Original subtitles

My sandwich! My sandwich!

Is anyone here?

I was sent by Don Ciccio.

Come in!

Fuck!

May I introduce...

Had to leave... a sexual menace...

Your name is Michele Cannaritta? You're the son of the carpenter at the funeral home?

- I'm his grandson. - Just why did he send you to me?

What do you know how to do, other than getting women pregnant?

Everything! I know about everything.

- I see! How far did you get in school? - Third grade.

That's nice... around here janitors have an engineering degree.

Third grade won't even qualify you to clean toilets.

Where can I send you? Don Ciccio may ask!

Hello! This is Fichera the barber.

I'd like to talk to the lady. Okay, I'll wait.

Stop playing with your cap and sit down.

A sexual menace!

Take off your cap when you're in someone's house. Here in Bergamo it's an insult.

Hello, Mrs. Lampugnani! Forgive me for bothering you at this time!

I have a young man who might be of help. I'll bring him over so you can have a look.

I need to take care of this now and get back to work. Let's go.

You had to arrive right now? To bother people at lunchtime?

- That's when the train arrived. - Answer only when you're asked to.

If this works out, I have to tell you, I've found you a great place.

If don't screw up you could stay there for life. Did Don Ciccio tell you the conditions?

No.

Then I'll tell you. Get this into your head, and don't forget.

Send your first paycheck, large or small, to Don Ciccio. He'll be expecting it.

Send all of your second paycheck to Don Ciccio.

No one in town is to know where you're staying. If they find you...

You'll be given a place to stay.

Third, bring half your salary to me from then on.

I have to send him 20%.

And what do I do... drink coffee?

After this, no one will stop to ask you for money. Get moving!

That's for sure.

This is the part of town where the cream of the city lives.

You're lucky I brought you here, rathering than dirtying your hands in their factories.

That's the cream of the city. What are you doing? Let's go!

Look at the palace where you'll be living.

Don't talk about money. First you must be introduced to this class of people.

Show them you're clean, educated, ...

... and above all, we can't reveal the reason you're here.

You'll have to pay for that. That thing is like a weapon ...

... and you need to know how to control it.

Don't forget, the dick kills more men than the sword!

Holy Mary... what a stench!

Hey you! What the hell's in that nasty suitcase you're carrying around?

If we go by the smell, it's shit.

Why did you bring your luggage? Don't you know whether they'll hire you?

Look at your shoes! They're filthy! What did you step in?

"What did you step in?" "What did you step in?"

- "Get out of here!" - You're bad!

"You're bad."

Hey, what didn't you understand? Get your filthy shoes off the carpet.

Leave your shoes in the hallway.

- I'm sorry! I didn't know! - The lady will give you a job.

She hired me, and I've been here for three years.

She took me just because I was getting married, but you won't last three days ...

... take it from Ambrogio! Because that girl ...

- ... told you to take off your shoes! - I've already removed them.

... because of some reckless carnal behavior, madam.

- How many girls were involved? - Unfortunately, three or four.

But his family is good. The people are honest and hard working.

His uncle runs a soft goods packaging firm.

I was given assurances by a trusted person, if he doesn't measure up to...

- I'm sorry, madam! - Don't worry about it, Fichera.

- Does he have a job? - No, he just arrived from Sicily.

Perhaps you'll need to be a little patient with him at first, but he's a fast learner.

He's a smart guy, clean... presentable.

- Alright... bring him in here. - Of course, madam!

Michele, the lady wants to see you.

Is that how you present yourself to a lady, asshole?

- What did you say your name was? - Michele Canaritta at your disposal!

Come closer, Michele!

- You may leave Fichera! Thank you! - Only doing my duty, Madam!

If there's any problem, you only need to call me, and I'll come to take him back.

I kiss your hand!

- Sit Michele, I want to ask you something. - I'm at your disposal, Madam!

- You ravaged your home town. Is that true? - Unfortunately ...

You must be a menace to woman, Michele Cannaritta.

Women are dangerous for me, my lady! They want to kill me.

- Who? The women? - No, not them! They enjoyed it.

- Their relatives are looking for me. - Listen, Michele ...

... I need a good servant who won't give me any trouble.

There are women in this house. Do you understand what I'm saying?

How could I not understand?

I'll give you a trial period. Give me my robe, please!

- Immediately, Madam. - No, not like that! Watch...

Like this! Bravo !

That goes for coats, furs and the like.

The Engineer has arrived. Come!

Amanda! Dina! There's never anyone here when I arrive.

- Amanda! - Here, Engineer... look at this!

I don't want that stuff in my house. I hate pornography!

We've become a nation of impotent perverts.

- Which one's are they, Engineer? - It may help them.

But you don't need them!

- Take these into the kitchen. Where's Ambrogio? - Changing the linens.

- Come help me! - Michele is coming! He's coming down with madam.

Who's Michele?

Hi, darling! How are you?

- Are you tired? - Yes. A little!

- Who's this idiot? - My respects, sir!

The Engineer is just a little tired, Michele! How was the hunt?

Good! I got 17 pheasants and 24 rabbits.

The hunting has been excellent this season.

- Who is that? - I think I found a new servant.

Yes?

What does Fichera know about servants? He only knows about cutting hair...

He's a good boy, full of common sense, and above all very intelligent.

I tripped on the stairs.

Looks to me like the idiot tripped over his feet.

Just to be safe, you should send him to Menzzini's clinic for an examination.

- Of course! - He may have some kind of sickness.

I'd feel better in knowing. Maybe he just has stage fright ...

So...

- Cannaritta! - Here.

- I can see that! What's your first name? - Michele!

Take your clothes off!

- Occupation, servant. Age? - 29.

Diseases?

Everything!

- Does that hurt? - No.

- How about that? - No.

- How about that? - Why? Is it supposed to hurt?

- Have you ever been to a doctor? - No.

You must have been in the military. Didn't the doctor say anything when he examined you?

I didn't serve in the army. My mother's a widow.

How are your relations with women?

Good.

I don't doubt that.

In my 30 year career I've seen some incredible things, but nothing like this.

- Maria! - Yes, doctor.

Please start a special file on my examination.

Cannaritta, Michele. 29 years old.

Palpation revealed triorchidism of impressive size.

May I dress now, Doctor?

At the same time, I observed exceptional growth of the glands, ...

... resulting in a pronounced development of the organ.

In summary, my examination of the subject's apparatus revealed that it is abnormally large.

Why is she looking at me? May I get dressed?

Yes, of course!

Put the phone down, Maria. I've finished with my report.

What have I got, Doctor? Is it dangerous?

Yes. But not for you.

Come back tomorrow. I've ordered some x-rays. Your case deserves further study.

Speak plainly, Doctor! I don't mind. Is something wrong?

- No! Everything is fine. On the contrary, you're very well. - I don't understand!

Let me explain.

Instead of two, you have three.

500 years ago there was a case like yours, right here at Bergamo.

Look it up! Bartolomeo Cogleone. He was a great ruler.

D'Anunzio said this about him: He had the makings of a bull.

- Have you seen his chapel? - No.

You must go see it right away. It's the great tomb of Cogleone.

- Hello. How are you? - Try to be nice.

- How are you, Coco? - Hello, madam!

- You look beautiful today! - I'd like to speak with you for a moment.

There's a phenomenon in your home. Instead of two, he has three.

- Who? - Cannaritta, the man who you sent to me.

- Michele? What do you mean? - You don't understand?

- No. - A rare case of triorchidism.

A true Cogleone. Like someone you only find in literature.

And if that wasn't enough ...

- Let us in on the joke. - What were you talking about?

- No. It's a professional secret. - Come on, tell us!

What did Menzzini tell you?

- It seems that our Michele is gifted. - In what way?

- It seems that he has three. - Three what?

- Three... Coco... how are you, ma'am? - How are you doing?

It's their servant. He's a special case, according to my husband. He said it was triorchidism.

- Like Cogleone? - Yes. And if that wasn't enough, it seems that he...

Is that so... !

- Is it true? - It really is.

- When Coco finds out ... - She'll be happy... like finding a four-leaf clover!

A professional secret is a professional secret ...

It sounds so incredible. Watch out!

- Hi, Coco! How are you? - Hi, Achille!

Hello!

- Hey, Carla! You're the last. - It seems that Cogleone has returned.

What does that mean?

- Mezzini says the servant has three balls. - Which servant is that?

Has anyone seen him? Coco keeps him in the house, like a rare animal.

- I have no doubt. - That's not all. It's that big...

Carla, Agnese! Come here! Have you heard the news?

- He came to the Lampugnani's... - Bartolomeo Cogleone!

This is the statue of Cogleone's daughter, Medea. She died quite young.

A masterpiece by the sculptor Amadeo. Her sarcophagus lies under the coat of arms.

On the left is the Cogleone family crest, which I've been told, ...

... represents three stylized testicles.

It is well known that Bartolomeo Cogleone had this natural defect.

Well, a defect, if we can call it that.

Forgive me ladies, but I think this is a defect that every man should have.

From this feature, as the ruler of Bergamo ...

... Cogleone took the name, "Coglione" [Ital: "testicle"]! I apologize again!

Some say his name has no significance today.

On the contrary, it's a source of great pride.

Cogleone wanted this symbol on his shield and family crest.

He proudly wore it in a thousand battles ...

... making this man one of the greatest leaders in history.

Here's the altar.

The concert's already begun.

Silvia is a wonderful singer, as you can hear. He came from Rome this morning.

Would you like to sit over here?

- Here! - Thank you!

Where is the phenomenon that you mentioned?

My husband examined him, and said he was hung like a tomcat.

- Where did you find such big, fat fruit? - In Paris, of course.

I'd say in Sicily.

With some fruits and vegetables, Carla, you must try a piece to get the measure.

And so far, a piece is all that Coco has managed to sample.

- We're not stupid! - Really?

It takes 20 years to become a competent servant. Bravo, Ambrogio!

Elegant and lithe like a dancer. Put down one, pick up the other.

It's not a job, it's an art. Skill and precision.

We mustn't drop the tray. Sorry... madam must have tripped!

It's my profession...

"Ambrogio is a son of a bitch!" "Ambrogio is a son of a bitch!"

Fuck whoever taught you that!

Bravo!

- He's very talented. - Yes, he's not a bad singer.

Listen, Coco! Are you going to show us the new servant or not?

- Which one, the waiter or the gardener? - Either one would do...

Curious about his baton?

- Ambrogio! Go get Michele. - Right away!

You're wanted in the salon, Michele.

- Me? - You... you!

Go to the salon!

Michele is in trouble!

"Michele makes the honey!" "Michele makes the honey!"

It's just one of Menzzini's jokes, that he's so gifted.

That's right.

If I had such a thing in my house, I'd keep it chained up like a bull.

Come here, Michele!

As you command, my lady!

- Do you have the keys to your car, Agnese? - Yes.

It's a white Mercedes, Michele. Did you get the bulbs?

- Of course, madam! - Put them in the Marquisa's trunk.

Yes, my lady!

Your servant!

He's very tall, for a Sicilian! He seems to be quite well formed...

Tall or short, I wouldn't recommend them.

I have about 30 in the factory. They're good people, but have no initiative.

- This one has something extra... - In what respect?

- I mean, he's a good worker... - How?

We understand! He's very hard working ...

Coco took him on as a waiter. Isn't that so, my dear?

That oaf? If he has the makings of a successful waiter, I'm a nun.

I don't see why you care, as long as Coco is pleased with him!

Would you believe that in a month I can make him better than Ambrogio?

I'm a good judge of workers, but with that one ...

... you could knock yourself out for a year and get nowhere.

Give up! He's dirty, backward and illiterate.

Coco is right. It's worthwhile just having the waiter in her possession.

Of course! That's exactly my point.

Don't hurry! And with more dignity, please!

That's it! Act more relaxed, move more casually.

What are you doing? I told you, always serve on the left, Michele.

Yes, my lady!

Excuse me, madam!

Listen to me, Michele Cannaritta. You're wasting my time if you can't give complete satisfaction. Got it?

- Yes, madam! - And you have to give it.

Of course, madam!

- I think we're done. Take everything away. - Yes.

I told you, take the plate from the right, and place it from the left.

Of course!

That's it! On the left!

Let me see! You have dirty fingernails ...

- Do you have a toothbrush in your bathroom? - Yes, madam!

- Then use it! - What, you don't think I use it?

Mustache, beard ... Trim them every day ...

I shaved this morning, madam. This is new since then...

Then shave your beard twice a day.

I could shave two or three times a day. I would just irritate my skin...

"Three or four... three or four..."

- Lesson four. - I will take them to the harbor at four.

Now... repeat after me: The train from Trapani has arrived, madam!

The train from Trapani has arrived, madam! It will depart at 4:33.

Bravo!

- Do you like me without the mustache? - You look much better, Michele.

Thank you!

- Did you see how he performed today? - What? The dollar?

No, Michele! The table servant.

It's easier when there's someone to help him. Let's see how he fares when Ambrogio isn't around.

Your Cogleone doesn't even know how to drive a car. He's just a half-breed...

He'll learn quickly... because he's a phenomenon at everything.

Whenever I check on something, I find he's already learned how to do it.

They're all like monkeys. Yours is some kind of orangutan.

But Achille, all our friends... Carla, Ersilia...

... even that sheep, Agnese, does nothing but think about him.

- About Dolano... or Marco? - No! About Michele, silly.

That fool? A monkey is never going to become a conqueror!

You're doing okay with ordinary turns.

But you need to hold the steering wheel tightly. You're not riding a donkey back in your country.

- You're starting to annoy me. - Turn right! Brakes... brakes!

Can't you see where you're going?

Come on, Mr. Godfather! Reverse!

Have you found the gear?

What are you doing? Brakes!

You goddamn fag!

My knee... it's broken!

Why don't you go back where you came from...

You're giving me a headache. I'll kill you! I hate you, you...

- What happened? - Look what he made me do, Madam!

- Are you hurt, Michele? - No.

Don't just stand there, Ambrogio. Go get some bandages and disinfectant.

Move, you idiot! Didn't you hear the lady?

Poor Michele! Sit down. Let me see!

- It's that ox that's to blame. - Try to relax.

He saw that I put it in first, instead of reverse. Son of a bitch!

- Are you worried? - Not about myself, about the car.

I'm sorry madam, I'll never learn to drive it.

You'll learn...

You're like the blacks. Once you learn something, you become an expert.

I am very pleased. It's amazing how you've changed in such a short time.

- What does that guy want? - Stop it, Giorgio.

Excuse me for asking, madam! Why are giving away your talking minah bird?

Coco's here...

Yes, it's her car. Very elegant ...

... but with a new driver.

- I know him. - It's Michele.

- What a transformation ... - He's gorgeous ...

- Bring the gift, Michele! - Right away, madam.

- Coco! - Happy birthday, my dear Agnese!

- I brought you a gift. - Thank you, darling!

How wonderful, a talking bird.

- How beautiful! - It was so nice of you.

He's the most talkative bird, never quiet for a moment.

- So it talks? - What language?

Pornography!

"Ambrogio's hot. Michele's a son of a bitch."

I hope I brought you the correct bird, Agnese.

No madam, it isn't the bird. Ambrogio taught him that.

Correct bird or not, I like him. Not only does he talk, ...

... but he also makes jokes.

I don't think he cares much for the jokes.

He's such a sensitive man.

- How did you turn him into this? - He learns very quickly.

My husband says he's a rare case. They've discussed studying him at a medical congress in Milan.

I hope they won't conduct any experiments now that he's become so attractive.

- I think it would be a disaster. - He has an evil affliction, but...

Why evil? I say he's lucky. It's a gift of nature.

What you told us about that guy was right, Coco.

Why not give him to me? I'd have him do more than drive.

I have a factory full of local workers. He could lead them like sheep, don't you think.

I understand it might be a sin, but he could be good for all of us.

- Do you feel alright with us, Michele? - Of course, my lady! I feel quite well.

- I meant are you content? - Of course, my lady!

I'm thankful, Michele. You bring warmth to our house, an atmosphere which was never there before.

- You're very kind, madam. - You're so honest and natural ...

So you realize that your Ambrogio is a phony?

- Would you stop for a moment, please? - Immediately, my lady!

What the hell...?

That was the Engineer.

Where are you going?

- Achille! Hi... - Hi! Where were you?

At Trascoria. I spent the day with Agnese.

All our friends were there. Everyone brought a gift.

Everyone brought her gift ... Who was there?

There was Carla, Giovanna, Paula ... Do you know Paula?

Of course. I know them all.

- What did you give her? - I gave her a minah bird.

- Really? One of your talking birds? Which one? - Giorgio.

The most handsome male in our collection.

The one we still have is better.

It bellows like an ox being slaughtered, but if you say he's better... !

Fine! Did he speak?

When doesn't he speak? He said Michele was a...

- Good evening, Engineer! - Good evening, my friend!

So, Michele, would you say you like it here in Bergamo?

I mean, do you feel comfortable in our house? Do you have everything you need?

Of course, Engineer.

I'm glad you're content here.

- How about you, Coco? - I quite content, darling... of course!

Bon app�tit, sir!

He's a formidable man. Maybe a little shy.

Don't you think he's doing better? At least he cares about his work.

I'm starting to like him.

That's quite a large glider. Have you been certified to fly it, Carla?

I can fly it.

I guess that's what a person can do when they're loaded with money, Carletta.

Dear Ersilia, beauty is fleeting, but money is forever.

Take this to the flight line, I'll be there soon.

That rude bitch is like a centaur: half woman, half bull.

It would take a good rider to mount that centaur.

Hi, Agnese! How are you?

- I'm fine, how about you? - Wonderful!

- Come along, Michele! - Hello, Countess!

Marquisa, if you please!

Michele! Why not come along to be my counterweight?

- Me? - Yes, you.

I have work to do...

What kind of man are you? You're not afraid ...

I'm not afraid, but if my employers return and find I'm not ...

We'll be right back. This is just a takeoff and landing test ...

Come with me. Climb in!

Don't make me waste my time. Get in here!

Make yourself comfortable.

Have you seen that one before?

Isn't Carla's new plane quite beautiful?

She handles it at easily as if she were walking down the street.

- Isn't that your employers? - Yes. That's them.

Who's in the cockpit with Carla?

- It's Michele. - What's he doing up here?

Hold on tight, Michele!

- Would you like to try that again? - I'd like to get out, please!

Take the stick in your hand. Take it...

Be brave! That's it! With both hands.

Are you letting me fly this by myself?

My heart is racing... can you feel it?

Risk excites me.

When is your day off?

Thur... Thursdays.

Then I'll expect you for lunch at the factory on Thursday.

You just have to do it, dear Michele.

- What were thinking, Carla? - That Michele of yours is very likeable.

Thank you!

He was fearless. If I could borrow him for four weeks I'd have the patent.

- Patent for what? - Why? Does he only take orders from you?

Judging by the progress he's made, I'd say yes!

Bravo, Michele! You enjoyed your climb to new heights?

I liked it.

Just restrict it to your day off, not on the job. Understand?

- I only went as the counterweight, sir. - Poor Michele, he has such a large counterweight...

I'm going to Rome tomorrow.

- So unexpectedly? - The Americans insisted.

- I must be there to negotiate the merger. - Have you decided to sell?

Negotiation doesn't mean accepting their offer. But I'm tired.

If I could, I'd get rid of everything.

Be done with the factory, and spend three months in Paris, four in Tahiti ...

... five in the Ba...

Five in the Bahamas. In one place today, in another tomorrow.

Traveling around the world with no concerns.

Just the two of us. Alone.

Okay, then. I'll be home for dinner tomorrow evening.

Have fun in Milan, but be home before nightfall.

It gets foggy at night, and I would be uncomfortable.

Don't worry. I'll go to the hairdresser, then the tailor, and be home before dark.

Very good.

Goodbye, Engineer!

Ciao, Michele! Drive carefully.

Don't worry. Do you want me to pick you up tomorrow?

- No. It would be better if I called. - Have a pleasant trip.

Ciao!

Excuse me, sir! This is when we eat in Milan.

Is that so... go ahead!

And you?

Here... go to the bar and get a sandwich. You can keep the rest.

Do you want one?

Thanks, not at the moment!

- I have to eat quickly tonight. - Why's that?

Because my client is following some people in that restaurant.

What is this? Police headquarters?

You must have patience, sir.

You take care of your horns, I'll take care of mine.

Park the car in the garden and wait for me!

- Hurry... get upstairs! - "Michele"!

"Go home... go home!"

- Now he's learned it. - Why not throw the informant out?

What are you doing, Michele? Put me down!

You must obey when I tell you to do something. Understand?

Do I have to teach you everything?

Come... undress me!

What's this? Have they started again?

They just finished... and he's already recuperated!

I've never seen such a thing!

I need some air...

He's insatiable!

No more, Michele... I can't do it again!

What did Carla say? You never told me.

- Nothing. - Are you sure?

She wanted action, not talk. So she opened her dress and showed me her breasts.

The slut!

She's a dangerous woman. That's all I'll say.

Promise me that you won't turn your back on her!

- You swear? - Yes.

- On what? - St. Rosalia.

- As long as she's with me, I'll be okay. - Bravo!

Again? Just remember, you swore to me!

- Where are you going? Who are you? - The lady told me that ...

We can't have people walking around in the factory during working hours.

Let them pass, Bestetti. I invited him to come see me.

Very well, ma'am! Right away!

I'm sorry! I didn't know!

Okay, I've seen enough. The models may leave.

- May I come in? - Come in, Michele! Come right in.

No, it's still not good enough! With the competition in the marketplace...

... for how we dress!

Show more of your body. We need more sensuality.

Wear your pants lower. It needs to reveal your butt.

Paris says, "Thighs in cold weather warm your man."

If you don't understand that, then you need to get a different job. And this cleavage ...

It's too high. More open, careless ...

You must arouse their interest by the way you look.

Now leave. Don't let anyone enter until I say so.

- I've been waiting, Michele. - I didn't want to come.

Why?

- My mistress forbade me. - She told you not to come here?

No! She told me to stay away from all her friends.

- Especially you! - That bitch!

Yes? You're always bothering me, Bestetti! At the most inopportune times ...

The computer shows that at the current rate, the order won't be ready tomorrow.

Increase the pace, Bestetti! Apply more pressure ...

Be more violent, more determined ...

Use more force, Bronzini! Be more determined, use more violence ...

Attention! Sewing sections and machine workers! Increase the pace! Increase the pace!

Look!

That's just one section. There are 1,700 workers in the entire factory.

I own 37 factories throughout Italy. The largest factory is in Turin.

This is the industry that creates wealth, not that of your employer who relies on subsidies from the state ...

... and is forced to negotiate a merger with the Americans. But I would consider a merger with you.

- But I have no money. - I'm not worried about that. I have money.

I need a man. A man like you, Michele. Think about it.

Is anyone here?

Are you looking for my father? I'll go call him.

- Are you single? - I'm single.

- What's your name? - Concetta!

- How old are you? - 16.

I brought my last salary. That's all of it!

I want out of this. I'm tired of being a servant.

- Have you found something better? - Maybe!

The mafia demands a stiff price. And I vouched for you.

- So, can't a man change his mind? - After this you won't find a hole to hide in.

And you're always looking for holes. Stay away from my daughter!

You see this?

Before I became a barber, I took care of animals.

I castrated pigs, horses, donkeys, sheep... Didn't Don Ciccio tell you?

- No! - Then Tanuzzio Fichera is telling you!

You cannot talk like that to Michele Cannaritta, my friend.

I decide with whom I spend my evenings. I may spend this evening with your kitten.

This time I'll return it to your pocket, but next time...

Do you understand what I'm telling you?

Goodbye, Concettina!

- It's a cavity in the tube ... - Or a tumor ...

I think so too. That's why I've asked for a consultation by the illustrious Professor Godet.

In my opinion, he's just a virile young man.

In my opinion, it's a case of triorchidism. You remember Cogleone had them.

There's Manfrini's test, which explains a lot.

We have Prof. Mezzini with us, who gathered the initial information and can clarify the matter.

With the permission of Professor Godet, congress president, we'll hear his information.

- Professor? - Let him speak!

Professor Mezzini, does this individual exhibit normal or abnormal sexual behavior?

The headphones ...

Illustrious colleagues! As far as I'm concerned, I say look at the documentation.

The subject has abnormal genital proportions, ...

... and I suspected abnormal sexual behavior based on my initial examination.

Information about his birthplace speaks of sexual violence ...

... and acts of sexual desire similar to animals.

In the congenital defect of triorchidism, as presented by our illustrious Professor Godet ...

... who honored us with his speech ...

... one can observe a clearly atypical priapism.

Please get dressed and wait for me down at the entrance.

In view of these findings, I recommend an autopsy in the event of death ...

... to analyze the exaggerating affects of triorchidism.

We'll continue the discussion with a word from professor Salunga.

Michele! How was it, Michele?

It was alright. I'm done, madam. There were people of every color at the congress. Blacks...

You can't remain here, ma'am. Parking for the congress is on the other side.

- I'm expecting my husband. - If he won't be long, wait over there.

Thank you! Get in, Michele!

What do you think? How much longer will my husband be?

I don't know, ma'am, he just began speaking.

- How was your visit, Michele? - Okay. They seem to think I'm a phenomenon.

- They even took photos of me. - Photos of what?

I can't tell you. Your husband will need to explain.

I'd like to see them! He never tells me anything.

- You don't have a disease? - On the contrary!

I'm very healthy... that I am. It seems that it's a sin to be healthy ...

... like being crazy.

Did you know that I studied medicine also?

You did?

... concerning the size or number of organs. People may have three, four, or five ears, ...

... as the case might be. But this is what's important.

It has an amazing ability ...

... to increase the erotic impulse.

Hence, the evolution of homo eroticus, who is powerfully attracted to the opposite sex ...

... and has greatly increased sensual powers compared to a normal man.

I know you don't agree professor, but it involves psychic abilities, not just glands ...

... as a word or an image can make his sex drive explode.

We all recall Dante? Paolo and Francesca?

Desire to be kissed by a lover ...

Kiss my trembling lips ...

And in Purgatory ...

... the judge Nino: How long before the look from a woman's eyes makes you burn with desire?

What is more powerful than a look that ignites desire?

Leave off with the literature, Professor Salunga.

I say that when in the presence of such an exceptional anatomical apparatus, ...

... everything is enhanced. Even the erotic imagination.

Dear colleagues, it seems that we have exhausted the subject, it remains only to thank ...

... Dr. Mezzini, Dr. Merigi and Prof. Salunga, and continue our research.

We're still friends, Mezzini, aren't we?

Why argue over one testicle, more or less?

The world is full of balls ...

Don't forget to keep an eye on the exit.

- The Doctor! - Just when it was getting good...

- How long have you been waiting, my dear? - Only ten minutes.

- You've done everything you need to in Milan? - Everything!

They congratulated me on my discovery at the clinic.

- Of course, I enjoy that sort of thing. - It's a pathological abnormality?

- I believe it is. - I am sick, doctor?

- You're not going to operate on me? - No. What operation? No...

You're like someone who has to eat more than others.

What do you mean?

What I mean is your male desires must ...

... must be satisfied immediately, without fail.

If not, you become a danger to yourself and to others.

In other words, you should never abstain. Never!

As the doctor orders...

"Returning soon"

Michele!

You've gone to everyone in town. I've just seen you at the antique shop.

I'd like to know what you do for those ladies!

Let me in and I'll explain it to you right now.

Michele! Did you save me anything?

Just one! That's enough.

Michele! The putter.

Look how they stay together. They seem made for each other.

Wouldn't you say so, Agnese?

I wouldn't place so much trust in a servant.

There are servants and then there are servants ...

You know that you have a splendid head, Michele?

You have the unmistakable profile of Arab rulers.

- Like Cogleone? - I'd like to do your portrait, Michele.

- Of me? - Yes. Of you!

Come back to my shop tomorrow. We can start with a sketch ...

- You wait, one day I'll get him. - For me?

I'm going back to Rome. These mergers have to be watched closely.

Now then... have you taken an interest in factories and industries?

What did Giusy say to you that on the golf course?

She told you she wants to do a portrait, didn't she? Answer me!

Tell me! Why did she say? I order you to answer!

No, she just said she's tired and bored of golf. It's a stupid game.

With those skinny sticks and those little balls ...

That bitch will only mock you afterwards.

Don't you see that you're becoming a city punk? What I created, I can destroy.

Stop with the spraying. Will you listen to me or not?

Rosina has a jealous husband ...

... who'd shoot you just for fun.

I'll get my Rosina ...

... when she goes fetching water ...

... give it to ...

Give it to me.

Give it to him.

Give it to me!

And she went on to the fountain, with eyes all black and white ...

... and three of these.

What do you do with eggplant?

- Will you be getting any more fruit, Madam Marquisa? - No. You may go. Go out to the car.

Eggplant salad, Madam Marquisa. It's a Sicilian specialty.

Take eggplants, cut slices, ...

... add a little vinegar, a clove of garlic, four red onions and a little fresh rosemary.

And a tablespoon of olive oil. Is essential.

I prepare the salad myself.

Until you've had it ...

... you don't know the meaning of good.

Tomorrow is Thursday, come and make your salad. Unless you're not free...

Yes, Madam Marquisa. I'll bring the eggplant.

Here are your flowers.

Concettina! Want to ride?

Can't I even ask, Concettina?

Let's not waste time. No one can see us.

Climb in!

Hold on a minute, Frederico.

Here... I'll take you to the train. Come on, get in! Quickly...

Let's go home, Frederico.

- What are you doing, Michele? - We'll be united forever, Concettina.

What have you done, Michele?

Michele is the devil.

Yes, it took him an hour to get the girl to the train in your Mini.

- "He went in the Mini ... in the Mini". - Pipe down, Giorgio!

That's what I said, a girl of about 16 to 18 years old...

A slut like that... but she was beautiful. Tall, nice body ...

I don't care what Michele does when he's not here. He can do what he wants.

It isn't like he's my brother or my cousin. He's just a servant. You'll get over it.

No, I'm not upset.

But I am a bit confused by this story.

What?

- What have you done? - Nothing.

Nothing...

What happened, Concettina? Tell your mother!

Tell me, Concetta! What have you done?

Who was it? Michele?

Is anyone here?

Dear God ...

Tell your mother, Concetta. What happened?

I want to die! I want to die!

What a disaster! Come here, Tanuzzio! Come here!

- Female problems. Against the grain? - Against the grain!

I'm tired of all these calls. Michele's been here, Michele's been there ...

... Michele climbed onto the balcony ... ... Michele picked up a child ...

Why should I care? Why should it concern me?

I wasn't interested, but every time you leave the house, you behave like a stallion.

I'm almost too embarrassed to go into the city.

Should I starve because you've left the house? Close the door on your way out!

You don't understand. Cannaritta is free to do what he wants. He wasn't born to be a slave.

You were okay until I found something better to do.

In every sense.

Get out of this house. I don't want to see you again.

Get out!

I kiss your hand!

Watch the flag ...

Catch this, Michele.

It's not mine. Keep it!

It's good wool.

- I kiss your hands! - Where are you going, Michele?

I was thrown out.

Thrown out?

What a shame.

I couldn't stand it any longer.

- Why? I thought all was well... - Everything seemed to be going well.

He's no good... do you understand? Not at all!

Poor Coco! I understand. Somehow, I do understand.

He insulted me! He said he'd found someone better.

Then you did well to throw him out. The only thing that bothers me...

It was all in fun, Achilles. But I'll never see him again! Never...

That's right I'll never see him ...

I'll never see ...

You can come in now, Fichera.

- What happened, Doctor? - Her hymen is broken.

- What does that mean? - When the hymen is broken, it's broken.

The girl is no longer a virgin. Use your imagination as to how it happened.

You shouldn't be upset.

It's apt to happen with a Cogleone around. Maria, show Mr. Fichera out.

When I got here, I became the law.

I'm giving the orders! Show some respect or pack your bags!

It was my mistake, Director. It won't happen again.

Now let's take care of Bestetti. Bestetti!

- Can you hear me, Bestetti? - Yes, Mr. Michele, I can hear you.

You're supposed to be in the warehouse, supervising the loading with engineer Caracal. Where are you?

Mr. Michele, try to understand, I'm in the middle of something that can't be interrupted.

- There is no such thing when I call you. - I'm trying to tell you, it's because I'm on the toilet!

Michele!

- Come with me. - Of course, my dear!

She left her husband and sent the children to school, then that half-lesbian took up with that freak.

Did you see that? They have no shame.

With that goat herder! The whore!

- Here's the key. - The key?

Push the button.

That's your home.

That's your car.

And that's just the beginning.

Thank you!

You shouldn't have done it.

Watch...

You're quite the technical woman!

You see, I need someone to lie next to me, to give me a little warmth.

I don't need husbands. What would I do with them?

I need a real man. Someone like you, Michele.

Real men are one in a thousand. What am I saying? One in ten thousand.

But don't forget. As of today, you're mine alone! Got it?

Of course I do! I'm crazy about you. My heart is yours alone.

How beautiful you are, my love! My beautiful technical woman...

Well? I'm still waiting. I expect an answer.

- Are you going to do the right thing? - Where do you think we are?

This is not a good time. I've got the payroll here, and no time to chat.

I haven't caught so much as a whiff of your daughter.

- Keep trying. - You can say goodbye to your good luck charm!

Bravo! Eggplant salad by the book.

- Thank you, sir! - Just like at home.

You know, I like it here!

You could be the master here, Michele. I would place in your hands ...

... 700 acres of farm land, 80 head of livestock, not counting pigs, chickens, rabbits ...

The cars, the barns ... And cash ... lots and lots of cash.

I want to marry you. I want a husband...

... not just a man.

Alright! I'm ready to discuss that!

- "Get out!" - When can you throw the orator out?

"Leave quickly!"

Agnesetta...

- After the meal, we'll go upstairs ... - No.

I didn't sleep well last night. I'm very tired.

I'll come to your house tomorrow, Michele.

Then we'll do it tomorrow, Agnese!

Last month I made an eggplant salad for the Lampugnani's.

The Marquisa was there and asked me to teach her how to make eggplant salad.

Don't be stupid, you're not talking to Coco.

I know what you peasants do on your day off.

Deliver the house keys and car to my manager Bestetti tomorrow.

Now go! Get out!

- What do you think of my painting? - The colors are superb.

There seems to be a recurring theme. Tell me Carla, is it true that you fired Michele?

- I threw him out like a dog. That's what he deserved. - Why? What did he do?

He's a moron. After watching him abuse everyone at the factory, I finally realized he was a jerk.

- Who knows what got into your head? - But you still screwed him, eh?

He came and begged me.

I always said he was a lout and not worth all the attention everyone paid him.

Some people should be turned away when they ask for a job in your home.

It's hard enough finding servants today, one can't wait to see who else might apply for a job.

You'd like a servant like that.

We should demand the proper relationship between servant and master.

For example, I placed too much trust in Michele... and not just trust.

Michele get up, Michele sit down. Put on my helmet, put on my belt, come take a ride with me.

He became our play toy. It's true that we passed him around.

Now he's mixed up with that heifer of a marquisa, and of course that upsets some of us...

Would you mind telling us who this man is?

Knock it off, Coco! You're the one who trained him and turned him loose among us!

You can call me a racist, but I wouldn't lower myself to paint an aboriginal like that.

What a painting ...

Wouldn't lower herself to paint ...

That's incredible!

You're incredible! I never could have imagined, Michele, that I'd be putty in your hands!

You're the raw force of nature unleashed.

You're a monster, Michele! Now I understand why everyone ...

... recommended you to me! You're a cyclone, Michele!

You're a hurricane that sweeps me away!

It's so good! I can't stand it! You're kiling me, Michele!

My heart! My heart!

How come one minute you're screaming, and the next you're silent?

Agnese! Stop kidding around, Agnese!

Agnesina! What's the matter, Agnese?

What am I going to do?

The rain has stopped. Get ready!

Let's go!

Where's the other one? Where did she drop it?

Hurry!

Hide!

- Cover your face. - Wait...

Stop! We came to punish you, but it's not necessary.

This time, you did it to yourself.

Nowhere to run, assassin? I saw that you killed her.

My lady!

- What is it? - Michele is downstairs.

He said it's urgent that he speak with you. Will you see him?

- At this hour? - He said it was something serious.

- I'll be right down. - Wait! Tell him to come here.

- What does Michele want at this hour? - Who knows? It's 4 o'clock in the morning.

- Come in, Michele! - I need to speak in private with you, my lady.

Come in! My husband and I have no secrets.

Well, what's on your mind?

Lady Agnese is dead.

- I'm sorry. - It happened at my home, in my bed.

Why have you come here?

Let me talk, madam. Please! I'll tell you... everything.

Okay, but speed it up.

When I realized she was dead, I lost my head.

I put her in her car and left it a few kilometers from my house.

- I hope you didn't kill her. - No, no! I didn't!

When she died... I didn't even notice it!

So what do you want from us?

Fichera saw me. He's been following me for a long time.

He has no doubt what you did to his daughter. It would send you directly to jail... which you deserve.

Some crimes cannot be pardoned.

Help me! Don't abandon me! Anything you can do... please!

I beg you, I don't want to go to jail.

It's like Fichera told me: "The dick kills more men than the sword!"

I beg you! Help me! I'll be your slave for the rest of my life.

I'll be obedient and hardworking. I swear, I'll be a tireless servant.

Save me from this trouble.

I want to help you, Michele.

How would you do that? Everyone knows he was Agnese's lover.

That doesn't matter. The important thing is to shut Fichera's mouth before he speaks.

- It won't be hard to find an alibi. - You're right!

For example, we can say that you were reinstated yesterday and slept here last night.

If you did kill her... we'll know soon enough!

I didn't kill her! I didn't kill her!

- It was an accident. - At work?

What an honor! This is the first time you've came to me for a shave.

- You have a beautiful 16-year old daughter? - Unfortunately ...

Yes, I understand. It's a problem that needs to be fixed.

What will you do?

I know what to do...

My dear Fichera, you know better than I that this isn't Sicily.

What if you found her a husband? A young man with a good position.

Someone from around here.

- How would we find someone like that? - With a nice dowry.

One that included a nice little house. That included a suitable wardrobe.

Then you and your family could live a normal life.

If the boy doesn't have an occupation, you could teach him to be a barber.

You could leave it to me to arrange everything, my dear Fichera.

- You would do all that? - If you'll make a deal.

- What? - To forget all about Michele Canaritta.

And what of the honor of Tanuzzio Fichera?

Come to the bank with me, and I'll console your honor.

You're an honest man, Mr. Engineer, you understand the heart of a father.

- Take a look at Cervazzo's heart. - Natural death, heart attack.

A complete examination revealed no problems with her other organs.

The skin is undamaged, indicating that the deceased didn't suffer any violence.

There is evidence of prolonged sexual intercourse, ...

... which had probably been repeated preceding the poor Marquisa's death.

Cogleone must have been there.

Let's see how you escape this time. You must tell me everything.

I told you, your honor. I don't know anything. The last time I saw her was at the Trascoria villa.

- Are you sure? - I swear! I swear!

Then why was this found in your house? Or rather, where you had been living...

The Marquisa wore it last week when she visited me.

And your fingerprints were found in her car! Who else could have left them there? Me?

I had told her that I liked her car, so she asked me to take it for a drive.

Stop lying. Everyone in town knows what you are.

You're a meddling tomcat whose tail is everywhere ...

- This time you'll lose your tail! - Do you have it in for me, Excellency?

And the relocation of a body, under Article 347 of the Penal Code...

Now tell me... where were you Saturday night!

At Lampugnani's house, I was rehired that afternoon.

Ask the Engineer and his wife. They'll tell you.

So you've bought an alibi ...

It's over. Cimetta told me that the file was transferred to the archive ...

... under the title, "Actions Related to the Suspected Death by...

... Accidental Causes of the Marquisa de Trascoria, Maria Agnese."

And Fichera has been taken care of?

Of course. I'm to give him one million a year for ten years.

But I'll only pay for five, and then turn him over to the fucking mafia.

They know how to keep someone quiet. Isn't that right, Michele?

- "You go". - You and your sister.

These minah birds have become too insolent ...

Minah birds don't miss anything! I wonder if he saw how poor Agnese died?

- What are you doing? You've soiled me. - Sorry, Engineer!

What are you thinking? Where's your head?

Where's your head ... ?

I don't know...

I have to go to Rome tomorrow.

The merger is nearly complete, and I want to closely watch this ... merger ...

Michelino...

Oh hell ... ! What's happened to him?

- What's troubling you, Michele? - I've been cursed.

I can't. I'll never be able to do it again.

Then get out!

Michele...

- Where are you going at this hour? - I'm going back to Sicily.

You're going there because you didn't do what I told you.

- That doesn't matter anymore. - What do you mean?

I received a terrible scare that night. Now I'm cursed.

Cannaritta is no longer a man ...

You deserve that, you dog.

For what you did, I shouldn't help, but Fichera is generous.

You know what I think? You should marry Concettina! She has a dowry.

It would be yours.

Mine? In my condition?

You'll get over that. Your Sicilian blood will assert itself, and you will rise again.

Please come in, Father.

- Everyone rises again, don't they, Father? - Everyone, my son.

Take the brush...

THE END

Adapted from the Romanian translation by cristiano.ferocci@gmail.com BlackSeaTeam