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1
00:00:58,141 --> 00:00:59,141
'Salsa.'
2
00:01:01,811 --> 00:01:04,605
'It was like something
from another planet,
3
00:01:04,731 --> 00:01:09,276
'the music, the passion, the rhythm.
4
00:01:12,030 --> 00:01:15,240
'Once I put those shoes on,
I never wanted to take them off.
5
00:01:19,370 --> 00:01:21,747
'It was like I had fire in my heels.
6
00:01:21,873 --> 00:01:27,669
'I was an unstoppable salsa machine,
trophy after trophy after trophy,
7
00:01:27,796 --> 00:01:30,506
'all overseen by my mentor,
Ron Parfitt,
8
00:01:30,632 --> 00:01:32,925
'great coach, hard bastard.'
9
00:01:33,051 --> 00:01:34,718
Most people think you dance
with your feet. Bollocks.
10
00:01:34,844 --> 00:01:38,347
You dance with your heart.
You dance with el corazón.
11
00:01:38,473 --> 00:01:40,849
And Bruce,
Bruce has got a heart like a bison
12
00:01:40,975 --> 00:01:43,018
and balls like an elephant.
13
00:01:47,065 --> 00:01:49,900
'And by side,
my sister and dance partner, Sam.'
14
00:01:50,026 --> 00:01:52,528
Thunder, Thunder, Thunder,
15
00:01:52,654 --> 00:01:55,322
"ThunderCats". Ho!
16
00:01:59,661 --> 00:02:01,453
Ten!
17
00:02:01,579 --> 00:02:02,871
'We travelled the circuit,
18
00:02:02,997 --> 00:02:05,415
'Berkshire, Buckinghamshire,
Bedfordshire,
19
00:02:05,542 --> 00:02:10,254
'We won it all, every title going,
except one - the Nationals.
20
00:02:10,380 --> 00:02:15,509
'Cuban heels, silk shirt,
1,000 hand-sewn sequins.
21
00:02:17,512 --> 00:02:19,638
'I was ready to take on the world.
22
00:02:21,558 --> 00:02:24,351
'But sometimes salsa
just throws you out for a spin.'
23
00:02:25,937 --> 00:02:27,855
Oi, wanker, nice shirt.
24
00:02:32,944 --> 00:02:34,528
Hey!
25
00:02:34,654 --> 00:02:36,613
Come here!
26
00:02:40,368 --> 00:02:42,953
'I don't know where I was
when I fell in love with salsa.
27
00:02:44,330 --> 00:02:46,623
'But I know exactly where I was
when it stopped.'
28
00:02:46,749 --> 00:02:49,459
Who do you think you are?
Barry Manilow?
29
00:02:51,087 --> 00:02:53,127
'Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to the Nationals... '
30
00:03:01,931 --> 00:03:04,183
'I never turned up that night.
31
00:03:04,309 --> 00:03:06,810
'I just phoned him and told him,
"Salsa's for pussies."
32
00:03:13,693 --> 00:03:15,819
'And I guess that fire in my heels,
33
00:03:15,945 --> 00:03:18,030
'it just went out.'
34
00:03:47,602 --> 00:03:49,353
Mm.
35
00:03:50,313 --> 00:03:52,147
Oh, dear.
36
00:03:54,317 --> 00:03:55,359
Mm.
37
00:04:11,417 --> 00:04:13,210
'GFD Engineering,
38
00:04:13,336 --> 00:04:16,672
'Western Europe's premier supplier
of high-end manufacturing
39
00:04:16,798 --> 00:04:19,132
'and five-star industrial machinery... '
40
00:04:21,427 --> 00:04:23,887
- Bike.
- Oh, God.
41
00:04:24,013 --> 00:04:27,391
Why do we have to do this every morning?
It's not a bike.
42
00:04:27,517 --> 00:04:30,310
Not now it's not, but I just watched you
transform it on the monitor.
43
00:04:30,853 --> 00:04:34,314
Look, I'll admit,
for a while outside it was a bike,
44
00:04:34,440 --> 00:04:37,776
but now, piff, paff, poof,
look at that.
45
00:04:37,902 --> 00:04:39,861
It's a piece of luggage.
46
00:04:40,571 --> 00:04:42,030
Bike.
47
00:04:42,156 --> 00:04:45,325
- Fucking hell.
- Juanita, buenos dís.
48
00:04:45,451 --> 00:04:47,661
Bruco, no.
49
00:04:47,787 --> 00:04:49,162
No, no.
50
00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:52,082
What have you gone for here?
This what you're wearing today?
51
00:04:52,208 --> 00:04:53,792
I cycle in wearing it.
52
00:04:53,918 --> 00:04:55,678
You just looked
in your wardrobe and thought,
53
00:04:55,712 --> 00:04:58,672
"I think I'll just look like
a Maxi Babybel today." Was that it?
54
00:04:58,798 --> 00:05:00,882
- Have you shaved?
- No.
55
00:05:01,009 --> 00:05:03,427
Just lift your...
Some jam on your stubble.
56
00:05:03,553 --> 00:05:05,429
Don't do that in front of everyone.
57
00:05:05,555 --> 00:05:07,639
It's a big day, a big day, man.
58
00:05:07,765 --> 00:05:09,725
Got the new boss
starting this morning.
59
00:05:09,851 --> 00:05:11,852
I hear he's a ball buster.
60
00:05:11,978 --> 00:05:15,022
Well, I hear apparently he is a she.
61
00:05:16,983 --> 00:05:18,984
You mean like a tranny?
62
00:05:19,110 --> 00:05:20,569
- No.
- No.
63
00:05:20,695 --> 00:05:23,822
- A woman.
- Oh... a woman.
64
00:05:25,199 --> 00:05:27,367
What kind of a woman
wants to run a company
65
00:05:27,493 --> 00:05:29,995
that specialises
in heavy industrial machinery?
66
00:05:30,121 --> 00:05:32,831
I think I know.
67
00:05:32,957 --> 00:05:34,916
Big, hairy.
68
00:05:35,752 --> 00:05:37,711
- Big sort of big lump.
- A beast.
69
00:05:40,089 --> 00:05:41,381
Might be perfect for you.
70
00:05:42,216 --> 00:05:45,719
Hmm. Anyway, listen,
this bike's not going to park itself.
71
00:05:45,845 --> 00:05:48,055
I'll see you up there, OK?
Don't be late.
72
00:05:48,181 --> 00:05:51,061
I don't like my team to be late.
It's unprofessional, isn't it, bum flap?
73
00:05:53,269 --> 00:05:55,645
There they are, Mork and Mindy.
74
00:06:09,744 --> 00:06:12,871
Uh, Helen.
75
00:06:16,793 --> 00:06:18,835
Can you not hear that?
76
00:06:20,463 --> 00:06:22,464
- Hello, Bruce Garrett.
- 'Hello, Bruce.
77
00:06:22,590 --> 00:06:24,466
'Do you like scary films? '
78
00:06:24,592 --> 00:06:26,051
- What?
- 'I'm doing "Scream".
79
00:06:26,177 --> 00:06:28,011
- 'You totally bought it.'
- Oh, hi, Drew.
80
00:06:28,137 --> 00:06:30,972
'They're going
to unleash the beast, Bruce.'
81
00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:39,564
Who wouldn't swap
the crystal blue waters of the Pacific
82
00:06:39,690 --> 00:06:44,403
for the endless silted mud flats
of old Father Thames? Am I right?
83
00:06:46,447 --> 00:06:50,659
Uh, and hopefully I can prove to you
that I'm a better sales manager
84
00:06:50,785 --> 00:06:52,702
than I am a public speaker.
85
00:06:54,205 --> 00:06:56,081
I bet she's got the bag
to go with them shoes.
86
00:06:56,207 --> 00:06:59,876
- Mm?
- Her, United States of Bitch Face.
87
00:07:00,002 --> 00:07:02,421
Little Miss I'm-So-American.
88
00:07:04,465 --> 00:07:07,509
OK, I'm going to stop talking now.
Let's all have a drink.
89
00:07:07,635 --> 00:07:09,886
Hear, hear.
90
00:07:12,932 --> 00:07:14,975
- Oi.
- You were right, you know?
91
00:07:15,101 --> 00:07:17,018
She is a woman.
92
00:07:17,145 --> 00:07:19,896
And what a woman.
Wow-wow-wee-wah.
93
00:07:20,940 --> 00:07:24,818
I would make a splash inside that
like a milk truck hitting a wall.
94
00:07:24,944 --> 00:07:28,196
Listen, can we not... Can we not
talk ejaculate at the buffet table?
95
00:07:28,322 --> 00:07:32,367
Look at her, though.
Look at my little dairy queen, uh?
96
00:07:33,786 --> 00:07:35,787
You see? You had little a look, too.
97
00:07:35,913 --> 00:07:38,457
- Oh, some tzatziki.
- Oh, that's cute.
98
00:07:38,583 --> 00:07:41,543
No, it is. It's adorable, Bruce.
That's all right. You can look.
99
00:07:41,669 --> 00:07:44,504
But don't touch 'cause that would
be embarrassing, wouldn't it?
100
00:07:44,630 --> 00:07:46,840
- Just leave it to the experts.
- Sure.
101
00:07:46,966 --> 00:07:50,594
- The sexperts. I just coined that.
- That's quite good, actually.
102
00:07:50,720 --> 00:07:52,220
- Wasn't it?
- Don't!
103
00:07:59,604 --> 00:08:00,729
Whoa!
104
00:08:00,855 --> 00:08:04,191
Work time is over,
motherfuckers.
105
00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:06,776
Ah, I think we know what that means.
106
00:08:06,903 --> 00:08:09,863
That means,
oh, oh, it's party time.
107
00:08:09,989 --> 00:08:11,531
That's right.
108
00:08:11,657 --> 00:08:13,909
Who wants to come and play
with the dancing bear?
109
00:08:14,035 --> 00:08:17,078
This one...
This one loves a little bear time.
110
00:08:17,205 --> 00:08:19,080
- Oh, God.
- Come on.
111
00:08:19,207 --> 00:08:21,875
- Not me.
- Come on. Come on. Come on.
112
00:08:22,001 --> 00:08:23,752
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
113
00:08:23,878 --> 00:08:27,297
Oh, there it is. You've got
a little bit of rhythm going on there.
114
00:08:27,423 --> 00:08:30,717
That's it, see?
What are you worried about?
115
00:08:30,843 --> 00:08:33,595
- She moves like a gem.
- Oh.
116
00:08:33,721 --> 00:08:35,388
- Oh, yeah.
- What are you like?
117
00:08:35,515 --> 00:08:38,975
And she loves a spin.
That was good, you see?
118
00:08:39,101 --> 00:08:41,144
Oh, what about this one?
119
00:08:41,270 --> 00:08:43,688
Little silent
but deadly in the corner.
120
00:08:43,814 --> 00:08:46,733
- Stop it.
- You going to come dancing with me?
121
00:08:46,859 --> 00:08:50,070
- Just a little something-something.
- Don't.
122
00:08:50,196 --> 00:08:52,447
- What?
- I don't dance.
123
00:08:53,449 --> 00:08:56,618
- Everybody's dancing.
- I don't dance. I don't like it.
124
00:08:57,578 --> 00:08:59,663
All right, make yourself useful.
125
00:08:59,789 --> 00:09:01,790
Oh, oh.
126
00:09:03,042 --> 00:09:04,960
Come on.
127
00:09:05,086 --> 00:09:08,380
Oh, the line broke,
'cause it was a big fish.
128
00:09:09,090 --> 00:09:12,133
What time is it?
It's Cossack time!
129
00:09:14,679 --> 00:09:16,555
Oh, yes.
130
00:09:19,058 --> 00:09:20,684
Hey, Bruce!
131
00:09:24,063 --> 00:09:26,773
Oh, you like it!
132
00:09:32,029 --> 00:09:33,613
- Whoa.
- Whoa.
133
00:09:33,739 --> 00:09:35,991
- Wow, I am so sorry.
- Sorry, I'm sorry.
134
00:09:36,117 --> 00:09:38,535
We've got tangled here.
Let me try and get this... Ow!
135
00:09:38,661 --> 00:09:40,120
- Ow.
- Ow.
136
00:09:40,246 --> 00:09:43,248
Again, I'm sorry.
Are you all right?
137
00:09:43,374 --> 00:09:45,458
Where am I?
Am I in England?
138
00:09:45,585 --> 00:09:47,961
No, I'm fine.
Just... fine.
139
00:09:48,879 --> 00:09:51,965
Maybe we should get these untangled.
140
00:09:52,091 --> 00:09:54,718
- Bruce Garrett.
- Bruce Garrett, that's me and...
141
00:09:56,095 --> 00:09:59,139
- Julio Matthews.
- They printed it wrong.
142
00:09:59,265 --> 00:10:01,391
But I like it,
so I'm going to keep it.
143
00:10:01,517 --> 00:10:03,727
Yeah. No, you should.
I think it suits you.
144
00:10:03,853 --> 00:10:05,854
Adds Latin flavour to it.
145
00:10:05,980 --> 00:10:08,106
Oh.
146
00:10:09,317 --> 00:10:12,861
I just want you to know
I wasn't trying to escape your party.
147
00:10:12,987 --> 00:10:17,407
No, me neither. Why would anybody
want to leave that amazing party?
148
00:10:18,409 --> 00:10:20,368
- Uh, shall we...
- Yes.
149
00:10:21,329 --> 00:10:25,582
Well, what a pickle, a 3-D jigsaw.
150
00:10:25,708 --> 00:10:28,293
Thank you. Nice to meet you, Bruce.
151
00:10:29,337 --> 00:10:31,921
Likewise... Julio.
152
00:10:33,716 --> 00:10:35,300
Mm.
153
00:10:35,426 --> 00:10:38,219
Mm. Do you know what I like
best about this place?
154
00:10:38,346 --> 00:10:40,138
Apart from the free glacé cherries?
155
00:10:40,264 --> 00:10:42,349
Apart from the free glacé cherries,
156
00:10:42,475 --> 00:10:44,184
the fact that they still insist upon
157
00:10:44,310 --> 00:10:46,390
my little sister dressing up
like a Tongan concubine.
158
00:10:46,395 --> 00:10:49,606
Oh, they don't insist
and I prefer Polynesian call girl.
159
00:10:49,732 --> 00:10:51,191
Mm-hm.
160
00:10:51,317 --> 00:10:53,118
So talk me through head-butting
your new boss.
161
00:10:53,235 --> 00:10:55,904
Well, actually,
she might have head-butted me,
162
00:10:56,030 --> 00:10:59,699
but our lanyards tangled.
There was a struggle, you know?
163
00:10:59,825 --> 00:11:02,035
Our heads went forward.
There was a crash, wallop.
164
00:11:02,161 --> 00:11:04,329
Mm, sounds like
she made quite an impression.
165
00:11:04,455 --> 00:11:06,581
- No, no, not this again.
- Oh, come on, Bruce.
166
00:11:06,707 --> 00:11:09,250
You haven't even mentioned a girl
since, what, the early '90s?
167
00:11:09,377 --> 00:11:11,920
Stand down, Samantha, please.
She is not of my world.
168
00:11:12,046 --> 00:11:14,589
Oh and what world is that,
the world of not even trying?
169
00:11:14,715 --> 00:11:18,468
Yeah, indeed, the planet
She's Beautiful, Way Out Of My League,
170
00:11:18,594 --> 00:11:20,595
and also my boss,
so knock it on the head.
171
00:11:20,721 --> 00:11:23,598
Oh, that well-known place. Is that
right next to precious comfort zone?
172
00:11:23,724 --> 00:11:26,476
A place you've never even
stepped out of ever.
173
00:11:26,602 --> 00:11:28,728
All I'm saying is that
if you really like something,
174
00:11:28,854 --> 00:11:33,108
you've got to put yourself out there.
Got to reach out and grab it.
175
00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:35,902
The cherries are not that delicious.
176
00:11:36,028 --> 00:11:37,668
I'm not talking
about the cherries, Bruce.
177
00:11:44,495 --> 00:11:46,287
I would not like to be those tyres.
178
00:11:46,414 --> 00:11:50,333
- Ouch.
- Ha-ha, yeah, very amusing!
179
00:11:50,459 --> 00:11:54,295
It comes fitted with an 80-mil,
three jaw self-centring chuck.
180
00:11:54,422 --> 00:11:57,549
Tool size, eight mil max.
I mean, you'd never need any more.
181
00:11:59,135 --> 00:12:02,303
- Hey, hello. This is, uh, Ju...
- Oh, sorry, everybody.
182
00:12:02,430 --> 00:12:04,973
Let me introduce you
to the brains of the operation,
183
00:12:05,099 --> 00:12:08,059
our head of department,
Miss Julia Matthews.
184
00:12:08,185 --> 00:12:11,521
Uh... I'm sorry. Keep going.
I was just going to sit in.
185
00:12:11,647 --> 00:12:13,648
It's nice to have you with us.
186
00:12:14,650 --> 00:12:16,735
- Are you done?
- Yeah.
187
00:12:16,861 --> 00:12:19,112
- Any questions?
- What's the capacity?
188
00:12:19,238 --> 00:12:20,905
- Ah, capacity.
- Ah.
189
00:12:21,031 --> 00:12:23,908
- It's 250 mil between the centres.
- You really know your stuff.
190
00:12:24,034 --> 00:12:27,454
Thank you. Thank you.
I... I love lathes.
191
00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:39,632
Oh, while I remember,
we can also provide, um, promo videos.
192
00:12:39,759 --> 00:12:41,301
- Isn't that right, Bruce?
- Mm.
193
00:12:41,427 --> 00:12:45,472
Actually, I think we've got one of those
on this computer right here.
194
00:12:45,598 --> 00:12:47,891
Not on that one. Let me have a look.
195
00:12:48,017 --> 00:12:52,270
Yeah, I think I saw the one
for the DML vertical lathe on here
196
00:12:52,396 --> 00:12:53,938
- somewhere the other day.
- No.
197
00:12:54,064 --> 00:12:56,274
- Wait, there it is. Hold on.
- Is it?
198
00:12:56,400 --> 00:12:59,486
Yeah, this is a really good example
of the videos we can give you.
199
00:12:59,612 --> 00:13:03,740
'Hello, with a Meehanite frame
annealed for maximum rigidity,
200
00:13:03,866 --> 00:13:07,952
'it offers perfect jib-bed flushing
each and every time.
201
00:13:08,078 --> 00:13:10,330
'The Haas ST30 turning lathe,
202
00:13:10,456 --> 00:13:14,292
'it offers precision grinding
over full vertical stroke.'
203
00:13:14,418 --> 00:13:18,838
This is what I think of when I'm trying
not to ejaculate too quickly.
204
00:13:32,311 --> 00:13:35,563
OK, green fees paid,
let's play the game of golf game.
205
00:13:36,190 --> 00:13:37,398
Please help me.
206
00:13:37,525 --> 00:13:39,275
Are you still banging on
about those balls?
207
00:13:39,401 --> 00:13:41,081
Well, yes,
this one's going to fly further,
208
00:13:41,195 --> 00:13:43,363
but this one's going to give me
more control round the green.
209
00:13:43,489 --> 00:13:44,989
If we've finished
with the high-brow chit-chat,
210
00:13:45,115 --> 00:13:46,835
can we move on please
to the weekly roundup?
211
00:13:46,909 --> 00:13:48,535
- Yes, yes.
- OK, ladies and gentlemen.
212
00:13:48,661 --> 00:13:51,079
Totals for the week,
dates with a lady?
213
00:13:51,205 --> 00:13:52,580
- Nil.
- Nil.
214
00:13:52,706 --> 00:13:54,999
- Mobile numbers acquired?
- Nil.
215
00:13:55,125 --> 00:13:57,460
I got a number. It was a zero.
216
00:13:57,586 --> 00:13:59,712
Ah, erotic encounters?
217
00:13:59,839 --> 00:14:01,297
Nilly vanilly.
218
00:14:01,423 --> 00:14:05,009
Now, listen to this.
Last Sunday at Tom's christening,
219
00:14:05,135 --> 00:14:07,762
I grazed past horny
Aunty Jean's side boob?
220
00:14:07,888 --> 00:14:09,347
- Does it count?
- Adjudicator?
221
00:14:10,599 --> 00:14:12,350
- It's a nil.
- I thought I'd throw it in.
222
00:14:12,476 --> 00:14:14,978
Finally, have you had any contact
with a member of the opposite sex
223
00:14:15,104 --> 00:14:16,563
where money did not exchange hands
224
00:14:16,689 --> 00:14:18,398
and she looked at you
for more than eight seconds
225
00:14:18,524 --> 00:14:21,526
and she was not your mum
or an arresting officer?
226
00:14:21,652 --> 00:14:23,361
Nil.
227
00:14:24,446 --> 00:14:26,614
Bruce?
228
00:14:26,740 --> 00:14:28,658
Mm? Well, no, obvs...
229
00:14:28,784 --> 00:14:31,077
Here endeth the weekly roundup.
230
00:14:33,497 --> 00:14:35,373
Hurry up, Mickey!
231
00:14:41,463 --> 00:14:44,465
Ah, thank you... very much.
232
00:14:45,634 --> 00:14:47,051
- Oh.
- What is it?
233
00:14:47,177 --> 00:14:49,387
- Shit. Nothing. Please don't look.
- What's wrong?
234
00:14:49,513 --> 00:14:51,055
What are you doing?
What is it?
235
00:14:51,181 --> 00:14:53,600
- Please don't look.
- Who is it, hm?
236
00:14:53,726 --> 00:14:56,519
It's just someone from work.
It's a girl I work with.
237
00:14:56,645 --> 00:14:59,397
- Oh, my God, she's nice.
- Don't look. Stop it.
238
00:14:59,523 --> 00:15:01,900
- Hey, turn around, will you?
- Oh, I would...
239
00:15:02,026 --> 00:15:04,944
- If I was physically able...
- You're not dis...
240
00:15:05,070 --> 00:15:07,113
You're not disabled, Gary.
You're married.
241
00:15:08,824 --> 00:15:11,117
Go on, then. Have a go.
242
00:15:12,077 --> 00:15:14,704
Did you see her? She's beautiful.
She's like a ten. I'm a two.
243
00:15:14,830 --> 00:15:18,791
That's an eight-point swing,
like a butterfly going out with a parsnip.
244
00:15:18,918 --> 00:15:20,835
- What?
- Yeah. Well, you know...
245
00:15:20,961 --> 00:15:24,172
All right,
I'm not saying it's going to be easy.
246
00:15:24,298 --> 00:15:26,925
You'll have to work at it.
It's like that, um,
247
00:15:27,051 --> 00:15:28,885
that machine you're on about
for British Aerospace.
248
00:15:29,011 --> 00:15:31,387
- The PL5 cylindrical grinder.
- Thank you.
249
00:15:31,513 --> 00:15:34,432
She's the cylinder. Click-click.
250
00:15:34,558 --> 00:15:37,226
You're the grinder, mm?
251
00:15:37,353 --> 00:15:41,272
Just grind her down, uh, uh, uh.
252
00:15:41,398 --> 00:15:45,276
- You grind her down.
- I don't like the two-finger bit.
253
00:15:45,402 --> 00:15:48,071
Make her notice you, Bruce.
254
00:15:52,618 --> 00:15:55,161
- Think I should say hello?
- Oh, don't... no.
255
00:15:55,287 --> 00:15:57,497
Go up there
and say something like...
256
00:15:59,249 --> 00:16:01,125
"Hi."
257
00:16:01,251 --> 00:16:03,211
Oh.
258
00:16:05,214 --> 00:16:09,467
Woo-hoo. Good luck, mate.
259
00:16:09,593 --> 00:16:11,386
- Bruce.
- Yes?
260
00:16:11,512 --> 00:16:13,346
Grind it.
261
00:16:13,472 --> 00:16:16,057
Don't do that. Don't be daft.
262
00:16:49,383 --> 00:16:51,134
'Salsa.'
263
00:16:52,136 --> 00:16:53,970
Why did it have to be salsa?
264
00:16:54,096 --> 00:16:58,141
'Eat them. Eat them pig boy.
Eat your sequins.
265
00:16:58,267 --> 00:17:00,810
'Eat them. Eat them!
266
00:17:00,936 --> 00:17:03,604
'Who do you think you are?
Barry Manilow?
267
00:17:05,899 --> 00:17:08,067
'Eat them... '
268
00:17:16,577 --> 00:17:18,369
Hey, Rick, have you seen my sister?
269
00:17:18,495 --> 00:17:21,497
- She's over there.
- Sam, Sam. Sam, sorry.
270
00:17:21,623 --> 00:17:23,666
- Give us a second.
- I need you.
271
00:17:27,796 --> 00:17:29,714
She is of my world.
272
00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:31,841
- Who is?
- Julia, my boss.
273
00:17:31,967 --> 00:17:34,385
You stepped out
of your comfort zone.
274
00:17:34,511 --> 00:17:38,431
I was at the pub. She came in.
I followed her.
275
00:17:38,557 --> 00:17:41,100
And she was salsa dancing.
276
00:17:41,226 --> 00:17:43,186
- Are you shitting me?
- Oh, my God.
277
00:17:43,312 --> 00:17:45,605
She was doing
the sweetest little basic
278
00:17:45,731 --> 00:17:48,691
and I just wanted to rush in
and gather her into my arms
279
00:17:48,817 --> 00:17:51,944
and... and... just dance, you know?
280
00:17:52,071 --> 00:17:56,240
I haven't...
I have not felt like that since...
281
00:17:56,366 --> 00:17:58,993
- Sequin-gate.
- Since Sequin-gate.
282
00:17:59,119 --> 00:18:03,539
You know that box
has been closed a long, long time.
283
00:18:03,665 --> 00:18:06,584
I know.
It happened and it was bad.
284
00:18:06,710 --> 00:18:09,504
What did you say? Bad?
285
00:18:09,630 --> 00:18:13,800
Sam... they ripped all the sequins
off of my shirt
286
00:18:13,926 --> 00:18:16,969
and they stuffed them in my mouth,
yeah?
287
00:18:17,096 --> 00:18:20,473
And then they made me eat them.
The big boys made me gobble them, yeah?
288
00:18:20,599 --> 00:18:23,559
Just gobbling, gobbling sequins.
289
00:18:23,685 --> 00:18:26,437
- Gobbling the big BMX boy.
- Know the story, Bruce.
290
00:18:26,563 --> 00:18:29,315
- Gobbling.
- Enough's enough. Now, listen.
291
00:18:29,441 --> 00:18:32,026
Maybe this is your chance
to rewrite history.
292
00:18:32,152 --> 00:18:33,486
Let it go.
293
00:18:36,740 --> 00:18:38,616
What are you thinking about?
294
00:18:38,742 --> 00:18:41,369
These are fucking hot
in large quantities.
295
00:18:42,287 --> 00:18:44,163
Thank you.
296
00:18:46,708 --> 00:18:48,835
Fucking hell, what is...
What is that?
297
00:18:48,961 --> 00:18:52,421
- Vodka.
- Why would you give me neat vodka?
298
00:18:55,634 --> 00:18:57,885
Now, listen,
maybe this is your way in.
299
00:18:58,011 --> 00:19:00,638
You know how all girls love a man
who can dance.
300
00:19:00,764 --> 00:19:02,723
You could dance.
301
00:19:03,392 --> 00:19:07,520
If you really like this girl,
salsa your way in.
302
00:19:10,023 --> 00:19:13,234
- I had fire in my heels, didn't I?
- Oh, feet of flames.
303
00:19:15,279 --> 00:19:18,197
- Could I get it back again, though?
- Easily.
304
00:19:19,658 --> 00:19:21,492
How easily?
305
00:19:23,162 --> 00:19:25,079
See how I do this shot...
306
00:19:26,707 --> 00:19:28,666
- That easily.
- That was easy.
307
00:19:28,792 --> 00:19:30,751
- Mm.
- Can I have one?
308
00:19:30,878 --> 00:19:32,920
- One?
- Mm-hm.
309
00:19:35,215 --> 00:19:37,049
Salsa.
310
00:19:37,176 --> 00:19:38,593
Mm.
311
00:19:40,095 --> 00:19:42,054
Cheers.
312
00:19:51,523 --> 00:19:52,773
Ah.
313
00:19:59,823 --> 00:20:03,993
Salsa.
314
00:20:08,081 --> 00:20:09,916
And the winner is...
315
00:20:10,834 --> 00:20:12,835
Bruce Garrett.
316
00:20:25,807 --> 00:20:27,892
There's Ron.
317
00:20:28,018 --> 00:20:29,560
"Be my Valentine."
318
00:20:29,686 --> 00:20:32,813
Mm, big old ginger Glen and Ted.
319
00:20:37,236 --> 00:20:40,780
Mirrors, I need me some mirrors.
320
00:20:47,287 --> 00:20:48,663
Ooh.
321
00:20:48,789 --> 00:20:50,456
Heavy.
322
00:20:50,582 --> 00:20:52,124
Oh.
323
00:21:05,013 --> 00:21:06,430
Whoa.
324
00:21:12,020 --> 00:21:14,313
Ooh!
325
00:21:14,439 --> 00:21:16,482
Ah.
326
00:21:19,778 --> 00:21:21,779
Uh...
327
00:22:10,829 --> 00:22:12,246
Mm.
328
00:23:07,803 --> 00:23:10,971
Can I have a Diet Coke
and a packet of Scampi Fries, please?
329
00:23:11,098 --> 00:23:13,808
Well, you could if I wasn't closing.
330
00:23:14,810 --> 00:23:16,602
All right, Ron?
331
00:23:20,941 --> 00:23:22,983
Garrett.
332
00:23:23,110 --> 00:23:25,736
Well, what the hell happened to you?
You look like shit.
333
00:23:25,862 --> 00:23:27,405
Charming. Thanks very much.
334
00:23:27,531 --> 00:23:30,866
You got a customer complaints
department here at, er, El Corazón?
335
00:23:30,992 --> 00:23:32,993
Oh, hang on,
I'll get a form for you.
336
00:23:35,831 --> 00:23:37,873
There it is.
337
00:23:37,999 --> 00:23:40,334
How did you find me?
338
00:23:40,460 --> 00:23:41,919
Internet.
339
00:23:42,045 --> 00:23:43,921
- Fucking internet.
- Internet.
340
00:23:44,923 --> 00:23:48,676
Oh, yeah, how have you been?
Have you been all right? You good?
341
00:23:50,137 --> 00:23:52,680
It looks nice in here.
342
00:23:53,348 --> 00:23:56,100
OK, I think that is us
all caught up, then.
343
00:23:57,853 --> 00:24:03,023
- What do you want from me, Garrett?
- Nothing. Just passing.
344
00:24:03,150 --> 00:24:05,317
Wondered if you were still teaching.
345
00:24:06,945 --> 00:24:12,950
Oh, right, OK, just 'cause
I'm looking for a lesson.
346
00:24:13,076 --> 00:24:14,827
- Are you taking the piss?
- No.
347
00:24:14,953 --> 00:24:18,706
No, I'm not. I just want a lesson,
blow away the cobwebs.
348
00:24:18,832 --> 00:24:21,542
- What do you reckon?
- I reckon salsa's for pussies.
349
00:24:21,668 --> 00:24:23,461
- Isn't that what you said?
- Did I?
350
00:24:23,587 --> 00:24:25,212
Oh, yeah, you did.
351
00:24:25,338 --> 00:24:29,967
I don't really remember that,
'cause I was just a kid.
352
00:24:30,093 --> 00:24:33,262
- And what are you now?
- I'm a man.
353
00:24:33,388 --> 00:24:35,264
Oh, you think so, do you?
354
00:24:35,390 --> 00:24:39,518
Pretty certain.
Hot in here, isn't it?
355
00:24:41,313 --> 00:24:44,815
We'll see. Tomorrow night,
7:00pm sharp.
356
00:24:44,941 --> 00:24:47,818
Five quid on the door and I want
to see you in 1 ¼ inch heels.
357
00:24:47,944 --> 00:24:50,821
Brilliant. Great, all right.
Thank you, Ron.
358
00:24:51,948 --> 00:24:54,492
- Mr Parfitt.
- Thank you, Mr Parfitt.
359
00:24:54,993 --> 00:24:56,473
Hey, where are we
on the Scampi Fries?
360
00:24:56,578 --> 00:24:58,496
- Piss off.
- I'll see you tomorrow.
361
00:25:04,961 --> 00:25:06,921
Come here, my babies.
362
00:25:07,047 --> 00:25:09,590
Come to Daddy.
363
00:25:09,716 --> 00:25:11,800
Oh, there you are.
364
00:25:28,318 --> 00:25:30,277
- Thank you.
- One, thank you.
365
00:25:44,292 --> 00:25:48,671
Rubber sole. Old school.
366
00:25:49,923 --> 00:25:52,508
A shit load of kudos to you,
my friend.
367
00:25:52,634 --> 00:25:55,761
Personally, as a person,
I love the suede sole.
368
00:25:56,596 --> 00:25:59,807
I'm a suede head. People, they say,
"No, you have to be rubber sole."
369
00:25:59,933 --> 00:26:03,143
I'm like, "No, I love the suede.
I love the suede. I love the suede."
370
00:26:03,270 --> 00:26:06,897
Don't you love the suede?
I tell you what. Take a look at this.
371
00:26:07,023 --> 00:26:09,024
If you see here,
if you see where my sole is...
372
00:26:09,150 --> 00:26:11,318
Come on, gather around.
Come on.
373
00:26:11,444 --> 00:26:13,737
I see what kind of a sole you are,
asshole.
374
00:26:13,863 --> 00:26:16,115
- Hey, don't...
- How are you today, guys?
375
00:26:16,241 --> 00:26:18,659
Spread out a little bit.
Make sure you can see me.
376
00:26:18,785 --> 00:26:20,619
Everybody OK, yeah?
377
00:26:20,745 --> 00:26:22,621
Oh, we've got a new student
with us tonight.
378
00:26:22,747 --> 00:26:24,498
Welcome to El Corazón.
What's your name?
379
00:26:25,500 --> 00:26:29,086
It's fine. Don't worry about names.
I'm just passing through so...
380
00:26:29,212 --> 00:26:30,963
- Sure, no problem.
- Thank you.
381
00:26:31,089 --> 00:26:33,007
Let's pick up
where we left off yesterday, OK?
382
00:26:33,133 --> 00:26:34,508
Basic step, everyone. Ready?
383
00:26:34,634 --> 00:26:37,970
And one, two, three,
five, six, seven and...
384
00:26:38,096 --> 00:26:40,222
- Sorry.
- Yes?
385
00:26:40,348 --> 00:26:42,308
I think I'm in the wrong class.
386
00:26:42,434 --> 00:26:44,560
- Right.
- Where's Mr Parfitt?
387
00:26:44,686 --> 00:26:47,479
- He's in his office, OK?
- OK.
388
00:26:47,606 --> 00:26:49,732
All right, let's carry on.
Ready and...
389
00:26:49,858 --> 00:26:53,193
What's he, um... Sorry.
What's he doing in there?
390
00:26:53,320 --> 00:26:55,946
- I don't know.
- Fine, all right.
391
00:26:56,072 --> 00:26:57,531
- I'm sorry. Crack on.
- That's all right.
392
00:26:57,657 --> 00:26:59,177
- We will, thank you.
- Do your basics.
393
00:26:59,242 --> 00:27:01,160
Thank you very much.
Here we go.
394
00:27:01,286 --> 00:27:03,329
Ready and one, two, three.
395
00:27:06,124 --> 00:27:07,875
Hello?
396
00:27:11,963 --> 00:27:15,799
- Hey. Are you not teaching me?
- I said I ran a class.
397
00:27:15,925 --> 00:27:19,386
- Didn't say I taught one.
- Ron, please.
398
00:27:19,512 --> 00:27:23,182
It's baby stuff out there.
Just one quick freshener.
399
00:27:26,519 --> 00:27:28,187
Oh, I see.
400
00:27:28,313 --> 00:27:29,688
OK.
401
00:27:31,900 --> 00:27:34,860
I think we've done...
One private lesson.
402
00:27:36,196 --> 00:27:39,823
How much do you want?
40 for an hour?
403
00:27:40,325 --> 00:27:41,909
Oh, that's what you think.
404
00:27:42,035 --> 00:27:43,327
You think I sit back here
405
00:27:43,453 --> 00:27:45,533
waiting for someone to come in
and open their wallet?
406
00:27:45,538 --> 00:27:47,331
Yeah, what are you waiting for?
407
00:27:51,461 --> 00:27:53,337
Alicia.
408
00:27:55,173 --> 00:27:59,134
- Hello.
- This is Bruce Garrett.
409
00:27:59,260 --> 00:28:01,053
- Take him out for a quick spin.
- No.
410
00:28:01,179 --> 00:28:02,304
Road test him.
411
00:28:02,430 --> 00:28:04,431
Alicia teaches our advanced class,
412
00:28:04,557 --> 00:28:08,268
2007 world champion,
dances cabaret style.
413
00:28:08,395 --> 00:28:10,062
Oh, yes, yes.
414
00:28:10,188 --> 00:28:13,148
You do know cabaret style, yeah?
415
00:28:13,775 --> 00:28:18,195
Sorry, do I... You ask if I know
cabaret style?
416
00:28:29,874 --> 00:28:31,750
Do you want to get warm?
417
00:28:31,876 --> 00:28:34,336
You should, although
you look quite warm as it is.
418
00:28:40,844 --> 00:28:42,845
I hear about you.
419
00:28:44,806 --> 00:28:48,267
- Ah.
- The boy with fire in his heels.
420
00:28:48,393 --> 00:28:50,227
Well, that's a long time ago.
421
00:28:50,854 --> 00:28:52,104
Aw.
422
00:28:52,230 --> 00:28:54,273
- You're in my yard now.
- Mm?
423
00:28:56,735 --> 00:28:58,485
Oh, crikey.
424
00:28:58,611 --> 00:28:59,903
Shh-ah.
425
00:29:02,115 --> 00:29:04,116
Ah, cha.
426
00:29:05,410 --> 00:29:08,120
- Ya.
- Rumba!
427
00:29:24,220 --> 00:29:32,220
Ow!
428
00:29:47,285 --> 00:29:49,119
Please.
429
00:29:58,963 --> 00:30:00,506
Stop it.
430
00:30:01,674 --> 00:30:03,050
Ooh.
431
00:30:03,176 --> 00:30:05,177
Welcome back.
432
00:30:10,975 --> 00:30:12,726
That's lesson one, son.
433
00:30:22,612 --> 00:30:24,279
Thank you.
434
00:30:35,333 --> 00:30:37,251
All right, dump truck.
435
00:30:37,377 --> 00:30:38,961
Have you seen
what she's wearing today?
436
00:30:39,087 --> 00:30:42,047
- Who?
- The big boss, yeah.
437
00:30:42,173 --> 00:30:44,633
She's got her green number on.
Isn't that nice?
438
00:30:44,759 --> 00:30:46,969
She's trying to tell me something,
you know what I mean?
439
00:30:47,095 --> 00:30:50,180
She's trying to tell me something.
440
00:30:50,306 --> 00:30:53,058
I'm going to leave a stink on her
that she will never get off.
441
00:30:53,184 --> 00:30:56,144
I'm going to be on her
like bonfire smell, you know I mean?
442
00:30:56,271 --> 00:30:59,523
She's going to be in the shower
changing her clothes.
443
00:30:59,649 --> 00:31:04,236
She's going to be like,
"OMG, I can still smell him."
444
00:31:04,362 --> 00:31:07,406
That's right, Julia. Get used to it.
I'm in your pores.
445
00:31:08,533 --> 00:31:11,243
You're disgusting.
446
00:31:14,539 --> 00:31:16,665
I think it's so cute
when you've got a little crush.
447
00:31:16,791 --> 00:31:20,210
You get a little crush
and you get so disgusted. Listen.
448
00:31:20,336 --> 00:31:25,215
Women like that use guys like you
to get advice about men like me.
449
00:31:27,719 --> 00:31:29,636
It's empty.
450
00:31:54,412 --> 00:31:56,580
Are you kidding me?
451
00:31:56,706 --> 00:31:58,290
Argh!
452
00:31:58,416 --> 00:32:00,375
Ah! Oh...
453
00:32:00,501 --> 00:32:02,002
Oh, God.
454
00:32:02,128 --> 00:32:04,713
Oh, my God. Oh, God.
455
00:32:04,839 --> 00:32:07,090
- Oh, my God, are you OK?
- Yeah.
456
00:32:07,216 --> 00:32:10,552
- Somebody call an ambulance!
- Really, no, I'm fine.
457
00:32:10,678 --> 00:32:13,472
Don't move. Don't move. Don't move.
Don't move. Don't move.
458
00:32:16,392 --> 00:32:19,186
In for two, out for two. Slow down.
459
00:32:19,312 --> 00:32:22,481
- Was there a pastry in this bag?
- Yeah, I had an iced bun.
460
00:32:24,233 --> 00:32:25,484
I was driving...
461
00:32:25,610 --> 00:32:28,403
and then, all of a sudden, my tape deck
wasn't working and then bang!
462
00:32:28,529 --> 00:32:30,739
All of a sudden you were on the hood
of my car. I thought I'd killed you.
463
00:32:30,865 --> 00:32:32,741
Listen, don't worry. I'm fine.
464
00:32:32,867 --> 00:32:34,868
OK. OK, you're OK.
465
00:32:34,994 --> 00:32:36,703
- Yeah. We're OK.
- I'm OK.
466
00:32:36,829 --> 00:32:38,664
You're alive!
467
00:32:38,790 --> 00:32:40,916
I mean, I hit you with my car,
468
00:32:41,042 --> 00:32:43,460
the least I could do
is give you a ride home.
469
00:32:43,586 --> 00:32:47,464
Don't worry about it.
It's only a little car, isn't it?
470
00:32:47,590 --> 00:32:49,257
Oh, my God. Are you going to sue me?
471
00:32:49,384 --> 00:32:53,011
No! No, gosh, no. Good Lord,
I'd never sue.
472
00:32:53,137 --> 00:32:55,138
You know we're not...
As a society,
473
00:32:55,264 --> 00:32:57,599
we're not really big suers,
you know?
474
00:32:57,725 --> 00:33:00,143
We don't... We don't do it.
475
00:33:00,269 --> 00:33:02,354
God, you're rambling.
Are you OK?
476
00:33:02,480 --> 00:33:04,064
- Yeah.
- Are you sure?
477
00:33:04,190 --> 00:33:06,024
- No, I'm fine.
- OK, what's my name?
478
00:33:06,150 --> 00:33:08,193
- Do you remember my name?
- Julio.
479
00:33:14,117 --> 00:33:17,494
Oh, there's the culprit.
480
00:33:17,620 --> 00:33:19,287
- Oh.
- The cassette of death.
481
00:33:19,414 --> 00:33:22,290
La casete de muerte.
482
00:33:22,417 --> 00:33:26,253
Ah, Tito Puente,
Willie Colón, Ray Barretto.
483
00:33:26,379 --> 00:33:30,882
Oh, yes, let's just put that
somewhere else far, far away.
484
00:33:31,009 --> 00:33:32,843
It's uh...
485
00:33:33,636 --> 00:33:37,681
I salsa, OK? I'm into salsa.
486
00:33:37,807 --> 00:33:40,267
In fact, I was on my way
to salsa class,
487
00:33:40,393 --> 00:33:43,979
which is why
I was willing to kill a man to get there,
488
00:33:44,105 --> 00:33:46,523
so that's how much I like salsa.
489
00:33:53,406 --> 00:33:55,240
All right,
so you've entered total shock.
490
00:33:55,366 --> 00:33:57,951
Are you in a state of shock now?
491
00:33:59,162 --> 00:34:00,912
I... I salsa.
492
00:34:02,290 --> 00:34:04,875
Ah.
493
00:34:11,799 --> 00:34:13,633
Right, sure you do.
494
00:34:13,760 --> 00:34:15,802
Wow, now I'm really worried
about you. Are you OK?
495
00:34:18,222 --> 00:34:20,223
Did Helen tell you
about the, uh, bowling?
496
00:34:20,349 --> 00:34:22,976
'Cause we're going to do
this whole bowling-bonding thing
497
00:34:23,102 --> 00:34:25,062
if you want to come.
498
00:34:25,188 --> 00:34:29,024
Uh, yeah.
Yeah, definitely. Definitely.
499
00:34:29,150 --> 00:34:32,569
I like bowling.
I was... I was born to bowl, really.
500
00:34:32,695 --> 00:34:36,698
Born to bowl, wow.
That's a big statement.
501
00:34:54,175 --> 00:34:56,384
One more time and...
502
00:34:56,511 --> 00:34:59,096
One, two, three,
five, six, seven.
503
00:34:59,222 --> 00:35:02,015
Let's try that one more time.
Ready and one...
504
00:35:02,141 --> 00:35:05,685
Oh, you, whatever your name is.
505
00:35:05,812 --> 00:35:11,024
My name is Bruce Garrett
and I'm here to learn salsa.
506
00:35:11,150 --> 00:35:14,653
Well, very nice to meet you, Bruce.
We're walking through some basics.
507
00:35:14,779 --> 00:35:19,741
Ready and one, two, three,
to the side, six, seven.
508
00:35:19,867 --> 00:35:23,161
Forward and turn.
Back and shimmy.
509
00:35:23,830 --> 00:35:28,166
One more time and...
one, two, three, five, six, seven.
510
00:35:28,292 --> 00:35:31,336
Forward and turn, back and shimmy.
511
00:35:31,462 --> 00:35:33,672
Nice one, Bruce.
512
00:35:33,798 --> 00:35:37,467
Let's try that again.
Ready and five, six, seven, go!
513
00:35:37,593 --> 00:35:40,220
Turn! Shimmy!
514
00:35:40,930 --> 00:35:41,972
One more time.
515
00:35:49,480 --> 00:35:52,065
Yeah, thank you.
516
00:35:52,191 --> 00:35:55,652
Well done, everyone.
Muy bien.
517
00:35:55,778 --> 00:35:58,572
See you next week.
Thank you very much, guys. Thank you.
518
00:35:58,698 --> 00:36:00,657
Woo.
519
00:36:00,783 --> 00:36:02,868
Ah.
520
00:36:04,704 --> 00:36:06,705
- I love this.
- Hey.
521
00:36:07,707 --> 00:36:09,833
I just wanted to say sorry
for being rude to you.
522
00:36:09,959 --> 00:36:13,086
Yes, you were.
You were very rude to me.
523
00:36:13,212 --> 00:36:15,839
You were kind of a pig to me,
actually, a rude pig.
524
00:36:17,758 --> 00:36:21,720
I'm kidding with you. God!
My name is Bejan, nice to meet you.
525
00:36:21,846 --> 00:36:23,972
- I'm Bruce.
- Bruce, hi.
526
00:36:24,098 --> 00:36:26,099
Bejan is actually my middle name.
527
00:36:26,225 --> 00:36:28,310
My full name is
Ali Reza Bejan Ahmadzadeh.
528
00:36:28,436 --> 00:36:30,437
Wow, a bit of a mouthful, innit?
529
00:36:30,563 --> 00:36:33,231
Yes. Bejan means hero.
530
00:36:33,357 --> 00:36:35,317
- Ah, that's nice.
- What does Bruce mean?
531
00:36:36,110 --> 00:36:41,823
Uh, Bruce, I think it comes from
the old Saxon meaning bush or hedge.
532
00:36:41,949 --> 00:36:43,825
Mm.
533
00:36:44,702 --> 00:36:46,286
We're all hitting the club
if you want to...
534
00:36:46,412 --> 00:36:49,581
- Oh, right.
- Boteco. It's hot shit.
535
00:36:50,333 --> 00:36:55,587
The dance floor, fully programmable
LED ester and black glass.
536
00:36:55,713 --> 00:36:57,881
- Wow. Semi-sprung?
- Yes, please.
537
00:36:58,007 --> 00:37:01,509
Mm, it would be like dancing
on a glass pillow.
538
00:37:02,720 --> 00:37:05,597
- You want to come? Take my number.
- I don't know.
539
00:37:05,723 --> 00:37:07,349
- You don't want to take my number?
- Not your number.
540
00:37:07,475 --> 00:37:09,142
You don't have to take my number
if you don't want it.
541
00:37:09,268 --> 00:37:11,519
I can walk in the other direction.
Plenty of other people to speak to.
542
00:37:11,646 --> 00:37:13,104
I'm sure one of them
want my number.
543
00:37:13,231 --> 00:37:15,273
- I didn't mean that.
- I'm fucking with you again!
544
00:37:15,399 --> 00:37:18,568
Get a sense of humour,
for God's sake! Wait there.
545
00:37:21,322 --> 00:37:23,823
I'm going to give you
my direct number, OK?
546
00:37:23,950 --> 00:37:29,955
You call me on this
any time between 5:30 and quarter to six.
547
00:37:30,081 --> 00:37:32,707
That's a.m.
I'm a morning person.
548
00:37:33,960 --> 00:37:35,877
Thank you.
549
00:37:37,255 --> 00:37:40,257
- I tracked down Ron Parfitt.
- Oh, my God. What's he like?
550
00:37:40,383 --> 00:37:43,551
Exactly the same.
Just a horrible, grumpy, old bastard.
551
00:37:43,678 --> 00:37:46,263
Holy shit, Bruce.
This is huge.
552
00:37:49,016 --> 00:37:50,392
Is this for her?
553
00:37:50,518 --> 00:37:53,812
"Is this for her?"
Yes, it's for her.
554
00:37:53,938 --> 00:37:57,190
I'm thinking about asking her
to maybe dance with me.
555
00:37:57,775 --> 00:37:59,734
That sounds good,
so what happens next?
556
00:37:59,860 --> 00:38:01,861
- I'm just going go ask her.
- Wrong.
557
00:38:01,988 --> 00:38:04,322
No, no, no. You don't go straight in
with a big romantic gesture
558
00:38:04,448 --> 00:38:05,991
until you've done the groundwork.
559
00:38:06,117 --> 00:38:08,410
She's like a blank wall, Bruce.
560
00:38:08,536 --> 00:38:10,016
Firstly,
you have to apply the primer,
561
00:38:10,037 --> 00:38:11,705
then the undercoat
and then you go in with the emulsion.
562
00:38:11,831 --> 00:38:14,749
What kind of wall?
It might not need primer.
563
00:38:14,875 --> 00:38:16,209
I'm serious, Bruce.
564
00:38:16,335 --> 00:38:19,212
You can't go and ask her out
until you've done the undercoat.
565
00:39:13,601 --> 00:39:16,895
Fantastic, that's just tremendous.
Hey, Bruce.
566
00:39:17,021 --> 00:39:19,647
- Hey.
- Oh, hey, man.
567
00:39:19,774 --> 00:39:21,649
You look nice, but you know what?
568
00:39:21,776 --> 00:39:24,903
I'm already, er,
sorted with a phone plan.
569
00:39:26,989 --> 00:39:29,949
Bruce, you need your shoes otherwise
you're gonna miss out on this frame.
570
00:39:30,785 --> 00:39:32,994
- Good luck.
- All right, here we go.
571
00:39:33,120 --> 00:39:34,496
Phone shop.
572
00:39:35,956 --> 00:39:37,582
- Oh.
- Oh.
573
00:39:37,708 --> 00:39:39,959
Here comes the dirty thunder.
574
00:39:42,046 --> 00:39:44,422
Oh, the Gaelic gale.
575
00:39:44,548 --> 00:39:47,884
- Huh? I hit seven, I think.
- Move over.
576
00:39:50,638 --> 00:39:52,472
Oh.
577
00:39:52,598 --> 00:39:54,015
- Never mind.
- Pump it up.
578
00:39:54,141 --> 00:39:56,643
Amazing. Ah.
579
00:39:56,769 --> 00:40:00,146
Can I just give you
a little bit of constructive feedback?
580
00:40:00,272 --> 00:40:03,191
- Yeah, please do.
- Oh, yeah.
581
00:40:03,317 --> 00:40:06,945
Well, uh,
I've noticed a little flaw in your game.
582
00:40:07,071 --> 00:40:08,863
OK, listen,
I think I know what you're going to say.
583
00:40:08,989 --> 00:40:10,949
This probably is about me
584
00:40:11,075 --> 00:40:14,869
continually rolling the balls
into the recess gutters, isn't it?
585
00:40:14,995 --> 00:40:17,831
- Yes, it is.
- Yeah. I think...
586
00:40:17,957 --> 00:40:20,291
I think it's the only weakness
in my game, you know?
587
00:40:20,418 --> 00:40:24,087
It is. It is the only weakness,
but, uh, it's a pretty major one.
588
00:40:24,213 --> 00:40:26,464
- Yeah, it's a biggy.
- So let's deal with it.
589
00:40:26,590 --> 00:40:29,217
Here, I'll show you. Come on.
590
00:40:29,343 --> 00:40:32,220
Oh! Sumba, bunga, wunga!
591
00:40:32,930 --> 00:40:34,597
Did you see that?
592
00:40:35,850 --> 00:40:37,684
So you put your fingers
in the holes.
593
00:40:38,686 --> 00:40:41,604
No. No, no, no, no.
No innuendo, OK?
594
00:40:41,730 --> 00:40:44,816
The first rule of bowling is
there's holes and there's balls
595
00:40:44,942 --> 00:40:46,902
and we're all adults.
We just have to get over it.
596
00:40:46,944 --> 00:40:49,320
- Let's bowl.
- Yup.
597
00:40:49,447 --> 00:40:51,156
Hold your ball like a baby.
598
00:40:51,282 --> 00:40:53,366
- Throw it like a rocket.
- Yup.
599
00:40:53,492 --> 00:40:56,619
Hold it like a baby.
Throw it like a rocket, yeah?
600
00:40:56,745 --> 00:40:58,621
Yeah.
601
00:40:59,832 --> 00:41:03,251
Hold it like a baby
and then I throw it like a rocket.
602
00:41:03,377 --> 00:41:06,838
I hold it like a baby
and then I throw it like a rocket.
603
00:41:06,964 --> 00:41:09,883
Hold it like a baby
and then I throw it like a rocket.
604
00:41:11,969 --> 00:41:14,137
Sorry. Sorry.
605
00:41:14,263 --> 00:41:15,930
I'm calling social services.
606
00:41:16,056 --> 00:41:17,932
You're calling social services?
607
00:41:18,058 --> 00:41:20,560
Why? Has he been
within 100 metres of a school?
608
00:41:25,524 --> 00:41:27,567
- You're up, Jules.
- Oh.
609
00:41:27,693 --> 00:41:29,903
Go on, Julio, if that's your name.
610
00:41:30,029 --> 00:41:33,072
Listen, you just focus
on your baby rocket big shot.
611
00:41:33,199 --> 00:41:34,908
Yeah.
612
00:41:35,034 --> 00:41:38,203
All right. Let's do this.
613
00:41:38,329 --> 00:41:40,121
Come on, baby ball.
614
00:41:40,247 --> 00:41:43,374
- I just need one strike.
- Oh, wow.
615
00:41:43,501 --> 00:41:46,044
Have you seen the pants
on that guy over there?
616
00:41:49,173 --> 00:41:50,798
- Go on.
- Here we go.
617
00:41:53,010 --> 00:41:55,291
Did you end up keeping the shoes
or you gave them back or?
618
00:41:55,346 --> 00:41:59,182
- No, I gave them back.
- I thought they really suited you.
619
00:41:59,308 --> 00:42:01,184
Ah, do you mind
if I just put my seat back?
620
00:42:01,310 --> 00:42:03,895
- Oh, there's not much room here.
- It's just I've got such long legs.
621
00:42:04,021 --> 00:42:05,813
Oh! That's better.
622
00:42:06,524 --> 00:42:11,152
Bruce, we'll drop you off first.
All that exercise, you must be exhausted.
623
00:42:18,661 --> 00:42:20,745
- Bye, Bruce.
- See you later, Brucie.
624
00:42:20,871 --> 00:42:24,082
Loving the pad.
Let's get this party started.
625
00:42:48,482 --> 00:42:50,608
Bruce!
626
00:42:50,734 --> 00:42:52,860
Bruce!
627
00:42:52,987 --> 00:42:55,321
- Bruce!
- Hey, shut up.
628
00:42:55,447 --> 00:42:58,116
My God, I thought it was number 4
and then I thought it's number 14
629
00:42:58,242 --> 00:43:00,076
and then I thought it was number 40
and then I went to 14
630
00:43:00,202 --> 00:43:01,786
and then I went to 40,
but there isn't a 40.
631
00:43:01,912 --> 00:43:04,372
- How are you doing?
- I'm good. Hello.
632
00:43:04,498 --> 00:43:07,667
- One more for me.
- You want a drink?
633
00:43:07,793 --> 00:43:09,294
- Do you have any Fanta?
- I do not.
634
00:43:09,420 --> 00:43:12,964
That's a shame, because I do!
635
00:43:13,090 --> 00:43:15,842
Ooh. Wow. I'll get glasses.
636
00:43:15,968 --> 00:43:19,137
No, no, no, it's not a wedding.
You drink from the bottle.
637
00:43:19,263 --> 00:43:21,389
- Erm... thank you.
- Mm-hmm.
638
00:43:21,515 --> 00:43:24,058
- Salamati.
- Ah, salamati.
639
00:43:25,477 --> 00:43:28,104
- Mm.
- Mm. Urgh, it's flat.
640
00:43:28,230 --> 00:43:31,065
It's not flat. It's still.
It's still Fanta.
641
00:43:31,191 --> 00:43:33,192
- They don't do still Fanta.
- They don't do still Fanta.
642
00:43:33,319 --> 00:43:35,862
I have to make my own. You just open
the bottle. Put it on the balcony.
643
00:43:35,988 --> 00:43:38,281
Two days later,
boom, shake the room, yes please.
644
00:43:38,407 --> 00:43:40,325
- Ha.
- Mm.
645
00:43:40,451 --> 00:43:43,202
Are you ready?
Do you want to go? Let's go.
646
00:43:43,329 --> 00:43:45,330
You're going like this?
647
00:43:47,207 --> 00:43:50,084
Yeah. What's the matter with this?
648
00:43:50,210 --> 00:43:51,836
Well...
649
00:43:53,505 --> 00:43:54,839
everything
650
00:43:54,965 --> 00:43:57,175
What are these?
651
00:43:57,301 --> 00:43:59,385
- Shirts.
- Polyester mix?
652
00:43:59,511 --> 00:44:03,097
I'm thinking 50% polyester,
20% Crimplene, 5% wool, yes?
653
00:44:03,223 --> 00:44:05,141
- Sure.
- It's bullshit.
654
00:44:06,060 --> 00:44:10,021
Silk, smart, casual, breathable.
655
00:44:10,147 --> 00:44:11,397
Yes, please.
656
00:44:12,316 --> 00:44:15,193
Cotton, soaks up sweat
like a sponge.
657
00:44:15,319 --> 00:44:16,444
Vest up, my friend.
658
00:44:17,488 --> 00:44:20,990
Linen, flyweight for quicker movements,
show off those turns.
659
00:44:22,368 --> 00:44:25,453
Synthetic,
less friction means fewer blisters.
660
00:44:25,579 --> 00:44:27,789
Unless you like blister.
Do you like blister? Who likes blister?
661
00:44:27,915 --> 00:44:29,791
- Pilgrims.
- Exactly.
662
00:44:32,378 --> 00:44:34,420
Who's that?
Can you hold that a second?
663
00:44:35,673 --> 00:44:37,799
What's going on?
Not taking my calls?
664
00:44:37,925 --> 00:44:43,137
- Just busy. I've been busy at work.
- Three words. The Velvet Pussycat.
665
00:44:43,263 --> 00:44:45,598
- What, now?
- Yeah, come on. Get changed.
666
00:44:45,724 --> 00:44:48,226
- It's a Tuesday night.
- Yeah, exactly.
667
00:44:49,770 --> 00:44:51,979
Bruce, do you have any idea
how hard I've worked
668
00:44:52,106 --> 00:44:54,148
- to get Amanda to take up a hobby.
- Mm.
669
00:44:54,274 --> 00:44:57,568
I've been masterminding
Project Pilates for six months.
670
00:44:57,695 --> 00:44:59,570
Why do you think that is?
671
00:44:59,697 --> 00:45:03,783
Two whole hours of freedom,
8:30 to 10:30, once a week.
672
00:45:03,909 --> 00:45:06,670
What do you think I'm going to do
with that time, sit indoors wanking?
673
00:45:06,787 --> 00:45:08,121
I can do that when she's at home.
674
00:45:08,831 --> 00:45:10,998
I'm just... I'm bushed, you know?
675
00:45:11,125 --> 00:45:13,084
I'm just going to have a bath
and hit the hay.
676
00:45:13,210 --> 00:45:14,210
A bath?
677
00:45:15,087 --> 00:45:18,172
Oh, that's nice.
Will it have nice little bubbles in it?
678
00:45:18,298 --> 00:45:21,050
- Who are you talking to?
- Eh? Who's this?
679
00:45:21,176 --> 00:45:24,011
Hi. My name is Bejan.
Pleased to meet you.
680
00:45:24,138 --> 00:45:27,765
- It's a mate from work.
- Mate? Oh, my God. I'm honoured.
681
00:45:27,891 --> 00:45:30,309
- All right.
- It's a big, big moment for me.
682
00:45:30,436 --> 00:45:33,146
Well, I'll leave you to your bath.
683
00:45:33,272 --> 00:45:35,314
We weren't having a group.
We weren't going to do group.
684
00:45:35,441 --> 00:45:38,776
He was going to go and I was going
to have a bath. Please don't. Don't.
685
00:45:38,902 --> 00:45:41,946
Don't worry. It's fine.
I'll er... I'll go by myself.
686
00:45:43,198 --> 00:45:45,533
- I'll give you a call later, yeah?
- Yeah.
687
00:45:45,659 --> 00:45:47,493
Bye, Gary!
688
00:45:47,619 --> 00:45:49,203
He's cute.
689
00:45:50,372 --> 00:45:53,458
Two more things,
your hairy chest and a tan.
690
00:45:53,584 --> 00:45:56,502
- No, no, no.
- Yes, yes, yes, yes.
691
00:45:56,628 --> 00:45:58,755
- No, no.
- Bruce, what year is this?
692
00:45:59,381 --> 00:46:02,675
Did we just go back in time?
Did we step out of the De Lorean?
693
00:46:02,801 --> 00:46:05,261
Are we in 1985?
Is this Hill Valley?
694
00:46:07,055 --> 00:46:08,723
Think McFly! Think!
695
00:46:08,849 --> 00:46:11,142
- Ow.
- Sorry, I just wanted to...
696
00:46:11,268 --> 00:46:13,394
So take this...
697
00:46:13,520 --> 00:46:15,021
- and take this.
- Fine.
698
00:46:15,689 --> 00:46:17,315
You've got ten minutes.
699
00:46:17,441 --> 00:46:18,900
Run for it, Marty!
700
00:46:26,283 --> 00:46:28,242
Ah. Oh.
701
00:46:34,374 --> 00:46:36,542
Wow. It's so deep.
702
00:46:40,923 --> 00:46:42,340
So natural.
703
00:46:49,932 --> 00:46:51,557
How do you feel?
704
00:46:53,519 --> 00:46:54,560
Thank you.
705
00:46:55,437 --> 00:47:01,025
And on the 7th day, the Almighty
turned to his followers and said...
706
00:47:05,489 --> 00:47:08,324
- What does that mean?
- Let's salsa.
707
00:47:48,782 --> 00:47:52,285
- Oh. He's grinding her batty.
- Yeah, he is.
708
00:47:54,288 --> 00:47:55,997
Yeah!
709
00:48:16,226 --> 00:48:20,062
Oh, look. Look.
710
00:48:21,773 --> 00:48:24,942
- That looks fun.
- Oh my God. They make me feel sick.
711
00:48:26,111 --> 00:48:27,820
Salsa aerobics?
712
00:48:27,946 --> 00:48:30,031
It's not a salsa. It is a cancer.
713
00:48:30,157 --> 00:48:32,700
Go back to the leisure centre,
you bitches!
714
00:48:33,952 --> 00:48:36,037
- If I had a grenade right now...
- Shut up.
715
00:48:36,163 --> 00:48:37,622
- I was just saying...
- A Middle Eastern man
716
00:48:37,748 --> 00:48:39,373
talking about a grenade
in a packed night club.
717
00:48:39,499 --> 00:48:42,960
- You'll start a bloody stampede.
- I'm saying if I had a grenade.
718
00:48:43,086 --> 00:48:46,005
- Of course I don't have a grenade.
- Shush.
719
00:48:47,090 --> 00:48:50,217
- Another Fanta.
- Let's have another Fanta.
720
00:48:53,430 --> 00:48:54,931
- Hi, guys.
- Hey!
721
00:48:55,057 --> 00:48:57,224
- So who's dancing?
- Oh, yes, please.
722
00:48:57,351 --> 00:48:59,685
- Bruce.
- No, I'm going to sit this one out.
723
00:48:59,811 --> 00:49:01,812
- I don't think so. Come on.
- Oh, please.
724
00:49:02,773 --> 00:49:05,441
- Hi, Ron.
- Hey, are you all right?
725
00:49:26,421 --> 00:49:29,423
Off. Off. Off.
726
00:49:29,549 --> 00:49:30,967
What?
727
00:49:31,093 --> 00:49:34,595
Get off this fucking dance floor
with your shitty dancing.
728
00:49:34,721 --> 00:49:37,139
- I was doing the steps.
- Doing the steps?
729
00:49:37,265 --> 00:49:40,267
Any prick can do the steps.
That prick can do the steps.
730
00:49:41,687 --> 00:49:45,314
Where's the fucking heart?
Where's el corazón?
731
00:49:45,440 --> 00:49:47,149
- I don't know.
- What's that?
732
00:49:47,275 --> 00:49:48,693
- I don't know.
- You don't know.
733
00:49:48,819 --> 00:49:51,612
Well, in that case,
why don't you piss off back to the bar,
734
00:49:51,738 --> 00:49:56,075
grab yourself a pint of bitter
and watch like all the fucking losers?
735
00:49:56,201 --> 00:49:57,702
Don't.
736
00:50:55,218 --> 00:50:57,428
Scrub it off of me.
737
00:50:57,554 --> 00:50:59,764
This filthy tan.
738
00:51:05,854 --> 00:51:07,938
- Big news, ball bag.
- What?
739
00:51:08,065 --> 00:51:11,650
Shift. when you were at home
last night making love to your hand,
740
00:51:11,777 --> 00:51:16,572
guess who went disco dancing
with the sexually-frustrated lady boss.
741
00:51:16,698 --> 00:51:18,783
- Who?
- Me. I did.
742
00:51:18,909 --> 00:51:22,036
- Yeah, got that.
- Oh, my God. She can move.
743
00:51:22,162 --> 00:51:24,747
And the sweat dripping off of her,
744
00:51:24,873 --> 00:51:28,042
it was like
a waterfall of babies' tears.
745
00:51:28,168 --> 00:51:30,002
Mm, poetic.
746
00:51:30,962 --> 00:51:33,798
Ah, I think we all know
where this is headed.
747
00:51:33,924 --> 00:51:35,549
Inside of her.
748
00:51:35,675 --> 00:51:37,259
- You know what I mean?
- Yeah.
749
00:51:39,346 --> 00:51:42,056
- Why are you telling me all this?
- Don't be a virgin.
750
00:51:42,182 --> 00:51:44,141
- I know you made a play for her.
- No, I didn't.
751
00:51:45,352 --> 00:51:48,521
A mix tape?
Are you fucking John Cusack now?
752
00:51:48,647 --> 00:51:50,689
You took it.
753
00:51:50,816 --> 00:51:53,484
I didn't want you to be embarrassed.
She'd laugh in your face.
754
00:51:53,610 --> 00:51:55,611
I made it for her car.
755
00:51:55,737 --> 00:51:57,613
- Just give me it, will you?
- Your big arms are too slow.
756
00:51:57,739 --> 00:51:59,573
- Hey, guys.
- Hey, Jules.
757
00:51:59,699 --> 00:52:02,326
- How's it going?
- Really good. Really good.
758
00:52:02,452 --> 00:52:03,744
Last night was fun, right?
759
00:52:03,870 --> 00:52:05,663
- So much fun.
- Yeah, it was good.
760
00:52:05,789 --> 00:52:08,124
Helen was obviously trying
to hustle us all, but...
761
00:52:08,250 --> 00:52:11,127
Yeah, it was a good night.
762
00:52:11,253 --> 00:52:13,838
How are your little footsies?
763
00:52:13,964 --> 00:52:17,216
- You know what? Pretty sore.
- I'll bet they are.
764
00:52:17,342 --> 00:52:19,593
We, uh, stopped off at a club
on the way home.
765
00:52:19,719 --> 00:52:21,512
That's right.
766
00:52:21,638 --> 00:52:23,848
I'm going to go.
I've got things to do.
767
00:52:23,974 --> 00:52:26,433
- See you later, Brucie.
- Bye, Bruce.
768
00:52:36,862 --> 00:52:39,280
Drew! Ow!
769
00:52:40,740 --> 00:52:42,449
Oh, shit.
770
00:52:42,576 --> 00:52:46,287
Oh, shit. Oh.
771
00:52:46,413 --> 00:52:49,331
- Are you all right?
- Yeah, just having a manicure.
772
00:52:49,457 --> 00:52:52,001
- This came. Will you sign for it?
- Sure.
773
00:52:53,170 --> 00:52:55,671
Can you... Sorry.
774
00:53:00,594 --> 00:53:02,386
- Thank you. Cheers.
- Thanks.
775
00:53:02,512 --> 00:53:04,972
Can I, um...
776
00:53:05,098 --> 00:53:07,892
Oh, this is bad.
777
00:53:08,935 --> 00:53:11,187
Help.
778
00:53:11,980 --> 00:53:14,064
- That was so fun.
- Yeah.
779
00:53:14,191 --> 00:53:16,734
- We should do it again.
- Yeah, maybe.
780
00:53:16,860 --> 00:53:18,485
What's erm...
What's with the tape?
781
00:53:18,612 --> 00:53:20,571
Oh, shoot.
782
00:53:21,698 --> 00:53:24,783
You caught me.
Er, it's for your car.
783
00:53:25,535 --> 00:53:28,662
Oh, my God.
You made an inlay.
784
00:53:29,581 --> 00:53:30,956
Yes, I did.
785
00:53:31,082 --> 00:53:32,875
Nobody makes inlays anymore.
786
00:53:33,001 --> 00:53:36,587
Yeah, it's just a silly,
little touch I thought you'd like.
787
00:53:36,713 --> 00:53:39,715
That's really... That's really nice.
788
00:53:39,841 --> 00:53:42,134
Now I feel like
I have to get you something.
789
00:53:42,260 --> 00:53:44,678
That would be so cute.
790
00:53:44,804 --> 00:53:46,847
That's really nice. Thank you.
791
00:53:57,859 --> 00:54:00,027
- How was your bubble bath?
- Ha-ha!
792
00:54:02,530 --> 00:54:05,574
- Was it rejuvenating?
- That's classic, Gary, classic.
793
00:54:05,700 --> 00:54:08,035
Listen, I love the craic.
794
00:54:08,161 --> 00:54:10,371
One might say
I'm addicted to the craic,
795
00:54:10,497 --> 00:54:12,831
but right now
I just want to get my head down
796
00:54:12,958 --> 00:54:15,960
and plough my way
through this bucket of balls, all right?
797
00:54:17,295 --> 00:54:18,462
Yeah?
798
00:54:18,588 --> 00:54:20,749
I think we've got a new heading
for our weekly roundup.
799
00:54:20,757 --> 00:54:25,552
Unexplained homoerotic encounters
with rugged foreign males. Mickey?
800
00:54:26,179 --> 00:54:29,181
- Nil.
- Me, nil. Brucie?
801
00:54:29,307 --> 00:54:31,976
Ah, fuck the weekly roundup.
802
00:54:32,102 --> 00:54:33,644
Fuck it.
803
00:54:33,770 --> 00:54:35,771
Oh, dear. What's wrong with her?
804
00:54:37,148 --> 00:54:39,441
Come on, Bruce. Who was he?
805
00:54:39,567 --> 00:54:41,777
- What are you hiding from us?
- Nothing.
806
00:54:44,489 --> 00:54:45,739
Aw.
807
00:54:45,865 --> 00:54:49,952
Did the sexy sultan's rich bath milk
irritate your sensitive skin?
808
00:54:50,078 --> 00:54:52,371
- Fuck off.
- Oh!
809
00:54:52,497 --> 00:54:54,707
Hey, are you all right, Gary? Gary?
810
00:54:54,833 --> 00:54:56,959
- I'm sorry. Are you OK?
- Yeah, fine mate.
811
00:54:57,085 --> 00:55:00,087
- Yeah, forget about it.
- Hey, hey, hey. Don't go.
812
00:55:02,507 --> 00:55:05,050
Yeah, this is the one,
the trusty arsehole wedge.
813
00:55:05,176 --> 00:55:07,886
Hey, hey. Don't... Gary, don't...
814
00:55:08,013 --> 00:55:11,765
Stop it. Stop. Oh! Gary! Oh!
Gary, don't!
815
00:55:11,891 --> 00:55:13,767
- You keep running!
- Gary!
816
00:55:13,893 --> 00:55:15,477
- Right.
- Help me!
817
00:55:15,603 --> 00:55:16,895
Par three!
818
00:55:17,522 --> 00:55:20,566
- Argh!
- Or should I say par arsehole!
819
00:55:21,234 --> 00:55:24,236
I didn't mean to hit you, Gary!
Please!
820
00:55:24,362 --> 00:55:26,030
Keep running!
821
00:55:26,156 --> 00:55:28,198
Ah!
822
00:55:28,325 --> 00:55:30,492
Oh! Oi!
823
00:55:31,911 --> 00:55:33,912
- Stop it!
- Ah!
824
00:55:35,957 --> 00:55:38,125
Argh! Oi!
825
00:55:38,251 --> 00:55:40,919
- I dance!
- Fore!
826
00:55:43,173 --> 00:55:44,923
I dance, all right?
827
00:55:46,801 --> 00:55:49,261
Please stop hitting balls at me.
828
00:55:51,264 --> 00:55:52,598
Wee!
829
00:55:52,724 --> 00:55:54,641
Salsa?
830
00:55:55,810 --> 00:55:58,228
- With the little shoes?
- Yes.
831
00:55:58,355 --> 00:56:00,356
Yes, salsa with the little shoes.
832
00:56:04,361 --> 00:56:05,444
Why?
833
00:56:06,821 --> 00:56:09,114
I was doing it for that girl.
834
00:56:09,240 --> 00:56:12,618
- What girl?
- The... the butterfly.
835
00:56:13,161 --> 00:56:14,661
The eponymous butterfly
836
00:56:14,788 --> 00:56:17,373
from the
"Tale of the Butterfly and the Parsnip".
837
00:56:18,500 --> 00:56:20,793
- The parsnip, the butterfly.
- Oh.
838
00:56:22,128 --> 00:56:25,172
What, you thought
the parsnip would win the butterfly
839
00:56:25,298 --> 00:56:27,341
by doing
a bit of tiny shoe shuffle?
840
00:56:27,467 --> 00:56:30,636
Yes. I know. It's stupid, isn't it?
841
00:56:31,846 --> 00:56:34,848
And then there's Drew.
Do you remember Drew?
842
00:56:34,974 --> 00:56:37,184
Oh, yes, that horse's arse.
843
00:56:37,310 --> 00:56:39,770
Yeah. Well, he likes her, too.
844
00:56:39,896 --> 00:56:43,816
He might be a horse's arse,
but he's better at all this than I am so...
845
00:56:44,818 --> 00:56:46,819
I might just let him
get on with it.
846
00:56:47,821 --> 00:56:51,573
Yeah, mate, just...
It's probably for the best.
847
00:56:51,699 --> 00:56:54,701
Just... just forget about her, eh?
848
00:57:13,012 --> 00:57:14,763
He's back.
849
00:57:15,807 --> 00:57:18,559
Jesus Christ, Ron.
You fuckin' made me jump.
850
00:57:18,685 --> 00:57:20,102
Who is she, Bruce?
851
00:57:20,770 --> 00:57:22,146
Mm?
852
00:57:22,856 --> 00:57:27,985
The girl in the club the other night,
she's the one, hm?
853
00:57:28,111 --> 00:57:30,487
- It doesn't matter.
- No, of course, it doesn't matter.
854
00:57:30,613 --> 00:57:33,240
That's why you've got a face
like a dropped scone.
855
00:57:33,366 --> 00:57:36,535
It's just stupid.
I wanted to make her fall in love with me.
856
00:57:36,661 --> 00:57:40,330
Mm... and then along comes
this other fella - tall, better looking...
857
00:57:40,457 --> 00:57:43,000
Let's face it.
His dick couldn't be any smaller.
858
00:57:45,253 --> 00:57:49,548
That's why you came back.
La doña, the woman.
859
00:57:50,925 --> 00:57:52,551
It's salsa, Ron.
860
00:57:52,677 --> 00:57:54,595
- It's always about a woman.
- Mm-hmm.
861
00:57:54,721 --> 00:57:57,222
I just wanted you
to make me good enough for her.
862
00:57:57,348 --> 00:57:59,183
Why don't you just keep standing
in front of that mirror
863
00:57:59,309 --> 00:58:00,809
and do what you did
in the club the other night?
864
00:58:00,935 --> 00:58:03,437
- Do me a favour and do that.
- What?
865
00:58:03,563 --> 00:58:06,607
Oh, come on. You know what you did.
You felt it.
866
00:58:06,733 --> 00:58:10,652
- You want me to do it now?
- Come on. It's just us girls, Brucie.
867
00:58:11,279 --> 00:58:13,155
I don't want to.
868
00:58:13,281 --> 00:58:15,115
- Oh, he bottles it.
- Bottles?
869
00:58:15,241 --> 00:58:17,326
What a surprise.
870
00:58:20,330 --> 00:58:22,370
- Where are you going?
- Come on. We got work to do.
871
00:58:22,373 --> 00:58:23,415
What kind of work?
872
00:58:23,541 --> 00:58:26,543
We're going to get shit-faced
and play board games.
873
00:58:30,215 --> 00:58:32,508
- Eye piece for one eye?
- Monocle.
874
00:58:32,634 --> 00:58:34,009
Mm.
875
00:58:34,135 --> 00:58:36,261
Sorry, why are we doing this again?
876
00:58:36,387 --> 00:58:39,056
- Sits on top of a Christmas tree?
- A fairy.
877
00:58:39,849 --> 00:58:41,683
No, a star.
878
00:58:41,809 --> 00:58:43,894
- That's time.
- Oh, all right.
879
00:58:44,020 --> 00:58:46,271
- That's for you.
- Go.
880
00:58:47,398 --> 00:58:51,485
OK, they ate this much to God's
annoyance in the Garden of Eden.
881
00:58:51,611 --> 00:58:53,445
- Apple.
- Apple is correct.
882
00:58:53,571 --> 00:58:55,948
Oh, OK, he... Um, he's a an actor.
883
00:58:56,074 --> 00:58:57,950
- He does films.
- It's a purple one.
884
00:58:58,076 --> 00:59:00,244
- Yeah and?
- You have to do an impression.
885
00:59:01,162 --> 00:59:02,996
I'm not doing an impression.
886
00:59:03,122 --> 00:59:05,123
- Well, you have to.
- No.
887
00:59:05,250 --> 00:59:07,251
- Do the impression, Bruce.
- No, I can't.
888
00:59:07,377 --> 00:59:10,337
- Just do the impression.
- No, I'm not doing an impression.
889
00:59:11,089 --> 00:59:13,715
- What are you so scared of, eh?
- I'm not.
890
00:59:14,592 --> 00:59:16,301
- Just do the impression, then.
- No, I'm not doing...
891
00:59:16,427 --> 00:59:18,011
Why are you so afraid
of what people might think?
892
00:59:18,137 --> 00:59:19,972
Why can't you put yourself
out there?
893
00:59:20,098 --> 00:59:21,682
- I mean...
- So do the impression.
894
00:59:21,808 --> 00:59:23,767
- It's almost time.
- Do the impression.
895
00:59:23,893 --> 00:59:26,979
- That's it. Time.
- Do the fucking impression!
896
00:59:27,105 --> 00:59:30,983
- Why are you always shouting at me?
- Because you fucking quit on me.
897
00:59:31,109 --> 00:59:33,860
- I did not quit.
- You had the world at your feet.
898
00:59:33,987 --> 00:59:36,280
- I did not quit.
- And you walked away, didn't you?
899
00:59:36,406 --> 00:59:37,781
- No, I didn't.
- Oh, yes, you did.
900
00:59:37,907 --> 00:59:40,367
You keep swanning back in here
and swanning out again.
901
00:59:40,493 --> 00:59:43,620
- Swanning back in...
- They broke me. All right?
902
00:59:43,746 --> 00:59:46,748
If you want to know, the night
of the competition, they broke me.
903
00:59:46,874 --> 00:59:50,127
A gang of kids, bullies, they just...
they broke it out of me.
904
00:59:50,253 --> 00:59:54,131
- I didn't want to do it anymore!
- Some big boys gave you a shoeing.
905
00:59:54,257 --> 00:59:57,175
You're a male dancer.
Do you think I never took any shit?
906
00:59:57,302 --> 00:59:58,969
So what are you going
to do about it, eh?
907
00:59:59,095 --> 01:00:01,972
Are you going to hide away,
or maybe crawl under your duvet
908
01:00:02,098 --> 01:00:05,809
and watch "Bridget Jones Part Two"
with some white Maltesers?
909
01:00:06,728 --> 01:00:07,936
Don't.
910
01:00:09,105 --> 01:00:10,981
Then what?
911
01:00:13,026 --> 01:00:14,735
- Then what?
- I don't know!
912
01:00:14,861 --> 01:00:16,612
So do the fucking impression!
913
01:00:16,738 --> 01:00:18,697
- Say hello to my little friend.
- Again.
914
01:00:18,823 --> 01:00:20,407
- Say hello to my little...
- Again!
915
01:00:20,533 --> 01:00:21,992
- Say hello to my...
- Again!
916
01:00:22,118 --> 01:00:23,744
Say hello to my little friend!
917
01:00:24,412 --> 01:00:26,913
- Al Pa-fucking-cino
- Yes!
918
01:00:28,041 --> 01:00:31,376
So... shall we go and dance
in front of the mirror?
919
01:00:31,502 --> 01:00:33,754
Yeah.
920
01:00:34,714 --> 01:00:37,424
Yes. That is time.
921
01:00:38,718 --> 01:00:40,552
Get the shoulders. Loosen up.
922
01:00:40,678 --> 01:00:44,598
That's it. Loosen up.
Roll those shoulders. Roll them.
923
01:00:44,724 --> 01:00:46,808
Roll them. Roll them.
924
01:00:48,144 --> 01:00:50,145
Arms of an eagle.
925
01:00:52,023 --> 01:00:54,399
I said an eagle,
not a fucking heron.
926
01:00:54,525 --> 01:00:56,526
It is an eagle.
927
01:00:57,862 --> 01:01:00,030
OK, try again. Legs of a stallion.
928
01:01:01,366 --> 01:01:02,658
Arms of an eagle.
929
01:01:04,869 --> 01:01:06,328
Go.
930
01:01:11,834 --> 01:01:13,960
That's it. Work it out, Brucie.
931
01:01:14,087 --> 01:01:15,962
Go on, Garrett.
932
01:01:19,801 --> 01:01:22,594
Takes a lot of hard work
to make it look that easy.
933
01:01:23,971 --> 01:01:25,389
- Mm.
- All right.
934
01:01:37,568 --> 01:01:39,069
Think about it all the time.
935
01:01:42,407 --> 01:01:45,158
Now, I know you're all waiting
for this particular model,
936
01:01:45,284 --> 01:01:47,994
but as we say,
better lathe than never.
937
01:01:51,541 --> 01:01:53,166
All right, so...
938
01:01:59,048 --> 01:02:00,841
One, two, three, four...
939
01:02:07,265 --> 01:02:08,890
- What is that?
- What?
940
01:02:09,016 --> 01:02:11,226
- That's chicken stuff.
- It's reggaeton.
941
01:02:25,324 --> 01:02:27,743
- Three, two, one and down.
- Ow!
942
01:02:27,869 --> 01:02:29,411
- You all right?
- Ow.
943
01:02:29,537 --> 01:02:31,455
I'm so sorry.
Someone's coming.
944
01:02:54,812 --> 01:02:57,397
Whoa, whoa!
Room for a small one?
945
01:02:57,523 --> 01:02:59,357
I have a question for you.
946
01:02:59,484 --> 01:03:01,318
Well, I love questions.
947
01:03:01,444 --> 01:03:03,612
So you like Latin music, huh?
948
01:03:05,656 --> 01:03:08,575
- The mix tape.
- Oh, right, the mix, yes.
949
01:03:08,701 --> 01:03:13,413
Oh, I am a Latino boy
big time, I am, music wise.
950
01:03:13,539 --> 01:03:16,458
Thanks for listening to that.
It was a real labour of love for me.
951
01:03:16,584 --> 01:03:20,796
That track
at the end of side one, oh...
952
01:03:20,922 --> 01:03:25,050
Oh, shoot, that's the...
That's my favourite track.
953
01:03:25,176 --> 01:03:27,552
- Isn't it just so er... tracky?
- It's so...
954
01:03:27,678 --> 01:03:31,890
And, er, it's the best song
that you could put at the end of side one
955
01:03:32,016 --> 01:03:34,684
- on a mix tape, like that.
- Yeah, yeah.
956
01:03:35,311 --> 01:03:39,523
You know what's weird
is whenever I listen to that track,
957
01:03:39,649 --> 01:03:43,026
I like to imagine myself
just lying in front of a log fire,
958
01:03:43,152 --> 01:03:46,780
just with a glass of... tequila,
959
01:03:46,906 --> 01:03:49,324
just chewing on a chimichanga,
you know?
960
01:03:50,535 --> 01:03:52,244
Oh, hey.
961
01:03:52,370 --> 01:03:56,832
That pitch that you and Bruce did,
you guys aced it, bam, sold.
962
01:03:56,958 --> 01:03:59,251
Shut the front door. You're kidding.
963
01:03:59,377 --> 01:04:01,461
Stop that train.
No, I'm not.
964
01:04:01,587 --> 01:04:03,713
I'm not.
965
01:04:03,840 --> 01:04:06,091
We should get together
and celebrate.
966
01:04:06,217 --> 01:04:07,759
- Yes, we should.
- My place.
967
01:04:07,885 --> 01:04:09,261
- Yes.
- Take-out.
968
01:04:09,387 --> 01:04:11,346
- Yes.
- Invite Bruce and Helen.
969
01:04:12,557 --> 01:04:14,307
Yeah.
970
01:04:15,518 --> 01:04:17,143
We should absolutely do that.
971
01:04:17,770 --> 01:04:19,479
- Cool, so you'll tell them.
- Yeah.
972
01:04:19,605 --> 01:04:21,648
- Great.
- Of course. I'll totes tell them.
973
01:04:21,774 --> 01:04:24,109
You can totally trust me to do that.
974
01:04:24,235 --> 01:04:27,195
That's not a problem.
975
01:04:30,074 --> 01:04:33,577
- Hey. What are you hiding?
- Nothing.
976
01:04:33,703 --> 01:04:36,788
- What are you hiding?
- Behold.
977
01:04:37,456 --> 01:04:39,457
Santo Vito.
978
01:04:41,377 --> 01:04:43,920
What?
It's just another salsa night. So what?
979
01:04:44,046 --> 01:04:47,257
So what?
Look at it squashy chops.
980
01:04:47,383 --> 01:04:49,926
It's a competition. Sorry.
981
01:04:51,053 --> 01:04:55,223
Don't you see?
This is your time, Bruce.
982
01:04:55,349 --> 01:04:57,350
This is the Goonie time.
983
01:04:58,352 --> 01:04:59,936
Do you know about the Goonie time?
984
01:05:00,062 --> 01:05:04,065
Of course I know about the Goonie time.
My watch runs on Goonie time.
985
01:05:04,191 --> 01:05:07,611
So then you know
that it's their time up there,
986
01:05:07,737 --> 01:05:09,529
but it's our time down here.
987
01:05:11,282 --> 01:05:14,284
You can do this, Bruce.
You can win this mother-funky
988
01:05:14,410 --> 01:05:17,329
and you can show the world
what you're really made of.
989
01:05:17,830 --> 01:05:20,123
Think about it.
What have we go to lose?
990
01:05:22,710 --> 01:05:24,794
Yeah, I mean, I suppose I could.
991
01:05:25,421 --> 01:05:28,131
Bruce, we Persians have a saying.
992
01:05:31,802 --> 01:05:35,597
- I... I don't really speak Farsi.
- If you want to do something do it.
993
01:05:35,723 --> 01:05:37,724
If you don't want to do it,
don't do it.
994
01:05:41,187 --> 01:05:43,855
I'm going to be late for my ball wax.
I'll call you later.
995
01:05:43,981 --> 01:05:45,440
- Yeah, sure.
- OK, bye.
996
01:05:51,072 --> 01:05:52,822
I can still see you there.
997
01:05:53,449 --> 01:05:55,700
- See you.
- See you later.
998
01:05:58,412 --> 01:06:01,706
Hello.
One, two, three, four, five. Yes.
999
01:06:01,832 --> 01:06:04,459
- You win.
- Finally. Finally.
1000
01:06:04,585 --> 01:06:07,212
Now, you know what you get
for first prize, you lucky prick.
1001
01:06:07,338 --> 01:06:09,339
- I dread to think.
- You get one of these.
1002
01:06:09,465 --> 01:06:11,341
- And there it is.
- And...
1003
01:06:13,844 --> 01:06:15,845
two of these.
1004
01:06:18,516 --> 01:06:23,061
I just thought you might want
an old pair of shitty shoes from the '80s.
1005
01:06:23,187 --> 01:06:25,105
One careful owner.
1006
01:06:28,985 --> 01:06:30,360
Thanks, Ron.
1007
01:06:30,486 --> 01:06:33,363
You're not going to try
and finger me now, are you?
1008
01:06:33,489 --> 01:06:36,616
- You want me to try and finger you?
- You're ready.
1009
01:06:36,742 --> 01:06:39,619
You... are free.
1010
01:06:41,247 --> 01:06:43,581
I'm going to ask her
to this thing tomorrow night
1011
01:06:43,708 --> 01:06:46,751
and I would be honoured
if you would come and watch us.
1012
01:06:47,420 --> 01:06:49,671
Ah, I'll have to check my diary.
1013
01:06:49,797 --> 01:06:51,214
Thank you.
1014
01:06:52,341 --> 01:06:54,259
Look at them.
1015
01:06:54,385 --> 01:06:56,428
- They're so soft
- Mm.
1016
01:06:59,682 --> 01:07:01,641
Don't... Don't do that.
1017
01:07:12,737 --> 01:07:14,696
Come on.
1018
01:07:22,580 --> 01:07:24,622
She's not at work today.
1019
01:07:24,749 --> 01:07:26,666
'Fine, so do it tomorrow.'
1020
01:07:26,792 --> 01:07:31,463
No, I can't. It is tonight, all right?
I have to do it tonight.
1021
01:07:31,589 --> 01:07:33,715
In that case,
you are a tiny bit fucked.
1022
01:07:33,841 --> 01:07:36,426
Sam, please,
I really need you to just help me.
1023
01:07:36,552 --> 01:07:39,387
OK, do exactly as I say
and do not deviate.
1024
01:07:39,513 --> 01:07:42,390
You go home, you shower,
you shave, you put on something nice.
1025
01:07:42,516 --> 01:07:44,476
I'm thinking powder blue,
shirt not trousers.
1026
01:07:44,602 --> 01:07:46,603
Do not put on powder blue trousers.
1027
01:07:46,729 --> 01:07:49,105
Then you get a taxi to her house.
Someone will know where she lives.
1028
01:07:49,231 --> 01:07:51,191
You knock on her door.
You knock her off her feet
1029
01:07:51,317 --> 01:07:52,734
with your confident suggestion
of a night out.
1030
01:07:52,860 --> 01:07:55,487
She immediately says yes,
then you whisk her off to the club.
1031
01:07:55,613 --> 01:07:57,614
You dance the competition.
You win the competition.
1032
01:07:57,740 --> 01:07:59,740
We all get shit-faced,
then we all go home, got it?
1033
01:07:59,742 --> 01:08:01,743
Thanks, Sam.
1034
01:08:05,790 --> 01:08:07,749
Oh, God, I'm good.
1035
01:08:14,381 --> 01:08:18,593
God, it's so busy in here.
I think I'll use this one.
1036
01:08:18,719 --> 01:08:20,845
- All right, ball bag.
- Stupid.
1037
01:08:20,971 --> 01:08:24,099
Just finishing off
a little text to Julie-Jules.
1038
01:08:24,225 --> 01:08:26,434
I told you that
she gave me her mobile number, right?
1039
01:08:26,560 --> 01:08:28,061
Yeah, a few times.
1040
01:08:28,187 --> 01:08:31,314
Ooh, by the way,
thanks for that mixed tape.
1041
01:08:31,440 --> 01:08:33,316
That was a hit.
1042
01:08:33,442 --> 01:08:36,111
- You gave it to her?
- Oh, yeah, she bloody loved it.
1043
01:08:36,237 --> 01:08:38,321
Thought it was very sweet.
1044
01:08:38,447 --> 01:08:41,324
I think I'm going to put it on
when we seal the deal for the first time.
1045
01:08:41,450 --> 01:08:43,952
You know, a bit of sex-muzak,
set the mood.
1046
01:08:44,787 --> 01:08:46,079
Don't be jealous, big lad.
1047
01:08:46,205 --> 01:08:49,040
I'm sure she'll still have room in her life
for a fat best friend.
1048
01:08:50,751 --> 01:08:52,001
You don't know about me.
1049
01:08:54,004 --> 01:08:56,131
What don't I know?
1050
01:08:56,257 --> 01:08:57,298
I dance.
1051
01:08:58,008 --> 01:08:59,843
I'm sorry,
I thought you said that "I dance".
1052
01:08:59,969 --> 01:09:02,011
Yeah, I did. I dance salsa.
1053
01:09:02,680 --> 01:09:06,474
- You dance salsa?
- Yeah, salsa.
1054
01:09:08,477 --> 01:09:10,937
I would fucking love to see that.
1055
01:09:11,063 --> 01:09:13,398
Maybe you will.
Maybe I'll dance you under the table.
1056
01:09:15,234 --> 01:09:17,402
What sort of table?
1057
01:09:17,528 --> 01:09:19,112
Any sort of table.
1058
01:09:26,662 --> 01:09:28,872
All right, bum flap,
let's settle this like men.
1059
01:09:28,998 --> 01:09:30,832
Winner takes Julia.
1060
01:09:32,459 --> 01:09:33,793
What about HR?
1061
01:09:38,007 --> 01:09:41,342
What happens at lunch stays at lunch.
1062
01:10:09,830 --> 01:10:11,706
Ow!
1063
01:10:14,001 --> 01:10:16,002
Your wrists are limp.
1064
01:10:16,128 --> 01:10:17,754
- Ooh!
- Your dick is limp.
1065
01:10:21,258 --> 01:10:23,218
Oh, sorry.
1066
01:10:27,848 --> 01:10:31,351
- You learn fast.
- I learn from the best. Julia.
1067
01:10:31,477 --> 01:10:34,646
Sweet, sweet,
rest-your-balls-on-my-chin, Julia.
1068
01:10:34,772 --> 01:10:36,481
- Smell that.
- No.
1069
01:10:39,652 --> 01:10:41,611
Did you just lick my pussy?
1070
01:10:41,737 --> 01:10:44,364
Yeah and you tasted like a nasty girl.
1071
01:10:44,490 --> 01:10:46,324
That's disgusting.
1072
01:10:50,162 --> 01:10:51,704
Wanker!
1073
01:10:54,625 --> 01:10:57,210
I'm wearing the wrong shoes
for this shit.
1074
01:10:57,336 --> 01:10:59,921
- What the fu...
- Coo-ee!
1075
01:11:00,047 --> 01:11:02,173
Where are you?
1076
01:11:02,299 --> 01:11:04,592
I thought you liked banter.
1077
01:11:04,718 --> 01:11:07,720
Oh, fuck off, Bruce. Fuck off.
1078
01:11:14,520 --> 01:11:17,355
- Ooh.
- What the... Big mistake.
1079
01:11:17,481 --> 01:11:19,524
That's Jessie the lezzie
from accounts' car.
1080
01:11:28,867 --> 01:11:31,202
Quick step for such meaty thighs.
1081
01:11:39,545 --> 01:11:41,587
Ooh, ooh, do you like that?
1082
01:11:43,090 --> 01:11:46,009
- Wait, no, don't lead me!
- Like a lady.
1083
01:11:46,135 --> 01:11:48,469
- This is wrong. You know it is.
- Like a lady.
1084
01:11:48,595 --> 01:11:51,222
- I'm a man. I'm a fully-grown man.
- Then prove it.
1085
01:11:56,395 --> 01:11:57,770
What is that?
1086
01:11:57,896 --> 01:11:59,689
- That's my phone.
- No, no.
1087
01:12:02,776 --> 01:12:04,902
Huh?
1088
01:12:11,118 --> 01:12:13,745
Ooh! Oh, me blades!
1089
01:12:19,793 --> 01:12:21,669
Oh!
1090
01:12:23,797 --> 01:12:25,965
Whoo!
1091
01:12:26,091 --> 01:12:29,344
Like I said, any sort of table.
1092
01:12:29,470 --> 01:12:31,512
Fine, you win.
1093
01:12:31,638 --> 01:12:33,723
I can't do this every fucking lunch.
1094
01:12:34,475 --> 01:12:37,226
Doesn't mean
that she's going to pick you, Bruce.
1095
01:12:37,353 --> 01:12:39,687
She wouldn't pick you over me.
That's just bad maths.
1096
01:12:39,813 --> 01:12:42,231
- She's a clever girl.
- Probably right.
1097
01:12:42,941 --> 01:12:45,985
You're quite good-looking.
You've got lovely, long legs.
1098
01:12:46,111 --> 01:12:47,528
- Yeah.
- Nice car.
1099
01:12:47,654 --> 01:12:50,239
- Great car.
- But there is something missing.
1100
01:12:50,366 --> 01:12:53,007
I have got something that you don't have.
Do you know what that is?
1101
01:12:53,035 --> 01:12:55,536
Type 2 diabetes.
1102
01:12:55,662 --> 01:12:57,455
Heart.
1103
01:12:57,581 --> 01:12:59,374
Corazón.
1104
01:12:59,500 --> 01:13:05,129
You know, I am Bruce Garret
and I am fucking salsa.
1105
01:13:06,048 --> 01:13:08,049
Get up, bum flap.
1106
01:13:12,179 --> 01:13:15,973
How can you take something so
seriously that's named after a dip?
1107
01:13:53,887 --> 01:13:55,388
- Oh, nice shirt.
- Thank you.
1108
01:13:55,514 --> 01:13:57,515
- Come in.
- No, wait, wait. Please.
1109
01:13:59,935 --> 01:14:04,772
I dance. I dance salsa
and there is this club called Santo Vito...
1110
01:14:04,898 --> 01:14:06,232
- Bruce.
- No, please
1111
01:14:07,151 --> 01:14:10,903
I can hardly breathe. I'm so nervous.
I'm hyperventilating.
1112
01:14:11,029 --> 01:14:13,156
I feel like I can see flies.
1113
01:14:14,116 --> 01:14:16,993
- I don't...
- Let me cut to the chase.
1114
01:14:17,703 --> 01:14:21,622
If you're not doing anything tonight,
I would love to take...
1115
01:14:27,254 --> 01:14:29,338
- Of course.
- Bruce?
1116
01:14:29,465 --> 01:14:32,675
- What's wrong, Bruce?
- Of course, this is...
1117
01:14:34,595 --> 01:14:36,804
- Bruce...
- I'm sorry.
1118
01:14:36,930 --> 01:14:41,350
What do you mean?
No, Bruce, what? Wait. Bruce.
1119
01:14:41,477 --> 01:14:44,854
Come back. Bruce?
Where are you go... Oh.
1120
01:14:46,899 --> 01:14:49,859
Oh, my... Oh, my God.
What are you doing?
1121
01:14:49,985 --> 01:14:52,737
Come on. You know.
1122
01:14:52,863 --> 01:14:55,573
I know? What do I know?
1123
01:14:55,699 --> 01:14:59,535
Let's say we skip dinner
and go straight to pudding.
1124
01:15:01,413 --> 01:15:02,705
Are you kidding?
1125
01:15:03,624 --> 01:15:07,126
Yeah. Yeah, totally kidding.
1126
01:15:07,252 --> 01:15:08,711
Just focus
on putting your pants back on.
1127
01:15:08,837 --> 01:15:11,839
OK, I'm not kidding.
Here's the thing. This is where I'm at.
1128
01:15:11,965 --> 01:15:14,425
I just want to be honest with you
because I think you deserve that.
1129
01:15:14,551 --> 01:15:15,927
I'm just going to say this.
1130
01:15:16,053 --> 01:15:18,304
I'm just going to blurt it out
before I lose my nerve.
1131
01:15:18,430 --> 01:15:23,184
- Oh, my God.
- Julia Matthews of America...
1132
01:15:24,728 --> 01:15:29,815
I would be honoured
if you would let me fuck you.
1133
01:15:31,568 --> 01:15:33,611
- Really?
- I just want to...
1134
01:15:33,737 --> 01:15:35,947
I just want to...
I just want to do it.
1135
01:15:37,866 --> 01:15:39,784
Oh, my God.
1136
01:15:39,910 --> 01:15:42,078
Just get up and just get out, please.
1137
01:15:42,204 --> 01:15:43,913
- What?
- Just get out.
1138
01:15:44,039 --> 01:15:45,706
Wait. Is this banter?
1139
01:15:45,832 --> 01:15:48,251
I can't believe
that you just dropped trou
1140
01:15:48,377 --> 01:15:50,169
and propositioned your boss.
1141
01:15:50,295 --> 01:15:52,755
- Did you really just do that?
- It was an act of boldness.
1142
01:15:52,881 --> 01:15:56,425
Wait, did you not tell Bruce
about tonight, or Helen?
1143
01:15:56,552 --> 01:15:59,303
- Did I tell Bruce and Helen?
- Was this all part of your plan?
1144
01:15:59,429 --> 01:16:03,558
I can't... I might have.
I don't think I mentioned it.
1145
01:16:03,684 --> 01:16:06,519
All right,
this conversation is definitely over.
1146
01:16:06,645 --> 01:16:09,355
Just please
take your little Italian shoes
1147
01:16:09,481 --> 01:16:11,691
and your pudding and just get out.
1148
01:16:11,817 --> 01:16:14,360
Can I just say I think
that you are making a big mistake?
1149
01:16:15,070 --> 01:16:18,322
I'm going to have you transferred
to plastic mouldings on Monday.
1150
01:16:18,448 --> 01:16:21,242
Oh, that's bullshit!
That's just a bad managerial...
1151
01:16:21,368 --> 01:16:24,704
You know what?
FYI I didn't make that shitty mix tape.
1152
01:16:26,290 --> 01:16:27,790
Oh.
1153
01:16:27,916 --> 01:16:29,834
I'm sorry, Julia.
1154
01:16:29,960 --> 01:16:33,879
I said some things,
which may now seem foolish.
1155
01:16:34,006 --> 01:16:38,926
OK, I'm... I'm going to be honest.
My granny died.
1156
01:16:39,052 --> 01:16:41,762
I swear to God, Drew,
if you're still there in 15 seconds,
1157
01:16:41,888 --> 01:16:45,057
I'm going to take your pudding
and shove it right up your ass.
1158
01:16:45,183 --> 01:16:47,143
Uh...
1159
01:17:02,909 --> 01:17:04,827
Bruce.
1160
01:17:11,793 --> 01:17:16,756
Welcome tonight to the
Santo Vito salsa espectáculo. Let's go!
1161
01:17:25,557 --> 01:17:30,061
We're about an hour away
from the main competition event.
1162
01:17:30,187 --> 01:17:32,396
You like it?
1163
01:17:32,522 --> 01:17:33,939
Not really my thing.
1164
01:17:34,524 --> 01:17:37,610
How do you know
you don't like it unless you try it?
1165
01:17:37,736 --> 01:17:39,987
A lot of things
I haven't tried, mate.
1166
01:17:40,113 --> 01:17:43,991
I haven't tried incest,
but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't like it.
1167
01:17:44,117 --> 01:17:48,162
Incest and salsa
are two very different things, trust me.
1168
01:17:52,751 --> 01:17:56,921
Bruce, call me when you get this.
I want to know you're all right.
1169
01:18:00,342 --> 01:18:03,260
- He's not picking up.
- He's probably crying somewhere.
1170
01:18:03,387 --> 01:18:07,348
Somewhere quiet and dry.
That's what I would be doing.
1171
01:18:08,266 --> 01:18:10,017
I think I know where he is.
1172
01:18:18,068 --> 01:18:20,361
- Can I borrow a racket?
- Help yourself.
1173
01:18:30,580 --> 01:18:32,790
So how did it go?
1174
01:18:32,916 --> 01:18:36,502
I'm wearing a silk shirt
studded with jet-black rhinestones
1175
01:18:36,628 --> 01:18:39,088
driving balls out into the darkness.
1176
01:18:39,214 --> 01:18:41,006
How do you think it went?
1177
01:18:41,133 --> 01:18:43,300
So now what?
Are you going to stop dancing?
1178
01:18:44,302 --> 01:18:46,637
- I was only doing it for her.
- Were you?
1179
01:18:49,474 --> 01:18:51,600
So, what,
are you going to give it all up again,
1180
01:18:51,727 --> 01:18:53,394
the only thing you're good at?
1181
01:18:53,520 --> 01:18:55,146
Literally the only thing
you've ever been good at
1182
01:18:55,272 --> 01:18:56,814
that wasn't shit
and totally pointless.
1183
01:18:56,940 --> 01:18:58,774
Oh, OK, fine. Here we go.
1184
01:18:58,900 --> 01:19:03,446
Just off the top of my head,
quizzes, carving Sunday roasts,
1185
01:19:03,572 --> 01:19:06,115
the Rubik's Cube, the Rubik's Sphere.
1186
01:19:06,241 --> 01:19:08,534
The Rubik's Snake, flags of the world,
1187
01:19:08,660 --> 01:19:11,495
driving abroad, famous dams,
1188
01:19:11,621 --> 01:19:14,373
identifying dogs
by their silhouettes, you know?
1189
01:19:14,499 --> 01:19:18,127
- African money. I could go on.
- You're wasting your life.
1190
01:19:18,253 --> 01:19:20,838
What do you know?
You are 35 years old.
1191
01:19:20,964 --> 01:19:25,718
And you are working as a hula girl.
Oh, sorry, no, hula woman. Oh!
1192
01:19:25,844 --> 01:19:27,928
- Fuck off, Bruce.
- You fuck off.
1193
01:19:34,102 --> 01:19:36,061
- Good shot.
- Thanks.
1194
01:19:37,439 --> 01:19:38,647
You need to dance, Bruce.
1195
01:19:39,483 --> 01:19:42,693
You were lost.
This is your chance to get back.
1196
01:19:42,819 --> 01:19:44,904
- I don't have a partner.
- Yeah, you do.
1197
01:19:47,073 --> 01:19:48,991
- You?
- I've still got it.
1198
01:19:51,870 --> 01:19:53,913
- That's pretty good.
- Mm-hmm.
1199
01:19:55,123 --> 01:19:56,832
Remember the old routine?
1200
01:19:59,294 --> 01:20:02,338
Don't. Don't do that.
Don't you bloody dare.
1201
01:20:02,464 --> 01:20:04,465
Don't evoke it.
1202
01:20:07,636 --> 01:20:13,849
Thunder, Thunder, Thunder,
ThunderCats! Ho!
1203
01:20:40,377 --> 01:20:44,129
'Yes, please,
give it up for Gaz and Kate.'
1204
01:20:47,342 --> 01:20:50,803
Salt and pepper,
here comes the hot stepper.
1205
01:20:50,929 --> 01:20:52,972
- All right? All right, Gal?
- Oi, oi.
1206
01:20:53,098 --> 01:20:56,767
- Hey, Helen, thanks for coming.
- Fuck me, you look great.
1207
01:20:56,893 --> 01:21:00,396
- Where's Ron?
- He was busy. I'm sorry.
1208
01:21:02,357 --> 01:21:04,233
Bruce, forget Ron.
1209
01:21:04,359 --> 01:21:06,777
You look so good
you could be fucking Bee Gee.
1210
01:21:07,696 --> 01:21:11,615
'Oye, look at this.
Me la rebanco.
1211
01:21:12,367 --> 01:21:14,702
'Don't ruffle her feathers.'
1212
01:21:18,081 --> 01:21:19,748
You have to go.
1213
01:21:19,875 --> 01:21:23,252
'Just what I'm talking about.
Let's go through to the next round.
1214
01:21:23,712 --> 01:21:28,507
'Celebremos. Celebremos. Celebremos.
1215
01:21:28,633 --> 01:21:32,761
'Can we please have the couples
to the dance floor for heat four? '
1216
01:21:34,389 --> 01:21:35,681
- Are you ready?
- No.
1217
01:21:35,807 --> 01:21:37,892
Me neither. Come on. Let's go.
1218
01:21:38,768 --> 01:21:40,561
I'm sorry.
1219
01:21:57,495 --> 01:21:59,997
Hey!
1220
01:22:01,791 --> 01:22:03,334
- Happy?
- Yeah.
1221
01:22:03,460 --> 01:22:06,587
Big smile, tits and teeth out.
1222
01:22:06,713 --> 01:22:08,339
'Let's go! '
1223
01:22:12,469 --> 01:22:17,014
'That's what I'm talking about! '
1224
01:22:18,433 --> 01:22:20,559
- Holy shit.
- Wow.
1225
01:22:20,685 --> 01:22:23,145
Yes, holy shit.
1226
01:22:24,439 --> 01:22:26,732
'Look at this. The feet of fury.'
1227
01:22:28,026 --> 01:22:30,235
Hey, adios, my friends.
1228
01:22:41,957 --> 01:22:43,874
Ho!
1229
01:22:47,003 --> 01:22:49,338
I'm sorry. You have to go.
1230
01:22:54,803 --> 01:22:56,553
Time to go.
1231
01:22:57,472 --> 01:23:00,849
'Catch her. Have a ball.
In blue, azul.
1232
01:23:00,976 --> 01:23:03,852
'We have our semi-finalists here.'
1233
01:23:03,979 --> 01:23:06,480
'Amazing!
1234
01:23:08,024 --> 01:23:09,733
'Inspirational! '
1235
01:23:15,240 --> 01:23:17,783
- OK, I want it back.
- What?
1236
01:23:17,909 --> 01:23:19,576
- Come on. Where is it?
- Where's what?
1237
01:23:19,703 --> 01:23:22,663
What have you done with it?
Where have you hidden it?
1238
01:23:22,789 --> 01:23:24,289
- Is it in this pocket?
- Don't.
1239
01:23:24,416 --> 01:23:26,083
- It's in this pocket.
- Don't muck about.
1240
01:23:26,209 --> 01:23:28,210
- What have you done with it?
- What?
1241
01:23:29,170 --> 01:23:32,464
You took my breath away in there
and I want it back.
1242
01:23:32,590 --> 01:23:35,259
Ha-ha! Very funny.
1243
01:23:35,385 --> 01:23:39,805
Bruce, when I first met you,
you were like a sangeh ghohi.
1244
01:23:39,931 --> 01:23:41,890
Mm, sangeh ghohi.
1245
01:23:42,017 --> 01:23:44,101
What does it mean, sangeh ghohi?
1246
01:23:44,227 --> 01:23:47,813
It's like a large round stone
with some shit on it.
1247
01:23:47,939 --> 01:23:53,110
But now...
you have become of the age.
1248
01:23:54,112 --> 01:23:56,113
You are a man, Bruce.
1249
01:23:59,034 --> 01:24:00,743
Yeah.
1250
01:24:00,869 --> 01:24:02,870
Yeah, I suppose I am.
1251
01:24:04,581 --> 01:24:08,042
And now you have stolen my heart
as well as my breath.
1252
01:24:08,168 --> 01:24:10,878
Where do you keep hiding these things?
1253
01:24:11,880 --> 01:24:15,591
- I should get back out there.
- Yes. Yes, you should.
1254
01:24:15,717 --> 01:24:20,554
You go, Bruce. Go and kill them all,
man, woman and child.
1255
01:24:20,680 --> 01:24:23,348
I'm not going to kill a child.
1256
01:24:23,475 --> 01:24:26,477
OK. Go!
1257
01:24:33,777 --> 01:24:35,194
Do you have a Tic Tac?
1258
01:24:35,320 --> 01:24:39,406
'Musica, maestro!
What about these guys?
1259
01:24:40,492 --> 01:24:42,493
'What about these guys?
1260
01:24:42,619 --> 01:24:45,079
'Brrr! '
1261
01:24:49,375 --> 01:24:51,376
'Hey, now.'
1262
01:24:59,594 --> 01:25:00,969
Oh, no, no, no.
Get off.
1263
01:25:07,018 --> 01:25:08,894
- 'I'm sorry, friends.'
- Let's go.
1264
01:25:12,107 --> 01:25:15,442
'Hey, you dig it!
1265
01:25:17,445 --> 01:25:20,114
'And here is
fanning the flames of salsa.'
1266
01:25:22,951 --> 01:25:24,952
- Ow!
- Let's go!
1267
01:25:28,414 --> 01:25:29,665
Let's go!
1268
01:25:34,045 --> 01:25:36,046
- Yes!
- Come on, Bruce!
1269
01:25:42,720 --> 01:25:44,346
'Double pleasure.
1270
01:25:44,472 --> 01:25:47,266
'Wow, that's unexpected.'
1271
01:25:59,237 --> 01:26:01,405
You're in my yard now.
1272
01:26:16,379 --> 01:26:20,591
'We have our finalists!
We have our finalists.'
1273
01:26:21,885 --> 01:26:24,303
Oh, love you, Bruce.
1274
01:26:27,807 --> 01:26:30,309
Hey.
1275
01:26:31,311 --> 01:26:34,313
- 'Let's hear it. Come on.'
- That's my best mate.
1276
01:26:34,439 --> 01:26:35,731
'Wow.'
1277
01:26:35,857 --> 01:26:39,109
- Gary, whisky, large.
- You can win this, Bruce.
1278
01:26:39,235 --> 01:26:41,528
I haven't got much more left.
1279
01:26:41,654 --> 01:26:43,989
- Drink it. Drink it.
- No, I don't want it.
1280
01:26:45,074 --> 01:26:48,911
Eye of the tiger, Bruce.
Eye of the tiger!
1281
01:26:49,579 --> 01:26:52,915
'Ladies and gentlemen,
the floor is yours.'
1282
01:27:53,017 --> 01:27:54,059
Wow.
1283
01:27:54,978 --> 01:27:57,437
Yeah, I thought I'd make an effort.
1284
01:27:59,148 --> 01:28:01,525
Me and Drew wasn't anything.
1285
01:28:01,651 --> 01:28:04,444
That's not anything.
1286
01:28:06,864 --> 01:28:07,990
Good.
1287
01:28:08,116 --> 01:28:11,994
I just wanted to say thank you
for the mix tape.
1288
01:28:13,579 --> 01:28:17,165
It's no big deal,
although the inlay, that took ages.
1289
01:28:17,292 --> 01:28:19,876
Great inlay.
Excellent penmanship.
1290
01:28:20,003 --> 01:28:21,378
- Thank you.
- Really.
1291
01:28:21,504 --> 01:28:23,547
Yeah, I used a very fine nib
1292
01:28:23,673 --> 01:28:27,467
0.4 mil, it's tiny.
It's probably the width of a human hair.
1293
01:28:28,094 --> 01:28:32,514
So I didn't have you down
as a salsa guy. No offence.
1294
01:28:32,640 --> 01:28:34,516
Right, yes.
1295
01:28:34,642 --> 01:28:38,353
I was a dancer when I was a kid
and I loved it
1296
01:28:38,479 --> 01:28:43,317
and then this shit thing happened
to me and everything changed...
1297
01:28:44,319 --> 01:28:47,738
until I met you
and you inspired me,
1298
01:28:47,864 --> 01:28:50,365
so I learnt to dance again.
1299
01:28:50,491 --> 01:28:52,242
I re-learnt all the old steps.
1300
01:28:52,368 --> 01:28:55,370
I tracked down my old teacher,
Ron Parfitt who's just...
1301
01:28:55,496 --> 01:28:57,706
He's a horrible, horrible human being.
1302
01:28:57,832 --> 01:29:00,584
I shaved my chest.
I went to some amazing clubs.
1303
01:29:00,710 --> 01:29:03,712
I met some amazing people
and now...
1304
01:29:03,838 --> 01:29:08,675
finally I feel like me again,
which is what I always wanted.
1305
01:29:08,801 --> 01:29:11,553
You know? To... feel like myself.
1306
01:29:14,724 --> 01:29:17,392
- You shaved your chest?
- Yeah, I shaved my chest, and...
1307
01:29:17,518 --> 01:29:21,396
it's very itchy, all the time.
1308
01:29:23,274 --> 01:29:26,276
'OK, kill the musica, please,
maestro.
1309
01:29:26,402 --> 01:29:31,490
'Ladies and gentlemen,
let's go, the Santo Vito final! '
1310
01:29:38,998 --> 01:29:41,416
I was wondering perhaps you would...
1311
01:29:41,542 --> 01:29:43,126
Yes, I'll dance with you.
1312
01:29:46,756 --> 01:29:48,590
- Hi.
- Hi.
1313
01:29:49,550 --> 01:29:52,594
- Do you want me to lead?
- No, no, I'll be all right.
1314
01:29:52,720 --> 01:29:54,971
I was actually doing quite well
until you turned up.
1315
01:29:55,098 --> 01:29:56,515
Probably be disqualified.
1316
01:30:01,312 --> 01:30:02,979
'Hey!
1317
01:30:05,233 --> 01:30:07,776
'Yes, friends. Oye mi amigo.
1318
01:30:12,532 --> 01:30:14,574
'This is the final, friends.
1319
01:30:14,700 --> 01:30:17,119
'Let them feel you.
Let them feel you.'
1320
01:31:33,112 --> 01:31:37,032
'Santa Vito, our winners! '
1321
01:31:40,536 --> 01:31:43,788
- I don't think we won.
- Maybe next time.
1322
01:31:43,915 --> 01:31:46,917
Fab. That was amazing.
1323
01:31:48,586 --> 01:31:50,545
- Hi, I'm Sam.
- Hi, Sam.
1324
01:31:50,671 --> 01:31:53,006
Scusi, señor Garrett.
1325
01:31:54,008 --> 01:31:55,842
Permission to come on
to your dance floor.
1326
01:31:57,762 --> 01:31:59,221
Granted, Mr Parfitt.
1327
01:32:02,683 --> 01:32:04,935
- Mwah!
- Ah.
1328
01:32:06,354 --> 01:32:09,898
'I don't know about you,
but it's time for some love.
1329
01:32:10,024 --> 01:32:12,609
'So demonstrate. Come on. Let's go.'
1330
01:32:20,243 --> 01:32:22,285
Hey, good work.
1331
01:32:24,247 --> 01:32:26,039
Well done.
96131
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