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1
00:00:14,600 --> 00:00:18,360
And...ta-da! Congratulations!
2
00:00:18,400 --> 00:00:21,120
- On what?
- Well, all the doors are now shut,
3
00:00:21,160 --> 00:00:23,440
and I just sealed the last window.
So you know what that means?
4
00:00:23,480 --> 00:00:25,040
We should get a carbon monoxide alarm?
5
00:00:25,080 --> 00:00:26,120
No!
6
00:00:26,160 --> 00:00:29,280
Well, yes. But it also means
that pigeon can't get in here.
7
00:00:29,320 --> 00:00:31,560
Which I'd say calls for a toast.
8
00:00:31,600 --> 00:00:34,280
I thought we were saving that to
celebrate the woodworm treatment.
9
00:00:34,320 --> 00:00:36,200
Nah, it's only prosecco.
I'll buy another bottle.
10
00:00:40,800 --> 00:00:42,440
See, this is why we wait
for the woodworm treatment.
11
00:00:42,480 --> 00:00:45,040
Quick!
Block the hole before the pigeon gets...
12
00:00:47,600 --> 00:00:49,200
- Hmm...
- How?!
13
00:01:16,320 --> 00:01:18,600
- Mike, it won't shut with that on.
- Yeah, I'm not an idiot.
14
00:01:18,640 --> 00:01:20,720
They're just holding it
while I put the Sellotape on.
15
00:01:23,240 --> 00:01:24,480
Bitches!
16
00:01:24,520 --> 00:01:27,280
Bitches! Bitches!
17
00:01:27,320 --> 00:01:28,280
Bitches!
18
00:01:28,320 --> 00:01:30,600
They don't listen.
19
00:01:30,640 --> 00:01:31,880
Women, eh?
20
00:01:31,920 --> 00:01:33,440
- Um...
- Barclay!
21
00:01:33,480 --> 00:01:35,480
- Er...
- Beg-Chetwynde.
22
00:01:35,520 --> 00:01:36,760
Wh...What's that?
23
00:01:36,800 --> 00:01:38,640
That's me. Barclay Beg-Chetwynde.
24
00:01:38,680 --> 00:01:40,080
- Oh!
- From next door.
25
00:01:40,120 --> 00:01:41,960
- Oh!
- We have a next door?
26
00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:43,440
Yes, about a mile that way.
27
00:01:43,480 --> 00:01:45,680
I own the... You know the village?
28
00:01:45,720 --> 00:01:47,800
- Yeah.
- Yes, I own that.
29
00:01:47,840 --> 00:01:51,560
We summer in Tuscany,
but got back and saw you'd moved in.
30
00:01:51,600 --> 00:01:53,440
Thought I should come say how do?
31
00:01:53,480 --> 00:01:54,480
Right.
32
00:01:54,520 --> 00:01:57,400
Yeah. I'm...I'm Alison, and this is Mike.
Sorry - come in.
33
00:01:57,440 --> 00:01:58,320
Thank you.
34
00:02:02,800 --> 00:02:03,880
What you say?
35
00:02:03,920 --> 00:02:06,120
Tally. Tally!
36
00:02:06,160 --> 00:02:07,560
Must've seen a ghost.
37
00:02:07,600 --> 00:02:09,360
Ah!
38
00:02:09,400 --> 00:02:13,200
Didn't you know?
This place - absolutely riddled with them.
39
00:02:13,240 --> 00:02:16,840
So legend has it.
There's a lady falls from a window
40
00:02:16,880 --> 00:02:18,560
- in the west wing.
- East wing!
41
00:02:18,600 --> 00:02:19,880
- Dressed in white.
- Grey!
42
00:02:19,920 --> 00:02:21,560
- Georgian.
- Edwardian.
43
00:02:21,600 --> 00:02:23,600
Attractive. Early 20s.
44
00:02:25,240 --> 00:02:29,160
And a strange creature
that roams the grounds -
45
00:02:29,200 --> 00:02:31,840
half man, half ape.
46
00:02:33,760 --> 00:02:35,560
Huh?
47
00:02:35,600 --> 00:02:38,000
- Well, I haven't seen anything.
- No.
48
00:02:38,040 --> 00:02:41,120
- No, he hasn't.
- It's probably all tosh and piffle.
49
00:02:41,160 --> 00:02:44,240
Anyway, reason I called,
incepto ne desistam...
50
00:02:44,280 --> 00:02:46,840
Oh, I remember this berk.
51
00:02:46,880 --> 00:02:49,480
Met him at a party fundraiser
here back in the day.
52
00:02:49,520 --> 00:02:52,280
Rich as Croesus.
Loves the sound of his own voice.
53
00:02:52,320 --> 00:02:54,800
Which reminds me of a very funny story
54
00:02:54,840 --> 00:02:58,480
I heard once on a golf course. Now,
there was Brucie. That's Brucie Forsyth...
55
00:02:58,520 --> 00:03:00,160
Guys! Guys, anecdote!
56
00:03:00,200 --> 00:03:02,240
Anecdote alert, right in the middle of one.
57
00:03:02,280 --> 00:03:06,360
...Now it doesn't really affect
your grounds inside the gates,
58
00:03:06,400 --> 00:03:11,880
but the path outside
the gates is on my deed,
59
00:03:11,920 --> 00:03:15,560
so, technically,
you have to cross a strip of my land
60
00:03:15,600 --> 00:03:18,440
every time you enter your house.
61
00:03:18,480 --> 00:03:20,440
Oh. We had no idea.
62
00:03:20,480 --> 00:03:22,360
It's a simple thing to sort out,
63
00:03:22,400 --> 00:03:26,720
but probably worth a quick
powwow at some point.
64
00:03:26,760 --> 00:03:28,040
Yeah, sure. Well, we'll...
65
00:03:28,080 --> 00:03:29,800
Maybe you could come to dinner some time?
66
00:03:29,840 --> 00:03:31,880
Splendid idea! See you at eight.
67
00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:34,320
- I'm free!
- Er...
68
00:03:34,360 --> 00:03:36,960
I'll bring a Pelaverga!
69
00:03:37,000 --> 00:03:41,360
- What's a...?
- Oh, and Bunny can't eat beef.
70
00:03:41,400 --> 00:03:45,200
Well, she can, but she shouldn't,
if you know what I mean.
71
00:03:46,520 --> 00:03:49,680
Right, once more unto the breach!
Come along, bitches!
72
00:03:49,720 --> 00:03:52,800
Is that all of them?
73
00:03:52,840 --> 00:03:54,480
Never mind.
74
00:03:54,520 --> 00:03:55,800
What did you do that for?
75
00:03:55,840 --> 00:03:58,200
Because he's got some weird
claim over our driveway,
76
00:03:58,240 --> 00:04:00,000
so we should probably keep him sweet.
77
00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:01,880
Besides, he's our way in.
78
00:04:01,920 --> 00:04:03,040
To what?
79
00:04:03,080 --> 00:04:05,280
Society, Mike. We're posh now.
80
00:04:05,320 --> 00:04:06,800
We should be mixing with other poshos.
81
00:04:06,840 --> 00:04:08,880
- But he is awful!
- So?
82
00:04:08,920 --> 00:04:10,920
Some awful people have really nice friends.
83
00:04:10,960 --> 00:04:12,880
I mean, look at your mate Greg.
84
00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:14,160
What's wrong with Greg?
85
00:04:14,200 --> 00:04:16,160
Nothing.
86
00:04:16,200 --> 00:04:19,400
Hello, girl! You're lovely, in't you?
87
00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:22,360
It's worth it.
88
00:04:22,400 --> 00:04:23,760
Ah! Hello, girl!
89
00:04:23,800 --> 00:04:25,160
Yeah!
90
00:04:25,200 --> 00:04:26,840
Ohh...
91
00:04:28,200 --> 00:04:30,240
I can't touch any more.
92
00:04:52,760 --> 00:04:55,600
Um...book? Film?
93
00:04:56,880 --> 00:04:59,200
Five words. The Importance Of Being Earnest.
94
00:04:59,240 --> 00:05:00,480
Great Expectations.
95
00:05:00,520 --> 00:05:01,720
Tootsie! Tootsie!
96
00:05:01,760 --> 00:05:05,920
Tootsie! Tootsie! Tootsie!
It's Tootsie. Tootsie! It's Tootsie!
97
00:05:05,960 --> 00:05:07,320
Tootsie! Tootsie!
98
00:05:07,360 --> 00:05:08,720
Stop saying Tootsie!
99
00:05:08,760 --> 00:05:10,520
What be a tootsie?
100
00:05:10,560 --> 00:05:11,840
Round...
101
00:05:11,880 --> 00:05:13,360
...er, covering...
102
00:05:13,400 --> 00:05:16,160
- Oh, it's an eclipse!
- Ah! Eclipse.
103
00:05:16,200 --> 00:05:18,200
Moonah eclipse!
104
00:05:18,240 --> 00:05:19,360
God, not this again.
105
00:05:19,400 --> 00:05:22,120
- Must we humour this bull calf?
- It's absolutely asinine.
106
00:05:22,160 --> 00:05:25,920
It is a wonderful group activity,
and he doesn't ask for much.
107
00:05:25,960 --> 00:05:27,480
Well, he can't ask for much.
108
00:05:27,520 --> 00:05:29,440
Hey! Me speak good!
109
00:05:29,480 --> 00:05:31,320
Well! Me speak well! I...
110
00:05:31,360 --> 00:05:34,840
I'm not actually free tonight,
but I could do Thursday.
111
00:05:34,880 --> 00:05:36,560
No. Eclipse is tonight!
112
00:05:36,600 --> 00:05:39,960
All right, al right, all right!
We'll do it, provided I can do the reading.
113
00:05:40,000 --> 00:05:41,800
Not a chance, sir.
114
00:05:41,840 --> 00:05:43,560
Me always do the reading!
115
00:05:43,600 --> 00:05:44,920
- I...
- Very well.
116
00:05:44,960 --> 00:05:46,760
We'll put it to the vote.
117
00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:50,600
Who would you like to hear speak more -
me or Thomas?
118
00:05:52,600 --> 00:05:55,480
Be there a third option?
119
00:05:59,280 --> 00:06:00,960
Yeah, that is pretty much what I thought.
120
00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:03,240
Torn thing of peas and a frozen lasagne.
121
00:06:03,280 --> 00:06:04,840
Ooh! Make your lasagne!
122
00:06:04,880 --> 00:06:08,560
Mike, my lasagne is frozen lasagne.
I'm not serving them that.
123
00:06:08,600 --> 00:06:10,400
I don't want them thinking that we're
the sort of that people that we are.
124
00:06:10,440 --> 00:06:12,160
Well, what do posh people eat?
125
00:06:12,200 --> 00:06:14,040
- Turtle soup.
- No.
126
00:06:14,080 --> 00:06:15,600
- What?
- Turtle soup.
127
00:06:15,640 --> 00:06:16,880
Oh, yeah. No.
128
00:06:16,920 --> 00:06:17,840
Oyster rissoles?
129
00:06:17,880 --> 00:06:19,520
Oyster rissoles?
130
00:06:19,560 --> 00:06:22,920
You don't like shellfish,
and I'm not eating anything's rissole.
131
00:06:22,960 --> 00:06:24,080
I don't think it means
what you think it means.
132
00:06:24,120 --> 00:06:26,960
- What about pheasant?
- Oh...
133
00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:28,760
What?
134
00:06:28,800 --> 00:06:30,680
Up a bit. Left a bit.
135
00:06:30,720 --> 00:06:32,040
Can't we just go to the shops?
136
00:06:32,080 --> 00:06:33,680
No, we haven't got time. Just concentrate.
137
00:06:33,720 --> 00:06:35,880
Down a bit. A bit more.
138
00:06:35,920 --> 00:06:37,240
Bit more.
139
00:06:37,280 --> 00:06:38,880
Bit more...
140
00:06:38,920 --> 00:06:41,600
- Do you want to do it?
- You lost the toss.
141
00:06:41,640 --> 00:06:43,720
- Little bit more.
- Bit more.
142
00:06:44,880 --> 00:06:46,040
I don't think I can do...
- Fire, fire, fire!
143
00:06:46,080 --> 00:06:47,320
- Go!
- Agh!
144
00:06:47,360 --> 00:06:50,880
Ha-ha! Gleaming bundook op from the civvy!
145
00:06:50,920 --> 00:06:53,600
We'll have him out boshing Jerry in no time!
146
00:06:53,640 --> 00:06:55,480
- What did he say?
- No idea.
147
00:06:55,520 --> 00:06:57,760
And then something racist.
148
00:06:57,800 --> 00:07:00,400
There's a hare. There's a hare!
There's a hare!
149
00:07:00,440 --> 00:07:02,840
- He says, there's a hare.
- There's a hare. Pom-pom!
150
00:07:02,880 --> 00:07:07,240
- This is grim.
- Why did I have to pluck it?
151
00:07:10,600 --> 00:07:12,640
In the oven for 20 minutes.
152
00:07:12,680 --> 00:07:15,200
No, you have to de-gloves the gizzards.
153
00:07:15,240 --> 00:07:16,880
Well, it doesn't say that here
154
00:07:16,920 --> 00:07:20,840
and, no offence, Mary, but I trust
the book more than you... Oh, my God.
155
00:07:20,880 --> 00:07:21,920
Gizzards.
156
00:07:21,960 --> 00:07:22,920
Oh...
157
00:07:26,360 --> 00:07:28,560
Right, you're in charge of the pheasant.
158
00:07:28,600 --> 00:07:31,440
Call me when it looks done.
159
00:07:31,480 --> 00:07:34,360
- Done.
- OK, I'm going to change into...
160
00:07:34,400 --> 00:07:36,200
What do posh people wear?
161
00:07:36,240 --> 00:07:38,440
- Crowns?
- I'm asking the wrong person.
162
00:07:38,480 --> 00:07:39,560
Oh, yeah, yeah.
163
00:07:39,600 --> 00:07:42,160
Oof! That smells gamey.
164
00:07:48,120 --> 00:07:49,240
Left a bit...
165
00:07:49,280 --> 00:07:51,040
No right a bit.
166
00:07:51,080 --> 00:07:52,520
No, left a bit...
167
00:07:52,560 --> 00:07:53,720
It's fine!
168
00:07:53,760 --> 00:07:55,320
It's amazing, isn't it,
169
00:07:55,360 --> 00:07:58,720
to think,
a sacred site right here for all those years?
170
00:07:58,760 --> 00:08:00,040
Your own little Stonehenge.
171
00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:02,920
No! Stonehenge copied!
172
00:08:02,960 --> 00:08:04,880
- OK. All right, all right.
- Well!
173
00:08:04,920 --> 00:08:06,800
Settle down. Now, the eclipse itself
174
00:08:06,840 --> 00:08:09,480
- will be at...
- Dong-dong-dong...
175
00:08:09,520 --> 00:08:11,120
- Robin!
- ...dong-dong-dong...
176
00:08:11,160 --> 00:08:13,600
Yes, thank you, Robin!
177
00:08:13,640 --> 00:08:14,880
We got it the first time.
178
00:08:14,920 --> 00:08:17,200
It'll be at 21.00.
179
00:08:17,240 --> 00:08:18,600
Nine o'clock.
180
00:08:18,640 --> 00:08:20,920
Now, I trust everyone remembers the drill?
181
00:08:20,960 --> 00:08:22,280
I, of course, will be doing the reading...
182
00:08:22,320 --> 00:08:24,040
Farcical. It should be I...me!
183
00:08:24,080 --> 00:08:27,320
...based on Robin's recollection
of the original ritual.
184
00:08:27,360 --> 00:08:32,720
Thank be to moonah! Good light in sky...
185
00:08:32,760 --> 00:08:34,600
Loosely based. Any questions?
186
00:08:34,640 --> 00:08:35,760
Excellent.
187
00:08:35,800 --> 00:08:39,960
And, as always,
our muster point will be right here.
188
00:08:40,000 --> 00:08:41,920
Moonah stone!
189
00:08:48,560 --> 00:08:53,920
No, you heathen!
Spoon on the outside, spoon on the outside!
190
00:08:53,960 --> 00:08:55,320
Oh, I can't look.
191
00:08:57,280 --> 00:08:58,840
Is that what you're wearing? Me?
192
00:08:58,880 --> 00:09:00,680
You look like Downton Abbey.
193
00:09:00,720 --> 00:09:02,120
Abbey's not a character, Mike.
194
00:09:02,160 --> 00:09:05,920
And, for your information,
this is entirely appropriate evening attire
195
00:09:05,960 --> 00:09:08,960
for entertaining guests of
such refined social standing...
196
00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:11,680
The Beg-Chetwyndes are de-facto gatekeepers
197
00:09:11,720 --> 00:09:15,520
for the county's social calendar,
and are possessing of a very fine...
198
00:09:15,560 --> 00:09:16,440
I know what you're doing.
199
00:09:17,480 --> 00:09:18,760
Fine.
200
00:09:18,800 --> 00:09:21,120
But I am reliably informed that
this is how posh people dress,
201
00:09:21,160 --> 00:09:22,560
so I'm sorry, but I'm not changing anything.
202
00:09:22,600 --> 00:09:24,280
I'll put on a shirt if you lose the pearls.
203
00:09:24,320 --> 00:09:25,400
Yep, OK.
204
00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:27,480
Ooh!
205
00:09:27,520 --> 00:09:30,040
- Agh!
- Hurry up!
206
00:09:30,080 --> 00:09:31,800
They're here, they're here! How do I look?
207
00:09:31,840 --> 00:09:33,240
The same, Kitty.
208
00:09:33,280 --> 00:09:35,000
And remember, don't... Just don't.
209
00:09:35,040 --> 00:09:37,280
This is important to us.
210
00:09:37,320 --> 00:09:39,920
Ah! Annabel!
211
00:09:39,960 --> 00:09:42,600
- Alison
- This is Bunny. Bunny, this is Annabel.
212
00:09:42,640 --> 00:09:44,640
- Alison.
- So we're early, I drove here...
213
00:09:44,680 --> 00:09:47,040
Oh, yeah.
214
00:09:47,080 --> 00:09:49,000
Michael, Bunny!
215
00:09:49,040 --> 00:09:50,480
Bunny, Michael.
216
00:09:50,520 --> 00:09:52,880
Smashing shirt. Who is it?
217
00:09:52,920 --> 00:09:53,880
It's me?
218
00:09:53,920 --> 00:09:57,040
And I'm Kitty! I'm wearing what I died in.
219
00:09:57,080 --> 00:09:58,920
Splendid to welcome you.
220
00:09:58,960 --> 00:10:00,680
Please do come in on...on in through.
221
00:10:00,720 --> 00:10:01,920
Super!
222
00:10:01,960 --> 00:10:03,880
Bunny's been so looking
forward to meeting you.
223
00:10:03,920 --> 00:10:05,600
Have I? Ooh!
224
00:10:06,720 --> 00:10:09,640
Et voilà! Pelaverga!
225
00:10:09,680 --> 00:10:12,280
Let me see! Let me see!
226
00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:13,880
- Let me see!
- Thank you. That is most kind.
227
00:10:13,920 --> 00:10:15,760
Ooh!
228
00:10:17,520 --> 00:10:18,640
Oh...
229
00:10:18,680 --> 00:10:20,560
I am so sorry.
230
00:10:20,600 --> 00:10:23,520
My wife recently had a head injury,
231
00:10:23,560 --> 00:10:26,680
which has caused some of her
behaviour to be a little...
232
00:10:28,400 --> 00:10:30,440
Mike, why don't you pop down to the cellar
233
00:10:30,480 --> 00:10:32,440
and try and find us another bottle of wine?
234
00:10:32,480 --> 00:10:35,280
- Er, yeah...
- And I can show our guests through.
235
00:10:35,320 --> 00:10:36,800
Do come in on.
236
00:10:36,840 --> 00:10:39,120
The building work is still under way,
237
00:10:39,160 --> 00:10:41,000
- so you may have to adjust your...
- Bra strap!
238
00:10:41,040 --> 00:10:42,440
Bra strap! ...expectations.
239
00:10:49,520 --> 00:10:52,720
So, indeed, they advised myself
240
00:10:52,760 --> 00:10:56,200
to just sell the house without
even seeing it, but I said...
241
00:10:56,240 --> 00:10:58,080
Don't speak with your mouth full!
242
00:11:12,520 --> 00:11:14,120
...but I said that...
243
00:11:15,560 --> 00:11:16,680
Sorry, it's gone.
244
00:11:16,720 --> 00:11:21,000
So, yeah,
the idea is to turn it into a hotel.
245
00:11:21,040 --> 00:11:22,840
- An 'otel, eh?
- Mmm.
246
00:11:22,880 --> 00:11:25,040
- Could be a nice little earner.
- Well, it will not be easy,
247
00:11:25,080 --> 00:11:26,680
- but...
- Elbows!
248
00:11:26,720 --> 00:11:28,800
...I think we're on top of things.
249
00:11:30,240 --> 00:11:33,400
# Me, me, me! # What's louder, me or that?
250
00:11:33,440 --> 00:11:36,000
# Me, me, me! #
251
00:11:36,040 --> 00:11:40,000
Sorry, I just need to go and
have a word with my...myself.
252
00:11:41,400 --> 00:11:43,880
- # Me... #
- Ssh!
253
00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:48,320
Who's had that?
254
00:11:48,360 --> 00:11:51,480
Mary! Didn't you smell burning?
255
00:11:51,520 --> 00:11:54,680
I always smells burning.
256
00:12:03,320 --> 00:12:04,760
Would you eat that?
257
00:12:04,800 --> 00:12:07,920
Well, I hasn't eaten in 400 years,
258
00:12:07,960 --> 00:12:09,360
but no.
259
00:12:09,400 --> 00:12:10,720
Agh!
260
00:12:10,760 --> 00:12:12,320
Maybe I can salvage it?
261
00:12:12,360 --> 00:12:14,240
That's burnt.
262
00:12:14,280 --> 00:12:15,720
- And I'd know.
- Right.
263
00:12:15,760 --> 00:12:17,400
Ooh...ah!
264
00:12:17,440 --> 00:12:18,760
Where's the, um...? Ah!
265
00:12:18,800 --> 00:12:21,160
Voilà! Pheasant stew.
266
00:12:21,200 --> 00:12:23,760
Right, you watch this.
I've got to get back up there
267
00:12:23,800 --> 00:12:25,560
and convince them I haven't lost my marbles.
268
00:12:25,600 --> 00:12:26,800
What are marbles?
269
00:12:26,840 --> 00:12:29,160
- Just call me when it's reduced.
- Right.
270
00:12:31,280 --> 00:12:32,760
Reduced to what?
271
00:12:37,560 --> 00:12:39,160
Sorry about that.
272
00:12:39,200 --> 00:12:40,720
Er, cremated the pheasant.
273
00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:43,240
But all sorted now!
274
00:12:43,280 --> 00:12:46,080
So, um, let's just pretend that
this evening so far never happened,
275
00:12:46,120 --> 00:12:49,480
and start right...
276
00:12:50,720 --> 00:12:52,840
Moonah-stona! Moonah-stona!
277
00:12:52,880 --> 00:12:55,960
Moonah-stona! Moonah-stona!
278
00:12:56,000 --> 00:12:58,640
So, Alison...
279
00:12:58,680 --> 00:13:00,720
- Annabel.
- Annabel.
280
00:13:00,760 --> 00:13:02,120
Moonah-stona! Moonah-stona!
281
00:13:02,160 --> 00:13:05,480
And now thanks be to the wondrous moon
282
00:13:05,520 --> 00:13:09,600
and the guiding light it
giveth between 21.00 hours...
283
00:13:09,640 --> 00:13:11,000
Dramatic pause.
284
00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:13,840
Take a breath! Give it some light and shade!
285
00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:18,440
Oh, blessed moon as spied from the Earth
286
00:13:18,480 --> 00:13:20,840
Bright as thine eyes
287
00:13:20,880 --> 00:13:23,160
Round as thine eyes
288
00:13:23,200 --> 00:13:25,480
Yet too far apart, like thine...
289
00:13:25,520 --> 00:13:29,440
- No, I don't mean your eyes, I mean...
- Thorne! I'm doing the reading.
290
00:13:29,480 --> 00:13:32,080
- I won the vote!
- To be fair, it was very close
291
00:13:32,120 --> 00:13:34,840
- and entirely non-binding.
- ...Wouldn't you say?
292
00:13:36,040 --> 00:13:38,600
Hmm.
293
00:13:38,640 --> 00:13:41,400
- Moonah-stona! Moonah-stona!
- Yes, I wouldn't.
294
00:13:41,440 --> 00:13:44,400
Or would I?
295
00:13:54,640 --> 00:13:55,920
I...I was saying to Mike...
296
00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:57,560
...just this morning...
297
00:13:57,600 --> 00:14:01,600
...it's been unseasonably warm
for the time of year! Bread?
298
00:14:01,640 --> 00:14:02,640
No, thank you.
299
00:14:02,680 --> 00:14:04,720
A lady does not raise her voice
300
00:14:04,760 --> 00:14:06,200
in polite company.
301
00:14:13,400 --> 00:14:15,000
Stew update!
302
00:14:15,040 --> 00:14:17,160
All the water's turned to clouds.
303
00:14:21,640 --> 00:14:22,960
Is it a bad time?
304
00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:24,480
Mike!
305
00:14:24,520 --> 00:14:26,720
Bit of a problem with the old...
306
00:14:26,760 --> 00:14:30,840
...electrics again. Maybe you
should show our guests the fuse box.
307
00:14:30,880 --> 00:14:32,720
Um, yeah.
308
00:14:32,760 --> 00:14:34,480
The fuse box.
309
00:14:34,520 --> 00:14:37,040
Right, fuse box. Yeah. This way, then, guys.
310
00:14:37,080 --> 00:14:38,400
Oh, yeah.
311
00:14:45,280 --> 00:14:46,360
Right!
312
00:14:48,040 --> 00:14:49,440
I'll come back.
313
00:14:49,480 --> 00:14:53,120
Now, you listen to me! I don't know
what's going on here, but... Kitty!
314
00:14:54,760 --> 00:14:58,080
...but it stops right now,
because I'm having a dinner party,
315
00:14:58,120 --> 00:15:00,480
which should be clear from the fact
that I'm having a dinner party!
316
00:15:00,520 --> 00:15:02,600
But this moonah eclipse very special.
317
00:15:02,640 --> 00:15:04,200
I don't care what it is!
318
00:15:04,240 --> 00:15:05,840
It stops right now.
319
00:15:05,880 --> 00:15:07,600
Now, hang on a moment.
320
00:15:07,640 --> 00:15:11,360
This is a time-honoured ritual
that means a great deal to Robin
321
00:15:11,400 --> 00:15:13,600
and, frankly,
I think he deserves a little respect.
322
00:15:13,640 --> 00:15:16,040
- Yes. Moonah...
- Shut up, Robin!
323
00:15:16,080 --> 00:15:18,080
The point is, we were here first,
324
00:15:18,120 --> 00:15:20,800
so maybe you lot should take your leave.
325
00:15:20,840 --> 00:15:21,920
No.
326
00:15:21,960 --> 00:15:24,680
This is my house now,
and I'm not going anywhere.
327
00:15:24,720 --> 00:15:26,760
Well, neither are we.
328
00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:28,720
Quite right!
329
00:15:29,840 --> 00:15:30,840
Sorry.
330
00:15:31,880 --> 00:15:33,920
Wait there.
331
00:15:33,960 --> 00:15:35,080
Right.
332
00:15:35,120 --> 00:15:37,320
Stand firm, everybody.
333
00:15:37,360 --> 00:15:39,280
I don't know what she has in her arsenal,
334
00:15:39,320 --> 00:15:40,440
but we shall remain resolute
335
00:15:40,480 --> 00:15:42,480
against the tyranny that is...
336
00:15:46,560 --> 00:15:49,080
What in the name of St Cuthbert?
337
00:15:49,120 --> 00:15:51,000
It's all the colours at once!
338
00:15:51,040 --> 00:15:52,920
But what does it do?
339
00:15:52,960 --> 00:15:54,720
I'm so glad you asked.
340
00:15:54,760 --> 00:15:56,760
Come this way.
341
00:15:58,400 --> 00:15:59,760
But, no, wait...
342
00:15:59,800 --> 00:16:01,120
It's a compact disc.
343
00:16:01,160 --> 00:16:02,600
Guys!
344
00:16:02,640 --> 00:16:04,560
But it's moonah!
345
00:16:10,520 --> 00:16:13,720
And last but not least, we have this one,
346
00:16:13,760 --> 00:16:16,600
- which is "west wing socks".
- Sockets.
347
00:16:16,640 --> 00:16:19,240
Ah. Yeah. That makes more sense.
348
00:16:19,280 --> 00:16:23,720
And I think that is all
the fuses I can show you.
349
00:16:23,760 --> 00:16:25,640
- Fascinating.
- Yeah.
350
00:16:25,680 --> 00:16:28,840
To be honest, there's not really
anything that fabulous down here.
351
00:16:28,880 --> 00:16:30,560
Speak for yourself.
352
00:16:30,600 --> 00:16:33,000
Ooh. Plonk!
353
00:16:33,040 --> 00:16:36,040
- Oh! Clearly a connoisseur.
- I'll grab another bottle.
354
00:16:36,080 --> 00:16:38,360
Actually, while we've got a moment,
355
00:16:38,400 --> 00:16:41,840
perhaps we could just discuss
the whole access issue?
356
00:16:41,880 --> 00:16:43,280
- I don't...
- Splendid!
357
00:16:43,320 --> 00:16:47,040
Now, the former owner and I just
had a gentleman's agreement,
358
00:16:47,080 --> 00:16:49,720
but if you're going to run
this place as a business,
359
00:16:49,760 --> 00:16:54,800
you probably want something a bit more
official in place, financially speaking.
360
00:16:54,840 --> 00:16:56,280
- Um...
- So,
361
00:16:56,320 --> 00:17:01,600
what if I were to sign over access rights
to you for... Oh, what shall we say?
362
00:17:01,640 --> 00:17:03,880
Oh, I don't know. 20?
363
00:17:03,920 --> 00:17:05,400
20?
364
00:17:05,440 --> 00:17:07,000
Oh, 20's fine!
365
00:17:07,040 --> 00:17:08,920
Wonderful.
366
00:17:08,960 --> 00:17:10,960
And since we're all friends now,
367
00:17:11,000 --> 00:17:14,080
let's call it 19,500.
368
00:17:15,520 --> 00:17:16,920
Sorry!
369
00:17:16,960 --> 00:17:18,800
Less 30 quid for that.
370
00:17:21,840 --> 00:17:24,720
Wow! Look at the quality!
371
00:17:24,760 --> 00:17:27,480
Knocks the socks off of Betamax.
It's called Friends.
372
00:17:27,520 --> 00:17:28,680
It's a comedy.
373
00:17:28,720 --> 00:17:30,080
Like Vanity Fair.
374
00:17:30,120 --> 00:17:32,760
No, that's a magazine.
And this is a box set. So,
375
00:17:32,800 --> 00:17:34,120
plenty more where that came from.
376
00:17:34,160 --> 00:17:36,640
Have fun, don't leave the room and...
377
00:17:36,680 --> 00:17:38,320
Don't leave the room.
378
00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:44,000
It just appears to be five
people sitting around on a sofa.
379
00:17:44,040 --> 00:17:47,520
What's so amusing about...? Hello!
380
00:17:47,560 --> 00:17:49,160
Who is this?
381
00:17:50,280 --> 00:17:53,240
- Ah, Annabel!
- Sorry, sorry, won't be a moment.
382
00:17:53,280 --> 00:17:54,840
No hurry.
383
00:17:54,880 --> 00:17:57,800
- OK. Slight problem.
- Oh? And it was going so well.
384
00:17:57,840 --> 00:17:59,480
Yeah. So you know the whole access thing?
385
00:17:59,520 --> 00:18:02,520
Barclay said that we could
have the rights for 20 grand.
386
00:18:02,560 --> 00:18:04,120
Ha! Yeah! Dream on, mate.
387
00:18:04,160 --> 00:18:08,000
Yeah. I know, right?
The thing is, I think I shook on it.
388
00:18:08,040 --> 00:18:09,520
- Huh, what?
- Well, he held his hand out.
389
00:18:09,560 --> 00:18:11,320
What was I supposed to do? Not shake it?
390
00:18:11,360 --> 00:18:13,960
- Yes!
- I can't do that. It's too awkward.
391
00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:15,680
If someone puts their hand out,
I always shake it.
392
00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:17,640
Can this evening get any worse?
393
00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:18,920
Right.
394
00:18:18,960 --> 00:18:22,960
Stew news! I believes it has reduced.
395
00:18:24,840 --> 00:18:26,800
That is beyond reduced.
396
00:18:26,840 --> 00:18:31,120
Yeah, I've got to be honest,
I don't know what "reduced" means.
397
00:18:34,960 --> 00:18:36,760
Yeah.
398
00:18:36,800 --> 00:18:39,040
Well, that was wonderful.
399
00:18:39,080 --> 00:18:41,920
- Yes!
- However do you get it so square?
400
00:18:41,960 --> 00:18:44,400
Secret, I'm afraid. Old family recipe.
401
00:18:44,440 --> 00:18:47,680
- Another!
- No, come on, Buns, you've had enough.
402
00:18:47,720 --> 00:18:50,400
Right, then, port and poker!
403
00:18:50,440 --> 00:18:51,680
Money on the table.
404
00:18:51,720 --> 00:18:56,040
Actually, talking of money...
About the access thing...
405
00:18:56,080 --> 00:18:58,640
Oh, that's all sorted.
Worked something out with your fella here.
406
00:18:58,680 --> 00:19:00,000
Oh, come on.
407
00:19:00,040 --> 00:19:01,640
- Wow.
- Good lad.
408
00:19:01,680 --> 00:19:04,400
Right, am I dealing everyone in?
409
00:19:04,440 --> 00:19:06,440
- Yep!
- I'm afraid we don't play.
410
00:19:06,480 --> 00:19:08,000
I play. I'm a player.
411
00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:10,760
I'm not sure you are, Mike.
412
00:19:10,800 --> 00:19:12,880
I am a player.
413
00:19:12,920 --> 00:19:14,360
OK.
414
00:19:15,520 --> 00:19:18,920
Right, well,
I guess I'm getting the port, then.
415
00:19:18,960 --> 00:19:20,440
Deal.
416
00:19:22,680 --> 00:19:24,200
There we go. That's yours...
417
00:19:32,920 --> 00:19:34,680
- Oh, dear.
- I've lost 100 quid.
418
00:19:37,240 --> 00:19:38,960
Beginner's luck, I assure you.
419
00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:40,640
Another hand?
420
00:19:49,200 --> 00:19:51,120
She is beguiling, the Lady Rachel.
421
00:19:51,160 --> 00:19:54,080
Is it her hair? Perhaps it's her hair.
422
00:19:54,120 --> 00:19:56,720
There's something about her hair.
423
00:19:56,760 --> 00:19:59,760
I'm Phoebe. And Lady Button's Monica.
424
00:19:59,800 --> 00:20:02,280
And the Captain's Ross.
425
00:20:02,320 --> 00:20:04,680
What? No! I'm clearly Chandler.
426
00:20:04,720 --> 00:20:06,200
It's a dry wit, but it's there.
427
00:20:06,240 --> 00:20:08,560
I'm sorry, did we zip our lips?
I think we zipped our lips.
428
00:20:08,600 --> 00:20:09,680
Oh.
429
00:20:20,880 --> 00:20:24,760
# There'll be a light
430
00:20:24,800 --> 00:20:27,400
# In the dark... #
431
00:20:28,880 --> 00:20:31,480
Robin! We're watching Friends here, mate!
432
00:20:31,520 --> 00:20:33,720
Right, I need your help.
433
00:20:33,760 --> 00:20:36,200
- Shh!
- No, no, no. It's important.
434
00:20:36,240 --> 00:20:39,760
As is this!
My empathy's hewn betwixt lovelorn Ross
435
00:20:39,800 --> 00:20:42,200
and Joey, the Veronan lothario.
436
00:20:42,240 --> 00:20:44,400
- No, you don't understand...
- No, young lady,
437
00:20:44,440 --> 00:20:45,800
you do not understand!
438
00:20:45,840 --> 00:20:48,280
You cannot banish us with one breath,
439
00:20:48,320 --> 00:20:50,280
and then demand our
reinforcement with the next.
440
00:20:50,320 --> 00:20:52,640
No moonah stone, no help lady!
441
00:20:52,680 --> 00:20:54,920
- Oh, come on. Surely one of you will...?
- Alison!
442
00:20:54,960 --> 00:21:00,000
Just to check,
can I stops watching the pot now?
443
00:21:01,880 --> 00:21:06,000
- I can't play gambles.
- No, no, you don't need to.
444
00:21:06,040 --> 00:21:08,320
Just look at his cards
and tell me what you see.
445
00:21:08,360 --> 00:21:10,240
- Oh...
- Yeah?
446
00:21:13,160 --> 00:21:15,360
Sorry. Needed a wee.
447
00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:17,760
Better out than in. I've dealt you a hand.
448
00:21:17,800 --> 00:21:19,320
Great. Great, great, great.
449
00:21:19,360 --> 00:21:21,080
Hmm.
450
00:21:22,160 --> 00:21:25,320
In fact, why don't we make this interesting?
451
00:21:25,360 --> 00:21:26,720
Double or nothing.
452
00:21:26,760 --> 00:21:30,000
If you win the game,
then we you pay double what you wanted
453
00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:32,280
- for access to our drive.
- What?
454
00:21:32,320 --> 00:21:33,720
40,000?
455
00:21:33,760 --> 00:21:36,280
And if I lose?
456
00:21:36,320 --> 00:21:38,920
You sign it over for free.
457
00:21:39,960 --> 00:21:42,480
You're trying to bluff me!
458
00:21:42,520 --> 00:21:44,800
Nice try, but nothing gets past me, Annabel.
459
00:21:44,840 --> 00:21:46,360
You're on!
460
00:21:46,400 --> 00:21:47,840
Are you insane?
461
00:21:48,880 --> 00:21:50,000
Agh!
462
00:21:55,080 --> 00:21:56,520
Right.
463
00:21:56,560 --> 00:21:58,040
OK.
464
00:21:58,080 --> 00:21:59,040
Yeah.
465
00:21:59,080 --> 00:22:02,800
There's a person whose
blanket is also a person,
466
00:22:02,840 --> 00:22:07,400
but it's upside down and be
like they've had a quarrel.
467
00:22:07,440 --> 00:22:10,240
There's a number more than three
468
00:22:10,280 --> 00:22:13,160
but with a shape that's like a loaf,
469
00:22:13,200 --> 00:22:17,280
but it's on its side,
on the end of a wrong stick.
470
00:22:19,800 --> 00:22:21,560
Just pop a cheque in the post.
471
00:22:21,600 --> 00:22:23,800
Or a banker's draft - whatever's easier.
472
00:22:23,840 --> 00:22:26,160
Was I wearing shoes?
473
00:22:27,800 --> 00:22:30,240
Honestly. Can't take her anywhere.
474
00:22:30,280 --> 00:22:32,960
Come on! Silly moo.
475
00:22:33,000 --> 00:22:34,160
Ah, there you are.
476
00:22:34,200 --> 00:22:37,920
Now,
it's saying to load the next disc into the...
477
00:22:37,960 --> 00:22:39,160
- We need disc two.
- Yes.
478
00:22:39,200 --> 00:22:40,280
Where's disc two?
479
00:22:40,320 --> 00:22:44,120
Forget it, OK?
Thanks to you, we just lost £40,000!
480
00:22:44,160 --> 00:22:45,160
What?
481
00:22:45,200 --> 00:22:46,200
- Yeah!
- What did we do?
482
00:22:46,240 --> 00:22:48,440
Nothing. That's the whole point!
483
00:22:48,480 --> 00:22:50,520
40 grand? To that gasbag?
484
00:22:50,560 --> 00:22:53,240
What did you do, play him at poker?
485
00:22:53,280 --> 00:22:55,480
Oh, she did!
486
00:22:55,520 --> 00:22:57,920
Sorry, just to clarify,
that was a firm answer on disc two?
487
00:22:59,200 --> 00:23:03,240
Word of advice -
never play someone who can afford to lose.
488
00:23:03,280 --> 00:23:06,360
Not as if he needs the money either.
Unless it's for legal fees.
489
00:23:06,400 --> 00:23:09,760
Maybe they've finally found out
about that bank account in Fiji.
490
00:23:09,800 --> 00:23:11,120
Hmm?
491
00:23:15,000 --> 00:23:20,040
- Now, keys.
- Not sure you should drive, Buns.
492
00:23:20,080 --> 00:23:22,600
Oh, no! I'm fine. Look.
493
00:23:27,520 --> 00:23:29,440
- I stand corrected.
- Yep!
494
00:23:29,480 --> 00:23:33,440
- Thank you for a lovely evening, Annabel.
- Alison.
495
00:23:33,480 --> 00:23:36,640
And no hard feelings about the whole,
you know?
496
00:23:36,680 --> 00:23:38,800
No, no, no, no, a deal's a deal.
497
00:23:38,840 --> 00:23:40,560
I was thinking of doing a bank transfer.
498
00:23:40,600 --> 00:23:41,720
Ooh. Very modern.
499
00:23:41,760 --> 00:23:44,360
I'll "e-mail" you my details.
500
00:23:44,400 --> 00:23:45,840
Great, great.
501
00:23:45,880 --> 00:23:48,640
And is that for your current
account or the Fiji account?
502
00:23:49,960 --> 00:23:51,560
What's the Fiji account?
503
00:23:54,920 --> 00:23:56,120
You know what?
504
00:23:56,160 --> 00:24:01,040
What's a little card game between friends,
eh?
505
00:24:01,080 --> 00:24:05,800
Let's...let's just forget
this silly money nonsense.
506
00:24:05,840 --> 00:24:10,000
I'll sign over the access rights to you -
gratis -
507
00:24:10,040 --> 00:24:12,680
and pop the papers in the post first thing.
508
00:24:12,720 --> 00:24:14,280
Come along, Bunny!
509
00:24:16,600 --> 00:24:17,920
Oof!
510
00:24:17,960 --> 00:24:21,120
Was that lasagne beef?
511
00:24:23,160 --> 00:24:24,200
How did you know he had a...?
512
00:24:25,280 --> 00:24:26,400
Oh.
513
00:24:27,400 --> 00:24:28,840
Thank you.
514
00:24:28,880 --> 00:24:30,520
- They're not here.
- Oh.
515
00:24:30,560 --> 00:24:32,160
They're upstairs watching Friends.
516
00:24:32,200 --> 00:24:33,560
- Oh.
- Hmm.
517
00:24:33,600 --> 00:24:35,520
- This place is weird.
- Yeah.
518
00:24:35,560 --> 00:24:37,400
Look out, Bunny, that's the gate!
519
00:24:37,440 --> 00:24:39,120
I can see it!
520
00:24:39,160 --> 00:24:41,440
Still, that's one problem sol...
521
00:24:45,640 --> 00:24:46,680
Ooh!
522
00:24:48,160 --> 00:24:53,960
Ohh! I mean, I didn't like that pigeon,
but that is no way to go.
523
00:24:54,000 --> 00:24:55,560
Better than being shot.
524
00:24:55,600 --> 00:24:56,880
Yeah.
525
00:24:56,920 --> 00:24:58,480
Ohh.
526
00:24:58,520 --> 00:25:00,720
Oh...
527
00:25:06,880 --> 00:25:08,280
No second disc, guys.
528
00:25:08,320 --> 00:25:11,600
Could that be any more vexing?
529
00:25:13,960 --> 00:25:16,040
You all right, mate?
530
00:25:19,280 --> 00:25:22,320
What is it, you know, about the moon?
531
00:25:22,360 --> 00:25:24,080
Why do you care so much?
532
00:25:25,880 --> 00:25:28,600
Before you was moonah.
533
00:25:29,880 --> 00:25:33,000
Before house was moonah.
534
00:25:33,040 --> 00:25:35,320
Everything come,
535
00:25:35,360 --> 00:25:37,000
everything go.
536
00:25:38,400 --> 00:25:39,880
But always there.
537
00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:42,520
Moonah.
538
00:25:44,800 --> 00:25:48,800
The only thing that's been
here as long as you have.
539
00:26:00,680 --> 00:26:03,280
Several of the cubs.
540
00:26:03,320 --> 00:26:05,280
- Getting closer.
- Knock-knock.
541
00:26:06,800 --> 00:26:09,000
I say that cos I can't, erm...
542
00:26:09,040 --> 00:26:10,480
I just wanted to say sorry...
543
00:26:11,560 --> 00:26:13,360
...for what happened at dinner.
From all of us.
544
00:26:13,400 --> 00:26:16,120
Well, mainly from me,
because Julian can take or leave you,
545
00:26:16,160 --> 00:26:18,760
and Lady Button's not keen,
and as for the Captain, well...
546
00:26:18,800 --> 00:26:20,080
Pat, it's fine.
547
00:26:20,120 --> 00:26:21,280
I mean, well, no, it isn't.
548
00:26:21,320 --> 00:26:23,360
But...we'll muddle through.
549
00:26:23,400 --> 00:26:24,800
Eight of hearts!
550
00:26:24,840 --> 00:26:26,160
Yeah!
551
00:26:26,200 --> 00:26:27,120
Yeah.
552
00:26:27,160 --> 00:26:28,520
In that spirit,
553
00:26:28,560 --> 00:26:29,920
so to speak,
554
00:26:29,960 --> 00:26:33,320
I actually had a little
favour I wanted to ask.
555
00:26:34,440 --> 00:26:35,800
It's for Robin.
556
00:26:42,280 --> 00:26:43,880
Right, so,
are you going to get the ghosts or...?
557
00:26:45,240 --> 00:26:46,960
They're here.
558
00:26:47,000 --> 00:26:50,600
We might've missed the ritual this year,
but...well...
559
00:26:51,920 --> 00:26:53,480
...to old friends!
560
00:26:53,520 --> 00:26:56,200
- To old friends.
- Old friends.
561
00:26:56,240 --> 00:26:57,360
God, I miss booze.
562
00:26:59,760 --> 00:27:02,960
Robin, light pollution.
563
00:27:03,000 --> 00:27:04,360
Oh, yeah.
564
00:27:13,600 --> 00:27:16,600
Pray tell, how you doing?
565
00:27:16,640 --> 00:27:18,440
No, don't.
39818
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