Original subtitles

- We won't see you. - Sure we will, Mom.

They're not going far.

- Right, kids? - No! Just to Paris.

Careful, it's fragile.

It's ten miles away.

We have this huge house.

And you want to share a cramped, overpriced apartment?

You on pause? My speaker!

Sandrine's pregnant pause!

- The cigarette! Stop smoking. - Yes, Mom!

Come on.

It's all in there?

We're good.

Should we go?

Hug! Hug!

My little sausage!

My big bunny!

Let's get moving, we'll hit traffic.

By the way, big bunny...

All right.

- Stop, Dad! - It's a big day.

My dad did that, and my grandfather.

Wait, wait!

I forgot the crumble!

Don't bother!

Yes! Wait! It's all ready. Two slices.

- In the truck? - Eat it on the way.

See you soon.

That what they say?

Come over tonight?

Mom!

Just kidding.

We promise! Every Sunday!

Bye!

See you Sunday!

- I miss them already. - There, there.

TEN YEARS LATER

Never the right time!

Can I call you back?

Hi sausage!

Tomorrow, for your birthday, come early.

A quarter to twelve?

Fine.

We can look at photo albums.

Great!

I found that one from île d'Oléron!

Fantastic.

Your brother pulled your bathing suit down!

You slapped him one!

Mom, can I call you back? I'm hanging up.

Go ahead, hang up.

I'm hanging up.

Hello?

She hung up!

Mommykins

Oh fuck.

Hi big bunny, it's mommy!

You don't answer on Saturdays?

Your sister's coming early.

I hope you can come at the same time.

So we won't have to wait for you.

See what I mean?

By the way, your shirts are ready.

Kisses! It's Mom.

PRICE OF PARENTING

Here. Washed and ironed by Mommy.

Don't you have a bag?

Hang on...

Thanks.

Don't say goodbye.

I forgot.

Thank you.

Present!

I know. Put it down, I can't do it now.

He used to at least come pick them up.

A messenger...

Might as well pay for a cleaners.

He says they smell wrong when it's not you.

So sentimental!

Who's the queen of the party?

Sandrine!

And who is sparkling like a diamond?

Sandrine!

To Sandrine, a happy what?

Birthday!

And I made it!

Let's heat this up a little!

Let's go, let's get hot now!

Look out! That's hot, Sandrine!

Why have a phone if she never answers?

I'm calling again.

Hi! Leave your name and I'll get back to you.

If it's worth it!

Stéphane misses his sister's birthday, ok, maybe.

But the birthday girl herself!

I'm calling Régis.

Sweetums, your father.

Oh shit.

You didn't wake me?

I did, you said ten more minutes.

I did it ten times, that's ten times ten.

Hi, Dad.

You hurt your mom. Again.

I overslept. I'm sorry.

Not as sorry as we are!

Your mom went all out. She made your crumble.

I'll put her on. Apologize!

Well...

she's busy right now.

Did you have fun at least?

I feel like shit. I was up till 4.

Listen, Sandrine!

- Watch your language. - Oh, Dad.

Why don't you come about six?

I'll drive you home afterward.

I could even come pick you up.

Six?

Yeah, that's good.

No, the thing is, it's such a mess here.

I have to tidy up.

I'll come next Sunday.

I promise, Dad!

Kisses. Kisses, kisses.

I'd love to visit them now and then.

Why are you hung up?

I'm not, I love my mother.

Always the same story. "Not pregnant? Shouldn't smoke."

Like I didn't know.

- Parents. - Yours are easier.

It always seems others have easier parents.

A crumble without the kids is not a crumble!

There.

She did this last year, too.

Think so?

I don't think, I know! So do you!

You're consoling me.

Sunday's her day to sleep in.

She doesn't work Saturdays either.

She had a party with her friends.

In any case, I loved it.

What? We didn't eat.

I have gardening to do.

Oh, that ringtone!

Yeah, it's the only one I'm sure I can hear.

Hello! Stéphane!

- Mom? - Who else?

Shit! I hit the wrong button.

Let me use your wrong button to say

on your sister's birthday, of course, she didn't show.

What can I do?

It's true we seriously partied.

I got to go. I'm late to play squash.

Squash? Your dad said you had...

- Con... - A con call.

A con call?

Yeah, I do. Right after squash.

By the way, your shirts are ready.

Thank you.

CLEANERS

Incredible. He only calls me by mistake!

I am a wrong button.

I am a wrong button!

Mr. Lecomte, ready for your veneers?

Go ahead in and sit down.

I'll be right in.

Call your mother yet?

- Call her. - I will.

Right now.

Right this second? Sure, look.

- Pick up the phone. - There. Easy.

- Check. - There!

Easy!

I'll take a Cashword, a Mania...

Ah! About time!

Hello, it's your mom. Still alive.

Mom, I work. I have no time.

You go tinkle, you can call your mother!

While I have you, what should I make for Christmas?

That's a month away.

Sure, but I need time to prepare.

Turkey or capon?

Neither, I'm vegan now.

Just tell me, turkey or capon?

Vegan, Mom.

Vegetarian. I don't eat dead animals. You understand?

Sandrine, please.

Be vegetarian after Christmas.

I can't talk now. I'll call you back.

All right. Kisses, Mom!

Kisses...

Kisses!

Why don't you tell her?

The longer you wait...

Dentist's office?

You'll regret this.

A Payout, a Colossal, a Eurocash...

Eurocash...

And uh... a Cool Million, a Nugget...

A Bullseye.

And throw in a Scratch-Me-Now.

One Scratch-Me-Now.

Oh hello, Mrs. Gluten. I didn't see you.

Scratch-Me-Now right away?

Always so funny.

Thanks. We're good.

Mrs. Clutaine. I love calling her "Gluten"!

It drives her nuts.

Bankers!

Bankers... I'll just take a "Pick Six".

Ok, Christian.

- And this. - My wife's magazines.

How are you, Chantal?

My daughter called but can't talk!

It was nice of her to call.

I'll get a head start.

To the supermarket.

Crazy! I ask what she wants for Christmas dinner.

I feel like I'm scamming her.

And get this: The young lady is now a vegetarian.

It's a trend now.

My sausage a vegetarian!

Look.

Ask Stéphane for a steam station for Christmas.

Very funny!

Can't even joke.

Oh, speak of the devil.

Dad, I'm polishing my shoes now.

Should I really spit on them?

Or is that a legend?

Ask your mother.

It's Stéphane.

He wants to know

if spit really makes shoes shine.

What do I know? They say it works.

Your mother says it might work, but she's not sure.

Hey, we'll be in Paris Thursday.

We could have lunch?

A quick lunch!

Let me check my schedule.

To have lunch with your son,

dial one now.

Listen, sure.

Thursday I'm free.

Your mom will be glad.

Ask her to bring my shirts?

I promise.

Stéphane...

Stéphane, hello?

Why didn't he call me?

If he wants to know if spitting on shoes...

makes them shine.

Hon, we're having lunch with Stéphane Thursday.

You don't say!

And he suggested it.

- Not practical. - He'll have it at snack time.

I'm sure he doesn't eat right.

Thank you.

If he won't come to the crumble,

the crumble will come to him!

What I thought is we could increase charges...

Don't think, little Stéphane. My report, today or tomorrow?

What report? Oh right!

Come in.

Your parents are here.

What parents?

A man and a woman, the ones who made you.

Oh shit, it's Thursday.

Lunch with Daddy and Mommy?

Daddy and mommy, baby!

Stéphane, pace yourself.

That report, I want it today.

- I'll manage. - Yeah, manage!

Excuse me.

There he is.

Sorry, I'm slammed.

Can't make lunch. We're on a con call.

Oh no!

Mom, look, I'm at work.

Here, your shirts.

Right, thanks.

Cool.

- Take the crumble. - No! It's embarrassing.

She made it for you.

I know, but I'm in a meeting!

I promise I'll come by to pick them up. Kiss.

He seemed ashamed of us.

No! Why?

Yeah! At one point, he gave us a strange look.

He did! That sideways glance.

Stop, Chantal. You're churning.

I'm not churning anything!

Same as in grade school. I had to wait down the block.

- All kids do that. - He is! Ashamed of us!

Stop! Why would he be ashamed of us?

Sorry, eating here is prohibited.

I'm sorry.

You're getting it all over!

Hey.

We could drop by and say hello to Sandrine.

At this point, sure.

Call her. It's never good to just barge in.

Look!

Hi! Leave your name and I'll get back to you.

If it's worth it!

It's because she knows with you it lasts a while,

and her break is very short.

- Did she sigh in frustration? - I didn't see it.

She did this.

No.

She did!

It wasn't exactly like that.

Yeah? Then what was it like?

Look.

I ate it all.

I saw her do it.

What a shame. Your mother just went to the hairdresser.

I was in the neighborhood.

I figured I'd come pick up my shirts.

By the way, while you're here,

for Christmas, do you want turkey or capon?

I'll let you know. It's not totally sure yet.

Sure of what?

Hang on!

Yeah? No!

No, I kicked your ass around the block.

Sure about what?

Hang on, my dad's here.

I might have a seminar in Courchevel.

A seminar in Courchevel? Stéphane, quit lying.

You're going skiing.

I have a friend whose parents may lend us a chalet.

But it's not sure.

You're waiting for a better offer.

What planet do you live on? Ever heard of family?

- It's all right. - No it's not!

Ok. Rematch on Sunday.

Take those Q-Tips out!

They're earbuds.

I know what they are. You think I'm an idiot.

Seriously, this is hard to take!

I never see you. You're always plugged in elsewhere.

Now we're together, here. Put your "con calls" on hold!

Be here with me.

It gets really tiresome.

- Later. My dad is cheesed off. - Yes. I am cheesed off.

Look, I'll let you know as soon as I do.

All right.

Kiss.

Fuck, I forgot my shirts!

Kiss!

I'm late, I'm late, I'm late!

Thank your mom!

I stopped by to buy flowers.

Did Stéphane stop by?

- For just a second. - Just my luck.

How did you know?

Orange juice, left out, open.

I went to the market.

I ordered a turkey and a capon. We'll decide later.

And little sausage, vegetarian or not, will eat what we have!

About that...

this year,

Stéphane

may not be here.

He might go skiing with his friends.

- Dad? - Yes.

Is mom there?

She's not far.

Don't bother her.

Could you tell her...

that...

in the end,

I can't come on Christmas

because I have a cooking seminar in Italy.

It's a birthday gift, only a week. We'll have Christmas later.

I know you understand, Dad.

Great. Big kiss, Daddykins.

Give mom a kiss. Kiss, kiss!

She sends her love.

Chantal?

I don't want to see you anymore! I'm sick of your faces staring at me!

Come on, Chantal!

Don't get so upset!

Little snotnoses! I'm done with you!

No, watch out! You'll hurt yourself.

All over! Lousy brats!

And this one, too!

Over and done!

We take care of them,

give them our lives!

So bloody ungrateful!

It's no big deal. We'll have Christmas on New Year's Day.

Look at me.

Christmas on New Year's? Over my dead body!

Never!

Never.

Spare change?

Thanks. God will repay you.

Too much to ask for.

Just give me peace and quiet.

Trouble sleeping?

Not a wink.

Yeah, that happens.

Hey!

You had a winner here?

- Not a jackpot, but 300K isn't bad. - I'll say.

The guy's wife was leaving him.

Afterward, she came back. Right quick!

Should've held his tongue.

Money talks, as they say.

Got that right.

Anyway...

Chantal?

There is a solution.

Solution?

To get them to come for Christmas.

Use a little bait.

Bait?

Motivate them.

That's all I ever do.

No, honey.

You only ever ask them to come,

hope that they'll come.

I mean something that would

make them run over here.

Make them stick close to home.

They'd be on our backs all day long.

We don't count for our kids.

We need a recount.

We're going to win the lottery.

We'll make them believe

that we won the lottery.

Out of the question. Too dishonest.

It's Stéphane!

Sandrine's in trouble.

Or an EMT is using his phone because he died.

Answer!

Yeah, Mom. I stained my shirt. What do I do?

Got scissors?

Yeah, I think so.

Take the scissors

and cut very carefully around the stain.

Leaving a wide margin.

Cut it out around the stain,

nice and wide,

cut it, cut it.

Remove the whole stain, and if you did it right,

the stain is gone.

By the way, thank you

for lunch last Thursday.

And while we're at it, merry Christmas and happy New Year!

And that's that!

Putting me on!

Yes.

What's wrong with Mom?

- So upset! - Bunny, it's two in the morning!

Can I guess your bedtime?

Exactly. Come over once in a while, you'll know our habits.

Goodbye! Hang on, two in the morning is not early!

Goodbye again!

Christian.

Chantal.

That lottery thing of yours.

I'm in.

They're a big pain in the ass, those two little shits.

Wait!

Wait!

Stop!

Stop, it's a mistake!

Give me that back!

What in the world? You don't throw these things out!

And don't touch a thing!

I got little snot, you take big dummy.

Easy, Chantal.

This will show them. We're going to show them we exist!

- Ready? - Yes.

Here we go.

Dental office, can I help you?

Hi! Leave your name and I'll get back to you.

If it's worth it!

This one will be worth it!

Hi, honey. It's Mommy!

We have great news.

Daddy and I have won lots of money in the lottery.

See you later! Kiss, kiss!

Worked all night?

Yeah. Yeah, almost all night.

Well clearly you lack talent.

Sir, I thought...

Stop thinking!

Phone rings in a meeting, too!

Stéphane does it all.

Dad? I'll call back.

Remind me to call him.

Where were we?

He hung up! Damn it!

What is this bullshit? I'm pissed off now!

Relax, Christian. I'm trying Sandrine's office line.

A week from Thursday? Hang on, I have another call.

Hello, ma'am. I have a problem with my bridge.

I need an appointment.

Have you come before?

First time. A new patient.

- Mom? - Yes.

- A toothache? - No, my teeth are fine.

And they say, "Listen to your messages."

I'll let you take care of payment.

- Next? - Mrs. Dupuy.

- You said to remind you, your father. - I said that?

Yes, you said...

"Remind me to call my old man."

- Answer! - No.

Answer or we'll never get it done. Answer!

Let him see how it feels.

Pick up already. He's so slow!

Honey, answer.

Yes.

Hello? Bunny? You there?

Of course I'm here. You keep calling me.

What is it?

It's very important. Now I won't tell you.

So there!

Parents! Mine are real specimens!

- Yours leave you be? - Roger. Both dead.

I loved them, I miss them terribly.

- Sorry. - Call him back?

Since he's still alive.

You hung up? What is it with you?

It's just that, it's just...

Hurry it up, I'm late!

Your mom and I won the lottery.

A big pile of dough. Have a nice day!

Did I ever cut him down to size!

Well done!

- What did he say? - "A big pile of dough."

That's a quote.

Having dinner at your parents'?

Well I...

The door code is 2842. See you.

- Now. - How much?

My brother. Maybe someone died.

Just a joke.

Talk to Dad?

You could say hello. No, Mom called me. What is it?

They won the lottery!

Apparently a very big pile of dough!

And I'm Santa Claus.

Idiot, why would I kid about that?

On another break?!

Stéphane?

Listen, sweetums, help me out.

Answer, because the ringing...

That's all I'm doing.

Dental office. Please hold on.

How much is it?

I just need to check something.

Hi, honey. It's Mommy!

We have great news.

Daddy and I have won lots of money in the lottery.

See you later!

- Yes? - Hello?

Hi Mommy dear. You called?

Yeah, Dad! It's me.

Sorry about before. I was maybe a little brusque.

I had some trouble at work.

I understand. All that stress. Work, work, work.

Régis' parents invited us to dinner

but I think I can cancel.

Perhaps I could come over?

Well of course!

I thought I'd come over and celebrate.

Just us.

Great.

Cool! See you later.

Wonderful, wonderful.

See you later.

Kiss, mommy dear!

Our kids are coming to dinner.

Got to go. My brother had an accident. He's in the hospital.

Wait, I'll come with you.

Please don't!

Don't wait up for me, honeybunch.

Sweetums!

Let's go!

Time to go home!

Ten minutes early, no cancellation.

We can be sure they really love us.

Don't make me laugh.

I'm so nervous.

I'm uneasy lying. How should I act?

Just act naturally. One key word!

We're not spending because...

We're being discreet!

Honey, let yourself enjoy this.

My darlings, my darlings!

- Hi Dad. - My darling little Mommy.

Little sausage.

Daddykins.

How are you?

I'm so happy to see you.

I could tell.

Oh! You broke your piggy bank for your old dad.

Trouble finding it?

What?

Your way here.

- Pretty funny, huh? - LOL!

Take off your coats.

This beloved old house!

Right.

- Where are the champagne glasses? - Same place as always.

The glasses, the glasses...

You have amnesia? They're here.

Natural, natural.

Well now...

Champagne, Dad?

Need some help, Mom?

It smells so good! What is it?

Boiling water.

Oh yeah.

How's your health, Dad? You look well.

Very well.

With all those crumbles I've eaten!

All alone.

Here, darling.

Thank you.

Well?

- Here's to you! - Cheers!

Eye contact!

Eye contact.

Very good.

What about you?

Nothing very exciting.

They're so silly.

Tell us! How much?

Yeah, how much?

- Eight... - Ten...

Eighteen.

- What? - Million?

Right. Eighteen million.

It took a minute to sink in.

I bet.

We couldn't believe it.

Then we had to acknowledge it.

There.

Will you move?

Move? What an idea.

Don't you want an apartment?

In Paris, with a terrace?

We'd come over often.

Rueil-Malmaison isn't exactly the end of the earth.

Yes it is, sort of.

Your mother and I have decided to take our time.

Yes, we're taking our time.

You know your father. Always careful, careful.

We must be discreet.

It's all in the bank. No reason to panic.

Your mother and I decided

to take our time.

And to be discreet.

There you are.

Enough about that! Shall we sit down to eat?

- I made my crumble. - I'm hungry.

Mom's stuffed veal!

Not vegetarian now?

Not for special occasions!

Hey little sausage, tell us about you.

No baby on the way?

Do you smell of tobacco?

No. I don't smoke, I vape.

And I'm only 33, Mom.

Vaping is smoking.

And 33 is the start of the limit for having babies.

And you, Stéphane?

Me? Just work, work, work.

I'm drowning in it.

I don't love it, but it's necessary. Got to pay the rent.

Glub, glub...

Drowning in it.

You always make me laugh!

Your dad is so funny.

Nice one.

Look at our faces in that one!

- Still there. - What are they waiting for?

- To find out how much they get! - Not 18 million anyway!

And this one. Look! We all look so sweet in this one!

- Dad! Mom! - Come!

Look. I had forgotten!

So sweet.

My dears, we were happy to see you...

But your mom and I turn in early now.

Turns out I may not go skiing.

Because I hurt my knee.

Christmas is 3 weeks away. It might heal.

I might not go to Italy. Régis can't close the office.

It's the busy season.

Even for teeth?

Darn.

Hug?

Family hug?

Huggie, hug, hug.

Hug, hug...

- Hug, hug. - Yeah, yeah.

Come to Paris, we'll go shopping!

Why not?

I'm free for lunch tomorrow.

Why not?

Little bastards...

Creeps.

Bye bye!

Christmas is good. Happy?

How can I put this? I'm happy but a little nauseous.

But you're happy.

Yes, but I am in shock.

About time.

How's your brother?

The accident!

Oh right, he's fine.

He's all right. Not very serious.

I was so worried. I couldn't sleep.

I kept calling, didn't you see?

I was watching a horror film. I started freaking out.

It was hell.

My parents won the lottery.

Really?

Cool.

That's all you got to say?

No... I'm really happy.

That's great for them.

All right, coming to bed?

Yeah, I'll be right in.

How can I say that I don't feel much like sleeping?

"Great for them."

Christian.

It's Sandrine.

She loves us, she sends kisses.

Oh Chantal.

I know. But it's nice anyway.

Sure, yeah.

Snuggle?

- No. - Yes!

It's Stéphane. He's into us, too!

I'll set it to vibrate.

- No, put it on silent. - Why?

The vibrate reminds me of the oven timer. Distracting!

Think so?

First night as a multi-millionaire?

It's so good to have money.

This will be fun. But we must be credible.

You have ideas?

They've been such bastards. We can skewer them just a little.

Just a little.

- Where are you, my love? - Look.

No! Not big enough.

Elegant, right?

No, it's cheesy.

- And is this a little... - Yes.

If I were a rich man...

It's ugly. I don't like anything here.

And expensive!

Let's try another store.

We'll be back.

We need to think.

- How much? - 50.

No, 40! Last offer!

What? 89 euros for 20 minutes!

How much is that a day?

8 times 3, minus 4, carry the 2, times 8...

2,136.

What shall we do?

Make us look like that.

For sure?

For sure.

Look out! Look out!

- Careful, slow down. - Relax, I got this.

My door opened by itself.

- Close it! - I can't!

Don't touch anything.

I didn't!

Stop.

Hang on.

I can make it.

Hang on, let me help you.

Got it?

- Is this ok? - Fine, fine.

I have to return it by 3. At these prices...

All right.

Dental office, can I help you?

Yes, Mr. Bedaoui?

You're canceling? Fine, but I'm booked to the 17th.

Fine. On the 17th at...

One moment.

The 17th, at 2:30 as well?

Thank you, Mr. Bedaoui. See you soon.

Have an appointment?

Darling, it's me! It's Mom.

- Oh my God! - Like it?

You look gorgeous, Chantal.

- Reminds me of Maria Callas. - Thanks, Régis.

Mom and I are going out.

Great. I'm on a break, I'll come along.

No! I want to be with my mom. Just us girls!

- Where to? - I have ideas!

I bet you do!

Castignac, I'm casting off! So long, Castignac!

"Little Stéphane" is over. I'm not little!

Castignac I'm casting off!

Mr. CEO, circumstances are such

that I am now able to resign,

to hit the road, to stop working!

Because my parents have won the jackpot!

The grand prize! Eighteen big ones!

Castignac I'm casting off!

Come into my office.

My little Stéphane,

I've always seen your potential.

Huge potential.

Letting go, after years of frustration,

is very tempting.

But it might not be prudent.

Equal partners.

You and me. What do you think?

Equal partners? Is that all?

- Serious? - I've rarely been more so.

You need to invest a little cash.

I imagine.

The problem is, my father...

is the kind who spends nothing.

He's a very economical person.

He does spend a little.

Holy shit!

I have lunch with him.

Well go ahead, of course!

He has his own style.

Yes.

You did it! You went for it!

Dad's going wild!

I'm so happy! Can I drive it?

No, it's not broken in.

Please!

- Please. - No. When Dad says no?

It means no.

Wow!

You got a Rolex?

And a Cartier for Mom. The least we could do, right?

Where should we go?

With you Dad, to the end of the earth!

Don't touch.

- Ladies. - Hello.

I reserved a private fitting.

At your service.

I'm dressing my daughter for the winter. Head to toe.

Unlimited budget.

Oh darn it.

Darn it all.

How silly.

- What? - I can't find my wallet.

No.

What a shame.

Oh, that's it!

This morning, I hesitated between two outfits.

And I recall I left it in my other bag.

Excuse me.

After you, dear.

Mr. and Mrs. Blanc, it's been so long!

Go right ahead.

We have cause for celebration!

Bring us two glasses of your finest champagne!

Right away.

- Here, darling. - Thank you.

We're monsters.

No, they are!

It sort of hurt to watch her.

- For years they've hurt you. - And you as well.

No, mainly you.

Here we are, madam.

Sir.

To our 18 million!

And to our children

coming over for Christmas!

I'm so worn out!

It's exhausting to be rich.

Plus we're right next door.

Pretty nice, huh?

I prefer to anticipate, if it motivates you.

Come on, hit the remote.

Castignac...

Blanc!

Enough, Valérie!

But I'll have to meet your dad.

But... right now?

Now! Sit down. Valérie.

Phone.

Call.

Speaker.

Yes, Stéph?

Dad? Yeah, it's me. Listen...

Hang on, Stéphane. Sorry. Give me a minute.

And a Luxe Magazine as well.

There.

And also a Forbes, nice and mature.

Mom, it's me!

I have a little time today. Maybe we could go have lunch?

Hang on. Let me check my schedule.

Now, today...

Yes, Stéphane. What can I do for you?

Listen, I wanted to ask you...

Lunch.

Want to have lunch?

Today is a little tough. I'm totally booked.

Darn, too bad.

Darn, I have a riding lesson today.

Horseback riding?

And, and...

- Tomorrow. - Tomorrow, want to...

- Golf. - ...play golf?

Tomorrow, wait a second... Tomorrow's good.

Great. I'll reserve. I'm glad!

All right, deal!

Great.

See you tomorrow, Dad.

He's happy.

Very happy.

Tomorrow, I'm lunching at the Tour d'Argent.

And I take up golf!

They miss us.

Who do I remind you of?

Of Castafiore! Bellissima!

Silly!

And me? I improvised.

Tintin in the Congo?

No, a golfer!

Tiger Woods.

Would you open the door please, good man?

- With pleasure. - Thank you.

- Give me a little push. - I'm trying.

That's it, I'm good.

Have a nice time.

Your dad is such a kid.

Big change from the Peugeot.

The loveliest table. Just as you requested.

With the loveliest view, for the loveliest mom!

Cocktail?

- A little champagne? - Fine!

A Dom Perignon, 2002.

And two Tour of Fame prix fixe.

Excellent choice.

Tour of Fame!

Hey, it's not every day you...

What?

No. That we have lunch together.

What is it, Mom?

It's been years since we had lunch together.

That's an exaggeration.

Not really.

You know, it's life, work, all that.

That's all right. That's behind us! Behind us!

From now on, we'll be together constantly!

My little sausage.

Dad!

Let me handle it. He'll cough it up.

Easy, he's my dad.

He has a certain style.

Oh, excuse me.

Dad, this is Edouard de Castignac, my boss.

Edouard de Castignac. Call me Castignac.

Christian Blanc. Call me Christian.

Such a joker.

What did you say?

Stop, Dad.

He always does that.

Family thing. My dad did it to me...

Family, right.

Let's talk about family!

Stéphane told me you have some savings.

I took the liberty.

You did well.

Ready for golf, Christian?

Sure, but I'm a beginner.

I couldn't tell.

How pretty.

Artichoke poivrade!

Enjoy!

"Three Emperors" foie gras.

How pretty.

Caviar Fontainebleau.

Sole "Cardinale"!

Duck à la Royale!

With puffed potatoes!

Baba Champagne.

Your check.

So nice to treat me on my day.

Be right back. Bathroom.

- Is it Mother's Day? - No.

But it's Sainte Chantal's Day. I love that name. It's my mom's.

Well...

Could I, perhaps...

You can take 200 on this card.

And... wait a second.

Where did I put it?

Happens every time.

I have to empty the bag.

I have to do this. Sorry.

Her first check.

Can't find it. Oh, there it is!

I'll write a check for the rest.

Or two checks.

One for this month...

I should say we don't take food stamps.

I know. Obviously.

Bitch.

There. Nice and loose in the hips.

Bend your knees, and...

you sort of rotate like this.

Pre-death gifting is better tax-wise.

Seeing parents is better pre-death!

- Oh, my son! - Show me, show me.

It's nothing, it's superficial.

Superficial?

I'm so sorry, dear.

Are you coming?

Don't tell me you did it on purpose?

How can you say that?

I did not do it on purpose. All right?

He was annoying me, acting so venal.

But it was my momentum.

It was in the movement.

- Not thought out. - No, it was teeth out.

Let's stop this bullshit!

Cake's out of the mold.

You were very brave.

I put some temporaries in.

I'll do the permanent ones later. But this isn't bad.

We have to sfeak afout Fa and Dad.

To sfeak afout Dad...

Yes! Yes, we do!

They'll spend it all. Guess what!

Who paid for the Tour d'Argent? I did!

1,500! A month's salary!

Now they'll buy a house in Portugal and go on a world tour!

It's their money. They can do what they want.

Come on, Régis!

You realize? A Lafforghini!

They're flowing all our fafily money!

Sfending our inheritance!

Listening to you is frankly embarrassing.

It's family money! You need to be here!

You imagine?

What we could do with 6 million?

Six? Really?

Eighteen divided by three is six.

Six for Stéphane, 6 for me, 6 for them.

Mom and Dad are a couple. It's one thing.

It's not one share for Dad, and one for Mom.

Give me a break!

Sweetums, you should take a break.

You're so annoying!

That's Mom.

- What do I do? - Answer!

Yes?

Hi, sausage. We need to have a family talk.

Sunday at Cucufa's. Ok?

Sounds good. Fine.

Dad and Mom.

Lunch on Sunday at Cucufa's.

Oh wow!

No reason to fanic!

- We should've dressed normal. - Last time!

Don't worry, it'll be fine.

After lunch, I'll take the car back.

Stéphane will drive. He'll love it.

- How do we tell them? - Naturally.

It was just a jokey-poo!

Anyway, we need to have a serious talk.

They must learn what family is.

Right, darling?

And we're not immortal.

Here they are.

The envelopes are in their napkins.

You said you scratched him. He's disfigured!

No he's not.

How you feen, Dad?

My sausage!

My big bunny. How are you?

You all right?

I'm all right.

You got your teeth back!

These are temforary.

I'm so sorry.

No problem, Dad. You know, these things haffen.

Yeah, but well...

So nice to see the four of you. It's been a while!

A bottle of Chablis.

All right, all right.

No! And?

Four Cucufa specials!

Like the old days.

- Go ahead. - No. You.

We said together.

I'm uneasy with these things.

And what is this?

Exactly. It's part of what we have to say.

We were waiting for Christmas,

but well...

It sfells good! What is it?

Suspense!

It's heavy!

Same for each of you. Same amount. No jealousy.

The ATM gave us different bills.

Right.

There you go.

- It was a joke. - A jokey-poo!

It was just a joke.

Oh Mommy!

See that?

It was a jokey-poo, that's all.

The other day, Sandrine and I were saying

Dad and Mom sure are fenny-finchers now.

See, honey? Humor is important in a family.

Very important.

That's my Daddykins.

No, but seriously...

What will you do?

I frefer a wire transfer.

Yes, I agree.

Hang on, we're not on the same page.

That's real money.

We can't afford more.

We actually have spent a lot lately.

Yeah... that's true.

Are you serious?

- Let's go. - Don't get mad.

- We're mad! - Of course!

200 is humiliating!

- Let me explain. - Don't bother!

Sandrine agrees.

We think both of you

have become stingy bastards!

Stéphane...

With us. With yourselves it's different!

Splurge!

For you, you splurge. Us, nothing.

Could you settle your family arguments outside?

Family? What family?

Stéphane, do you see a family here?

I don't even recognize you!

Know what you've become?

A couple of fat rich bastards!

So smug!

You don't say a word. You're happy.

Haffy, with his hanky there.

I'm holding back. Because I want to explode in your face!

Take a good look at us.

Because it's the last time!

Yeah, last time!

Stingy bastards!

We reared them, took them on vacation, fed them, wiped their butts!

And those assholes dare demand money from us!

They didn't demand. Be honest!

We sent them to school! Made sacrifices! They call us stingy?

Stingy bastards!

Naturally. They think we won the lottery!

And if we had, we owe them half?

Why not all of it, at that rate?

Nothing for Mom, nothing for Dad. All for the kids!

200 euros for Christmas. We could've done better.

Really?

You are a bit stingy.

I'm stingy? I'm frugal. That's completely different.

200 was enough in previous years.

Stéphane makes 2,500 a month. More than my pension.

And the other one sits around on the phone all day.

And she lives in central Paris!

She can't help it if Régis makes a good living! Come on!

Stingy!

I can't get over that. I can't!

Christmas without those brats will be a relief!

You have no right to say that!

What have we done?

They think we don't love them.

And all because of your dumb ideas!

I did all that for you.

You were obsessed, talking about them all day!

Leave the kids in peace!

It's their own lives!

We had no life anymore!

Your damn Christmas!

Know what? I'd do anything for a damn Christmas with my kids.

Nothing will stop me, not even you!

Not our pretend millions! So there!

Mrs. Blanc is coming!

I think it's her. Yes, it's her.

She's coming!

Mrs. Blanc.

Hello, sir.

I'd like to withdraw 5,000 from my savings.

- I can't give you that much. - Why?

We need 48 hours notice.

My most valued client!

How are you?

Not well. I need cash and this man has said no.

Give her whatever she wants.

But I...

Give it to her. I'll make it right.

That's nice, thank you.

Stop by and see me.

With your husband.

We'll talk about life, about your plans.

I've been expecting this!

Expecting what?

I won't tell a soul!

See you soon!

Thank you.

Say hello to your husband for me.

Goodbye.

You wanted to see me? I don't have much time.

Here.

- What is it? - Open it.

Thank you.

I thought you really liked it.

Yes! I'm kidding, Mommy!

Thank you! I'm sorry, Mom. I didn't mean all that.

Why are you crying?

Because I can't get any sleep.

It's all so exhausting. It's so hard.

Oh, my little Mommy.

It's all right. You're allowed to cry, Mom.

It shakes you up, you know? All that money!

Falling out of the sky.

Of course you and Dad will go haywire.

Stéphane, open up.

Answer!

Stéphane, I know you're home. I saw your scooter outside.

- Dad. - My big bunny!

Holy shit! Holy shit!

My car!

- So beautiful! - Careful, you'll scratch it.

I have to take it back.

It's not for fee?

I wanted to see if you liked the model.

Because you have to order these.

Listen, fan, go right ahead!

Go right ahead!

I'm not liking your attitude.

What attitude?

I don't know...

Then hold your tongue.

Yeah, I think I better.

I don't like answering phones.

At first it was temporary. Just to fill in. To fill in.

You wasted 5,000 euros!

Do you realize?

I know. It's a Chanel bag. I swear, I got the smallest one.

You got his hopes up about getting a Ferrari.

No. I mean I...

I needed an idea, on the fly.

But I'll handle it.

They look happy.

I understand them.

We love them.

Yeah, we love them.

Hi girls!

- Should I lather you up? - What?

That cream. It works. The swelling's gone down.

Stéphane! Teeth better? Let's see.

There, all better! No need to, "Oh, Daddy! Ouch!"

Talk to your father?

Of course.

- Is it sure? - Sure, sure, sure!

He's fie dad. He can't say no to fee.

Great!

- What did she say? - To meet her for tea.

- You got the right address? - Yes!

I wrote it down. 33 Avenue Georges Vee.

Good afternoon.

Thank you, sir. Very kind.

Keys, please.

Yeah, sure.

He's waiting for a tip.

I have no change, so...

Thank you, sir.

How gorgeous!

How expensive!

50 euro tip! A parking ticket's cheaper.

Hello, darling.

What's the matter? You look so sad!

- What's wrong? - I left Régis!

- My God! - Damn.

- Shit. - Darn it. Your job?

I left my guy. You ask about my job?

No, sorry. It's a reflex reaction.

I love Régis, but...

But he doesn't understand that I want more.

I have goals.

You have goals?

You think I'm an idiot?

- Not at all. - Certainly not, dear.

Answering phones is a stupid job.

Dad, you even said so once.

I said that?

Yes, you told me,

"Never depend on a man. Independence is key to happiness."

I'm ordering something else.

Excuse me?

Want anything?

- Yes... - Chantal, we just ate!

Right, no.

Same again, please.

- And a glass of champagne. - Fine.

Put it on my suite?

The Art Deco Luxury suite, with the terrace.

I got a little room here. I couldn't face a shithole.

Now that my parents can help me out.

Actually, could you tide me over? I'm a little overdrawn.

You have your checkbook?

Oh, Mr. Blanc!

See me?

Of course.

See you in a minute!

Pop the Prosecco and defrost the petit fours!

My dear clients, come in!

Champagne? Petit fours?

- No, thanks. - I'll have a drop.

What can the Regional Bank do for you?

Cash out our life insurance.

All our savings. Put it all in checking.

We need it all.

And?

Well, that's all.

And the check?

- Check? - What does she mean?

Come now. I know very well you're the lucky winners...

Oh I get it!

You're changing banks?

A little money and you get pompous?

Flaunting it? Is that it?

Driving around in big cars?

Buying clothes at obscene prices?

Looking down your nose at us?

At your local branch

that always stuck by you, thick and thin?

When I think of all I've done for you!

- Oh? - Yes!

Like what?

When we were in Tunisia, did you raise my cash limit?

We needed time.

When I told you we were maxed out, and our card was no good?

We needed time!

We couldn't buy couscous! We ate hotel sandwiches!

Right!

- Listen, Mrs. Gluten. - Clutaine!

Give us back our money!

Sure.

- They hate giving back. - Like it's their money!

Rich bastards.

With this they should pardon us.

61,876 euros, Chantal! Do you realize?

Stéphane will buy a nice little car.

For this much money, he may find one he likes!

And poor lost sausage in her luxury hotel, straighten her out!

Back to her caring, very comfortable husband.

Then she'll spend it.

Buy skirts. And jewelry.

Frilly things. Who cares?

And not one more word about...

Don't mention...

Christmas.

- Hello. - No, we're not staying.

Fifty bucks a pop? Enough!

I put a heart on it.

Whatever. Give me a kiss.

It's true the address is impressive.

The price... One moment.

The price is a little high, but...

If I start negotiating I might miss out!

Excuse me.

Little sausage, Dad and I...

Come in. One minute.

Sorry. No, I like it. I really like it a lot.

Yes, love at first sight.

Ok, great. That's fine. So Wednesday?

Sit down.

Yes.

That's a plan. Bye.

Honey, we made a huge boo-boo.

We all make them. I left Régis, I regret it already.

That's a relief. Because your father and I...

I know what you're going to say, Mom.

You can't leave someone you love on a whim,

just like that.

But it did open all the doors.

Mom...

Ever make a mistake?

To... choose a choice, then realize it's the wrong one?

Not what you imagined as a child?

Then all of a sudden, you find your way!

What's that?

My tea room.

I sign Wednesday. Will you come?

Pretty, isn't it?

In "patrimony" you have "Pa" and you also have "patriot"!

Right, and lots of "mony".

- Silly. - No, it's true.

There he is. Christian!

- Here we are! - Dad.

How are you?

Good. I need to talk to you.

Sure. Sit down.

Hello, sir.

Sit down, Christian.

Love your new look. Amazing.

Documents for the company buy-in.

Will the funds take long?

I kicked my savings in.

Edouard covered the rest.

In other words, your son invested...

We have invested his share of what you won.

- Share? - My share.

His share, 6, 12, 18.

He had to move fast or miss out.

These things, you miss out, others get fat!

If all goes badly, we might triple it!

Yeah, can you imagine if all goes well?

There, partners.

Partners!

All right. To Daddykins!

Hey! To Daddykins!

Decalecatan, decalecatan!

He's sick. He gambled it all.

My son is a very sick man.

He gambled it all.

- We'll get a loan. - Sure!

Go see Gluten.

Say, "We were in the neighborhood. Can we borrow 18 mil?"

You're off your rocker!

If you'd seen her, so happy, with stars in her eyes.

I promised I'd go along with her.

What do we do?

Minus 3,837! What is he waiting for?

It's France's most common lie.

"The check is in the mail." "I just wired it."

Infidelity is runner-up.

Decalecatan?

It's on the way!

- Sent. - See?

Dad! What is he doing? He's straight to voice mail.

She'll be here. She always keeps her promises.

Sorry, but I have things to do.

That's her. We're all set.

She must be parking.

- Hi! - Where are you?

Yeah, we won't be there.

I've been promising your dad a ski vacation.

I finally convinced her!

We took a train to Courchevel.

You're off your rockers!

- The agency dude! - Mr. Robert.

Mr. Robert.

Right. About the tea room,

we thought it over.

We think your project is a little rushed.

Think it over before taking the plunge, ok?

When do you get back?

Not right away in any case.

We're going on a world tour.

Yes! Australia!

- Your mom wants to see kangaroos. - Oh yes!

Can't talk now! We're on the slopes!

Watch that bump.

I saw it.

Dangerous.

We have to call Stéphane now.

That big an investment right now is a little reckless.

- That's the truth. - Right.

You're so far away.

Yes, far away. And not sure for how long.

Shit.

- Spare key under the flower pot. - We forgot.

Stéphane is skiing?

It's true, we never saw you anymore.

Your mother was very, very sad.

Desperate.

When you canceled for Christmas her pot, already full to the brim,

boiled over.

It was his idea.

Hypocrite! It's not like I had to beg you.

Maybe, but it was still your idea.

- What do you mean? - I never play.

You were glad when I...

It started as just... for laughs.

A little jokey-poo.

We planned to tell you the truth. And then...

We were so happy to see you.

Oh yes.

And we saw plenty of you!

You were back!

Greenbacks, you come back.

They're laughing.

Are you laughing?

- Nervous laugh. - Nervous.

Sorry, we screwed up. That's all.

You never screwed up?

You realize what you did?

Forget it.

I think they actually don't realize.

Excellent joke.

- Very funny! - Masterful.

Really, really masterful.

With the mini-bar and the spa,

your total comes to 5,960 euros.

I can't right now,

but I promise I'll come back to pay it.

I promise. I'll leave you my ID.

No, we don't do that.

I'll give you my bag. A Chanel.

It's genuine. I hardly used it, brand new.

Get your ass in gear. Go.

Enjoy your day. Goodbye.

My parents didn't win the lottery.

Yeah?

You coming to bed?

You have no questions for me?

What about me?

Did you wonder how I was?

Deep shit.

A very good way to sum it up.

What Mr. Blanc is trying to explain

is that his parents didn't win a cent.

Nothing.

Nada. Zip.

Diddly squat.

My dad can't reimburse me.

Reimburse me!

Me too. I put all my savings in it. I have nothing left!

It's pretty simple.

Don't spend what you didn't earn.

You little bastard, I'll show you!

Never come back here again!

Socialist!

Son of a bitch!

Asshole!

This is from...

You know, I've been thinking about your parents.

Whatever they did,

even if they lied,

parents...

are something...

that follows you your whole life.

Even after their death!

Excuse me.

I'm sorry, Valérie. I know.

Maybe they're not as dumb as you think.

I never said they were dumb.

Got you!

Instead of Christmas alone, want to take a drive?

We could get some air.

Go to the seaside...

Eat some oysters.

It's been years since we got away.

In weathered overcoats adorned,

on every winter and summer morn, shivering a tad,

Mom and Dad...

Changed the words.

There was only Sunday in a week,

the other days they had to seek

the meager wages to be had

Mom and Dad!

I don't know it by heart.

In summer we went to the sea

You see, we didn't live in misery

Nor did we live in luxury

Reminds me of when they were little. The school shows!

We let it be

For years and years when we were small

We were nearby, hardly saw them at all

You can say we sort of missed the bus,

both of us.

I feel like crying.

Not very wise, we hardly tried

to walk a while at their side

That certainly would have made them glad

Mom and Dad

But when you're barely 30, it's so hard

to find enough room in your heart

to keep these things comfortably,

you see...

Now that all this does appear

On thinking back it does seem clear

She's kind of tone deaf.

We'd like to always keep them near

Dad

Dad...

Mom...

Mom,

Dad

Chantal,

Christian!

ONE YEAR LATER

There's us two,

Sandrine and Régis,

Stéphane and his girlfriend. Six!

Seven.

Seven?

- The baby! - He's just a baby.

Maybe he's a baby, but this is his first Christmas.

All right. I'm going now.

Pick up the turkey!

Yes. A turkey for seven.

- Hi, Christian. - How are you?

No Pick Six?

No, that's all over for me.

- Christmas jackpot? - Not even!

Somebody still believes in Santa.

I love to bust her chops. Give me a coffee.

Coffee for Christian.

Scratching, scratching...

Beer before noon. It's a little early.

Careful, it's full of gluten!

Jerk!

Merry Christmas if I don't see you.

- Bye, Mrs. Clutaine. - Bye! Merry Christmas.

Thanks. You too.

I'll pay later.

See you soon!

Spare change!

Sorry, I have no change.

Asswipe!

Chantal!

What?

You're scaring me.

They're out of turkeys?

- Is the photo required? - Is it published?

Smile.

There.

Stop looking, you'll wear it out.

I still can't believe it.

Let me see it a second.

Thanks.

A little snuggle?

Nice of you to offer, but my mind is elsewhere. Not mad?

Same here. I wanted to change the subject.

They're on their way.

You mean the children?

Yes. Sandrine and Stéphane are fine.

They started a company.

- Stéphane says it's going well. - Sandrine is very happy.

So we sleep on it?

Fine, a night to think it over.

We could just decide to enjoy it.

I didn't dare suggest it.

I think I'd like that snuggle.

Mom's Crumble

- Hi Catherine! - Hi.

- You well? - You?

Fine. Selling like hotcakes.

Great!

Mom's Crumble, hello!

Dad?

Hi little sausage.

How's my big bunny?

- Good. - Work, work, work.

Right! I cook, he does the accounting!

In perfect harmony.

We can't come early on Sunday.

We have deliveries.

The 24th is busy.

Actually, I wanted to tell you,

we won't be here for Christmas.

Dad and I must go for physical therapy for arthritis...

In Evian.

Oh no!

Physical therapy?

It hit us this morning. Hard!

We woke up and our knees hurt.

P.T. for the holidays!

Over Christmas?!

No big deal, bunny.

- We'll celebrate in January. - Or February!

Sure.

Arthritis is boss.

It hit all of a sudden!

On the right, and on the left.

And right, and left!

What is it, Chantal?

I miss the kids.

I knew it!

No, I was just kidding!

You dummy!

They're here for knee arthritis.

Don't tell them, it's a surprise.

They'll be so happy!

Mr. Blanc?

Sorry, I can't find them.

We'll just call them.

Where's Daddykins and Mommykins?

That's them!

Let's go.

Wipe that off.

Let's use our therapy voices.

Hi, Dad! Hi, Mom!

How are you?

- Not great. - We're ok.

Is it any better?

A little.

Easy does it.

And where are you?

We're near the water. Well...

No! Near the pool.

Right.

We wanted to wish you merry Christmas.

Thanks for thinking of us.

Yes, to be perfectly honest, we totally forgot.

I mean here...

It's such a grim place!

Anyway...

are you all right?

- Do we tell them? - Let's!

We're here!

Surprise! Where are you?

We don't see you anywhere.

Raise your hands.

We can't find you.

Raise your hands!

- Higher! - Higher, Mom!

Higher, higher.

Raise your hands, higher!

PRICE OF PARENTING

Subtitles by Michael Katims

Subtitling: HIVENTY