Original subtitles

Previously... Our boat is sailing this afternoon.

I thought you were going tomorrow.

You want to come with us, don't you?

Why would I want to when our favourite cousin

is coming to be our governess?

Don't forget your grandmother is in charge of the museum.

What is that? It's a pyramidion.

This is a whole other level of magic.

It must be contained.

No, no, no!

Theo! Henry!

There you are. Where's your sister?

She went for a walk.

I wanted to give her a hug goodbye.

We're out of time.

The time spell!

I'm sorry.

I've got it! Quick, quick.

CLANKING

It worked.

It's Grandad's journal.

HENRY CLEARS THROAT

HENRY COUGHS AND SNIGGERS

GRANNY SIGHS

Theodosia, such tardiness

is hardly desirable.

Still, that dress is much more fitting

for a child of your age than those ragamuffin outfits

your mother permits you to wear.

Could do with a few more frills.

GRANNY CLEARS THROAT

There's no use moping.

It's your own fault you weren't there to say goodbye

to your parents.

It wasn't.

If Henry hadn't blundered into the...

Never mind.

Now, listen to me, both of you.

Alistair and Henrietta may have put up with your bad behaviour,

but I most certainly will not.

But we're not bad.

- SHE LAUGHS - Oh, really?

Let me refresh your memory.

Theodosia Throckmorton.

I asked you to tidy this room... and you've done the exact opposite!

Theo, honey, what happened in here?

The Anubis statue in the stores came to life, trashed my room

and escaped through that window.

The child is beyond the pale.

Sorry, I've got a bit of an emergency.

Can we please talk punishment later? Thank you.

I'll just... I'll just take this.

You know, don't want any loud music disturbing Dad, do we?

Extraordinary.

Have you seen an Egyptian staff about yea high?

And hello to you, too, Theodosia. You and your brother...

Oh, shush, Granny! This is important!

Theo!

Harold, what have you done?

OK, maybe we're a bit bad.

Hmm. We have a lot of work to do

before your cousin, Nigella, arrives.

She has taught Japanese princes,

she will expect high standards.

I'll fetch my book on manners and etiquette.

Lessons? On a Sunday? She's the worst.

Found anything in Grandad's journal?

You can't stay mad at me forever.

Or maybe you can.

This doesn't mean I've forgiven you, Henry.

Look, this entry is from 1855.

He's digging at the Great Pyramid and they have just found...

It doesn't say.

It's just a bunch of blank pages and these faint marks.

Maybe there's a secret message.

Look, you're good on hieroglyphs,

but you know nothing about spy stuff.

It could have hidden writing on it.

No, no. Henry. Henry, don't.

Stop that! Henry, put it...

Trust me. Wha...? Henry!

OK.

Henry, stop!

No, wait. You just need to dab it off a bit.

Stop. Why have you got to ruin everything?

Wax writing. See? I was right.

It's in cuneiform. Babylonian by the looks of it.

So what's it say?

Well, I've got no idea. Henry, I can't read cuneiform.

Hardly anyone can.

Right, then, let's get started.

GRANNY GASPS

OK, we're bad.

What on earth have you done?

I leave you for two minutes and this...

You will not leave this room until it is spotless! Am I clear?

Ugh!

DOOR SLAMS

Hey. Where are you going?

To find a spell that can help me learn cuneiform real fast.

Please, don't make more mess.

Your spells don't always go so well.

There is no way.

SHE GASPS

You did use the staff on it, didn't you? No, I didn't, I swear.

I just cast a tiny spell to make my plant grow.

So why is it still growing?

I don't know!

Make form from the formless.

She's back.

She certainly is.

Maybe not.

I will have you know that I'm getting better at magic.

Oh, yeah? So what's the spell for clearing up this ink?

Let's see.

Abracadab here, here and here.

HENRY SIGHS

BELL TOLLS

The cheek of that man.

Coming round, telling us the rent is late,

like it's our fault the landlord keeps raising it.

He is just doing his job.

Where does he think we live? Buckingham Palace?

Don't worry, Mum.

We'll find a way. We always do.

What? You'll just magically pull the solution from a hat?

You never know, life just might surprise you.

Voila.

SHE CHUCKLES

For you, Mum.

SHE SIGHS

See you.

Oi, you. They're looking for workers at the laundry down the road.

A young, strong lad like you could get a job in a heartbeat.

Here you go. Take one of these.

Tell 'em Old Mick sent you.

Thank you. There you go.

Hey, are you looking for a good day's pay?

I've got some hard work for you.

Let's try a wisdom spell,

then I'll be clever enough to read cuneiform.

CLEARS THROAT

Hear me, ancients.

Thoth, God of Wisdom, grant thine servant the wisdom of ages.

SHE SIGHS

Please don't be disgusting. Please don't be disgusting.

Put that down!

THUD

OLD WOMAN VOICE: Oh, no! Look what you made me do!

Oh, my voice. Ah, my hands!

Ah!

You shouldn't even be in here.

Museum's closed on a Sunday,

especially to vandals. Come on. Out.

Please, could you just let... Ow! You don't understand.

I just need to get... I just... If you could just let me get over there

and see... Oh! Oh!

"Let this report show that on this day, two feathers...

"No, fields.

"were sold to the merchant."

I can read cuneiform!

Wonderful. Can you read the opening hours, too?

You've been polishing that same spot for nearly five minutes now.

Er, yeah, about that,

I... wanted to ask about my wages.

Is there any chance I could perhaps, maybe...?

ARTIE SIGHS, CLICKS TONGUE

So you've heard about me being broke.

WILL LAUGHS

Sorry, what?

You know how it's been lately.

You know, little things like the place almost burning down

can make running a business tricky.

- SCREAMING - It's just like in my vision!

Please tell me this has a happy ending.

The repairs cost me a fortune.

I promise I'll do my best to pay you this week, yeah.

Thank you, Artie.

So... there's no chance of a raise?

ARTIE LAUGHS

Ah, good one, Will. You always know how to cheer me up.

How you doing, mate? All right, what would you like?

Some of this? Some of the cake over there?

Or chocolate cake? Oh, yeah, chocolate cake. I like that. Yes!

Theo, where are you?

This ink's everywhere.

Ow! Be careful.

Ah! Ow!

I know what you're doing. Come on. It's absolutely ridiculous.

Oh, will you be careful? Come on. Out. Out. Ow!

Ow! But you don't understand. I need... Come on.

Frills.

Come on.

I recognise that dress. Theo.

All I need is just two minutes.

Ah! I just... I just need to...

Ah!

Oh, listen... If you could just...

- Just.. No, please. - KNOCKING ON DOOR

- LOCK CLICKS - Please don't...

SHE SIGHS

For you. Thank you.

Ah, let me.

Now, let me just put it back where it came from.

HE CHUCKLES

Bravo!

Excellent technique.

I never saw the thumb tip once.

You're a magician?

You might say that.

Have you heard of something called the Magic Circle?

Of course. It's my dream to join.

Well, keep practising.

Your magic could bring you fame and fortune.

Oh.

Keep the change, as a tip.

Thank you. My pleasure.

Enjoy your cake.

Thank you.

The museum's closed. Can't you read?

Oh, I'm not here for the museum.

I'm here to see Great-Aunt Lavinia.

And who's that when they're at home?

Lady Throckmorton.

I'm her great-niece, Nigella.

Welcome to our humble establishment.

Clive Fagenbush, assistant curator, at your service.

Here, let me take your bag.

Why, thank you, Clive. That'd be most kind.

Oh, sorry. Books.

Are you sure you'll be OK with all the rest?

All the rest?

Mostly more books, I'm afraid.

Will, you have to help me.

Do I know you?

It's me. Theo.

Likely story. Only you're about 50 years too old

and Theo would never wear something like that.

Yeah, I wouldn't believe me either.

I cast a spell to get wisdom,

and it worked by making me old.

I can prove it's me.

Remember the first time we met?

Quick, throw me the ball.

Before it disappears.

How... How did you do that?

Like I said, Miss... it's magic.

Well, where's the ball? I've still got another go.

What is that?

OK, how did you do that?

Ah, a magician never reveals his tricks.

I'm Will.

And you are?

DING!

MUMMY CACKLES

How did you do that?

A gamer never reveals her tricks.

WILL LAUGHS

OK, OK, I'm convinced.

So, how smart are you?

What is the key of Beethoven's 5th Symphony?

Ooh, I know - what's the capital of Switzerland? It's...

Even better - what is 284 x 902?

C minor, Bern, 256,168.

But there's no time for that.

We need to get back into the museum so I can read what Grandad wrote

and stop whatever bad magic is in the pyramidion.

What?!

It's incredible.

OK, how many fingers am I holding up?

I've got wisdom, Will, not X-ray vision.

Come on!

SHE HUFFS

Great Uncle Harold's collection is very impressive.

Indeed, although I'm sure you saw things which were quite as

magnificent while you were acting as

governess for those Japanese princes.

You'd be amazed.

But I'm very happy to be back here.

How are Theo and Henry?

- Ah. - SHE CHUCKLES

You will have your work cut out.

Following this morning's debacle,

I've set them chores in the family room as a punishment.

They are not to be disturbed until they've finished.

That seems... firm.

Hm. I only hope you can instil some sense in them, Nigella.

You were always such a well-behaved child.

So different from your father.

Well, I shall try my best.

Oh, but, of course, you'll be tired after your long journey.

I'll leave you to get some rest.

Perfect. Now, quick, get in.

"Donation of Minoan amphora.

"Must only be opened by Henrietta Throckmorton."

All right. Let's get you in the stores.

Oh, my...

HE GRUNTS

Oh, my God. Weighs a ton.

Right, Theo, what have you gone and done now?

Henry.

Nigella.

I've been looking everywhere for you.

Are you hiding from your granny?

N-No. She's not with you, is she?

I hear you've been getting in lots of trouble.

Me? Trouble? Never.

Well, almost never.

I did invent an amazing cleaning machine that absolutely hated me.

SQUEAL

Saffy, no!

Stop, stop!

No, Saffy, please!

NIGELLA LAUGHS

Glad to see you haven't changed a bit.

But you better behave in my class.

I'll be good as gold.

Starting from now.

"Take her bags, Clive.

"Tea in the garden, Clive.

"Bring in the delivery, Clive."

I'm an assistant curator, not a dogsbody.

Oh, my back is killing me.

HE BREATHES HEAVILY

DOOR OPENS

If he thinks his back is killing him,

he should try sitting in here for a few minutes.

He fell for your plan, hook, line and sinker.

That was brilliant.

Now, let's get out of this thing.

Oh, no. We're trapped!

Don't worry. We'll... figure something out.

What if we don't?

You always have in the past.

You've gotten out of way more dangerous things

than a wicker basket.

THEO SCREAMS

- SHE SIGHS - That was different.

I had the Staff of Osiris.

But what if we can't get out?

What if I can't change myself back from being an old lady?

We can still be friends.

You can teach me how to knit.

Just cos I'm old doesn't mean I know the difference

between a stockinette and a purl stitch.

Oh, wow! I really do know everything.

SHE SIGHS Except how to change myself back.

What a fabulous collection.

Do you think your parents would mind if I borrowed a few of these?

Take whatever you like, Theo always does.

Where is she? I want to say hello.

She's, er... I'll go find her.

I'll come with you. No.

I'm supposed to be cleaning up downstairs.

Can you keep Granny busy while I go find Theo?

You better not be long.

Theo, are you there?

Henry!

Over here.

What are you doing in there? Nigella's here.

You didn't tell her about magic, did you?

Yeah, I told her all about it.

She can't wait to read your spell book and meet the 60-year-old you.

You didn't! Of course I didn't, I'm not an idiot.

She doesn't know a thing.

- SHE SIGHS - Hurry up and let us out.

OK, OK, keep your old hair on.

WILL LAUGHS

Oh, come on, that was funny.

Look, if I do this, you have to forgive me

for you missing Mum and Dad leaving.

We haven't got time for this.

I've got to find a spell to change myself back before it's too late!

Yeah, fair enough.

HENRY GRUNTS

Blimey! How many of you are in there?

Just get us out.

Oh, yeah.

I forgive you.

Yikes. I've seen walnuts less wrinkly.

They're laughter lines from your hilarious jokes.

May I give you a hand... Granny?

I'm old, Will, not incapable.

SHE GROANS

SHE SIGHS

OK.

Oh, dear me.

So, Nigella, just a few more artefacts

I'd really like you to see.

Absolutely.

Nigella!

Nigella, do you know this woman?

Well, I'll, er... I'll grant she has excellent dress sense,

but I've no idea who she is.

Me neither.

I've never seen her before...

Oh, wait. I know you.

My mistake. I'm terrible with faces.

Well, Nigella, aren't you going to introduce me to your friend?

Oh. I feel faint.

We need smelling salts.

But of course.

Clive!

Oh, where is he?

Clive!

So, what's going on here?

It's, uh... Well, it's complicated.

Where's Theo?

She'll be here soon.

Hopefully.

Please, we could really use your help.

All clear.

Perfect. Thanks, Nigella.

Madder roots crushed.

What's next?

Snail slime.

Did you know that snails can sleep for up to three years?

HENRY AND WILL: There's no time for that now, Theo.

Any progress on the cuneiform?

Just... about... done.

Oh, dear.

It's nothing but garbled nonsense.

It must be written in code.

Grandad really didn't want anybody reading this.

OK, then, hurry up and turn yourself back already.

Granny could be here any second.

Pennywort.

And the cup pieces.

And that should be the lot.

Hear me, ancients.

GRANNY: Where on earth can they have gone?

Nigella?

KNOCKS ON DOOR, CLEARS THROAT

Nigella!

CLEARS THROAT

Oh, where is everyone?

Across the sands, thine will be undone.

THEY LAUGH

Theo?