -You see, she can contact the press.

We were asked not to contact anyone, okay?

It-it could put her in danger.

[Vincent] Do you really think that someone is after us?

Because I'm sure it's a Secret Service trick to freak us out.

I know it's them. They set all of this up to make it look like we're dead.

They have no interest in having us come back.

[clicks tongue] Come on. Come on, pick up.

Are you sure this won't put Louise in danger?

-Yes. -Yeah, how sure?

-[sighs] Like, 98%. -So there's a 2% chance

-of putting her in danger. -[sighs]

You see.

Watch out!

Louise Botello. Hello?

-[disconnect tone] -Hello?

We got cut off.

Do you know who it was?

Oh, damn, I didn't ask for a name. Sorry.

I'm sure he'll call back.

-[inmates clamoring] -Okay, come on.

If you'd eaten your chickpeas, we wouldn't be in this position.

But I ate them. Give me a break!

[screams]

[Attila grunts]

[Attila] No…

-[alarm sounding] -[inmates clamoring]

[in Arabic] Call for backup!

[in English] Get back!

[chocking]

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

Vince! Vince!

-Oh! -Ah, shit.

Give it to me. Now!

Thanks.

Alban!

Oh.

[gulping]

[prison guard shouts]

[Vincent whimpers]

[panting]

[Alban] Close it, close it.

Oh, shit.

[inmates shouting in distance]

[object clatters]

[metal creaking]

[aircraft hull doors creaking]

-[Vincent laughs] Oh, fuck! -[Alban laughs] Fuck.

-[Vincent] Thank you, guys. So cool. -[Alban] Hey! "When you have the eye,

we'll get you out." I didn't believe it'd be the next second.

That was amazingly precise,

-and I loved that grappling hook. -[Alban] Thank you.

It's nothing.

-We were told to give you this. -[Alban] Oh.

Now get some rest. It's a long flight and you have a big day tomorrow.

Hey, and, uh, and speaking of the eye, uh, do you have bathrooms on board?

-The eye? -[Alban] Yeah.

Oh, yeah, I imagine Tarek wants it back as soon as possible.

Who is Tarek?

Tarek!