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1
00:00:08,092 --> 00:00:09,512
Good evening, ladies.
2
00:00:10,260 --> 00:00:11,600
No.
3
00:00:11,721 --> 00:00:13,221
What are you doing?
4
00:00:13,346 --> 00:00:14,716
I know this neighborhood
is a circus,
5
00:00:14,890 --> 00:00:16,560
but our window's
becoming a freak show.
6
00:00:16,684 --> 00:00:19,104
Max, I don't think
that bearded lady earlier
7
00:00:19,228 --> 00:00:20,398
was doing it on purpose.
8
00:00:20,521 --> 00:00:22,611
It's more
of a menopause thing.
9
00:00:22,731 --> 00:00:25,821
He can't afford a cupcake.
He can't even afford two wheels.
10
00:00:28,070 --> 00:00:29,780
Hi. What can I get you?
11
00:00:29,821 --> 00:00:31,951
-I'll take one vanilla.
-That'll be four dollars.
12
00:00:32,073 --> 00:00:35,373
Actually, madam, tonight
I'll be paying with a poem.
13
00:00:36,954 --> 00:00:39,164
He'll be paying
with a poem, madam.
14
00:00:39,289 --> 00:00:42,789
"I pull.
Shadows push.
15
00:00:42,917 --> 00:00:45,127
I was a child then.
16
00:00:45,170 --> 00:00:47,260
(WHISPERS) I was a child then."
17
00:00:48,631 --> 00:00:49,511
Spit it out.
18
00:00:51,719 --> 00:00:52,719
Hey, you want a poem?
19
00:00:52,844 --> 00:00:54,264
Roses are red,
violets are blue...
20
00:00:54,387 --> 00:00:55,767
Get a job!
21
00:00:55,890 --> 00:00:57,600
And another wheel!
22
00:00:58,893 --> 00:01:00,853
That felt good.
I get why you do that.
23
00:01:00,978 --> 00:01:03,268
Wait till you get actual
fist-to-face contact.
24
00:01:03,396 --> 00:01:05,146
That's a real high.
25
00:01:06,483 --> 00:01:08,323
(THEME SONG)
26
00:01:08,486 --> 00:01:09,816
(CASH REGISTER RINGS)
27
00:01:17,411 --> 00:01:18,871
Welcome to
the Williamsburg Diner, Deke.
28
00:01:18,995 --> 00:01:21,825
Where'd you hear about us?
Kitchen Nightmares?
29
00:01:23,125 --> 00:01:24,785
Okay, Max,
let's get to it.
30
00:01:24,918 --> 00:01:26,458
We have to decide what
we're each gonna make
31
00:01:26,629 --> 00:01:27,629
for our pastry school
homework.
32
00:01:27,754 --> 00:01:29,134
Or true to form,
I'll blow it off,
33
00:01:29,256 --> 00:01:31,046
beat you up,
and take yours.
34
00:01:31,174 --> 00:01:35,014
Of the top of my giant head,
I'm thinking sticky buns.
35
00:01:35,137 --> 00:01:37,807
Deke's dark sticky buns.
36
00:01:38,182 --> 00:01:39,472
We're talking about dessert,
37
00:01:39,599 --> 00:01:42,389
not what's going on
in your pants.
38
00:01:42,520 --> 00:01:44,190
Well, I would've
baked brownies,
39
00:01:44,313 --> 00:01:47,193
until I remembered I smoked
all the ingredients.
40
00:01:49,401 --> 00:01:51,781
Oh, my God,
guess who texted me again.
41
00:01:51,903 --> 00:01:52,993
Dame Judi Dench?
42
00:01:53,112 --> 00:01:54,572
Dame Judes texts me all the time.
43
00:01:54,698 --> 00:01:56,368
She's thirsty!
44
00:01:57,992 --> 00:02:00,832
More like,
damn, Judi Dench.
45
00:02:01,079 --> 00:02:02,329
Oh, hi, Deke.
46
00:02:02,498 --> 00:02:03,498
Didn't know you were here.
47
00:02:03,623 --> 00:02:04,713
You're everywhere.
48
00:02:04,834 --> 00:02:05,834
Pastry school,
49
00:02:06,001 --> 00:02:08,341
on the phone with Max talking
about pastry school,
50
00:02:08,461 --> 00:02:11,011
and now here at the counter
talking about elder sex
51
00:02:11,173 --> 00:02:13,973
with a beloved star
of stage and screen.
52
00:02:14,092 --> 00:02:15,092
-You're like--
-What...
53
00:02:15,218 --> 00:02:18,138
Denzel Washington trapped
in Channing Tatum's body?
54
00:02:22,935 --> 00:02:24,685
I get that a lot.
55
00:02:24,812 --> 00:02:29,112
Anyway, Max, this is the fourth
time Chef Nicolas has texted me
56
00:02:29,233 --> 00:02:30,233
outside of school.
57
00:02:30,359 --> 00:02:31,859
And this time
he sent me a video.
58
00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:33,275
Look.
59
00:02:33,403 --> 00:02:34,913
CHEF NICOLAS: Then, Caroline,
you spoon the fat
60
00:02:35,030 --> 00:02:35,700
from the pan....
61
00:02:35,823 --> 00:02:37,913
CAROLINE: It's him making breakfast
with his shirt open.
62
00:02:38,033 --> 00:02:39,743
What do you think it means?
63
00:02:41,996 --> 00:02:45,076
That he doesn't have a fear
of bacon splatters?
64
00:02:45,206 --> 00:02:47,706
He's totally flirting
with me, right?
65
00:02:47,835 --> 00:02:49,665
Totally. Chef Nicolas
is hot for you.
66
00:02:49,795 --> 00:02:52,045
He has to double up on aprons
when you're around,
67
00:02:52,171 --> 00:02:53,801
know what I'm sayin'?
68
00:02:54,258 --> 00:02:56,928
Deke, this is just
private best friend stuff
69
00:02:57,051 --> 00:02:59,561
between girls, you know,
that you're not a part of.
70
00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:02,220
Can I not be a part of it?
71
00:03:02,348 --> 00:03:03,888
And since Chef Nicolas
is your teacher
72
00:03:04,058 --> 00:03:05,138
and I work at the school,
73
00:03:05,269 --> 00:03:07,649
I'd appreciate it if we kept
this just between us three.
74
00:03:07,812 --> 00:03:10,112
And me.
I saw it over your shoulder.
75
00:03:10,231 --> 00:03:11,231
Doesn't hold a candle
76
00:03:11,358 --> 00:03:13,858
to my series of pantless
meatloaf videos.
77
00:03:14,319 --> 00:03:15,859
Meatloaf. Pick up.
78
00:03:18,240 --> 00:03:20,120
Okay, okay, Max,
if you have time to lean,
79
00:03:20,199 --> 00:03:21,909
you have time to clean.
80
00:03:22,036 --> 00:03:23,576
And if I have time
to give you a punch,
81
00:03:23,746 --> 00:03:25,826
we have time
to have lunch.
82
00:03:26,623 --> 00:03:29,293
Max, should we help him
find his mom?
83
00:03:34,340 --> 00:03:37,130
Oh, no, now there's
two of them.
84
00:03:37,259 --> 00:03:39,219
Like gremlins.
85
00:03:42,680 --> 00:03:44,600
Now, come on, this is a diner,
not study hall.
86
00:03:44,724 --> 00:03:45,774
You're working.
87
00:03:45,893 --> 00:03:47,353
I call it spiritually dying,
88
00:03:47,478 --> 00:03:49,808
but working is a good word
for what we do here, too.
89
00:03:49,938 --> 00:03:52,648
We could figure it out tomorrow
night over some drinks.
90
00:03:52,816 --> 00:03:55,066
Couple of white wine spritzers.
Know what I'm sayin'?
91
00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:56,605
That you're
a recently-widowed woman
92
00:03:56,778 --> 00:03:58,698
on a girls' trip in Boca?
93
00:03:58,822 --> 00:04:01,742
Well, I already ate my water,
so I'm good to go.
94
00:04:01,866 --> 00:04:04,286
I am out the door.
95
00:04:04,453 --> 00:04:05,623
Hi, I'm Deke.
96
00:04:05,788 --> 00:04:07,118
Bye, Max.
97
00:04:08,581 --> 00:04:09,921
Oh, he's your friend?
98
00:04:10,042 --> 00:04:11,792
For a minute I thought
he was that kid
99
00:04:11,961 --> 00:04:14,091
I had out of wedlock
with Linda Evans.
100
00:04:15,965 --> 00:04:17,545
Okay, why are you
in here not working?
101
00:04:17,675 --> 00:04:19,585
And why are you
doing it without me?
102
00:04:19,718 --> 00:04:21,598
Look, I've been texting
with Nicolas.
103
00:04:21,720 --> 00:04:24,010
He "thirs-ty."
104
00:04:24,973 --> 00:04:26,433
He wants me to meet him
for a drink
105
00:04:26,557 --> 00:04:28,017
after his dinner tomorrow.
106
00:04:28,143 --> 00:04:30,733
"After" his dinner.
You know what that means.
107
00:04:30,853 --> 00:04:32,233
So he thinks he doesn't
have to buy you dinner
108
00:04:32,355 --> 00:04:34,765
before he makes you
his slam piece?
109
00:04:34,899 --> 00:04:36,779
After dinner
is a booty call.
110
00:04:36,901 --> 00:04:37,901
Or as they say in France,
111
00:04:38,028 --> 00:04:41,318
a call du bootay.
112
00:04:41,447 --> 00:04:42,657
So I need you to hang
out with me,
113
00:04:42,783 --> 00:04:44,663
because if I don't have anything
else to do at that time,
114
00:04:44,826 --> 00:04:46,246
I won't be able
to resist him.
115
00:04:46,370 --> 00:04:47,540
I don't see it.
116
00:04:47,663 --> 00:04:49,163
Maybe because he never
pulled a knife on me,
117
00:04:49,288 --> 00:04:52,458
but to me he's, like, asexual.
118
00:04:52,584 --> 00:04:56,134
Yeah, like "a sexual object."
119
00:04:56,254 --> 00:04:58,844
Okay, well, I told Deke
I'd help him with his homework,
120
00:04:59,007 --> 00:05:00,007
so you can hang
out with us.
121
00:05:00,134 --> 00:05:01,514
Hang out with Deke?
122
00:05:01,677 --> 00:05:04,637
I didn't even like
The Muppets on TV.
123
00:05:04,762 --> 00:05:06,012
But fine, it'll...
124
00:05:06,180 --> 00:05:07,680
It'll keep me busy
because, Max,
125
00:05:07,850 --> 00:05:10,980
when Nicolas looks at me,
it does something to my insides,
126
00:05:11,103 --> 00:05:12,983
and I want this to be
a relationship
127
00:05:13,105 --> 00:05:16,145
before he does something
to my insides.
128
00:05:17,233 --> 00:05:18,693
If you keep talking
about your insides,
129
00:05:18,819 --> 00:05:20,569
I'm gonna kick you
on your outsides.
130
00:05:23,531 --> 00:05:25,871
Okay, so as far
as my dessert homework goes--
131
00:05:25,992 --> 00:05:27,082
He just texted me again.
132
00:05:27,201 --> 00:05:29,581
Ou es-tu?
Where are you?
133
00:05:29,704 --> 00:05:32,334
And he used tu,
not vous.
134
00:05:32,457 --> 00:05:33,917
We've gone there.
135
00:05:35,334 --> 00:05:37,554
Then why are you
still here?
136
00:05:37,670 --> 00:05:40,170
Because I can't go there,
Max, I'm not ready.
137
00:05:40,298 --> 00:05:42,588
Oh, wax situation?
138
00:05:44,052 --> 00:05:46,312
Guys don't care about that.
139
00:05:46,430 --> 00:05:48,640
So, as far as my dessert goes,
I went all-out
140
00:05:48,766 --> 00:05:50,426
and actually did some
real research.
141
00:05:50,558 --> 00:05:52,268
You Googled desserts
with dirty names?
142
00:05:52,394 --> 00:05:53,904
Correct-o.
143
00:05:54,021 --> 00:05:55,901
And it was harder
to pick one than I thought.
144
00:05:56,023 --> 00:05:57,403
I mean, you got
your bundt cake,
145
00:05:57,566 --> 00:05:59,226
your lady fingers,
146
00:05:59,401 --> 00:06:01,241
kumquat pie....
147
00:06:02,321 --> 00:06:03,701
Cum and quat.
148
00:06:03,822 --> 00:06:05,032
It was right there
the whole time.
149
00:06:05,156 --> 00:06:06,236
How could I not see it?
150
00:06:06,365 --> 00:06:09,325
So I dug deep,
and I have the winner.
151
00:06:09,452 --> 00:06:12,122
Croquembouche.
152
00:06:12,247 --> 00:06:15,877
I don't know what that is,
but she sounds like a whore.
153
00:06:16,834 --> 00:06:18,754
It's a traditional
French wedding cake
154
00:06:18,879 --> 00:06:20,629
with vanilla cream-filled
profiteroles
155
00:06:20,755 --> 00:06:22,255
dipped in hand-made caramel.
156
00:06:22,382 --> 00:06:25,682
Said the only person here
not in pastry school.
157
00:06:25,802 --> 00:06:27,552
Oh, cool.
I didn't know what it was.
158
00:06:27,678 --> 00:06:28,718
Maybe I can help.
159
00:06:28,846 --> 00:06:32,266
I happen to know Nicolas loves
a pear tarte tatin.
160
00:06:36,437 --> 00:06:38,517
Tarte tatin!
No.
161
00:06:40,442 --> 00:06:42,902
I thought I'd distract myself
by going out with you guys,
162
00:06:43,028 --> 00:06:44,778
but it feels like the day
in high school I hung out
163
00:06:44,904 --> 00:06:47,414
with the smokers
for street cred.
164
00:06:47,533 --> 00:06:49,333
And I used to hang out
with rich geeks like you
165
00:06:49,451 --> 00:06:51,121
when I needed lunch money.
166
00:06:51,245 --> 00:06:53,075
I'm texting Nicolas.
167
00:06:53,163 --> 00:06:55,123
What? You said you didn't
want him to think you were up
168
00:06:55,290 --> 00:06:58,500
for a wham-bam,
thank you, mademoiselle.
169
00:06:58,627 --> 00:07:00,957
You're right, Max.
I shouldn't text him.
170
00:07:01,088 --> 00:07:02,128
(PHONE VIBRATES)
171
00:07:02,255 --> 00:07:04,255
He just texted me again.
What's one drink?
172
00:07:04,382 --> 00:07:07,092
$18.
173
00:07:07,218 --> 00:07:08,348
It is?
174
00:07:08,470 --> 00:07:09,600
Yeah, you better text him.
175
00:07:09,721 --> 00:07:12,221
We need a grown-up
to pay for the drinks.
176
00:07:12,348 --> 00:07:13,978
I'll just say
I'm with friends,
177
00:07:14,100 --> 00:07:15,350
and he can join
for a drink.
178
00:07:15,476 --> 00:07:17,556
Isn't that what people do?
I forget.
179
00:07:17,687 --> 00:07:20,567
I haven't been a person
or done anything in so long.
180
00:07:20,690 --> 00:07:23,150
Or done a person in so long.
181
00:07:24,485 --> 00:07:26,485
I won't let it get that far.
182
00:07:26,654 --> 00:07:28,244
And by that,
I mean you won't.
183
00:07:28,365 --> 00:07:30,195
I'll give you a signal and then
you'll say we have to go.
184
00:07:30,324 --> 00:07:32,954
What's the signal?
Full penetration?
185
00:07:37,206 --> 00:07:38,496
No, before that.
186
00:07:38,625 --> 00:07:41,245
So, just the tip?
187
00:07:52,180 --> 00:07:54,220
I think I'll just wink.
188
00:08:06,194 --> 00:08:08,614
So, croquembouche?
189
00:08:09,656 --> 00:08:11,656
I can't pretend to talk.
190
00:08:11,824 --> 00:08:14,664
I hope his tongue
is wearing protection.
191
00:08:18,915 --> 00:08:21,035
Hey.
192
00:08:21,168 --> 00:08:22,668
Are we making you
uncomfortable?
193
00:08:22,793 --> 00:08:25,463
No, no, it's just that
I usually like to fast-forward
194
00:08:25,588 --> 00:08:27,878
through the kissing parts
when I watch porn.
195
00:08:29,509 --> 00:08:32,259
Come on, relax, Max.
We're just having some fun.
196
00:08:32,386 --> 00:08:33,886
It's just that
you're our teacher,
197
00:08:34,014 --> 00:08:36,564
and your spittle
is all over her mouth.
198
00:08:36,682 --> 00:08:38,102
We're not in class.
199
00:08:38,226 --> 00:08:39,976
Do you see batter
or bowls?
200
00:08:40,102 --> 00:08:42,942
Well, we're hoping
not to see any balls.
201
00:08:45,024 --> 00:08:47,824
I see the outline
of one of 'em.
202
00:08:50,947 --> 00:08:53,407
Just don't think of me
as a teacher right now.
203
00:08:53,491 --> 00:08:55,871
Well, I'm kind
of learning a lot.
204
00:08:58,705 --> 00:09:01,165
You know, for someone
who wasn't gonna have sex...
205
00:09:01,291 --> 00:09:03,711
she's having sex.
206
00:09:03,876 --> 00:09:05,246
I'm leaving.
207
00:09:05,379 --> 00:09:07,549
I haven't felt this awkward
since my mom had sex
208
00:09:07,673 --> 00:09:10,383
with my prom date in the limo
and made me drive.
209
00:09:11,509 --> 00:09:13,889
Your mom sounds cool.
210
00:09:14,053 --> 00:09:16,643
Come on, you can't leave.
We just got here.
211
00:09:16,764 --> 00:09:20,064
Well, she's about to get there,
and I don't wanna see it.
212
00:09:21,394 --> 00:09:22,814
Well, we can make out.
213
00:09:22,937 --> 00:09:25,897
Ha! You wanna make out?
With me?
214
00:09:26,024 --> 00:09:28,244
No, a comedy make out.
215
00:09:28,402 --> 00:09:31,032
You know, like...
(BABBLING)
216
00:09:37,451 --> 00:09:39,451
Well, you make it
look so tempting.
217
00:09:39,578 --> 00:09:42,578
(LAUGHS)
Come on, it'll be hilarious.
218
00:09:42,707 --> 00:09:45,877
Let my mouth be your tongue's
panic room.
219
00:09:46,003 --> 00:09:47,803
And Chef Nicolas
could use a few pointers.
220
00:09:48,129 --> 00:09:50,969
(CAROLINE MOANING)
221
00:09:54,885 --> 00:09:57,845
Yeah, he's really bad at it.
222
00:09:57,972 --> 00:09:58,972
All right, why not?
223
00:09:59,099 --> 00:10:00,599
It might even get
their attention.
224
00:10:00,767 --> 00:10:03,437
On the count of three.
One, two....
225
00:10:03,602 --> 00:10:06,572
(BOTH BABBLING)
226
00:10:06,773 --> 00:10:07,943
Did they look?
227
00:10:08,107 --> 00:10:11,187
No, he's busy rounding third.
228
00:10:11,320 --> 00:10:12,610
My turn.
229
00:10:12,778 --> 00:10:14,778
(BABBLING)
230
00:10:16,408 --> 00:10:18,158
Max, what's happening?
231
00:10:19,577 --> 00:10:20,997
Hey.
232
00:10:23,914 --> 00:10:25,884
(DEKE BABBLING)
233
00:10:27,668 --> 00:10:30,628
He's licking your face.
234
00:10:30,797 --> 00:10:32,167
Leave them alone.
235
00:10:32,298 --> 00:10:34,508
Deke seems to know
what he's doing.
236
00:10:34,592 --> 00:10:36,472
Respect.
237
00:10:37,888 --> 00:10:41,848
Well, hate to comedy
make out and run, but, well,
238
00:10:41,975 --> 00:10:44,555
I'm already mentally at Yummy
Donuts trying to binge eat
239
00:10:44,686 --> 00:10:47,356
this image out of my mind.
240
00:10:51,692 --> 00:10:54,322
Hold on, Max.
The signal.
241
00:10:54,446 --> 00:10:58,366
See, this is why
I don't do "girlfriend."
242
00:10:58,491 --> 00:11:00,121
Come on, we have somewhere
to go or be,
243
00:11:00,243 --> 00:11:01,833
something like that.
244
00:11:03,996 --> 00:11:07,456
Well....
(CHUCKLES)
245
00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:11,303
We have to go.
246
00:11:11,421 --> 00:11:14,131
See you later.
Au revoir.
247
00:11:24,267 --> 00:11:25,887
'Sup?
248
00:11:26,977 --> 00:11:29,017
Not much.
249
00:11:29,188 --> 00:11:31,688
'Sup with you?
250
00:11:31,899 --> 00:11:34,189
(CELL PHONE RINGS)
251
00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:36,700
Sorry, I have to get this.
It's my wife.
252
00:11:36,822 --> 00:11:37,862
Hello?
253
00:11:40,241 --> 00:11:42,491
(PROLONGED) Girl....
254
00:11:50,251 --> 00:11:51,921
Oh, I totally forgot
to tell you.
255
00:11:52,044 --> 00:11:54,714
You're terrible at making out.
256
00:11:54,880 --> 00:11:57,630
Well, I never had
a father to teach me.
257
00:11:57,801 --> 00:11:59,051
(ELEVATOR DINGS)
258
00:11:59,635 --> 00:12:00,635
Hey, Big Mary.
259
00:12:00,761 --> 00:12:04,431
Hallway lunch.
Love that for you.
260
00:12:05,142 --> 00:12:06,062
And you...
261
00:12:06,183 --> 00:12:08,563
This could've been your walk
of shame right now
262
00:12:08,727 --> 00:12:11,227
if I hadn't stepped in, Winky.
263
00:12:11,355 --> 00:12:13,475
Yes, last night got
a little out of hand.
264
00:12:13,607 --> 00:12:16,487
Oh, it was pretty much
in your hand.
265
00:12:16,610 --> 00:12:18,900
No, it was not, Max.
266
00:12:19,072 --> 00:12:20,782
Yes, there might have been
a tasteful graze
267
00:12:20,907 --> 00:12:23,327
just to figure out how
European he was down there.
268
00:12:23,451 --> 00:12:25,871
Good news, it's not wearing
a floppy beret.
269
00:12:25,995 --> 00:12:28,955
So we are right on track for
a perfect fairy-tale romance.
270
00:12:29,081 --> 00:12:31,041
Yeah, "The Princess
and the Penis."
271
00:12:31,168 --> 00:12:32,628
See you at the diner, Max.
272
00:12:32,751 --> 00:12:34,801
Au revoir, mes amis.
273
00:12:34,921 --> 00:12:37,341
I have to kinda
tell you something
274
00:12:37,466 --> 00:12:38,586
that you have to promise
275
00:12:38,716 --> 00:12:40,756
you kind of definitely
won't tell Caroline.
276
00:12:40,885 --> 00:12:42,925
Are you about to tell me
that when she speaks French
277
00:12:43,096 --> 00:12:44,216
it makes you want
to slam your head
278
00:12:44,306 --> 00:12:45,756
through that plate-glass
window, too?
279
00:12:45,890 --> 00:12:46,770
Heh.
280
00:12:46,892 --> 00:12:48,982
Well, the thing is
he's married.
281
00:12:49,101 --> 00:12:51,101
-He's married?
-Uh-huh.
282
00:12:51,270 --> 00:12:52,270
How do you know?
283
00:12:52,397 --> 00:12:55,397
He's not wearing a ring,
and he doesn't seem dead inside.
284
00:12:55,524 --> 00:12:57,904
His wife called him
after you guys left.
285
00:12:57,943 --> 00:13:00,743
-How could he do that?
-He's French?
286
00:13:00,864 --> 00:13:04,084
-And not tell Caroline.
-He's French?
287
00:13:04,201 --> 00:13:05,451
What a jerk.
288
00:13:05,619 --> 00:13:08,209
"Fronch?"
289
00:13:08,330 --> 00:13:10,120
I'm telling her
right now.
290
00:13:10,289 --> 00:13:12,419
Wait, wait, wait, Max,
do me a favor.
291
00:13:12,542 --> 00:13:15,212
Can you just wait until after
I turn in my croquembouche?
292
00:13:15,336 --> 00:13:18,586
I'm already on thin ice
with au-bon-pain-in-my-ass.
293
00:13:18,715 --> 00:13:20,255
This sucks.
294
00:13:20,383 --> 00:13:21,683
He's married, and Caroline
has this weird thing
295
00:13:21,759 --> 00:13:23,799
in her head that she has
to marry somebody
296
00:13:23,928 --> 00:13:25,388
that wasn't married.
297
00:13:28,975 --> 00:13:30,385
Bonjour, Bebe.
Ca va?
298
00:13:30,519 --> 00:13:32,309
Oh, boy!
299
00:13:32,479 --> 00:13:33,979
I'm not really good
with any languages.
300
00:13:34,105 --> 00:13:36,895
They think it's because
I got hit by three cars.
301
00:13:38,150 --> 00:13:41,280
FYI, if you ever get hit,
just stay down.
302
00:13:42,780 --> 00:13:44,780
Well, guess what?
303
00:13:44,908 --> 00:13:47,408
I got you and me salads.
Girls' lunch.
304
00:13:47,536 --> 00:13:48,746
Well, I usually just have
305
00:13:48,870 --> 00:13:51,080
peanut butter and crackers
in the dark.
306
00:13:52,499 --> 00:13:55,089
I hear so much about salad
I've always wanted to try it.
307
00:13:57,003 --> 00:13:59,213
Sure. Sit.
Have some salad.
308
00:13:59,338 --> 00:14:01,168
You and me,
me and you.
309
00:14:01,298 --> 00:14:02,968
Getting to know
more about each other.
310
00:14:03,092 --> 00:14:06,142
So Bebe, tell me
everything about Nicolas.
311
00:14:06,263 --> 00:14:07,513
Oh, he's the best.
312
00:14:07,639 --> 00:14:11,059
He has the heart
and eyes of a dog.
313
00:14:12,686 --> 00:14:14,596
So, Nicolas,
where do you think he is?
314
00:14:14,729 --> 00:14:16,569
He just said
he had a lunch date.
315
00:14:16,690 --> 00:14:17,860
Date?
316
00:14:18,024 --> 00:14:19,364
Did he use the word "date,"
317
00:14:19,484 --> 00:14:20,994
or are you just using
the word "date"?
318
00:14:21,110 --> 00:14:24,110
I mean, it's not like
he's dating anyone, is he?
319
00:14:24,239 --> 00:14:26,489
No, why would he be
dating anyone?
320
00:14:26,615 --> 00:14:28,775
Exactly, why would he
be dating anyone?
321
00:14:28,909 --> 00:14:30,949
Yeah, I mean,
he's married.
322
00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:32,500
(SPITTING)
323
00:14:33,331 --> 00:14:35,381
Married?
324
00:14:35,500 --> 00:14:38,880
You know, salad tastes
just like lettuce.
325
00:14:44,341 --> 00:14:46,431
You are not going
to believe this.
326
00:14:46,552 --> 00:14:48,972
Kendall Jenner is applying
to colleges?
327
00:14:50,682 --> 00:14:52,352
Come on, Max, no.
328
00:14:52,475 --> 00:14:54,595
Nicolas is...
And get ready...
329
00:14:54,727 --> 00:14:55,637
Married.
330
00:14:55,769 --> 00:14:58,059
I kissed a married man.
I'm so mortified.
331
00:14:58,188 --> 00:15:00,268
Please don't ever tell anyone
I kissed a married man.
332
00:15:00,399 --> 00:15:02,569
(POLISH ACCENT)
Okay, I won't tell anyone.
333
00:15:03,903 --> 00:15:04,953
Tell anyone what?
334
00:15:05,071 --> 00:15:08,951
Caroline kissed a married man.
But don't tell anyone.
335
00:15:10,326 --> 00:15:12,786
All right, I want to go on
the record that I didn't know.
336
00:15:12,912 --> 00:15:15,372
Kissing a married man
has never been in my life plan.
337
00:15:15,498 --> 00:15:17,578
It's not on my vision board
or in my dreamscape.
338
00:15:17,708 --> 00:15:18,958
I am not that
kind of person.
339
00:15:19,085 --> 00:15:21,045
But she is the kind of person
who has a vision board
340
00:15:21,211 --> 00:15:23,761
and says "dreamscape,"
so let's judge her on that.
341
00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:25,420
I won't judge you, Caroline.
342
00:15:25,549 --> 00:15:27,259
I once went out
with a married woman.
343
00:15:27,384 --> 00:15:28,554
I didn't know
she was married
344
00:15:28,677 --> 00:15:30,387
until her spouse came
and beat me up.
345
00:15:30,513 --> 00:15:32,723
Lesbians are strong!
346
00:15:36,644 --> 00:15:40,234
Listen, married, not married,
don't be so American.
347
00:15:40,356 --> 00:15:43,026
You know, in Poland,
the wedding vows say,
348
00:15:43,150 --> 00:15:44,690
"Do you take this woman...
349
00:15:45,611 --> 00:15:47,451
...and maybe some others?"
350
00:15:49,783 --> 00:15:52,203
Well, not Polish,
and not a lesbian yet.
351
00:15:52,326 --> 00:15:53,906
So, I'm very upset.
352
00:15:54,078 --> 00:15:55,868
And, Max, why are you
just standing there?
353
00:15:55,996 --> 00:15:56,996
Why haven't you
said anything?
354
00:15:57,123 --> 00:15:58,793
Eh...
355
00:15:58,917 --> 00:16:00,037
Um...
356
00:16:00,168 --> 00:16:01,498
I kind of knew.
357
00:16:03,421 --> 00:16:06,721
Wait. You kind of knew
he was married?
358
00:16:06,841 --> 00:16:08,841
You kind of knew
and didn't kind of tell me?
359
00:16:08,967 --> 00:16:11,547
-What kind of friend are you?
-I just found out myself.
360
00:16:11,679 --> 00:16:12,849
Well, then why
didn't you tell me?
361
00:16:12,971 --> 00:16:14,931
I was going to, but then
Deke asked me not to
362
00:16:15,057 --> 00:16:16,227
until he handed in
his homework.
363
00:16:16,350 --> 00:16:17,810
And also I thought
you might cry.
364
00:16:17,936 --> 00:16:20,106
Oh, and you didn't
want to upset me?
365
00:16:20,230 --> 00:16:22,480
Nah, I didn't want
to deal with it.
366
00:16:23,607 --> 00:16:25,357
'Cause when you cry,
you don't just cry once.
367
00:16:25,485 --> 00:16:26,485
It's like a six-cry thing.
368
00:16:26,610 --> 00:16:28,700
You've got the first shock cry,
the silent cry,
369
00:16:28,822 --> 00:16:30,492
the ugly cry,
the cry because you're crying,
370
00:16:30,615 --> 00:16:32,325
the cry after you say
you're not gonna cry anymore,
371
00:16:32,450 --> 00:16:34,740
and then the final cry,
which is probably my fault.
372
00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:39,290
Well, you're wrong, Max,
I'm not gonna cry over this,
373
00:16:39,456 --> 00:16:41,536
because I haven't gone
far enough down the road.
374
00:16:41,668 --> 00:16:43,668
Yes, I was just beginning
to think about our future,
375
00:16:43,794 --> 00:16:45,004
but I'm not that invested.
376
00:16:45,129 --> 00:16:46,089
Oh.
377
00:16:46,213 --> 00:16:48,763
-Then what's this?
-My "do" pad.
378
00:16:48,883 --> 00:16:50,093
That's right.
379
00:16:50,217 --> 00:16:52,297
And look what I found
written on the back.
380
00:16:52,428 --> 00:16:54,808
"Caroline and Nicolas Saintcroix."
381
00:16:54,931 --> 00:16:58,811
"Mr. and Mrs. Saintcroix.
Caroline Saintcroix."
382
00:16:58,934 --> 00:17:01,734
That's just being silly.
Every girl does that.
383
00:17:01,855 --> 00:17:04,065
You're 40.
384
00:17:05,900 --> 00:17:07,280
(ELEVATOR DINGS)
385
00:17:07,484 --> 00:17:10,454
-Oh, man! This is heavy.
-I know, very heavy.
386
00:17:10,571 --> 00:17:11,991
We're back here, and I have
to deal with the fact
387
00:17:12,115 --> 00:17:15,195
that I was dry humped
by a married man.
388
00:17:16,452 --> 00:17:18,502
No, I think he meant
his dessert is heavy.
389
00:17:18,663 --> 00:17:21,003
But, yeah, you got
a lot going on.
390
00:17:21,165 --> 00:17:23,415
So, what do you want us to do?
Should we throw down?
391
00:17:23,542 --> 00:17:26,172
Mess his ass up?
Kick him in the face?
392
00:17:26,336 --> 00:17:29,416
Or just ignore it so I don't
get kicked out of school?
393
00:17:29,548 --> 00:17:31,428
No, I'll deal with Nicolas later.
394
00:17:31,550 --> 00:17:35,760
You sure? 'Cause I've always
wanted to kill a French person.
395
00:17:37,515 --> 00:17:39,215
Again.
396
00:17:41,310 --> 00:17:44,150
Thanks, but stay out of it.
I've got this.
397
00:17:44,271 --> 00:17:46,941
I'm gonna rip him
a new one.
398
00:17:47,066 --> 00:17:49,186
-Bonjour, Caroline.
-Bonjour, Nicolas.
399
00:17:50,569 --> 00:17:53,069
That wasn't a rip.
Wasn't even a tear.
400
00:17:54,199 --> 00:17:55,659
Go, go, you two.
401
00:17:55,784 --> 00:17:58,044
Got a big, hot bundt here.
402
00:17:58,161 --> 00:18:00,411
Go, go, don't be late.
403
00:18:00,538 --> 00:18:01,868
You sure that's
a croquembouche?
404
00:18:02,039 --> 00:18:04,499
'Cause it looks like
a coyote poop tree.
405
00:18:06,294 --> 00:18:08,004
Caroline, can you watch
the phones for me
406
00:18:08,128 --> 00:18:11,088
while I give Chef Nicolas
this note from his wife?
407
00:18:11,215 --> 00:18:12,585
You know what?
I'll give it to him.
408
00:18:12,717 --> 00:18:14,047
I have something I have
to say to him anyway.
409
00:18:14,176 --> 00:18:16,466
Oh, for next girls' lunch,
410
00:18:16,596 --> 00:18:18,056
have you ever had sandwiches?
411
00:18:18,181 --> 00:18:19,561
'Cause I'm thinking
of trying one.
412
00:18:23,435 --> 00:18:24,555
(KNOCKING ON WINDOW)
413
00:18:25,521 --> 00:18:27,691
Not you.
414
00:18:29,526 --> 00:18:31,856
You have got this.
You have got this.
415
00:18:31,986 --> 00:18:33,396
You broke up
with a Kennedy cousin.
416
00:18:33,529 --> 00:18:35,739
You can do this.
417
00:18:35,906 --> 00:18:37,486
Caroline, do you need something?
418
00:18:37,616 --> 00:18:40,446
I just wanted to give you this
phone message you just got.
419
00:18:40,577 --> 00:18:42,907
From your "wife."
420
00:18:43,914 --> 00:18:45,924
From your "wife"...
421
00:18:46,084 --> 00:18:48,174
-Juliette?
-Uh, I know her name.
422
00:18:48,294 --> 00:18:49,504
You're married.
423
00:18:49,628 --> 00:18:52,258
Yes, you just got
a message from my wife.
424
00:18:53,715 --> 00:18:57,385
I feel like something's getting
lost in the translation here,
425
00:18:57,511 --> 00:18:58,891
so let me be clear.
426
00:18:59,012 --> 00:19:00,562
It's over between us.
427
00:19:00,682 --> 00:19:02,722
Why?
428
00:19:04,434 --> 00:19:06,524
Why?
Because you're married.
429
00:19:06,645 --> 00:19:09,895
Again, I know that.
But why?
430
00:19:10,023 --> 00:19:12,533
What-- What do you mean why?
431
00:19:12,652 --> 00:19:14,532
Why?
Because you are married.
432
00:19:14,653 --> 00:19:16,663
Vous est marie!
433
00:19:17,824 --> 00:19:19,834
And note, I did not use tu
434
00:19:19,951 --> 00:19:23,541
because we are back on
the more formal "vous" terms.
435
00:19:23,663 --> 00:19:26,373
Look, Caroline,
my wife is in France,
436
00:19:26,499 --> 00:19:28,499
and we have
an understanding.
437
00:19:28,625 --> 00:19:32,505
Well, I'm having a hard time
understanding any of this.
438
00:19:32,630 --> 00:19:34,460
And whatever arrangement
you and Juliette have,
439
00:19:34,632 --> 00:19:35,922
it's over between you and me.
440
00:19:36,049 --> 00:19:37,889
Here.
441
00:19:40,721 --> 00:19:43,391
You are very cute
when you're angry.
442
00:19:43,516 --> 00:19:44,766
I am?
443
00:19:44,893 --> 00:19:47,233
Actually, you are very cute
all the time.
444
00:19:47,353 --> 00:19:48,563
Cute and sexy.
445
00:19:48,688 --> 00:19:50,478
From the moment I saw you,
I wanted to...
446
00:19:51,398 --> 00:19:54,278
-...put my lips onto yours.
-You did?
447
00:19:54,402 --> 00:19:55,492
Yes.
448
00:19:55,653 --> 00:19:59,373
Caroline, you are a smart,
sexy, delicious woman.
449
00:19:59,490 --> 00:20:01,120
And now that I've kissed--
450
00:20:01,241 --> 00:20:02,871
Do you have something
in your eye?
451
00:20:02,993 --> 00:20:05,503
No, no, no.
No, no.
452
00:20:07,664 --> 00:20:09,964
It's never you!
453
00:20:12,795 --> 00:20:14,205
I'm sorry,
what is happening?
454
00:20:14,338 --> 00:20:16,838
Chef Nicolas, uh, you need
to get back in there
455
00:20:16,965 --> 00:20:18,045
because the chef
with the neck tattoo
456
00:20:18,175 --> 00:20:20,215
is trying to pass off
a store-bought tiramisu.
457
00:20:20,345 --> 00:20:22,635
There is one every year.
458
00:20:24,973 --> 00:20:26,733
Caroline.
459
00:20:28,685 --> 00:20:30,475
Are you okay?
What did he say?
460
00:20:30,605 --> 00:20:32,645
He said he's married,
and it's confusing,
461
00:20:32,773 --> 00:20:34,233
and I'm delicious.
462
00:20:34,358 --> 00:20:35,528
Okay, well, he's married,
463
00:20:35,692 --> 00:20:36,692
it's confusing,
and you're delicious.
464
00:20:36,861 --> 00:20:39,451
So you're
Mrs. Delicious Saintcroix.
465
00:20:40,365 --> 00:20:43,195
-So it's over, right?
-Yeah, of course, it's over.
466
00:20:43,326 --> 00:20:44,736
No drama, no more crying.
467
00:20:44,868 --> 00:20:46,368
I would never be
with a married man.
468
00:20:46,496 --> 00:20:48,366
Yeah, that's more my thing.
469
00:20:50,040 --> 00:20:52,790
Oh, my God, Max, you know
what I just realized?
470
00:20:52,919 --> 00:20:55,959
I once said I would
never be a waitress.
471
00:20:56,088 --> 00:20:58,718
(PROLONGED) Girl....
472
00:21:01,844 --> 00:21:03,514
(CASH REGISTER DINGS)
473
00:21:26,827 --> 00:21:28,117
(English US - SDH)
474
00:21:28,167 --> 00:21:32,717
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