Original subtitles

- There's a time when the operation of the machine

becomes so odious,

makes you so sick at heart that you can't take part.

You can't even passively take part,

and you've got to put your bodies upon the gears

and upon the wheels, upon the levers,

upon all the apparatus,

and you've got to make it stop!

- First, let me start by saying Mario Savio's

"Operation of the Machine"

is one of my favorite speeches of all time.

Mario wasn't a politician or some famous Hollywood star.

He was just a student who was for civil rights.

He stood on a car at Berkley

and screamed whatever came into his head.

He didn't care that he had a stuttering problem

or that he might get thrown out of school, which he did.

He just wanted his voice to be heard

and be unencumbered by the machine.

As an investigative writer that has yet

to be officially published,

I can relate to Mario's desire.

That's me behind the wheel,

Jay Bahadur, proud college graduate of the class of 2007,

arguably the worst year

since the Great Depression to graduate school,

but timing was never my strength.

In fact, good timing seems to be at odds with my very existence,

but like many unpleasantries in life,

you just learn to deal with it.

- Afternoon, shoppers-- - Yo.

Hey, man. Is Mark Reiss here?

- Reissy? Oh, he left. - Shit, really?

- Yeah. - Damn it,

he was supposed to be here.

- It's kind of lousy out, if you didn't notice.

He left early. Are you interviewing for stock boy or--

- Me? No. My name is Jay Bahadur.

I'm doing market research on premium napkins.

Mind if I ask you a few questions?

- Your name isn't even on here. - I assure you, I am legit.

- You drove all the way from Toronto

to ask questions about napkins?

- Premium napkins. - Thought my job sucked.

- Could you show your paper product aisle?

- But I'm just kind of busy.

- Is there a reason why the six --reason why the six pack

This thing does not like me.

Is there a reason why the six pack paisley napkins

are here and not here?

It's not a trick question.

- I--I think because it was just easier putting them on the floor

than on the top shelf.

- And would making our packaging more festive make you consider

moving the premium napkins to the top shelf?

You're probably thinking

that a person with my intellectual capacity

would loathe waiting for that gentleman's answer

to my question.

But actually, I feel quite the contrary.

- I would just leave them on the bottom shelf, man.

It's less work. - Less work.

Understanding what drives a mind to react the way

it does to things never ceases to amaze me.

My careful documentation of this one man's opinion could,

in its own way, reshape the patterns of napkins

on every home on this street,

including that one, my ex-high school girlfriend,

Tracy Zicconi's house.

The darkened second-floor window just a reminder

that she now resides 1,825 miles away at Stanford.

And I know it's 1,825 miles away

because I have an obsession with Google Maps,

not with my ex-high school girlfriend.

I was raised as a non-practicing Hindu-Christian

half-Indian living at this address.

This is the home of Kailash and Maria Bahadur.

My well-laid-out graduation plan

was only to visit my former residence on festive holidays

such as Canadian Thanksgiving and Christmas,

perhaps offering my skills at turkey basting or tree trimming,

but this was 2008.

Plans evaporated.

Upon my graduation from the esteemed University of Toronto,

my parents had decided to give me my own mailbox.

They saw it as a way in which to somehow legitimize

my residence in their basement.

The funny thing was that the mailman

refused to deliver my mail there,

so Mom would sort the mail

and deliver it herself after each delivery.

"Dear Mr. Bahadur, the editorial staff

"at 'Vanity Fair' has reviewed your story submission,

"and we unfortunately do not feel

"it's something we would like our magazine

"to pursue at this time.

We wish you the best of luck at other publications--"

Blah fucking blah.

Why do all rejection letters have the word "unfortunately"

in the first sentence?

Surely there is a more original adverb to toss in there.

I vow that I will never write for a publication

that uses the word "unfortunately"

in their first sentence.

I am better than that.

Come on.

Jared? Jared? Jared.

Is that my Red Bull? - No.

- Look at me.

- Mom says you got to shovel the snow in the driveway

so Dad can get in.

- Me? - Mm-hmm.

- You're not doing anything. - Doing homework.

- Uh, where's mom? - The elusive pink

fairy armadillo has been known to--

- Mom? Mom?

- Yeah?

- Why do I have to shovel the driveway?

- Your father and I discussed this with you, Jay,

about ways for you to contribute rent, remember?

And I'm so sorry about your rejection letter.

Ahh!

- Yo! - Ahh!

Are you, like, earning some extra allowance or something?

- I'm starting to wonder why I didn't commit teen suicide

when I could. - Amen.

Yo, bro, you want to, like, hit Parrots with us?

- Can't. I got to submit my research numbers.

They got to be in Chicago by tomorrow.

- Then fake it. - I can't, man.

They figure out all sorts of stuff based off my results.

- Like what? - Like what holiday paisleys

are popular and stuff.

- Okay, bro, you lost me.

- Journalistic integrity,

it's gonna be worth something on the resume

when I apply to Harvard's journalism school.

- Right, right. - Hey, I got an idea for a story

I'm gonna submit. It came to me when I was

listening to CBC Radio today.

- What's--what's the angle?

- The end of the comedic dictator.

Kim Jong is on his death bed, and once he goes,

where's the dictator comedy gonna come from?

- Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. He's funny and very alive.

- He's not funny.

- He's a little funny.

- He's a little funny, but no one can pronounce his name.

- Your story is flawed, bro.

- You guys want to hear something fucked up?

Tracy's getting engaged.

- Where did you hear that shit? - Mm, Kate.

She said she saw it posted on Facebook.

She's gonna marry her Lit professor.

- No way. Tracy is repulsed by older men.

- You were older.

- Two years is not older, man!

- It's a little bit older.

- Fuck you, Crowe.

- Hey, are you sure you don't want to hit Parrots with us?

- No, dude, I got to--

- Do some shit nobody gives a fuck about?

- Exactly.

- All right, well, that is your loss,

but if you change your mind, please hit us up.

- You got it. Later, dudes. - See you, buddy.

- See you.

- Fucking moron. - What?

- Ahh! Ahh!

- Name's Bahadur, here

to see Dr. Fleshman about my back.

- Have you ever been here before?

- No. - All right, you'll just need

to fill out these forms. - Right.

- You okay?

- Yeah, I just hurt my back,

figured I'd get a jump on being a senior citizen.

- So, you busting on grey hairs? To make a move on Kaitlyn, eh?

- Excuse me?

- That's all right, I understand.

I'd take down all of humanity just to bang her.

- Seymour. - Ooh. I was just talking.

I'm trying to keep it a level playing field.

- Yeah, leave him alone. - You know what I'm saying.

Sorry. What happened to your back?

- Sh-shoveling. - Shoveling?

- Yeah. - I got, uh, shrapnel moving

around the vertebrae.

It's a bitch.

- Well, sounds like I got the better end of the deal in here.

- Oh, bullshit.

Shoveling? I hate shoveling. Pointless waste of time, no?

Name's Seymour Tolbin.

- Ah. - Oh, oh, sorry.

- Wait, Seymour Tolbin? - Yeah.

- The--who writes for "The Daily Mail?"

- Wrote. I'm retired, sort of.

But that's right. That's me.

- Holy fuck.

You are one of my favorite journalists of all time.

- Come on. You Facebook people have favorite journalists?

- You were one of the first reporters who had the guts

to report the Battle of Ong Thanh as a loss.

- That's-- So you're a journalist?

- No. Well, I mean, yeah, I want to be,

but I can't--I just--you know,

I haven't taken a-- I never took a class,

but I'm seriously--I'm thinking about going back

to get a degree.

Harvard is the--is the goal.

- Oh, how can you say something stupid like that?

- What-- - Why do you think journalism

is a pile of "People" magazine,

"She got cellulite on her Dumpster" crap right now?

Journalism isn't taught. It's innate.

You know what I'm saying?

You think the shrapnel in my back landed there

because I was using my head?

No way.

- So what are you saying? - I'm saying fuck Harvard,

is what I'm saying.

Fuck Harvard.

You want to make it as some big swinging dick journalist?

You got to go somewhere fucking crazy.

- Somewhere where Western reporters would consider

it too dangerous to go,

like, write as a stringer from there, get a book going.

It's the only way out.

- Yeah, that makes sense, man. That makes sense.

Where you thinking of going?

- Somalia.

Hmm? - Like, I--I bought a--

An umbrella from a Somali once.

- What does that mean?

- That means where's the fucking conflict,

besides the fact that they machete reporters to death?

- In Somalia the seeds of democracy

are growing amidst anarchy.

I did a paper on it my freshman year.

- So?

- So it's a misunderstood place.

- Bro, democracy is not topical, all right?

No--nobody wants to understand Somalia.

- Did you know in Somaliland they held an election

where the minority clan won the presidential office by 80 votes,

and there was no violence?

The transition of power was peaceful.

- It was peaceful because nobody bothered reporting on it.

You need to listen to me. You want conflict?

You want to tell the story from both sides?

Go to Sudan.

There's your ticket, not Somalia.

- I don't know, man. I got a good grade on that paper.

Somalia and me are copacetic.

Is a Mr. Trey Williamson here?

- Just left. - Shit, really?

My name is, uh, Jay Bahadur.

I'm here to conduct a marketing research--

- Who's the guy eating Doritos on my aisle?

- That's my associate, Mr. Felcher.

- I have to clean that shit up. - I'm so sorry, man.

- Would you please-- - Continue maestro.

- Refrain from eating in this poor man's aisle?

And just start to pick that up.

- I got it. - Thank you.

- I got it.

- And where is your, uh, napkin aisle?

- Aisle seven. - Seven.

- Hey, uh, Jay?

I think you should check this shit out.

- I thought we agreed you would be silent, bro.

- No, bro, I really think you should check this out.

Would you excuse me for a moment? Thank you.

What the fuck, man? - The rebels,

who Kenyan officials liken to seagoing pirates

have taken captive the MV Faina,

a Ukrainian vessel, off the Somali coast,

and they're demanding an untold ransom.

Our correspondent, Mitch Kelp, has more on the story

from outside the U.S. embassy in Nairobi.

Mitch, what more can you tell us?

- Well, Chrissy, not a whole lot.

We are going off an official press release

from the Kenyan government.

We don't have a single source in Somalia,

and I'm sure as shit not gonna get my ass shot over there

trying to find out what would possess these, um--

Possess these crackheads to take an unarmed tanker.

- Hmm. Well, Mitch, word here is our corporate insurance policy

wouldn't cover you in that hellhole,

and they'd hate to have a lawsuit from your family

on their hands when they mail you back in pieces.

- Thank corporate for being so considerate, Chrissy.

Back to you.

- So until we can find one crazy motherfucker

to head over to Somalia and find out what's going on,

we'll continue to take uneducated guesses

as to who these pirates are.

Bahadur, answer the phone!

- And you've got to put your bodies upon the gears

and upon the wheels--

- Hello?

- Hello? Is this Mr. Jay Bahadur?

- Yeah. - This is Mohamad Farole

from Radio Garowe over in Somalia.

I got your email.

So you are wanting to come to Somalia for a book.

You are writing on the pirates,

and you're looking for people to talk to here, right?

- Yes, exactly. - I must say that is more than

any other reporter has been willing to do.

You are the first Westerner

to actually ask to come see what's going on here.

- That's unfortunate. - Yes, yes, it's true.

I'll have a conversation with my father,

accommodate your request. - Okay, okay.

And, uh, how--uh, you think your father

will be able to make this happen?

- I would hope so. He is our president.

- Assalamu alaikum. - Uhh.

- That's Somali for hello.

I suggest you learn it, Bahadur. I'm out of cigars.

Want to walk with me?

- Okay.

Yeah, this guy Farole called.

I just sent out some feelers

to a few Somali news services, and boom.

- The president's son calls you back.

- Yes! I never

get a break like that, never.

- Well, uh, you create your own reality, chief.

- Well, if that was true, we would all live

in a solipsistic universe

wherein we could do whatever we wanted

without any further consequences.

- What the fuck are you talking about?

- Michael Topper, author of "Channeling UFOs"

and "The Positive/Negative Realms Beyond This World?"

- You read too much. Fuck more girls, instead.

Speaking of which, I read that writing sample you gave me.

- Bad?

- Why the fuck would you write a piece

on how to get away without paying parking tickets?

- I thought people would laugh. - Laugh?

Parking tickets pay for the roads.

The roads get you out of this shit hole.

- So you hated it? - No, actually.

I liked it.

It's not the second coming of Hunter S. Thompson,

but you write with a good conscience.

- You think? - Yeah.

Don't let it go to your head.

Bravo.

So Avril Benoit, you know who she is?

- Yeah, uh, she's on CBC Radio.

She did a great report on Kenya a few weeks ago.

- Exactly. She's a friend of mine, uh,

and I want to put you in contact with her.

- Okay.

- She's a good one for feeding pages to.

So you got--you got a book outline?

- No. - Wrong.

You're formulating one, okay?

- I haven't. I mean, this is all happening so fast.

I just--I Googled "Somalia press,"

found Farole's name, and sent out a blind email.

I had no idea this was gonna blow up, none.

- Bahadur, you got a book outline?

- No! That's what I'm trying to tell you--

- Stop! Try again. You got a book outline?

- I'm formulating it.

- I knew you'd get it on the third try.

Come on, let's go.

So how much do you know about Somalia?

- Uh, well, I did a term paper

on it my freshman year at university, so.

- That's good.

Don't tell me the grade. It's a start.

Immerse yourself in it.

You dig cigars?

- I never understood cigars.

- That's clever, don't you think, Jo?

Okay. Save this.

By the time this thing is over, you will.

Jo, thank you.

What else don't you understand? I need to know that.

- The Jays are going to lose Burnett to the Yanks.

They offered him 82.5 million over five years.

Can you believe that? - I have an announcement.

- What kind of announcement? - Yes, what kind?

- Uh, I'm gonna go to Somalia

and write a book on the pirates,

try to get some stories published.

- Somalia? - I know what you're thinking.

I know you're thinking it's batshit crazy, but I think

this is the only way for me to become a journalist.

- AIDS. - AIDS?

- Isn't that a problem there? - I believe so,

but I'm going to write about the pirates,

Dad, not sleep with them.

Excuse me, it's my Somali contact.

Assalamu alaikum.

Shifted?

- He needs to do more yoga. His shoulders are bad.

- Assalam--ciao.

- You okay, sweetheart? - Yeah, I'm okay.

I was wrong though.

- Wrong? - Yeah, apparently

there's an additional $500 security deposit

I didn't account for.

- 500? - Security deposit?

- Yeah, just for, you know-- You know, for, like, uh,

vehicles and such, insurance policies, things like that.

Can I borrow $500?

- Welcome about flight 823 now departing for Frankfurt.

At this time we'd like you to put away

all your electronic devices-- - Excuse me, sir.

All cell phones must be off.

- It's just final words to my ex-girlfriend

before I had to Somalia.

I'm, uh, basically looking for a little sympathy, maybe a wow.

Personally, between me and you, I'd settle for an LOL.

- Off, please. - Right, right, sorry.

I want to take a moment now to say

that not all the characters in this film

are exactly like they are in real life,

except for that stewardess.

I felt she needed to be depicted completely accurately

in her total lack of empathy for my pain.

Thankfully I only had to spend the next eight hours

of my journey with her,

and then I'd get a new stewardess,

and then another stewardess, and then another.

In fact, I might have set

a connecting flight record to Somalia,

but see, this was all part of my master plan,

a fixed budget that would allow me to write my book,

and unlike several of my predecessors

who ventured to where that flag is,

I'd say alive, as kidnapping and killing journalists

had become an unfortunate trend here.

Dude.

Fuck! Stop!

Stop the fucking--Seymour?

Tracy?

I thought you were repulsed by older men!

- Please calm down! - Make out with me!

Make out with me now! Ahh!

Believe it or not, that is what I consider

a mild Tracy nightmare.

Sorry, sorry, man.

In order to clear my mind of its negativity,

I'll take a moment now to focus on the less fortunate

than myself, the people of Somalia.

Hard to believe this land was once known as a nation of poets.

Throughout their history, the Somali poet was counted on

to defend a clan's honor.

They used poems of persuasion

in lieu of weapons to settle disputes,

but in the 20th century times changed.

Both the English and the Italians

attempted to colonize them.

They introduced guns into battle,

and although Somalia valiantly refused to succumb,

the scars of war never relented.

Somalia's recent civil war had caused over a million people

to flee to neighboring countries as refuges.

Those who stayed faced droughts, floods, famine,

feuding clan battles, and jihad.

Their newly-elected President Farole had his hands full,

especially when you threw in the pirates.

I arrived at my destination city of Galkayo,

and into the fire I plunged,

or as my Somali translation book said, "Dabka."

Holy fuck.

- Mr. Bahadur? Mr. Bahadur. - Hi.

- Hi, welcome to Galkayo. - Oh, thank you.

- Yes. I am Abdirizak. You call me Abdi.

I am your translator.

- Cool. Good to meet you.

- Good to meet you, yes.

How was your flight? - It was good.

- That's good. Oh, please don't do the--with your finger here.

- This? - Yes. Oh, please--

- Oh, no, I'm sorry. I didn't know.

I'm--I'm so sorry. I--

- It's offensive.

- I'll keep the thumbs in check. Thank you.

- Yes, yes. - Yeah.

Your English is great. - It's not perfect.

I try to learn from you during your stay, Mr. Bahadur.

- Oh, please call me Jay. - Jay?

- Yeah, Jay.

- Jay, you have one bag? - Yeah, one bag.

- Oh, you're like Obama, a man that knows what he wants.

- You know Obama?

- Of course. He will be great leader for your people.

- Oh, I'm Canadian. He's--he's not my leader.

- Of course he is.

Your people just don't know it. Come.

So I hear you are an author and journalist.

- Yes. - Good, good.

There is so much to write about in this country.

What is your subject?

- In a perfect world I'd be writing

about your newfound democracy,

but, um, given the fact

that the West has broken off all relations with you, um,

I'm here to write about your pirates.

- You mean badaadinta badah? - Bada-binda-bada? What is that?

- It means saviors of the sea. They are like Coast Guard.

You can never call them pirates.

- Okay. That's good to know.

- They have very strong opinion on this, never pirates.

- Are they easy to find? - Yes, of course.

They are people with crazy money.

- So they walk freely?

- Yes, but our new President Farole

has promised to change this.

He is a very tough man who will bring much change.

Ah!

- Is everything okay? - Yes, yes.

It's okay?

- Yes, yes.

Sometimes I feel like father with little children.

They need khat.

- Khat. - Yes. We must stop up here.

- In Somalia one hour and already shooting

my first drug deal,

my kind of country.

So khat is a drug?

- Yes, it's--it's a stimulant leaf from Kenya and Ethiopia.

It's very addictive, big problem here.

What's he saying?

- He wants to know if you want to buy some.

- Oh, no, I--I--sorry,

I'm on a very fixed budget.

I didn't account for drug money. I don't have any--

He wants you to try it.

- It won't kill you. Yes, just bite down.

- What's the effects?

- Makes some people want to have sex,

others very talkative.

- Ugh! Tracy was a great girl,

but, you know, she--what--what are you gonna do?

She moves on. I move on.

I really doubt we'll ever even talk again.

I mean, why bother, right? Seems like a waste of time.

I mean, it's just gonna confuse thing and make it

more difficult. - Men and women

can't be friends. - Exactly!

Exactly, that's the same over here?

- Yes, it's a universal thought.

- See, where I come from, they debate it.

They debate it like morons, like idiots.

- It's not a debate. It's fact. We're reaching a checkpoint.

Please stay calm.

- Ah, Mr. Bahadur..

- Hi. - So we finally meet

face to face, huh? - Yes, nice to meet you.

- Nice to meet you, sir. Abdi.

You are younger than I pictured, somewhat.

- Ah. - Western reporters to me

are always so fucking unhappy.

- Well, I get even better once I shower.

- Come on, come on. Has Abdi been good to you?

- Yes, mad good, yeah.

- He's the best translator in all of Puntland, you know?

- Oh, no, really? - Yeah.

We stole him from the pirates.

- Oh, you mean, uh, badaadinta badah?

- Abdi, did you teach him this?

- Ah-- - This is not

our Coast Guard, Abdi, they are pirates!

You must forget the old guard's thinking.

They are pirates!

- Pirates.

- Mr. Jay. - Hi.

- So what do you think of the Radio Garowe newsroom?

- Nice.

- Does it look like the ones in Canada?

- Yes.

Yes, it does, a bit, yeah.

- It's amazing, huh?

- Is it a local station or, um-- - Oh, one minute.

- Okay. Okay. - Yeah, mostly it's local,

but, you know, the guy is very famous.

He used to work for-- - This guy, famous?

That was my father's office. He wants to meet us now.

- Your father? The--the president?

- Yeah, we must go now.

- Fuck.

- Pirates are not the most cooperative group to deal with.

- Mm-hmm. - Look here.

The main pirates' clan are dotted around here.

- Eyl. - You know Eyl?

- Yeah, that's where they took the Farhina

and held it for six months.

- Precisely. Eyl is a fishing town where they started.

I'm working on getting you a meeting with Boyah.

- Boyah? - Yes, he's a man Somali

calls Robin Hood.

- Robin Hood of the pirates? - But it could take some time.

- How much time? - Days, maybe weeks.

Is that a problem?

- No. No, no, that's fine. - No?

- That's totally fine, yeah. - Yeah?

- Yeah. - Okay.

- Yeah, I'll just--I'll call my publisher

and make sure it's all set,

finances, extending it, and everything.

- My father just got in here a couple weeks ago.

The transition of government was entirely peaceful.

This is the reporter, Jay Bahadur.

- It's an honor to meet you, Your Excellency.

- Welcome, Mr. Bahadur.

So my son tells me you're the next Mr. Bob Woodward.

- I'm not so sure about that. - Why aren't you sure?

You have made it farther into Somalia

than any of your Western counterparts.

- With all due respect, uh, I've always considered myself

more of a Bernstein than a Woodward.

Bernstein was ugly as hell and never got through college.

Overcame his shortcomings. Uh, I find that admirable.

- He's a funny guy. - Very funny.

- I would like to introduce you to Colonel Omar,

who'll be the head of your security team during your stay.

- Welcome. - Pleasure to meet you, Colonel.

- I'll protect you well, Mr. Bahadur.

You're welcome.

- You have learned some Somali? - Enough to be a bad tourist.

Um, is this okay?

- Of course. That's why you're here.

My family and I spent our last eight years in Australia--

- Is there a reason the six pack paisley napk--are--

- And we-- - Not here?

Sorry. I'm so sorry, Your Excellency. I'm just, uh--

I think because it was just--

Trying to get this dang thing working here.

Festive--festive--

Good to go.

- The people of Somalia asked me to come back here

and to run for this office.

I never saw myself being the president.

I am a businessman.

I am not a warrior like my predecessors,

but here I am, fighting to bring justice

to those who destroy our country.

Have you seen a school since you've come here, Mr. Bahadur?

- Uh, no, I must admit I haven't.

- We have the fewest schools in the African nations.

Do you know how hard it is to rule here with a PhD

knowing the children I lead have no chance for an education?

Their role models of success are pirates.

The Western world thinks we encourage this.

This must change.

Do you have a title yet?

- A title?

- For your future bestselling book.

- Oh. Um, yes, of course.

Um, "Pirates."

- That's shit title.

Just "Pirates?"

- "Pirates of Somalia." - Be more creative.

Be more creative. - Creative?

- Yeah. - Creative.

- Creative - Yes, creative, you're right.

- Jay, you know, my father likes you.

- What, you think so? - Yes, yes.

- All right.

- He knows you will bring great things here.

- What if I don't?

- How can you not when people read your bestseller?

- Ohh.

- Abdi, have you found Boyah yet?

- Mm. - Oh, you must be patient, man.

- Yeah. - He will show up.

They're gonna take you to your accommodations.

- Wow. Thank you, uh, so much for everything.

- That's the beginning of a better Somalia, Jay.

- Yes, I certainly hope so. - Yes.

- Yes. - Have a good night.

- You too, good night. - Good night.

- Welcome, welcome.

- Yeah.

- You will be here the next six months.

- Great. - Yes. This is my cousin.

Hi, Jay.

- I'll work on that. - Mm-hmm.

- Nice to meet you. - We call him the Yellow Chair.

- Yellow Chair?

Oh, 'cause there's a yellow chair, I get it.

- He's a little crazy, yes. - I get it. That's good.

- Hi.

- I tell them you're a white ghost.

- Why the fuck did you do that, man?

- They've never seen a white man before. It's okay.

They are my sister's kids. I live up there.

- All right. - Mm.

- Third floor? - It's--yes.

It's--it's usually very quiet here.

- Okay, that's great.

- Although it's--it gets hot from the sun,

and thanks to you we are the only people with Internet.

- What? - Yes, that alone

is worth you being my guest.

Thank you. - Glad I could be

of some service to you. - Yes.

- Oh, wow, nice. - Nice hall.

So yes, I need to advise you, keep that closed.

- Really? - The whole time.

There are orders from the colonel, Omar.

- He's not into sunshine? - He's into keeping you alive.

- Fair enough.

Oh, cute.

- And yes, uh, we are very sorry, uh, no hot water.

Welcome to Somalia, yeah.

No worries. I'll make do.

Was thinking about growing it out. What do you think?

- Oh, hair on the face is very popular here.

- Yeah? - Yes.

- Good. That's great. - Good idea.

You have a mosquito net?

- I do, definitely. - Good.

Malaria is very rampant here, as well as rats,

so any valuable, any food,

you must keep it inside the box.

- Cool, just like camp.

Well, thanks for everything, Abdi.

- Yes, uh, welcome. Good night.

Anything you need, uh, let me know.

- Okay, perfect, thank you.

Oh, uh, one last thing.

Um, I kind of like to work with things taped on the walls.

Is that okay? - Oh, it's okay,

as long as no pornography, eh?

- Not a problem. - Because small, little kids

come, walk in. - Yeah, no.

- So--so no-- - Please, yeah.

- Okay. Bye. - All right.

Good night.

Bye-bye. - Thank you. Night.

Can't open the fucking window.

- Ahh! Oh, shit! - Oh, shit!

Oh, shit. Oh, shit, oh, shit.

Oh, shit.

Ugh, rats.

Ahh.

Garowe, Somalia, December 10, 2008, a view from my room.

I've broken security measures and opened my window.

Holy shit.

Opening the windows?

You got a knack for living dangerously, bro.

- Sorry, man. Totally worth it.

That girl was mad hot. Wow.

- She's--she's one of Garaad's wives.

- Who's--who's Garaad?

- Garaad, he's a pirate, and he's, uh,

one of the most powerful men in all of Puntland.

- Really? - Her name is Maryan.

- Maryan. - She sells khat in the market.

- Mm, whoa, khat dealer?

- That's where all these pretty girls

are going, to sell khat.

- Is it possible to conduct an interview with her?

- With her, it's not advisable.

- Well, how do we meet Garaad? - Garaad?

- Yeah. - No, no, no, no.

We are avoiding this guy.

- No. Dude, I didn't come-- - This guy--

- No, I didn't come here to avoid.

- He's dangerous.

He's a very dangerous man, so--

- And Boyah isn't? I mean, come on.

- Well, you'll find out Boyah.

- What does that mean?

- We're going now. Let's go. - Now?

- I set up a meeting, yes, now. - Shit, let's go.

- Let's go. Okay.

- Where's he going?

- Now me and you meet him under the tree.

Come.

- Okay. Okay.

You know those out-of-body experiences

where you look around and say,

"This shit isn't happening to me?"

My only one I could compare it to was when I got pulled over

for speeding in Kitchener.

Cop asked me to step out of the car

'cause I had a blunt in the ashtray.

- What is a blunt? - You know, grass, marijuana.

- That isn't tolerated in America?

- I'm Canadian.

- Sorry, bro, I forget.

- Well, please don't forget when I get shot here.

I want my body sent to the right country.

- No one will shoot you. - Maimed, whatever.

- He wants to know what's your shirt.

- My shirt? - Yes.

- Uh, this is a Blue Jays shirt.

It's the, uh, baseball team in Toronto.

- He wants to know who wears the number 15.

- 15?

Uh, that's my man, Alex Rios.

Uh, he's, uh, what you call a five-tool player.

No one can touch him in my opinion.

- He say as Somali people number five is very important.

- As we pray five times a day,

and they say the liar has five religions.

- Maybe that five explains why Rios is such a monster.

All right, uh--

So Boyah, um, Westerners call you

a, uh--a pirate.

- He's saying he's not a pirate.

He is someone defending his oceans.

- Badaadinta badah? - Yes.

Yeah.

- He was a lobster diver from Eyl.

- The Westerners come, Chinese, the Koreans, uh--

- And they overfished the waters.

- So they must pay for their illegal actions.

- So you attack their fishing vessels.

- He takes the taxes that the government's supposed to take.

That's all he's doing.

And they never kill anyone.

Never?

- Yes, he said never, not his men.

- Who are your merry men?

Or men--just say men.

- It's 500 men based in Eyl.

- He's the one that gathered them together,

and he's also the one that pays them their wages.

- Wow, impressive.

So how do you pick someone worthy of your confederation?

- First, he must own his own gun.

That's why he show you the gun.

- Right. - And they must be ready to die.

- He wants to know if you have khat for him.

- Khat?

No, uh, sorry, I--no, I--wha--

What the fuck? What just happened?

- You were supposed to bring the khat to him!

- I'm supposed to bring drugs to this interview?

- Yeah, you should know. - You didn't tell me that!

How am I supposed to know that?

- You didn't research it?

- It's not on fucking Google, man.

I don't know what to tell you.

- Yeah, you don't come to with no khat.

- Great. - Jay Bahadur, now you know.

Mm.

- CBC, Avril Benoit's office. - Hi, this is Jay Bahadur.

I'm calling for Ms. Benoit.

I believe she's expecting my call.

- One moment, please.

Avril, I have a Jay Bahadur on the line.

He says you're expecting his call.

- I don't know a Jay Bahadur. - Okay.

I'm sorry, she can't be reached at the moment.

Uh, can she return, Mr. Bahadur?

- No, it'd be impossible to return. I need to talk now.

It's critical.

- Well, unfortunately, she's unavailable.

- No! Please, uh--

What's your name? - Beth.

- Beth, hey, Beth.

Um, there's gonna be a moment

when you're not on that desk screening calls,

and you're gonna need a break, a single tiny break

from the assistant on the other end,

and that karma is gonna be paid off

by giving me a break in this very moment.

- You think it gets me a raise? - Definitely.

Just tell her that I'm in Somalia.

- Okay, fine. You win.

Jay Bahadur says he's calling from Somalia.

- Oh, shit. Jesus, yeah, I'll take it.

Hello, this is Avril Benoit.

- Hi, Ms. Benoit. This is Jay Bahadur.

I believe Seymour told you about me.

- Yes, yes. Are you really calling from Somalia?

- Yes, I'm in Garowe, all limbs intact.

- Jesus. - Look, I sent you

a proposal, uh, regarding a book

I'm writing on the pirates.

I don't know if you had a chance to review it.

- I'm gonna be honest with you, Jay, I haven't.

Are you really there?

- Yes, yes, I am.

Um, I'm being hosted by President Farole's son.

- Christ, this is unreal.

No one's in there, CNN, BBC, no one.

- Yeah, I know.

- Oh, shit.

- What the fuck was that?

- Ten minutes, my--my phone card's out.

I--I'm--I'm tagging along

with a pirate the locals claim is like Robin Hood.

He runs this huge operation out of Eyl.

It is my hope that I can be a stringer with you,

and if you really see something in the pages,

you could help me get a book deal.

Will--will you read my pages?

- Yes. - Yes!

Thank you. Thank you so much.

Uh, I'm a huge fan, by--

- He said he was a lobster diver from Eyl.

- The Westerners come, Chinese, the Koreans.

- Jay! Gabar!

- You're a good wingman, Asad.

Nice! Nice, buddy. Yes!

What?

What does that mean?

Keep your eyes on her, man.

Go, baby, go, baby, go. Go, baby, go.

- You took the chair.

You took the chair. You took the chair.

For the record, I am a complete and utter disbeliever in destiny

bringing two lovers together.

It is a merely mathematical probability that you will meet

the ultimate girl of your dreams in your lifetime.

These odds are increased slightly by reckless behavior

and naiveté.

That is how I met Maryan.

Assalamu alaikum Jay.

- Assalamu alaikum, Maryan.

- Yes, I see you in the window. - You speak English.

- A little. - Where did you learn?

- I watch a lot of American movies.

- Movies?

- Yeah. I love. - That makes two of us.

- Yes? - Yeah.

Uh, got movie posters all over my room.

What's your favorite movie?

- I like "G.I. Jane." - Really?

- Yeah. I like Demi Moore. She's a very tough woman.

- Yeah, especially with that buzz cut.

It's super butch.

I'm sure Demi Moore would be honored, though,

to have a Somali fan club.

- The movie I think is very wrong is "Black Hawk Down."

- Because, uh, it's about what went down in Mogadishu?

- No, because it's about our people,

and they do not use a single person from Somalia in it.

It is wrong.

- I didn't know that. - Yes.

"Derka derka Mohammed jihad,"

That's what they were doing the whole pathetic film.

- You just did "Team America." That's crazy. Wow.

- Yes, "Team America" said many smart things.

- This conversation is getting surreal.

- You know this city talks about you?

- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.

- What are they saying?

- They're saying you're here to expose the truth

about the badaadinta badah.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

- Well, I mean, I am trying,

but, uh, what do you think about them?

- I'm not the person to ask.

I'm married to one.

- Garaad. - So you know?

- I know, yeah. He's a very powerful man.

I'm trying to meet him.

- Yeah, you and I both want that meeting.

- You don't see him much?

- Not since I married him, no.

- Well, you'd be a better treasure

than anything he'd find on one of those ships.

- That's an American movie line.

- Yes.

Maybe. I don't know.

But it's good though, right?

And true.

- You here for khat, yes? - Yeah.

- So how much do you want? - Uh, I don't know.

You--you take foreign money, right?

- Yeah. Yeah. - Yeah?

Okay. Uh, how much will this get me?

- Wow, enough to make you crazy.

- Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.

- Jay.

- I think it's time to see Boyah again.

- Is that khat? - No, it's spinach.

Yes, it's khat.

- So tell me, Boyah, how do you attack?

- We attack in small groups.

- And we circle them like wolves.

Yeah, bro!

Jay! Jay.

- Ah,

That's--Whoa!

Hello? Hello?

- Hello, Jay? Can you see me okay?

- Yeah, it's--I can.

It's kind of a bad connection.

- Oh, yeah, damn technology.

- Yeah, do you want to call me back maybe?

- Uh, no, no, I can't.

I'm kind of pressed for time right now.

- Okay, um, did you get a response on my pages?

- Yeah, uh, unfortunately not everyone here

is sharing the enthusiasm I've got for them.

- Did you say "unfortunately?" - Yes.

- Shit.

- My colleagues feel that as a book it's missing a hook.

- A hook?

Boyah's Captain fucking Hook minus the eye patch.

- I know. I'm--I'm as shocked as you are.

The material you're getting is incredible.

I--I didn't see this coming.

Look, the three top-selling books this year are "Twilight,"

"New Moon," and "Breaking Dawn," so don't take it personal.

We're all up against vampires, okay?

- Personal? Avril, these people are desperate!

No one is willing to listen to what they have to say!

- I'm sorry, Jay. I really am.

Just know that I'm on your side, okay?

- Okay. - Are you okay?

- Yeah.

- Look, I don't--I don't know if you'd be interested,

but I've heard that CBS is willing to pay $1,000

for any video of hostages on the ships.

- Is this your way of saying it's a dead end

with your contacts? - No.

I know it's crazy and borderline sensationalism,

but it can really get you out there.

It could help sell this book.

Plus I know money must be tight for you right now.

I've been there.

- Right. - Just keep at it, Jay.

I'm gonna continue to push for you on this end.

There's a book here.

- Okay. Okay, thanks, Avril.

- One more little piece of advice,

you might want to organize your cards a little better.

It's a pet peeve of mine.

I just--I find it makes your flow of thoughts more concise.

- Fuck! Fuck!

Fucking fuck!

Hey, bro, uh--

- Jay. - Can we talk?

- Now? - Yeah.

- Come. - Thanks.

Thanks, man. How you doing? Sorry to wake you up, man.

I'm just having a hard time, man, you know?

I trust you, man.

- Thank you. - No, I mean that, you know?

Like, I really--I really trust you because, you know,

I don't really have many people that I trust,

and you're, like, one of those people, so.

- Is there something troubling you, bro?

- Don't call me bro, please.

Call me Jay.

If you still want to call me bro after I finish telling you

what I'm telling you, then that's fine.

- Okay. - What I say has to stay

between us, I mean it.

- Okay. - Okay.

Um, all right,

Uh--

I'm not a famous journalist,

and I don't have a book deal.

- Okay. - No, it's not okay.

Everyone here thinks I'm a famous reporter.

That's why I'm here, but I'm a fucking no one.

- Jay...

you are the only reporter

willing to risk their life

to show the struggle of Somali people.

- Yes, yes, I know, but you're missing the point.

I'm not a reporter, okay?

I thought I could come here

and get a book deal or publish some stuff

once I sent some pages to editors,

but they rejected me, man.

They fucking rejected me like every other

piece of shit I've written! Fuck!

Sorry. Sorry.

- They rejected your work? - Yeah.

If Farole finds out, I'm fucking dead.

I'm dead. He's gonna kill me.

- Perhaps yes, perhaps no. He understands rejection.

It's a human trait.

- I shouldn't have come here, man.

I'm a fucking idiot.

- Don't say that, Jay. Don't say that.

You had no choice. - Yeah.

I came here with the noble idea

of exposing the truth,

and I lied to everyone around me.

- You wake me in the middle of the night to tell me this?

- I came here to ask you a favor.

- Ask me. - Yeah, okay.

I need you to help me get on a ship and film some hostages.

- Jay, that is not wise. - I know it's not wise.

I know that, but, you know, this is the only way that people out

there are gonna give a fuck about what is going on here.

It's the only way.

- I don't believe that.

- Dude, CBS is willing to pay $1,000, okay?

I'll split it with you if you can get me on a ship.

I'll split it with you. That's $500, American dollars.

That's fucking great money, man.

- Jay, it's not about money.

Once you're on the ship, we cannot protect you.

The president won't even allow this.

- It's CBS. It's the biggest network.

- Yes, and your being

a famous reporter getting killed,

that would seal the fate for Somali people as terrorists.

- And I'm not famous. - Jay, you will be.

- Abdi, they're not publishing my words,

not a single fucking one!

Nobody gives a flying fuck about Boyah,

the struggling fisherman turned Robin Hood pirate!

They don't fucking care, man!

- Do you know Somali clans used to fight with words

rather than weapons?

- I knew that, yes. I did a paper on that.

- So you know our great freedom fighter,

the poet warrior Mohammed Abdullah Hassan, Sayyidka?

- The English called him Mad Mullah.

- Ah, you know of him.

- Yes, I do, and I also know that iambic pentameter

is not gonna solve this problem, man.

I got to get on a fucking ship.

- I will do something better. - Better?

What the fuck--what's better than that?

- I was working to get you in a meeting with the Garaad.

- The Garaad? - Yes.

- The godfather of pirates?

- The man you want to have crazy sex with his wife.

- What makes you say that?

- You don't think all of Garowe know this?

- Does Garaad?

- If he know, you wouldn't be here.

- That's comforting.

- He wants me as a translator,

so perhaps I trade for the possibility of him

and you in a room.

- Then you're putting yourself in danger.

That's--I don't like that.

- No, no, no, no, mm-mm.

That's nonsense, Jay.

- Why you helping me like this?

Why you doing that?

- You are my bro.

I have to help you.

- Thanks, man. - Okay?

- Thank you.

- You're my bro, Jay. - Whew, yeah.

- Don't worry, okay? - Okay. We're good.

- Okay. Mm-hmm. Have a good night.

- Edgar Allen Poe, Oscar Wilde, Herman Melville, H.P. Lovecraft

all had one thing in common.

They died broke, completely penniless,

so I got to blame President Farole

a little bit for not asking for all his money up front.

After all, I am a writer, not an accountant, right?

Rule number one in life, Asad,

don't blow all your money on drugs,

unless it's definitely gonna lead to some serious ass

or a Pulitzer Prize.

This might not lead to either, but I'd rather die trying.

What are you working on? That me?

- Yes.

- That's going up on the board, buddy.

Nice. Wish me luck.

- Good morning, Maryan.

- Morning, Jay.

- Could I have 1 kilo of your best khat?

- Best? - Yes.

- So what is the special occasion?

- Um, I'm going to meet your husband in Bosaso.

- So this khat is intended for my husband?

- Yes.

- Okay. - Is that a problem?

- No. - No?

- No. - Good.

Great.

So, uh, any advice on, um, how I can get on his good side?

- You're asking me? - Yeah.

- Well, I haven't seen him in months.

- Oh. Nothing?

Even a little tidbit, anything? Like--

- Compliment his clothes. - His clothes?

- Yeah.

He's proud of how he dresses. - Oh.

Yes, okay, I'll do that.

Um, what do you think of my clothes?

- They are terribly bland. - Oh, yeah?

- Yeah.

- Maybe you could take me shopping later.

- Not happening. - Okay, I got to go.

Bye.

- ♪ Oh, Maryan, my sweet

♪ If I ruled the world, every day would be-- ♪

- What time you got, bro? - He is one hour late.

- Mm. Is there any chance he won't show up?

- Maybe, but then we have tomorrow.

- What if I told you I spent

the last of my money on this khat?

- I'd tell you Garaad won't eat it.

Khat, it dies after one day, useless.

- Convenient.

- That's Garaad.

- Please tell Garaad that I like his tie.

- Now, what? - Yeah.

Tell him.

Where did he get it?

Where--where from?

Dolce Gabbana.

- Dolce Gabbana? - Dolce--you heard that one.

- Yeah, I heard that.

Um, what about the suit?

Dolce Gabbana.

Knew it!

- I knew it was Dolce Gabbana. - He said--no,

he say-- - It looks awesome, man.

- It's not-- - It looks really,

really good. - It's not Dolce Gabbana.

- It's not Dolce Gabbana? - No, it's a knockoff.

- It's a knockoff? - Mm.

- Well, that's--I mean, it looks amazing.

You would never even know.

I have a gift for you.

The best khat money can buy.

- Wow. - Yeah, wow.

- He wants to know where you buy this khat from.

- Where? - Where.

- In the market in Garowe.

- He thought so. You got it from one of his close dealers,

so now he doesn't want to waste a bullet in you.

- Good. Thank you for not killing me.

Uh, don't tell him that.

So, uh, tell me about yourself, Garaad. Is this okay?

Yes, yes.

- He have more than 800 hijackers.

- That is spread from Bosaso to Eyl.

- That is a lot. Very impressive.

Very impressive.

- Now, um, I recently did an interview with Boyah,

who's sort of a--

- He doesn't want to hear anything about Boyah.

He said he's a--he's no one, you know?

- Say no more. Say no more.

I understand you're a very different man from him,

and I was just wondering if you

could maybe elaborate on that.

- With his group, it's a must to destroy anyone

and everyone that's doing illegal fishing.

- Is it fair to say that any ship

that is traveling your waters,

be it fishing, cargo,

yacht, that ship is fair game for your organization to take?

- It doesn't matter who they are.

- They are doing something wrong.

They should be punished.

And we will keep going till our seas are cleansed

of illegal fishing vessels.

- I am jamming. Can you come back?

- I don't know the names of any of the--

Jay, Jay.

- Yo, hey. How's it going? - Gather your things.

We're going to Eyl.

- Eyl? - Yes.

- Um, I got to get this Garaad interview out, buddy.

- The ship will not wait for you.

- A ship? - Yes.

There is a German freighter called Victoria

being held in the harbor.

The pirate in charge is a friend of Colonel Omar.

- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

- Colonel Omar.

- You can get me on a ship? - You want to be on the ship?

- Yeah. - Because I had to fight

both Farole and Colonel

on this idea for you.

- Dude, I thought you were against me getting on a ship.

- I am. Farole tell me to collect $500

from you for costs before you leave.

Do you have it? - I don't have that, man.

I'm broke. - Come on, Jay.

- No, I'm--I'm broke, man.

I told you that. I'm sorry, man.

I didn't--I mean, I didn't know.

I didn't want to put you in that spot, but--

- Yeah, you spent it on pirate drugs.

- Yeah, the pirates don't,

you know, give an interview without the drug.

I mean, I don't know what you want me to say.

I'm sorry, man. I don't--

- You cannot break Farole words, man.

He's--he's a very exact man.

- It'll be okay, man. It's not gonna--I'm--

No one's gonna be in trouble. I'll figure it out, okay?

I mean, thank God you can get me on this fucking ship.

It's $1,000 right there. - It's gonna be hard, man.

- I'll give you the--I'll give you the other 500, man.

- Yeah, meet me downstairs. Let's go.

- Garaad, meet Avril.

- Jay Bahadur!

This is where my clan, Reer Jarfale,

died fighting for freedom against the English

and their colonization.

We have no monuments here.

Those bones below those rocks

will remain anonymous to outsiders,

but never to us.

They are why we are here today.

- When we get into town, it's very important

that you say that you are with the clan Reer Jarfale.

- You want me to be a part of your clan?

- Yes, you are a son of Levish.

He's a light-skinned local man.

- Okay. That makes sense. Uh, Reer Jarfale?

Reer Jarfale.

- Reer Jarfale.

- Yes, it is very important you say this,

or you're not gonna last long in this town even with us here.

- Shit. Okay.

- You have to say it right. - What is it again?

- Reer Jarfale, son of Levish. - Reer Jarfale, son of Levish.

- It's two different words. - Go slowly for me, okay?

Reer?

- Jarfale. - Jarfale.

- Jarfale. - Jarfale.

- No, you're not saying it right.

- Reer Jarfale.

Is that the Victoria?

- It is.

- He wants to know your clan.

- Reer Jarfale.

- Reer Jarfale?

Son of Levish.

- He thinks you're funny. - Was that the goal?

- Humor opens doors in this town.

- Yeah?

You got whitey good, got him real good.

- That was good? - Yeah.

- Mr. Bahadur, Mr. Bahadur, we are not the criminals.

- Mm-mm, no.

- Right, no one here likes pirates.

Correct.

- That ship is the last one here.

Everyone in Eyl will be happy to see them go.

- Do you think they'll be leaving soon?

- That's what we have heard, so they will leave soon.

- Okay. - Mr. Bahadur's book

is going to shed new lights on Somalia.

- Hmm. - And so the president is very,

very excited, real excited.

- Oh? Oh.

- Have you read any of it, Colonel Omar?

- No, actually, but I trust it will be good, very good.

Won't it, Mr. Bahadur?

- Yes. It's exciting, a very exciting story

and--and very informative, lot of different levels.

It's--it's--very exciting.

- Mr. Bahadur,

I'm a spokesperson for the women of Eyl.

Our children need education.

Our schools have been lost,

never rebuilded after the tsunami.

Will your book talk of this?

- Yes. - Good.

Thank you. Good.

- What is the name of your book?

- I'm still working on it,

still trying to figure that out. - Oh.

- Jay is perfectionist with his words.

- Oh. We will see.

- I am Reer Jarfale, son of Levish.

- Reer Jarfale!

- Reer Jarfale!

- You might want to save your battery.

- Yeah, that's probably a good idea.

You think I'll get on?

- The man in charge of the operation is named Computer.

They say he is psychic.

- Psychic? Is that good or bad?

- The colonel's contact on the ship thinks it will happen.

- All right.

I am scared, Abdi.

Shit, man, I mean, there's no other way.

I hope you understand that.

- This is the path you choose as a man.

It's not for me to understand.

I am going to sleep now.

- All right. Good night, buddy.

Fucking A.

- You stay here, man. I will do the talking.

- Okay. - Don't worry, brother.

- Okay. - We'll make this work.

- Good. Good, thank you.

- Okay.

Is he saying no?

Fuck!

I'm a journalist, don't fucking shoot!

I'm a journalist, it's okay! Don't fucking shoot me!

Okay?

The money is gonna come faster

if you let me video the hostages, all right?

Please don't shoot me. Please don't shoot.

Please don't sh--

If you let me video,

the world will see you're serious.

The world will see you are serious,

and the shippers will settle. Okay?

- Tell your leader Computer that.

Tell him that! Please!

Please, okay? It's true. It's true.

The money's gonna come so much faster

if you let me video, okay?

All right? It's true, I promise. I promise, okay?

- I will talk to Computer. What you say could make sense.

- Good. - Come back tomorrow for answer.

- Okay. Okay, great. - Go. Move.

- Thank you.

Abdi, did you see that shit?

- Oh, that was dangerous, brother.

You didn't have to come out.

That was dangerous.

- Fuck, dude. Oh, fuck.

Whoo! That's what I'm talking about, Omar!

- What was that?

- What do you mean what was that?

- I told you not to come down there!

- What was that? You weren't gonna get me on.

- Don't do this, man. - You weren't gonna get me on.

You weren't gonna get shit.

- When are you going to listen, man?

- I just got out there, and I made it happen

'cause that's what I'm doing these days, baby!

I'm making shit happen! - You never listen, man!

Hey, hey, wake up, Mr. Bahadur.

Wake up, wake up, wake up. - What?

- Wake up right now, man.

- We're in? - Right now.

- We're on. All right.

It's gone.

- Next time you follow my orders, man.

They thought you were CIA.

- You fucking serious? CIA? - Yeah.

- Me? - Of course.

- Fuck! Fuck.

Abdi, not now!

- He say he's your father. He call my phone.

- My father?

- Yes. - Really?

He called my phone.

- Hello? Dad?

- Jesus, Jay, thank God you're okay.

We've been watching this whole Captain Phillips

hostage thing on CNN.

You've got to get the hell out of there.

- Dad, I'm fine. What are you talking about?

- Those pirates are crazy.

They're threatening to kill Americans.

- Dad, I'm Canadian.

I thought at least you would know that.

- Not a time for joking, Jay.

We want you on the next plane out.

- Dad, I understand your concern,

but it's gonna be okay.

It's not a big deal.

- Jay, sweetheart, you need to come home.

- Hi, Mom.

I was just telling Dad I'm fine.

- But we're watching CNN right now, and it is not fine.

- Mom, the media is probably spinning some bullshit tale.

I've heard nothing about it here.

- It must be the opium.

He's probably become one of those child soldiers.

- You're going to kill your mother, Jay,

unless you say you're going to come home.

- Okay, but I need money wired.

- Money? - See?

It's the opium, I told you.

- Yeah, I didn't want to ask you guys, but, you know,

I'm really--I don't really have a choice.

Somalia's expensive. Who knew?

- Reports are now three U.S. Navy ships

are steaming toward the Maersk Alabama.

Taken by pirates--

- The destroyer, the USS Bainbridge,

is on the scene.

- Apparently Captain Phillips, the ship's captain,

has been taken hostage by the fleeing pirates

in a covered lifeboat.

- The pirates have been--

The hostage standoff

ended today with the death of the three pirates

and the eventual release of their hostage,

Captain Richard Phillips.

- Somali pirates-- - Somali pirates

throughout the country reacted angrily,

saying they will capture and kill any foreigners

they find to avenge their comrades' death.

- At this time no one is taking credit for the operation.

We will get answers soon because my father is demanding it.

- Mr. Farole, three pirates have been killed by the Americans.

There is going to be revenge,

and it's too dangerous for Mr. Bahadur

to remain here in Garowe.

- No, it's not. I will keep a low profile.

- Just like you did in Eyl?

- Eyl was a mistake, okay?

- You keep saying it was a mistake.

- I messed up. I'm sorry about that.

- It was a mistake. - I was a little high strung.

- Don't be telling this. You're staying here--

- Okay, I have learned from it, and I'm all good now.

I'm not gonna do that again.

- Mr. Bahadur, I agree with the Colonel, okay?

I think we have to get you out of here.

We do not need any harm coming to you. Do you understand that?

- I get that. - Do you understand that?

- Mr. Farole, I understand that, okay?

I understand your concern for my safety.

- It doesn't look like you understand.

- I understand the concern for my safety,

but you need somebody here.

I need to find out who's behind this, okay?

I need to interview them.

- No, no, Mr.-- - So I can interview them.

That's why you brought me here! - No, no.

- That's why you've been protecting me the whole time!

- People are dying, okay? - Madness.

Khat's eating his brain. - Khat?

- Khat is not eating my fucking brain.

- It is. I can hear that. - There's no one else here

from the Western media. - Mr. Bahadur, calm down!

- Your father needs somebody on his side!

- Mr. Bahadur, this--this-- - He needs somebody on his side!

All of fucking Somalia needs somebody on their side!

- Mr. Bahadur, this is not negotiable.

I cannot risk your blood on my hands, okay?

- Okay. - Abdi, come in!

Can you please make arrangements

for Mr. Bahadur to fly home tomorrow?

Yes, Mr. Farole.

- And make sure his account are settled.

Accounts settled, okay.

- Please tell me my parents sent me that money.

- Yes. It's already in the bank.

- Really? - Yes.

- That is the best news, the fucking best!

Mm, Mom and Dad, I love you.

You think we could set up a final meeting with Boyah?

- I already have, bro. - You did?

- Yes, we're actually running late.

- Abdi! Abdi!

Where's our rig?

- For once, you're local.

Here.

- Is this--uh, is this--is this necessary?

- Do you see me wearing my Obama hat?

- What are they saying? - They think we're

from the government. - We have a meeting with Boyah,

a meeting, a meeting.

- Tell them that--tell them that I have a gift

in my bag for Boyah.

If they let me open it, I can show them.

- Jay, no joking right now. - I'm not fucking joking.

It's a fucking gift for Boyah.

Show them this.

- It's all cool. It's all cool.

It's all cool.

Blue Jays. Blue Jays.

Canned tuna-

- Was the only export from the country.

And today it's very sad.

All it's good for is a target the size of a man's heart.

- Is that what you aim for?

- If necessary. - You're an amazing shot.

No. No, no, no. No.

Sorry, I--I will totally suck. I'm terrible.

I'm not even--

I'm shooting, okay.

He say don't aim

as your enemy.

You shoot for your lover's heart.

- That's super fucked up.

I don't know what that means, but all right.

All right.

- Hey!

- Yeah!

- Hey! - Hey!

- He wants to know who is the lucky girl.

- That is an ex-girlfriend

who's getting married to someone else.

- He say it's a waste of bullets.

- You think? I mean, I nailed that shit. Hit it.

- There is no joy in your victory,

only revenge.

- He say he know why you come.

You want to know about the American ship

that have been attacked,

but he want to tell you he didn't do it.

- Does he know who did?

No.

- But the easiest way to find out...

...Is to follow the heart. Maryan will know.

Is Maryan here?

- She's not here today?

You find her? - No.

- Boyah has been arrested.

- What?

- The president is feeling the pressure

over the American hijacking.

- Boyah didn't do anything.

- He's done enough.

- Shit.

- Jay?

Don't worry. Your words will reach the Western people.

I know.

- Now I see why you stare out here in the morning.

It's a different view.

- This is real?

- What? - You in my bedroom?

- Yeah.

- Wow.

- I needed to talk to you.

What's all this?

- These are the plot points to my book.

Um, I like to write everything down, keep it all organized.

- You're a crazy man

to come here to write, you know that?

- I'm not the one who snuck in past security into my room.

- Well, I've come to warn you.

My husband is responsible for the attacks on the Americans.

- Garaad? - And he plans

on retaliating against the Americans

for killing his crew.

If you stay here, you will most certainly die.

- Um, does he know I'm Canadian?

- I don't think that will matter much.

- This card bears my name. What does it say?

- You don't read English? - Not so well.

- That card says that, um,

you're the hottest drug dealer in the world.

- Is that what it says?

- Yes.

- I like that.

Well...

this is my number.

Don't text me. I like voices.

- Me too. - And please, if you can,

send me movies or magazines

that shows my people

for who they really are.

I'm tired of watching fools pretending they are Somalis

in "Black Hawk Down."

- Deal. - Okay.

- The next morning Garaad claimed credit for the attack

on the Maersk Alabama

and said,

"I vow to attack any ship flying an American flag

for the retaliation of the brutal killing of our friends."

Within hours he delivered on his words

by attacking the humanitarian relief vessel,

the MV Liberty's Son, with rocket-propelled grenades.

My time to leave had come.

Yo!

Hey,

Yeah!

- I got her number.

Yeah!

Colonel, thank you for your protection.

- I will do anything for Reer Jarfale, son of Levish.

All right.

- Don't worry, man.

I will look for you on the bestseller list.

I am sure of it.

- Mm.

What, is this a offensive gesture to Somalis?

- No, it's not offensive.

Even this is not offensive, you see?

- What?

- I was messing with you that day.

- Six months? You didn't tell me?

- The look on your face.

- I'm doing this forever. - What this thing mean?

- This means hope. - Hope?

- Yes.

- Okay, I will spread that message.

- Please do. - Yes. Take care

- They say in Somalia, every man is his own sultan.

Then in my mind, Abdi was a glorious kind among sultans.

Upon landing back in the cell zone known as Toronto, Canada,

I got 234 unopened text messages.

165 were from news services

offering to buy my Garaad interview.

Eight were from publishers wanting to buy my book rights,

and four of them were from Tracy.

I decided if she really wanted to know

what was going on in my life,

she could read about it.

- Excuse me. Can I see your passport?

- Passport?

- Follow me, please.

- Hello, Mr. Bahadur. - Hello.

- My name's Agent Brice. I'm with CSIS.

- Okay. Uh, is--am I in some sort of trouble?

- Quite the opposite.

We're very anxious to learn if you could give us any insight

that you may have gained while in Somalia.

- Wait, you want me to give you insight?

- Look, uh, both the U.S. and the Canadian intelligence

are basically flying blind in the region,

so we could use some help.

- Oh, my God.

Wow. Okay.

Uh, this--my parents are, uh, doing the circling thing.

- Right, okay. All right, well, uh, tell you what.

Why don't you give me a call when you're settled in?

- Toronto had stayed perfectly intact despite my absence.

I couldn't vouch for the napkin patterns

inside each home we drove past,

but I had to guess my painstaking research

did little to alter the landscape.

- We don't want to upset you.

We did not know how to tell you this.

- Jared's been living in the basement.

- What?

- Well, you've been gone for six months, sweetheart.

So, you know, um, he's sleeping

because he has exams in the morning,

so it's best that you enter through the front door.

- Can I still use the shower,

or are the pipes gonna wake him too?

- I think tonight we can make an exception.

Fuck Harvard!

- Oh, my God!

- Fuck Harvard!

- I've never heard you swear before.

- Yeah, well, it's true. Fuck 'em.

My Jay beat all the odds,

and you're gonna win the Pulitzer

from writing it in our basement.

- To Jay and his fucking basement Pulitzer!

- Yeah!

- Who's idea was "Fuck Harvard?"

- Bahadur, you better tell me you got laid at least

once over there, or I'm leaving.

On second thought, don't tell me.

Booze is too good to leave.

- You guys want to see something really cool?

- Wow.

You should see what he does with the bottle.

- Would I like mine so--hey, man.

- What are you mumbling about?

- Well, I'm just thinking aloud, you know?

- Okay. I like that. I like that.

- So what's next, Bahadur? - Next?

- What's gonna keep you from spending all your nights

in the shadow of those guys?

- Well, I got a ton of work to do on the book.

- After the book? - After?

- Yeah.

- Take a look at that.

- 70-year-old men don't get handed fucking business cards

for a reason unless it's a last rites priest.

What's it say?

- Agent T. Brice, CSIS. - CSIS?

- Yeah. - They talked to you?

- Yes, they did. - What'd they say?

- They were anxious to listen to what I learned over there.

- Anxious, huh? - Mm-hmm.

- Anxious? - Mm-hmm.

- Could bring an opportunity. - That's what I think.

- Oh. - Hmm?

- Christ, you haven't smoked this fucker yet?

- Not yet. I've been tempted though.

- You're hopeless. - Give me the fucking thing.

- That's Somali? - Yes.

- What does it mean? - "Tonight, we drink."

- Oh, that's good to hear.

I thought you were gonna say, "Tonight we fuck."

- Please have a seat.

- Thank you.

- State your name and work position for the committee.

- Sure.

My name is Jay Bahadur.

I'm a Canadian citizen

currently living in Nairobi, Kenya.

I'm running "The Somalia Report,"

which is the largest and in fact

the only English-language news site devoted to Somalia.

- Mr. Bahadur, you're considered

one of the foremost experts

on Somali piracy, are you not?

- I have some knowledge, sir. - Some knowledge

would be an understatement.

Your book on piracy's currently on "The New York Times'"

bestseller list, is it not?

- Yes, that's true, sir. - In your opinion,

what's the most effective way for us

to combat this current piracy trend

and make shipping lanes safe for our vessels?

- Well, that's a very general question, sir.

- Well, your best answer's all we ask, sir.

- Okay.

I know there's a lot of collective knowledge

in this room, so I apologize if what I'm about to say

is old news to some of you.

I did a paper on the subject my freshman year at university,

and it just stuck with me.

- A school paper?

- Yes. - Are we gonna hear

your grade too?

- No, sir, that is classified.

Um, in 2002 Somaliland held an election

where the minority clan won the presidential office by 80 votes,

and the transition of power was completely peaceful,

no violence, not one shot fired.

That doesn't happen anywhere in Africa.

That doesn't even happen here.

Anyway, it caught my eye and made me start

to fall in love with Somalia

and ultimately made me

go there to find out what made them different.

After spending my last five years

immersed in their country's struggles,

they don't need your warships off their coast.

What they need is to be recognized by all of you

for the incredibly complex but honorable culture that they are.

A fledgling democracy doesn't make headlines like pirates do.

You guys wouldn't be sitting here talking to me

if I wrote a book on a fledgling democracy.

Hell, I couldn't even afford this suit

if I wrote a book on a fledgling democracy.

All I'm asking is that you guys start to look at Somalia

in a different way,

not so much as them versus us,

but rather look at Somalia as us

when we were young.

- ♪ I've never seen a diamond in the flesh ♪

♪ I cut my teeth on wedding rings in the movies ♪

♪ And I'm not proud of my address ♪

♪ In the torn up town

♪ No post code envy

♪ But every song's like gold teeth ♪

♪ Grey Goose, trippin' in the bathroom ♪

♪ Bloodstains, ball gowns, trashin' the hotel room ♪

♪ We don't care, we're driving Cadillacs in our dreams ♪

♪ But everybody's like Cristal, Maybach ♪

♪ Diamonds on your timepiece

♪ Jet planes, islands, tigers on a gold leash ♪

♪ We don't care, we're not caught up in your love affair ♪

♪ And we'll never be royals - ♪ Royals

♪ It don't run in our blood

♪ That kind of luck just ain't for us ♪

♪ We crave a different kind of buzz ♪

♪ And let me be your ruler - ♪ Ruler

♪ You can call me Queen B

- ♪ And baby I'll rule I'll rule, I'll rule, I'll rule ♪

- ♪ Let me live that fantasy

♪ Yeah

♪ Hey

♪ Hey, yeah

♪ My friends and I we've cracked the code ♪

♪ We count our dollars on the train to the party ♪

♪ And everyone who knows us knows ♪

♪ That we're fine with this ♪

♪ We didn't come from money

♪ But every song's like gold teeth ♪

♪ Grey Goose, trippin' in the bathroom ♪

♪ Bloodstains, ball gowns, trashin' the hotel room ♪

♪ We don't care, we're driving Cadillacs in our dreams ♪

♪ But everybody's like Cristal, Maybach ♪

♪ Diamonds on your timepiece

♪ Jet planes, islands, tigers on a gold leash ♪

♪ We don't care, we're not caught up in your love affair ♪

♪ And we'll never be royals - ♪ Royals

♪ It don't run in our blood

♪ That kind of luck just ain't for us ♪

♪ We crave a different kind of buzz ♪

♪ So let me be your ruler - ♪ Ruler

♪ You can call me Queen B

- ♪ And baby I'll rule I'll rule, I'll rule, I'll rule ♪

- ♪ Let me live that fantasy

♪ Oh, oh

♪ Hey, oh

♪ Oh, yeah, oh

♪ Yeah, ah

♪ Ohh, oh, yeah

♪ Oh, ohh

- ♪ Oh - ♪ Cadillacs in our dreams

♪ And we'll never be royals - ♪ Royals

♪ It don't run in our blood

♪ That kind of luck just ain't for us ♪

♪ We crave a different kind of buzz ♪

♪ So let me be your ruler - ♪ Ruler

♪ I can be your Queen B

- ♪ And baby I'll rule I'll rule, I'll rule, I'll rule ♪

- ♪ So let me live that fantasy ♪

- ♪ Ooh