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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:14,600 --> 00:00:18,360 And...ta-da! Congratulations! 2 00:00:18,400 --> 00:00:21,120 - On what? - Well, all the doors are now shut, 3 00:00:21,160 --> 00:00:23,440 and I just sealed the last window. So you know what that means? 4 00:00:23,480 --> 00:00:25,040 We should get a carbon monoxide alarm? 5 00:00:25,080 --> 00:00:26,120 No! 6 00:00:26,160 --> 00:00:29,280 Well, yes. But it also means that pigeon can't get in here. 7 00:00:29,320 --> 00:00:31,560 Which I'd say calls for a toast. 8 00:00:31,600 --> 00:00:34,280 I thought we were saving that to celebrate the woodworm treatment. 9 00:00:34,320 --> 00:00:36,200 Nah, it's only prosecco. I'll buy another bottle. 10 00:00:40,800 --> 00:00:42,440 See, this is why we wait for the woodworm treatment. 11 00:00:42,480 --> 00:00:45,040 Quick! Block the hole before the pigeon gets... 12 00:00:47,600 --> 00:00:49,200 - Hmm... - How?! 13 00:01:16,320 --> 00:01:18,600 - Mike, it won't shut with that on. - Yeah, I'm not an idiot. 14 00:01:18,640 --> 00:01:20,720 They're just holding it while I put the Sellotape on. 15 00:01:23,240 --> 00:01:24,480 Bitches! 16 00:01:24,520 --> 00:01:27,280 Bitches! Bitches! 17 00:01:27,320 --> 00:01:28,280 Bitches! 18 00:01:28,320 --> 00:01:30,600 They don't listen. 19 00:01:30,640 --> 00:01:31,880 Women, eh? 20 00:01:31,920 --> 00:01:33,440 - Um... - Barclay! 21 00:01:33,480 --> 00:01:35,480 - Er... - Beg-Chetwynde. 22 00:01:35,520 --> 00:01:36,760 Wh...What's that? 23 00:01:36,800 --> 00:01:38,640 That's me. Barclay Beg-Chetwynde. 24 00:01:38,680 --> 00:01:40,080 - Oh! - From next door. 25 00:01:40,120 --> 00:01:41,960 - Oh! - We have a next door? 26 00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:43,440 Yes, about a mile that way. 27 00:01:43,480 --> 00:01:45,680 I own the... You know the village? 28 00:01:45,720 --> 00:01:47,800 - Yeah. - Yes, I own that. 29 00:01:47,840 --> 00:01:51,560 We summer in Tuscany, but got back and saw you'd moved in. 30 00:01:51,600 --> 00:01:53,440 Thought I should come say how do? 31 00:01:53,480 --> 00:01:54,480 Right. 32 00:01:54,520 --> 00:01:57,400 Yeah. I'm...I'm Alison, and this is Mike. Sorry - come in. 33 00:01:57,440 --> 00:01:58,320 Thank you. 34 00:02:02,800 --> 00:02:03,880 What you say? 35 00:02:03,920 --> 00:02:06,120 Tally. Tally! 36 00:02:06,160 --> 00:02:07,560 Must've seen a ghost. 37 00:02:07,600 --> 00:02:09,360 Ah! 38 00:02:09,400 --> 00:02:13,200 Didn't you know? This place - absolutely riddled with them. 39 00:02:13,240 --> 00:02:16,840 So legend has it. There's a lady falls from a window 40 00:02:16,880 --> 00:02:18,560 - in the west wing. - East wing! 41 00:02:18,600 --> 00:02:19,880 - Dressed in white. - Grey! 42 00:02:19,920 --> 00:02:21,560 - Georgian. - Edwardian. 43 00:02:21,600 --> 00:02:23,600 Attractive. Early 20s. 44 00:02:25,240 --> 00:02:29,160 And a strange creature that roams the grounds - 45 00:02:29,200 --> 00:02:31,840 half man, half ape. 46 00:02:33,760 --> 00:02:35,560 Huh? 47 00:02:35,600 --> 00:02:38,000 - Well, I haven't seen anything. - No. 48 00:02:38,040 --> 00:02:41,120 - No, he hasn't. - It's probably all tosh and piffle. 49 00:02:41,160 --> 00:02:44,240 Anyway, reason I called, incepto ne desistam... 50 00:02:44,280 --> 00:02:46,840 Oh, I remember this berk. 51 00:02:46,880 --> 00:02:49,480 Met him at a party fundraiser here back in the day. 52 00:02:49,520 --> 00:02:52,280 Rich as Croesus. Loves the sound of his own voice. 53 00:02:52,320 --> 00:02:54,800 Which reminds me of a very funny story 54 00:02:54,840 --> 00:02:58,480 I heard once on a golf course. Now, there was Brucie. That's Brucie Forsyth... 55 00:02:58,520 --> 00:03:00,160 Guys! Guys, anecdote! 56 00:03:00,200 --> 00:03:02,240 Anecdote alert, right in the middle of one. 57 00:03:02,280 --> 00:03:06,360 ...Now it doesn't really affect your grounds inside the gates, 58 00:03:06,400 --> 00:03:11,880 but the path outside the gates is on my deed, 59 00:03:11,920 --> 00:03:15,560 so, technically, you have to cross a strip of my land 60 00:03:15,600 --> 00:03:18,440 every time you enter your house. 61 00:03:18,480 --> 00:03:20,440 Oh. We had no idea. 62 00:03:20,480 --> 00:03:22,360 It's a simple thing to sort out, 63 00:03:22,400 --> 00:03:26,720 but probably worth a quick powwow at some point. 64 00:03:26,760 --> 00:03:28,040 Yeah, sure. Well, we'll... 65 00:03:28,080 --> 00:03:29,800 Maybe you could come to dinner some time? 66 00:03:29,840 --> 00:03:31,880 Splendid idea! See you at eight. 67 00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:34,320 - I'm free! - Er... 68 00:03:34,360 --> 00:03:36,960 I'll bring a Pelaverga! 69 00:03:37,000 --> 00:03:41,360 - What's a...? - Oh, and Bunny can't eat beef. 70 00:03:41,400 --> 00:03:45,200 Well, she can, but she shouldn't, if you know what I mean. 71 00:03:46,520 --> 00:03:49,680 Right, once more unto the breach! Come along, bitches! 72 00:03:49,720 --> 00:03:52,800 Is that all of them? 73 00:03:52,840 --> 00:03:54,480 Never mind. 74 00:03:54,520 --> 00:03:55,800 What did you do that for? 75 00:03:55,840 --> 00:03:58,200 Because he's got some weird claim over our driveway, 76 00:03:58,240 --> 00:04:00,000 so we should probably keep him sweet. 77 00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:01,880 Besides, he's our way in. 78 00:04:01,920 --> 00:04:03,040 To what? 79 00:04:03,080 --> 00:04:05,280 Society, Mike. We're posh now. 80 00:04:05,320 --> 00:04:06,800 We should be mixing with other poshos. 81 00:04:06,840 --> 00:04:08,880 - But he is awful! - So? 82 00:04:08,920 --> 00:04:10,920 Some awful people have really nice friends. 83 00:04:10,960 --> 00:04:12,880 I mean, look at your mate Greg. 84 00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:14,160 What's wrong with Greg? 85 00:04:14,200 --> 00:04:16,160 Nothing. 86 00:04:16,200 --> 00:04:19,400 Hello, girl! You're lovely, in't you? 87 00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:22,360 It's worth it. 88 00:04:22,400 --> 00:04:23,760 Ah! Hello, girl! 89 00:04:23,800 --> 00:04:25,160 Yeah! 90 00:04:25,200 --> 00:04:26,840 Ohh... 91 00:04:28,200 --> 00:04:30,240 I can't touch any more. 92 00:04:52,760 --> 00:04:55,600 Um...book? Film? 93 00:04:56,880 --> 00:04:59,200 Five words. The Importance Of Being Earnest. 94 00:04:59,240 --> 00:05:00,480 Great Expectations. 95 00:05:00,520 --> 00:05:01,720 Tootsie! Tootsie! 96 00:05:01,760 --> 00:05:05,920 Tootsie! Tootsie! Tootsie! It's Tootsie. Tootsie! It's Tootsie! 97 00:05:05,960 --> 00:05:07,320 Tootsie! Tootsie! 98 00:05:07,360 --> 00:05:08,720 Stop saying Tootsie! 99 00:05:08,760 --> 00:05:10,520 What be a tootsie? 100 00:05:10,560 --> 00:05:11,840 Round... 101 00:05:11,880 --> 00:05:13,360 ...er, covering... 102 00:05:13,400 --> 00:05:16,160 - Oh, it's an eclipse! - Ah! Eclipse. 103 00:05:16,200 --> 00:05:18,200 Moonah eclipse! 104 00:05:18,240 --> 00:05:19,360 God, not this again. 105 00:05:19,400 --> 00:05:22,120 - Must we humour this bull calf? - It's absolutely asinine. 106 00:05:22,160 --> 00:05:25,920 It is a wonderful group activity, and he doesn't ask for much. 107 00:05:25,960 --> 00:05:27,480 Well, he can't ask for much. 108 00:05:27,520 --> 00:05:29,440 Hey! Me speak good! 109 00:05:29,480 --> 00:05:31,320 Well! Me speak well! I... 110 00:05:31,360 --> 00:05:34,840 I'm not actually free tonight, but I could do Thursday. 111 00:05:34,880 --> 00:05:36,560 No. Eclipse is tonight! 112 00:05:36,600 --> 00:05:39,960 All right, al right, all right! We'll do it, provided I can do the reading. 113 00:05:40,000 --> 00:05:41,800 Not a chance, sir. 114 00:05:41,840 --> 00:05:43,560 Me always do the reading! 115 00:05:43,600 --> 00:05:44,920 - I... - Very well. 116 00:05:44,960 --> 00:05:46,760 We'll put it to the vote. 117 00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:50,600 Who would you like to hear speak more - me or Thomas? 118 00:05:52,600 --> 00:05:55,480 Be there a third option? 119 00:05:59,280 --> 00:06:00,960 Yeah, that is pretty much what I thought. 120 00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:03,240 Torn thing of peas and a frozen lasagne. 121 00:06:03,280 --> 00:06:04,840 Ooh! Make your lasagne! 122 00:06:04,880 --> 00:06:08,560 Mike, my lasagne is frozen lasagne. I'm not serving them that. 123 00:06:08,600 --> 00:06:10,400 I don't want them thinking that we're the sort of that people that we are. 124 00:06:10,440 --> 00:06:12,160 Well, what do posh people eat? 125 00:06:12,200 --> 00:06:14,040 - Turtle soup. - No. 126 00:06:14,080 --> 00:06:15,600 - What? - Turtle soup. 127 00:06:15,640 --> 00:06:16,880 Oh, yeah. No. 128 00:06:16,920 --> 00:06:17,840 Oyster rissoles? 129 00:06:17,880 --> 00:06:19,520 Oyster rissoles? 130 00:06:19,560 --> 00:06:22,920 You don't like shellfish, and I'm not eating anything's rissole. 131 00:06:22,960 --> 00:06:24,080 I don't think it means what you think it means. 132 00:06:24,120 --> 00:06:26,960 - What about pheasant? - Oh... 133 00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:28,760 What? 134 00:06:28,800 --> 00:06:30,680 Up a bit. Left a bit. 135 00:06:30,720 --> 00:06:32,040 Can't we just go to the shops? 136 00:06:32,080 --> 00:06:33,680 No, we haven't got time. Just concentrate. 137 00:06:33,720 --> 00:06:35,880 Down a bit. A bit more. 138 00:06:35,920 --> 00:06:37,240 Bit more. 139 00:06:37,280 --> 00:06:38,880 Bit more... 140 00:06:38,920 --> 00:06:41,600 - Do you want to do it? - You lost the toss. 141 00:06:41,640 --> 00:06:43,720 - Little bit more. - Bit more. 142 00:06:44,880 --> 00:06:46,040 I don't think I can do... - Fire, fire, fire! 143 00:06:46,080 --> 00:06:47,320 - Go! - Agh! 144 00:06:47,360 --> 00:06:50,880 Ha-ha! Gleaming bundook op from the civvy! 145 00:06:50,920 --> 00:06:53,600 We'll have him out boshing Jerry in no time! 146 00:06:53,640 --> 00:06:55,480 - What did he say? - No idea. 147 00:06:55,520 --> 00:06:57,760 And then something racist. 148 00:06:57,800 --> 00:07:00,400 There's a hare. There's a hare! There's a hare! 149 00:07:00,440 --> 00:07:02,840 - He says, there's a hare. - There's a hare. Pom-pom! 150 00:07:02,880 --> 00:07:07,240 - This is grim. - Why did I have to pluck it? 151 00:07:10,600 --> 00:07:12,640 In the oven for 20 minutes. 152 00:07:12,680 --> 00:07:15,200 No, you have to de-gloves the gizzards. 153 00:07:15,240 --> 00:07:16,880 Well, it doesn't say that here 154 00:07:16,920 --> 00:07:20,840 and, no offence, Mary, but I trust the book more than you... Oh, my God. 155 00:07:20,880 --> 00:07:21,920 Gizzards. 156 00:07:21,960 --> 00:07:22,920 Oh... 157 00:07:26,360 --> 00:07:28,560 Right, you're in charge of the pheasant. 158 00:07:28,600 --> 00:07:31,440 Call me when it looks done. 159 00:07:31,480 --> 00:07:34,360 - Done. - OK, I'm going to change into... 160 00:07:34,400 --> 00:07:36,200 What do posh people wear? 161 00:07:36,240 --> 00:07:38,440 - Crowns? - I'm asking the wrong person. 162 00:07:38,480 --> 00:07:39,560 Oh, yeah, yeah. 163 00:07:39,600 --> 00:07:42,160 Oof! That smells gamey. 164 00:07:48,120 --> 00:07:49,240 Left a bit... 165 00:07:49,280 --> 00:07:51,040 No right a bit. 166 00:07:51,080 --> 00:07:52,520 No, left a bit... 167 00:07:52,560 --> 00:07:53,720 It's fine! 168 00:07:53,760 --> 00:07:55,320 It's amazing, isn't it, 169 00:07:55,360 --> 00:07:58,720 to think, a sacred site right here for all those years? 170 00:07:58,760 --> 00:08:00,040 Your own little Stonehenge. 171 00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:02,920 No! Stonehenge copied! 172 00:08:02,960 --> 00:08:04,880 - OK. All right, all right. - Well! 173 00:08:04,920 --> 00:08:06,800 Settle down. Now, the eclipse itself 174 00:08:06,840 --> 00:08:09,480 - will be at... - Dong-dong-dong... 175 00:08:09,520 --> 00:08:11,120 - Robin! - ...dong-dong-dong... 176 00:08:11,160 --> 00:08:13,600 Yes, thank you, Robin! 177 00:08:13,640 --> 00:08:14,880 We got it the first time. 178 00:08:14,920 --> 00:08:17,200 It'll be at 21.00. 179 00:08:17,240 --> 00:08:18,600 Nine o'clock. 180 00:08:18,640 --> 00:08:20,920 Now, I trust everyone remembers the drill? 181 00:08:20,960 --> 00:08:22,280 I, of course, will be doing the reading... 182 00:08:22,320 --> 00:08:24,040 Farcical. It should be I...me! 183 00:08:24,080 --> 00:08:27,320 ...based on Robin's recollection of the original ritual. 184 00:08:27,360 --> 00:08:32,720 Thank be to moonah! Good light in sky... 185 00:08:32,760 --> 00:08:34,600 Loosely based. Any questions? 186 00:08:34,640 --> 00:08:35,760 Excellent. 187 00:08:35,800 --> 00:08:39,960 And, as always, our muster point will be right here. 188 00:08:40,000 --> 00:08:41,920 Moonah stone! 189 00:08:48,560 --> 00:08:53,920 No, you heathen! Spoon on the outside, spoon on the outside! 190 00:08:53,960 --> 00:08:55,320 Oh, I can't look. 191 00:08:57,280 --> 00:08:58,840 Is that what you're wearing? Me? 192 00:08:58,880 --> 00:09:00,680 You look like Downton Abbey. 193 00:09:00,720 --> 00:09:02,120 Abbey's not a character, Mike. 194 00:09:02,160 --> 00:09:05,920 And, for your information, this is entirely appropriate evening attire 195 00:09:05,960 --> 00:09:08,960 for entertaining guests of such refined social standing... 196 00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:11,680 The Beg-Chetwyndes are de-facto gatekeepers 197 00:09:11,720 --> 00:09:15,520 for the county's social calendar, and are possessing of a very fine... 198 00:09:15,560 --> 00:09:16,440 I know what you're doing. 199 00:09:17,480 --> 00:09:18,760 Fine. 200 00:09:18,800 --> 00:09:21,120 But I am reliably informed that this is how posh people dress, 201 00:09:21,160 --> 00:09:22,560 so I'm sorry, but I'm not changing anything. 202 00:09:22,600 --> 00:09:24,280 I'll put on a shirt if you lose the pearls. 203 00:09:24,320 --> 00:09:25,400 Yep, OK. 204 00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:27,480 Ooh! 205 00:09:27,520 --> 00:09:30,040 - Agh! - Hurry up! 206 00:09:30,080 --> 00:09:31,800 They're here, they're here! How do I look? 207 00:09:31,840 --> 00:09:33,240 The same, Kitty. 208 00:09:33,280 --> 00:09:35,000 And remember, don't... Just don't. 209 00:09:35,040 --> 00:09:37,280 This is important to us. 210 00:09:37,320 --> 00:09:39,920 Ah! Annabel! 211 00:09:39,960 --> 00:09:42,600 - Alison - This is Bunny. Bunny, this is Annabel. 212 00:09:42,640 --> 00:09:44,640 - Alison. - So we're early, I drove here... 213 00:09:44,680 --> 00:09:47,040 Oh, yeah. 214 00:09:47,080 --> 00:09:49,000 Michael, Bunny! 215 00:09:49,040 --> 00:09:50,480 Bunny, Michael. 216 00:09:50,520 --> 00:09:52,880 Smashing shirt. Who is it? 217 00:09:52,920 --> 00:09:53,880 It's me? 218 00:09:53,920 --> 00:09:57,040 And I'm Kitty! I'm wearing what I died in. 219 00:09:57,080 --> 00:09:58,920 Splendid to welcome you. 220 00:09:58,960 --> 00:10:00,680 Please do come in on...on in through. 221 00:10:00,720 --> 00:10:01,920 Super! 222 00:10:01,960 --> 00:10:03,880 Bunny's been so looking forward to meeting you. 223 00:10:03,920 --> 00:10:05,600 Have I? Ooh! 224 00:10:06,720 --> 00:10:09,640 Et voilà! Pelaverga! 225 00:10:09,680 --> 00:10:12,280 Let me see! Let me see! 226 00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:13,880 - Let me see! - Thank you. That is most kind. 227 00:10:13,920 --> 00:10:15,760 Ooh! 228 00:10:17,520 --> 00:10:18,640 Oh... 229 00:10:18,680 --> 00:10:20,560 I am so sorry. 230 00:10:20,600 --> 00:10:23,520 My wife recently had a head injury, 231 00:10:23,560 --> 00:10:26,680 which has caused some of her behaviour to be a little... 232 00:10:28,400 --> 00:10:30,440 Mike, why don't you pop down to the cellar 233 00:10:30,480 --> 00:10:32,440 and try and find us another bottle of wine? 234 00:10:32,480 --> 00:10:35,280 - Er, yeah... - And I can show our guests through. 235 00:10:35,320 --> 00:10:36,800 Do come in on. 236 00:10:36,840 --> 00:10:39,120 The building work is still under way, 237 00:10:39,160 --> 00:10:41,000 - so you may have to adjust your... - Bra strap! 238 00:10:41,040 --> 00:10:42,440 Bra strap! ...expectations. 239 00:10:49,520 --> 00:10:52,720 So, indeed, they advised myself 240 00:10:52,760 --> 00:10:56,200 to just sell the house without even seeing it, but I said... 241 00:10:56,240 --> 00:10:58,080 Don't speak with your mouth full! 242 00:11:12,520 --> 00:11:14,120 ...but I said that... 243 00:11:15,560 --> 00:11:16,680 Sorry, it's gone. 244 00:11:16,720 --> 00:11:21,000 So, yeah, the idea is to turn it into a hotel. 245 00:11:21,040 --> 00:11:22,840 - An 'otel, eh? - Mmm. 246 00:11:22,880 --> 00:11:25,040 - Could be a nice little earner. - Well, it will not be easy, 247 00:11:25,080 --> 00:11:26,680 - but... - Elbows! 248 00:11:26,720 --> 00:11:28,800 ...I think we're on top of things. 249 00:11:30,240 --> 00:11:33,400 # Me, me, me! # What's louder, me or that? 250 00:11:33,440 --> 00:11:36,000 # Me, me, me! # 251 00:11:36,040 --> 00:11:40,000 Sorry, I just need to go and have a word with my...myself. 252 00:11:41,400 --> 00:11:43,880 - # Me... # - Ssh! 253 00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:48,320 Who's had that? 254 00:11:48,360 --> 00:11:51,480 Mary! Didn't you smell burning? 255 00:11:51,520 --> 00:11:54,680 I always smells burning. 256 00:12:03,320 --> 00:12:04,760 Would you eat that? 257 00:12:04,800 --> 00:12:07,920 Well, I hasn't eaten in 400 years, 258 00:12:07,960 --> 00:12:09,360 but no. 259 00:12:09,400 --> 00:12:10,720 Agh! 260 00:12:10,760 --> 00:12:12,320 Maybe I can salvage it? 261 00:12:12,360 --> 00:12:14,240 That's burnt. 262 00:12:14,280 --> 00:12:15,720 - And I'd know. - Right. 263 00:12:15,760 --> 00:12:17,400 Ooh...ah! 264 00:12:17,440 --> 00:12:18,760 Where's the, um...? Ah! 265 00:12:18,800 --> 00:12:21,160 Voilà! Pheasant stew. 266 00:12:21,200 --> 00:12:23,760 Right, you watch this. I've got to get back up there 267 00:12:23,800 --> 00:12:25,560 and convince them I haven't lost my marbles. 268 00:12:25,600 --> 00:12:26,800 What are marbles? 269 00:12:26,840 --> 00:12:29,160 - Just call me when it's reduced. - Right. 270 00:12:31,280 --> 00:12:32,760 Reduced to what? 271 00:12:37,560 --> 00:12:39,160 Sorry about that. 272 00:12:39,200 --> 00:12:40,720 Er, cremated the pheasant. 273 00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:43,240 But all sorted now! 274 00:12:43,280 --> 00:12:46,080 So, um, let's just pretend that this evening so far never happened, 275 00:12:46,120 --> 00:12:49,480 and start right... 276 00:12:50,720 --> 00:12:52,840 Moonah-stona! Moonah-stona! 277 00:12:52,880 --> 00:12:55,960 Moonah-stona! Moonah-stona! 278 00:12:56,000 --> 00:12:58,640 So, Alison... 279 00:12:58,680 --> 00:13:00,720 - Annabel. - Annabel. 280 00:13:00,760 --> 00:13:02,120 Moonah-stona! Moonah-stona! 281 00:13:02,160 --> 00:13:05,480 And now thanks be to the wondrous moon 282 00:13:05,520 --> 00:13:09,600 and the guiding light it giveth between 21.00 hours... 283 00:13:09,640 --> 00:13:11,000 Dramatic pause. 284 00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:13,840 Take a breath! Give it some light and shade! 285 00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:18,440 Oh, blessed moon as spied from the Earth 286 00:13:18,480 --> 00:13:20,840 Bright as thine eyes 287 00:13:20,880 --> 00:13:23,160 Round as thine eyes 288 00:13:23,200 --> 00:13:25,480 Yet too far apart, like thine... 289 00:13:25,520 --> 00:13:29,440 - No, I don't mean your eyes, I mean... - Thorne! I'm doing the reading. 290 00:13:29,480 --> 00:13:32,080 - I won the vote! - To be fair, it was very close 291 00:13:32,120 --> 00:13:34,840 - and entirely non-binding. - ...Wouldn't you say? 292 00:13:36,040 --> 00:13:38,600 Hmm. 293 00:13:38,640 --> 00:13:41,400 - Moonah-stona! Moonah-stona! - Yes, I wouldn't. 294 00:13:41,440 --> 00:13:44,400 Or would I? 295 00:13:54,640 --> 00:13:55,920 I...I was saying to Mike... 296 00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:57,560 ...just this morning... 297 00:13:57,600 --> 00:14:01,600 ...it's been unseasonably warm for the time of year! Bread? 298 00:14:01,640 --> 00:14:02,640 No, thank you. 299 00:14:02,680 --> 00:14:04,720 A lady does not raise her voice 300 00:14:04,760 --> 00:14:06,200 in polite company. 301 00:14:13,400 --> 00:14:15,000 Stew update! 302 00:14:15,040 --> 00:14:17,160 All the water's turned to clouds. 303 00:14:21,640 --> 00:14:22,960 Is it a bad time? 304 00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:24,480 Mike! 305 00:14:24,520 --> 00:14:26,720 Bit of a problem with the old... 306 00:14:26,760 --> 00:14:30,840 ...electrics again. Maybe you should show our guests the fuse box. 307 00:14:30,880 --> 00:14:32,720 Um, yeah. 308 00:14:32,760 --> 00:14:34,480 The fuse box. 309 00:14:34,520 --> 00:14:37,040 Right, fuse box. Yeah. This way, then, guys. 310 00:14:37,080 --> 00:14:38,400 Oh, yeah. 311 00:14:45,280 --> 00:14:46,360 Right! 312 00:14:48,040 --> 00:14:49,440 I'll come back. 313 00:14:49,480 --> 00:14:53,120 Now, you listen to me! I don't know what's going on here, but... Kitty! 314 00:14:54,760 --> 00:14:58,080 ...but it stops right now, because I'm having a dinner party, 315 00:14:58,120 --> 00:15:00,480 which should be clear from the fact that I'm having a dinner party! 316 00:15:00,520 --> 00:15:02,600 But this moonah eclipse very special. 317 00:15:02,640 --> 00:15:04,200 I don't care what it is! 318 00:15:04,240 --> 00:15:05,840 It stops right now. 319 00:15:05,880 --> 00:15:07,600 Now, hang on a moment. 320 00:15:07,640 --> 00:15:11,360 This is a time-honoured ritual that means a great deal to Robin 321 00:15:11,400 --> 00:15:13,600 and, frankly, I think he deserves a little respect. 322 00:15:13,640 --> 00:15:16,040 - Yes. Moonah... - Shut up, Robin! 323 00:15:16,080 --> 00:15:18,080 The point is, we were here first, 324 00:15:18,120 --> 00:15:20,800 so maybe you lot should take your leave. 325 00:15:20,840 --> 00:15:21,920 No. 326 00:15:21,960 --> 00:15:24,680 This is my house now, and I'm not going anywhere. 327 00:15:24,720 --> 00:15:26,760 Well, neither are we. 328 00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:28,720 Quite right! 329 00:15:29,840 --> 00:15:30,840 Sorry. 330 00:15:31,880 --> 00:15:33,920 Wait there. 331 00:15:33,960 --> 00:15:35,080 Right. 332 00:15:35,120 --> 00:15:37,320 Stand firm, everybody. 333 00:15:37,360 --> 00:15:39,280 I don't know what she has in her arsenal, 334 00:15:39,320 --> 00:15:40,440 but we shall remain resolute 335 00:15:40,480 --> 00:15:42,480 against the tyranny that is... 336 00:15:46,560 --> 00:15:49,080 What in the name of St Cuthbert? 337 00:15:49,120 --> 00:15:51,000 It's all the colours at once! 338 00:15:51,040 --> 00:15:52,920 But what does it do? 339 00:15:52,960 --> 00:15:54,720 I'm so glad you asked. 340 00:15:54,760 --> 00:15:56,760 Come this way. 341 00:15:58,400 --> 00:15:59,760 But, no, wait... 342 00:15:59,800 --> 00:16:01,120 It's a compact disc. 343 00:16:01,160 --> 00:16:02,600 Guys! 344 00:16:02,640 --> 00:16:04,560 But it's moonah! 345 00:16:10,520 --> 00:16:13,720 And last but not least, we have this one, 346 00:16:13,760 --> 00:16:16,600 - which is "west wing socks". - Sockets. 347 00:16:16,640 --> 00:16:19,240 Ah. Yeah. That makes more sense. 348 00:16:19,280 --> 00:16:23,720 And I think that is all the fuses I can show you. 349 00:16:23,760 --> 00:16:25,640 - Fascinating. - Yeah. 350 00:16:25,680 --> 00:16:28,840 To be honest, there's not really anything that fabulous down here. 351 00:16:28,880 --> 00:16:30,560 Speak for yourself. 352 00:16:30,600 --> 00:16:33,000 Ooh. Plonk! 353 00:16:33,040 --> 00:16:36,040 - Oh! Clearly a connoisseur. - I'll grab another bottle. 354 00:16:36,080 --> 00:16:38,360 Actually, while we've got a moment, 355 00:16:38,400 --> 00:16:41,840 perhaps we could just discuss the whole access issue? 356 00:16:41,880 --> 00:16:43,280 - I don't... - Splendid! 357 00:16:43,320 --> 00:16:47,040 Now, the former owner and I just had a gentleman's agreement, 358 00:16:47,080 --> 00:16:49,720 but if you're going to run this place as a business, 359 00:16:49,760 --> 00:16:54,800 you probably want something a bit more official in place, financially speaking. 360 00:16:54,840 --> 00:16:56,280 - Um... - So, 361 00:16:56,320 --> 00:17:01,600 what if I were to sign over access rights to you for... Oh, what shall we say? 362 00:17:01,640 --> 00:17:03,880 Oh, I don't know. 20? 363 00:17:03,920 --> 00:17:05,400 20? 364 00:17:05,440 --> 00:17:07,000 Oh, 20's fine! 365 00:17:07,040 --> 00:17:08,920 Wonderful. 366 00:17:08,960 --> 00:17:10,960 And since we're all friends now, 367 00:17:11,000 --> 00:17:14,080 let's call it 19,500. 368 00:17:15,520 --> 00:17:16,920 Sorry! 369 00:17:16,960 --> 00:17:18,800 Less 30 quid for that. 370 00:17:21,840 --> 00:17:24,720 Wow! Look at the quality! 371 00:17:24,760 --> 00:17:27,480 Knocks the socks off of Betamax. It's called Friends. 372 00:17:27,520 --> 00:17:28,680 It's a comedy. 373 00:17:28,720 --> 00:17:30,080 Like Vanity Fair. 374 00:17:30,120 --> 00:17:32,760 No, that's a magazine. And this is a box set. So, 375 00:17:32,800 --> 00:17:34,120 plenty more where that came from. 376 00:17:34,160 --> 00:17:36,640 Have fun, don't leave the room and... 377 00:17:36,680 --> 00:17:38,320 Don't leave the room. 378 00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:44,000 It just appears to be five people sitting around on a sofa. 379 00:17:44,040 --> 00:17:47,520 What's so amusing about...? Hello! 380 00:17:47,560 --> 00:17:49,160 Who is this? 381 00:17:50,280 --> 00:17:53,240 - Ah, Annabel! - Sorry, sorry, won't be a moment. 382 00:17:53,280 --> 00:17:54,840 No hurry. 383 00:17:54,880 --> 00:17:57,800 - OK. Slight problem. - Oh? And it was going so well. 384 00:17:57,840 --> 00:17:59,480 Yeah. So you know the whole access thing? 385 00:17:59,520 --> 00:18:02,520 Barclay said that we could have the rights for 20 grand. 386 00:18:02,560 --> 00:18:04,120 Ha! Yeah! Dream on, mate. 387 00:18:04,160 --> 00:18:08,000 Yeah. I know, right? The thing is, I think I shook on it. 388 00:18:08,040 --> 00:18:09,520 - Huh, what? - Well, he held his hand out. 389 00:18:09,560 --> 00:18:11,320 What was I supposed to do? Not shake it? 390 00:18:11,360 --> 00:18:13,960 - Yes! - I can't do that. It's too awkward. 391 00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:15,680 If someone puts their hand out, I always shake it. 392 00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:17,640 Can this evening get any worse? 393 00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:18,920 Right. 394 00:18:18,960 --> 00:18:22,960 Stew news! I believes it has reduced. 395 00:18:24,840 --> 00:18:26,800 That is beyond reduced. 396 00:18:26,840 --> 00:18:31,120 Yeah, I've got to be honest, I don't know what "reduced" means. 397 00:18:34,960 --> 00:18:36,760 Yeah. 398 00:18:36,800 --> 00:18:39,040 Well, that was wonderful. 399 00:18:39,080 --> 00:18:41,920 - Yes! - However do you get it so square? 400 00:18:41,960 --> 00:18:44,400 Secret, I'm afraid. Old family recipe. 401 00:18:44,440 --> 00:18:47,680 - Another! - No, come on, Buns, you've had enough. 402 00:18:47,720 --> 00:18:50,400 Right, then, port and poker! 403 00:18:50,440 --> 00:18:51,680 Money on the table. 404 00:18:51,720 --> 00:18:56,040 Actually, talking of money... About the access thing... 405 00:18:56,080 --> 00:18:58,640 Oh, that's all sorted. Worked something out with your fella here. 406 00:18:58,680 --> 00:19:00,000 Oh, come on. 407 00:19:00,040 --> 00:19:01,640 - Wow. - Good lad. 408 00:19:01,680 --> 00:19:04,400 Right, am I dealing everyone in? 409 00:19:04,440 --> 00:19:06,440 - Yep! - I'm afraid we don't play. 410 00:19:06,480 --> 00:19:08,000 I play. I'm a player. 411 00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:10,760 I'm not sure you are, Mike. 412 00:19:10,800 --> 00:19:12,880 I am a player. 413 00:19:12,920 --> 00:19:14,360 OK. 414 00:19:15,520 --> 00:19:18,920 Right, well, I guess I'm getting the port, then. 415 00:19:18,960 --> 00:19:20,440 Deal. 416 00:19:22,680 --> 00:19:24,200 There we go. That's yours... 417 00:19:32,920 --> 00:19:34,680 - Oh, dear. - I've lost 100 quid. 418 00:19:37,240 --> 00:19:38,960 Beginner's luck, I assure you. 419 00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:40,640 Another hand? 420 00:19:49,200 --> 00:19:51,120 She is beguiling, the Lady Rachel. 421 00:19:51,160 --> 00:19:54,080 Is it her hair? Perhaps it's her hair. 422 00:19:54,120 --> 00:19:56,720 There's something about her hair. 423 00:19:56,760 --> 00:19:59,760 I'm Phoebe. And Lady Button's Monica. 424 00:19:59,800 --> 00:20:02,280 And the Captain's Ross. 425 00:20:02,320 --> 00:20:04,680 What? No! I'm clearly Chandler. 426 00:20:04,720 --> 00:20:06,200 It's a dry wit, but it's there. 427 00:20:06,240 --> 00:20:08,560 I'm sorry, did we zip our lips? I think we zipped our lips. 428 00:20:08,600 --> 00:20:09,680 Oh. 429 00:20:20,880 --> 00:20:24,760 # There'll be a light 430 00:20:24,800 --> 00:20:27,400 # In the dark... # 431 00:20:28,880 --> 00:20:31,480 Robin! We're watching Friends here, mate! 432 00:20:31,520 --> 00:20:33,720 Right, I need your help. 433 00:20:33,760 --> 00:20:36,200 - Shh! - No, no, no. It's important. 434 00:20:36,240 --> 00:20:39,760 As is this! My empathy's hewn betwixt lovelorn Ross 435 00:20:39,800 --> 00:20:42,200 and Joey, the Veronan lothario. 436 00:20:42,240 --> 00:20:44,400 - No, you don't understand... - No, young lady, 437 00:20:44,440 --> 00:20:45,800 you do not understand! 438 00:20:45,840 --> 00:20:48,280 You cannot banish us with one breath, 439 00:20:48,320 --> 00:20:50,280 and then demand our reinforcement with the next. 440 00:20:50,320 --> 00:20:52,640 No moonah stone, no help lady! 441 00:20:52,680 --> 00:20:54,920 - Oh, come on. Surely one of you will...? - Alison! 442 00:20:54,960 --> 00:21:00,000 Just to check, can I stops watching the pot now? 443 00:21:01,880 --> 00:21:06,000 - I can't play gambles. - No, no, you don't need to. 444 00:21:06,040 --> 00:21:08,320 Just look at his cards and tell me what you see. 445 00:21:08,360 --> 00:21:10,240 - Oh... - Yeah? 446 00:21:13,160 --> 00:21:15,360 Sorry. Needed a wee. 447 00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:17,760 Better out than in. I've dealt you a hand. 448 00:21:17,800 --> 00:21:19,320 Great. Great, great, great. 449 00:21:19,360 --> 00:21:21,080 Hmm. 450 00:21:22,160 --> 00:21:25,320 In fact, why don't we make this interesting? 451 00:21:25,360 --> 00:21:26,720 Double or nothing. 452 00:21:26,760 --> 00:21:30,000 If you win the game, then we you pay double what you wanted 453 00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:32,280 - for access to our drive. - What? 454 00:21:32,320 --> 00:21:33,720 40,000? 455 00:21:33,760 --> 00:21:36,280 And if I lose? 456 00:21:36,320 --> 00:21:38,920 You sign it over for free. 457 00:21:39,960 --> 00:21:42,480 You're trying to bluff me! 458 00:21:42,520 --> 00:21:44,800 Nice try, but nothing gets past me, Annabel. 459 00:21:44,840 --> 00:21:46,360 You're on! 460 00:21:46,400 --> 00:21:47,840 Are you insane? 461 00:21:48,880 --> 00:21:50,000 Agh! 462 00:21:55,080 --> 00:21:56,520 Right. 463 00:21:56,560 --> 00:21:58,040 OK. 464 00:21:58,080 --> 00:21:59,040 Yeah. 465 00:21:59,080 --> 00:22:02,800 There's a person whose blanket is also a person, 466 00:22:02,840 --> 00:22:07,400 but it's upside down and be like they've had a quarrel. 467 00:22:07,440 --> 00:22:10,240 There's a number more than three 468 00:22:10,280 --> 00:22:13,160 but with a shape that's like a loaf, 469 00:22:13,200 --> 00:22:17,280 but it's on its side, on the end of a wrong stick. 470 00:22:19,800 --> 00:22:21,560 Just pop a cheque in the post. 471 00:22:21,600 --> 00:22:23,800 Or a banker's draft - whatever's easier. 472 00:22:23,840 --> 00:22:26,160 Was I wearing shoes? 473 00:22:27,800 --> 00:22:30,240 Honestly. Can't take her anywhere. 474 00:22:30,280 --> 00:22:32,960 Come on! Silly moo. 475 00:22:33,000 --> 00:22:34,160 Ah, there you are. 476 00:22:34,200 --> 00:22:37,920 Now, it's saying to load the next disc into the... 477 00:22:37,960 --> 00:22:39,160 - We need disc two. - Yes. 478 00:22:39,200 --> 00:22:40,280 Where's disc two? 479 00:22:40,320 --> 00:22:44,120 Forget it, OK? Thanks to you, we just lost £40,000! 480 00:22:44,160 --> 00:22:45,160 What? 481 00:22:45,200 --> 00:22:46,200 - Yeah! - What did we do? 482 00:22:46,240 --> 00:22:48,440 Nothing. That's the whole point! 483 00:22:48,480 --> 00:22:50,520 40 grand? To that gasbag? 484 00:22:50,560 --> 00:22:53,240 What did you do, play him at poker? 485 00:22:53,280 --> 00:22:55,480 Oh, she did! 486 00:22:55,520 --> 00:22:57,920 Sorry, just to clarify, that was a firm answer on disc two? 487 00:22:59,200 --> 00:23:03,240 Word of advice - never play someone who can afford to lose. 488 00:23:03,280 --> 00:23:06,360 Not as if he needs the money either. Unless it's for legal fees. 489 00:23:06,400 --> 00:23:09,760 Maybe they've finally found out about that bank account in Fiji. 490 00:23:09,800 --> 00:23:11,120 Hmm? 491 00:23:15,000 --> 00:23:20,040 - Now, keys. - Not sure you should drive, Buns. 492 00:23:20,080 --> 00:23:22,600 Oh, no! I'm fine. Look. 493 00:23:27,520 --> 00:23:29,440 - I stand corrected. - Yep! 494 00:23:29,480 --> 00:23:33,440 - Thank you for a lovely evening, Annabel. - Alison. 495 00:23:33,480 --> 00:23:36,640 And no hard feelings about the whole, you know? 496 00:23:36,680 --> 00:23:38,800 No, no, no, no, a deal's a deal. 497 00:23:38,840 --> 00:23:40,560 I was thinking of doing a bank transfer. 498 00:23:40,600 --> 00:23:41,720 Ooh. Very modern. 499 00:23:41,760 --> 00:23:44,360 I'll "e-mail" you my details. 500 00:23:44,400 --> 00:23:45,840 Great, great. 501 00:23:45,880 --> 00:23:48,640 And is that for your current account or the Fiji account? 502 00:23:49,960 --> 00:23:51,560 What's the Fiji account? 503 00:23:54,920 --> 00:23:56,120 You know what? 504 00:23:56,160 --> 00:24:01,040 What's a little card game between friends, eh? 505 00:24:01,080 --> 00:24:05,800 Let's...let's just forget this silly money nonsense. 506 00:24:05,840 --> 00:24:10,000 I'll sign over the access rights to you - gratis - 507 00:24:10,040 --> 00:24:12,680 and pop the papers in the post first thing. 508 00:24:12,720 --> 00:24:14,280 Come along, Bunny! 509 00:24:16,600 --> 00:24:17,920 Oof! 510 00:24:17,960 --> 00:24:21,120 Was that lasagne beef? 511 00:24:23,160 --> 00:24:24,200 How did you know he had a...? 512 00:24:25,280 --> 00:24:26,400 Oh. 513 00:24:27,400 --> 00:24:28,840 Thank you. 514 00:24:28,880 --> 00:24:30,520 - They're not here. - Oh. 515 00:24:30,560 --> 00:24:32,160 They're upstairs watching Friends. 516 00:24:32,200 --> 00:24:33,560 - Oh. - Hmm. 517 00:24:33,600 --> 00:24:35,520 - This place is weird. - Yeah. 518 00:24:35,560 --> 00:24:37,400 Look out, Bunny, that's the gate! 519 00:24:37,440 --> 00:24:39,120 I can see it! 520 00:24:39,160 --> 00:24:41,440 Still, that's one problem sol... 521 00:24:45,640 --> 00:24:46,680 Ooh! 522 00:24:48,160 --> 00:24:53,960 Ohh! I mean, I didn't like that pigeon, but that is no way to go. 523 00:24:54,000 --> 00:24:55,560 Better than being shot. 524 00:24:55,600 --> 00:24:56,880 Yeah. 525 00:24:56,920 --> 00:24:58,480 Ohh. 526 00:24:58,520 --> 00:25:00,720 Oh... 527 00:25:06,880 --> 00:25:08,280 No second disc, guys. 528 00:25:08,320 --> 00:25:11,600 Could that be any more vexing? 529 00:25:13,960 --> 00:25:16,040 You all right, mate? 530 00:25:19,280 --> 00:25:22,320 What is it, you know, about the moon? 531 00:25:22,360 --> 00:25:24,080 Why do you care so much? 532 00:25:25,880 --> 00:25:28,600 Before you was moonah. 533 00:25:29,880 --> 00:25:33,000 Before house was moonah. 534 00:25:33,040 --> 00:25:35,320 Everything come, 535 00:25:35,360 --> 00:25:37,000 everything go. 536 00:25:38,400 --> 00:25:39,880 But always there. 537 00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:42,520 Moonah. 538 00:25:44,800 --> 00:25:48,800 The only thing that's been here as long as you have. 539 00:26:00,680 --> 00:26:03,280 Several of the cubs. 540 00:26:03,320 --> 00:26:05,280 - Getting closer. - Knock-knock. 541 00:26:06,800 --> 00:26:09,000 I say that cos I can't, erm... 542 00:26:09,040 --> 00:26:10,480 I just wanted to say sorry... 543 00:26:11,560 --> 00:26:13,360 ...for what happened at dinner. From all of us. 544 00:26:13,400 --> 00:26:16,120 Well, mainly from me, because Julian can take or leave you, 545 00:26:16,160 --> 00:26:18,760 and Lady Button's not keen, and as for the Captain, well... 546 00:26:18,800 --> 00:26:20,080 Pat, it's fine. 547 00:26:20,120 --> 00:26:21,280 I mean, well, no, it isn't. 548 00:26:21,320 --> 00:26:23,360 But...we'll muddle through. 549 00:26:23,400 --> 00:26:24,800 Eight of hearts! 550 00:26:24,840 --> 00:26:26,160 Yeah! 551 00:26:26,200 --> 00:26:27,120 Yeah. 552 00:26:27,160 --> 00:26:28,520 In that spirit, 553 00:26:28,560 --> 00:26:29,920 so to speak, 554 00:26:29,960 --> 00:26:33,320 I actually had a little favour I wanted to ask. 555 00:26:34,440 --> 00:26:35,800 It's for Robin. 556 00:26:42,280 --> 00:26:43,880 Right, so, are you going to get the ghosts or...? 557 00:26:45,240 --> 00:26:46,960 They're here. 558 00:26:47,000 --> 00:26:50,600 We might've missed the ritual this year, but...well... 559 00:26:51,920 --> 00:26:53,480 ...to old friends! 560 00:26:53,520 --> 00:26:56,200 - To old friends. - Old friends. 561 00:26:56,240 --> 00:26:57,360 God, I miss booze. 562 00:26:59,760 --> 00:27:02,960 Robin, light pollution. 563 00:27:03,000 --> 00:27:04,360 Oh, yeah. 564 00:27:13,600 --> 00:27:16,600 Pray tell, how you doing? 565 00:27:16,640 --> 00:27:18,440 No, don't. 39818

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