All language subtitles for Letterkenny s11e05 Influenzas.eng

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Original subtitles

Your�pal�came�into�some�money the�other�day...

Perhaps�we�ought�to�start regulating�your�screen�time,

-�young�lady. -�Homework.

-�Focus�on�your�studies. -�Kidding.

-�Dating�app. -�Whiles�you're�on�the�clocks?

I�work�all�day to�make�a�buck.

Won't�work�all�night to�find�a�fuck.

Any�luck?

-�Fuck�boy. -�Mm-hm.

-�Fuck�boy. -�Can�confirm.

-�Fuck�boy. -�You�are�correct.

I�don't�gots�too�much�times for�that�terms.

Fuck�boy?�Why�not?

Well,�when�you�add�S's�to the�ends�of�things

as�I's�tends�to,�that�terms�will lands�youse�jails�times.

Fuck�boy�is�the�term�men�deserve for�running�with�"tramp�stamp."

I�have�plenty�of�times�for lowers�backs�tattoos.

Lots�of�dudes�do.

Alexanders.

A�bladder�infection�means "urine"�trouble.

-�Yes! -�What's�the�frequency,�Kenneth?

-�Just�won�10�bucks. -�Oh!

Straights�to�Boardwalks�with�you theres,�Uncles�Pennies�Bags.

Don't�spend�it all�in�one�place.

-�Hey�there,�high�roller. -�You�sound�like�you're�envious.

You�sound�like�you're a�fuck�boy.

-�10�whole�bucks,�eh? -�Yes,�10�whole�bucks.

That�is�my�exact hourly�wage.

Well,�better�than�a�kick�in the�pants,�Alexander.

You're�telling�me. Welcome�to�easy�street!

-�Okay. -�The�land�of�milk�and�honey.

-�I...�I�get�it. -�Choo-choo!

-�All�aboard�the�gravy�train! -�Just�leave�it.

The�lap�of�luxury, the�primrose�path.

-�A�place�in�the�sun. -�Go�ahead,�Alexander!

Have�a�good�laugh�about�it, but�I�just�made�as�much

sitting�on�my�butt�as�you�do in�an�hour�scrubbing�toilets.

-�You�think�I'm�joking? -�Uh...

No,�I�wasn't�trying�to�be a�dick�about�it,

I�just�thought�you�were making�fun�of�me.

You've�already�let�it�change you,�the�almighty�dollar.

Look�at�old�Dary�now,�eh? He's�a�fat�cat,�a�tycoon.

I�didn't�mean�it,�Alexander.

So,�what�now,�Sir�Rupert�Warren Chadwick,�huh?

High�tea at�Chateau�Frontenac

with�the�New�England Montgomerys?

-�I�said�I�didn't�mean�it. -�Well,�what's�next,

Dr.�Ronan�Rhys Rothschild,�huh?

Croquet�on the�palace�lawn

with�Lady�Charlotte�Imogen Alderidge?

This�is�just�going on�too�far.

Let�me�pull�up�your�car�for�you, Baron�Phineas�Hawthorne.

Have�you�selected�the�Bentley or�the�Rolls

for�this�afternoon's�social?

-�Ooo-kay. -�Look�who�it�is.

As�I�live and�breathe...

it's�the�Duke of�Dickbagshire,�huh?

Will�the�Duchess�be�joining�you this�evening,�huh,

or�is�she�still�summering in�the�Cotswolds

with�the�Cuntington�Beach Vanderbilts?

How�do�you�like that�now?

Give�my�regards�to�Lady�Scarlett Stella�Rosencrantz,

you�high-falutin' duck�fart.

Well,�fuckin'...

money�changes�everything.

��

You�know�what�I�always kinda�wanted?

-�A�koalas? -�A�Mustang?

-�Bangs. -�Docs.

-�Doc�Martens? -�No,�Doc�Hollidays.

Well�they�ain't�giving those�away.

Money�doesn't�grow on�trees.

PETE: Hellooo?

Knock-knock.

(Grumbling)

Wayne.

Katy.

Ugh.

Squirrelly�Dan.

Just�Daniels, there,�Peter.

Darnell.

I've�come�to�apologize. Make�a�truce.

Isn't�he�an�"end�of�the�laneway, don't�come�up�the�property?"

What�the�fuck's happened�to�you?

I�think�it�all�started�when�meth ripped�through�town�in�'05.

Yeah,�we�lost�a�lot�of�good people�there.

-�Lost�a�lot�of�good�teeths. -�Like,�you're�out�sending

naked�pictures�of�your�sweetie around�town.

"Sweetie" is�ambitious.

You're�hanging�out�with�dudes like�Tibadoo,�who�abandon�dogs.

Yeah,�you�gotta�tell�Tibadoo not�to�give�dogs�human�names.

And�now�you're�out�buying�drugs from�that�new�Jewish�skid.

And�that's�just�in�the�last�few calendars�weeks.

Are�you�still�honking�and hollering�at�girls?

Old�habits�die�hard.

Well,�so�what do�you�think,�JP?

Is�this�rock�bottom?

-�Not�if�you�bottoms�for�rock. -�GROUP:�Hey-oh.

Well,�there�was�a�period�there where�I�was�hanging�out

with�the�Ginger and�Boots�so...

(Groaning)

You�guys�remember�that�talk about�the�third�guy

-�holding�down�the�ostrich? -�Allegedlys.

You�used�to�be,�like, a�pretty�good�guy.

-�He�was�a�real�good�guy. -�He�was�a�great�guys.

But�now,�like... you're�a�degen.

I�fell�in�with the�wrong�crowd.

You're�going�pretty�easy on�a�pair�of�ostrich�fuckers

with�"wrong�crowds", there,�buds.

Well,�I'm�done�with�them. I'm�turning�over�a�new�leaf.

Youse�are�my�friends�and...

when�a�friend�asks�for�help, you�help�them.

You�looking�for�work?

-�Dary? -�I�got�too�many�hands�as�it�is.

-�Dan? -�We're�pinching�pennies

-�with�winters�comings�up. -�Wayne?

Well,�if�something�comes along...

I'll�phone�you�up.

Thank�you.

What�a�degen.

You�know�what,�he's�like�a�dog with�his�head�out�the�window

of�a�moving�car in�all�this.

Like,�it's�a�lot�of�fun but�it's�pretty�dangerous

and�the�only�way�to�stop�him�is to�roll�up�the�window

on�his�fucking�head.

Who�are�these�nut�sacks?

How�are�you�now?

Oh,�I�see�one. Listen,�hi!

-�Hello. -�Yeah,�listen,�don't�mind�us.

I�just�love...�you�know, all�this.

-�'Kay. -�So�listen,

if�we�are�bugging�you�at�all, just�let�me�know

and�we'll�scoot,�'okurr'? -�Okay.

Alright,�newlyweds�to�be,

let's�hold�hands, 'cause�we're�in�love,

and�let's�just�forget�what�was said�at�the�previous�location.

Okay,�so�when�I�say�go, I�want�you�to�start

slowly�running down�the�road,

okay,�but�you're�looking�back at�me,�all�right?

You're�running into�your�future.

Okay,�go!

Good.

Oh,�that's�cute.

(Chuckling) I'm�really�alone�now.

That's�nice.�Yeah. Really�great...

Hey,�hey,�listen,�yeah,

what's�in�the�building back�there?

-�All�sorts�of�stuff. -�Like,�dusty�stuff

-�and�rusty�stuff? -�Can�confirm.

Okay,�listen,�I�really�don't want�to�bug�you,

but�can�I�shoot�back�there?

-�Ooh,�I�don't�think�so. -�Okay,�for�50�bucks?

(Quietly) Doc�o'clock,�boys.

Yeah,�let�me�show�you.

Gracias.

Oh,�what�is�this�hotbed of�bohemia?

We�call�it the�murder�barn.

Can�I�call�it the�murder�barn?

-�Listen... -�Okay.

It's�utopia, yet�somehow�dystopian.

Fruitopian�dystopia.

-�Hmm. -�Fallopian�Europa.

-�Do�you�know�any�sister�wives? -�I...

Listen,�dusty�stuff,�rusty stuff,�cobwebby�corners...

Is�that�a�pile�of�sawdust with�engine�oil�sprayed�in�it?

-�No,�I�think�that's�blood. -�You�just...

you�can't�get�this�kind�of�stuff in�the�city.

Okay,�firstly,�listen. Thank�you.�And�I�just...

it's�just,�this�whole�thing�is so�antiquated�and�old-timey,

and�secondly,�I�want�to�shoot some�other�clients�in�here.

-�Mmm,�I�don't�think�so. -�Another�50�bucks?

Doc�o'clock.

-�Congratulations,�Mary-Anne. -�To�you�as�well,�Lucy-Anne.

Say,�Betty-Anne's�still playing�ball,�eh?

-�She'll�be�back. -�Well,�congratulations,

-�Mary-Anne. -�To�you�as�well,�Lucy-Anne.

We�hold�the�keys�to the�regional�triple�A�squad.

-�Call�me�Lindsey�Ruff. -�Call�me�Mike�Nocock.

No�one�I'd�rather�share the�wheel�with.

-�Except�maybe�Betty-Anne. -�Maybe�Betty-Anne.

Well,�driving�is�a�serious business.

-�Life�is�a�highway. -�Seat�belts�fastened?

-�No. -�Check�our�blind�spots?

-�Never. -�Use�the�lane

-�of�least�resistance? -�We�use�the�luxury�lane.

-�Start�your�engines,�Mary-Anne. -�Pedal�to�the�rug,�Lucy-Anne.

WOMAN: Hey.

Sami�Jo�Small?

That's�two-time�Olympic�gold medalist�Sami�Jo�Small.

WOMAN: And�one�silver.

Tessa�Bonhomme?

That's�Olympic�hockey�gold medalist�Tessa�Bonhomme.

No�silver.

-�You�guys�the�coaches? -�We're�the�coaches.

-�What�have�you�won? -�Back-to-back-to-back�ships.

-�As�players? -�Back-to-back-to-back,�baby.

As�coaches?

We're�kind�of�rookies.

-�You're�schmelts? -�First-time�coaching�girls.

-�Schmelts. -�These�are�my�cousints.

Rafaella,�Donatella.

These�are�my�cousints. Leonarda,�Michaelangela.

I�want�my�cousints�to�be the�next�two-time�Olympic

-�hockey�gold�medalists. -�And�one�silver.

I�want�my�cousints�to�be the�next�Olympic�hockey

gold�medalists.�No�silver.

Until�we're�confident�you�guys can�get�the�girls�Olympic�ready,

we're�going�to�help.

MARY-ANNE/LUCY-ANNE: You're�going�to�coach�with�us?

No,�no,�no,�no. We've�hired�someone�who�has�won.

-�To�teach�you�two�how�to�win. -�Shannon�Szabados?

-�Natalie�Spooner? -�No.

Sure,�they've�won internationally,

but�we�wanted�somebody�that's won�locally.

Someone�who's�won... locally?

No...

(Coach�clearing�throat)

-�Names. -�Donatella,�Rafaella.

-�Names. -�Leonarda,�Michaelangela.

Cowabunga.

Get�dressed.

I�am�buying.

50�bucks?�Anyone�looking�for a�sugar�mama?

-�Thank�you,�Katy. -�Round�of�Puppers?

-�Beggars�can't�be�choosers. -�I'll�take�another�one

of�them�cock-sucking�gin�and tonics,�Bonnaroo.

What�has�inspired

this�humanitarian�effort�there Katy-Kat?

a�photographer�came�up the�laneway�today

wanting�to�take�photos in�the�barn�for�a�50�note.

I�said,�"Any�day�of�the�week." I'm�trying�to�get�Docs.

Don't�you�think�Docs kinda�make�you�that�guy?

Well,�yeah,�if�they're, like,�purple.

What's�so�good�about�your�barn, that's�what�I�always�say.

Well,�and�I�quote, "Dusty�stuff,�rusty�stuff,

"and�cobwebby�corners."

Sounds�like�every�barn I�ever�seen�in�my�life.

-�That's�all�I�know. -�What�kind�of�a�nut�sack

offers�a�50�note�for�dusty stuff,�rusty�stuff,

-�and�cobwebby�corners? -�This�nut�sack.

"Flutter�Me�Shutters�Lenzation Sensations."

You�guys�will�have�to�excuse�me. I've�never�seen�that�guy�before.

And�I�wonder�if�he�likes�sex with�girls.

-�Baby... -�Yeah.

We've�got�dusty�stuff,�rusty stuff,�and�cobwebby�corners.

A�lot�of�the�dusty�stuff�has rusty�stuff�right�on�it,�baby.

Mmm-mm.�Let's�poach�this son�of�a�bitch.

Ah,�Christ,�Bonderosa! Add�another�ounce�to�this

and�it�still�wouldn't�be a�gentleman's�pour.

Take�it,�take�it�and�go.

Okay,�listen! Arms�around�each�other!

That's�right, you're�in�love.

Now,�bride�to�be,�bend�your�left knee�behind�you

so�your�foot's�in�the�air.

Yeah,�perfect!

Now�give�each�other�little�peck kisses�over�and�over.

Okay. (Laughing)

Now�listen,�bride�to�be,

take�a�little�nap�on�his shoulder�there.

No,�take�a�little�nap on�his�back.

Okay,�just�think�like you're�Goldilocks

and�his�shoulder�is�the�bed that�fits�just�right.

You're�like�an�action�figure and�a�little�dolly.

(Phone�ringing)

Hello?

Hi.

Oh.�Why?

You�found�a�better�place to�shoot?

Yo,�guess�what?

-�Chicken�butt. -�Docs�o'clocks?

The�McMurray's�poached�my fucking�business.

Eh,�pars�for�the�course.

That�photographer�was�supposed to�come�back

with�another�couple�and�another fifty�bucks�to�shoot�in�the�barn

but�McMurray�stole�her.

-�Did�he�really? -�Excuse�me!

I�don't�want�to�bug�you,�but�can we�shoot�with�your�puppies?

All�right,�but�they�smell like�piss.

(whistle�blaring)

I�can't�imagine�how�you�guys feel�having�a�man�mentor�you

on�coaching�women's�hockey.

-�We�could�just�tell�you. -�I�can't�imagine�it�feels�good.

-�It�doesn't. -�That's�why�I'm�glad�it�was�me,

you�know,�and�not�somebody�you don't�like.

-�Or�respect? -�Or�respect.

-�You�got�lucky. -�We�feel�blessed.

You�guys�know�girls�as�well as�I�do,�right?

Like,�if�you�don't�keep�them focused,�their�minds�just..

Pfft!�Off!�You�know,�it's�like, Backstreet�Boys�and�pony�tails

-�and�Tamagotchis. -�Hooo-boy.

I'm�gonna�let�you�in�on�a�little secret,�you�know,

to�just�keep�them on�their�toes.

BOTH: Kick�a�garbage�can?

No.�With�girls?

No,�you�can�only�launch projectiles�with�men.

Why?

Because�women�are the�fairer�sex.

Hooo-boy.

And�because�women�are�the�fairer sex,�you�have�to--

-�Wrap�this�up? -�Oh,�hey,�okay.

Lucy-Anne,�looks�like�Mary-Anne here�doesn't�care

about�impressing�two�time Olympic�hockey�gold�medalist

Sami�Jo�Small.

TESSA:�And�one�silver!

Or�Olympic�hockey�gold�medalist Tessa�Bonhomme.

-�TESSA:�No�silver! -�Tessa,�Sami!

Wait... Hear�him�out.

-�(Chuckling) -�Go.

-�Bench�'em. -�Bench�'em?

-�Bench�'em. -�Bench�'em?

Put�'em�on�the�bench.

It's�the�first�game�of the�season.

That's�when�you�gotta�do�it.

You�gotta�get�them�early.

You�know,�you�gotta let�them�know.

First�little�lady�that�doesn't pick�up�her�check

on�the�way�back? Benched.�You�know?

First�little�diva�that�doesn't want�to�go�hard�to�the�net?

Benched.�And�you�better�believe the�first�little�lady

who�doesn't�get�pucks�deep...

-�WOMEN:�Bench�'em? -�Benched.

So�if�we're�not�happy�with�a player's�effort...

Park�it.

If�we�don't�like�a�player's attitude...

-�Have�a�seat. -�What�if�it's�a�bit�of�attitude

-�after�a�bad�bounce? -�Sit�down.

And�this�applies�to the�whole�team?

Why�do�you�think�they�make the�bench�so�big?

-�What�if�it's�the�goalie? -�Call�a�time-out,

bench�'er�for�it.

You're�sure�this�won't�just piss�'em�off?

It's�hockey. You�want�'em�pissed�off!

-�BOTH:�Fine. -�Lovely.

Now,�seeing�as�you�two�are job�shadowing�me--

-�You're�mentoring�us. -�I�would�like�a�small�coffee,

three�cream,�six�sugar.

And�some�fries with�gravy.

And�guys? Gravy�on�the�side.

And�a�diet�cola!

I�hope�what�they�say�about aspartame�killing�you�is�true.

(Whistle�blaring)

Listen,�the�McMurrays,

they�may�have�better�dusty stuff,�rusty�stuff,

and�cobwebby�corners,

but�they�don't�have�puppies, okurr?

MCMURRAY:�I�always�knew�Katy�was a�tricky�little�dickens.

It's�unethical, that's�what�I�always�say.

I�never�pegged�her�as a�Docs�gal,

but�youse�stole�her�business first.

Oh,�just�'cause�we�go�and�jump off�a�bridge,

doesn't�mean�that's�what�she's gotta�do,�does�it?

Two�wrongs�don't�make�a�right, that's�what�I�always�say.

-�Mmm-hm. -�Who�are�they,�Gailer?

-�Never�seen�'em�before. -�Influenzas.

-�Huh? -�Influenzas!

-�What? -�Influenzas!

They�go�place�to�place taking�photos�of�themselves.

Chk,�chk!�Post�'em�on the�internet.

Influencers?

-�Thought�I�heard�influenzas. -�Same�thing�really.

They're�all�looking�for the�murder�barn.

What's�that?

They�wanna�go�take�pictures�of themselves�with�the�dusty�stuff,

rusty�stuff,�cobwebby�corners and�puppies.

So,�I�hear�youse�guys�like dusty�stuff,

rusty�stuff,�and�cobwebby corners.

And�as�you�can�see,�my�wife, Mrs.�McMurray�and�I

have�ample�rusty�stuff, dusty�stuff

and�even�cobwebby�corners!

-�Where's�that�fifty�note? -�Where�are�the�puppies?

-�Cassie,�right? -�I'm�Cassie.

-�I'm�Tassie. -�You�sure?

We�ain't�got�no�puppies.

We�got�goats.

-�Dycks? -�Brethren!

T'what�do�we�owe the�pleasure?

Do�you�want�to�know�what?

Dary�was�just�saying�how�much�he wanted�summer�sausage

and�that�got�me�thinking�about how�much�I�love�summer�sausage,

so�basically,�we�just�come�by�to see�if�we�could�buy

some�summer�sausage�off�youse.

I�empathize�with�your�cravings. I�gobbled�sausage�at�lunch.

Now,�mine�wife.�Too�much�of�one thing�is�ne'er�a�good�thing.

You�had�a�banger�in�your�mouth at�breakfast�as�well.

I�can't�help�it,�Noah.

Be�forewarned, come�supper�time,

I'll�be�begging�you to�pork�me.

Summer�sausage�and�pepperettes are�in�the�cooler

by�the�produce�stand.

Keep�them�away from�the�children�though.

They�do�love�their�father's sausage.

I�trust�you'll�leave�payment in�the�Mason�jar�as�usual?

Hmm?�Honour�system.

Can�confirm.

While�ye's�are in�the�cooler,

help�thy�selves to�a�taffy�cone�once.

What�the�fuck are�youse�doing?

A�photographer�from�out Stratford�offered�us�$50

to�simply�do�chores in�the�background

while�she�has�a�photoshoot with�some�newlyweds�to�be�once.

You�must�consummate the�marriage!

Mine�wife�and�I�discussed�it, and�we�thought,�well,

we'll�be�working�anyway, might�as�well�make�the�money

that�we�can�use�to�remedy�our children's�hearing,

which,�frankly, has�gotten�quite�poor.

(Quietly)�Generation�after generation�of�inbreeding.

-�Huh? -�Poo-er?

Photographers�from�out Stratford�way�keep�coming,

one�after�the�other.

I'm�hoping�it�will relent�soon.

But�for�now,�best�to�get a�handle�on�these�hoes.

PHOTOGRAPHER: Listen.

I'm�just�gonna�scooch�in�real close�and�I�want�you

to�blow�the�bubbles directly�into�the�camera.

Okurr!

Oh,�mine�husband.

It's�been�far�too�long since�you�blew�in�my�face.

Fuck's�sake.

(Sighing)

I�can't�compete with�Mennonites.

I've�got�dusty,�I've�got�rusty, I've�got�puppies.

I�even�got�fucking�goats.

I�was�told�influenzas�think�that McMurray's�goats

are�a�bit�too�squirrelly.

What�the�hell�is�wrong with�that?

That's�why I'm�advertising�goats

that�were�less�squirrelly than�McMurray's.

How's�that�for�you?

Influenzas�say�they're�not squirrelly�enough.

(Phone�ringing)

Hello?

What? Fuck�off.

You�know�what,�you�do�that, McMurray.

-�Guess�what? -�GUYS:�What?

McMurray�says�Dick-skin's throwing�his�hat�in�the�ring.

He�says�that�he's�advertising goats�with�temperaments

somewhere�in�the�middle�of mine�and�McMurray's.

Is�he�really?

He's�calling�it�Honey�Bunches Of�Goats.

-�What�did�McMurray�call�his? -�Show�Goatin'.

And�then�what�did you�call�yours?

Murder�barn,�so, Murder�She�Goat.

Right�on.

Dick-skin�is�playing for�keeps.

Yeah,�McMurray�says�he's�done fooling�around.

He's�pulling�out�all�the�stops in�order�to�corner�the�market.

Is�he�really.

What�youse�gonna�do, Miss�Katys?

Compete.

-�How? -�I�just�have�to�figure�out

what�influenzas�love�and�start advertising�that!

-Fuck!�I'm�gonna�need�some�help. -�You�wanna�know�what?

-�Maybe�you�give�Jivin'�a�call. -�Really?

He�used�to�be�a�pretty good�guy.

-�He�was�a�real�good�guy. -�He�was�a�great�guy.

And�you�wanna�know�what,

everybody�deserves a�second�chance.

When�a�friend�asks�for�help, you�help�'em.

(crunching)

("Everybody�Sexareeno" by�Los�Sexareenos�plays)

��

���Ah,�here�we�go�now���

���We�got�something�new all�for�you���

���Now�shake, your�legs�will�break���

���Roll�around�in�the�mud, there'll�be�no�blood���

���So�get�off�your�ass, and�give�me�that�sass���

��

���And�it�goes�like�this���

���One�(one)���

���Two�(two)���

���Three�(three)���

���Four�(four)���

���Stop, everybody�Sexareeno!���

���(Everybody�Sexareeno)���

���Everybody�Sexareeno!���

���(Everybody�Sexareeno)���

���Everybody�Sexareeno!���

���(Everybody�Sexareeno)���

���Everybody�Sexareeno!���

���(Everybody�Sexareeno)���

���And�it�goes�like�this���

���One�(one)���

���Two�(two)���

���Three�(three)���

���Four�(four)���

���Stop!���

All�right,�listen,�now�kick�your legs�when�you�jump.

Yeah.�Okay.

Again.�Now�more�kicking.

Great,�now�kick�them differently�this�time.

Oh,�yeah,�that's�fun. Kinda�out�in�front.

All�right,�now�give�me a�series�of�kicks.

Just�all�different--

Yeah,�all�different�kinds of�kicks.

Listen,�hey, you're�grimacing.�All�right.

So�let's�just�lighten�up the�mood�a�bit.

Stay�loose.�Okay.

All�right,�here's�what�we are�gonna�do.

This�is�fun,�okay?

I�want�you�to�act�like�you�just burst�out�laughing.

Hah!�Okurr?

But�actually don't�laugh,�right?

Just�hold�your�face�like�you�are about�to�burst�out�laughing.

Okay?

-�(Cell�phone�ringing) -�Oh,�sorry.

Ooh.�Hold�on.

Flutter�Me�Shutters�Lenzation Sensations.

Formerly�Flutter�Me�Shutters Lensation�Studios.

Formerly�By�Dove�With�Love Portraiteria.

Listen,�are�you�serious?

Listen,�thank�you for�the�tip.

Okurr!�Okurr. (Chuckling)

Okay.�Come�on,�let's�go. Let's�get�in�the�car!

We're�gonna�head�to�Donegal right�now.

Letterkenny's�old�news.

(Engine�starting)

All�right,�the�Ninja�Turtlettes are�your�star�players,

right,�so�you�target them�first.

You�know,�set�an�example�for the�rest�of�the�players.

I�don't�think�we�wanna�rattle our�studs.

Do�you�want�the�world's�most fearsome�fighting�team?

-�Yeah. -�Then�you�bench�'em.

All�right?�Let�me�show�you.

-�Donatellis. -�It's�Donatella.

What�did�you�have�for�your pre-game�meal?

-�Let�me�guess,�pizza? -�Spaghetti�and�meat�balls.

-�Perfect,�Donna-T. -�Whole�grain�spaghetti?

-�No. -�Oh,�look!

You�just�filled�your�tummy�with empty�carbs,�you�dummy.

Have�a�seat.�You're�benched. Next�up!

-�Rafaellis. -�It's�Rafaella.

Did�you�have your�pre-game�nap?

-�29�minutes�after�lunch. -�'Attagirl,�Raf.

Badda�girl,�Raf! Your�body�puts�on�weight

when�you�take�in�more calories�than�you�burn�off.

By�having�a�nap�right�after�your meal,�you�robbed�your�body

of�the�chance�to�burn�calories, causing�fat.

What�was�your�hero�in�a�half shell�name�again?

-�It's�Rafa-- -�Benched!

-�Leonidas. -�It's�Leonarda.

What�have�you�got, pink�tape�on�your�stick?

-�What's�wrong�with�pink? -�Hey,�Lucy-Anne,

do�they�use�a�pink�puck�in women's�hockey?

Or�do�they�use�a�black�puck like�in�real�people�hockey?

It's�like real�people�hockey.

Yeah,�a�black�puck�on�pink�tape shows�the�goalie�everything

before�your�shot.

So�you�use�black�tape�to�make�it harder�for�her�to�see

where�the�puck�is�coming�off your�stick.

Hey,�Lucy-Anne,�I�got�one�more question�for�you.

Hey�who�plays�M�in�the�Daniel Craig�James�Bond�movies?

Helen�Mirren?

Dame�Judy�Bench!

(Sighing) Michaelangela?

Where�is my�Michaelangela?

���Michael, Micka-licka-angela���

���Micha-licka angels�in�the�outfield���

Meet�Benedict Cumber-Bench!

SAMI:�Micka-lickle-angels in�the�outfield?

So�good. So,�so�good.

Too�good. Joke's�over.

-�BOTH:�What�joke? -�Yeah.

I�was�unaware there�was�a�joke?

You�actually�thought�we'd�hire this�schmuck�to�mentor�you�two

when�you�got�two-time�Olympic gold�medalist�Sami�Jo�Small

standing�right�here?

And�one�silver.

I�mean,�he's�only�won�one�ship. Haven't�you�ladies�gone--

BOTH: Back-to-back-to-back,�baby.

SAMI: Like,�come�on.

We�have�Olympic�hockey�gold medalist�Tessa�Bonhomme

-�right�here. -�No�silver.

Thanks�for�playing�along. We�really�appreciate�you.

-�Was�I�playing�along? -�Just�little�hazing�is�all.

-�It's�all�good,�you�know? -�Yeah,�thanks�for�coming�out.

Uh,�what�was�your�name�again?

-�Congratulations,�Mary-Anne. -�To�you�as�well,�Lucy-Anne.

We�hold�the�keys�to�the�regional triple�A�squad.

Call�me�Lindsey�Ruff.

Call�me�Mike�No... (Quietly)�...cock.

No�one�I'd�rather�share the�wheel�with.

-�Except�maybe�Betty-Anne. -�Yeah,�maybe�Betty-Anne.

-�Driving's�a�serious�business. -�Life�is�a�highway.

-�Seatbelts�fastened? -�No.

-�Check�our�blind�spots? -�Never.

Use�the�lane�of�least resistance?

We�use�the�luxury�lane.

Then�start�your�engines, Mary-Anne!

Pedal�to�the�rug, Lucy-Anne!

What�am�I�supposed to�do?

-�Bench! -�Bench!

��

I'm�buying.

Aww,�what's�Donegal�have that�we�don't�have,�anyway?

-�A�craft�brewery. -�No...

-�They�got�a�gin�distillery�too. -�No...

Yeah,�and�that's�not�all.

They've�got�a�bison�farm, a�"general�store",

and�the�kicker...

Mexican�Mennonites.

-�Those�even�exist? -�Can�confirm.

-�Exotic. -�Well,�I�won't�miss�them.

All�they�ever�drank�was chamomile�tea

and�we�give that�away,�so...

All�they�ever�talked�about�was gummy�vitamins�and�dry�shampoo.

All�while�taking�videos of�themselves.

Yeah�I�guess�you�gotta�be�kinda self-absorbed�for�that�racket.

-�Eh? -�Yeah.

Like,�who�drives�around�from place�to�place

taking�photos of�themselves?

Pull�your�finger�out of�your�ass.

I�said�put�your�finger up�my�ass.

-�Get�a�real�job. -�Bugger,�though.

I�came�up�just�short on�a�new�pair�of�Docs.

So�you�really�wanna be�that�guy?

They�ain't�giving those�away.

Money�don't�grow�on�trees. Not�anymore.

Well,�maybe�one�day.

Cheers�to�being�done�with those�donkeys.

-�Hear,�hear. -�Noah�Dyck?

Gail,�hello�unto�ye.

You�know,�I've�never�been�one�to frequent�your�establishment.

-�Not�even�once. -�What�brings�you�by,�Noah?

I�came�to�alert�ye�all

that�the�makers�of�a pornographic�film

knocked�on�my�door�this�day�and asked�if�myself�and�mine�wife

would�perform�field�chores�in the�background�of�their�film,

while�in�the�foreground, two�actors�fornicated.

I,�of�course,�said "No�way,�Jose."

So�consider yourselves�warned.

There�are�some�unsavoury characters

lurking�about�the�community.

But�I�banished�them. And�their�film!�So...

You're�welcome.�Once.

Hey,�Dyck!

What�kinda�car are�they�driving!

KATY: What's�his�name?!

MRS.�MCMURRAY:�What's the�address�of�the�email?

("Fraud�in�the�'80s"�by�Mates�of State�playing)

re

re�a

re�ali

re�alive

re�alive

re�alive���

���Oh-oh-oh-oh���

���Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh���

���You�could�surely�try to�be�more�alive���

���Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh���

���Oh-oh-oh���

���Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh���

��

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