Original subtitles

You ready?

- It's a big day. - Are you gonna cry?

- No. - I'm excited.

I love this time of year.

Blank pages. New highlighters.

"Dwell in possibility," you know?

Yeah. You always had a thing for stationery.

It's Emily Dickinson.

And who doesn't?

- You do seem very upbeat. - I am.

This is actually not about you guys.

Course it is.

This is a very big day for us all, JJ.

But you're not starting kindy today, Papi.

What if I don't know how to do school?

Hey, JJ. What's your superpower?

Being prepared.

Being prepared. That's right.

And do you have your new drink bottle?

And my Greta lunchbox.

So then you're all ready, right?

Hey, puchita.

Bing!

Alright, let's do this.

What?

Nah, don't worry about it.

- No, what? Tell me. - I was just wondering if...

Grangie!

Hello. Oh, is it your first day today?

Come on, Mum.

Come here. Come here, you.

Mum, you're immunocompromised. You can't be here.

I'm fine!

- Do you have a treat? - A treat?

Why would I have a treat?

Unicorns! I wanna take this one!

We were gonna come over tomorrow after school.

I couldn't miss JJ's first day.

One more!

They have a nude food policy, Mum. No plastic.

What, they just throw the plastic in the bin at home?

Are you feeling OK, Ange?

Yeah. You don't need to treat me like I'm made of glass.

- Can you come in, Grangie? - Yeah. I guess I could.

Except, um, your mum doesn't want me to.

- Mum. - Have a great first day, JJ.

I'm prepared.

Yes, Arlo, I'm not sure

if Darth Vader would smash Elsa in a battle.

That's a bit of a hypothetical.

Hi, Ms Young.

- This is Jacinda. - Hi, Ms Young.

Lovely to see you, Jacinda.

Hi, Olympia.

Hi.

Sorry, it's just... It's still blowing my mind.

It was you in this uniform five minutes ago.

10 years ago.

And now your daughter is starting kindy here.

Never would have seen that coming.

Guess you didn't either, though.

I'm not really sure about all this.

Oh, well, Jacinda, we're about to go into our classroom

and meet Mr Scooby, the axolotl.

- Would you like to do that? - Really?

Very soon.

Thank you.

OK. This is it.

Why are you so sad, Daddy?

I'm not. You're just... growing up.

Isn't that good?

Yeah. Yeah. It's the best.

Oh. I'm so proud of you.

Go get 'em, tiger.

- I love you. - I love you too.

OK.

There she goes.

There she goes.

Hey, did J leave her raincoat at your place?

Uh... yeah. She did actually. I can drop it off later.

Oh, I'm tutoring Gabe, so I can pick it up tonight.

Oh, great.

Hey, um, is it OK if we swap the next two weekends?

I've just got this, like,

birthday thing on Saturday night.

So you want me to take J this weekend?

If that was OK.

Yes. I can do that.

Great. Thanks, Ol.

What?

It's nothing. I just, um... We'll talk about it later.

- 'Bye. - 'Bye.

Alright, well, I've gotta go. I'll see you at...

Oly.

- Oly. - Hey.

Hey!

So Seb's gonna find Jacinda at recess

and he's going to show her the playground, OK?

Oh, that's lovely. Thank you.

Hey, Rosa.

- Come and say hi. - Oh, no, I have to go to uni.

And I have to go to work.

You should meet some of the parents. Come on.

I just did that whole teen mum novelty thing with J's teacher

and I don't really know if I can face it again.

Oly, don't be silly. See? They're lovely people.

Is your mum feeling better?

Sort of.

Hi. Hello, everyone. So this is Olympia.

And her baby girl started kindy today.

Oh, you must have smashed it out young,

'cause I thought that you were the nanny.

Our Gracie is KY. What is your kid's name?

- Same. And she's Jacinda. - Love it.

I'll pop you in the KY parents' chat.

- Cool. - The first day.

You must be a wreck.

Oh, no, I feel great.

Life is gonna be so much easier now.

Well, look at that. Number four.

Can you believe it?

- How are you feeling? - Doubting my life choices.

What's your birth plan?

- All the painkillers. - Pretty much.

Oh, no judgement, but natural pain relief

actually is better for the baby.

Well, no judgement, Skye, but was that organic cocaine

you had at the trivia night last year?

Yeah, of course it was.

I'm sure you had a natural birth.

Well, it's not like she had a choice.

Qué? You didn't have time.

What?

I had a cryptic pregnancy.

So... so you didn't know?

Were you not showing?

- No, I wasn't. - When did you find out?

I found out when I was in lab our.

In the school toilets.

Oh, my God. You poor thing.

Fuck!

- So you really didn't know? - Nuh.

Wow, good on you for getting it out of the way early.

Keep it tight.

Realism posits that international relations

is conducted on a purely competitive basis.

Yes? A zero sum game.

States are logical actors

working to maximise their power and security

at the expense of other states.

Shit.

Is there a crisis in the situation room?

Oh, no, sorry.

Um... my daughter started kindergarten today, so...

Uh, Olympia, perhaps you'd like to share

your analysis of realist theory?

It's a masculinist fantasy.

Go on.

Well, it's pretending to be rational

and objective and gender-neutral.

But for one, it's people - the majority men -

making decisions for states and people aren't rational actors.

Domestic politics distorts the decisions.

And realism's male framing

has made global issues relevant to women and girls invisible.

Accurate, if not very original.

Sorry?

Olympia is, a bit simplistically but very succinctly,

outlining some of the key neoliberal

and post-structural feminist critiques of realism.

Thanks, Mum.

OK, let's move on.

OK, uh, yes, can you please turn to...

Ooh, those ones are good.

My name's Jacinda.

My mum named me after the queen of New Zealand.

Gracie. I'm making a spell potion.

What spell?

For my dog to make her talk.

- Will it work on turtles? - I think so.

But we're gonna need more stuff.

- What kind of stuff? - Magic stuff.

Olympia.

- Michael. What are you doing? - Hey.

Uh, yeah, I was jogging past and I heard a distress call.

Oh.

Think she must have fallen out of her nest.

Well, good luck with that.

Would you be able to help me look for it?

Wouldn't want her to get taken by a cat.

And then what would happen?

Uh...

OK.

Uh, here it is.

Would you take her for a sec?

It's alright. Thank you.

Yep. Cheers.

- Yeah, should be OK now. - Cool.

Hey, uh, so your essay is late.

Why are you such a jerk to me in class?

You can handle it.

Sorry?

I mean, you need to sharpen your arguments

because you're good, but you could be really good.

Yeah. I mean, you're smarter than all of them.

How very paternalistic of you.

- I am literally your teacher. - Right.

Well, I will be sure to get you my essay tomorrow, sensei.

Look, I'm just trying to motivate you, yeah?

OK.

Uh...

You've got my number. So you can call me anytime.

Yeah.

When I need to have an emergency chat about IR theory.

- Yes. - I'm good, thanks.

Um, sorry, we're closed for today.

I have an urgent delivery

for the managing director of La Picá del Sabor,

Rosa Flores.

Um, yes, please leave it there. Thank you. 'Bye.

Sorry, I really need a signature for this one, ma'am.

Can you bring it in the back, please, um, Mister?

I told you, special delivery.

Ciao.

Hola, Mamá.

You're not my real mum.

Yeah, well, you're not my real kid.

Madison.

No way!

Hi. J started kindy here today.

No way! That went fast.

Yeah. What are you doing here?

I'm basically a step mum now.

Bing and Bong here.

Life, not what you planned. Am I right?

You are right.

Nice.

Friends of yours?

Don't know 'em.

Shit, what have you done?

I don't know.

Oi, hold up, you little...

Oly Chalmers-Davis. We gotta catch up, get a drink.

Yeah. I better... Yeah. Cool. Laters.

- Oh, same number? - Yeah.

Can I have a quick word?

Yeah.

There was an incident at school today.

A Jacin-cident?

Jacinda and another student were involved in a fatal incident.

- Oh, my God. - Involving the class axolotl.

Evidently, Jacinda encouraged a classmate

to feed Mr Scooby something toxic.

Oh, no.

The class was quite traumatised by Mr Scooby's passing.

I hope a poisoned axolotl is something they never see again.

I am so sorry. That is terrible.

Do you still live with your parents?

What? Why?

Perhaps Jacinda would benefit

from a more... mature style of discipline at home.

JJ.

What happened at school today?

I met a new best friend, Gracie.

Aww. Great. What did you do with her?

We made a potion.

What was in the potion?

Rocks.

Apple juice.

Pink soap.

Glitter.

And chocolate fairy floss from Grangie.

Chocolate fairy floss from Grangie?

That she puts in her smoky paper.

And you fed that to Mr Scooby?

No, Gracie did.

- Mummy? - Hmm?

If houses cost $5, would we get one with mi papi?

Are we going to mi papi's new house now?

Yep.

Yes!

Rosa? Where do you keep the tomato paste?

Ah.

Alright, OK, so we need to come up

with a topic sentence for each paragraph.

So let's start here.

Fuck yes! I smoked that bitch.

Deeply problematic language.

But one battle at a time. Gabe, put the phone down.

OK, a topic sentence summarises the main points

we're trying to make in every paragraph.

So what's your first topic?

My balls.

There is no way I'm getting paid enough for this.

More accurately, Gabe, it is about the themes

of racism and moral courage in 'To Kill a Mockingbird'.

Hey.

So what's this about tobacco?

- She got it from Mum. - Are you serious?

Your mother is such a bad influence.

Tada!

Rosa, come on.

- She looks gorgeous. - We talked about this.

It is so inappropriate to put a 4-year-old in...

- I'm basically five. - ..In make-up.

- And she loves it. - For the love of God.

There are milky socks stuffed down behind the washing machine.

They smell very bad.

No.

Use tissues for your activities and flush them down the toilet.

See, like a human being.

And the socks go inside the machine, not behind the machine.

Que... I'm living with a zoo animal.

And you know what, it's not Bernardita's job

to come here and clean up for you.

- How do you know it wasn't Seb? - Oh, I look stupid?

No, tell me... I look stupid? See, no.

- Go and clean them up. - OK, OK.

- Bro. - Shut up.

Oly, Santi, there is not enough food for you.

Why don't you go out for dinner with Jacinda?

But I'm making my famous bolognese.

There's plenty for everyone.

No, he doesn't know what he's talking about.

There's hardly any.

Yeah, why don't we?

I don't know. It's a school night.

Come on, we should celebrate J's first day.

Um, yeah. OK.

Just a quick one.

But the make-up has to go.

No way!

Mum, come on.

You read, right?

You're in recovery

and yet here you are wilfully ingesting

what you well know to be carcinogenic toxins.

Dad's here.

Well, he can knock like a reasonable person.

- Hey, Dad. - Oh, Boz.

I'm just here for the Allen key set.

- Yeah, just come in and grab it. - No.

I need it back Friday!

You tell your mother that I'll return these at my leisure

when I'm finished assembling my new furniture,

which is highly unlikely to be before Friday!

Just come in and tell her yourself. She's right here!

No, I'm not!

- See what I mean? - Hmm.

Dude, the parents are going ballistic on the group chat.

They're saying, "Did they really poison it with tobacco?"

Pretty gruesome apparently.

- That's bad. - Yeah.

That's really bad.

It's not enough that we're the separated teen parents.

Our child has to commit amphibicide on the first day.

At least it wasn't meth.

Your mum doesn't have any meth in the house, does she?

So whose birthday is it on Saturday?

Um... Yeah.

Um...

Hey, J.

OK.

OK. I'll see you soon.

Um... it's... it's Kiara's.

Keeks.

Keeks?

Yeah. That's, um...

That's what I wanted to talk to you about actually.

Um...

I'm... I'm seeing someone.

Her. Keeks.

Oh.

Right.

Yeah. She's, um... she's in the office at work.

- Project management. - Uh-huh.

Mm. Yeah, I've been meaning to tell you, Oly.

- I just... - How long?

A couple of months.

Wow.

Right.

Cool.

I mean, Oly, you're the one who wanted us to take a break.

Yeah, I mean, a break - I thought we needed

to get to know ourselves as individuals but...

No, that's... That's totally cool.

Yeah.

Has J met her?

No.

You should introduce her to J.

- What? - Yeah.

I mean, we said that we'd be honest with her,

so you should do that.

OK.

Yeah. Yeah, great.

That actually works out really well,

'cause, um, there's this camping trip coming up

that I was thinking of, um, bringing J to.

You were gonna introduce J to K...

- Keeks. - Keeks.

It's a weird name.

You want to take J camping with her?

Uh, maybe. It was dependent if...

Yeah. That's a great idea.

Yeah, J's probably gonna love camping.

You know how I feel about nature.

Half a day and I am dying to get back to an urban environment

with, um, plumbing.

OK.

Well, thank you. Oly.

You know, obviously it's a bit weird...

- Tío Vince! - Hello. Big hug?

Let me guess, are you a princess?

- I'm a president. - President.

Ah, that's better 'cause they're democratically elected usually.

- Hey, guys. - Hey.

Hey, J, we're gonna go.

- You're going? - Yeah.

Say goodbye to Dad.

- OK. - Um...

- Thank you. - Bye-bye, JJ.

- I love you. - I love you too.

- 'Bye, J. - OK. 'Bye.

'Bye, Oly.

You OK, man?

- Yeah? Yeah? - I'm good, man.

Good. What's doing?

Thought I'd get a bit of downtime

away from the girls, you know.

They're great, I love them but...

- Yeah. - Hello!

- Yeah! - Hey, guys.

- Hey. - Did you guys follow me here?

- What? - Ah, hilarious. No.

OK. We just wanted to join you for dinner.

- Oh, nice. - Hey, Santi.

Hey, Talia. Ariel. How you going?

- Yeah. My best life. - Yeah.

Vegan burger? Do you wanna split a burger, V-man?

V-dawg?

Yeah, you will.

- No! Rats. - Look after yourself.

I want rats, rats, rats. Rats. No rats!

There's no worms...

- What the hell? - There's no worms in the feeder.

Hey, JJ. Oh! What a surprise.

Oh, it's a little Elizabethan whore.

What is wrong with you?

What's a whore?

Uh, it's like a girl pirate.

Hey, hey, come here, J. Come here, J.

Hello. Give Bowie a cuddle.

Can she stay here tonight?

Yeah, of course.

- Um, where's your bag? - I don't have one.

Oh. OK, well, into the bath.

- Bath time now. - Off you go. Off you go.

Let's wash all that crap off. I'll be in in a sec.

Oh, no!

Oh, no overnight bag for a last-minute sleepover

on a school night.

I'd say this is very chillaxed of you, Ol,

but your visible aura conflicts suggest otherwise.

Thanks, Boz.

I will be sure to ask you

next time I need advice from a Tiktok mage

who still lives with his mum.

I'm Mum's co-survivor.

She's really missing Reema.

Don't touch my eggs.

I wanna have a bubble bath.

Where is that little, little thing, hey?

There you are!

- I'm having fun! - Let's clean that face!

Hey!

- Yeah! - Whooooo!

Up your bum!

Ol, you drink like you've never had shots before.

I haven't.

You wanna talk about it?

Adrian.

So, you go to Reema's wedding?

No.

Her husband's hot.

That apartment looks amazing on Insta.

Yeah, I've never been to London.

Ol...

Best thing for a broken heart...

What is it?

MDMA.

OK.

You've done that before?

Whoo!

Strap yourself in.

He's seeing someone else.

You are the best. Did you know that?

- Hey. - Hey.

Hey.

Why did we never hang out at school?

Dunno. You... You had a baby.

Oh, yeah.

Which sort of blew up your dork brand.

No of fence.

Fucking parasites.

Where did you even get those?

Bing and Bong's craftplex.

Give me a turn.

Fuck, this feels good!

Why are you wet?

We found a pool.

Oh. Um...

You know we can't do this.

I'm your tutor.

Have you changed your mind?

Uh, uh, sorry,

you know this doesn't mean that I can give you an extension?

- Shut up, Michael. - OK.