Original subtitles

[narrator] Once upon a time, there was a baker from Chicago.

Merry Christmas.

[narrator] That's me, Stacy,

who looks just like Margaret, the duchess of Montenaro.

Stacy, me again, married the handsome Prince Edward at Christmas,

while Margaret married my adorable best friend Kevin

right before she was crowned queen of Montenaro,

which almost didn't happen,

because her cousin Fiona, who looks like both of us

and is so over-the-top...

Maggie Moo!

[Stacy] ...impersonated her in an attempt to steal the throne.

Luckily, Fiona was caught and sentenced to many years of community service.

I thought she should go to jail, but Margaret says she's family.

[chuckles] Could Christmas get any more eventful?

- Well, maybe. - [sirens wail]

Because this year, I'm cochairing

an international Christmas festival with Margaret,

who's just about my best friend in the world.

- [triumphant music plays] - [crowd cheers]

And to commemorate the occasion,

the Vatican has loaned us the Star of Peace,

a priceless relic that once belonged to Saint Nicholas himself.

[sirens wail]

The Star will be kept under guard until it goes on top of a ginormous tree

at our tree-lighting ceremony on Christmas Eve.

[crowd cheers]

Oh, and that's Cardinal Amoah, the special emissary from the Vatican.

Oh, this is so huge!

Can you believe this?

It's incredible.

I feel like we're making history.

Because you are making history.

[chuckles]

- [triumphant music continues] - [exhales]

[triumphant music intensifies]

[exhales]

[triumphant music stops]

Your Royal Majesty, Your Highness,

I present to you the Star of Peace.

- [triumphant music plays] - [crowd cheers]

[triumphant music ends]

[calm music plays]

No one's getting paid a dime. It all goes to charity.

Yes, we had a cancellation,

so there's one final audition to fill the spot in the program.

[Kevin] Okay. Bye.

Stacy and I are handling the details ourselves, so we'll be there.

All right, thank you for checking. Bye.

[exhales] That's the last call I'm taking tonight.

Me too.

- [chuckles] - [tablet rings]

Oh, except for this one. Hey, Liv!

- Merry Christmas! - Merry Christmas.

Mm, we miss you, darling. How were exams?

[Olivia] A major pain.

I love the ballet academy, don't get me wrong,

but they make you work really hard on the school part.

Oh, it's nothing you can't handle.

Are you on your way to the airport?

That's why I called. JFK's closed because of the weather.

The chaperone says we might leave from Bradley.

Oh. Well, keep us posted.

I love you.

I love you more.

- [call disconnected] - [Kevin sighs]

I'll sleep better once I know she's here.

Yeah. You and me both.

[chuckles]

Come here.

[Edward] Very good, Your Majesty.

Margaret and I love working together. Yeah, I'm sure we'll do it again.

It's just right now we kinda have our hands full.

We would love to see the corgis as well.

- Absolutely. You can quote me. - Yes. And a very Merry Christmas to you.

- Thank you so much. Bye. - [Edward] Cheers.

Well, that makes 11 ambassadors,

nine prime ministers, seven kings, four queens,

an entire delegation from Penglia...

And a partridge in a pear tree?

- [sighs] Something like that. - [Stacy laughs]

[exhales]

I'm so glad I have you to help me with all this crazy last-minute stuff.

We make a great team, don't we? Just like your dear old Chicago Red Sox.

It's White Sox.

Yes, them as well. All the socks.

[both chuckle]

[choir] ♪ We wish you a Merry Christmas ♪

♪ We wish you a Merry Christmas ♪

♪ We wish you a Merry Christmas ♪

♪ And a Happy New Year ♪

- Oh, bravo! - Fabulous.

- Thank you very much. - This way please, ladies and gentlemen.

Maybe we put them after the yodeler?

Do we really need a yodeler?

Well, we don't want to offend the Swiss ambassador.

We don't want to offend anyone.

[clicks tongue] Yeah.

I'm terribly sorry to interrupt, Your Majesty, but we have,

well, a bit of a situation.

This is Inspector Moretti, superintendent of police.

The police? Well, that sounds serious.

I'm afraid it is, Your Majesty.

[tense music plays]

[indistinct police radio chatter]

[tense music intensifies]

[Stacy] The Star of Peace is gone.

[exhales] This can't be happening.

Isn't the museum vault under guard around the clock?

The guards were drugged.

We found traces of chloromethazine in the ventilation system

that services the security office.

Surely there's surveillance footage.

The thieves wiped the hard drives clean.

Whoever did this came prepared.

We've notified Interpol, but with no forensic evidence,

we've very little to go on.

Just please promise us you'll get it back in time for the ceremony.

I'm afraid that would be a piecrust promise.

Easily made, easily broken.

Oh dear!

We'd like to keep the investigation confidential

until we know more.

Well, shall we notify the cardinal?

Since it's possible the breach came from within Vatican security,

Interpol has asked us to hold off until we rule them out.

Just know we're doing everything we can.

Well, thank you, Inspector.

[sighs] The relic of Saint Nicholas.

I mean, this is an international scandal of epic proportions.

[Kevin] Let's just try to stay calm, okay?

Yes, of course. [clears throat]

Keep calm.

- I sympathize with you completely. - [sighs] Thank you.

But when the crown jewels of Belgravia were stolen,

oh, my grandfather, the king, was nearly deposed.

- [sighs] - Not helping.

But the jewels were eventually recovered.

- Well, bits and pieces. - Ah.

A ruby here, a sapphire there, a diamond, you know.

Dude. Come on.

There must be something we can do.

- [exhales] - The police are handling it.

They have no clues and no leads.

Wait. If the police don't have any leads,

then it's up to us to come up with something they haven't thought of.

Like what?

Well, what we need

is someone with information that the police don't have.

Someone with connections to the black market,

and it wouldn't hurt if they were just a little bit crooked.

A little crooked?

[exhales]

Yes, indeed.

We need a person who actually thinks like a criminal,

who has a history of never considering consequences,

and has absolutely no fear of breaking the rules.

- If only we knew someone like that. - [both] Fiona.

[bell dings]

If anyone knows the unseemly side of things, it's my cousin.

[scoffs] I should know.

I'm sorry. Let me get this straight.

You want to employ the woman who, with the help of her cohorts,

masqueraded as you in an attempt to take over the country?

Didn't she go to jail?

Fiona's serving a sentence of community service

at St. Michael's Convent.

I was actually thinking of inviting her for Christmas before any of this happened.

You were?

I've always felt sorry for her,

growing up in boarding schools with no one to look after her.

I think this past year at the convent's done her some good.

Not that much good.

Look, it's not like I trust Fiona,

but I mean, St. Michael's is less than an hour away,

and the police are stumped.

It would be unconscionable to sit here and do nothing.

What have we got to lose?

You know, anything and everything that isn't nailed down, but... [sighs]

...I can't think of any other ideas, so...

Kev?

[sighs] I'll start nailing things down.

[adventurous music plays]

[adventurous music ends]

[nun] You missed a spot.

Where?

[nun] The library.

You know, the place with the books.

[scoffs] It's time for my break.

[nun] Need I remind you, Fiona Pembroke,

that you still owe 1,242 hours

- of community service? - [watch beeps]

Oh, 1,241.

[nun] Be that as it may,

Mother Superior wants to see you in her office.

Now!

[Fiona hisses]

Savage.

[mischievous music plays]

The sisters and I are absolutely thrilled

Ms. Pembroke will be spending Christmas with you.

She's the only family I have left.

Well, and her mother, but I haven't seen my aunt in years.

I do hope Fiona hasn't been too much trouble.

[chuckles]

We are all God's children, my dear. [chuckles]

[door opens]

[gasps]

Maggie Moo!

Oh!

[giggles]

Oh!

What a scrumptious surprise.

Oh, you're looking well.

What brings you to my private little corner of purgatory?

[chuckles]

I thought it might be pleasant for us to have the holidays together.

Oh. Will I be mopping or dusting?

[chuckles] You'll be our guest.

[Mother Superior] After, uh, prayerful consideration,

I've told Her Majesty I could allow a discrete bending of the rules,

seeing as it's Christmas.

As long as you promise to return by December 26th.

There's a hearing of the disciplinary committee

for which you must be present.

We absolutely promise to have her back in time, Mother Superior.

You have my word.

[inhales] Well, in that case,

Ms. Pembroke is free to spend the holidays at the palace.

Sounds like a gas.

[sultry music plays]

Thank you, Inspector.

Yeah, keep us posted.

Anything?

They thought they had a lead, but it didn't pan out.

[exhales] We could certainly use some good news right about now.

No worries, royal six-pack. Good news has arrived.

Special delivery.

- Handle with care. - [Fiona] Hm.

[sighs]

[Fiona chuckles]

Mm.

[jazz music plays]

[Stacy] Um, Reggie and Mindy?

You gotta be kidding me.

Fiona agreed to help us, but she said she needed her squad.

- Weren't they in jail as well? - [scoffs]

They were, but I, uh, pulled a few strings. [chuckles]

Well, it's good to be queen.

[glasses clink]

[sighs]

How's my fave cuzzie-in-law?

Fine, I guess.

I hope you ain't still sore over our little mix-up last Christmas.

- Mix-up? - [Reggie] Yeah.

You kidnapped me!

Okay. Still sore.

Spicy.

Why don't I have Mrs. Donatelli show you your rooms?

This way. Please.

[sultry music plays]

Meow.

Right, yes, uh,

meow to you as well.

[purrs]

- No respect. - [mouths] No.

None. Cool.

[birds chirping]

Am I late for brekkie?

Only by an hour... or three.

No worries. I couldn't eat a thing.

Hey!

But I do have news. I've been in touch with an associate

who should be able to help us find our missing treasure.

[Margaret] Does this associate have a name?

I'd rather not say until he's on board, but trust me, he's the GOAT.

Sorry, he's... he's a goat?

"Greatest of all time," babe. It's like a sports thing.

I knew that. I... I knew that.

[Mindy] I bet it's that count from Barcelona.

[Reggie] Nah, he's a squirrelly one.

Never looks you square in the eye.

He's got a glass eye, idiot.

Oh.

[inhales] I'll need to borrow a car,

and preferably a 'rari that matches my Manolos.

Don't worry. Frank will be happy to drive you.

Don't you trust me, royal boo?

[Stacy] Hell no.

And Bonnie and Clyde are staying right here

just to make sure you come back.

- [scoffs] - Here? What are we supposed to do all day?

Perhaps you could start by, uh, returning the silver.

Reggie!

What?

[sighs] Dear.

[uplifting instrumental music plays]

[uplifting instrumental music intensifies]

[uplifting instrumental music ends]

Right. Okay. Now look, I don't wish to be impertinent, Your Ladyship,

but if you're not out in 20 minutes,

I have strict orders to come in there and fetch.

- Mm. - [tense music plays]

Bossy.

[Frank] Hm.

Remember! Twenty minutes!

[door creaks]

[exhales]

[tense music continues]

[door closes]

You haven't lost your touch.

[tense music ends]

Some say.

You're looking well, Peter.

You too, Pemmie.

It's Pembroke.

You'll always be Pemmie to me.

[scoffs]

So, how long has it been

since you walked out on me that spring night in Barbados?

Oh, please.

We were always better as friends. Everything else was a complication.

[bottles clink]

That's an interesting word for it.

[Fiona exhales]

I heard from Bianca the other day.

Mummy's always had a soft spot for you since we were in nappies.

She says you won't return her calls.

I have nothing to say.

[Peter] Oh, come on, Pemmie.

It's Christmas.

Give the old girl a break.

If I remember, you weren't speaking to your father.

No. I wasn't.

But I saw him last Christmas, two days before he passed.

And I'm very glad I did.

Well, now that we've limped down memory lane,

can we talk business?

The Star of Peace.

You want my help getting it back.

Question is, why is it so important to you?

[Fiona] Well, it's important to my cuzzie.

I treated her... [sighs]...unkindly,

so I thought I'd make it up to her.

[chuckles] Yes, I heard about your little escapade.

So, will you help despite our colorful past?

You know the answer to that.

[tense music plays]

No matter what, no matter where?

Let me show you what I've dug up. [chuckles softly]

[dramatic music plays]

- Are you coming? - Mm.

[computer beeping]

Et voilà! The Interpol case file.

Interpol? I thought you left them.

That doesn't mean I've forgotten how to get around their firewalls.

- Oh. - According to this report,

there are no suspects in the theft,

but the interesting bit

is that chloromethazine was used to drug the guards.

Why on earth is that interesting?

Interpol is utterly convinced

that the black-market supply is limited to an Asian distributor.

And it is,

except for one disreputable pharmacist in Geneva,

who runs an after-hours operation

out of the back of his warehouse on Place du Port.

[inhales] Now, lucky for us,

there are security cameras all along the riverbank.

I searched through the last three days of footage and came up with this.

[computer whirs]

[tense music plays]

[computer beeps]

[computer beeps]

[computer beeps, whirs]

That's Itai Krauss.

Do I know him?

Indirectly.

He works for an old friend of yours.

- [computer beeps] - Hunter Cunard,

the billionaire hotel tycoon.

Why would a hotel tycoon steal the Star of Peace?

It's a little-known fact that Hunter's secret obsession

is collecting precious items that aren't for sale.

Paintings, antiquities, jewels. He loves an impossible challenge.

You've been an invaluable help, Mr. Maxwell.

I'm certain the police will be grateful for the information.

Maggie, don't be silly. You can't go to the police.

Why not?

Hunter has friends everywhere.

One wrong word to the wrong person, and the Star disappears forever.

[scoffs] So, what do we do?

The only thing you can do.

You steal it back.

- [mischievous music plays] - [scoffs]

How?

Every Christmas, Hunter hosts an exclusive soiree at his estate.

It happens to be this Saturday night.

[sighs] Well, I assume security will be tight as a drum.

- Oh. - [Peter] It will be,

but there'll also be people coming and going,

caterers, florists, guests, which affords us the perfect opportunity.

All we have to do is make sure Hunter is occupied,

and lucky for us, he used to be quite enamored of Fiona.

Oh! So, uh, this bad boy had a thing for you, huh?

Oh, we had a bit of a steamy. [chuckles]

But he wasn't my type.

So, when was the last time you spoke to this Mr. Cunard?

[scoffs] A few years ago. We both moved on.

If it's been years,

how are you gonna get invited to the party?

Hunter walks his dog through the park behind the library

every morning at 8:00 a.m., rain or shine.

Fiona will do the same.

I'm certain once they coincidentally run into each other,

she can charm an invitation out of him.

Where is she gonna get a dog?

Hm, I can pinch her a pooch.

Forgive me, but aren't you the Peter Maxwell who worked for Interpol

and was, well, charged with a rather large-scale diamond theft?

[tense music plays]

The charges were dismissed, but the incident tarnished my reputation,

so I resigned and started my own private security firm,

which has proven quite lucrative.

Mm-hmm. So what's your finder's fee?

- There is no fee. - Why not?

Let's just say...

I have my reasons.

[tense music ends]

[dog pants]

[exhales] This isn't a dog. It's bloody Big Foot.

Pugsley's a pussycat. You just don't know how to handle him.

[Fiona scoffs] I know how I'm going to handle you

if I break a heel.

If I can have your attention...

[on comm]...Hunter's just arrived.

- [Fiona] Location? - [Peter] He's headed your way.

- [dog sniffs] - [Fiona grunts]

[groans]

Oh, he's lush.

[Peter] You'll intersect his path in 100 yards.

Would you please get your nose out of that bush?

[Mindy] He just passed the latte stand.

Ugh, what seems to be your problem?

I don't have a problem.

Not you.

- [squirrel squeaks] - [dog barks]

- No. No. - Pugsley!

Stop this at once! Naughty dog. Bad dog. Stop!

Dog! [gasps] Oh no.

[grunts]

[groans]

Wretched.

My nail!

- [chuckles] - [Fiona] I've broken a nail!

[Reggie laughs]

- Where'd you get it from, a horse ranch? - Would you watch what you're saying?

You couldn't have got us a toy poodle?

Oh, because poodles grow on trees.

Did she say poodles grew on trees, genius?

Oh, look, it's a poodle tree.

[gasps] Let's pick us a white one, shall we?

[Peter whistles]

- Can we talk about plan B? - Thank God there's a plan B.

Peter always has a plan B.

[Peter] Hunter's newest boutique hotel

is unveiling its Christmas decorations tonight.

He's planning a walk-through at four.

It might be a bit difficult to get his attention,

but I'm sure you'll be up to the challenge...

- [scoffs] - ...once you freshen up a bit.

Excuse you.

Messy becomes you, Pemmie, but it's a bit overdone.

[scoffs]

Here.

[romantic music plays]

I hate to interrupt,

but if we're gonna get there by four, we better get on with it.

Yeah, just give me 20 minutes to moisturize.

You two aren't going anywhere.

- What? - What?

Do not ask me to explain why after what just happened.

- But I didn't do anything wrong! - Zzzt.

Zzt.

[exhales]

[Mindy] Now she's mad at me!

- [Reggie] That's not my fault. - [Mindy] Of course it is.

- [Reggie] No, it's not. - [Mindy] It is.

- [Reggie] No, it's not. - [Mindy] It is.

[both argue indistinctly]

[romantic music continues]

[romantic music ends]

[upbeat music plays]

[chuckles]

- [woman 1] Hi! - [woman 2] Hi! It's you!

- Thank you for coming. - [woman 2] Thank you.

- [Peter on comm] Get ready. - [man] Yes, ma'am.

[woman 1] Come.

[Hunter] I guess it looks fine.

Just remember, finish by five, or you're fired.

[woman 3] Yes, Mr. Cunard.

He's on his way.

[on comm] Be ready.

Absolutely.

Let's make some merry, shall we?

- Welcome to Santa's workshop. - [Fiona] Thank you.

- [sultry music plays] - [camera clicks]

- [Santa] I hope you've been a good girl. - [Fiona chuckles] Never.

Say mistletoe.

[both] Mistletoe!

[chuckles]

[Fiona] Have you been naughty or nice?

Fiona Pembroke.

Hunter. [chuckles]

What on earth are you doing here?

I could ask you the same thing.

Well, age before beauty.

I own the place.

- You're joking. - Not at all.

Now it's your turn.

Well, the lounge here serves a candy cane martini that's to die for.

Then what are we waiting for?

[sultry music ends]

[Hunter] What about you? You been busy spending your inheritance?

More or less. It's all such a bore.

What ever happened to that dreary little rodent

that you were seeing when we met?

Peter something.

- Peter Maxwell. - [Fiona scoffs]

That wretched little man.

Oh, you were quite stuck on him as I recall.

I don't get stuck on anyone.

Oh, I'm well aware of that.

If I was a sentimental sort, I'd say you broke my heart.

Mm. We're quite the pair, aren't we?

- Cut from the same cloth. - [Fiona] Mm.

[gentle piano music plays]

Which means we both know that you didn't just wander in here

for the martinis.

So why don't you tell me the real reason for this coincidental meeting?

[tango music plays]

All right.

It's true I inherited Daddy's fortune.

It's also true that there's very little of it left.

[Hunter] Oh.

So you're here for a handout.

Oh, no. Not a handout. A proposition.

What kind of proposition?

Well, the Pembroke estate, it would make a darling boutique hotel.

You're not serious about selling.

Dead serious.

But Pembroke's been in your family for generations.

If you're not interested... [scoffs]

Sit... down.

I didn't say I wasn't interested.

Let's talk about this after the New Year, shall we?

I'm insanely busy until then.

[Hunter] All right.

After New Year's.

- [tango music intensifies] - Ciao.

[Hunter] Fiona!

I'm hosting a little holiday party at my home in the country on Saturday.

[Fiona] Mm-hmm.

Cocktails at six, dinner at eight, if your busy schedule will allow.

Will there be candy cane martinis?

Anything your heart desires.

Mm. Delicious. See you Saturday.

Oh, and, uh, you owe me a tango.

[chuckles]

[jazz music plays]

[Frank] Good evening, Ms. Pembroke.

Well?

[scoffs]

You took a risk, and it paid off.

Is that all you have to say?

If Hunter wasn't utterly besotted with you,

he'd have called your bluff, and we'd be up a creek right now.

[scoffs]

You're jealous.

[scoffs] I'm not jealous.

Oh, you're completely jealous.

- Do you want me to be jealous? - [Fiona scoffs]

Don't be ridiculous.

Because being jealous would mean there's something between us.

- And there is nothing between us. - Absolutely nothing.

- Positively nothing. - Completely nothing.

[cell phone ringtone] ♪ Like this I'm gonna show you ♪

♪ Like this I'm gonna show you ♪

[sighs] It's Mummy again.

Just say hello.

That's all she wants.

♪ Like that I'm gonna show you ♪

[Fiona] But you said we would be together for Christmas.

[Bianca] I know I did, darling, but something's come up.

You're gonna have so much fun here at Manderston.

Look, Peter's staying as well. [chuckles]

There. That's settled, then.

Don't go!

[Bianca] Oh, Fiona, darling. Fiona, chin up.

Mummy's got a plane to catch.

- I made this for you. - [Bianca] Oh.

Oh. Charming.

Ciao, bella. Kiss, kiss.

[car door closes]

[car engine starts]

[cell phone ringtone] ♪ Like that, like that, like that ♪

[melancholic music plays]

[inhales and exhales]

[melancholic music ends]

This is a 3D blueprint of Hunter Cunard's Montenaro estate.

Hunter's private office, here, is located on a separate wing.

The adjoining gallery, here, is where he keeps his art collection.

The entry is operated by a keypad with a six-digit security code.

And once you're inside the gallery?

[computer beeps]

The display case is surrounded by a web of laser motion detectors.

- We'll need to disarm them. - Dibs on the lasers!

I'm double-jointed. [chuckles]

It'll take a team of three to pull it off.

And then what?

This is an overlay of the internal camera system.

Wow.

[computer whirs]

One of us taps into the circuitry, overrides the camera system

while the other two break into the gallery and steal the Star of Peace.

This is going to be like breaking into Fort Knox.

[Peter] We have little time to practice.

Everything must be perfect, or we run the risk of getting caught.

And what happens if you do get caught?

Well, Hunter can't call the police

to report the theft of something he's stolen.

In situations like this,

he has a history of making the problem disappear.

Forever.

[tense music plays]

[inhales]

We've forgotten the biggest problem of all.

Which is?

I have nothing to wear.

[liquid pours]

You know, you never told us what our cut is for this little caper.

Well, the cut, Reggie,

is to spend Christmas with Maggie at the palace.

Truth is, we really do owe her a favor.

Maybe,

but that doesn't explain Peter Maxwell.

- [Reggie] Hmm! - Unlike the two of you,

Peter is an expert at getting past security systems without getting caught.

Oh, I bet he can get past your security systems, eh?

[both laugh]

Excuse you.

Oh, admit it, Fif.

You're a smitten kitten.

[scoffs]

["My Winter Wonderland" by Loving Caliber Feat. Revel Day plays]

There was a time, but it was long ago.

Nah. Reggie's onto something.

There's a little bit of flirty dirty going on.

A bit of do you, don't ya. Can't ya, won't ya.

- Get out. - Oh, come on, Fif!

You gotta give us more than that!

Get out now.

[laughs] All right. Don't get your knickers in a twist.

- [door opens] - ♪ My winter wonderland ♪

[door closes]

[melancholic music plays]

You miss your mum, don't you?

[hesitates] I don't think she loves me anymore.

Of course she does.

Then why would she leave me all alone at Christmas?

I'm here, and we'll always be friends.

[sighs]

Come here.

See that up there?

No matter where you are,

all you have to do is look up at the North Star,

and you'll never be alone,

'cause wherever I am,

you know I'll be looking up at it too.

- Promise? - Swear.

No matter what?

No matter where.

[dramatic music plays]

[dramatic music intensifies]

[dramatic music ends]

- [Reggie] Can you just carry some... - [Frank] I know, I've got funny knees.

I'm just saying.

If you just...

[sighs]

[all] Ready.

[tense music plays]

This is an approximation

of the motion sensor array in Hunter's gallery.

[computer whirs]

And here we go.

[tense music intensifies]

This is where it gets tricky.

Oh, I get it. You need a partner to boost you over that high beam.

[Peter] Precisely.

It's the only way of getting through to the control panel on the other side.

Well, limber... [groans]

...is my middle name.

Yeah.

[Reggie grunts]

[breathes heavily]

- [Reggie] Ah! - [both laugh]

Dear God.

Let's reset.

Let me have one more go, okay?

Watch and learn.

[sultry music plays]

[Fiona exhales]

Oh.

[sultry music continues]

[Fiona exhales]

[chuckles]

Done.

You're up, Reggie.

[laughs]

All right.

No.

[cell phone chimes]

["Navidad Contigo" by Mazy plays]

"Meet me outside?"

[Fiona] Bon soir, Peter.

Shall we?

Wait for it.

[helicopter approaches]

Oh.

- A client lent it to me for the evening. - How very James Bond.

[chuckles] Come on, Pemmie. It'll be like old times.

[Fiona] Hm.

[helicopter blades whir]

[Kevin] What's going on?

Oh, Fiona and Peter. They're really quite adorable together.

[Kevin] They better be heading up north.

[Margaret] Why's that?

Storm's moving in from the south. They closed the airport over an hour ago.

Olivia.

She just texted. They've been rerouted to Brussels.

[sighs]

I thought I'd surprise her and pick her up myself.

- When do you think you'll be back? - It's an eight-hour drive.

If I leave first thing in the morning, I should be there by the time she lands.

So I'll only be gone a day, day and a half tops.

It should be fine.

Are you sure you're gonna be okay?

I mean with everything going on.

I'll be in meetings all morning,

and then there's tea with Cardinal Amoah, so you won't miss much.

- I'll miss you. - [chuckles] I miss you already.

["Kissing Under the Mistletoe" by Loving Caliber Feat. Emmi plays]

Where are we going? The North Pole?

Almost. Hang on.

♪ Let me give you a Christmas ♪

- [girl] Mommy! - ♪ A moment we'll fill with love and joy ♪

♪ Mmm, mmm, so beautiful... ♪

Go ahead. Take your best shot.

Looks like Santa's elves smoked a little too much mistletoe.

[both chuckle]

[Peter] Oh, I've got an idea.

Please tell me it involves alcohol.

Guess again.

Painting something naughty on those snowmen.

[both laugh]

Ice-skating.

You're joking.

You know you want to.

In your dreams.

Oh, come on. It'll be fun.

For you.

How do you feel about polar bears?

["Could We Fall in Love" by Celestial Castles Feat. Cara Rainer plays]

No one can ever know about this.

It'll be our little secret.

So, you're really spending Christmas with your cousin?

Well, better with Maggie than with Our Lady of Perpetual Pain.

[laughs]

Pemmie, it's quite all right to admit you have feelings for other people.

You've gone mushy since the last time I saw you.

- 'Tis the season. - [scoffs]

["My Somebody" by James TW plays]

Speaking of mushy, may I have this dance?

[scoffs]

You're determined to smother us in holiday cheese, aren't you?

You catch on quick.

♪ But don't worry 'cause ♪

♪ You never know What's 'round the corner ♪

♪ On the days you don't feel that strong ♪

♪ Know it's okay to feel alone ♪

♪ 'Cause everybody needs Somebody, somebody ♪

♪ To tell 'em it's all right ♪

♪ And everybody needs somebody, somebody ♪

♪ To be right by their side ♪

♪ Wouldn't it be amazing ♪

♪ To find someone you're safe with? ♪

♪ So do you wanna be somebody My somebody? ♪

♪ Do you wanna be mine? ♪

♪ Oh-ah-oh-oh-oh... ♪

- [Fiona screams] Whoa! Oh! - [gasps]

[both laugh]

♪ Somebody ♪

♪ Oh-ah-oh-oh-oh ♪

♪ Somebody ♪

Promise me you'll drive safely.

I promise. I'll be back before you know it.

[Margaret] Hm.

[Margaret exhales]

[Reggie moans]

Pete, old boy, is climbing the roof the only way

to get into Hunter's house?

Yes, Reggie.

[Mindy exhales]

The trickiest part is getting back down.

[Reggie] Huh?

[Reggie groans]

Can't we just take the stairs?

Let's go.

- [Mindy breaths heavily] - [Reggie groans]

[Amoah] I cannot tell you how impressed His Eminence was

that you and Princess Stacy have been involved

in all the details of this wondrous event.

Most people would let others do the work and take the credit themselves. [laughs]

Oh no, Stacy and I are...

are extremely involved.

As a matter of fact, she's in a meeting with the logistics committee right now,

but if she were here, she'd tell you how deeply moved we are

that the Vatican chose to honor our efforts.

Oh, we have not always chosen wisely. Oh no, no, no.

In fact, in the 16th century,

we loaned the Star of Peace to Harry the Horrible,

the ruler of Caledonia.

It was a great mistake.

A band of thieves nearly made away with it.

They were tarred and feathered,

but Harry was blamed because it happened on his watch.

- [exhales] - The poor devil was excommunicated.

- [Reggie groans] - [chokes]

Are you all right, my dear?

Just overcome with emotion.

I understand completely.

The moment you light up that tree

not only will the eyes of the world be upon you but also the eyes of God.

Oh. [chuckles]

I never thought of it like that.

- [Reggie] Oh! - [window bangs]

Might I offer you a slice of yule log, Cardinal?

[chuckles]

- I shouldn't. - [exhales]

- But it is Christmas. [chuckles] - Please help yourself.

- [Reggie groans and screams] - [gasps]

What in heaven's name was that?

That was the yodeler rehearsing for the ceremony.

The poor fellow sounded a bit hoarse.

Which is why he needs to practice. [laughs]

Ah. [laughs]

[laughs]

[Reggie groans]

[grunting]

[moans loudly]

- [chuckles] - [panting]

The doctor said it's just a sprain.

There is no way you can climb up the side of a building.

I could supervise from the van.

- You're not supervising me, mate. - Wh... [moans]

We still need two people to get around security in the gallery.

Mindy can't do it. She's handling the cameras.

Why not let Fifi do it? She had the moves down cold.

Fiona will be with Hunter.

I'm afraid we're back to square one. We'll have to come up with something else.

But there isn't time to come up with something else.

[scoffs] Pay attention, Betty Crocker. I can't be at two places at once.

- [Frank] Wait a minute. - Darling.

[Frank] Maybe she could.

[Edward] What was that, Frank?

[Frank] Forgive me for pointing out the obvious,

but if Ms. Pembroke could successfully impersonate Her Majesty,

it stands to reason that Her Majesty

could impersonate Ms. Pembroke.

- [scoffs] Not in a million years. - [Frank squeaks]

Bite your tongue.

- It's completely out of the question. - [scoffs] Certainly, sir. I...

I was just thinking out loud. How very stupid of me.

That's all right, Frank. We all come up with bad ideas now and again.

- Indeed. - It is an outrageous idea.

But I did switch places with Stacy twice, and no one was the wiser.

[chuckling] Trading places with Ms. Pembroke?

That's a different matter entirely.

Yeah, but all she'd have to do is keep Hunter busy

while they break into the gallery.

The whole thing should take less than an hour.

You can't be serious.

It really isn't that long.

[Fiona] Listen to me.

Hunter Cunard is a dangerous and complicated man.

No, Maggie could never pull it off.

Why not?

Well, not to be unkind, Moo,

but you certainly don't have the, uh... [inhales]...je ne sais quoi.

[chuckles]

[Reggie snickers]

[scoffs]

[mimics Fiona] Minions, fetch me my champagne.

[scoffs] I do not sound like that.

[Fiona scoffs]

[mimics Fiona] Hello, royal six-pack.

[laughs] Oh. Well, you sound exactly like that.

- I do not. - You do.

- But I don't. - But you do.

- But I don't. - You really do.

- But I... - [mimics Fiona] Zzzst.

Oh, she's good.

Look, I have to object. It's... it's far too risky.

If it means recovering the Star...

[sighs]...it's a risk I'm willing to take.

Indeed.

["Cozy Little Christmas" by Katy Perry plays]

Well, here we go again.

- ♪ Everybody's in a hurry ♪ - [both laugh]

♪ In a flurry ♪

♪ Shopping till they're droppin' In the snow ♪

♪ Kids are cryin', dogs are barkin'... ♪

No, arch your back.

More.

♪ Sure, it's madness, but it's magic... ♪

Ugh, never mind.

What you need to do is tap into the video feed,

record five seconds, switch to playback, and route that through the auxiliary feed.

- You got it? - Got it.

[Fiona] Ready?

[Margaret] Oh dear.

And one, two, three, four.

One, two, three, four.

One, two, three. You're starting to get the hang of it.

Oh, thank you.

[Fiona] Now, swing those hips.

[Margaret] I feel like I am.

[Fiona] Now you've got it. Let them know you're...

[Fiona] Hunter and I met five years ago.

He plays tennis and polo, which is a total bore,

but he can't resist a good martini.

Oh.

I told him I wanted to sell Pembroke.

- You did? - Hm.

And he's excellent at the tango.

I might need to brush up. [chuckles]

Not to presume, Mr. Maxwell,

but if you are in need of a wheelman, I am more than happy to volunteer.

[upbeat tango music plays]

Now, that's not something you see every day.

Hang on. The frame is wrong.

May I?

It's like this.

[Fiona gasps]

[upbeat tango music ends]

[chattering indistinctly]

If I could please have everyone's attention.

May I present Fiona Pembroke.

[mysterious music plays]

[door closes]

And Fiona Pembroke.

[sultry music plays]

[sultry music ends]

[exhales] Any thoughts?

[hesitates] It's amazing.

And a bit unsettling.

I know exactly how you feel.

- I'll do the hair once you're in the gown. - I'll go change.

- [sultry music plays] - Wow.

- I think this might work. [laughs] - [Margaret] Mm.

[clears throat]

- All right then. Let's get the van ready. - Right.

I was thinking maybe, when this is over,

the two of us could spend some time together.

Oh, Peter, you know I never plan past lunch.

Wow. Should have seen that coming.

[door opens]

Seen what coming?

[exhales]

Has it ever occurred to you

that every time you start to feel something for someone, you pull away?

From me, from your family, from everyone. This isn't the first time it's happened.

Oh, please.

Admit it, Pemmie. You didn't leave because you had feelings for Hunter.

You left because you had feelings for me, and it scared you.

Is that what you really think?

What I really think is that you're so hurt by what happened to you when we were kids,

you're terrified of letting anyone in.

You've always got a plane to catch or somewhere to be, just like your mum.

[scoffs]

I'm nothing like her.

- I'm sorry, Fiona. I didn't mean... - No, you meant every word.

Let's just stick to business from now on, shall we?

Fine.

Business it is.

Van's ready.

[Peter] Brilliant.

It'll take us a while to get to Hunter's estate in this weather.

I'll be back at four.

[Reggie] Should we synchronize our watches?

Be ready to go.

Pete, I can show you how it's done. It's a button and a twisty-twisty.

Come on. Permission to synchronize. That's what it is.

Hey, wait up, Pete. Pete!

[melancholic music plays]

[Fiona inhales and exhales]

[car engine revs]

I call shotgun.

- You can't call shotgun. - [chuckles] Why not?

Could it be because we don't want a cat burglar sitting in the front seat?

I'll get in the back.

- [loud bang] - [Reggie] Ow!

- [Reggie moans] - [Frank exhales]

I'm fine. I'm fine.

[Peter exhales]

[Margaret] Wish me luck.

[Stacy] Good luck.

Just keep Hunter entertained, and everything will be fine.

[Margaret] Fingers crossed.

[Margaret exhales]

[exhales]

[car alarm beeps]

I hope Margaret can carry this off.

Well, she pulled off being me. Remember?

[car engine revs]

That was different. Hunter Cunard's a criminal.

- If something goes wrong... - Margaret can take care of herself.

I'm so sorry to interrupt, but, uh, I have an urgent call

from Mother Superior at St. Michael's.

I told her Queen Margaret was otherwise occupied

and that perhaps you could be of service.

Oh, okay.

Good evening, Mother Superior.

I deeply apologize for imposing, Your Highness,

but, uh, something important's come up,

and I... I desperately need Queen Margaret's help.

Uh, well, I'm happy to give her the message.

[Mother Superior hesitates] It's a rather delicate matter.

You see, the disciplinary committee

was set to review Ms. Pembroke's case after Christmas,

but, uh, well, I've just received a call, and they've pushed up her review.

The committee will be here at seven o'clock.

- [gasps] Tonight? - [Mother Superior] Tonight.

Now, I really must insist Ms. Pembroke return on the double.

[chuckles] Yeah, um, I don't know about that.

[Mother Superior] Please!

Your Highness, if it's discovered Ms. Pembroke isn't here,

then heads will roll, including mine.

The committee, well, they may recommend a jail sentence.

And not just for her.

Okay, okay.

I'll... I'll see what I can do. Bye.

[exhales]

- [Stacey sighs] - What's wrong?

We have to get Fiona back to St. Michael's by seven,

or she and Mother Superior are headed to the big house.

Stacy, Fiona's on her way to Cunard's party.

She can't be at the convent as well.

No.

Well, maybe...

No, no, no, no. I know what you're thinking.

And no. Absolutely not. It's out of the question.

Edward, if Fiona doesn't show up, everything could go south.

The disciplinary committee is going to start asking questions

that we don't want to answer.

Believe me, I don't want to do this either,

but I don't think we have a choice.

Then I'm going with you.

We're a team. Remember?

Go, team. [laughs]

[car engine revs]

[man] Good evening, ma'am.

[gasps and sighs]

How on earth does she walk in these things?

- ["Gimme Some" by Weval plays] - ♪ Gimme some ♪

♪ Gimme some charm ♪

[sighs] Dear me.

[exhales]

[indistinct chatter over radio]

[man] Sector one, sector two. You're good.

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

- Why are you hunched over like that? - 'Cause this is the way it's done.

- How would you know? - Everyone knows how it's done.

Could you speak a little louder so everyone knows we're breaking in?

Hm?

- Nice going. - Shh.

- You shush! - Shh.

- Shh! Shh! Shh! - Shh! Shh! Shh!

♪ Gimme some ♪

[metal clanks]

♪ Gimme some ♪

[exhales]

[purrs and laughs]

What do you think?

Absolutely terrifying.

Let's go.

Okay.

♪ Gimme some ♪

[window creaks]

[man 1] There you are, miss.

[man 2] Fiona. Fiona Pembroke?

Don't you remember your old pal, Simon?

From Aldovia?

Mm-hmm.

Meow. [chuckles]

- Hm. - Ma chérie.

- I'm so glad that you could make it. - Oh, how could I resist one of these?

Would you, uh, like to see my Christmas tree?

I would love to see your tree. [chuckles]

[exhales]

[tense music plays]

[computer beeps, whirs]

The Star of Peace.

Right where you said it would be.

Let's go.

- [sighs] Okay. - [Reggie] Santa to Rudolph.

Come in, Rudolph. Rudolph, do you read me?

I already told you I'm not using those code names.

- Why not? - Because they're stupid.

- Now would you let me concentrate? - [Reggie] Ooh!

Well, there's no need to take that tone.

[suspenseful music plays]

[exhales]

- [door opens] - [cell phone chimes]

[guard laughs]

What's new?

Not a bloody thing.

[exhales]

[jazz music plays]

So, you never did tell me if you're still in touch with that Peter Maxwell.

[scoffs]

I haven't spoken to that repellent little toad in years.

[Margaret clears throat]

Don't we have some business to discuss?

Oh, yes. The, uh, purchase of your estate.

But, uh, I'm a firm believer in pleasure before business.

[chuckles]

You nasty boy.

- Meow. - [laughs]

- [purrs] - [Margaret chuckles]

Wait here.

Oh dear lord!

- [suspenseful music plays] - [Peter exhales]

[Fiona groans]

- The keypad was supposed to be here. - [sighs]

Check over there.

[Hunter] What do you mean, out of vintage champagne?

Put it back.

- I don't know what happened. - It's your job to know what happened.

[woman] Well, I just...

God, all you do is make excuses. I want you gone. Tonight.

But, sir, it's Christmas.

[mocking] "Sir, it's Christmas."

Get out of my sight.

- Now. - [glasses clink]

[suspenseful music intensifies]

[Fiona exhales]

- [sighs] - That was uncomfortably close.

Oh. On the bright side,

found the keypad.

[exhales]

[choral music plays]

How on earth does she walk in these things?

No idea.

[exhales]

- Are you okay? - [Edward] Well, more or less.

Never done anything like this before.

[exhales] Yeah, um, just try and be chill.

Right, yes. Chilling.

[inhales and exhales]

[chuckles softly]

[Mother Superior] Okay. Come!

[door creaks]

Ms. Pembroke. [chuckles nervously] There you are.

You're very late.

Correction, official man. I'm fashionably late.

Take a seat.

- [Edward] Ladies and gentlemen... - Aren't you...

Prince Edward of Belgravia.

Ms. Pembroke kidnapped my wife,

and I thought, if anybody should be a character witness on her behalf,

well, it would be me.

But you just said she kidnapped your wife.

Yes, I did.

And she did, but since then, she has reformed.

You see, underneath all of, uh... uh, that,

Ms. Pembroke really has a good heart.

And yes, she has made some mistakes,

but isn't our ability to forgive a measure of our own humanity?

Especially at Christmas.

[exhales]

Is there anything you'd like to add?

Everything His Royal Hotness says is true.

I've made some hideous mistakes.

In fact, if you need to extend my sentence,

I completely understand.

Actually, I recommend it.

- [Edward] She doesn't mean that. - Oh, but I do.

- No, you don't. - I do.

- No, you don't. - I do.

- No, you don't. - I think we've heard enough.

I'd like to confer with my colleagues for a moment.

- Of course. - Take all the time you need.

[cell phone beeps]

[cell phone buzzes]

[Peter] Damn it, it's not connecting.

Try my birthday. December 14th.

You and Hunter haven't been together for more than five years.

He's not going to remember your birthday.

[scoffs] Trust me. I made an impression.

- Hm. - Hm.

Fine.

[keypad beeps]

[keypad beeps]

[triumphant music plays]

[sighs] Here he comes.

Well, that took forever.

Oh, trust me. It's worth the wait.

Merry Christmas.

[jazz music plays]

Doesn't the duchess of Marlborough have this same bracelet?

And matching earrings?

Oh.

You know, I think I left those earrings upstairs.

[tango music plays]

Shall we go and fetch them?

But they're playing a tango.

You always loved a good tango.

Then let's dance.

[tango music continues]

[crowd cheers]

[tango music ends]

[crowd cheers]

[Fiona breathes heavily]

[exhales]

Are you ready to go upstairs and find those earrings?

[pants] So hot. I need water.

We've reached a decision regarding Ms. Pembroke.

The fact that she was late for this meeting

indicates a troubling disregard for authority.

Added to her past transgressions,

it would appear that increasing her sentence is warranted.

If I may be allowed to say, uh, just one more point

about my wi... Ms. Pembroke...

If you'll allow me to finish please, Your Highness, sir,

I said it was warranted,

but I don't believe it's the right thing to do.

Ms. Pembroke,

the committee is very impressed with your sincere remorse.

You truly aren't the person we met with before.

I truly am not.

Based on the testimony of your character witness

as well as the recommendations of Mother Superior,

we hereby commute the remainder of your sentence.

It's a Christmas miracle!

[hesitates] Of course we will miss you terribly.

Oh, of course you will.

Well, we best be going.

- [chuckles] - Yes.

Thank you very much, and of course, Merry Christmas.

[door closes]

I'm not sure how I feel about getting Fiona off the hook.

- Let's not worry about that right now. - [scoffs]

You know, it's deliciously exhilarating engaging in all this skulduggery.

- Oh. - [chuckles]

- [laughs] Come on. - Ah.

[tense music plays]

[Peter exhales]

[triumphant music plays]

[alarm blaring]

That wasn't supposed to happen.

[groans]

Hey. What's that?

[alarm beeps]

It's a sensor in the gallery.

Something's happening. I think it's an alarm.

- Well, sort it out then! - I don't know what to do!

- Use the laptop! Turn it off and on again. - I don't think that's gonna work!

[Reggie] Google it!

Take this.

[Fiona breathes heavily]

[tense music intensifies]

[alarm stops blaring]

Hold on. It stopped.

For now, but the jig is up. You got to get out of there.

[grunts]

- Maybe the music's vibration set it off. - Yeah.

Psst, psst!

Psst! Frank! Mayday, Frank. Mayday! Abort the mission.

- What? - Get in the van!

[tense music continues]

[Reggie grunts]

[sighs]

[exhales]

Hm.

What about Fiona and Peter?

Me and Frankie boy, we're getting out while the getting's good.

I ain't ending up six foot under.

Okay, I'm coming.

Oh God.

Hey, hey, hey!

[gasps]

[alarm blaring]

Let's go.

[tense rock music plays]

Stay here.

Oh. But... but... I've... I've cooled off now.

- I'll only be a minute. - [exhales]

[grunts]

- I'll be back as fast as I can. - [gasps]

[exhales]

[spits and grunts]

[exhales] Don't panic. Keep calm and carry on.

[exhales] And run.

- [alarm blaring] - [pants]

- [man 1] Check on that room! - They're coming. Take it.

What about you?

Just take it. Go. I'll distract them.

[man 2] Hey! Over here!

[man 3 on comm] He's heading to the east stairway.

Alpha team to the east exit.

[inhales] Almost there.

[man 4] Your cape, Your Majesty.

[chuckles] Thank you.

[car engine revs]

Oh.

All right! Let's get the hell out of here!

Move it, Frank!

But Ms. Pembroke is not here!

It's everyone for themselves! Come on!

- [man yells indistinctly] - [Reggie whimpers]

Oh dear.

[Reggie and Mindy scream, groan]

Over here. Over... Stop! Come back here at once!

Frank!

[grunts]

[laughs] That feels much better.

[screams] You're all fired! Do you hear me?

No more free vacays and booze!

- Oh! What are you doing? - [Mindy groans]

Thank God.

[Frank screams] Fear not, Ms. Pembroke!

- I will save you. - [man] Don't let them get away!

[Reggie and Mindy scream]

Ms. Pembroke, come with me if you want to live.

[scoffs] Go!

- Right there! Right there! - Get it!

[car honks]

[men shout indistinctly]

[cheering and laughing]

[Reggie] Yeah! [laughs]

[alarm blaring]

- I'll call the police. - No.

No police, idiot.

And shut off that alarm.

[tense music plays]

[all argue indistinctly]

[Mindy] I said to him, "Don't go."

There you are.

- We were so worried about you. - Zsst.

Explain.

Oh. [scoffs]

Well, Mother Superior called,

and your disciplinary meeting got pushed up,

so I had to be you.

But never mind me. Are you guys okay?

Well, more or less. There was a bit of a hitch.

Peter had to stay behind to create a diversion.

But he was able to escape?

Well, we still haven't heard from him, so we don't know.

[Stacy] Oh. Um...

Well, did you get the Star?

Of course we did, royal worrywart.

[exhales]

[Margaret] Uh, Fiona.

What is it?

[exhales]

[gasps and exhales]

He switched it.

Which means Peter has the Star.

He fooled every one of us into thinking we could trust him.

After everything we went through? I can't believe it.

[Margaret] Fiona.

Fiona, you can't feel bad about this.

Yeah, it really isn't your fault.

Well, then whose fault is it?

- We're back! Merry Chri... - We're back!

What the... Who the...

- Huh? - What's going on?

I can explain everything.

Which one are you?

It's okay, Kev. That's Margaret, not Fiona.

- Stacy? - Yeah.

- And that's Margaret? - Mm-hmm.

- Are you sure? - Let me prove it to you.

- No, no, no. - [Margaret] Shh.

[exhales] Okay. It's you.

- Mm. - Phew. That was really strange.

I guess we should call a press conference and let everyone know what's happened.

[Edward] I can see the headline now.

"Saint Nicholas's Star of Peace gone forever."

I suppose we should cancel everything.

The tree lighting, all of it.

Well, first, let's start by informing Inspector Moretti and the cardinal.

They deserve to be prepared before all hell breaks loose.

Yes, sir.

Oh, um, you should know the disciplinary committee

waived the rest of your sentence.

- What was that? - [Stacy] No more community service.

You're done.

[Reggie] You hear that, Fifi?

You're as free as a bird.

Even so, we're hoping you'll stay and spend the holidays with us.

There's a noon flight to Capri tomorrow.

We can make it if we leave after breakfast.

[solemn music plays]

[scoffs] Capri it is.

- Yes! - Joyeux Noel, mes amours.

Hm.

- Hello, dear. - Hello. [chuckles]

Mummy, Mummy, Mummy!

[Mindy] Manderston Academy? What we doing here?

- [Reggie] Looks like a school to me. - [Mindy] Brilliant deduction, Sherlock.

[boy] Merry Christmas!

I hated school. Skipped most of it.

That explains a lot.

Hey, Fifi, where you going?

- Stop talking. - [girl] Emily, I'm gonna miss you so much!

- Me too. Happy Holidays! - [girl] Bye! Have a great Christmas!

[mellow music plays]

[footsteps approaching]

Where's the Star, Peter?

I needed to get your attention.

[scoffs] I want the Star.

And you'll get it.

But in exchange, I need you to pop around to the dining hall.

What on earth for?

[sighs]

She wants to talk to you.

[scoffing]

How dare you tell me what to do?

Someone has to, or you'll just go on living an empty, hollow life.

[scoffs] So that's why you double-crossed me,

to let me know I'm destined to be lonely and miserable?

More or less.

[scoffs]

Do you want to give me what I came here for?

Or shall I call the police and have you arrested?

[solemn music plays]

[Fiona exhales]

I know I said I'd always be there for you, Pemmie,

but this is the end of the line for us.

That's a relief.

[scoffs]

[chuckles softly]

[dramatic music plays]

[exhales]

[inhales and exhales]

[Fiona sighs]

Hello, Mummy.

[exhales]

I didn't think you'd come.

I wasn't going to,

but Peter said you wanted to speak to me, so go ahead.

Speak.

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, does it?

Is that what you've waited all these years to tell me?

Fiona darling, we can't go on like this.

Oh, I don't see why not.

You know, I've spent the last few years traveling the world

trying to find some inner peace.

Eat, Pray, Love. It's so last decade.

[Bianca] That may be.

But it was on a retreat at an ashram in Rishikesh

that I finally realized that there has been a void in my life.

Something missing.

And it's my daughter.

[scoffs]

Fiona. Fiona...

I love you more than anything or anyone.

I always have.

Do you have any idea what it was like

trying to be good enough to be noticed by you?

Trying to be good enough to matter to you?

Better than you think.

Oh no, that is a lie.

You always had somewhere else you had to be.

You always had a plane to catch.

I was running away.

- [scoffs] - No, not from you.

Never from you.

Oh.

Your father was...

Your father was cruel to me,

and rather than suffer it,

I did whatever I could to get as far away from him as possible.

Oh, so you're here to make excuses.

[Bianca] No.

No, there's... there's no excuse for what I did.

You're damned right there isn't.

[sniffs and chuckles]

I've carried this around for years.

Do you remember?

You gave it to me when you were ten. [chuckles]

[Fiona scoffs]

When I was here, I used to steal little trinkets,

wrap them up so that on Christmas,

I could open them and pretend they were from you.

[scoffs]

I loved you so much, and I tried.

I tried so hard not to care that I wasn't worthy of being loved back.

Oh, Fiona, you wonderful, perfect little girl. I...

I was a wretched mother,

and even though I don't deserve it,

I'm... I'm hoping that you can find it in your heart to forgive me.

Please, darling. Just give me a second chance.

[sighs]

Well, who knows how many Christmases we have left, you and I?

It's too late.

[sobs] Fiona.

[sighs]

["Home Is Where theLove Is" by Cecilia Castleman plays]

- ♪ I've traveled far ♪ - [sobs]

♪ Waited long ♪

♪ Counted down the days ♪

♪ Until I'm back ♪

♪ Inside your arms ♪

♪ The one familiar place ♪

♪ I've missed you ♪

♪ You've been on my mind ♪

♪ On my mind ♪

♪ Can't wait to be home ♪

♪ Stay a while ♪

♪ Stay a while ♪

Hey! Come on, Fifi!

We've got a plane to catch.

Fifi.

- What? - [Reggie] Where you going? Come back!

Come back! We've got a flight to catch!

- [Reggie] What you doing? We've got to go! - Come back! We can't drive this!

♪ 'Cause home is where the love is ♪

♪ Home is where the love is ♪

[Bianca] Oh, darling.

[sniffs] Oh.

♪ Home is where the love is ♪

[sobs]

♪ Home is where the love is ♪

Shh, shh. It's okay. It's okay.

- ♪ Home is where the love is ♪ - It's okay. [chuckles]

- [exhales] - ♪ Home is where the love is ♪

♪ Oh ♪

[exhales]

Hey, everything is gonna be okay. I promise.

- [sighs] - [bell dings]

Right this way, please.

[exhales]

Cardinal Amoah, Inspector Moretti,

so good of you to come on such short notice.

Your message said it was urgent.

[exhales] I'm feeling a little bit queasy.

[chuckles]

Please take a seat.

I do hope everything is all right.

[footsteps approaching]

- Um... - It isn't all right.

- [sighs] - It's fabulous, darling.

We gave the old thing a bit of a polish.

- [sighs] - [Bianca chuckles]

I do hope you don't mind, Your Eminence.

Mind? It looks spectacular. Gratias ago Deo.

Hm? Botticelli, Versace.

Aw, Auntie Bianca, what a pleasure to see you again.

- Pleasure to be seen. - [chuckles]

[chuckling] And who do we have here?

Meow.

Mummy, please.

So, will the two of you be staying with us for Christmas?

[exhales] Well, if it's all right with Maggie Moo.

All right?

[scoffs] We'd be delighted to have you.

You're family.

[chuckles softly]

I suppose we are.

[Bianca chuckles]

[Stacy] Um, Fiona?

I know you and I don't have that much in common,

really anything in common.

- Hm. - [Stacy chuckles]

I just want to say I'm really grateful for all you've done.

- You could have just disappeared. - Oh, I've actually given up disappearing.

Glad to hear it.

By the way, how did you convince Peter to give you back the Star?

Oh yeah.

He intended to, all along.

So does that mean he'll be joining us for Christmas?

[Fiona chuckles]

Peter and I decided to go our separate ways.

[Stacy] Oh no.

I'm so sorry.

Don't be. It's for the best.

I think you need a hug.

Please, no.

No... There it is.

[Amoah chuckles]

Aw.

[chuckles]

Hey, my family is from the Philippines. We do hugs.

[chuckles]

[triumphant music plays]

♪ Up on the housetop, the reindeer pause ♪

♪ Out jumps good ol' Santa Claus ♪

♪ Down through the chimney With lots of toys ♪

♪ All for the little ones Christmas joys ♪

- ♪ Ho, ho, ho! Who wouldn't go? ♪ - [woman yodels]

♪ Ho, ho, ho! Who wouldn't go? ♪

♪ Up on the housetop Click, click, click ♪

♪ Down through the chimney With good Saint Nick ♪

After all we went through, it's a miracle this came together.

Ah, I knew it would.

[both chuckle]

You didn't tell me what happened to Hunter Cunard.

Oh, the police arrested him last night trying to flee the country.

Guessing he's gonna spend a long time in jail.

Well, deservedly so.

I gave them the diamond bracelet as well.

Did you happen to keep those red heels?

Kevin!

[both laugh]

[sighs]

I couldn't be more proud of you and Queen Margaret, of course,

for putting together a beautiful event like this.

Well, I couldn't have done it without you.

Well, I dare say we make a great team.

Just like that dashing chap who dresses up like a bat

and his, uh, beautiful catlike companion.

[laughs] Babe, Batman and Catwoman aren't a team.

Of course they are.

[laughs]

I love you.

[chuckles] Cheers, darling.

You know, this is the best Christmas I have ever had.

Oh, because someone spiked the eggnog?

No, it's because I have my beautiful daughter back.

So, is this how it's going to be between us?

All gooey and sentimental?

Mm-hmm. Oh yeah. Come here.

- Hm. - [laughs]

Merry Christmas, darling.

Merry Christmas, Mummy.

Love you.

Guru Adishankar, it's so lovely to see you.

[laughing] I'm so happy!

- I'm so glad we're together. - Oh my!

- Perhaps... - [both laugh]

[inhales and exhales]

[all laugh]

- Look at this guy! - [laughs]

You! You look bangin', bro.

[Mindy] Well, hello, Mr. Handsome.

[laughing]

[Peter] Talk about clichés.

Beautiful woman, alone on Christmas, gazing up at the night sky.

Hm. I expected better from you.

[Fiona scoffs]

I didn't think I'd see you again.

I was mad at you, Pemmie,

because you didn't care about me as much as I cared about you.

And that's not a good reason to be mad at someone, so...

so I came back to apologize.

Oh, zsst.

Zsst. Zsst.

[exhales]

It's my turn to apologize.

You were right.

I do shut people out. It's always felt safer that way.

But now?

[dramatic music plays]

It's what Mummy said.

We never know how much time we have left with the people we care about.

[sighs] And we can't waste it.

Promise me you and I won't waste any more time.

I promise.

Swear.

No matter what.

No matter where.

[dramatic music intensifies]

[trumpet fanfare plays]

Ladies and gentlemen,

before we light our tree,

we just wanted to say how happy and grateful we are

that you all are here tonight.

[crowd cheers]

And our greatest hope is that the Christmas spirit of goodwill and love

fill the world and shine as brightly as the Star of Peace.

So without further ado, Princess Olivia, will you do the honors?

♪ Deck the halls with boughs of holly ♪

♪ Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la ♪

♪ 'Tis the season to be jolly ♪

♪ Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la ♪

♪ Don we now our gay apparel ♪

[crowd gasps and cheers]

[fireworks explode]

[crow cheers and whistles]

[intense romantic music plays]

[intense romantic music ends]

[joyful instrumental music plays]

[joyful instrumental music ends]

["Light It Up (Fa La La)" by Kallico plays]

- ♪ Ooh ♪ - ♪ I'm feeling all right ♪

♪ Put the record on play For a good time ♪

♪ Ooh, let the light shine ♪

♪ Put a smile on your face And you might find ♪

♪ It don't matter how low ♪

♪ You know we're gonna let loose ♪

♪ Don't matter near or far ♪

♪ There's only one thing we can do ♪

♪ Light it up now ♪

♪ Light it up, light it up ♪

♪ Feel it all around ♪

- ♪ Light it up now ♪ - ♪ Light it up, light it up ♪

♪ Can you hear the sound? ♪

♪ Ooh yeah Heard it through the grapevine ♪

- ♪ Ooh yeah ♪ - ♪ That we're gonna have a great time ♪

♪ Light it up now ♪

♪ Light it up, light it up ♪

♪ Fa-la-la-la-la-la ♪

♪ Light it up ♪

- ♪ Ooh ♪ - ♪ It's a good sign ♪

♪ Everybody laughing It's about time ♪

- ♪ Ooh ♪ - ♪ Let the light shine ♪

♪ Put a smile on your face And you might find ♪

♪ It don't matter how low ♪

♪ You know we're gonna let loose ♪

♪ Don't matter near or far ♪

♪ There's only one thing left to do ♪

♪ Light it up now ♪

♪ Light it up, light it up ♪

♪ Feel it all around ♪

♪ Light it up now ♪

♪ Light it up, light it up ♪

♪ Can you hear the sound? ♪

♪ Ooh yeah Heard it through the grapevine ♪

- ♪ Ooh yeah ♪ - ♪ That we're gonna have a great time ♪

♪ Light it up now ♪

♪ Light it up, light it up ♪

♪ Fa-la-la-la-la-la ♪

♪ Light it up-up-up-up ♪

♪ Ta-da-da-da-da ♪

♪ Pa-pa-pa-pa-pa ♪

♪ Ta-da-da-da-da ♪

♪ Pa-pa-pa-pa-pa ♪

♪ Ta-da-da-da-da ♪

♪ Yeah, heard it through the grapevine ♪

♪ One, two, three Everybody have a great time ♪

- ♪ Light it up now ♪ - [laughs]

♪ Light it up, light it up ♪

♪ Feel it all around ♪

♪ Light it up now ♪

♪ Light it up, light it up ♪

♪ Can you hear the sound? ♪

♪ Ooh yeah Heard it through the grapevine ♪

- ♪ Ooh yeah ♪ - ♪ That we're gonna have a great time ♪

♪ Light it up now ♪

♪ Light it up, light it up ♪

♪ Fa-la-la-la-la-la ♪

♪ Ooh, light it up-up-up-up ♪

- ♪ Ta-da-da-da-da ♪ - [groans]

♪ Pa-pa-pa-pa-pa ♪

♪ Ta-da-da-da-da ♪

- ♪ Light it up now ♪ - ♪ Pa-pa-pa-pa-pa ♪

♪ Ta-da-da-da-da ♪

♪ Pa-pa-pa-pa-pa ♪

♪ Fa-la-la-la-la-la ♪

♪ Light it up ♪

[all cheering]

Oh my God! Phew!

["Better Than Christmas" by LÒNIS Feat. Daphne Willis plays]

♪ Choo-choo, do-do-do-do ♪

♪ Choo-choo, do-do-do ♪

♪ Choo-choo, do-do-do-do ♪

♪ Choo-choo, do-do-do ♪

♪ There's nothing like falling snow ♪

♪ Standing under the mistletoe ♪

♪ Bright lights And the way they glow at Christmas ♪

♪ Decorations up on the tree ♪

♪ Little kids on Santa's knee ♪

♪ Sleigh bells And the way they ring at Christmas ♪

♪ It's my favorite time of year ♪

♪ But, baby, when you're here ♪

♪ Oh, the only thing better ♪

♪ Only thing better ♪

♪ The only thing better ♪

♪ Only thing better ♪

♪ The only thing better than Christmas ♪

♪ Is Christmas with you, yeah ♪

♪ Choo-choo, do-do-do-do ♪

♪ Choo-choo, do-do-do ♪

- ♪ Choo-choo, do-do-do-do ♪ - ♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Choo-choo, do-do-do ♪

♪ It's sweeter than any candy cane ♪

♪ Knowing you're here for the holiday ♪

♪ And I can't wait To celebrate this Christmas ♪

♪ Yeah, the season brings good cheer ♪

♪ But, baby, when you're here ♪

♪ Oh, the only thing better ♪

♪ Only thing better ♪

♪ The only thing better ♪

♪ Only thing better ♪

♪ The only thing better than Christmas ♪

♪ Is Christmas with you ♪

- ♪ Ooh, ooh ♪ - ♪ Choo-choo, do-do-do-do ♪

♪ Choo-choo, do-do-do ♪

♪ No, you know it wouldn't be the same ♪

♪ If you were somewhere far away ♪

♪ But this year, you're right here ♪

♪ And, baby, when you hold me near, yeah ♪

- ♪ The only thing better ♪ - Everybody!

- ♪ Only thing better ♪ - ♪ The only thing better ♪

- ♪ Only thing better ♪ - Come on!

♪ The only thing better than Christmas ♪

♪ Is Christmas with you ♪

- ♪ The only thing better ♪ - ♪ Only thing better ♪

♪ The only thing better ♪

♪ Only thing better ♪

♪ The only thing better than Christmas ♪

♪ Is Christmas with you ♪

♪ Choo-choo, do-do-do-do ♪

- ♪ Yeah, Christmas with you ♪ - ♪ Choo-choo, do-do-do ♪

♪ Choo-choo, do-do-do-do ♪

♪ Na-na, Christmas with you ♪

- ♪ The only thing better ♪ - ♪ Choo-choo, do-do-do-do ♪

- ♪ The only thing better ♪ - ♪ Is Christmas with you ♪

- ♪ The only thing better ♪ - ♪ Is Christmas with you ♪

♪ The only thing better ♪

♪ Is Christmas with you ♪

[rock music plays]

[rock music ends]