All language subtitles for Columbo 8 - Short Fuse (1972) TV

Better than a Borgia.

- Time for spontaneous merriment!
- (Screams)

- No. Don't.
- Hey, Junior.

Workers, arise.

Protest the sale of your company. Your jobs.

Junior, come on, will you? Junior, please.
Come on, Junior.

Won't you... Please. What is that, plastic?

- Yeah.
- You invent it?

I wish I had. Not that anybody'd care
around this square organisation.

Mr Stanford.

Mr Buckner is waiting.

Boo. Bye, girls.

Roger, what is the matter with you?

What's wrong? I came right over,
the moment you phoned.

I was afraid you'd gone home.
I tried every place in the plant.

Roger,

what were you doing in your darkroom?

Now, don't you worry.
You were underexposed.

You didn't.
You didn't develop those pictures?

I've been analysing this.
Why doesn't our plastics division...

- Will you get in to your uncle? He is upset.
- No, wait. What is that stuff doing here?

Benson dropped it off.
I'm going to have someone take it to his car.

He isn't going to Pinewild until tomorrow.
He told Aunt Dori...

So he changed his mind. Roger, please.

No. Now, wait a minute.

Have you checked
that Benson packed everything?

The royal cravats,
the gold toothbrush. That's... Oh-oh!

No cigars. (Gasps)

Benson, you are fired.
And you, Miss Bishop, are next.

What will happen
when the great DL wakes up

to find no box of Fidel's finest?

I was just going to get them.

Now, will you stop this?
Quincy's in there with him.

I love your worried expression.

- Now, you just hold it. Hold it.
- Stop this and get in there.

Come on, now. Give me a smile.

Well, Roger, what do you think?

Hm?

Smile. Look over here and smile.

Will you put that silly camera down
and tell me, what do you think?

(Chuckles)

I tell you, Quincy,

when I was 17 years old,
I told my aunt not to marry him.

DL, your syntax is terrible.
Listen to this. "I, Roger Stanford II..."

I have a management meeting
I'd like to wind up.

Who is going to believe this, anyway?

A statement from me, approving the sale
of the company that my own father started.

He'd roll over in his grave.

You didn't read the last paragraph.

They'll believe it if you tell them
you've lost your interest in chemicals,

you don't care about working here any more
and you're going to Europe.

(Tuts) Oh.

I've gotta calm people down around here.
I've got to get rid of this rumour,

this fear that the sale of the company
is going to endanger their jobs.

It's not going to change anything
around here.

Except at the top.

Besides being
President of Stanford Chemical,

you would be the big man
in the conglomerate.

It isn't just me.

What about your vice president?

How long will Logan last
when they find out he opposed you?

He thinks the sale
of this company is criminal.

I didn't inherit enough stock but Aunt Dori
did and you haven't persuaded her yet.

She'll go along, just as soon as you do.

If she hadn't bent over backwards
to spoil you and pamper you

- when she took you in as a kid...
- (Chuckles)

Oh, Quincy, isn't he amusing?

He married my aunt
but he couldn't marry her stock.

What's the matter?
Why can't you get her to give you control?

It's almost 6 o'clock, Mr Buckner.
The roads are wet and it's a long drive.

Yes, let's get on with it.

- I thought there'd be something else.
- Yes, there is.

I have been very patient with you
down through these past several years.

All the trouble you've caused
in this company,

not to mention
the half a million dollars you cost us

by fooling around
in something you called "research".

- Yeah, that was kind of you.
- But enough is enough.

Quincy.

Item. I've found the place
where you gamble in Vegas.

This is from a handwriting expert

that can swear you forged
your aunt's signature.

DL, now, this...

It's really beneath you.

Go on, Quincy.

Item. The drug thing in college.

Item. The mess in Acapulco. And this
is a photostat of that car theft report.

Oh, Quincy, I tell you, you are superb.
You really are.

You are the best combination chauffeur
and private detective in the business.

But what is the matter?

Why can't he get something for you on
Logan and get rid of all your opposition?

Tell me now, Quincy.
What is it? What's wrong?

Your wiretapping - it's not working?

Why can't you frame
a harmless old bachelor?

(Buzzer)

- Yes, Valerie?
- 'Excuse me, Mr Buckner.'

- 'Mr Logan and the others are here.'
- Thank you.

It's all here, Roger.

Tomorrow, the conglomerate attorneys
are meeting me at the cabin in Pinewild

to discuss the terms of the sale.

Tonight, I want you to go see your Aunt Dori

and tell her you don't care
about working here, you're quitting,

and tomorrow, you release
that statement to the press.

Otherwise, I'm afraid
I'll have to show her all this.

You really would, wouldn't you?

I would.

Well, you know, DL, I have been aware

of what you and Quincy have been up to
the past couple of months and...

Well, seeing you've got
my back up against the wall...

You win.

Hm?

You're going to give up this easily?

I just know when, er... I'm outclassed.

I'll sign it tonight. (Clears throat)

Anyway, I mean,
who wants a chemical company?

- Ah, gentlemen.
- Good afternoon.

- Hello, Roger.
- Hello, Junior.

- And good night, Uncle David.
- Uh...

- Roger. Come in, gentlemen.
- Junior.

- Hmm.
- Well?

Don't worry.

They haven't sicked Quincy onto you yet.

If only you didn't feel it necessary
to play the fool so much.

What was it this time?

It's nothing. Really, it's nothing at all.

Except we have decided

that it is time for people
to stop calling me "Junior" around here.

- Roger, shall we see each other later?
- Why not?

(Roger) 'I've got this little job to do first
but it shouldn't take very long.'

Wasting your time, Fergie. It's gonna rain.

- Good night, Junior.
- (Laughs)

I am sorry. I forgot to tell you this morning.
Could you look under my hood?

I think I've got a loose plug wire
or something.

Thanks.

Oh, you have missed a spot here.

My uncle will not like that.

You're crazy, Junior. The wiring's OK.

Hose clamp just needs tightening a little.

It does? Well, now, how did that get loose?

Don't worry. I don't want you
to miss your nickel tip.

(# Sleazy instrumental rock)

(Music drowns speech)

(Music continues)

(Music drowns speech)

(Typing)

(Typing stops, bag zipper)

(Whistles)

- Oh, sir?
- (Gasps)

- (Sighs) Who are you?
- Er, is that you?

Your aunt said it sounded
like a car down here in the drive.

- You're Mr Stanford, aren't you?
- Obviously.

- And who might you be?
- I'm sorry. Columbo.

Lieutenant Columbo. I'm from the police.

The police?

You mean that old heap out there is yours?

Yeah. Needs a coat of paint, doesn't it?

Anyway, Mrs Buckner
asked me to get you quick.

There are no servants in the house

and she was afraid you'd go
straight on to your place or something.

- Why? What's wrong?
- Nothing that we know about so far.

But she's very upset so I suggest that you
close your door and come right away.

My... Oh, no, I don't live here.

I live in the guest cottage out back.
That's what she meant.

This is where the chauffeur lives.

I was on my way home tonight.
I thought I saw his door open.

- You did? The chauffeur?
- Yes.

Mr Quincy, who was
driving Mr Buckner tonight?

- Yes.
- Well, I'd better look in here.

- Couldn't you find the light?
- Of course I did.

- That's how I found out nobody was home.
- Oh.

Well, everything seems to be in order.

Maybe the lock's been tampered with.

Lieutenant, just what are you doing here?

What has happened?

Well, Mr Buckner, he's sort of disappeared.

They may have been attacked somewhere.
They warned him.

They threw that stench bomb
on our lawn yesterday.

Your aunt says there's been trouble
at Stanford Chemical.

He has been threatened and there
have been anonymous phone calls.

But those are from hotheads.

Hotheads? What are they hot about?

He's been negotiating with a conglomerate,
dickering to sell.

A lot of the old retainers do not like this.

You might say there has been
an excess of corporate bad feeling.

I see. How'd you feel about this, ma'am?
Did you side with your husband?

I was in the process of making up my mind,
which is beside the point right now.

David is missing. That's the only issue.

Yes, it certainly is, ma'am.

Do you know his whereabouts tonight?

He left the plant around seven.
He was going to Pinewild.

- Pine...?
- Wild.

Pinewild. I'm not familiar with that.

We have a place up there.

He should have arrived hours ago.

The caretaker hasn't heard anything

and the sheriffs mountain office
can't find him.

Look, maybe they got hungry.

- Maybe they stopped off for a drink.
- Rog, you know that isn't so.

He told Benson he'd have supper up there.

You know how awful those roads are.

If he'd only taken the aerial tram
and had the caretaker meet him at the top.

It's so much safer, faster.

I checked with highway patrol and there's
no report of any accidents on those roads.

There, you see?

(Tuts) Oh...

Lieutenant, I think we owe you a drink.

When he was away last week,
you didn't notice he was gone.

What made you call the police
tonight, of all nights?

Do you want a drink?

I called the commissioner of police and he
said he'd send over his very best man.

- Is that a fact?
- My wife, she says I'm second best

but she claims
there are 80 fellas tied for first.

At any rate, I don't mind
being sent out on a false alarm.

I just hope that this is one
because she had a right to call.

You see, she got this message.

Here, I'll show you.

Message?

He called just before I got home
from the opera board meeting.

That was at 7:30.

Er... Maybe you better operate this.
I'm not sure how it...

All right, Lieutenant.

You can tell that he's calling from a car.

You can hear it on the recording.

(Woman on tape)
'This is a recording device.'

'Would you care to leave a message?'

(DL) 'Oh, these modern, idiotic devices.
She's not home yet.'

- 'Quincy, look in the dash there, will you?'
- Dash. You hear that? Dash. From the car.

(Woman) 'Your voice will be recorded
until you hang up.'

(Quincy) 'Nope.
What's the matter with Benson?'

'Your cigar case isn't in your coat pocket?'

(Woman) 'You may start your message.'
(DL) 'Yeah, er... just give me the box.'

'Thank you. Hello? Hello, darling.'

'It's me. Hold on just a second.'

(Quincy) 'Shall I pull over and open that?'
(DL) 'No, it's all right. I got it.'

(DL groans on tape)

'Er, look, I tried to get you
earlier today, darling,'

'but you were
at one of those silly committee meetings.'

'Miss Bishop couldn't get you
from the office.'

'But what I was calling about -
I'm on my way up to the cabin now.'

'So I'll see you tomorrow,
no, Sunday, rather,'

'Sunday afternoon or evening sometime.'

But what I wanted you to know

is that Roger is going to come over
to see you tonight.

He wants to talk to you about something

so I wanted to make sure you'd be home

and wait up for him, will you?

'It's... Well, he's made a decision
about something.'

It might not be exactly
what you figured it would be

but, to my way of thinking,
it's a wise decision.

So, after you've talked to him,

call me back at the cabin, will you,
and let me know what he decided.

- 'Bye-bye for now, darling.'
- (Phone clicks)

- Gee, I'm terribly sorry about that.
- (Exasperated sigh)

- Here, I've got something in my pocket.
- Yeah.

- Well, anyway, that's it. He just hung up.
- Yeah, sure.

You're as concerned about him
as I am, aren't you?

- What?
- You seem so upset.

I'm surprised because
you don't like him very much.

Oh, well, er... Actually, I've been growing
much fonder of him lately.

- Did you call him back?
- I tried the car phone.

There was no answer.

Lieutenant, if there's anything
you can do, do it.

- Go out there and find him.
- I've started all the wheels rolling.

We're doing everything we can.

Now, this area, this Pinewild,
that's out of our bailiwick

but we've got the sheriffs office
and the highway patrol on it.

- I'll stay after them. Don't worry.
- Fine.

- We're going to find him. Good night.
- Thank you. Good night.

I hope you're right.
My uncle is a very important man.

I'm aware of that, sir.

What about your parents?
Are they both alive?

They died when I was in college -
a freak explosion at the plant.

Aunt Dori became my guardian,
and then she married David.

- Were there any other children?
- No.

- Aunt Dori is your father's sister?
- Yes.

On your father's side,
were there other aunts and uncles?

Tell me, Lieutenant, why are you
so fascinated with my family history?

No, it's just that I try to get things
straightened out in my mind.

In case you're wondering,

if anything does happen to David,
his money goes to her, not me.

I wasn't thinking about that at all. Oh, no.

By the way, I didn't want
to mention this to your aunt inside but...

Is it possible that Mr Buckner
might have wanted to stop someplace

without telling anybody
and visit somebody in private?

I don't think that's any of your business.

It certainly is none of mine.

Oh, no. No. Sorry.

- Good night.
- Good night.

- Is your watch broken?
- Hm?

Your watch?

My watch? Broken?

- No. Why?
- It's nothing important.

It's just that inside,
I noticed you kept looking at it.

You know, Lieutenant,

people do look at their watches.

Yes, they certainly do. Sorry. Good night.

Good night.

Rog.

What did you want to talk to me about?

- What did David mean?
- Oh. That was nothing. Nothing at all.

I thought I'd like to work
in the legal department for a while.

David said it was fine. I start there Monday.

Life would be so simple
if you two would just get along.

We're going to.

But where is he, Roger?

If he'd only listened to me.

If he'd only taken the tram.

He's going to be fine. Just fine, sweetheart.

(Man) Some view, huh, Lieutenant?

All the way to the top.

8,600 feet above sea level.

It's only a 15-minute ride.

Look down there.

About a 2,000-foot drop.

Now over here,

the only way to scale that rock,

you have to be a mountain goat.

They had to use helicopters
to build this thing.

Don't worry. This tram is absolutely safe.

Designed to last. Never had an accident.

Just sit back and enjoy the ride.

- Sure a nice view, isn't it?
- Yes, it is.

That's exactly what our problem is.

See, early this morning, the sheriffs found
a shiny bumper at the base of the cliff.

Now here we are.

It's just about a half-hour or so
down the road.

Down, yes. Well, that'd be good.

- What is that, Quincy the chauffeur?
- Yeah.

We spotted Buckner's body
further down there.

You can barely see a man
working his way towards him.

Now, if you step out here on this ledge,
you get a better view.

Right over there.

Thank you very much.
That won't be necessary.

OK. As you can see, there's no guardrail.

The roads were slick last night.

This stuff here looks burned.

The bodies are charred.

There's debris scattered
over thousands of feet.

We're getting more climbers.
I'll keep you posted on everything we find.

- (Police radio)
- Look here.

- Glass.
- Yeah.

Scattered up and down the road all over.

Now, we found the chauffeur's cap intact,

blown 200 yards clear
off to one side down there.

Well, you know,
sometimes the gas tank explodes.

Well, yeah.

Well, maybe the car skidded and smacked
that rock and the gas tank blew.

Or maybe something inside the car blew.

Exactly.

And since they're just out from LA,

I guess, in a way,
it's sort of your jurisdiction, Lieutenant.

Or, at least, your problem.

(Man) The possibility of murder?
That's ridiculous.

(Dori) What difference does it make?
Dead is dead, isn't it?

Now, this talk of the fact
that it is not an accident, I...

Well, the Lieutenant was here again today

and he said that they always
have to investigate.

It's probably just routine. He didn't want
to bother me too much, I guess.

Anyway, he's gone looking for Roger.

Oh, did I...

Did I tell you that David had decided

to put Roger in the legal department?

Did he?

That is something of a switch.

Roger and I have become friendly.

I know he's made mistakes in the past
but I think he's coming along very well.

I could never understand
why David didn't like him better.

Course, I never understood Roger
too well, myself.

But I've tried to do the best I could for him.

And he is a Stanford.

Somehow, I always thought
he might be in charge someday.

Everett, you don't think David
was murdered, do you?

Of course not. No.

Look, you just let me handle everything.

We're not even going to talk
about business for a while yet.

I'll take care of it all.
Newspapers, arrangements.

I know it's a dreadful thing to say

but I'm so glad you're next in line.

I need someone I can trust.

You just leave everything to me

and if either you or Roger
have any problems with the police,

you let me know.

(Thud)

You do get around, don't you, Lieutenant?

I was just waiting for you and I came in,

you know, to look into the darkroom and...

What are you doing, Lieutenant,
looking for secret weapons?

Secret weapons? No.
What is this, kids' stuff?

Lieutenant,

I was talking to my aunt

and she said that you think
that maybe somebody killed my uncle.

She said that there was something
about the accident. I don't know.

No, we don't know anything for sure just yet.

No, it's just that...

You know, that's a wonderful darkroom.

Imagine having something like that
right next to your own office.

Wonderful. My wife's kid brother's
a nut on photography too.

- Wonderful hobby.
- I know.

I also work on inventions in there

and you were very lucky
that you didn't knock over a bottle of acid

or some cyanide crystals or nitroglycerine.

Don't tell me any more.
I'll have a heart attack.

You really know that stuff, don't you?

I noticed your medal.

That's an honour society medal, isn't it?

It's a national science fraternity.

I had my PhD in chemistry before I was 21.

But that's before my MBA and lawyer.

You don't say.

You know, I knew you'd be
the one that could help me.

Would you come?

Now, my problem with chemistry,

that started way back in high school.

Because in my junior year,
I had to get a better grade.

So I said, "To heck with this chemistry stuff,"

- "I'll take another year of wood shop."
- (Laughs)

You know, you just build a birdhouse
and if you paint it red, you get an A.

- (Roger chuckles)
- So that's what I did.

Because that chemistry stuff is too hard.
You follow my meaning?

So?

You see, the fellows over at our lab,

they tell me that you can make
all sorts of trigger devices

that don't use any powder.

Er, they're like explosive fire things, maybe.

- Is that true?
- Oh...

So you think someone put a bomb in his car.

There could have been an explosion
before they went off the cliff.

You see, if that's the case,
then we got a whole different...

- Lieutenant.
- See what I mean?

I... I would not light that cigar now

unless you wish to witness
an explosion right now.

- Oh, yeah, right, I'm sorry. I won't light it.
- OK.

And for your information,

there are 30 PhDs in this plant

and over 60 qualified chemists.

There are 10 private experiment rooms,
just like mine back there.

And that is not even to mention
the main laboratory building right over there,

where 2,000 more employees toil away
like merry little gnomes.

(Columbo) You don't think all these people
wanted to kill Mr Buckner?

No idea. But a large corporation
is like a jungle, to coin a phrase.

I can't tell you how many
executives there are in our ivory tower

who would commit felonious assault

for the key to a private washroom.

That's not even to mention
the ones who are very unhappy

because my uncle wished to sell.

Like those malcontents
who kept threatening him.

Well, you know, somehow,

we just can't get a handle on those threats.

I mean, like that stink bomb.

The boys we sent to check it out,

they say nobody even saw a car
in your neighbourhood during that time.

That is unfortunate. However, I witnessed
one of those phone calls myself.

- You did?
- Yes.

Never mind about that.

- I'll get somebody else to check it out, OK?
- Yeah.

Because I have my own
personal lead in this case.

You have?

Do you remember that recorded telephone
message on your aunt's phone?

Yes.

I've been listening to that
over and over again.

It's all right in there.

And I'll tell you what...

Good cigar.

This is one area that I do know about.

- His cigars?
- Yes.

Benson said he dropped off
Mr Buckner's suitcase here at 6 o'clock

but no box of cigars.

He said that you told him
that you were going to take care of that.

Yes. Yeah, I keep a supply right here.

Go on, Miss Bishop.

What's the matter?

It's just funny you're asking
about cigars, that's all.

You see, Mr Buckner
had a little pocket cigar case.

- Miss!
- What?

- Don't touch that.
- Why not?

The cleaning lady just gave it to me.

She said she found it underneath my desk.

It must have been in Mr Buckner's overcoat.
That's where he kept it.

Benson put the overcoat on the suitcase.

It must have fallen out, that's all.
I guess I just didn't notice it.

Oh.

What's the matter, Lieutenant?
Did you think someone had stolen it?

It did seem like a kind of coincidence.

On that telephone tape,
you could just barely hear,

"Cigar case missing, no cigars in the dash."

Oh, so you thought

that someone wanted him
to open a box of cigars

while he was still in the car, I suppose.

- It was a possibility.
- What's this all about?

- Why are you so interested in cigars?
- I'm terribly sorry.

We have to check out everything.

I know how badly you must feel
at this point. Forgive me.

Mrs Buckner said she tried
to reach you that night.

She thought you'd be working late here but...

No.

No, my mother was expecting me
to work late

and I knew she'd go to bed early
so I went to a movie.

(Roger) Lieutenant.

You have not answered her question.
Now, will you tell her the truth?

Miss Bishop,
the lieutenant is from homicide

and, obviously, he is under the impression

that the accident was caused
by an exploding cigar.

- What?
- You see, Lieutenant,

Miss Bishop got
the box of cigars from here.

I saw her. And she put them
over there on the suitcase.

Yeah. Here. Try one yourself.

Wow. Never saw cigars
quite like this before.

- Are all the boxes the same?
- Don't you tell customs.

- They're from Cuba. A dollar a pop.
- Wait a minute.

Are you saying that something
was wrong with a cigar box?

Of course not.
The lieutenant is just simply wrong.

You see, if there was an explosive
in that car,

it would have to have been placed
somewhere else.

No. No, I'm afraid not.

No. On the way here,
I bumped into a nice old fellow

that works in your service station, Ferguson.

And he cleaned that car before they left.

He said there was nothing else in that car

except a suitcase,
a coat and a box of cigars.

And the old boy who carried
everything down, he said the same thing.

All right, then. Then the explosive
must have been in the cigar box.

Yeah, I'll grant you that.

And if somebody tampered with it
or switched it,

that would have
to have happened here, right?

OK. Miss Bishop, will you tell me,

how long did DL's suitcase sit there
in the middle of this floor

with people coming and going?

Oh...

20, 30 minutes.

You were here then, weren't you?
Didn't I hear you say you were here?

- Yeah.
- No, no, no.

Now, Mr Stanford did not touch it.

I know he left without touching it.

Well, that's right
but I can remember Mr Logan,

Joe Stevenson, Bernheimer...

Look, would you make a list
for the lieutenant?

- Certainly.
- Put down anything you remember.

Anything like stolen boxes,
boxes given away.

Just anything.

What's the matter, Miss Bishop?

The vice president.

Well, he has a supply.

The cigar orders
sometimes come in together.

Mr Everett Logan.

(Everett) I have about four boxes left.

Did you say four, sir?

Yes, that's very strange.

Nancy.

What's the matter, is something wrong?

- (Door opens)
- (Nancy) Yes, sir?

You've been keeping tabs
on these supplies.

How many boxes of cigars were there?

Oh, well, I haven't checked them
in the last two days.

Did you take some home, Mr Logan?

(Everett) No, I did not.
(Logan) They must be in here someplace.

Please don't touch the boxes...
if you don't mind.

- Oh. That'll be all, Nancy. You can go now.
- Yes, sir.

Be sure and close the door on your way out.

- (Door closes)
- If you'll lock this up and not touch anything

then I'll call the fingerprint crew.

Why? I thought you were
investigating David's accident.

(Columbo) Just covering all bases, sir.

We haven't found anything suspicious.

He thinks there might have been
a bomb in a cigar box.

- What?
- That's just a theory.

Of course we'll cooperate
in any way possible.

That isn't much of a lock
and I have had several meetings here

but I must warn you, Lieutenant,

unless you find something
more important than that,

if one word
of a murder investigation is leaked

- to either the press or anyone else...
- No, sir. No. And that's all I need for now.

Thank you very much. Much obliged.

(Everett) Roger.

What the devil is going on?
Does he really think it wasn't an accident?

- Hop in, Lieutenant, I'll give you a lift.
- Oh!

Thanks. Boy, this plant of yours
is really something.

You can get lost here
just wandering around.

I told you, Lieutenant, this plant is not mine.

It belongs to my Aunt Doris.

You know, about Logan.

He was right.
There were a lot of people in his office.

Anybody could have taken that box.

This fellow Logan,
he's quite a friend of yours, I guess.

Well, I mean, he...
He has taken an interest in my work lately.

Why?

You mean, he sort of fires you up, maybe?

I... What?

I found this in the wastepaper basket

in the chauffeur's apartment
above the garage.

It looks like a report
from Mr Quincy to Mr Buckner.

And Quincy claims that Mr Logan,
for some funny reason,

was trying to upset you over this sale thing.

Using you to manipulate your aunt.

- Let me see that.
- No. It's just hearsay.

I don't want to spread rumours around.

You know...

I really don't understand this business stuff.

I never could understand business.

My wife, she always makes out our taxes.

By the way, Benson mentioned
that Quincy was one time a cop.

I knew that he... Or suspected, rather,

that he did some extracurricular work
for my uncle.

You know, like checking up
on people. Why?

I couldn't find the typewriter
that this report was written on

and Benson, he had an idea

that Quincy might have had
another hideaway someplace.

Something else that he used
as a base of operations.

You know anything about that?

Sorry.

Oh, no, no, no, now, wait a minute.

What is the matter with me? Of course.

You know, one night, I was dumb enough
to get caught in a poker game with him.

By accident, I saw a piece of paper
that was in his wallet,

and it didn't say Quincy on it,

it said, er... O'Neal.

Yeah, that's what it said.
Harry J O'Neal. Yeah.

Well, you know,
I can check up on that right away.

Er... Car's right over here.

- Thank you very much.
- OK.

- I knew you'd help me.
- You're welcome.

Bye.

(Truck horn)

Mr Stanford. Roger, wait.

- What's your problem?
- I nearly died. All those questions!

I could only think to say I went to the movies.

Now, relax, relax.

DL wasn't really murdered and you know it.

Do you know that?

That's a funny thing to say.

I'm sorry.

But if they keep investigating
and checking into everything,

like those personal files I let you look at,
like Mr Logan's...

I put those back days ago.

It was just curiosity.
How to succeed in business.

Roger... I don't want anyone
to find out about us.

Aw. Well...

How could they?

You took those pictures of me.

I cleaned out my desk already
and the darkroom.

I got rid of everything.

I'm sorry. It's...

It's just the past few days, I...

- You know, you need a rest.
- (Engine starts)

Yep. I authorise it.
And don't worry about a thing.

It's all going to be over soon.
Believe me. All soon.

It'll be dark in a while.

We'll send the climbers up again
in the morning. We'll try the lower cliffs.

- No piece of the cigar box yet?
- No.

It's funny.

Some things we're finding intact,

others smashed,

others burnt.

Well, anyway, we're still trying.

Here. I thought you might want to see this.

- Piece of the gas tank.
- Yeah.

And it did explode.

The autopsy report's not much help either.

- I heard.
- Just burns.

Nothing on the tissue
to prove any foreign inflammable.

Maybe some kind
of petroleum jelly was used.

- Something will turn up.
- How can you be so sure?

Well, it's a big corporation.

Kind of like a jungle, to coin a phrase.

There shouldn't be anybody in there.
Cover the front. I'll get the back.

(Tyres screech)

(Sirens)

(Man) Stop.

Stop!

Roger, I don't believe it.
What were you doing?

Nothing. I do wish you would listen to me.

- You haven't answered me.
- I can't. I can't.

Not with these two men here.

Would you leave us alone, please?

Sorry. They told me to bring him here
but I can't let him out of my sight.

I got here as fast as I could.
Where is Farrell?

Evening, ma'am.

Lieutenant, I'd like an explanation of this.

He's on the way. I told her where he was.

He broke in, tore up the place,
resisted arrest.

They literally jumped me.

We're going to clear this up
as fast as we can. Don't worry about that.

I thought you said to me

that you had no idea
where Quincy's hideaway was.

I didn't. But this car salesman that Quincy
was friendly with did know.

Lieutenant, look, if I could talk to you alone
for a few minutes...

Excuse me, please.
What do you have, Farrell?

(Farrell) A few things.
The typewriter was there.

Charlie's going over the information
we got from his file. Dossiers, actually.

- I brought a couple of things...
- Dossiers? What kind of dossiers?

- Er, something about Mr Logan?
- Well, what makes you say that?

This afternoon, I found something
in the pocket of one of David's suits.

Some sort of report about Everett Logan.

Personal information. Very damaging.

- From Quincy?
- Yes.

- May I see it?
- I burned it.

You see, I finally realised that David was
using Quincy to keep tabs on the executives.

Hmm. All right, Mrs Buckner,
would you give me a moment, please?

There is stuff on Logan there.
Also on other executives.

Only, take a look at this.

Quincy's bank book.

New account. Pretty big deposit.

Yeah. Nice guy, Quincy.

Looks like he's trying to put the bite
on his own boss.

Look here. This is what I took
off the kid when I caught him.

That's the only thing
he tried to get out of Quincy's.

I guess he was in a hurry
because he forgot the negative.

Mrs Buckner, would you excuse us?

I want to speak to Mr Stanford for a moment.
I think we should settle this right now.

- (Farrell) Hey, lady, that's evidence!
- Don't let her see them! Give them back.

Valerie Bishop and David?

Look, why do you think I went there? I knew
Quincy would have something like that.

You've let her see
what I never wanted her to.

It's all right, Rog. I have to see things.
I have to see everything.

But I'm the only one, understand?
I want this trash burned.

- We can't destroy evidence.
- There's no evidence if there's no murder.

You haven't proved murder.

- If we had more time...
- Lieutenant, please leave us alone.

- I'm sorry about what's happened...
- Please get out.

(Roger) I am truly sorry.

(Dori) Rog, I liked that woman very much.

All the time she and David...

(Roger) I never wanted you
to know about this.

I've known for a couple of years
about them but...

Well, it's only recently that I realised
Quincy was snooping around.

You knew?

Oh, yes.

I went to David. I asked him to stop.

He refused.

(Dori) No wonder he turned against you.

No wonder he kept demeaning you
in front of me.

Oh, Rog, dear, I've been...
I've been such a fool.

- I've misunderstood everything so.
- (Tuts) Oh... There, there.

Thank you, Benson. Five o'clock, please.

Oh! Hi, Junior.

Excuse me, Mr Stanford.

- Good morning, Mr Stanford.
- Good morning, Mr Stanford.

What's wrong?

Oh... excuse me.

I just found this on the desk.
It's from the personnel manager.

I tried to reach you at the house
but you'd already gone

and your aunt wouldn't come to the phone.

She hasn't answered one single call
from me since the funeral.

Oh. I sent her up to Pinewild for a rest.
It was doctor's orders.

Let me see this.

Why, that's a pink slip.

That stupid personnel department.
You're not fired.

But I don't understand.

You see, my aunt remembered

how much your mother
always wanted to live in the desert.

Arizona, wasn't it?
She thought you'd be happier there, too.

- Roger, I can't afford that.
- Oh, I'll take care of that.

And listen, now, don't you worry.
We'll see each other a lot.

Yeah. A lot.

A lot.

I'll be here a while. Come back later.
I'll keep the desk and the chair.

The rest of this stuff is just dreary.

I'll have a decorator
come in next week and refurnish.

- What about your office? Your old office.
- Hm?

I don't care. Wrap it up. Give it away.
I don't particularly care.

(Buzzer)

- I don't want to be disturbed, Miss Bishop.
- 'It's Mr Logan and Lieutenant Columbo.'

Erm... Well, tell them...
Tell them to come in.

(Whistling)

Ah, gentlemen.

Er, I hate to interrupt like this, Mr Stanford,
but Miss Bishop said you were in.

So I am. What can I do for you?

Quite a surprise. I went to your old office
but they told me you moved in here.

Lieutenant, would you come to the point?

Certainly. By the way,
Miss Bishop seems unhappy.

Did something go wrong?

I've no idea.

Erm... Could you explain the reason
for your interruption?

Oh, yeah. Well, I came to get you
and Mr Logan here.

It's a funny thing,
I found him cleaning out his desk too.

- Whatever for, Everett?
- I've been fired.

Fired?

Oh, I find that very hard to believe, Everett.

Do you? It was your aunt's request.

- She wouldn't even talk to me on the phone.
- Obviously, it's a mistake.

Obviously. We were rather close,
if you'll remember.

You wouldn't have any idea
why she has changed her mind about me?

No, no. None whatsoever.

Of course, it is a family corporation,

so she has every right
to do whatever she chooses.

Er, this must have fallen over.

Lieutenant, you take an inordinate length
of time to come to the point.

Well, I heard from the people
at the Pinewild sheriffs office.

They're going to meet us at the grade.

I'm awfully sorry.
Perhaps Mr Logan could go along

but I'm afraid I'm just much too busy
this morning to go for a long drive.

I see. I thought you'd want to know
what they found.

You are interested in
the latest developments?

Well, of course I am. What was it?

They didn't say.
They just said it was very important.

It seems peculiar
that they didn't say what it was.

Sure does. All right, Mr Logan. Let's go.

Fine. Doris will be at the cabin
and I want to talk with her.

Just a minute, Lieutenant.

If this does concern my uncle's death,

I suppose, in good conscience,
I should go along.

Fine. I've got the car outside.

- Hi, Sergeant.
- Lieutenant.

- Is that it?
- Yep. Pretty good shape, too, considering.

See up there, to the left
of the second dark crag?

You can't see the road from here
but it's to the left of that,

200 feet from where they went over.

It must have been blown apart
like that other stuff.

- Yeah. Skidded right into a crevice.
- What is it?

We should get this information
to your aunt in a hurry, so let's...

No. I don't want her to be disturbed.
And it would take us hours to get there.

- We'll be there in no time. Here.
- Engineer's waiting.

Thank you very much. This way.

Yeah, your aunt put me on this contraption.
She said it was a lot faster than driving.

A lot safer.

I hope she's right.

- Well, let's look in this, huh?
- Yes, I'd like to know what they found.

Let's see what we have.

Aha.

Why, that's...

That's David's cigar box.

I told you this would be worth
coming out for, didn't I?

Yeah. Yeah, it sure is.

You see, except for the hinges, which are a
little shaky, this whole thing is in one piece.

This means that David
was not murdered, doesn't it?

Yes, sir. Yes. This changes everything.

There's no question about it, yeah.

Er... Must have been the gas tank after all.

Oh, that's comforting news.

I mean, for her.

Even so, I'm afraid she's not going
to be happy to see me up there.

Why? Do you think
that she blamed you for his death?

Well, I certainly do.

After all, I was fighting David
on this sell business. Everybody knew that.

I figured some troublemaker misunderstood
and stole the box out of my office.

Fortunately, I was wrong.
That cigar box looks so good to me!

Now, if I can just get Doris
to tell me why she let me go.

- I can tell you that.
- You can?

Yeah. She fired you for a couple of reasons.

Those secret meetings with the competition.

- That patent sold to a friend very cheaply.
- What? Those are lies.

Really? Mr Quincy wrote them down
in a report to Mr Buckner.

Then Quincy made them up himself.
They're simply not true.

You promised Aunt Dori never to mention
that. Are you trying to cause trouble?

It doesn't make any difference now.
Everything's changed now, because of this.

- There was that thing with Miss Bishop.
- Lieutenant, that is private.

- Wait. What "thing" with Miss Bishop?
- I am warning you.

Miss Bishop and Mr Buckner,
for the past year or so...

That is enough.

- Sorry. I didn't mean to hurt anybody.
- I just don't know why we can't...

Well, why we can't sit here.

Sit here and... Just sit here quietly

while we ride to the top of the mountain.

You know something, Roger?
The truth is hard to find... sometimes.

But sometimes it's right in front of you
and you can't prove it.

What?

Do you know,
I had a whole theory worked out

how you could have fixed this box here?

But I mean, a high IQ thing so that
the explosive might not be discovered.

It might get burned up with the gasoline.

Oh, yes. I had a theory worked out
how you could have done all sorts of things.

Now... Now...

- Turns out to be just an ordinary cigar box.
- (Nervous chuckling) Yeah.

Well, listen, now that...

Shouldn't you have it examined
in a laboratory,

now you've got all these fancy theories?

What on earth for?
The theories are all wrong.

That would only prove it.
No, that would make me look foolish.

- Mr Logan, would you care for a cigar?
- No, thank you.

No? And you know,
the funny thing is this, Roger.

This whole thing
could have been a plan of yours.

You could have forged Mr Quincy's reports
on his typewriter.

And the photograph between
Miss Bishop and your uncle.

Any good photographer could trick that up.
Just some double printing...

- Oh, yeah.
...and replace one figure with another.

(Columbo) Even Mr Quincy's
new bank account

could have been opened by anybody,
even you.

Yes, and Mr Logan's cigars being stolen.

- There you go, looking at your watch again.
- Would you do me a favour?

- Would you please keep quiet?
- Why? It's only a dumb theory of mine.

It only goes to prove how wrong I can be.

You see, I figured there was two people
between you and the presidency -

Mr Logan here and your uncle.

And now there's just you.

You had to fire Miss Bishop.
A secretary - she probably knows too much.

Everett, are you just going to sit here
and let him just mumble on?

Why not, Roger? It's all very interesting.

You are more of a fool than he is!

The trouble is, even if I was right...

Will you just shut up! (Sighs)

Roger, what's bothering you?

- What's the matter?
- Shut up!

(Whimpering) Oh, my...

(Panting)

- We have got to get rid of that box.
- Why? What for?

(Yelling) Oh!

(Gasping and whimpering)

Give me that box. Give me that box!

(Yells) Give me that!

(Sobbing and whimpering)

Good Lord.

Where did you get
that box of cigars, Lieutenant?

- From your secretary.
- My secretary?

Yeah, she had three boxes.

I hope you don't mind.

No. I don't suppose I do
in this case, do I, Lieutenant?

Aren't those supposed to be evidence,
Lieutenant Columbo?

Yeah. I guess they are.

It's a shame, though.

(Chuckles)

You...

(Roger laughing maniacally)

(Laughter continues)

(Laughter echoes and fades)