Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,273 --> 00:00:01,829
Previously on "You Me Her"...
2
00:00:01,841 --> 00:00:04,063
What... the fuck?
3
00:00:04,309 --> 00:00:06,375
Oh, this day has really taken a turn.
4
00:00:06,401 --> 00:00:08,429
Whether it was the two
of us or the three of us,
5
00:00:08,447 --> 00:00:09,899
this never should have happened.
6
00:00:09,921 --> 00:00:12,763
If you walk out that door,
don't call, don't text.
7
00:00:12,767 --> 00:00:14,693
- You are dead to me.
- You saw your dad?
8
00:00:14,718 --> 00:00:16,053
What's the idea here?
9
00:00:16,506 --> 00:00:17,968
I'm walking you to school.
10
00:00:18,002 --> 00:00:20,034
But you're still getting divorced Monday
11
00:00:20,057 --> 00:00:21,470
and driving back to Seattle?
12
00:00:21,491 --> 00:00:23,674
I start a business and
ask for some support,
13
00:00:23,691 --> 00:00:25,142
and suddenly you're
working on a Saturday,
14
00:00:25,166 --> 00:00:27,519
and you come home after the
girls are fed and in bed?
15
00:00:27,541 --> 00:00:28,925
So you seriously think I stayed at work
16
00:00:28,938 --> 00:00:31,026
late on a Saturday to piss you off?
17
00:00:31,048 --> 00:00:33,166
And you haven't even
started community placement.
18
00:00:33,174 --> 00:00:35,511
We help them with
r�sum�s, job applications,
19
00:00:35,537 --> 00:00:37,982
- that kind of thing.
- What do I do in the meantime?
20
00:00:38,014 --> 00:00:39,843
Hang out. Get to know them.
21
00:00:39,869 --> 00:00:42,490
- Oh, oh, oh, oh!
- Dudes, they get crazy anxious
22
00:00:42,511 --> 00:00:44,170
when they're sitting across
from a beautiful woman.
23
00:00:44,194 --> 00:00:45,442
Are you anxious right now?
24
00:00:45,485 --> 00:00:47,147
I'm always anxious around you.
25
00:00:47,184 --> 00:00:49,746
Izzy. From the moment I
opened that hotel room door...
26
00:00:49,773 --> 00:00:50,947
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
27
00:00:50,957 --> 00:00:53,056
Are you about to
propose to me right now?
28
00:00:53,089 --> 00:00:54,237
What? No.
29
00:00:54,280 --> 00:00:56,494
Well, congratulations. You're pregnant.
30
00:00:56,521 --> 00:00:58,520
You have got to be fucking kidding me.
31
00:01:02,008 --> 00:01:03,605
Emma?
32
00:01:04,559 --> 00:01:06,044
Hey, uh, are you okay?
33
00:01:06,429 --> 00:01:08,252
Did you hear what I said?
34
00:01:10,052 --> 00:01:12,233
You need to take a deep breath.
35
00:01:13,230 --> 00:01:15,562
Okay? You really need to just...
36
00:01:15,964 --> 00:01:17,480
calm yourself. It's all good.
37
00:01:40,837 --> 00:01:42,365
Em.
38
00:01:43,646 --> 00:01:45,286
Emma.
39
00:01:46,084 --> 00:01:47,243
Emma!
40
00:01:47,413 --> 00:01:48,843
Oh, um...
41
00:01:48,867 --> 00:01:50,757
- Hey, you.
- Is everything okay?
42
00:01:50,966 --> 00:01:52,129
Uh, yeah.
43
00:01:52,254 --> 00:01:54,605
Yeah. No. Things are,
um... they're good.
44
00:01:54,616 --> 00:01:58,922
They're... they're
really, really... super.
45
00:01:59,306 --> 00:02:01,357
They are, um...
46
00:02:01,391 --> 00:02:04,215
- They're super.
- Okay. Stop nodding.
47
00:02:07,591 --> 00:02:09,831
Maybe you're coming down
with a little something?
48
00:02:09,852 --> 00:02:12,377
That's one way to put it.
49
00:02:31,300 --> 00:02:32,721
Howdy.
50
00:02:32,903 --> 00:02:34,082
Howdy.
51
00:02:34,387 --> 00:02:35,588
Wow.
52
00:02:36,011 --> 00:02:38,868
So, what was it last night?
53
00:02:38,943 --> 00:02:40,851
Why do you always want to
know about my weird dreams?
54
00:02:40,862 --> 00:02:42,105
I'm the therapist.
55
00:02:42,121 --> 00:02:43,531
They always crack me up.
56
00:02:43,552 --> 00:02:45,396
I decided it meant you're a genius.
57
00:02:45,455 --> 00:02:47,052
Well, it does.
58
00:02:48,065 --> 00:02:51,093
Okay, well, I was drifting down
59
00:02:51,107 --> 00:02:53,392
this big, slow river on
a pizza-shaped floatie,
60
00:02:53,413 --> 00:02:55,587
and I passed Jack
sitting on the riverbed
61
00:02:55,600 --> 00:02:57,101
with his feet in the water,
62
00:02:57,583 --> 00:02:59,213
and there was a real-life tiger
63
00:02:59,251 --> 00:03:01,924
just calming resting beside him.
64
00:03:01,962 --> 00:03:03,498
Oh, and the tiger was
wearing my clothes.
65
00:03:03,522 --> 00:03:05,612
I don't know.
66
00:03:06,217 --> 00:03:09,130
- Oh, man, the way your mind works, Peanut.
- Don't.
67
00:03:10,343 --> 00:03:11,552
Sorry.
68
00:03:15,067 --> 00:03:17,451
How long are you gonna
keep showing up like this?
69
00:03:18,699 --> 00:03:21,807
Until you forgive me
or my project ends...
70
00:03:22,111 --> 00:03:24,130
whichever comes first.
71
00:03:24,490 --> 00:03:26,732
And then what? You're
just gonna disappear again
72
00:03:26,745 --> 00:03:28,507
like a drunk ghost in the night?
73
00:03:29,141 --> 00:03:30,981
"Drunk ghost in the night."
74
00:03:31,662 --> 00:03:34,235
Oh, right. I'm funny when
I'm trying to be mean...
75
00:03:34,308 --> 00:03:35,842
so fucking annoying.
76
00:03:36,023 --> 00:03:37,827
I'm not gonna ghost on you.
77
00:03:39,418 --> 00:03:41,746
What? That's a saying,
right? Kids say that.
78
00:03:41,771 --> 00:03:44,155
Yes, but you definitely shouldn't.
79
00:03:57,110 --> 00:03:58,422
Hello?
80
00:04:03,220 --> 00:04:04,798
Do you have an appointment?
81
00:04:08,405 --> 00:04:09,927
You can just come in.
82
00:04:13,297 --> 00:04:15,232
I'm very troubled, Doctor.
83
00:04:15,357 --> 00:04:17,109
Oh, no.
84
00:04:17,500 --> 00:04:19,027
Oh, yes.
85
00:04:19,081 --> 00:04:21,611
Well, um, okay.
86
00:04:21,627 --> 00:04:23,107
Could you be more specific...
87
00:04:23,140 --> 00:04:27,511
maybe using a breathier
voice with crazier eyes,
88
00:04:27,636 --> 00:04:29,521
like Winona Ryder eyes?
89
00:04:31,322 --> 00:04:32,554
See it.
90
00:04:34,055 --> 00:04:36,552
I'm very into the
idea of getting caught.
91
00:04:36,887 --> 00:04:38,273
Is that bad?
92
00:04:38,932 --> 00:04:40,749
Am I bad?
93
00:04:41,853 --> 00:04:43,460
It's chronic exhibitionism,
94
00:04:44,055 --> 00:04:47,292
level three paraphilia...
s... serious stuff.
95
00:04:47,417 --> 00:04:49,028
Say that again.
96
00:04:50,127 --> 00:04:53,149
Level. Three.
97
00:04:53,274 --> 00:04:54,912
Paraphilia.
98
00:04:56,774 --> 00:04:58,627
You know what I like.
99
00:05:13,623 --> 00:05:15,689
You know, I didn't actually
come here to office-fuck you.
100
00:05:15,713 --> 00:05:17,923
I know. I was just saying "Hey."
101
00:05:17,949 --> 00:05:19,561
I'm on my way to Directions.
102
00:05:20,543 --> 00:05:21,966
You know what they say...
103
00:05:22,219 --> 00:05:24,821
"Life is what happens when
you're busy making other plans."
104
00:05:24,946 --> 00:05:27,671
Please stop quoting
motivational posters.
105
00:05:27,796 --> 00:05:30,271
It's an occupational hazard.
106
00:05:32,162 --> 00:05:33,341
I, um...
107
00:05:34,412 --> 00:05:35,814
this, um...
108
00:05:36,046 --> 00:05:37,342
Wow.
109
00:05:37,359 --> 00:05:39,464
Your erection is very distracting.
110
00:05:39,644 --> 00:05:41,731
Oh. Imagine how it is from this end.
111
00:05:45,689 --> 00:05:47,771
- These are cute.
- Mm-hmm.
112
00:05:48,505 --> 00:05:50,166
You know what would look really good on
113
00:05:50,220 --> 00:05:52,771
- this tiny finger right there?
- Jack, stop.
114
00:05:53,538 --> 00:05:54,888
I know.
115
00:05:55,366 --> 00:05:58,007
You literally got divorced
a month and a half ago,
116
00:05:58,035 --> 00:05:59,808
and you know that I
need to focus on, like,
117
00:05:59,824 --> 00:06:02,268
- getting my life-shit sorted.
- Mm.
118
00:06:02,322 --> 00:06:03,741
How will I know?
119
00:06:04,368 --> 00:06:06,418
Um, but I have an idea.
120
00:06:06,469 --> 00:06:07,686
Okay.
122
00:06:10,216 --> 00:06:11,845
when you least expect it?
123
00:06:12,767 --> 00:06:15,238
Okay, but you're gonna have to ask
124
00:06:15,265 --> 00:06:17,021
Gabe for permission first.
125
00:06:17,194 --> 00:06:19,032
- Okay.
- We're a highly traditional family.
126
00:06:19,056 --> 00:06:20,457
- Mm.
- Yeah.
127
00:06:20,524 --> 00:06:23,142
Uh, my insider tip would
be to offer him goats.
128
00:06:23,402 --> 00:06:26,062
- Seems reasonable.
- That should get it done.
129
00:06:30,215 --> 00:06:32,078
- Look, I have to go.
- No.
130
00:06:32,105 --> 00:06:36,620
I know. I have to save more
hard-scrabble teens, you see?
131
00:06:38,315 --> 00:06:39,940
I'm kidding. I'm not saving anybody.
132
00:06:39,956 --> 00:06:41,446
I'm just getting free manicures.
133
00:06:41,478 --> 00:06:43,047
Mm. I love you.
134
00:06:43,080 --> 00:06:44,646
I love you.
135
00:06:56,891 --> 00:06:58,762
8 ball, corner pocket.
136
00:07:01,344 --> 00:07:03,172
God damn it!
137
00:07:03,434 --> 00:07:04,554
Rematch.
138
00:07:04,568 --> 00:07:06,136
Uh, no. It's Sasha's turn.
139
00:07:06,170 --> 00:07:07,619
I'll humiliate you again later.
140
00:07:07,636 --> 00:07:09,624
Hey, don't get too cocky, White Guilt.
141
00:07:09,640 --> 00:07:11,489
That's how all kingpins fall.
142
00:07:11,508 --> 00:07:13,633
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have a seat.
143
00:07:14,311 --> 00:07:15,434
Will you help me?
144
00:07:15,466 --> 00:07:18,879
Um, ah, racker is
just right under there.
145
00:07:28,492 --> 00:07:30,638
- You want to break?
- No.
146
00:07:30,665 --> 00:07:31,870
- You sure?
- Mm-hmm.
147
00:07:31,892 --> 00:07:33,114
Okay.
148
00:07:33,130 --> 00:07:34,395
Will you pass me that?
149
00:07:34,941 --> 00:07:36,287
Thank you.
150
00:07:41,802 --> 00:07:43,511
How'd you get so good?
151
00:07:43,897 --> 00:07:45,408
Uh, well,
152
00:07:45,869 --> 00:07:49,390
when I was a kid, my dad used to
leave me at a bar while he did...
153
00:07:49,413 --> 00:07:50,968
I don't know... God
knows what in the back.
154
00:07:50,992 --> 00:07:52,616
The bartender felt sorry for me,
155
00:07:52,649 --> 00:07:54,251
so she taught me how to play.
156
00:07:54,460 --> 00:07:56,829
By the time I was 12, I could beat her.
157
00:07:57,421 --> 00:07:58,737
Huh.
158
00:07:59,026 --> 00:08:00,795
Yeah, boo-hoo, right?
159
00:08:00,967 --> 00:08:03,695
The upside is I made
all my college beer money
160
00:08:03,727 --> 00:08:06,943
sharking arrogant frat
boys, so that was good.
161
00:08:09,066 --> 00:08:10,470
My dad...
162
00:08:10,776 --> 00:08:13,509
Heaven for him would
be Willy Wonka's factory
163
00:08:13,536 --> 00:08:15,272
but filled with all the drugs.
164
00:08:18,650 --> 00:08:21,303
- Mom?
- Dead. Yours?
165
00:08:22,096 --> 00:08:24,979
Vodka and pills... mostly pills.
166
00:08:25,015 --> 00:08:26,164
Blows.
167
00:08:26,207 --> 00:08:28,352
Hmm, pretty sure dead mom is worse.
168
00:08:28,385 --> 00:08:30,971
Oh, yeah... dead mom wins every time.
169
00:08:39,196 --> 00:08:40,702
I'm getting this sinking
feeling it's gonna be
170
00:08:40,713 --> 00:08:42,776
another five years before
she's ready to have a kid.
171
00:08:45,803 --> 00:08:47,938
What'd you expect? I mean, she's 27.
172
00:08:48,063 --> 00:08:52,122
Yeah, which j... just...
just happens to be
173
00:08:52,142 --> 00:08:53,777
the national average, by the way.
174
00:08:53,811 --> 00:08:56,012
For women getting PhDs?
175
00:08:56,832 --> 00:08:59,850
Fair, but she was super
into it before Emma left.
176
00:08:59,975 --> 00:09:02,127
All caught up in the crazy.
177
00:09:03,620 --> 00:09:05,558
Do you think... there's anything like
178
00:09:05,589 --> 00:09:10,291
those therapeutic pet caf�s
179
00:09:11,041 --> 00:09:14,927
except with babies
instead of cats and dogs?
180
00:09:17,693 --> 00:09:21,549
I know, it's weird. I'm like
that super-weird baby dude.
181
00:09:22,739 --> 00:09:24,330
Until you impregnate someone,
182
00:09:24,350 --> 00:09:28,162
you can just keep bribing your
preternaturally wise nephew
183
00:09:28,202 --> 00:09:30,433
to do this father/son shit with you.
184
00:09:31,230 --> 00:09:33,625
Fine, but I'm gonna have to
start giving you some advice.
185
00:09:33,651 --> 00:09:34,954
Go ahead.
186
00:09:35,415 --> 00:09:37,740
You need some... some insider tips
187
00:09:37,754 --> 00:09:39,556
on scoring a girlfriend?
188
00:09:39,681 --> 00:09:42,296
I've got three of those.
189
00:09:44,261 --> 00:09:45,549
Fuck.
190
00:09:51,112 --> 00:09:53,185
- Babe.
- Yep?
191
00:09:53,604 --> 00:09:55,063
We got to go soon, so
you're gonna have to
192
00:09:55,087 --> 00:09:56,561
wrap up the standing coma.
193
00:09:56,593 --> 00:09:59,487
Oh, yeah, cool. A... absolutely.
194
00:10:00,613 --> 00:10:02,697
Seriously, are you sick for real?
195
00:10:02,713 --> 00:10:04,219
Uh, I think, maybe.
196
00:10:04,344 --> 00:10:06,038
You know, I haven't been
sleeping well lately,
197
00:10:06,062 --> 00:10:08,927
and my... my left ear is clogged,
which is very disorienting.
198
00:10:09,052 --> 00:10:11,369
I also think I'm coming down
off the Halloran Building,
199
00:10:11,391 --> 00:10:13,724
you know, a little "Ahh!"
followed by some "Uhh."
200
00:10:13,757 --> 00:10:17,227
That's a lot of stuff. It really is.
201
00:10:17,261 --> 00:10:19,096
But it's rally time.
202
00:10:19,129 --> 00:10:21,252
Jett and Kim are one of Seattle's
203
00:10:21,286 --> 00:10:23,423
top five lesbian power couples,
204
00:10:23,450 --> 00:10:25,837
and if they like us,
we get matching broaches
205
00:10:25,869 --> 00:10:28,683
based on Georgia
O'Keeffe's "Black Iris."
206
00:10:28,897 --> 00:10:31,148
So cool. Like a pride thing?
207
00:10:32,005 --> 00:10:33,442
No, babe, I'm just kidding.
208
00:10:33,458 --> 00:10:35,569
We're not really getting
matching vagina broaches.
209
00:10:35,929 --> 00:10:37,514
Yeah, I knew that.
210
00:10:40,184 --> 00:10:41,919
Maybe you should go get dressed.
211
00:10:41,952 --> 00:10:43,086
Yeah.
212
00:10:46,508 --> 00:10:48,926
I'll just clean this up. Let me by.
213
00:10:48,959 --> 00:10:51,186
I'll just take care of
everything here. That's great.
214
00:10:51,395 --> 00:10:52,672
Leave this out here...
215
00:10:52,696 --> 00:10:54,831
Your banana on the coffee table?
216
00:10:58,402 --> 00:10:59,574
Gabriel?
217
00:10:59,901 --> 00:11:02,219
- Hmm?
- Did you feed this to Callie?
218
00:11:02,471 --> 00:11:04,192
Uh, yeah. I think so.
219
00:11:04,240 --> 00:11:06,592
This is Lily's food.
This is for an infant.
220
00:11:06,624 --> 00:11:08,195
She didn't seem to mind.
221
00:11:08,243 --> 00:11:10,982
Callie's a toddler. She gets solid food.
222
00:11:11,009 --> 00:11:12,762
We left Dino Nuggets
for her in the fridge.
223
00:11:12,783 --> 00:11:13,951
She loves Dino Nuggets.
224
00:11:13,984 --> 00:11:15,682
Didn't strike me as nutritious.
225
00:11:15,807 --> 00:11:17,478
I... I made a judgment call.
226
00:11:17,654 --> 00:11:18,989
Also, I ate them.
227
00:11:20,055 --> 00:11:21,412
Unbelievable.
228
00:11:21,487 --> 00:11:22,805
I promised her Dino Nuggets,
229
00:11:22,826 --> 00:11:24,686
and you fed her this whipped...
230
00:11:24,708 --> 00:11:26,977
whatever the hell this is.
She must have been devastated.
231
00:11:27,001 --> 00:11:28,373
Dave.
232
00:11:28,872 --> 00:11:30,083
Yes?
233
00:11:30,208 --> 00:11:32,190
Come here. Sit down.
You need to see this.
234
00:11:33,004 --> 00:11:35,583
What, the "Fluppies"? I've seen,
like, a thousand hours of this shit.
235
00:11:35,607 --> 00:11:37,274
It's basically a hypnotic babysitter.
236
00:11:37,307 --> 00:11:40,318
Dude, they're so beautiful.
237
00:11:40,827 --> 00:11:42,376
The one that's cooing is empathy,
238
00:11:42,424 --> 00:11:43,823
the orange one is joy,
239
00:11:43,876 --> 00:11:45,843
and the red one is unconditional love.
240
00:11:46,116 --> 00:11:48,303
They all live together in Fluppville,
241
00:11:48,485 --> 00:11:50,452
which is the human soul.
242
00:11:50,924 --> 00:11:52,210
With every adventure,
243
00:11:52,222 --> 00:11:55,045
they're just figuring it
all out together, you know?
244
00:11:55,559 --> 00:11:56,750
And the maps they get
245
00:11:56,771 --> 00:11:58,824
from the Dalmatian-professor thing...
246
00:11:58,829 --> 00:12:01,755
I mean, that's... that's
the journey of life.
247
00:12:03,073 --> 00:12:05,018
Maybe it's their Bible.
I'm not really sure yet.
248
00:12:08,538 --> 00:12:11,178
- Hi, hi, hi, hi, hi.
- Extremely.
249
00:12:11,508 --> 00:12:12,743
Later.
250
00:12:15,294 --> 00:12:16,945
Thank you, Gabriel.
251
00:12:17,314 --> 00:12:19,346
You want to know what
young Socrates did?
252
00:12:19,389 --> 00:12:22,251
He fed Lily's food to Callie
and ate the Dino Nuggets
253
00:12:22,277 --> 00:12:24,287
because he's so stoned
he thinks the "Fluppies"
254
00:12:24,303 --> 00:12:25,627
have some deeper meaning.
255
00:12:25,691 --> 00:12:27,615
Oh, yeah, the, uh, human-soul thing.
256
00:12:27,637 --> 00:12:29,443
Yeah, everybody knows that.
257
00:12:30,260 --> 00:12:31,496
Well, shit.
258
00:12:31,621 --> 00:12:33,772
I mean, he was clearly high.
259
00:12:33,800 --> 00:12:35,113
Oh, my God.
260
00:12:35,238 --> 00:12:37,534
- Did you call the police?
- Oh, you're making fun of me?
261
00:12:37,567 --> 00:12:39,077
Really, really funny stuff.
262
00:12:39,095 --> 00:12:40,979
He also left a mess, by the
way, which I'm cleaning up.
263
00:12:41,003 --> 00:12:42,927
He's a teenager we employ for two hours
264
00:12:42,940 --> 00:12:45,289
while I'm right next door. Lower
the bar a little... Nobody died.
265
00:12:45,310 --> 00:12:47,154
That's your bar now? Super.
266
00:12:47,175 --> 00:12:49,363
Hey, why don't we just let the
kids hang out by themselves, huh,
267
00:12:49,379 --> 00:12:52,649
put out some knives and
aerosol cans, see what happens?
268
00:12:54,518 --> 00:12:55,739
David.
269
00:12:56,719 --> 00:12:58,412
I don't think that tone is necessary.
270
00:12:58,450 --> 00:13:01,425
I appreciate you coming home
early, but it's not enough.
271
00:13:01,458 --> 00:13:04,431
If you have a problem with Gabriel
and you're dead-set against daycare,
272
00:13:04,461 --> 00:13:06,125
then let's start interviewing nannies,
273
00:13:06,163 --> 00:13:08,880
because I need five hours a day.
274
00:13:09,609 --> 00:13:12,642
Stop rubbing your face
like a crazy person
275
00:13:12,669 --> 00:13:15,806
- and use your words.
- Three years old, right?
276
00:13:15,839 --> 00:13:18,013
We agreed that before we started talking
277
00:13:18,027 --> 00:13:19,087
about nannies and daycare,
278
00:13:19,109 --> 00:13:21,019
the girls would be three years old.
279
00:13:21,037 --> 00:13:22,841
And it's not the U.S.
fucking Constitution.
280
00:13:22,850 --> 00:13:24,767
This is a discussion we
had a million years ago.
281
00:13:24,809 --> 00:13:25,991
You know what this is?
282
00:13:26,116 --> 00:13:28,903
Every since Hannah moved in next door,
283
00:13:29,028 --> 00:13:30,942
the only thing I can say
that doesn't piss you off
284
00:13:30,966 --> 00:13:32,385
is "Yes, honey."
285
00:13:32,656 --> 00:13:33,924
And it's bullshit.
286
00:13:39,078 --> 00:13:42,608
Me, wine, bathtub... You know the drill.
287
00:13:50,567 --> 00:13:52,275
Fucking Fluppies.
288
00:13:54,311 --> 00:13:56,580
Jett did the sweetest thing.
289
00:13:56,705 --> 00:13:57,981
She saw this man...
290
00:13:58,106 --> 00:14:00,466
- quite dirty with this long, tangled beard...
- Oh.
291
00:14:00,528 --> 00:14:02,148
... walking along this rocky road,
292
00:14:02,152 --> 00:14:03,320
and you know what she did?
293
00:14:03,353 --> 00:14:04,759
She gave that man
294
00:14:04,776 --> 00:14:07,245
her favorite Isabel Marant sandals.
295
00:14:07,314 --> 00:14:09,495
How amazing.
296
00:14:09,560 --> 00:14:12,141
It's, uh, breathtaking, apparently.
297
00:14:12,171 --> 00:14:13,389
Really?
298
00:14:13,916 --> 00:14:16,673
Building a bridge, one
act of kindness at time,
299
00:14:16,700 --> 00:14:19,011
never asking for recognition or...
300
00:14:19,045 --> 00:14:20,370
I got a gorgeous photo.
301
00:14:20,404 --> 00:14:22,328
It's being framed as we speak.
302
00:14:22,341 --> 00:14:23,923
Kim has such an eye.
303
00:14:23,966 --> 00:14:25,776
We only had to reenact once.
304
00:14:25,901 --> 00:14:28,005
You can see it on our
Instagram and Facebook pages.
305
00:14:28,027 --> 00:14:30,115
And in the July issue
of "Curve" magazine.
306
00:14:30,150 --> 00:14:31,548
That's so selfless.
307
00:14:31,581 --> 00:14:33,283
It's really... touching.
308
00:14:33,502 --> 00:14:37,124
But that's not why we invited you.
309
00:14:37,587 --> 00:14:39,337
We're adopting a baby.
310
00:14:39,414 --> 00:14:40,799
Yay!
311
00:14:40,824 --> 00:14:42,492
Wait, I thought we all knew that.
312
00:14:42,526 --> 00:14:44,755
Kylie said that's why
you went to Venezuela.
313
00:14:44,786 --> 00:14:46,990
But it's official now!
314
00:14:48,965 --> 00:14:50,000
Ah!
315
00:14:50,033 --> 00:14:52,202
Oh, sit... not necessary.
316
00:14:59,509 --> 00:15:01,778
Oh, no. I'm... I'm...
I'm okay. Thank you.
317
00:15:01,812 --> 00:15:03,624
You don't like the 2011 Bordeaux?
318
00:15:03,647 --> 00:15:05,115
We practically stole it.
319
00:15:05,148 --> 00:15:08,752
$350 for a Wine Spectator Top 25...
320
00:15:08,785 --> 00:15:10,570
Don't tell anyone.
We could get arrested.
321
00:15:10,913 --> 00:15:12,757
Oh, well, head for the border.
322
00:15:12,761 --> 00:15:14,357
I'm terrible at keeping secrets.
323
00:15:17,160 --> 00:15:19,809
So, when's your bundle
of joy gonna show up?
324
00:15:19,826 --> 00:15:22,390
Do you plan to adopt or inseminate?
325
00:15:22,515 --> 00:15:23,762
I think you should adopt.
326
00:15:23,817 --> 00:15:25,579
There's so many
children in this world...
327
00:15:25,596 --> 00:15:27,685
Neither of us wants any children
328
00:15:27,706 --> 00:15:29,868
of any shape, size, or color.
329
00:15:31,805 --> 00:15:33,121
Is she gonna be okay?
330
00:15:34,424 --> 00:15:36,864
She walked into a wall
right before we came here,
331
00:15:36,881 --> 00:15:38,582
and I'm begging to
think she's concussed...
332
00:15:38,615 --> 00:15:40,102
- Excuse me.
- ... so we should probably just get her out of here
333
00:15:40,126 --> 00:15:43,094
and to a hospital, like, right away.
334
00:15:43,820 --> 00:15:45,032
Come on. Let's go, babe.
335
00:15:45,053 --> 00:15:46,502
Thank you for having me.
336
00:16:10,847 --> 00:16:12,229
What's... ?
337
00:16:12,549 --> 00:16:13,983
Is something the matter?
338
00:16:14,570 --> 00:16:15,652
Yeah.
339
00:16:15,835 --> 00:16:18,088
My stalker dad showed up again.
340
00:16:18,121 --> 00:16:20,873
There's this persistent
little voice in my head
341
00:16:20,885 --> 00:16:22,667
saying that he's up to something.
342
00:16:22,703 --> 00:16:23,805
Hmm.
343
00:16:24,494 --> 00:16:28,367
You think your estranged father
came to town to pull off a long con,
344
00:16:28,635 --> 00:16:30,812
steal your dozens of dollars?
345
00:16:30,834 --> 00:16:33,275
- Shut up.
- Ow!
346
00:16:36,339 --> 00:16:38,334
I got an idea. Why don't
we take him to dinner?
347
00:16:38,356 --> 00:16:40,856
Oh, yeah.
348
00:16:41,945 --> 00:16:44,458
Aww, my boyfriend meeting my dad.
349
00:16:46,121 --> 00:16:49,616
I mean, if he hadn't been an
adulterous drunk who abandoned me
350
00:16:49,680 --> 00:16:51,579
and you and I hadn't
met while I was escorting
351
00:16:51,596 --> 00:16:53,714
and then started pulling
threesomes with your wife,
352
00:16:53,723 --> 00:16:56,883
then that would be so fucking adorable.
353
00:17:02,834 --> 00:17:04,142
Wait. You're serious?
354
00:17:04,267 --> 00:17:05,501
I am serious.
355
00:17:06,530 --> 00:17:08,207
Want to meet my dad?
356
00:17:09,052 --> 00:17:11,440
We both know you were born
without an intuition gland,
357
00:17:11,565 --> 00:17:16,079
so I can smoke him out, see
if he's on the up and up.
358
00:17:16,306 --> 00:17:18,201
- What?
- And if not...
359
00:17:18,694 --> 00:17:21,663
boom. I'll take him out.
360
00:17:28,940 --> 00:17:32,499
You're very cute when you're
trying to take care of me.
361
00:17:41,064 --> 00:17:43,218
Jack Trakarsky?
362
00:17:44,341 --> 00:17:45,967
Yes?
363
00:17:56,019 --> 00:17:57,458
My phone.
364
00:18:00,663 --> 00:18:01,708
Mm-hmm.
365
00:18:01,756 --> 00:18:03,573
- It's right there.
- Yep.
366
00:18:03,595 --> 00:18:05,895
- What?
- Oh, it's Nina problems.
367
00:18:08,965 --> 00:18:10,277
I... I didn't even hear it.
368
00:18:10,298 --> 00:18:12,769
Yeah, well, you know what they say.
369
00:18:13,300 --> 00:18:15,728
Ears... first to go.
370
00:18:16,406 --> 00:18:17,829
Mwah! Bye.
371
00:18:18,241 --> 00:18:20,854
- I thought it was the knees.
- Those, too.
372
00:18:22,912 --> 00:18:25,924
- I almost proposed to Jack.
- That's awesome!
373
00:18:26,616 --> 00:18:27,951
Nina?
374
00:18:27,984 --> 00:18:29,462
Hmm?
375
00:18:30,286 --> 00:18:32,441
Why is Shaun making
dinner in your kitchen?
376
00:18:32,989 --> 00:18:35,461
Oh, wait, wait... Are you two doing it?
377
00:18:35,463 --> 00:18:37,826
Please. He's basically my slave.
378
00:18:38,019 --> 00:18:39,113
Huh?
379
00:18:39,135 --> 00:18:43,696
Okay, well, then, I'm gonna go, so...
380
00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:47,148
Can you just add everything and
let it simmer for 15 minutes?
381
00:18:47,337 --> 00:18:50,844
Unfortunately, I can't paint
your bedroom on Saturday anymore.
382
00:18:50,882 --> 00:18:53,076
Uhh.
383
00:18:57,606 --> 00:19:01,087
Okay, whatever that
is, it's not healthy.
384
00:19:01,841 --> 00:19:04,936
Yeah, that would worry me coming
from just about anybody else.
385
00:19:04,953 --> 00:19:07,414
Uh, back to my almost proposal.
386
00:19:07,431 --> 00:19:09,014
Okay. Let's really drill
387
00:19:09,036 --> 00:19:10,740
into that while you massage my feet.
388
00:19:10,760 --> 00:19:12,908
In what world do people
massage your feet all the time?
389
00:19:12,932 --> 00:19:15,298
Mm, I haven't named it
yet, but I'm the queen,
390
00:19:15,331 --> 00:19:18,244
I never get hangovers, and
I can eat whatever I want.
391
00:19:18,568 --> 00:19:20,478
Spill it... So, how did you go
392
00:19:20,494 --> 00:19:22,863
from "Slow the fuck
down" to almost proposing?
393
00:19:23,168 --> 00:19:26,357
Okay, I love him, he
wants to meet my dad,
394
00:19:26,427 --> 00:19:29,140
- there was pizza.
- Oh, yeah, heady blend.
395
00:19:29,174 --> 00:19:31,981
Dude, the words were in my mouth.
396
00:19:32,015 --> 00:19:36,142
Five more seconds, I would
have a ring on my finger.
397
00:19:36,169 --> 00:19:37,707
What ring? There's... There's a ring?
398
00:19:37,771 --> 00:19:39,643
Yeah, well, I... I'm not sure,
399
00:19:39,675 --> 00:19:42,017
but I... I think he
hid my engagement ring
400
00:19:42,054 --> 00:19:43,367
in his underwear drawer.
401
00:19:43,405 --> 00:19:45,479
- You haven't looked?
- No.
402
00:19:45,560 --> 00:19:48,347
- No, no, no, no, no.
- Ooh, interesting.
403
00:19:48,695 --> 00:19:50,100
And why do you think that is?
404
00:19:50,133 --> 00:19:52,114
Um...
405
00:19:53,491 --> 00:19:56,884
Well, it's obvious. I'm...
I'm terrified that it's
406
00:19:57,227 --> 00:19:59,962
really there, and I'm equally
terrified that it's not.
407
00:19:59,976 --> 00:20:04,404
Mm! Mm-hmm. Hmm.
408
00:20:04,848 --> 00:20:06,883
Okay, so what happened
after you almost proposed?
409
00:20:06,916 --> 00:20:10,314
Well, that's the thing. I...
I... I faked a Nina emergency,
410
00:20:10,320 --> 00:20:12,789
and I, like, ran the fuck out of there.
411
00:20:12,822 --> 00:20:15,083
Okay, so you parent-trapped
him with his wife,
412
00:20:15,120 --> 00:20:16,916
pulled the nostalgic threesome with her,
413
00:20:16,953 --> 00:20:19,529
you shot down his proposal to you,
414
00:20:19,562 --> 00:20:22,632
almost proposed to him, and
then you randomly sprinted out.
415
00:20:22,915 --> 00:20:24,627
- What is your point?
- No, there's no point.
416
00:20:24,651 --> 00:20:26,720
It just makes me feel way better
about my own mental health.
417
00:20:26,736 --> 00:20:28,784
Like, I feel really good
about myself right now.
418
00:20:28,821 --> 00:20:30,836
You're the worst.
419
00:20:43,386 --> 00:20:45,021
Oh, no more.
420
00:20:45,054 --> 00:20:46,656
Please, God, no more.
421
00:20:47,155 --> 00:20:49,508
Oh, this is so fucked up.
422
00:20:51,528 --> 00:20:52,529
Hi.
423
00:20:55,665 --> 00:20:57,167
Um...
424
00:20:57,740 --> 00:20:59,517
- Take your time.
- What?
425
00:20:59,803 --> 00:21:02,057
Watching you whip up
some five-star bullshit
426
00:21:02,071 --> 00:21:04,374
is often more enjoyable
than the bullshit itself.
427
00:21:05,149 --> 00:21:08,248
Do Super Lesbians cook
with scallops or nuts?
428
00:21:08,274 --> 00:21:10,375
Or chicken? If it's undercooked,
429
00:21:10,410 --> 00:21:12,272
I also have issues with chicken.
430
00:21:13,108 --> 00:21:14,584
Perhaps it was the foam.
431
00:21:17,220 --> 00:21:18,377
You're pregnant.
432
00:21:19,938 --> 00:21:22,292
I am that, yes,
433
00:21:22,325 --> 00:21:24,273
for which I am very,
434
00:21:24,851 --> 00:21:26,378
very sorry.
435
00:21:31,218 --> 00:21:32,946
Will you say something?
436
00:21:34,468 --> 00:21:35,772
Please. Anything.
437
00:21:45,481 --> 00:21:47,518
- It's my fault.
- What?
438
00:21:47,984 --> 00:21:49,877
- No.
- Before you left, I should've explained to you
439
00:21:49,886 --> 00:21:51,944
that there is no version of closure that
440
00:21:52,069 --> 00:21:54,164
requires a man's penis.
441
00:21:54,490 --> 00:21:55,716
- Well, I...
- Stop.
442
00:21:55,797 --> 00:21:58,442
I swear to God, if you say that
there is a version of closure
443
00:21:58,455 --> 00:22:00,282
where you confirm your homosexuality
444
00:22:00,295 --> 00:22:03,914
by having unsatisfactory
intercourse with your husband,
445
00:22:03,948 --> 00:22:05,935
I swear I will... snap.
446
00:22:05,969 --> 00:22:07,005
Do you hear me?
447
00:22:08,455 --> 00:22:10,667
Yeah. I hear you.
448
00:22:13,008 --> 00:22:14,255
What was I thinking?
449
00:22:14,268 --> 00:22:15,645
God, I know better.
450
00:22:15,688 --> 00:22:17,931
I fucking know better...
goddamn tourist lesbian.
451
00:22:17,943 --> 00:22:18,961
No.
452
00:22:19,028 --> 00:22:22,591
No, I was a tourist lesbian, but now...
453
00:22:23,646 --> 00:22:26,146
now I am a permanent resident.
454
00:22:26,724 --> 00:22:28,324
Ky, I'm sorry.
455
00:22:30,755 --> 00:22:33,074
It was a massive mistake,
456
00:22:33,096 --> 00:22:35,269
and now the universe is
seriously fucking with me,
457
00:22:35,298 --> 00:22:36,302
which...
458
00:22:36,315 --> 00:22:37,691
... which I deserve.
459
00:22:38,704 --> 00:22:41,905
Did you have unprotected
sex with a man, Emma?
460
00:22:42,189 --> 00:22:43,265
Yeah?
461
00:22:43,869 --> 00:22:46,240
Then leave the fucking
universe out of it.
462
00:22:47,311 --> 00:22:49,155
God damn it, Kylie,
if it wasn't a mistake,
463
00:22:49,168 --> 00:22:51,131
I would still be in Portland
and not here with you
464
00:22:51,140 --> 00:22:53,772
begging for your forgiveness.
465
00:22:55,785 --> 00:22:57,541
If you still want this,
466
00:22:58,188 --> 00:22:59,831
I still want this.
467
00:23:10,072 --> 00:23:11,418
I... I'm gonna...
468
00:23:13,249 --> 00:23:15,132
I'm gonna advance slowly.
469
00:23:15,916 --> 00:23:18,038
I can get some assurance
you're not gonna punch me,
470
00:23:18,041 --> 00:23:19,679
because I'm a bleeder.
471
00:23:21,930 --> 00:23:23,800
Love favors the bold.
472
00:23:26,397 --> 00:23:28,147
It's a lazy and shitty excuse,
473
00:23:28,164 --> 00:23:30,188
but I honestly have no
idea how it happened.
474
00:23:31,993 --> 00:23:33,361
And as soon as it did, we...
475
00:23:33,412 --> 00:23:36,734
- we both realized it was a massive...
- Mistake?
476
00:23:36,967 --> 00:23:38,065
Yeah.
477
00:23:39,662 --> 00:23:41,036
Absolutely.
478
00:23:52,442 --> 00:23:54,345
Meaning this is still
something you want?
479
00:23:56,382 --> 00:23:58,238
It's not something that we want?
480
00:24:05,782 --> 00:24:07,524
I'll go with you.
481
00:24:23,973 --> 00:24:25,274
What?
482
00:24:25,509 --> 00:24:27,243
Sorry. Go back to sleep.
483
00:24:28,644 --> 00:24:30,488
I got to pee, and your face
484
00:24:30,613 --> 00:24:33,916
was there looking all soft and
pretty, so I couldn't resist.
485
00:24:34,925 --> 00:24:36,356
Come here.
486
00:24:36,865 --> 00:24:39,115
Don't put the words
"pee" and "your face"
487
00:24:39,147 --> 00:24:41,420
that close together in a sentence again.
488
00:24:42,625 --> 00:24:43,923
Noted.
489
00:24:44,460 --> 00:24:45,596
Hey, Jack...
490
00:24:52,902 --> 00:24:55,607
Uh, if you would've
told me two months ago
491
00:24:55,623 --> 00:24:56,948
that I would be saying this,
492
00:24:56,957 --> 00:25:00,136
I would've laughed in your face, but...
493
00:25:02,578 --> 00:25:04,781
I do want you to meet my father.
494
00:25:04,814 --> 00:25:06,042
Yeah?
495
00:25:07,527 --> 00:25:09,558
He's been walking me to
school for over a month,
496
00:25:09,633 --> 00:25:13,824
and he's always on time and
he always brings me coffee.
497
00:25:15,202 --> 00:25:16,970
He asks about you.
498
00:25:17,095 --> 00:25:19,409
He thinks I'm hiding something,
like maybe you're a...
499
00:25:20,052 --> 00:25:21,665
Cocker Spaniel
500
00:25:21,790 --> 00:25:28,471
or super old or a super-old
Cocker Spaniel, or a...
501
00:25:28,504 --> 00:25:30,290
Mm.
502
00:25:30,724 --> 00:25:32,385
Meetin' your dad...
503
00:25:33,028 --> 00:25:34,421
sweet.
504
00:25:34,796 --> 00:25:35,945
Yeah.
505
00:25:35,978 --> 00:25:38,138
- It's often a precursor to...
- Don't.
506
00:25:39,816 --> 00:25:41,440
Go pee.
507
00:26:04,153 --> 00:26:05,868
Oh, you're back?
508
00:26:06,576 --> 00:26:07,937
Come here.
509
00:26:07,938 --> 00:26:10,497
I'm keeping your side warm.
510
00:26:11,730 --> 00:26:13,616
I missed you so much.
511
00:26:13,649 --> 00:26:15,951
- While I was peeing?
- Yeah.
512
00:26:43,262 --> 00:26:45,192
You have a right to know.
513
00:26:51,152 --> 00:26:56,152
- Synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
36367
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.