All language subtitles for 2 Broke Girls s04e10 Move In Meltdown

Care for a cupcake?

Well, our new
outdoor seating area

is about as popular
as Paula Deen at an NBA game.

How much longer do we have
to be out here?

We are cold.
So, so cold.

I can see my breath.

And my boys are up
by my rib cage.

I can smell his breath.

And my boys are up
by where my boys used to be.

And these customers
aren't helping.

How could we have thought
a strong Han presence

would make it more popular?

Max, in hindsight,

it feels like us not springing
for those heat lamps

was a bad call.

You think?

Guys, I just peed a little
to keep warm.

Well, I peed a little
'cause I had no choice.

Great, they're stuck
to the bench.

Go get the windshield scraper.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYS)

(CASH REGISTER RINGS)

Reading Us Weekly, Earl?

Ooh,
"Stars. They're just like us."

Well, if they're just like us,
where's the picture of them

turning their underwear
inside out?

Caroline left it
in the men's room.

And as I said that out loud,

I realized that I must have been
in the ladies' room.

I can't see, Max.

Max, I've got
some exciting news.

Eh, I vowed I'd never
get excited about anything again

after that last Indiana Jones.

I found us two discount
heat lamps on Sherry's list.

It's like Craigslist,
but without the high probability

of being murdered
by a deranged medical student.

And about those lamps?
Uh, no.

We can't worry
about our outdoor business.

We barely have
an indoor business.

And we never will,
with that attitude.

I'm gonna ask you one more time.

Please listen
to those Tony Robbins tapes

we found in the garbage.

Well, girls, tomorrow's the day

I've been looking forward to
for three years.

You're getting
your teeth cleaned?

Sorry, that's what
we've been looking forward to.

I'm moving in with Sophie.

From now on, the booty call
is coming from inside the house.

-I couldn't help but overhear.
-From way back there?

Your ears should give
a pep talk

to the other parts of your body.

And, Oleg, if you need any help
with the move,

might I offer my services?

My trainer Skylar says
I'm getting ripped.

Yeah, ripped off by Skylar.

Thanks, Han.
And as a bit of a payback,

I'll wash my hands
back here tonight.

See you later, neighbors.

Oleg's moving in?

This is the worst thing
that's ever happened to me.

And I lost two billion dollars.

What is the problem?
This is all good news.

-Sophie an Oleg are in love.
-Yeah.

And they'll be in love
on our stairs,

in our hallway,

and on every surface
of the laundry room.

What do you know about love
anyway, Christian Single?

I know Jesus has a girl for me.

He has to.

I'm $400 deep
into that damn website.

Look, we just make a pact

that no matter
what happens upstairs,

or on the stairs
or in the laundry room,

we don't invite it
into our apartment.

Hey, everybody.

Oh! Brr!

It's raining cats
and goats out there.

Don't you mean
"cats and dogs"?

Oh, it's so nice to be corrected
as you walk in the door.

Hey, baby.

Can you believe in 24 hours
we'll be living in sin?

Oh, don't worry.
My parents don't know.

I'm having a dinner party
tomorrow night to celebrate.

And also because I have
15 pounds of beef

that's about to go bad.

So, Max, Caroline, are you in?

-Actually, Sophie, we're busy--
-We'll be there.

If there's beef involved,
I'm involved.

What happened to the pact
we just made?

I hate to tell you this,

if it comes down to you or beef,
I'm always going beef.

-(THUD
-(BABY CRYING)

(MAX LAUGHS)

That was Sherry
from Sherry's list.

She makes you call her that.

She said she's consider
charging us 150 dollars

if we pick up
the heat lamps ourselves.

And I'm charging you
with three counts

of interrupting this "Baby
in a Faulty High Chair" video.

-(THUD)
-(OLEG GROANS)

Ha, ha!
Someone fell in real life.

-OLEG: You told me you had it.
-HAN: I said I didn't have it.

It's Oleg and Han moving in.

Get away from the door.

Han will see your feet
under the door.

They're right at his eye level.

This is like a horror movie.
Saw III.

Because when Han bent over,
I saw three inches of his crack.

So you saw his whole crack?

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

-Step away.
-OLEG: Open the door, Max.

I'm about to kill Han

and I know you're gonna want
to see that.

Damn it. He's right.

Cute outfit, Han.

Like one of those male strippers
from No Thunder Down Under.

This is so heavy.
Oleg, what do you have in here?

Socks.

Really, Han,

it's like your arms
are only there for decoration.

To be fair,
Oleg's socks probably have

some pretty heavy loads in them.

Oleg, what is all your junk
doing out here?

Do I actually smell
girls screaming?

I bring things up,
Sophie says, "No."

I bring them right back down.

Is there no elevator up
in this bitch?

Oleg, you forgot your painting
and this one's a definite "No."

Sophie, I haven't gotten
a "Yes" yet,

aside from the quickie we had up
against the bathroom sink.

Not such a quickie.
They locked me out

and I had to eat my lunch
in the truck.

Then what was the point of me
renting a moving truck?

I mean, besides the rough sex
we had up against the sides?

They locked me outside
on the side of the road

for that one.

Okay, well,
we have to go back in.

See you tonight
at the beef-a-thon.

No, Oleg.
Maybe I'm being unfair.

I mean, you have all this stuff
that you like,

and they have an apartment.
Put it in there.

-Sophie.
-I'll see you at 8:00.

So, what do you say, girls?

-Absolutely not.
-Yes.

Max, there's a method
to my madness.

Oleg, will you excuse us
a second?

And maybe help Han
with that box.

In those shorts, I can
actually see a hernia happening.

I thought
we weren't getting involved.

If we help Oleg out, he'll let
us use the moving truck

-to pick up our heat lamps.
-I already said "No" to those.

-But we just talked about it.
-I wasn't listening.

That baby fell face-down
into mashed potatoes.

But you said "Yes"
to the dinner party,

so if you get your meat,
I get my heat.

Just because you rhyme
doesn't make it okay.

And I'm pretty sure
that's what Rihanna said

to Chris Brown.

Where are we meeting this chick
with the heat lamps?

I haven't gone this far
for something I didn't want

since Planned Parenthood
moved to New Jersey.

Hello. I'm getting
truck sick back here.

You're a worse driver
than people assume I am.

(HONKING HORN) Come on! Come on!
We're gonna be late to dinner.

Would any of you be interested

in playing rock-paper-scissors
for a seat up front?

No!

Girls, can I ask you
a relationship question?

No!

And besides, what would we know
about relationships?

That's like asking Donald Trump

for the name
of a good hairstylist.

I mean,
what's the deal with her?

She asks me to move in,

and then won't even let me
have my painting.

I mean,
Sophie already bought the cow.

She might as well
let the cow's crap in.

So you're saying I'm right.

No, no, but I do think--

No, you don't think,

or your mouth wouldn't be moving
right now.

I'm just saying,

he has the right
to move some of his stuff

into Sophie's apartment
and out of ours.

-(VIBRATING)
-Speaking of his stuff,

there's something in a box
back here is humming, and...

Oh, it stopped.

-(VIBRATING)
-Oh, it started again.

That's my lifelike mouth
with authentic jaw action.

Oleg, watch the road!

The last words I hear
can't be "lifelike mouth."

Everything looks very nice,
Sophie.

Yeah, see, I'm not gonna talk
until the other guests arrive.

I got to save my hostess sparkle
for the real guests.

-Hey, baby.
-Where the hell have you been?

That was a pretty loud sparkle.

It's my fault we're late,
Sophie--

It's okay. Just sit down.

Don't you want to know
what I was--

No, really.
I got a pot roast over here

that's a hell of a lot
more interesting.

Max, thank God you're here.

There was so much
awkward silence,

I pretended I got a phone call
from a banana.

I'm gonna take a quick shower.

Oh, Oleg, Dinner is ready.

You don't have time to run down
to the Y now.

No, I meant I would shower here.

Here?

In my bathroom?

Ah, yeah. I live here now.

Oh, yeah.
That's right.

Imagine that.

Hey, Oleg, why don't you
just come over here

and sit next to Earl?

Because he's old

and I'm sure
his smeller is shot.

Sophie, you really must write
a How To Entertain book.

Here we go.
Grandma Chinski's pot roast.

This looks amazing.

I love a root vegetable
in the winter.

Can it ever just be about me?

Beef, beef, beef. (SCATTING)

What?
That's my beef song.

(CLINKS GLASS)

I'd like to make a toast
to Sophie.

Oh, that's sweet.

But not with that glass.

That's Grandma Chinski's
crystal.

Baby, I was in the middle
of a toast.

Oh, I'm sorry
but those are my favorite thing.

Grandma Chinski traded two
of my slow cousins for those.

Well, you know, it's funny.
I have a favorite thing too.

In fact, why don't I just go
and get it?

(GASPING)

I can't believe it.
I'm about to meet Loni Anderson.

Can someone help me
lift up my fork?

My arms are still sore
from the move.

Open up.

Someone else has to feed Han.
He just licked my pinky.

Earl, what are you doing
over there?

Just hanging out
with R&B sensation,

Mary J. Juana.

Oh, good.
So you're in the right mind-set

to hand-feed a 30-year-old man.

Oh, no, no, no.

I think that's Polish for "No."

Uh-huh.
Yes, Sophie. It's my painting.

Excuse me. Our painting.
And it's going up on our wall.

Is it me
or is this party tense as hell?

I don't think Sophie and Oleg
are gonna make it.

Uh-oh.
Am I talking out loud right now?

I told you,
I don't want that thing in here.

I don't understand.
It's just a painting.

What's so bad about it?

Oh, my God.

Nice, huh? I did it myself.
It's a paint-by-numbers.

You mean
it's a Putin-by-numbers.

Why are his nipples so big?

They don't seem that big to me.

Oh, I am too high for this.

I'm not high enough.

In my culture, big nipples mean
power and wealth.

In our culture,
big nipples means,

"Wears a T-shirt in the pool."

There. I like it.

Adds a certain something
to the room.

Every wall needs nipples.

So a guy knows where to look.

Thank you for telling me
to do this, Caroline.

She did?

I'd get up and run
but my legs are like taffy.

Seriously, you told him
to hang that thing up?

In fairness,
I had not seen the painting

when I suggested
something like that.

I mean, I get it.
It's gorgeous.

But it doesn't go
with the décor.

What?

Is it throwing off this gorgeous
outdoor-indoor swing?

I'll cut you
with the carving knife!

Nobody is cutting anyone.
Especially not me.

Do you never learn?

Just put some beef
in your napkin like I did

and let's get out of here.

Sophie, you asked me to move in.
Guess what? I moved in.

Yes, I asked you to move in

but not
with big weird-nipple Putin.

Well, how big are nipples
supposed to be?

Because-- Never mind.

And what's your problem anyway?
I gave you a drawer.

This. This is my drawer
everybody.

What good is this?

I can't even get one of my ball
gags in there.

You asked for a drawer,
I gave you a drawer.

And who needs
12 ball gags anyway?

Oh, so now
you don't like ball gags?

Who are you, lady?

I'll tell you who I am.

I'm the lady
who's Putin this in the trash.

You trash that, I'll trash this.

Oh, no. Oh, you think
you're gonna break

one of Grandma Chinski's
glasses?

No, if anyone's gonna break one,
it's gonna be me.

(GLASS SHATTERS)

This reminds me

of the first half
of my second marriage,

and the second half
of my third marriage.

Sophie, I'm done.

And as you said to me
on our first date,

"I don't know how much
more of this I can take."

(DOOR OPENS, CLOSES)

Fun party.

Not awkward at all.

I should get going though.
Got to be up early for...

What's a thing?
Church?

Beef, beef, beef. (SCATTING)

Sorry about that dinner party
last night.

It kind of got away from me
a little bit.

But I really appreciate you
getting up early

and helping me move
Oleg's stuff back.

I just actually feel like
this is a little bit my fault.

Seriously!

Can it ever just be about me?

Hey, where are we taking
his stuff anyway?

I don't think Goodwill
will take a love seat

that's actually covered in love.

Well, I was thinking,
you know, since Oleg and I

really did have
something special,

I was thinking
I would just take his stuff

and dump it down by the river.

Okay, I'm just gonna say it.

Sophie, would it kill you

to just let Oleg
hang the damn painting?

(TIRES SCREECH)

(HORNS HONKING)

So what, you just park the truck

in the middle
of the Van Wyck Expressway?

Do you never learn?

I almost ate
Rent-A-Truck floor mat.

Caroline, you get this straight.

Oleg was wrong.

And those nipples
were way too big.

This is awkward.

-You're in the truck?
-No, you're in my apartment.

-(TIRES SCREECHING)
-(CRASH)

I think something hit us.

You guys just need
some couples therapy.

I'll mediate it,
since I've had therapy myself.

Not as a couple
but hopefully someday.

I'm just sitting here waiting
for the tow truck to come.

How's your neck, Max?

Not so bad.

The second car that hit us
kind of knocked

what the first car knocked
out of place back in place.

I'll start.

This woman
is a fraud and a liar.

Okay, well,
we need a little more Oprah,

a little less Jerry Springer.

Hey, don't diss Springer.

They have great snacks
in the green room.

You were on Jerry Springer?

Yeah, I was on
"I hate my roommate

and I don't know
how to tell her."

Well, you know,

Oleg and I are not gonna talk
this thing out.

If you wanna waste your time,

go teach
in an inner-city high school.

You know what? Even better
I'll do the talking for Oleg.

Oh, then, Max, you be me,
okay, Max?

I don't know if--

Do you want the rest
of the beef, or not?

This guy is a bum
and the painting has to go.

It's stupid.

Really, really good, Max,

but next time just arch
your back a little, and, yeah.

Okay, you be me.

No, I don't feel like getting

a threatening erection right
now.

But I will say,

anytime people move in together,
it's a compromise.

Look at Max.
When I needed a place to stay,

she let me have my horse.

Let me just say and I brought
this up on Springer...

I only let you in
because of the horse.

And I finally stopped
putting up a fight

and let Max walk around naked.

-When did that happen?
-Tomorrow.

Oh, Oleg, I wouldn't want you
to give up walking around naked.

I mean, as long
as you don't sit down

on anything white.

Makes sense.

Nobody likes a chocolate
starfish on an Ottoman.

Point, Sophie.

Ha! I'm winning, everybody.

Well, it's therapy.
There are no winners and losers.

Sounds like something
a loser would say.

You know, Oleg,

this isn't about
that silly little painting.

It's just...

a lot of change
in a short amount of time...

(WHISPERS)
I'm so scared.

Sophie,
I don't care about my stuff,

as long as I have you.

What did we just do?

We had them apart

and now we just put them
back together.

You did that.

You don't know when to butt out.
Jerry's words.

(CASH REGISTER RINGS)

(THEME MUSIC PLAYS)

(English US - SDH)

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