Original subtitles

♪♪

♪ EVERYTHING UNDER THE SUN

♪ I WANT GIRLS AND MONEY AND A LOUD GUITAR ♪

♪ WHEN IT'S ALL OVER AND DONE

♪ THEY'LL TELL YOU I'M THE ONE WHO ALWAYS WENT TOO FAR ♪

♪ I WANNA SOAR LIKE A SEA GULL LIVE LIKE A KING ♪

♪ ALL I WANT IS EVERYTHING

♪ UNDER THE SUN

♪ SUMMER DAYS AND IT SEEMS ♪

♪ THE WORLD'S AT MY COMMAND

♪ I RIDE THE WAVES AND BUILD MY DREAMS ♪

♪ LIKE CASTLES IN THE SAND

♪ EVEN WHEN THE TIDE COMES CRASHIN' ♪

♪ TEARIN' AT THE CASTLE WALLS

♪ EVEN THROUGH LIFE'S CHAIN REACTION ♪

♪ YOU WON'T SEE ME FALL 'CAUSE I WANT ♪

♪ EVERYTHING UNDER THE SUN

♪ I WANT GIRLS AND MONEY AND A LOUD GUITAR ♪

♪ WHEN IT'S ALL OVER AND DONE

♪ THEY'LL TELL YOU I'M THE ONE [ Loudly ] WELCOME TO BEACH ACADEMY.

ARE YOU A CADET HERE ?

♪ LIVE LIKE A KING MOVE IT !

♪ ALL I WANT IS EVERYTHING UNDER THE SUN ♪

♪ SUDDENLY I REALIZED

♪ LIFE CAN BE SO STRANGE

♪ WHEN I LOOKED INTO YOUR EYES

♪ I FELT THE WHOLE WORLD CHANGE ♪

♪ NOW THE THING I DREAM ABOUT

♪ IS LYIN' WITH YOU ON THE BEACH ♪

♪ WHEN YOU'RE WRAPPED UP IN MY ARMS ♪

♪ NOTHIN'S OUT OF REACH

♪ 'CAUSE I GOT EVERYTHING UNDER THE SUN ♪

♪ I DON'T NEED NO MONEY OR A FANCY CAR ♪

♪ BABY, I KNOW YOU'RE THE ONE

♪ 'CAUSE YOU MAKE ME FEEL JUST LIKE A MOVIE STAR ♪

♪ I CAN SOAR LIKE A SEA GULL AND LIVE LIKE A KING ♪

♪ 'CAUSE, GIRL YOU GIVE ME EVERYTHING ♪

♪ UNDER THE SUN

♪ 'CAUSE I GOT EVERYTHING UNDER THE SUN ♪

♪ I DON'T NEED NO MONEY OR A FANCY CAR ♪

♪ AND BABY I KNOW YOU'RE THE ONE ♪

♪ 'CAUSE YOU MAKE ME FEEL JUST LIKE A MOVIE STAR ♪ HARD BODY HEAVEN.

EACH ONE HOTTER THAN THE NEXT.

YOU GOTTA LOVE IT.

[ Man Narrating ] BUT TODAY I HAD MORE IMPORTANT THINGS ON MY MIND.

I NEEDED TO GET BELOW WITHOUT BEING SEEN.

[ Laughing ]

[ Man Narrating ] JOHNNY STACCATO WAS A HIGH-LIVIN' LOWLIFE.

IF I DIDN'T GET WHAT I CAME FOR, HE'D BE LIVIN' EVEN HIGHER OFF THE MILLIONS...

HE'D SCAMMED FROM MY WEIRD UNCLE GENE.

THE TWO OF THEM HAVE BEEN MORTAL ENEMIES FOR A DECADE NOW,

AND IT WAS MY JOB TO SAVE MY UNCLE'S BUTT.

HI. HI.

DO ME A FAVOR AND... DO ME ?

- PARDON ME ? - START WITH MY LEGS...

AND WORK YOUR WAY UP.

DO I KNOW YOU ? UH, THE NAME'S SPENCER. HARRY SPENCER.

SPENCER ? YOU MUST BE A... PRIVATE EYE.

NO, I'M NOT A P.I. ACTUALLY, I'M A TEACHER.

A TEACHER ! BORING. HUH ?

LISTEN, PAL. ALL MY FRIENDS TEACH.

TANIA, OVER THERE, HAS THE PHYSICS DEPARTMENT AT YALE.

AM I BOTHERING YOU ? EXTREMELY.

- SO, ARE YOU AN EDUCATED GIRL ? - HARVARD.

UH. TELL ME, HARRY, WHERE DID YOU GO TO SCHOOL ?

WELL, I MANAGED TO GRADUATE FROM THE NORTH DAKOTA TEACHER'S AND PIPE FITTER'S...

JUNIOR MAIL-ORDER COLLEGE.

THEN I MANAGED TO GET A TEACHING GIG OVER AT THE BEACH ACADEMY.

WOW. THE BEACH ACADEMY ? BITCHIN'.

[ Kiss ] [ Groans ]

BABES JUST SEEM TO DIG THE ACADEMY.

LOOK, I HATE TO KISS AND RUN, BUT I GOTTA SAVE MY GIRL. THANKS.

[ Harry Narrating ] ON MOST DAYS, I WOULD GO WITH THE FLOW.

IN FACT, I HAD TAUGHT A FEW CLASSES IN IT AT THE ACADEMY.

BUT THAT'S ANOTHER STORY; THIS WAS DEFINITELY NOT MOST DAYS.

EVERYTHING I WANTED OUT OF LIFE DEPENDED ON WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IN THE NEXT HOUR.

FRANK. WHERE IS JOHNNY ?

[ Man Whooping ]

YEE-HOO ! [ Laughing ]

[ Whooping Continues ]

[ Harry Narrating ] STANDING AT THE FOOT OF THE BED,

MENACING SHANNON, THE ONLY WOMAN I WOULD EVER LOVE,

WAS A TOTAL, MEGA-PSYCHO DIRTBAG-- ONE JOHNNY STACCATO--

A REALLY BAD, GOODFELLOW, WISE GUY, GANGSTER-TYPE DUDE.

TICKLE, TICKLE ! AND HIS PARTNER RICO WAS EVEN WORSE.

OH, HEH. HI, HARRY. HOW YOU DOIN', HUH ?

NICE OF YOU TO DROP BY. HEY, JOHNNY. SO WHERE'S RICO ?

RICO ? HELL, LONG GONE, MAN.

WOULD YOU STAY PARTNERS WITH SOME SCUM-SUCKIN' SLIMEBALL WHO WOULD BAD-MOUTH YOU,

STEAL FROM YOU AND TRY TO SCREW YOUR WIFE ?

- NO, I GUESS NOT. - NEITHER DID RICO. [ Chuckles ]

[ Laughing ] I GOT HIM.

- YOU KNOW WHAT I LIKE ABOUT YOU, JOHNNY ? - UH, WHAT ?

ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

HEY.

YOU SOME KIND OF A WISE GUY OR SOMETHING ?

I'M GONNA STAY UP NIGHTS MAKIN' SURE THAT YOU SCREW THIS ONE UP.

LOOK, JOHNNY. I JUST TOOK A LITTLE BREAK,

THOUGHT I'D COME BY, RESCUE MY GIRL, YOU KNOW ?

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. AND YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO FOR YOU ?

DROP DEAD RIGHT HERE ON THE FLOOR ? NO. MICHAEL JACKSON.

[ High-Pitched Voice ] ♪ WHOA

♪♪ [ Whistles ] ♪ OOH, OOH, BOO, BOO

♪ AHH ♪ I GUESS YOU'RE WONDERING HOW I GOT INTO THIS MESS.

WELL, IT ALL BEGAN AT THE BEACH, ONE WEEK AGO.

[ Harry Narrating ] SOUTH BEACH, FLORIDA:

HIP, HOT, HAPPENIN'.

SUN, SAND, SURF AND... SKIN.

THE SKY: AN UNREAL AZURE BLUE.

THE FOAM ON THE WHITECAPS: SPARKLING LIKE THE SHIMMERING, COOL SURFACE...

OF A PERFECT MARGARITA.

IT WAS THE DAY BILLY THE KID CAME TO TOWN.

WE BOTH GREW UP IN A NOWHERE TOWN WHERE THE BUSES DON'T RUN.

I'D BEEN DOWN HERE FOR A COUPLE OF YEARS ON THE CASE. BUT BILLY ?

BILLY WAS TOTALLY TURNED ON BY THE WHOLE MIAMI SCENE.

THE MOMENT HE SAW HER, HE FELL INSTANTLY, TOTALLY, IN LUST.

BILLY DECIDED TO GIVE UP ON THE MAXIMUM EXCITEMENT OF ANOTHER 20-BELOW WINTER...

IN NORTH DAKOTA AND FOLLOW ME INTO THE SUN.

WHOA !

HEY, CHICK !

"HEY, CHICK" ?

IT WAS THE BEST THING I COULD THINK OF.

LISTEN. I, UH-- I, UM--

I, UM-- I, UM-- I, UH--

OH. "HEY, CHICK," FOLLOWED THROUGH WITH THE CLASSIC, "I, UH."

THIS IS BEAUTIFUL. WHERE ARE YOU FROM ?

WELL, ACTUALLY, WHAT I WANTED WAS TO ASK YOU A QUESTION.

I WAS WONDERING IF MAYBE--

NO. I KNOW. YOU'RE WONDERING IF WE COULD GO OUT ON A DATE, RIGHT ?

YOU'RE NOT MY TYPE.

UH... I WAS WONDERING IF MAYBE...

THERE WAS A POSSIBILITY--

NO OFFENSE OR ANYTHING, 'CAUSE I CAN TELL YOU'RE NOT FROM AROUND HERE,

BUT I WAS LOOKING FOR SOMETHING JUST A LITTLE HIGHER ON THE FOOD CHAIN.

LISTEN, WHAT I WANTED TO KNOW IS IF YOU KNOW MY BROTHER. HIS NAME IS HARRY SPENCER.

HARRY SPENCER ? FROM THE BEACH ACADEMY ? YEAH.

[ Laughs ] YOU'RE HIS BROTHER ?

YEAH. [ Laughing ] I AM SO SORRY.

SOMETIMES A GIRL GETS HIT ON SO MUCH SHE GETS PUNCHY.

NO, HARRY'S A GOOD FRIEND OF MINE. MY NAME'S HARLEY.

HI, HARLEY. NICE TO MEET YOU. MY NAME'S BILLY SPENCER. HOW ARE YOU ?

A PLEASURE. A PLEASURE. UH, LISTEN.

MAYBE THERE IS A CHANCE WE COULD, LIKE, HAVE LUNCH.

NO. NO. NO. WELL, I DIDN'T THINK SO, ACTUALLY.

I DIDN'T REALLY WANT TO. BECAUSE I HATE LUNCH.

BECAUSE IT FILLS YOU UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY.

YOU CAN'T EXERCISE. NO SWIMMING.

IS LUNCH ANYTHING LIKE DINNER ?

ACTUALLY, IT'S EXACTLY LIKE DINNER. UM--

BUT IT COSTS MORE. BUT I CAN AFFORD IT. NO PROBLEM.

YOU WANNA GO TO DINNER ? [ Laughing ] OKAY. IT'S A DATE, THEN.

A DATE ? COOL. 'CAUSE I WAS ON MY WAY TO THE GYM...

BEFORE YOU ALMOST KILLED ME IN YOUR CAR.

LET ME SEE. I HAVE THIGHS AT NOON, BUNS AT 3:00.

SHE SAID BUNS. HA. BUNS ARE COOL.

I WAS THINKIN' MAYBE I COULD SQUEEZE YOU IN THE MIDDLE.

I LOVE TO BE SQUEEZED IN THE MIDDLE. THAT'S, LIKE, ONE OF MY FAVORITE THINGS.

OKAY, IT'S A DATE, THEN. WAIT. WHY DON'T YOU COME CATCH MY ACT ?

YOU HAVE AN ACT. DOESN'T EVERY GIRL ?

I GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT.

YES. ALL RIGHT. I'LL SEE YOU THERE.

ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.

[ Sighs ] TOTO, I DON'T THINK WE'RE IN KANSAS ANYMORE.

[ Harry Narrating ] THE BEACH ACADEMY.

[ Horn Honks ] [ Whistle Blows ]

[ Shouting Aggressively ] WHAT ARE YOU DOING ?

ARE YOU A CADET HERE ?

I'LL SEE YOU LATER !

MOVE IT OUT !

[ Harry Narrating ] A SURF-SIDE SCHOOL FOR BEACH BUMS AND BABES...

TO LEARN SWIMMING, SURFING, JET SKIING, BEACH VOLLEYBALL.

WELL, YOU GET THE PICTURE. THE SCHOOL IS FULLY ACCREDITED,

AND SINCE ITS OPENING THIS VERY YEAR, HAS BROUGHT TOP STUDENTS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD.

IT'S A GROWING LITTLE GOLD MINE OWNED ENTIRELY BY MY WEIRD UNCLE GENE.

OR AS HE IS AFFECTIONATELY KNOWN BY THE STUDENTS, "DEAN GENE."

HE'S A COMPULSIVE GAMBLER, DEAN OF THE BEACH ACADEMY AND SOLE PROPRIETOR...

OF THE INFAMOUS BAJA BEACH CLUB.

[ Spectators Cheering ]

[ Spectators Cheer ]

[ Harry Narrating ] THE BOYS WERE GOOD. THEY SHOULD BE; I TAUGHT THEM.

DAMN ! AFTER ALL THESE YEARS, IT FELT FINE TO BE A WINNER.

EVEN IF OUR OPPONENTS WERE A LITTLE... EFFEMINATE.

[ Cheers ]

[ Harry Narrating ] IT WAS THEN I SAW HER FOR THE FIRST TIME.

THE CLOSER SHE GOT, THE BETTER SHE LOOKED.

I WOULD COME TO KNOW AND LOVE THIS EXCEPTIONAL LADY.

TO ME, SHE WAS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL GIRL IN THE WORLD.

YOU GUYS ARE GREAT. IF YOU WANT TO GIVE 'EM A POINT OR TWO, YOU CAN DO THAT.

SERIOUSLY, YOU GUYS LOOK GREAT. GO DO WHAT YOU'RE DOIN' !

[ Harry Narrating ] SHE WAS HEADED RIGHT ON PAST THE GAME AND OUT OF MY LIFE,

WHEN--

SHE TURNED AND SMILED AT ME,

AND SUDDENLY THE WORLD WAS FILLED WITH SINGING, LIGHT, HOPE, MAGIC.

I JUST LOVE A WINNER.

[ Harry Narrating ] AND, INDEED, IN THAT BRIEF SHINING MOMENT,

I TRULY BELIEVED MYSELF A WINNER.

THIS HEAVENLY CREATURE ACTUALLY SMILED AT ME.

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG ?

HEY, YOO-HOO ! BIG DUMMY ! [ Laughs ]

WELL, YOU STILL REMEMBER YOUR NAME. AIN'T THAT SOMETHIN' ?

LISTEN, ANOTHER 50K ON MY BAD BOYS.

GLAD TO TAKE YOUR MONEY, OLD FART. "OLD FART" ?

YOU LARGE LUMP OF STEROID LEFTOVER.

MY NEPHEW'S TEAM WILL BEAT THE SHORTS OUT OF YOUR TEAM !

UNCLE GENE, YOU'RE WINNING. JUST BE NICE AND TAKE THE MAN'S MONEY.

DON'T LET THIS GET OUT OF CONTROL. AND YOU, STOP TAKING BETS !

YOU DON'T HAVE A CHANCE IN HELL OF WINNING. THIS IS MASOCHISTIC.

MASS O' WHAT ? YOU'RE DISSIN' ME, DUDE.

"MASS O' WHAT ? MASS O' WHAT ?"

THIS GUY'S A MORON.

A MORON-SKI !

A "MORON-SKI" ? I'M AN AMERICAN !

LET ME LET YOU IN ON A LITTLE SECRET.

I DON'T LIKE YOU, HARRY. I DON'T LIKE YOU A WHOLE LOT.

TELL YOU WHAT I'M GONNA DO.

FIRST I'M GONNA BEAT YOUR TEAM. THAT'S PUBLIC.

THAT'S BUSINESS, AND THAT'S FOR JOHNNY.

THEN I'M GONNA BEAT YOU UP, DOWN AND REPEATEDLY.

AND THAT'S PLEASURE; THAT'S PRIVATE.

THAT'S FOR ME.

I SEE.

ALL RIGHT. SATURDAY NIGHT.

ON THE BEACH. YOU AND ME. WHY WAIT 'TIL SATURDAY ?

[ Sniffs ] I JUST WANT IT TO BE CLOSER TO YOUR SHOWER NIGHT.

EXCUSE ME.

ATTA BOY, GUYS ! HA !

SMASH 'EM ! [ Laughs ]

I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW I APPRECIATE YOUR CONFIDENCE,

BUT YOU'VE ALREADY GOT $200,000 ON THE GAME AS IT IS.

LISTEN, WINNING IS GREAT. WINNING IS AMERICAN !

MM-MM ! AND WINNING IS WHAT I LIKE TO DO.

[ Laughs ]

NEXT SATURDAY NIGHT, DUDE. YEAH, I GOT THE FEVER.

I AM DEAD.

ISN'T THIS GREAT, HARRY ? YES, THIS IS TRULY GREAT.

CAN I TRAIN 'EM, OR CAN I TRAIN 'EM ? I THINK I UNDERBET.

IT'S ONLY A GAME. YOU DON'T HAVE TO BET THE FARM.

NO, NO, NO. LIFE IS ONLY A GAME.

THIS IS GAMBLING. IT'S NOT JUST WINNING.

IT'S FOR ME TO GET THE CHANCE TO KICK THAT RAT-ASS...

JOHNNY STACCATO ONCE AND FOR ALL !

AS FOR THAT FINK, MUNG-COVERED SLIME, PIECE OF MAGGOT-EATING FLESH,

I WANT TO GRIND HIS FACE INTO THE SAND !

I FEEL LIKE I WANT TO TAKE HIM FOR EVERY DAMN DIME HE'S GOT !

I WANT TO TOTALLY HUMILIATE HIM !

I GET THE POINT. BUT WILL YOU PLEASE JUST DO IT NEXT GAME ?

ARE YOU KIDDING ME ? WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU, CHILD ?

IF THERE'S A FINK LIKE THIS AND A BIG ONE LIKE THIS,

YOU THINK THERE'S GONNA BE A NEXT GAME ?

COME ON, FELLA. I MEAN, JOHNNY STACCATO !

HE MAY BE A DEGENERATE MURDERER,

BUT HE'S NOT STUPID.

HMM ? DID I TELL HIM ?

ANOTHER 200K ON THE ACADEMY, YOU BIG DUMMY. [ Laughs ]

YOU'VE GOT A HELL OF A LOT OF CASH TO BURN, BALDY.

NO MORE BETS, OKAY ? OKAY, I PROMISE.

COME ON ! ANY MORE BETS ?

OKAY, THAT'S IT, GENTLEMEN. NO MORE BETS.

HOW ABOUT IT, GENIE-WIENIE ? ONE FINAL BET ?

[ Laughs ]

♪ I DREAM OF GENIE WITH A HEAD FREE OF HAIR ♪♪

IT'S NOT A BALD SPOT. WHEW. ALLIGATOR BREATH.

[ Laughing ] IT'S A SOLAR PANEL FOR A SEX MACHINE.

HONEY CHILD, EVEN ON A DESERT ISLAND,

THE BEST IS GONNA GET THE MOST.

[ Laughs ] [ Laughs ] ERIKA !

OKAY, GIRLS. LET'S KICK SOME BUTT NOW.

YEAH. LET'S GO ! COME ON !

[ Harry Narrating ] SUDDENLY MY UNDEFEATED TEAM WAS BEING HUMILIATED...

RIGHT BEFORE MY VERY EYES.

IT WAS DOWN TO ONE POINT. SUDDEN DEATH.

- HEY, BLONDIE ! - [ Clunk ]

YOU BETTER HAVE THE MONEY READY IN THE MORNING.

JOHNNY'S NOT A PATIENT MAN. BE READY. [ Laughs ]

[ Harry Narrating ] I WAS IN DEEP, DEEP TROUBLE.

NOT ONLY HAD MY TEAM LOST, BUT UNCLE GENE, WHO HAD SO MUCH FAITH IN ME,

HAD LOST A SMALL FORTUNE.

-I HAD LET EVERYBODY DOWN. - LIKE I SAID, I LOVE A WINNER.

AND LOST MY DREAM GIRL. BUT THEN I HAD AN IDEA.

EXCUSE ME. EXCUSE ME !

LOOK, UH, WAS THAT AN ACCIDENT ?

WHAT ? THAT FANTASTIC THING YOU DID WITH THE VOLLEYBALL.

HOW DID YOU DO IT ? PRETTY WELL, I THOUGHT.

WHAT I MEAN IS, WHERE DID YOU LEARN TO HIT A BALL LIKE THAT ? ARE YOU A PROFESSIONAL ?

CLOSE.

I WAS THE LEADER OF THE WOMEN'S OLYMPIC VOLLEYBALL TEAM.

BUT I WATCHED THOSE GAMES. I NEVER SAW YOU.

THE NIGHT I WAS SUPPOSED TO LEAVE FOR BARCELONA,

SOMETHING HAPPENED THAT MADE IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME TO GO.

BUT I DIDN'T HEAR ANYTHING. I GOTTA RUN. IT'S A LONG STORY.

BUT NOT OUT OF MY LIFE, I HOPE. I'M HARRY SPENCER.

PLEASED TO MEET YOU, HARRY. I'M SHANNON McSORLEY.

HI. I'M BREASTIE-- I MEAN, BILLY !

I'M BILLY SPENCER ! HI. JESUS !

WHAT'S UP, BRO ? BILLY ! WHY DIDN'T YOU CALL ME,

TELL ME YOU WERE COMING ? IT WAS A SPERM OF THE MOMENT DECISION. WHOO !

I-I'M GLAD YOU'RE HERE. I'M ALSO GLAD YOU MISSED THE GAME I JUST COACHED.

WE GOT CREAMED. HEY, IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT. YOU WERE SET UP.

SET UP ? WAKE UP.

TRUST ME, THOSE BABES ARE ALL RINGERS.

YEAH, I GUESS IT SEEMS PRETTY OBVIOUS NOW. DAMN, AM I A SCHMUCK.

I DIDN'T WANT TO SAY IT, BUT SINCE YOU CAME OUT WITH IT, I'M PRETTY HAPPY ABOUT THAT.

LOOK, WE COULD ALL GO SOMEWHERE.

MAYBE HAVE SOME COFFEE ?

SORRY, I'M OFF CAFFEINE. OR... A BITE TO EAT ?

I DON'T DO LUNCH, AND I HAVE ANOTHER APPOINTMENT.

IF I'M GETTING IN THE WAY, I CAN JUST LEAVE. 'CAUSE I SENSE A DRAMATIC THING HERE.

YOU WERE MESHING, AND NOW YOU'RE NOT. SO I'LL LEAVE.

I CAN JUST BLEND INTO THE CROWD. I'M GONE.

JUST ASSUME ME HISTORY, GONE.

NO ? STAY ? FINE. I WILL.

VERY GOOD. SO ?

SO ? SO WHERE DO WE MEET LATER ?

OH, UH-- THE MARINA. SLIP F-18.

SEE YOU AT 6:00. SLIP F-18. OKAY. 6:00.

BYE. BYE-BYE.

WELL, BRO. I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'VE DONE IT AGAIN. IT AMAZES ME.

I THINK I WANNA DO SOMETHING USEFUL, PUT MY SKILLS TO WORK.

I WANNA HELP IN WHATEVER WAY I CAN...

TO RESTORE THE VIBRANCY OF THE BEACH ACADEMY.

THAT'S INTERESTING, CONSIDERING YOU CAN'T SURF, SWIM, PLAY VOLLEYBALL, BUILD A SAND CASTLE.

HEY ! I RESEMBLE THAT REMARK. AS A MATTER OF FACT, I HAPPEN TO BE...

ONE OF THE WORLD-RENOWNED SAND CASTLE BUILDERS.

ALL RIGHT. HOW ABOUT IF WE START YOU OUT HELPING WITH BEGINNER VOLLEYBALL ?

OH ! NOW, THERE'S SOMETHING INTERESTING. I THINK NOT.

THAT'S SOMETHING I WOULD BE COMPLETELY BORED WITH.

BUT, HEY ! I WAS THINKING, LIKE, SOMETHING GOOD.

YOU KNOW ? SOMETHING I COULD SINK MY TEETH INTO.

SOMETHING LIKE, UH...

ADVANCED SUNTAN OIL APPLICATION 101.

HOW DOES THAT SOUND ?

WHERE ARE YOU GOING ? WHY ARE YOU LEAVING ?

I THOUGHT THAT WAS GOOD. I HAPPEN TO BE-- I HAVE A CERTIFICATE.

BUT I THOUGHT OLYMPIC ATHLETES WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO GET INVOLVED IN THAT.

RIGHT. BUT MY TEAMMATES AND I DIDN'T KNOW THE REAL DEAL UNTIL IT WAS TOO LATE.

THIS CROOKED GAMBLER SUCKED US INTO WHAT WE THOUGHT WAS A CHARITY ATHLETIC PROGRAM,

AND, UH... THE ONLY CHARITY TURNED OUT TO BE THE SLIMEBALL'S OFFSHORE BANK ACCOUNT.

WOW. SORRY. NOT AS SORRY AS I AM.

THE HEAT FELL ON ME AND ON MY COACH, SEAN.

SEAN, YOUR BOYFRIEND ? NO.

HUSBAND. BROTHER. MY KID BROTHER.

THE SCAM KILLED MY OLYMPIC CHANCES, AND, UM,

IT PUT SEAN IN JAIL.

I UNDERSTAND THAT. KEEPING MY KID BROTHER OUT OF TROUBLE...

USED TO BE MY FULL-TIME JOB.

SO, THE OTHER TEAMMATES. YOU EVER TALK TO 'EM ?

YEAH, ALL THE TIME. THEY'RE MY BEST FRIENDS.

I SUPPOSE THEY LIVE ALL OVER THE COUNTRY, THOUGH, HUH ?

WELL, ORIGINALLY, YEAH. BUT AFTER THE LONG OLYMPIC TRAINING, WE JUST GREW SO CLOSE,

WE ALL SETTLED HERE. HERE IN THE MIAMI AREA ?

MIAMI, PALM BEACH, LAUDERDALE.

YEAH. WE LOVE IT DOWN HERE. YEAH. WELL, WHAT'S NOT TO LOVE ?

YEAH. WHAT'S NOT TO LOVE ?

SO, YOU EVER GET THE URGE TO GET THE OLD TEAM BACK TOGETHER AGAIN ?

YEAH. EVERY DAY. BUT DON'T GET ANY IDEAS.

I GOT BURNED TOO BADLY. I'M OUT OF THE GAME FOR GOOD.

I UNDERSTAND. I BELIEVE THAT, HARRY.

I REALLY DO.

YOU SEEM TO BE A SENSITIVE AND DECENT GUY.

SO WHAT AM I GONNA DO WITH YOU ?

KEEP ME CLOSE 'TIL YOU FIND OUT.

SO THIS IS WHERE YOU LIVE ? YEAH. THIS IS HOME, SWEET HOME.

[ Harry Narrating ] BILLY WAS LOST LIKE A KID IN A CANDY STORE.

OR BETTER YET, IN A PLACE THAT WE KNOW AND LOVE CALLED CLUB MADONNA.

♪ SHE'S

♪ MY LITTLE CANDY GIRL

♪ OOH, IT'S SO SWEET

♪ MY BABY RULES THE WORLD

♪ AND WHEN SHE LOOKS INTO MY EYES ♪

♪ OOH, THEY HYPNOTIZE ME

♪ I SAY OOH

♪ YOU ARE MY LOVER

♪ BABY

♪ SHE'S MY

♪ MY LITTLE CANDY GIRL ♪

SO WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' NOW THAT YOU'RE NOT PLAYIN' VOLLEYBALL ?

NOTHIN' MUCH. JUST SORT OF HANGIN' OUT.

YOU KNOW, THIS ISN'T REAL CHAMPAGNE.

REAL CHAMPAGNE TICKLES MY NOSE.

YEAH ? WELL, THIS STUFF EATS IT AWAY. YEAH.

DO YOU HAVE TO GO ? DEFINITELY.

EVENTUALLY. OH, YEAH. ONE MORE BOTTLE OF CHEAP CHAMPAGNE, COMIN' UP.

SOLD.

REACH ! [ Grunts ]

REACH. COME ON, GIRLS !

REACH ! [ Grunts ]

THAT'S IT. HERE, BOY.

YOU GET BACK HERE ! COME HERE !

GET OVER HERE. GET OVER HERE !

[ Whimpering ] [ Grunts ] REACH !

REACH. REACH. REACH.

NO ONE'LL KNOW, BABE. YOU'RE MY ACE IN THE HOLE.

HI. HI, THERE. HI. HI.

HELLO. HI, THERE. [ Laughs ]

VERY GOOD.DOS.

YOU KNOW,

IF A GUY CAN'T GET LAID IN THIS TOWN,

HE MIGHT AS WELL JUST CUT OFF HIS WIENIE.

MAYBE I'M THINKIN' OF SOMEONE ELSE, BUT I THOUGHT YOU WERE STILL A VIRGIN.

[ Screeches ] OH ! A VIRGIN ! AHA !

A VIRGIN ! I'M A VIRGIN.

OH, I'M A VIRGIN. [ Sputters ] YEAH, RIGHT.

[ Softly ] OF COURSE I'M A VIRGIN.

SHUT UP, WOULD YOU ?

GOD. I DECIDED I HAVE A PLAN.

I'M GONNA JUST BUILD ONE HUGE SPERM BANK...

AND SPREAD IT ALL OVER SOUTH FLORIDA.

ALL RIGHT, BEFORE YOU GO NUTS OUT HERE, TAKE IT FROM YOUR BIG BROTHER.

THERE'S A LOT OF FUN IN NUMBERS, BUT NOTHING SUBSTANTIAL.

IF YOU FIND ONE GOOD RELATIONSHIP, CLING TO IT.

IT'S WORTH A HUNDRED SUPERFICIAL ONES.

THAT'S FINE. I'M THE GUY WHO'D GO FOR THE HUNDRED SUPERFICIAL ONES.

I LIKE BREASTS.

FAKE BREASTS. I MEAN-- YOU KNOW. THEY DO IT FOR ME.

YEAH. I KNOW. LISTEN, FOR SOME ODD REASON, HARLEY SEEMS TO DIG YOU.

OOH, THAT'S ODD. YEAH, THAT'S STRANGE.

CAN'T FIGURE THAT ONE OUT. BUT I WAS JUST WONDERING, WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT HER ?

IS SHE LIKE, YOU KNOW, SMOOTH RIDE ?

OR IS IT KIND OF ROUGH AROUND THE EDGES ?

ROCKY ? GOOD AND BAD, BASICALLY, IS WHAT I'M ASKING YOU.

WHATEVER HAPPENED BETWEEN HARLEY AND ME IS STRICTLY BETWEEN HARLEY AND ME.

YOU SHOULD TAKE HER OUT. GET TO KNOW HER A LITTLE BIT ON YOUR OWN.

BUILD SOMETHING. YEAH. YEAH !

NO, THAT SOUNDS LIKE TOO MUCH WORK.

IT IS. IT'S A LOT OF WORK, BUT IT'S WORTH IT IN THE END.

IN THE END.

♪♪ [ Rock ]

♪ OH

♪ WHAT A GREAT TIME TO BE ALIVE ♪

♪ I GOT MY CHIPS CASHED IN FROM MY 9:00 TO 5:00 ♪

♪ NEVER GIVE UP NEVER GIVE IN NEVER GET OLD ♪♪

YOU BEHAVE YOURSELF, YOUNG MAN. OKAY, YOU GOT IT.

♪♪

YEAH. CHECK HER OUT, MAN.

♪ I'M THE ONE YOU WANT

♪ I'M THE ONE YOU NEED

♪ SO YOU CAN STOP YOUR LOOKIN' AROUND ♪

♪ NOW THAT YOU'VE FOUND ME

DAMN ! CHECK HER OUT, MAN.

♪ I'M ANOTHER NUMBER IN THE CROWD ♪

SHE'S LOOKIN' FINE. ♪ ANOTHER FACE WITHOUT A NAME

♪ BUT I'M GONNA GET TO YOU SOMEHOW ♪

♪ I CAN PLAY YOUR GAME

GOTTA GET ME SOME OF THAT. ♪ UNTIL YOU SEE

♪ WHAT I GOT

♪ YOU'RE ONLY WASTIN' TIME

♪ 'CAUSE I'M THE ONE YOU WANT ♪

♪ I'M THE ONE YOU NEED

♪ SO YOU CAN STOP YOUR LOOKIN' AROUND ♪

♪ NOW THAT YOU'VE FOUND ME ♪

BILLY BOY ! UNCLE GENE !

ALLEY-OOP ! BETTY BOOP !

POPEYE ! HEY ! HEY !

WHEN DID YOU GET INTO TOWN, BILLY ? A FEW HOURS AGO. HEY !

NEVER LET YOUR GUARD DOWN. HE'S ALREADY GOT A LITTLE THING GOIN' WITH HARLEY.

OH, THAT'S A HELL OF A GAL. AHA ! [ Laughing ]

HEY ! GETTIN' PRETTY YOUNG FOR HIS OLD AGE, HUH ?

UNCLE GENE, I'D LOVE TO PLAY, BUT I GOTTA GO WATCH MY GIRL. OKAY ?

GOOD BOY. GOOD BOY, BILLY. LISTEN, I GOTTA TELL YOU THIS.

IF WE HAD HAD THAT GIRL SHANNON IN THE GAME TODAY, WE WOULD HAVE WON BIG !

THAT MIGHT BE SO, UNCLE GENE. BUT I DON'T WANT TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THIS GIRL.

SHE'S DEFINITELY MARRIAGE MATERIAL.

OF COURSE, THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I WAS THINKIN'.

YEAH.

[ Harley ] ♪ JUST NEED THE CHANCE TO PROVE IT ♪

♪ I KNOW YOU'LL FIND THAT I'M THE ONE YOU WANT ♪

♪ I'M THE ONE YOU NEED

♪ SO YOU CAN STOP YOUR LOOKIN' AROUND ♪

♪ NOW THAT YOU'VE FOUND ME ♪

♪ I'M THE ONE YOU WANT

♪ I'M THE ONE YOU NEED

IT'S PAYOFF TIME, BALDY.

I WILL TAKE CARE OF THAT SLIME JOHNNY IN PERSON.

WHEN ? WHEN I'M GOOD AND READY.

NO. TOMORROW. OKAY, MORON-SKI.

♪ I'M THE ONE YOU NEED

WHAT ? MORON-SKI ?

ISN'T THAT A COUNTRY IN EUROPE ?

♪ NOW THAT YOU FOUND ME [ Laughs ]

♪ I'M THE ONE YOU WANT BABY ♪

♪ I'M THE ONE YOU NEED YEAH ♪

♪ SO YOU CAN STOP YOUR LOOKIN' AROUND ♪

♪ NOW THAT YOU'VE FOUND ME YEAH ♪

♪ I'M THE ONE YOU WANT ♪

[ Applause, Cheering ]

[ Harry Whispering, Indistinct ]

HE'S HERE. JUST-- JUST DON'T DO ANYTHING STUPID.

YEAH, YOU HEARD ME: 500,000 ON BANANAS ON TOP.

HEY, GENE, BABE. HOW YOU DOIN' ?

JOHNNY, YOU'RE A LIAR,

A CHEAT AND A TOTAL SLEAZEBAG.

- AND YOU KNOW WHAT THAT'S GONNA GET YOU ? - MY OWN TALK SHOW.

FUNNY ! [ Laughs Sarcastically ]

THE HATRED OF THOUSANDS OF INNOCENT PEOPLE.

PROMISE ? YOU KNOW, THAT'S A GREAT BONUS.

HEY. YOU KNOW, YOU WANNA PLAY DOUBLE OR NOTHIN' ?

WHAT ? DOUBLE OR NOTHIN'.

YOU GOT NOTHIN' AND I... GOT DOUBLES.

[ Laughs ] I LIKE YOU, GENE.

YOU GOT THE HEART AND SOUL OF A REAL GAMBLER,

AND YOU GOT MONEY, SO I'M GONNA GIVE YOU A SECOND CHANCE--

- A REMATCH AT PENROD'S NEXT SATURDAY. - ON THE BEACH ?

OF COURSE. AND YOUR NEPHEW HERE, HARRY BOY,

HE CAN USE HIS OLD TEAM TO PLAY OR ANY TEAM TO PLAY.

OH. [ Chuckles ]

YEAH. AND WHEN WE WIN ?

IF YOU WIN. IF YOU WIN,

I'LL FORGIVE YOUR OLD DEBT...

AND GIVE YOU TWO MILLION BUCKS ON TOP OF IT.

HOW'S THAT, HUH ? AND I GET YOUR YACHT AND YOUR CLUB.

HEY. YOU GOT CAJONES THE SIZE OF KUWAIT.

AND IF YOU LOSE,

YOU SIGN THE BEACH ACADEMY OVER TO ME.

NO. NO WAY. THE BEACHFRONT SCHOOL GROUNDS ARE ASSESSED AT OVER $12 MILLION.

PLUS THE BUILDINGS. THE PROFIT POTENTIAL IS HUGE. NO.

ALL RIGHT ! IF YOU DON'T WANT THE DEAL,

THEN JUST GIVE ME BACK THE MONEY YOU OWE.

YOU'LL HAVE YOUR CASH IN THE MORNING.

AH. YOU KNOW, I THOUGHT YOU WERE A REAL BETTOR.

BUT YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A WIMP.

DAMN YOU.

YOU WANT A BET LIKE THAT ?

I DIDN'T THINK YOU WERE THAT STUPID.

WELL, YOU GOT A DONE DEAL !

GENE !

[ Whistle Blows ] OUT OF THE WATER ! OUT OF THE WATER !

LET'S MOVE IT ! COME ON ! COME ON !

COME ON ! MOVE IT ! MOVE IT !

MOVE IT ! COME O-O-O-ON !

WHAT ARE YOU SMILING AT ? HUH ?

YOU THINK THIS IS FOR FUN ? HUH ?

ALL RIGHT. HIT THE BEACH ! SHELL DETAIL.

HIT THE BEACH ! GET MOVIN' !

COME ON, COME ON ! [ Whistle Blows ]

GOOD SHOT.

TOUGH ONE. YOU'VE NOT ONLY LOST THE ACADEMY, YOU'VE LOST YOUR MIND.

WE DON'T HAVE A TEAM. TRANSLATION: WE DON'T HAVE A PRAYER.

BUT WE DO ! HARRY, LISTEN TO THIS.

I FOUND OUT THAT YOUR GIRLFRIEND...

IS AN OLYMPIC-CLASS VOLLEYBALL PLAYER,

AND ALL HER FORMER TEAMMATES LIVE IN THE MIAMI AREA !

I ALREADY KNOW THAT, AND I ALSO KNOW THAT SHE HAS NO INTENTION...

OF GETTING BACK INTO THE LIMELIGHT-- ESPECIALLY NOT WITH VOLLEYBALL.

AW, GENE. DON'T TELL ME YOU WERE COUNTING ON HER AND HER FRIENDS PLAYING.

[ Laughs ] NO, BOOBY. HA.

I WAS COUNTING ON YOU AND CHARM, BOY. NEVER FAILS !

[ Chuckles ] I CAN VOUCH FOR THAT.

GENE, YOU'RE MY UNCLE.

I CARE ABOUT YOU. I RESPECT YOU.

YOU'RE MY FAVORITE UNCLE. BUT YOU HAVE GONE SERIOUSLY NORTH OF NORMAL ON THIS, OKAY ?

NOW, WHAT PART OF "SHE WON'T PLAY" DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND ? NOT EVEN FOR YOU ?

HELL, NO ! IF SHE'S NOT GONNA PLAY TO SAVE HER CAREER,

SHE'S NOT GONNA PLAY FOR SOME STRANGERS.

BUT AT LEAST-- HARRY !

I WAS UNDER THE IMPRESSION THAT-- THAT-- I MEAN--

YOU'RE MORE THAN A STRANGER ! A LOT MORE. THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT.

SHE'S NOT SOME BIMBO TO BE SWEET-TALKED.

LOOK. I MEAN, IF WE WIN, I'LL GIVE THE BIMBO-- OOH.

SORRY. I SLIPPED. I-I-I--

I'LL LET THE LADY'S TEAM SHARE ONE MILLION DOLLARS.

GENE, I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR YOU,

AND I DON'T NEED A MILLION OR EVEN A HUNDRED MILLION DOLLARS TO DO IT.

WHAT I NEED FOR YOU TO UNDERSTAND IS THAT I REALLY CARE ABOUT SHANNON...

AND I WON'T EXPLOIT HER-- NOT FOR MONEY, NOT FOR ANYTHING.

HARRY, YOU GOT TO DO IT FOR ME, HARRY.

I'M GENE, YOUR-- YOUR FAVORITE UNCLE. HUH ?

RIGHT ? HUH ? YOU GOTTA DO IT FOR ME.

IF YOU DON'T, HARRY-- HARRY, I'M-- I'M FINISHED !

KAPUT !

JUST ONCE. ONCE, HARRY.

PLEASE ?

HUH ?

I'LL THINK ABOUT IT.

[ Harry Narrating ] I WAS A MAN WITH A PROBLEM-- A BIG PROBLEM.

IF I TOLD SHANNON THE REAL DEAL, SHE WAS GONNA TOTALLY FREAK OUT ON ME.

I KNEW SHE WAS NOT GONNA PLAY SOME BEACH BALL GAME...

JUST SO THAT UNCLE GENE COULD INDULGE IN HIS GAMBLING PASSION,

AND SHE WAS NOT A GIRL MOVED BY MONEY.

[ Whistle Blows ] LINE IT UP ! FACE FRONT !

WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT ?

ALL RIGHT, GIRLS. THIS IS YOUR RAFT !

THIS IS YOUR FRIEND.

YOU LOVE YOUR RAFT, IT WILL LOVE YOU !

LET'S SHOW YOUR RAFT A LITTLE AFFECTION, GIRLS !

COME ON. LET'S GO.

CHEST UP. CHEST UP. BUTT OUT. BUTT OUT.

LET'S GO ! SHOW YOUR RAFT A LITTLE AFFECTION !

IT LOVES YOU.

YOU LOVE IT.

YOU COULD BE OUT TO SEA ONE HUNDRED MILES OR MORE,

AND WITHOUT YOUR RAFT,

YOU'RE SHARK BAIT !

DO YOU UNDERSTAND ?

I'VE SEEN PEOPLE EATEN BY SHARKS BEFORE,

BECAUSE THEY FORGOT THEIR RAFT WAS THEIR FRIEND.

ALL RIGHT ! ABOUT-FACE !

ALL RIGHT. HIT THE WAVES ! HIT THE WAVES !

[ Whistle Blows ] MOVE IT ! MOVE IT ! MOVE IT !

REAL CHAMPAGNE... IN A PLASTIC CUP. I'M IMPRESSED.

SO YOU MUST THINK I REALLY RATE. NO.

I MEAN, YES. OF COURSE YOU RATE, BUT-- BUT DON'T TELL ME.

THIS IS GONNA EAT AWAY MY NOSE TOO ? NO. I MEAN YOU.

YOU'RE THE REAL THING.

LOOK.

CAN I GET A BIT PERSONAL WITH YOU FOR A MOMENT ?

YOU CAN GET VERY, VERY PERSONAL FOR AS MANY MOMENTS AS YOU WANT.

I JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU THAT THE REASON I'M GOING OUT WITH YOU IS BECAUSE OF YOUR--

- MY BODY. IT'S COOL. - YES. BUT ONLY PARTIALLY.

- BRAINS. - UH, NO, NOT EXACTLY.

YOUR INTEGRITY.

YOU'RE A REALLY SOLID GUY. I REALLY THINK I CAN TRUST YOU.

ALL RIGHT, BEFORE YOU GIVE ME ANY MORE UNDESERVED PRAISE,

I-I DON'T KNOW HOW TO ASK YOU THIS.

I THOUGHT YOU WERE NEVER AT A LOSS FOR WORDS.

I WAS ONCE. TALKED MY WAY OUT OF IT.

WELL, LET ME SAVE YOU THE AGONY. YOU WANT ME TO PLAY VOLLEYBALL...

SO YOU CAN BET ON THE GAME AND SCAM A LOT OF MONEY, RIGHT ?

- YOU KNEW. - THE EXPENSIVE CHAMPAGNE WAS A TIP-OFF,

BUT I WAS HOPING I WAS WRONG !

THE REASON FOR THE CHAMPAGNE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS.

I-I ADMIT IT. I NEED YOUR HELP BADLY.

MY UNCLE'S IN A BIND; I'M IN A BIND, AND THE TRUTH IS, I'D LOVE YOU TO PLAY.

- NO WAY IN HELL. - OKAY. LOOK.

UNCLE GENE CAN OFFER YOU AND YOUR TEAMMATES SHARE IN A MILLION DOLLARS OF PRIZE MONEY.

DO I LOOK LIKE MINNESOTA FATS TO YOU ?

I'M SOME CHEAP HUSTLER ? IS THAT WHAT YOU THINK I'M ABOUT ? MONEY ?

NO. IF ALL I CARED ABOUT WAS MONEY,

I WOULDN'T HAVE WORKED SO HARD AS AN AMATEUR ATHLETE !

HARRY, I DON'T TAKE MONEY FOR MY SPORT. I DON'T DO ENDORSEMENTS.

AND I DON'T GAMBLE ! AND FRANKLY, PAL, I'M NOT THE BIGGEST FAN OF THOSE WHO DO.

ALL RIGHT. LOOK. I SHOULDN'T HAVE OPENED MY FAT MOUTH. OKAY ?

I TOLD UNCLE GENE THIS WAS IMPOSSIBLE.

YOU'RE IMPOSSIBLE. I THOUGHT WE HAD SOMETHING REALLY SPECIAL. WE DO.

YEAH ? OR IS OUR RELATIONSHIP BASED ON ME MAKING YOUR WEIRD UNCLE RICH ?

FIRST OF ALL, HE'S MY WEIRD UNCLE GENE.

MY WEIRD UNCLE RICH BETS ON PLANKTON RACES IN THE RIVER. IT'S A WHOLE OTHER STORY.

YOU KNOW, YOU'RE IMPOSSIBLE. SHANNON, OUR RELATIONSHIP IS BASED ON ONE THING.

LOVE. I'M CRAZY ABOUT YOU. IF YOU DON'T WANNA PLAY, I UNDERSTAND.

IT'S NOT GONNA CHANGE HOW I FEEL. YOU KNOW, HARRY, TO ME,

THERE ARE MORE IMPORTANT THINGS IN LIFE THAN MONEY. I AGREE.

IT'S BELIEFS LIKE THAT THAT MAKE ME CRAZY ABOUT YOU.

COME ON.

[ Harry Narrating ] BILLY ALWAYS DID TEND TO LET HIS IMAGINATION RUN A LITTLE WILD.

♪ I WANT YOU TO MOVE

♪ I WANT YOU TO GROOVE

♪ AND GROOVE WITH ME

♪ I WANT YOU TO MOVE

♪ I WANT YOU TO GROOVE

♪ AND GROOVE WITH ME

♪ AND I DON'T CARE

♪ WHAT YOU SAY

♪ OR WHAT YOU DO

♪ AND I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU SAY ♪

♪ OR WHAT YOU DO

♪ COME ON MOVE A LITTLE CLOSER ♪

♪ LET YOUR BODY LOSE CONTROL ♪

YOU KNOW, YOU DESERVE TO KNOW WHY I WON'T PLAY.

NO. NO, IT'S NOT IMPORTANT. YES, IT IS.

REMEMBER THAT BUSINESS DEAL I TOLD YOU ABOUT ?

YEAH.

WHAT I DIDN'T TELL YOU WAS THAT, UH...

JOHNNY STACCATO GOT ME INVOLVED IN IT.

HE FRAMED MY TEAMMATES AND ME, AND WE LOST OUR OLYMPIC CHANCES.

WELL, THERE'S SOMETHING ELSE WE HAVE IN COMMON:

OUR MISTRUST OF JOHNNY STACCATO.

OH, I TRUST JOHNNY, ALL RIGHT.

I TRUST HIM TO LIE, STEAL AND CHEAT FROM ANYBODY WHO'LL LET HIM.

BUT YOU KNOW SOMETHING, HARRY ?

WE'RE NOT GONNA LET THAT SON OF A BITCH GET AWAY WITH ANYTHING ANYMORE.

YOU'RE GONNA PLAY.

- WE'RE GONNA PLAY TO WIN. - YOU ARE THE GREATEST.

MM. WAIT. WAIT. WE ONLY HAVE ONE WEEK TO GET THIS MIRACLE TOGETHER.

LET'S SAVE IT FOR THE VICTORY CELEBRATION. OKAY ?

YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. I WON'T TOUCH YOU. I-I WON'T EVEN TALK TO YOU.

IT'LL BE LIKE WE'VE BEEN MARRIED FOR 30 YEARS. YEAH, RIGHT.

[ Woman ] OKAY. COME ON, GIRLS.

SULK'S IN. YOU LOVE THAT CAMERA. YOU WANT THAT CAMERA.

IT IS YOUR FRIEND. YOU MAKE LOVE TO THAT CAMERA.

OKAY, COME ON. HIGH ENERGY. YOU LOVE THAT CAMERA.

THAT CAMERA IS YOUR FRIEND. YOU LOVE IT. MM-MMM. KISSES, KISSES.

OKAY. SEXY. SEXY. I WANT SEXY. I WANT SEXY !

I WANT YOU TO WANT THAT CAMERA. EVERYBODY WANTS YOU, THE SEXIEST THING THAT EVER LIVED.

OKAY, LEGS. LEGS, LEGS, LEGS. HIGHER, HIGHER, HIGHER.

OKAY. SEXY LEGS. THE RIGHT LEG. SEXY. OHH, LOOK AT MY LEGS !

OKAY. VERY GOOD. SOPHISTICATED, SOPHISTICATED.

OH, OH. POUTING LIPS. POUTING LIPS. OH, I'M SO SAD. COME HERE AND VISIT ME.

THAT'S WHAT I WANT YOU TO SAY TO THIS CAMERA. YOU'RE HAVING FUN !

YOU'RE HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY ! HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY ! CUT !

OKAY. OKAY. NOW, A FIVE-MINUTE BREAK.

I WANT YOU TO MAKE-UP, GET FRESHENED UP, AND THEN WE'RE GONNA DO THE CENTERFOLD. OKAY ?

YOU GUYS. YOU NEED TO WORK ON THIS.

JUST NEED A LITTLE MORE ENERGY.

SHANNON ! HEY ! GOOD ! IT'S GREAT TO SEE YOU.

HOW YOU DOIN' ? GREAT.

ASHLEY, MILLICENT, MEET MY FAVORITE DRILLMASTER,

THE LEADER OF OUR OLYMPIC TEAM, SHANNON.

HI. LOOK AT YOU. YOU LOOK GREAT.

HEY, I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET A FRIEND OF MINE. THIS IS HARRY.

HOW YOU DOIN' ? PLEASED TO MEET YOU. ENJOYING THE SHOOT ?

MORE THAN YOU CAN IMAGINE. LISTEN, UH, I--

WE HAVE TO ASK YOU A FAVOR. I KNOW YOU'RE REALLY BUSY.

BUT, UH-- WE REALLY NEED YOU TO PLAY A VOLLEYBALL GAME WITH US.

VOLLEYBALL ? SURE, NO PROB. MY FAVORITE GAME.

WHEN AND WHERE ?

HOW ABOUT... THURSDAY AT 11:00 ?

NO, WE'RE TALKING ABOUT A SERIOUS GAME.

LIKE, WE HAVE TO PRACTICE EVERY DAY. WE'RE, UH--

WE'RE PLAYING ERIKA AND HER BALL BUSTERS.

HEY, BE A GREAT GAME. THEY'RE AS GOOD AS WE ARE.

ALMOST. LOOK, SHANNON.

I'D LOVE TO. IT'D BE A HELL OF A LOT OF FUN KICKING THEIR BUTTS,

BUT I JUST CAN'T AFFORD ALL THAT TIME OFF.

I'M BOOKED SOLID FOR THE NEXT THREE MONTHS.

LOOK, JOHNNY STACCATO'S BET EVERYTHING HE OWNS ON ERIKA'S TEAM.

DAMN. I'D LOVE TO SEE THAT BASTARD LOSE.

THERE'S A MILLION BUCKS FOR THE WINNING TEAM. YOU CAN DIVIDE IT FIVE WAYS.

[ Scoffs ] ISN'T THAT ABOUT-- WHAT ? $200,000 ?

I BET YOU CAN MAKE THAT IN JUST A FEW WEEKS.

IF YOU GO BACK TO WORK, PLEASE ?

I'LL THINK IT OVER.

WHY DON'T YOU AND YOUR FRIEND COME OUT TOMORROW ? WE'RE HAVING A CHARITY CAR WASH.

OKAY. WE'LL SEE YOU THEN.

OKAY. BYE. BYE. BYE-BYE.

WE'LL SEE. I DON'T KNOW.

LOOKING GOOD, SOLDIER.

HELLO, SHANNON. WOULD YOU AND YOUR FRIEND LIKE A TABLE UP CLOSE ?

NO, THANK YOU. HARRY, THIS IS WEED. HE RUNS THE PLACE.

[ Harry ] HOW YOU DOIN' ? WHAT BRINGS YOU HERE ?

- WE'RE HERE TO SEE GINGER. - NOBODY SEES GINGER.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN ? SHE'S A FRIEND OF MINE.

THAT'S NICE. IT'S MY CLUB. SHE'S WORKING.

WHAT'S IT ABOUT, ANYWAY ?

WE NEED HER TO PLAY A VOLLEYBALL GAME NEXT WEEKEND.

[ Laughs ] VOLLEYBALL ?

OKAY, FINE ! WHEN SHE'S NOT WORKIN' SHE'LL PLAY VOLLEYBALL.

WE MEAN A SERIOUS GAME. SHE NEEDS TO TRAIN EVERY DAY.

IT AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN. SHE WORKS FOR ME EVERY DAY. YOU KNOW WHY ?

I LENT HER A LOT OF MONEY, AND SHE PAYS ME BACK BY DANCING.

YOU UNDERSTAND ? NO.

IF YOU WANT TO TALK TO HER, YOU CAN ALWAYS GO BACKSTAGE,

PUT ON A SEXY OUTFIT; I'LL GIVE YOU A JOB.

- WORKING HERE WOULD BE MY SECOND MOST FAVORITE THING. - WHAT'S THE FIRST ?

THROWING A BOWLING BALL UP IN THE AIR AND CATCHING IT WITH MY TEETH.

CUTE. WELL, I GOTTA BRING ON THE NEXT DANCER. TWO-DRINK MINIMUM.

THANKS A LOT. WHAT A JERK. MAN.

THE BOWLING BALL THING WAS FUNNY. [ Sighs ]

HEY, THERE'S GINGER.

HI. HI.

HOW YOU DOIN' ?

CAN I GET YOU SOMETHING TO DRINK ?

DO YOU SERVE PHONE NUMBERS HERE ?

NO, WE DON'T SERVE PHONE NUMBERS HERE.

OH. UH.

WELL, YOU'RE AN AWFULLY FINE-LOOKIN' CHICK.

WHAT'S YOUR SIGN ? SCORPIO.

COOL. I'M A CANCER.

KEEP SMOKIN' AND YOU'LL HAVE CANCER REAL SOON, BUD.

THANKS. THAT'S VERY NICE OF YOU TO SAY.

UM... YOU COME HERE OFTEN ?

I WORK HERE. OH.

BUT IT'S OKAY, 'CAUSE YOU'RE KIND OF CUTE.

HEY, BABY. HOW WE DOIN' ? [ Slap ]

I TOLD YOU, DON'T EVER TOUCH ME.

FINE.

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.

DON'T I KNOW YOU FROM SOMEWHERE ?

YOU'RE THE GUY THAT COMES IN HERE AND BOTHERS THE GIRLS. THAT'S YOU, ISN'T IT ?

NO, NO. I THOUGHT I KNEW YOU FROM HOME. FROM NORTH DAKOTA.

I'VE NEVER SEEN YOU BEFORE, THOUGH. I DON'T KNOW-- I OWN THIS CLUB.

THIS IS MY PLACE. I OWN THIS PLACE. OH, SORRY.

SO YOU, LIKE, TALK TO THE GIRLS AND STUFF ? THEY WORK FOR ME.

COOL. YOU GET TO, LIKE, FEEL THEM ?

GET OUT OF MY FACE.

COOL. PUTZ.

I... THINK SOMETHING BAD IS ABOUT TO HAPPEN. BEACH ACADEMY TRAINING ?

NO. CALL IT INSTINCT.

I CAN HANDLE THIS.

HEY, WATCH OUT ! [ Grunts ]

COME ON. COME ON.

I'M IMPRESSED. OH. THANKS A LOT.

- DOM ? -SHAN.

HOW YOU DOIN', GIRL ?

HI ! HEY, THAT WAS VERY COOL...

HOW YOU DEFENDED YOUR WOMAN LIKE THAT.

OH, THANKS. WELL, SHE'S NOT REALLY MY WOMAN. YOU TWO KNOW EACH OTHER ?

THIS IS DOMINIQUE ANICA-- THE FORMER SISTER MARY HOLLY PICTURE.

SHE'S YOUR TYPICAL LEATHER-LOVIN' EX-NUN, BIKER-CHICK DOMINATRIX.

FRESH OUT OF THE CONVENT, HEADIN' STRAIGHT TO HEAVEN ON A HARLEY.

OH. ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE.

SO WHAT'S GOIN' ON, SHAN ?

WELL, I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET HARRY.

HOW YOU DOIN' ? HI.

- DOM, WE NEED YOUR HELP. - COUNT ON IT.

I GOT MY GUITAR AND SOME HOT NEW SONGS.

YOUR GUITAR.

ON THE LETTERMAN SHOW,

WAYNE, GARTH AND I GET NAKED AND SING "IT'S A SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL,"

BACKED BY IKE TURNER AND THE COMBINED VATICAN AND MORMON CHOIR...

DOIN' THE MELANESIAN FROG-WORSHIPING FERTILITY DANCE.

HUH. THAT SOUNDS LIKE A GREAT GIG, DOM.

BUT WHAT WE REALLY NEED IS FOR YOU TO PLAY VOLLEYBALL NEXT SATURDAY.

WE'RE PLAYING MAH-JONGG AND HER BALL BUSTERS.

WELL, IT'S ABOUT TIME.

HELL, LETTERMAN CAN WAIT. VOLLEYBALL ? I LIVE FOR THE GAME.

GREAT ! WE PRACTICE TOMORROW MORNING, 8:00 A.M. SHARP ON THE BEACH.

- I'LL BE THERE. - THANKS.

SEE YA.

WELL, IT'S NICE TO KNOW MIAMI...

IS LETTING THEIR PSYCHOS DIRECTLY INTO THE COMMUNITY.

- I HEARD THAT. - SORRY.

[ Engine Starts ]

UNCLE GENE. OH ! YOU FRIGHTENED ME TO DEATH. WHAT IS IT ?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE ? WHAT AM I DOING HERE ?

ISN'T IT OBVIOUS ? I'M DOING A FIELD STUDY, YOU SEE ?

I'M HERE FOR THE AMERICAN SOCIOLOGICAL ASSOCIATION.

AND, UH, WHAT I'M DOING IS...

I'M STUDYING THE POST-TRAUMATIC STRESS ON THE MALE SEX...

WHILE WATCHING A NUDE FEMALE DANCE.

THAT SOUNDS IMPORTANT. YEAH. IT IS. IT IS. YEAH.

IT'S WHAT WE CALL... ADULT EDUCATION. [ Laughs ]

YEAH. WELL, I'M SURE YOU SHOULD GET AN A+.

ACTUALLY... I'M TAKING A MASTER'S CLASS.

[ Laughs ] EXCUSE ME, SWEETIE.

WHAT ? OH ! GENE, HOW ARE YOU DOIN' ?

YEAH. HERE'S YOUR USUAL. HAVE A GOOD TIME.

THANK YOU, PRETTY PHYLLIS. THANK YOU.

YOUR USUAL. YES.

SO THAT MEANS YOU COME HERE ALL THE TIME.

WELL, ARCHAEOLOGISTS HAVE TO DIG, DON'T THEY ?

AND ZOOLOGISTS HAVE TO OBSERVE ANIMALS. RIGHT ! YES.

AND FROM A STUDY LIKE THAT... SHH. SHH.

YOU SHOULD BE GETTING A Ph.D. ! THIS IS THE BEST PART.

WATCH THIS. WATCH THIS. [ Laughs Loudly ]

YOU'RE SPILLIN' ON ME.

SO ANYWAY, I GO INTO MY SISTER'S ROOM. YOU REMEMBER SHELLEY.

UH--

HER NAME'S SHELLEY. SHELLEY, SHELLEY.

RIGHT. FAT GIRL. GLASSES. TEETH MISSING.

- PLAYED WITH DOLLS. - AND HER NOSE. SHE USED TO PICK HER NOSE.

SO SHE WAS PICKIN' HER NOSE; SHE WAS IN THE CORNER. I WALK IN.

I OPEN THE CLOSET DOOR. ALL THIS CANDY STARTS FALLIN' OUT.

GREAT. I CAN TELL MOM THAT SHE'S PICKIN' HER NOSE...

AND CANDY'S FALLIN' OUT OF HER CLOSET.

SO I GO IN THERE, AND SHE'S GOT THIS BUCKET OF ROCK CANDY.

SO I'VE GOT 25 CAVITIES; I'M EATING ALL THIS ROCK CANDY I'M STEALIN' FROM SHELLEY.

SHANNON ! AAAH ! WAIT, THIS IS THE BEST PART.

GUYS, I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET PINA KOLLATA. NICE TO MEET YOU.

SHE WAS AT COLUMBIA WHEN I WAS THERE.

YOU'RE DRINKING A PINA COLADA ? NO, DUMMY. THAT'S MY NAME.

- OH, I LOVE YOUR DRINK. -[ Shannon ] SO WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN UP TO ?

THE TANGO. HMM. I HAD TO MAKE ENDS MEET.

I JUST AIN'T GOT THE GUTS TO CARRY ON WITH THAT ENGLISH TEACHER GIGS NO MORE.

YOU KNOW, THE MONEY. IT AIN'T SO GOOD.

WELL, WE MAY BE ABLE TO HELP OUT.

GREAT. 'CAUSE ROMAN, MY LAST TANGO PARTNER,

JUST RIPPED ME OFF, AS YOU KNOW. IT TAKES TWO.

RIGHT. AY. TRUTH BE KNOWN, SHAN,

AFTER THE SCANDAL AT THE OLYMPICS, I JUST BOTTOMED OUT, FELL COMPLETELY APART.

NOT YOU, PINA. YOU WERE ALWAYS THE STRONGEST OF ALL OF US.

SAME OLD STORY. LIVING ON THE BACK SEAT OF MY BIKE,

SELLING SECONDHAND ANCHOVIES DOOR-TO-DOOR. HEY, IT COULD BE WORSE.

I STAY IN TOUCH WITH THE OTHERS, AND AFTER NOT GOING TO THE OLYMPICS,

IT JUST DESTROYED THEIR ENTIRE LIVES.

I MEAN, WE'RE TALKING DIVORCE AND BANKRUPTCY,

MASSIVE DEBT, BEING ALONE AND SICK AND FRIENDLESS.

STOP TRYING TO CHEER ME UP.

THIS MIGHT CHEER YOU UP A LITTLE BIT.

WE'RE SUPPOSED TO PLAY A VOLLEYBALL GAME NEXT WEEK AGAINST JOHNNY STACCATO'S TEAM.

AND THERE'S A COOL MILLION IN IT FOR THE WINNERS.

WOULD I HAVE TO GIVE UP MY ANCHOVY ROUTE ?

YEAH, BUT THE PROFIT FOR YOU COULD BE IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD OF...

OH-- $200,000 DOLLARS !

AND ALL THE ANCHOVIES I CAN EAT.

AND YOU COULD FINALLY GET EVEN WITH JOHNNY STACCATO.

COUNT ME IN, BEACH DUDES.

[ All Laugh, Cheer ] [ Billy ] WELCOME ABOARD.

WELCOME TO BE HERE. GLAD TO BE HAVING YOU.

SO, WHAT HAVE YOU DECIDED ? I'LL BE THERE.

GREAT ! YES ! THANK YOU.

WE DON'T HAVE A LOT OF TIME. THAT MEANS PRACTICE EVERY DAY ABOUT FIVE HOURS.

SO ARE YOU READY ? [ All ] YEAH ! NO PROBLEM

WE GOT SHIRTS. YEA ! ALL RIGHT !

[ All Chattering ]

HONEY, I LOVE YOU. I JUST LOVE YOU.

THANK YOU. OH, I AM LOVING IT.

ALL RIGHT. A HUNDRED PERCENT COTTON, BABY.

YEAH ? ALL RIGHT. WE ARE AN OFFICIAL TEAM.

GOT TO LOVE IT. CHECK IT OUT.

LOVE TO LOVE YOU, BABY. [ Harry ] SHARP.

GUYS, ARE WE NOW OFFICIAL BEACH ACADEMY TEAMMATES ? RIGHT !

[ Whistle Blows ] ♪ SUN IS SHININ' AND THE GIRLS ARE HOT ♪

♪ WHEN I WANNA FLY WAIT, WAIT, WAIT ! MOVE IT !

RIGHT. ♪ BABY, LET'S BREAK

♪ WHEN THE CHIPS ARE DOWN WE COME AFTER YOU ♪

♪ WE RUN YOU DOWN UNTIL YOU'RE THROUGH THAT PLAY ♪

♪ BABY, LET'S PLAY

♪ YOU CAN'T BEAT US

♪ DON'T YOU SEE

♪ WE'RE THE BEACH ACADEMY

ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR !

MOVE IT ! ♪ KEEP THE SUN IN YOUR FACE

♪ THIS IS OUR TIME YOU KNOW THAT'S RIGHT ♪

♪ GET OUT OF THIS PLACE ♪

HELLO. YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS ?

I HAVE A CLUB. YOU SHOULDN'T BE DOIN' THIS.

YOU SHOULD BE DOIN' THIS AND THIS AND MAYBE THIS.

WE GOTTA GO. COME ON. I DON'T THINK SO.

HEY, BUZZ OFF ! ESTUPIDO !

[ Clunk ]

FINE !

THE GIRLS WERE EXHAUSTED BY THE END OF THE DAY,

BUT THEY WERE STARTING TO GET THE OLD MAGIC BACK.

I KNOW WE'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO TOUCH EACH OTHER WHILE WE'RE TRAINING,

BUT HOW'D YOU LIKE TO GO SOMEPLACE TOGETHER AND GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER A BIT ?

I THINK I'D LIKE THAT. GREAT.

PERHAPS WE CAN SAIL TO MY FRIEND'S PLACE ON FISHER ISLAND. HE'S GONE.

WE CAN HAVE THE WHOLE PLACE TO OURSELVES. SOUNDS GOOD.

BUT I HAVE A BETTER IDEA.

OH, YEAH ? WHAT'S THAT ? WELL, I NOTICE YOU'RE A MUSIC LOVER.

OH, YEAH. MUSIC'S MY LIFE.

SO I WOULD LIKE TO INVITE YOU, MR. HARRY SPENCER,

TO A VERY SPECIAL CONCERT TONIGHT. GREAT.

SHALL WE SAY MY PLACE AT 9:00 ? WE SHALL.

HEY. HI.

THIS IS A NICE PLACE. WEALTHY FAMILY ?

YEAH. MY DAD'S BRENT McSORLEY, THE FAMOUS CIRCUS CLOWN.

THE GUY IN ALL THE USED CAR ADS ? YEAH, THAT'S HIM.

WELL, YOU LOOK INCREDIBLE. I'LL BE THE ENVY OF EVERY GUY AT THE CONCERT.

WELL, I HOPE SO, HARRY, 'CAUSE YOU'RE THE ONLY GUY I INVITED.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND. I KNOW.

AND THAT'S ONE OF THE THINGS I LIKE ABOUT YOU. IT'S THAT CONSTANT BEWILDERED LOOK.

THE CONCERT'S HERE ? BINGO.

AND IT ISN'T EXACTLY ROCK AND ROLL. COME ON.

OKAY.

♪♪ [ Cello ]

SURPRISE. [ Groans ]

I'M SORRY. I KNOW I SHOULD HAVE TOLD YOU, BUT I JUST COULDN'T RESIST.

DOES THAT, UH, MAKE ME A BAD GIRL ?

YES, IT MAKES YOU A VERY BAD GIRL.

WELL, ARE YOU GONNA MAKE ME FACE THE MUSIC ?

IF IT'S ORCHESTRATED THAT WAY.

WHAT DO YOU SAY WE, UM, FIDDLE AROUND ?

♪♪ [ Classical ] OKAY. OKAY.

YOU KNOW, YOU SHOULD PUT A DIVING BOARD IN THAT POOL.

TELEPHONE, MA'AM. AW, DON'T ANSWER IT.

I HAVE TO.

HELLO ?

YES. I SAID I WOULD, AND I WILL.

GOOD-BYE.

THANK YOU.

WHAT'S WRONG ? WHO WAS THAT ? THAT WAS... NOBODY.

YOU KNOW, I'M REALLY STARTING TO DIG CLASSICAL MUSIC.

JUST CLASSICAL MUSIC ?

NO.

[ Sighs ] WE SHOULD WAIT 'TIL TOMORROW, AFTER THE GAME.

YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT.

I GUESS I SHOULD GET GOIN'.

GOOD NIGHT. GOOD NIGHT.

BYE.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE ?

I TOLD YOU NOT TO COME HERE.

HEY, BABE. I GOTTA KEEP TABS ON MY INVESTMENT.

IS THAT WHAT I AM TO YOU, JOHNNY ? AN INVESTMENT ?

[ High-Pitched Voice ] OH, I DIDN'T KNOW YOU'D REALLY CARE, HONEY !

HEY. YOU ARE WHATEVER,

WHENEVER... WHEREVER... I WANT YOU TO BE.

GET IT ? [ Phone Ringing ]

GET IT.

[ Softly ] I SAID GET IT.

- HELLO ? - HEY. IT'S HARRY.

LOOK, I KNOW THE BEST WAY TO LOSE SOMEONE IS TO TRY TO RUSH THINGS.

BUT I JUST WANT TO SAY THAT, UM, I'M PRETTY SURE I'M FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOU.

I-I CAN'T WAIT 'TIL WE CAN SPEND A LOT MORE TIME TOGETHER. HARRY--

HEY. GIVE IT TO ME. NO !

NO ? YOU DON'T WANT TO SPEND MORE TIME TOGETHER ?

HARRY, I CAN'T TALK TO YOU NOW. THIS IS REALLY-- I SAID GIVE IT TO ME.

- WHO IS THAT ? ARE YOU OKAY ? - ARE YOU DEAF AS WELL AS BEING DUMB ?

JOHNNY, NO ! PLEASE.

WHAT THE HELL IS JOHNNY STACCATO DOING IN YOUR HOUSE ?

YEAH, I LOVE YOU TOO, SWEETHEART. SHE'S OKAY.

SHE'S REALLY, REALLY OKAY.

[ Slapping ] [ Laughs ] SHE'S THE HOTTEST--

JOHNNY, PLEASE ! [ Johnny ] HEY.

DID YOU HEAR THAT ? SHE BEGGED.

I JUST LOVE IT WHEN SHE BEGS. IT HEATS ME UP.

[ Johnny Laughing ] JOHNNY, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOIN' THERE ?

I JUST DROPPED BY FOR A REFRESHING SHOWER AND TO CHECK ON MY WOMAN.

SHE'S IN HEAT FOR A REAL MAN.

YOU LISTEN TO ME, YOU SON OF A BITCH.

IF YOU HURT HER, I'LL KILL YOU. YOU PUT HER BACK ON THE PHONE, NOW.

OH, MY GOSH ! WHATCHA GONNA DO ? SOME OF THAT KARATE STUFF ?

[ Imitates Karate Grunts ]

PUT HER BACK ON THE PHONE ! NOW !

- LISTEN, MAN. SUCKER. - STOP IT ! HARRY ?

- HAS HE HURT YOU ? DID HE HURT YOU ? - NO.

AND I DIDN'T MEAN TO HURT YOU.

- WHAT ARE YOU SAYING ? - [ Imitating Violin Whining ]

LISTEN. WHEN I BEAT YOU IN VOLLEYBALL,

AND PIGIRON DRAGS YOUR ASS UP AND DOWN MY BEACH ACADEMY,

I'M GONNA TAKE SHANNON HERE BACK TO NEW YORK.

OR SHALL IT BE BARCELONA, DARLING, THIS TIME ?

HUH ?

[ Kissing ] CIAO, SWEETHEART.

SHANNON ? SHANNON !

[ Dial Tone ]

[ People Cheering, Applauding ]

ALL RIGHT. WE'RE HERE.

JUST DO WHAT WE DID IN PRACTICE. WE'RE GONNA BE FINE.

ALL RIGHT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. HERE WE SIT.

WE GOT A WONDERFUL GAME ABOUT TO COMMENCE.

WE HAVE, OF COURSE, THE WONDERFUL, GREAT,

DYNAMIC, FABULOUS--

THEY'RE GONNA BE COMING REALLY STRONG UP FRONT.

YOU GOTTA STAY AND HANG TOUGH TO BLOCK. RIGHT ?

THE TEAM WITH SOUL ! HEY, YOU GONNA WIN THE PURSE ?

EVERYBODY. GIVE IT UP ! [ Spectators Cheering ]

GIVE IT UP FOR THAT BEACH ACADEMY !

[ Erika ] OKAY, GIRLS. LET'S KICK THEIR BUTTS.

WE HAVE, LIKE, THE REALLY HORRIBLE TEAM WITH BIG BREASTS--

WE GIVE THEM THAT-- BUT NO TALENT.

GIVE IT UP FOR THEIR BREASTS ! [ Scattered Applause ]

KICK THEIR BUTTS.

AND YOU, DON'T GET ANY IDEAS.

MAN !

DON'T WORRY ABOUT SHANNON ! LET'S JUST FOCUS ON THE GAME.

DOM, YOU GOTTA BE TOUGH UP FRONT. RIGHT ? YEAH ! YEAH !

TOUGH IS MY NAME. ALL RIGHT. YOU GOTTA BLOCK.

SOLITAIRE, REMEMBER ? BLOCK ?

LET'S JUST PLAY SOME VOLLEYBALL !

[ Teammates Whooping ]

[ Man ] GO, BEACH ACADEMY !

[ Spectators Groan ] [ Billy ] LOOK AT THAT SPIKE !

GOD, THAT WAS NASTY. THAT'S WHAT IT'S CALLED, RIGHT ?

A SPIKE ? YEAH.

[ All Cheering ] YEA !

COME ON, GINGER !

[ Billy ] OKAY.

OHH !

[ Crowd Groans ] I'M SORRY ! I HAD GAS !

I ATE BURRITOS FOR LUNCH !

[ Man ] GO, BEACH ! GO, BEACH !

[ Crowd Cheers ]

TOUCHDOWN. OH, YEAH ! [ Yelling ]

THAT WAS A TOUCHDOWN. IT'S NOT FOOTBALL !

I KNEW THAT. I KNEW THAT.

THAT'S IT. THAT'S IT ! PINA, THAT'S IT. SMASH IT !

THAT WAS A GOOD SHOT.

STAY PUT.

HARRY, I NEED TO TALK TO YOU.

WHEN WE FIRST MET, I DIDN'T JUST HAPPEN TO BE WALKING DOWN THE BEACH...

WHEN ERIKA HIT THAT BALL.

IT WAS ALL A SETUP TO GET YOUR UNCLE TO FORFEIT THE ACADEMY.

AFTER LAST NIGHT, THAT PART WAS PRETTY EASY TO FIGURE OUT.

WANNA PLACE ANOTHER BET, BALDY ?

OH, IT'S MR. ALLIGATOR BREATH. [ Laughs ]

SEE ? NOW, THAT'S WHAT I EXPECT.

WHAT DID WE GET ? TWENTY-FIVE POINTS ? NO--

THE SCORE NOW IS 357 TO 95. NO.

NO ? OH.

UH, 32-- 32 TO 64 ?

42 TO 33 ? WATCH THE GAME.

WHAT ESCAPES ME IS WHY YOU WENT ALONG WITH IT.

WAS IT BECAUSE OF YOUR GREAT LOVE FOR JOHNNY ? LOVE HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT.

I HATE THAT PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A MAN, TRUST ME.

YOU REALLY EXPECT TRUST AT THIS POINT ?

HARRY. I TOLD YOU THAT JOHNNY SET UP THAT OLYMPIC SCAM.

BUT I DIDN'T TELL YOU THAT MY BROTHER IS IN JAIL FOR THE NEXT TEN YEARS...

IF JOHNNY GIVES FALSE EVIDENCE.

[ Sighs ] WHICH HE'S PREPARED TO DO, OF COURSE,

IF YOU DON'T GO ALONG WITH HIS VOLLEYBALL SCAM. THAT'S RIGHT.

ANOTHER 50K, MORON-SKI.

YOU GOT IT.

THAT'S IT. THAT'S IT.

SCORE. I LOVE IT. I LOVE IT !

WHAT ABOUT YOU TWO ROMANTICALLY ? DID YOU HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM ?

WELL, IF YOU CAN CALL ONE DATE A RELATIONSHIP.

ESPECIALLY ONE THAT ENDED WITH ME SWIMMING BACK HOME FROM THE YACHT.

NO, NO. OVER THE NET ! NOT UNDER THE NET.

OVER THE NET. NO, THEY'RE WONDERFUL. THE BEST I'VE EVER SEEN.

[ Crowd Whoops ]

VERY NICE. NO ! NO, THAT WASN'T GOOD.

THAT WASN'T ON OUR SIDE, WAS IT ? NO.

SORRY, WE WON'T TAKE THAT POINT.

ALL RIGHT. I CAN FEEL IT. WE'RE GONNA MAKE A BIG TURNAROUND NOW.

IT'S A BIG CHANCE. ALL WE NEED IS ONE FIELD GOAL,

AND WE'RE THERE, MAN !

[ Whispers ] I KNEW THAT.

ALL WE NEED IS ONE, UM, THING OVER THE THING.

HARRY, SCREW THE PRESSURE. I'M NOT GONNA LET YOU DOWN.

OKAY. LET'S PLAY SOME BALL.

THAT'S IT, SOLITAIRE ! YES !

OKAY. HERE WE GO, HARRY.

[ Crowd Cheering ] THAT'S WHAT I LIKE TO SEE ! COME ON !

YOU GOTTA HELP EACH OTHER OUT ! COME ON !

YOU GUYS ARE LOOKING GREAT, BUT YOU GOTTA GET IT TO DOM UP FRONT. SHE'S OUR POWER.

HELP ! HELP !

HARRY, THEY KIDNAPPED SHANNON ! WHAT ?

THE WAY I LOOK AT IT, WE REALLY GOT A SHOT.

ALL RIGHT, YOU'RE THE COACH NOW. NO, NO, NO, NO.

THE COACH. WE'RE WAY AHEAD. JUST DON'T LET GENE DOWN !

[ Together ] THE COACH ? AAAH !

TAKE THE MIKE !

WISH ME LUCK. I MEAN IT ! GOOD LUCK.

GOOD LUCK ! I NEED LUCK !

YOU GOT IT ! YOU CAN DO THIS. I CAN BE A MAN.

GOOD LUCK, BILLY. ALL RIGHT, HARLEY.

[ Chuckles ] OH, MY GOD. THE COACH.

ATTENTION, LADIES. THERE'S A NEW COACH IN TOWN, SO DON'T FRET.

HERE'S THE NEW PLAN.

FROM NOW ON I WANT A LOT OF FIELD GOALS AND TOUCHDOWNS.

YOU'RE GONNA-- YOU'RE GONNA PUT HOLES IN ONE. [ Chuckles ]

WHAT'S THAT THING WHEN YOU GO OVER THE NET ? SPIKE IT.

SLAM DUNK. SLAM DUNK. SLAM DUNK.

OH, YES. SLAM DUNK, SLAM DUNK.

ALL RIGHT, NOW, LISTEN. PAY ATTENTION !

HEY ! IS NOBODY PAYING ATTENTION TO ME HERE ? HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO COACH ?

YOU GOTTA-- YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO CATCH THE BALL !

CATCH THE BALL WHEN IT COMES TO YOU.

DON'T RUN AWAY FROM IT. WHAT ARE YOU, GIRLS ?

[ Laughs ]

ALL RIGHT ! LOOK AT ME. NO ! DON'T LOOK AT ME !

LOOK AT THE BALL. LOOK AT THE BALL.

LISTEN. GET IN THERE. FEEL THE BALL.

BECOME PART OF THE BALL. BE ALL OVER THE BALL.

JUST FOLLOW IT ALL THE WAY WITH YOUR EYES.

YOU CAN'T MISS IF YOU HAVE A BIG BAT IN YOUR HAND.

SHE LOVES ME. SHE LOVES ME NOT.

SO, YOU SEE, SHANNON IS PURE AS A LAMB.

YOU KNOW THAT OLYMPIC SCAM ?

WELL, I DONE IT AND BLAMED IT ON HER BROTHER.

THAT WAY, SHE--

PRETTY LITTLE DAME-- WILL DO ANYTHING I TELL HER.

AND NOW YOU'RE GONNA LOSE, AND I GET ALL OF THE BEACH ACADEMY...

AND A PIECE OF DESSERT.

[ Grunts ] OH !

THERE ! THAT WAY IT'S NOT IN YOUR WAY.

PRETEND THAT BALL WAS BOTHERING YOU. JUST GET IT OUT OF THE WAY.

OH, I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS ! YOU GUYS SUCK ! YOU DON'T LISTEN !

DON'T LISTEN ? OKAY ! I TOLD YOU TO MAKE A FIELD GOAL--

[ All Arguing ]

[ Harry ] LOOK WHO'S BACK !

[ All Cheering ]

[ Sighs, Laughs ]

[ Billy ] YOU GUYS, DON'T GIVE AWAY ANYTHING !

[ Harry ] LET'S PLAY SOME VOLLEYBALL !

[ All Cheering ]

TOUCHDOWN !

THAT'S IT !

[ All Cheering ]

UNCLE GENE ! UNCLE GENE !

WHAT HAPPENED ? WE WON !

WELL, GO AND COLLECT THE MONEY !

♪♪ [ Rock ]

UNCLE GENE, THERE'S ONE THING I DON'T SAY OFTEN ENOUGH.

I THINK YOU'RE REALLY GREAT. HARRY, THERE'S ONE THING I DON'T SAY OFTEN ENOUGH.

NO, GENE. THERE'S NOTHING YOU DON'T SAY OFTEN ENOUGH. [ Laughs ]

WE ALL LEARNED A LOT FROM THIS, HUH ?

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I LEARNED: ALWAYS DO THE RIGHT THING.

WELL, UNLESS YOUR CONSCIENCE TELLS YOU TO DO OTHERWISE. [ Laughs ]

I THINK THOSE ARE WORDS TO LIVE BY.

LISTEN. YOU KNOW THAT BOAT OF YOURS ?

IT'S ALL RIGHT WHEN YOU'RE A BACHELOR, BUT NOT IF YOU TWO KIDS, UH, YOU KNOW--

WHY DON'T YOU TAKE JOHNNY'S BOAT, HUH ?

THAT'S WHY YOU'RE MY FAVORITE UNCLE.

I JUST WISH THERE WAS SOMETHING WE COULD DO FOR MY BROTHER.

OH, I THINK THERE IS. WHAT ?

BACK ON THE YACHT, I SECRETLY TAPED JOHNNY'S ADMISSION OF GUILT.

THAT MEANS THAT JOHNNY IS NOT ONLY GOIN' TO THE POORHOUSE--

HE'S GOIN' TO THE BIG HOUSE ! [ Laughs ]

WITHOUT A FRONT PORCH. [ Laughs ]

UNCLE GENE, WE'LL TALK TO YOU LATER, OKAY ? YEAH. ALL RIGHT.

GOOD. GOOD. HAVE FUN, AND WATCH THE GRASS STAINS. [ Laughs ]

I BET ALL MY OWN MONEY. JOHNNY SAID WE COULDN'T LOSE.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT, PIGIRON. I'LL GET YOU A LITTLE JOB AT THE ACADEMY.

YOU CAN WASH MY BOAT.

[ Laughing ]

[ Exhales ]

ARE YOU BEING A BAD GIRL AGAIN ? MAYBE.

WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO ABOUT THIS ?

[ Sighs ] BILLY. YEAH.

I THINK I'M FALLIN' IN LOVE. [ Chuckles ]

I THINK I ALREADY FELL.

COME ON.

CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR VICTORY.

NICE PARTY YOU'RE HAVING HERE. SHAME YOU GOTTA LEAVE EARLY.

YOU GOTTA WORK ! REMEMBER ? DANCING ? NO !

CUSTOMERS ? AGH !

GET HIM ! OH, I JUST CLEANED THESE CLOTHES !

HONEY ? THIS IS TO ONE GREAT VACATION.

I'M GLAD I CAME OUT HERE AND, OF COURSE, SAVED THE DAY...

AND HELPED BEACH ACADEMY REMAIN WHAT IT IS.

NOW A LITTLE TREAT FOR YOU AND ME.

[ Pop ] YES.

CHEERS. CHEERS.

CLOSED-CAPTIONED BY CAPTIONS, INC. LOS ANGELES

♪ I'M THE ONE YOU WANT

♪ I'M THE ONE YOU NEED

♪ SO YOU CAN STOP YOUR LOOKIN' AROUND ♪

♪ NOW THAT YOU'VE FOUND ME

♪ I'M ANOTHER NUMBER IN THE CROWD ♪

♪ ANOTHER FACE WITHOUT A NAME

♪ BUT I'M GONNA GET TO YOU SOMEHOW ♪

♪ I CAN PLAY YOUR GAME YEAH ♪

♪ UNTIL YOU SEE WHAT I GOT

♪ YOU'RE ONLY WASTIN' TIME

♪ 'CAUSE I'M THE ONE YOU WANT

♪ I'M THE ONE YOU NEED

♪ SO YOU CAN STOP YOUR LOOKIN' AROUND ♪

♪ NOW THAT YOU'VE FOUND ME

♪ WELL, I KNOW YOU'VE HEARD IT ALL BEFORE ♪

♪ I KNOW YOU'VE NEVER SEEN MY KIND ♪

♪ I CAN GIVE YOU SO MUCH MORE

♪ LET ME EASE YOUR MIND

♪ YEAH

♪ UNTIL YOU'VE SEEN WHAT I GOT ♪

♪ YOU'RE ONLY WASTIN' TIME

♪ 'CAUSE I'M THE ONE YOU WANT

♪ I'M THE ONE YOU NEED

♪ SO YOU CAN STOP YOUR LOOKIN' AROUND ♪

♪ NOW THAT YOU'VE FOUND ME

♪ TONIGHT I FEEL LIKE I COULD SHINE ♪

♪ JUST NEED THE CHANCE TO PROVE IT ♪

♪ I KNOW YOU'LL FIND

♪ THAT I'M THE ONE YOU WANT

♪ I'M THE ONE YOU NEED

♪ SO YOU CAN STOP YOUR LOOKIN' AROUND ♪

♪ NOW THAT YOU'VE FOUND ME

♪ I'M THE ONE YOU WANT

♪ I'M THE ONE YOU NEED YEAH ♪

♪ SO YOU CAN STOP YOUR LOOKIN' AROUND ♪

♪ NOW THAT YOU'VE FOUND ME YEAH ♪

♪ I'M THE ONE YOU WANT

♪ I'M THE ONE YOU NEED YEAH ♪

♪ SO YOU CAN STOP YOUR LOOKIN' AROUND ♪

♪ NOW THAT YOU'VE FOUND ME YEAH ♪

♪ I'M THE ONE YOU WANT

♪ BABY, I'M THE ONE YOU NEED YEAH ♪

♪ SO YOU CAN STOP YOUR LOOKIN' AROUND ♪

♪ NOW THAT YOU'VE FOUND ME YEAH ♪

♪ I'M THE ONE YOU WANT ♪