All language subtitles for Letterkenny s11e04 Nudes.eng

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Original subtitles

You're�hangin'�a�piss with�your�pals�the�other�day...

(Urine�splashing)

Sounds�like�a�healthy�streams there,�Darys.

I'm�told�Italians have�narrow�urethras.

Then,�from�the�sounds�of�it, Dary�ain'ts�Italian.

Might�could�be�just�a�wee�bit Italian�by�the�sounds�of�it.

I�thought�only girls�have�urethras?

No.�You're�thinksin' of�uteruses.

Uteri.

You�know,�I�was�told the�Swiss�shit�black

because�of�all the�chocolate�they�eat.

Only�bad�chocolate makes�you�shits�blacks,

not�good�Swiss�chocolates.

Well,�like,�if�it�was�imported from�another�country,�like...

Ireland.

-�Scotlands. -�Wonkaland.

I�think�Alexander might�have�a�narrow�urethra.

I�was�standing�beside�him, having�a�piss,

and�I�had�finished�mine�before he'd�even�started�his.

No.�You're�thinksin'�of�shy bladders.

He�just�stood�there,

pullin'�on�it every�few�seconds.

I�seen�'em�bop�it off�the�urinal�one�time,

trying�to�get�'er�goin'.

Guys�with�shy�bladders can�only�piss

if�they're in�the�rights�environments.

Well,�like, warm�or�cold?

No.�You're�thinksin' of�climates.

So,�he�couldn't�have�a�piss right�here�with�me?

He'd�likelys�prefers�not�to.

Peoples�with�shy�bladders can't�piss�at�the�urinals

if�someone's standing�next�to�them.

It's�like�a�stage frights�things.

Like�a�stand�your�ground or�run�away�type�thing?

No.�You're�thinksin' fights�or�flights.

Well,�how�do�you�rock a�piss?

Well,�peoples with�shy�bladders

gots�to�be�awares�of�all�the available�washrooms,�likelys.

Like�the�CIA�has�to�be�aware

of�all�the�available exits�for�the�president.

No.�You're�thinksin' of�the�Secret�Services.

'Kay.

But,�you�know,�I�imagines,�if you�have�a�shy�bladder,

your�brains�is�kinds�of like�the�Secret�Service

and�your�horn's�kind�of�like the�President.

Potamus?

No.�You're�thinksin' of�POTUSes.

Isn't�that�something?

The�Secret�Service�organizes everythings�for�the�POTUSes.

Yeah,�POTUS�doesn't�have�much of�a�choice�there,�but,�well,

he's�the�one�who�wanted�to�be leader�of�the�free�world,�so...

Imagine�you�work�your way�up�secret�serving,

and�then�you�get�assigned�a detail�to�protect�POTUS,

and�then,�all�you're�doing is�just�clearing�bathrooms

for�him�and�his�shy�bladder.

Hey,�check�yourself.

Any�detail�those�dudes�get assigned�is�a�fuckin'�honour.

-�I�think�so's�toos. -�Ask�any�one�of�them.

Yeah,�they'd�be�happy�with�any details�you�gives�'em.

I�think�I'd�try�to�switch details

-�with�another�secret�server. -�I�don't�think�that's

how�presidentials�details�works theres,�Darys.

Alright,�riddle�me�this�- let's�say�you�work�your�way

all�the�way�up�to being�a�secret�server,

what�are�you�gonna do�then?�Huh?

Gonna�go�to�the�POTUS, say�you�don't�like�your�detail?

That�you�want�another secret�server's�detail?

Don't�be�surprise�they�take�away your�details�altogether.

You'd�be�scrubbing the�ship's�commodes.

Yeah,�I�guess�you're�right.

Old�boss�is�always�a�dick till�you�meet�the�new�one.

You'll�be�dreaming of�the�old�boss'�dick.

Fuckin'�leader of�the�free�world.

If�I�was�a�secret�servers,�I'd be�happy�to�help�the�POTUSes

in�any�ways�he�neededs.

So,�he's�not�standing�there,

boppin'�his�wiener�off the�urinal�like�Alexander.

Why�doesn't�he�just�use the�handicap�bathroom?

-�Complete�privacy. -�Oh,�that's�uncouth.

Yeah.�I�don't�think�the�secret servers�would�think

that's�a�very�good�looks�for the�POTUSes.

Why�doesn't�the�Secret�Service just�clear�the�bathroom

entirely?�That�way,�you�don't have�to�check

-�if�anybody's�in�there. -�Listen,�I�don't�know�about

youse,�but�that�sounds�an�awful lot�to�me�like�abuse�of�power.

The�POTUS�has�gots�to�bes for�the�peoples.

Well,�what�if�the�Secret�Service hired�guys�with�shy�bladders

to�secretly�serve?

So,�they�could�empathize with�the�POTUSes?

-�Yeah. -�No�chance�in�hell.

-�Why�not? -�Don't�ask,�don't�tell.

You�think�the�Secret�Service ever�kicked�a�guy�off�the�can,

so�the�president could�rock�a�piss?

Not�unless�he's�trying�to�flush a�vote�down�the�toilet.

Can�you�imagine�if�the POTUSes�had�a�shy�bladders

and�was�Italians?

Talks�about doubles�troubles.

Hoo-hoo!�Hoo-hoo!

Well,�fuck, the�Secret�Service

would�have�their hands�full�then,�boy!

I'm�told�Italians have�narrow�urethras.

��

Youse�wanna�see�some butt-fuckery?

Not�particularly.

-�No. -�Yes.

No,�no,�no.

Made�its�way�back to�me�twice�already.

Two�separate�sources.

-�Fuck�a�duck. -�Uh-huh.

What's the�frequency,�Kenneth?

Nude�o'clock.

(Chuckling)�Prove�it.

Of�Gail.

-�BOTH:�Nope. -�Well,�I'd�still�take�a�gander.

-�Cool�it. -�No�James�Van�Der-peeking.

It�ain't�Dawson's�crack.

I�don't�wanna�wait for�our�lives�to�be�over.

Just�show�it�to�me.

Mind�your�scruples,�Dary.

Does�Gail�know?

En�route�to�her�now.

Sending�nudes�has becomes�very�populars

amongst�the�youngs peoples�these�days.

Shouldn't�take pictures�of�yourself.

Sending�nudes�is�one�thing. Get�after�it.

Yeah,�let�your freak�flag�fly.

Leaking�nudes�is�another.

Don't�take�pictures of�yourself�at�the�gym.

I�mean,�show�it�to�a�pal or�two�on�your�phone,

have�a�giggle,�but�don't send�it�to�a�pal.�Fuckin'�nerds.

It�ought�to�be punishable�by�castration.

Straight�up.

What?�Like a�bilaterals�orchidectomys?

I�don't�give�a�shit!

You�should�lose�your balls�for�leaking�nudes.

And�then,

a�picture�of�your nut-less�ball�sack

should�be�sent�to�everyone you�sent�the�nude�to.

Hey,�bud, you�ever�see�that�video

of�that�dude�who's sittin'�on�stage

and�crosses�his�leg and�crushes�his�nut?

Oh,�what?�This�one?

(Chuckling)

Well,�Katy, boys�will�be�boys�and--

Exactly! That�is�exactly�what�you�are.

If�you�send�a�naked�picture�of the�girl�you're�having�sex�with

to�your�pals,�you�are�a�boy.

Well...�how�are�we gonna�fuck�this�pig?

One: locate�culprit.

Two:�delete�evidence. And�three...

Yes,�and�three...

Vigilante�justice.

That's�the�spirit, big�brother.

No.�No,�I�think�I...

Well,�I�think�I�just�got stung�by�a�bee.

(Electronic�dance music�playing)

��

Ooh... (Breathing�heavily)

Ooh. You�feel�that?

-�What? -�Heat.

You�don't�think it's�a�bit�brisk�today?

Heat.�Cop�nip. All�eyes�on�me.

We're�in�the�centre�of�the�ring, just�like�a�circus.

There's�too�much heat�on�our�names.

Fools�out�here blowing�up�our�spot.

Yeah,�finna' catch�a�body.

What�you�sayin', shot�caller?

What�would�fools�do, if�we�didn't�deal�anymore?

What�would�we�do?

-�Well,�we�would�still�deal. -�Oh,�okay.

But�under�the�guise of�a�proxy.

And�on�top�of�taking the�heat�off�of�our�name,

he�would�be�able�to inflate�the�prices,

charging�fools whatever�premium�suits�us.

A�proxy?

Can�we�call�it "Operation:�Goldiprox?"

Operation: Proxic�Relationship.

Operation:�Smallprox?

Operation: Longprox�On�The�Beach.

Operation: Safety�Deposit�Prox.

That�would�take the�heat�off�our�names.

But�who�would�help�us in�such�a�matter?

Or�any�matter, for�that�matter?

(Gasping) Operation:�Bagels�With�Prox.

BOTH:�'Sup.

NM,�NM.�You?

We�out�here.

Cool.�Cool,�cool,�cool.

-�Sure�you�right. -�You�know�what�it�is?

Hype.

It's,�uh, Goldstein?

Yeah. AKA:�Billfold-stein,

legend�of�oldstein, never�paroled-stein,

never�controlled-stein, a�story�untoldstein.

We�are...

Sir�Patrick�Stewart, Gary�Roaldman.

So,�what�you�know�about extra-curricular�activities?

I've�been�known�to�enrol in�the�after�school�curriculum.

Lead�guitar�in�a�contraband?

Got�a�phernalia.

Shit,�I�even�got a�pair-a-phernalia.

Stewart's�making drug�references.

I�just�want�to�make�sure that�that's�what�you're�doing.

Roald�up�the�rim�to�win, you...�can�be�sure.

Do�you�want�some?

-�Now? -�Yes.

-�Yes. -�Free.

Free�weed?

(Scoffing) Watchu�talkin'�bout�weed?

Khalifa, the�Goblin,�the�Dojo.

I�meant�free�rips.

Rips?�Whatchu�talkin' bout�rips?

The�lines,�the�linos, the�devil's�dandruff.

No.�That's-- That's�not�kosher.

Weed�isn't�even�a�drug.

Yes,�it�is.

When�you're�six.

You�must�have�been a�troubled�six-year-old.

It's�not�a�drug,�though. It's�weed.

Actually,�it�is�very commonly�referred�to�as

the�gateway�drug.

Gateway�to�salt�'n'�vinnies

and�pocketing�other peoples'�lighters.

(Both�laughing)

What�are�you�guys, the�joint�task�force?

We�have a�business�proposition!

-�Word? -�Sure�you�right.

-�You�know�what�it�is. -�Hype.

You�will�sell�for�us�in�order to�inflate�the�prices

and�take�the�heat off�of�our�names.

-�Why�me? -�You're�our�chosen�person.

Because�I'm�one of�the�chosen�people?

-�Precisely. -�So,�because�I'm�Jewish,

you�think�I'm�business-minded and�money-minded?

-�BOTH:�No! -�No,�no,�no.

-�BOTH:�What? -�I-I...

-�What? -�I�don't�see�religion.

-�No,�'cause�I�am. -�BOTH:�That's�good�for�you.

That's�really�good�for�you. Because�that�had�nothing...

We�didn't�even�talk�about�it-- That�had�nothing�to�do--

I�didn't�know you�were�Jewish.�Jewish?

Couldn't�tell?

-�Consider�it�a�Mitzvah. -�A�Mitzvah.

BOTH:�Mitzvah. Mitzvah.�Mitzvah.

I�do�this�Mitzvah in�exchange�for�drugs?

Free�drugs.

Ah.�Win-win.

-�Sure�you�right. -�You�know�what�it�is.

Hype.

Bonnie,�how�are�ya�now?

-�Pissed�'n�you? -�Not�so�bad.

-�What�are�you�lookin'�at�ther-- -�Not�now,�Daryl.

What�are�you�looking�at?

The�best�way�to�remove a�man's�balls�from�his�body.

We're�all�over�it,�Bonno.

And�now,�so�am�I.

-�Gailers�here? -�Liquor�run.

Where�do�you�stand in�all�of�this,�Bonnie?

Bro,�you�leak�a�pic, you�lose�your�dick.

Look,�all�I'm�saying�is�that maybe�we�should�follow

the�money�around�and take�a�little�look--

So,�wheres�dos�we�starts?

Youse�don't. We�got�this.

We'll�be�back when�it's�sorted.

Well,�should�we�get hammered�then?

I'd�get�hammered.

I's�never�tried an�Aperol�Spritz.

So,�where�do�we�start?

Dealer's�choice.

Well...

my�brother's�kind of�a�piece�of�shit.

-�Hey! -�How�'r�you�now?

-�How�'r�you�now? -�Not�s'bad.

-�(Speaking�auctioneer�babble) -�'Kay.

-�McMurrays... -�Rosie.

There's�a�leaked�nude�of�my cousint�circulating�around�town

and�we're�looking for�who's�behind�it.

Oh.�So,�what�are�we�talkin' about�here?�Tits?

Beaver? Li'l�beaver�cleaver?

One�of�them over-the-shoulder�shots

into�the�mirror�with�a li'l�bit�of�backside?

-�Tits�and�beav? -�Ooh.�Did�you�see�her�split?

Maybe�one�of�those�bent over�shots�into�the�mirror

you�just�get�a�li'l peek-a-boo�of�her�split?

MCMURRAY:�Yeah,�a�little split�sampler?

Little�split�sample�platter?

Little�split�mingler?

Ew.

Well,�who's�got�it?

Yeah.�Let's�have�a�li'l peek-a-boo.

That's�what�I�always�say.

If�it�wasn't�sent�to�you, it�wasn't�meant�for�you!

Let's�have�a�cock�suckin' gin�and�tonic,�then.

-�So�you�haven't�seen�it? -�Well,�not�yet,

but�the�suspense is�killing�me!

Now,�now,�Baby,�maybe�don't�get your�hopes�up.

You�know�what�they�say: the�bigger�the�build-up,

the�shittier�the�movie.

So�you�don't�know who�leaked�it?

No,�but�if�I�was�youse,

I'd�be�looking�directly at�Jimmy�Dickskin.

(Gasping)

What�do�you�have against�Jim�Dickens?

He's�too�tall, that's�all�I�know!

Too�tall to�be�trusted!

Don't�believe�a�word�he�says. It's�all�tall�tales!

He�was�the�last�one�to crawl�up�that�skin�slide,

so�don't�youse�stand�here waving�your�fingers�at�me.

-�Jim�Dickens�is�a�good�guy. -�With�values.

He�would�never�do anything�like�that.

Even�a�broken�clock is�right�twice�a�day!

-�Huh? -�Do�the�math!

Do�you�have�anything to�say�to�that?

As�it�turns�out,

I�will�not�be�joining�you for�an�afternoon�hot�tub.

Know�anything about�this,�Jim?

Miss�Gail�and�I�have�had a�courtship�in�the�past,

but�if�I�ever�circulated�a�naked photo�of�a�woman

who�trusted�me with�her�body,

I�would�voluntarily�permit�that woman�to�cut�off�my�genitals

and�then�thank�her for�the�kindness!

There's�some good�ones�left.

-�Yeah. -�You�know�what,

give�me�one�good�reason why�we�ought�to�believe�that,

you�redwood-lookin'�beanstalk,

cell�phone�tower-lookin' sombitch?

He�looks�a�bit like�Jeff�Goldblum.

You�want�one�good�reason? I'll�give�you�one.

And�after�that, I'll�give�you�two.

And�then�after�that,�I'll�give you�three�good�reasons...

(All�speaking�auctioneer�babble)

Cool�it!

Ladies,

the�concept�of�eagerly oversharing

an�explicit photograph�resonates,

to�me, as�childlike�behaviour.

Yup.�Boys.

There�are�two�boys�who�come�to mind�straight�out�the�gate.

Yeah.�I�guess�they�should�have been�our�first�stop.

Fuckin'�bell�tower,�corn�silo, giraffe�ass,�space�needle,

fuckin'�sumbitch.

Yeah!�Fuck�you,�Dickskin,�you fuckin'�boreal�forest�sequoia.

Dickens!

Like�Charles!

-�Avi. -�Fruit�Roald�Up.

-�Goldstein. -�Kristen�Stewart.

Have�you�considered our�proposal?

I�sell�your�drugs�in exchange�for�free�drugs?

Weed.�Free�weed.

Yeah,�the�drug�weed.

You�mean�the�no�longer controlled�substance�weed?

The�reason�for�immense unnecessary�incarceration�weed.

Oh,�you�mean�cannabis? The�dioecious�flower?

If�you�mean�cannabis,

the�flower�with�psychoactive effects,�then�yes!

Yeah,�psychoactive�effects,�such as�minor�feelings�of�euphoria

and�intense�desire for�dill�picklers.

Ugh!�You�guys�should really�watch�Narcos�Mexico.

-�You�can't�even�die�from�it! -�Quite�the�opposite,�actually!

It�can�help�you�live.

My�point�exactly! It's�medicinal.

And�recreational!

Perhaps�we�were wrong�about�you!

-�Perhaps�you�were! -�Allow�me�to�mediate!

I'll�allow�it.

I'll�allow�it�first. Universal�Roaldier...

Stewart,�you�have�asked Mr.�Goldstein�to�sell�drugs

for�us�at�an�elevated�price to�take�heat�off�our�names.

And�Mr.�Goldstein,

you�have�been�offered free�skunk�bud�indica

in�exchange for�these�services.

Now,�the�agreement is�all�but�signed.

What�must�transpire between�these�two�entities

in�order�to�close�this�deal? (Chuckling)

Avi,�you�have the�floor.

Thank�you, Advil�Roald�and�Flu.

Now,�Tylenol�Cold and�Stew,

I�will�head your�sales�team...

when�you�admit�that�weed�is, in�fact,�a�drug.

(Giggling)

But,�Stewart,�I�mean,

don't�you�remember�the... the�thrill

of�hiding�weed�in your�locker�at�school

and�knowing�that, if�you�got�caught,

oh,�you'd�get�in�trouble?

Cha.�Junior�kindergarten was�a�riot.

But�I�mean, don't�you�remember

the�excitement�of bringing�it�home

and�hiding�it in�your�undie�drawer,

so�your�mom couldn't�find�it?

Well,�my�mom�was�hiding�it in�her�undie�drawer...

unsuccessfully.

ROALD: But�don't�you�remember...

when�Katy�came�to�you�for the�first�time...�for�weed?

The�excitement...

of�when�she�asked�you�to meet�her�after�school

in�that�hedge�with the�big�hole�in�it?

Ooh,�it�was�so�secret.

And�sexual.

Sure.

But�do�you�remember...

what�she�called�you?

Her�first�drug�dealer.

Goldstein...

Winnie�the�Stew...

You�will�sell�our�rips

and,�in�exchange, we�will�provide�a�free

and�unlimited supply�of�the...

...drug...�marijuana.

Hype. Two�conditions.

One: weed�up�front.

(Snapping)

Toda�raba.

Done.�Two?

I�need�your�reassurance that�these�drugs

have�not�been�tampered�with.

Tampered�with?

Yeah.�Cut�up�with anything�not�advertised,

Roald�To�Perdition.

Our�stuff is�safe�to�play�with.

Rated�"E"�for�everyone.

Then,�yes. We�have�a�deal.

Wondrous!

You�will�post�up outside�of�the�dollar�store,

and�we...�will�herd customers�your�way.

That's�what's�up, Hasidic�Stew.

-�Sure�you�right. -�You�know�what�it�is.

Hype.

-�DAN:�Alexanders. -�DARY:�How�'r�ya�now?

Life�is�like�toilet�paper�-

you're�either�on�a�roll or�taking�crap�off�someone.

Where�you�headed,�bud?

Gonna�bop�my�wiener�off the�urinals�a�couple�times.

-�Booty�nude? -�Yeah.

I�didn't�even�know you�could�do�it�slo-mo.

-�Sniper. -�Other�snipe.

Wayne's�sweetie.

Is�there�a�naked�photo�of�my cousint�on�your�phone?

-�Who's�your�cousint. -�Gail.

Oh,�yeah. Sorry,�boys.

Too�many�conkies.

-�You've�only�had�five. -�Yeah.

Most�people�wouldn't�consider that�too�many�conkies.

Yeah.�I�might�be forgetting�a�conkies,�bro.

Most�people�would�agree�that is�a�side�effect�of�conkies.

Anyhoo...�I�don't�know.

You�don't�know?

I'm�the�conky�tonk�man.

You're�trying�to�tell�me

that�you're�not�sure�if�you�have a�naked�photo�of�Gail�-

the�Gail�-�on�your�phone?

I've�got�so�many�naked�photos of�broadskis�on�my�phone,

I�don't�know�where�it begins�or�where�it�ends.

Yeah.�My�camera�roll�include recent�nudes,�favourite�nudes,

portrait�nudes, slo-mo�nudes,�time�lapse�nudes,

and�my�recently�deleted�folder is�exclusively�nudes.

It's�tough�to�86�a�nude.

Yeah.�Some�you�wish�you could�axe�immediately.

Yeah.�I�figured�out�how�to delete�the�calculator

and�the�heart�monitor app�off�my�phone

to�make�more�room for�incoming�nudes.

(Chuckling)

But,�you�know, even�if�we�were�sendeded�it,

we�wouldn't�have�sended�it to�the�boys.

That�is�like...�bad.

Colour�me�pleasantly surprised,�boys.

I�mean,�we'd�show�it�to them,�obviously,

twice�if�they�asked.

We�just�wouldn't,�you�know, sended�it�to�them.

And�there�it�is.

Perhaps�the�skids could�go�on�the�dark�web

and�figure�out�who�it�was.

Worth�a�shot.

But�if�you�do�do�that,

please�don't�tell�them about�our�stash�of�nudes

because�dark�web�dudes�have�the means�to�snatch�those�from�us.

Yeah,�and�we'd�get�in�trouble with�our�billet�parents.

Don't�worry.

We�won't�sended-ed-ed�them that�information.

BOTH:�Nert-nert!

(Electronic�music�playing)

���Ahh��� Goldstein.

-�Campbell's�Chunky�Stew. -�Hi,�Avi!

Roald�to�Avonlea.�'Sup.

-�You�know�what�it�is. -�Ah,�but�in�case�you�don't:

were�you�able�to�disperse�our rips�in�exchange�for...

This�Boba�Fat�stack?

-�Whoa! -�Oh,�wow!

How?

Rather�not�talk�about�it, Rod�Stewart.

Please?

Maybe�for�you, Roald�&�the�Beautiful.

You�see,�I�devised a�plan�of�my�own.

-�That's�not�part�of�the�plan. -�No,�but�check�it�out.

I�sold�to�your�regulars, but�for�their�regular�price.

Fair�is�fair.

This�plan�of�yours�to inflate�the�prices,

it�just�didn't�add�up meth-amatically�speaking.

And�trust�me,�I�know a�lot�about�math

because�my�dad was�an�accountant,

and�that's�like�third�best�job you�can�get�as�a�Jew.

-�You're�Jewish. -�Are�you�Jewish?

We�didn't�even�know�it. But�what�are�the�first�two�jobs?

Doctor�and�lawyer�are�tied for�first,

and�then�member of�the�Beastie�Boys.

-�Sure�Shot. -�So�What'cha�Want?

What�I�did�instead�was�I�hit up�my�cousint�Shlomi.

He's�the�on�campus�dealer at�the�Yeshiva�in�Toronto.

-�What's�a�Yeshiva? -�Oh,�it's�like--

It's�like�the�same�as�school,

but�with�a�primary focus�on�bible�studies,

also�less�girls.

(Chuckling)�Okay.

Yeah.

Told�him�I�had�a�handle on�some�good�shit,

named�my�price and�he�bought�it�all.

Jews�work�together, my�goy.

L'Chaim.

I�sense�trickery.

Just...�treatery.

How�surreptitiously clandestine�of�you.

Oh,�bee-tee-dubs,�one�of the�guys�you�sent�over�-

really�smelly�dude, kinda�smelled�like�unused,

-�stacked�cardboard�boxes... -�(Roald�sighing)

...yeah,�showed�me�a�nude�of Gail�from�the�bar.�Yeah.

Had�a�really�dumb�name, something�like...

'Jiggly�Puff�Pat'. Something�like�that.

Anyways,�you�might�want�to�give your�buddy�a�heads�up

he's�a�proper�degen.

Jivin'�Pete.

Yes.�He�is a�proper�degen.

We�will�be�sure�to�pass that�information

on�to�the�right�people.

But,�in�the�meantime,

to�the�bar�for�an�alcohol induced�jubilation.

Drinks�on�me.

You�guys�go�ahead.

I�don't�want�to�be late�for�Shabbos�dinner.

Bubbie's�making�brisket;�I'm about�to�fuck�up�with�my�mouth.

Ooh...

Goldstein...

it�was�a�pleasure.

Roald,�Milstew, keep�it�tight.

(Making�airplane�noise)

(Making�explosion�sound)

-�Shirt�tuckers. -�Shirt�tuckerettes.

There's�something going�around�town,

linked�to�my�cousint�Gail. What�do�you�know?

I�know�it�wouldn't�be�the�first time�something�went�around�town

linked�to�your�cousint�Gail.

So�that�was�true?

-�(Quietly)�Yeah. -�Speak!

(Scoffing) Snitches�get�stitches.

-�(Grunting) -�Snitch�or�you'll�need�them.

Tighter. (Yelping)

It�was�Jivin'�Pete!

Are�youse�coming�in?

Need�to�offset�the�degen population�in�here.

He's�gotta�be�in�there.

Gail's�gotta�know�first.

-�Yeah. -�Yeah,�that's�what�I�thought.

(Rock�music�playing)

Gail,�how�'r�ya�now?

-�Good�'n�you? -�Oh,�I'm�not�s'bad.

-�Cousint. -�Cousint.

Heard�youse�been having�my�back�around�town.

ALL: Can�confirm.

So�you�know it�was�Jivin'�Pete.

I�sent�it�to�him.

Did�you... fuck�Jivin'�Pete,�Gailer?

No.�I�just�sent him�a�nude.

But�I've�fucked�worse.

I�once�had�it�off�with�the�four day�shift�guys�at�Timmies

'cause�they�offered�me a�real...�Double-Double.

You�know what�that�is,�Wayne?

-�No. -�Anyways,

I�was�home�with�a�cold�'cause cough�syrup�makes�me�horny,

and�I�needed�someone to�play�carpenter�with.

-�What's�that? -�It's�a�game.

How�does�ones�plays carpenters,�Gails?

Only�two�rules. One:�we�get�hammered.

Two:�you�nail�me. (Grunting)

Gail,�you�need�Jesus.

Good�thinking. Best�carpenter�there�ever�was.

So�what�happened?

Greasy�degen�was�slipping�and sliding�all�up�in�my�DMs,

so�I�sent�him�a�little�something to�wail�on�it�to.

Cousint,�aren't�you�mad he�went�around�town

showing�it�to�everyone?

Mad?�Fucker�did�all my�marketing�for�me.

Like�an�analog�Tinder�profile, going�off�left�and�right,

showing�me�off�to�every dangling�dong�in�town.

My�phone's�burning�up.

That�nude... is�my�business�card.

You�see�it,�Daryl?

No,�and�when I�tried�to�look�at�it--

Cool�it.

I'll�just�piss a�little�in�his�drink.

I'll�do�it�for�you.

Just�gimme�a�few�minutes to�bop�it�off�the�urinus.

Well,�how�you wanna�fuck�this�pig?

(Whispering�indistinctly)

Sometimes�you've�gotta kill�'em�with�kindness.

(Amyl�and�The�Sniffers "Hertz")

��

���I�wanna�go�see the�country���

���I�want to�get�out�of�here���

���I'm�sick�of�looking at�graffiti���

���On�the�walls�of the�grey�walls,�the�city���

���I�want�to�drive in�the�countryside���

���I�want�the�breeze in�my�hair���

���I�am�touching your�leg�and...���

���I�have�my�hand in�your�hand���

���Take�me�to�the�beach, take�me�to�the�country���

���Climb�in�the�backseat, if�you�love�me���

���Hire�me�a�car���

���I�wanna�go�driving���

���Climb�in�the�backseat, that's�where�you'll�find�me���

���I�see�mosquitoes, they�buzz�past���

���Your�hand�is�in�mine���

���I�look�out�the�window, it�looks�stunning���

���To�see�the�sun is�setting�in�the�sky���

���Everyone�is�wavin' out�the�window���

���It's�like�they're excited�we're�here���

���I�stopped�by the�fish�and�chips�shop���

���They�act�like�mates, it�makes�me�cheer���

���Take�me�to�the�beach���

���Take�me�to�the�country���

���Climb�in�the�backseat, if�you�love�me���

���Hire�me�a�car���

���I�wanna�go�driving���

���Climb�in�the�backseat���

���That's�where you'll�find�me���

��

���I�want�you�to�love�me���

��

���Do�you�love�me?���

��

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