All language subtitles for The.Neighborhood.S01E08

Hey, babe, babe, babe,
check it out.

The biggest one they had.

Boom! 23 pounds.

There'’s gonna be so much
leftover turkey,

I'’m gonna be sleepy
for weeks.

Well, put it back.

There'’s only four of us,

and I'’m not cooking
that big-ass turkey.

Where'’s your Thanksgiving
spirit, babe?

I'’ll tell you where.

Out on your brother'’s boat,

with the rest of your family.

You know what,
I don'’t care if he invited us.

I'’m done letting Curtis throw
his lotto money in my face.

He wouldn'’t even never won

if I wouldn'’t have stopped
at that gas station

to get Mama a Pepsi.

Look, I thought I was
gonna have the day off.

Just get a smaller one,

and stop trying to make me
cook a pterodactyl.

Fine. How big?

Let'’s go with 12 pounds.

12 pounds? What the rest
of y'’all gonna eat?

Fine.

Hi, Tina.

Oh, hey, guys.
What'’s up?

Ooh, looks like you'’re stocking
up for the big day, huh?

So, you have a bunch
of family coming over?

No, just Calvin and the boys
sitting on the couch

while I cook my butt off
in the kitchen,

sweating over a stove,
you know, alone.

A holiday.

Well, if that'’s the case,

you should just come
to our house.

Right, Gemma?I'’d love that.

Well, are you sure?
I don'’t want to impose.

Come on, it'’ll be fun.
The men can watch football,

and you can keep me company
while I do all the cooking.

Okay, great, we'’re coming.

Awesome. We'’ll see you
Thursday around noon?

Are you sure I can'’t
bring anything?
We'’re sure.

Good. That'’s the answer
I was looking for.

All right.Hey, babe.

Yeah?
Sorry.

They didn'’t have
any 12-pounders,

so I just rounded up
to a 20.

Well, put it back, '’cause
we'’re going to the Johnsons'.

The Johnsons'’?Uh-huh.

You joking, right, Tina?Nope.

I had to fight two people
to get this turkey.

One lady threw
her dentures at me.

Ooh, there she is right there.

♪ Welcome to the block,
welcome to the neighborhood ♪

♪ Welcome to the hood.

Gemma, I have terrible news.

I just got off the phone
with my mother.

Oh, no, did something
happen to her?

Worse. She'’s coming
for Thanksgiving.

What?

I thought she was going
to your Aunt Gail'’s.

Well, yeah, apparently
they got into a fight

over which is better,
NCISor NCIS: Los Angeles.

And now she'’s coming
here instead.

But why is it bad
that Grammy'’s coming?

Oh, it'’s not bad, Grover.
It'’s terrible.

Dave!

I... Okay.

Look, you know that nobody loves
Grammy more than I do,

but... she'’s getting
a little bit older

and she comes from
a small town and, well,

you know how we tell you
that there are things

that people might think

but should never, ever say?Yeah.

Grammy doesn'’t believe
that'’s true.

Yeah. Hey, buddy.

Can I talk to Mommy alone
for a minute?

Are you gonna tell her
something about Grammy

that you think
but shouldn'’t say?

Yes.

Gemma, what are we gonna do?

We have to uninvite the Butlers.

Sweetie, it'’s the day before
Thanksgiving; that'’d be rude.

Ruder than my mom?

Remember when she went off
on that lady

about how we need
to "build the wall"?

Yes, I do.

We had to start going
to a different Taco Bell.

Gemma, she is going to ruin
Thanksgiving, I know it.

Sweetie, I know you get
embarrassed by your mom,

but she'’s an adult.

You'’re not in charge
of her behavior.

And what if she says something
offensive to the Butlers?

You know, Calvin and I
are starting

to become such good friends.

I know. But
you know what?

Maybe it'’s a good
thing she'’s coming.

You always say the reason
she'’s the way she is

is because she only knows
people just like her.

We can help change that.

Okay, you know,
m-maybe you'’re right.

You know, maybe
this is a chance

for us to broaden
her horizons.

To introduce her to

a new spectrum
of people.
Exactly.

Grammy wants to know how often
there are riots around here.

Oh, no...

Can I uninvite them now?

Why are you still standing here?

I cannot believe
that we'’re going

to the Johnsons'’
for Thanksgiving.

I mean, since we
weren'’t going to

my brother Curtis'’s,
I thought I could finally

start my own
Thanksgiving traditions.

Like what?

Like not going
to the Johnsons'’.

[doorbell rings]

Well, I plan on
laying around

while somebody else
worries about the cooking.

Feels good to be a man.

Hey, Calvin.Come on in, man.

Hey, I wanted to talk
to you guys about tomorrow.

I'’m not wearing a
pilgrim'’s hat, Dave.

Well, good news:
you won'’t have to

because I'’m here to,
um, uninvite you.

What?

My man, Dave!

Wait a minute.
[laughing]

Wait a minute.Oh, yeah.

Hold up.

What do you mean,
you'’re uninviting us?

Come on, it doesn'’t
matter, Tina. You know?

We already hugged it out
and everything; a deal'’s a deal.

Oh, no. Wait, wait, wait.

Wait, where you going?
No, no.

I want to know what happened.

Well, as it turns out,
my mom is surprising us

and flying in from
Michigan and, uh...

[chuckles] ...she can
be kind of a handful.

What do you mean,
she'’s a handful?

Now, Tina, Tina.
The lady'’s a handful.

What else do you need
to know? Come on.

Well, look,
it just, it'’s...

You know, she'’s
from a small town,

she'’s kind of
old-school,

she can be pretty
conservative.

Oh, she'’s racist.

No, she-she'’s not racist,

she just says things
most people know not to

because they'’re
horribly offensive.

So she'’s like Calvin.

How am I offensive?

I mean, you'’re not
offensive as a person,

but you know, it'’s,
it'’s just your words

and your tone

and your opinions.

I just tell
the truth, Tina.

Hmm.
It'’s not my fault

that a bunch of little
crybabies can'’t handle it.

That'’s actually
how my mom started

her Christmas
letter last year.

Listen, baby, I'’m
not trying to make

you feel bad, but you know
you are not gonna

be able to be around
somebody like Dave'’s mom.

So, I guess
I'’ll be doing

the cooking this year
after all.

T-Tina, no.
You know what?

No, you sit
back and relax.

You'’re gonna get that
day off that you deserve.

No. No, no, no.

We agreed; we hugged
and everything.

Sorry, Dave.

I reject your uninvite.

We'’re coming to your house
for Thanksgiving.

Calvin, what
about my mom?

Doesn'’t matter.

You know, like I always say,

when they go low, I go high.

That'’s right,
that'’s right.

And that'’s exactly
what I'’m gonna do.

Mm-hmm.No matter what

your backwoods, whitebread,
hillbilly-ass mama has to say.

I can'’t believe
this weather.

In November! [chuckles]

It'’s nice, isn't it?

Grover can play outside
all year round.

That'’s wonderful.

Makes you wonder
why people are always

shooting each other out here.

People shoot
each other out here?

All the time, honey.

Mom, that'’s-that's not true.

It is according to
my news channel.

Well, not according to mine.

You should really try
to watch more than one of them.

Fine. How many
do you watch?

Well, uh, one.

Oh! I brought cookies.

Oh.
[chuckles]

Buddy, just-just
one, okay?

We have dinner later.

Hmm, your daddy
could never stop

at just one.
[chuckles]

In middle school,
we had to shop

in the husky section.

Oh, but look at that chiseled,
handsome face now.

Oh, baby,
your skin is dry.

Are you using moisturizer?

Y-Yes, Mom,
I'’m sufficiently moist.

Well, I hope
it has SPF,

because if it
doesn'’t have SPF,

you'’re gonna end up
with cancer

just like
your Uncle John.

I didn'’t know
Uncle John has cancer.

He had to get his ear removed.

But it went fine,
he had a Jewish doctor.

Mom...

"A Jewish doctor"?

Yes. Everyone knows
they'’re the best.

Although, I now hear
the Indian ones

are catching up.
[sighs]

Hey, Grammy, look.

There'’s my school.
Oh.

The school is pretty great.

Gemma is doing an amazing job.

You know, she just
implemented a new curriculum

that teaches the
kids empathy.

Oh, good for her. Oh, yeah.

The kids have
the rest of their lives

to learn things like
reading and math.

Well, they teach
those things, too.

Oh, I'’m sure they do.

Grover. Can you tell me
the capital of Michigan?

Sure.[iPad beeps]

Siri, what'’s the capital
of Michigan?[iPad beeps]

SIRI: Lansing is
the capital of Michigan.

Hmm, well, at least
he has empathy.

Hey, I'’m sorry, Pop,
but there'’s no way

you'’re not fighting
with Dave'’s mom.

I know. A proud black patriarch
going toe-to-toe

with a loudmouth
Midwestern grandma?

Man, that should be
a pay-per-view match. [laughs]

Or at least a Tyler Perry movie.

[laughing]

Well, prepare to
be disappointed.

Because I'’m not
gonna do anything

to ruin your
mother'’s holiday.

Trust me, boys.

You got to respect the mamas.

Listen to your father;
he'’s right.

'’Cause he knows
if he ruins this day for me,

I'’m leaving him
for your Uncle Curtis

and his boat.

Come on, girl.

You know you can'’t
leave all this.

Come on, now.

So, this is where
you used to live

and this is where you live now.

Far, far away from me.

[sighs]

I miss seeing you
all the time.

Oh, I know honey.

But this is where your mom
and dad decided to move.

For reasons maybe they can
explain to both of us.

Hey, Grover, can you go help
Mommy in the kitchen?

Okay.
[chuckles]

What'’s the capital
of North Dakota?Bismarck.

[laughs] You'’ll thank me
when he gets into college.

Okay, yeah, uh...

Mom, listen; before our
neighbors get here,

I just want to talk to you
about maybe being careful

with some of the
things that you say.

Oh. Is this because
they'’re black?

Yes.

And-and you'’re afraid

I'’m going to say
something rude.

Exactly.

Because they'’re always
so sensitive...
No.

No, Mom. No.

[doorbell rings]

[laughs] It'’ll be fine,
David, I promise you.

You don'’t have to treat me
like I'’m a child.

Okay, you know what?
You'’re right, Mom.

I'’m-I'm sorry.Honestly.

It'’s like you think I don't know
how to talk to the blacks.

♪

Mom, how can you not know
that it'’s wrong

to refer to black people
as "the blacks"?

You live in Michigan,
not the 1950s.

You kids are so darn
politically correct these days.

It'’s like everyone's so worried
about each other'’s feelings.

You say that like
it'’s a bad thing.

I'’m sure they
didn'’t even hear me,

and if they did they
would'’ve said something.

I can'’t believe
you didn'’t say something.

I love your mother very much.

I can'’t believe
she really said that.

I can.

What I can'’t believe is that
Calvin didn'’t lose his cool.

Well, if I were you, I would'’ve
turned right around and left.

Are you kidding?

I'’m sipping wine while a white
lady and her son cook for me.

If my ancestors could
see me now, they'’d be like,

"Look at you, Tina.
You go, girl!"

Okay, I have everyone'’s drinks.

Ooh!
Right.

Yeah.

Damn, Dave,
these are strong.

[coughing]

Yeah, I thought I'’d get ahead
of it and numb everyone'’s pain.

So, I want to know more

about all of you.

Marty, right?Yeah.

Um, what do you do?

Oh, I'’m an engineer at JPL.

Oh, what'’s that?
A-A rap radio station?

Mom, JPL stands for
Jet Propulsion Laboratory.

That'’s right.
I work on the satellites.

Oh, that'’s impressive.Yeah.

You must have gone
to an excellent school.

I did. USC.Oh.

In fact, Marty had
a full scholarship.

Oh, so does that mean
you were an athlete?

[laughs]

CALVIN:
Paula.

Can I, can I call you Paula?

Assuming that Marty
was an athlete

because he'’s black
and went to college,

well, some people might
consider that a stereotype.

Oh, really? It just seems
that every athlete

I see on my TV is black.

Should'’ve made these stronger.

[chuckling]

I mean, Paula, I mean,
clearly you must know

that not every black man
is an athlete.

Marty'’s scholarship was for
his academic achievements.

Oh. A-A-And what
about you, Malcolm,

did you also get
an academic scholarship?

Nope. [laughs]

I was an athlete.

Just like the ones
you see on TV.

He'’s unemployed, too.

So, Calvin, I couldn'’t help
but notice your truck outside.

I mean, it is beautiful.

Oh, thank you.

Do you do the maintenance
yourself?

Yeah, you know,
I'’ve been taking care of her

ever since she belonged
to my father.

Oh, that'’s great.
You know, us Michiganders,

I mean, we love anyone
who knows his way around a car.

And you know what?
I'’ll drink to that.

Here, here, here.

You know, in fact,

my very first boyfriend,
he was also a grease monkey.

I-I-I ain'’t gonna
be able to do this.

Dad, remember, remember,
respect the mamas.

Calvin, I'’m-I'm
sorry. Mom.

You cannot call Calvin a monkey.

It is an incredibly
offensive term.

I didn'’t call him a monkey.
I called him a grease monkey.

They'’re two totally
different things.

Not the way
you say it.
Mm-mm.

You know what?

I think I'’m gonna go outside
and get some evening air.

It'’s only 12:30.

I know what damn time
it is, Malcolm.

Mom, you need to go outside
and apologize to Calvin.

For what?

Well, for calling him
a grease monkey.

Now, I know you may not
have meant it that way,

but it is still
incredibly offensive.

Fine.

If that'’s what'll
make you happy.

Thank you.

But, honestly, you people
can be so sensitive.

We should do this
every year.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Calvin,

I owe you an apology.

Oh, thank you.

But if you ask me,

I think you'’re overreacting.

You think I'’m overreacting?

After all that stuff
you said in there?

You mean about thinking
Marty was an athlete?

Why is that such a crime?

Please, let'’s not start
talking about crime.

Let me tell you
why, Paula.

Because everything you think
you know about black people

is a stereotype.

Oh, maybe, but in my experience,

most stereotypes
are rooted in the truth.

Here I am standing
right here in front of you

telling you that they'’re not,
yet you won'’t listen.

Oh, I listen.

Yeah, to fake news.

Oh, you listen to fake news.

Oh, no, yours is faker.

No, I'’m sorry,
yours is much faker.

[overlapping arguing]Will you both please shut up?

Did he just tell
his mother to shut up?

Did he just tell
Calvin to shut up?

I'’m done joking.

I'’m-a sell this to pay-per-view.

You need to stay
out of this, Dave.

We'’re just having
a conversation.

She just saying what she thinks.

Yes, but what she
thinks is awful.

I have a right to my opinions.
Don'’t talk about me like that.

Oh, you mean like the way
you talk about other people?

It'’s like you don't care
if what you say hurts them.

You know, that'’s exactly
what I was trying to say, Paula.

[stammers]

Everyone'’s just so sensitive
these days.

You know, I can actually agree
with you about that.

Yes, Mom, it'’s everyone else's
fault for being so sensitive.

It'’s probably from
teaching empathy.

I don'’t understand, Mom,

how someone who I love so much,

who I know deep down
is a good person,

can say such ignorant
and embarrassing things as you.

I'’m sorry you feel that way
about your mother.

Now if you'’ll
excuse me...

Oh, shoot, here she comes!

[all exclaiming]

I'’m sorry if I offended
any of you.

That was never my intention.

So, if you'’ll excuse me,
I'’m gonna go pack my bags.

Wait, no, no, no, no, no. Paula,
Paula, please don'’t leave.

You'’re family.

Yeah, Grammy,
I don'’t want you to go.

I know, honey, but clearly

your father doesn'’t
want me here, so...

I guess now we know why
you moved so far away.

Dave,

you can'’t talk to
your mother like that.

You need to chill, man.

Are you really defending her?

Oh, I'’ll do
more than that.

If she wanted to whup you,
I would hold you down.

Look.

She'’s just speaking
her mind, man.

It'’s not her fault
that she is wildly misinformed.

Misinformed? She'’s worse
than misinformed.

Yeah, well, at least with her
you know where you stand.

Yes, and because of that,
I wore a T-shirt in the pool

until I was
18 years old.

Trust me, Dave, you'’re better
off knowing what someone thinks.

It'’s when you don't is when
they could sneak up on you.

When who sneaks
up on you?

The people that can
hurt you most.

Like a son telling his mom
she embarrasses him.

Yeah, but she does.

It doesn'’t matter.
She gave you life, man.

She deserves
your respect.

Look, Paula is who she is,
she'’s not gonna change.

But she'’s also not gonna
be around forever.

And when she'’s not?

I don'’t care how much
she embarrasses you,

you gonna miss her like you
never missed anybody before.

Sounds like you know
what you'’re talking about.

I do.
I miss my mother every day.

When did she pass?

Oh, she didn'’t pass.

No, she just travels around the
world with my brother, Curtis.

He has to
buy her love.

Well, now I feel like a jerk.

Well, look,
you'’ll be fine, man.

Just go in there
and apologize,

let her know she'’s the most
important woman in your life,

and that you'’ll love her
no matter what.

You think she'’ll
forgive me?

Of course, man.

I mean, just tell her the only
reason that you yelled at her

is that you'’ve been living
around all these black people

and they made you crazy.

I'’m glad you decided
to stay, Grammy.

Aw, well, I'’m glad your
father convinced me to.

I'’ve never seen your mom change
her mind. How'’d you do it?

Well, I just told her the truth.

I said, even though
we fight sometimes,

she'’s still my mom
and I'’ll always love her.

And that was enough?

No.

She also thought her Uber driver

looked like a terrorist
she saw on TV.

You know, Gemma,
this food is really delicious.

Yeah, Gemma,
for a skinny white girl,

you sure can burn
like you black.

[laughter]

Oh.
You know what,
I'’d like to make a toast.

To the Johnson and
the Butler families,

two families that have a lot
to be thankful for.

And even though

we don'’t always
see eye to eye,

it'’s good to know that
if we communicate honestly,

we can always find
common ground.

Here, here.

[overlapping talking]

I would just like to add to...

EVERYONE ELSE:
No, no, no, no, no, no!

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