Original subtitles

Subtitles by explosiveskull

Okay.

Everybody, eyes up here. It's time to get started.

So, I was thinking this morning.

I was thinking about what it was like being your age,

how I'd come to worship like I was ticking off a to-do list.

I didn't get it like I do now,

and I thought, "Well, maybe I should tell you guys a secret."

Do you know what we're trying to do every Sunday

in church as adults?

We're trying to undo the things we did when we were your age.

Think about it. You're our future,

and you are at an age

where you are especially vulnerable to evil.

Now when I say, "Evil," I mean evil.

And you won't see it now.

You won't see it tomorrow.

But what feels like fun is actually the enemy,

and that enemy is closing the noose around your neck.

Bruce?! Is anyone home?!

While you experiment and play with that yoke

like it's a toy and you think,

"Oh, just this once, just...

just a little longer," click.

It's got you.

♪ Anyone ♪

♪ Anyone ♪

Okay. Wait. H-Honey. Honey.

- ♪ You can blame ♪ - Can you stop it?

♪ Try to shame me ♪

♪ And still I'll care ♪

♪ For you ♪

They're here.

♪ You can run around ♪

Eyes to camera.

- ♪ Even put me down ♪ - Boys...

put your arms around the girls' waists.

♪ Still, I'll be there for you ♪

Yeah, or should I go up? Okay.

♪ The world ♪

♪ May be gone foolish ♪

♪ They can't see you ♪

♪ Like I can ♪

You look really, really beautiful.

♪ Oh, but anyone ♪

Thanks.

♪ Who knows what love is ♪

♪ Will understand ♪

♪ Anyone ♪

♪ Anyone ♪

- ♪ Anyone ♪ - ♪ I just feel so sorry ♪

- ♪ Anyone ♪ - ♪ For the ones ♪

♪ Who pity me ♪

- ♪ Anyone ♪ - ♪ 'Cause they just don't know ♪

- ♪ Anyone ♪ - ♪ Oh, they don't know ♪

♪ What happiness and love can be ♪

- ♪ Ohhh ♪ - ♪ I know ♪

♪ I know to ever let you go ♪

♪ Oh-oh, is more ♪

♪ Than I could ever stand ♪

♪ Ohhh, but anyone ♪

♪ Who knows what love is ♪

♪ Will understand ♪

♪ Ohhh ♪

- ♪ Anyone ♪ - ♪ They will understand ♪

♪ Anyone ♪

♪ If they try love ♪

- ♪ Anyone ♪ - ♪ They'll understand ♪

♪ Anyone ♪

♪ Ohhh, try ♪

- ♪ Anyone ♪ - ♪ And understand ♪

I want to try something.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Cameron, what the fuck?

Jamie.

What the fuck?

I can't fucking believe this.

I'm sorry.

It's just so messed up!

And by the time I was in my 30s,

I didn't believe in God at all.

You know what, George? It wasn't until...

The Scripture we're referencing

is Matthew 10:11,

and if you go to Matthew 10:11,

you'll probably know this one.

Uh, whatever town or villa...

Hey.

Hello.

I'm looking for Reverend Rick.

He's still in a sermon. I'll take you to him.

- I'm Cameron. - I know.

♪ Want to see the land so pure and true ♪

♪ No, there's nothing I wouldn't do ♪

♪ Just to be born anew ♪

♪ Just to be born anew ♪

♪ In Your eyes, my savior ♪

♪ In Your heart, my savior ♪

♪ In Your love, my savior ♪

♪ My Lord ♪

All right, guys. Time's up. See you at dinner.

Erin's a big Vikings fan, aren't you?

Guilty as charged.

But don't worry. You'll get decorating privileges soon.

You have to earn certain rights at God's Promise.

I swear it's not that bad... just decorating and mail.

Most disciples get there in a few weeks.

It's all spelled out in the contract.

Maybe in the meantime, you'll become a Vikings fan.

- Who's your favorite team? - I-I don't have one.

I'm impressed.

It's pretty rare that I don't manage to...

Oh, spoke too soon.

I'm guessing The Breeders aren't singing in praise of the Lord.

Where did you get this?

Columbia House.

I'm done here.

Take a look at the contract?

Yeah.

All that's left is your signature, and we're good to go.

I think you're going to do really well here, Cammie.

Perfect. Now you're officially a disciple of God's Promise.

Welcome.

Whoo!

Fuck.

I want you to put on your clothes and leave.

- No, you don't. - Yes, I do.

No, you don't.

This movie's weird.

I want you to leave.

You knew that was going to happen.

No, I didn't.

I wouldn't know what to do.

You can start by putting

the do-not-disturb sign on the door.

I really didn't know it was going to happen.

Yes, you did.

- No, I didn't. - Yes, you did.

That part went smoothly.

I'm not...

taking off my robe.

Well, everybody draws the line somewhere.

I don't usually...

...feel this way. It's blocking me.

I don't know if I've ever felt...

this way before.

Tell me when to stop.

I think if your top priority is to get better,

that should also be true of the people

you surround yourself with, you know?

And you think you're getting... better?

Of course.

I've been brought closer to God,

and I can feel Him guiding me.

Like, Helen's a really good friend,

and we're positive influences on each other.

That's her by the milk.

- It's a shame she's so... - Hi!

Well, she's kind of butch, isn't she?

I know that's a mean word, but I mean it, like,

factually, like, not in a mean way.

That girl's name is Jane Fonda...

like, her actual name.

Either that or she's lying.

She could be lying.

Mark is really cool.

Don't look now, but he's at my 12:00.

You looked.

He has a really nice singing voice,

and, okay, you have to promise not to tell anyone,

but I have a really big crush on him.

My lips are sealed.

Rick is such an inspiration.

Do you know he used to struggle with same-sex attractions?

Really?

Yeah, and he's been in recovery for years,

and now he and Bethany are girlfriend and boyfriend.

Yeah. How cute is that?

I think they could both do better.

Totally. Wait. What?

Honey, what grade were you starting at school?

Um, 11th.

Oh, great. I think we have that one.

Okay.

Uh... ah.

Here we go.

Does this look right to you?

Yes.

I apologize for the interruption,

Ms. Kimballs-Ericson.

I've come to meet our new disciple.

Welcome, Cameron. I'm Dr. Lydia Marsh.

I'm the director of God's Promise.

Hi.

It's a pleasure to meet you.

I know the adjustment can be difficult at first,

but I have every faith you'll find yourself at home here soon.

In the meantime, please don't hesitate to ask

if you need anything.

Thank you.

You should consider yourself amongst family, Cameron.

You can call me "Cam."

"Cameron" is already a masculine name.

To abbreviate as something even less feminine

only exacerbates your gender confusion.

Right.

Glad we're on the same page.

I have told you

to keep your hair

out of your eyes.

There's no hiding from God.

Would you say that the tip of the iceberg looks scary

to the people on the boat?

Yeah.

It's all the people on the ship want to focus on,

but we know it's not the real problem, is it?

No.

Um, the same can be said for your same-sex attraction.

The sin is so overwhelming

that we become fixated on it,

but the problems we really need to deal with

are below the surface.

Your attractions are a symptom of a larger problem.

We're going to spend our time together like detectives

investigating what in your past led you here,

especially your relationship with your parents.

What relationship?

They died a long time ago.

I know we're throwing a lot at you.

How are you feeling?

Good. Good. I'm good. I-I...

I've just never thought of homosexuality like this.

There's no such thing as homosexuality.

There's only the same struggle with sin we all face.

Would you let drug addicts throw parades for themselves?

No. No, you wouldn't.

Sin is sin.

Your struggle is with the sin of same-sex attraction.

The first step is for you to stop thinking

of yourself as a homosexual.

But I don't think of myself as a homosexual.

I mean, I don't really think of myself as anything.

You should think of yourself as a Christian.

We're here to support you.

Rick did the work, was able to overcome his own illness,

and I have no doubt that you're capable of the same.

I've been right where you are.

I know how you feel.

Is that your mom?

She really looked like you.

How's the iceberg coming?

Good.

Good, just slow.

Oh, cool.

I have gender confusion 'cause of sports, too.

Wow.

Cool.

See you later.

"Too much masculine bonding with Dad over football."

Right up the middle!

- Yeah! - Yeah!

"Jessica's beauty,

resulting in feelings of feminine inadequacy."

"Lack of physical affection from my father."

"Infatuation with soccer coach at Holy Light Summer Camp."

"Inappropriate obsession

with Vicki Jones from church choir."

♪ This little light of mine ♪

♪ I'm gonna let it shine ♪

♪ This ♪

"Unresolved sexual trauma from 9th grade

when Orin Bursock slapped my backside."

"Too much bonding with Mom over feminine activities."

"Belief in winkte conflicting with the Bible."

"Early exposure to illegal drugs and alcohol

at the commune."

"Lack of stable and singular masculine..."

What are you doing?

Oh, um, I'm sorry. I was just...

What?

I was looking at your iceberg.

Everyone does it.

You done yours yet?

No, not yet.

- You run, right? - Yeah.

Just talk about how positive reinforcements for sports

messed with your gender identity.

They love that shit.

And how your parents gave you too much physical affection

or not enough physical affection.

Either way, that's why you're gay.

My parents are dead.

That should probably go in your iceberg.

You grew up in a commune?

Yeah.

I didn't know hippies were evangelical.

They're not. My mom's new husband is.

- One last question. - I was in a car accident.

I was actually going to ask you where you got your weed.

I beg your pardon?

I saw you and Adam in the cellar.

I grow it myself. It's ditch weed.

I already harvested, but there are some stragglers

Adam and I are going to check out Thursday.

You don't really seem like the kind of person that'd be here.

Why? 'Cause I'm such a dick magnet?

No, just...

I didn't have a choice.

Did you?

I will not pray for God to change me

because God does not make mistakes,

and I am the one who is tempted by sin.

Change will come through God

- but within me. - Me.

I must be the change.

I've always known I didn't want to act

on my same-sex attractions,

so, in the past, I would resort to... self-pleasure.

Then when I learned that that was a sin, also,

I stopped,

but it's like... shouldn't it be okay

if it's instead of acting out?

What?

You can't get a pass from God to jerk off.

Who asked you?

Steve, what are you experiencing?

- I'm experiencing irritation. - And why are you irritated?

It's like he thinks he's better than everybody else.

I feel that, too.

Like, look at his body language.

Yeah, Steve's projecting his masculine securities onto me,

and Helen has to have an opinion on everything.

That's not true.

- Dane brings up some interesting points. - Really?

It's like he can't do anything wrong because of his past.

You have no idea what you're talking about!

Okay. Then, Dane, just tell us.

No.

You don't go get to tell your reverend later

about how you met a junkie in treatment.

I'm not like you, and I'm glad I'm not like you.

I don't even know you, but one look at you,

and I can tell you're a dyke.

How are you finding God's Promise, Cameron?

Uh... good.

I hope you use this time as an opportunity to examine

the way you respond to discomfort.

Okay.

Dane, this instinct of yours to punish others

for not having experienced the kind of trauma you have,

who does it remind you of?

My father.

I can't hear you.

My father.

Hey. How's it going?

It's okay.

Follow me.

So, this worked for you, then?

Like, you changed?

Yes. I changed.

How?

It was a process.

It's funny, actually.

The moment things began to turn around was in a bar.

Bar?

Yeah. A gay bar, of all places.

Two men from my church came in.

They saw my car parked outside,

and they knew I'd been struggling,

so they came in looking for me.

Wow.

It was God, Cameron.

I asked for His help,

and He gave it to me in the form of those allies.

I was so deeply unhappy,

but I didn't think I was worth saving,

and I wonder if you've asked that of yourself.

Are you worth saving?

♪ It's gonna be fun to Blessercize with Jesus ♪

♪ To be fit for Him in every way ♪

♪ He will bless my body, soul, and spirit... ♪

You know it's God who created these bodies of ours,

and it's God who blesses them,

and with His help,

we can keep these bodies working in optimum condition.

Are you ready to start

your "Fun to Be Fit" Blessercize program?

Huh? Come on, everybody!

All right!

You know, for too long, we have disassociated

our spiritual selves from our physical selves,

and it was only after the...

only after I decided to give God my body

as well as my spirit and soul that I discovered health...

I mean, more energy

than I think I've ever known in my life!

Keep it going. Good!

You know, there's another kind of warm-up that we do.

Out you go and over.

In fact, I think it's the most important warm-up of all.

It's our spiritual warm-up.

After all, that's what this whole program is all about.

And up. Let's warm up with a Bible verse.

Hey. Jane.

Just in time.

It's a really intense hike.

Your shoes don't look right for it.

Jane and I are wearing the exact same shoes.

Don't be so paranoid.

A warning would be nice.

So, they let you go on hikes whenever you want?

It's a gender-neutral sport.

I mean, couldn't we just walk off?

And go where?

Yeah, should we go directly to Times Square to turn tricks,

or would you rather try break-dancing first?

What's worse... karaoke night or living on the streets?

Tough call.

What do you guys think of Dr. Marsh?

I guess it's like having your own Disney villain,

only this one won't let you jerk off.

I find her kind of sexy.

Sex with Lydia would be like fucking the mom from "Carrie."

Cameron, Lydia... hot or not?

Ugh. No comment.

What's her deal anyway?

Like, I know why Rick is here,

but why does she give such a shit?

She's not, like, ex-gay, is she?

- Ew, no. - She's Rick's sister.

- Seriously? - Yeah.

She degayed him.

Like, before, she was just a regular therapist,

and then he became her human guinea pig.

Wow.

I bet she gives, like, wool socks for Christmas.

I'd be so down with wool socks for Christmas.

My grandma would be down for wool socks for Christmas.

Old-people tastes and lesbian tastes run parallel.

How long have you guys been here?

I started last fall, and Adam came spring semester.

Do you still consider yourself, like... gay?

Don't answer that.

You read our icebergs, but we don't know shit about you.

How'd you get here?

Were you caught, or could they just smell the SSA?

You don't have to answer that if you don't want.

It's okay.

What's SSA?

Same-sex attraction.

Like, with Mark, you can just tell by looking at him.

I'm pretty sure Erin turned herself in,

and I think Helen probably thought

she was going to music camp.

My boyfriend walked in on me and this girl, Coley.

Shit.

Where'd they send her?

Nowhere.

It's fucked up.

It's not her fault.

You should forget about her.

Why?

I mean, who's to say I haven't already?

It's just messed up that your life had to stop

and hers didn't.

What happened happened to both of us.

I'm sure you'll work it out when you get out of here.

That sounded sarcastic, but it's not.

This is my genuine voice.

♪ I keep changing, but you're still the same ♪

Lydia says we can use the rec room

if we wake up early enough.

Cool.

Tandy Campbell's a huge deal.

I bet my aunt Ruth totally knows about her.

I'm sure.

Blessercize has helped so many people

find their bodies through God,

and I need a workout buddy, so it's a perfect fit.

Sounds like a plan.

You should get in line.

You're stealing?

No. It's only stealing if I actually leave

the store with it, okay? I put it back on the shelf.

No. No way.

Erin, please.

You had the sin in your heart, and that's what counts.

I put it back on the shelf.

I'm not being a good friend if I ignore your sin.

Nice vest.

Okay, fine. I'll tell Rick.

It's the right choice.

- Hey, guys. - Hi, Mark.

- So, I saw what happened. - Yeah, I know. I'm sorry, okay?

- I put it back on the shelf. - Yeah, I-I know.

But I-I also think Erin was right to stop you.

- I know. - Thank you.

- That took a lot of courage. - Yeah, I know.

But maybe we could keep this between us three?

- Wait, really? - Wh-Why?

I think that you made a split-second mistake

and you're sorry.

That... That's just my opinion,

so, you know, what do you think?

I don't know.

Well, you've learned your lesson?

Yes. I'm... I'm so ashamed.

I just want to look out for you

the way I hope you'd look out for me.

Yeah. Yeah, and you know how much I appreciate that?

Thank you.

♪ Once upon a time ♪

♪ I was all alone ♪

♪ I was scared and I was idle ♪

♪ I couldn't ask for help when I needed You ♪

♪ 'Cause I was too full of pride ♪

- ♪ Ahhhh ♪ - ♪ And if anyone asks ♪

- ♪ Ahhhh ♪ - ♪ "Are you alone tonight?" ♪

- ♪ Ahhhh ♪ - ♪ You've been there the whole time ♪

♪ Your footsteps right behind mine ♪

Check out Helen.

♪ You've been there the whole time ♪

♪ Your footsteps right behind mine ♪

Her panties would be on that stage

if she wasn't so afraid of the wrath of God.

♪ You've been there the whole time ♪

♪ You've been there the whole time ♪

♪ You've been there the whole time ♪

♪ You've been there the whole time ♪

♪ You've been there the whole time ♪

♪ You've been there the whole time ♪

♪ You've been there the whole time ♪

♪ You've been there the whole time ♪

I want to use my voice in service of God,

and I can't do that if I'm living with sin in my heart,

and they could tell.

Of course, they could all tell that I was struggling with SSA,

and they asked me to leave the group,

and it was...

Yeah, it was the worst day of my life.

What about you?

I was running with her faster.

- Did you hear that? - What?

Cam, I'm home!

Um...

...I can't really think of anything.

Don't overthink it.

When did your same-sex attractions

get in the way of your goals?

I don't know.

Why can't you try?

I mean, I am trying.

No, you're not.

- What? - Is there a problem?

I'm... I'm sorry. I don't...

I-Is this just a joke to you?

What? I-I didn't even say anything.

Exactly. You never say anything,

and... and your silence feels aggressive and judgmental,

and it makes the space not safe.

That's ridiculous.

Well, Helen perceives hostility in your behavior.

You can agree or not,

but you must recognize that that is her truth.

Well, I-I mean, what do you want me to say?

Anything. Just be honest.

Tell us about that girl you knew from home.

Okay. Um...

her name was Coley.

We were in the same Bible study.

What was she like?

She was perfect.

But she wasn't full of herself.

You know, she was the type of person

that, no matter who you were, you'd meet her,

and you'd... you'd want to be her friend.

It's said that cannibals only eat the enemies they admire

as a way to take inside their best qualities.

Okay.

When you speak, you reveal a compulsion

to take into yourself

the qualities you admired in this girl.

I wanted to be like her,

and I confused that with being with her?

Correct.

I guess that makes sense.

It's like I thought I was in love with Vicki Jones,

but... what I really loved was her perfect pitch.

Looks like I'm going home at the end of this semester.

Oh, cool.

Congratulations.

Can I ask you a personal question?

Uh-huh, sure.

Do you believe in God?

Um...

...I-I guess I don't... I don't really know.

Yeah. That's okay.

I guess every time...

I pray...

I kind of feel like I'm being phony.

Yeah. I-I think everybody can feel like that sometimes,

but I also think that those are moments

where it's really important to lean back on your faith

and trust that that will take you forward.

I don't think I really have any faith.

Or at least I don't...

really know how to go about getting it...

...or if I really want it.

Look, I get it. I'm not going to lie to you.

I can feel very lost.

But I find it important to remember...

one foot in front of the other.

You write here that the positive reinforcement

you receive for athleticism confused your gender identity.

Expand on that.

Um...

I don't know.

You must have had a reason to put it on your iceberg.

Well, I was always encouraged to compete.

You know, I was all-state track and field,

so my entire family would come and watch, cheer me on.

That's how you earned their love?

No. I wouldn't say that.

They weren't... like that.

What were they like?

They were fine.

Cameron...

if your parents were still alive,

do you think they'd be proud of you?

Uh, I don't know.

Your aunt said they had concerns about you.

Cameron, your progress is dependent

on the effort you put in,

in our work together.

Your success or failure is entirely in your own hands.

Do you understand that?

Okay.

Okay.

Fuck.

Hello?

Hey.

Uh, it's me...

Cameron.

Hey.

Are you at that place?

Yeah. Um...

listen, I've been thinking about what happened,

and I just want to say I'm sorry.

It was really shitty the way it all went down.

Yeah.

Did you get my letter? I sent you a letter.

- Wait, really? - Yeah.

Hey, guys! Time to wrap it up!

Hey, eyes up here, guys!

Coley, I have to... I have to go.

I'll call you back.

How long did it take you guys to get mail privileges?

I don't know.

Like, two months... maybe longer.

Hey! I did it!

Great!

What the...?

Hey, Adam.

What's winkte mean?

Winkte? Why do you ask?

Um...

I read it...

on your iceberg.

Yeah. It's a... It's a Lakotan word for two-spirit.

It's like a... It's like a third gender.

Okay, so, I am two-spirit,

which, uh, means I was born with a man's soul

and a woman's soul,

and, uh, literally, "winkte" means "killed by woman,"

so it's as if the male part of me

is being killed by the female part.

That make sense?

He's basically like the Native American David Bowie.

I'll take it.

So, why'd your parents send you here?

His dad got into politics,

and then he converted to Christianity.

Me being like this...

fucks his image.

Did, um...

Did Rick tell you guys the story about how he was saved?

You mean how Christian allies happened upon his car

in the parking lot of a gay bar and went inside to investigate?

There was this, like, weird staredown,

and everybody is like, "Fuck," and, finally, Rick is like,

"Oh, my God. Did you guys come here to save me?"

They're like, "Oh, yeah. We were driving, and we saw your car."

- "You drive the blue ..." - "Gray Toyota Camry," yes.

- "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course." - Mm-hmm.

We were driving. We saw it, and we were like,

'Wow, Rick really needs our help finding God, '

and that's why we're here, not to suck your dick."

That's really good.

I'm too stoned for art therapy.

I'm sorry. How is this supposed to help us?

Just think of it as a test of how far your bullshit

can take you. Like...

...let's see. Um...

- this woman riding a horse? - Mm-hmm.

She's you galloping away from a past of gender confusion

and into a bright future of opposite-sex lovemaking.

And, uh...

hold on.

This cat...

and this cat is the devil. Think of it as your past,

the temptations and the dangers and...

Hey, how are you?

- Good work, Adam. - Thank you.

"Good work, Adam."

This Pillsbury Doughboy?

Domesticity and comfort and family.

I mean, just imagine you're all sitting at a table together

eating crescent rolls like a healthy American family.

It's like watching Michaelangelo paint the Sistine Chapel.

What? Why are you laughing? You know I'm right.

That is why I'm laughing.

I mean, the system is working on you.

Fuck you. No, it's not working on me at all.

♪ Oooh ♪

♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Ooh, ahh, ahh, ahh, ahh, ahh ♪

♪ And I try ♪

♪ Oh, my God, do I try ♪

♪ I try all the time ♪

♪ In this institution ♪

♪ And I pray ♪

♪ Oh, my God, do I pray ♪

♪ I pray every single day ♪

♪ For revolution ♪

- Whoo! - It's really embarrassing.

- ♪ And so I cry sometimes ♪ - Please... Please don't stop.

♪ When I'm lying in bed ♪

♪ Just to get it all out what's in my head ♪

♪ And I ♪

- ♪ I am feeling ♪ - Get up on stage.

♪ A little peculiar ♪

- Sing it. - ♪ And I wake in the morning ♪

♪ And I step outside ♪

♪ And I take a deep breath ♪

♪ And I get real high, and I ♪

- Whoo! - ♪ Scream from the top of my lungs ♪

♪ "What's going on?!" ♪

Come on, everyone!

♪ And I say, "Hey, yeah, yeah, yeah" ♪

♪ "Hey, yeah, yeah" ♪

- ♪ I said, "Hey!" ♪ - Helen!

♪ What's going on?! ♪

Back to work.

The station went static, so we changed it.

Adam, if you don't get that hair out of your eyes,

- I'll shave it off. - Yes, ma'am.

Cameron, come with me.

Shit.

Why now?

I think you'll benefit from what's in those letters.

Thank you.

I'm sorry.

It's just so messed up!

I'm sorry.

Coley.

Are you fucking kidding me?

Coley, please just get out of the car.

Coley, come on. Just get out of the car.

F-Fuck!

Jamie, I...

"Dear Cameron, I'm very angry at you

for taking advantage of our friendship."

- Shit. - Keep reading it.

"You already had this thing in you, but I didn't.

When I think of how long it took me

to gain the strength to tell my mom ..."

She told. It wasn't Jamie.

What if she's right...

you know, like I-I-I took complete advantage

of our friendship

and I wasn't even aware I was doing it?

No.

Pink stationery does not get to fuck with you.

This girl is spineless.

Let's say what you did was fucked up

and you infected her or whatever.

It was a shit move to rat you out.

She was just trying to help me.

- She's a fucking rat. - And she misspelled "courage."

Stop it.

She's better than all of us.

And I hurt her.

What if this really is our only chance and we're blowing it?

I'm tired of feeling disgusted with myself.

Maybe you're supposed to feel disgusted with yourself

when you're a teenager.

Hello?

Ruth?

Cam?

Hey.

What a nice surprise! How are you?

I miss you.

Are you okay?

If I told you I was unhappy...

and that I wanted to come home...

would you let me?

Cam, come on.

You have to give it a chance.

You know I'm doing this because I love you.

Don't you want to have a family someday?

I love you, Cammie.

I love you, too.

Bye, Ruth.

How are you feeling, Cameron?

Um...

I'm okay.

You don't seem okay.

I've been better.

You're facing the consequences of your actions, and it's ugly.

Now what?

Now you stop fighting the process.

Are you ready?

You know it's God who created these bodies of ours

and it's God who blesses them.

And with His help, we can keep these bodies working in optimum condition.

Are you ready to start your "Fun to Be Fit" Blessercize program?

Huh? Come on, everybody!

All right!

Let's engage in some cardiovascular fitness

unto the Lord. Ready?

♪ It's gonna be fun to Blessercize with Jesus ♪

♪ To be fit for Him in every way ♪

♪ He will bless my body, soul, and spirit ♪

♪ And keep me with Him every day ♪

♪ I'm gonna sing praise, hallelujah! ♪

♪ 'Cause my body's growing firm and strong ♪

You know what we're doing here?

We're developing our inner person.

You are heading toward godliness, you see,

in every area of your life,

and that takes some work.

♪ The Lord is gonna Blessercize ♪

♪ Blessercize ♪

♪ I'm growing stronger every day ♪

♪ I'm gonna make a new start ♪

And that is your stomach workout. Terrific!

♪ Blessercize ♪

Is there anything I can help you with?

Cameron.

Shh, shh. No. I'm sorry. It's just me.

What the fuck?

You were making a lot of noise.

I'm sorry. I'm fine.

What were you dreaming about?

I don't remember, okay? It was scary.

- No, it wasn't. - Yeah, it was.

How would you know? You weren't dreaming with me.

I was listening to you, and those weren't scared noises.

It was. This is ridiculous. Go back to bed.

I heard you.

I don't give two...

Let me do this.

[Breathing intensifies [

No. I-It's okay. I'm good.

What?

Get off.

Are you serious?

I should go back to my own bed now.

Right now?

They could do a pop-in at any minute.

You can't tell anyone, Cam.

I won't.

I really do want to get past this.

Yeah. I believe you.

I don't care if you believe me or not.

I knew this would happen.

I didn't.

Because you don't think of me that way.

Is part of the reason why you watch those Tandy Campbell videos

'cause she's kind of hot, huh?

We shouldn't encourage each other's homosexual attractions.

Are you fucking serious right now?

I don't want to talk anymore. I just want to go to sleep.

Okay. Well, I mean, you're the one that woke me up.

Tandy Campbell's not even my type.

God, please help so that the pitch and lyrics

become second nature

and I can sing in worship from my heart.

♪ So much to believe in ♪

♪ We were lost in time ♪

♪ Always thought of keeping ♪

♪ Your heart next to mine ♪

♪ But now that seems so far away ♪

♪ Don't know how love can leave without a trace ♪

♪ Where do silent hearts go? ♪

♪ Where does my heart beat now? ♪

♪ Where is the sound ♪

♪ That only echoes through through the night? ♪

♪ Where do all the lonely hearts go? ♪

♪ Where do all the lonely hearts go? ♪

Change will come through

God, but within me, I must be the change.

Mark, why don't you start us off?

I know you've had an especially hard week.

No. I...

Every week is especially hard.

Is there something...

Look, if you want me to talk about my father,

then I'd prefer if you just ask.

Sounds like you want to talk about your father's decision.

I don't see what there is to talk about.

I mean, you've read his letter.

"I am denying your request

to return home at the end of the semester.

You are still very effeminate...

and this is a weakness I cannot have in my home."

How did that make you feel?

I'd like to read a passage.

It's one of my father's favorites.

Please do.

"There was given to me a thorn in the flesh..."

"...the messenger of Satan to buffet me,

lest I should be exalted above measure."

"And for this thing,

I besought the Lord thrice..."

"...that it might depart from me."

"And unto me he said..."

"...'My grace is sufficient for thee...'"

"'...for my strength is made perfect in weakness.'"

"Most gladly, therefore, will I rather...

will I rather glory in infirmities,

that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

Therefore, I-I take... I take pleasure in... in...

in infirmities, in...

in reproaches,

in necessities, in persecutions,

in distresses, for Christ's sake,

for when I am weak, then am I strong!

For when I am weak..."

"...then am I strong."

"When I am weak...

then am I strong."

There is no need for theatrics.

No, I've got this weakness, but this weakness...

- If weakness equals strength... - Please sit down.

...then this weakness makes me strong, right?

Discuss the passage you have selected.

Give me the strength of 10 Marks, of 20 Marks!

When I am weak, I am strong! When I am weak, I am strong!

- Mark, stop it! - When I am weak, I am strong!

When I am weak, I am strong!

- Mark! - When I am weak, I am strong!

- Stop it right now! - Strong, strong!

I am strong!

I am strong!

- I am strong! I am weak! - Stop it!

I will remove my foot

when you are ready to get control of yourself.

I know that some of you are aware

that Mark had a little bit of an accident last night.

Adam found him in the bathroom,

and we rushed him to the hospital.

His dad's already flown out.

He is stable, and he's going to be okay.

Fuck this.

You guys are talking in circles.

If he didn't kill himself, then what did he do?

Dane, yelling and swearing

won't help you feel better about what happened to Mark.

See, that's where you're wrong, 'cause it does, actually.

It makes me feel a fuck of a lot better.

What the fuck is wrong with you, Helen?

I'm sorry.

I can't stop.

Okay. Everybody go to your rooms.

We're going to have individual one-on-ones.

Go to your rooms until we call you!

Helen and Dane, stay.

Is he going to be all right?

I think so.

It is a serious injury.

This is completely pointless

if you don't tell me what's happened.

I can tell you what happened, if that's what you want.

But it's... It's, uh...

I can handle ugly.

Last night, Mark used a razor to cut his genitals several times.

Then he poured bleach over the wounds.

Adam found him.

If you were worried about him, why did you leave him alone?

I don't have a very good answer for you.

Is Adam okay?

I think so, all things considered.

It is going to take him some time to process.

How the fuck do you process

watching your roommate try and cut his dick off?

What's he going to do, put it on his iceberg?

You people have no idea what you're doing, do you?

You're just making it up as you go along.

I don't know how to answer you right now.

I...

I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry.

Um, mostly independent study.

Do you have access to the outdoors on a regular basis?

Yeah.

Do you feel safe in your dorm rooms at night?

Yeah.

Do you feel threatened by staff members or fellow students?

No.

Do you trust those in charge here?

Not really.

You don't trust the staff here?

Well, what do you... I mean, trust them how?

Do you think they have your best interests in mind?

No one's, you know, beating us.

But you asked me if I trust them.

And, sure, yeah.

I trust them to drive the van safely,

and I trust them to buy food, but...

Look, I know you're here because of what happened to Mark.

Something didn't just happen to him.

He injured himself.

While under the care of this facility.

Correct, and that's why I'm here,

to investigate the care that is given

by those who run this facility,

not to investigate the mission of this facility,

unless that includes abuse or neglect.

Yeah, but what about emotional abuse?

Are you saying you're being emotionally abused

by the staff here?

How is programming people to hate themselves

not emotional abuse?

I've made note of what you said,

and it will be in the official file.

Thank you.

I didn't even know Mark shaved.

He doesn't.

It was my razor.

I thought he was dead.

Fuck this place.

I'll steal the keys to the van.

We'll be in Canada by morning.

I'm going to turn the light off.

Okay.

Early bird gets the worm, huh?

You know it.

What are y'all doing up so early?

Um, we went on a hike.

Sounds fun.

- So, how's it going? - Good. Real good.

I found out we'll be getting a new disciple...

young man from Indiana.

Looks like you'll be getting a new roommate on Wednesday.

Oh, cool. Can't wait.

So, you seen any new movies lately?

I finally watched "Young Frankenstein"

on your recommendation.

I haven't laughed that hard in a long time.

I figured you'd like that one.

Mm. I love that part with the elbow kiss, you know?

- Right. - "Not on the lips!"

My dad and I used to do that.

We should go, you know, so we can make our day.

You guys are serious hikers. I'm impressed.

- Maybe next time I'll come. - Yeah, definitely.

Have fun.

You, too.

- Bye, Rick. - Bye, Rick.

♪ Sit around ♪

♪ Sit around ♪

Say something to him.

What kind of a slut do you think I am?

My friend thinks you're hot!

Hey, stop it!

Say something sexy. Say something sexy.

Uh... pull my finger.

Whoa!

- Shit. - Dude!

"Pull my finger." "Pull my finger."

Yes.

Oh, man.

That is stupid.

Hey, it worked.

Subtitles by explosiveskull

♪ Once upon a time ♪

♪ I was all alone ♪

♪ I was scared and I was idle ♪

♪ I couldn't ask for help when I needed You ♪

♪ 'Cause I was too full of pride ♪

♪ But I was walking on my own ♪

♪ Ohhhh ♪

♪ You've been there the whole time ♪

♪ Your footsteps right behind mine ♪

♪ And I am never scared 'cause I... ♪

♪ I'm never going to be perfect ♪

♪ But with your love I will keep striving ♪

♪ And I will ask for help when it all goes wrong ♪

♪ And I will spread Your love like fire ♪

- ♪ Ahhhh ♪ - ♪ And if anyone asks ♪

- ♪ Ahhhh ♪ - ♪ "Are you alone tonight?" ♪

♪ You've been there the whole time ♪

♪ Your footsteps right behind mine ♪

♪ I'm never scared because ♪

♪ You've been there the whole time ♪

♪ Your footsteps right behind mine ♪

♪ I am never scared 'cause ♪

♪ You've been there the whole time ♪

♪ You've been there the whole time ♪

♪ You've been there the whole time ♪

♪ You've been there the whole time ♪

♪ You've been there the whole time ♪

♪ You've been there the whole time ♪