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Encoded, Translated & Sync'd by applemac
Refer to Subtitles from opensubtitles & zmk
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Gaumont
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Lรฉgende
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- I not feel good. - French. Only French.
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- I not feel good. - Calm.
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Do like me. Think other things.
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Watch film.
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- What is it? - A film about a plane.
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- It's interesting. - Very interesting.
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- Your meal, sir. - Thank you.
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- Enjoy. - Thank you.
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- Your meal, sir. - Thank you.
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Ladies and gentlemen, we have just entered French airspace.
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Ladies and gentlemen, we have just...
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It's time.
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...just entered French airspace.
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Ladies and gentlemen, unfortunately
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an air traffic controllers' strike
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has shut down the Paris airports.
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We have to land in Figari in Corsica.
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What the hell?
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- What now? - Move!
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- Go! - You're sure?
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Why not Tripoli while you're at it?
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We head back to France and the bullshit starts!
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The meal was foul too!
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Shame on you!
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- My fork! - What?
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I lose my fork.
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I go alone.
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Why not land in Nice?
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Nice is closed for a summit. It has to be Corsica.
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We're starting our descent.
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Yes, sir?
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I need the toilet.
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Too late.
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Thank you for the cutlery.
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All of you, sit down now!
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Fasten your seatbelts
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and clam up!
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You can't treat us like this!
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When the world was created,
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God decided to invent the most beautiful country of all
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and put all of the world's wonders in it.
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He called that country... France.
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But so that other countries wouldn't feel deprived,
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God decided to fill it with
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the French.
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But first let me explain
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how we got here.
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It all began in Taboulistan,
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a tiny Central Asian country
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stuck between Afghanistan, Kirghizstan
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and Tajikistan.
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And it all began exactly
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in a small village called
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Kachtebrul.
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This is me. Feruz.
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And that's Muzafar.
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We're half-brothers.
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Muzafar is the son our dad had with his cousin.
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The lady with the mustache.
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Every morning
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with our women, we do
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the famous traditional dance of Taboulistan,
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the Tawa!
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The dance of joy!
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Our land is called Taboulistan
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because our greatest pride
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is to have invented 1,000 years ago
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the original recipe
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for tabbouleh!
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A skillful blend of grain,
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parsley
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and tomatoes.
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In spite of what people think, the Lebanese didn't invent it.
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Those dogs just stole the recipe!
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And, since then, the world has forgotten we exist.
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The UN has never recognized us.
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And that bothers our Great Leader, Hadadad
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Wassupbro...
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Idiots!
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...democratically elected for 36 years.
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Losers!
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Not one minister had managed to get our land noticed
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until the day when...
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Jafaraz Wassupbro,
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son of our Leader,
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had a revolutionizing idea!
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Terrorism...
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Terrorism...
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as advertising!
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as advertising!
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His plan was to attack
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the world's most popular monument...
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The Eiffel Tower!
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- Feruz, watch the goats! - Why me?
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And it was that day,
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as Muzafar and I were chatting...
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- I should've drowned you at birth! - Calm down, you old goat.
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Old goat?
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saw the start of the adventure...
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that led us to France.
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Greetings.
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Little Leader!
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Little Leader Wassupbro!
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Calm down. Gently!
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We were first sent to a training camp.
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And, to get to know our new enemy...
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France!
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we started by learning
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French!
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These are the 10 most frequently used words.
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Repeat.
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Hello.
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How do you do?
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Basterd!
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Bisch.
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Arzhole.
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Fock.
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Bommer.
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Shite.
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Goobye.
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We also studied all the cultural differences.
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France is a land where men are deprived of the right
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to hit women.
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In France,
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slapping women not allowed.
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But what happens if they speak?
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You listen.
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Not possible!
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You can't treat people like that!
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To infiltrate the country, we changed our identity.
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Your French passports.
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For you...
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Jafaraz gave us new names.
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I became...
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Michel!
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And Muzafar became...
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Yannick!
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For me,
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for the mission,
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I've chosen to use typically French name.
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Michel Ouellebec.
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Don't like Michel.
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Michel no good?
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Alin Ouellebec. My name?
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Better!
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Faster!
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Louder!
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Faster!
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And that's how we became
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soldiers in the RTT...
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Revolutionary Terrorists of Taboulistan!
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Taboulistan!
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ready to crash the plane of revenge
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into the Eiffel Tower in Paris!
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After 9 months in training,
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we were the chosen ones!
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I'm proud to award you
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the Tabouli medal of bravery.
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And now...
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you just have to do it for real.
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For real?
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We do it with remote-control plane...
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No.
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That mean we die?
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Yes.
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I not want die!
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I not understand.
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You say to us
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we heroes of the nation. Not mutton kebab.
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Brothers, with this mission,
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you're going to become martyrs!
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You go to paradise!
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It's wild up there. Eternal life in pleasure garden...
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With welcome gift...
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You know, I'm not that keen on dying...
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Shut up.
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I not want to die.
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What's the welcome gift?
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Usually, the basic package
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is 70 virgins with all-you-can-eat buffet.
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Pretty interesting...
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You think so?
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You bet.
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You can't be sure they're virgins.
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True.
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No good in bed, no good for tabbouleh.
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I prefer 70 mature women.
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- 70 mature women. - I can't.
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But we die.
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Good deal is when we all happy.
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All right...
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Mature women and a bonus gift.
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Electric razor
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for travel.
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It's electric...
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He say
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it going to be wild.
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All-you-can-eat buffet...
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With drinks?
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Of course.
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Coke, lemonade...
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Oaziz?
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Oaziz.
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00:12:18,480 --> 00:12:21,620
And after a month traveling
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to get to Dushanbe,
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Ashgabat,
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Kabul
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00:12:26,370 --> 00:12:28,080
and finally Istanbul,
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we ended up on this plane that was bound
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for Paris in France.
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Or rather Figari
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in Corsica.
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If you're not among the first to disembark,
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you wait forever.
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Police look to us.
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Passports won't work. Turn back.
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Calm!
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Do like me. Act innocent.
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00:13:06,230 --> 00:13:07,380
It's not me.
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00:13:09,840 --> 00:13:11,060
It's not me.
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00:13:36,650 --> 00:13:37,890
Welcome to Corsica.
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Thank you.
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00:13:49,220 --> 00:13:51,130
What we do now?
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We do Plan B.
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00:13:53,580 --> 00:13:54,720
What's Plan B?
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We plane now!
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- It will be ok. -Okay.
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00:14:01,520 --> 00:14:02,380
Taxi๏ผ
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Yes, we go Paris.
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00:14:07,450 --> 00:14:09,530
Sure. Put your bags in the trunk.
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00:14:09,560 --> 00:14:10,410
Thank you!
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00:14:17,620 --> 00:14:19,130
Where he going?
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00:14:19,130 --> 00:14:22,770
Crook!
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00:14:31,320 --> 00:14:32,460
Is it far now?
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00:14:32,620 --> 00:14:36,020
Very hard. I not find Corsica on map.
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00:14:37,810 --> 00:14:40,140
Sun there.
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00:14:40,460 --> 00:14:42,020
We go there.
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00:14:57,870 --> 00:14:59,200
Hello, merchant.
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00:14:59,200 --> 00:15:00,040
What's this?
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00:15:00,040 --> 00:15:03,580
We look way to Paris.
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What am I? A tour guide?
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00:15:07,050 --> 00:15:09,020
French not very nice.
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00:15:09,040 --> 00:15:10,700
This isn't France!
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This is Corsica!
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00:15:12,950 --> 00:15:14,650
Don't understand.
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00:15:14,680 --> 00:15:18,110
For Paris, turn round
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00:15:18,140 --> 00:15:19,240
and walk north.
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00:15:19,280 --> 00:15:22,080
When you see dickheads, you're there!
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Thank you.
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00:15:26,120 --> 00:15:28,120
What a way to treat people!
254
00:15:28,130 --> 00:15:29,340
Have a seat.
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00:15:30,100 --> 00:15:32,280
Just ignore my brother.
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00:15:32,360 --> 00:15:34,070
Female scum!
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00:15:34,090 --> 00:15:35,370
Calm.
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00:15:35,700 --> 00:15:36,740
Something to eat?
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00:15:36,740 --> 00:15:38,860
Yes, madam merchant.
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00:15:38,870 --> 00:15:40,820
We very hungry...
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Sausage, sheep's cheese, dessert?
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No, tabbouleh.
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Sorry, this isn't a Lebanese restaurant.
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Tabbouleh not from Lebanon, from Taboulistan.
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00:15:53,940 --> 00:15:55,950
Where?
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00:15:59,520 --> 00:16:00,350
What?
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00:16:10,240 --> 00:16:14,460
Napoleon! Bonaparte! Attack!
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Feruz!
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00:16:25,290 --> 00:16:26,600
Let go!
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00:16:32,190 --> 00:16:34,420
Feruz! What you do?
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Not my fault.
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00:16:37,090 --> 00:16:40,430
No time for that now. Come!
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I'll waste you!
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00:17:07,880 --> 00:17:09,130
Anyone here?
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00:17:10,930 --> 00:17:12,810
Village idiot!
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00:17:17,390 --> 00:17:20,860
You as hardheaded as horny goat!
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00:17:20,880 --> 00:17:21,720
Why?
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00:17:21,740 --> 00:17:23,300
What did Alin say?
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00:17:24,180 --> 00:17:26,230
He say not hit woman.
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00:17:26,440 --> 00:17:28,230
If not, big problem!
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00:17:29,060 --> 00:17:31,940
Next time you hear woman speak,
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imagine it man,
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00:17:34,700 --> 00:17:36,820
that it's same. Ok?
284
00:17:40,520 --> 00:17:41,540
Not understand.
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00:17:56,880 --> 00:17:57,880
Feruz...
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00:18:08,600 --> 00:18:09,610
For me?
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00:18:11,360 --> 00:18:13,230
France...
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00:18:15,820 --> 00:18:16,990
Elegance...
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00:18:17,110 --> 00:18:18,360
Fashion...
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00:18:18,380 --> 00:18:20,120
Pockets...
291
00:18:21,370 --> 00:18:24,570
Hello, m onsieur, I'd like...
292
00:18:24,620 --> 00:18:26,010
some mustard!
293
00:18:26,020 --> 00:18:29,080
Paris chic...
294
00:18:43,680 --> 00:18:44,890
Good night, Michel.
295
00:18:45,850 --> 00:18:47,240
Good night, Yannick.
296
00:18:47,430 --> 00:18:50,080
Tomorrow... Paris!
297
00:19:15,130 --> 00:19:16,590
Ange, what is this?
298
00:19:16,600 --> 00:19:18,080
You said it was empty!
299
00:19:18,110 --> 00:19:19,660
I don't know.
300
00:19:19,660 --> 00:19:21,340
The neighbor said so.
301
00:19:21,370 --> 00:19:22,880
We waste them?
302
00:19:22,880 --> 00:19:24,760
No, grab them!
303
00:19:27,070 --> 00:19:28,350
Get in!
304
00:19:28,360 --> 00:19:30,060
We can use them.
305
00:19:43,120 --> 00:19:44,660
Read this.
306
00:19:45,240 --> 00:19:46,330
Do it or you'll end up
307
00:19:46,390 --> 00:19:49,200
with your heads on a flag too!
308
00:19:51,120 --> 00:19:52,580
To the camera!
309
00:19:56,210 --> 00:20:01,030
Hello, I'm Franรงois Pinete.
310
00:20:01,710 --> 00:20:02,870
Hello.
311
00:20:03,640 --> 00:20:06,200
I'm Christian Pinete.
312
00:20:06,380 --> 00:20:08,640
We shall be
313
00:20:08,850 --> 00:20:11,540
freed in return
314
00:20:11,600 --> 00:20:14,480
for the release of...
315
00:20:15,720 --> 00:20:20,080
our brothers, Jean-Luc Domenico,
316
00:20:20,120 --> 00:20:24,620
Paoli de Cinneci...
317
00:20:24,660 --> 00:20:26,210
Dinini.
318
00:20:33,360 --> 00:20:34,460
Doumรฉ!
319
00:20:37,040 --> 00:20:38,680
Stop crying.
320
00:20:40,170 --> 00:20:42,630
They're nothing like the brothers.
321
00:20:42,640 --> 00:20:44,750
The moustaches are fooling you.
322
00:20:44,800 --> 00:20:48,090
Sorry to insist but they have Alsatian accents.
323
00:20:50,380 --> 00:20:51,800
Let me see.
324
00:20:59,710 --> 00:21:01,570
Nothing like them!
325
00:21:03,180 --> 00:21:06,190
Who the hell are you, guys?
326
00:21:06,220 --> 00:21:07,900
Michel Platini.
327
00:21:07,910 --> 00:21:09,350
Yannick Noah.
328
00:21:09,380 --> 00:21:11,580
I'm not fucking stupid!
329
00:21:12,880 --> 00:21:15,880
Who are you?
330
00:21:15,890 --> 00:21:17,930
- Who? - Not shoot!
331
00:21:17,940 --> 00:21:20,900
We terrorists too. We hate French.
332
00:21:20,920 --> 00:21:22,580
Usually, we do terror, not opposite.
333
00:21:22,590 --> 00:21:23,810
Not shoot!
334
00:21:24,660 --> 00:21:25,800
Terrorists!
335
00:21:28,470 --> 00:21:29,960
Shut up.
336
00:21:29,960 --> 00:21:31,030
Shut up!
337
00:21:31,030 --> 00:21:32,900
What's your mission?
338
00:21:32,900 --> 00:21:35,880
Suicide attack on French imperialism!
339
00:21:35,890 --> 00:21:36,760
Suicide bombers?
340
00:21:36,790 --> 00:21:37,800
No!
341
00:21:37,820 --> 00:21:39,920
Suicide bombers!
342
00:21:40,340 --> 00:21:43,960
I told you to keep quiet, you wimpy goat!
343
00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:45,480
Doumรฉ, come here!
344
00:21:45,490 --> 00:21:48,710
- Let's waste them. - Cut it out.
345
00:21:48,960 --> 00:21:51,180
They're not the owners!
346
00:21:51,220 --> 00:21:55,200
They're refugees. Maybe from Kosovo or Monaco.
347
00:21:56,340 --> 00:21:57,430
Help them.
348
00:22:02,060 --> 00:22:04,800
We've decided to help you.
349
00:22:05,180 --> 00:22:05,980
For real?
350
00:22:06,010 --> 00:22:06,750
Yes.
351
00:22:07,100 --> 00:22:08,660
Solidarity.
352
00:22:08,680 --> 00:22:09,620
Thank you!
353
00:22:09,650 --> 00:22:12,790
Taboulistan thank you.
354
00:22:25,780 --> 00:22:29,060
Sun there. We go there.
355
00:22:29,610 --> 00:22:32,550
This first time I see the sea.
356
00:22:33,080 --> 00:22:35,410
It's interesting.
357
00:22:40,060 --> 00:22:42,160
Feruz...
358
00:22:50,580 --> 00:22:51,890
Fire!
359
00:23:02,720 --> 00:23:04,440
Sir...
360
00:23:09,260 --> 00:23:11,600
Sir, can you hear me?
361
00:23:12,440 --> 00:23:14,050
Are you ok?
362
00:23:16,480 --> 00:23:18,740
Here, this should help.
363
00:23:21,690 --> 00:23:23,630
Michel...
364
00:23:23,820 --> 00:23:25,500
Wake up, Michel!
365
00:23:25,560 --> 00:23:26,950
Wake up!
366
00:23:30,190 --> 00:23:31,660
Here, take this.
367
00:23:32,140 --> 00:23:34,380
Are we in paradise?
368
00:23:34,590 --> 00:23:37,940
No! This is hell!
369
00:23:48,500 --> 00:23:51,120
Away, demon!
370
00:23:52,860 --> 00:23:54,630
It's all right.
371
00:24:02,500 --> 00:24:04,900
This not West as Alin described.
372
00:24:05,460 --> 00:24:08,360
This horrible. We must go back home.
373
00:24:08,380 --> 00:24:09,720
No, we continue mission.
374
00:24:09,840 --> 00:24:11,660
You lose Eiffel Tower!
375
00:24:11,660 --> 00:24:13,720
Sun there, we go there!
376
00:24:14,220 --> 00:24:16,500
What now?
377
00:24:16,960 --> 00:24:18,390
I hurt everywhere.
378
00:24:18,540 --> 00:24:20,110
Is all your fault.
379
00:24:20,550 --> 00:24:23,960
I hungry, I thirsty and I tired!
380
00:24:23,990 --> 00:24:24,790
Move it.
381
00:24:24,790 --> 00:24:27,060
Always move it.
382
00:24:27,120 --> 00:24:29,910
No, I hurt! I stay here!
383
00:24:29,930 --> 00:24:32,560
Fine, you stay here alone.
384
00:24:32,630 --> 00:24:35,560
I carry on. Taboulistan counting on us.
385
00:24:35,580 --> 00:24:37,240
Sick of taking care of you!
386
00:24:45,280 --> 00:24:47,560
Drive straight, feel sick.
387
00:24:47,650 --> 00:24:50,660
What piss me off more? You or France?
388
00:24:51,400 --> 00:24:52,970
Stop complain.
389
00:24:53,090 --> 00:24:55,400
You need me.
390
00:24:55,710 --> 00:24:57,630
We two inseparable.
391
00:24:59,430 --> 00:25:02,420
Like goatherd and nanny goat...
392
00:25:02,910 --> 00:25:05,220
Women and mustaches...
393
00:25:05,850 --> 00:25:08,160
Children and hand grenades...
394
00:25:09,620 --> 00:25:11,640
Love and sheep...
395
00:25:20,370 --> 00:25:22,780
France is beautiful!
396
00:25:22,920 --> 00:25:24,020
Yeah...
397
00:25:24,330 --> 00:25:25,720
Refuse collectors on strike!
398
00:25:27,080 --> 00:25:28,690
Get out now.
399
00:25:32,130 --> 00:25:33,540
That way.
400
00:25:49,670 --> 00:25:50,960
Fire!
401
00:25:53,520 --> 00:25:54,840
What this?
402
00:25:54,840 --> 00:25:57,080
It's war! Run!
403
00:26:09,900 --> 00:26:12,430
Feruz!
404
00:26:36,340 --> 00:26:39,070
You really laid into them!
405
00:26:39,070 --> 00:26:41,200
What a gang of losers!
406
00:26:41,200 --> 00:26:42,800
We demolished them!
407
00:26:43,460 --> 00:26:45,910
Women hit men here!
408
00:26:45,920 --> 00:26:47,880
They crazy in this country!
409
00:26:47,890 --> 00:26:50,350
Let's grab a pastis.
410
00:26:50,460 --> 00:26:52,640
The place is full of sex bombs.
411
00:26:52,650 --> 00:26:53,490
Bombs?
412
00:26:53,590 --> 00:26:55,690
Packed with bombs!
413
00:26:55,730 --> 00:26:59,730
We go with them. We can buy explosive.
414
00:26:59,780 --> 00:27:02,220
Lot of terrorists here...
415
00:27:07,680 --> 00:27:09,790
Tony, how's it going?
416
00:27:16,280 --> 00:27:19,770
They bring us to a prostitutes' bar.
417
00:27:19,780 --> 00:27:20,800
Look at skirt
418
00:27:20,860 --> 00:27:22,800
on edge of bush.
419
00:27:26,180 --> 00:27:28,140
This not good.
420
00:27:28,140 --> 00:27:30,040
No, not good.
421
00:27:30,050 --> 00:27:32,520
Tony, pastis all round.
422
00:27:32,530 --> 00:27:34,340
- Thirsty work. - Thirsty.
423
00:27:34,350 --> 00:27:37,530
Is there war on in France?
424
00:27:37,540 --> 00:27:38,350
In France?
425
00:27:38,360 --> 00:27:41,230
This isn't France, dipstick!
426
00:27:41,480 --> 00:27:43,100
This is Marseilles!
427
00:27:43,220 --> 00:27:45,100
It's not France?
428
00:27:45,120 --> 00:27:46,780
No, we're different.
429
00:27:46,800 --> 00:27:48,120
We have it all.
430
00:27:48,150 --> 00:27:50,740
Sun, sea... and buddies!
431
00:27:50,750 --> 00:27:53,380
Buddies all around you!
432
00:28:02,370 --> 00:28:03,740
It's hot here.
433
00:28:04,580 --> 00:28:07,090
Grab your weapons!
434
00:28:07,120 --> 00:28:09,930
We're the Marseilles guys!
435
00:28:09,940 --> 00:28:12,380
And we're going to win!
436
00:28:12,380 --> 00:28:14,180
Looking to die?
437
00:28:14,190 --> 00:28:16,780
What's that Paris soccer shirt?
438
00:28:16,780 --> 00:28:18,740
Want a beating, bud?
439
00:28:18,740 --> 00:28:21,650
Fuck the hell off!
440
00:28:26,220 --> 00:28:28,160
Motherfuckers!
441
00:28:29,660 --> 00:28:31,000
Motherfuckers!
442
00:28:38,090 --> 00:28:42,220
Why everyone say "motherfucker"? What it mean?
443
00:28:42,240 --> 00:28:47,080
It's like "hi" or "hello". Motherfucker.
444
00:28:48,060 --> 00:28:49,260
- Motherfucker. - What?
445
00:28:49,270 --> 00:28:52,290
Hey, fuckwad, you dissing us?
446
00:28:52,300 --> 00:28:54,180
No, no dissing.
447
00:28:54,190 --> 00:28:56,590
Go home to mommy, children.
448
00:28:56,610 --> 00:28:58,760
Children? You fuck off home!
449
00:29:00,740 --> 00:29:03,040
We massacre Parisians here!
450
00:29:03,040 --> 00:29:05,720
I want to massacre Parisians too!
451
00:29:05,730 --> 00:29:07,250
Shut your mouth!
452
00:29:08,900 --> 00:29:10,260
Marseilles rules!
453
00:29:10,300 --> 00:29:16,930
Fuck Paris!
454
00:29:39,720 --> 00:29:41,790
Wher are we?
455
00:29:42,000 --> 00:29:43,810
We in hospital.
456
00:29:44,610 --> 00:29:46,850
They look after you good.
457
00:29:46,870 --> 00:29:48,230
Medicine champions!
458
00:29:48,350 --> 00:29:51,450
But you sleep three days.
459
00:29:52,150 --> 00:29:53,760
You must eat.
460
00:29:54,820 --> 00:29:58,150
Come on, this good. It yogurt.
461
00:29:59,010 --> 00:30:00,540
Gentlemen...
462
00:30:01,010 --> 00:30:03,060
I have some good news.
463
00:30:03,120 --> 00:30:05,890
We removed your kidney with no trouble.
464
00:30:08,220 --> 00:30:09,180
Kidney?
465
00:30:09,870 --> 00:30:12,140
It was his nose...
466
00:30:12,200 --> 00:30:12,950
His nose?
467
00:30:13,560 --> 00:30:14,560
Nose.
468
00:30:14,590 --> 00:30:16,060
- Christelle... - Doctor?
469
00:30:16,080 --> 00:30:17,420
His file.
470
00:30:17,520 --> 00:30:20,270
- What's "kidney"? - Nothing.
471
00:30:20,290 --> 00:30:21,960
Shit!
472
00:30:23,120 --> 00:30:25,940
What happened here?
473
00:30:25,940 --> 00:30:27,640
I wasn't on intake.
474
00:30:28,280 --> 00:30:30,630
It's a kidney...
475
00:30:30,640 --> 00:30:32,160
A kidney?
476
00:30:35,380 --> 00:30:37,220
- I was off. - Off?
477
00:30:37,230 --> 00:30:38,430
Yes, I was off!
478
00:30:38,440 --> 00:30:41,080
You weren't. You say that every time!
479
00:30:41,100 --> 00:30:42,580
Cut it out!
480
00:30:43,170 --> 00:30:47,020
I'm sorry, we made a mistake.
481
00:30:47,220 --> 00:30:49,200
We took a kidney
482
00:30:49,200 --> 00:30:50,620
instead of mending your nose.
483
00:30:50,690 --> 00:30:52,000
You sick!
484
00:30:52,020 --> 00:30:54,510
Calm down, ok!
485
00:30:54,570 --> 00:30:56,000
You can live with one kidney.
486
00:30:56,100 --> 00:30:59,710
I only have one testicle and I manage fine.
487
00:30:59,710 --> 00:31:00,400
Yes!
488
00:31:01,040 --> 00:31:02,160
My kidney...
489
00:31:02,180 --> 00:31:03,610
Give it back.
490
00:31:03,640 --> 00:31:04,980
Good luck.
491
00:31:05,110 --> 00:31:06,270
Technically,
492
00:31:06,300 --> 00:31:08,340
it's no longer yours.
493
00:31:08,340 --> 00:31:09,600
- It is! - No.
494
00:31:09,640 --> 00:31:10,800
It's in Paris,
495
00:31:10,830 --> 00:31:12,970
to save an old lady.
496
00:31:12,970 --> 00:31:13,790
Give kidney!
497
00:31:13,790 --> 00:31:16,960
Without documents or medical insurance,
498
00:31:16,960 --> 00:31:18,600
good luck getting it back!
499
00:31:18,620 --> 00:31:21,500
If it's not done within 72 hours,
500
00:31:21,530 --> 00:31:22,520
Give kidney!
501
00:31:22,540 --> 00:31:25,700
your kidney is better flambรฉed with mushrooms!
502
00:31:29,290 --> 00:31:31,530
You're making fun now!
503
00:31:31,620 --> 00:31:33,220
Filthy charlatan!
504
00:31:33,360 --> 00:31:35,450
You joke, he no kidney!
505
00:31:35,480 --> 00:31:38,980
I'm just trying to help.
506
00:31:39,000 --> 00:31:41,260
If that's your attitude, I'm gone.
507
00:31:41,290 --> 00:31:42,320
My kidney!
508
00:31:42,360 --> 00:31:43,650
Go milk billy goats!
509
00:31:43,660 --> 00:31:44,650
I want my kidney!
510
00:31:44,660 --> 00:31:47,490
And go munch grass with your two nannies!
511
00:31:48,660 --> 00:31:49,990
My kidney!
512
00:31:50,020 --> 00:31:51,390
I want my kidney!
513
00:31:51,850 --> 00:31:54,140
My kidney.
514
00:31:55,030 --> 00:31:56,520
Hello.
515
00:31:56,540 --> 00:31:59,920
Sorry but I'm shocked by what I just heard.
516
00:32:01,340 --> 00:32:03,610
I'm Marianne Bouvier.
517
00:32:03,650 --> 00:32:05,060
It's outrageous.
518
00:32:05,430 --> 00:32:08,340
I'm with "In Depth". Heard of it?
519
00:32:09,180 --> 00:32:10,720
Probably not.
520
00:32:11,060 --> 00:32:13,400
I'm reporting on hospitals
521
00:32:13,440 --> 00:32:15,360
and I'd really like to help you.
522
00:32:15,420 --> 00:32:18,870
Not the Mother Teresa act again!
523
00:32:18,920 --> 00:32:20,490
- What? - Enough.
524
00:32:20,570 --> 00:32:22,360
I'll be right back.
525
00:32:23,850 --> 00:32:26,900
Come on, Feruz, let's go. Hurry.
526
00:32:27,830 --> 00:32:30,790
We can't miss out on this.
527
00:32:30,940 --> 00:32:33,270
I can't do it, Marianne.
528
00:32:33,310 --> 00:32:35,180
I have a shoot
529
00:32:35,190 --> 00:32:36,590
up in northern France.
530
00:32:36,820 --> 00:32:38,540
With the unemployed.
531
00:32:38,540 --> 00:32:42,020
If we tell their story, it'll help them.
532
00:32:42,030 --> 00:32:44,700
If you want to spend your time
533
00:32:44,700 --> 00:32:46,780
fighting for the weak, be my guest.
534
00:32:47,040 --> 00:32:49,100
The camera,
535
00:32:49,590 --> 00:32:52,280
the van keys. See you in Paris.
536
00:32:52,400 --> 00:32:56,420
Sure, go ahead, piss off. You waste of space!
537
00:32:58,360 --> 00:32:59,600
Where are you going?
538
00:32:59,610 --> 00:33:00,720
Female scum!
539
00:33:01,140 --> 00:33:04,000
Don't worry, I'm not with Immigration.
540
00:33:04,030 --> 00:33:05,560
I'll get your kidney back.
541
00:33:05,580 --> 00:33:07,580
We not need kidney!
542
00:33:07,630 --> 00:33:08,670
I want my kidney...
543
00:33:08,690 --> 00:33:11,130
You'll get 70 of them in paradise.
544
00:33:11,140 --> 00:33:14,320
I ready to die but only with all my parts!
545
00:33:14,340 --> 00:33:17,260
No one's going to die. We'll get it back.
546
00:33:17,280 --> 00:33:19,220
I'll drive you to Paris if I have to.
547
00:33:20,230 --> 00:33:22,800
- Paris? - Eiffel Tower!
548
00:33:23,630 --> 00:33:26,690
You can take us Paris?
549
00:33:26,700 --> 00:33:30,520
Of course. My car's right outside. Follow me.
550
00:33:31,140 --> 00:33:33,360
A woman with a car?
551
00:33:33,380 --> 00:33:35,630
The French are crazy.
552
00:33:36,070 --> 00:33:38,480
We follow her. It's easier.
553
00:33:48,340 --> 00:33:50,240
Bad idea coming here.
554
00:33:50,260 --> 00:33:51,920
- Want a ride to Paris? - Yes.
555
00:33:51,920 --> 00:33:53,130
Then trust me.
556
00:33:53,140 --> 00:33:56,340
You haven't seen the good side of France yet.
557
00:33:56,360 --> 00:33:59,720
It's a just and humane land, full of understanding people...
558
00:34:00,360 --> 00:34:02,340
- Hello, ma'am. - Miss.
559
00:34:02,380 --> 00:34:03,810
Number 44.
560
00:34:15,070 --> 00:34:16,320
I'm listening.
561
00:34:16,380 --> 00:34:19,770
There's been a terrible medical error.
562
00:34:19,840 --> 00:34:22,440
His kidney was removed by mistake
563
00:34:22,460 --> 00:34:26,340
and he'd like it back before it's transplanted.
564
00:34:26,400 --> 00:34:27,940
I want my kidney!
565
00:34:28,250 --> 00:34:31,670
Serious Medical Malpractice.
566
00:34:34,090 --> 00:34:38,970
You have to file a complaint with the public prosecutor,
567
00:34:38,970 --> 00:34:41,140
adding the victim's medical file
568
00:34:41,140 --> 00:34:44,310
obtained from the doctor in question,
569
00:34:44,320 --> 00:34:48,080
and a letter justifying the complaint,
570
00:34:48,130 --> 00:34:49,710
why you want the kidney back.
571
00:34:49,720 --> 00:34:51,110
After that,
572
00:34:51,200 --> 00:34:53,740
you'll need to launch civil action
573
00:34:53,760 --> 00:34:57,220
and submit your complaint for compensation...
574
00:34:57,260 --> 00:34:58,340
But...
575
00:34:58,370 --> 00:35:00,990
The compensation office
576
00:35:01,000 --> 00:35:05,080
closes at 4 PM, in other words in 5 minutes.
577
00:35:05,100 --> 00:35:06,500
Tomorrow is a holiday,
578
00:35:06,520 --> 00:35:07,850
they'll take Friday off,
579
00:35:07,870 --> 00:35:09,550
then the weekend
580
00:35:09,550 --> 00:35:11,050
and a strike on Monday.
581
00:35:11,050 --> 00:35:12,810
Go on Tuesday morning.
582
00:35:12,830 --> 00:35:14,760
Early as they're very busy
583
00:35:14,780 --> 00:35:16,950
and pretty slow.
584
00:35:16,960 --> 00:35:19,320
It should take 4 or 5 years to settle.
585
00:35:20,320 --> 00:35:21,530
All right. Thank you.
586
00:35:21,540 --> 00:35:22,600
Goodbye.
587
00:35:22,600 --> 00:35:23,890
No way!
588
00:35:23,900 --> 00:35:27,240
We want a guarantee he'll get it back!
589
00:35:27,240 --> 00:35:28,330
Or what?
590
00:35:28,330 --> 00:35:31,130
I want my kidney now!
591
00:35:31,160 --> 00:35:32,690
Give me my kidney
592
00:35:32,690 --> 00:35:35,760
or you give your kidney to me, old nanny goat!
593
00:35:35,760 --> 00:35:37,690
Calm down!
594
00:35:38,140 --> 00:35:39,530
Security!
595
00:35:42,560 --> 00:35:43,550
What?
596
00:35:45,370 --> 00:35:47,720
Give me your kidney too!
597
00:35:47,730 --> 00:35:51,330
Give me break, I did nothing to you.
598
00:35:51,330 --> 00:35:52,530
Calm down!
599
00:35:52,540 --> 00:35:54,840
They're the victims!
600
00:35:54,840 --> 00:35:58,010
It's a scandal, taking kidneys from people!
601
00:35:58,010 --> 00:36:00,040
They have documents?
602
00:36:00,050 --> 00:36:02,060
- No.- Undocumented then?
603
00:36:02,080 --> 00:36:05,210
Right, they're off to the holding center.
604
00:36:05,220 --> 00:36:05,910
The what?
605
00:36:05,920 --> 00:36:08,350
A resort without a pool or tourist.
606
00:36:08,360 --> 00:36:10,380
- Only foreigners. - Please!
607
00:36:10,400 --> 00:36:11,280
My kidney...
608
00:36:11,290 --> 00:36:12,320
Stand up!
609
00:36:12,870 --> 00:36:15,890
You're crazy! He's in pain!
610
00:36:15,900 --> 00:36:16,990
Sure.
611
00:36:17,000 --> 00:36:20,190
We know all these gypsy tricks
612
00:36:20,200 --> 00:36:22,520
with their fake chairs and limbs.
613
00:36:22,520 --> 00:36:24,660
- Where is the center? - Up north.
614
00:36:24,690 --> 00:36:26,200
In Toulouse.
615
00:36:28,740 --> 00:36:29,960
Don't worry!
616
00:36:29,980 --> 00:36:32,180
I'll get you out, I promise.
617
00:36:32,460 --> 00:36:34,540
I won't let you down!
618
00:36:51,720 --> 00:36:55,450
Right, Mario and Luigi, we can't verify your identities
619
00:36:55,490 --> 00:36:59,260
so you'll be deported to your home country.
620
00:36:59,820 --> 00:37:01,240
That's it, it's all over.
621
00:37:01,350 --> 00:37:03,260
My kidney's gone for good!
622
00:37:03,260 --> 00:37:06,360
Screw your kidney! We've brought shame on our land.
623
00:37:06,390 --> 00:37:08,990
We'll be executed, we won't go to paradise!
624
00:37:09,000 --> 00:37:10,850
You understand me?
625
00:37:10,870 --> 00:37:12,900
Absolutely. We speak French.
626
00:37:12,920 --> 00:37:16,450
Good, that'll save time. What country then?
627
00:37:16,460 --> 00:37:17,340
Taboulistan.
628
00:37:17,380 --> 00:37:20,680
Seriously? Does it exist? I never heard of it.
629
00:37:20,690 --> 00:37:23,480
Between Afghanistan, Tajikistan and Kirghizstan.
630
00:37:23,510 --> 00:37:26,030
Give me an in-stan to type it!
631
00:37:26,420 --> 00:37:29,180
You're not even on Google Maps.
632
00:37:29,390 --> 00:37:33,080
The only result is a Lebanese restaurant up the road.
633
00:37:33,100 --> 00:37:34,620
We not Lebanese!
634
00:37:34,650 --> 00:37:39,110
There's no extradition treaty so we'll ship you off fast.
635
00:37:39,150 --> 00:37:42,560
Here we go... A flight for Baghdad
636
00:37:42,560 --> 00:37:43,440
tomorrow morning.
637
00:37:43,660 --> 00:37:44,760
Baghdad?
638
00:37:45,110 --> 00:37:47,990
But we not Arabs, we Tabouls.
639
00:37:48,030 --> 00:37:50,230
No beard, only moustache.
640
00:37:50,260 --> 00:37:51,560
Same difference.
641
00:37:51,570 --> 00:37:54,420
- Not same! - 3,000 km away!
642
00:37:54,430 --> 00:37:55,920
A hike will do you good.
643
00:37:56,540 --> 00:37:58,900
You can call your tribe just over there.
644
00:37:58,940 --> 00:38:00,440
Welcome to Club Med.
645
00:38:00,750 --> 00:38:01,960
Baghdad?
646
00:38:03,240 --> 00:38:05,280
What become us in Baghdad?
647
00:38:12,840 --> 00:38:14,190
Alin? It's Yannick Noah.
648
00:38:14,210 --> 00:38:15,940
Five days without news!
649
00:38:16,100 --> 00:38:19,820
I very angry, you filthy trashcan hound!
650
00:38:19,940 --> 00:38:22,120
Now I hear what? You still alive?
651
00:38:22,180 --> 00:38:23,860
I even more angrier!
652
00:38:23,940 --> 00:38:26,360
It not our fault. Plane not go to Paris.
653
00:38:26,380 --> 00:38:27,560
Police arrest us
654
00:38:27,590 --> 00:38:29,030
and send us back.
655
00:38:29,050 --> 00:38:29,900
Shut up!
656
00:38:29,950 --> 00:38:33,660
I swear on my life of mine, if you come back here
657
00:38:33,680 --> 00:38:35,680
and Eiffel Tower standing,
658
00:38:35,700 --> 00:38:38,910
I unleash hell on an old gentleman
659
00:38:38,930 --> 00:38:41,340
I go to fetch from your village...
660
00:38:41,430 --> 00:38:44,200
-Dad? -Yes, Dada!
661
00:38:44,260 --> 00:38:45,630
Say hi, Dada.
662
00:38:45,820 --> 00:38:47,000
Hi.
663
00:38:47,110 --> 00:38:48,230
Hi, Dada!
664
00:38:48,510 --> 00:38:51,860
I bring him to get air, he was too pale.
665
00:38:51,890 --> 00:38:53,380
Very kind, Alin.
666
00:38:53,390 --> 00:38:54,970
Take walk, Dada.
667
00:38:57,460 --> 00:38:58,840
Turn right!
668
00:39:04,260 --> 00:39:07,950
If you hesitate, Dada not always miss bullets.
669
00:39:07,950 --> 00:39:08,740
Get it?
670
00:39:10,360 --> 00:39:11,700
I count on you.
671
00:39:12,200 --> 00:39:14,200
Goodbye, Alain.
672
00:39:29,630 --> 00:39:31,540
Take it, for you.
673
00:39:31,720 --> 00:39:33,470
- What's that?- Money.
674
00:39:33,640 --> 00:39:35,100
500 bucks
675
00:39:35,260 --> 00:39:37,620
We not go Baghdad.
676
00:39:37,870 --> 00:39:39,330
Put that away.
677
00:39:39,440 --> 00:39:40,540
Who do you think I am?
678
00:39:40,600 --> 00:39:43,040
We have ethics here in France.
679
00:39:43,670 --> 00:39:44,550
Ethics?
680
00:39:44,600 --> 00:39:45,660
What's ethics?
681
00:39:45,670 --> 00:39:46,610
No idea.
682
00:39:49,560 --> 00:39:50,810
Then again...
683
00:39:52,110 --> 00:39:53,700
there may be another way...
684
00:39:58,740 --> 00:39:59,960
All right...
685
00:39:59,960 --> 00:40:03,380
It's Croc-Croc's birthday and Fragada
686
00:40:03,380 --> 00:40:05,860
brings him his present.
687
00:40:05,860 --> 00:40:07,550
Come here.
688
00:40:07,560 --> 00:40:09,940
You too.
689
00:40:10,820 --> 00:40:13,270
You're good, you devils.
690
00:40:13,420 --> 00:40:15,740
It's party time.
691
00:40:15,780 --> 00:40:17,600
You're having fun.
692
00:40:17,630 --> 00:40:19,360
Start dancing.
693
00:40:20,340 --> 00:40:24,570
Do it or you're off to Baghdad!
694
00:40:24,580 --> 00:40:26,740
- Dance! - No!
695
00:40:27,380 --> 00:40:29,670
- Come on! -I can't dance in this!
696
00:40:29,760 --> 00:40:31,220
Come on, Fragada!
697
00:40:31,240 --> 00:40:32,910
Stop talking and dance.
698
00:40:35,720 --> 00:40:37,920
Not like that!
699
00:40:37,940 --> 00:40:40,070
Make it more sensual!
700
00:40:40,070 --> 00:40:41,890
Rub against each other.
701
00:40:41,900 --> 00:40:43,880
- This is good, huh? - No.
702
00:40:44,600 --> 00:40:46,900
You're so soft...
703
00:40:47,690 --> 00:40:49,090
And you...
704
00:40:50,320 --> 00:40:52,100
You smell of strawberries.
705
00:40:52,140 --> 00:40:53,590
It's disgusting.
706
00:40:53,610 --> 00:40:56,690
No, it's not disgusting, it's natural.
707
00:41:06,040 --> 00:41:07,820
Good evening.
708
00:41:10,640 --> 00:41:14,610
It's so hot this evening, don't you think?
709
00:41:15,760 --> 00:41:17,620
Officer...
710
00:41:17,880 --> 00:41:19,950
I'm ok, I have air-con.
711
00:41:20,490 --> 00:41:22,620
Great...
712
00:41:22,880 --> 00:41:25,790
Croc-Croc doesn't like your present.
713
00:41:25,790 --> 00:41:28,420
You went to so much trouble...
714
00:41:28,420 --> 00:41:29,550
So spank him.
715
00:41:29,560 --> 00:41:30,700
This is weird.
716
00:41:30,710 --> 00:41:32,240
You're weird. Do it!
717
00:41:32,250 --> 00:41:34,460
- I don't want spank him. - Spank!
718
00:41:34,470 --> 00:41:37,490
Come on, we're losing the rhythm!
719
00:41:37,530 --> 00:41:39,090
Spank!
720
00:41:39,100 --> 00:41:41,790
Show naughty Croc-Croc!
721
00:41:41,790 --> 00:41:44,080
- You want spank? - That's good!
722
00:41:44,090 --> 00:41:47,860
I spank, you want that?
723
00:41:51,170 --> 00:41:52,820
No, it's too confused.
724
00:41:52,830 --> 00:41:54,700
Confused, he said!
725
00:41:54,720 --> 00:41:56,680
But you're the one who...
726
00:41:58,660 --> 00:42:02,640
This what you want? Spank?
727
00:42:02,650 --> 00:42:05,000
This is fantastic.
728
00:42:06,250 --> 00:42:09,880
Carry on, I'll get Tornado.
729
00:42:11,000 --> 00:42:12,560
Stop!
730
00:42:14,530 --> 00:42:16,300
Come on!
731
00:42:26,520 --> 00:42:28,550
Hurry!
732
00:42:46,700 --> 00:42:50,400
Fetch your superior now so I can explain!
733
00:42:50,420 --> 00:42:54,240
If they're not examined by a doctor in 10 minutes,
734
00:42:54,260 --> 00:42:55,980
it's a tragedy for them
735
00:42:55,980 --> 00:42:58,400
and the job line for you! Get it?
736
00:42:58,750 --> 00:43:02,540
Madam, I'll be frank with you, totally frank...
737
00:43:02,860 --> 00:43:04,460
I don't give a shit.
738
00:43:04,700 --> 00:43:06,900
I really don't give a shit.
739
00:43:06,910 --> 00:43:08,600
Not even one little turd!
740
00:43:08,660 --> 00:43:11,280
See you, weather girl!
741
00:43:12,550 --> 00:43:16,480
Who's going to punish naughty Croc-Croc and Fragada?
742
00:43:16,480 --> 00:43:18,700
Tornado!
743
00:43:19,270 --> 00:43:21,380
The bastards...
744
00:43:24,370 --> 00:43:26,300
I don't believe it!
745
00:43:26,420 --> 00:43:28,600
Where the hell are they?
746
00:43:33,100 --> 00:43:36,540
You'd rather work all night then!
747
00:43:36,660 --> 00:43:38,440
You can't do this to me!
748
00:43:38,460 --> 00:43:39,970
The hell I can't!
749
00:43:48,850 --> 00:43:50,330
Screw this...
750
00:43:54,620 --> 00:43:57,200
It's Bernard. Two of them got away.
751
00:43:57,420 --> 00:43:59,820
Let me get changed and I'm on my way.
752
00:44:19,640 --> 00:44:20,920
There!
753
00:44:28,640 --> 00:44:29,730
Great...
754
00:44:34,560 --> 00:44:36,970
Shit!
755
00:44:41,870 --> 00:44:43,450
Marianne Bouvier?
756
00:44:43,460 --> 00:44:45,230
What are you doing there?
757
00:45:02,320 --> 00:45:04,990
Marianne Bouvier! Help us!
758
00:45:05,750 --> 00:45:07,760
Climb out!
759
00:45:08,240 --> 00:45:10,540
No, too fast!
760
00:45:10,550 --> 00:45:11,900
Come on, jump!
761
00:45:14,370 --> 00:45:16,560
It kill us!
762
00:45:16,590 --> 00:45:17,920
Hold on!
763
00:45:19,500 --> 00:45:21,780
Look at that asshole!
764
00:45:30,520 --> 00:45:33,090
- What the fuck? - Brake!
765
00:45:42,040 --> 00:45:44,020
You're fucking crazy!
766
00:45:44,020 --> 00:45:46,480
Exocuse me, you forgot my trash again.
767
00:45:46,500 --> 00:45:49,990
What? You nearly killed us for that?!
768
00:45:50,020 --> 00:45:52,590
C'mon, I walked the distance out.
769
00:45:52,590 --> 00:45:56,160
If it was up to me, you'd never drive again.
770
00:45:56,170 --> 00:45:58,620
Thanks to you, the planet's dying!
771
00:45:58,640 --> 00:46:00,200
I do my bit.
772
00:46:00,220 --> 00:46:02,860
I sort my trash. So do yours.
773
00:46:03,430 --> 00:46:04,780
It's recyclable.
774
00:46:05,340 --> 00:46:06,340
Crazy bitch...
775
00:46:09,890 --> 00:46:15,350
We did it! Yes! We did it!
776
00:46:16,700 --> 00:46:19,060
- We did it? - Yes!
777
00:46:25,480 --> 00:46:27,580
What's with the outfits?
778
00:46:28,000 --> 00:46:29,860
It's complicated.
779
00:46:29,860 --> 00:46:32,420
Why were you on the gate?
780
00:46:32,520 --> 00:46:34,900
I live nearby. I ran out of sugar.
781
00:46:35,050 --> 00:46:36,880
You live near prison?
782
00:46:36,900 --> 00:46:39,280
No, dummy, I was coming to get you.
783
00:46:39,300 --> 00:46:40,900
I had to get you out.
784
00:46:40,930 --> 00:46:42,250
Thank you.
785
00:46:42,260 --> 00:46:43,350
What called?
786
00:46:43,350 --> 00:46:45,470
Marianne Bouvier!
787
00:46:45,480 --> 00:46:48,740
And now we go Paris!
788
00:46:58,840 --> 00:47:03,100
An unusual escape from the holding center.
789
00:47:03,100 --> 00:47:05,720
Two Pakistani illegals managed to get away
790
00:47:05,730 --> 00:47:09,480
dressed as a rabbit and a centipede.
791
00:47:09,490 --> 00:47:13,520
The communiquรฉ doesn't say if the officers were drunk.
792
00:47:13,520 --> 00:47:16,600
The two fugitives are believed to be somewhere near Toulouse.
793
00:47:32,420 --> 00:47:35,080
Good morning. Time for some music
794
00:47:35,080 --> 00:47:35,990
with Charles Trenet...
795
00:47:57,520 --> 00:47:59,000
Good morning.
796
00:48:19,770 --> 00:48:22,600
Sweet France
797
00:48:22,600 --> 00:48:26,980
Dear land of my childhood
798
00:48:26,980 --> 00:48:31,370
Lulled by tender, carefree days
799
00:48:31,380 --> 00:48:34,700
I've kept you in my heart
800
00:48:36,830 --> 00:48:38,900
My village
801
00:48:38,900 --> 00:48:39,960
Look!
802
00:48:39,960 --> 00:48:44,260
Its steeple, its peaceful homes
803
00:48:44,270 --> 00:48:48,460
Where children of my age
804
00:48:48,460 --> 00:48:53,050
Shared those happy times
805
00:48:53,420 --> 00:48:55,800
Yes, I love you!
806
00:48:56,740 --> 00:48:59,980
And I give you this poem...
807
00:49:02,400 --> 00:49:04,160
Yes, I love you!
808
00:49:04,160 --> 00:49:05,560
This is it?
809
00:49:05,560 --> 00:49:08,460
We in Paris now? That Notre-Dame?
810
00:49:08,460 --> 00:49:09,530
No, not yet.
811
00:49:09,540 --> 00:49:13,240
We're stopping in St Cirq-Lapopie in Dordogne.
812
00:49:13,240 --> 00:49:15,270
Marianne, we must go Paris!
813
00:49:15,270 --> 00:49:17,650
Chill, Ninja Turtle!
814
00:49:18,140 --> 00:49:19,860
You're wanted.
815
00:49:19,860 --> 00:49:23,320
So we're avoiding freeways and tolls.
816
00:49:23,360 --> 00:49:26,000
We have to be more discreet, ok?
817
00:49:26,020 --> 00:49:28,360
- We wanted? - Yes, we wanted.
818
00:49:28,370 --> 00:49:31,190
You'll get noticed, looking like terrorists
819
00:49:31,190 --> 00:49:32,860
in Care Bear suits!
820
00:49:32,860 --> 00:49:34,880
We not terrorists!
821
00:49:34,880 --> 00:49:36,680
Not terrorists, no!
822
00:49:39,430 --> 00:49:41,110
Why flags everywhere?
823
00:49:41,390 --> 00:49:43,080
It's Bastille Day.
824
00:49:43,090 --> 00:49:44,280
The national holiday
825
00:49:44,320 --> 00:49:46,280
to celebrate the Revolution.
826
00:49:46,680 --> 00:49:48,520
They cut off the king's head.
827
00:49:49,060 --> 00:49:52,780
You cut head off your Great Leader?
828
00:49:53,540 --> 00:49:56,400
- Celebrate a cut head every year? - Yes.
829
00:49:56,680 --> 00:49:58,430
It's a bit weird.
830
00:49:58,440 --> 00:50:01,800
We mainly celebrate the values born that day.
831
00:50:01,960 --> 00:50:04,670
Liberty, equality and fraternity.
832
00:50:07,340 --> 00:50:08,740
I have right of way!
833
00:50:08,740 --> 00:50:10,840
- Learn to drive, bitch! - What?
834
00:50:10,860 --> 00:50:12,970
Come here and say that!
835
00:50:12,970 --> 00:50:13,640
Come on!
836
00:50:13,680 --> 00:50:17,370
Yeah, fuck off! Go home to mommy, loser!
837
00:50:18,100 --> 00:50:19,630
- Move! - Sorry...
838
00:50:19,650 --> 00:50:20,680
Asshole!
839
00:50:28,140 --> 00:50:31,000
I think I begin understand...
840
00:50:31,030 --> 00:50:34,070
Here, woman is like man.
841
00:50:34,240 --> 00:50:35,730
I told you.
842
00:50:37,010 --> 00:50:37,890
What?
843
00:50:38,370 --> 00:50:40,580
Pretty village.
844
00:50:40,720 --> 00:50:42,140
Very interesting.
845
00:50:42,980 --> 00:50:46,800
My aunt has a house here. No one will bother us.
846
00:50:46,870 --> 00:50:49,500
And I'm starving. Aren't you?
847
00:50:49,520 --> 00:50:50,580
Yes, eat!
848
00:50:50,600 --> 00:50:52,820
- Eat! - Eat!
849
00:51:05,080 --> 00:51:08,690
Look how handsome they are now they're clean!
850
00:51:08,700 --> 00:51:10,060
Marianne,
851
00:51:10,080 --> 00:51:13,300
you found them at the Gay Pride parade?
852
00:51:14,000 --> 00:51:15,550
Very classy!
853
00:51:17,320 --> 00:51:19,700
Here's to me!
854
00:51:19,920 --> 00:51:21,560
Mind out.
855
00:51:21,820 --> 00:51:24,080
Truffle omelet,
856
00:51:24,240 --> 00:51:28,370
escargots with parsley, foie gras and gizzard salad.
857
00:51:28,380 --> 00:51:29,550
Thanks, Nanette!
858
00:51:29,550 --> 00:51:33,650
This will cheer you up after all your troubles.
859
00:51:33,650 --> 00:51:35,470
- Female scum! - Enjoy it. Dig in.
860
00:51:41,180 --> 00:51:42,940
Try with cutlery!
861
00:51:45,680 --> 00:51:47,420
Forget it.
862
00:51:55,330 --> 00:51:56,340
It's good.
863
00:51:56,720 --> 00:51:58,490
Without the shell,
864
00:51:58,520 --> 00:51:59,880
they're even better.
865
00:52:07,440 --> 00:52:09,030
Better without shell.
866
00:52:09,060 --> 00:52:11,060
Use cutlery!
867
00:52:12,180 --> 00:52:13,560
Like this!
868
00:52:17,320 --> 00:52:18,690
Listen up, people,
869
00:52:18,900 --> 00:52:21,570
this wine is pure nectar.
870
00:52:21,700 --> 00:52:23,820
God may have created water,
871
00:52:24,030 --> 00:52:26,790
but man made St. Emilion.
872
00:52:26,950 --> 00:52:28,540
You're in for a treat.
873
00:52:29,440 --> 00:52:31,530
Stand up, everyone.
874
00:52:33,480 --> 00:52:34,770
To the mailman,
875
00:52:35,090 --> 00:52:36,370
his moped
876
00:52:36,760 --> 00:52:38,500
and the jerks waiting for him!
877
00:52:43,050 --> 00:52:44,090
Cheers!
878
00:52:45,110 --> 00:52:46,850
In the eyes!
879
00:52:48,350 --> 00:52:49,770
Glass in the eyes?
880
00:52:49,780 --> 00:52:53,260
Look into the other person's eyes or it's bad luck
881
00:52:53,850 --> 00:52:55,580
and you'll go to hell.
882
00:52:55,590 --> 00:52:57,860
No, I go paradise.
883
00:52:58,450 --> 00:53:00,620
-In the eyes! -In the eyes!
884
00:53:00,840 --> 00:53:02,940
-In the eyes! -In the eyes!
885
00:53:13,710 --> 00:53:16,510
I feel overcome
886
00:53:16,520 --> 00:53:21,970
by powerful feeling of harmony...
887
00:53:22,800 --> 00:53:25,090
As if someone put in glass
888
00:53:25,300 --> 00:53:27,600
concentrated happiness...
889
00:53:32,770 --> 00:53:33,880
More!
890
00:53:33,890 --> 00:53:38,140
There! Let's get serious now.
891
00:53:38,240 --> 00:53:40,740
Nanette's sausage and bean hotpot!
892
00:53:42,080 --> 00:53:43,560
With cutlery.
893
00:53:44,830 --> 00:53:45,980
Well?
894
00:53:46,310 --> 00:53:47,300
Very good.
895
00:53:47,360 --> 00:53:49,960
- Isn't it? - Very, very good.
896
00:53:52,070 --> 00:53:56,870
In the eyes!
897
00:53:59,100 --> 00:54:00,700
Is it good?
898
00:54:00,710 --> 00:54:03,270
- Very good! - Very good!
899
00:54:03,330 --> 00:54:05,590
Don't give them any more drink...
900
00:54:12,910 --> 00:54:15,430
Long live grape juice!
901
00:54:18,060 --> 00:54:21,300
France best cooking in world!
902
00:54:22,020 --> 00:54:26,520
Just a second, Mustache Man, this isn't France.
903
00:54:27,820 --> 00:54:29,500
It's not France yet?
904
00:54:30,360 --> 00:54:31,690
When's France?
905
00:54:32,000 --> 00:54:34,420
This is the Southwest.
906
00:54:34,420 --> 00:54:36,300
Yes, it's different.
907
00:54:36,320 --> 00:54:38,880
Here we have fun, we live...
908
00:54:38,880 --> 00:54:42,310
- We have big hearts. - And huge balls!
909
00:54:43,680 --> 00:54:48,750
We have Cantal, Brie and goat's cheese.
910
00:54:55,070 --> 00:54:56,810
Poor Dada.
911
00:55:00,740 --> 00:55:04,510
Thank you. Best eating in all my life.
912
00:55:04,530 --> 00:55:06,840
Thank you, Marianne, but now
913
00:55:06,840 --> 00:55:08,160
we must go Paris.
914
00:55:10,900 --> 00:55:11,930
Not just yet.
915
00:55:13,540 --> 00:55:16,820
After the feast, we fight the flab.
916
00:55:16,930 --> 00:55:18,390
Fight who?
917
00:55:58,800 --> 00:56:01,060
This game is weird.
918
00:56:01,080 --> 00:56:03,910
Marianne, what we do here?
919
00:56:03,920 --> 00:56:06,120
- We must leave! - Just a minute.
920
00:56:06,140 --> 00:56:07,760
You can't refuse.
921
00:56:07,770 --> 00:56:09,060
Go eat stones!
922
00:56:09,070 --> 00:56:10,090
Run!
923
00:56:17,060 --> 00:56:18,430
To the left!
924
00:56:23,180 --> 00:56:25,200
He's one of us
925
00:56:25,210 --> 00:56:29,000
He's soiled his shirt like the rest of us
926
00:56:29,010 --> 00:56:32,640
Muzafar, rugby's new man
927
00:56:32,660 --> 00:56:36,220
Despite his tiny organ
928
00:56:39,170 --> 00:56:40,380
Pin dick!
929
00:56:42,320 --> 00:56:43,740
Pin dick!
930
00:56:48,930 --> 00:56:50,200
Marianne!
931
00:56:50,720 --> 00:56:52,970
Marianne, enough!
932
00:56:52,970 --> 00:56:55,040
Stop now!
933
00:56:56,240 --> 00:56:59,230
Enough. I want to go Paris.
934
00:56:59,240 --> 00:57:01,980
One last drink and we'll go.
935
00:57:01,990 --> 00:57:04,340
Do you know Armagnac?
936
00:57:04,340 --> 00:57:05,300
Don't know it.
937
00:57:05,310 --> 00:57:07,870
There's nothing stronger.
938
00:57:08,000 --> 00:57:10,100
Waiter! Three Armagnacs.
939
00:57:12,020 --> 00:57:14,410
Wait. In the eyes!
940
00:57:17,740 --> 00:57:19,320
Again!
941
00:57:21,900 --> 00:57:23,100
It's...
942
00:57:23,100 --> 00:57:26,180
- It's interesting. - Yes.
943
00:57:26,280 --> 00:57:28,450
- Even so... - It's not very strong.
944
00:57:28,460 --> 00:57:29,670
No, it's not strong.
945
00:57:34,500 --> 00:57:37,310
That's Bastille Day!
946
00:57:38,510 --> 00:57:40,530
- France...- Fashion...
947
00:57:40,660 --> 00:57:43,060
You look like a chicken.
948
00:57:43,190 --> 00:57:44,610
I want to eat you.
949
00:57:44,620 --> 00:57:45,710
Look at me.
950
00:57:46,410 --> 00:57:47,650
A photo!
951
00:58:35,100 --> 00:58:37,660
Come dance!
952
00:58:37,680 --> 00:58:40,000
No, I not know how dance this.
953
00:58:40,000 --> 00:58:42,600
I prefer watch you.
954
00:58:47,840 --> 00:58:49,330
Feruz...
955
00:58:50,900 --> 00:58:52,920
I must tell you...
956
00:58:53,680 --> 00:58:56,740
I must tell you something too.
957
00:58:58,530 --> 00:59:00,500
I love you, Muzafar.
958
00:59:01,320 --> 00:59:05,050
I going to give you little kiss!
959
00:59:05,140 --> 00:59:08,070
Don't touch, that's bad!
960
00:59:08,540 --> 00:59:10,040
What you want to say?
961
00:59:11,390 --> 00:59:12,930
Feruz...
962
00:59:16,010 --> 00:59:17,240
I love you too.
963
00:59:23,830 --> 00:59:26,710
We show them what dance is!
964
00:59:26,710 --> 00:59:29,320
- Yes! - Tawa!
965
01:00:16,790 --> 01:00:18,400
It's the Tawa!
966
01:00:22,560 --> 01:00:23,570
That much?
967
01:00:23,570 --> 01:00:25,720
I thought that was the date!
968
01:00:26,480 --> 01:00:29,780
I'll teach you another great French tradition.
969
01:00:30,490 --> 01:00:32,980
The dine and dash.
970
01:00:32,990 --> 01:00:34,020
What is?
971
01:00:34,090 --> 01:00:34,880
Well...
972
01:00:35,020 --> 01:00:37,530
First you drink...
973
01:00:43,200 --> 01:00:46,810
Then you take your things...
974
01:00:49,250 --> 01:00:50,410
And then... you run!
975
01:00:58,400 --> 01:00:59,280
Marianne!
976
01:01:00,010 --> 01:01:02,860
Hey, you! Come back!
977
01:01:16,150 --> 01:01:18,170
That's Bastille Day!
978
01:01:18,180 --> 01:01:20,010
We did it!
979
01:01:20,010 --> 01:01:22,140
We lose him!
980
01:01:22,640 --> 01:01:24,370
Where we go?
981
01:01:24,630 --> 01:01:25,660
What you do?
982
01:01:27,780 --> 01:01:29,380
A midnight dip!
983
01:01:37,120 --> 01:01:39,210
- Come on in! - No.
984
01:01:39,440 --> 01:01:42,770
I already do sport today.
985
01:01:42,830 --> 01:01:44,080
Come on!
986
01:01:44,090 --> 01:01:45,920
I not know how swim.
987
01:01:45,930 --> 01:01:47,970
Come on...
988
01:01:48,000 --> 01:01:49,070
It's not deep.
989
01:02:03,180 --> 01:02:04,570
It's interesting.
990
01:02:05,220 --> 01:02:09,260
I have one last French specialty to show you...
991
01:02:09,720 --> 01:02:10,620
You have?
992
01:02:12,500 --> 01:02:14,120
What is it?
993
01:02:19,590 --> 01:02:21,880
It's called a "mรฉnage ร trois".
994
01:02:23,240 --> 01:02:26,060
I'm too tired to manage anything.
995
01:02:27,360 --> 01:02:29,870
Three managers work faster.
996
01:02:30,280 --> 01:02:33,140
Many hands make light work.
997
01:02:33,330 --> 01:02:34,440
That's true.
998
01:03:45,220 --> 01:03:47,070
Room service.
999
01:03:50,590 --> 01:03:53,930
Uncle found us a car. They may be looking for my van.
1000
01:03:56,190 --> 01:03:57,800
I'll just say goodbye.
1001
01:03:57,880 --> 01:03:59,300
Ok, you lovebirds?
1002
01:03:59,330 --> 01:04:01,070
Get moving!
1003
01:04:21,040 --> 01:04:25,820
Feruz, wake up.We must go Paris. Dress!
1004
01:04:26,520 --> 01:04:28,100
Good morning.
1005
01:04:28,180 --> 01:04:29,360
Not good morning!
1006
01:04:29,560 --> 01:04:31,400
We must finish job.
1007
01:04:38,780 --> 01:04:41,190
- Can't we stay a while? - No!
1008
01:04:42,360 --> 01:04:43,790
Why not?
1009
01:04:44,300 --> 01:04:45,820
It's nice here.
1010
01:04:46,730 --> 01:04:47,480
I know.
1011
01:04:49,600 --> 01:04:51,050
What you do?
1012
01:04:51,090 --> 01:04:52,990
Call now. She not here.
1013
01:04:53,000 --> 01:04:54,600
Not with her phone!
1014
01:04:54,600 --> 01:04:55,240
Hello?
1015
01:04:55,260 --> 01:04:57,430
You wet goat!
1016
01:04:57,440 --> 01:04:58,320
Who is it?
1017
01:04:58,330 --> 01:04:59,840
I didn't mean you.
1018
01:04:59,870 --> 01:05:03,150
It's Yannick. We soon arrive in Paris.
1019
01:05:03,200 --> 01:05:05,500
Why you not in Paris yet?
1020
01:05:05,510 --> 01:05:07,970
It very complicated here.
1021
01:05:07,980 --> 01:05:10,120
We not even know if we in France.
1022
01:05:10,140 --> 01:05:12,640
- But we find very kind woman. - What?
1023
01:05:12,780 --> 01:05:16,930
You think you there to go to dancing party?
1024
01:05:17,130 --> 01:05:18,880
Hang up, she come back!
1025
01:05:19,080 --> 01:05:20,180
For explosives,
1026
01:05:20,380 --> 01:05:22,960
metro La Courneuve 10 sharp tomorrow.
1027
01:05:23,030 --> 01:05:24,660
10 sharp, La Courneuve.
1028
01:05:24,680 --> 01:05:27,120
You explode Tower at 13:00.
1029
01:05:27,120 --> 01:05:28,920
13:00 the Tower.
1030
01:05:29,180 --> 01:05:31,090
Or Dada no longer
1031
01:05:31,110 --> 01:05:32,700
miss bullets.
1032
01:05:32,860 --> 01:05:34,220
No, not Dada.
1033
01:05:34,450 --> 01:05:36,430
I count on you.
1034
01:05:36,470 --> 01:05:39,640
- Don't do... - Repeat please.
1035
01:05:39,670 --> 01:05:41,300
Hang up!
1036
01:05:41,540 --> 01:05:43,320
Stop!
1037
01:05:44,950 --> 01:05:45,900
Ready?
1038
01:05:48,280 --> 01:05:49,380
What's wrong?
1039
01:05:53,860 --> 01:05:56,600
5 hours with you is going to be fun.
1040
01:05:56,860 --> 01:05:57,950
Let's go.
1041
01:06:05,980 --> 01:06:08,440
These will help.
1042
01:06:19,000 --> 01:06:20,490
Perfect.
1043
01:06:48,360 --> 01:06:50,270
White line!
1044
01:06:50,340 --> 01:06:51,720
Shit! The cops!
1045
01:06:55,050 --> 01:06:57,920
- You not stop! - Or we charter Baghdad!
1046
01:06:57,940 --> 01:06:59,080
Ok, I know!
1047
01:07:00,140 --> 01:07:01,120
Drive!
1048
01:07:02,440 --> 01:07:03,680
Turn right!
1049
01:07:10,400 --> 01:07:11,790
Do something!
1050
01:07:17,880 --> 01:07:20,030
Calm down! Are they there?
1051
01:07:20,030 --> 01:07:22,150
Yes! No! I don't know!
1052
01:07:39,110 --> 01:07:40,480
Broken.
1053
01:07:47,160 --> 01:07:48,820
Uncle won't be pleased...
1054
01:07:49,220 --> 01:07:52,200
Lost. We never arrive in Paris.
1055
01:07:52,750 --> 01:07:54,260
All because of her!
1056
01:07:54,280 --> 01:07:56,290
Stop shouting Marianne.
1057
01:07:56,710 --> 01:07:58,340
She try help us.
1058
01:07:58,340 --> 01:08:01,560
We should never have trusted woman.
1059
01:08:02,940 --> 01:08:04,820
Drop the Middle Ages attitude!
1060
01:08:04,830 --> 01:08:05,820
Female scum.
1061
01:08:11,610 --> 01:08:13,290
They find us?
1062
01:08:13,660 --> 01:08:16,170
They armed? They kill us?
1063
01:08:16,200 --> 01:08:17,560
No, they're hunters.
1064
01:08:17,570 --> 01:08:20,080
They only shoot birds, not people.
1065
01:08:20,620 --> 01:08:22,700
Hello, gentlemen.
1066
01:08:22,750 --> 01:08:24,970
We wanted to take a short cut
1067
01:08:25,750 --> 01:08:26,800
but we got lost.
1068
01:08:27,840 --> 01:08:30,140
Do you know if anyone could help us?
1069
01:08:38,390 --> 01:08:39,590
Nothing.
1070
01:08:40,100 --> 01:08:41,090
It's nothing.
1071
01:09:14,610 --> 01:09:15,680
Ok...
1072
01:09:16,320 --> 01:09:18,700
Thank you very much.
1073
01:09:29,020 --> 01:09:30,340
Savages!
1074
01:09:33,570 --> 01:09:35,080
I didn't understand a word.
1075
01:09:35,690 --> 01:09:39,020
I think he called Cazenave
1076
01:09:39,060 --> 01:09:40,710
to ask if garage open.
1077
01:09:40,720 --> 01:09:44,760
He say garage open and come in 20 minutes with tow truck.
1078
01:09:50,350 --> 01:09:53,630
Are you making progress on the attack?
1079
01:09:53,960 --> 01:09:57,870
Yes, Dad. A minor hitch but nothing serious.
1080
01:09:57,880 --> 01:09:58,840
I hope not.
1081
01:09:58,880 --> 01:09:59,660
Stop!
1082
01:10:03,440 --> 01:10:05,030
I need to pee.
1083
01:10:09,280 --> 01:10:10,300
Come on.
1084
01:10:15,020 --> 01:10:16,300
Come here!
1085
01:10:25,440 --> 01:10:26,830
Yes, Dad?
1086
01:10:27,660 --> 01:10:29,760
Remember your brothers
1087
01:10:29,880 --> 01:10:31,740
Maruf and Ouloukbek?
1088
01:10:32,200 --> 01:10:34,320
No, Dad. I never knew them.
1089
01:10:35,060 --> 01:10:36,080
Exactly.
1090
01:10:36,780 --> 01:10:39,860
That's because they disappointed me.
1091
01:10:42,370 --> 01:10:45,840
So don't disappoint me too.
1092
01:10:47,140 --> 01:10:48,140
Get lost now!
1093
01:10:49,160 --> 01:10:50,490
Get lost!
1094
01:10:53,250 --> 01:10:56,080
Hermet, pack the bags.
1095
01:10:56,100 --> 01:10:57,570
- Your bags? - Our bags!
1096
01:10:58,260 --> 01:11:00,120
We're taking a trip.
1097
01:11:04,370 --> 01:11:06,320
You can't count on anyone.
1098
01:11:07,340 --> 01:11:08,490
Here you are.
1099
01:11:08,940 --> 01:11:10,110
This is it.
1100
01:11:10,700 --> 01:11:11,890
Welcome to Paris.
1101
01:11:16,880 --> 01:11:18,160
Paris!
1102
01:12:49,180 --> 01:12:51,740
We'll go to the hospital first thing tomorrow.
1103
01:12:53,710 --> 01:12:55,660
Don't worry, we'll make it.
1104
01:12:57,240 --> 01:12:59,030
Make yourselves at home.
1105
01:12:59,540 --> 01:13:02,590
I'm going to... a short break... because...
1106
01:13:02,830 --> 01:13:04,420
It's so...
1107
01:13:17,540 --> 01:13:18,450
Stop!
1108
01:13:19,440 --> 01:13:20,900
What you do?
1109
01:13:21,460 --> 01:13:22,260
Come.
1110
01:13:22,640 --> 01:13:23,100
But...
1111
01:13:29,010 --> 01:13:31,260
We are the RTT.
1112
01:13:32,420 --> 01:13:33,590
You now.
1113
01:13:33,840 --> 01:13:36,480
Go on, give me hate!
1114
01:13:39,240 --> 01:13:41,870
We claim responsibility...
1115
01:13:44,690 --> 01:13:48,800
We claim responsibility for attack on Eiffel Tower
1116
01:13:48,840 --> 01:13:51,680
on July 16th at 13 hours!
1117
01:13:53,400 --> 01:13:54,680
What you do?
1118
01:13:54,800 --> 01:13:57,290
What you do? Come back!
1119
01:14:05,110 --> 01:14:06,520
What is it, Feruz?
1120
01:14:11,060 --> 01:14:13,920
I not really understand what we do here.
1121
01:14:14,980 --> 01:14:18,730
Yesterday, I have incredible day.
1122
01:14:18,750 --> 01:14:20,250
It's true.
1123
01:14:21,600 --> 01:14:23,770
I not want paradise up there now.
1124
01:14:24,680 --> 01:14:27,250
I want to live down here.
1125
01:14:28,280 --> 01:14:29,760
And live in shame?
1126
01:14:30,060 --> 01:14:32,830
For betraying your country, your village
1127
01:14:33,330 --> 01:14:34,810
and your family?
1128
01:14:35,920 --> 01:14:37,080
We have no choice.
1129
01:14:37,700 --> 01:14:39,440
We must finish mission.
1130
01:14:39,460 --> 01:14:42,600
What mission? His plan sucks.
1131
01:14:42,880 --> 01:14:44,110
Plan A, Plan B...
1132
01:14:44,140 --> 01:14:46,500
Exploding people by exploding yourself.
1133
01:14:47,010 --> 01:14:48,330
That's shame.
1134
01:14:49,160 --> 01:14:53,590
All for a leader we put up with for 36 years now!
1135
01:14:53,650 --> 01:14:54,880
I want no more leader!
1136
01:14:55,410 --> 01:14:56,870
Cut off his head!
1137
01:14:58,290 --> 01:14:59,140
I want
1138
01:14:59,470 --> 01:15:01,050
to eat snails,
1139
01:15:01,740 --> 01:15:02,980
drink grapes.
1140
01:15:04,220 --> 01:15:05,810
I not want explode myself.
1141
01:15:06,120 --> 01:15:08,080
I want to have blast!
1142
01:15:10,950 --> 01:15:13,130
You let Marianne influence you.
1143
01:15:14,060 --> 01:15:15,570
Remember what they did.
1144
01:15:15,630 --> 01:15:17,750
You like losing kidney?
1145
01:15:18,040 --> 01:15:18,700
No.
1146
01:15:18,740 --> 01:15:19,990
And Fragada...
1147
01:15:20,880 --> 01:15:21,980
Was that blast?
1148
01:15:22,120 --> 01:15:23,000
No way.
1149
01:15:23,020 --> 01:15:23,830
So?
1150
01:15:24,580 --> 01:15:26,160
I feel more alive here
1151
01:15:26,410 --> 01:15:28,970
in one day than in rest of my life.
1152
01:15:30,520 --> 01:15:32,590
- Coward! - Coward?
1153
01:15:33,100 --> 01:15:35,090
I finish mission alone.
1154
01:15:35,490 --> 01:15:36,470
Martyr...
1155
01:15:39,840 --> 01:15:41,090
Shame on you, Feruz.
1156
01:15:45,010 --> 01:15:46,320
Shame on you.
1157
01:16:13,650 --> 01:16:14,700
Muzafar...
1158
01:16:41,840 --> 01:16:42,660
Yannick?
1159
01:16:42,860 --> 01:16:45,060
- Yes. - Kevin. Move your ass!
1160
01:16:46,650 --> 01:16:47,880
Climb on.
1161
01:16:47,980 --> 01:16:49,670
Don't take forever.
1162
01:16:52,030 --> 01:16:54,120
You don't look like a Yannick.
1163
01:16:54,170 --> 01:16:55,770
I am. Yannick Noah.
1164
01:17:04,790 --> 01:17:06,680
I'll see how it's going.
1165
01:17:07,120 --> 01:17:08,660
Sit here.
1166
01:17:09,020 --> 01:17:10,210
I'll come and fetch you.
1167
01:17:10,220 --> 01:17:11,980
- Ok? - Ok.
1168
01:17:19,460 --> 01:17:21,150
Here you go.
1169
01:17:24,570 --> 01:17:26,280
What do you fancy?
1170
01:17:26,280 --> 01:17:27,820
Kevin! Set the table!
1171
01:17:27,820 --> 01:17:29,580
Just a sec, Mom, I'm working!
1172
01:17:30,190 --> 01:17:32,980
Hungry? You like veal olives?
1173
01:17:32,980 --> 01:17:33,920
I don't know.
1174
01:17:34,100 --> 01:17:36,040
If you're hungry or you like that?
1175
01:17:36,100 --> 01:17:36,780
I don't know.
1176
01:17:36,990 --> 01:17:38,120
What d'you need?
1177
01:17:38,130 --> 01:17:39,760
Explosives.
1178
01:17:39,790 --> 01:17:41,730
Man, you're making my day!
1179
01:17:41,820 --> 01:17:45,160
You lucky fucker, I'm doing an offer on Semtex.
1180
01:17:46,060 --> 01:17:48,030
The terrorist explosive.
1181
01:17:48,120 --> 01:17:51,160
10 of these will down the Eiffel Tower.
1182
01:17:51,910 --> 01:17:53,220
I want 10!
1183
01:17:53,220 --> 01:17:55,380
10? Treating yourself?
1184
01:17:55,410 --> 01:17:56,480
No problem.
1185
01:17:56,780 --> 01:17:58,480
You won't regret it.
1186
01:17:58,530 --> 01:18:01,240
This stuff smells like hot cakes.
1187
01:18:01,300 --> 01:18:02,320
It's wild.
1188
01:18:02,460 --> 01:18:03,800
Need it gift-wrapped?
1189
01:18:03,800 --> 01:18:05,280
No, it's for me.
1190
01:18:06,660 --> 01:18:08,430
Ready-to-wear?
1191
01:18:08,600 --> 01:18:09,440
Respect, man.
1192
01:18:09,720 --> 01:18:10,660
Martyr.
1193
01:18:11,520 --> 01:18:12,970
Take a look at this...
1194
01:18:13,200 --> 01:18:16,430
The suicide bomber vest. Fully adjustable.
1195
01:18:17,710 --> 01:18:21,140
Fucking awesome on you!
1196
01:18:21,370 --> 01:18:24,400
I like you so I'll throw in for free
1197
01:18:24,590 --> 01:18:27,050
the cell to start the show.
1198
01:18:27,350 --> 01:18:28,020
Very kind.
1199
01:18:28,050 --> 01:18:30,200
That way you'll come back.
1200
01:18:31,200 --> 01:18:34,170
Stop feeling yourselves and come eat!
1201
01:18:34,180 --> 01:18:36,420
I'm not feeling myself! Mom!
1202
01:18:36,690 --> 01:18:37,650
Check this out.
1203
01:18:38,330 --> 01:18:40,520
Let me show you this before you go.
1204
01:18:42,690 --> 01:18:43,420
What is it?
1205
01:18:43,440 --> 01:18:44,360
This is Chouki.
1206
01:18:44,970 --> 01:18:46,460
I'll show you.
1207
01:18:48,160 --> 01:18:50,720
We've been looking for you.
1208
01:18:50,780 --> 01:18:52,940
Why did you leave the hospital?
1209
01:18:53,200 --> 01:18:54,280
I don't know.
1210
01:18:54,330 --> 01:18:55,760
We have your kidney.
1211
01:18:55,800 --> 01:18:57,720
We can operate now.
1212
01:19:00,040 --> 01:19:01,580
- For real? - Yes.
1213
01:19:03,930 --> 01:19:05,380
Thank you, madam.
1214
01:19:05,580 --> 01:19:07,820
You are good person.
1215
01:19:07,860 --> 01:19:10,260
A thousand thanks.
1216
01:19:10,280 --> 01:19:12,010
Health and prosperity.
1217
01:19:12,010 --> 01:19:14,480
She found my kidney!
1218
01:19:15,240 --> 01:19:17,570
I put his bomb belt on him.
1219
01:19:18,530 --> 01:19:22,440
Get it nice and tight or it won't work.
1220
01:19:22,460 --> 01:19:25,860
Just a minute, Mom! What a drag...
1221
01:19:25,870 --> 01:19:28,180
You explode squirrel?
1222
01:19:28,200 --> 01:19:30,380
Yeah, I have plenty more.
1223
01:19:33,080 --> 01:19:35,140
I'm sure he'll come back.
1224
01:19:39,960 --> 01:19:42,110
There's something you don't know...
1225
01:19:42,140 --> 01:19:43,920
And I can't tell you.
1226
01:19:44,730 --> 01:19:46,680
It's ok, I realized.
1227
01:19:49,480 --> 01:19:50,840
You're a couple.
1228
01:19:53,710 --> 01:19:55,060
You're gay, right?
1229
01:19:57,180 --> 01:19:58,580
It's obvious.
1230
01:19:59,000 --> 01:20:01,240
You weren't comfortable last night.
1231
01:20:03,710 --> 01:20:05,020
You have to find him
1232
01:20:05,180 --> 01:20:07,280
and tell him he's screwing up.
1233
01:20:07,520 --> 01:20:10,260
What matters is living here with you.
1234
01:20:10,310 --> 01:20:12,150
That's why you came to France.
1235
01:20:12,280 --> 01:20:13,040
To be free.
1236
01:20:14,400 --> 01:20:15,980
You're so right.
1237
01:20:17,780 --> 01:20:18,950
But the truth is...
1238
01:20:19,950 --> 01:20:21,000
You see...
1239
01:20:21,090 --> 01:20:22,700
Let's go, Mr. Ayayaz.
1240
01:20:28,440 --> 01:20:29,810
When you're ready,
1241
01:20:29,820 --> 01:20:31,180
you press "call".
1242
01:20:31,480 --> 01:20:33,580
And he's off to hamster heaven.
1243
01:20:34,820 --> 01:20:35,900
Ready?
1244
01:20:35,950 --> 01:20:36,470
One...
1245
01:20:36,960 --> 01:20:38,080
Two...
1246
01:20:39,100 --> 01:20:41,750
Hold on, using the wrong phone would be a bummer.
1247
01:20:42,590 --> 01:20:44,810
Is this the one I gave you earlier?
1248
01:20:45,840 --> 01:20:48,620
I think it's the other. No, this one...
1249
01:20:48,690 --> 01:20:49,280
One...
1250
01:20:49,820 --> 01:20:51,040
Two. No, this one.
1251
01:20:51,360 --> 01:20:54,150
This is the one. It's this one.
1252
01:20:54,160 --> 01:20:55,690
One... two... three...
1253
01:20:58,300 --> 01:21:00,540
Hamster hash!
1254
01:21:00,750 --> 01:21:01,720
What a blast!
1255
01:21:02,580 --> 01:21:06,540
I'll drive you back. This 'hood can be dangerous.
1256
01:21:06,740 --> 01:21:07,460
Come on then.
1257
01:21:30,900 --> 01:21:32,960
Relax. It's going to be ok.
1258
01:21:37,150 --> 01:21:40,080
Excuse me, sir...
1259
01:21:42,340 --> 01:21:44,180
- Is that my kidney? - Yes, it is.
1260
01:21:44,180 --> 01:21:47,550
Don't worry, it'll all go well.
1261
01:21:47,550 --> 01:21:49,330
No time for operation today.
1262
01:21:49,350 --> 01:21:52,550
I have important thing to do. I come back later.
1263
01:21:52,560 --> 01:21:54,620
Thank you. Goodbye.
1264
01:21:54,620 --> 01:21:56,880
What are you doing? He's out of his mind!
1265
01:21:56,890 --> 01:21:59,100
Go after him! He can't leave
1266
01:21:59,100 --> 01:22:00,440
with his kidney!
1267
01:22:39,380 --> 01:22:40,600
Come on!
1268
01:22:41,010 --> 01:22:42,740
What's going on?
1269
01:22:42,760 --> 01:22:45,620
I go find Muzafar. Operation later.
1270
01:22:45,720 --> 01:22:47,160
Are you crazy?
1271
01:22:47,180 --> 01:22:49,780
Don't worry, I have kidney!
1272
01:22:49,800 --> 01:22:51,280
- No! - Yes!
1273
01:22:51,800 --> 01:22:55,030
- You can't do this! - I hold onto it now.
1274
01:22:55,040 --> 01:22:55,960
Come on!
1275
01:22:57,490 --> 01:23:02,140
- Move, I'm trying to work! - Give me a break!
1276
01:23:02,140 --> 01:23:04,260
- It's green for me! - Shut your mouth!
1277
01:23:05,120 --> 01:23:07,240
Drive! Hurry!
1278
01:23:08,270 --> 01:23:10,220
- Where to? - Eiffel Tower.
1279
01:23:10,260 --> 01:23:11,790
That won't be possible.
1280
01:23:11,820 --> 01:23:15,380
Traffic's heavy there and you're my last fare.
1281
01:23:15,670 --> 01:23:19,110
I can leave you at Porte de Bagnolet...
1282
01:23:20,120 --> 01:23:23,000
Why things so complicated in France?
1283
01:23:23,030 --> 01:23:25,240
He's crazy. This isn't Fr...
1284
01:23:25,250 --> 01:23:27,740
I know, this isn't France.
1285
01:23:27,740 --> 01:23:30,880
Exactly, it's Paris. The world's most beautiful city.
1286
01:23:30,920 --> 01:23:34,660
A good job France has Paris
1287
01:23:34,670 --> 01:23:36,780
to give all the county bumpkins dreams.
1288
01:23:36,790 --> 01:23:39,790
Ok. Alright. Porte de Bagnolet is miles away.
1289
01:23:39,800 --> 01:23:40,940
It's where I'm heading.
1290
01:23:40,950 --> 01:23:44,060
You're a cab, you go where we say!
1291
01:23:45,140 --> 01:23:46,680
Dumb bitch!
1292
01:23:49,580 --> 01:23:51,090
Ok, we have no choice.
1293
01:23:53,150 --> 01:23:54,120
What this?
1294
01:24:09,520 --> 01:24:11,400
Daddy!
1295
01:24:12,510 --> 01:24:14,910
Hi daddy!
1296
01:24:53,500 --> 01:24:54,850
What's wrong?
1297
01:24:55,920 --> 01:24:58,170
Don't worry, we'll find him.
1298
01:24:59,280 --> 01:25:00,290
Come!
1299
01:25:19,800 --> 01:25:23,450
Muzafa, Thank God!
1300
01:25:31,720 --> 01:25:33,270
I couldn't, Feruz...
1301
01:25:33,280 --> 01:25:34,340
I couldn't.
1302
01:25:34,680 --> 01:25:35,960
It doesn't matter.
1303
01:25:37,450 --> 01:25:39,300
I can't kill children.
1304
01:25:39,680 --> 01:25:41,810
I won't kill grown-ups either.
1305
01:25:42,800 --> 01:25:45,740
I won't be happy in paradise if I kill people.
1306
01:25:47,580 --> 01:25:50,860
So I throw bomb in big river over there.
1307
01:25:53,910 --> 01:25:55,030
Shame on us, Feruz.
1308
01:25:56,310 --> 01:25:59,730
Jafaraz will cut off our heads with rusty knife
1309
01:25:59,730 --> 01:26:01,440
on village square!
1310
01:26:05,710 --> 01:26:06,640
What if...
1311
01:26:07,210 --> 01:26:08,720
we didn't go back?
1312
01:26:09,900 --> 01:26:11,400
What if we stayed here?
1313
01:26:15,020 --> 01:26:16,050
But Dada...
1314
01:26:16,090 --> 01:26:17,280
What about Dada?
1315
01:26:24,410 --> 01:26:28,820
Jafaraz said he unleash hell on him.
1316
01:26:38,700 --> 01:26:40,160
He's old.
1317
01:26:43,460 --> 01:26:45,420
Yes, he's old.
1318
01:26:45,960 --> 01:26:47,530
He's very old.
1319
01:26:53,990 --> 01:26:55,970
Hey, you lovebirds...
1320
01:26:56,330 --> 01:26:58,190
Get a hotel room.
1321
01:26:59,690 --> 01:27:01,320
The hospital now?
1322
01:27:01,400 --> 01:27:02,880
Look...
1323
01:27:02,990 --> 01:27:05,320
I found my kidney!
1324
01:27:07,420 --> 01:27:09,620
- Come on. - Let's go.
1325
01:27:12,160 --> 01:27:12,780
Wait...
1326
01:27:12,800 --> 01:27:15,790
Can we look at tower first?
1327
01:27:15,790 --> 01:27:18,450
We'll come back. It's not going away.
1328
01:27:18,450 --> 01:27:20,220
You never know.
1329
01:27:21,580 --> 01:27:23,090
What's so funny?
1330
01:27:23,100 --> 01:27:26,550
Nothing. Why it called Eiffel Tower?
1331
01:27:26,570 --> 01:27:28,790
The architect's name was Gustave Eiffel.
1332
01:27:28,800 --> 01:27:31,680
He made some crazy stuff!
1333
01:27:32,160 --> 01:27:35,260
Look at those two!
1334
01:27:35,940 --> 01:27:37,130
He look like...
1335
01:27:39,190 --> 01:27:41,400
Little Leader Wassupbro!
1336
01:27:44,000 --> 01:27:45,920
- What they do? - You!
1337
01:27:46,540 --> 01:27:48,160
Look at bag!
1338
01:27:48,370 --> 01:27:50,820
- They bring bomb! - What's going on?
1339
01:27:50,910 --> 01:27:51,920
Traitors!
1340
01:27:52,100 --> 01:27:54,870
- Terrorists! - Call police. They have bomb!
1341
01:27:54,900 --> 01:27:56,000
They have bomb!
1342
01:28:13,520 --> 01:28:15,400
Go on, Muzafar!
1343
01:28:15,400 --> 01:28:17,900
Like in rugby! Come on!
1344
01:28:28,150 --> 01:28:30,330
Long live Taboulistan!
1345
01:28:37,320 --> 01:28:40,240
- Damn... - What do now?
1346
01:28:40,270 --> 01:28:43,860
I one kidney short. Best I take risk.
1347
01:28:43,880 --> 01:28:45,590
No, my fault we here!
1348
01:28:45,600 --> 01:28:47,520
Stop arguing. Today,
1349
01:28:47,760 --> 01:28:49,660
I take care of us.
1350
01:28:49,850 --> 01:28:51,220
Run, Feruz!
1351
01:28:53,350 --> 01:28:54,670
Out of way!
1352
01:28:54,670 --> 01:28:56,960
Go away!
1353
01:29:00,450 --> 01:29:02,450
Run!
1354
01:29:05,510 --> 01:29:06,990
What he do?
1355
01:29:10,430 --> 01:29:12,080
Shit...
1356
01:29:26,140 --> 01:29:27,370
There you go.
1357
01:29:27,470 --> 01:29:31,900
That's how my adventure in France came to an end.
1358
01:29:32,450 --> 01:29:34,120
Poor little Feruz.
1359
01:29:34,130 --> 01:29:37,020
A terrorist attack narrowly avoided
1360
01:29:37,030 --> 01:29:39,010
at the Eiffel Tower.
1361
01:29:39,020 --> 01:29:42,390
Luckily, everyone spoke about my heroic deed.
1362
01:29:42,440 --> 01:29:44,670
Even Guillaume Auda.
1363
01:29:44,670 --> 01:29:49,180
Marianne was very professional in her first live report
1364
01:29:49,200 --> 01:29:51,320
despite her emotion.
1365
01:29:51,320 --> 01:29:55,160
Thanks to the sacrifice of two undocumented immigrants,
1366
01:29:55,160 --> 01:29:58,230
France still has her greatest symbol.
1367
01:29:58,240 --> 01:30:02,750
Feruz Ayayaz, a goatherd aged 35 from Taboulistan,
1368
01:30:02,750 --> 01:30:05,970
a cheerful man fond of dancing and goats...
1369
01:30:05,980 --> 01:30:08,960
The news even reached them at home.
1370
01:30:08,970 --> 01:30:11,520
But just where is Taboulistan?
1371
01:30:11,540 --> 01:30:14,640
It's a small land in Central Asia between Afghanistan,
1372
01:30:14,660 --> 01:30:16,720
Tajikistan and Kirghizstan.
1373
01:30:18,640 --> 01:30:21,590
Our genius was finally recognized
1374
01:30:21,600 --> 01:30:23,840
by the whole world.
1375
01:30:23,840 --> 01:30:25,760
...proud of inventing
1376
01:30:25,770 --> 01:30:28,220
tabbouleh over 1,000 years ago.
1377
01:30:28,230 --> 01:30:30,030
And so Taboulistan became
1378
01:30:30,050 --> 01:30:33,870
the 194th member of the UN.
1379
01:30:33,920 --> 01:30:36,420
The Great Leader was delighted.
1380
01:30:36,430 --> 01:30:39,620
And for the last time because the next day,
1381
01:30:39,640 --> 01:30:42,480
with the Revolution, they cut off his head!
1382
01:30:43,540 --> 01:30:46,560
Kachetebrul found fortune at last
1383
01:30:46,590 --> 01:30:49,940
by becoming the country's top tourist destination!
1384
01:30:49,960 --> 01:30:51,540
Dada was very happy.
1385
01:30:51,540 --> 01:30:53,880
400 euros. My son!
1386
01:30:55,240 --> 01:30:58,320
Jafaraz tried to flee the country but...
1387
01:31:02,340 --> 01:31:06,750
he had a slight mishap on his way to Switzerland.
1388
01:31:12,380 --> 01:31:14,630
But France was the country
1389
01:31:14,650 --> 01:31:17,490
that paid me the greatest tribute.
1390
01:31:17,660 --> 01:31:20,510
I even had the honor of being received
1391
01:31:20,540 --> 01:31:23,440
at the home of the great leader of all the French.
1392
01:31:23,480 --> 01:31:27,430
Who is in fact a woman. The French really are crazy!
1393
01:31:30,640 --> 01:31:32,720
That hurts.
1394
01:31:33,490 --> 01:31:34,900
Muzafar gave a speech
1395
01:31:34,900 --> 01:31:37,850
and said lots of beautiful things.
1396
01:31:39,100 --> 01:31:40,670
Why did you do it?
1397
01:31:41,620 --> 01:31:43,590
Goddam desert dune dickwad!
1398
01:31:46,400 --> 01:31:47,830
You will stay
1399
01:31:48,400 --> 01:31:50,160
forever in my heart.
1400
01:31:50,940 --> 01:31:52,760
If ever I have children,
1401
01:31:52,780 --> 01:31:54,740
I'll call them all Feruz.
1402
01:31:55,150 --> 01:31:56,510
Even the girls!
1403
01:31:57,720 --> 01:32:00,400
In Taboulistan, when someone die,
1404
01:32:00,960 --> 01:32:01,920
people have party.
1405
01:32:02,060 --> 01:32:03,530
So, for Feruz,
1406
01:32:03,550 --> 01:32:05,150
traditional dance,
1407
01:32:05,330 --> 01:32:06,780
the Tawa!
1408
01:32:15,910 --> 01:32:17,560
As for me, my friends,
1409
01:32:17,580 --> 01:32:20,040
don't worry, everything's fine.
1410
01:32:20,040 --> 01:32:22,440
Since I saved hundreds of lives
1411
01:32:22,450 --> 01:32:24,200
I was sent straight
1412
01:32:24,210 --> 01:32:26,010
to paradise!
1413
01:32:26,020 --> 01:32:29,800
Where I haven't seen a single virgin or a mature woman.
1414
01:32:29,820 --> 01:32:31,540
Nor any terrorists either.
1415
01:32:31,560 --> 01:32:34,320
However, the all-you-can-eat buffet
1416
01:32:34,330 --> 01:32:34,940
is awesome!
1417
01:32:34,950 --> 01:32:37,880
Lemonade, Coke, Oaziz...
1418
01:32:38,720 --> 01:32:40,470
It's interesting.
1419
01:32:43,860 --> 01:32:44,980
Gua! What?
1420
01:32:45,480 --> 01:32:48,290
We said not hit woman!
1421
01:32:52,280 --> 01:32:56,460
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