All language subtitles for Naked News Uncovered S01E02 1080p Amazon WEB-DL DD+ 2.0 x264-TrollHD - [1][0] English

LUCAS: Peter has a few words to
say to everyone

about the future.

PETER: The goal is
to increase our traffic

by 240 percent.

VICTORIA: This is absolutely a
survival issue.

LUCAS: You guys have downed a
bottle of champagne,

and you're being silly...

PEYTON: Just like these!

LUCAS: ...you can't do your
lines...

RACHELLE: Watch for our
hallowind Halloween sp

Watch for our

LUCAS: Right off the bat, I'm
fucking pissed off.

PEYTON: Don't be a fucking
retard and be all narc-y,

like, "Oh, they were drinking
in there", whatever.

VICTORIA: What I think really
needs some help here

is the news portion.

MARINA: ...suicide attacks on
NATO fuel convoys.

KATHERINE: "Naked News" is a
name known around the world.

PETER: We've been
sitting on our laurels

for way too long.

KATHERINE: But now, when I
tell people I work for "Naked
News",

the biggest reaction I get is
"That's still going?"

And I'd like to change that.

ANNOUNCER: In 1999, an
outrageous concept

grabbed a global audience.

Naked News went from internet
novelty

to international success.

Years later, Naked News is
still around, but it doesn't

have the heat it used to.

Today, a dedicated staff

is fighting to regain its past
glory.

This is their story.

*

*

RACHEL: Something speciaaal!

Ahh!

JEREMY: It's Monday morning.

RACHEL: It's just for him!

Alrighty!

NATHAN: Rachel flashes me
every day.

All I know is that she really
likes showing me her boobs.

JEREMY: I'm a really lucky guy
to have this job.

I think people would kill for
this job.

But I have it.

It's mine.

STEVE: I used to joke, in the
first year of directing,

that I was kind of like a
doctor in terms of

how I admire naked women.

Now it's more of a gay doctor.

IAN: You get blind to the
nudity.

It is an amazingly strange
place to work.

JEREMY: It's a strange place
to work.

MAN: Ow!

MAN: Oof!

WOMAN: Smell it!

WOMAN: ...or I'll
stomp on your face!

LUCAS: We're a very lean
operation.

Bare to the bones, here.

LUCAS: Stephen?

I need you to set up the
camera so we can take a look

and see how things look
through the camera.

STEPHEN: Every Halloween,

we do a special Halloween
episode,

so decorations come out.

We've already shot some
segments with the girls in
costume.

KATHERINE: Halloween is one of
my favourite times of the year.

RACHELLE: Welcome to our
special, Halloween-themed

edition of "Cooking in the
Raw".

RACHEL: This year, I've
decided to be a sexy sea
captain and

navigate the seas of
Halloween!

STEPHEN: We did some of the
setup last night,

and Lucas has come in this
morning to put the final
touches

on things to get it exactly
the way he wants.

LUCAS: Ah!

STEPHEN: In terms of having an
art director, we mostly

just do it ourselves.

MAN: Whoa!

STEPHEN: We're really trying
to amp up the quality

of what we're producing.

We're trying to get a much
better look - to not settle

for what we've been given, but
to really examine,

"What can we do to make this
better?"

MAN: He's going to be, like, a
sideways ghost.

LUCAS: That's fine.

He's a ghost, so I don't care
if we see his

MAN: We'll make sure that he
turns around to face the...

LUCAS: No, I don't usually do
set decorating,

but we're in crunch time, and,
uh...

it kind of has to be done.

I thought it could be a little
bit better, so it needs...

it needs some help.

ERICA: Hey, Lucas.

Good job.

Way to go, buddy.

Yeah, he's not done yet.

LUCAS: Everyone here wants to
do things their way, OK?

And it's my job to make sure
that it happens in a way.

GHOST:

LUCAS: Great, yeah.

Actually, maybe a little
higher.

STEVE: And here we go...

Action.

VICTORIA: When Monday's third
and final debate between

president Obama and...

LUCAS: Ever since Peter's
meeting with everybody,

things have been happening.

We're renovating.

We're reinvigorating
ourselves.

Peter has made a call to
action to get everyone charged
up

to create some new segments,

so I think everyone formed
some committees, and now Steven

and Victoria are about to come
talk about some of these

new ideas that they have.

STEVE: I'm feeling, maybe,

a little bit cynical.

I think, no matter what we do,

it's either going to end up
with segments that either

get really watered down, or,
worse, get implemented,

and then we're going to have a
lot of work to do.

LUCAS: Peter? PETER: Yes?

LUCAS: How are you doing? It's
Lucas.

PETER: Hi.

LUCAS: I'm here with Vic and
Steve.

PETER: OK.

STEVE: We are ready to
pitch-slap you, sir.

We came up with, like, 15
things.

We're not going to hit you
guys with all 15.

LUCAS: Fifteen? STEVE: Yes.

LUCAS: Ha ha ha! STEVE: First
one:

working title, "Naked Lunch".

Two anchors sitting in the
lunchroom, and it's basically

just a fun conversation with
two anchors,

and we're like a fly on the
wall, so to speak.

"Naked Lunch" is just a very
coy way of us getting extra

food in here for free, and
invoicing it to the company.

So "How are they dressed?",
then, is the question.

VICTORIA & LUCAS: Naked.
STEVE: Naked, I guess.

LUCAS: You can't have a "naked
lunch" with them in clothes.

STEVE: Right. But is it weird
that they're just

sitting there, naked? I mean,
I guess not necessarily.

LUCAS: No.

STEVE: Chinese food would be
great for "Naked Lunch",

absolutely, because it would
be delicious,

and I like Chinese food.

LUCAS: "Naked Lunch", great
idea.

VICTORIA: Alright, viewers'
mail.

The anchors would like to take
another look at viewers' mail.

Instead of reading something
off paper, invite the viewers -

especially the really
talkative ones:

bring them into the studio,
and watch them

interact with us on a certain
topic.

LUCAS: Did I hear you just say
that you want to bring

our fans into the studio? Did
I hear that right?

VICTORIA: Well, not all at
once.

We have to make sure we
outnumber them.

LUCAS: Peter, what do you
think of that?

MAN: There it is.

EILA: And that was that.

Oh my God, I am so excited:
Halloween!

I found the funniest costume
online.

It's a sexy giraffe, believe
it or not.

MARINA: How do you do a sexy
giraffe?

EILA: It has, like, a
headpiece, and, like,

a neckpiece, and it's just,
like, this tube dress with,

like, giraffe print. It's so
cute.

I thought that the giraffe was
just

MARINA: Pop on the set with
it?

EILA: I've never seen a
giraffe before.

RACHEL: I'm so looking forward
to

your giraffe-y costume.

You're going to be the sexiest
giraffe ever!

EILA: I know!

This will be my first year
actually wearing

the costume during the news.

STEVE: Next, a very fun idea.

It's called "Versus", where
you take two anchors,

and they would engage in kind
of head-to-head competition.

The first one I thought of,
too, they've got

this place in town, it's kind
of like archery,

but it's with axes.

You just throw axes at shit.

LUCAS: Peter, what do you
think of that?

PETER: Yeah. LUCAS: That's it?

STEVE: Awesome. VICTORIA:
Wait, wait, wait.

STEVE: Wait, wait, wait,
Peter, Peter.

VICTORIA: Before we wrap this
up, we haven't even

talked about the other half of
the show:

the "Naked News" news portion.
LUCAS: Yes.

Is it a tired format?

Do we need to change it?

VICTORIA: Thanks for joining
us. I'm Victoria Sinclair.

LUCAS: Peter wants this show

to be like "ABC World News
Tonight".

VICTORIA: The scandal has
raised

major security concerns in
Washington.

LUCAS: That may have given us
longevity, but it's also

a barrier that's not allowing
us to grow.

VICTORIA: General John Allen
allegedly sent inappropriate

emails to another woman at the
heart of the scandal.

The news really has to be
shaken up; it's stale.

The biggest problem we face is
that what we're going to

wear is decided before we know
what the news is, so

we're completely unresponsive
to the day's events.

The disrobe during the major
news is possible sometimes.

MAN: Hi, Vic.

Uh, what are we doing here
this morning?

VICTORIA: Oh, you're asking
me?

MAN: I'm asking you, yeah.

VICTORIA: The script never
tells me when to disrobe,

only that I need to be out of
my suit, for example,

by the end of part one.

But, as I look at part one, I
don't see a...

MAN: Part two has you starting
in lingerie, so...

VICTORIA: Yes. I have this
issue almost daily.

I'm talking about the exhumed
body Yasser Arafat.

That's not an appropriate time
to take anything off.

Talking about any dead bodies?

I don't care if you're a fan
or not, that is not the time

to be adding or, putting
value-added entertainment.

LUCAS: Peter...

Our news presentation, do we
need to change it?

What are your thoughts?

LUCAS: Alright, thank you.

VICTORIA: Thanks, Peter.
LUCAS: Bye.

STEVE: I think the best
possible outcome to come

out of this is maybe, a week
from now, Peter will have

forgotten we've ever had the
meeting, and then it's just

back to business as usual.

MAN: That's what a goddess of
love should do.

And one last set of blown
kisses to the camera -

you are the goddess of love.

Come into the light, come into
the light.

That is it.

PETER: Hey, Lucas.
LUCAS: How are you doing,
Peter?

MICHAEL: The owner has given
me the challenge,

and it's a big one:

a 240 percent increase in
traffic.

And I'm going to do it.

LUCAS: I'm a little hesitant
about what he's going

to be doing, and if he's going
to be able to do it.

This is the same guy we worked
with a couple of years ago.

They brought him on to do some
marketing.

He didn't do anything.

Come in.

MICHAEL: Lucas. Hi. I'm
Michael Haffner.

LUCAS: Michael!

I hear you're our new "VP",
quote-unquote,

of sales and marketing.

MICHAEL: Yeah. Well, I'm glad
we have this chance to talk,

'cause, you know, you're
creating this product,

and I'm driving all kinds of
traffic to it,

so I need to make sure,

you know, the users have a
great product that they're

going to subscribe to, and we
can all achieve these goals.

LUCAS: Yeah.

MICHAEL: I also have a few
comments, myself,

just as a viewer - and it goes
back even 10 years ago.

LUCAS: Yeah.

MICHAEL: "'The Naked News'?
Oh, let's check it out."

And there they are.

You know, they're in full
business outfit,

and they're starting to tell
the news about

some horrible international
story, and, you know,

they're disrobing.

MARINA: ...says Solorio was
bitten in the upper torso

before being pulled out of the
water by a friend.

MICHAEL: And it's almost a bit
awkward, it's distracting.

They're doing it almost in a
robotic way

that they're pretending that
they're

really not doing it.

LUCAS: "Naked News", as you
know, is an ongoing concern.

It has been for quite some
time.

We're always open to changes,
but we're working within a box.

MICHAEL: Mhm.

LUCAS: And if that box can be
opened, I mean,

that's only something Peter
can give me authority on.

MICHAEL: Have you ever had any
focus groups, where you've

actually asked users what they
like about the show,

what they don't like?

LUCAS: A focus group would be
fantastic.

ERICA: Do you guys want to run
this?

MAN: And... here it is.

ERICA: Let's hear it, peanuts!

MAN: Oh, snap!

ERICA: I know Colbert is
conservative,

but I didn't know that he's a
tea-bagger!

MAN: Boo!

ERICA: Yes! Nothing but net.
Swish!

MICHAEL: OK, Kirby.

Great to be able to review the
site with you.

KIRBY: My name is Kirby
Stasyna, and my job here

is manager of the web
operations.

I originally was with "Naked
News"

when I came up with the idea,
and that was back in 1998.

VICTORIA: Who will assume the
most powerful position

in the world - George W. Bush
or Al Gore?

KIRBY: We were sitting around
jamming one night,

and hit on this concept while
we were watching the news.

And it was just this idea: men
could concentrate on the

information more if they
didn't have to

visualize the women naked.

VICTORIA: Ralph Nader received
three percent of the vote,

with 2.63 million votes.

MICHAEL: As you know, I've
been charged with driving a lot
of

traffic to the site, so I need
to make sure it all works well.

Now, this is just a mess.

It's a dog's breakfast.

This looks 10 years old.

I'll be blunt: it sucks.

I've got a lot of work to do,
here.

KIRBY: Just like the other
marketing people that have

come in, the first thing they
do is tell you

what you're doing wrong.

MICHAEL: It's just so busy.

I know it's meant to be
informative,

but it's actually
overwhelming.

KIRBY: He'll learn soon
enough.

There are roadblocks that he
will have to face,

and that's convincing Peter
that what he's doing is right.

I have no control over this
page, myself.

You're going to have to get
authorization from Peter

directly to change a period on
this page.

MICHAEL: I will get you your
approval.

STEVE: Hm. That works.

VICTORIA: A big "Happy
Halloween",

and welcome, one and all.

You've reached "Naked News".
I'm Victoria Sinclair.

ERICA: And I'm Erica Stevens.

We've got an extra special

Halloween program lined up for
you.

VICTORIA: Our naked nerd,
Katherine Curtis,

is standing by.

ERICA: As are the dynamic duo
of Rachelle Wilde

and Peyton Priestly, who are

cooking something up for the
occasion

in "Cooking in the Raw".

VICTORIA: But first, the news,
and the toll

that Superstorm Sandy has
taken on the East Coast of the
U.S.

ERICA: Yes. Eila Adams is
standing by in the newsroom

with the latest.

EILA: Thanks, ladies, and
happy Halloween, everyone.

Over 7,000,000 people are
without power along the U.S.
...

STEVE: "Giraffe Adams" makes
me laugh so much.

It's kind of the best thing
ever.

EILA: Across the northeast,

16 deaths have been blamed on
Sandy.

With blackout warnings still
in effect along

the mid-Atlantic coast...

STEVE: So it's kind of like a
giraffe ripping off

its own skin here, is what
we're seeing,

which is kind of disturbing.

EILA: There's the port
authority

of New York & New Jersey...

STEVE: And then, by the end of
it,

she's just part giraffe, part
woman -

like a man had sex with a
giraffe, and then they had

this hybrid giraffe baby who
grew up to read news.

EILA: ...of Sandy's path.

We'll be right back.

LUCAS: Halloween tradition is
that most people dress up -

I mean, whoever wants to.

MARINA: It does!

She kind of sounds like her
sassy sister.

EVERYONE: Happy birthday!

MAN: Good-looking costume!

LUCAS: "Wackiest costume"
always goes to Ian,

who always pretends to be
someone's relative.

IAN: See? He's going to cry.

LUCAS: This year, it's Eila's
brother.

And the "best costume", every
year, goes to Nate.

NATHAN: Today is Halloween,

and, you know, a few people
are dressed up, myself
included.

I made this beard of bees.

LUCAS: He painted all the
little bees himself.

It's crazy.

NATHAN: To people who are
allergic to bees,

bees are very scary, so...

LEO: Yeah, Nate came in.

He spent months and months on
his costume.

And we knew he was up to
something.

We couldn't figure out what it
was.

So he came in this morning,
dressed with his beard thing,

and we were like, "OK, we
can't leave this alone."

LUCAS: Those guys are just

You know, they just like to
have a little fun.

ANDREA: We thought we would
one-up him

and be a little bit more
clever, play off of his
cleverness.

NATHAN: Well, it's definitely
generating a lot of buzz.

Hopefully, it's the sweetest
costume here.

Um...

I'm running out of puns I can
make about this costume.

LUCAS: Hello? PETER: Hi, Lucas.

LUCAS: Hey, Peter. How are you
doing?

LUCAS: Yes, I did.

LUCAS: No, I was watching
Anderson Cooper last night.

LUCAS: Yeah?

LUCAS: Well, no, we had our
Halloween show on Tuesday,

'cause you know how our show
airs at 5, Eastern Time,

until the next day, 5 Eastern.

LUCAS: Yeah?

LUCAS: No, that was our
previous day's show.

LUCAS: Peter is definitely in
the picture a lot more,

these days - ever since that
gauntlet was thrown down that

he wants to improve traffic,
improve the program,

improve everything about this
place.

LUCAS: Well, we had an entire
show that was Halloween.

LUCAS: He likes to
micromanage, you know?

And this place runs smoothly
when he's not watching the
show.

LUCAS: No, I don't recall
that.

IAN: The cleverest thing Lucas
ever did

was put the Halloween show on
October the 30th.

JEREMY: Mhm.

IAN: That way, no one could
ever discover it.

LUCAS: No, that's not true,

'cause I don't see your point
of view.

I'm agreeing with you because
this is your opinion.

He believes he knows better
than anybody else.

And who are you to question
that?

And, working for him, I
question that all the time,

but, you know what?

At the end of the day, it's
his company.

IAN: There she is: Giraffe
Adams.

Very appropriate, because I
think, if you're going

to report on a disaster,

why not be a little bit of a
disaster yourself?

EILA: Apparently, my costume
was inappropriate

for what I was reporting on.

But, then again, we had that
show planned.

We don't know what's going to
be on the news that day.

LUCAS: It was our Halloween
show.

JEREMY: Peter runs a business
where people tell the news

and get naked when they do
that.

IAN: Yes.

JEREMY: If they happen to be
wearing a costume,

all of a sudden we've crossed
the line.

IAN:

LUCAS: We're "Naked News".

We strip. We disrobe.

We're naked in stories that
involve serious issues

every single day.

In and of itself, that is
ridiculous to anybody.

LUCAS: No, no. We have
guidelines.

EILA: There's 18 commandments.

LUCAS: The 18 commandments are
certain rules that have

been put into place over the
years about things we do

and things we don't do, one of
them being

"Don't disrobe through death."

EILA: So I guess I broke the
commandment, and, uh

Well, actually, I didn't,
because I didn't strip

during the death story.

It was the end story.

Here are some accounts to
consider following:

there's the Port Authority of
New York & New Jersey,

which operates the area's
three major airports...

IAN: The good news is that
most of the people who would
have

been insulted by that - i.e.,
New Yorkers - wouldn't have

any electricity, anyway, so
they couldn't see the show.

JEREMY: Yeah, they couldn't
see it.

IAN: So, no problem.

JEREMY: They're not going to
go back into our archives.

IAN: Yeah.

Besides, they would be looking
on the wrong day, anyhow.

They would be looking on
October 31st

for the Halloween show, and
they wouldn't find it.

EILA: Well, I guess it would
have been Lucas' fault,

because he was the one that
okayed it.

LUCAS: OK. PETER: Take care.
Bye.

LUCAS: Thank you, Peter. Bye.

DAVID: Hi, guys. MICHAEL: So
this is the setup?

DAVID: Yeah, this is what
we're doing tonight.

We have about six, seven
people, men and women, a mix of
ages -

and we're going to be showing
them some content,

some different segments, you
know, seeing their reaction -

what they like, what they
don't like.

LUCAS: When Michael Haffner
came on board, having a focus
group,

it became a serious
conversation, and so it's

going to be our first time
really ever getting that sort

of feedback from a group of
people - the kind of feedback

we've been looking for for a
while now.

DAVID: A lot of nice stuff to
drink and eat.

We're going to watch some
television

and get your response to it,

and the folks behind this show
are really eager to hear

what you guys think.

Who's heard of "The Naked
News"?

WOMAN: I have. MAN: I have.

DAVID: Has anyone actually
watched it before?

RICK: When it first came out,

yeah, 'cause it was such a big
splash, but I was surprised

to find out today that it's
actually still on,

'cause I had thought - maybe I
misheard from someone -

that it was no longer on the
air.

VICTORIA: Recently, oil and
gas company Saudi Aramco

was subjected to one of the
most devastating

cyber attacks on record.

Now, American officials are
pointing the finger at Iran

as being the likely culprit.

MARINA: And, in Afghanistan,

an elite German special forces
team has captured

a key member of the Taliban.

Mullah Abdul Rahman is
believed to be behind

suicide attacks on NATO fuel
convoys.

DAVID: What's your overall
reaction?

AARON: I actually did like the
girls.

I thought they were
good-looking,

and I just felt like they
seemed fairly comfortable

and into it, but it does seem
a bit gimmicky,

and I just don't really see
what the nudity adds to it,

other than a distraction,
maybe.

REBECCA: As they're talking
about the violence

and the girl is, like, taking
off her bathing suit,

it's just like,

"Did you think about the
content of the story

when you were pairing that?

Do you want to maybe talk
about, you know,

how horrible the violence is
there,

and you're, like, shimmying
out of your bathing suit?"

It's just in such poor taste.

AARON: I think it's pretty
clear that it's, like,

very objectifying to women.

I mean, I understand why they
wouldn't be interested

in watching it.

RACHEL: And that's the final
buzzer

on your midweek look at
sports.

For "Naked News", I'm Rachel
Simmons.

DAVID: Besides the nudity,

what caught your attention the
most about the show?

JEFF: I thought it was kind of
cheesy, actually -

even, like, the background,

and just the way it looked.

REBECCA: Every single girl was
white and waxed, completely.

It makes me think that this
show is for straight white
people,

probably mostly men.

RACHEL: Why is Wasaga the best
place to hang out?

Why is it a good place for a
vacation?

WOMAN: Great beach, great
sand, hot bodies...

RICK:

RACHEL: How many hook-ups you
got?

MAN: Uh, three. RACHEL: Don't
lie!

MAN: Uh... thirteen.

AARON:

DAVID: Was there anything
about that episode that people
liked?

JOHNNY: The comedy was there,
you know what I mean?

It definitely made us chuckle
a little bit.

DAVID: Right.

AARON: Yeah. To me, that was,
like, the most entertaining

part of the show I've seen.

JEFF: It was fun. It was fun
to watch.

There was more humour.

REBECCA: She's, like,
conversational, and sarcastic,

and obviously funny.

AARON: I mean, that sort of
seems more like what this show

kind of could be.

DAVID: Final thoughts? Final
recommendations?

AARON: I wouldn't be
embarrassed to tell people

that I watch "The Naked News",

but I just see it as very,
like, low-brow,

not-high-quality programming,
so, I mean,

I don't think I would be,

you know, proud if this is
where I get my news from.

MAN: Right.

AARON: Or if this is where I
get my nudity from, either,

for that matter.

DAVID: OK, guys. We're done.

Thanks so much for coming and
sharing your thoughts.

LUCAS: This sucks.

DAVID: Well, um...

LUCAS: That was pretty
negative.

It was tough.

You know, I thought it would
be negative.

I didn't think it would be
that negative.

DAVID: I'd say that there was
some constructive feedback.

I think it does need
evolution.

MICHAEL: There's no question
about that.

PETER: The focus
was completely,

utterly mishandled.

This was shit in, and you got
shit out.

VICTORIA: We don't have a
strong enough identity,

so they're going to be
disappointed, no matter what.

MAN: "Flex Appeal"? Is this
what we stand for?

Is this what "Naked News" is?

WOMAN: What are you fucking
looking at me like that for?

Jesus Christ ! Get in the car!

WOMAN: All the streets are
fucking cluttered

with human litter and fucking
...

WOMAN: Please, God, help me.

WOMAN: Would you stop staring
at them like that?

You've got to look at the
camera a little bit!

WOMAN: 'Cause, you know what?

I live in Collingwood, I've
got my two grandkids here,

and that is fucking
disgusting.

WOMAN: How is it

Well, your language is a bit
disgusting.

VICTORIA: Yeah, did you know
about this, um...

well, the perv-cam?

MAN: Peter loves...

Well, you know that: he's an
ass man, right?

KATHERINE: No, no, no. No. No!

If this is our jobs on the
line, we're not going to have
them.

EILA: A World War II-era
unexploded bomb was found

by construction crews near one
of the runways.

The airport served as a
training school during the war,

and was a target of U.S.
bombers.

Now officials are trying to
decide whether they should

detonate the 550-pound
American-made bomb -

which would mean a week's
worth of preparations -

or move it off-site.

Fortunately, officials say
there is no immediate threat

of an explosion.

From the Naked Newsroom, I'm
Eila Adams.