Original subtitles

Previously on Sick Note: You have cancer.

Fucking fire him!

He's gonna get through this,

and we're gonna help him. I'm gonna be there for you every step of the way.

He's dying. We shouldn't be doing this.

I know.

You don't have cancer.

if this gets out, my career is finished.

not going to tell anyone about your mistake.

All:surprise!

you lied to everyone. becca's my girlfriend!

argh!

ash!

Music: Minute waltz by frederic chopin

radio presenter:that was chopin's minute waltz.

he sighs happily

lasts about as long as a middle easter ceasefire.

the time now is 12:30pm,

and also time for one of my favourites -

verdi's la traviata. phone buzzes

music: La traviata by giuseppe verdi

07700900843. dr iain glennis speaking?

you need to come here now.

hello, daniel. Sorry, er... I can't. It's my day off.

fuck your day off! something terrible has happened.

Calm...Calm down.

can you give me a couple of hours? no! Now!

Someone found out about our secret, and now they're dead.

So you can either stay there and enjoy your last day as a free man,

or you can come here and help me fix this situation

that could fuck us both.

I'm on my way. But...

but, please, stop swearing at me.

phone chimes and daniel...

daniel?

music increases in volume

he was making love to your girlfriend?yes.

Then he tried to escape out the bedroom window.

and that's when you pushed him? no! He fell! I didn't touch him.

yeah, yeah. He... he fell. He just fell.

yes, he fell.

Now I can't find his pulse. I don't think he's breathing.

yeah, vital signs can often elude the layman.

have you moved him?

no, he fell holding a newspaper and landed in that chair -

of course I moved him!

Yeah, well, you not supposed to move someone after fall.

You can actually made their injuries worse.

Might be a little cranial, bruising

and bleeding.

He's dead.

Fuck. I'm sorry.

What did we do? Take him to the hospital?

Well, I mean, only if you're wanna go to prison for murder.

Murder? I told you - he slipped!

Yeah, yeah, he slipped. You know. You just covered your

best friend having an affair with your girlfriend and...

he suddenly takes a mysterious fall from your window.

Did slip.

We need to move this. Yes, yes.

Understood. But I just wanna make it crystal clear:

this body...

This. This body...

Has gone nothing to do with me. Okay?

Remember when you misdiagnosed me with cancer?

You owe me one.

Fine, fine.

We can dump his body on a quiet road.

And make it look like he's been ran over.

But instead of stopping...

The driver has decided to simply

drive away. You mean a hit and run?

Yeah, we could try that.

Yeah, I saw a villian do it once in episode "A murder she wrote."

Did they get away with it?

Oh, no, no they went to prison.

Listen, they went to prison because they didn't have alibi.

So... So, I just pretend I've been at work all day.

Oh... Righty...

right. So you're going to go back to work and sit behind your desk

while muggins here dumps a body on a quiet road.

that's pretty much it.

right, ok.

it was my day off today.

we need to get something to cover the body in,

and we'll take it to my car.

thunder rolls oh, brilliant.

Phone chimes

they grunt and pant

your friend's certainly big-boned, isn't he?

the idea of this blanket is to hide the fact that we're carrying a body.

sorry. This is me.

body thumps sorry.

right...open the boot!

What are you doing?!

always losing them.you must have them - you drove it here!

Alarm chirps repeatedly

what's going on? oh, it's ever so temperamental.

I'll pull it while you press.

one, two, three. alarm chirps

one, two... alarm chirps

fine, listen - we'll go in through the back seat.

yes!

phone chimes

"I'm so fucking wet."

it's been raining. just get a towel, then.

but...Please stop swearing. it's a message.

It was from becca to ash - it's his phone.

oh, right. Your...

girlfriend's been sending rude messages to your friend?

yes.

They're sending each other pictures too.

oh, really? What...What of?

never mind.

well, you're going to have to send a message back, aren't you, so...

she thinks he's still alive.

You're right. What do I put?

I don't know.

Maybe compliment her on her bottom.

right.

Dump this by the body.

No...

Call me from it just before you do.

If anyone asks, I can say that I spoke to him and he seemed fine.

Ok, the code is 2-0-1-9.

you know your best friend's code?

we have the same one - it's blade runner.

2019 is the year it's set.

I-I don't know what blade runner is. I might forget it.

what's yours? I'll make it the same.

I don't have one. I kept getting locked out, so...

ok, I'll make it 1-2-3-4.

Think you can remember that?

1-2-3-4? Yeah.

ok, I'm going to go now.

Don't f...

Mess it up.

ok, ok.

er, remember when you get back to work - everything is fine and dandy.

er, apart from the fact you have cancer.

ah! Ah! 'scuse me? Hello? Hello? yes?

we'd like to eat some food. certainly, sir.

I'd like the... bring us a dozen oysters to start,

and then let's have the wagyu beef. how do you like your meat cooked?

I don't really eat meat... she'll have hers medium.

I'll have mine blue and bloody.

now do you think you can handle that?

yes, certainly.

fucking waiters.

it goes rapists, paedophiles, vegans, democrats,

the shit on the sole on my shoe,

and then fucking waiters.

she chuckles

loads of the made in chelsea people come here.oh, I love that show.

a bunch of pretty, rich people, all fucking each other.

laughing:yeah.genius.

so, anyway, I know the stress thumbs weren't...

you know that's all they really do,

is they fuck each other all the time.

then they fuck each other behind each other's backs,

then they get caught fucking each other. It's fabulous.

right.

so you know when you're in the shower...

and they fuck in the shower. I love fucking in the shower.

so, when you wash yourself...mm.

..The shower gel's all cold, right? mm.

that's why I've invented the shower gel warmer.

what?

it's a cosy for your shower gel - it makes it warm.

love it!

you know, my shower gel is always freezing ass.

really?yes.oh, wow.

I've already knitted the prototype.

you know, it would be lovely if you gave me a personal demonstration

in my shower. Tonight would be good.

what?

I can't shower in front of my boss - I'd be embarrassed.

phone rings with the star-spangled banner

mother...Fuckers!

er... Hmm...

where can I dump him? Dump him?

oh, we were best friends.

I'm calling the police. What? Why?

To escort you from the premises for lying to your boss.

That was a joke. I'm really sorry.

Did I? I didn't mean startle you.

Why did you say "the police"?

I thought it would be funny. That's I'm sorry. It didn't land.

I'm sorry. Oh.

I say. No, but the post

said you've gone and you wouldn't at your desk, so...

I've been at the toilet for the past few hours, so...

I was planning on going home but...

Then the sickness past.

Yeah. Listen, I understand.

You need to be here. Oh, definitely... Yeah

No, yeah, no, it's taking my mind off it.

You have one new message.

Hey, baby. I saw the clip online and I pukey.

I'm thinking about you.

To listen to the message again press one.

Carrying for the sick

is what "We Cover" is all about.

Oh shit.

You fucking asshole!

What the fuck? I thought you told me

that they were gonna hold the tape and never gonna show it.

Get him, the fuck, in here!

Daniel? Hop in for quick word?

07700

Why are you using my juicing ingredients

for your shit paintings?

You don't meant to see it yet.

It's surprise, darling.

Yeah, well, you can surprise the people at the

health food shop by buying some replacements.

It might be a tight tricky, darling.

Kinda in the middle of something.

Do you remember what happened after we had dinner with the Corbus?

Of course I do.

I'll be as quick as I can.

I'll text you a list.

Just try not to lose your phone before you get to the shop.

I won't, darling. Annette, I love...

Annette?

Everything alright, Mr. West?

You bastard!

Okay. Can we just, please, calm down?

Okay? Now, Kenny...

Daniel is, obviously, unawares to what's

happened because he's been in the toilet

all morning being sick.

Well, that's funny. Because for the last 30 minutes

I've been forwarded this clips

of him being sick on me!

I thought they said they won't gonna release this footage.

Yeah, well, some asshole did.

And a health basket getting puked on.

Well... The irony is it lost on me.

I'm so sorry.

Mr. West. You know I mean...

I mean this is embarrassing for me, as it is for...

Kenny! No! I've just

received a message from my contact at BBC News.

Now, they had no idea that Daniel

has cancer! Daniel has cancer.

And they want to do a follow-up piece.

Like a human interest story.

Now, that's everyone sharing a clip

that will promote "We Cover".

car alarm wails

alarm chirps

be careful around my...My car, will you?

tropical, eh? Fun.yeah.

car alarm wails

ooh... alarm chirps

..If you spend over Ê30, you can get a free carob bar.

er...No, thanks.

it's a great chocolate substitute... alarm chirps

..And it'll help keep those pounds off.

er...

quietly:stay away from my car.

would you like any cashback?

sir?

car alarm wails

you just get back in here, right now!

little fucking hooligans!

engine starts

tyres screech

phone rings

oh, shit.

Hi, vanessa. How's it going?

Have I spoken to Ash?

Yeah! He's my best mate.

It be weird if I've never spoken to him.

Sorry.

Yeah! No, no, I've spoke to him at lunch.

Yeah, I'm at work.

Yeah, yeah, It sounded like he was walking alone at busy road.

Not sure if that rings any bells with you.

Sure, yeah...

If I'm hear from him I'll call you.

Okay. See... See you both soon.

Alright. Bye!

Fuck.

Hey!

My dad had days when he could face anything.

Just go home.

Remember you can do whatever you like.

Yeah. Yeah, I suppose you're right.

You bet I am!

You could get away with anything.

Speeding... Robbing a bank.

Even murder.

For Pete's sake.

I was in tow for the speed limit, officer?

No, sir, you're driving at 6 mph.

Right, so... So, what, what's the problem?

Well just the driving too fast as dangerous so as driving too slow.

Oh, I didn't know that.

So, you're a doctor.

Yes! Indeed I'm.

I'm all up to date on my tax, mot, insurance, etc..

your rear wheel on the right side is bald.

all right. Well...

I will go to a garage right this minute and...

just replace it with your spare.

the garage, I-it's five minutes away...

look, let me help you.

ah, no, no, it's fine, honestly.

I'm sure you have some crimes that you need to solve.

no, I insist. I don't want you

thinking the police are all jobsworths.

pop the boot. phone rings

sir, just decline the call and pop the boot.

ah, I've connected it by mistake.

dr glennis? Hello?

sorry, officer, I'm...

I'm terrible with mobile phones.

sir, put the phone away and pop the boot.

phone beeps

disconnect tone

let's just get your boot popped and get you on your way.hey...

would you like a drink?

would you like some coconut water?

no, thank you.or some kale?

just throw the keys to me.

nice throw.

window shatters

get back here!

what happened?

it was a hooligan. He went that way!

make sure you get that tyre changed, sir.

shit.

Fuck. He's going to tell them everything.

I've got to get out of here.

ah, lanzarote.

it's a shithole.

but I can recommend a terrific brothel there.

although, for Ê74, I think you'll be lucky to find a guy

that will let you suck him off.

mr west, I don't think I can do the interview today.

I'm...I'm not really up to it, I don't think,

and I think I might even puke.

So I think I'm just going to head home.no, you're not.

come on.

phone chimes

classical music plays

oh, lord. Um...

er...

phone chimes

line rings

phone beeps

oh, blast. the batteries on these things last

about as long as a middle eastern ceasefire.

ok...

alarm chirps oh, why don't you just bog off?!

alarm chirps

he grunts

bones crunch

whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa - what's happening?!

come on, have a look.

I'm not... I'm not comfortable with this.

open your eyes, shithead. have a look.

see?

one ball.

y-you had testicular cancer?

nobody knows.

I went through the whole thing by myself.

I didn't cry like a little pussy,

and I ran this fucking company at the same time.

can you put it away now, please?

no. You keep looking at it. because this...

..Is why you're going to man up and get out there and do that interview.

you pathetic little shit-clot.

now, you dry up those eyes. we're doing the interview.

ten minutes.

oh, shit. Too high.

is everything ok?

yeah, yeah. No, no, I'm good.

Just trying to get some... you know, fresh air.

ok. Well, um...Your doctor's on line one.

thanks. Thanks, michael. Yeah.

Oh, could you just...?er, yeah. yeah.

Thanks.

Er, yeah, if you wouldn't mind? You know, it could be of a, you know...

oh, yes, of course. ..Delicate nature.

Door closes

what's going on?

er, it's done. I dumped the body.

I thought you'd been arrested!

There was a cop asking to look in your boot.

oh, yes. Yes. He was helping me change my rear wheel.

it's sorted.

the plan went to, er...Plan.

oh, thank god.

Wait. You were supposed to call me on ash's phone, for the alibi.

yes. Yes, er... that one ran out of battery too.

these things last about as long as a middle eastern ceasefire.

he chuckles

don't they, daniel?

daniel?

daniel? Er, are you there?

daniel?

daniel...

they talk quietly

ok.

I'll play ball.

was that a joke?

oh! No! No, no, no.

pity.

it was a good one.

so, mr west, it seems there's a bit more to this story

than we initially thought.

of course, daniel had just received the worst news

that a person can possibly receive.

he had been diagnosed with life-threatening cancer.

and we hope that those that are sharing that clip -

and it is a great clip -

will think about the story behind the story as they view it.

and, daniel, how has this affected you?

we cover have been so supportive.

oh, of course.

my girlfriend, becca, you know, she's stood by my side.

And, um...My best friend, ash, he, um...

I haven't seen him in a couple of days.

But w-we're planning on meeting up soon.

As it seemed like ages since we last saw each other,

even though it's only been a couple of days.

two hours I waited.

I was so hungry, I tried to juice a fucking banana.

and somehow you still managed to come home

with the wrong fucking stuff.

I-I know, I know. I'm sorry.

I mean, how is almond milk the same as coconut water?

mutters:both derived from nuts. I beg your pardon?

I said, "they are both derived from nuts."

please don't.

annette, please.

voice chat, as vanessa:hi, daniel, it's vanessa.

I've got some bad news about ash -

he's died after falling from your bedroom window

after fucking your girlfriend. chuckling

yeah, can you...? can you please be serious?

You know, I need to work out how I'm going to react when she calls.

What do I do?

Do I cry?

Go all quiet? What?

well, how do you feel about it?

I don't know.

He was fucking becca.

But, you know, he was also my best friend.

well, maybe just be your usual bullshitty self?

phone rings

oh, god.what?

shit, it's vanessa.

oh! Do not quit - I want to hear this!

er...I can't do it. I can't. I can't speak to her.

dude, you have to. You've got to pretend everything's normal, ok?

I'll call her back.

You know, I need a minute.pussy. phone rings

oh, fuck! She's calling again!

do you want me to get that for you so you can carry on with your game?

thank, yeah.oh, god. you lucky fucker.

hi, vanessa. Sorry, daniel's just...

oh, my god.

what's...What's up?

it's ash. He's...

he's been in an accident. He's...

he's...he's dead?..In hospital.

no, he's not dead, he's in the hospital - he was hit by a car.

he's...Not...Dead?

no! He's in surgery.

ash is alive?

dude. What the fuck?

how could you not know?! How?!

argh!

tits!

you make little shit the face of we cover.

not even for 30 grand?