All language subtitles for Bachelor Night [2014]_EN

Oh, yeah.

Oh, baby, yeah!

I'm giving you
daytime sex!

Yeah!

Yeah, but you
don't deserve it.

No, I'm so bad.

I should fuck you
harder, then.

Take that!

Taste my thunder!

Yes! I can taste it!

Can you get it?

Yes!

Give it to me, Derick!
More!

You like that?
Oh, baby.

You like it when I fuck you
with my rock-hard penis?

I love your baby maker
inside of me!

Yeah.

Yeah, baby.

I'm gonna make
your ovaries so sore!

Yeah.

I don't respect you
at all,

you filthy,
dirty woman!

Come on, Derick.
Like you mean it!

How dirty am I?

So dirty. So filthy.

Daddy needs
to punish you.

Uh-huh. Tighten it, baby!

Sorry.

No, it's perfect!
You like being my bitch?

Excuse me?

You don't like
being my bitch?

Do something about it!

Okay.
Yeah.

Spank me!

W-What the fuck is this?

Oh, please, Derick.
I have such a filthy mouth!

Okay.

You like that?

Samantha.

You like that, Samantha?

Yeah.

Put this in!

Wh-Where?

This isn't even
physically possible!

Shove Luther
in my ass, Derick!

You call this Luther?
Yes.

God damn it,
Derick, please!

I'm so close!

Eh, bible study.

I'm sorry.
What?

What the hell, Derick?

What the hell?
What the hell?

I was so close,

and you know
how long it's been.

We can go again
in a second. I just…

You said butts
were off-limit.

You know,
we talked about this.

Just so vanilla.

What's wrong
with vanilla?

It's a classic flavor.

I'm serious, Derick.

I still love you.

I mean,
if I can't please you,

then that's
a big problem.

I'm giving you a hall
pass for tomorrow.

A hall pass?
Those things don't exist.

They do.

It does.

Go crazy.

Let things
get freaky and weird.

That's what
bachelor parties are for.

Freaky and weird?

You're never giving
freaky and weird a chance.

Come on.

I know
you'll love it.

Ever since I met you,

I knew you were
just this coiled spring

of sexual energy
ready to be sprung.

Amanda, no, I'm not.

Yes, you are.

You just need
to loosen up for us.

Go crazy. Do drugs.

Get drunk. Fuck bitches.

That's your mission.

To fuck bitches?

Fuck those bitches!

For me, please?

Okay.

I will.

Oh. Hello, Amanda.

Hey, Derick!

Derick, hey. Uh…

W-What's up with Derick?

Derick and I
have a deal,

and as the best man, I need you
to make sure this deal goes down.

Uh, okay.

Make sure
he has a good time

and he has plenty
of company.

I've given Derick
a hall pass.

Is this a trap?

No.

Go wait in the car,
Derick!

Adrian, how long have you
been a junior partner?

3 years,
5 months, 22 days,

not including weekends,
overtime and this morning.

Get Derick laid,
and on Monday,

there's a corner office

and a "Senior Junior Partner"
next to your name.

You're giving me
a promotion?

Do you know
how long it's been

since I've
had an orgasm?

Derick's cool with this?

Derick is Derick.

This could save
our relationship.

Well, I can't force
the guy.

I'm certainly
not gonna fuck him.

You won't have to.

Please?

I know you're
looking out for him.

Look out for me, too.

Fine. I'll do it.

Good boy.

Now turn around.

Who's the boss?

You're the boss.

Like you mean it.

You're the boss!

Oh, God!

Now you boys go on
and get your dicks wet!

I know what you two
were talking about over there.

I'm not gonna do it.

Do what?

You know.

What?

It's not gonna happen.

You sure you want
to go through with this?

Yeah.

The bachelor party, yeah.

Absolutely.

Yeah, sure,
the bachelor party.

Are you sure you're going
to be all right, Mitchell?

Hey, Sue, you can believe me,
because I believe.

Remember, if you have
any, um, urges, just…

Get on my knees
and pray?

That's them.

A-And you're sure
that they're

not gonna turn you gay
again, right?

I just…I don't know.

I just…Gosh darn it.

I just need you
to be strong for me!

Hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, hey!

You're the apple
of my eye, hmm,

my pumpkin,

my pumpkin pie.

Can I be
your pumpkin spice latte?

Venti.

Oh, Lord,
please do keep him safe.

Bitch, what the heck
are you wearing?

Not a goddamn word
from you, bitch.

That's Sue?
Yeah.

Do you know
how many girls

are just willing to fuck
the gay out of you?

Relax, bitches.

Yay!

Wet in here.

Oh, Mitch, I've
always loved you.

Sue. Oh.

I'm so happy.

Ooh.

Mmm.

Okay, that story's
bullshit, Mitch,

and you know it.
Yeah. You're right.

It's total bullshit.

Yeah, that one was
total bullshit.

All right,
you guys, $1,000.

There's a cool grand
in it for you

if you just protect
my D tonight.

So let me get this
straight, Derick.

You want to pay me to make sure
you don't get laid tonight.

Yes.

What the fuck
is wrong with you, man?

What do you mean?

You've been
handed a gift!

That's funny coming from you,
girlfriend.

Oh, shit,
I gotta call Frank.

Frank?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, he's coming.

Well, actually he's practically
paying for everything, so…

Why Frank?

Don't you stop,
girl.

Don't you stop.

You wait.
Oh, God.

You wait.

Adrian? Ah ha ha!

How's it going, man?
How's the drive?

Oh, yeah, great.
We're about two hours away.

Guys should have
flown, man.

There's nothing better…

than flying!

Don't you do it.

Yeah. Hey, look, what time

do you think you'll
get to the hotel?

Hold on.
What time do we land?

Ohh! A half-hour.

Don't you finish
without me.

Oh, keep going.

Plane lands in
half an hour. Bobsled!

Yeah, okay, great.

Listen, man,
I gotta call you back.

I gotta finish something.

Electronic devices.

Ahh. No.

Sorry, baby.

What can I say?

I'm a rebel.

No smoking.
No smoking.

I don't follow the rules.

Oh, my God,
I'm gonna hit you.

It is now time for your
in-flight entertainment.

Oh, my God!

Ohh!

The captain has turned on
the fasten seatbelt sign

as we begin our descent
into Las Vegas, Nevada.

Please make sure
your tray tables are up

and your seats are
in their full upright…

You shaved everywhere?
I love you.

Upright and
locked positions.

Oh, my God.

Ahh! On behalf
of the entire crew,

thank you
for flying with us today…

Oh, my God!

Why Frank?

Well, Amanda invited him.

They're good friends.

Yeah,
they're good friends.

They used to date.

Who's Frank?

Because he sounds cute.

Let's just focus,
gentlemen, okay?

'Cause this is gonna be
the best fucking weekend ever.

Vegas, baby!
Vegas!

All right.
Fuck, yeah.

Look at this place, man.
I'm telling you.

I spent hours looking
for this place.

You got blackjack.
You got poker.

Gentlemen!

Welcome to Vegas.

You act like we've never
been to Vegas before.

I've never been
to Vegas before.

Hey, relax, baby.
It's just what you say

when someone
arrives in Vegas.

It's like a time-honored
tradition or something.

Penny slots!

He gay?

It's complicated.

Uh…

doesn't have to be.

There he is!

Huh? Oh, what is that?

Come here, you beautiful
son of a bitch!

Don't hug me.
Huh? Heh heh.

Yeah,
you look good, man.

What have you been
doing, Pilates?

Yeah, it's Pilates.

So, how's Amanda?

She still a freak
in the sack?

Hey!
Did he tell you?

Amanda and I
used to bang?

Frank, be nice.

Oh, did I hurt
your feelings?

I'm fucking with you,
bagpipe.

I'm just playing.
Put your hands up.

Where are your hands?
I'm gonna get you.

With a hook, and guard.
Come here.

Boys, tonight, things
are gonna get wild,

and things
are gonna get crazy.

Kaboom!

$1,000.

You got it.

Gentlemen,

welcome
to your suite.

Oh, my God, look
at that view!

Is he gonna do that
everywhere we go?

Hey, hey, buddy, relax.

Hey, what's his problem?

Boys, boys,
save it for later.

All right, You know what?
Shots. Come on.

Let's get some shots.
Mitchell.

Come on. Come on.
Fire it up, baby.

Listen up,
sock fuckers.

Tonight the word "no"

does not exist
in our vocabulary.

I don't know, guys.
This is starting

to seem like
a lot for me.

Come on, Derick.
Just because you're getting married

doesn't mean you're getting
your balls chopped off!

What the hell
does that even mean?

It means you don't have

a fucking say
where the night takes us.

All right.

So, to a night we will
most likely forget.

Cheers.

Cheers.

Okay.

Ahh. Whoo!

So, Frank, everything
good to go for tonight?

Oh, yeah.
Actually got Derick a little surprise.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

Sure you want
to see this shit?

Okay.

Bam.

Is that what I think it is?

Nah, baby.
It's just ecstasy,

but it's
the good shit.

Amanda said he'd be
a little wound up.

Plus I heard about your
little arrangement.

You did?
Oh, yeah.

I'm gonna give him
one of these babies

as soon
as the night heats up,

which it will,
in more ways than one.

What?
Fuck you!

Hey, don't look now,
fellas,

but we got strange
at 11 o'clock.

What?

Shit, no.
No, two o'clock.

Fuck. My fault.
My fault. Two o'clock.

Okay, all right.
Let's huddle up.

We have gotta
get them over here.

Let them enjoy
their bachelorette party.

No. Don't give me that bros
before hos bullshit. No.

Here's…Here's what
I'm gonna do.

I go over there,
pop one of these bad boys

after I shake it up…
Mitch, no.

Just chill out, okay?
I'll handle it.

You don't trust me
or something?

It's not about trust,
sweetheart.

We gotta let 'em
settle in

and get chilled
and comfortable, you know?

Then we make a move.

Enh! Wrong!

This is what
I'm gonna do.

I'm gonna throw some drinks at 'em.
We'll be cake.

How do you even know they
want to be hit on, Frank?

Every chick wants to be
hit on, dickshit!

It's four girls
in a cabana.

Where's your testicles,
man?

I just think
it's a little sleazy.

Listen to me.
A wise man once said,

"If they can't handle us
at our worst,

they don't deserve us
at our best."

Pretty sure
that was Marilyn Monroe.

I'm glad you noticed.

It's too late anyway.
Doesn't look like

we're gonna get
any strange tonight.

God…Fuck.
God damn it!

See,
this is what happens when we don't focus.

Calm down, Frank.

I'm telling you,
be cool.

That's how
these things go.

Hey, guys.

Hey!
All right.

We've been looking
all over for you.

Oh. We thought we were
meeting in this cabana.

Of course not, silly.

Let's go.

Thanks for
bailing us out, guys.

Those guys were
total douche bags.

Oh, no problem,
girl.

I'm Amber.

This is Casey,
our bride-to-be,

Sienna,
maid of honor,

and that
is Tatyana.

Oh, hey, I'm Adrian.
This is Mitchell,

and we got Frank…
Yo.

and up the back here is the groom-to-be,
Derick.

Hi. Nice to meet
all of you.

Shots? Shots.

That's really nice,
but you don't have to…

Oh, there's no stopping him.
You might as well

just let him buy
you ladies some drinks.

Speaking of…

refills?

Mm-hmm.

So what are you guys
doing tonight?

Yeah, I wish I knew.

Adrian and Frank are being pretty
secretive about everything.

That sounds
mysterious.

Yeah. Uh, that's exactly
what scares me.

I'm back.

Uh, so,
where are you…where are you ladies from?

L.A.

Cool.

Cool.

Fu…Shit!

The cellphone thing.

Nice work, ass-jacket!

Don't blame this on me.
Okay, no, no, no.

This is cool, okay?
We're here, all right?

No, no, no.
Just get in there,

and fucking
say something!

Say what? What do you…
Shh, shh, shh.

Amateurs.

Ladies, so, uh,
tonight let me guess.

You are in for dinner
and Thunder Dicks?

Okay,
how did you know that?

You're
a bachelorette party,

and that's
pretty standard.

Australian hunks, mmm.

Not that
I could blame you.

Okay. Well, what would
you do instead?

The Velvet Atheneum.

That's a strip club.
So?

I'm telling you,
you girls will have

so much more fun with us there
than at Thunder Dicks.

You see,
the Velvet Atheneum is…

Well, it's wild,
unpredictable.

You might even get a chance
to see some ween.

Ween?
Yeah.

Womb ferrets,
clam hammer.

You know, taco huggers.

Thunder Dicks
is cased meat only.

Frank, how do you
even know that?

Because the Velvet Atheneum
is special.

Upstairs,
women only section.

So much ween.

Ween kind of
sounds like fun.

Hold on a sec.
Hold on a sec.

We got 'em!
There's no getting them.

We already
have plans.

Let them have
their own night.

Jesus, Frank!

Dinner and Thunder Dicks?
So standard.

You're only saying that
'cause that one guy did.

Stop being such
a fucking pussy, Derick!

Seriously!
All right, listen.

We're going
to the strip club anyways.

Who gives a shit
if they follow along?

A bachelor party and
a bachelorette party?

How cute is that?

It does sound
kind of wild.

I guess you're right.
Doesn't really change our night.

Of course I'm right,
swizzle stick.

We don't even know
those guys.

Look at 'em.

They look so harmless.

I'm all for it.

Even Mitchell the bitch
is into it.

You have no idea.

They're
so adorable.

Look how hard
they're trying.

And it would keep the real douche
bags from hitting on us all night.

Why are they
doing that?

Derick, is this
what you want?

Is this what
you want to do?

Sure. I mean, why not?

It sounds
kind of dangerous.

Yes!

Tatyana?
YOLO.

Yep.

Um, so, guys,

we're in.

Good! Good!
That's awesome!

We thought you were
gonna say no.

I'm so excited!

You guys should come
over after for drinks.

Let's raise our glasses.
To a great night out!

Cheers!
Yeah!

Great night out!

Whoo!
Whoo!

Guys, I know we said
we would and everything,

but should we
be doing this?

Doing what?
This with them.

I mean, we're kind of
intruding on their night.

Who gives a shit
if we're intruding?

They invited us to intrude.
This is it.

They're literally
asking for it.

What's the matter?
You afraid you might fuck someone tonight?

Hey.
Hey, guys.

Hey!
Hey!

Come on in.

Hey, guys.

Wow, this is
a really nice suite.

So we're gonna have
to wait a little bit.

Amber and Tatyana
aren't ready yet,

so you guys just
make yourself at home.

Come on, Mitchie.
Pick our outfits for tonight.

We need
queer eye.

What is that accent?

Russian.

It's beautiful.

Oh, this is gonna
be fun. Toodles!

Oh, my God, Tatyana!

That dress
looks great on you!

You think?

Absolutely!

Your breasts
look fantastic in them.

Oh, my God.
I am so jealous of your boobs.

Mitchie, doesn't she
have great boobs?

It's not really
my thing, honey.

Objectively?

Oh, nothing
a great push-up bra

wouldn't
make greater.

Good point. Feel.

Excuse me?

Nice.

Oh, please.

There we go.

Good boy.

Soft. Robust.

Those are
nice breasts.

Oh, come on.
They are perfect.

Please, Amber.

You're much more
beautiful than me.

Your skin
is without flaw.

That's not true.

Yes.
Mm-mm-mm.

You're perfect.
No.

What is happening?

Uh, Sienna.

Yeah?

Thank you.
For what.

For going along
with all this.

You clearly didn't want
the night to go this way,

and we're
gonna have fun.

I really just want Casey
to have a good time.

Well, you can have a good time,
too, you know.

Well, that's our cue.

Here it is,

the Velvet Atheneum!

I'm telling you,

this place has a little
bit for everybody.

I'm so hard
right now.

Here we are.

Gentlemen, with me.

Ladies, this way.

Ah, ah, where do
you think you're going?

Well, yeah, Mitch, you'll probably
have a better time upstairs.

Yeah, go and join your girlfriends,
you fucking log-jammer.

Dude!

Whoa, whoa.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God!

Hey. I'm Providence.

Hi. Derick.

Nice to meet you, Derick.

You want to go to the
champagne room with me?

I couldn't
possibly do…

Yes! Yes, he would like to go

to the champagne room
with you

and have some fun.
He's just bashful.

Providence,
give my friend one of everything on me.

When he returns,
his transformation will have begun.

I wonder how Mitch
the bitch is doing

upstairs with the ladies?

Aah!

Too much dick
right there.

Ah, enjoy it.

Ahh! That's it.

I'm having
so much fun!

Yay! Hoo hoo hoo!

So what do you
want me to do?

Uh, whatever
you usually do.

So do you like
my body?

You're absolutely
beautiful, yes.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

I can't do this.

Let me guess.
A bachelor party?

I'm sorry.

You're a nice guy.

She must be
really amazing.

You take this,
and buy yourself a drink,

and make sure to give
your friends a thumbs-up

on your way out
just for show.

Thank you.

Yeah! Oh, my!

Oh, is that just
too much dick?!

Oh, yay!

I need a drink!

I'll go with you!

Thank you.
Thanks.

Ooh, let's go see
that one.

She's got some
big ones on her.

Yeah, okay.
I'm gonna stay right here,

but thank you.

Come on, Casey.

Let's have some fun.

I am. I just…

I just want to take
a little ween break.

Can we please stop
calling it that?

Come on.
This is your big night.

Let's have some fun.

Yes, it is.

Oh, look!
It's Derick! Derick!

Hey! Hey, Derick!

See,
this is perfect.

I'll sit here
and talk with him.

You go upstairs,
have a good time,

and I'll meet you up
later, okay?

Okay.

Bye.

Oh, shit!

Uhh. Fucking klutz!

You're mad about
Thunder Dicks, aren't you?

Yeah, well, let me buy you
another drink, okay?

No, thank you.
You've done enough.

Or not.

Sailor,
can I get a drink?

Well, aye-aye,
Captain.

A vodka cranberry.

Heh.

Could you be
any more stereotypical?

Excuse me?

I mean,
a gay guy ordering

vodka cranberries?
Come on.

But, uh…

I'm not gay.

That's actually
the point.

I don't follow.

I use this as a way
to get close to girls,

and then they use me as, like,
a sexual project or something.

A sex project?

Yeah.
Wow.

No, you're a real
piece of shit.

Well, I know it's like…
It's questionable,

little gray area, but…

Ehh.
Little gray area?

Just make
the fucking drinks, man.

For the record,
I like scotch and water,

and I'm gay.

Oh, shit, man.
No, no, no, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean anything by it.
Oh, no, no, of course not.

No, no, ho, I'm not
homophobic or anything.

Of course.
I don't know

how I got
that impression.

I got a lot
of gay friends, you know.

They hang out
at my place.

You do?
Yeah.

Great. I'm gonna go

make your drink,
all right?

Careful. I made 'em
real strong.

Ooh, I like 'em strong.

Please stop doing this.

Sorry.

Thanks.

Oh, my God. My pants
are a mess right now.

Hey, buddy.

Hey, huh?
Who's the lucky guy?

Derick.

"Derick," he says.
Fucking Derick.

Word on the street
is he's taken.

Heh heh heh.
Like you can't have him.

Y-Yeah, I…
Yeah.

Oh, what's this, buddy?
Vodka Cranberries?

Very nice.

Mm-hmm-hmm.

Boom.

So, it's Mitchell, right?

Yeah.
Mitch…

Yeah,
we met earlier.

Yeah.
Yeah.

That's right.
Yeah.

Hey, what do you say
me and you…

we go outside,

we get
a little fresh air,

we have a little talk?

Yeah, no.

I'm gonna…
Some other time?

Maybe, I guess.
Yeah?

You're a little close,
don't you think?

Ha ha.
I could get closer.

No. I mean, I don't…
Yeah, I can get closer.

Okay,
I don't need that.

10 and 4, baby.
Oh, where's he going?!

Whoa, okay! Okay.

This is uncomfortable.

Good.
Some other time, then?

Yeah.

Some other time.

Bartender?

Yo!

Give me a scotch
and water.

Yeah,
so I've never actually

been to a strip club
before. I…

My dad always said they were of the Devil,
you know.

For you.
This drink's for you.

Wedding present.

And where is mine?

Honey,
does it look like

I buy the drinks
for all the ladies?

No, it's cool.
We can share.

No. I mean,
I'm clean

from sexually transmitted
diseases and stuff.

Wow. I'm gonna
go upstairs

and look at men
with real balls.

Sexually transmitted
diseases, huh?

What? It's not like
it matters.

I mean,
we're engaged.

No. You and I
are not engaged.

No, that is not
how these things work.

Yeah, I know. I just…
I mean, you're safe.

Can't be too safe.

I'll cheers to that.

Mm.

So tell me
about your man.

Boslov?
He's a really good guy

when you get to know him.

What does he do?

Entrepreneurial stuff.

He…He owns a few clubs,
um, travels a lot.

You know, he doesn't really like
to talk about what he does.

Uh, how did
you two meet?

We met just
a few months ago actually

in, like…in this club
that he owns.

He asked me to dance and,

you know, wouldn't take no
for an answer.

Next time.
You will get him next time.

Sounds like he knows
what he wants.

Yeah. He takes…

really good care of me.

This is the best
bachelor party ever.

Sounds like you
found a good guy.

Exactly, yeah.

He's just a good guy,
you know, and, like,

you gotta hold on
to the good ones, right?

Yeah.
I'll cheers to that.

Cheers. Heh.

So how 'bout
your bride-to-be?

Amanda.

It's American.

Yeah, no,
but she's great.

She's a lot
like Boslov.

She knows exactly
what she wants.

Yeah.

Um…

I mean, I knew I wanted to get
married by the time I was 30,

and Amanda's good
for that.

She…You know,
she fits that plan.

Totally.

As you said,

you need
to hold on to something,

hold on to a good thing.

I'm not getting
any younger, and…

I totally feel you.

…feel you.

…feel you.

…feel you.

Yeah! Take it…

Whoo!
Whoo!

Hoo.

Whoa-oa. That's…

Yeah, make it
rain on me.

You can do it.
Eye on the prize.

That was hot,
wasn't it, Mitchie?

Oh, my, yes!

So much ween in my face!

Kill me now, girlfriend!
Kaah!

Mmm. Now I want
a lap dance.

Of course you want
a lap dance.

You skank!

How about I give you one?

Whoo!
Oh, yeah!

Rain it on me,
girlfriend!

You know what?
I have a better idea.

So, tell me,
best man.

Do you approve
of the match?

Excuse me?

Come on.
You can tell me.

Well, Derick's happy,

and that's all
that matters.

Bullshit!
That's such bullshit!

You know
the answer's no.

So what?

So what? He's
your best friend, right?

Well, yeah, but you can't make those
kind of decisions for other people.

I support him regardless
of what I think. You?

Fuck, no. Casey's making
a huge mistake.

She barely
even knows the guy.

And yet here we are.

Here we are.

Thank you
for talking to me.

Come on. There's more to do in
Vegas than mope in a strip club.

What do you say we gather the
troops and get out of here?

I'd like that very much.

Ooh, and can we get strippers
and cocaine and hookers?

Whatever makes
the lady happy.

Oh, my God.

I think we met before,
I think.

Okay, Frank,
we're going.

Fuck you!
I'm serious. Come on.

Can Providence come?
Hey.

Hey.

And no. No, no, no. No.

Providence has to work,
don't you, Providence?

Um, I can come afterwards,
but I have my second job.

She's an angel, Adrian.

She's a fucking angel.
Oh, my God.

H-Have you seen Mitch?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He…He's over there.

How the fuck…

You know,
I really like that guy.

He's a wild man.

Providence,
what do you think?

I think Mitch has a lot
of deep, dark secrets

that could get him into a lot
of trouble if he's not careful.

Like I said…

Hands!

Sorry. My bad,

but you can't
blame me, right?

Fucker, do not
take this from me.

All of us.
All of us. Come on.

Mitch, let's go.
Come on.

Frank, I'm serious.

Get your butt up now.
Shh!

Frank?
Hey.

I can't find
Casey and Derick.

What?

Excuse me. Um, we're missing a
bachelor and a bachelorette.

Uh, the bachelor's,
like, 6'2", tall, thin.

The bachelorette's,
like, six foot tall.

She's got
short brown hair.

She looks like
a bachelorette.

Yeah, yeah,
I saw your friends.

They were
pretty messed up, man.

They were
practically fucking

on top of my bar.
I can't have that.

Casey would
never do that.

Derick would
never do that.

Well, anyway,
they wouldn't shut up

about being engaged
and getting married,

so I sent 'em off
to Little White's.

Figure why not
seal the deal

and get them
the fuck out of here.

Little White's?

Yeah. Little White
Wedding Chapel

just down the street.

Oh, shit!
Oh, fuck.

We gotta go.
We gotta go.

What is love?

Love is patient
and kind and gentle.

Love is joy. It's peace.
It's happiness.

Love does not know hate
or anger or jealousy.

Stop!
Stop!

Oh, my!

Shit.
Shit.

Sorry.
Sorry.

No, Tatyana,
those are real.

Mitchell, these are real.
Look at 'em.

We just walked in
on a wedding.

It wasn't theirs.

I don't know
what to do, guys.

It was
so embarrassing.

Ah, thanks.

Hey, look,
we're really, really sorry.

We…Honest, it was
an honest mistake.

Believe it or not,
it actually happens quite often.

We're missing a groom-to-be
and a bride-to-be.

Uh, I understand
they came here tonight.

There's a lot of to-bes that come
through here every night, sir.

Yeah, do the names Derick
and Casey ring any bells?

Oh, you're with them.

So you do
remember them?

You guys think
this place is a joke.

We run an ordained
house of God of here,

and we do believe in
the true power of love.

And I'd like to believe
that I remember

everybody who comes through
here and exchanges vows,

but that would be a lie.

They came through here
not too long ago.

I'll never forget
this one.

You can keep that
as a souvenir,

and if you guys
will excuse me,

I have a photo booth
to clean.

Look at this.
Oh, he's…

Where's Casey?
Look at this one.

My God.
Holy shit.

Wow!
Oh, shit.

God.
Fuck…

She's giving him
a blow job, ladies.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Hey, hey,
we'll find them.

Everything
will be okay.

No, everything's
not gonna be okay.

Boslov's gonna kill me if
he finds out about this.

Who the hell's Boslov?
Casey's fiancé.

Yeah.
My cousin.

Jesus.
Oh.

Boslov told me that if
anything happened to Casey,

he was gonna take me out in the
desert and he was gonna kill me.

Oh, come on.
He's just being protective.

Guys talk like that.
Yeah.

No, he…he will actually
kill her if he finds out

and probably you,
too, and Derick.

Explain?

So let me
get this straight.

Derick just ran off
with someone

who happens
to be the fiancée

of a fucking Russian
mafia crime kingpin?

He isn't a kingpin!

My family
wouldn't allow it!

Who gives a shit?

Fuck.

I swear
I didn't know either.

I mean, Casey never
even talks about the guy.

You didn't think this might
be important information…

I don't know…
earlier?

Hey, I don't know you!

Fuck!

What does it matter?

She couldn't handle
my cousin!

He's crazy!

Better they
don't get married.

Does anybody want anyone
to get married?

At least you
have that option.

Shut the fuck up,
Mitchell!

Okay, okay.
Everybody just…

just calm down!

W-We just need
to find them, okay?

How do we do that?

Yeah, you're right.

Um, okay,
so we retrace our steps.

Um,
it's possible they're back at the hotel.

Yeah, good call.

They could be
in either suite.

Right, okay.
You girls go back there now.

Uh, we'll walk in case
they're wandering around.

We'll rendezvous back at your room,
okay?

Okay.

What the fuck are
you doing, Mitchell?

Just get off.

"Rendezvous."

What the fuck
is wrong with him?

This is just
a little fucked up.

Come on.

Fuck!

Shit.

All right,
I hate to say it.

Somebody's
gotta call Amanda.

By somebody,
I mean the best man.

By the best man,
I mean you, motherfucker.

Let's go.

Hey, it's Casey.
Sorry you missed me,

but I hope you're
having an awesome day.

If you have something nice
to say, leave a message.

Casey,

please just pick up
the fucking phone,

or just come back
to the suite!

Just fuck, Casey!

I don't want
to fucking die!

Don't pick up.
Don't pick up.

Don't pick up.
Don't pick up.

Don't pick up.

Hello?

Amanda.
Hey, it's Adrian.

Yeah, I know, Adrian.

I have caller ID,
like everyone else

who has
a goddamn cellphone.

Is it done?

I…

What?

Did Derick get laid?

Uh…
Fantastic news.

You are a great asset
to this company.

You're the slut.

Yeah, I am.

Oh, brilliant job,
you butt scout.

Hey, you really
did the job.

I think we should go
back to the hotel,

'cause Mitchie's
getting thirsty.

Don't worry, Sienna.

This isn't your fault.

I will
solve problem.

How?

I sent pictures
to my brother Dmitri.

He's good with finding
missing people.

Dmitri?
Boslov's best man?

Da.

Fuck me.

Boslov's gonna
find out.

Don't worry.

I told him
not to tell anyone.

Da.

What is it?

Nothing. It's…

It's nothing, Boslov.

You sure?

Boslov, I'm sorry.

Where's Casey?

Ah, come on!

Party's over
for Boslov.

Can you get that,
please?

Any luck?

What's the opposite
of luck?

Actually,
I don't think there's an opposite of luck.

Tatyana sent the
photo to her brother,

who just happens
to be with Boslov,

so we're
pretty peachy.

Shit!

And you don't think
this looks bad for me?

You don't think Boslov
would take me out first?

He doesn't give a shit
about anyone!

My whole family is
terrified about him!

I tried calling Casey,
but she didn't pick up.

Have you guys been able
to get ahold of Derick?

Yeah.

You guys didn't think
to call him?

What kind
of friends are you?

Okay, yeah,
I get it, okay? Fuck.

Derick?

Who the hell is this?

Who the hell's this?
Where's Derick?

And I'm supposed
to know that how?

Because you have
his phone.

Your friend left his phone
at my establishment.

Oh, shit. How long ago
did they leave?

Not long.

Did they say
where they were going?

What's it to you?

Okay, okay.
Give me the address there.

I'll pay you for your help.
Please!

All right…

Feel like
fucking shots.

but don't
fuck me on this.

Okay. Got…Okay, right.

58 East Balm.

It's called
the Darkcade.

Okay, thank you.
I'll see you soon.

Okay, uh, Derick
and Casey were last seen

at someplace
called the Darkcade.

It's on the edge of town.

We'll get
more info there.

What the fuck are
we waiting for?!

What the fuck?

She got a lot of attitude
coming out of her ass.

Back off, Mitch.
She fears for her life.

Hey,
I know this is a really inappropriate time

to bring this up,
Adrian, but, um,

that chick totally has a thing for you,
man.

Not now, guys.
Jesus Christ!

And thanks for your help,
big pencil!

Best friends.

Whoa, whoa,
hey, hey, hey, hey.

Where you going?

Um, to help.

Yeah, well, I was
just curious. It…

I'm so fucking stupid. I should
have never let her out of my sight.

You're not stupid.

Come on.
Get off me!

You would say that!

What the fuck
does that even mean?

You let this happen!

You assholes
smooth-talked her!

Christ, if I'd only
followed my plan…

Hey, don't fucking
pin this all on us!

And if I don't find her fast,
I'm gonna fucking die.

Oh, you don't think
I want to find Derick?

It's obvious you don't
give a shit about him.

What the fuck
do you even know?

I know that if you were
really his best friend,

you wouldn't let him get
married to that fucking bitch!

Oh, because you're the
authority on honesty now!

Hey, hey! Everyone…
Everyone shut the fuck up!

Just don't touch me.

All right, look,
everyone in the cab.

Now. Come on. In the cab!

Hey, you all right?

No!

All right, now
for the next gift.

Ooh!
Mine.

What do we have here?

It's a ball gag!

Yeah, we thought you'd like it
'cause you're a slut.

Oh, shut up.
You're the slut.

Yeah, I am.

God, I can't wait
to try this out.

Now.

Oh, my.

Tight, tight.

Mmm.

You know how
this works, don't you?

Mm-hmm.

Amanda Bryce.
She's the one?

You've done good work,
my friend.

Eye for an eye,
motherfucker.

We've got another
surprise coming soon.

But for now…

Oh, yeah.

Okay, ladies.

I'm looking
for Amanda.

Ohh.

Amanda.

Hi there.

She has been
a really naughty girl.

Mm-hmm.

Oh, yeah.

Tie her up.

She needs
to be punished.

Oh, yeah?
Oh, I'll punish her.

I've been so naughty.

You can punish me
any way you want to.

Shut up.
Ohh!

Oh, he's gonna
get dirty.

Oh, gosh.
Pick her up.

Oh, my. Tight.

Thanks.

Yeah, you're
gonna love this.

You little slut, you!

You are a slut,
and you know it!

You little slut.

You s-I-u-t!

Don't you suck
too much dick.

Oh, my gosh! Goodbye.

Goodbye. Goodbye.

Go. Go.

Bye, Amanda.

Was that
supposed to happen?

This is the place.

It looks closed.

Yeah, all the good places
look closed, wonder muffin.

This is the place.

This is the place.

This is the place.

Go!

Oh, excuse me.

I was speaking to a lady
on the phone about…

Whoa!

What do
you guys want?

Oh, yeah, hey.
We spoke earlier.

I'm here
about the phone.

Well, you didn't
say anything about a posse.

Come with me alone.

Wait! Wait.

I have money.

Anyone else?

No.

Come on.

What kind of place
is this?

It's a place where
fantasies come to life.

First room,
it's normal shit.

Girls, sometimes two, three,
during peak hours.

And this is a little
more specialized area.

But…Was…
Was that a goat?

I don't judge.

Hey!
Sorry.

Privacy, moneybags!

I…I apologize.

You do that again,
and you're out.

Okay.
You got me?

I got you.

How many curtains
do you have?

Uh, this is the last one.

Oh, Jesus Christ!

Make it stop!

What's going on
in there?

Listen, I meet a demand
that the Strip doesn't,

and sometimes people
want certain things,

things they can't find
anywhere else.

Please! Please!

And I provide
a safe haven.

And you ask
too many questions.

Oh, God.

Son of a bitch!

Dennis, not again!

Stop sucking
the butt plugs!

That's what
the ball gags are for!

Will you take me with you?

You go on ahead.

I'll, uh…

I'll meet up
with you later.

What the fuck?!

So tell me
about your friend.

Uh, he's tall, 6'2",

uh, slicked hair, thin.

He's generally
a nice, quiet guy.

Heh. Nice and quiet,
huh? Yeah.

That's them
about an hour ago.

I mean, I get couples
in here all the time.

Oh, my God.

Th-That's them.

I mean, bangers come
in here all the time.

It doesn't bother me none.
But these two,

they went at it
without paying the piper.

Did they say
where they were going?

Look, there are plenty of free
places to fuck in this town.

Just not here.
It's the rules.

You gotta pay to play.

"Nice guy." Shit.

And I took some cash
to pay for sanitation

and a little bit more
for a penalty.

He left his wallet
here, too?

The idiot
left his pants here!

You're welcome.
Now get the fuck out!

You ready?

Shh. Huh?

Frank?

Y-Yeah.

You okay?

It's the best night
of my fucking life, man.

This is the best night
of my fucking life.

Okay.

I saw God in there.

H-He had blue eyes
and, um,

short dark hair.

Over six feet tall
definitely.

It just all
happened so fast.

S-She was right there,
and then he…

Oh, it's just so wrong!

I don't think
they want us to strip.

What do you think
goes on back there?

Amber, shut up.

Aren't you
the least bit curious?

No. When the lady
opened the door,

it smells
like hobo dick.

So where are they?

Did she
say anything?

They're not here.
There's…

They're gone.

I'm sorry.

Hey, it's okay,
all right?

It'll be okay.
Just let, uh…

let Uncle Mitchell
say something here.

Maybe we should
just split up

and, uh, hold
our positions, right?

Let them come to us.

That's actually
a really good idea.

It is.

Okay, Frank,

you go back to the Velvet Atheneum,
okay?

You three
go back to the hotel.

That'll work, right?

Why is he like this?

Ah, who the fuck cares?

It's because
he's on ecstasy.

Frank, what did
you just say?

Yeah, I spiked
his drink earlier,

Derick's, too.

Derick's, too.

What is
the matter with you?

Hey! Back off,
"Red Dawn."

I'm tired
of your shit,

even though
you're sexy.

Let me get this
straight.

So Derick and Casey
are out there

completely fucked up
and helpless.

Pretty much.

Okay, no, no, no.
No, no.

This is good.
This is good.

Okay, everybody go
to your posts, okay?

Sienna and I,
we'll stay here outside,

and eventually
they'll sober up,

and they'll find their way back somewhere,
right?

Let's do it. Come on.

Go, go, go.

This is my fault.

Hey, come on.

This would have
never happened

if we went
to Thunder Dicks.

We're gonna
find them, okay?

We still have time.

Oh, God. It's him.

Fuck.

Hello.

Sienna,
I'm coming for you.

Boslov, just please
let me explain.

No need to explain.

Tell Derick I have a
present for him as well.

Derick, help!
He's insane!

Help! I've been
bound and gagged!

You did good.

You might live.

What the…

Son of a bitch.

Whoa.

Wow.

Please don't touch me.

I'm so tired.

Don't give up on me.

Hey, I need you.

You're such
a fucking idiot.

He's gonna kill me.
He's gonna kill you.

You better pray
for a fucking miracle,

'cause we're gonna
fucking need one.

God?

I'll do you
one better, baby!

This is Jack Rabbit of Jack
Rabbit's Rabbit Ranch…

brothel,
family restaurant and wonder emporium.

Jack Rabbit?

Yeah.
That's right, baby.

Listen, Slim,
I got a problem

with your friends
Derick and Casey

here at Jack Rabbit's
Rabbit Ranch,

brothel,
family restaurant and…

You got Derick and Casey?

Yeah, I reckon I do.

I'll text you
the address.

Okay, we'll be there!

Thanks so much,
Mr. Rabbit!

Holy shit!

Are you kidding?
Kidding me?

Come on. Come on.
Let's go. Let's go.

Ohh!

You're a freak.

Hello.

I found them.
Sending coordinates now.

All right.

Be there
within the hour.

Hoo!

If it doesn't
work out with Derick…

I'll marry you.

Great news.
It's great news.

Yeah.

No, I feel
a lot better.

Yeah, I was thinking
it's wearing off.

I know.

I just never get
that fucked up, man.

Yeah. No, no, no,
I'll tell them.

Just let me
tell them, okay?

Yeah.

Adrian, I'm sorry
about tonight, okay?

Listen to me.
I'm sorry.

Heh. Yeah,
love you, too.

Good news, ladies!

They found
the long-lost couple!

Mmm. That's nice.

Okay, what the fuck?

What the fuck
are you guys doing?

Sorry. We didn't
mean to offend you.

This is bullshit,
right?

I mean,
hot girls like you

don't just go around
massaging each other naked.

That's…That's absurd.

No, no, no, no, no, no!
Don't cover up!

Look, I have something
I need to tell you, okay?

I'm not gay. I never was.

I'm sorry. I just wanted to get
to know you guys a little better,

and…and it's
really fucked up.

That's really
fucked up.

Yeah.

I just
didn't expect this!

Seriously, though,

do you think
we did this for us?

What?

We just thought
it would be fun

to fuck with you
a little.

What?

You're so cute,

but you try
way too hard.

Wait. Are…Are you saying that you
knew I wasn't gay the whole time?

Okay, how?

So what do you say?

The sheets
are getting cold.

Well, then,
make room, ladies!

Yeah!

Come here.

Aw, it's been
a long day,

hasn't it,
Mitchie?

Oh, it really has.

You were drugged
and everything.

Poor Mishka.

Oh, poor Mishka.

Don't worry.

Tatyana and I are gonna
take good care of you.

Oh, this is…

Not yet.

First the drinks.

To an exceptional
experience.

I'll drink to that.

Mm-hmm.

Ho ho!

What is in that?

Hey,
those are the ugliest shoes I've ever seen.

Are those Italian?

Well, it's about time!

Shit. Dude, are you okay?

No, I'm not okay.

They drugged us!

Quiet!

I don't give a shit
who drugged who!

Your friends here
owe me $5,000!

What? $5,000?

You heard me, baby.

Apparently the bride
and groom here

enlisted the services of my finest thumper.
Thumper?

Oh, that's
a special in-house term.

Means they're whores.

Yeah, I figured.

And they used
my best whore.

Honey, why don't you
come on in here?

Hey.

Providence?

Gosh dang it,
Providence!

Is there anybody who doesn't
know your loose ass?

No.

My apologies.

It's just sometimes
her level of whoreness

even surprises
Jack Rabbit.

I mean,
she's such a whore,

even the other whores
call her a whore.

That's for sure.

Anyway, these two fuckups
come stumbling in here,

recognize Providence,
who takes them in the back,

and she tells me
they're good to pay later.

Well, I don't play that lightly.
You know why?

Because after Jack and Jill
get their rocks off,

they start crying, "Oh,
I can't find my wallet."

"Oh, Boslov's gonna kill me.
Hoo hoo boo-hoo!"

So I chained 'em up,

'cause they ain't walking out
of here with a $5,000 tab.

Yeah. Stag here says you're
gonna pony up the dough.

So would you please pay
the good man, Adrian,

before he kills us?

He's not
gonna kill you.

Night's not over yet.

You're not
gonna kill them.

No, I ain't
gonna kill 'em.

And, no,
I don't have $5,000…

Who the fuck
has $5,000 on them?

Frank.
Frank.

Hey, Frank, old buddy,
what are you doing?

What? Nothing, nothing.
What's up, man?

Did you find 'em?
Did you find 'em?

I did, yeah.
W-We did find them.

Listen, uh,
I got a little problem.

I need you to bring $5,000 to the
location that I sent to you, okay?

Uh, no, man,
I can't. I can't.

I'm a little…
I'm a little busy at the moment,

so I'm sorry.
I can't help you out with that, man.

Frank, we need that money,
you fucking piece of shit! Come on!

Hey, Adrian,
I can't hear you, man!

It's really loud
in here. I think…

I think
a storm's coming!

I gotta hang up!
A storm is coming!

Fuck!

Storm coming?

With 90% chance of rain!

Somebody slap me
in the face.

Boobies! Damn!

We need some shots!

Get some cham…

Pain! Oh, my back! My back!

I'm just
fucking with you!

Frank. Fuck.

Hey, wait a minute,
baby! Heh heh.

I know how you can
pay off your friends' tab.

Yeah, you and your friend

are gonna star
in one of Jack Rabbit's

famous masterpiece
amateur pornos!

Heh heh.
What do you think?

Absolutely not.

Well, I don't see
you got much choice.

Oh, come on.
There's gotta be

something else
we can do, right?

Look, I'm gonna
give you $5,000 cash.

You're gonna
give it back to me.

You're gonna pay off
your friends' tab,

and you all can go home.

It's a sweet deal.
Trust me.

It is.

What?

Look, when I was
in college,

I shot
one of these,

and I only got
paid 500 bucks.

What?!
What?!

Right?

Listen to the sexy lady.

We don't have
a lot of time to argue,

so let's just do this.

You sure about this?

Yes.

And don't worry.

I'm gonna make it
super classy. Heh heh.

Okay, whoo!

Everybody head
to the studio!

Heh heh. Whht whht.

We got this,
okay?

I hate that guy.

You don't have to do this.

Okay,
you kids ready?

Yes.

Yeah, that's what
they all say.

Okay,
quiet on the set!

Lights.

Sienna…

Camera.

Just do it.

Acción.

Look at me.

Come on! Let's get
to the titties!

Just let me do it.

Nice.

Heh. Do you see
this shit? Heh heh.

Heh. This is movie gold.
Heh heh.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh ho. Cine-magic.

This is so fucking weird.

I said
quiet on the set!

Heh. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Cut!

Boslov?
Derick?

Amanda?

What's going on here?

All right, everybody,
back to one!

Join the party.

What are you doing here?

Now, you, speak.

Boslov,
Adrian and I…

I don't give
a cold shit about Adrian.

What the fuck did
you do to my fiancée?

She didn't do anything!

You speak again,

it'll be your
last time. Promise.

Boslov, she was drugged.
They both were.

It was ecstasy or something,
and they ran off,

and we just
found them here.

Oh, really?
And this is what?

This is how
you celebrate?

No, please.
They wound up here,

and this is how
we're paying off a debt.

Who the fuck is he?

Whoa, hey.

Look, I'm the manager
of this establishment.

She's telling the truth.

Now why don't you
just put the gun down?

Stop it, Boslov!

I am so glad
that I got to see

what a coward
you really are.

We're over.

You…

you betrayed me.

I provided for you,

and you betrayed me!

This is over, huh?

Good.

And now you'll all pay.

So, who wants to go first?

Any takers?

No?

Come on.

You can't all
be big pussies.

Eeny,

meeny,

miney…

Ah, fuck it.

I'll start with you.
No!

Providence?

Frank was right.

You're
a fucking angel!

I'm not an angel.
I'm a whore.

Who the fuck is this guy?

My ex-fiancé.

Good answer.

Okay. Well, I think
we're done here.

What about the debt?

Oh, don't worry. Uh…

I have other ways
of making money.

Well, that was
a hell of a night.

I'd say that's a little
bit of an understatement.

Adrian.

Hold on a sec, guys.

Yeah, look. Um…

last night didn't really
go according to plan.

Hey, I can't say you
didn't do what I told you to.

It must have
been difficult.

Difficult? Heh.

We almost
all fucking died.

That's why I'm
giving you the promotion.

Congratulations.

So that's it?

Yeah, that's it.

There's something really
fucking wrong with all this.

You think I could
have a minute?

Yeah, of course.

So, that was
interesting.

Yeah, I'd say so.

So did you?

Did I get drunk,

do drugs
and fuck bitches?

Yeah, I think I did,

but it's
not really my thing.

Derick, I kind of…

I know.

You and Boslov?
Yeah.

Freaky and weird,

that's your thing.

Derick, I'm sorry.

It's okay.

What do you think
he's saying to her?

I think we're probably
done here, aren't we?

I think so.

You're a great guy,

and I'm really sorry

if I put
too much pressure on you.

It's okay.

I think
I needed last night.

Okay.

Oh, I have to call
my bachelorettes

and tell them I'm not dead.

Oh, okay.

You're not gonna
come with us, then?

No. I'm…
I'm gonna call a cab.

Okay.

I'm never doing drugs
ever again.

Was it really
that bad?

Well…

I called it off.

Do you know…

how much I don't remember
of last night?

Derick,
I'm really sorry

I didn't
support you more.

No, man, it's cool.

This is something I needed
to do myself anyway.

I'm gonna talk to her.

Oh, yeah.

Okay.

Hey, let's go.

So hey.

Hey. Thank you.

Yeah.

So, um, that was
your fiancée, huh?

Yes, it was.

So Boslov seems
like a nice guy.

I'm sorry.

I just thought
that you said

he was an entrepreneur.

Yeah. Um…

didn't really realize
that was code at first.

By the time
I figured it out,

I was just
too terrified to leave.

Why?

Scared of that guy?

Come on.

Heh.

Did…Did we, um…

I guess you can't
forget everything, huh?

Nope.

Heh.

So do you think
maybe we could try?

Try…

Are you seriously
asking me out right now?

Yes.

Yeah, fuck it.

Yes, I am.

You coming?

That's what she said.

Seriously,
get in the fucking car!

You want a drink,

water or something?

What the fuck
happened last night?

I can think
of a couple of things.

Heh.

Listen, what happened
at Jack Rabbit's…

What about it?

Uh, it was just,
you know, awkward,

really fucking awkward.

B-But only at first,
you know,

and then, uh,

it's just not something
I'd normally do.

Eh, porn, I mean.

Like I-I'd never do that,

but I'd totally do you,
you know, sex.

To have sex with
or make love to.

Or…Oh, shit. Uh…

Mm. Mm-hmm.

Thanks.

Look, you're a good guy,
Adrian.

Thank you.

And for what it's worth,

it's not like
you're something

I wouldn't have
otherwise done either.

Okay?

But let's leave the cameras
out of it this time.

Deal.
Okay.

Buttons.

Hi.

What are you
doing here?

Oop.

To an exceptional
experience.

Wakey-wakey.

Oh, no, no, no.

It's not polite
to speak

without being
formally introduced.

I would like you
to meet my friend.

His name is Luther.

Would you like
to meet him?

Hmm? Mm. Mm.

Heh heh.

Whoo!
I love this job!