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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:14,960 --> 00:00:16,360 Can you hear them? 2 00:00:16,400 --> 00:00:17,880 Oh, yes. 3 00:00:17,920 --> 00:00:19,760 Snap, crackle and pop. 4 00:00:19,800 --> 00:00:23,040 They sounds like tiny people. 5 00:00:23,080 --> 00:00:25,040 Plip-plip-plip-plip-plip! 6 00:00:25,080 --> 00:00:26,680 "Help me, I can't swim!" 7 00:00:26,720 --> 00:00:28,000 Guys, do you mind? 8 00:00:28,040 --> 00:00:29,840 What are they doing? 9 00:00:29,880 --> 00:00:31,320 Talking about the cereal. 10 00:00:31,360 --> 00:00:35,360 Red man! Red man! Red man! Red man! 11 00:00:35,400 --> 00:00:37,240 - Postman's coming. - How do you...? 12 00:00:37,280 --> 00:00:38,280 Oh! 13 00:00:38,320 --> 00:00:40,200 I'll go with you. # Friends together 14 00:00:40,240 --> 00:00:42,120 # Fetch the post together... # 15 00:00:45,440 --> 00:00:48,040 Cornflakes were actually invented 16 00:00:48,080 --> 00:00:51,360 to stop people from touching themselves, apparently. 17 00:00:51,400 --> 00:00:53,200 Never did like cornflakes. 18 00:00:53,240 --> 00:00:55,400 Give me an egg atop a cutlet any day of the diary. 19 00:00:55,440 --> 00:00:56,840 Ooh! 20 00:00:56,880 --> 00:00:59,200 - Toaster. - Yes, I know, I wasn't scared. 21 00:00:59,240 --> 00:01:01,040 # ...Let me read the post... # 22 00:01:01,080 --> 00:01:03,800 It's so exciting reading one's correspondences. 23 00:01:03,840 --> 00:01:06,760 I bet these are from all your admirers. I promise I won't tell Michael! 24 00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:07,800 Anything interesting? 25 00:01:07,840 --> 00:01:09,240 Red bill. 26 00:01:09,280 --> 00:01:10,520 Red bill. 27 00:01:10,560 --> 00:01:11,560 Normal bill. 28 00:01:11,600 --> 00:01:13,160 - Ooh! - Ooh! 29 00:01:15,920 --> 00:01:17,960 They're looking for a house to film a new drama in. 30 00:01:19,320 --> 00:01:20,800 Oh, I smell money! 31 00:01:22,400 --> 00:01:24,400 - You can eat them now. - What? 32 00:01:24,440 --> 00:01:27,040 They have stopped calling out. They are dead. 33 00:01:49,440 --> 00:01:52,360 Yeah, I mean, it really is an incredible place. 34 00:01:52,400 --> 00:01:55,280 The building itself is 15th century. 35 00:01:55,320 --> 00:01:56,640 Wow. 36 00:01:56,680 --> 00:01:59,320 1469, to be precise. 37 00:01:59,360 --> 00:02:00,560 Very good. 38 00:02:00,600 --> 00:02:02,360 - But the facade is actually mid-16th. - But the facade 39 00:02:02,400 --> 00:02:03,920 is actually mid-16th. 40 00:02:03,960 --> 00:02:05,840 'Tis the finest house in the county. 41 00:02:06,920 --> 00:02:08,560 Tell her it's the finest house in the county. 42 00:02:08,600 --> 00:02:10,520 I don't want to... 43 00:02:10,560 --> 00:02:13,440 ...blow our own trumpet, 44 00:02:13,480 --> 00:02:17,640 but some people say that it is the finest house in the county. 45 00:02:17,680 --> 00:02:19,240 Shall we go inside? 46 00:02:19,280 --> 00:02:21,440 I'm telling you, this is a bad idea. 47 00:02:21,480 --> 00:02:24,320 Actors lounging about the house, 48 00:02:24,360 --> 00:02:26,720 learning lines, wearing make-up, 49 00:02:26,760 --> 00:02:29,320 prancing about the place in loincloths, 50 00:02:29,360 --> 00:02:30,680 topless, oiled up. 51 00:02:30,720 --> 00:02:33,440 - Kissing each other probably. - Oh, gosh! 52 00:02:33,480 --> 00:02:35,400 I don't think it's that kind of film, mate! 53 00:02:35,440 --> 00:02:37,400 This was the banqueting hall. 54 00:02:37,440 --> 00:02:39,240 - Great space. - Boo! 55 00:02:39,280 --> 00:02:40,520 Oh! Agh! 56 00:02:42,280 --> 00:02:44,480 Oh, I forgot to take out the bins. 57 00:02:44,520 --> 00:02:47,760 Anyway, what could I tell you about this room? 58 00:02:47,800 --> 00:02:49,920 Henry VIII actually dined here. 59 00:02:49,960 --> 00:02:51,920 Wow! Henry VIII actually dined here. 60 00:02:51,960 --> 00:02:54,080 Sorry, did I say "wow"? 61 00:02:54,120 --> 00:02:56,160 I'm just still amazed by that. 62 00:02:56,200 --> 00:02:57,960 - No, it is wow. - Yeah. 63 00:02:58,000 --> 00:03:01,240 Yeah, you should've seen the banquet. He had swan. 64 00:03:01,280 --> 00:03:02,520 - He had swan. - And hog. 65 00:03:02,560 --> 00:03:03,680 - And hog. - And dumplings. 66 00:03:03,720 --> 00:03:04,960 - And dumplings. - And figs. 67 00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:07,120 - And figs. - Absolutely stank out the privy. 68 00:03:07,160 --> 00:03:09,280 And absolutely loved the place. 69 00:03:09,320 --> 00:03:10,960 Absolutely loved it. 70 00:03:11,000 --> 00:03:12,480 As do we! 71 00:03:12,520 --> 00:03:14,480 Hmm. Shall we move on? 72 00:03:14,520 --> 00:03:16,480 Er, give us a lift? 73 00:03:16,520 --> 00:03:18,520 - Mate? - OK. 74 00:03:18,560 --> 00:03:20,000 Thank you. Yay! 75 00:03:21,760 --> 00:03:22,960 What's the programme, then? 76 00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:24,120 It's a period drama. 77 00:03:24,160 --> 00:03:25,720 - Oh, what period? - Stuart! 78 00:03:25,760 --> 00:03:26,680 - Tudor! - Regency! 79 00:03:26,720 --> 00:03:28,240 - Regency. - Yes! 80 00:03:29,320 --> 00:03:31,840 Sorry! Got carried away! 81 00:03:31,880 --> 00:03:33,080 Oh, there you are! 82 00:03:33,120 --> 00:03:35,040 Are you a sight for sore...? 83 00:03:35,080 --> 00:03:36,480 Oh, you are kidding me? 84 00:03:37,920 --> 00:03:43,160 When I have control of the hands, I am going to punch you so hard. 85 00:03:43,200 --> 00:03:44,480 I think this place is perfect, 86 00:03:44,520 --> 00:03:47,040 if you'd be willing to have us here for a couple of months. 87 00:03:47,080 --> 00:03:48,880 How much would you be offering? 88 00:03:48,920 --> 00:03:51,360 - 3,000. - We'd have to sleep on it. 89 00:03:51,400 --> 00:03:53,720 - 3,000 a day is the most we can offer. - A day?! 90 00:03:53,760 --> 00:03:56,120 Morning! I've just slept on it and I say yes! 91 00:03:56,160 --> 00:03:57,480 - And it's a yes from me! - Great! 92 00:03:57,520 --> 00:04:00,080 Just to warn you, though, it is quite intrusive. 93 00:04:00,120 --> 00:04:02,520 - Lots of personnel. - Sounds fun. 94 00:04:02,560 --> 00:04:03,960 It can feel like you're not welcome in your own home. 95 00:04:04,000 --> 00:04:05,920 - Absolutely outrageous. - We're used to that. 96 00:04:05,960 --> 00:04:07,600 We've had building work going on. 97 00:04:07,640 --> 00:04:09,120 Is there anything structural we should know about? 98 00:04:09,160 --> 00:04:10,920 - Well, the floor in this room... - No, no, no! 99 00:04:10,960 --> 00:04:12,840 No, there's nothing structural. 100 00:04:12,880 --> 00:04:15,560 Everything's structurally sound as a pound! 101 00:04:16,800 --> 00:04:18,480 We were looking at a property in the next village, 102 00:04:18,520 --> 00:04:19,840 but they're a big family 103 00:04:19,880 --> 00:04:22,120 and they had some issues about which rooms we could use. 104 00:04:22,160 --> 00:04:25,360 Well, we're easy. You can film wherever you like, when you like. 105 00:04:25,400 --> 00:04:27,000 Cos it's just the two of us. 106 00:04:27,040 --> 00:04:29,000 Yeah... 107 00:04:33,840 --> 00:04:35,680 Oh, here they come. The riffraff. 108 00:04:35,720 --> 00:04:37,840 The lags. This will be chaos. 109 00:04:42,320 --> 00:04:43,680 Hmm. 110 00:04:47,920 --> 00:04:49,720 - Morning. - Mind your backs! 111 00:04:53,880 --> 00:04:56,320 ADs on channel 2, please. 112 00:04:58,680 --> 00:05:00,520 Well, I'm keeping out of it. 113 00:05:00,560 --> 00:05:04,960 Yes, though I might just, erm...check. 114 00:05:05,000 --> 00:05:07,440 Yeah. Hm. 115 00:05:08,680 --> 00:05:10,280 Um... 116 00:05:12,480 --> 00:05:14,760 Oh, that looks absolutely lovely, that, doesn't it? 117 00:05:14,800 --> 00:05:16,720 You gonna put an egg on it? 118 00:05:16,760 --> 00:05:19,160 He's put an egg on it! 119 00:05:19,200 --> 00:05:21,840 Can I have some veggie sausages, please? 120 00:05:21,880 --> 00:05:22,840 - No. - On a roll. 121 00:05:22,880 --> 00:05:24,200 No. Disgusting. 122 00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:27,680 You be beautiful wigs 123 00:05:27,720 --> 00:05:30,040 that I ever did s... Ooh! 124 00:05:32,120 --> 00:05:34,600 Have you left your tongs on, Tina? 125 00:05:34,640 --> 00:05:36,240 Is this meant to be 1820s? 126 00:05:36,280 --> 00:05:38,440 Those are Rococo chairs and tables. 127 00:05:38,480 --> 00:05:40,720 You can tell by the legs. They're Rococo legs. 128 00:05:41,720 --> 00:05:44,600 Hi, I'm Adam, I'm the first assistant director. 129 00:05:44,640 --> 00:05:46,160 - Nice to meet you, hi. - Hi. 130 00:05:46,200 --> 00:05:47,600 Sorry... 131 00:05:47,640 --> 00:05:49,520 What do you mean, he's still in make-up? 132 00:05:49,560 --> 00:05:51,680 We're not meant to have more than 15 people on this floor, 133 00:05:51,720 --> 00:05:53,800 and some of these things weigh as much as people, so that's... 134 00:05:53,840 --> 00:05:55,880 It'll be fine. I'm sure that's an exaggeration. 135 00:05:55,920 --> 00:05:57,160 But the survey said... 136 00:05:57,200 --> 00:05:59,760 Yeah, the survey also said that we need to replace the drains, 137 00:05:59,800 --> 00:06:01,480 and we need this money to do that. 138 00:06:01,520 --> 00:06:03,120 There aren't that many people, anyway. 139 00:06:05,240 --> 00:06:07,720 As long as there isn't anything that's too heavy. 140 00:06:07,760 --> 00:06:09,000 Mind your backs! 141 00:06:09,040 --> 00:06:12,920 OK! You can store this in the other room, actually. 142 00:06:12,960 --> 00:06:14,320 It's easier for you then, isn't it? 143 00:06:14,360 --> 00:06:18,120 Just keep things a bit more uncluttered in here. The room just along there. 144 00:06:18,160 --> 00:06:19,440 Can we just...? 145 00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:22,600 - Er... - Little horse go clippy-clippy-clop. 146 00:06:22,640 --> 00:06:23,960 Oh, I see. 147 00:06:24,000 --> 00:06:25,000 Oh, hey! 148 00:06:26,280 --> 00:06:27,920 - No! - What a business! 149 00:06:30,960 --> 00:06:34,120 Oh, you done it now, man. 150 00:06:34,160 --> 00:06:38,040 I suppose we should call it a day... Hello to you, sir! 151 00:06:39,760 --> 00:06:42,120 The gee-gees, come on, then. Let's have a bit of this. 152 00:06:42,160 --> 00:06:43,480 Come on. 153 00:06:44,840 --> 00:06:46,760 OK. 154 00:06:46,800 --> 00:06:48,960 That's an arrival on Toby. Just stepping out of the car. 155 00:06:58,480 --> 00:06:59,720 Oh, my God. 156 00:06:59,760 --> 00:07:01,440 Who is that? 157 00:07:01,480 --> 00:07:02,680 Toby Nightingale. 158 00:07:02,720 --> 00:07:04,720 - He is... - Hot, right? 159 00:07:04,760 --> 00:07:07,120 It's certainly a lot of layers. 160 00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:09,720 No, Kitty, she means to say 161 00:07:09,760 --> 00:07:11,440 she's in love with him. 162 00:07:11,480 --> 00:07:13,040 A knife in my heart! 163 00:07:13,080 --> 00:07:14,840 Look at all his servants. 164 00:07:14,880 --> 00:07:16,960 He looks preposterous. 165 00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:18,520 Nine, ten... 166 00:07:18,560 --> 00:07:20,200 He counts as two. 167 00:07:20,240 --> 00:07:22,160 What are you...? 168 00:07:24,240 --> 00:07:26,200 Ah. 169 00:07:26,240 --> 00:07:29,040 - Oh, no. - Everything OK? 170 00:07:29,080 --> 00:07:30,760 - No. Yeah. Everything's fine. 171 00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:33,920 It's just Toby Nightingale, that's her free pass. 172 00:07:33,960 --> 00:07:35,680 Free pass? Oh, right! 173 00:07:35,720 --> 00:07:37,000 Ha! Don't let him hear that. 174 00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:38,360 Yeah, I won't. 175 00:07:38,400 --> 00:07:39,880 I definitely won't. 176 00:07:45,120 --> 00:07:46,400 Julian! I say, Julian! 177 00:07:46,440 --> 00:07:48,400 What do you want? I'm terribly busy. 178 00:07:48,440 --> 00:07:51,360 You wouldn't happen to know what a "free pass" means? 179 00:07:51,400 --> 00:07:52,560 Something Michael said. 180 00:07:52,600 --> 00:07:54,560 Oh, yes. Samantha Fox was mine. 181 00:07:54,600 --> 00:07:57,400 I do hope she's still modelling. Very talented lady. 182 00:07:57,440 --> 00:07:59,360 Alison's is this actor fellow. 183 00:07:59,400 --> 00:08:01,200 What does it mean? 184 00:08:01,240 --> 00:08:03,960 Well, it's a sort of clause in a marriage contract. 185 00:08:04,000 --> 00:08:07,440 A named exception to the rule of monogamy. 186 00:08:07,480 --> 00:08:10,040 Sometimes there's a whole list of people 187 00:08:10,080 --> 00:08:13,160 with whom one can enter into congress without consequences. 188 00:08:13,200 --> 00:08:16,240 My God! Margot had three of the Gladiators on her list - 189 00:08:16,280 --> 00:08:19,400 Wolf, Cobra and John Fashanu. 190 00:08:19,440 --> 00:08:23,480 You mean to say that this player, this minstrel, 191 00:08:23,520 --> 00:08:26,800 is allowed to bed fair Alison? 192 00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:28,720 He's her free pass. 193 00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:39,000 I'll start here, and I think I'm going to approach... 194 00:08:39,040 --> 00:08:42,120 What are they feeding the metal cow? 195 00:08:42,160 --> 00:08:46,480 Oh! No, that's not a cow, Mary, no. That's called a camera. 196 00:08:46,520 --> 00:08:49,280 Yes. They're just cleaning the lens. 197 00:08:49,320 --> 00:08:51,400 Is that its mouth? 198 00:08:51,440 --> 00:08:54,960 No, no, no. That's its, erm, eye. 199 00:08:55,000 --> 00:08:57,120 OK, checks are happy. 200 00:08:57,160 --> 00:08:59,680 What does that mean? 201 00:08:59,720 --> 00:09:01,360 I thought you weren't interested? 202 00:09:01,400 --> 00:09:04,320 What? No, no, no, I just wanted to, erm, you know? 203 00:09:04,360 --> 00:09:06,280 Can we clear the frame now? 204 00:09:06,320 --> 00:09:08,560 First positions. Call for quiet. 205 00:09:08,600 --> 00:09:10,360 - Quiet on set, please! - That's extraordinary. 206 00:09:10,400 --> 00:09:11,640 Camera set? 207 00:09:11,680 --> 00:09:14,680 Huh! Getting a good look, are we? 208 00:09:14,720 --> 00:09:17,120 - Quiet! - Hmm? 209 00:09:17,160 --> 00:09:18,480 - Alison! - Shush. 210 00:09:18,520 --> 00:09:20,200 - A word, if you please. - Shh-shh-shh! 211 00:09:20,240 --> 00:09:22,240 - Is it true that...? - Shush... 212 00:09:25,240 --> 00:09:26,520 ...everyone. 213 00:09:29,600 --> 00:09:31,720 Thank you. 214 00:09:33,400 --> 00:09:35,680 - And action! - Oh, that's very good. 215 00:09:35,720 --> 00:09:39,440 They've left for London. It's a pity that such a sweet girl 216 00:09:39,480 --> 00:09:41,920 should have such low connections. 217 00:09:41,960 --> 00:09:44,080 Ooh! She's a fancy flapjack. 218 00:09:44,120 --> 00:09:47,240 Perhaps you are too harsh on your sex, Miss Jane. 219 00:09:47,280 --> 00:09:50,200 In truth, you have not had experience of all of society. 220 00:09:50,240 --> 00:09:53,920 I am beginning to believe that this severity 221 00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:56,160 is born from other distractions. 222 00:09:59,040 --> 00:10:03,120 Do you find yourself distracted, Miss Jane? 223 00:10:03,160 --> 00:10:04,760 My lord. 224 00:10:04,800 --> 00:10:06,200 Kiss him! 225 00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:13,200 What is it? Damn you! 226 00:10:13,240 --> 00:10:15,720 - Yes, what is it? Damn you! - A letter for you, Lord Byron, sir. 227 00:10:15,760 --> 00:10:17,440 - Byron? - Cut! 228 00:10:17,480 --> 00:10:21,720 - Cut what? Oh, not my lace! - Byron? Did he say Byron? 229 00:10:21,760 --> 00:10:23,400 Isn't he going to read the letter? 230 00:10:23,440 --> 00:10:24,960 I'm sure Adam knows what he's doing. 231 00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:26,480 That's one out, three in. 232 00:10:26,520 --> 00:10:27,680 Four. 233 00:10:27,720 --> 00:10:29,240 God, they're everywhere! 234 00:10:29,280 --> 00:10:30,600 This is about Byron? 235 00:10:30,640 --> 00:10:33,200 Well, yeah, I mean, the clue is in the title, mate. 236 00:10:34,680 --> 00:10:36,360 What effrontery is this? 237 00:10:36,400 --> 00:10:39,400 I cannot and will not bear it! 238 00:10:40,720 --> 00:10:42,000 Can we take that key light up a little? 239 00:10:46,960 --> 00:10:49,160 Ohh... 240 00:10:49,200 --> 00:10:51,400 You do light. 241 00:10:53,600 --> 00:10:56,560 - He's smaller in real life, isn't he? - Taller, if anything. 242 00:10:56,600 --> 00:10:58,520 I wish I could see his calves. 243 00:10:58,560 --> 00:11:01,400 I bet he's got lovely calves. 244 00:11:01,440 --> 00:11:03,680 - Well, I thought that was rather good. - No good for me. 245 00:11:03,720 --> 00:11:05,520 It sounds like there's a radio on somewhere. 246 00:11:05,560 --> 00:11:07,360 - Can we find out where the...? - I'm on it. 247 00:11:08,880 --> 00:11:09,920 I can also hear a wood pigeon. 248 00:11:09,960 --> 00:11:11,920 Yeah, good luck with that one, mate. 249 00:11:11,960 --> 00:11:15,040 - What's up after this one? - We're in the bedroom for the sex scene. 250 00:11:15,080 --> 00:11:17,080 Oh, my! 251 00:11:20,760 --> 00:11:25,040 - Sorry, Julian, they can hear it on set. - No, actually, this is important. 252 00:11:25,080 --> 00:11:26,600 I need to... Don't do that! I've got a bet on. 253 00:11:26,640 --> 00:11:28,720 - You've got a bet on? - That's what I said. 254 00:11:28,760 --> 00:11:30,080 You can't bet, you're dead. 255 00:11:30,120 --> 00:11:31,400 All right, don't rub it in. 256 00:11:31,440 --> 00:11:33,320 It's a sportsman's bet with myself. 257 00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:35,840 Ooh, hold on a minute. 258 00:11:35,880 --> 00:11:39,120 - You could put a bet on for me. - You haven't got any money, you're... 259 00:11:39,160 --> 00:11:41,280 Dead! I know, you just said that, I get it! 260 00:11:41,320 --> 00:11:42,760 But you could keep my winnings, 261 00:11:42,800 --> 00:11:45,160 maybe buy yourself a pretty little dress. 262 00:11:45,200 --> 00:11:46,560 Perhaps some make-up. 263 00:11:46,600 --> 00:11:48,200 Make yourself look nice. 264 00:11:48,240 --> 00:11:51,560 I really believe you have it in you, Alison. 265 00:11:51,600 --> 00:11:53,880 Just need a bit of help, that's all. 266 00:11:53,920 --> 00:11:55,480 - Wow. - You're welcome. 267 00:11:55,520 --> 00:11:57,040 Just keep the radio off, please! 268 00:11:57,080 --> 00:12:00,080 Will do! Mystery Queen - 10-1! 269 00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:04,920 Sorted. 270 00:12:04,960 --> 00:12:06,440 Thank you. OK! 271 00:12:06,480 --> 00:12:08,400 - I can hear the radio again. - One sec! 272 00:12:10,400 --> 00:12:13,160 I told you to turn it off. 273 00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:14,680 No, actually, no, you didn't. You said... 274 00:12:14,720 --> 00:12:17,800 Er...hold on a moment! This is my house too. 275 00:12:17,840 --> 00:12:19,480 I have a right to the amenities. 276 00:12:19,520 --> 00:12:21,760 - This is an infringement of my... - Write to your MP! 277 00:12:23,160 --> 00:12:24,800 She got me there. 278 00:12:24,840 --> 00:12:26,160 Sorry about that. 279 00:12:26,200 --> 00:12:27,640 It won't happen again now. 280 00:12:29,400 --> 00:12:31,160 OK. 281 00:12:31,200 --> 00:12:33,480 Let's not get behind. First positions, please! 282 00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:36,120 - That's it, Adam, call them to order! - Sound speed. 283 00:12:36,160 --> 00:12:38,920 Here we go, stand by! Settle. 284 00:12:38,960 --> 00:12:40,440 - And action! - Action. 285 00:12:40,480 --> 00:12:43,080 They've left for London. 286 00:12:43,120 --> 00:12:47,440 It's a pity that such a sweet girl should have such low connections. 287 00:12:47,480 --> 00:12:49,400 - She said that before. - Yes, that's because... 288 00:12:49,440 --> 00:12:51,480 Please, Pat. We're turning. 289 00:12:51,520 --> 00:12:54,000 Perhaps you are too harsh on your sex, Miss Jane. 290 00:12:54,040 --> 00:12:56,120 In truth you have not had 291 00:12:56,160 --> 00:12:58,360 experience of all of society. 292 00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:04,560 I am beginning to believe that this severity 293 00:13:04,600 --> 00:13:06,120 is born of other distractions. 294 00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:11,960 Do you find yourself distracted, Miss Jane? 295 00:13:14,000 --> 00:13:15,720 Robin! 296 00:13:15,760 --> 00:13:16,960 For God's sake! 297 00:13:20,520 --> 00:13:24,000 Sorry. It was just a really good take, wasn't it? 298 00:13:24,040 --> 00:13:25,400 Harry! 299 00:13:25,440 --> 00:13:28,800 Sorry, I don't know why that happened. I'll sort it. 300 00:13:28,840 --> 00:13:31,720 OK, let's cut and reset as quickly as possible, please. 301 00:13:31,760 --> 00:13:34,200 No, we don't have time. We'll just use the beginning of that one. 302 00:13:34,240 --> 00:13:35,680 Let's move on before we lose the day. 303 00:13:35,720 --> 00:13:38,760 OK, moving on! Set up for the next shot, please. 304 00:13:38,800 --> 00:13:40,520 Moving on, please, everyone. Moving on. 305 00:13:40,560 --> 00:13:43,000 Can I take a look at playback, please? 306 00:13:43,040 --> 00:13:45,760 'Tis witchcraft. 307 00:13:45,800 --> 00:13:48,240 Their souls be captured in the window. 308 00:13:48,280 --> 00:13:53,080 Oh, no, no, no. It's all being recorded on to a video cassette. 309 00:13:53,120 --> 00:13:55,400 But how are they cleft in twain? 310 00:13:55,440 --> 00:13:57,840 They be there and there. 311 00:13:57,880 --> 00:13:59,480 What? 312 00:14:01,640 --> 00:14:03,360 Oh, God. 313 00:14:05,840 --> 00:14:10,080 Um... Sorry if I distracted you there. 314 00:14:10,120 --> 00:14:13,040 Oh, I didn't notice. I was completely in the scene. 315 00:14:13,080 --> 00:14:14,760 Great. 316 00:14:14,800 --> 00:14:16,560 We haven't met, have we? 317 00:14:16,600 --> 00:14:19,040 - I'm Toby. - I-I-I'm Alison. 318 00:14:19,080 --> 00:14:22,840 Can I just say how good I thought you were in The Shoe Shiner? 319 00:14:22,880 --> 00:14:24,120 Fire away. 320 00:14:25,600 --> 00:14:26,720 Oh, er, yeah. 321 00:14:26,760 --> 00:14:28,680 I just thought you were so good. 322 00:14:28,720 --> 00:14:31,560 - It's actually one of my favourite films. - I'm Mike. 323 00:14:31,600 --> 00:14:34,400 I completely believed that you were blind. 324 00:14:34,440 --> 00:14:36,800 Thanks. I spent a week at a hotel for the blind. 325 00:14:36,840 --> 00:14:39,480 Wore a blindfold, really got to know the condition. 326 00:14:39,520 --> 00:14:41,600 One of the most rewarding times of my life. 327 00:14:41,640 --> 00:14:43,520 - Wow. - I tell you what, 328 00:14:43,560 --> 00:14:46,240 food never tasted so good. 329 00:14:46,280 --> 00:14:48,440 Now I always eat with my eyes closed. 330 00:14:48,480 --> 00:14:50,000 Mind your backs, please! 331 00:14:50,040 --> 00:14:52,320 Whoa-whoa-whoa. 332 00:14:52,360 --> 00:14:53,920 Excuse me, Toby. 333 00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:55,320 No problem. 334 00:14:55,360 --> 00:14:57,040 Nice to meet you, Abigail. 335 00:14:57,080 --> 00:14:59,040 It's...It's Alison. 336 00:14:59,080 --> 00:15:00,840 That looks really heavy. Shall we just come clean? 337 00:15:00,880 --> 00:15:03,160 What, and tell them that they're working on a death trap? 338 00:15:03,200 --> 00:15:05,920 Look, if you go outside, that's one less. 339 00:15:07,760 --> 00:15:08,960 Both of us. 340 00:15:10,160 --> 00:15:11,320 Fine. 341 00:15:22,520 --> 00:15:23,920 Curses! 342 00:15:23,960 --> 00:15:25,400 A pox on all of them... 343 00:15:25,440 --> 00:15:26,720 ...apart from Alison. 344 00:15:27,800 --> 00:15:29,480 Finally! 345 00:15:31,880 --> 00:15:33,960 Come to coax me back, have you? 346 00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:35,520 It's no use! 347 00:15:35,560 --> 00:15:38,600 Nothing will persuade me to... Oh, it's you. 348 00:15:38,640 --> 00:15:41,040 Go and get Alis... Oh, he can't hear me. 349 00:15:42,600 --> 00:15:44,520 Harry, can you hurry with that light, please? 350 00:15:44,560 --> 00:15:47,760 So the metal cow remembers what it sees... 351 00:15:47,800 --> 00:15:49,600 Through its one eye? 352 00:15:49,640 --> 00:15:52,320 Yeah. And it sends the memories through the cables... 353 00:15:52,360 --> 00:15:53,880 - Worms. - Worms, if you like. 354 00:15:53,920 --> 00:15:55,560 ...to the little window. 355 00:15:55,600 --> 00:15:59,280 Where the tiny peoples dance the memories. 356 00:16:00,280 --> 00:16:02,320 Yeah, if you like. 357 00:16:02,360 --> 00:16:03,760 Ohh! 358 00:16:03,800 --> 00:16:05,280 Come to dadda. 359 00:16:05,320 --> 00:16:07,880 There we go, that's all good. 360 00:16:13,440 --> 00:16:14,640 Seems to be all right now. 361 00:16:14,680 --> 00:16:17,800 Thanks, Harry, just one more, from the top. 362 00:16:17,840 --> 00:16:20,680 I thought they were moving on? When are they moving on? 363 00:16:20,720 --> 00:16:22,680 Oh, they do lots of different camera angles. 364 00:16:22,720 --> 00:16:23,800 How many? 365 00:16:23,840 --> 00:16:25,040 Quiet on set, please! 366 00:16:25,080 --> 00:16:26,640 Quiet on set, please. 367 00:16:26,680 --> 00:16:27,920 - Turning over. - Sound speed. 368 00:16:27,960 --> 00:16:29,840 - And action! - Action. 369 00:16:29,880 --> 00:16:32,960 They've left for London. It's a pity... 370 00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:34,680 Stand aside, Thorne! 371 00:16:34,720 --> 00:16:37,160 - You really want to know what vexed me? - No! 372 00:16:37,200 --> 00:16:39,080 Fine, I'll tell you. 373 00:16:39,120 --> 00:16:41,280 Lord Byron was my greatest foe. 374 00:16:41,320 --> 00:16:44,560 If I had flesh and this were Byron himself, 375 00:16:44,600 --> 00:16:47,720 I would damn well run him through! 376 00:16:47,760 --> 00:16:50,200 He stole my verse, 377 00:16:50,240 --> 00:16:51,600 my destiny, 378 00:16:51,640 --> 00:16:56,080 and now he is to steal the woman of my dreams! 379 00:16:56,120 --> 00:16:57,760 You say every woman is the woman of your dreams. 380 00:16:57,800 --> 00:17:00,520 I have a lot of dreams! And most of them are about women... 381 00:17:00,560 --> 00:17:04,120 ...apart from the one where I have the body of a crab. 382 00:17:04,160 --> 00:17:07,360 What is it? Damn you! 383 00:17:07,400 --> 00:17:10,480 Begging your pardon. A letter for you, Lord Byron, sir. 384 00:17:10,520 --> 00:17:15,080 I will not tolerate this sordid pantomime in my house 385 00:17:15,120 --> 00:17:18,160 glorifying this charlatan! 386 00:17:18,200 --> 00:17:20,200 This cad! 387 00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:23,040 This wazzock! 388 00:17:23,080 --> 00:17:24,280 What's a wazzock? 389 00:17:24,320 --> 00:17:29,600 Pat says it! I'm going to drown myself in the lake. 390 00:17:29,640 --> 00:17:32,440 I mean it! 391 00:17:32,480 --> 00:17:34,400 - Cut! - Cut there! 392 00:17:34,440 --> 00:17:36,680 Right, we're going to take a couple of minutes, 393 00:17:36,720 --> 00:17:38,240 just to turn things around for the reverse. 394 00:17:38,280 --> 00:17:41,480 - Actors, you can relax yourselves off. - Right, that's two minutes, people, 395 00:17:41,520 --> 00:17:44,880 and then we're going to turn it round. Thank you very much. 396 00:17:44,920 --> 00:17:46,280 God, this is good. 397 00:17:50,640 --> 00:17:51,760 Oh, hey, Abigail. 398 00:17:51,800 --> 00:17:54,280 - Oh, it's Alis... - I wonder if I could ask you a favour. 399 00:17:54,320 --> 00:17:56,600 I've got this scene later, I need to run the lines. 400 00:17:56,640 --> 00:17:58,840 I didn't want to ask her, because I find it can stifle spontaneity, 401 00:17:58,880 --> 00:18:00,800 and I want to keep it fresh and beautiful. 402 00:18:00,840 --> 00:18:02,000 I'm Lord Byron, obviously. 403 00:18:02,040 --> 00:18:03,200 Yep. 404 00:18:03,240 --> 00:18:05,160 I've thought of nothing but you all day. 405 00:18:05,200 --> 00:18:06,440 Have you? 406 00:18:06,480 --> 00:18:07,480 Oh... 407 00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:09,160 No, that's the scene, that's the first line. 408 00:18:09,200 --> 00:18:11,440 Oh, oh-oh! Oh! Of course! 409 00:18:11,480 --> 00:18:13,000 Why would you...? 410 00:18:13,040 --> 00:18:14,480 That's... OK! 411 00:18:14,520 --> 00:18:17,160 - I've thought of nothing but you all day. - Hmm. 412 00:18:17,200 --> 00:18:19,320 Do not deny your feelings. 413 00:18:19,360 --> 00:18:20,720 - I do not. - Alison? 414 00:18:20,760 --> 00:18:21,920 Oh, my heart. 415 00:18:23,120 --> 00:18:25,360 - First, I will kiss your lips. - Ohh! 416 00:18:25,400 --> 00:18:27,880 - Then I will undress you. - Ohh... 417 00:18:27,920 --> 00:18:29,400 And then... 418 00:18:33,480 --> 00:18:35,200 And then... 419 00:19:06,920 --> 00:19:09,160 Squares! 420 00:19:20,600 --> 00:19:23,520 Hah! Bingo! 421 00:19:23,560 --> 00:19:25,760 Can we have some music on, please, Cathy? 422 00:19:25,800 --> 00:19:28,960 My bus, my rules! I've got 20 quid on this! 423 00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:31,280 Ah, yes. 424 00:19:33,920 --> 00:19:35,520 You are on a sinful path. 425 00:19:35,560 --> 00:19:38,320 I can't talk about this now. It's not what you think it is. 426 00:19:38,360 --> 00:19:40,720 Oh, I know all about this so-called free pass. 427 00:19:40,760 --> 00:19:43,720 Your husband may be satisfied but, I tell you, I am not. 428 00:19:43,760 --> 00:19:47,160 The marriage vows are sacred, and I will not have you 429 00:19:47,200 --> 00:19:51,200 sullying the good name of this family with your wanton debauchery! 430 00:20:02,440 --> 00:20:03,840 Mmm... 431 00:20:04,880 --> 00:20:06,520 - Hey! - Hi! 432 00:20:06,560 --> 00:20:07,920 How's it going? 433 00:20:07,960 --> 00:20:09,240 What are you wearing? 434 00:20:09,280 --> 00:20:10,720 Oh, I thought I'd go for a run. 435 00:20:10,760 --> 00:20:13,120 - Now? You don't run. - Hey, going for a run? 436 00:20:13,160 --> 00:20:15,320 Yeah, I like to keep in shape. 437 00:20:15,360 --> 00:20:17,400 What are we talking? 5K? 438 00:20:17,440 --> 00:20:19,000 Pfft! 10...at least. 439 00:20:19,040 --> 00:20:21,360 Cool. I'm actually in training for my next project. 440 00:20:21,400 --> 00:20:24,200 I'm playing a mountain climber, so I'm mainly focusing on upper-body strength. 441 00:20:24,240 --> 00:20:26,760 Yeah? Me...me too! 442 00:20:26,800 --> 00:20:28,040 One... 443 00:20:30,760 --> 00:20:32,520 Why is that...? 444 00:20:32,560 --> 00:20:34,440 Are you actually going up a real-life mountain? 445 00:20:34,480 --> 00:20:36,440 - Of course. - Mike couldn't do that. 446 00:20:36,480 --> 00:20:38,400 - He's scared of heights. - I wouldn't say scared. 447 00:20:38,440 --> 00:20:39,760 Oh, I love them, if anything. 448 00:20:39,800 --> 00:20:41,280 Don't faze me at all. 449 00:20:42,920 --> 00:20:45,640 OK, back on in five, everyone! 450 00:20:45,680 --> 00:20:48,520 OK, well, I'd better get going. 451 00:20:48,560 --> 00:20:51,120 - Keep an eye on the floor, yeah? - Hmm. 452 00:20:51,160 --> 00:20:53,160 Enjoy your 10K. 453 00:20:54,400 --> 00:20:56,800 Oh, my God. How much does that thing weigh? 454 00:20:56,840 --> 00:20:59,160 Watch yourself, coming through. 455 00:20:59,200 --> 00:21:02,800 Where have all these people come from? There's twice as many. 456 00:21:08,800 --> 00:21:10,440 In your face! 457 00:21:10,480 --> 00:21:12,600 Robin! What the bally hell do you think you're playing at? 458 00:21:12,640 --> 00:21:15,840 - Bigger boy made me do it. - No! It's nonsense, and you know it! 459 00:21:15,880 --> 00:21:19,200 Yeah, I just think it's a shame we're not just pushing in 460 00:21:19,240 --> 00:21:21,800 for that moment there, just to capture the emotion. 461 00:21:21,840 --> 00:21:23,760 Well, I'm sure they know what they're doing, Mary. 462 00:21:23,800 --> 00:21:25,960 Will, can you just push in a little? Just get the emotion. 463 00:21:26,000 --> 00:21:27,640 - Yeah, sure. - Well done, Mary! 464 00:21:29,200 --> 00:21:30,680 This is taking for ever. 465 00:21:46,000 --> 00:21:47,880 That's probably about 10K. 466 00:21:55,720 --> 00:21:58,000 Little short cut... 467 00:22:02,080 --> 00:22:04,120 Oh... Why is that? 468 00:22:04,160 --> 00:22:05,080 First positions. 469 00:22:06,440 --> 00:22:08,040 Thanks for your patience, everyone. 470 00:22:08,080 --> 00:22:09,480 This is the last set-up. 471 00:22:09,520 --> 00:22:11,080 Toby. 472 00:22:11,120 --> 00:22:12,320 Toby. 473 00:22:14,440 --> 00:22:15,520 Lord Byron? 474 00:22:15,560 --> 00:22:17,240 - Yes? - First positions. 475 00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:21,480 Turning. 476 00:22:21,520 --> 00:22:22,520 Sound speed! 477 00:22:22,560 --> 00:22:24,000 - And action. - Action. 478 00:22:24,040 --> 00:22:25,680 They've left for London. 479 00:22:32,880 --> 00:22:36,600 In truth, you have not had experience of all of society. 480 00:22:37,600 --> 00:22:40,720 I am beginning to believe that this severity 481 00:22:40,760 --> 00:22:42,560 is born from other distractions. 482 00:22:54,640 --> 00:22:59,760 Do you find yourself distracted, Miss Jane? 483 00:23:07,960 --> 00:23:09,440 My lord. 484 00:23:10,640 --> 00:23:11,800 And cut! 485 00:23:11,840 --> 00:23:13,760 That's scene complete. 486 00:23:18,560 --> 00:23:20,640 That should hold it. 487 00:23:20,680 --> 00:23:24,120 Jolly good. Excellent work, everybody, thank you. 488 00:23:24,160 --> 00:23:26,360 Thank you so much for your hard work today, everyone. 489 00:23:26,400 --> 00:23:28,640 It does not go unnoticed. Lovely working with you, thank you. 490 00:23:28,680 --> 00:23:30,120 Thank God. 491 00:23:30,160 --> 00:23:31,600 I thought they were never going to finish. 492 00:23:31,640 --> 00:23:33,960 Moving on to the bedroom. 493 00:23:34,000 --> 00:23:37,120 Closed set, just essential crew, please, cos there'll be nudity. 494 00:23:37,160 --> 00:23:39,200 Oh, I hope he has a hairy chest. 495 00:23:39,240 --> 00:23:43,720 Good Lord. OK, it's a closed set. 496 00:23:43,760 --> 00:23:46,160 There will be intercourse, apparently. 497 00:23:46,200 --> 00:23:48,680 Next up, it's the main event of the day, this is the big one, 498 00:23:48,720 --> 00:23:50,520 the King Henry Stakes. 499 00:23:50,560 --> 00:23:54,160 As the riders line up, the atmosphere here is absolutely electric. 500 00:23:54,200 --> 00:23:56,560 Here we go! Fingers-fingers! 501 00:23:56,600 --> 00:23:58,560 There you are, Harry, straight through, yep. 502 00:23:58,600 --> 00:23:59,880 First door on the right, thank you. 503 00:23:59,920 --> 00:24:01,240 Er, no. No, thank you. 504 00:24:01,280 --> 00:24:02,800 You heard Adam. It's a closed set. 505 00:24:02,840 --> 00:24:04,160 Essential crew only. 506 00:24:04,200 --> 00:24:05,480 Especially not you, Robin! 507 00:24:05,520 --> 00:24:06,680 I'll be good. 508 00:24:06,720 --> 00:24:08,600 There's no harm in it. They can't see us, mate. 509 00:24:08,640 --> 00:24:10,920 Yeah, we're ghosts, you warty old crunk. 510 00:24:10,960 --> 00:24:12,040 That is beside the point. 511 00:24:12,080 --> 00:24:15,320 Rules are rules, and young Adam deserves our every respect. 512 00:24:15,360 --> 00:24:17,960 OK, if everyone's happy. Let's clear the room. 513 00:24:19,280 --> 00:24:21,320 Mah! 514 00:24:21,360 --> 00:24:22,400 Good Lord. 515 00:24:22,440 --> 00:24:24,480 - Ah-ah-ah-ah! - Why he do rain dance? 516 00:24:24,520 --> 00:24:26,600 The Devil plays with his strings! 517 00:24:26,640 --> 00:24:28,720 Oh, no, no, no, no. 518 00:24:28,760 --> 00:24:31,400 - He's getting himself in the zone. - Ah. 519 00:24:38,480 --> 00:24:40,040 Fixed it! 520 00:24:40,080 --> 00:24:41,400 Oh, great! 521 00:24:41,440 --> 00:24:43,960 Before or after the 10K? 522 00:24:44,000 --> 00:24:45,920 Where's your free pass? 523 00:24:45,960 --> 00:24:47,400 You... 524 00:24:47,440 --> 00:24:49,520 You're not are you actually jealous? 525 00:24:49,560 --> 00:24:50,760 No. 526 00:24:52,320 --> 00:24:54,160 But, I mean, he is handsome. 527 00:24:54,200 --> 00:24:55,440 Hmm. 528 00:24:59,080 --> 00:25:01,240 And...action. 529 00:25:02,560 --> 00:25:05,320 No, thank you! 530 00:25:06,640 --> 00:25:08,520 I've thought of nothing but you all day. 531 00:25:11,080 --> 00:25:12,480 Yes! 532 00:25:12,520 --> 00:25:14,800 - What are you all doing here? - We're not allowed in. 533 00:25:14,840 --> 00:25:17,000 - They're making love. - What?! 534 00:25:18,080 --> 00:25:20,840 No, no, no, Fanny, no! No, Fanny! 535 00:25:20,880 --> 00:25:23,680 Bradley's Misdemeanour challenged by the outsider Mystery Queen. 536 00:25:23,720 --> 00:25:25,960 - Come on, Bradley! - Come on, Mystery Queen! 537 00:25:27,160 --> 00:25:28,680 Alison! 538 00:25:28,720 --> 00:25:31,040 First, I will kiss you... 539 00:25:33,360 --> 00:25:35,360 Mystery Queen on the nearside... Come on! 540 00:25:35,400 --> 00:25:37,760 Help! I can't pull myself up. 541 00:25:37,800 --> 00:25:39,360 Come on! 542 00:25:39,400 --> 00:25:41,360 Stop kicking! 543 00:25:41,400 --> 00:25:42,800 Come on! 544 00:25:44,840 --> 00:25:47,400 Oh, come on! 545 00:25:47,440 --> 00:25:49,920 - Robin! - What? It wasn't me! 546 00:25:49,960 --> 00:25:53,560 - Have you got me? Have you got me? - It's OK. Let yourself down. Slowly. 547 00:25:53,600 --> 00:25:54,960 Have you got...? 548 00:25:55,000 --> 00:25:57,280 Oh, God. 549 00:25:57,320 --> 00:25:58,520 Oh, God. 550 00:25:58,560 --> 00:26:01,920 You're fine now, you're all right now. 551 00:26:01,960 --> 00:26:03,440 All right. 552 00:26:07,680 --> 00:26:09,200 Someone get a medic in here. 553 00:26:09,240 --> 00:26:10,720 - Toby, are you OK? - No, I'm not. 554 00:26:10,760 --> 00:26:13,080 I could've died, and then where would you be? 555 00:26:13,120 --> 00:26:14,640 Where did you get that from? 556 00:26:16,720 --> 00:26:18,080 I think you know. 557 00:26:24,720 --> 00:26:26,800 That's a terrible shame. 558 00:26:26,840 --> 00:26:28,120 I thought you didn't want them here? 559 00:26:28,160 --> 00:26:29,560 Not for me, for you. 560 00:26:29,600 --> 00:26:31,240 The money and so on. 561 00:26:31,280 --> 00:26:32,960 I shan't miss him...them! 562 00:26:33,000 --> 00:26:36,080 'Tis back to boredom, I suppose. 563 00:26:36,120 --> 00:26:38,880 Oh, never bored with chess board. 564 00:26:38,920 --> 00:26:43,080 Well, I think it quite the best to be free from distractions. 565 00:26:43,120 --> 00:26:45,160 You do know that free pass thing's a joke? 566 00:26:45,200 --> 00:26:46,560 Wasn't in my marriage. 567 00:26:46,600 --> 00:26:48,600 Goodbye, £96,000. 568 00:26:48,640 --> 00:26:49,680 Yeah... 569 00:26:49,720 --> 00:26:52,320 Well, at least we won 100 quid. 570 00:26:52,360 --> 00:26:54,000 Mystery Queen. 571 00:26:54,040 --> 00:26:55,400 Got a tip from a ghost. 572 00:26:55,440 --> 00:26:57,280 That's how we can make money! 573 00:26:57,320 --> 00:26:58,720 No, they're...they're ghosts, Mike. 574 00:26:58,760 --> 00:27:00,840 I think you're thinking of time-travellers. 575 00:27:00,880 --> 00:27:02,600 Oh. 576 00:27:02,640 --> 00:27:04,520 - Yeah, but... - No. 577 00:27:04,560 --> 00:27:06,240 Well, Thomas will be glad they've gone. 578 00:27:06,280 --> 00:27:09,120 Yeah, perhaps someone should tell him. 579 00:27:12,040 --> 00:27:14,440 Come on, Pat. Chop chop! 41247

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