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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:12,760 --> 00:00:15,400 L-E-N spells Len, not Arthur, 2 00:00:15,440 --> 00:00:18,240 so what's my bloody bin doing in front of your bloody house? 3 00:00:18,280 --> 00:00:22,240 I ain't moved your bin! You moved my bin! My bin's outside your house. 4 00:00:22,280 --> 00:00:25,520 Basically, grumpy old Len's having a fight with angry Arthur 5 00:00:25,560 --> 00:00:29,120 because they're both accusing each other of stealing the other one's recycling bin. 6 00:00:29,160 --> 00:00:32,520 Cos we swapped 'em over. We do it every bin day and wind them up. 7 00:00:33,600 --> 00:00:35,960 Len's a fucking unit. 8 00:00:37,400 --> 00:00:39,520 - You don't wash your windows! - Ooh! 9 00:00:39,560 --> 00:00:41,600 You don't wash your bloody trousers! 10 00:00:41,640 --> 00:00:42,880 Ho-ho! 11 00:00:42,920 --> 00:00:44,800 - Drop him, Len! 12 00:00:44,840 --> 00:00:46,000 What are you doing? 13 00:00:46,040 --> 00:00:48,560 Are you going to take that from him, mate? 14 00:00:48,600 --> 00:00:50,360 He's bang out of order! 15 00:00:50,400 --> 00:00:52,880 - Don't you bloody dare, mate. - Shit, he's got a brick. 16 00:00:52,920 --> 00:00:54,520 - Don't you dare! - Len! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! 17 00:00:54,560 --> 00:00:56,320 Len! Len! 18 00:00:56,360 --> 00:00:57,880 Don't you dare! 19 00:00:57,920 --> 00:00:59,760 Len! Len! Len! 20 00:00:59,800 --> 00:01:01,640 No, put the brick down, you fucking psychopath. 21 00:01:01,680 --> 00:01:03,440 Or what? You want a bricking as well? 22 00:01:03,480 --> 00:01:04,960 No, I don't... 23 00:01:08,680 --> 00:01:11,840 The vicar texted me earlier saying he wants to see us both in his office, 24 00:01:11,880 --> 00:01:14,160 but he didn't say what about. 25 00:01:14,200 --> 00:01:17,000 When I asked him, he just said, "Come to my office now," 26 00:01:17,040 --> 00:01:20,160 which means we're in the fucking shit, cos we're always in fucking shit. 27 00:01:20,200 --> 00:01:24,160 Yeah, but what have we actually done that was bad in the last three weeks, though? 28 00:01:24,200 --> 00:01:26,640 Don't say Len and Arthur and the bins, cos they was gunning for each other anyway. 29 00:01:28,440 --> 00:01:31,080 We did give the vicar the wrong change 30 00:01:31,120 --> 00:01:34,280 when he gave us ten quid to go and get printer paper from the shop. 31 00:01:34,320 --> 00:01:37,120 Yeah, but that was basically our commission. 32 00:01:37,160 --> 00:01:40,440 And we did burn Slugs's nipples on the radiator. 33 00:01:40,480 --> 00:01:44,080 - Yeah, but that was for science. - Yeah. That was for science. 34 00:01:47,120 --> 00:01:50,200 Well, thank you both for coming in today. I really, really appreciate it. 35 00:01:50,240 --> 00:01:53,520 Look, if you're going to bollock us, just save yourself the waffle and get to it. 36 00:01:53,560 --> 00:01:54,840 What do you mean? 37 00:01:54,880 --> 00:01:57,200 - You're going to have a go at us. - Yeah. 38 00:01:57,240 --> 00:02:00,720 Well, no, I'm not. Um, no. 39 00:02:00,760 --> 00:02:04,080 I called you in today because I have some news. 40 00:02:04,120 --> 00:02:05,920 What? 41 00:02:05,960 --> 00:02:09,240 The tadpoles have spawned in the parish pond 42 00:02:09,280 --> 00:02:12,800 and they are absolutely thriving. 43 00:02:16,920 --> 00:02:18,560 That's great. 44 00:02:18,600 --> 00:02:21,200 - That is wonderful news. - Yes! 45 00:02:21,240 --> 00:02:25,120 Yes. And, you know, all that de-weeding you did last week 46 00:02:25,160 --> 00:02:27,840 really helped to oxygenate the pond. So, thank you, Kurtan and Kerry. 47 00:02:27,880 --> 00:02:29,520 Well done, mate. 48 00:02:29,560 --> 00:02:31,200 - Well done. - Thank you. 49 00:02:31,240 --> 00:02:33,840 Um, no. Just a sec. I just have one other thing to discuss with you. 50 00:02:33,880 --> 00:02:34,840 My... 51 00:02:34,880 --> 00:02:36,440 - No. Hear me out. - I knew it. 52 00:02:36,480 --> 00:02:37,800 Well, I'm just... 53 00:02:37,840 --> 00:02:41,880 I'm going to be bit busy this week, so I'm going to need you to do me a favour 54 00:02:41,920 --> 00:02:44,760 and take over Tea Talk for me with Florence. 55 00:02:44,800 --> 00:02:46,400 - No way. - No. 56 00:02:46,440 --> 00:02:49,440 Well, I'm actually going fishing anyway, so I can't do it, 57 00:02:49,480 --> 00:02:52,600 but the chat that gets spouted out at Tea Talk, it's just, 58 00:02:52,640 --> 00:02:55,400 99% of it, unfiltered guff. 59 00:02:55,440 --> 00:02:57,560 - That's not true. - It is true. 60 00:02:57,600 --> 00:03:02,040 Tea Talk is a scheme I've been running for the last couple of years. 61 00:03:02,080 --> 00:03:05,160 Um, some of the older residents 62 00:03:05,200 --> 00:03:07,080 like to talk. A lot. 63 00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:10,920 But because they live alone and can't get about as much, 64 00:03:10,960 --> 00:03:12,880 they have no-one to talk to. 65 00:03:12,920 --> 00:03:16,720 So, once a week, I'll pop in and see them in their homes 66 00:03:16,760 --> 00:03:21,320 and we'll have a good old chinwag over a cup of tea and a slice of cake. 67 00:03:21,360 --> 00:03:24,240 Seeing as you live across the road from Florence, 68 00:03:24,280 --> 00:03:28,240 - No, no, no, no, no. 69 00:03:30,040 --> 00:03:31,480 I'll give you £5. 70 00:03:32,680 --> 00:03:33,680 20 quid. 71 00:03:35,600 --> 00:03:37,320 - 10. 72 00:03:37,360 --> 00:03:38,560 - 10. 73 00:03:38,600 --> 00:03:40,600 - I shouldn't be paying you at all. - 10 is fine. 74 00:03:40,640 --> 00:03:42,840 - OK. Excellent. Thank you. - Deal. 75 00:03:42,880 --> 00:03:44,720 Thank you, Kerry. Deal. Great. 76 00:03:44,760 --> 00:03:46,480 What makes you so busy anyway? 77 00:03:46,520 --> 00:03:48,080 Busy bee. - Busy bee. 78 00:03:48,120 --> 00:03:51,520 Well, actually, I'm picking up my son, who's coming to stay for a while. 79 00:03:51,560 --> 00:03:53,720 - Yeah, right. 80 00:03:54,960 --> 00:03:56,920 You don't have a son, do you? 81 00:04:00,560 --> 00:04:02,840 I've always had a son. I talk about him all the time. 82 00:04:02,880 --> 00:04:04,600 - You know that. Jacob. 83 00:04:04,640 --> 00:04:07,840 - I thought that was his dog. 84 00:04:07,880 --> 00:04:09,000 So did I. 85 00:04:09,040 --> 00:04:13,080 No! He's my son. He's not my dog. 86 00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:15,760 Yes, my son's Jacob's coming to stay, 87 00:04:15,800 --> 00:04:18,080 which I'm really looking forward to. 88 00:04:18,120 --> 00:04:21,640 He's been living in Bristol for the last few years since he left university. 89 00:04:21,680 --> 00:04:24,560 I've really missed him. I've been... A-ha! 90 00:04:24,600 --> 00:04:26,560 I know it's not cool to say this, 91 00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:29,240 but I've been very excited about you coming. 92 00:04:29,280 --> 00:04:32,280 Yeah, well, good. Well, it's good to be here. 93 00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:35,240 Yeah. 94 00:04:35,280 --> 00:04:38,080 It's nice to see it again. It's been a while since I've been here. 95 00:04:38,120 --> 00:04:40,000 I don't think you realise 96 00:04:40,040 --> 00:04:43,000 what a place is like until you leave it and you come back, you know. 97 00:04:43,040 --> 00:04:45,520 I don't know, it's a bit... bit weird, innit? 98 00:04:45,560 --> 00:04:48,000 It reminds me of The Wicker Man. I don't really know why. 99 00:04:48,040 --> 00:04:50,480 - A bit weird. - A little bit harsh. 100 00:04:50,520 --> 00:04:52,200 Well, it's just what I think. 101 00:04:52,240 --> 00:04:53,680 You'll put people off. 102 00:04:53,720 --> 00:04:58,560 I'd like to think there's a bit more kindness in the village than that. 103 00:04:58,600 --> 00:05:00,240 I dunno. It's all right... It's... 104 00:05:00,280 --> 00:05:01,720 Burning people... 105 00:05:01,760 --> 00:05:02,760 Well... 106 00:05:11,520 --> 00:05:13,000 I've been dreading this. 107 00:05:13,040 --> 00:05:15,720 It's just been hanging over my head the whole day. 108 00:05:15,760 --> 00:05:18,240 There's a reason no-one wants to talk to these old fuckers. 109 00:05:18,280 --> 00:05:20,000 Cos they're fucking boring. 110 00:05:22,640 --> 00:05:24,640 Well, what I'm going to do is I'm going to knock on the door, 111 00:05:24,680 --> 00:05:28,520 leave it five seconds, and if she doesn't come, at least I tried. 112 00:05:29,600 --> 00:05:31,960 One, two, three, four... 113 00:05:32,000 --> 00:05:34,280 Hello, Kerry. Are you here for the Tea Talk? 114 00:05:34,320 --> 00:05:35,880 - Yeah. - Come on in. 115 00:05:35,920 --> 00:05:37,640 Fine. 116 00:05:37,680 --> 00:05:42,360 There you go. Can I take your coat? 117 00:05:42,400 --> 00:05:44,200 Yeah. 118 00:05:48,000 --> 00:05:49,280 Got rods out now. 119 00:05:49,320 --> 00:05:51,120 Lines in. 120 00:05:51,160 --> 00:05:53,240 Now it's just a waiting game, really. 121 00:05:54,880 --> 00:05:57,080 - Kurtan! 122 00:05:57,120 --> 00:05:59,840 Fucking hell, what's he wearing them trousers for? 123 00:05:59,880 --> 00:06:03,080 Christ! I can see the crease between his bollocks! 124 00:06:03,120 --> 00:06:05,440 Fucking huge, them bollocks! 125 00:06:05,480 --> 00:06:08,840 - Yeah. This is my son Jacob. 126 00:06:08,880 --> 00:06:10,960 Hello, mate. Nice to meet you. Kurtan. Nice to meet you, son. 127 00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:12,480 Jacob just arrived this morning. 128 00:06:12,520 --> 00:06:14,480 I thought we'd go for a walk and see how you're getting on. 129 00:06:14,520 --> 00:06:16,480 - Yeah. 130 00:06:16,520 --> 00:06:20,360 No, not yet. It's a bit quiet today. Yeah. 131 00:06:20,400 --> 00:06:23,120 It's beautiful here, though. I can see why people get into fishing. 132 00:06:23,160 --> 00:06:26,280 Yes. Yeah, yeah. Well, you guys are welcome to stay if you want. 133 00:06:26,320 --> 00:06:28,880 - I've got chairs and... - That's lovely of you. 134 00:06:28,920 --> 00:06:30,560 Um, well, I've got to get back. 135 00:06:30,600 --> 00:06:34,280 But, Jacob, you can stay if you like and I can pick you up later. 136 00:06:34,320 --> 00:06:36,320 Yeah. - Lovely. 137 00:06:36,360 --> 00:06:37,920 - Cool. - All right, fantastic. 138 00:06:37,960 --> 00:06:40,240 - Well, I'll... see you later, then. - Yeah. 139 00:06:41,720 --> 00:06:43,040 - Cool. - Have a lovely time. 140 00:06:43,080 --> 00:06:44,560 - Yeah, all right. - Bye. 141 00:06:44,600 --> 00:06:46,440 - Yeah, sit down, mate. - Yeah, cool. 142 00:06:46,480 --> 00:06:47,640 I've got a spare chair in here. 143 00:06:47,680 --> 00:06:50,840 Er, it's a nice sort of set-up you've got here. 144 00:06:50,880 --> 00:06:54,800 Yeah. That's... You've not been fishing before, then? 145 00:06:54,840 --> 00:07:00,000 No. This is new to me. This is... I mean, that's mental. So... 146 00:07:00,040 --> 00:07:03,520 - Yeah, it's a fishing rod. - Right. OK. Cool. 147 00:07:14,760 --> 00:07:16,640 So, what do you want to talk about? 148 00:07:18,160 --> 00:07:21,440 We don't have to talk. We can watch TV. 149 00:07:21,480 --> 00:07:23,040 Yeah? 150 00:07:23,080 --> 00:07:25,440 Flog It! will be on. Have you seen it? 151 00:07:26,840 --> 00:07:28,240 No. 152 00:07:28,280 --> 00:07:29,880 It's absolutely brilliant. 153 00:07:31,400 --> 00:07:33,800 Would you like some biscuits with your tea, or... 154 00:07:33,840 --> 00:07:35,600 ...we've got scones, actually, if you want? 155 00:07:36,720 --> 00:07:37,720 Er... 156 00:07:39,160 --> 00:07:41,320 Both 157 00:07:41,360 --> 00:07:42,400 Yes. 158 00:08:04,760 --> 00:08:07,760 So, how long are you planning on staying around for, then? 159 00:08:07,800 --> 00:08:09,800 - Er, dunno. Might be a while but... 160 00:08:09,840 --> 00:08:12,400 Never usually lasts long with me and Dad under the same roof. 161 00:08:12,440 --> 00:08:14,000 Right, yeah. I bet. 162 00:08:14,040 --> 00:08:15,880 - It's just, he's too nice, you know. - Yeah. 163 00:08:15,920 --> 00:08:18,400 - He's infuriatingly nice. - Yeah. 164 00:08:18,440 --> 00:08:20,040 He has no idea what the real world is like. 165 00:08:20,080 --> 00:08:21,240 - Yeah. 166 00:08:21,280 --> 00:08:22,520 Yeah. 167 00:08:27,120 --> 00:08:30,000 What is the real world actually like? 168 00:08:31,560 --> 00:08:33,760 - Just like Bristol and that. 169 00:08:33,800 --> 00:08:35,480 - Yeah. 170 00:08:35,520 --> 00:08:37,560 Yeah, yeah. Bristol's great, mate. Yeah. 171 00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:39,600 - Just, like, fast and... - Yeah, yeah, 172 00:08:39,640 --> 00:08:41,720 - Just so many mental things happen. 173 00:08:41,760 --> 00:08:44,840 Like, we used to live with this guy called Chief, yeah? 174 00:08:44,880 --> 00:08:46,600 - He's a nudist. 175 00:08:46,640 --> 00:08:49,080 So he just walks around with his cock and bollocks out. 176 00:08:49,120 --> 00:08:50,520 - Yeah, yeah! 177 00:08:50,560 --> 00:08:52,800 But the best thing is, my dad came to visit, yeah? 178 00:08:52,840 --> 00:08:55,120 - Yeah. - All the time he's sweating bullets. 179 00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:58,920 He's trying so hard not to acknowledge he's got his cock and bollocks out... 180 00:08:58,960 --> 00:09:00,800 - Yeah. - ...he actually fainted! 181 00:09:00,840 --> 00:09:02,840 - You're joking! - No. 182 00:09:02,880 --> 00:09:04,520 - Fucking hell! - Swear on my life. 183 00:09:04,560 --> 00:09:06,440 - Yeah. 184 00:09:06,480 --> 00:09:09,520 - Er, nah. No, I'm all right, actually. 185 00:09:12,120 --> 00:09:13,480 - Yeah, yeah. Go on, then. 186 00:09:13,520 --> 00:09:14,960 - Nice one. 187 00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:17,600 - Might as well. 188 00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:21,680 Er... Well, my dad took me to a Slipknot concert. 189 00:09:21,720 --> 00:09:22,760 Yeah? 190 00:09:22,800 --> 00:09:24,440 When I was 13, or something. 191 00:09:24,480 --> 00:09:27,880 And he tried to get into the mosh pit 192 00:09:27,920 --> 00:09:29,520 because he thought that's where the best view would be. 193 00:09:30,600 --> 00:09:33,480 So, when the music started, everybody started jumping on him... 194 00:09:33,520 --> 00:09:36,240 - Yeah! - Like, bottles of piss poured over him. 195 00:09:36,280 --> 00:09:37,640 You're joking! 196 00:09:37,680 --> 00:09:39,160 St John's Ambulance had to get involved 197 00:09:39,200 --> 00:09:41,440 and, like, gave him gas and air, dragged him out. 198 00:09:41,480 --> 00:09:42,960 Fuck! 199 00:09:51,200 --> 00:09:53,080 Well, I'd better get on with the supper. 200 00:09:53,120 --> 00:09:55,720 It's lovely of you to pop by, Sherry. 201 00:09:57,800 --> 00:09:59,440 What will you have for your supper? 202 00:09:59,480 --> 00:10:02,080 Just steak and chips, I think. 203 00:10:02,120 --> 00:10:05,280 I love me steak, I do. 204 00:10:05,320 --> 00:10:07,920 - Me too. - I absolutely love... I love steak. 205 00:10:07,960 --> 00:10:09,120 Yeah. 206 00:10:09,160 --> 00:10:11,600 It's my favourite, actually. 207 00:10:12,920 --> 00:10:16,080 Hadn't you better get back? Or you'll miss yours. 208 00:10:16,120 --> 00:10:19,000 - Miss your supper. 209 00:10:20,160 --> 00:10:22,160 I don't have any supper. 210 00:10:23,400 --> 00:10:25,080 Does your mum not cook for you? 211 00:10:26,720 --> 00:10:28,320 What will you eat? 212 00:10:29,800 --> 00:10:32,720 I suppose I'll see what's left in the bin. 213 00:10:32,760 --> 00:10:33,920 Probably just eat that. 214 00:10:36,120 --> 00:10:38,040 Would you like to stay for supper, Kerry? 215 00:10:38,080 --> 00:10:39,360 Is that all right? 216 00:10:39,400 --> 00:10:41,280 Of course. Do stay for supper. 217 00:10:41,320 --> 00:10:44,560 All right, then, yeah. Can I give you a hand, Florence? 218 00:10:44,600 --> 00:10:47,320 No! I'm fine. The Simpsons are on next. 219 00:10:49,080 --> 00:10:50,680 Okely dokely. 220 00:10:58,440 --> 00:10:59,360 Mum! 221 00:11:00,400 --> 00:11:01,880 What's for tea tonight? 222 00:11:03,640 --> 00:11:04,760 For tea tonight? 223 00:11:06,680 --> 00:11:08,160 Yeah, what's for tea tonight? 224 00:11:14,200 --> 00:11:16,280 Yeah, but what will you cook, do you think? 225 00:11:25,480 --> 00:11:26,400 What? 226 00:11:27,960 --> 00:11:28,920 What? 227 00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:32,800 Say that again! 228 00:11:36,000 --> 00:11:37,440 You mean falafel, Sue? 229 00:11:42,080 --> 00:11:44,160 What the fuck is falafel? 230 00:11:44,200 --> 00:11:46,520 It's mushed up chickpeas. 231 00:11:46,560 --> 00:11:48,040 What are chickpeas? 232 00:11:48,080 --> 00:11:50,440 Peas that taste like shit, basically. 233 00:11:50,480 --> 00:11:52,760 How was fishing? 234 00:11:52,800 --> 00:11:55,560 Brilliant, but I am hanging out my ass today. 235 00:11:55,600 --> 00:11:57,760 - Jacob came. 236 00:11:57,800 --> 00:11:59,080 - Yeah! 237 00:11:59,120 --> 00:12:00,600 - He's great. 238 00:12:00,640 --> 00:12:03,560 - We got absolutely battered. 239 00:12:03,600 --> 00:12:05,160 Yeah, he loves a party. 240 00:12:05,200 --> 00:12:08,040 And on the way back we just stood on the bridge over a dual carriageway 241 00:12:08,080 --> 00:12:09,400 and we were just pissing on cars. 242 00:12:09,440 --> 00:12:11,240 I want to piss on cars. 243 00:12:11,280 --> 00:12:13,160 Yeah. 244 00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:16,400 He has some amazing stories about the vicar as well. 245 00:12:16,440 --> 00:12:17,920 Like what? 246 00:12:17,960 --> 00:12:21,560 The vicar, right, was in a Christian boyband in the '80s. 247 00:12:21,600 --> 00:12:24,280 - No way! - Yeah. Called The Nice Guys. 248 00:12:24,320 --> 00:12:26,320 - You are joking me! - No! 249 00:12:26,360 --> 00:12:28,000 - Yeah! 250 00:12:28,040 --> 00:12:30,520 - Lead singer. 251 00:12:30,560 --> 00:12:32,240 - Yeah. 252 00:12:34,120 --> 00:12:36,040 And he had hair, as well, apparently. 253 00:12:36,080 --> 00:12:38,800 - He had hair! - Yeah! Imagine that. 254 00:12:40,200 --> 00:12:42,800 I just can't imagine the vicar not being bald. 255 00:12:50,920 --> 00:12:55,520 Florence, that was just... beautiful. Really beautiful. 256 00:12:55,560 --> 00:12:58,040 Good. Glad you liked it. 257 00:13:00,760 --> 00:13:02,880 Not going to let you go hungry, you know, Kerry. 258 00:13:04,440 --> 00:13:06,320 I love Tea Talk. 259 00:13:06,360 --> 00:13:08,560 Florence is just an absolute dream. 260 00:13:08,600 --> 00:13:11,440 It was a bit sad, cos her cat died recently. 261 00:13:11,480 --> 00:13:15,760 But I think me being here has just cheered her up tenfold. 262 00:13:15,800 --> 00:13:17,720 That was him, look. That's the cat. 263 00:13:17,760 --> 00:13:20,320 His name was Tudor, look. 264 00:13:20,360 --> 00:13:22,200 Feel the weight of that. 265 00:13:22,240 --> 00:13:24,520 Feel the weight of that, honestly. 266 00:13:24,560 --> 00:13:26,160 That's how fucking big he was. 267 00:13:27,480 --> 00:13:29,480 Ate himself into physical decay. 268 00:13:30,960 --> 00:13:33,240 That's how I want to go. 269 00:13:33,280 --> 00:13:34,400 Yeah. 270 00:13:34,440 --> 00:13:39,520 Kerry gets very jealous whenever I talk about Tudor. 271 00:13:39,560 --> 00:13:43,600 So I just try not to mention him at all. 272 00:13:43,640 --> 00:13:44,680 She said... 273 00:13:47,680 --> 00:13:48,680 Shh... 274 00:13:50,440 --> 00:13:53,880 For fuck's sake! 275 00:14:00,280 --> 00:14:01,440 That'll do. 276 00:14:06,120 --> 00:14:08,640 Thanks so much for doing Tea Talk, Kerry. 277 00:14:08,680 --> 00:14:10,680 I can take over now, but thanks so much for filling in for me. 278 00:14:10,720 --> 00:14:12,720 Well, I don't mind doing it again, so... 279 00:14:12,760 --> 00:14:16,240 Well, that's very kind of you, but I know how dull it must be for you... 280 00:14:16,280 --> 00:14:19,320 No, no, no, it's not dull, it's fine. She trusts me now. 281 00:14:19,360 --> 00:14:22,920 Well, all I'm saying is that I'm free now and... 282 00:14:22,960 --> 00:14:25,120 Yeah, well, she's in a very dark place at the moment 283 00:14:25,160 --> 00:14:27,640 cos she's just lost her cat, which is very upsetting. 284 00:14:27,680 --> 00:14:29,120 You know, I'm not quite sure 285 00:14:29,160 --> 00:14:32,160 why you're so insistent on trying to, like, ruin this for me. 286 00:14:32,200 --> 00:14:33,720 - I'm not... - It feels like that. 287 00:14:33,760 --> 00:14:36,400 I'm really not trying to ruin anything for you. 288 00:14:36,440 --> 00:14:41,080 You know, I think it's brilliant that you want to keep Tea Talk going with Florence, 289 00:14:41,120 --> 00:14:44,680 I really do, Kerry. I couldn't be prouder of you. 290 00:14:44,720 --> 00:14:46,800 Sounds like you're really making a difference. 291 00:14:46,840 --> 00:14:48,560 Well, I am, I'm making a massive difference. 292 00:14:48,600 --> 00:14:50,360 She'd lose her shit if it wasn't for me, so... 293 00:14:50,400 --> 00:14:52,480 - Great, good. 294 00:14:52,520 --> 00:14:55,240 - Kurtan, come on in. 295 00:14:55,280 --> 00:14:58,240 Look, I've been meaning to say thanks so much 296 00:14:58,280 --> 00:15:00,400 for spending time with Jacob. He's been raving about it. 297 00:15:00,440 --> 00:15:01,400 Yeah? 298 00:15:01,440 --> 00:15:03,840 That's great, yeah, we're going fishing again tonight 299 00:15:03,880 --> 00:15:07,520 and probably go down Keepers, have a few beers and that. 300 00:15:07,560 --> 00:15:09,120 - It'll be a laugh. - Excellent. 301 00:15:09,160 --> 00:15:13,480 But just to let you know, Jacob's had a bit of a tough time of late. 302 00:15:13,520 --> 00:15:15,160 What do you mean? 303 00:15:15,200 --> 00:15:18,480 Um, well, he's had some problems that you should probably be aware of. 304 00:15:18,520 --> 00:15:20,120 What sort of problems? 305 00:15:20,160 --> 00:15:24,280 Well... drink and drugs problems, mainly. 306 00:15:24,320 --> 00:15:25,760 Shit. 307 00:15:28,960 --> 00:15:31,440 Could have told me earlier about that. 308 00:15:31,480 --> 00:15:32,840 Why? 309 00:15:34,200 --> 00:15:39,960 Just... Just would... would have been nice to have known sooner. No reason as such. 310 00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:41,880 - Sorry, yes. - Yeah. 311 00:15:43,120 --> 00:15:44,640 - Go on, then. - See you later. 312 00:15:44,680 --> 00:15:46,160 - See you, Kerry. - See you. 313 00:15:46,200 --> 00:15:47,800 See you, Kurtan. Bye. 314 00:15:49,200 --> 00:15:55,040 We have had a few problems with Jacob, mostly with sort of addiction issues 315 00:15:55,080 --> 00:15:57,640 with alcohol and... heroin, 316 00:15:57,680 --> 00:15:59,720 which caused him a bit of bother. 317 00:15:59,760 --> 00:16:04,040 He ran up a bit of debt with a chap called, um, Sketchy, 318 00:16:04,080 --> 00:16:08,720 so we had to remortgage the cottage to bail him out. 319 00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:11,840 Well, I feel bad now. You know, I had no idea. 320 00:16:11,880 --> 00:16:13,520 I just thought he liked to party. 321 00:16:13,560 --> 00:16:17,040 But that's just a whole different ball game. You know. I am shocked. 322 00:16:18,800 --> 00:16:22,160 Having said that, he did try and smoke my hemp seed 323 00:16:22,200 --> 00:16:24,320 that I use as ground bait for fishing. You know. 324 00:16:24,360 --> 00:16:26,400 And that should have been a clear sign to me at the time... 325 00:16:26,440 --> 00:16:28,080 My God! 326 00:16:28,120 --> 00:16:30,160 - Look at that. 327 00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:31,280 What's that? 328 00:16:31,320 --> 00:16:34,880 I just typed in " '80s Christian boyband The Nice Guys" into Google, 329 00:16:34,920 --> 00:16:36,320 and that's just come up. 330 00:16:37,680 --> 00:16:41,840 - That's the vicar. - "Good Guy by The Nice Guys." 331 00:16:41,880 --> 00:16:43,640 That is so typical of him. 332 00:16:54,920 --> 00:16:56,120 So, er... 333 00:16:57,320 --> 00:17:00,640 ...my dad mentioned that he'd told you the real reason I'm here 334 00:17:00,680 --> 00:17:04,040 and, like, the problems I've had and stuff. 335 00:17:04,080 --> 00:17:08,480 I think, yeah. He said something about it, but... 336 00:17:08,520 --> 00:17:11,560 I can't really remember now, to be honest. So... 337 00:17:11,600 --> 00:17:15,800 Well, thanks for not saying anything about the other night. 338 00:17:15,840 --> 00:17:18,400 You know, I don't want to upset him or anything, so... 339 00:17:18,440 --> 00:17:19,560 Yeah, sure. 340 00:17:19,600 --> 00:17:21,600 Probably best if we keep it between ourselves and... 341 00:17:21,640 --> 00:17:22,800 Yeah. 342 00:17:22,840 --> 00:17:25,120 It's just like a final blowout, I guess, you know... 343 00:17:25,160 --> 00:17:27,680 - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Just getting it out of my system and... 344 00:17:27,720 --> 00:17:31,160 But... Yeah, I'm just on the water tonight. 345 00:17:31,200 --> 00:17:33,040 - All right, cool. - Just so you know. 346 00:17:33,080 --> 00:17:36,400 - No worries, mate. No worries. - Sweet. 347 00:17:42,200 --> 00:17:45,200 Before we go, Chris, a question, I nearly forgot. 348 00:17:45,240 --> 00:17:50,040 If Sir Frederick Banbury came second and Solario came fourth, 349 00:17:50,080 --> 00:17:52,600 who or what came third? 350 00:17:52,640 --> 00:17:54,240 The answer is Flying Scotsman... 351 00:17:57,600 --> 00:17:59,200 ...between Sir Frederick Banbury and... 352 00:18:00,800 --> 00:18:02,440 Thank you, Chris. 353 00:18:02,480 --> 00:18:05,720 Join us next time to see if the new team of Challengers have the brains... 354 00:18:05,760 --> 00:18:07,840 Right, I'd best be off. 355 00:18:07,880 --> 00:18:10,120 Don't you want to watch Springwatch? 356 00:18:10,160 --> 00:18:13,040 I wish I could but I've got to get back. 357 00:18:13,080 --> 00:18:14,680 Shall I see you tomorrow? 358 00:18:14,720 --> 00:18:17,640 - Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow. - OK. 359 00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:20,040 - All right, Florence, ta for that! - Right. 360 00:19:00,280 --> 00:19:01,360 Mum? 361 00:19:02,960 --> 00:19:04,200 Where's dinner? 362 00:19:08,240 --> 00:19:09,560 All right, cheers. 363 00:19:32,320 --> 00:19:33,480 Yes! 364 00:19:33,520 --> 00:19:35,400 And you pour a cup of cold water... 365 00:19:35,440 --> 00:19:38,440 It's not a cup of cold water, it's the absolute reality, 366 00:19:38,480 --> 00:19:40,720 and also, you've got to think, the jackdaws have got young, too. 367 00:19:40,760 --> 00:19:42,840 What about an "ah" for the baby jackdaws? 368 00:19:42,880 --> 00:19:45,080 I just want everything to survive! 369 00:19:45,120 --> 00:19:47,560 Be a weird world if everything survived. 370 00:19:47,600 --> 00:19:49,480 Let's have a look at our buzzard. 371 00:19:49,520 --> 00:19:53,640 Now, we know it's a one chick, a single child. 372 00:19:53,680 --> 00:19:57,280 And because of that, it's been doing extremely well, 373 00:19:57,320 --> 00:20:00,480 it's been growing rapidly, it's had plenty of food. 374 00:20:00,520 --> 00:20:03,400 Let's take a look at it when we first met it. 375 00:20:06,800 --> 00:20:08,720 Got a good feeling about this little place here. 376 00:20:08,760 --> 00:20:11,480 Yeah, me too. This could be the one, yeah. 377 00:20:11,520 --> 00:20:13,360 That's what I think. 378 00:20:13,400 --> 00:20:16,760 Right, I mean, it's just great, isn't it? Fishing. 379 00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:18,240 Yeah. 380 00:20:18,280 --> 00:20:22,200 Like, just something about it. Like, the lake and the trees... 381 00:20:22,240 --> 00:20:24,680 - Yeah. - ...and, like, the birds. 382 00:20:24,720 --> 00:20:26,280 - Yeah, it's beautiful. - It's beautiful. 383 00:20:26,320 --> 00:20:27,720 - Yeah. - Exactly. 384 00:20:27,760 --> 00:20:29,320 Like, you live in a city, yeah, 385 00:20:29,360 --> 00:20:33,520 and you just kind of forget how beautiful just the countryside is! 386 00:20:33,560 --> 00:20:35,880 - I mean, it's amazing. - Yeah. 387 00:20:35,920 --> 00:20:38,440 That's true, that is... Do you know what, I'm really glad you like... 388 00:20:38,480 --> 00:20:40,240 - I've got you onto fishing now. - Yes. 389 00:20:40,280 --> 00:20:42,520 - Yeah, yeah, no, that's great. Yeah. 390 00:20:42,560 --> 00:20:44,880 This is you, this is all you. You've done this. 391 00:20:44,920 --> 00:20:47,480 I've done it and, you know, we can go all the time. 392 00:20:47,520 --> 00:20:48,800 - Yeah, yeah. - That's the thing. 393 00:20:48,840 --> 00:20:50,240 Whenever you're back and... 394 00:20:50,280 --> 00:20:54,120 I mean, the thing that amazes me is it's just like all of it together, 395 00:20:54,160 --> 00:20:58,760 you know, as an experience. Like, us being here, do you know what I mean? 396 00:20:58,800 --> 00:21:00,480 - And, like, the environment... - Yeah. 397 00:21:00,520 --> 00:21:02,480 ...and like... And just, like, nature. 398 00:21:02,520 --> 00:21:04,880 Nature's, like, here with us, do you know what I mean? 399 00:21:04,920 --> 00:21:07,400 Yeah, it's just nature. Nature's your friend. 400 00:21:07,440 --> 00:21:10,920 The lake and the trees and... 401 00:21:10,960 --> 00:21:13,440 And you've just got to embrace it, you know? 402 00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:15,080 Hey, have you taken something? 403 00:21:15,120 --> 00:21:16,240 Yeah, mate, yeah. 404 00:21:18,320 --> 00:21:19,920 - It's a pill... 405 00:21:19,960 --> 00:21:21,400 Yeah, it is a pill, yeah. 406 00:21:21,440 --> 00:21:23,640 And you're definitely not interested in fishing any more? 407 00:21:23,680 --> 00:21:25,720 Yeah, exactly. 408 00:21:25,760 --> 00:21:29,480 Feel that. Feel it, feel it. No, feel it. You're not feeling it? 409 00:21:29,520 --> 00:21:31,520 - I am feeling it. 410 00:21:31,560 --> 00:21:33,040 - Feel it. 411 00:21:35,480 --> 00:21:36,600 All right. 412 00:21:36,640 --> 00:21:39,400 - Yeah. Yeah, I'm good. 413 00:21:43,600 --> 00:21:44,560 Yeah. 414 00:21:44,600 --> 00:21:47,000 - No, don't... 415 00:21:47,040 --> 00:21:48,840 OK. 416 00:21:48,880 --> 00:21:51,280 Where is he going Can...? 417 00:21:52,280 --> 00:21:54,320 Can you look after that? Because I'm going to have to... 418 00:21:55,960 --> 00:21:57,080 For fuck's sake. 419 00:22:04,520 --> 00:22:06,120 Jacob got wrecked again last night. 420 00:22:06,160 --> 00:22:08,760 - Yes, he's an absolute wreck-head. 421 00:22:08,800 --> 00:22:11,520 - Shit. - Just wandered off on his own. 422 00:22:11,560 --> 00:22:13,200 Came back with some homeless guy, 423 00:22:13,240 --> 00:22:16,040 trying to get me to take him back to my nan's to give him a bath. 424 00:22:16,080 --> 00:22:17,480 Sh...! 425 00:22:17,520 --> 00:22:19,520 You know, they ended up having a fight later on, 426 00:22:19,560 --> 00:22:22,800 got kicked out of the fucking fishing club. He's a total liability. 427 00:22:22,840 --> 00:22:24,920 - No. 428 00:22:24,960 --> 00:22:26,920 He thinks he's on the straight and narrow. 429 00:22:28,560 --> 00:22:30,120 Well, you've got to tell the vicar. 430 00:22:31,760 --> 00:22:32,560 What? 431 00:22:41,920 --> 00:22:46,040 Well... Florence is probably just making it up to get attention. 432 00:23:08,200 --> 00:23:11,280 Is that what you've been doing in the evenings, Ker? 433 00:23:17,880 --> 00:23:20,680 You told me you'd been running in the evenings, 434 00:23:20,720 --> 00:23:22,800 but that's not what you've been doing, is it? 435 00:23:42,040 --> 00:23:45,280 I know Kerry said I should tell the vicar about Jacob, 436 00:23:45,320 --> 00:23:48,200 but I just can't face it. I think 437 00:23:48,240 --> 00:23:53,000 the best thing I can do in this situation is just stay out of it. 438 00:23:53,040 --> 00:23:56,000 You know, it's far bigger than what I can deal with. 439 00:23:56,040 --> 00:23:58,320 - And the vicar's just so far... 440 00:23:58,360 --> 00:24:02,200 ...in his bloody dream world, he's dancing with a Minotaur. 441 00:24:02,240 --> 00:24:06,000 - On a cruise ship heading straight for... 442 00:24:06,040 --> 00:24:07,280 Fuck's that? 443 00:24:08,640 --> 00:24:10,680 For fuck's sake! 444 00:24:10,720 --> 00:24:12,880 - Fuck! 445 00:24:14,160 --> 00:24:17,240 Jacob! Sorry, mate, sorry. 446 00:24:17,280 --> 00:24:19,560 - Sit down, mate. 447 00:24:19,600 --> 00:24:21,600 No, you can't do it. This is the marketplace. 448 00:24:21,640 --> 00:24:23,080 Kebabs! 449 00:24:24,600 --> 00:24:27,360 What you doing? That's a bin, mate. 450 00:24:27,400 --> 00:24:28,520 Fucking hell. 451 00:24:30,080 --> 00:24:31,040 Hello? 452 00:24:31,080 --> 00:24:33,200 Hi, Vicar. Yeah, it's Kurtan. 453 00:24:34,440 --> 00:24:37,280 Yeah, I... It's Jacob, really. 454 00:24:39,480 --> 00:24:40,920 Yeah. 455 00:24:42,320 --> 00:24:44,040 That's right. He's been drinking, yeah. 456 00:24:48,480 --> 00:24:50,440 - God. Jacob. - All right. 457 00:24:50,480 --> 00:24:52,080 - Hello. - Jacob, it's all right. 458 00:24:52,120 --> 00:24:53,360 Yeah, yeah, I'm good. 459 00:24:53,400 --> 00:24:55,440 - We're going to get you home. - Yeah... 460 00:24:55,480 --> 00:24:58,440 Yes, it's a difficult situation. 461 00:24:58,480 --> 00:25:00,680 I suppose I was in denial 462 00:25:00,720 --> 00:25:04,480 and I didn't realise I was doing more damage to my son than good. 463 00:25:04,520 --> 00:25:06,600 Don't be harsh on yourself. 464 00:25:06,640 --> 00:25:09,560 No. I... I feel like being harsh on myself. 465 00:25:10,800 --> 00:25:16,360 Sometimes, it... It has to be bad to be good again, you know. 466 00:25:16,400 --> 00:25:20,600 My trousers are falling down. My trousers are falling down. 467 00:25:20,640 --> 00:25:22,760 Right. One second... 468 00:25:22,800 --> 00:25:25,240 Dear. Thank you, Kurtan. 469 00:25:26,280 --> 00:25:30,440 Thank you for being a friend to me and a friend to Jacob. 470 00:25:31,560 --> 00:25:33,240 It's a pleasure, that's what I do. 471 00:25:34,840 --> 00:25:38,840 And thank you. For whatever it is you do. 472 00:25:38,880 --> 00:25:40,600 Because I still don't really know. 473 00:25:42,440 --> 00:25:44,400 Shall I get the kettle on? 474 00:25:44,440 --> 00:25:47,160 Biscuits? - Yes, please. 475 00:25:47,200 --> 00:25:49,400 Thank you. 476 00:25:50,640 --> 00:25:53,280 Come on, then. Let's get you inside, out the rain. 477 00:26:03,320 --> 00:26:04,720 There she is, look. 478 00:26:10,640 --> 00:26:14,560 I just find it weird how you can be so close to someone 479 00:26:14,600 --> 00:26:17,480 and they can be such a big part of your life, 480 00:26:17,520 --> 00:26:21,560 and then the next minute, you're just sort of strangers in the night. 481 00:26:21,600 --> 00:26:23,000 You know? 482 00:26:23,040 --> 00:26:26,080 Nothing much changes. I'm just more hungry. 483 00:26:31,040 --> 00:26:34,280 I reckon she's going to be cooking her thrice-cooked chips tonight. 484 00:26:34,320 --> 00:26:36,960 Because they're not cooked once and they're not cooked twice, 485 00:26:37,000 --> 00:26:38,400 they're cooked thrice! 486 00:26:40,880 --> 00:26:43,200 But those days are in the past now, I suppose. 487 00:26:56,400 --> 00:26:58,240 # Standing in the rain 488 00:26:59,360 --> 00:27:00,880 # I hand you my jacket 489 00:27:02,560 --> 00:27:04,040 # I guess I'm just a good guy... # 490 00:27:04,080 --> 00:27:05,640 - It's me. 491 00:27:05,680 --> 00:27:07,680 - Yeah, that's me. 492 00:27:09,320 --> 00:27:11,760 # ...You're always out of reach 493 00:27:11,800 --> 00:27:15,200 # These words I long to preach 494 00:27:15,240 --> 00:27:16,880 # Love is my word... # 495 00:27:16,920 --> 00:27:19,880 - That's good! That's actually not shit. - Thank you very much. 496 00:27:19,920 --> 00:27:23,800 - Yeah! You can hold a note, mate. - Yes, I can, yeah. 497 00:27:24,920 --> 00:27:27,360 # ...I'll be your prop and your line... # 498 00:27:30,440 --> 00:27:32,760 - We all did. 499 00:27:32,800 --> 00:27:34,440 # ...Divine intervention! 500 00:27:34,480 --> 00:27:36,400 # Good guy 501 00:27:36,440 --> 00:27:38,880 # Just a good guy... # 502 00:27:38,920 --> 00:27:40,640 I quite like that. 503 00:27:40,680 --> 00:27:42,600 # ...Give me a try 504 00:27:42,640 --> 00:27:45,960 # Fall in love with a good guy... # 505 00:27:46,000 --> 00:27:48,200 What's the song about? - A good guy. 506 00:27:48,240 --> 00:27:50,240 - Well, it works on lots of levels. 507 00:27:50,280 --> 00:27:51,560 Are you the good guy? 508 00:27:51,600 --> 00:27:55,560 Well, I am in this, and it could mean... a lot of other things. 509 00:27:55,600 --> 00:27:58,560 Wait for it - here comes the flute solo, here comes the flute solo. 510 00:28:12,200 --> 00:28:14,120 # Bad boys are all the fashion 511 00:28:14,160 --> 00:28:16,160 # Crimes of hate, crimes of passion 512 00:28:16,200 --> 00:28:18,160 # Love is pure, it can't be wrong 513 00:28:18,200 --> 00:28:19,480 # Where have all the good guys gone? 514 00:28:19,520 --> 00:28:21,160 # Girl, dry your eyes 515 00:28:21,200 --> 00:28:22,520 # Leave the bad guys 516 00:28:22,560 --> 00:28:24,160 # They'll hurt you with their lies 517 00:28:24,200 --> 00:28:25,920 # So find yourself a good, good guy 518 00:28:25,960 --> 00:28:27,160 # Good guy... # 39269

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