All language subtitles for Six_behaviors_to_increase_your_confidence_Emily_Jaenson_TEDxReno

[Music]

when i was in high school my mom asked

me to order a pizza for the family on a

friday night

i looked up the phone number in the

phone book and promptly handed the phone

to my older brother to place the call i

was too shy to talk to a stranger

fast forward to college at the

university of illinois

my first time away from my small town i

spent the first several weeks crying in

my dorm room too homesick to partake in

early freshman partying

the one frat party i did attend was so

disappointing i wanted to trade in my

books abandon my major and head back

home to my small town

the confident behaviors i needed to

pursue this stream were not yet

available and when i looked around at

the confident students walking around me

around campus heads held high pursuing a

dream that they had set out to achieve i

wanted that kind of confidence too but

my behaviors did not align with these

confident attitudes crying in my dorm

room shying away from social engagement

not showing up for class because i was

worried others were smarter than me

these were not going to lead me to

achieve my goal so i knew is that i

needed to change

research tells us that in order to get

people to change you need to not start

with the attitudes but with the

behaviors associated with those

attitudes when people can see themselves

behaving differently they get then begin

to act differently so the questions for

me were

who am i

who do i want to become

and how does this person i want to

become behave

the answers were that i wanted a

successful career one that meant

something allowed me to contribute and

for me that was defined as a career as a

sports executive

in order to achieve this goal i needed

to begin to act more confidently

and i did

because 13 years later i became the

first female general manager of a triple

a baseball team in nearly 20 years

thank you

i also went on to host the leadership is

female podcast where i've interviewed

over 90 female executives in sports an

industry that's over 80 percent male at

management level and above

and time after time these women have

told me that the number one skill

they've improved in order to earn their

spot at the top of the sports industry

is confidence

they like me did not possess this

confidence necessary to increase their

level in their career from the get-go

they had to work on the behaviors

associated with this attitude in order

to propel their career forward

so i'm here today to share with you six

behaviors you can start today to

increase your confidence

why is it important to increase our

confidence well think of this

how would you behave or what could you

achieve if you were 10 times more

confident

number one count yourself in

i spoke with a woman about her first

time doing sideline reporting at a

nationally televised basketball game she

was shaking in her heels standing

courtside nerves overtaking her until

she heard something familiar in her

headset

we'll be on in five

and three two one

you're live

and she performed with excellence the

nerves melting away

she's an athlete a former basketball

player used to performing on the court

by the clock and the tactic remain true

counting will get you started and

momentum will keep you going

i have used this technique i've had more

uncomfortable conversations than i care

to recall but one i'll share with you

today i vividly remember standing on the

warning track of the baseball field 45

minutes before game time looking at the

opposing manager and his team wearing

the wrong color uniform i wanted to turn

and run back up to my office and hide

but instead i faced him head on

and i said in my mind three two one go

and i started walking towards him

and when i arrived we had a very

uncomfortable conversation about his

team wearing the wrong color uniform yes

i had asked these grown men to change

their clothes it was so awkward but when

i asked myself who am i and how do i

behave the answer was that i'm a person

who's not too shy to to stand up for

what i believe

what is right and stand up to conflict

counting got me started and momentum

kept me going

number two

what if you only had to be brave for a

total of 20 seconds

give yourself 20 seconds of courage

this behavior helped me enormously when

i published my podcast leadership is

female

bold title and all for all the world to

see hear critique and have their

opinions i vividly remember sitting on

the carpet of my closet floor

holding my computer looking at the

upload button thinking to myself

does it need any more edits should i

listen to it one more time

and i told myself emily give yourself 20

seconds of courage

and i hit publish and it was done and

guess what i kept breathing and the

world kept turning and the podcast grew

into what it was meant to be all because

of 20 seconds of courage

number three take a seat at the table

not metaphorically speaking

actually take a seat at the table

i spoke with a woman who represents some

of the biggest names in baseball and she

told me a story about taking a seat at

the table

she noticed women waiting around the

edges of the room waiting for the seats

to be filled and worse yet she was doing

it too

in order to become the more confident

woman that she envisioned herself to be

she needed to go in sit down speak her

mind and get the deal done that started

with one simple action

taking a seat at the table

number four

cheer for other people's success

they say that women will pull up the

ladder behind them what if you didn't

what if you extended a hand back to lead

her forward what if you celebrated the

success of a colleague rather than

feeling sorry for yourself that it was

not you accepting the accolades

confident people celebrate the success

of others rather than feeling threatened

think of this great quote from amy

poehler

good for her

not for me

it turns that pit in your stomach of oh

she did that and i'm still here into yes

good for her

not for me this is her celebration not

mine and when my time comes isn't it

going to be great to have the support of

so many people around me

wins are so much better celebrated

together

join in cheer someone else on

here's number four in action

recently a woman was promoted to chief

marketing officer of a major sports

league

the offer to interview and ultimately

land the job came after her public

celebration in sincere congratulatory

outreach to the newly named female

league president

confident people support those around

them cheer for someone else's success

number five

bolster your confidence for a new

activity through your already great

performance in another

what are you really good at

what is easier today than it was one

year ago

what is your most proud accomplishment

answer those questions think about those

answers those answers is where your

confidence is born

confidence is born in all we've already

done

and already achieved

recently a woman i interviewed on the

leadership as female podcast was going

after a big

big promotion at a top team

before she went in to pitch her boss she

reviewed her current job description

made notes of her accolades in all areas

mentioned and then was prepared with the

examples and the confidence of the

success she had in the past she got the

promotion

use your prior success to propel

yourself forward

and number six

celebrate

constantly

how often do we reach our goals and then

just immediately move on

when we do this the recollection of that

success is diminished

how can we

confidently move forward if we can't

remember what we achieved or worse yet

link that accomplishment to stress

find ways to celebrate that are

meaningful to you like creating a

highlight reel in your cell phone of

your most proud accomplishments

take your team out for celebratory

drinks when you close the big deal buy

yourself a massage or maybe order a

pizza when you reach your personal goals

it doesn't matter how you celebrate it

matters that you do

this will create a marker in your brain

to rewire and reinforce the behaviors

that led to the success in the first

place

i've come a long way from the girl who

couldn't order a pizza so the woman who

became gm of a minor league baseball

team started a podcast and delivered a

tedx talk all because i made the

decision to become a more confident

person

and i hope you do too

because how many runs could you score if

you were 10 times more confident

thank you