Original subtitles

PREVIOUSLY ON…

[phone rings]

[Alil] If you're not there by 5:00 p.m., we will kill your wife.

It is our moment. Okay? We've been chosen.

I'm an office worker, Alban.

"Beaucastel. A small town… great future?"

[stammers] You deliver mail. You're 45. You still live with your mother.

-I am Solange. -[imitates explosion]

Can you feel the adrenaline pumping?

Because we're gonna deal with some bad people

Does the name Marat Milankovic mean anything to you?

[stammers] Isn't he a soccer player?

He's got the list of Russian undercover agents operating in France.

[Marat screams]

[Vincent] This isn't a movie here, okay? This is real life.

Louise is in danger, so we're gonna stop with the improvised plans…

-[neck breaks] -…and all that stuff.

-[Vincent] Louise! -[Louise] Vincent! Oh!

That list is worth more than his own life. Take aim.

[Vincent screams]

-[groans] -You took a bullet for me, my friend.

[chuckles] That's how it is between friends.

-[both] Best friends forever. -[imitate explosion]

[beeping]

[church bells toll]

[tolling continues]

[tolling continues]

-[beeping] -[Alban] Vincent, come on.

[cashier] Welcome to McDonald's. Can I take your order?

Yeah, I'd like, uh, the McChicken combo, pretty please,

with sweet and sour sauce,

-and, uh… -Louise…

Louise I miss you already

[Alban] …and for dessert, a strawberry milk shake, please.

-Your turn, Vince. -[inhales sharply] Uh, yeah. For me, uh…

Mmm, hold on, uh…

-A veggie burger, please. -Okay.

[stammers] And one veggie combo, please.

No, no. Not the combo. Just the burger. If you don't mind.

-[cashier] Yes, is that it? -Uh, give me one second.

Vince. Think about it.

If you get the veggie burger for 6 euros 20 cents,

plus the fries for 2 euros 20, it's completely stupid.

If you take the combo, you get the free fries and save 20 cents.

[church bells toll]

[Vincent] I don't get it.

But anyway, I don't want the drink, and besides, I don't like fries.

Just the veggie burger, please.

Uh, so to summarize, uh, we would like the chicken combo, please.

And a veggie burger…

…combo.

[church bells toll]

[slurping loudly]

-So, are you enjoying your drink? -[slurps loudly]

I'm forcing myself.

I paid for it, so I'm drinking it.

[siren wailing]

Shit. Is that for us?

-Fuck, fuck! Stop, stop, stop… -Don't move, don't move…

-Don't move. Don't move. Don't move. -Stop the car. Stop the car. Stop. Stop.

MUNICIPAL POLICE

[siren ends]

[church bell tolls]

[officer] Can I see your license and registration, please?

Driver's license, Vince.

Good evening, officer. What's this about?

It's about me asking you for the vehicle's papers.

[Alban] If you contact your superior, and tell them that you're checking

-Vincent Piquet and Alban Bourne-- -It's not "Burne"?

No, it's pronounced "Bourne," excuse me.

Anyway, if you call them,

they will tell you to leave us alone and to continue on your way.

-Step out of the car, please, sir? -Why?

Because I asked you to get out of your vehicle, sir.

-Yes, and I answered you, "Why?" -[police officer] Get out of the car.

-[Alban] Why? -[Vincent] Alban, give it a rest.

-Why? -Stop it. You're making things worse, man.

[Alban] No, you stop.

I'm telling you, we were doing nothing wrong. She's abusive!

-[police officer] All right, sir, please? -[beeping]

Get out of the car! Get out of the car, hurry up!

[officer] Go!

[beeping frequency increases]

THE FRENCH MANS

Morocco, 8 months later

["Merry Christmas" playing]

TELEPHONE

[electronic voice] Make a U-turn at the next exit.

OULAD DELIM

Make a U-turn at the next exit.

Make a U-turn at the next exit.

[song continues]

[trucking company owner] Thierry?

Thierry?

Thierry?

-What are you doing here? -[mumbles] Nothing.

-Were you getting drunk? -No, it's-- It's water.

I think I can forget this incident.

If you button up my shirt.

Sorry?

My shirt.

It seems that the top has, unfortunately, come unbuttoned.

Hmm!

Little pervert.

How dare you?

["La Tiass" playing]

[song continues on radio]

Hey, guys? Can I have your attention for just a second?

Hey!

-[music ends] -Hey, guys?

[worker, in Arabic] Quiet, guys! Yann has something to tell us.

Thanks, Khaled. [in French] I appreciate it.

Uh, no, just to let you know

that I'm having a little merguez-and-fries party next Sunday.

And, uh, so it's gonna be very simple.

Some-- Some Chinese lanterns, fireworks…

I thought it might be nice to do a little something outside of work,

to continue to, uh, to share good times together.

Uh, I don't know who's coming.

Raise your hand, those who can come.

Sahid, Mokhtar, Khaled… Well, [laughs]

Ah! Tahar, great!

Well, apparently, everyone is coming.

Uh, Thierry?

Are you in?

No, I'm not free that afternoon.

Uh, but it's on Sunday evening.

[Vincent] Yeah, well, I meant Sunday evening too.

[worker chuckles]

[workers chatter]

-Why do you have to be like that earlier? -Like what?

You know what I'm talking about. The way you spoke to me in front of them.

-I'm not into merguez and fries. -No, what you are is pathetic.

And you can stop being "fazeeshus." Huh?

-"Facetious"? -Facetious, yeah.

[sighs] What exactly is your definition of "facetious"?

Well, it's exactly what I have in front of me.

[backup alarm beeping]

Shit!

GARNIET TRUCKING

[sighs]

Hey, man!

-Huh? -Check your list. This isn't your load.

-Uh… -You shouldn't be here.

Yeah.

[phone ringing]

[Solange clears her throat]

-Hello? -[caller] Uh, yes, hello.

-Yes? -Do you have a minute?

Hello, sir. I'm sorry, I'm a bit out of breath. [chuckles]

Uh, no, no, no. There's no problem.

[stammers] I'm calling you from your insurance company

about, uh-- About your car.

[nasal voice] Uh, because our system indicates

that there is, uh, uh-- That your policy is in the process of being renewed.

Oh, no! No, it can't be, sir.

No, I, uh, canceled it… I, uh…

Um, let's see, eight or nine months ago.

And-- [stutters] And why was that?

Well, because the car broke down.

So I, uh, bought another one.

And, um, uh…

Well, I changed the color because my son didn't like burgundy.

So, uh…

Well, this time, I got a lime green one.

[normal voice] A lime green one?

[nasal voice] Uh, but what makes you think he would have approved

of this, uh, strange and unusual new color?

Well, because that was the color of his school bag

when he was in junior high.

Yes, a color that I imagine did not attract

any teasing from-- from his little friends?

Oh, no. He loved his school bag.

Well, okay. I'll-- I'll let you go, ma'am.

Uh, thank you, very much for all that information.

I'm gonna update all this data on my side and complete your file.

Okay, that sounds good. Well, thank you, sir.

I hope you enjoy the rest of your day.

Goodbye, M--

-Yes. -Ma-- M--

Okay. Goodbye, mister. Goodbye.

[worker] How did it go?

Oh, you know it's, you know, it's always the same story.

I just finished talking to the Prime Minister.

He's begging me to return. I said, "Well, can't you find somebody else, man?"

-[scoffs] Come on. -That's normal.

You're the best brain and heart surgeon in all of France.

Uh, in Europe. [laughs]

But it's not even that. I realize that…

I-- I--

I have a real need to save lives, to-- To help people, you know?

Oh, habibi, you're so amazing--

No, I'm not so, uh--

I became what I am, uh, thanks to you.

Since I met you, since I discovered your country, I became…

[sighs] …became another person.

I realize that in France, in fact, I--

There I was, wrapped up in my job. I had forgotten to live life.

And here, I learned what it is to be happy thanks to you.

That's it, I-- The stress, the pressure, the responsibilities.

The bling-bling. All that is behind me.

You made me discover, uh, the simple things.

Meditation. The desert. Manual labor.

Semolina.

Yann, you are so wonderful.

-[chuckles] -Oh, Rachida.

[workers shouting, chattering]

Rachida suggested we spend Christmas at her place.

That could be nice. Her brothers and sisters will be there…

What are those guys doing over there?

Well, I think they're smuggling…

I think they're smuggling in illegals.

Ah, what do we care? That's none of our business.

Yeah, but maybe that could help us get back home? You know?

What? Forget our country. It's here now. This is our home.

What are you saying? This isn't our home.

[pants] This will never be my home.

Come on, man. When are you gonna start looking at the bright side.

[stammers] We're cool here. It's a fresh start. It's--

There are so many reasons why it's great here.

-Oh, yeah? Which ones? -Well, everything, I don't know.

The people are nice, the food is good, um…

-Yeah… -Uh, and let me remind you

-that we're staying for free. -Great.

-The women are beautiful. -That means nothing, "women."

You could just as easily find a girlfriend in France.

That's what you don't understand.

That Rachida is not just a girlfriend. Okay?

She's my other half, she's my soul mate. That's it. Mentally, spiritually.

Uh, even sexually. Honestly.

I'll tell you, we have a really profound sexual relationship.

Come on, Alban. Enough.

She just-- She thinks you're a former professional soccer player

who still found time to be a cardiologist for stars or whatever.

And you quit everything overnight to come, uh--

to-to do stunts with a forklift in the middle desert.

-Please! -Okay, man. I get it.

Pfft! Well, I'm sorry I-I--

I'm sorry I have a forklift license, man. There, I'm sorry.

But obviously, it opened up more doors for me than it did for you, okay?

And it's not my fault that life isn't that cool for you at the moment. Okay?

Because I-I-I was welcomed here.

As a hero, yes. As a leader, right away.

And they accepted my natural charisma the second I arrived in the country. Okay?

Yeah, maybe that wasn't the case in Beaucastel. I'll give you that.

But they're way more snobbish there. You must admit.

So, uh, yeah, that's true.

But here, uh, I'm somebody in a trucking company.

[scoffs] Maybe I even set an example. Yeah!

And you can't stand it.

-That's awesome. -Oh, yeah.

-[Vincent] Well done. You get it all. -Absolutely.

Yeah, I feel like-- No, honestly. You got me there.

Yeah, I know.

I lost the love of my life, Alban. I got dumped in this shithole,

in the desert in a country that I didn't choose.

But you're right. Yeah, sure. It's your forklift license I can't stand!

[glass bottle shatters]

You've changed, man.

You've changed.

You're not the same, Thierry.

[trailer door opens]

[whispers] A-Alban.

The door. Someone's tampered with the stick!

[Alban] Don't move. I'll grab something.

[Vincent gasps, pants]

Not the kind of welcome I was hoping for, guys.

[Vincent grunts]

[Alban] Here it is, it's ready!

I'm sorry. If I'd known you were coming,

I would have prepared a little something to eat, but… [chuckles]

…I was caught off guard and I'm making do with what I have.

Which means, not much! [chuckles]

That's just it, guys.

I brought some Christmas presents for you.

A lot of little things that I think you miss having here.

-[Alban] Wow. -[Vincent] Otherwise, uh--

-Some macarons. -[gasps] Hey, Vince. That's nice--

How's the investigation going? Is it progressing?

You know who placed the bomb under the car?

-And last, but not least. Yeah. -Wow, pork sausage!

-[giggles] I'll admit… -Bon appétit.

…I had to use my diplomatic connections to bring that here for you.

But hey, it's a little bit of Meurthe-et-Moselle for you, yeah?

-Have you guys made any progress? -No, Thierry. No.

I'm sorry, but the investigation is at a dead end.

-[Alban] Wow. -[Vincent sighs]

This is just a quick routine visit.

Good, I'm glad you came, because I have something I've wanted to show you.

Sorry.

[sighs] So, here's where I'm at.

Uh, it's just a first working hypothesis, okay?

So, assuming that the bomb was planted the day before.

I swear I didn't know about this.

Becker couldn't have known that we were going to blow his scam.

So, in my opinion, it's not him.

Now, Mr. Paul, your double agent.

Either he had friends willing to avenge his death.

Or it's the Russians from the FSB.

-I'm not sure it's in your jurisdiction-- -Me neither.

Because they had no interest in eliminating us.

So, here's what I think. It's revenge. Personal revenge. It's intense.

It's the revenge of a man who wants to see us dead.

Mr. Paul, where he is, has no way to reach us anymore.

Well, apparently. Your boss assured us of that.

She's also parachuted us to this dump for our so-called safety--

Anyway, I'm coming to my point.

In my opinion…

CAR BOMB!

…we are looking for just one person.

And we will know who…

when we know why.

You have to stop doing this. You have to forget--

No, I wanna know why we can't go home.

What if we're put under surveillance? Or assigned bodyguards, I don't know?

-That can be done, right? -Destroy all of this, right now.

-This goes against what we agreed on. -We didn't agree on anything.

-We really didn't have a choice. -[inhales deeply] Listen.

I assure you the Secret Service didn't forget you, all right?

I don't even know why I'm talking to you.

[scoffs] No, it's true.

You're just the hired help, bringing a picnic here as a favor.

I wanna talk to your boss.

Hmm.

Listen, you both made a decision. It's too late for you to back out.

You knew that by staying in France, you were risking not only your life,

but also the lives of your loved ones and your family.

You chose to protect these people and to stay alive.

This decision is irrevocable, and you know it.

Yes, I know that. But I've been thinking about this--

[Mrs. Q] This discussion is over.

Vincent Piquet and Alban Burne are dead, period.

-[Vincent sighs] -[Mrs. Q] Have I made myself clear?

-Yes, very clear. -Very well.

And don't contact me any more, except for matters of national security.

-[line disconnects] -[Vincent scoffs]

[agent] Do you understand?

So don't do anything stupid.

Do not contact anyone you used to know.

As long as you remain here, you are safe.

-[Alban] Mm-hmm. -And they are, too.

Is that clear?

Yes, it's clear. I understand it. It's very clear, thank you.

Good.

[door closes]

[Mr. Paul groans]

-You're not dead? -[chuckles]

Piotr didn't tell you he had a twin brother, did he?

-No! -Identical.

At least, we were…

Okay.

[chuckles] But, uh…

how did you get permission to come here?

Special diplomacy between special services.

The FSB's still in the process of cleaning up all your shit.

-They just wanted to know if… -[sighs]

…you had forgotten to give them some details.

[Mr. Paul] Hmm?

Come on.Tell me.

-Is there anyone know who knows anything? -No, no, no.

-Ah. -Milankovic is dead. So is his partner.

Your brother, Piotr, was killed by, uh…

Uh, Piquet and Burne.

But according to my information… [chuckles]

…they died too in a car bombing.

[Piotr's twin] I know.

But I have also heard that…

[breathing shakily]

…that their bodies were never formally identified.

[sniffs]

In any case, no one else knows of the existence of the list.

Besides me, of course.

-Perfect. -[chuckles]

I am done with him.

-[sighs] -[door closes]

-[radio beeps] -Get back. Get back!

-51! Backup needed! I'm being attacked! -What are you talking about? Stop!

[trucking company owner] Thierry.

I'm sorry, it's really only until we find a new cleaning company.

No worries. It's fine.

[gasps] Oh, my God. You're such a fool!

I'm a married woman, Thierry. Don't forget that!

[breathes heavily]

[clicking mouse]

GARNIET TRUCKING

Now, we really need to mobilize everyone.

Uh, the Secret Service is, uh, hiding things from us.

We can't have two employees

of the department of Meurthe-et-Moselle Planning Agency just disappear.

They were completely unequipped for this kind of business.

[stutters] We need a full investigation. We need to understand what happened--

-[clicks mouse] -No, no. Oh, shit!

[workers speaking indistinctly]

[employee] Why can't we go to Café Rouge?

Garniet Trucking liked your video

-Everyone likes Café Rouge. -[Alain] Lionel,

the point of an office party is that it's at the office.

If we worked at Café Rouge, we'd go to Café Rouge.

If not, how about Tex-Mex?

Louise?

[Alain] Good, so now we just have to decide on the dress code.

I thought hard and I came up with something.

"Fifty Shades of Grey."

Don't you think gray is a bit sad?

[phone ringing]

Hello?

[caller, in nasal voice] Yes, hello. Is this Mrs. Bourne?

Oh, I'm afraid that she is unavailable.

-She was taken to the hospital last night. -[normal voice] Huh? To the hospital?

Yes, I'm her neighbor.

And I just came over to get a few of her things to bring to her.

But what's wrong with her?

It's her heart.

The nurse I spoke to told me that she's been suffering quite a bit.

You know, she's had a particularly difficult year.

-She lost her son, you know. -[sighs]

And since then, I think she's been letting herself die a little bit.

She was supposed to spend Christmas with us.

But I don't know if she'll be able to hold on until then.

[cries] I'm sorry.

I got a bit carried away.

-[stammers] Sir? -No, no, no. It's nothing.

It's fine, I mean. She'll be okay. Thank you, Geraldine.

But…

how do you know my name?

Hello?

-What's going on? -Thierry, can I talk to you for a second?

Yeah?

-Swear you won't get mad? -Mm-hmm.

My mother's in the hospital.

-Wait, how do you know that? -Well, uh, I called her.

-What? -Yes, but you said you wouldn't get mad.

Are you crazy? We're not supposed to do that.

I called from a phone booth. I used an accent. There's no problem.

Vince, she had a heart attack.

The neighbor says she won't make it to Christmas.

-Oh, man. I'm sorry, Alban. -Yeah.

So, you see, I don't wanna think about her all alone there.

She can't, uh-- She lost my dad.

She thinks I'm dead. [scoffs]

My place is by her side, you know. And I wanna go home now.

-I keep telling you. We have to go back. -I-I know.

-Wait, are you sure you wanna go back? -Yeah. I'm certain.

Okay.

Well, that's good, because I might have an idea on how we could do it.

But it won't be easy. I warn you. We'll have to play it smart.

-You understand? -Yeah.

Yeah, what? I need to know that mentally you're ready to play it smart.

How do you wanna play it, Alban?

Well, uh, like I always do.

-Meaning? -Smart.

Okay.

So let's go home, buddy.

Come on.

You better be careful about the accusations you make.

You never know who it might anger.

But we don't want any trouble. We-- We're just asking for your help.

We know you're smuggling people through Spain.

Could you get two passports to get us back into France?

Oh, no, sorry. I couldn't. I don't do that kind of thing.

And who can do it?

Tell us, please.

[trucking company owner] Listen to me, carefully.

The guy you're about to meet, Tarek Ben Ali,

is not the kinda guy who likes to be found.

So if you give him trouble, I'll be in trouble too.

We're here. You can take off your blindfolds.

Go ahead, get down.

Come on, get down!

[tuts]

I can't believe that I'm helping you leave.

But you're right, it wouldn't have worked out between us in the long run.

I'm gonna be thinking about you for a long time, you know.

Especially since last night was… so steamy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thanks anyway, Mrs. Garniet, for, uh, everything.

-[Alban] There's nobody here. -See you soon.

-[Vincent gasps] -[Mrs. Garniet moans]

[person whistles]

-All right, go. -[whimpers] Goodbye.

Farewell, my little gumdrop!

[Alban] Hey, I just want to tell you that

what you did last night with Mrs. Garniet was completely heroic.

-And believe me, it won't be forgotten. -Actually, let's forget all about it.

Hey, you're really unlucky.

-First with Marat-- -Can we change the subject?

I can't help it if I'm the one who attracts the real babes.

-Dava, Manon, Rachida? -[scoffs] Barbara…

Effing maniac.

[indistinct chatter]

Here they are.

The two little Frenchies who want to go home.

-Yeah. -Yeah.

Hmm.

[inhales sharply]

I spent my whole life involved in activities that are criminal.

Ammo, drugs, dirty money, counterfeiting, stowaways.

I've pretty much trafficked everything.

But when I was told that there were two native Frenchmen

who wanted to go home illegally, I had a hard time believing that.

[inhales sharply] Usually, when illegals pay me, it's to leave their country,

not to return. So…

what is the catch?

There's no catch. There's no trouble.

No, it's just that we-we can't go back home using our real passports.

Ah. No troubles?

-[Vincent] No. -No. Not at all.

[inhales sharply] Whose mother is in the hospital?

That's me, sir.

I know what it's like to lose a family member

without being able to say goodbye.

-It's horrible. -[Tarek] Hmm.

I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

[Vincent] Uh…

S-S-Sir?

This is all the money we've managed to-to raise.

There's about 1,800 euros.

-[soldiers laugh] -[Tarek snaps fingers]

There's a little over 1,847 euros exactly.

Yes, we absolutely realize that this is a staggering amount.

But we also know that this is the price to pay for, uh, the services of…

-[whispers] Enough, enough. -…of a great…

-[Vincent whispers] Shut up, shut up. -…professional, I mean to say.

-[Tarek] Hmm. -[Vincent] Shut it.

What?

[Tarek inhales sharply]

Yeah, okay.

We'll help you out.

Maybe I'm becoming… [chuckles] …sentimental as I get older.

[sighs] Thank you.

Or maybe I'm just excited about, uh,

having a couple of white guys to smuggle in for a change, you know?

[inhales sharply] Either way,

you'll hear from me very soon.

-Goodbye. Thanks. Goodbye. -Goodbye. Thank you, sir.

[Vincent] Goodbye.

Hello, gentlemen. I am Bertrand.

And today is definitely your lucky day.

[stutters] Did Tarek Ben Ali send you?

I have no idea who you are talking about.

Yes, Tarek Ben Ali?

The Moroccan gangster who lives in a cave--

-Drop it. He says he doesn't know him. -[Alban] Hmm.

Laurent Guillard.

Bryan Chastain.

You're Canadian musicians from Toronto.

And are we street musicians, or-or, you know, uh, in a band?

[sighs] Yes, well, that's up to you, guys. Hmm?

-So I guess I'm the leader… -Why?

Well, because it seems obvious…

[scoffs] Because you have a forklift license?

Okay. Enough, guys. Enough.

What's important is that you both settle on the same credible story. Okay?

So, memorize your birth dates, settle on the names of your parents, etcetera.

-[stutters] This flight is for today? -Okay.

[sighs] Oh, yeah.

So if I were you, I'd get going right away.

And a word of advice?

Do not think about missing this flight.

-It's a flight for today. -[whispers] Oh, fuck.

Oh, my man.

-[both imitate explosion, laugh] -[Alban] Come on, let's go!

What are you doing?

I'm leaving Rachida a note.

No, you're not leaving a note.

We mustn't leave any trace, no clues, nothing.

I won't leave without saying goodbye to her.

You have to, Alban. Sorry.

You know that we don't have much of a choice here.

Alban, do you want to see your mother again?

It's too dangerous. We only have one chance.

I can't go without leaving her a note.

[sighs] Look, I understand, but we really don't have a choice.

It's-- It's for her safety too.

Date of birth?

September 18th, 1987.

-Place of birth? -Toronto, of course.

Gender?

Gender? I'm male.

-Correct. -We're next. We're next.

[airline employee 1] Hello, gentlemen. How are you?

[in Canadian accent] Oh, I'm good and you? I'm so happy, eh?

Did anyone have access to your luggage? Did you pack it yourselves?

[in Canadian accent] You don't think us Canadian boys can pack our own bags?

Is there a Timmie's in this place?

[airline employee 2] Can I speak to you?

Excuse me for just a second.

[Alban, in Canadian accent] No problem, ey.

[whispers] What the hell are you doing? What's with the accent?

-It's a Canadian accent. -It's Louis C.K. imitating Céline Dion.

-We're supposed to be Canadian. -[Vincent sighs] Leave it to me now.

-Yeah, all right. -Shh!

Sorry for making you wait.

Do you have any dietary requirements for the flight?

[in Canadian accent] Dietary requirements, ey?

No, diet pop, ey? We only drink beer when we fly.

Right on, ey.

Very good. Have a good flight, gentlemen. Goodbye.

Thank you.

[in Canadian accent] Good day to you too, ey.

[Vincent] More like ashamed.

Okay, listen. I don't judge you, you don't judge me.

So, I suggest that we stop talking until we arrive in France.

[airport employee] Passport. Please, wait.

Thank you.

There.

Thanks, man.

[panting heavily]

-We're almost home. -Hold on.

Calm down. We're not there yet. Keep focused.

[agent] Mr. Chastain, Mr. Guillard?

Agent Yacoub, General Directorate for National Security.

I'm going to ask you to follow us.

So, you two are musicians, huh?

-Yes. -[Yacoub] Hmm.

-[chuckles] -Yes.

And you were going to France to perform some concerts?

-Hmm. Yeah. -Yeah. Tours, gigs…

Uh, lots of-- We have a ton of dates.

-A lot. -Okay.

And tell me, which one of you plays the ukulele?

[Alban] Right.

-And this I guess must be yours then. -Thank you for that.

Go ahead, won't you? Play something for us.

[sighs] What to play?

[Vincent tuning ukulele]

[clears throat] Is it tuned?

-[Alban] Yeah. -[Vincent] Yes, uh…

[clicking tongue to the beat]

[Alban playing bongos]

[strumming discordant notes on ukulele]

♪ From New York to San Francisco ♪

♪From Washington to Tokyo ♪

♪ And from Mulhouse to Mexico ♪

♪ From the falls of the Zambezi ♪

♪ To Saint, Saint Petersburg ♪

♪ From Saint Petersburg to Angers ♪ ♪ And let's not forget ♪

[mumbles] Why is she…

♪ But… ♪

[Vincent pants]

[Vincent] ♪ Japan! ♪

♪ …Pan ♪

♪ And China And Venice too, and-- ♪

Huh?

It's not gonna work so well now.

Oh…

Oh.

Laurent Guillard, Bryan Chastain.

I'm arresting you for possession and trafficking of drugs.

[Vincent pants] No, no.

No…