Original subtitles

- What's your game here, dude?

You're a garbage thief who only cares about himself,

but now suddenly you're helping?

- The poodle and I have an arrangement.

I lend her the use of my 10 little magic wands,

and she doesn't lead her no hair bear to the shed

where I stay when it rains.

You're done. Next.

- Um, what is this? - Honey's new rain protocol.

Can't have paw prints on the carpet.

No.

The blow dryer is an aggressive tool

humans use to force animals to conform to their standards...

And I resent Honey for imposing it on us.

- Next. - Wow. It is really coming...

Ah!

Armando, what are you doing here?

I told you that a passionate affair

between a swashbuckling coyote

and voluptuous super canine

can only end in heartbreak.

- I'm willing to take that chance.

Oh! I forgot you had jet paws.

- I do. I do have jet paws.

- Honey, Jill is on a rampage.

Come quick! I may have overstated it,

but that's only because my credibility is shot.

- Where is it?

Oh! A-ha!

- This dangerous storm is developing rapidly.

Check back in later.

- Hey, what do you think is going on?

- Uh... Oh, no.

These are all the thoughtless gifts her mom has given her.

That means... - Grandma's coming to town!

Oh, yes! - But Chief,

how can you be excited?

Spending time with Nancy puts Jill in a very fragile

emotional state.

Not to mention the fact that Nancy hates me,

which is just beyond.

Is Uncle Nathan coming too?

- He's not your uncle.

Okay, Jill,

don't let her snuff out your light.

- Hi, Mom. How was the trip?

- So you're not gonna say hello to your brother?

- He's not really...

Hi, Nathan.

- Hello, Chiefy.

Euch. - Euch.

- Did you get my compression socks?

- Well, you just asked for them 30 minutes ago.

- Either take me to Kohl's now

or take me to the emergency room later.

- But... - Storm. Storm. Storm. Storm.

- The storm. Storm.

Okay.

- Bye, Lover Bird. Bye, Chiefy.

- Hello, Honey. - Nathan.

- You're looking well.

- What about me, Uncle Nathan?

How do I look? Big and strong?

- Oh, yes. Very strong.

Say, Sport, why don't you use that strength

to let Uncle Nathan out of his cage?

- Don't fall for it, Chief.

Remember what happened last time.

- Let him perch! - I'm trying!

- Even if I had hands,

I wouldn't let you out of that cage.

- Did somebody say...

- We're good, Raccoon.

- Oh, pardon me. Am I too close?

- If you climbed through my empty eye socket,

and nestled into my skull,

you still wouldn't be too close.

Ah! - Guys,

why are you acting like the people

in Kevin's nighttime videos?

Is something going on with you two?

- What? No, this is just roomy talk.

- Guys, you won't believe what I just saw.

I've... okay. I'm dry.

- I'll be in the shed. - Mm-hmm.

- There was a coyote

standing on top of the rock near the backyard.

- Armando? - Who's Armando?

- Oh. What? Armando?

You said that, I think.

- No. I said coyote.

- Well, how'd he look, sad?

Muscley? Why do I care?

I don't. Let's begin.

Jill's mother, Nancy, came to town unexpectedly.

So, uh, we have a guest today.

This is Nathan. He's...

- Honey's uncle.

- No, he's Jill's mother's pet

and he won't be interfering at all.

Not a peep. So who wants to start?

No one wants to share?

This is a first.

- If everyone is feeling shy,

I'd like to discuss why the elderly cat

and the one-eyed cat lied to the husky cat.

- That's a peep.

- They're obviously more than friends.

- Actually, no. I just asked.

They're roommates who are a little bit flirty.

It's all inbounds.

- Since we're talking romance, sexual pivot,

Darla, Lindsay, and I are now a throuple.

It is the stuff that the most romantic

and perverse fairy tales are made of.

- Ooh. Shel, uh, I've asked you

to dull down your visuals.

Trust me, that was dulled.

- Oh, you can't blame him, Honey.

Delusions are often more vivid than real memories.

- How dare you?

The memories of our pound rounds

are as real as this table.

- Nathan, I won't warn you again.

Aw, sweet, fragile Elsa.

I used to be scared of storms too,

but therapy has totally calmed me.

And it's all thanks to you, Dr. Honey.

Wow, Diablo, thank you.

God. Did everyone hear that?

- I heard a therapist blinded by cheap praise.

- Yeah. I hate this guy. - I'm not a fan either.

- Agree.

- Same.

- Ugh. You're all beyond help

and only a fool would waste their time trying.

Luckily, you found one.

- All right, enough, Nathan.

You have disrupted this group for the last time.

- Honey, I think I broke my eyes!

- No, Chief. The power went out.

Okay. Is everyone all right?

- I'm fine. Not scared at all.

- I thought it was kind of exciting.

And the good news is, now Nathan's gone.

- Oh, no. Where is he?

- Well, it looks like his cage was knocked over.

- The little door is open. He must have flown away.

- Well, there sure are a lot of feathers on the ground.

- Oh, my God. - Hmm.

All these clues tell me

that your Uncle Nathan didn't fly away.

- Not my uncle. - He was eaten!

Ah-ah, oh!

Chief, wake up.

I had the worst dream.

You were there, and you were there,

and you were there, and Uncle Nathan was...

- Eaten? That was real, toots.

I'm an orphan!

- This might be a dumb question,

but if Nathan was eaten,

doesn't that mean someone here ate him?

- Tchotchke, where did you find Jill's Casio Mini?

Well, well, well.

Well, well, well, well, well, well, well.

Looks like we've got a murder mystery on our paws.

- Yes, we do.

Well, well, well...

- I just did that. - Sorry.

What I was getting to was

we do know that someone in this room has killed before.

- Yes, I have experienced the joy of killing,

but only in self-defense.

- Okay, then, why don't you tell us

where you were when the lights went out?

- Shel, do you want to tell them or should I?

- Oh, go ahead.

- I was hiding in a clog when I felt it move.

I thought maybe it was the thunder,

but when I peeked out, I saw...

- Ah! Oh.

- Oh, I thought everything was going great

with Darla and Lindsay.

- I only said that to not shatter your image of me

as a sex-sual dynamo.

The truth is...

It was like I wasn't even there.

A throuple fail of epic proportions.

So yes, I was with Bethany while the lights were out.

- Bethany? Oh, the clog.

- I just needed to feel wanted again.

- Well, I guess that clears Shel and Nibbles of this crime.

- Yes. And now I'd like to pose a question.

Which animal is known to be the number one killer of birds?

- Man. - Cats!

I'd like to hear alibis from the felines in the room.

Well, I...

I was...

- Oh, God. - Okay.

Oh, oh, icky. Okay, you're cleaning that up.

- Wait. You're gray, but that hairball is white.

- I guess the jig is... how do you say?

Up.

I was with The Gray One

locked in fiery grooming.

- Yeah, we were. - You guys are together? Aww.

- I'm sorry to interrupt, but can we move this?

If I smell vomit, it makes me...

- Diablo, are you back on medication?

- Yes.

You've been so over the moon about my progress,

I didn't have the heart to tell you

it's because of the medicine.

- Well, one doesn't work without the other.

Is anyone in this group telling the truth?

- I am. I'm an open book.

No secrets, nothing to hide.

- You do have one secret.

He's actually a very nice guy and a wonderful friend.

I was in over my head and Max came to my rescue.

- I didn't do it to be a nice guy.

I did it because I was sick of hearing you drone on

about Lindsay.

I thought it would finally shut you up.

- Well, you obviously don't know me at all.

Oh, no!

Jill is five blocks out!

And about to get her period!

- Oh, no. Everyone out!

- The flap won't flap.

- Well, we all live here now.

It's stuck.

- We're trapped! - Four blocks.

- Trapped? Oh, no, no, no.

This is a nightmare.

- I'm having a great time. - Not only has Nathan...

- Uncle Nathan. - Disappeared...

- Been eaten. - But when Jill gets home...

- This group is gonna be canceled

faster than an Armie Hammer dinner party.

- Three blocks! - Raccoon, help!

- Ba-da-ba-da, ra-ba-da-ba-da-ba,

bum-bum-bong.

- She's in the driveway!

- And of course, you forgot to lock the door.

- Hide.

- Hello, Chiefy.

Did you have fun with your Uncle Natha...

Ahh!

Nathan!

Oh, not my Nathan.

- It's okay, Mom.

Maybe the storm scared Chief and he knocked into the table.

- Yeah. She gets me.

- I'm sure Nathan's in the house somewhere.

We'll find him.

- Uch. - Chief, you stay with Nancy.

I'll go with Jill.

- Nathan.

Where are you, Nathan?

- Ooh, that was... - Lover!

- Uh-oh. - Where are you?

Uh! Oh.

Nathan, come to your mommy bird.

- Nathan.

Nathan.

- Chico.

- I'm here, but I'm not talking to you.

- Oh, come on.

Don't be mad at me for being happy with Tabitha.

- If that's why you think I'm mad,

then you're even dumber than you must think I am.

- I understand why you didn't say anything

about you and The Gray One.

You are totally out of his league.

- It is not an issue of leagues.

- I feel so bad for lying to Honey.

I just wanted her to think I was making progress

so she didn't give up on me.

- Honey's never given up on any of us.

- Aw, thanks, Nibbles.

- Should we kiss?

- I mean, I wasn't feeling that, but...

- Me neither.

- I'm not mad at you for being with Tabitha.

I'm hurt because best friends tell each other everything,

so I must not be your best friend.

- Ah. Of course, you are.

Look, I'm sorry I didn't tell you.

I promise to be mostly, totally honest with you from now on.

- Thank you.

I hope Tabitha makes you as happy as Kevin makes me.

I'm not sure I'm ever getting out of here.

- I thought burying Lindsay,

the proverbial "ho" meant you and I were becoming bros.

And I don't like the misogyny in that term,

but the rhyme is too delicious to pass up.

But evidently, I was wrong.

Wrong like Donkey Kong.

- All right! I'm sorry!

I'm sorry for what I said. I want to be your bro.

- Do you mean it?

You're not just saying that

to get me to shut my trap.

- Of course, I am.

We have fun.

Well, aren't you a tall drink of water?

- Come on, man, keep it in your shell.

- I wanted to make sure The Gray One really like me

before everyone find out.

Can't handle another public rejection.

- He'd have to be crazy to reject you.

You're a super fluff, pretty cat.

- Thank you, Elsa.

You are short leg, eager face.

- Uch, I'm so cold.

- There, there, Mom.

- Should have been you.

- Detach with love, detach with love.

I'll build a fire.

Oh, I think this wood got a little... a little damp.

- This is why you didn't get on "Survivor."

- You know what, Mom? Why don't you go to bed?

Yeah, I'll keep looking for Nathan.

The mean pig and the sexy turtle are in the bedroom.

Go.

- Let me get you an extra blanket.

- Dee-dee-doo-dah. - Ugh.

What is that supposed to be? - I don't know.

He's never done that before.

- Dee-dee-dee... dah.

- Is everyone okay? - Yes, but no.

I have to get home. My dad's probably worried sick.

- Oh, I can't even think about how worried Kevin would be

if he was in town.

- How am I gonna get you animals out of here?

Raccoon. - Oh, hey.

Did you know that there was a branch in front of the door?

- Little late. Everyone go.

- Wait. We still have a mystery to solve.

Or has everyone forgotten

we have a vicious killer in our midst?

- What? Oh, right. Sorry.

- Someone here is responsible for the murder

of Honey's favorite uncle. - Not my uncle.

And we're not gonna solve this mystery tonight.

Everyone has alibis,

and I think we should just let it go.

- Not everyone. There's one animal

who hasn't accounted for their whereabouts

while the lights were out.

You.

- Tchotchke, enough.

While Tabitha and I were cementing

our lifelong bond,

I noticed muddy paw prints coming from the door

and going into the living room.

We were all thoroughly cleaned when we entered.

And Raccoon buffed your nails before he left.

Then I thought back to the moments

before the lights went out.

- You've interrupted for the last time.

- And that's when I figured out

the only thing that could have happened.

- Really? That's the only thing that could have happened?

- I would bet my vest that if you showed us your paw,

there would be mud on it.

- That's ridiculous.

I would never kill Nathan.

And there's no such thing as a Were-Poodle.

- Okay. Then lift your paw.

Show us your paw and this will all be over.

- Okay. Okay. Okay. Yes.

Fine. Yes.

I did go outside, but I did not kill Nathan.

- Then what were you doing?

- Um...

- Why did you go outside, Honey?

- Okay. Fine. Yes, I did it. I did it.

I... I killed Nathan and... and I buried him in the backyard.

I hated how he was treating all of you.

And also because birds as a species are disgusting.

I smell roast chicken.

- The first stage of grief.

- Yeah, well, mystery solved. Everyone have a great night.

Drive safe. That horrible bird is dead.

- Is that any way to talk about family?

Nathan.

Surprised to see me?

- Uncle Nathan is so badass.

- We thought Honey ate you.

- You only thought that because that's I wanted you to think.

But I'll tell you what really happened

when the lights went out.

I stuck my claws through the bars and unlocked the door.

And then I liberally sprinkled the floor

with my own feathers.

Once I took flight,

I got a me-eyed view of your sad little lives.

- Oh, yeah. That's it.

Oh.

- And then up the chimney, I flew.

I just never anticipated Jill successfully starting a fire.

I mean, we all saw her "Survivor" audition.

- Nathan, why would you do this?

- One word. Freedom.

When we come here,

I am banished to that horrible cage, like an animal.

I overheard Nancy saying that I would have to live here

once she's gone. I can't have that.

So I decided to turn Nancy on Jill

by using the one thing Jill loves more than anything else.

You. - Me?

- Oof, that was way more than one word.

- If you can open the cage whenever you want,

why did you ask me to do it?

- To almost pull off genius schemes like this.

But at least I destroyed your little group.

- You didn't destroy group. - Not even close.

- But all you do is lie to each other.

Honey's a fraud and she's not qualified to help any of you.

- That might be true, but she also cares about us.

- Gah. Pathetic.

You can have each other.

Ow.

- Nathan. Oh, my poor angel. You're naked.

Muah! Muah!

- You all should go home now.

Your humans must be going crazy.

- Brava, Honey.

- Let's go, move it.

- Well, that was some session.

- Honey, this is hard for me to say,

but I forgive you for eating Uncle Nathan.

- I have a question for you. - Raccoon.

- Why would you confess to a murder you didn't commit?

- Um, well, I was just... um...

I don't know what you're talking about.

- Yeah. I was kind of thinking it might have something to do

with that hot-ass coyote you've been eye-boinking.

But if you don't wanna talk about it, that's cool.

Man, sure, it would be a shame if your fancy friends

found out about him.

Or if Chief did.

- You wouldn't. - I mean, I am a scumbag, so...

- Fine. I'll tell you what really happened.

- Armando, I thought you'd been struck by...

Whoa! Is that a six-pack?

- You shouldn't be out here, Honey.

It's too dangerous.

- Your chest is like, wow.

- I just wanted to make sure you were okay.

Now get back inside.

- But...

- Go.

- Now you know everything.

Please don't tell anyone.

- Your secret is safe with me.

If you let me keep the apartment...

year-round. - You got yourself a deal.

- Pleasure doing business with you.

Nailed it. - Ow.

- Easy there, little fella. It's okay.

Hold on. I've got something for you.

You like to party?

Bento.