Original subtitles

(lion roars)

(rock music)

♪ Watch him as he goes, teeth sharp as knives ♪

♪ Half the time, see, he'll take your life ♪

♪ You better run because he's on your tail ♪

♪ You gotta hide because you know he never fails ♪

♪ I said look out ♪

♪ Look out ♪

♪ I said look out ♪

♪ Look out ♪

♪ Piranhaconda ♪

♪ All he wants is human flesh and bone ♪

♪ Hope you never find yourself alone ♪

♪ If you're bold and try to have a swim ♪

♪ You're gonna find yourself eye to eye with him ♪

♪ I said look out ♪

♪ Look out ♪

♪ I said look out ♪

♪ Look out ♪

♪ Piranhaconda ♪

- Stay here, we'll right back.

- Roger that.

(suspenseful music)

- Time to get your game face on, cowboy.

- What's wrong, Professor?

- I think we're getting close.

Hey, look.

- You were right.

- Yeah, get your camera out.

(eerie music)

You getting this? - I'm getting it all.

It's fantastic.

(foreboding music)

It's just like you said.

(man laughs)

(eerie music)

- I can't believe I finally got my hands on this egg.

Just give me another second.

Once it's removed from its nest, it'll start oozing

a green protective coating.

(water splashes)

(dramatic music)

(creature roars) (woman screams)

(dramatic music)

(creature roars)

(rock music)

♪ All he wants is human flesh and bone ♪

♪ Hope you never find yourself alone ♪

♪ If you're bold and try to have a swim ♪

♪ You're gonna find yourself eye to eye with him ♪

♪ I said look out ♪

♪ Look out ♪

♪ I said look out ♪

♪ Look out ♪

♪ Piranhaconda ♪

(creature growls)

♪ Piranha ♪

♪ Piranhaconda ♪

♪ Ooh, piranhaconda ♪

(creature snarls)

(copter explodes)

(man sighs)

(rock music)

♪ If you don't listen up to me ♪

♪ You'll die in pain because you cannot see ♪

♪ This ain't a song ♪

♪ This is a warning ♪

♪ To not be caught in piranhaconda's coiling ♪

♪ Look out ♪

♪ I said look out ♪

♪ Look out ♪

♪ Look out ♪

♪ Piranhaconda ♪

♪ Piranha ♪

♪ Piranhaconda ♪

♪ Ooh, piranhaconda ♪

(rock music)

(phone rings)

- Bruce, where are you?

We were supposed to meet on the path 20 minutes ago.

Like yeah, I'm about to go swimming.

(brush rustles) (spooky music)

Are you watching me right now, you pervert?

(phone clicks)

Hello?

(phone beeps)

Bruce.

Bruce!

(dramatic music)

Not you!

(man growls)

Not you!

(creepy music)

Help!

(man snarls)

(man laughs menacingly) (girl whimpers)

(creepy music)

(girl pants)

(dramatic music)

(girl screams) (man laughs menacingly)

- Cut, cut.

- Well, what's wrong with that?

- I hate it, and I'll tell you why, it was terrible.

I'm not gonna worry about it now.

We're losing light, and it's a long way back to the hotel.

Let's wrap it up everybody, that's a wrap.

- You heard the man.

- What's up, Rosie?

- It's Rose and here's your call sheet for tomorrow.

- Five AM, how am I supposed to be a sex bomb at five AM?

- Want me to give you a wakeup call?

- Milo!

(gentle music)

- Kimmy giving you trouble again?

'Cause if she is I can chop chop.

- That is so...

- Romantic?

- I was gonna say psychotic, but we can go with romantic,

sure.

- Well, that's how I roll, baby, stunt man.

So you want to get a drink with me when we get back

- I'd like that, but I have script revisions to go over

- Bring your laptop. - I don't know.

- Come on, just one drink. - Just one.

- Just one, I promise, I'll see you at the bar at five.

(romantic music)

Hey, what's up, Gunner?

- Fine.

Now what is it, Kimmy?

- Milo, don't do this to me.

- Wait, wait, wait, we've been on set two weeks, it's Milo.

Now what's the problem?

- What's the difference?

Five AM, how am I supposed to be hot at five AM?

- Kimmy, you're gorgeous 24/7, okay?

I got enough problems. - Milo!

- Hey, Rose, have you seen Bob's light meter?

Rose, light meter?

- Try down by the pond.

- Okay, thanks.

(eerie music)

(creature growls)

(woman screams)

(creature snarls)

(dramatic music) (woman whimpers)

(woman screams) (creature snarls)

(creature roars) (woman screams)

(dramatic music)

(idyllic music)

- Yep.

- Could I get you folks another round of drinks?

- Yes, two more.

- Oh my gosh, you are such a bad influence.

- No, I am actually a very good influence and you know it.

Rose, look, we're in paradise here and all you can think

about is work.

- Yeah, well I love my job and I love making movies.

- So do I, but you can't let it consume your life.

- You know, you're pretty smart for a guy

who likes to jump off buildings.

- I have my moments.

- Yeah, one.

- What is, I thought you were working on the script,

what is-- - I was, but then

I stumbled upon this when I was fact checking a scene.

Oh my gosh, check this out.

- What is that?

- I know, isn't it crazy?

Some creature from Polynesian folklore, the peepalo,

a river devil, they've been sighted for hundreds of years

and then now it's saying that one was just spotted last week

(man chuckles nervously)

- God, you're cute, you don't really believe this,

do you?

- Yes.

Yeah, I--

- Yoohoo, what are you guys doing over there?

- Nothing, Kimmy, just preparing for tomorrow's shoot.

- Well, then you won't mind if I borrow Jack.

There's a spot on my back I can't reach.

- Kimmy, we're actually kinda busy right now.

- It'll only take a minute.

You wouldn't want your star to burn now, would you?

- I will be right back, I promise.

(idyllic music)

- Thanks, Jack.

(idyllic music)

(Kimmy sighs happily)

(Kimmy moans)

(idyllic music)

(Rose groans)

(foreboding music)

(dramatic music)

(creature growls) (woman screams)

(creature growls)

(idyllic music)

- I think that's Kimmy Weston.

- Who? - Kimmy Weston.

I'm gonna ask. - Whatever.

- Excuse me, are you Kimmy Weston?

- I'm kind of a big deal.

- Oh man, I knew it, see, I told you it was her.

- Yeah, terrific.

- I have seen all of your pictures, even Hillbilly Hostage.

I don't care what the critics say, you were great in that.

- I know, right?

- Could you do the line?

- Oh, I couldn't possibly.

- Please, it would make my year.

- (sighs) Suck lead, you hillbilly butt nugget. (laughs)

- (laughs) That is so great.

- Awesome.

- I've got to get a picture.

- Well, then, you'll want a picture with Jack, too,

'cause he's not only a stunt man,

he is the head chopper himself.

- No way! (laughs)

Honey, get a picture of us quick.

- Okay, everybody ready?

And say cheese.

- Look, I'm sorry, I gotta go.

- Jack, where are you going?

(shutter clicks)

(phone rings)

- Yes, they're all here.

Tomorrow should be no problem.

Yep.

- (laughs) Kimmy, what a piece of work.

What are you doing, where are you going?

We're having a good time.

- I have a job to do and I can't compete with that.

- Rose, sit down, would you?

- I'll see you on set.

- Rose, Rose!

(Jack sighs)

(somber music)

- Hold it.

(gun cocks)

Move.

Move!

(eerie music)

Look what I caught.

(eerie music)

- Robert Lovegrove of the University of Hawaii.

- Right.

- Your faculty ID says you're a professor of herpetology.

Reptiles, right? - That's a fact.

Listen, whatever your name is...

I don't know why you're keeping me here,

but you're making a big mistake.

There's a great big creature out there, very dangerous.

It'll get out of the jungle, gonna kill us all.

- No, no, wait, don't tell me, not the mythical river demon.

100 feet long, teeth like daggers?

(group laughs)

- It's not mythical.

Evolutionary mutation turned it into a dangerous predator

and it's hungry.

- Very interesting.

But I don't care about your fairy tales

or your stupid turtle.

What I do care about is money and how much someone

is willing to pay me for your safe return.

- I don't know if you've looked in here, but that enough?

- That'll do for a down payment.

- My family's very wealthy.

If you want money, they'll pay to get me out of here.

I still think we need to get out of this jungle

as soon as possible.

- I'll tell you when we leave.

Sleep tight, you'll have company later on.

- Get up.

(eerie music)

I'll bring you food later.

(dramatic music)

- Come, this way, not much farther.

- Better not be, it feels like we've been hiking

10 miles since we left the car behind.

- More like three, but I know what you mean,

it's practically all been uphill.

- Tell me about it, you sure it's worth the trip, Doctor?

- Vicky, if we find a ghost orchid, it will be.

- It just seems like we're spending a lot of time and money

just to look at a flower.

- Ah, but one of the rarest flowers in the world,

allegedly imbued with miraculous recuperative powers.

- Really?

- Well, the Mayans swore by them.

So did the medicine men of the Arapaho and Apalachee tribes

in the Southern Everglades.

Professor Samson even brought one back to UMC in '89.

- I remember you talking about that.

But didn't you say the flower's effects weaken

by the time it takes to get it back to the lab?

- Correct, but it was still noted that the petals

showed remarkable healing ability.

- Well, if it's so remarkable, then why isn't everyone

trying to grow them?

- Pardon the pun, but that's the root of the problem.

The ghost orchid can remain inactive for years,

sometimes decades, then just suddenly bloom,

sometimes three times in a year, never in captivity.

- [Girl] What happens if we do happen to find one?

(creature growls)

- That's what why we brought the cooler unit.

It'll keep the petals fresh until

we can get them back to the lab on the mainland.

- Shh!

- Something wrong, Leilani?

(creature growls)

- What was that?

- I don't know, is everything okay, Leilani?

- Yes, okay.

- Oh my gosh. - That them, Doctor?

- Yes, it appears we've hit the jackpot.

- Great!

- Ladies? - Yes, Leilani?

- If you don't mind I'm gonna step out for a minute.

- Of course.

Gimme your knife?

Vicky, do you realize these plants are only ever seen

by intrepid adventurers who hike through hip deep swampland

to find them?

- Isn't that exactly what we just did?

- I suppose, gimme the cooler?

(Leilani screams)

- What was that?

- Sounded like Leilani.

- Leilani?

Leilani?

(eerie music)

I don't know what's going on here, but I say

we get the hell out of here now.

- I'm not going anywhere without the rest of those orchids.

- But--

- I'm not leaving without these flowers.

(dramatic music)

(brush rustles)

(creature hisses)

- Oh my God.

(creature growls)

(dramatic music)

(creature snarls)

(girls whimper)

(creature growls)

- [Vicky] No!

- Listen.

Sorry about what happened yesterday at the pool.

- Seriously, you rubbing lotion on another woman's

half naked body is a great date.

- Date, you said date, you did, you said date,

that was an official date, then.

- First and last.

- Come on, Rose, sleeping beauty back there,

she's not my type.

She's just bored, she wanted somebody

to pay attention to her.

- Yeah.

(Kimmy snorts)

(idyllic music)

- Nothing happened, I swear.

Give me another chance, I'll make it up to you, huh?

That's a yes, that is a yes.

- No, maybe.

- It's a maybe, that's a maybe then, I'll take maybe.

- Look, we're 40 minutes late thanks to this prima donna.

(Kimmy yawns)

- Don't worry about it, Milo won't even notice.

- Where the hell is Kimmy?

- So sorry, Milo, we got hung up at the hotel.

It won't happen again.

- Just get her in wardrobe, we're already running late.

And Bob's assistant, who I hate, never showed.

- You mean Deb. - I mean Deb.

Nobody's seen her since yesterday.

- For the love of God, will somebody get me a latte?

- Let's go, let's go. - Get her out of here.

What the hell else can go wrong?

And I'm getting dirty.

Okay, you've just seen your boyfriend slaughtered

by a machete wielding maniac, you're lost, you're scared--

(Kimmy slurps)

Kimmy, are you even listening to me?

- Yeah, Milo, I get it, I'm lost and scared.

Can somebody get me another one of these?

- After the next take, and it's Milo!

Now let's do this thing, all right, go, go.

All right, people, while we're young, let's get one

in the can, let's go.

- Wish me luck.

(Rose sighs)

- Head Chopper three, scene 37, take one.

(marker clicks)

- And action.

- Oh my God, last thing I knew, it killed Bruce

and his head bounced on the ground like a beach ball.

- Shh, you're safe, Jerry's out there hunting that maniac

right now, I'm sure we're safe.

- No!

(knife slashes) (Jack laughs evilly)

(both scream)

- Oh my God!

(both scream)

(head groans)

- Help me.

(both scream)

- Not again! - Help me.

- No, cut, cut, cut, I hate it.

(director sighs)

Rachel, honey, a word, please.

- Uh-huh? - It's your scream.

- What's wrong with it?

- We need more? - More what?

- More emotion, more, just give me more, okay, how's that?

(phone rings)

Whatever it is you're doing, do more.

- Okay.

- I gotta take this, why don't you go practice a few

before the next take, and I'll take this call?

- Okay, Milo. - Great, thanks.

- Talk to me.

What?

- I'm sure we're safe, Jerry is out there

hunting that maniac right now.

You have nothing to worry about.

No, God, not again!

Shh, you're safe, Jerry is out there hunting

that maniac right now, you have nothing to worry about.

No, God, not again! (fakes screaming)

(creature growls)

(dramatic music)

(Rachel screams)

(creature snarls) (Rachel whimpers)

(dramatic music)

(creature growls)

(creature roars)

(Rachel whimpers)

(creature growls)

(Rachel whimpers)

(Rachel screams)

(creature roars)

(both roar)

- That, that's my actress, I think she's finally

learned how to scream, but Morrie, come on,

back to this call here, what's going on?

- What's up with Milo?

- I don't know, but something must be wrong.

- This is the last low budget movie I do.

- That's fine, Morrie, but my contract says pay or play,

and guess what, you're paying.

- Gunner.

(men laugh)

- Hey, city black. - Look at you,

look at you with all your toys,

you got enough explosives here?

- Yeah, no point in being a pyrotechnics guy

if you can't blow some stuff up.

- I recognize this C4 detonator.

What's the other thing?

- These are blasting caps.

All you gotta do, throw 'em on the ground

and they'll explode.

- Just throw 'em on the ground?

- Throw 'em on the ground.

- Just throw 'em on the ground.

- No, not, no, not now. (Jack laughs)

- All right, everybody, listen up, I got an announcement.

One of the investors pulled out of the production

and the studio's shutting us down.

- What about our checks? - Are they good?

- Checks are good, everyone's gonna get paid, okay?

Don't worry about it, we're just shutting down, I'm sorry.

(Jack groans)

- Darn it! - I'm outta here.

- Not my fault.

- I got a good mind to use this for real.

- Yeah, yeah.

(somber music)

- Hey.

(woman splashes)

Gee, Jamie, what's your damage?

- Oh, so you remember my name now?

'Cause, like, you forgot it when

miss B movie queen showed up.

- They're not B movies, they're exploitation films.

I told you that.

- You were gushing all over her like some drooling teenager.

(gasps) Are you Kimmy?

- Okay, I was a little starstruck.

Let me make it up to you.

I've got a great place picked out.

We'll have to hike a little ways to get there, but.

- Oh, well.

I did just buy some new cute hiking boots, but

this is on the north side.

Honey, that's the uninhabited part of the island.

I don't think it's safe.

- Of course it's safe, this is Hawaii.

Nothing bad ever happens in Hawaii.

- Yeah, you're right, it's the sunshine. (giggles)

Let's do it. (giggles)

(somber music)

- What now?

I'll be back.

What's going on?

- I don't know, let's find out.

(somber music)

You need some help?

- No, but I'm afraid that you might.

(dramatic music)

- What's going on? - Looks like a car broke down.

- Freeze, hold it right there, ladies.

(women gasp)

- Move!

- Move it.

- Move!

(women whimper)

- Hey, go easy on her.

(guns fire) (women scream)

- Enough!

(Kimmy gasps in shock)

You, my friend, you are the director, yes?

- Uh-huh.

- Well, Mr. 45 here has a change of plans

and now, I am in charge, comprende?

Very good.

Now then.

You all work for a very rich movie studio.

I am quite certain that they don't want any harm

to come to any of their people.

So they will meet our demands and you all get to go home

with no bullet holes in your head.

This is a win-win for everyone, yes, don't you think?

(suspenseful music)

(Gunner grunts) (bomb explodes)

- Go man, go, go, go!

- Go, go get them!

Don't kill them, shoot them in the ass!

(Gunner pants)

- Go, go!

(dramatic music)

- They're gonna shoot our asses!

- Well, ass, head, we're still gonna be dead, come on.

- Now I assume that you all have cell phones.

Please, take them out, hand them to Kazuto.

(phone rings)

Yes, boss, yes, we have them, well, most of them.

But I would not worry.

I don't think they're going to go far.

Okay.

(eerie music)

- Are we there yet?

- I think the beach is just about a quarter mile this way.

- Who knows, that guide at the pool could have given us

good directions.

- He probably just wanted us to take one of his crazy tours.

- Ugh.

- Come on, let's hit it.

- You said hit it, what?

(suspenseful music)

(men pant)

- We gotta split up.

- All right, later, Jay.

(dramatic music)

(Jack grunts)

(dramatic music)

(Jack grunts)

(man grunts)

(dramatic music)

(gun fires)

(creature snarls)

(Jack pants)

(creature roars)

(suspenseful music)

- Doesn't this beat staying in the room?

- I suppose.

- See, there's more to life than playing video games.

- Ha, like what, specifically?

- Wait a second. - What?

- Did you hear something?

- No. - I know I heard something.

In the bushes.

- Stop it, stop trying to scare me.

(Rose pants)

- Arturo.

- Miguel, why am I looking only at one man here?

Please do not tell me that you let them get away.

- I'm sorry, Arturo.

- What's going on? - Shh.

- And where, may I ask, is this genius partner of yours?

- I haven't seen him since we split up,

but I did find this off of the falls.

- A video camera.

Good, we can make a movie.

- So what do we do now?

- Now?

I guess we take them to go see the man, yeah?

Come.

Come, come.

- You know, this is kidnapping, really kidnapping.

- Yes, I am aware of this, thank you.

Why don't you just pretend

that you are in one of your movies,

yes, like the Hillbilly Hostage, hmm?

- You saw Hillbilly Hostage?

- Oh, indeed, it was a truly terrible film.

(Kimmy sighs)

(eerie music)

(camera beeps)

- [Professor] You getting this?

- [Assistant] I'm getting it all.

(creature snarls) (woman screams)

(eerie music)

- Dios mio.

(dramatic music)

- I am sweating like a pound puppy.

I can't believe I let you talk me into this.

- I think you're gonna forgive me real soon.

- Oh, really, is there a mall around that bend?

- Something even better.

(idyllic music)

- Honey, you weren't kidding, it's so beautiful.

- See, I told you.

- Come on, let's go for a dip.

(both laugh)

I got you, hurry up! (squeals)

Let's go, it's cold!

(idyllic music)

(both laugh)

(suspenseful music)

- Boss, there is something you need to see.

- First give me some good news.

- We got the director, we got the actress and we got

that one, whoever the hell she is.

- What happened there?

- The guy tried to be a hero.

- What about the others?

- Listen, there is no time for this, you have to see

what is on here.

- Gimme your gun.

- What?

- Your 45, give it to me.

(man groans)

When I ask a question, you answer.

- Two of the prisoners got away, JC is missing.

I think he might be dead.

- Why?

- One of the men brought this back from the falls.

You take a look what's on it, I think you'll know why.

- Lock them up with the professor.

All right, let's see what's so damn important.

(eerie music)

- Bad boy! (squeals)

(both sigh)

(Jamie laughs)

- Still pissed at me?

- Nah, it's hard to stay mad

in a place as beautiful as this.

- Good, 'cause there's a little something

I'd love for you to do for me.

- Ricky, whatever did you have in mind?

- First, hold the fort, I gotta water the plants.

- You're such a geek.

- I'll be right back.

- No, take your time, I'm just gonna go for another swim.

- Okay! (Jamie groans)

(eerie music)

(zipper zips)

(water trickles)

(creature growls)

(eerie music)

(water trickles) (gravel rustles)

(man screams) (creature snarls)

(dramatic music)

- Rick?

(suspenseful music)

Rick?

Where are you?

Rick, if you're punking me, consider yourself single!

Heck?

(footsteps approach)

- Come on, move it, let's go.

- Coming.

(Professor chuckles)

- One big happy family.

(Rose sighs)

(suspenseful music)

- Rick?

- You getting this? - I'm getting it all.

It's fantastic.

It's just like you said.

(professor laughs)

(creature snarls) (blood splatters)

- Stop.

(camera beeps)

Run it back from there.

(tape rewinds)

(creature snarls) (blood spatters)

(camera beeps) (tape rewinds)

- You see, that crazy scientist did it.

He was telling the truth.

We need to get out of here right now.

(camera beeps)

(creature snarls) (blood spatters)

- Pike, what is it?

- This is no turtle egg.

- Dios mio, it came out of that thing, didn't it?

- Please, come on.

- Hey, I hate snakes, okay, you know that.

- We're not dealing with snakes.

(man speaks Spanish)

- Something much worse.

It's like an unholy union between a piranha

and an anaconda.

- You mean a piranhaconda.

- I can't believe you just said that.

- Guys, please just get rid of this thing

before that other one comes sniffing around here.

- You know what, Pike, maybe he's right,

I mean, we have lost a guy already.

- This could be worth a fortune

and I never leave money behind.

- What about the ransom?

- We stick to the plan, I don't care if it's Satan himself

in that jungle, I don't leave until I get paid.

(eerie music)

(engine fails to turn over)

- Don't bother.

They took the distributor cap.

It's like they didn't want us going for help.

- (sighs) I'm glad you're alive.

- Yeah, yeah, me too.

So what do you want to do?

- Well, we go back the way we came, it's 14 miles

back to the highway.

- Uh-huh.

- We follow these treads, go looking for trouble.

- Lemme get some supplies.

- Hey, Gunner, there's one more thing.

- That guy that was chasing me?

It sounded like something got him, some kinda animal.

- Animal, what kind of animal?

- Like nothing I've ever heard before.

- Well, I'll get more supplies.

(director groans)

- Why would anybody want to kidnap a low budget movie crew?

- MGM recently bought our studio.

They've got deep pockets.

- Of course, MGM could decide not to pay a cent.

Hey, Kimmy, kinda curious, how big

is the studio's insurance policy on you?

- Lock it up, Milo, they'll pay.

- It's Milo!

- Whatever, when I get back, I'm going on Oprah and Leno,

the whole talk show circuit.

This is exactly what my career needed.

- Unless our illustrious host decides to put

a bullet in your head.

- You know, you're a long way from the university,

Professor, what are you doing out here?

- Honey, if I told you, you wouldn't believe me.

- Why don't you try us?

- When I was a kid, my dad worked for Santiago oil company.

Him and the whole crew went into the jungle,

never came out, lot of rumors started to circulate

and people got kind of scared.

A few more disappeared and then

everything stopped, all of a sudden, just like that,

real quiet for 50 years.

Then two weeks ago, a tour group disappeared.

- Oh my God, I read about that on the internet.

- Yeah.

Well, it's true, you know.

Something in the river.

Something big.

Something bad.

Something that likes to eat people.

- (scoffs) Are you on crack?

- Okay, my friends, on your feet, everybody,

outside, let's move.

Ah, no, no, no, you, lizard man, you can stay.

Come, let's go outside.

Come.

(suspenseful music)

All right, stop, that's far enough.

- You, hold this.

- What's going on?

- That's today's paper, proves that we're still alive.

(man speaks Spanish)

- Everyone, on your knees, please.

(director groans)

(camera beeps)

- We have your people, if you ever want to see them

alive again, you will deposit $3 million into an account

which I shall name later.

If you do not comply, we will mail you their heads,

one by one, you have 24 hours to think it over.

(camera beeps)

- All right, got it.

(eerie music)

- Can't you see this man needs medical attention?

- You should worry about yourself.

- Okay, people, on your feet.

(director groans)

Come on, move it.

Or maybe you want us to shoot the other foot, yes?

- I have to pee.

- Miguel, watch these two.

You, come.

(eerie music)

Here you go.

Pick a bush, don't be shy.

- I don't really need to go.

- Oh really?

Then why don't you tell me what it is that you do need?

- Your word that you won't hurt anyone else.

- I could maybe do this for you, but what are you

going to do for me in return?

- Okay, wait, slow down, okay? (pants)

- Sure, we can take our time, yes, mmm.

(man groans)

(dramatic music)

- Arturo, what happened?

- That loco chica, she was playing kickball with my cojones.

- You want I should go after her?

- No, I want you to stand here asking me questions.

Yes, go.

- Can I wear Pike's mask?

- I don't care if you wear flip flops and a speedo.

Go get her!

- Ain't you coming?

- No, I'm gonna stay here in case she doubles back.

Can't believe he's wearing that mask.

(dramatic music)

- Come back here, you little witch.

(Rose whimpers)

You're dead!

(dramatic music)

I know you're there.

(dramatic music)

(man growls)

(Rose sobs)

(dramatic music)

You're gonna die, girl, you're gonna die! (growls)

(dramatic music)

Stop there!

I'll get you. (growls)

I got you.

(Rose pants)

(Rose yelps)

- So do you think they'll pay?

- Well, either they will or they won't.

- Wow, what keen insight.

You know, it's a good thing I plucked you

from that strip joint before you rose to fame in Vegas.

My world would be at such a loss without you.

Ow!

Anybody else had done that, they'd have a hole right here.

- Yeah, well, your gun's all the way over there.

(Pike chuckles)

(phone rings)

- What is it?

- Sorry, boss, I have some bad news.

- I hate bad news.

(ominous music)

(man pants)

- All right, time to die!

- You can't, the ransom, remember?

(creature growls)

- You're just the script girl, who's gonna miss you?

(creature growls) (dramatic music)

(creature roars)

- Dammit, Arturo, I can't believe you let her get away.

Why didn't you go after her?

- You kidding me, go after her, with that freak out there?

- Help!

Help, oh my God, it's out there, it's out there,

it ate him!

- We know, we know, get her back in there with the others.

- He's dead!

(dramatic music)

- What is that place? - Some kind of mill?

Been dead for a while by the looks of it.

You got binoculars? - Yeah, yeah, here.

(ominous music)

(Jack sighs)

- They got Rose.

- Is she okay?

- She looks scared.

- What's the plan, Jack?

- I don't know.

I was gonna ask you the same thing.

- (scoffs) Well.

As long as I get to blow some stuff up, I'm okay.

- I think we can work that out.

- Eh.

- Aw, come on. (Rose grunts)

Thought you could swim away, huh, little fishie?

(Rose whimpers)

Maybe next time I don't throw you back.

- Rose.

(Rose sobs)

Rose, are you with us, darling?

- He's telling the truth, there's something out there

that's worse than those kidnappers.

- Well, what is it?

- I don't know. (sobs)

It's like this giant snake, but it's not a snake, man.

- It's an evolutionary line jumper.

- In layman's terms?

- It's a random mutation of enormous size.

A hybrid with keen senses.

Put simply, it's probably the most dangerous predator

ever known to mankind, I've been hunting that damn thing

for 20 years.

I finally found it.

(Kimmy snorts)

- You guys are cuckoo for psycho puffs.

If there was something out there,

it'd be on National Geographic or YouTube.

- Not if it evolved to avoid detection,

burrowing under the ground and going into some sort

of state of hibernation, coming out

every once in a while to fill its belly.

- That's not all it does. (pants)

I fell into its nest of eggs.

(ominous music)

- Freeze right there.

- Please don't shoot.

(man grunts)

Whoa.

- Here you go.

- No, I don't do guns.

Hey, you were a Marine, right?

- Right outta high school.

- Tell me you were some kind of force recon

badass or something.

- No, motor pool badass.

- Motor pool.

- Ready to do this? - Hell no.

Let's do it anyway.

(dramatic music)

(bomb beeps)

(gun fires) (man grunts)

(dramatic music)

- What was that?

- Trouble, let's go.

(dramatic music)

(bomb beeps)

(gun fires)

(dramatic music)

(bomb beeps)

- Hey there, you guys missed me?

- Jack, you're alive.

(bomb beeps)

(dramatic music)

- Who's this guy?

- We'll explain later, let's get outta here, thanks.

(dramatic music)

- I'm so happy to see you.

I thought it got you.

- Thought what got me?

(guns fire) (all gasp)

Come on, this way.

(dramatic music)

Okay, we're gonna head for those SUVs out there.

You know how to use this?

- Yeah, learned that on the set of Die, Charlie, Die,

but I should have the machine gun.

That's 50 yards of open ground out there.

You'll never make it alive,

not without someone covering you.

- No, Milo, we're not leaving you.

- And I can't make that run, so either we all

stay here and die together or I give the rest of you

a fighting chance.

- A good thought.

- What do you think?

(eerie music)

- Good luck, let's go.

- And now here's something the whole family can enjoy.

(dramatic music)

(guns fire)

- Almost got it.

- Almost isn't good enough, we gotta go.

- Get the hell outta here!

(guns fire) (creature snarls)

(creature roars)

- We gotta bigger problem.

(guns fire)

- Oh!

(guns fire)

I've got this.

(guns fire)

(creature snarls)

(dramatic music)

- No!

(Kimmy screams)

(mill explodes)

(Kimmy screams)

- Gunner!

(dramatic music)

(creature snarls)

(jazzy music)

- On it, no more, what happened to Gunner?

(rock music)

- He's gone, Rose, he's gone.

(creature roars)

♪ Yeah, it's true and he's after me ♪

♪ Piranhaconda won't leave me be ♪

♪ The kind of kiss sure is a killer ♪

♪ Lock the doors and beware the slither ♪

♪ The why don't matter when your face isn't tied up ♪

♪ Piranhaconda ♪

♪ Is it real or is it a dream ♪

♪ This is really gonna make you scream ♪

- Somebody tell me what the hell I just saw?

- It's a reptilian predator.

- It's real! (sobs)

It's really real.

- I tried to tell you that.

It grew at a hyper accelerated growth rate,

it's capable of anything, it's a genetic freak.

- Hey pal, this is what I just heard, blah blah blah blah.

Give me the short answer.

- It's some fricking snake monster, all right,

is that short enough for you, just go!

(rock music)

(Rose sobs)

- That thing is way too fast for a snake.

- Why is it chasing us?

(rock music)

(women squeal)

- Hold on! (grunts)

♪ Is it fish or is it a snake ♪

♪ He's always hungry once he wakes ♪

(creature snarls)

♪ Faster than the speed of light ♪

♪ Feel the jaw, you're gonna feel the bite ♪

- We lost it.

- I doubt it, that creature hunts

with a predatory sense of smell.

(rock music)

- Oh, no way.

(brakes screech) (Kimmy yelps)

(all grunt)

(suspenseful music)

(Jack pants)

- We're so dead.

- Be quiet.

- I won't get to be on Oprah.

- I'm working on it.

(dramatic music)

- Stay right there, I got something for you.

(dramatic music)

(Jack grunts)

(bazooka blasts)

- What are you doing, Jack?

- What are you doing?

(brakes screech) (bazooka explodes)

(creature roars) (Kimmy screams)

- Ew! (laughs)

- Thank you Jack, thank you, thank you, thank you.

(both laugh)

(dramatic music)

(creatures snarl)

- What's wrong?

- We're almost on empty.

(dramatic music)

A bullet must've hit the gas tank, we got lucky.

- Excuse me, how is this possibly lucky?

- Because we didn't die in a fiery explosion.

We're too exposed on this road.

- I think there's a marina out there in the jungle.

Maybe we can get a boat.

- From here, I'm not sure.

If we follow the river south, maybe we'll find it.

- Aren't we forgetting something?

This isn't chicken yolk, all right, that thing

is laying eggs out there.

- This day just keeps getting better and better.

- What's wrong?

- (laughs) Think back to your sex ed classes, Ms. Weston.

Takes two to make an egg.

- There could be another one.

- It doesn't matter, if we stay on this road,

those kidnappers are gonna find us for sure.

We gotta risk it.

(eerie music)

- So what happened?

- (sighs) The monster's dead, and so is this crap machine.

- You sure that thing is dead, because I watched

about 10,000 rounds bounce off its hide

like they were freaking tic-tacs.

Okay, good, so now what?

- So now we go after 'em.

- Listen, Pike, I think maybe we've gone far enough, yeah?

It's just time to let it go.

- Talia died screaming.

We're not gonna rest until they're all dead.

(Arturo speaks Spanish)

(director groans)

(eerie music)

(director grunts)

(phone beeps)

(phone rings)

(ringtone plays) (creature snarls)

- [Voicemail] Hi, Rick here, I'm in Hawaii

for the next week enjoying the wildlife, leave a message.

(phone beeps) (Jamie scoffs)

- Hey, lady?

- Jeeze, what happened to you?

- Oh, not much, I hurt my foot, do you have a car somewhere?

- Do I look like I have a freaking car?

- What's wrong?

- (sobs) My boyfriend, he dragged me out here

to this beach because he said it was gonna be romantic

and then (sobs) he just disappeared

and I don't know, maybe the jungle swallowed him up or--

- No, lady, you don't understand, it's not the jungle.

- What are you talking about?

- There's a creature out there, like a huge snake

or something, I don't know, all I know

is that it hunts people.

- Um, Mister, um...

I think you need some help.

- No, no, we both need help, listen to me.

- No, Rick, Rick?

Rick, Rick!

- This is why I don't get married.

- Rick, where are you, honey?

(director groans)

Rick, Rick?

Honey, come on.

Rick, Rick?

(director groans)

(unsettling music)

- I could really use a drink.

- It's over here.

Fresh water.

- Thank you.

- It's good, huh?

- (sighs) It's good.

- Everything got so crazy, I didn't tell you

I'm sorry about Gunner, he was a good guy.

- Yeah, he was a good guy.

You got yolk all over your shirt.

- It's sticky, I can't get it off.

- Take this, okay?

(romantic music)

(Rose grunts)

- Why are you smiling?

- I got you out of your top and it's not even

our second date.

- Oh, really, you think you're gonna get a second date?

- I like my chances.

- Get us outta here alive and we'll talk.

(Jack chuckles)

(director grunts)

(eerie music)

(dramatic music)

- Mmm.

(director coughs)

- Oh, you're on the hate list.

- Oh my gosh, what is all this? (grunts)

(ominous music)

- Lady. (Jamie gasps)

- Stay away from me.

- No, you don't understand, you and I

are in the wrong place at the wrong time.

- You're crazy.

- No, that creature I told you about, this is its nest!

(ominous music)

- You mean--

- Yeah, I mean.

(Jamie gasps)

- What are you doing?

(Jamie screams)

Lady, stop it, let's just get outta here!

(Jamie grunts)

(creature snarls)

(dramatic music) (Jamie screams)

(creature roars)

(Jamie screams)

(creature growls)

(Jamie screams) (creature snarls)

- God, there really is another one out there, isn't there?

- It sounds close.

- Yeah, a little too close.

(gun cocks)

Let's keep going.

(ominous music)

- You can drink when they're all dead

and not a second before. - Sorry.

(creature snarls in the distance)

(ominous music)

- The hell is this?

- If I live through this, I'm making up

for every bad thing I've ever done.

- That's a whole lot, isn't it, hon?

- Bitch.

- Wait, what's this?

- That's mine, that's what it is.

- No, this is the egg I saw in the jungle.

- When we escaped from those kidnappers,

that thing went after us.

Lots of easy prey around and it went after

a speeding SUV?

- What are you suggesting?

- It wasn't going after us, it was going after this.

- You said yourself it has hyper acute senses.

It was tracking us because of this egg.

- What are you gonna do, kill it?

They're a species unknown to mankind.

Needs to be studied, Jack.

- You put all of our lives at risk

by bringing this along.

- I guess I did.

- We're not bringing it back to civilization.

You get in the boat with Kim, you go back to the docks,

bring the authorities.

- Where are you going, Jack?

- The movie vans are close.

Some of Gunner's pyrotechnics are inside.

Get back in the boat with Kimmy, go to the docks,

get the authorities.

- No, I'm staying with you, you need my help.

- Fine.

- This I gotta see. (chuckles)

- Hey, where are you guys going?

Hello, did anyone bring any sunscreen?

No, are we still going on the boat?

Why is professor creepy taking notes like we're some kind

of lab animals? (sighs)

(bass music)

- I don't trust him.

- No, me neither.

He might come in handy, though.

- Your trap, it reminds me of something.

- You don't remember?

- It's been a long day, Jack.

- I got the idea from the Head Chopper two script,

after our killer eviscerates the motocross rider.

- Right, right, Kimmy uses the head chopper's childhood

teddy bear--

- And lures him into a fireworks factor, and boom,

big old Hollywood explosion.

- Sounds dicey.

- Well, it is dicey, worked in the movie.

- Doesn't mean it's gonna work here.

- In case you haven't noticed, we're running outta options.

- You could've gone for help, but you didn't.

You came back and searched for us.

- There's no way I was gonna leave you behind.

Couldn't let anything happen to you.

- Thank you for saving me.

- Well, that's how I roll, baby.

(both laugh)

(gun fires) (Jack groans)

(Kimmy screams)

- Run, run!

- Yeah, that's it, run, that way it'll be more like sport.

- You kill them, you can say goodbye to your ransom.

- This isn't about money anymore.

That thing killed the only woman I ever loved

and you brought it on.

This won't make us even, but it'll be a start.

(creature snarls in distance)

- Wait.

Did you hear that?

- Hear what?

- Listen, man, I can kill that thing.

I got a detonator in here and I can kill it.

- Maybe it can't hear us.

- It doesn't need to hear us.

(Kimmy whimpers)

- Guess it was nothing.

(dramatic music)

(creature growls)

(guns fire)

(girls scream)

(guns fire)

- Go! - Jack!

(creature growls)

- Get him outta here, I'm gonna go get the detonator.

- No, Kimmy, I will do that.

- Just shut up, let me do something good for once!

(dramatic music)

(creature growls)

(Kimmy whimpers)

(creature growls)

(creature roars)

(gun fires)

- I'll see you in hell, baby.

(creature growls)

(dramatic music)

(creature snarls) - Oh my God. (sobs)

(Kimmy screams)

(gun fires)

(Kimmy screams)

- Kimmy!

- She's gone.

- What's this, kitty spit up a hairball?

- Jack, what are you doing, he's dead.

- That's right, that's why he's not gonna need this.

(dramatic music)

- Rose, Rose. (Rose whimpers)

I want you to get to the docks, I'm telling you,

you get on the boat and you get the hell outta here.

- What about you?

- Gunner's explosives were all set.

I can still kill that thing.

- The detonator's gone.

- I got my detonator right here.

If it doesn't work, I'll get on that ATV

and I will hightail it outta here.

- You've been shot, Jack.

- It's nothing.

- Please don't die?

- I'm a stunt man.

This is what I do.

I'll be fine.

(ominous music)

(engine revs)

(Rose pants)

- Wait, wait! (sobs)

Kimmy didn't make it, Jack stayed behind

to finish this thing.

(monster snarls in distance)

- Sounds like he didn't make it.

Time for an exit.

(dramatic music)

- Oh jeeze.

Well, well, well, this will come in handy.

So will that.

(dramatic music)

- [Professor] Hold on tight, princess, you never know

what we might bump into.

- [Rose] I don't see it!

- [Professor] I can feel it, it's near.

(eerie music)

It knows we're here. - How would you know?

- [Professor] I have a feeling they developed a taste

for slow moving, halfwit humans who stuff their face

with fast food.

(dramatic music)

(creature snarls)

- I don't understand, why is it following us?

- I don't know.

It's never been spotted this far down the river before.

Don't worry about it, sweetheart.

- What about this?

- Give me that. - No!

- Give it to me!

(Rose grunts)

Hey, hey, gimme that, hey!

- Jack could've stopped it.

- There are six billion homo sapiens

running around on the planet.

Biologically speaking we are a cheap commodity.

That's a priceless evolutionary wonder,

the discovery of which will probably go down in history.

You can count on that.

My father taught me to succeed at any price.

- You're crazy, it killed your father!

(creature snarls)

- Give me that! - No!

- I said give it to me.

(Rose grunts)

This is gonna make me one hell of an omelet. (laughs)

(dramatic music)

(Rose grunts)

You know what, this isn't over, little bitch.

(eerie music)

There it is.

- You bastard. (professor shouts)

(dramatic music)

No!

(dramatic music)

- [Professor] Hey, hey!

(dramatic music) (creature growls)

Hey!

(creature growls)

(professor screams)

(dramatic music)

- [Jack] Rose!

(Rose grunts)

- Jack!

It was him, it's him.

- What, where's Lovegrove?

- He's dead, it's following me.

- Okay, quick, get on, get on, get on!

Let's get rid of these things once and for all.

The only way is to get the mama.

- Yeah, punch it!

(dramatic music)

- [Jack] Hang on.

- Did we lose it?

- Well done, come on, the falls are this way, come on.

Okay, come on, come on, be careful, watch your feet.

That slimy snake is down there somewhere.

When she senses her baby is close, she'll come.

They got a sixth sense for their eggs.

Come on, show your ugly face.

- (pants) Where is it?

(creature growls) (ominous music)

- Take this.

(creature growls)

That's it, keep coming, keep coming.

This is what you want.

Catch this, you ugly bitch.

(creature snarls)

(dramatic music)

- When do we hit the detonator?

- Just before we hit the water.

- What, oh God!

(bomb explodes)

(dramatic music)

(Jack laughs)

Don't you ever do that to me again!

At least not until our second date.

(romantic music)

(creature snarls) (ominous music)

(rock music)

♪ Watch him as he goes, teeth sharp as knives ♪

♪ Half the time, see, he'll take your life ♪

♪ You better run because he's on your tail ♪

♪ You better hide because you know he never fails ♪

♪ I said look out ♪

♪ Look out ♪

♪ I said look out ♪

♪ Look out ♪

♪ Piranhaconda ♪

♪ All he wants is human flesh and bones ♪

♪ Hope you never find yourself alone ♪

♪ If you're bold and trying to have a swim ♪

♪ You're gonna find yourself eye to eye with him ♪

♪ I said look out ♪

♪ Look out ♪

♪ I said look out ♪

♪ Look out ♪

♪ Piranhaconda ♪

♪ Piranha ♪

♪ Piranhaconda ♪

♪ Ooh, piranhaconda ♪

(man pants)

- [Child] Run, Forest, run!

(man grunts)