All language subtitles for The Last Hangover 2018 WEB

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,500 --> 00:00:22,500 Adaptarea: Legendofmir Traducerea: DOOMNEZEU 2 00:01:04,500 --> 00:01:10,500 - Peter! Come on, he's calling you! - Did you guys try smelling this herb? 3 00:01:10,500 --> 00:01:14,500 I'm taking some to try out later. It is different. 4 00:01:14,500 --> 00:01:21,500 Guys, heads up. This here is a syrian bread. You eat it with hummus and stuff. 5 00:01:21,500 --> 00:01:23,500 Everyone breaks their own bread. Come on, now! 6 00:01:23,500 --> 00:01:26,500 Don't sit down. I want to make a toast. Everybody, up! 7 00:01:26,500 --> 00:01:30,500 I'm making a toast! The night is just getting started! 8 00:01:33,500 --> 00:01:35,500 Watch out, world! 9 00:02:25,500 --> 00:02:28,500 What's going on? 10 00:02:30,500 --> 00:02:33,500 Shut up, Thomas. Just go back to sleep. 11 00:02:33,500 --> 00:02:38,500 It's like the Wall of Jericho came crashing down my head. 12 00:02:42,500 --> 00:02:45,500 What the hell? 13 00:02:48,500 --> 00:02:50,500 What is it? 14 00:02:53,500 --> 00:02:55,500 What the hell is going on? 15 00:02:55,500 --> 00:02:59,500 Guess we went a little too hard at last night's farewell party. 16 00:02:59,500 --> 00:03:04,500 We could ask Jesus to do one of those hangover healing tricks. 17 00:03:04,500 --> 00:03:07,500 - Where is Jesus? - Probably laying around here somewhere. 18 00:03:07,500 --> 00:03:12,500 I can't remember a single thing about last night. 19 00:03:12,500 --> 00:03:18,500 I remember we had dinner, and there was bread, and a shit ton of wine! 20 00:03:18,500 --> 00:03:20,500 Guys, I can't find Jesus. 21 00:03:20,500 --> 00:03:23,500 - Did you try the toilet? - Don't go there. There's a tiger in it. 22 00:03:23,500 --> 00:03:25,500 - Say what? - Yeah. 23 00:03:25,500 --> 00:03:27,500 Judas. 24 00:03:27,500 --> 00:03:29,500 Judas! Judas! 25 00:03:30,500 --> 00:03:33,500 Judas! Judas is out cold. 26 00:03:33,500 --> 00:03:36,500 If he's out cold, then we really went hard last night. 27 00:03:36,500 --> 00:03:38,500 - James. - Yes? 28 00:03:38,500 --> 00:03:40,500 - No, the other James. - What's going on? 29 00:03:40,500 --> 00:03:42,500 Think you know where Jesus is? 30 00:03:42,500 --> 00:03:45,500 I remember him saying, someone here would backstab him or something. 31 00:03:45,500 --> 00:03:50,500 Yeah, he did say that. That was during dinner. 32 00:03:59,500 --> 00:04:03,500 Can you get us some olive oil? Bread with nothing on it is shit. 33 00:04:03,500 --> 00:04:06,500 - Are you splitting the bill? - It's all on him. 34 00:04:06,500 --> 00:04:08,500 Also some butter, come on. 35 00:04:08,500 --> 00:04:12,500 Can we begin the supper already? The food we brought is getting cold. 36 00:04:12,500 --> 00:04:14,500 - The food you brought? What? - Not yet. 37 00:04:14,500 --> 00:04:21,500 First, I would like to say a few words because actually, this shall be our Last Supper. 38 00:04:21,500 --> 00:04:25,500 Truly I tell you, one of you will betray me. 39 00:04:25,500 --> 00:04:29,500 - No way. - 'sup, guys? Did I miss anything? 40 00:04:29,500 --> 00:04:32,500 Hush, Judas. Jesus is saying someone's betraying him. 41 00:04:32,500 --> 00:04:36,500 - Good God! Did he say who? - Not yet. That's when you got here. 42 00:04:36,500 --> 00:04:39,500 - Give us a hint. Is he a tall guy? - No. 43 00:04:39,500 --> 00:04:43,500 The person who'll betray me knows who they are. 44 00:04:43,500 --> 00:04:46,500 - I'm sorry, Jesus! - Easy, there... 45 00:04:46,500 --> 00:04:49,500 Mary Magdalene said she wasn't going to tell you! 46 00:04:49,500 --> 00:04:51,500 Say what? 47 00:04:51,500 --> 00:04:54,500 It happened way before your "throw the first stone" spiel! 48 00:04:54,500 --> 00:04:57,500 I didn't even know you. It was just one time! A friend had gone there before. 49 00:04:57,500 --> 00:04:59,500 - It was just once. - It's okay, Thomas. 50 00:04:59,500 --> 00:05:02,500 - It was before, and just once... - 3 times. 51 00:05:02,500 --> 00:05:04,500 3 times. No biggie. 52 00:05:04,500 --> 00:05:07,500 - 4, at most! - 4 is perfectly fine. 53 00:05:07,500 --> 00:05:10,500 It was 37 times! Please, forgive me! 54 00:05:10,500 --> 00:05:14,500 She does stuff that completes me! Roman bonfires and stuff! 55 00:05:14,500 --> 00:05:16,500 - I couldn't resist! - What's a "Roman bonfire"? 56 00:05:16,500 --> 00:05:20,500 And it wasn't just me here who did it! I'm dragging you all down with me! 57 00:05:20,500 --> 00:05:23,500 - Just let him speak. - It wasn't you, Thomas. Relax. 58 00:05:23,500 --> 00:05:26,500 Look, Jesus, if this is about your mother, I was drunk... 59 00:05:26,500 --> 00:05:28,500 Guys, I'm gonna die! 60 00:05:28,500 --> 00:05:30,500 - My God! - Hang in there! 61 00:05:30,500 --> 00:05:32,500 He's choked on something! 62 00:05:32,500 --> 00:05:38,500 - Rain your blessings and love over us... - Cut it out, you nutcases! Just wait! 63 00:05:38,500 --> 00:05:41,500 - He's back! It's a miracle! - A miracle of God! 64 00:05:41,500 --> 00:05:45,500 Stop kissing me! Always with the kissing! 65 00:05:45,500 --> 00:05:48,500 Calm down! See? I'm fine! 66 00:05:48,500 --> 00:05:52,500 I'm saying that soon, I'll be losing my life. 67 00:05:52,500 --> 00:05:55,500 I told you. It's Jesus' habit 68 00:05:55,500 --> 00:05:59,500 of touching beggars and lepers and stuff! 69 00:05:59,500 --> 00:06:02,500 He hugged Lazarus, for God's sake! 70 00:06:02,500 --> 00:06:05,500 He was literally rotten! Dead for 6 days! 71 00:06:05,500 --> 00:06:08,500 I said, "Heal him from afar, Jesus!" 72 00:06:08,500 --> 00:06:11,500 But no, you just had to hug him, and be "accessible" and "open." 73 00:06:11,500 --> 00:06:15,500 That habit of kissing feet and the ground? That's what you get! 74 00:06:15,500 --> 00:06:17,500 Calm down. Let's take it slow. 75 00:06:17,500 --> 00:06:21,500 I'm trying to say I want you to carry on my word. 76 00:06:21,500 --> 00:06:24,500 - I'm sorry, which word? - My word. 77 00:06:24,500 --> 00:06:26,500 - You say so many words... - All of them! 78 00:06:26,500 --> 00:06:29,500 - But which ones shouldn't we carry? - They're all okay. 79 00:06:29,500 --> 00:06:33,500 - You want me to write them down? - No, thanks. I'd like that, 80 00:06:33,500 --> 00:06:35,500 Let's eat! We'll remember it as we go. 81 00:06:35,500 --> 00:06:38,500 - Remember what now? - My words. 82 00:06:38,500 --> 00:06:40,500 - Why? - Because I'm going to die. 83 00:06:40,500 --> 00:06:42,500 - No way. - I just said that. 84 00:06:42,500 --> 00:06:44,500 Sorry, my mind was somewhere else. 85 00:06:44,500 --> 00:06:47,500 Guys? Sorry for interrupting your conversation. 86 00:06:47,500 --> 00:06:51,500 - Do you have salt? That other table. - We can't have anything on the table. 87 00:06:51,500 --> 00:06:53,500 No salt, no straws. 88 00:06:53,500 --> 00:06:55,500 - Sorry. - It's fine. 89 00:06:55,500 --> 00:06:58,500 You're on edge 'cause you're dying, right? Sorry, by the way. 90 00:06:58,500 --> 00:07:01,500 It's fine. And don't touch me. Personal space, much? 91 00:07:01,500 --> 00:07:05,500 Anyway. So that this moment is forever remembered... 92 00:07:05,500 --> 00:07:09,500 Come here. He's a friend of mine. A bonafide painter. 93 00:07:09,500 --> 00:07:15,500 Good with his hands. He'll paint us a nice picture. 94 00:07:15,500 --> 00:07:19,500 - Right, Jair? - Great guy. He is out there. 95 00:07:19,500 --> 00:07:24,500 Come over to this side, you guys. Let's all line up. 96 00:07:24,500 --> 00:07:28,500 Can I ask just one thing? Can I sit here? Just this once? 97 00:07:28,500 --> 00:07:31,500 Everybody freeze! 98 00:07:34,500 --> 00:07:37,500 Sorry. 99 00:07:37,500 --> 00:07:42,500 - Is this going to take long? - I'm still on the first Apostle. 100 00:07:42,500 --> 00:07:44,500 Calm your tits. 101 00:07:47,500 --> 00:07:50,500 Why are we doing this again? 102 00:07:50,500 --> 00:07:55,500 Because my mother wants a memento from me, and she came with this creepy talk about shrouds 103 00:07:55,500 --> 00:07:58,500 pretty morbid stuff. Sweaty cloth, or something. 104 00:07:58,500 --> 00:08:03,500 So I suggested a nice picture instead, so she'll remember me after I die. 105 00:08:03,500 --> 00:08:05,500 You're going to die? 106 00:08:05,500 --> 00:08:08,500 For God's sake. Don't you hear any thing we say? 107 00:08:08,500 --> 00:08:10,500 We'll write it down later. 108 00:08:10,500 --> 00:08:13,500 It's all blurred now! You guys need to stay still! 109 00:08:13,500 --> 00:08:19,500 - Jeez! You guys are like little kids. - How are you going to handle my departure? 110 00:08:19,500 --> 00:08:21,500 By hanging your heads against the wall? 111 00:08:21,500 --> 00:08:25,500 Will I have to come back, fix everything, die again, come back again? 112 00:08:25,500 --> 00:08:27,500 Drop that! No eating! 113 00:08:27,500 --> 00:08:30,500 - Everybody, freeze! - In that same pose? 114 00:08:30,500 --> 00:08:36,500 We'll have a caricature artist later. You'll love him. Great guy. 115 00:08:38,500 --> 00:08:42,500 - Did anyone pay that painter? - I did. 116 00:08:42,500 --> 00:08:46,500 - Well, look at the shit job he did! - Fucking asshole, man. 117 00:08:46,500 --> 00:08:48,500 We spent like an hour stuck in that pose. 118 00:08:48,500 --> 00:08:51,500 Thaddaeus sprained his jaw. He might never speak again! 119 00:08:51,500 --> 00:08:54,500 So, when did things go off the rails? 120 00:08:54,500 --> 00:08:56,500 - James? - Yes? 121 00:08:56,500 --> 00:08:58,500 - The other one. - Yeah? 122 00:08:58,500 --> 00:09:01,500 Jesus told us to each bring a dish. Which one did you bring? 123 00:09:01,500 --> 00:09:04,500 I brought chicken salad. I brought fish. 124 00:09:04,500 --> 00:09:06,500 I... 125 00:09:08,500 --> 00:09:10,500 Thomas! 126 00:09:10,500 --> 00:09:14,500 I, I can explain it. 127 00:09:19,500 --> 00:09:24,500 Can we set the food on the table and get this supper started? 128 00:09:24,500 --> 00:09:29,500 - God, yes! - We're missing just one thing. 129 00:09:29,500 --> 00:09:31,500 Prayer. 130 00:09:31,500 --> 00:09:33,500 We don't need to do it. I'm here. It's implicit. 131 00:09:33,500 --> 00:09:37,500 You were the one who taught me we should always say our thanks. 132 00:09:37,500 --> 00:09:41,500 Even with you here, we should direct it towards Him. 133 00:09:41,500 --> 00:09:45,500 Sweet merciful Father. Just focus on the pain. 134 00:09:45,500 --> 00:09:48,500 Fine. Let's do it. Say grace. 135 00:09:48,500 --> 00:09:51,500 - Can I start? - Sure. 136 00:09:51,500 --> 00:09:53,500 I'm nervous. 137 00:09:53,500 --> 00:09:57,500 - Thank you, O Lord, for... - He loved it. Great job. Let's eat. 138 00:09:57,500 --> 00:10:01,500 Let's get this shit started! 139 00:10:04,500 --> 00:10:10,500 - What's that? - This is Jerusalem coke, Galilean hashish... 140 00:10:10,500 --> 00:10:16,500 - Wait, what is that? What is that? - I've brought some vinaigrette. 141 00:10:16,500 --> 00:10:18,500 Is it dosed with something? 142 00:10:18,500 --> 00:10:22,500 - Just bell peppers and onions. - I thought this was a party! 143 00:10:22,500 --> 00:10:25,500 I asked each person to bring something to eat. 144 00:10:25,500 --> 00:10:30,500 - But you said it was a "supper." - And it is. It is a supper. 145 00:10:30,500 --> 00:10:35,500 You know, a "supper." I thought that was just a nickname, since some people here 146 00:10:35,500 --> 00:10:37,500 are married and stuff. So, Let's eat 'supper'! 147 00:10:37,500 --> 00:10:41,500 Did I do the air quotes when I invited you? Like "Thomas, let us eat supper"? 148 00:10:41,500 --> 00:10:44,500 No, you didn't. I mean, that would be too on the nose. 149 00:10:44,500 --> 00:10:47,500 - You just said, "Let's have supper." - And that's what we're having. 150 00:10:48,500 --> 00:10:52,500 Who does suppers anymore? It's such an old-fashioned thing! 151 00:10:52,500 --> 00:10:54,500 - I do. - We do supper every day at home. 152 00:10:54,500 --> 00:11:00,500 - It's a farewell supper. That's it. - I focused on the "farewell" part. 153 00:11:00,500 --> 00:11:04,500 - Too bad I've already called the girls. - What "girls"? 154 00:11:04,500 --> 00:11:09,500 - Is this where there's a "supper" going on? - Look at her. My sexy rogue! 155 00:11:09,500 --> 00:11:11,500 - I mean... - Come on, spread out! 156 00:11:11,500 --> 00:11:14,500 - What is this, Magdalene? - I thought you'd left. 157 00:11:14,500 --> 00:11:17,500 I told you I was going to leave on Sunday. 158 00:11:17,500 --> 00:11:20,500 - You just had to invite her? - She had the others' contact info. 159 00:11:20,500 --> 00:11:24,500 You gave everything you had to the poor, and I had to pay for our candles. 160 00:11:24,500 --> 00:11:28,500 can handle myself. Buddha's wife kept waiting for her inheritance, and that fucked her up good. 161 00:11:28,500 --> 00:11:30,500 But I was going to give you powers... 162 00:11:30,500 --> 00:11:33,500 I'm quite empowered already, love. I don't need no man. 163 00:11:33,500 --> 00:11:36,500 Yeah, so. So glad you came and all, but this was all a misunderstanding. 164 00:11:36,500 --> 00:11:38,500 Grab your friends and, 165 00:11:38,500 --> 00:11:44,500 Well, guys, I can take away the girls, but I can't pay back the money. 166 00:11:44,500 --> 00:11:46,500 - It's okay. - Hold up, guys. 167 00:11:48,500 --> 00:11:51,500 - If it's paid for already... - Exactly! 168 00:11:51,500 --> 00:11:57,500 - Is this a "supper" or what? - That's the thing, Maddie. It isn't. 169 00:11:57,500 --> 00:12:01,500 It's a fucking farewell party! 170 00:12:03,500 --> 00:12:08,500 Relax Jesus. By tomorrow morning, no one will remember a thing. 171 00:12:10,500 --> 00:12:14,500 That's when Jesus started drinking! 172 00:12:14,500 --> 00:12:18,500 - He was so upset. - I mean, how could he not be? 173 00:12:18,500 --> 00:12:21,500 Sorry, but I'm 42. I'm old. I could be someone's great-grandparent. 174 00:12:21,500 --> 00:12:25,500 - "Farewell" means something else for me! - But seriously, though, where's Jesus? 175 00:12:25,500 --> 00:12:28,500 Judas is still blacked out. 176 00:12:28,500 --> 00:12:31,500 Forget him. He was the only one who didn't like the party. 177 00:12:31,500 --> 00:12:33,500 He's fucking lame. 178 00:12:33,500 --> 00:12:38,500 Wasn't that when Jesus started getting all bummed out? 179 00:12:42,500 --> 00:12:46,500 - Why does she do that to me, Judas? - You're too good for her. 180 00:12:46,500 --> 00:12:48,500 Dude, I gave her everything! 181 00:12:48,500 --> 00:12:51,500 Women don't like nice guys. They like assholes! 182 00:12:51,500 --> 00:12:53,500 - Where is she? - She's in the room. 183 00:12:53,500 --> 00:12:55,500 Try talking to her, Thomas! 184 00:12:55,500 --> 00:12:59,500 Sure, I'll just wait for Peter to be done trying to convince her. 185 00:12:59,500 --> 00:13:02,500 She is relentless! 186 00:13:02,500 --> 00:13:04,500 - See? - I've talked to her three times! 187 00:13:04,500 --> 00:13:06,500 - I'll try talking to her. - Talk to her! 188 00:13:06,500 --> 00:13:08,500 I'll give her some hard truths! 189 00:13:08,500 --> 00:13:10,500 - James! - Yes? 190 00:13:10,500 --> 00:13:12,500 - The other James! - Yes? 191 00:13:12,500 --> 00:13:14,500 - Let's convince her together! - Right. 192 00:13:14,500 --> 00:13:17,500 - You know what? You too James. - Really? Those are some good pals! 193 00:13:17,500 --> 00:13:20,500 I am so praising you guys. You'll go down in history! 194 00:13:20,500 --> 00:13:22,500 - Go with them, Judas. - No, I probably shouldn't. 195 00:13:22,500 --> 00:13:27,500 - Why not? Why don't you want to go? - There are too many guys there convincing her. 196 00:13:27,500 --> 00:13:30,500 - You can give them a push! - She can't handle another push. 197 00:13:30,500 --> 00:13:33,500 You don't like me. You were never my friend. 198 00:13:33,500 --> 00:13:36,500 - No, I do. I love you, man! - Not my friend! 199 00:13:36,500 --> 00:13:39,500 - You've never rooted for us! - I've always rooted for Jesus. 200 00:13:39,500 --> 00:13:43,500 Have I ever told you that love parable about the man and the donkey? 201 00:13:43,500 --> 00:13:46,500 - Yes. - With the mountain and the pole? 202 00:13:46,500 --> 00:13:51,500 - Multiple times. - Once upon a time, Isaac told the shepherd... 203 00:13:51,500 --> 00:13:55,500 - Would it cost you to go upstairs? - Actually, yes. 10 gold coins. 204 00:13:55,500 --> 00:13:57,500 Say what? 205 00:13:57,500 --> 00:14:01,500 - God, is it hard to convince her? - I know! She's full of arguments! 206 00:14:01,500 --> 00:14:03,500 Where's that stuff Thomas brought by mistake? 207 00:14:03,500 --> 00:14:05,500 - Over there. - No, don't do it... 208 00:14:05,500 --> 00:14:13,500 Isn't this a farewell party? So I'm kissing my shit goodbye! 209 00:14:13,500 --> 00:14:19,500 Thomas! You know Jesus can't hold his stuff. And Magdalene wasn't holding punches. 210 00:14:19,500 --> 00:14:23,500 - So, do we have any kind of evidence? - I can't find Bartholomew, either. 211 00:14:23,500 --> 00:14:28,500 - Maybe he's with Jesus. - Wasn't he with Jesus during that fight? 212 00:14:28,500 --> 00:14:32,500 Fight? What fight? 213 00:14:37,500 --> 00:14:39,500 Is this your card? 214 00:14:39,500 --> 00:14:46,500 Listen to this. I've heard just now that the Son of God is leaving. 215 00:14:46,500 --> 00:14:49,500 - Yep, he is. - What a bummer. 216 00:14:49,500 --> 00:14:53,500 But I've got some good news to cheer you guys up. 217 00:14:53,500 --> 00:14:56,500 From today on, I'll be taking that position! 218 00:14:56,500 --> 00:15:00,500 - You go, Bartholomew! - She forgot my name. It's Diego. 219 00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:05,500 - Diego! - But from now on, call me Messiah! 220 00:15:05,500 --> 00:15:09,500 Yeah, a 2.0 version of the old one. 221 00:15:09,500 --> 00:15:11,500 - What's his name again? - Jesus? 222 00:15:11,500 --> 00:15:14,500 The guy who had that thing turning water into wine? 223 00:15:14,500 --> 00:15:16,500 Well, look at my hand, guys. 224 00:15:16,500 --> 00:15:24,500 It goes up, and up a free round of gin and tonics and martinis for everybody! 225 00:15:24,500 --> 00:15:26,500 - Free? - I'll pay you later. 226 00:15:26,500 --> 00:15:28,500 - You do miracles, too? - Yes, I do! 227 00:15:28,500 --> 00:15:32,500 Look, thumb's off, thumb's back. See? It's back already! 228 00:15:32,500 --> 00:15:35,500 - How'd you do that? - Son of God, baby! 229 00:15:35,500 --> 00:15:39,500 - That's a cheap trick! - He just does this with his fingers. 230 00:15:39,500 --> 00:15:42,500 Come here, let me talk to you. Look, I grabbed his nose! 231 00:15:42,500 --> 00:15:44,500 He got his nose! 232 00:15:44,500 --> 00:15:46,500 - It's his nose! - My nose is right here. 233 00:15:46,500 --> 00:15:50,500 No, it's only back there now! Breathe child! 234 00:15:50,500 --> 00:15:54,500 - My nose was already on my face! - Chill, yo! And it wasn't. 235 00:15:54,500 --> 00:15:57,500 Focus here, guys. Just standard procedure. 236 00:15:57,500 --> 00:16:00,500 I'll need some offerings from you. 237 00:16:00,500 --> 00:16:03,500 We'll need some food and money for the road... 238 00:16:03,500 --> 00:16:06,500 - Can I get a hallelujah? - Hallelujah! 239 00:16:06,500 --> 00:16:09,500 Don't give money to him! 240 00:16:09,500 --> 00:16:11,500 - He's a fraud! - He said he's the Son of God. 241 00:16:11,500 --> 00:16:14,500 - Thank you! - So we just have to say that? 242 00:16:14,500 --> 00:16:18,500 Then sure, I'm the Son of God! He's the Son of God, too! 243 00:16:18,500 --> 00:16:22,500 But he can't pull a coin out of the pretty lady's ear! 244 00:16:22,500 --> 00:16:24,500 What's going on here? 245 00:16:24,500 --> 00:16:27,500 You decided to leave, so Diego and Judas are trying to take your place. 246 00:16:27,500 --> 00:16:29,500 What the hell, Judas? 247 00:16:29,500 --> 00:16:32,500 You got it all wrong! People think this guy is the Son of God now. 248 00:16:32,500 --> 00:16:35,500 - They said they're Sons of God! - There's only one Son of God. 249 00:16:35,500 --> 00:16:37,500 See? He recognizes it! Cute, isn't it? 250 00:16:37,500 --> 00:16:42,500 Bro, don't even get me started. I've healed lepers. 251 00:16:42,500 --> 00:16:48,500 Wow, he's healed lepers! But can you do this? 252 00:16:48,500 --> 00:16:51,500 I've resurrected people. Can't compare that with the cloth trick. 253 00:16:51,500 --> 00:16:56,500 He's resurrected people! Then I'll do him the card one. Pick one! 254 00:16:56,500 --> 00:16:59,500 - There's only one Son of God! - That's true! 255 00:16:59,500 --> 00:17:02,500 - And that's me! - Then we're brothers! 256 00:17:02,500 --> 00:17:04,500 Don't waste your time on him! 257 00:17:04,500 --> 00:17:06,500 - Listen pal. - What? 258 00:17:06,500 --> 00:17:08,500 - Do you know God? - Of course, I do! 259 00:17:08,500 --> 00:17:11,500 - Then how is He? - Well, he's good-looking! 260 00:17:11,500 --> 00:17:13,500 - What else? - He's strong! 261 00:17:13,500 --> 00:17:15,500 - What about His face? - His face? 262 00:17:15,500 --> 00:17:21,500 You're asking a lot of questions. It seems like you don't know Him. 263 00:17:21,500 --> 00:17:26,500 Asking me about God's face? Don't you know God, Jesus? 264 00:17:26,500 --> 00:17:30,500 - Don't waste your time on him! - I talk to God all the time! 265 00:17:30,500 --> 00:17:32,500 Do you? 266 00:17:32,500 --> 00:17:35,500 - Well, He gave me a chalice. - Is this guy for real? 267 00:17:35,500 --> 00:17:38,500 - A Holy Chalice! - The chalice was already here! 268 00:17:38,500 --> 00:17:42,500 - And here's another chalice! - He's multiplied the chalices! 269 00:17:42,500 --> 00:17:44,500 The second chalice was already there! 270 00:17:44,500 --> 00:17:48,500 - And they're gone now! Where are they? - They're up in Heaven now! 271 00:17:48,500 --> 00:17:51,500 - You're an ass. - You're the ass! 272 00:17:51,500 --> 00:17:54,500 - You're an ass times two. - You're an ass times infinity. 273 00:17:54,500 --> 00:17:56,500 You're an ass infinity times infinity. 274 00:17:56,500 --> 00:17:59,500 And you're 4 times more of an ass than that. I won! 275 00:17:59,500 --> 00:18:01,500 - Yeah? - What? 276 00:18:01,500 --> 00:18:04,500 - You're a douche. - No, you. Look, it's a David Sling! 277 00:18:04,500 --> 00:18:06,500 - Look, it's a miracle! - Miracle? 278 00:18:06,500 --> 00:18:09,500 Here comes the Holy Spirit all up in your ass! 279 00:18:09,500 --> 00:18:17,500 - Look, it's an apple! Adam, Eve, and... - Let me just take King Solomon's Treasure! 280 00:18:20,500 --> 00:18:23,500 I know what you said. I won't ask "what." 281 00:18:23,500 --> 00:18:26,500 - I didn't say "what"! - Gotcha! 282 00:18:26,500 --> 00:18:30,500 - Fucked ya in Egypt, say what? - Ditto with rice on top, say what? 283 00:18:30,500 --> 00:18:33,500 - What a fuckwad! - Dumbass. 284 00:18:33,500 --> 00:18:36,500 You're the dumbass! 285 00:18:36,500 --> 00:18:42,500 - You should turn the other cheek! - I'm turning around on his cheek! 286 00:18:45,500 --> 00:18:49,500 Jesus! You always do that! Want to bring down my tavern? 287 00:18:49,500 --> 00:18:52,500 - What the hell do you think you're doing? - Go back to your stupid tricks! 288 00:18:52,500 --> 00:18:54,500 Diego! 289 00:18:54,500 --> 00:18:56,500 "Stupid fucking tricks"! 290 00:18:56,500 --> 00:19:00,500 - Forget this guy. He won't last. - You bet he won't. 291 00:19:00,500 --> 00:19:03,500 Where's the air? Talk about weird! 292 00:19:03,500 --> 00:19:05,500 Bartholomew! 293 00:19:05,500 --> 00:19:08,500 You killed the guy! You can deal with it, right? 294 00:19:08,500 --> 00:19:10,500 - By burying him? - No, feed him to the tiger. 295 00:19:10,500 --> 00:19:12,500 - What tiger? - The tiger in the bathroom. 296 00:19:12,500 --> 00:19:14,500 There's no tiger in the... 297 00:19:14,500 --> 00:19:18,500 - There's a tiger in the bathroom. - Take him, then I'll undo the tiger. 298 00:19:18,500 --> 00:19:21,500 Here's the thing, Master. I don't want to overstep my boundaries, 299 00:19:21,500 --> 00:19:23,500 but why don't you make the guy vanish? 300 00:19:23,500 --> 00:19:28,500 Why make a tiger to eat him, and then unmake the tiger? 301 00:19:28,500 --> 00:19:31,500 Listen up, Bart. 302 00:19:31,500 --> 00:19:37,500 This guy in front of you now isn't the New Testament of God, who's all cute and fun and talks 303 00:19:37,500 --> 00:19:42,500 to people over mountains, and who has 12 pals, like Snow White's 7 dwarves. 304 00:19:42,500 --> 00:19:45,500 The God in front of you is the Old Testament's. 305 00:19:45,500 --> 00:19:49,500 The one who throws golden calves off cliffs and kills whoever touches them. 306 00:19:49,500 --> 00:19:54,500 The one who orders Abraham to kill his son. But you did stop Abraham from killing his... 307 00:19:54,500 --> 00:19:58,500 No? You shouldn't believe everything you read. 308 00:19:58,500 --> 00:20:02,500 He did kill him, with great prejudice. Chopped him up with a butter knife. 309 00:20:02,500 --> 00:20:05,500 But then I gave him a cuter kid to adopt. 310 00:20:05,500 --> 00:20:07,500 - That's true fatherhood. Now go. - My God... 311 00:20:07,500 --> 00:20:12,500 Let's keep the party going with the only Son of God here! 312 00:20:14,500 --> 00:20:19,500 Shit! Jesus killed that guy. And fed him to the tiger. 313 00:20:19,500 --> 00:20:23,500 guys. What did I miss? 314 00:20:23,500 --> 00:20:27,500 - Where the hell were you, Bartholomew? - I was "concealing" a corpse. 315 00:20:27,500 --> 00:20:30,500 - Where's Jesus? - We thought he was with you! 316 00:20:30,500 --> 00:20:33,500 "Concealing a corpse"? But isn't the tiger in the toilet? 317 00:20:33,500 --> 00:20:35,500 He's still there? 318 00:20:35,500 --> 00:20:37,500 When I left to bury Diego, Jesus said he'd solve the tiger thing. 319 00:20:37,500 --> 00:20:40,500 Where did you "conceal" this corpse? Over at Mesopotamia? 320 00:20:40,500 --> 00:20:43,500 No, in the back. Have you ever dug a grave by yourselves? 321 00:20:43,500 --> 00:20:48,500 - Anyway, when did you last see Jesus? - Let me see. When the Romans came in. 322 00:20:49,500 --> 00:20:51,500 Romans? 323 00:20:56,500 --> 00:21:05,500 Adaptarea: Legendofmir Traducerea: DOOMNEZEU 324 00:21:19,500 --> 00:21:22,500 Jesus is our King! 325 00:21:22,500 --> 00:21:26,500 - Jesus is our King! - Say what? 326 00:21:26,500 --> 00:21:28,500 Jesus is our King! 327 00:21:30,500 --> 00:21:32,500 Put me down! 328 00:21:32,500 --> 00:21:35,500 - God! - Coming! 329 00:21:35,500 --> 00:21:38,500 - Let me answer it. - No. I'll do it. 330 00:21:38,500 --> 00:21:45,500 - I'm just fine. I'll solve this in no time. - Everything will work out fine! 331 00:21:45,500 --> 00:21:48,500 It's the Romans! Everybody, leave through the back. 332 00:21:48,500 --> 00:21:52,500 I love them! I'll talk to them. 333 00:21:52,500 --> 00:21:57,500 Just tidy things up a little. It's all good! 334 00:21:57,500 --> 00:22:03,500 - Come on, that won't do! - Guys, chill out! How do I look? Fine? 335 00:22:03,500 --> 00:22:07,500 - Well, maybe not "fine," but... - How about my breath? 336 00:22:07,500 --> 00:22:10,500 - You're in no condition to... - Don't be silly. Guys! 337 00:22:10,500 --> 00:22:12,500 Chillax! 338 00:22:12,500 --> 00:22:15,500 Now Jesus will, take the wheel! 339 00:22:15,500 --> 00:22:20,500 Hello mr. Roman. Welcome to our humble abode. 340 00:22:22,500 --> 00:22:27,500 I choose God, God is my friend? 341 00:22:28,500 --> 00:22:31,500 What the fuck is going on here? 342 00:22:31,500 --> 00:22:40,500 We are gathered here to pray, all with a lot if pomegranate, dates, gluten-free bread, love 343 00:22:40,500 --> 00:22:42,500 and zero hashish. 344 00:22:42,500 --> 00:22:46,500 - We were informed there was a party here. - Here? No way. 345 00:22:46,500 --> 00:22:49,500 A party? In this peaceful environment? 346 00:22:49,500 --> 00:22:53,500 This must be a mistake. Maybe some other tavern is throwing it. 347 00:22:53,500 --> 00:22:55,500 It happens to all of us! 348 00:22:55,500 --> 00:22:59,500 This one time, I tried resurrecting a guy, and it turned out he was just old. 349 00:22:59,500 --> 00:23:05,500 - It was here. Documents, please. - We're good citizens, sir. 350 00:23:07,500 --> 00:23:11,500 - Is that wine? - A cup with every meal is good for the heart. 351 00:23:11,500 --> 00:23:13,500 - 1 only. - Poundme! 352 00:23:13,500 --> 00:23:15,500 - Pardon? - My colleague, Poundme. 353 00:23:15,500 --> 00:23:17,500 Yes? 354 00:23:17,500 --> 00:23:20,500 - Your name's "Pound Me"? - What's so funny about that? 355 00:23:20,500 --> 00:23:23,500 Is his last name "Hard"? 356 00:23:25,500 --> 00:23:27,500 What's the joke? 357 00:23:27,500 --> 00:23:30,500 - It reminded us of this joke, you know. - What joke? 358 00:23:30,500 --> 00:23:33,500 Internal joke. You had to be there. 359 00:23:33,500 --> 00:23:37,500 - Now, Poundme! - Use a nickname, for God's sake! 360 00:23:37,500 --> 00:23:40,500 You better respect me! I'm a relative of Biggus Dickus! 361 00:23:40,500 --> 00:23:43,500 - Playtime's over, you bozos! - Hands on the table, now! 362 00:23:43,500 --> 00:23:46,500 - Come on! - "Poundme"! 363 00:23:46,500 --> 00:23:50,500 Hands on the table, now! Look forward, punk! 364 00:23:50,500 --> 00:23:54,500 - Come on, dude. Let us off the hook. - Shut up! 365 00:23:54,500 --> 00:23:58,500 - Come on pal... - "Pal" my ass! I'm not your pal! 366 00:23:58,500 --> 00:24:01,500 - Son of a bitch! - That's abuse of power! 367 00:24:01,500 --> 00:24:06,500 - I'm gonna raise my little hand, ya hear? - I'll work my magic! 368 00:24:06,500 --> 00:24:09,500 - What's that over there? - It's nothing. 369 00:24:09,500 --> 00:24:14,500 - It's nothing! - He's just a buddy of ours! 370 00:24:14,500 --> 00:24:23,500 He doesn't look like he's sleeping. He just had too much to drink and passed out! 371 00:24:23,500 --> 00:24:27,500 - He is dead. - Dead? What the hell did you do? 372 00:24:27,500 --> 00:24:30,500 - You're all getting stoned and... - The fuck? 373 00:24:30,500 --> 00:24:33,500 I was taking such a nice nap. What happened? 374 00:24:33,500 --> 00:24:35,500 - See? He's alive. - Forget the drunkard, Poundme. 375 00:24:35,500 --> 00:24:39,500 "Pound Me"? Your name is... That hurts! 376 00:24:39,500 --> 00:24:41,500 He's the one doing that! 377 00:24:41,500 --> 00:24:44,500 - Messing with my insides... - Are you okay? 378 00:24:44,500 --> 00:24:50,500 I'm not! Just when I'm getting near the light, he brings me back... 379 00:24:50,500 --> 00:24:52,500 There it is! 380 00:24:52,500 --> 00:24:56,500 It is his doing! God, this burns like shit! 381 00:24:56,500 --> 00:24:59,500 Just let me go already, you bastard! 382 00:24:59,500 --> 00:25:05,500 - I'm getting there now! Someone pull me... - Legs open, smartass! 383 00:25:05,500 --> 00:25:07,500 - Come on... - Legs, open! 384 00:25:07,500 --> 00:25:12,500 - What are you guys up to? - What's this in your pocket? 385 00:25:12,500 --> 00:25:19,500 Just a loaf of bread I keep there. 2 buns. 3 buns. 4 buns. 386 00:25:19,500 --> 00:25:23,500 Are you making fun of me, damn it? You want to get it? 387 00:25:23,500 --> 00:25:25,500 Bun it up. All up in my buns. 388 00:25:25,500 --> 00:25:28,500 You messing with me? Want to say that to my fists? 389 00:25:28,500 --> 00:25:34,500 Who do you think you're talking to? Who the fuck, you think you're talking to? 390 00:25:34,500 --> 00:25:36,500 - Excuse me? - Do you know who my father is? 391 00:25:36,500 --> 00:25:39,500 Hope it's God, because you're in deep shit. 392 00:25:39,500 --> 00:25:41,500 It's Joseph! 393 00:25:41,500 --> 00:25:45,500 - Joseph the carpenter? - Joseph the carpenter! 394 00:25:45,500 --> 00:25:50,500 - You're Joseph the carpenter's son? - How's that for you? 395 00:25:50,500 --> 00:25:53,500 Poundme. You know that table in my place? 396 00:25:53,500 --> 00:25:55,500 - His dad made it! - And I bet it was with patina. 397 00:25:55,500 --> 00:25:57,500 It was a combo deal. 398 00:25:57,500 --> 00:25:59,500 - He's great with patina. - Best in the land! 399 00:25:59,500 --> 00:26:02,500 I stopped buying from him because he became expensive. 400 00:26:02,500 --> 00:26:04,500 'Course it did! Quality comes with a price. 401 00:26:04,500 --> 00:26:07,500 Bet that table will last till your next generation. 402 00:26:07,500 --> 00:26:10,500 I'll abstain from kicking your ass out of respect for Joseph. 403 00:26:10,500 --> 00:26:12,500 - Are we clear? - Yes, we are clear. 404 00:26:12,500 --> 00:26:14,500 Good. 405 00:26:14,500 --> 00:26:18,500 Thank you sir, but what can we do to settle things on our end 406 00:26:18,500 --> 00:26:20,500 so everyone can go home nice and happy? 407 00:26:20,500 --> 00:26:23,500 Well, that's up to you. 408 00:26:23,500 --> 00:26:26,500 The Legion needs some funds. Hard times and all. 409 00:26:26,500 --> 00:26:31,500 - Whatever you need, just say the word. - I don't know. What do you have to offer? 410 00:26:31,500 --> 00:26:36,500 What a coincidence! Our buddy there, the drunk one, just before he blacked out 411 00:26:36,500 --> 00:26:38,500 he said his dream was to make a donation. 412 00:26:38,500 --> 00:26:40,500 - Right, James? - Yeah! 413 00:26:40,500 --> 00:26:42,500 - The other James. - Yes? 414 00:26:42,500 --> 00:26:44,500 - Wasn't his dream to make a donation? - Which one? 415 00:26:44,500 --> 00:26:46,500 - That bag of coins Diego had... - Yes! 416 00:26:46,500 --> 00:26:50,500 The donation he wanted to make to the Roman Legion! 417 00:26:50,500 --> 00:26:52,500 - Of course! - Now we're talking! 418 00:26:52,500 --> 00:26:56,500 Just let me find it. Altruism's great. Helping thy neighbor and all. 419 00:26:56,500 --> 00:26:58,500 - Here it is! - There we go. 420 00:26:58,500 --> 00:27:02,500 Come on, Poundme! Have a nice one, guys, but this smartass is coming with me. 421 00:27:02,500 --> 00:27:06,500 - What? Why? - I need something to show to the Legion. 422 00:27:06,500 --> 00:27:09,500 - That's excessive! - Come on, we had a deal! 423 00:27:09,500 --> 00:27:11,500 No! 424 00:27:11,500 --> 00:27:14,500 You can't leave, not before... 425 00:27:14,500 --> 00:27:16,500 - Using our restroom! - Restroom? 426 00:27:16,500 --> 00:27:21,500 It's great stuff. Porcelain walls, just amazing. 427 00:27:21,500 --> 00:27:25,500 There's even ice cubes and lemon in the urinal. It's fun! 428 00:27:25,500 --> 00:27:28,500 Plus, there's not a single decent bathroom, from here to Jerusalem! 429 00:27:28,500 --> 00:27:32,500 True that! You'll have to poop in the woods and wipe it with myrrh. 430 00:27:32,500 --> 00:27:38,500 - So just use our restroom. It has candy! - Good idea. Gotta fire some torpedoes. 431 00:27:38,500 --> 00:27:43,500 Bust a grumpy one. If you need to go, go now, Poundme! 432 00:27:43,500 --> 00:27:48,500 - No toilets on the road! - Okay. Fill this bag. It's only got 30 coins. 433 00:27:48,500 --> 00:27:50,500 You betcha! 434 00:27:50,500 --> 00:27:54,500 - Where's the bathroom door? - Right there! 435 00:27:54,500 --> 00:27:56,500 Can't miss it. 436 00:27:56,500 --> 00:27:58,500 - This one? - Yes, that one! 437 00:27:58,500 --> 00:28:02,500 - But shut the door behind you! - Right. 438 00:28:08,500 --> 00:28:13,500 Happy now? Now the tiger's full and won't eat stupid Diego. 439 00:28:13,500 --> 00:28:17,500 - Bartholomew. Bury that sack of crap. - Man. 440 00:28:17,500 --> 00:28:19,500 - I'm sorry. - Shut up. 441 00:28:19,500 --> 00:28:23,500 Guys! Automatic wine refill! 442 00:28:23,500 --> 00:28:26,500 Whoever chugs it first wins! Let's do it! 443 00:28:26,500 --> 00:28:31,500 - Stop! This is the last round, you hear? - Shit! 444 00:28:31,500 --> 00:28:34,500 How could you lose Jesus? 445 00:28:34,500 --> 00:28:36,500 That's what we're trying to figure out. 446 00:28:36,500 --> 00:28:38,500 - James? - Yes? 447 00:28:38,500 --> 00:28:42,500 Dude, it's never you! Whenever someone says "James" it's the other James! 448 00:28:42,500 --> 00:28:45,500 - No one cares about you! Or likes you! - You're the most uninteresting person here! 449 00:28:45,500 --> 00:28:48,500 "Soraya" would be more evocative of you than "James"! 450 00:28:48,500 --> 00:28:50,500 People say "James"? It's always the other one! 451 00:28:50,500 --> 00:28:53,500 - Don't listen to him. - Thomas is so rude today. 452 00:28:53,500 --> 00:28:56,500 - I did mean the smaller James. - See? What is it? 453 00:28:56,500 --> 00:28:58,500 - Get me some water, yeah? - Okay. 454 00:28:58,500 --> 00:29:01,500 Maybe some more Romans came in and took Jesus. 455 00:29:01,500 --> 00:29:03,500 - We would know if they did. - Would we? 456 00:29:03,500 --> 00:29:06,500 And now news from Judas. Wake up, damn it! 457 00:29:06,500 --> 00:29:10,500 When did Judas get drunk? When I left, he was still sober. 458 00:29:10,500 --> 00:29:13,500 Here's your water. 459 00:29:17,500 --> 00:29:19,500 What the fuck? 460 00:29:19,500 --> 00:29:23,500 - Jesus? - No, it's the tavern's owner. 461 00:29:23,500 --> 00:29:26,500 How did he end up hanging from the ceiling? 462 00:29:26,500 --> 00:29:30,500 - I'm gonna fucking murder you. - Easy there! Temper! 463 00:29:30,500 --> 00:29:34,500 I'd be mad, too. By the smell of it, he tried crapping before pissing on us. 464 00:29:34,500 --> 00:29:37,500 - There, speak. - I'ma shove a cactus up your asses! 465 00:29:37,500 --> 00:29:40,500 - Easy, man. - "Easy" my ass! 466 00:29:40,500 --> 00:29:42,500 I was stuck up there for eight hours! 467 00:29:42,500 --> 00:29:45,500 - How did you get up there? - It was that son of a bitch's idea! 468 00:29:45,500 --> 00:29:48,500 - What son of a bitch? - Jesus! 469 00:29:48,500 --> 00:29:51,500 You can't call Jesus a son of a bitch! 470 00:29:51,500 --> 00:29:53,500 - Whose idea? - One of your drunk asses, maybe? 471 00:29:53,500 --> 00:29:55,500 So you're saying we tied you up there? 472 00:29:55,500 --> 00:29:57,500 - It was James dare. - Me? 473 00:29:57,500 --> 00:29:59,500 No, the other one. He gave Jesus the idea. 474 00:29:59,500 --> 00:30:03,500 - I'm fucking clueless again. - James can't do dares. 475 00:30:03,500 --> 00:30:06,500 You're after Jesus, right? You should be. 476 00:30:06,500 --> 00:30:09,500 After that "spin the bottle" shit got real. 477 00:30:12,500 --> 00:30:16,500 Spin it, and, stop! 478 00:30:16,500 --> 00:30:19,500 Truth or dare? 479 00:30:22,500 --> 00:30:24,500 I dunno. Truth. Why not? 480 00:30:27,500 --> 00:30:30,500 Peter, which Apostle would you screw? 481 00:30:33,500 --> 00:30:36,500 Come on, guys, don't ask that. It's not cool. 482 00:30:36,500 --> 00:30:38,500 No, now it's getting fun! 483 00:30:38,500 --> 00:30:43,500 He can't answer that. We're all pals here, how could we choose? 484 00:30:43,500 --> 00:30:46,500 - Thaddaeus. - You go, Thaddaeus! 485 00:30:46,500 --> 00:30:49,500 You're getting some tonight! 486 00:30:50,500 --> 00:30:53,500 - Thaddaeus? - Yeah Thaddaeus. 487 00:30:53,500 --> 00:30:56,500 I had to choose, so I chose him. 488 00:30:56,500 --> 00:31:01,500 You had 11 options and you chose Thaddaeus, the Apostle who hasn't said a thing all night? 489 00:31:01,500 --> 00:31:04,500 A supporting character at best, an extra at worst? 490 00:31:04,500 --> 00:31:07,500 Sorry, but you are. You're just here 'cause Jesus wanted 12. 491 00:31:07,500 --> 00:31:12,500 - Thaddaeus is cool! - Yeah he's cool, but you know, so is Thomas. 492 00:31:12,500 --> 00:31:15,500 James is cool, too. We all are. Don't you think so? 493 00:31:15,500 --> 00:31:18,500 - Come on man, relax. It's just a game! - Fuck that! 494 00:31:18,500 --> 00:31:21,500 If Peter has a fling with Thaddaeus, I want to know why! 495 00:31:21,500 --> 00:31:24,500 Answer it Peter! You picked "truth" so tell it. 496 00:31:24,500 --> 00:31:26,500 What is going on here? 497 00:31:26,500 --> 00:31:30,500 Well Jesus, Peter is throwing away 4 years of... 498 00:31:30,500 --> 00:31:35,500 - Guys! Look at the bottle! It's Judas's turn! - Judas! 499 00:31:35,500 --> 00:31:38,500 - Sorry. I was about to leave. - Wait up! What gives? 500 00:31:38,500 --> 00:31:41,500 I'm tired. I have to get up early tomorrow, so... 501 00:31:41,500 --> 00:31:44,500 - Just one last drink! - I didn't even have a first drink. 502 00:31:44,500 --> 00:31:48,500 - You're such a stick in the mud! - No, I just can't handle my alcohol. 503 00:31:48,500 --> 00:31:52,500 You little faggot! Faggot! 504 00:31:52,500 --> 00:31:55,500 - Faggot! - Faggot! 505 00:31:55,500 --> 00:31:58,500 That is not a cool thing to say, Jesus. 506 00:31:58,500 --> 00:32:01,500 - I have a lot to do tomorrow morning. - Have a glass of water at least! 507 00:32:01,500 --> 00:32:03,500 Do that and I'll let you go. 508 00:32:03,500 --> 00:32:06,500 - A glass of water? - Yeah, just to humor us. 509 00:32:06,500 --> 00:32:09,500 I see. You'll turn it to wine on its way to my stomach. 510 00:32:09,500 --> 00:32:11,500 No, I won't. 511 00:32:11,500 --> 00:32:14,500 - I've seen you do it before. - I'm not going to this time! 512 00:32:14,500 --> 00:32:16,500 - It's just a glass of water? - Yes. 513 00:32:16,500 --> 00:32:18,500 - You won't turn it into wine? - I won't. 514 00:32:18,500 --> 00:32:20,500 Okay then. 515 00:32:20,500 --> 00:32:27,500 - I turned it into absinthe, bitches! - Come on! It's James's turn! 516 00:32:27,500 --> 00:32:31,500 - I'll tell the truth. - It isn't your turn! 517 00:32:31,500 --> 00:32:33,500 - Truth or dare? - Dare. 518 00:32:33,500 --> 00:32:36,500 Playtime's over! I need you out of here now! 519 00:32:36,500 --> 00:32:39,500 The Romans are coming back at any minute. 520 00:32:39,500 --> 00:32:41,500 - Come on, just 30 more minutes. - 2 minutes. 521 00:32:41,500 --> 00:32:45,500 People have died here! And look how Judas is! 522 00:32:45,500 --> 00:32:49,500 He's in a coma! And the toilet's clogged with blood! 523 00:32:49,500 --> 00:32:51,500 It's over. Out of here, now! Now, Jesus! 524 00:32:51,500 --> 00:32:55,500 Don't you talk to me like this, or I'm raising my little hand! 525 00:32:55,500 --> 00:32:57,500 - Calm down. - I'll raise my hand... 526 00:32:57,500 --> 00:33:01,500 Easy, Jesus! Bartholomew isn't even back from his first grave digging yet! 527 00:33:01,500 --> 00:33:04,500 You said "dare," right? So here's what we'll do. 528 00:33:04,500 --> 00:33:07,500 I dare you to tie the tavern's owner to the ceiling. 529 00:33:07,500 --> 00:33:09,500 - What? - Or else? 530 00:33:09,500 --> 00:33:14,500 Or else I'll write in the New Testament that James the Apostle, was a cocksucker! 531 00:33:14,500 --> 00:33:16,500 - That's just being an asshole! - That's it! 532 00:33:16,500 --> 00:33:19,500 - Just specify which James, please. - I'll leave it ambiguous! 533 00:33:19,500 --> 00:33:26,500 - People in the future will decide! - Spin the bottle! 534 00:33:35,500 --> 00:33:39,500 It's pointing at me! 535 00:33:39,500 --> 00:33:41,500 Truth or dare? 536 00:33:41,500 --> 00:33:45,500 Ask him what the Devil did to tempt him in the desert. 537 00:33:45,500 --> 00:33:49,500 Dare! I'm not falling for that! 538 00:33:49,500 --> 00:33:53,500 - Just spin that bottle again. - Wait, what's the dare? 539 00:33:53,500 --> 00:33:56,500 - Forget it, Jesus. - Why? 540 00:34:00,500 --> 00:34:05,500 - Well, you're Jesus. - So what? Did you forget my origins? 541 00:34:06,500 --> 00:34:11,500 We're all birds of a feather, dude! It's me! Jesus Christ! 542 00:34:11,500 --> 00:34:14,500 JC Superstar! Come on. 543 00:34:14,500 --> 00:34:16,500 - You want to fuck shit up? - I do! 544 00:34:16,500 --> 00:34:19,500 - You're gonna fuck shit up! - I'm all for it! 545 00:34:20,500 --> 00:34:24,500 I dare you! I double dare you, to say the alphabet backwards! 546 00:34:24,500 --> 00:34:26,500 What? 547 00:34:26,500 --> 00:34:30,500 - That's hardcore! - It's a hard one. 548 00:34:30,500 --> 00:34:33,500 It is pretty hard. Let me try. 549 00:34:33,500 --> 00:34:36,500 Z, Y, M. 550 00:34:36,500 --> 00:34:40,500 - Got it wrong already! - What the hell are you talking about? 551 00:34:40,500 --> 00:34:44,500 Are you scared of daring me to do something? 552 00:34:44,500 --> 00:34:47,500 - Of course not. - No, no. 553 00:34:47,500 --> 00:34:51,500 - I'll dare you again to prove it. - Lay it on me. 554 00:34:51,500 --> 00:34:54,500 I dare you to wash everybody's feet! Especially Simon's! 555 00:34:54,500 --> 00:34:58,500 I just threw up on my foot! I dare you to that! 556 00:34:58,500 --> 00:35:00,500 - Cut it out! - The fuck? 557 00:35:00,500 --> 00:35:06,500 The fuck is this? What's going on? I don't even recognize you anymore! 558 00:35:06,500 --> 00:35:11,500 It'll be in the Bible, "Jesus had 12 Apostles who were 12 lame fuckers." 559 00:35:11,500 --> 00:35:16,500 Where are those 12 badass Apostles who'd follow me and always test me? 560 00:35:16,500 --> 00:35:19,500 Our relationship is getting samey as hell! 561 00:35:19,500 --> 00:35:23,500 It became a boring routine! I say "amen," you say "hallelujah"! 562 00:35:23,500 --> 00:35:27,500 I want you to say, "Fuck 'amen'. I'm all up in this shit!" 563 00:35:27,500 --> 00:35:31,500 Where's the ping-pong? I'm pinging and getting no pong! 564 00:35:31,500 --> 00:35:36,500 - I want you to dare me to do crazy shit! - Look at this nail! 565 00:35:36,500 --> 00:35:38,500 - This is so unnecessary. - Jesus, don't. 566 00:35:38,500 --> 00:35:41,500 - I want a crazy-ass game! - Eyes closed! 567 00:35:41,500 --> 00:35:46,500 - That's dangerous, Jesus! - Call Mary. 568 00:35:46,500 --> 00:35:50,500 That's right, yo! Who else wants to try? 569 00:35:50,500 --> 00:35:53,500 - Come on. - Jesus. 570 00:35:53,500 --> 00:35:57,500 Take the nail, Simon. Take it! 571 00:35:57,500 --> 00:35:59,500 - Come on. - Let's not... 572 00:35:59,500 --> 00:36:04,500 Now! Nail between the fingers! And I want it 500 fucking miles an hour! 573 00:36:04,500 --> 00:36:06,500 I said now! 574 00:36:06,500 --> 00:36:11,500 Guess I'll have to ask Thaddaeus to nail Peter, 'cause, boy, can he nail! 575 00:36:11,500 --> 00:36:17,500 Fucking asshole! You know blood gets me a little nervous. 576 00:36:19,500 --> 00:36:25,500 - What have you done, Simon? - Isn't he the big shot? Then big shoot this! 577 00:36:25,500 --> 00:36:28,500 - Help me remove the nail... - No, don't. 578 00:36:28,500 --> 00:36:31,500 Didn't he want something that'd surprise him? 579 00:36:31,500 --> 00:36:35,500 He said we weren't daring, that we had to do something to test him. 580 00:36:35,500 --> 00:36:39,500 Here's the thing. You, get three more nails. You, get those two beams that fell down. 581 00:36:39,500 --> 00:36:41,500 - I'm lost... - Listen! 582 00:36:41,500 --> 00:36:45,500 We're going to do what we did to the kids in boarding school. 583 00:36:45,500 --> 00:36:48,500 When they drank too much, we'd make them into scarecrows. 584 00:36:48,500 --> 00:36:53,500 Tying them up, so that the next day, they'd wake up with vultures pecking at their heads! 585 00:36:53,500 --> 00:36:55,500 That's just low blood pressure! 586 00:36:55,500 --> 00:36:58,500 - Isn't that prank kind of extreme? - He'll love it! 587 00:36:58,500 --> 00:37:02,500 Jesus has a sense of humor. He won't get mad. We'll show him the daring Apostles! 588 00:37:02,500 --> 00:37:05,500 - He can regenerate that wound. - He can, can't he? 589 00:37:05,500 --> 00:37:12,500 - Let's just do it. What could go wrong? - What the shit have we done? 590 00:37:12,500 --> 00:37:16,500 - He's going to kill us! - Great idea, Thomas. 591 00:37:16,500 --> 00:37:20,500 You agreed to it. It made sense at the time. 592 00:37:20,500 --> 00:37:22,500 And who are those two other guys? 593 00:37:22,500 --> 00:37:26,500 They look like those beggars who sleep in front of the bar. 594 00:37:26,500 --> 00:37:30,500 That crown of thorns, I think it could've done without it. 595 00:37:30,500 --> 00:37:35,500 Too much detail ruins it. Magdalene. You. 596 00:37:35,500 --> 00:37:38,500 - Cheer up. - He changed my life! 597 00:37:40,500 --> 00:37:43,500 - He changed ours, too. - You knew Dimas, too? 598 00:37:43,500 --> 00:37:46,500 - Who's Dimas? - The one in the right. 599 00:37:46,500 --> 00:37:50,500 No, we're talking about Jesus. The one in the middle. 600 00:37:50,500 --> 00:37:54,500 - Where do you know Dimas from? - He was my first customer! 601 00:37:54,500 --> 00:37:57,500 I am who I am today because of his word of mouth. 602 00:37:57,500 --> 00:38:02,500 My head is killing me! I've never been this hung over. 603 00:38:02,500 --> 00:38:06,500 What are you? What happened here? 604 00:38:07,500 --> 00:38:09,500 Who did this to the Messiah? 605 00:38:09,500 --> 00:38:12,500 - It was... - Actually... 606 00:38:12,500 --> 00:38:15,500 It was you! 607 00:38:15,500 --> 00:38:18,500 - Me? - Happy now, Judas? 608 00:38:18,500 --> 00:38:21,500 - Yeah! - It was you! 609 00:38:21,500 --> 00:38:24,500 - When? - After you chugged that drink. 610 00:38:24,500 --> 00:38:29,500 God. I don't remember a thing after that drink! 611 00:38:29,500 --> 00:38:31,500 You monster! 612 00:38:31,500 --> 00:38:33,500 - Hold on, there! - "Hold on"? 613 00:38:33,500 --> 00:38:37,500 Our King stands there crucified, by your Judas hands! 614 00:38:37,500 --> 00:38:39,500 - How can we "hold on"? - Yeah. 615 00:38:39,500 --> 00:38:42,500 But why would I do that? 616 00:38:42,500 --> 00:38:44,500 - For money! - Damn it, Judas! 617 00:38:44,500 --> 00:38:46,500 He did it for money! 618 00:38:46,500 --> 00:38:48,500 - Traitor! - I'm sorry, my Lord... 619 00:38:48,500 --> 00:38:51,500 - Out of our sight! - Leave! 620 00:38:51,500 --> 00:38:55,500 Get that traitor now! 621 00:38:55,500 --> 00:38:57,500 - Murderer! - Murderer! 622 00:38:57,500 --> 00:39:03,500 Bartholomew, just hide that old corpse, for three days until things settle down. 623 00:39:03,500 --> 00:39:05,500 James! 624 00:39:05,500 --> 00:39:09,500 - Jesus? You're alive? - Did Judas believe I was dead? 625 00:39:09,500 --> 00:39:13,500 'Course he did! He was just chased off by a mob! 626 00:39:13,500 --> 00:39:17,500 - Is that a dare or what? - Judas just got a rope. That don't look good. 627 00:39:17,500 --> 00:39:21,500 - Gotta learn with the master! - He just wants attention! 628 00:39:21,500 --> 00:39:24,500 Now get me down from here. My hernia's acting up. 629 00:39:24,500 --> 00:39:29,500 Good God! 630 00:39:27,500 --> 00:39:40,500 Adaptarea: Legendofmir Traducerea: DOOMNEZEU 53701

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