All language subtitles for The.Man.Who.Wasnt.There.2001.1080p.BluRay.x265-RARBG

Ed: Yeah, I worked
in a barber shop,

but I never considered
myself a barber.

I stumbled into it. Well, married
into it, more precisely.

Frank: They were trying
to expand the empire.

Ed: It wasn't my establishment.

Like the fella says,
I only work here.

They even had French explorers, which
the French are not known for exploring.

Ed: The dump was
200 feet square,

with three chairs,
or stations, as we call 'em,

even though there are only
two of us working.

But this is my point.

My point is that these traders and
trappers would come to this country

and get their pelts
and their gold ingots...

Ed: Frank raffo, my brother-in-law,
was the principal barber.

Man, could he talk. There was a craze
on beaver hats in Paris at the time.

Maybe if you're 11 or 12 years old,
frank's got an interesting point of view,

but sometimes
it got on my nerves.

Not that I complained, mind you.

Like I said,
he was the principal barber.

Frank's father August.
They called him guzzi.

Had worked the heads up in
Santa Rosa for 35 years

until his ticker stopped in the
middle of a junior flat top.

He left the shop to
Frankie free and clear,

and that seemed to satisfy
all of frank's ambitions,

cutting the hair
and chewing the fat.

Me, I don't talk much.

I just cut the hair.

It says here that the Russians
exploded an a-bomb...

And there's not a damn thing
we can do about it.

Uh-huh.

How do you like them apples?

Ed: Now, being a barber is a lot
like being a bar man or a soda jerk.

There's not much to it once
you've learned the basic moves.

For the kids, there's the
butch, or the heinie,

the flat top, the Ivy,

the crew, the vanguard,
the junior contour...

And occasionally
the executive contour.

I lived in a little bungalow
on napa street.

The place was okay, I guess.

Had an electric icebox,
a gas hearth...

And a garbage grinder
built into the sink.

You might say I had it made.

Oh, yeah,
there was one other thing.

Doris kept the books
at nirdlinger's,

a small department store
on main street.

Doris liked the work,
accounting.

She liked knowing
where everything stood.

And she got a 10% employee
discount on whatever she wanted.

Nylon stockings,
makeup and perfume.

Doris and I went to church
once a week.

Usually Tuesday night.

Man: B-9.

1-29

ed: Doris wasn't big
on divine worship,

1-22. And I doubt if she
believed in life everlasting.

She'd most likely tell you that
our reward is on this earth,

and bingo is probably
the extent of it.

B-7. Watch your card, honey.

Ed: I wasn't crazy
about the game,

but, I don't know,
it made her happy,

and I found
the setting peaceful.

Jesus. Bingo.

Bingo!

Doris's boss, big Dave Brewster,

was married to Ann nirdlinger,
the department store heiress.

Tonight, they were
coming over for dinner.

As Doris said,

we were entertaining.

Me, I don't like entertaining.

How you doin', ed? Okay.

Take your coat, Ann?

Big Dave: The japs had us pinned down
on buna for somethin' like six weeks.

I gotta tell ya, I thought we had
it tough, but we had supply.

The japs were eatin' bugs
and grubs and thistles.

Anyway, one day
we bust off the beach...

And we find Arnie bragg,
this kid missin' on recon.

The japs had eaten
the son of a bitch.

If you'll pardon the, uh...

Anyway, he was a scrawny, pimply
kid, nothin' to write home about.

I mean, I never woulda,
you know.

So, what do I say, honey?

What do I say
when I don't like dinner?

Come on. What do I say?

I say, "Arnie bragg, again?"

Big Dave: "Arnie bragg, again?"

Were you in the service, ed?

No, Dave, I wasn't.

Ed was 4-f on account
of his fallen arches.

Ah, man. That's tough.
That's... that's tough.

Ed: Yeah, I guess Doris liked
all that he-man stuff.

Sometimes I had the feeling that she and big
Dave were a lot closer than they let on.

The signs were all there, plain enough.

I said I don't drink
in the office.

Doris: I've seen you
take a drink or two.

You're not supposed
to see nothin'.

Ed: Not that I was gonna
prance about it, mind you.

It's a free country.

Holdin' down the porch area, ed?

That's some wife you got there.

Yeah.

She's a rare one.

So, how's business, Dave?

Oh, uh, couldn't be better.

These are boom times
in retailin', ed.

We're openin' another store
over there on Garson,

big Dave's annex.

Now, this is strictly
haberdashery.

It's casual wear, pajamas, ladies'
undergarments and foundations,

that type of thing.

As a matter of fact, I'm thinkin'
of makin' Doris the comptroller.

Listen, when the annex opens
up, you gotta stop by.

Maybe we can update your suit
a little bit, huh?

'Course, you're in
the smock all day.

Where do you get
those things, anyway?

Specialty store
down in Sacramento.

On.

Frank: You tie your own flies.

I mean, if you're really
serious, you tie your own flies.

You do, uh...

I know. It's meticulous. I know.

People say, "hey, you can
buy flies at the store."

The point is, there's a
certain art to the process.

The point is not
merely to provide.

Let me point out, these fish are
not as dumb as you might think.

Yeah? Sure. Go to the store.
Go there.

Describe to the man where you
will be fishing and for what,

and then you might as well
go ahead and have the man

sell you the goddamned fish, ed.

My point is, this is a man who knows
nothing, no matter how much you tell him.

Yeah.

Okay.

Who gets the privilege?

We're just closing, friend. Oh.

Happy days.

I wish I was doing well enough
to turn away business.

What's the problem, friend?

This is a business establishment
with posted hours.

More power to ya, brother.

The public be damned.
Frank: Hey.

I'll take care of him. You go ahead, frank.
Have a seat, mister.

You sure, Eddie?
Yeah, yeah, go ahead.

In your ear, mister.

Oh, those fiery mediterraneans.

Uh, say, uh,
not so fast there, brother.

Pretty good, eh?

Fools even the experts.

100% human hair...

Handcrafted by
Jacques of San Francisco.

I'd hate to have to tell you
what I paid for it. Mmm.

Yeah, it's a nice rug. I'm payin'
it down on the installment plan.

A lot of folks live
with the pate exposed.

They say the dames
think it's sexy,

but for my money
it's just not good groomin'.

And groomin', my friend, is probably
the most important thing in business.

After personality, of course.

Creighton tolliver.
Pleased to know ya.

Ed crane.

So, what brings you
to Santa Rosa?

A goose, my friend.
I was chasin' a wild goose.

Ed, have you ever heard
of venture capital?

Risk money. Very speculative.

Except that in certain
situations it's not, see.

Well, I make the haul up

and this lousy so-and-so
tells me

that the situation has changed.

All of his capital's tied up
in expansion plans of his own.

Thank you, mother.
Pop goes another bubble.

It's only the biggest business
opportunity since Henry Ford,

and I can't seem
to interest a soul.

Is that right?

It's called dry cleaning.

You heard me right, brother.
Dry cleaning.

Wash without water.

No suds. No tumble.
No stress on the clothes.

It's all done
with chemicals, friend.

And here's the capper...
No shrinkage.

That's right.

Dry cleaning.

All I need is $10,000
to open up the first store.

Then I use its cash flow
to finance another, and so on,

leapfrog, bootstrap
myself to a whole chain.

Well, me and a partner.

Cleanliness, friend.

There's money in it. There's a future.
There's room to grow.

Say, that looks pretty good.

Let's see it
with the hairpiece on.

Ed: Dry cleaning.

Was I crazy
to be thinking about it?

Was he a huckster or
opportunity, the real McCoy?

My first instinct was, “no,
no, the whole idea was nuts.”

But maybe that was the instinct that
kept me locked up in the barber shop,

nose against the exit, afraid
to try turning the knob.

Honey? Hmm?

Shave my legs, will ya?

Ed: What if I could
get the money?

It was clean.

No water.

Chemicals.

Gimme a drag.

Mmm.

Love ya, honey.

Tolliver: What you...
Uh, come in.

Okay, yeah.
I'll see you tomorrow.

Oh. I thought
you were the Porter.

Can I help ya?

I'm ed.

Ed crane.

Um, I cut your hair today.

I'm the barber.

Jesus, yeah. The barber.

I didn't recognize you
without the smock.

Did I leave somethin'
at the shop?

No. No, it's nothing like that.

Um, I might be interested
in that business proposition.

You got the dough?

Well, I can get it.

Come in. Come in!

Sit down over there. Coffee?

No.

Well, sit down, make
yourself comfortable.

So, tell me... sure.

Other than putting up the money, exactly
what would you want the partner to...

Do?

Hell, nothin'.

Well, you're gonna want to
keep tabs on your investment,

the running of the business,

but I'm looking for
a silent partner.

I've done the research, I've contacted
the vendors. The deal is set.

Disappear, if you'd like.
Check in whenever you want.

I want the dough.
I don't take attendance.

And how do we share the...
50-50, straight down the line.

You and me.
Finance and expertise.

So, you got the
dough then, do ya?

I can have it in a week.

The barber.

Well, I thought this trip
was gonna be a bust.

Just shows to go ya,
when one door slams shut,

another one opens.

Here's to you, uh...

Ed.

Mmm.

Ah.

Uh...

Was that a pass?

Maybe.

Well, you're
out of line, mister.

Not a problem.

Way out of line.

Right.

Strictly business.

Okay.

Ed: I sent it to Dave
the next morning.

Then I waited.

Frank? Huh?

This hair.

Yeah?

You ever wonder about it?

What do you mean?

I don't know.

How it keeps on coming.

It just keeps growing.

Yeah. Lucky for us, huh, pal?

No, I mean,

it keeps growing,

and it's part of us.

And then we cut it off
and throw it away.

Come on, Eddie.
You're gonna scare the kid.

Okay, bud, you're through.

I'm gonna take this hair
and throw it out in the dirt.

What?

I'm gonna mingle it
with common house dirt.

What the hell
are you talking about?

I don't know. Skip it.

Ed, gimme a zip.

Ed: Where you going? Me?

Us. The party at nirdlinger's.

I told you last week.

The Christmas push.
Oh, yeah. Right.

Come on, get ready.

It's important.

Nah, you go ahead.
I'm not big on parties.

Oh, don't be a grump.

Gimme a zip.

Hey, ain't you in ladies' wear?

Huh? Haven't I seen you
up in ladies' wear?

I don't work here. My wife does.

Uh-huh. Whew.
That's some beat, huh?

Yeah. Oh!

Check out the rack
on that broad in the angora.

Whoo!

Ed, can I talk to you? Sure.

Come in.

Oh, sit down. Sit down.

Souvenired it off a jap
in new Guinea.

Guess you're wonderin'
what Doris was so hot about.

Havanas.

My private stock.

Romeo and Juliet.

Ed, I...

What is it, Dave?

Ed, I've been weak.

I've been weak. The...

You're gonna burn yourself.

Thanks.

Oh, Jesus.

I've been carryin' on
with a married woman.

No one you know.

And now the...

The chickens are
comin' home to roost.

I got a note.

A blackmail note, you know.

"Come across,
or everybody knows."

I guess you know what
that would do to me.

I guess that would be
pretty awkward.

"Awkward"?

Yeah. Yeah.

Ann would throw me
right out on my keister.

I mean, it's her... it's her
family's store, ed. It's her store.

I serve at the indulgence
of the goddamn ownership.

The lady's husband would know.

How much do they want, Dave?

Ten thousand dollars.

I don't know what to do, ed.
I don't know what I can do.

You know,

I know who
the son of a bitch is.

You know... who "who" 1s?

The son of a bitch. The blackmailer.
I know who he is.

It's no one you know. It's a
businessman from Sacramento.

A goddamn pansy, ed.

Tried to rope me
into some crackpot scheme.

I heard him out, then I
told him to go to hell.

The very next day, the very next day
I get a note, the blackmail note,

asking me for the same amount
of money he asked me for.

The very next day.
Ten thousand dollars.

How did he know that
you were seein' the woman?

He stayed at the hotel that I went
to with the lady in question.

He must've seen us.

Oh, Jesus.

I don't know what to do.
I don't know what to do.

I don't know what to do.

Dave.

Why don't you
just pay him, Dave?

'Cause that's my
capitalization on the annex.

That's my operation.

Christ almighty, ed.

That's what I was just
talkin' to Doris about down there...

A way to get the money from the
store that we could hide from Ann.

Doris, she was, she was pretty
hot about that, god bless her.

Embezzlin', ed.

Embezzlin' from
my own goddamn wife.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

It's okay.

Ed: In a way,
I felt bad for big Dave.

I knew that ten grand was going
to pinch him where it hurt,

but Doris was two-timing me and I guess
somewhere that pinched a little too.

That was pretty.

Did you make that up?

Oh, no.

No, that was written
by Ludwig Van Beethoven.

Well, it was quite something.

Yeah, he wrote some
beautiful piano sonatas.

That was really something.

I'm ed crane.

I know who you are, Mr. crane.

My father used to take me with him
when he went to get his hair cut.

Walter abundas?

Oh, yeah, sure. Walter.

Yeah, I'm Rachel abundas.

But everyone calls me birdy.

I'm sorry.
I just didn't remember.

Oh, no, it's okay.

I mean, you can't expect to remember every
skinny girl who comes in with her dad.

So, you don't like
that music out there?

I mean, not really.

I'm not big
on music, ordinarily.

Doris: Ed.

What a knucklehead.

Who? Dave.

How's that? Ugh...

Money problems.

He's thinking about
canceling the annex.

So?

That means
I don't run nirdlinger's.

Mmm.

What a knucklehead.

Ed: Big Dave did it, though.

I sent a note telling him
where to drop the money.

And he did.

He came across.

Yeah. Good!

How are ya? Come in.
I got everything organized.

How you doin'? You got a check?

Cash. Cash?

Usually these kinds of things
are done with a bank draft,

but cash, that's fine.

It's all the same in the end.

Dough is dough, huh?

Whoa, Nellie.

I got the paperwork here.

Partnership papers.

They reflect our agreement.

50-50 on the net.

I provide professional services,
you provide the capital.

I'm gonna give you a receipt
on the dough here.

Uh, pretty straightforward. I don't know
whether you wanna show it to a lawyer.

No, that's okay.

Yeah. Screw 'em, right?

Pay them to tangle it up, then you
have to pay them to untangle it...

What's the point?

Now, you just give me
a second, here...

I'll give
you a receipt on the...

Whoa, Nellie.

Okay, one thing
we didn't talk about was,

I am thinking about calling
the place tolliver's.

After me, you know.

I didn't think you were
much interested in...

That's fine.

Yeah, that's good. Good, good.

Now, ready?
One second and I will...

Okay, that's it.

As per our discussion.

All right, there it is,

writ large in legal escritoire.

And the... say, creighton.

You're not gonna
screw me on this.

Screw you?

Jesus.

Take it to a lawyer.

No, I insist! No.

I insist!

This is dry cleaning. This is not
some fly-by-night thing here.

Oh, I'll tell you,

I have been 13 years as an
entrepreneur, and I have never...

It's okay.
Nobody's even questioned me...

Hey, look,
you want the dough back?

Huh? Huh? Do you know who you're
talkin' to here? Do you know who I am?

It's okay. Do you have any
idea who you are talkin'...

It's okay.

So, tolliver's is okay, then?

Ed: The next day was Saturday.

We were going to a reception
for Doris's cousin Gina,

who just married a wop vendor
out near modesto.

Doris didn't much feel like
going, and I didn't either.

But like she said,
we had a commitment.

I hate wops.

What's so goddamn strange
about that?

I didn't say a word.

You didn't have to
grow up with them.

Family.

Boy: Ed! Uncle ed!

He's riding garibaldi! Uncle
Frankie's riding garibaldi!

Come on!

Ed: That was when
she started drinking.

Doris. Doris!

You been okay?

Mmm. Yeah. How you
doing, Costanza?

Oh, you know.
Still got my health.

And how you been...

Ed. Ed.

He's a barber, right?

It's a good trade.

So, how come
you got no kids, huh?

No, come on, kids! Come on!

I just ate lunch!

I couldn't eat another thing.

Oh... Anthony!

Anthony, it's you!

Okay, kids, ready? And...

Congratulations.

Congratulations, Gina.
It's so goddamn wonderful.

Congratulations too, Gina.

Life is just so goddamn wonderful,
you almost won't believe it.

It's just a bowl
of goddamn cherries.

Let's go. Sure.

Come on.

Congratulations
on your goddamn cherries!

Let go of my goddamn elbow!

Frank: I never wanna see
another blueberry pie.

I never even wanna
hear those words.

Don't say those words, ed.

Don't say those words.

Ed: I'd met Doris blind
on a double date

with a loudmouthed buddy of mine

who was seeing a friend
of hers from work.

We went to a movie.
Doris had a flask.

Boy, she could put it away.

At the end of the night, she said
she liked that I didn't talk much.

It was only
a couple of weeks later

she suggested we get married.

Yeah.

Big Dave: Ed, it's big Dave.
I gotta talk to you.

What?

Now?

Yeah. It's important.

But it's...

Please, ed.

Your place? Yeah.

I'm at the store.

Let yourself in. Okay.

Dave?

I'm ruined.

They've ruined me.

This money.

No annex.

I'm all shot to hell.

So, you paid the guy?

What kind of man are you?

Huh?

What kind of man are you?

I mean, I'd understand
if you came in here and...

Socked me in the nose, whatever.

I deserve it. I

I'm not proud of what I did.

But you.

Yeah, I paid up.

As you well know.

But then I went
and found the pansy.

Oh, you got nothin' to say, huh?

Well, you know the story.

I didn't.

I had to beat it
out of the pansy.

I'm all shot to hell.

Well, Dave...

Ohl

Ed: It was only a couple weeks later
she suggested that we get married.

I said, "don't you want
to get to know me more?”

She said, "why?
Does it get better?”

She looked at me
like I was a dope,

which I never
really minded from her.

And she had a point, I guess.

We knew each other
as well then as now.

Anyway, well enough.

Frank: Holy moley,
do I got a headache.

How are you today, ed?

Okay.

You don't got a headache?

Ed: No.

Damn, I got a headache
to beat the band.

Man: Didn't make a sound.
Didn't cough, nothin'.

Frank: Did you pump it? You can't pump it.
That'll just flood it.

Man: No, no, no, you gotta pump it.
You can't just hold it down.

I mean, that'll flood it.

Frank: You crazy? You pump it.

Man: You can't hold it down.

Frank: Just turn the key.

Man: Not when it's cold. Frank:
Well, if it's cold, choke it.

Man: And pump it.
Frank: How many times?

Ed crane?

I'm crane.

Come on outside.

Sure.

I'm officer persky.
This is krebs.

Well, we goin'?

Huh?

Oh, no.

Cigarette?

Right.

Pete's got some news for ya.

Uh...

Look, pal,

it's a tough break, but...

Well, damn I,
your wife's been pinched.

They sent us around to tell you.

Huh?

They sent us around to tell you.
We pulled the detail.

My wife?

Yeah. Yeah, they brung her
down to county jail.

Homicide.

Well, embezzlement...

And homicide.

Guy named David Brewster.
He's the guy she...

He's the decedent.

I don't understand.

He's the dead guy.

Persky: Yeah.
Yeah, it's a tough break.

Visiting ends at 5:00.

Oh, missed it today, but,

you can go see her tomorrow.

Persky: Sorry, pal.

They sent us to tell ya.

Crap detail.

Hello, Walter.

Hello, ed.

Thanks. Thanks for seein'
me at home.

Oh, hell. Want a drink?

Uh, no, thanks.

You sure you don't need one?

I'm fine. Okay.

Boy. Yeah.

Jesus.

So...

What do I...

Well, of course, I...

It's out of my league.

No, I do probate
and real estate...

And title search.

I'd be absolutely worthless,
somethin' like this.

Absolutely worthless.

Excuse me.

I just finished dinner.

No.

Frankly, Doris'd be better off
with the county defender.

He a good man? Bert's okay.

Yeah, he's a good man.

Listen, I won't kid you, ed.

There's nobody around here

has any experience
with this kind of thing.

I hear they're bringin'
a prosecutor up

from Sacramento.

It's a capital offense.

They're taking it seriously.

So... they're taking
it seriously.

So, what...

Do you want any more coffee, dad?
Oh, hi, Mr. crane.

Hello, Rachel.

I was so sorry to hear.

Yeah, thanks. Coffee, ed?

No, thanks. Ah, no, thanks, honey.
We're...

Okay, dad.

It was good to see
you again, Mr. crane.

Damn.

A good kid.

Jesus...

So...

Who do you think?

Oh, well,

Lloyd garroway in San Francisco.

Probity.

You know, nobody ever said anything
iffy about Lloyd garroway.

He's conservative.

Jury might like that.
Might like that here.

Probity.

So, he's the best man for...

No. For this...

The best, the money-is-no-object
best, any lawyer'll tell you,

is Freddy riedenschneider
from...

Sacramento.

I don't know
how you're fixed for money.

But he's... the best.

The best, yeah.

Riedenschneider.

No question about it.

It's okay.

No!

Nol

honey.

Nol!

I brought your makeup.

Glasses.

What happened to you?

I don't know what's goin' on.
I...

I don't know what
happened to big Dave.

I know some of it.

Irregularities in the books, they said.
Can I explain it?

You don't have to
explain anything.

I did help him cook the books, ed.
I did do that.

Should I...

Should I tell you
why I changed the books?

You don't have to
tell me anything.

No, no, no!

Jesus Christ!

My books used to be perfect.

Anyone could open 'em up and make
sense of the whole goddamn store.

I knew we'd pay for it.

Frank: I don't care
what it costs!

This is when you come together.

Well, that's awfully
generous of you, frank.

The hell with it.
The hell with it, Eddie.

This is when you come together.

This is family.

Frank: They're just people
like you and me, ed.

Remember that.

Just people.

They gotta put up the big front so that
people will trust 'em with their money.

Mmm-hmm. This is why
the big lobby, ed.

But they put their pants on one leg
at a time just like you and me.

Uh-huh.

They, too, use the toilet, ed,
in spite of appearances.

And their money will be
secured by the barber shop.

A rock. A rock, the barber shop.

Mr. raffo.

Yes, sir?

Could you come with me, please?

Sure. Can ed come too?

Mister...

Crane. Ed crane.

You also have an interest
in the securing property?

He's a barber. Ah.

Second chair. Not an owner.

No, he's family.
He's my brother-in-law.

It would be best
if he waited here.

Ed: The barber shop.

Doris and frank's father had worked
30 years to own it free and clear.

Now, it got signed over
to the bank,

and the bank signed some money
over to frank,

and frank signed the money over
to Freddy riedenschneider,

who got into town two days later

and told me to meet him
at Da Vinci's for lunch.

Not fried, poached. Three
of 'em for two minutes.

Strip steak, medium rare, flapjacks,
potatoes, tomato juice...

And plenty of hot coffee.

You have any prairie oysters?
No, sir.

Then bring me a fruit
cocktail while I wait.

You're crane? Yeah.

Barber, right? Yeah.

I'm Freddy riedenschneider.
Hungry? Not really.

They tell me the chow's okay here.
I made some inquiries.

Look, I don't want to waste your
time, so I'll eat while we talk.

Do you mind? You don't mind.

While I'm in town I'm staying
at the hotel metropole.

Turandot suite.
Yeah, it's goofy.

They named their suites
after operas.

Room's okay, though.
I poked around.

I'm having 'em hold it for me on
account of I'll be back and forth.

So, in addition to my retainer, you're
paying hotel, living expenses, secretarial,

private eye, if we need to make inquiries,
head shrinker, should we go that way.

We'll talk about appeals
if, as and when.

For right now,
has she confessed?

No, of course not.
She didn't do it.

Good. That helps. Not that she didn't
do it, that she didn't confess.

'Course, there's ways to deal with
a confession, but that's good.

One less thing to think about.

Now, interview. I'm seeing her tomorrow.
You should be there, 3:00.

One more thing,
you keep your mouth shut.

I get the lay of the land,
I tell you what to say.

No talking out of school. What's out
of school? Everything's out of school.

I do the talking.
You keep your trap shut.

I'm an attorney. You're a barber.
You don't know anything.

Okay.

Good. Any questions,
give me aring.

Turandot suite.
If I'm out, leave a message.

Sure you don't want anything?

No? Okay.

You're okay, pal.

You're okay, she's okay,
everything's gonna be hunky...

And the flapjacks, honey.

Ed: There they were,

all going about their business.

It seemed like I knew a secret,

a bigger one, even, than what had
really happened to big Dave,

something none of them knew.

Like I had made it
to the outside somehow,

and they were all still
struggling way down below.

Ann.

Hello, ed.

Would you like to come in, Ann?

No. No, it's very late.

I'm so sorry about your loss.

'Course you know that Doris
had nothing to do with it.

Nothing at all.

I know.

Don't worry, ed.

I came to tell you...

And you should tell Doris...

Yeah?

You know how big Dave loved
camping and the out of doors?

Yeah.

We went camping last summer
in Eugene, Oregon.

Outside Eugene, ed.

Yeah?

At night there were lights.
We both saw them.

We never told anyone outside
of our official report,

our report to the government.

Ann? There was a spacecraft.

I saw the creatures.

They led big Dave
onto the craft.

He never told anyone
what they did.

Ann, would you like to...

I cannot repeat it to you,
but this thing goes deep, ed.

It goes deep
and involves the government.

This was not your wife.
There's a great deal of fear.

You know how certain circles
would find it,

the knowledge, a threat.

They, they try
to limit it, and...

Ann, would you like to come in,

sit down?

Maybe have a drink.

Sometimes knowledge
is a curse, ed.

After this happened,

things changed.

Big Dave...

He never touched me again.

Tell Doris not to worry.
I know it wasn't her.

Perhaps this will
bring it out finally.

Perhaps now
it will all come out.

But it's true. I don't care.

It's true, it's not true.
It stinks.

You say he was being blackmailed?
By who? You don't know.

For having an affair.
With who? You don't know.

Did anyone else know about it?
Probably not. You don't know.

I knew about it.

Big Dave told me about it.

And the spot he was putting
himself in by getting the money.

Terrific! Your husband backs you up.
That's terrific.

Come on, you gotta give me
something to work with.

Freddy riedenschneider is good,
but he's not a magician.

He can't just wave his little wand in the air
to make a plausible defense materialize.

Look! Look at what the other
side is gonna run at us.

They got the company books prepared
by you, cooked by you. That's motive.

They got a murder scene you had access to.
That's opportunity.

They got that little trimmer thing
he was stabbed in the throat with.

A dame's weapon.
It was big Dave's.

Don't interrupt me.
That's means.

They got a fine, upstanding pillar of
the business community as a victim,

and then they got you,

a disgruntled,
number-juggling underling,

who on the day in question
was drunk as a skunk...

And whose alibi for the time in question
is being passed out at home, alone.

I was with her.

Like I say, it stinks.

I killed him.

Okay. You killed him.

Okay, we forget the blackmail thing.
You killed him.

How come?

He and Doris
were having an affair.

Okay. How did you know?

I just knew.

A husband knows.

Will anyone else say they knew?
And don't say your wife.

Ed: I don't know.

I don't think so.

Freddy: How did
you get into the store?

I took Doris's keys.

Will anyone say they saw you there, on your
way there, in there, on your way back?

I don't think so.

Will anyone corroborate any goddamn
part of your story at all? Oh, come on!

People, you can't help
each other like that.

Let's be realistic, now.

Let's look at our options.

Well, frankly,
I don't see any options.

Look, I cannot present story
a, I cannot present story b.

I could plead you for a nutcase,
but you look too composed.

I could offer a guilty plea,

and in return they don't
give you the juice,

but I don't think you want to spend
the rest of your life in chino

and I know you didn't hire
Freddy riedenschneider

to hold your hand
at a sentencing hearing.

You could have gotten
Lloyd garroway for that.

No, no, no, no.
We're not giving up yet.

You hired Freddy
riedenschneider,

it means you're not
throwing in the towel.

I litigate. I don't capitulate.

All right. No options?
We gotta think.

All right. We go back to the blackmail
thing. Yeah, it titillates.

It's open-ended, and it
makes him the bad guy.

You dig around, you never know.
Something unsavory from his past.

He approaches you to help him
with the money, it's too late,

his past comes back
to haunt him.

Who's to say?
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Forget the jealous husband thing.
That's just silly.

We're going with the blackmail.
I'll be in touch. I'm comin' out!

Ed: Of course there was one person
who could confirm Doris"s story,

or plenty of it.

The dry-cleaning pansy.

But he'd left the hotel,
skipped out on his bill.

He'd also disappeared
from the residence he gave me,

owing two months' rent.

How could I have been so stupid?

Handing over $10,000
for a piece of paper.

And the man gone, like a ghost.

Disappeared into thin air, vaporized
like the nips at Nagasaki.

Gone now.

All gone.

The money gone, big Dave gone,

Doris going.

How could I have been so stupid?

She makes this stuff
she calls it "gatto".

It's got egg in there.
It's got sugar. It's got...

It's cake, basically,
except she calls it "gatto".

You know, like if you
don't call it cake,

you don't put on any weight.

Like I need to be eating gatto.
You know what I'm saying?

Ed: Sooner or later,
everyone needs a haircut.

We
Were working for the bank now.

We kept cutting the hair,
trying to stay afloat,

make the payments,
fread the water, day by day,

day by day.

Most people think someone's
accused of a crime,

they haul 'em in and bring 'em to
trial, but it's not like that.

It's not that fast.

The wheels of justice turn slow.

They have the arraignment,
then the indictment,

and they entertain motions to dismiss
and postpone and change the venue...

And alter this and that
and the other.

They impanel a jury,
which bring more motions.

Then they set a trial date,
and then they change the date.

And then, often as not, they'll change
it again. Not guilty, your honor.

I says, "honey, if you're gonna make
coffee, make a little bit of coffee."

Ed: And through all of if,
we cut the hair.

Meantime, Freddy riedenschneider
slept at the metropole.

And shoveled it in
at Da Vinci's.

He'd brought in a private
investigator from Sacramento,

to nose around
into big Dave's past.

I found myself, more and more,
going over to the abundas'.

It was a routine we fell into
most every evening.

I even went when Walter was
away on his research trips.

He was a genealogist,

had traced back his side of
the family seven generations,

his late wife's eight.

It seemed like a screwy hobby,

but then maybe all hobbies are.

Maybe Walter found something there
in the old county courthouses,

hospital file rooms,

city archives, property rolls,

registries.

Some kind of escape.

Some kind of peace.

They got this guy in Germany.

Fritz something or other.

Orisit... maybe it's Werner.

Anyway... he's got this theory.

You want to test something,
you know, scientifically,

how the planets
go 'round the sun,

what sunspots are made of,

why the water
comes out of the tap...

Well, you gotta look at it.

But sometimes you look at it...

Your looking changes it.

You can't know the reality
of what happened,

or what would have happened,

if you hadn't stuck in
your own goddamn schnoz.

So, there is no "what happened?"

Looking at something...

Changes it.

They call it
the uncertainty principle.

Sure, it sounds screwy, but even
Einstein says the guy's onto something.

Science.

Perception.

Reality.

Doubt.

Reasonable doubt.

I'm saying that sometimes
the more you look,

the less you really know.

It's a fact, a proved fact.

In... in a way,

it's the only fact there is.

This heinie even
wrote it out in numbers.

Burns?

Subject, David Allen Brewster,

born Brooklyn, 1911.

Subject educated in public schools.
One year case western university.

Flunks out.

1931, retail appliance salesman in
barnhoff's department store, Cincinnati.

1933, meets Ann nirdlinger.
They marry that year.

19395, arrested
on assault complaint.

Complainant has a broken nose,
couple of broken ribs.

'36, another assault beef
at a bar room altercation.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Couple of fistfights,
right? Go to his service record.

Inducted march 15, 1942.

Served in a clerical capacity in the
us Navy shipyards at San Diego.

One fistfight,
broken up by the mps.

No court martial. Honorable
discharge, may 8, 1945.

Since then, he's been clean.
Thank you, burns. Get lost.

So?

So?

This could be your Dolly's
ticket out of the death house.

Sol

I don't get it.

Look, chump.

This is a guy, from what I understand,
told everybody he was a war hero, right?

Island-hopping, practically liberated
the pacific all by himself,

with a knife in one hand,
a gun in the other,

and 20 yards of jap guts
between his teeth.

And now it turns out this dope
spent the war sitting on his ass

in some boat yard in San Diego.

You asked for blackmail.

Mr. hail-fellow-well-met, about
to open his own business here,

has been lying to everybody in
this town for the last four years,

probably including half the
people sitting on that jury.

Well, it finally
caught up with him.

Somebody knew his dirty little
secret, just like your wife says.

They called,
they demanded money.

Did big Dave say he'd recently
heard from an old friend?

Did big Dave mention it was
something about his war service?

I don't know. I wasn't there.

You have to tell us.

Maybe he specified,
maybe he didn't.

I'm not putting words
in your mouth, no.

But the point is that this liar,

this cynical manipulator,

turns to you to help him
out of his jam.

Fat-assed son of a bitch.

So who... who actually...

Who? Who?

I don't know who.

But the point is that if Mr.
Prosecutor over there

had devoted half the time he's
spent persecuting this woman...

To even the most cursory
investigation of this schmo's past,

then we might know who.

But we can't know who. We can't
know what really happened.

Because the more you look,
the less you know.

But the beauty of it is...

We don't gotta know.

We just gotta show that, god
damn it, they don't know.

Because of Fritz, or Werner... or
whatever the hell his name is.

Freddy riedenschneider
sees daylight.

We got a real shot at this, folks.
Let's not get cocky.

Comin' out!

Big Dave.

What a dope.

Ed: So, maybe riedenschneider
could fix it for Doris.

Maybe it would all work out.

And I thought,

I hoped,

that maybe there was a
way out for me as well.

He was deaf when he wrote this.

Ed: Who?

Beethoven.

He created it, but he never
actually heard it.

I guess he just heard it all
in his head somehow.

Ed: The girl had talent.
Anyone could see that.

And she wasn't
some fly-by-nighter.

She was just a good, clean kid.

If she was going to have a career,
she'd need a responsible adult

looking out for her,

some kind of manager.

She'd have contracts to look
at, be going out on tours,

playing on the radio, maybe.

I could help her sort through all that
without charging her an arm and a leg.

Just enough to get by.

Then I could be with her,

enough to keep myself
feeling okay.

Why couldn't that work?

Why not?

Birdy: Hi, Mr. crane.
Hello, birdy.

I thought that was real good.

Yeah, I messed up
a little bit on the agitato,

but if nobody noticed,
then it's okay.

Oh, this is a friend of mine.

Tony, Mr. crane.

Hello, Tony. Hello, sir.

Well.

Congratulations.

Think I'll be getting home now.

It was... nice to meet you, sir.

You too, Tony.

Ed: Why couldn't it work?

Anyway, that's what I was thinking
in the days leading up to the trial.

It seemed like once that was over,
I'd be ready for a new start.

Freddy riedenschneider
was busy preparing.

He was very optimistic.

And finally it came...
The first day of the trial,

what riedenschneider called
"the big show."

Where's the judge?
How come there's no judge?

Where's the judge, ed?

Riedenschneider.

How come the judge
doesn't come out?

The judge comes in last. He'll
come in when Doris gets here.

So where's Doris? I thought
we started at 10:00.

Hey, riedenschneider.
Where's Doris?

She's late.

Late? How can she be late?

She's in prison, ed.
None of us are in prison.

And yet we're not late.
We're on time, ed.

How can Doris be late?

What, they don't have
wake-up calls?

All rise. No, no.

Judge: Counselors.

What's going on, ed?

I thought there would
be arguments,

the bailiff and so forth.

Ed, what is this?

Is this procedure?

In the matter of the people v.
Doris crane, case number sr-87249,

cause now pending
is hereby dismissed...

Pursuant to California penal code
section 1385. I don't understand it.

Had a real shot at this.
I could've won this thing.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury...
Doesn't make any sense.

Your service is no longer needed

and you are now discharged.

Ed: She'd hanged herself.

I'd brought her a dress to wear to
court, and she'd used the belt.

At first I thought she'd figured
out somehow how I fit into it...

And couldn't stand it, couldn't
stand knowing.

But that wasn't it,
I'd find out later.

For now, everything
just seemed ruined.

Checking out. Ed: Freddy riedenschneider
went back to Sacramento,

still shaking his head,

saying it was the biggest disappointment
of his professional career.

Frankie fell to pieces.

I suspect he was drinking.

Anyway, he stopped
coming in to work.

That left me to keep the place going,
or the bank would've taken it.

Have to get him off the road, right?
He keeps snapping...

I was the principal barber now.
Talk about ungrateful.

I hired a new man for the second chair.
Runs right over the turtle.

I'd hired the guy who did the least
gabbing when he came in for an interview,

but I guess the new man had only
kept quiet because he was nervous.

Once he had the job, he talked from the
minute I opened the shop in the morning...

Until I locked up at night. He tied
a piece of corn to a string, right?

Barber: He would wait
for the chicken to eat it.

Ed: For all I know, he talked
to himself on the way home.

Barber: The chicken...

Ed: When I walked home, it seemed
like everyone avoided looking at me,

as if I'd caught some disease.

This thing with Doris, nobody
wanted to talk about it.

It was like I was a ghost
walking down the street.

And when I got home now,

the place felt empty.

I sat in the house,

but there was nobody there.

I was a ghost.

I didn't see anyone.

No one saw me.

I was the barber.

Barber: I had a couple
of eggs over hard

'cause I don't like it when
they run all over the plate,

some bacon and potatoes, which
are supposed to come with it.

And so, I pay for it, and I put the change
in my pocket without really looking...

'Cause, gosh, who looks at the
change when you eat there every day?

Two blocks later I look at the change
she gave me. Golly, I'm two bits short.

Customer: Two bits short. So I
walk back over to linton's,

find this gal, big argument.

She doesn't even recall the transaction.
Customer: No recollection.

Barber: Doesn't recall the transaction.
No recollections.

So I said, "look, dear.
Go ahead. Look at the menu."

If you're in before 6:00,
it's the whatchamacallit...

Barber: The...
Customer: Oh, the...

Customer: The early
bird special.

Barber: Yeah, the early riser.

Crane?

I'm crane.

My name's diedrickson,
county medical examiner.

Yeah?

I just came by
for an informal chat.

Why don't I buy you a drink?

Rye.

Just coffee.

You sure you don't want
something stiffer?

Coffee it is.

County me does an autopsy
on anyone who dies in custody.

I don't know if you knew that.

It's routine.

Doesn't become a matter of public
record unless there's been foul play.

However,

I don't think I'm prohibited
from telling you this.

Of course, I'm not
obliged to either.

I just don't know.

But if I were the man,

I'd want to be told.

Told what?

I'm not here to add to your...

Thanks.

Your wife was pregnant.

First trimester.

There it is.

I'm sorry.

Hell, I hope I've
done the right thing.

My wife and I had not performed
the sex act in many years.

Well,

that's really
none of my business.

I'm sorry.

There it is.

Good luck, crane.

Ed: Doris and I had never
really talked much.

I don't think that's
a bad thing necessarily.

But it was funny.
Now I wanted to talk.

Now, with everyone gone,

I was alone with secrets
I didn't want...

And no one
to tell 'em to anyway.

I went to see a woman who was supposed
to have powers in communicating

with those who had "passed
across,” as she called it.

She said that people who had passed across
were picky about who they'd communicate with.

Not like most people
you run into on this side.

So, you needed a guide, someone
with a gift for talking to souls.

Give me your hand.

Mmm. Well, first she told me

that my wife was
in a peaceful place,

that our souls
were still connected,

that she'd never
stopped loving me...

Even though she'd done some
things she wasn't proud of.

Man, she was reading me
like a book.

She was a phony,
just another gabber.

I was turning into
Ann nirdlinger,

big Dave's wife.

I had to turn my back
on the old lady,

on the veils, on the ghosts,

on the dead,

before they all sucked me in.

Jury might like that.

Ed? How are you holding up?

Okay, Walter. Thanks.

I was so damn sorry
to hear about your loss.

A terrible thing.
It's just damn terrible.

Birdy's upstairs.
I'm on long-distance, so...

Sure, Walter.

Okay. No.

Hello, birdy.

Hi, Mr. crane.

We haven't seen you since...

We've certainly missed you.

Birdy, I've been doing
a lot of thinking.

There are a lot of things that
haven't worked out for me.

Life has dealt me
some bum cards.

Or maybe I just haven't played
them right. I don't know.

Pop doesn't like people
smoking in here.

I'm sorry.

Well, sometimes I have a cigarette when
he's away, but never when he's home.

He can smell it a mile off.

Well, sure. It's his house.

That's what he keeps telling me.

Anyway, my point is,
you're young,

a kid, really,

your whole life ahead of you.

But it's not too soon to start
making opportunities for yourself...

Before it all washes away.

Yeah, I guess. Pop says so, too.

You know, I work
pretty hard at school.

That's swell.

However, the music,
if you want to pursue it...

Well, the lessons from Mrs. swan,
they'll only take you so far.

There's this guy
in San Francisco.

I've made inquiries.

Everybody says he's the best.

Trained people who've gone on
to big concert careers

in symphony orchestras,
the works.

His name is Jacques...

Carcanogues.

I'm not sure I'm pronouncing it right.
Anyway, he's a frenchman.

Oh, boy. A frenchman, huh?
You've got talent.

Anybody can see that.
And he's the best.

If he sees a student that he thinks has
talent, he takes them on for next to nothing.

So, you're a cinch
to be accepted.

I could cover the cost of the lessons.
Like I said, it's pretty modest.

Oh, jeez, Mr. crane.
No, I have to do it.

I can't stand by and watch any
more things go down the drain.

You're young.
You don't understand.

Well, jeez, Mr. crane. I hadn't really
thought about a career or stuff.

Well, I... l know you haven't.

Look, just go see him
as a favor to me.

I talked to this guy.

He loosened up a little bit when I
told him how talented you were.

He's agreed to see you
this Saturday.

He said, maybe you're
a diamond in the rough.

His words.

Jeez, I don't know, Mr. crane.

Just go see him
as a favor to me.

You are the father?

No, I'm her...
I'm a family friend.

I am carcanogues.
You will wait, my dear.

I speak with you
on the phone, no?

You have a special interest
in music?

Uh-huh.

Ah.

A music lover, alors.

I don't pretend to be an expert.

Ah.

Aha.

How did she do? She seemed
like a very nice girl.

She play, monsieur,

like a very nice girl.

Stinks.

Nice girl,

however, stinks.

Well, I don't understand.

Is not so hard to understand.

Her playing... very polite.

Did she make mistakes?

Mistake? No.

It say "e-flat,"
she play e-flat.

Ping, ping. She play
the right note always.

Well, I don't understand.
No mistakes?

Look, she's just a kid. I thought
you taught these kids to...

No, no, no, monsieur. That is
what I cannot teach her, huh?

I cannot teach her
to have the soul.

Hmm, voyez, monsieur. Look.

To play the piano
is not about the fingers.

We make with the fingers.

But the music, monsieur,

she come from I'interieur,
from inside, huh?

The music,

she starts here.

She come out through here.

Hmm? Then perhaps,

perhaps,

she can go here.

Like I said, I'm not an expert.

So, you can listen to me,
for I am expert.

Voyez, monsieur.
This girl, nice girl.

Very clever hands. Nice girl.

I think, perhaps some day...

She can make
very good typist, huh?

Tat, tat, tat, tat,
tat, tat, tat.

Voila.

I stank, didn't 1?
He didn't say that.

No, but more or less.

Look, I'm no expert, but there must be a
dozen teachers better than this clown.

No, look, really...
More qualified.

Goddamn phony.

Really, it's okay.

I'm not interested in playing
music professionally.

You know, I'm not sure
I want a career at all,

and if I did, I'd probably
be a veterinarian.

Veterinarian. Yeah.

Birdy: But I do appreciate
your interest.

It was nothing.

I wish I'd played better
for you 'cause, you know,

I know it would've
made you real happy.

You know what you are?

What?

You're an enthusiast.

Yeah, maybe.

You know, I really do appreciate
the interest you've taken.

Birdy. I just wanted
to make you happy.

Birdy. No, it's really okay.
I wanna do it.

Birdy! No, it's okay, really.

No! No! No! Mr. crane, I wanna do it.
Mr. crane!

Birdy, please don't do that!
Mr. crane, please!

Heavens to Betsy, birdy!
Please, Mr. crane.

Ed: Time slows down
right before an accident,

and I had time
to think about things.

I thought about what an
undertaker had told me once,

that your hair keeps growing,
for a while, anyway,

after you die.

And then it stops.

I thought,
"what keeps it growing?”

Is it like a plant in soil?

What goes out of the soil?

The soul?

And when does the hair
realize that it's gone?

Hello!

I noticed you still have
pea stone in your driveway.

Of course you have to rejuvenate that
every couple of years, don't you?

When the pea stone thins out?

Man: Ha. Where does it go, huh?

Like the odd sock.

'Course, you know where it goes.
Don't ya?

You probably pick pieces of it
off your lawn all the time,

churn it up with your lawn mower,
sweep it off your porch there.

Pain in the neck.

Never bothered me.

Man: Well, have you ever
considered tarmacadam?

People think it's just for public
works or commercial purposes,

but we have the technology now
to bring it to the homeowner,

individual consumer,
at very competitive prices.

Mind if I show you the specifications?
Afternoon, ma'am.

What are you selling?

Ma'am, I was just telling your
husband here about tarmacadam...

For your home driveway here.

Here's the brochure.
It's the modern way to...

Get lost.

Jesus.

Doris... no.

Don't say anything. I'm fine.

Man: Mr. crane?

Mr crane?

Mr. crane.

Mr. crane?

Mr. crane?

Are you awake?

He's comin' around.

Can you talk, sir?
These men have to talk to you.

Doctor: Are you awake? Sir?

Doctor: He's awake. Go ahead.

Persky: Are you awake?
Is he awake?

Crane, as soon as you're conscious,
we have to tell you that...

Is he conscious?
His eyes are open.

You're under arrest.

Persky: Soon as the doctor
lets us, we gotta move you.

Does he understand that? We're supposed
to tell him. Are you conscious?

They'll take you to the prison hospital.
Under arrest for murder.

Birdy.

What?

What'd he say? Ed: Birdy.

Birdy. The girl.
No, the girl's okay.

Broken clavicle. That's a
collarbone, crane. It's broken.

Doctor: She's okay, though.
Persky: So, he understands, then,

that he's under arrest
for murder?

Big Dave.

Huh? What? What'd he say?

Persky: He said okay.
Is that what he said?

You're under arrest for the
murder of creighton tolliver.

You understand that?
Krebs: Does he understand?

Ed: The pansy.

A kid diving in a water hole
outside of town had found his car.

They winched it out...

And found he'd been beaten,
just like big Dave said.

Beaten to death.

Inside his briefcase were the
partnership papers I'd signed,

showing that I'd
given him 10 grand.

For the district attorney,
that made it fall into place.

I'd gotten Doris
to steal the money.

The pansy had gotten wise somehow, so
I had to kill him to cover my tracks.

People v. Edward crane.

Ed: I was in a spot. You are
charged in a one-count complaint

that alleges as follows... ed: I
called in Freddy riedenschneider...

And signed the house
over to him.

He said he didn't ordinarily
work that cheap,

but he figured he owed me something
since the last one hadn't played out.

How do you now plead? We plead
not guilty, your honor.

Ed: I tried to tell him the whole
story, but riedenschneider stopped me.

He said the story
made his head hurt.

And anyway, he didn't see any way of using
it without putting me on the hot seat

for the murder of big Dave.

Trial date is set
for Monday a week.

Ed: He told me not
to worry, though.

Said he'd think of something.

They put me
on 24-hour death watch,

so that I couldn't cheat justice
like they said my wife had done.

But in front of the jury, they
had it that Doris was a Saint.

The whole plan had been mine.

I was a svengali who had forced Doris
to join my criminal enterprise.

A careful...
Ed: On and on it went,

how I'd used Doris, then let
her take the fall. That man!

That stuff smarted because some
of it was close to being true.

Ed: And then it was
riedenschneider's turn.

Ladies and gentlemen, members of
the jury, citizens of Santa Rosa,

we've just heard from the district
attorney a rather lurid description...

Of a truly despicable man.

Ed: I gotta hand it to him. He
tossed a lot of sand in their eyes.

He talked about how I'd lost
my place in the universe,

the character drawn. Ed: How I was too
ordinary to be the criminal mastermind

the da made me out to be,

how there was some greater scheme at
work that the state had yet to unravel.

Is it that simple? Ed: And he threw
in some of the old truth stuff

he hadn't had the chance
to trot out for Doris.

May at first look at these lines and see
only the chaos of a work of modern art.

But it is your job... ed: He told
them to look at me, look at me close.

That the closer they looked, the
less sense it would all make.

This human, this barber.

Ed: That I wasn't the kind
of guy to kill a guy,

that I was the barber,
for Christ's sake.

I was just like them,
an ordinary man.

Guilty of living in a world
that had no place for me, yeah.

Guilty of wanting to be a dry
cleaner, sure. But not of murder.

But most specifically,
this is a barber's dilemma.

For he is modern man.

Ed: He said I was modern man.

He is your reflection.

Ed: And if they voted
to convict me,

well, they'd be practically cinching
the noose around their own necks.

He told them to look not at the facts,
but at the meaning of the facts.

And then he said
the facts had no meaning.

It was a pretty good speech
and even had me going,

until Frankie interrupted it.

What kind of man are you?

What kind of man are you?

Move for a mistrial! Your honor!

What kind of man are you?
Move for a mistrial.

Ed: Well, he got his mistrial,
but the well had run dry.

The court will come to order. There
was nothing left to mortgage.

Riedenschneider went home, and the
court appointed Lloyd garroway,

who threw me
on the mercy of the court.

Your honor, we plead guilty...

With extenuating circumstances.

Ed: It was my only chance,
he said.

I guess that meant
I never had a chance.

Judge: Arguments of the defense.

Certain facts
have been clearly...

Ed: He wasn't buying any of that modern
man stuff, or the uncertainty stuff,

or any of the mercy stuff
either.

This man is a menace to society.

Ed: Nope, he was going
by the book...

It is the judgment of this court, and
in so doing... and the book said...

I got the chair. He has forfeited
the right to his own life.

Ed: So, here I am.

At first I didn't know
how I got here.

I knew step by step, of course,

which is what I've told you,
step by step.

But I couldn't see any pattern.

Now that I'm near the end, I'm
glad that this men's magazine

paid me to tell my story.

Writing it has helped me
sort it all out.

They're paying me
five cents a word,

so you'll pardon me if sometimes I've
told you more than you wanted to know.

But now all the
disconnected things seem to hook up.

That's the funny thing
about going away,

knowing the date
you're going to die.

And the men's magazine wanted
me to tell how that felt.

Well, it's like pulling away
from the maze.

While you're in the maze,
you go through Willy-nilly,

turning where you think
you have to turn,

one thing after another.

But you get some distance on it,

and all those twists and turns,

why, they're the shape
of your life.

It's hard to explain.

But seeing it whole
gives you some peace.

The men's magazine
also asked about remorse.

Yeah, I guess I'm sorry about
the pain I caused other people.

But I don't regret anything.

Not a thing.

I used to.

I used to regret
being the barber.

I don't know
where I'm being taken.

I don't know what I'll find
beyond the earth and sky,

but I'm not afraid to go.

Maybe the things I don't
understand will be clearer there,

like when a fog blows away.

Maybe Doris will be there.

And maybe there
I can tell her...

All those things...

They don't have words for here.