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1
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In 1974, President Richard Nixon
resigned in disgrace...
2
00:00:51,301 --> 00:00:52,792
...amid the Watergate scandal.
3
00:00:52,970 --> 00:00:55,303
One of the mysteries
of the 20th century...
4
00:00:55,472 --> 00:00:57,714
...pertains to the identity
of Deep Throat...
5
00:00:57,891 --> 00:01:01,760
...the inside source who leaked the
information to the Washington Post.
6
00:01:01,937 --> 00:01:04,304
Who is Deep Throat?
7
00:01:04,481 --> 00:01:06,643
Tonight, my guests will
answer that question.
8
00:01:06,817 --> 00:01:08,274
Bob Woodward, Carl Bernstein...
9
00:01:08,443 --> 00:01:11,652
...Post reporters who broke
the story so many years ago.
10
00:01:11,822 --> 00:01:14,906
- Nice to have you here.
- Thank you for having us.
11
00:01:15,325 --> 00:01:17,032
Let's just get right to it.
12
00:01:17,202 --> 00:01:18,568
Who is...
13
00:01:18,745 --> 00:01:19,861
...Deep Throat?
14
00:01:21,039 --> 00:01:23,531
Uh, well, first of all,
we're not telling you.
15
00:01:26,712 --> 00:01:31,047
Second, I was under the impression
that I would be the only guest tonight.
16
00:01:31,216 --> 00:01:32,878
Well, I guess you're not, Bob.
17
00:01:34,469 --> 00:01:37,052
You know, you guys
are getting pretty old now.
18
00:01:37,222 --> 00:01:38,713
So, what's your point?
19
00:01:38,890 --> 00:01:39,890
I'm wondering...
20
00:01:40,058 --> 00:01:43,597
...are you ever going to tell
anybody who Deep Throat is...
21
00:01:43,770 --> 00:01:45,181
...before you die?
22
00:01:45,480 --> 00:01:47,813
Well, a lot bigger names than you...
23
00:01:47,983 --> 00:01:49,770
...have asked us
who Deep Throat is, so...
24
00:01:49,943 --> 00:01:53,107
I don't think we'd reveal it
on a little show like this.
25
00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:54,896
You know what I think?
26
00:01:55,073 --> 00:01:58,191
I mean, I'm just gonna
come right out and say it.
27
00:01:58,368 --> 00:02:02,487
I don't think there is a Deep Throat.
I think you made it up.
28
00:02:02,664 --> 00:02:06,658
- Yes, there is! Deep Throat is...
- Don't say it! He's trying to trick us!
29
00:02:09,504 --> 00:02:10,870
I'm sorry, Bob.
30
00:02:11,048 --> 00:02:12,380
Don't ever touch me.
31
00:02:12,549 --> 00:02:14,836
- Bob, I said I'm sorry.
- Don't ever!
32
00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:17,377
You smell like cabbage.
33
00:02:56,551 --> 00:02:57,962
Oh, fudge!
34
00:03:20,951 --> 00:03:21,987
Okay.
35
00:03:22,494 --> 00:03:24,235
Okay.
36
00:03:24,579 --> 00:03:25,945
Dear Bobby:
37
00:03:27,624 --> 00:03:30,082
I'm having so much fun already.
38
00:03:30,502 --> 00:03:32,459
I need you to concentrate.
39
00:03:32,629 --> 00:03:34,461
- Dear Bobby:
- Hold on, hold on.
40
00:03:34,631 --> 00:03:36,623
- Here's the reason...
- Wait.
41
00:03:36,800 --> 00:03:40,134
Arlene, I need to have time
to review my letters.
42
00:03:40,303 --> 00:03:41,589
Okay.
43
00:03:41,763 --> 00:03:43,846
- We have a deadline.
- I know.
44
00:03:44,015 --> 00:03:47,053
I need to concentrate. Hold on.
Let me just look at them.
45
00:03:47,436 --> 00:03:48,847
Okay. Dear Bobby:
46
00:03:49,104 --> 00:03:52,142
Here's the number one reason
that I think...
47
00:03:52,399 --> 00:03:54,391
Okay, I'm ready.
48
00:03:55,277 --> 00:03:57,735
- "A."
- Okay.
49
00:03:58,196 --> 00:03:59,528
Dear Bobby:
50
00:03:59,698 --> 00:04:03,863
Here's the number one reason that
I think that you should choose me...
51
00:04:04,119 --> 00:04:05,530
...Arlene Lorenzo...
52
00:04:05,704 --> 00:04:08,572
...for the "Win A Date
With Bobby Sherman" contest...
53
00:04:08,749 --> 00:04:11,287
- ...in Tiger Beat magazine.
- Hold on. Wait.
54
00:04:11,460 --> 00:04:13,042
Number one: I love you.
55
00:04:13,211 --> 00:04:15,749
And number two:
I just think you're cute.
56
00:04:15,922 --> 00:04:18,756
B, B. Oh, my God,
they're both together.
57
00:04:18,925 --> 00:04:23,636
But the main reason that I think
you should pick me, Arlene Lorenzo...
58
00:04:24,222 --> 00:04:26,805
...is because we're soul mates, Bobby.
59
00:04:28,310 --> 00:04:30,518
You are so brilliant, Arlene.
60
00:04:32,147 --> 00:04:34,013
So, what do we have so far?
61
00:04:35,192 --> 00:04:36,649
"Dear Bobb...
62
00:04:37,527 --> 00:04:38,527
...y."
63
00:04:40,655 --> 00:04:43,398
I think maybe I could type
faster than you.
64
00:04:43,867 --> 00:04:45,358
Four more years!
65
00:04:45,535 --> 00:04:46,821
Four more years!
66
00:04:50,040 --> 00:04:52,623
- What are you looking at?
- Nothing.
67
00:04:54,419 --> 00:04:56,752
You seem pretty interested in nothing.
68
00:04:56,922 --> 00:04:58,083
Give me those.
69
00:05:04,513 --> 00:05:05,720
Oh, yeah.
70
00:05:06,348 --> 00:05:08,465
I'll take the one doing cartwheels.
71
00:05:11,228 --> 00:05:12,685
What time is it?
72
00:05:13,522 --> 00:05:14,854
Shit!
73
00:05:18,652 --> 00:05:21,235
Um... The gemstone is glistening.
74
00:05:21,488 --> 00:05:23,855
The gemstone is glistening.
75
00:05:41,842 --> 00:05:43,708
She's finally asleep!
76
00:05:44,010 --> 00:05:47,674
The deadline to enter the contest
is midnight. We have to hurry.
77
00:05:48,473 --> 00:05:50,635
We have to mail this letter. Go...
78
00:05:50,809 --> 00:05:53,176
...so I can win, or I swear I'll die.
79
00:05:59,526 --> 00:06:01,688
- Evening, Mr. Whipple.
- Evening.
80
00:06:01,862 --> 00:06:03,728
Don't squeeze the Charmin.
81
00:06:04,823 --> 00:06:06,109
- Hi, Dad.
- Hi, Georgie.
82
00:06:06,283 --> 00:06:09,321
- Can I carry the Charmin?
- Yep, but no squeezing.
83
00:06:09,494 --> 00:06:11,451
What did you do in the store today?
84
00:06:11,621 --> 00:06:13,362
You should've seen it.
85
00:06:13,623 --> 00:06:16,787
There I was, and these two ladies
were squeezing the Charmin.
86
00:06:21,798 --> 00:06:25,712
This way, we can get back in
without having to go to the lobby.
87
00:06:25,886 --> 00:06:28,299
So nobody'll ever see us
and tell my mom.
88
00:06:29,222 --> 00:06:30,588
Arlene.
89
00:06:31,433 --> 00:06:33,049
You're a genius!
90
00:06:52,996 --> 00:06:54,407
Okay.
91
00:06:56,708 --> 00:06:57,915
Down, down!
92
00:06:58,084 --> 00:06:59,575
It's Fat Freddy.
93
00:07:03,465 --> 00:07:05,206
Shh! Shh!
94
00:07:06,551 --> 00:07:08,508
That is so disgusting.
95
00:07:08,678 --> 00:07:10,795
Go, go. Go, go, go!
96
00:07:32,827 --> 00:07:33,943
What the...?
97
00:07:35,956 --> 00:07:37,197
Oh, shit!
98
00:07:38,833 --> 00:07:42,076
Max, call the cops.
Looks like we got a break-in here.
99
00:07:43,463 --> 00:07:45,204
You know why I love Bobby?
100
00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:49,129
Because he cares about people
but also about nature and ecology.
101
00:07:49,302 --> 00:07:52,841
I need a status report.
Give me a 20 for gemstone. Over.
102
00:07:53,765 --> 00:07:54,846
Jewel thieves.
103
00:07:55,058 --> 00:07:56,469
- Really?
- Yes.
104
00:07:56,977 --> 00:07:58,058
Hold it!
105
00:08:01,856 --> 00:08:03,392
Get away from us!
106
00:08:05,610 --> 00:08:08,444
Young people running wild
in the middle of the night.
107
00:08:09,489 --> 00:08:10,650
Hey.
108
00:08:10,865 --> 00:08:14,779
By the time you're grown, you'll be
living in the Soviet Union of America!
109
00:08:25,422 --> 00:08:26,879
She's still out like a light.
110
00:08:35,890 --> 00:08:38,473
We have the suspects in custody!
111
00:08:38,643 --> 00:08:41,056
It was a jewel heist.
112
00:08:41,229 --> 00:08:43,596
See if you can get
any statements from them.
113
00:08:47,402 --> 00:08:48,688
Arlene?
114
00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:50,069
Betsy?
115
00:08:50,238 --> 00:08:52,446
What are you two
doing up at this hour?
116
00:08:54,909 --> 00:08:56,741
Nothing.
117
00:08:56,911 --> 00:08:58,903
Last night, five men were arrested...
118
00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:00,946
...in the Democratic Committee office...
119
00:09:01,124 --> 00:09:03,912
...during an attempted burglary
at the Watergate complex.
120
00:09:04,085 --> 00:09:05,417
It has been confirmed...
121
00:09:05,587 --> 00:09:09,251
...that one of the arrested was
formerly an employee of the CIA.
122
00:09:09,966 --> 00:09:12,208
Aren't you students excited...
123
00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:16,880
...about visiting the home of
the president and the first family?
124
00:09:17,057 --> 00:09:19,094
- Well, not really.
- No.
125
00:09:19,267 --> 00:09:23,181
And after our tour,
we're having lunch at McDonald's.
126
00:09:26,941 --> 00:09:28,773
I love McDonald's so much!
127
00:09:28,943 --> 00:09:31,185
French fries! French fries!
128
00:09:36,534 --> 00:09:38,947
He looks like he's wearing blush.
129
00:09:46,252 --> 00:09:48,369
That guy has T.P. stuck to his shoe.
130
00:09:48,963 --> 00:09:49,999
Hey, mister!
131
00:09:51,091 --> 00:09:53,083
- Hey, you!
- Shorty, turn around.
132
00:09:54,344 --> 00:09:56,381
Young lady, I am a very busy man.
133
00:09:56,554 --> 00:09:57,840
Wait a minute, I know you.
134
00:09:58,014 --> 00:10:00,176
Me too. But from where?
135
00:10:00,350 --> 00:10:01,761
I don't know.
136
00:10:01,935 --> 00:10:03,767
Do you sell corn dogs at the mall?
137
00:10:04,104 --> 00:10:07,973
As far as you're concerned,
I have no identity at all.
138
00:10:08,149 --> 00:10:09,936
As a matter of fact...
139
00:10:10,360 --> 00:10:11,976
...I'm not even here.
140
00:10:13,113 --> 00:10:15,446
He's way weirder than the corn dog guy.
141
00:10:17,575 --> 00:10:19,157
And this isn't T.P.
142
00:10:19,327 --> 00:10:22,820
It's a piece of paper with names
and amounts of money on it.
143
00:10:23,540 --> 00:10:24,997
"CREEP list"?
144
00:10:25,542 --> 00:10:28,159
I guess all the people
on that list must be creeps.
145
00:10:28,336 --> 00:10:29,417
Mm-hm.
146
00:10:29,963 --> 00:10:30,999
Souvenir.
147
00:10:32,006 --> 00:10:33,372
Let's go.
148
00:10:39,013 --> 00:10:41,300
Jesus, Gordon,
they're just little girls.
149
00:10:41,975 --> 00:10:46,015
They were in the Watergate
last night. They know too much, Bob.
150
00:10:47,147 --> 00:10:49,890
I want to interrogate them.
151
00:10:50,692 --> 00:10:55,403
I think you've done enough,
what with bumbling the burglary and all.
152
00:10:55,864 --> 00:10:58,231
Just pay off all your guys
on that CREEP list.
153
00:10:58,408 --> 00:11:01,401
Don't worry about that.
I've got that right here.
154
00:11:01,578 --> 00:11:06,073
G. Gordon Liddy is not going to let down
the president of the United States.
155
00:11:08,626 --> 00:11:12,040
Would you ladies like to see
the West Wing of the White House?
156
00:11:21,181 --> 00:11:22,297
- Oh!
- Sorry.
157
00:11:25,059 --> 00:11:26,425
This is fun.
158
00:11:28,062 --> 00:11:29,803
Look at that b...
159
00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:34,309
Ladies...
160
00:11:35,320 --> 00:11:37,607
...when you think of your president...
161
00:11:38,072 --> 00:11:39,279
...do you think...
162
00:11:39,657 --> 00:11:41,489
...friendly thoughts?
163
00:11:45,288 --> 00:11:47,371
I don't think
about him that much.
164
00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:49,202
But when you do...
165
00:11:50,126 --> 00:11:51,742
...you don't think...
166
00:11:52,086 --> 00:11:53,577
...unfriendly thoughts, do you?
167
00:11:54,547 --> 00:11:56,459
- No.
- No.
168
00:11:56,633 --> 00:12:00,252
So you would never want
to do anything that might...
169
00:12:00,428 --> 00:12:02,841
...hurt the president?
170
00:12:03,014 --> 00:12:04,721
Never. No.
171
00:12:04,891 --> 00:12:06,098
Because you see...
172
00:12:08,645 --> 00:12:10,728
Excuse me, Mr. Haldeman.
173
00:12:10,897 --> 00:12:13,935
It's your wife.
She says it's rather urgent.
174
00:12:17,862 --> 00:12:19,444
Excuse me, ladies.
175
00:12:25,119 --> 00:12:26,280
Hello, dear.
176
00:12:26,746 --> 00:12:30,990
Mm-hm. Yeah, just putting out a little fire
here at the White House.
177
00:12:31,167 --> 00:12:33,204
I can stop by the store
on the way home.
178
00:12:33,378 --> 00:12:35,665
Mm-hm. A dozen? The poppy kind.
179
00:12:35,922 --> 00:12:39,381
I'll tell you the problem.
The dog doesn't like me.
180
00:12:39,926 --> 00:12:44,045
Kennedy and Johnson had dogs
that liked them. That's the problem.
181
00:12:44,222 --> 00:12:48,341
Mr. President, maybe you should
show the dog more affection.
182
00:12:48,601 --> 00:12:50,684
Maybe I ought to fire you!
183
00:12:52,146 --> 00:12:53,557
Come on, boy.
184
00:12:54,941 --> 00:12:56,728
Looks away. Doesn't look at me.
185
00:12:56,985 --> 00:12:58,476
What'd I do to him? Nothing.
186
00:12:58,736 --> 00:13:01,103
You're supposed to love me, Checkers.
187
00:13:01,281 --> 00:13:03,944
Shouldn't you call him
King Timahoe, sir?
188
00:13:06,744 --> 00:13:08,030
Come here.
189
00:13:08,204 --> 00:13:09,866
Where's he going?
190
00:13:11,916 --> 00:13:14,078
No, I am not uptight.
191
00:13:14,252 --> 00:13:16,744
When did you start
talking like that, anyway?
192
00:13:17,714 --> 00:13:19,501
What's going on in here?
193
00:13:22,468 --> 00:13:23,959
Mr. President, if I may.
194
00:13:24,137 --> 00:13:25,799
Look how cute you are.
Come here.
195
00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:27,717
Come here, baby.
196
00:13:27,890 --> 00:13:29,006
It's the president.
197
00:13:29,183 --> 00:13:33,803
I mean, all I asked for
was a simple bugging, all right?
198
00:13:33,980 --> 00:13:36,142
I don't know how many times
we've done that.
199
00:13:36,316 --> 00:13:38,228
And here they go and screw it up.
200
00:13:39,235 --> 00:13:41,693
Hi, puppy. Nice puppy!
201
00:13:41,863 --> 00:13:43,195
Nice puppy!
202
00:13:44,449 --> 00:13:45,940
Have you paid them off?
203
00:13:46,117 --> 00:13:48,279
CREEP has made up
a list of who to pay off...
204
00:13:48,536 --> 00:13:50,493
...and Liddy's taking care of it now.
205
00:13:53,666 --> 00:13:55,828
Are you the president's dog trainer?
206
00:13:56,002 --> 00:13:59,245
I'm John Dean,
Chief White House Counsel.
207
00:13:59,422 --> 00:14:00,583
Oh...
208
00:14:01,174 --> 00:14:02,710
That's too bad.
209
00:14:04,635 --> 00:14:05,921
Oh, thank you!
210
00:14:06,095 --> 00:14:07,711
That one lives in the Watergate.
211
00:14:07,889 --> 00:14:10,051
They were there
the night of the break-in.
212
00:14:10,224 --> 00:14:11,305
Do they know anything?
213
00:14:11,476 --> 00:14:13,889
I love your ears.
Look at the ears!
214
00:14:14,187 --> 00:14:17,931
Sir, I've met yams with more going
on upstairs than those two.
215
00:14:18,107 --> 00:14:19,223
Now, Bob.
216
00:14:20,026 --> 00:14:22,063
I remember when...
217
00:14:22,236 --> 00:14:27,197
When Julie and, uh,
what's her name, Tricia...
218
00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:29,154
...were that age.
219
00:14:29,327 --> 00:14:34,243
If it wasn't about makeup or
Frankie Avalon, they didn't give a hoot.
220
00:14:35,375 --> 00:14:38,618
- Aw. You're the softest dog.
- What should I do with them?
221
00:14:39,253 --> 00:14:41,119
I'll take care of it.
222
00:14:44,092 --> 00:14:46,129
How're you doing, young ladies?
223
00:14:46,302 --> 00:14:48,009
What are your names?
224
00:14:48,179 --> 00:14:50,796
I'm Betsy and this is Arlene,
Mr. President.
225
00:14:50,973 --> 00:14:52,464
Call me Dick.
226
00:14:52,642 --> 00:14:54,099
Hi, Dick.
227
00:14:54,268 --> 00:14:55,268
How old are you?
228
00:14:55,520 --> 00:14:56,806
- Fifteen.
- Fifteen.
229
00:14:56,979 --> 00:14:59,266
- Well...
- We have an urgent communiqué...
230
00:14:59,440 --> 00:15:01,102
...from Anderson Air Force Base.
231
00:15:01,275 --> 00:15:02,311
What?
232
00:15:02,485 --> 00:15:04,021
So cute.
233
00:15:04,195 --> 00:15:08,109
Excuse me, I wasn't informed
that you are in the middle of...
234
00:15:08,282 --> 00:15:10,239
What are you in the middle of?
235
00:15:10,410 --> 00:15:12,276
One minute, Henry.
236
00:15:12,495 --> 00:15:13,827
Uh, young ladies...
237
00:15:14,747 --> 00:15:17,160
...I've got a proposition for you.
238
00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:20,367
How would you two
be interested in being...
239
00:15:20,628 --> 00:15:24,542
...official White House dog walkers?
What do you think?
240
00:15:26,634 --> 00:15:28,842
- Really?
- Yeah.
241
00:15:29,303 --> 00:15:30,669
Jesus.
242
00:15:30,847 --> 00:15:32,804
Who are these little girls, Henry?
243
00:15:32,974 --> 00:15:35,557
I don't know, but it doesn't
look constitutional to me.
244
00:15:35,726 --> 00:15:36,762
Thank you!
245
00:15:36,936 --> 00:15:39,428
- Thank you so much.
- We're gonna walk you!
246
00:15:39,730 --> 00:15:42,473
- I'm so happy.
- Thank you. I'm really excited!
247
00:15:42,650 --> 00:15:44,312
Sure. Very good.
248
00:15:44,485 --> 00:15:47,523
Mr. President, really,
we have to make a decision...
249
00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:51,319
...regarding offensive action
north of the 22nd parallel.
250
00:15:51,492 --> 00:15:53,233
Bottom line, Henry...
251
00:15:53,411 --> 00:15:56,245
...is we bomb them
or we don't, isn't it?
252
00:15:56,414 --> 00:15:58,246
I wouldn't put it exactly in that...
253
00:15:58,875 --> 00:16:00,161
I have something to say.
254
00:16:00,334 --> 00:16:01,370
Go on, Arlene.
255
00:16:03,087 --> 00:16:07,081
War is not healthy for children
and other living things.
256
00:16:07,258 --> 00:16:08,874
- Yeah.
- Henry...
257
00:16:09,051 --> 00:16:11,589
...that's the voice
of the youth of America.
258
00:16:12,346 --> 00:16:14,087
Yeah, well, first of all...
259
00:16:14,265 --> 00:16:17,053
...it wasn't a war
that this administration started.
260
00:16:17,602 --> 00:16:20,094
Henry, Jesus, let's not start that.
261
00:16:20,354 --> 00:16:22,721
Isn't there somebody
waiting out there for me?
262
00:16:22,899 --> 00:16:24,686
The Joint Chiefs of Staff.
Let's go!
263
00:16:24,859 --> 00:16:27,442
Welcome on board.
Hey, good to have you.
264
00:16:28,779 --> 00:16:30,111
Mr. Haldeman, it's your wife.
265
00:16:30,281 --> 00:16:32,523
Have a great day. Congratulations!
266
00:16:32,700 --> 00:16:34,692
I don't have time to talk to her.
267
00:16:34,952 --> 00:16:38,366
- You're starting another war!
- I don't have time to talk to her.
268
00:16:38,539 --> 00:16:41,657
If you have a problem with Vietnam,
talk to Johnson.
269
00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:44,042
- He's dead!
- Yeah, thank God.
270
00:16:44,212 --> 00:16:47,705
Do we bomb or not bomb?
Let's get this done with today.
271
00:16:49,258 --> 00:16:50,499
Wow.
272
00:16:55,389 --> 00:16:57,005
There they are.
273
00:16:58,684 --> 00:17:00,425
Oh! Whoops!
274
00:17:01,395 --> 00:17:02,511
I'm sorry!
275
00:17:02,772 --> 00:17:04,559
We're coming!
276
00:17:05,942 --> 00:17:08,275
Because of your thoughtlessness...
277
00:17:08,444 --> 00:17:11,482
...we have missed the field trip lunch
at McDonald's...
278
00:17:11,656 --> 00:17:15,400
...which the students on
the other buses are now enjoying.
279
00:17:15,576 --> 00:17:17,442
We will return to school...
280
00:17:17,620 --> 00:17:19,737
...for a cold lunch...
281
00:17:20,373 --> 00:17:21,580
...in the cafeteria.
282
00:17:22,416 --> 00:17:25,409
But we really did meet the president.
I swear to God.
283
00:17:25,586 --> 00:17:29,125
And he did ask us to be the
official White House dog walkers.
284
00:17:32,093 --> 00:17:34,380
Every lie is another brick...
285
00:17:34,554 --> 00:17:37,638
...in the pathway to hell.
286
00:17:51,404 --> 00:17:52,986
You're so stupid.
287
00:17:54,031 --> 00:17:55,442
I hate you.
288
00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:40,487
Guess what happened to us today?
289
00:18:44,498 --> 00:18:45,830
What's the matter?
290
00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:48,492
Your brother got his letter.
291
00:18:49,587 --> 00:18:51,499
I got drafted.
292
00:18:52,006 --> 00:18:55,215
Now you can get my room,
like you always wanted.
293
00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:08,261
Betsy, are you okay?
294
00:19:11,609 --> 00:19:12,850
I'm fine.
295
00:19:13,861 --> 00:19:18,026
I was wondering what we'll do with
his crappy bed, dresser and nightstand.
296
00:19:20,534 --> 00:19:24,027
You think the president meant it
when he said we could walk Checkers?
297
00:19:24,288 --> 00:19:27,201
He's the president, Betsy.
He always means what he says.
298
00:19:27,458 --> 00:19:29,199
We should bake him cookies.
299
00:19:29,543 --> 00:19:32,627
Let's make Hello Dollies.
It's my mom's special recipe.
300
00:19:39,428 --> 00:19:43,138
All's my mom says is that my dad died
in a car crash before I was born.
301
00:19:43,432 --> 00:19:45,890
You've never seen
a single picture or anything?
302
00:19:46,143 --> 00:19:49,557
She said it upset her too much,
so she threw everything away.
303
00:19:50,231 --> 00:19:51,267
Arlene...
304
00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:54,433
...no offense, but it's obvious
you're being lied to.
305
00:19:54,610 --> 00:19:56,772
The whole story is way too convenient.
306
00:19:59,573 --> 00:20:01,235
- Is the butter melting?
- Mm-hm.
307
00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:04,822
Are you making those cookies?
308
00:20:05,079 --> 00:20:06,695
Yes, but you can't have any.
309
00:20:06,872 --> 00:20:09,330
- They're for the president.
- Oh.
310
00:20:10,251 --> 00:20:11,617
Okay.
311
00:20:11,794 --> 00:20:14,537
Don't forget the walnuts, man.
312
00:20:20,261 --> 00:20:23,004
So you really think
that my father could be alive?
313
00:20:23,180 --> 00:20:26,139
Alive and famous.
It makes perfect sense.
314
00:20:26,308 --> 00:20:27,674
He was probably married...
315
00:20:27,852 --> 00:20:31,471
...and your mom had to keep it
a secret to protect his reputation.
316
00:20:34,942 --> 00:20:37,525
How come there's little
green leaves in the walnuts?
317
00:20:37,695 --> 00:20:39,732
Oh. Larry says they're just
from the walnut tree.
318
00:20:39,905 --> 00:20:41,567
- Oh.
- Anyway...
319
00:20:41,741 --> 00:20:45,109
...your dad could be watching you now,
his heart breaking...
320
00:20:45,286 --> 00:20:49,496
...because he can't reach out
to the only person that matters to him:
321
00:20:49,665 --> 00:20:51,782
His beautiful, darling daughter.
322
00:20:51,959 --> 00:20:54,292
My life is so tragic.
323
00:20:54,712 --> 00:20:56,954
Or it could be even worse.
324
00:20:57,131 --> 00:20:59,839
What if you fall in love
and are about to marry...
325
00:21:00,092 --> 00:21:02,584
...and you find out your
fiancé's dad is your dad too...
326
00:21:02,762 --> 00:21:04,549
...and that you're brother and sister!
327
00:21:04,722 --> 00:21:05,963
Oh, my God!
328
00:21:07,016 --> 00:21:08,882
It's called incest, Arlene...
329
00:21:09,518 --> 00:21:11,350
...and it's against the law.
330
00:21:21,071 --> 00:21:22,403
Hi.
331
00:21:23,491 --> 00:21:26,734
We're here to play with Checkers.
The president knows about it.
332
00:21:26,911 --> 00:21:29,654
You're not on the appointment list.
Please step back.
333
00:21:30,790 --> 00:21:33,954
The president wants us
to walk his dog, Checkers.
334
00:21:34,585 --> 00:21:38,124
Please step back.
If you don't comply, you'll be removed.
335
00:21:41,217 --> 00:21:42,924
You are a meanie!
336
00:21:47,389 --> 00:21:48,596
Stupid kids.
337
00:21:49,850 --> 00:21:51,762
I'm cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs!
338
00:21:52,561 --> 00:21:55,520
I can't believe
I ate that whole thing.
339
00:21:55,689 --> 00:21:57,021
You ate it, Ralph.
340
00:22:00,694 --> 00:22:05,064
Doesn't anybody realize
that Kung Fu isn't Chinese?
341
00:22:06,450 --> 00:22:09,818
He doesn't even look Chinese.
He looks like the mailman.
342
00:22:10,788 --> 00:22:13,576
Why don't you go to Canada
like Mom says?
343
00:22:13,749 --> 00:22:17,709
Too much information's coming in.
I have to maintain.
344
00:22:18,170 --> 00:22:20,036
But the old drugs aren't working.
345
00:22:20,214 --> 00:22:22,831
We need to create new drugs.
346
00:22:25,761 --> 00:22:28,253
Have you guys
been eating those cookies?
347
00:22:28,430 --> 00:22:30,547
We gave them
to Mom and Dad to taste.
348
00:22:30,724 --> 00:22:33,933
They ate all of them
and started giggling and went upstairs.
349
00:22:34,103 --> 00:22:35,765
I think they're having sex now.
350
00:22:43,612 --> 00:22:44,853
I have an idea.
351
00:22:45,447 --> 00:22:46,447
What?
352
00:22:46,782 --> 00:22:49,024
Let's ask the president
to stop the war.
353
00:22:50,077 --> 00:22:51,739
Okay.
354
00:22:51,912 --> 00:22:53,869
How will we get
into the White House?
355
00:22:54,039 --> 00:22:57,532
Unless you wanna keep the war going,
so you can have Larry's room.
356
00:22:58,627 --> 00:22:59,993
No.
357
00:23:00,921 --> 00:23:03,083
Larry's a freak and all...
358
00:23:03,549 --> 00:23:06,337
...but I'd be sad if he, you know...
359
00:23:08,178 --> 00:23:10,386
- Died?
- Yeah.
360
00:23:12,224 --> 00:23:14,011
I really hope that this works.
361
00:23:14,310 --> 00:23:15,310
Of course it will.
362
00:23:15,477 --> 00:23:17,685
You're the smartest person I know.
363
00:23:19,440 --> 00:23:20,851
But you don't know anybody.
364
00:23:34,455 --> 00:23:35,696
If you flirt with him...
365
00:23:35,873 --> 00:23:38,991
...then I can stand off to the side
and do my special whistle.
366
00:23:39,168 --> 00:23:40,375
Okay!
367
00:23:57,811 --> 00:23:58,811
Hi.
368
00:24:02,816 --> 00:24:05,775
I like your hair.
It's really "dry look."
369
00:24:09,573 --> 00:24:11,530
Oh! Okay, stop that.
370
00:24:11,700 --> 00:24:13,783
We have to talk to the president.
371
00:24:13,953 --> 00:24:15,489
Code yellow, central corridor.
372
00:24:15,663 --> 00:24:17,996
Code yellow, central corridor.
373
00:24:18,165 --> 00:24:19,827
Aah! Oh, my God!
374
00:24:20,668 --> 00:24:21,909
Ladies, this way.
375
00:24:23,337 --> 00:24:24,498
Let's go.
376
00:24:25,839 --> 00:24:28,547
Make sure photographers
are outside the restaurant...
377
00:24:28,717 --> 00:24:30,299
...when I come out after lunch.
378
00:24:30,469 --> 00:24:32,552
- Let me go.
- Keep moving.
379
00:24:32,721 --> 00:24:34,678
Hey, German guy!
Remember us?
380
00:24:34,848 --> 00:24:37,761
We're here to walk Checkers
and talk to Dick about the war!
381
00:24:37,935 --> 00:24:39,426
Oh. Oh.
382
00:24:39,853 --> 00:24:41,014
I know them.
383
00:24:41,313 --> 00:24:46,024
Yes, that's all right. That's okay.
I'm familiar with these young ladies.
384
00:24:46,193 --> 00:24:49,482
Well, I'm not "familiar" familiar.
I know them.
385
00:24:49,655 --> 00:24:53,069
We've had discussions
about foreign policy and...
386
00:24:53,325 --> 00:24:55,487
What, what?
Don't you give me that look.
387
00:24:55,995 --> 00:24:57,702
I'll take responsibility.
388
00:24:57,871 --> 00:25:00,033
I'll be the only person
who's willing...
389
00:25:00,207 --> 00:25:02,119
...to take responsibility
for anything.
390
00:25:02,292 --> 00:25:04,659
- I think I got bruised.
- Did somebody hurt you?
391
00:25:05,921 --> 00:25:08,959
You have to remember
it took Charles de Gaulle...
392
00:25:09,133 --> 00:25:12,251
...four years to extricate
himself from Algeria.
393
00:25:12,511 --> 00:25:14,798
Not that I'm comparing
myself to de Gaulle.
394
00:25:14,972 --> 00:25:17,635
- Wars are extremely hard to stop.
- You're right.
395
00:25:17,891 --> 00:25:20,554
Rose, these young...
You're very becoming this morning.
396
00:25:20,811 --> 00:25:22,677
These ladies want
to see the president.
397
00:25:22,896 --> 00:25:26,765
Our president has the weight
of the free world on his shoulders...
398
00:25:26,942 --> 00:25:29,605
...and he doesn't have time
to see any old person.
399
00:25:30,863 --> 00:25:31,899
Hello, girls.
400
00:25:32,072 --> 00:25:33,483
- How are you?
- Oh, hi.
401
00:25:33,657 --> 00:25:36,900
- Come on in.
- The president will see you now.
402
00:25:38,328 --> 00:25:40,411
Not you, Henry.
403
00:25:40,664 --> 00:25:43,748
That's all right.
I'm late for an interview anyway...
404
00:25:43,917 --> 00:25:46,955
- ...with the Nobel Committee.
- Right.
405
00:25:47,629 --> 00:25:49,336
I'll be a monkey's uncle...
406
00:25:49,590 --> 00:25:52,958
...if these aren't
the yummiest cookies I've ever had.
407
00:25:54,178 --> 00:25:57,216
Thanks. It's a secret recipe.
408
00:25:57,389 --> 00:25:58,389
Secret, eh?
409
00:25:58,640 --> 00:25:59,801
Anyway...
410
00:26:00,684 --> 00:26:02,892
...there doesn't seem
to be any point to it.
411
00:26:03,437 --> 00:26:04,723
Point to what?
412
00:26:05,731 --> 00:26:06,767
The war.
413
00:26:10,819 --> 00:26:12,185
See, girls...
414
00:26:12,988 --> 00:26:17,403
...we're fighting the Communists
because Communism is immoral.
415
00:26:17,576 --> 00:26:19,192
That's the whole point.
416
00:26:19,912 --> 00:26:22,746
Don't you think it's more important
what's going on here?
417
00:26:22,915 --> 00:26:23,951
What do you mean?
418
00:26:24,666 --> 00:26:26,623
Well, I mean...
419
00:26:26,794 --> 00:26:29,377
...nobody at our school's
worried about Communism...
420
00:26:29,546 --> 00:26:33,256
...but everybody talks about Mac
Washington because he got killed there.
421
00:26:33,509 --> 00:26:36,673
- And Betsy's brother just got drafted.
- He's maintaining.
422
00:26:36,845 --> 00:26:38,928
- He's maintaining?
- Yeah.
423
00:26:39,098 --> 00:26:40,464
Good for him.
424
00:26:41,517 --> 00:26:45,010
I just think people would like you better
if you stopped the war.
425
00:26:45,187 --> 00:26:48,931
Well, don't worry your
pretty little heads. Okay?
426
00:26:49,108 --> 00:26:51,145
I think we know what we're doing.
427
00:26:53,362 --> 00:26:54,603
I guess so.
428
00:26:54,780 --> 00:26:57,614
Yeah. Mm, mm, mm.
429
00:26:59,493 --> 00:27:00,825
Can we walk Checkers now?
430
00:27:00,994 --> 00:27:02,986
Yeah, go ahead. Have a ball.
431
00:27:03,872 --> 00:27:05,329
Secret recipe, eh?
432
00:27:05,958 --> 00:27:07,995
I'm feeling lightheaded.
433
00:27:09,044 --> 00:27:11,036
These are scrumptious.
434
00:27:11,213 --> 00:27:14,581
Well, I've gotta tell you,
I haven't felt this way in...
435
00:27:19,096 --> 00:27:20,212
Whoa-ho.
436
00:27:23,016 --> 00:27:24,223
Whoo-hoo!
437
00:27:27,980 --> 00:27:30,438
Again? They must never let him out.
438
00:27:30,691 --> 00:27:32,648
I know. Would you look
at all that shit?
439
00:27:34,069 --> 00:27:35,560
Oh, I mean, poo-poo.
440
00:27:38,031 --> 00:27:40,114
I think it was left.
441
00:27:42,035 --> 00:27:44,527
That's because you couldn't go right.
442
00:27:49,501 --> 00:27:51,037
Well, let's ask someone.
443
00:27:54,131 --> 00:27:55,338
Or not.
444
00:27:56,049 --> 00:27:59,042
Come on.
Let's go, Checkers. Come on.
445
00:28:04,057 --> 00:28:05,468
Who the hell are you?
446
00:28:05,642 --> 00:28:06,849
Oh, um...
447
00:28:07,019 --> 00:28:10,933
We're walking the dog, Checkers,
and we sort of got lost.
448
00:28:11,106 --> 00:28:13,098
We went left because
you couldn't go right.
449
00:28:13,358 --> 00:28:16,021
And we're looking
for the president's office...
450
00:28:16,195 --> 00:28:18,903
...because that's who
we walk the dog for.
451
00:28:19,072 --> 00:28:21,359
- We're really sorry.
- Shit!
452
00:28:27,456 --> 00:28:30,244
Oh, I'm so sorry.
We brought your dog back.
453
00:28:30,417 --> 00:28:31,578
We didn't know!
454
00:28:31,752 --> 00:28:33,493
What in bejesus is going on?
455
00:28:39,801 --> 00:28:41,212
All right, settle down.
456
00:28:41,386 --> 00:28:43,093
What's going on, Bob?
457
00:28:43,263 --> 00:28:45,095
They walked in on the shredding.
458
00:28:46,099 --> 00:28:48,637
They actually saw
documents being shredded?
459
00:28:48,810 --> 00:28:49,926
Yes.
460
00:28:50,103 --> 00:28:52,390
And the cash for the payoffs.
461
00:28:53,941 --> 00:28:55,933
Checkers pooped.
462
00:28:56,902 --> 00:29:00,691
The president's dog doesn't poop.
He "does his business."
463
00:29:00,864 --> 00:29:02,321
- Um...
- Uh...
464
00:29:02,532 --> 00:29:04,068
I'll take care of it.
465
00:29:04,243 --> 00:29:07,611
I've got a way with young people.
They trust me.
466
00:29:08,538 --> 00:29:10,951
Why were they shredding
all that paper?
467
00:29:11,833 --> 00:29:15,042
Papier-mâché is a hobby of mine.
468
00:29:16,129 --> 00:29:18,462
- Nice painting of a boat.
- Yeah.
469
00:29:18,632 --> 00:29:20,248
Step right here, actually.
470
00:29:21,510 --> 00:29:24,924
I want to have a little
private chat with you.
471
00:29:25,138 --> 00:29:26,174
You know, today...
472
00:29:26,348 --> 00:29:31,139
...you ladies gave me some very, very
good counsel in foreign affairs.
473
00:29:31,395 --> 00:29:36,186
So in addition to being
official dog walkers...
474
00:29:36,441 --> 00:29:40,151
...I'd like you to be
my Secret Youth Advisers.
475
00:29:40,487 --> 00:29:43,104
Which means you mustn't
say a thing...
476
00:29:43,282 --> 00:29:46,366
...about anything that happens
in the White House.
477
00:29:46,618 --> 00:29:48,450
Do I have your word on that?
478
00:29:48,620 --> 00:29:49,986
Okay. Okay.
479
00:29:50,163 --> 00:29:51,654
Swear to God?
480
00:29:52,165 --> 00:29:53,281
- Promise.
- Hope to die?
481
00:29:53,458 --> 00:29:55,950
- Stick a needle in my eye!
- Stick a needle in my eye!
482
00:29:57,170 --> 00:29:58,877
Congratulations.
483
00:30:04,386 --> 00:30:06,753
Are you sure, man?
Are we sure it's over?
484
00:30:07,014 --> 00:30:08,050
Honey...
485
00:30:08,223 --> 00:30:12,137
...it's the president.
He's on national TV.
486
00:30:12,311 --> 00:30:16,521
If he says the war is over,
I think you can believe him.
487
00:30:18,025 --> 00:30:19,061
Sweetie.
488
00:30:19,318 --> 00:30:22,277
At 12:30 Paris-time today...
489
00:30:22,529 --> 00:30:26,022
...January 23, 1973...
490
00:30:27,117 --> 00:30:28,608
What's going on?
491
00:30:30,412 --> 00:30:32,199
I'm gonna live.
492
00:30:32,414 --> 00:30:35,452
They're pulling everybody out
of Vietnam. The war's over.
493
00:30:36,001 --> 00:30:38,163
I don't believe it.
494
00:30:38,962 --> 00:30:40,078
She's bumming...
495
00:30:40,255 --> 00:30:43,794
...because her dreams
of being an only child are dashed.
496
00:30:44,092 --> 00:30:45,879
Larry, stop it.
497
00:30:47,304 --> 00:30:49,091
I'm not supposed to tell you this.
498
00:30:49,806 --> 00:30:53,595
But Arlene and I are the ones who asked
the president to stop the war.
499
00:30:54,269 --> 00:30:56,556
We did it because
we felt sorry for you.
500
00:30:57,439 --> 00:30:59,146
You should be thanking me.
501
00:31:01,193 --> 00:31:03,310
I just want you to know...
502
00:31:03,570 --> 00:31:06,278
...whatever she's on,
I didn't give it to her.
503
00:31:08,867 --> 00:31:11,530
Well, all right.
Grooving right along.
504
00:31:11,787 --> 00:31:15,622
Betsy Jobs, your turn
to come on up and express yourself.
505
00:31:23,715 --> 00:31:25,297
Current events.
506
00:31:27,719 --> 00:31:31,929
I probably shouldn't be telling you this
because of national security...
507
00:31:32,099 --> 00:31:34,341
...but what the heck.
508
00:31:34,726 --> 00:31:37,184
Arlene Lorenzo and I...
509
00:31:37,646 --> 00:31:40,389
...are Secret Youth Advisers
for President Nixon.
510
00:31:40,982 --> 00:31:44,191
"... in addition to being the
official White House dog walkers.
511
00:31:44,361 --> 00:31:47,069
It's fun being
a Secret Youth Adviser.
512
00:31:47,239 --> 00:31:49,982
The president trusts us
with national issues."
513
00:31:50,158 --> 00:31:52,650
We bake him cookies
called Hello Dollies...
514
00:31:52,828 --> 00:31:55,036
...that he loves,
and are easy to make.
515
00:31:55,330 --> 00:31:59,040
You get graham cracker crumbs,
sweetened condensed milk...
516
00:31:59,334 --> 00:32:01,826
...and all this other stuff,
and you bake them.
517
00:32:02,087 --> 00:32:04,170
But they're really good.
518
00:32:04,339 --> 00:32:07,252
"I like being a Secret Youth Adviser
to the resident...
519
00:32:07,426 --> 00:32:10,919
...because it means I am helping
to run the country. The end."
520
00:32:13,348 --> 00:32:15,761
How dare you...
521
00:32:16,226 --> 00:32:18,434
...come up in front of the class...
522
00:32:18,979 --> 00:32:22,347
...and make up lies
about our president?
523
00:32:22,691 --> 00:32:25,399
Absolutely wild.
524
00:32:26,111 --> 00:32:30,481
And I really dug the way
you used fantasy...
525
00:32:30,740 --> 00:32:31,821
...current events...
526
00:32:31,992 --> 00:32:36,453
...and cooking in a kind
of tapestry of storytelling.
527
00:32:37,038 --> 00:32:38,245
Thank you, Betsy.
528
00:32:38,415 --> 00:32:41,374
That was real special.
Thank you. Give her a hand.
529
00:32:41,668 --> 00:32:43,159
Thank you. Thanks.
530
00:32:45,505 --> 00:32:47,212
- Hi.
- Hi.
531
00:32:49,384 --> 00:32:50,841
Got the cookies?
532
00:32:51,470 --> 00:32:52,677
Uh-huh.
533
00:32:55,140 --> 00:32:56,347
- Yeah.
- Oh, yeah.
534
00:33:03,523 --> 00:33:06,106
- I've been dreaming about these.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
535
00:33:08,820 --> 00:33:10,812
- Bye.
- Bye.
536
00:33:10,989 --> 00:33:12,025
What's that mean?
537
00:33:13,074 --> 00:33:14,110
Peace.
538
00:33:14,284 --> 00:33:15,946
Oh. Good.
539
00:33:16,411 --> 00:33:17,947
I mean, uh...
540
00:33:18,288 --> 00:33:19,574
...groovy.
541
00:33:20,123 --> 00:33:21,989
- Bye.
- Bye.
542
00:33:22,417 --> 00:33:23,533
Come on, Checkers.
543
00:34:36,575 --> 00:34:39,192
There's something different about you.
544
00:34:39,911 --> 00:34:41,868
Why aren't you wearing your glasses?
545
00:34:42,122 --> 00:34:44,079
Because I got contact lenses.
546
00:34:49,504 --> 00:34:52,121
- Looks cool!
- Okay. Thanks!
547
00:34:52,966 --> 00:34:53,966
Hi, Rose.
548
00:34:54,134 --> 00:34:56,842
It is imperative
that we put a freeze...
549
00:34:57,012 --> 00:34:59,675
...on nuclear weapons
of mass destruction.
550
00:35:02,225 --> 00:35:05,309
Yeah, I know what nyet nyet means.
551
00:35:06,021 --> 00:35:08,058
Excuse me a moment, Leonid.
552
00:35:10,734 --> 00:35:13,021
Settle down, Checkers.
553
00:35:13,695 --> 00:35:15,527
Hello, girls. How are you?
554
00:35:15,780 --> 00:35:17,737
Are these what I think they are?
555
00:35:19,618 --> 00:35:20,654
Nice to see you.
556
00:35:21,369 --> 00:35:22,485
Leonid.
557
00:35:22,662 --> 00:35:25,575
You gotta try one of these cookies.
558
00:35:25,832 --> 00:35:30,497
I assure you, there's nothing
like them in all the Soviet Union.
559
00:35:31,254 --> 00:35:32,540
Go ahead.
560
00:35:35,508 --> 00:35:37,670
They're called Hello Dollies.
561
00:35:43,933 --> 00:35:45,049
What are they?
562
00:35:46,686 --> 00:35:48,552
What do you think, Leonid?
563
00:35:51,566 --> 00:35:53,228
Hello Dollies, eh?
564
00:36:10,585 --> 00:36:11,746
Sing something.
565
00:36:28,395 --> 00:36:29,431
You know, girls...
566
00:36:29,604 --> 00:36:32,472
...I think your cookies
have just saved the world...
567
00:36:32,649 --> 00:36:34,936
...from nuclear catastrophe.
568
00:36:35,443 --> 00:36:36,443
Ha!
569
00:36:38,446 --> 00:36:40,733
There you go, Leonid.
Hello, Dolly.
570
00:37:32,417 --> 00:37:33,874
Arlene.
571
00:37:34,502 --> 00:37:36,664
Come away with me.
572
00:37:37,338 --> 00:37:39,125
But what about Pat?
573
00:37:39,299 --> 00:37:41,336
She understands.
574
00:39:13,184 --> 00:39:14,470
Arlene, watch out!
575
00:39:18,773 --> 00:39:20,981
- Oh, my God! Are you all right?
- Uh-huh.
576
00:39:21,276 --> 00:39:23,734
Quick, tell me what your name is!
577
00:39:24,529 --> 00:39:26,270
Rhoda Morgenstern.
578
00:39:28,783 --> 00:39:30,820
I am so embarrassed.
579
00:39:31,619 --> 00:39:34,453
- I don't think anyone saw.
- Freak!
580
00:39:45,133 --> 00:39:47,500
Has something been
on your mind lately?
581
00:39:48,136 --> 00:39:49,377
No.
582
00:39:50,346 --> 00:39:52,338
There isn't some deep feeling...
583
00:39:52,599 --> 00:39:55,342
...you need to confess
to your best and only friend?
584
00:39:55,518 --> 00:39:56,804
What are you talking about?
585
00:39:57,020 --> 00:39:58,761
- Just say it!
- Say what?
586
00:39:58,938 --> 00:40:00,804
Just say it, because I already know!
587
00:40:01,024 --> 00:40:03,186
All right, I love Dick!
588
00:40:07,071 --> 00:40:08,278
Ew!
589
00:40:12,076 --> 00:40:15,820
This is everything about
him and us since we first met.
590
00:40:16,915 --> 00:40:20,158
Okay. Here's me as his wife.
591
00:40:20,335 --> 00:40:22,827
- It looks so real.
- Thank you.
592
00:40:25,048 --> 00:40:28,132
- This is cartoon Dick.
- It's cute. I like that one.
593
00:40:29,093 --> 00:40:31,426
This is our White House souvenir.
594
00:40:32,388 --> 00:40:34,801
Oh. Look, I found these
old magazine clippings...
595
00:40:34,974 --> 00:40:37,307
...with stuff about him
when he was young.
596
00:40:37,560 --> 00:40:38,846
Look.
597
00:40:39,646 --> 00:40:41,979
He's way more distinguished now.
598
00:40:42,148 --> 00:40:43,810
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
599
00:40:43,983 --> 00:40:47,977
A jury today convicted
G. Gordon Liddy and James McCord...
600
00:40:48,154 --> 00:40:51,522
...of eight counts, including burglary,
in the Watergate break-in.
601
00:40:51,699 --> 00:40:55,283
Ugh. Enough already.
I am sick of Watergate.
602
00:40:55,536 --> 00:40:57,573
And I am sick
of Woodward and Bernstein.
603
00:40:58,790 --> 00:40:59,826
Who are they?
604
00:40:59,999 --> 00:41:01,956
Snot-nosed Washington Post reporters...
605
00:41:02,126 --> 00:41:04,334
...who are trying
to disgrace the president.
606
00:41:04,504 --> 00:41:06,040
Anybody want some more Jell-O?
607
00:41:06,422 --> 00:41:07,583
Yes, please. Here.
608
00:41:08,132 --> 00:41:09,168
Betsy, look.
609
00:41:09,342 --> 00:41:11,459
One more question, Mr. Liddy.
610
00:41:11,636 --> 00:41:15,630
- The White House denied involvement.
- He's so familiar.
611
00:41:16,933 --> 00:41:18,265
It's that weird guy!
612
00:41:18,893 --> 00:41:21,681
- What was he doing at the White House?
- I don't know.
613
00:41:23,314 --> 00:41:24,805
Done! We're going upstairs.
614
00:41:25,316 --> 00:41:28,024
A spokesman
for the Administration once again...
615
00:41:28,194 --> 00:41:31,562
...denied any participation
in the Watergate burglary.
616
00:41:31,739 --> 00:41:35,358
President Nixon is said to be
in seclusion with advisers.
617
00:41:37,912 --> 00:41:39,494
It's starting.
618
00:41:45,586 --> 00:41:47,077
Goddamn it!
619
00:41:49,215 --> 00:41:51,753
- Hello?
- Hello.
620
00:41:51,926 --> 00:41:53,588
Mr. President, this is Arlene.
621
00:41:53,761 --> 00:41:54,797
Oh.
622
00:41:55,430 --> 00:41:56,762
Yeah. Hello, Arlene. Yeah.
623
00:41:56,931 --> 00:41:58,923
- I'm not waking you, am I?
- No, no. No, no.
624
00:41:59,142 --> 00:42:01,179
- Uh, I'm a night owl.
- Oh.
625
00:42:01,644 --> 00:42:03,761
What's the deal with
that Watergate thing?
626
00:42:03,938 --> 00:42:06,351
- Do you know anything about it?
- Uh...
627
00:42:06,566 --> 00:42:08,523
No. No, no.
628
00:42:08,693 --> 00:42:12,027
No, no, absolutely nothing.
I don't know a thing.
629
00:42:12,321 --> 00:42:14,153
No way, José!
630
00:42:14,323 --> 00:42:16,235
Oh, because I live in the Watergate...
631
00:42:16,409 --> 00:42:19,902
...and one time we saw
that Liddy guy there...
632
00:42:20,079 --> 00:42:24,198
...then we saw him at the White House,
and now he's gonna go to jail.
633
00:42:26,627 --> 00:42:30,416
Arlene, is there something
I can do for you...
634
00:42:30,590 --> 00:42:32,172
...or your family?
635
00:42:32,425 --> 00:42:33,425
No.
636
00:42:33,593 --> 00:42:36,552
There must be something you desire.
637
00:42:38,973 --> 00:42:40,885
I have to go now. Good night.
638
00:42:43,478 --> 00:42:45,185
My sweet prince.
639
00:42:45,354 --> 00:42:46,970
I think he's a vampire.
640
00:42:47,148 --> 00:42:49,982
Ha-ha-ha.
But he doesn't even have a tuxedo.
641
00:42:50,651 --> 00:42:53,234
Oh, Myrna, you are something.
642
00:42:53,488 --> 00:42:55,275
You are really something.
643
00:43:01,454 --> 00:43:04,117
Pat, will you stop snoring,
goddamn it!
644
00:43:04,373 --> 00:43:06,911
My head is about to explode!
645
00:43:09,003 --> 00:43:10,995
So you're the president's lawyer?
646
00:43:11,255 --> 00:43:12,746
Yes.
647
00:43:15,760 --> 00:43:18,002
Why does the president need
a lawyer?
648
00:43:21,641 --> 00:43:24,099
Good question. I, uh, just...
649
00:43:26,104 --> 00:43:27,140
I don't know.
650
00:43:31,567 --> 00:43:33,684
- It's you two.
- Mr. President.
651
00:43:33,861 --> 00:43:37,195
The Attorney General
is waiting upstairs, sir.
652
00:43:37,365 --> 00:43:38,526
Didn't I fire him?
653
00:43:38,699 --> 00:43:40,110
It's the new one, sir.
654
00:43:42,787 --> 00:43:44,119
Yeah.
655
00:43:51,379 --> 00:43:53,917
- We're here to walk Checkers.
- Oh, my goodness!
656
00:43:54,090 --> 00:43:58,835
I'm so busy that I sometimes forget
about the rest of God's creatures.
657
00:44:00,513 --> 00:44:04,132
- Here. I'll be back after lunch.
- Okay.
658
00:44:04,934 --> 00:44:06,345
Bye.
659
00:44:16,737 --> 00:44:18,103
Look.
660
00:44:18,364 --> 00:44:20,481
We should leave a message for Dick.
661
00:44:20,658 --> 00:44:22,069
Like what?
662
00:44:24,996 --> 00:44:26,578
Arlene...
663
00:44:27,707 --> 00:44:30,575
...I think it's time
you told him how you feel.
664
00:44:32,920 --> 00:44:34,001
I can't.
665
00:44:34,172 --> 00:44:37,381
Maybe he loves you too, but he
doesn't think you're interested.
666
00:44:41,137 --> 00:44:43,299
If you care for him at all...
667
00:44:43,723 --> 00:44:45,385
...you'll tell him.
668
00:44:48,978 --> 00:44:51,095
Okay, you just have to go first.
669
00:45:00,573 --> 00:45:02,030
Hi, Mr. President!
670
00:45:02,200 --> 00:45:04,066
This is Betsy and Arlene.
671
00:45:04,243 --> 00:45:08,613
We wanted to thank you for letting us
be your Secret Youth Advisers...
672
00:45:08,873 --> 00:45:12,116
...and for, um,
letting us walk Checkers...
673
00:45:12,293 --> 00:45:13,704
...and for...
674
00:45:16,255 --> 00:45:17,255
Well...
675
00:45:17,465 --> 00:45:20,048
I don't know what else for,
so here's Arlene.
676
00:45:20,218 --> 00:45:23,336
She has something
very personal to tell you.
677
00:45:25,765 --> 00:45:27,176
I love you.
678
00:45:27,808 --> 00:45:29,299
Um...
679
00:45:31,812 --> 00:45:35,146
I know that you have a lot
of things on your mind...
680
00:45:35,358 --> 00:45:38,066
...because you're
the president and all. Um...
681
00:45:40,196 --> 00:45:43,155
But I can't keep my feelings
inside any longer.
682
00:45:43,366 --> 00:45:45,483
I've never felt this way
about anyone...
683
00:45:45,743 --> 00:45:48,076
...not even Bobby Sherman,
who I adore...
684
00:45:48,246 --> 00:45:51,159
...but now I realize that
that was just puppy love...
685
00:45:51,707 --> 00:45:53,039
...and this is the real thing.
686
00:45:53,209 --> 00:45:55,075
Hey, Checkers. Hi, sweetie.
687
00:45:55,253 --> 00:45:59,088
I realize you're married and that
we can never really be together...
688
00:45:59,382 --> 00:46:00,714
...but I'll love you forever.
689
00:46:00,883 --> 00:46:02,374
Good boy.
690
00:46:03,970 --> 00:46:05,506
- Poo-poo.
- Um...
691
00:46:06,138 --> 00:46:08,755
...there's this song
by Olivia Newton-John...
692
00:46:09,183 --> 00:46:12,176
...that I think best describes
the way I feel about you.
693
00:46:13,562 --> 00:46:15,178
It goes like this:
694
00:46:38,546 --> 00:46:41,539
And then there was that time...
695
00:46:41,841 --> 00:46:44,208
...when you put your hand
on my shoulder...
696
00:46:44,760 --> 00:46:48,925
...and I got this warm,
tingly feeling inside.
697
00:46:49,348 --> 00:46:52,637
And I knew, right then,
at that moment...
698
00:46:52,893 --> 00:46:56,557
They'll be back soon.
You've been on for 18 and a half minutes.
699
00:46:57,898 --> 00:47:00,811
Oh. I have to go now. Goodbye.
700
00:47:00,985 --> 00:47:03,147
I can't believe you were
talking that whole time.
701
00:47:03,321 --> 00:47:05,608
- What did you say?
- Heh.
702
00:47:05,990 --> 00:47:07,151
- Stuff.
- Oh. Ha-ha-ha.
703
00:47:07,325 --> 00:47:08,907
It's personal.
704
00:47:09,160 --> 00:47:10,822
I want to make sure it recorded.
705
00:47:13,998 --> 00:47:17,036
Hunt's link to Colson is a problem.
706
00:47:17,251 --> 00:47:18,833
I must've pushed fast-forward.
707
00:47:22,798 --> 00:47:26,041
We can arrange for Hunt
to disappear in Latin America.
708
00:47:26,260 --> 00:47:29,719
And we could always
un-disappear him if we want to.
709
00:47:34,018 --> 00:47:35,759
Get down off of me, Checkers.
710
00:47:35,936 --> 00:47:38,394
Get down off of me,
you piece of shit!
711
00:47:41,275 --> 00:47:45,770
So let me tell you something.
We are going to use any means.
712
00:47:50,493 --> 00:47:53,986
I just don't want this whole
fucking Watergate business...
713
00:47:54,246 --> 00:47:55,282
...biting me in the ass!
714
00:47:55,498 --> 00:47:58,366
You know the goddamn Jews
are out to get me!
715
00:48:03,923 --> 00:48:06,210
I don't think
the president of the U.S...
716
00:48:06,384 --> 00:48:09,297
...should be recording
conversations like that.
717
00:48:13,724 --> 00:48:17,308
- Make it 8:30.
- Okay, Mr. President, will do.
718
00:48:17,686 --> 00:48:19,928
Ooh, girls. Uh...
719
00:48:20,189 --> 00:48:21,930
...did Checkers do his business?
720
00:48:22,274 --> 00:48:23,685
Uh-huh.
721
00:48:23,859 --> 00:48:25,600
- Excellent.
- Good, good.
722
00:48:25,861 --> 00:48:29,104
I hope you left me
some of those yummy cookies.
723
00:48:29,490 --> 00:48:30,822
Take care.
724
00:48:32,785 --> 00:48:34,321
We have to go.
725
00:48:36,872 --> 00:48:38,329
Oh, my stars!
726
00:48:39,917 --> 00:48:41,829
Arlene!
727
00:48:43,087 --> 00:48:45,044
Arlene!
728
00:48:53,055 --> 00:48:54,842
Sounds very important.
729
00:48:56,350 --> 00:48:57,716
It is.
730
00:48:59,353 --> 00:49:00,935
Mr. President?
731
00:49:01,605 --> 00:49:02,686
What is it, Bob?
732
00:49:03,023 --> 00:49:05,561
I was wondering if you had
that package ready for me...
733
00:49:05,734 --> 00:49:07,691
...to take home over the weekend?
734
00:49:07,862 --> 00:49:11,151
Oh. Yeah, the musical tapes.
735
00:49:11,323 --> 00:49:12,439
Yeah.
736
00:49:13,200 --> 00:49:16,989
Bob and I are very big fans
of Guy Lombardo.
737
00:49:18,080 --> 00:49:19,912
I taped them myself.
738
00:49:20,332 --> 00:49:21,493
Let me know what you think.
739
00:49:21,667 --> 00:49:22,874
I will, sir.
740
00:49:27,590 --> 00:49:29,252
You were saying, Arlene?
741
00:49:31,051 --> 00:49:33,759
We don't think you've been
completely honest with us.
742
00:49:34,180 --> 00:49:38,174
If this is about
that Watergate nonsense...
743
00:49:38,517 --> 00:49:40,224
...let me say once again...
744
00:49:40,394 --> 00:49:42,932
...I had nothing to do with it, okay?
745
00:49:43,189 --> 00:49:46,728
It's a plot created
by my enemies to disgrace me!
746
00:49:46,901 --> 00:49:51,362
Those radical, muckraking bastards,
Woodward and Bernstein...
747
00:49:51,530 --> 00:49:52,896
...at the Washington Post!
748
00:49:53,073 --> 00:49:55,110
They're the liars here, you know!
749
00:49:55,409 --> 00:49:58,402
Always hiding behind
the goddamn First Amendment!
750
00:49:58,704 --> 00:50:00,320
Let me tell you something!
751
00:50:00,498 --> 00:50:03,616
It won't protect them from me!
752
00:50:06,212 --> 00:50:08,875
Actually, it was just about the dog.
753
00:50:09,215 --> 00:50:11,298
You act like you like him...
754
00:50:11,509 --> 00:50:13,250
...but we don't think you do.
755
00:50:14,595 --> 00:50:16,086
What dog?
756
00:50:18,807 --> 00:50:22,426
Now that you mention it,
people are talking about Watergate...
757
00:50:22,686 --> 00:50:24,143
...and they say you lied.
758
00:50:24,313 --> 00:50:26,430
And I'm Jewish.
759
00:50:26,774 --> 00:50:28,140
I know.
760
00:50:29,193 --> 00:50:30,775
I had you checked out.
761
00:50:33,489 --> 00:50:37,199
There's probably more in there
than you know about yourselves.
762
00:50:39,453 --> 00:50:41,115
- Even grades?
- Yeah.
763
00:50:41,288 --> 00:50:42,699
Grades...
764
00:50:43,207 --> 00:50:46,041
...your parents' income tax returns...
765
00:50:46,835 --> 00:50:49,543
...overdue library books.
766
00:50:49,713 --> 00:50:52,205
The whole kit and caboodle.
767
00:50:55,094 --> 00:50:57,461
Is there stuff
about my father in there?
768
00:50:59,098 --> 00:51:00,134
Who was he?
769
00:51:00,307 --> 00:51:04,301
A lady's shoe salesman
at Garfinkle's or some such place.
770
00:51:04,478 --> 00:51:07,516
Got hit by a garbage truck
at the age of 24.
771
00:51:08,482 --> 00:51:10,690
Your mom never said
it was a garbage truck.
772
00:51:10,859 --> 00:51:13,897
Strictly small time.
Never amounted to much.
773
00:51:18,242 --> 00:51:20,234
Well, at least he wasn't a liar.
774
00:51:21,620 --> 00:51:23,486
We heard that tape!
775
00:51:23,664 --> 00:51:25,951
- What'd you hear?
- You kick Checkers!
776
00:51:26,208 --> 00:51:29,326
And you're prejudiced,
and you have a potty mouth!
777
00:51:29,503 --> 00:51:31,790
You're a bad man!
778
00:51:31,964 --> 00:51:34,547
You stinking little idiots,
get out of here!
779
00:51:34,800 --> 00:51:37,008
And don't ever come back here again!
780
00:51:39,138 --> 00:51:41,425
You don't mess with the big boys!
781
00:51:44,602 --> 00:51:45,809
Betsy. Arlene.
782
00:51:45,978 --> 00:51:47,014
Wait!
783
00:51:48,897 --> 00:51:51,355
I would like to apologize
for his actions.
784
00:51:51,525 --> 00:51:53,517
He's been under
a lot of stress lately.
785
00:51:53,694 --> 00:51:57,187
It's too late. We're not friends
with him anymore, period!
786
00:51:57,489 --> 00:52:00,573
And if you stay,
you're just as bad as he is.
787
00:52:06,248 --> 00:52:08,240
Oh.
788
00:52:12,254 --> 00:52:13,870
Arlene!
789
00:52:14,131 --> 00:52:15,838
Arlene!
790
00:52:18,344 --> 00:52:19,380
Wait!
791
00:52:20,429 --> 00:52:21,965
It's gonna be okay.
792
00:52:22,556 --> 00:52:24,138
I hate Dick!
793
00:52:26,560 --> 00:52:28,973
It was stupid of me
to fall in love with Dick.
794
00:52:29,229 --> 00:52:30,686
What was I thinking?
795
00:52:31,482 --> 00:52:33,940
Dick just disgusts me now.
796
00:52:34,943 --> 00:52:36,559
You know, Arlene...
797
00:52:37,821 --> 00:52:40,484
...Dick meant a lot to me too.
But I've been thinking...
798
00:52:41,825 --> 00:52:43,691
...you can't let Dick run your life!
799
00:52:48,415 --> 00:52:49,951
Do you mind?
800
00:52:50,584 --> 00:52:53,327
We're having a personal conversation.
801
00:53:38,507 --> 00:53:39,588
What happened?
802
00:53:39,758 --> 00:53:43,001
Larry wasn't at Jake's house.
Larry was at a porno movie.
803
00:53:43,178 --> 00:53:44,214
Ooh...
804
00:53:44,805 --> 00:53:47,172
- Hi, Daddy!
- Hi.
805
00:53:48,183 --> 00:53:49,549
Hi, girls.
806
00:53:49,727 --> 00:53:52,344
Would you mind
going upstairs for just a minute?
807
00:53:55,649 --> 00:53:58,437
I don't understand
the title of that porno movie.
808
00:54:03,866 --> 00:54:05,482
"Deep throat" means...
809
00:54:05,659 --> 00:54:09,278
...when the woman puts
the man's penis in her mouth...
810
00:54:37,483 --> 00:54:39,019
Okay, what now?
811
00:54:41,445 --> 00:54:42,902
Prank phone calls?
812
00:54:44,114 --> 00:54:45,480
Okay, who?
813
00:54:47,534 --> 00:54:48,741
Miss Spinnler?
814
00:54:49,411 --> 00:54:50,993
No.
815
00:54:52,831 --> 00:54:54,322
Sean Freshman?
816
00:54:55,417 --> 00:54:59,001
- No, we always do him.
- Um...
817
00:55:01,715 --> 00:55:04,378
I know, I know! These guys!
818
00:55:05,761 --> 00:55:07,923
The "radical, muckraking bastards."
819
00:55:09,723 --> 00:55:12,887
These are the guys that are writing
all that stuff about Watergate.
820
00:55:13,060 --> 00:55:14,551
Oh.
821
00:55:15,187 --> 00:55:19,022
- Oh, and this one's kind of hunky.
- Gross.
822
00:55:19,983 --> 00:55:22,191
Well, you liked Dick.
823
00:55:28,033 --> 00:55:30,195
- Washington Post.
- Hello.
824
00:55:30,369 --> 00:55:32,452
I'm the daughter
of the British ambassador...
825
00:55:32,621 --> 00:55:36,956
...and I have some very important
information concerning Watergate...
826
00:55:37,209 --> 00:55:38,620
...for your newspaper.
827
00:55:39,211 --> 00:55:40,702
One moment.
828
00:55:41,255 --> 00:55:43,622
- I'm on hold!
- Okay.
829
00:55:47,719 --> 00:55:48,719
Woodward.
830
00:55:49,471 --> 00:55:50,587
I can't. I can't.
831
00:55:51,014 --> 00:55:52,050
Hello?
832
00:55:53,016 --> 00:55:55,303
Hello? Hello.
833
00:55:55,477 --> 00:55:56,763
Who's this?
834
00:55:57,062 --> 00:55:59,975
I just told you. Bob Woodward.
835
00:56:00,732 --> 00:56:02,564
Oh. Um, good.
836
00:56:02,943 --> 00:56:04,605
We, um, know things.
837
00:56:04,778 --> 00:56:06,610
What kind of things?
838
00:56:08,031 --> 00:56:09,272
About Dick.
839
00:56:10,158 --> 00:56:11,615
I mean, the president.
840
00:56:12,995 --> 00:56:14,202
On the record?
841
00:56:15,414 --> 00:56:16,450
Huh?
842
00:56:16,623 --> 00:56:17,864
Can I use your name?
843
00:56:18,375 --> 00:56:20,867
Heh. They don't get that it's a joke!
844
00:56:21,128 --> 00:56:23,290
- That just makes it funnier.
- Okay.
845
00:56:23,463 --> 00:56:26,422
Unless you go on the record
or have documentation...
846
00:56:29,219 --> 00:56:32,007
I have deadlines.
This is the Washington Post.
847
00:56:32,180 --> 00:56:34,467
A documentation.
Like a piece of paper.
848
00:56:34,641 --> 00:56:35,973
Yeah. Yeah.
849
00:56:36,143 --> 00:56:37,805
We have a piece of paper.
850
00:56:37,978 --> 00:56:42,222
Hold on. We have a list of creeps.
We got it at the White House.
851
00:56:43,817 --> 00:56:45,353
A list of creeps?
852
00:56:45,527 --> 00:56:47,860
Uh-huh. C-R-E-E-P.
853
00:56:50,407 --> 00:56:52,319
The Committee to Re-elect
the President.
854
00:56:52,492 --> 00:56:57,157
It's to Haldeman. It has a list of names,
amounts of money and dates.
855
00:56:58,790 --> 00:57:00,622
Go ahead. What do you have?
856
00:57:02,502 --> 00:57:05,495
It's Magruder, Barker, Brown...
857
00:57:05,672 --> 00:57:06,672
Uh-huh.
858
00:57:08,008 --> 00:57:09,715
Right.
859
00:57:10,802 --> 00:57:12,134
Yeah.
860
00:57:12,471 --> 00:57:14,963
Okay. Okay, can...?
861
00:57:16,308 --> 00:57:17,344
Yeah.
862
00:57:19,853 --> 00:57:21,060
Can I help you?
863
00:57:21,855 --> 00:57:23,847
- I'm cool.
- I'm sorry, go ahead.
864
00:57:26,902 --> 00:57:28,768
Right. Uh-huh.
865
00:57:32,449 --> 00:57:33,860
Go away!
866
00:57:34,743 --> 00:57:35,743
Right.
867
00:57:35,911 --> 00:57:38,619
You actually have this document
in your possession?
868
00:57:38,789 --> 00:57:40,746
Yeah, it's sitting right here.
869
00:57:41,458 --> 00:57:43,450
But the only problem is that...
870
00:57:43,710 --> 00:57:48,421
...we drew all over it and I dropped
my grilled cheese sandwich on it...
871
00:57:48,590 --> 00:57:50,252
...so it's kind of rank.
872
00:57:50,509 --> 00:57:53,001
Benji, stop it. Get off!
873
00:57:54,262 --> 00:57:57,221
Are you insane?
Or are your pants too tight?
874
00:57:57,683 --> 00:57:59,015
Who are you talking to?
875
00:57:59,184 --> 00:58:02,803
A source with proof that the Committee
to Re-elect the President...
876
00:58:02,980 --> 00:58:04,596
...paid off the Water...
877
00:58:05,065 --> 00:58:07,352
Paid off the Watergate burglars.
878
00:58:07,609 --> 00:58:09,475
And the White House knows about it.
879
00:58:14,366 --> 00:58:16,824
You can't have
that conversation on the phone.
880
00:58:16,994 --> 00:58:18,701
It's too dangerous.
881
00:58:18,912 --> 00:58:21,279
- Arrange a meeting.
- Okay.
882
00:58:21,456 --> 00:58:23,096
Ow! That really hurt me.
883
00:58:23,125 --> 00:58:24,912
That really hurt me.
884
00:58:26,586 --> 00:58:27,702
Could I meet you?
885
00:58:27,879 --> 00:58:30,246
We've been too permissive
with you, young man.
886
00:58:30,757 --> 00:58:33,420
From now on,
we're watching you like a hawk.
887
00:58:34,094 --> 00:58:35,676
Not around here.
888
00:58:35,846 --> 00:58:38,930
Right, you're being watched.
I understand. Um...
889
00:58:39,933 --> 00:58:42,926
There is an underground
parking garage...
890
00:58:44,438 --> 00:58:47,772
...on A Street and York Avenue.
891
00:58:48,025 --> 00:58:49,391
Across from Garfinkle's.
892
00:58:49,568 --> 00:58:51,901
We can go shopping
after we meet them.
893
00:58:52,070 --> 00:58:56,360
Yes. I can meet you there
tomorrow at 9 p.m.
894
00:58:57,117 --> 00:58:58,358
Okay.
895
00:58:59,244 --> 00:59:00,280
How will I know you?
896
00:59:01,204 --> 00:59:03,662
That's for me to know
and you to find out.
897
00:59:07,961 --> 00:59:09,372
What are you staring at?
898
00:59:09,546 --> 00:59:11,503
There's yelling. Are you in trouble?
899
00:59:14,259 --> 00:59:17,502
Give me a name, so when you call next,
I'll know it's you.
900
00:59:21,016 --> 00:59:22,848
Deep Throat! Aah!
901
00:59:23,060 --> 00:59:24,096
Deep Throat!
902
00:59:25,437 --> 00:59:27,895
Carl Bernstein. Tell me your story.
903
00:59:28,065 --> 00:59:29,351
Up yours, man!
904
00:59:31,151 --> 00:59:33,985
Deep Throat! Come here,
Deep Throat boy! Come here!
905
00:59:34,154 --> 00:59:36,692
- Deep Throat!
- Deep Throat! Deep Throat!
906
00:59:37,365 --> 00:59:38,651
They hung up.
907
00:59:38,992 --> 00:59:40,654
- What are you doing?
- It's cool.
908
00:59:40,911 --> 00:59:42,573
- What are you doing?
- Helping you out.
909
00:59:43,455 --> 00:59:44,946
I swear to God...!
910
00:59:45,123 --> 00:59:48,833
- Deep Throat boy!
- Deep Throat! Deep Throat!
911
00:59:49,002 --> 00:59:52,291
- You're horny! Horny little pervert!
- Pervert!
912
01:00:01,807 --> 01:00:04,265
- All right, he's not here. Let's go.
- Okay.
913
01:00:10,440 --> 01:00:12,272
You're Deep Throat?
914
01:00:12,442 --> 01:00:13,853
Yeah.
915
01:00:14,027 --> 01:00:15,484
We both are.
916
01:00:15,654 --> 01:00:17,020
How old are you?
917
01:00:18,031 --> 01:00:19,192
Twenty-three.
918
01:00:19,366 --> 01:00:20,982
Is that your combined ages?
919
01:00:22,327 --> 01:00:24,193
There's no need to be snotty.
920
01:00:24,371 --> 01:00:27,535
I'm just trying to imagine here,
what exactly...
921
01:00:27,833 --> 01:00:30,371
...is your connection
with the White House?
922
01:00:30,544 --> 01:00:32,911
We were the Secret Youth Advisers.
923
01:00:33,088 --> 01:00:36,581
And we walked the dog.
And Arlene was in love with Dick.
924
01:00:36,758 --> 01:00:39,876
Okay, I don't need to hear
any more of that, really.
925
01:00:42,013 --> 01:00:43,133
Were you followed?
926
01:00:49,980 --> 01:00:52,097
What are you doing here?
927
01:00:52,357 --> 01:00:54,098
I came to make sure
you were all right.
928
01:00:54,317 --> 01:00:55,933
You did not!
929
01:00:56,111 --> 01:00:57,977
You're trying to horn in on my source.
930
01:00:58,155 --> 01:01:01,319
How come you get to meet Deep Throat?
I'm the one who saw that movie.
931
01:01:03,118 --> 01:01:04,609
Hi, I'm Carl Bernstein.
932
01:01:04,786 --> 01:01:06,597
You're supposed to check phone records.
933
01:01:06,621 --> 01:01:07,953
It gave me a headache.
934
01:01:08,123 --> 01:01:09,955
- Stop whining.
- I'm not whining.
935
01:01:10,125 --> 01:01:11,991
Yes, you are. You're whining.
936
01:01:12,169 --> 01:01:14,035
- We've talked about this.
- Hey.
937
01:01:14,504 --> 01:01:16,291
Are you interested in the story or not?
938
01:01:16,965 --> 01:01:18,957
- Yes.
- Yes.
939
01:01:24,014 --> 01:01:26,631
At first, we thought he was really nice.
940
01:01:26,933 --> 01:01:31,348
Then we heard him saying mean things
about Jews and using foul language.
941
01:01:31,605 --> 01:01:33,141
We realized he was a jerk.
942
01:01:33,315 --> 01:01:34,726
A jerk.
943
01:01:34,983 --> 01:01:37,350
We could hear him kicking the dog
on the tape.
944
01:01:37,527 --> 01:01:38,608
There's a tape?
945
01:01:38,778 --> 01:01:41,612
He records everything. It's in
Rose Mary's desk. He's paranoid.
946
01:01:41,781 --> 01:01:43,488
What else did he say on this tape?
947
01:01:43,658 --> 01:01:45,149
They talked about hiding...
948
01:01:45,577 --> 01:01:48,991
...some guy in South America
because he knew about Watergate.
949
01:01:49,164 --> 01:01:53,158
Uh, let me get this straight. You're saying
the president of the United States...
950
01:01:53,418 --> 01:01:55,501
- Of America.
- Of America...
951
01:01:55,754 --> 01:01:59,338
...the most powerful country
in the world...
952
01:02:00,217 --> 01:02:02,709
...is involved
in this Watergate cover-up?
953
01:02:02,886 --> 01:02:04,047
- Yeah.
- I guess.
954
01:02:04,221 --> 01:02:06,383
Who is he talking to on this tape?
955
01:02:06,556 --> 01:02:09,515
- Um, Erlichman?
- No.
956
01:02:09,726 --> 01:02:11,467
- Hurlichman.
- Oh, yeah.
957
01:02:11,645 --> 01:02:14,137
- No, there isn't a Hurlichman.
- Yes, there is.
958
01:02:14,314 --> 01:02:15,805
There's not a Hurlichman.
959
01:02:16,191 --> 01:02:18,979
There's a Haldeman.
And there's an Erlichman.
960
01:02:19,319 --> 01:02:20,355
Wait, wait, wait.
961
01:02:20,612 --> 01:02:22,820
The guy who's, like, kind of fleshy...
962
01:02:23,073 --> 01:02:26,362
...who wears horn-rimmed glasses
and a cheesy dark suit.
963
01:02:26,534 --> 01:02:27,615
It sounded like him.
964
01:02:29,329 --> 01:02:30,945
Show me which one.
965
01:02:34,292 --> 01:02:36,909
I never realized how much
they all look alike.
966
01:02:39,339 --> 01:02:43,208
The document you mentioned on
the phone, it was written to Haldeman?
967
01:02:43,468 --> 01:02:46,211
If we publish that, we could nail him.
968
01:02:46,429 --> 01:02:48,421
Give me skin, Daddy.
969
01:02:50,350 --> 01:02:51,466
No.
970
01:02:51,643 --> 01:02:54,886
- We don't really have it right now.
- What?
971
01:02:56,106 --> 01:02:57,722
The dog ate it.
972
01:02:58,066 --> 01:02:59,352
The dog ate it.
973
01:03:00,193 --> 01:03:01,855
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
974
01:03:02,237 --> 01:03:05,856
Great. You know, I don't need this.
I went to Yale.
975
01:03:06,032 --> 01:03:08,365
- Ow.
- Sorry.
976
01:03:08,535 --> 01:03:12,028
Hey. We could've gotten grounded
for sneaking out.
977
01:03:12,247 --> 01:03:14,079
If we could get that tape...
978
01:03:14,249 --> 01:03:16,036
But it's in the White House.
979
01:03:16,209 --> 01:03:20,328
You know who else is
sexy is Robert Plant, from Led Zeppelin.
980
01:03:20,839 --> 01:03:24,332
- Ew. He reminds me of my brother.
- Oh.
981
01:03:28,805 --> 01:03:31,889
Your brother's not that bad.
Not that I like him.
982
01:03:32,267 --> 01:03:34,805
I can't run this. You don't have it.
983
01:03:35,061 --> 01:03:36,222
What?
984
01:03:37,230 --> 01:03:40,974
I might be willing to take the risk
on these other names...
985
01:03:41,151 --> 01:03:42,892
...but not on Haldeman. My God!
986
01:03:43,153 --> 01:03:47,272
He's the man who controls access
to the leader of the free world.
987
01:03:47,699 --> 01:03:49,315
There is another source.
988
01:03:49,492 --> 01:03:53,111
You mean, your what-do-you-call-it?
989
01:03:53,288 --> 01:03:55,905
- Hand Job.
- Deep Throat.
990
01:03:56,082 --> 01:03:59,792
Yeah, Deep Throat.
Well, tell me about Deep Throat.
991
01:04:00,170 --> 01:04:03,709
Well, "he" links the president...
992
01:04:03,882 --> 01:04:04,882
...to the burglary...
993
01:04:05,050 --> 01:04:06,837
...and to a cover-up.
994
01:04:07,010 --> 01:04:08,251
Jesus!
995
01:04:08,970 --> 01:04:10,506
What branch is he in?
996
01:04:11,139 --> 01:04:13,472
E... E... Executive.
997
01:04:13,641 --> 01:04:14,927
How high?
998
01:04:15,101 --> 01:04:16,262
About yea high.
999
01:04:17,312 --> 01:04:18,974
Don't do this to me.
1000
01:04:19,147 --> 01:04:21,935
Get some more sources
on those names.
1001
01:04:22,317 --> 01:04:25,856
Bring me in some hard evidence
and nail it down.
1002
01:04:26,571 --> 01:04:29,655
Some people think
that Mick Jagger's lips are gross.
1003
01:04:29,908 --> 01:04:31,695
But I think that they're sexy.
1004
01:04:31,951 --> 01:04:34,864
They're like this big couch
made out of skin.
1005
01:04:35,121 --> 01:04:37,613
- You're so hard rock now.
- No.
1006
01:04:37,791 --> 01:04:40,283
- Yes.
- No.
1007
01:04:41,169 --> 01:04:42,169
What?
1008
01:04:42,337 --> 01:04:46,081
That van's been right behind us
since we left school. Don't look.
1009
01:04:46,341 --> 01:04:47,457
I have to.
1010
01:04:55,016 --> 01:04:56,598
- We're being followed.
- By who?
1011
01:04:56,893 --> 01:04:58,759
I don't know. Do you think it's Dick?
1012
01:04:58,978 --> 01:05:02,471
Maybe he knows we talked to
the "radical, muckraking bastards."
1013
01:05:02,732 --> 01:05:04,268
He couldn't know.
1014
01:05:04,442 --> 01:05:05,899
He could.
1015
01:05:08,363 --> 01:05:10,275
Dick frightens me.
1016
01:05:11,366 --> 01:05:12,948
Hello, this is Bob Woodward.
1017
01:05:13,118 --> 01:05:14,984
And Carl Bernstein, Washington Post.
1018
01:05:15,161 --> 01:05:19,280
Carl's on the other line. We have
a few questions we'd like to ask you.
1019
01:05:19,457 --> 01:05:21,198
Oh, girls! Arlene, Betsy!
1020
01:05:21,376 --> 01:05:22,662
We can't talk now.
1021
01:05:22,836 --> 01:05:27,297
We need to know some names from
that list you had. Do you remember any?
1022
01:05:27,465 --> 01:05:29,707
We're under a lot of pressure too.
1023
01:05:29,926 --> 01:05:32,589
It's okay.
You don't have to name any names.
1024
01:05:32,762 --> 01:05:34,344
- Don't answer.
- We'll say names.
1025
01:05:34,514 --> 01:05:38,053
We'll count to 10. If you don't
hang up, that's a confirmation.
1026
01:05:38,560 --> 01:05:39,641
What?
1027
01:05:40,562 --> 01:05:41,598
Hi.
1028
01:05:41,771 --> 01:05:43,763
I'm so sorry to interrupt you.
1029
01:05:43,940 --> 01:05:45,852
- Go!
- Just go with it!
1030
01:05:46,276 --> 01:05:47,312
Okay.
1031
01:05:48,111 --> 01:05:50,649
I asked you to come to dinner
15 minutes ago.
1032
01:05:50,822 --> 01:05:52,529
Now your TV dinners are ice-cold.
1033
01:05:52,699 --> 01:05:54,691
In fact, they're frozen again.
1034
01:05:54,868 --> 01:05:56,404
McCord.
1035
01:05:59,122 --> 01:06:00,122
Lang.
1036
01:06:00,290 --> 01:06:04,125
So come to the table now,
or I'll never fix you dinner again, ever!
1037
01:06:04,294 --> 01:06:05,294
Seven...
1038
01:06:05,462 --> 01:06:06,462
...eight...
1039
01:06:06,629 --> 01:06:07,629
...nine...
1040
01:06:07,964 --> 01:06:09,375
We'll be right there, Mom.
1041
01:06:11,468 --> 01:06:12,468
...ten.
1042
01:06:12,802 --> 01:06:13,802
Thank you very much.
1043
01:06:17,474 --> 01:06:19,386
- Whoo!
- Yes! Yes!
1044
01:06:21,269 --> 01:06:22,726
They hung up.
1045
01:06:25,064 --> 01:06:26,555
I'm sorry, Janet.
1046
01:06:26,816 --> 01:06:27,977
- You all right?
- Yeah.
1047
01:06:53,468 --> 01:06:55,460
You scared us to death!
What's the matter?
1048
01:06:55,678 --> 01:06:58,512
You little lying sacks of shit
are the matter!
1049
01:06:58,890 --> 01:06:59,926
Listen.
1050
01:07:04,479 --> 01:07:08,314
You guys gave us bad information
on the phone.
1051
01:07:09,025 --> 01:07:10,812
The names on the list?
1052
01:07:11,486 --> 01:07:14,604
We printed it, they denied it,
and our other source backed out.
1053
01:07:14,822 --> 01:07:17,530
Now everybody thinks
that I'm a schmuck.
1054
01:07:18,785 --> 01:07:19,946
What names?
1055
01:07:20,203 --> 01:07:22,035
The names. The information.
1056
01:07:22,330 --> 01:07:24,287
Listen, people are counting on you.
1057
01:07:24,457 --> 01:07:28,747
You're big-shot reporters. Can't you
figure anything out for yourselves?
1058
01:07:28,920 --> 01:07:31,503
How could you let your dog
eat that list?
1059
01:07:31,714 --> 01:07:33,330
You're ruining my life!
1060
01:07:36,052 --> 01:07:40,046
We have a very important report
on turquoise jewelry due in two days...
1061
01:07:40,306 --> 01:07:43,390
...and we can't find books on it,
and the president is having us followed.
1062
01:07:43,560 --> 01:07:47,019
- It's too much pressure.
- Just leave us alone!
1063
01:08:00,743 --> 01:08:02,325
Arlene?
1064
01:08:02,495 --> 01:08:04,031
Mom?
1065
01:08:04,414 --> 01:08:05,621
I'm in here, dear.
1066
01:08:06,040 --> 01:08:08,248
- How come you're home so early?
- Oh...
1067
01:08:08,418 --> 01:08:09,534
Honey...
1068
01:08:10,545 --> 01:08:12,161
...I've met someone.
1069
01:08:12,630 --> 01:08:14,417
I've met someone.
1070
01:08:14,591 --> 01:08:15,752
Here he is.
1071
01:08:17,343 --> 01:08:18,754
Hello, Arlene.
1072
01:08:21,556 --> 01:08:22,967
How did you know my name?
1073
01:08:25,560 --> 01:08:27,267
It's embroidered on your blouse.
1074
01:08:27,437 --> 01:08:28,803
Oh! Ha, ha.
1075
01:08:38,823 --> 01:08:40,280
Mm. Mmm...
1076
01:08:42,368 --> 01:08:44,451
It's really so funny how we met.
1077
01:08:44,621 --> 01:08:49,491
I was in the market at lunch and we
literally just crashed into each other.
1078
01:08:49,667 --> 01:08:54,458
I said, "Excuse me, your peanut butter
is in my chocolate."
1079
01:08:56,507 --> 01:09:01,878
And I said, "Your chocolate
is in my peanut butter." Ha-ha-ha!
1080
01:09:02,055 --> 01:09:03,262
Oh, my gosh.
1081
01:09:03,431 --> 01:09:05,468
We haven't been separated
since then.
1082
01:09:05,642 --> 01:09:09,306
Well, until I used the bathroom
just now. Ooh!
1083
01:09:11,773 --> 01:09:14,561
Roderick, you're such a treasure.
1084
01:09:20,406 --> 01:09:21,442
Honey.
1085
01:09:21,616 --> 01:09:24,279
- Honey, did you leave the door open?
- No.
1086
01:09:24,452 --> 01:09:25,943
No.
1087
01:09:34,295 --> 01:09:35,661
We've been robbed.
1088
01:09:39,300 --> 01:09:41,508
My grandmother's pearls!
1089
01:09:42,428 --> 01:09:43,885
My stash!
1090
01:09:48,810 --> 01:09:51,268
Are you absolutely positive
nothing is missing?
1091
01:09:51,437 --> 01:09:52,928
Yes.
1092
01:09:53,481 --> 01:09:55,438
I don't understand it at all.
1093
01:09:55,650 --> 01:10:00,145
My jewelry case wasn't touched,
but they ripped apart the sofa cushions.
1094
01:10:00,446 --> 01:10:01,653
I need a drink.
1095
01:10:01,906 --> 01:10:05,070
Maybe they just didn't like
my wife's taste in decorating.
1096
01:10:07,787 --> 01:10:11,030
If I didn't know better, I'd say
someone was looking for something.
1097
01:10:11,290 --> 01:10:14,658
- I can't imagine what.
- We're just a normal family.
1098
01:10:14,961 --> 01:10:17,044
Okay, I wouldn't go that far.
1099
01:10:24,137 --> 01:10:26,504
They only stole
the Hello Dollies recipe.
1100
01:10:26,681 --> 01:10:29,845
Not jewelry or the TV
or Larry's pot or anything.
1101
01:10:30,017 --> 01:10:31,599
It's too much of a coincidence.
1102
01:10:31,769 --> 01:10:35,262
Your house gets robbed, and my mom
gets a boyfriend the same night?
1103
01:10:35,690 --> 01:10:37,101
Why don't you like him?
1104
01:10:37,275 --> 01:10:41,360
Because I think he's a spy for Dick.
No guy like that would go for my mom.
1105
01:10:43,865 --> 01:10:45,401
Hello? I...
1106
01:10:46,033 --> 01:10:47,069
Betsy?
1107
01:10:49,996 --> 01:10:50,996
Hello?
1108
01:11:29,744 --> 01:11:32,452
I'll buzz you up
so that my mom doesn't hear.
1109
01:11:33,372 --> 01:11:36,115
Okay.
1110
01:11:38,753 --> 01:11:39,994
Betsy, what are you doing?
1111
01:11:41,756 --> 01:11:43,748
- We're being bugged!
- What?
1112
01:11:44,217 --> 01:11:47,460
The president of the United States
is bugging our houses...
1113
01:11:47,637 --> 01:11:49,503
...and spying on us!
1114
01:11:50,765 --> 01:11:51,881
What did you just say?
1115
01:11:56,395 --> 01:11:58,227
It's a line from a song. It's:
1116
01:12:04,487 --> 01:12:08,151
There's a man from the Washington Post
on the phone for you.
1117
01:12:13,579 --> 01:12:15,866
- Hello?
- It's Bernstein from the Post.
1118
01:12:16,040 --> 01:12:17,952
- No. No.
- The information you gave...
1119
01:12:18,209 --> 01:12:21,452
Um, no.
We're not interested in a subscription.
1120
01:12:21,629 --> 01:12:22,665
Thanks, no.
1121
01:12:23,005 --> 01:12:25,793
No, we prefer the news on TV.
Thank you.
1122
01:12:27,134 --> 01:12:29,467
I thought we already got the Post.
1123
01:12:30,763 --> 01:12:34,006
You know, there is something
very strange going on here.
1124
01:12:34,183 --> 01:12:35,219
I know there is.
1125
01:12:35,852 --> 01:12:38,515
And I don't want to know
what it is. Okay?
1126
01:12:41,816 --> 01:12:44,775
And in all my years
of public life, I can say...
1127
01:12:44,944 --> 01:12:48,813
...that I have
never, ever obstructed justice.
1128
01:12:49,282 --> 01:12:50,989
This is all his fault.
1129
01:12:51,784 --> 01:12:54,822
The people have got to know...
1130
01:12:55,246 --> 01:12:57,989
...whether or not
their president is a crook.
1131
01:12:59,041 --> 01:13:00,623
Well...
1132
01:13:00,835 --> 01:13:01,835
...I'm not a crook.
1133
01:13:02,003 --> 01:13:04,245
He's trying to drive me insane.
1134
01:13:08,509 --> 01:13:09,545
Hello?
1135
01:13:10,887 --> 01:13:12,423
Hello?
1136
01:13:15,766 --> 01:13:16,766
Oh, my God!
1137
01:13:16,934 --> 01:13:18,675
We have to get out of here!
1138
01:13:22,732 --> 01:13:24,689
- Oh, my God!
- It's okay.
1139
01:13:35,870 --> 01:13:36,870
Go!
1140
01:13:47,632 --> 01:13:49,123
Oh, my God!
1141
01:14:04,899 --> 01:14:08,483
So these girls are a threat
to national security?
1142
01:14:09,278 --> 01:14:11,315
According to the president.
1143
01:14:12,907 --> 01:14:16,526
How dare those people keep treating us
like stupid teenage girls!
1144
01:14:16,911 --> 01:14:19,324
We are stupid teenage girls.
1145
01:14:19,497 --> 01:14:21,989
No, Betsy, we're human beings.
1146
01:14:22,291 --> 01:14:24,533
And we're American citizens.
1147
01:14:24,919 --> 01:14:28,538
And fourscore and seven years ago,
our forefathers...
1148
01:14:29,090 --> 01:14:30,922
...did something.
I don't know what.
1149
01:14:31,258 --> 01:14:34,592
But I do know one thing:
Dick's ass is grass.
1150
01:14:34,845 --> 01:14:37,428
Where are we going?
What are we doing?
1151
01:14:37,598 --> 01:14:40,466
If Haldeman has the tapes
that Woodward and Bernstein want...
1152
01:14:40,726 --> 01:14:42,809
- ...we're gonna find them.
- Okay.
1153
01:14:43,729 --> 01:14:45,766
This is it.
This is Haldeman's house.
1154
01:14:45,940 --> 01:14:47,147
2170.
1155
01:14:52,947 --> 01:14:54,654
Look, there's somebody there.
1156
01:14:57,827 --> 01:14:59,568
Haldeman must have a son.
1157
01:14:59,829 --> 01:15:01,536
Wait, let me see.
1158
01:15:02,456 --> 01:15:04,072
- Ahh...
- We have a mission.
1159
01:15:04,250 --> 01:15:07,743
We have to figure out a way
to get inside and find those tapes.
1160
01:15:09,588 --> 01:15:11,420
Don't worry, Arlene.
1161
01:15:11,924 --> 01:15:13,210
I'll do it.
1162
01:15:20,266 --> 01:15:22,053
Oh, hi.
1163
01:15:24,311 --> 01:15:25,472
Do you remember me?
1164
01:15:27,106 --> 01:15:29,814
- Betsy.
- Betsy, right.
1165
01:15:30,067 --> 01:15:31,603
From the Homecoming dance.
1166
01:15:32,153 --> 01:15:33,153
Right.
1167
01:15:45,708 --> 01:15:46,744
You wanna make out?
1168
01:15:46,917 --> 01:15:47,998
Sure.
1169
01:16:15,946 --> 01:16:17,312
Are you all right?
1170
01:16:17,490 --> 01:16:19,026
I'm fine.
1171
01:16:20,367 --> 01:16:22,575
I need to go to the bathroom.
Will you excuse me?
1172
01:16:36,008 --> 01:16:37,294
Okay.
1173
01:16:45,267 --> 01:16:46,267
Arlene.
1174
01:17:32,898 --> 01:17:34,810
What's going on here?
1175
01:17:35,568 --> 01:17:36,934
Beer bong?
1176
01:17:38,320 --> 01:17:40,733
I'm tripping heavily already.
1177
01:17:58,257 --> 01:17:59,543
You know...
1178
01:18:02,261 --> 01:18:04,127
...I really like you.
1179
01:18:05,139 --> 01:18:06,675
Don't talk to me.
1180
01:18:07,683 --> 01:18:08,764
Kiss me.
1181
01:18:17,776 --> 01:18:19,733
Ooh...
1182
01:18:44,553 --> 01:18:46,010
Hello?
1183
01:18:46,180 --> 01:18:47,762
Anybody home?
1184
01:18:55,814 --> 01:18:56,850
Hello?
1185
01:18:57,024 --> 01:18:59,016
Oh, my God, it's so terrible.
1186
01:18:59,193 --> 01:19:02,152
- Dean's leaving. Mm-hm.
- Jesus!
1187
01:19:02,321 --> 01:19:04,483
- No. No, no.
- He's leaving, all right.
1188
01:19:04,657 --> 01:19:08,196
Dean's a team player.
He's not gonna cave in like that.
1189
01:19:08,369 --> 01:19:10,577
No, I just don't believe it.
1190
01:19:10,829 --> 01:19:13,196
You better!
It'll be in the paper tomorrow.
1191
01:19:13,415 --> 01:19:16,123
I talked to Dean,
and he said it was true.
1192
01:19:16,293 --> 01:19:20,537
It's happening. It's happening.
It's real, man.
1193
01:19:20,714 --> 01:19:23,206
Well, I guess...
1194
01:19:23,717 --> 01:19:25,424
...the shit's hitting the fan now?
1195
01:19:25,719 --> 01:19:28,132
- Damn right it's hitting the fan.
- Yeah.
1196
01:19:32,851 --> 01:19:34,683
- Ow, ow, ow!
- What's the matter?
1197
01:19:34,853 --> 01:19:38,597
Something's in my ass. Ow.
1198
01:19:39,817 --> 01:19:41,183
Am I bleeding?
1199
01:19:41,652 --> 01:19:43,018
You're fine.
1200
01:19:43,737 --> 01:19:47,481
Figures that the pain in my ass
is Nixon, the fascist.
1201
01:19:48,242 --> 01:19:50,108
He's your dad's boss.
1202
01:19:50,786 --> 01:19:52,823
My dad's an arms manufacturer.
1203
01:19:53,330 --> 01:19:55,071
Aren't you Haldeman's son?
1204
01:19:55,582 --> 01:19:57,198
No. That's Brad.
1205
01:19:57,376 --> 01:19:59,117
I'm his roommate at school.
1206
01:19:59,295 --> 01:20:01,378
He's at the dermatologist.
1207
01:20:01,547 --> 01:20:03,004
But this is his house, right?
1208
01:20:04,258 --> 01:20:05,999
Yeah. What the hell's going on?
1209
01:20:06,176 --> 01:20:07,838
Did we meet before or not?
1210
01:20:09,263 --> 01:20:10,549
So you don't remember?
1211
01:20:11,098 --> 01:20:13,215
I remember like it was yesterday.
1212
01:20:14,685 --> 01:20:16,017
That's funny...
1213
01:20:16,603 --> 01:20:18,265
...because we never met.
1214
01:20:19,398 --> 01:20:20,559
What?
1215
01:20:21,400 --> 01:20:24,768
I just saw you on the street
and thought you were cute.
1216
01:20:25,154 --> 01:20:26,154
Really?
1217
01:20:26,322 --> 01:20:28,860
- Mm-hm.
- Heh, heh.
1218
01:20:29,533 --> 01:20:30,774
Ooh.
1219
01:20:32,661 --> 01:20:34,118
You're hot.
1220
01:20:34,330 --> 01:20:35,446
Thanks.
1221
01:20:37,291 --> 01:20:38,623
Liddy says...
1222
01:20:39,043 --> 01:20:40,875
...that these prisons are...
Heh, heh.
1223
01:20:41,045 --> 01:20:44,504
They're like Club Med,
just like Club Med.
1224
01:20:44,882 --> 01:20:45,882
Well, I have...
1225
01:20:46,300 --> 01:20:49,589
...a particularly incriminating tape
I brought home.
1226
01:20:49,762 --> 01:20:51,674
I should give that a listen.
1227
01:20:52,306 --> 01:20:55,049
Sure. Yeah, I'll say hi to the wife.
1228
01:20:55,225 --> 01:20:58,309
- Take care.
- Okay. You take care too.
1229
01:21:18,123 --> 01:21:20,991
Whoa. Sorry, Mr. Haldeman.
1230
01:21:21,585 --> 01:21:23,167
That's okay, Chip.
1231
01:21:23,337 --> 01:21:24,748
Uh, who is this?
1232
01:21:24,922 --> 01:21:26,754
This is Betsy, sir.
1233
01:21:26,924 --> 01:21:28,631
Betsy. Hello.
1234
01:21:28,801 --> 01:21:30,212
Hi.
1235
01:21:41,355 --> 01:21:42,436
Wait a minute.
1236
01:21:43,482 --> 01:21:44,768
I know you.
1237
01:21:45,526 --> 01:21:46,607
You're one of those dog...
1238
01:21:51,031 --> 01:21:52,363
Shit!
1239
01:21:54,993 --> 01:21:56,734
Oh, my God!
1240
01:21:56,912 --> 01:21:58,619
Come back here, you little bitches!
1241
01:22:02,459 --> 01:22:03,495
My...
1242
01:22:03,669 --> 01:22:04,705
- Hm!
- Ha-ha!
1243
01:22:19,393 --> 01:22:20,474
It's not right.
1244
01:22:20,727 --> 01:22:22,719
Sources are sources.
Just because...
1245
01:22:22,980 --> 01:22:24,721
How goes it, paperboys?
1246
01:22:25,566 --> 01:22:26,807
Not too good.
1247
01:22:27,067 --> 01:22:28,808
Well, your luck's about to change.
1248
01:22:29,111 --> 01:22:33,401
The president knew about it for sure,
for absolute sure.
1249
01:22:34,408 --> 01:22:36,491
- That's the tape.
- It's the tape.
1250
01:22:36,743 --> 01:22:38,826
We finally have goods on Dick.
1251
01:22:39,288 --> 01:22:42,952
Bob, Tricky Dick's going down.
1252
01:22:44,251 --> 01:22:48,712
It's unethical to take possession
of the tape if it's stolen, but...
1253
01:22:48,964 --> 01:22:51,877
You can't have it anyway.
It's our only souvenir.
1254
01:22:52,176 --> 01:22:56,420
But we copied it down.
Thirty words a minute.
1255
01:22:56,597 --> 01:22:58,054
I passed typing.
1256
01:22:59,266 --> 01:23:02,009
A lot of people want to know
who our source is.
1257
01:23:02,269 --> 01:23:03,269
Really?
1258
01:23:03,604 --> 01:23:04,765
We'll be famous.
1259
01:23:05,022 --> 01:23:07,685
But we've decided
never to reveal your identity.
1260
01:23:08,275 --> 01:23:09,641
- For our own protection?
- Uh-huh.
1261
01:23:10,277 --> 01:23:15,022
No. It's just too embarrassing.
1262
01:23:15,199 --> 01:23:18,067
Dick's going down. Hey!
1263
01:23:18,452 --> 01:23:20,444
Dick is going down!
1264
01:23:37,221 --> 01:23:39,383
In a series of events
that rocked the nation...
1265
01:23:39,556 --> 01:23:41,798
...the White House accepted
the resignations...
1266
01:23:41,975 --> 01:23:44,718
...of Presidential Counsel John Dean...
1267
01:23:45,604 --> 01:23:50,520
I can't believe this Watergate business
runs so high up.
1268
01:23:52,277 --> 01:23:54,644
You have no idea.
1269
01:23:55,614 --> 01:23:57,606
I realized one day...
1270
01:23:58,825 --> 01:24:00,691
...that if I stayed...
1271
01:24:01,495 --> 01:24:04,909
...I'd be just as bad as he was.
1272
01:24:35,529 --> 01:24:39,773
I'd say these people are gonna
cost a million dollars...
1273
01:24:40,075 --> 01:24:41,532
...over the next two years.
1274
01:24:43,078 --> 01:24:44,785
We can get that.
1275
01:24:45,163 --> 01:24:48,952
You can get a million dollars,
and you can get it in cash.
1276
01:24:49,209 --> 01:24:51,792
I know where it could be gotten.
1277
01:25:00,095 --> 01:25:02,428
What in the bejesus is that?
1278
01:25:10,314 --> 01:25:12,397
I can't keep my feelings inside
any longer.
1279
01:25:12,566 --> 01:25:15,525
- Oh, no.
- I've never felt this way about anybody...
1280
01:25:15,694 --> 01:25:19,563
- ...not even Bobby Sherman...
- A 15-year-old.
1281
01:25:19,948 --> 01:25:21,359
Oh, Jesus!
1282
01:25:21,575 --> 01:25:23,612
And that this is the real thing.
1283
01:25:25,037 --> 01:25:27,529
Watergate, my ass!
1284
01:25:27,706 --> 01:25:30,414
They'll crucify me if they hear this.
1285
01:25:30,709 --> 01:25:32,416
Checkers, shut up!
1286
01:25:32,586 --> 01:25:35,579
Or I'll feed you to the Chinese!
1287
01:25:36,131 --> 01:25:37,838
Erase this shit.
1288
01:25:41,637 --> 01:25:43,594
What's that smell?
1289
01:25:46,016 --> 01:25:47,598
Hello Dollies!
1290
01:25:47,768 --> 01:25:49,805
Where'd you get the recipe?
It was stolen.
1291
01:25:50,062 --> 01:25:53,146
It's on the label
of every can, lamebrain.
1292
01:25:53,315 --> 01:25:55,272
- Oh.
- Except...
1293
01:25:55,651 --> 01:25:58,610
...for one special Larry Jobs addition.
1294
01:26:01,615 --> 01:26:04,403
I keep them mixed up with the walnuts.
1295
01:26:06,745 --> 01:26:09,613
You said these were
just walnut leaves.
1296
01:26:10,082 --> 01:26:11,368
I lied.
1297
01:26:11,708 --> 01:26:14,166
But the president ate those.
1298
01:26:14,336 --> 01:26:16,498
Right, your pal, Tricky Dick.
1299
01:26:16,672 --> 01:26:18,379
No, really.
1300
01:26:19,466 --> 01:26:21,048
Whoa.
1301
01:26:21,218 --> 01:26:23,426
Maybe that's why he's so paranoid.
1302
01:26:28,850 --> 01:26:30,637
Betsy. Betsy.
1303
01:26:30,811 --> 01:26:31,811
It's happening.
1304
01:26:32,062 --> 01:26:34,019
- What?
- Come on.
1305
01:26:36,775 --> 01:26:40,485
Throughout the long and difficult
period of Watergate...
1306
01:26:40,987 --> 01:26:44,606
...I have felt it was my duty
to persevere...
1307
01:26:45,617 --> 01:26:48,906
...to make every possible effort
to complete the term of office...
1308
01:26:49,204 --> 01:26:51,116
...to which you elected me.
1309
01:26:51,498 --> 01:26:52,989
But as president...
1310
01:26:53,792 --> 01:26:57,251
...I must put the interest
of America first.
1311
01:26:58,672 --> 01:27:00,004
Therefore...
1312
01:27:01,007 --> 01:27:03,715
...I shall resign the presidency...
1313
01:27:04,010 --> 01:27:06,718
...effective at noon tomorrow.
1314
01:27:07,514 --> 01:27:10,507
Vice President Ford will be
sworn in at that hour...
1315
01:27:10,684 --> 01:27:13,518
- It's gonna be different now.
- ...in this office.
1316
01:27:14,521 --> 01:27:16,683
They'll never lie to us again.
1317
01:27:29,703 --> 01:27:32,537
Isn't it against the law
to cut up the flag?
1318
01:27:33,457 --> 01:27:36,575
- Not if you sew it back together.
- Oh.
1319
01:27:36,752 --> 01:27:38,118
Right.
1320
01:29:23,358 --> 01:29:26,692
We look so fantastic.
1321
01:29:37,372 --> 01:29:40,581
- Oh, my God.
- We gotta hurry!
1322
01:29:48,216 --> 01:29:49,878
- Got it.
- Come on.
1323
01:30:08,194 --> 01:30:09,194
Look!
1324
01:30:09,404 --> 01:30:12,147
You suck, Dick! Ha-ha-ha.
1325
01:30:16,620 --> 01:30:20,034
Whoo! Bye-bye!
1326
01:30:20,206 --> 01:30:22,368
Bye, Tricky Dick!
95673
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