All language subtitles for 2 Broke Girls s03e10 First Day of School

Okay, Max, I figured out
our new schedule.

And I figured out the cheap
toothpaste we've been using

is really diaper cream.

On the plus side,
that rash cleared up on my gums.

We'll do our diner shift
from 6:00 till 2:00,

then sell cupcakes here
from 2:00 to 4:00.

Make the cupcakes in the morning
from 7:00 to 11:00,

and then pastry school
from 12:00 to 4:00.

-Forget anything?
-Just pooping and sleeping.

Now, I have to go rewrite
the schedule.

Let's go, Max, you have
a huge, huge day tomorrow.

First day of pastry school.

Stop saying it's huge.

Whenever I think
something's gonna be huge,

it just turns out
to be all balls.

(THEME MUSIC)

(CASH REGISTER RINGS)

I splurged and had
my blouse cleaned.

Dry cleaning bags remind me
of when I had money.

Really?

They remind me of when my mother
tried to suffocate me.

Allegedly.
Let's go.

Wait, wait.
Max, you can't go yet.

I need you to stay
and help with something.

Han, I told you,
it's bend and wipe,

then up come
your big boy pants.

Yeah, Han's right.
You can't go.

Stay here a few
more minutes.

Why? Oh, are we having
an intervention for Max?

(POLISH ACCENT) Hey, everybody.

Oh, I hope I'm not late

for Max's first day of school
surprise party.

Sophie, we hadn't
surprised her yet.

Oh, but she's right there.
You just blew it, Han.

Oh, a surprise party.
Isn't this sweet, Max?

I don't trust it.

Last time Oleg
yelled "surprise" at me,

his penis
was on a hot dog bun.

One meat lover's pizza.

And one meat lover.

Max, come on.
Get it while it's hot.

You're opening that box.

Oh, who's got a ten to tip
the cute pizza delivery guy?

Sophie, this is Luis,
the day waiter.

Oh, you're Sophie,
Oleg's ex.

Sister, I know all about you.

Oh, do you?

Do you know all about me?

I'm his good friend.

You know, I'm having trouble
hearing your accent.

Did you say "good friend"
or "girlfriend"?

Please, mami.
I wish.

I like the entertainment.

It's better than the magician

at my friend Stephanie's
16th birthday

that made her virginity
disappear.

Max, we're all so proud of you.

Tomorrow is the first day

-of the rest of your life.
-Oh, crap.

I gotta do this again?

All right, but this time, I'm not
seeing Trouble with the Curve.

You are about to do
something very big.

Yes, she is.
Such a big step.

Big step for both of us,

'cause I'll be using
my business acumen

working in the office
to help pay the tuition.

Sh! I'm talking about Max.

So we all chipped in
to get you something

-for your first day of school.
-It's my first day, too.

Caroline, please, I can't hear
Han talking about Max, okay?

Here you go, darling,
a book bag for school.

So what, then, is my surprise
party after this one?

What is happening?

People doing nice things
for me and smiling?

Am I transferring
foster homes again?

And there's more stuff inside.

That was supposed
to be a surprise, too.

Surprise!

Max, open it.
Look inside.

Yeah, Max, see what's inside
for your big day.

Big day for Max.
Big day for me as well.

A metrocard?
No way.

From me.
Unlimited rides.

Oh. Unlimited rides,
is that what your tramp stamp says?

I was gonna get mad,
but that was a damn good one.

Okay.

What's this, Han's house?

A simple thank you would suffice.

Thank you for your house, Han.

It's a pencil case,
and I love it.

And I was sitting here,

thinking how you were all
ignoring my part of the big day,

and then you give me this
pencil case to use in the office

and prove me wrong.

That's for Max.

What the hell is wrong
with you people?

Max doesn't even need pencils.
She'll be baking.

Well, she'll be baked.
Take a look.

Joints!

Earl, that's so sweet.

These should last me till recess.

Wait, where's the chef's coat
Sophie had monogrammed?

Han, that was supposed
to be a surprise.

Oh, I know.
Karma's a bitch.

Oh, well.

-Look.
-(GASPS)

My name's on this.

The only thing my name's
ever been on before

is a urine sample.

Thank you, everyone.

So, there is nothing
in that bag for me?

Nothing?

Wow. I'd even take Oleg's penis
in a hot dog bun right now.

I'll be right back.

-Getting on.
-Please move.

-Getting on!
-Please move.

-Getting on!
-Please move!

-On! On!
-Move! Move!

I love the subway.

It's the perfect place
to get out aggression.

I just punched someone
in the kidney.

-It was me.
-I know.

Oh, oh, bad smell, like someone
hooked up with a falafel.

It was me.

I know.

-Max.
-Sorry.

Subways, planes, and mosh pits,
I let it ride.

Oh, I love the smell of this
fresh, dry-cleaned blouse.

I am so excited to be out
of that waitress uniform,

and back in my chic
business clothes,

and, you know,
going to my office,

where I'll probably save the day
using some of my Wharton magic.

You know, I think I like you
better without hope.

Max, you know this school
is expensive, right?

You're going in
with a good attitude, right?

No, that's what
Earl's pencils are for.

Don't worry,
I'll do my best.

I mean, look,
I have a book bag.

The only thing my mother
ever sent me to school with

was a note that said,
"Check me for lice."

It was so sweet of everyone
to give you that,

even though I didn't sleep
all night about it.

And it looks kind of expensive.
Check for a designer label.

Why, it's the thought
that counts.

Since when?

Let me see it.

ANNOUNCER: Second Avenue Station.

This is Second Avenue.

No, no, no, Max!
No, he got the book bag.

Good, Max, good.
Don't let go.

What if the train starts
to leave and my arms pop off?

How will I go
to pastry school?

I'll be one of those people
decorating cookies

-with a bag in their mouth.
-You are the devil. The devil!

We have nothing.

Pull, Max, pull!
Pull it from the devil!

Can't.
The devil works out.

My bag.

My blouse!

My weed!

(ELEVATOR DINGS)

Oh, great, look.
Class has started.

My new life already blows.

Oh, look.
There's Chef Gorgeous.

I don't want him
to see me like this.

I'm gonna go to the restroom

and see if cold water
can get out any of the stain.

Go, Max.

But I don't have
my chef coat or book bag.

I know I only had them
for a couple of hours,

but it was
the best part of me.

You'll do great.

First, do me a favor.
Check me for lice.

This course is designed

to introduce you to the skills
and techniques required

in the production
of yeast bread,

short pastry doughs,
custards,

pâte à choux
and cake batters.

Chef Max, you're late.

Wait, are you sure the class
doesn't start at 10:17?

Sorry, I got robbed
on the subway by some jerk.

Hey, hey, hey,
I'm right here.

I ran out of options,
and I didn't wanna strip

my way through pastry school.

That's an option?

All right, chefs.
Let's focus.

Did he say he wants
to "foke us"?

Good morning, Bebe.

Hi-- Oh, my God.
What happened to you?

And I should tell you,
my doctor says

I'm not allowed to hear
bad news for another month.

I apologize
for my appearance.

We got robbed on the subway,

and then someone hit me
with hot coffee.

Then I went to wash
cold water on the stain

and somehow wound up entering
myself in a wet T-shirt contest.

Um...

That's a lot
of energy for me,

so I'm just gonna need to sit here
for a second and be quiet.

I know we're being quiet,
which I'm all about,

but cute dogs.

Oh, thanks.
They're cocker spaniels.

I rescue them.

You know, people rescue
greyhounds and pit bulls,

but everyone ignores
the cocker spaniel.

They're like, "Ew, eye goo.
Shoot it."

I have three cockers.

Do you have any pets?

I have a horse, Chestnut,
he's a thoroughbred.

Well, what can I do first?

What's this?
Why am I holding a juice menu?

Every day, we get
fresh-pressed juice

for the students
and the staff.

What a treat.

Fresh juice is such a scam
unless someone else is paying.

I'll take the greens
number three.

Uh-huh, well, put it on the list
when you get the other ones.

Wait, I'm supposed
to get the juice?

Oh, boy, it's like
I'm a bad news machine.

Oh. Okay.

Happy to do it.

Surprised, but happy.

Maybe I could change into
one of those cute chef jackets.

Oh, Chef Nicholas only permits
pastry chefs to wear these.

But I can't meet everyone
on my first day

looking like this.

I mean, it's already bad enough
I'm the juice girl.

I have some workout clothes
you can wear.

Don't worry.
I haven't worn them yet.

But I will someday.

Hi.

Hi, everyone, I'm here to take
the fresh juice orders

and also to say this is not
what I came to work in.

What I came to work in
had less eyes.

Caroline, welcome.

How is it going
in the office, so far?

So great, and so not
what I came to work in.

I'm usually wearing Chanel,
not le chien.

That's dog in French.

Oh, 'cause it's dork
in English.

Well, it is lovely
to see both of your faces.

Class, we start with the basics.
No, no, no,

-you in the back....
-Juice, miss?

Care for a juice from someone
who scored 1560 on her SATs?

You can score more than 500?

Why the hell
are you wearing that?

I didn't think your chest
could get any sadder.

It's Bebe's.

Max, taking juice orders
is not what I came here to do.

I hear you.
I'll have the ruby red.

I always keep the edge clean,
so when I'm squeezing it,

it's not gonna have cream
popping all over the place.

Words to live by.

I have the opposite problem.

Yo, my cream's popping
right now.

What are you doing?

You told me you were
gonna take school seriously.

It's not me.
That guy's a bad influence.

Look at him.

He looks like someone who sells
drugs on Sesame Street.

You're gonna get in trouble,
and I am not wearing

a cocker spaniel so you can
get kicked out of class.

Right. I hear you.
Now, where's my juice?

Hey, Chef Max,
check out my technique.

(MAKES FLATULENCE SOUND)

Awesome gross sound bonus.

Chef, if you find this so funny,
why don't you take a fiver?

Isn't this
how your saying goes?

I don't have a saying,
but if I did,

it'd be more like,
"Eatin' ain't cheatin'."

Anyone else who finds
something hilarious

can also go into the hall.

-Chef Max?
-Nope, nothing "ilarious".

Teach on.

Enough with the dirty jokes.

We're all here
to become master bakers.

Master-baking is something
I work really hard at it.

-To be a master baker--
-I'll be in the hall.

Hi, I'm Deke.

-Did you say freak?
-Deke.

Did you say geek?

Deke, as in "Big Deke."

Mine's bigger.

We should be lab partners.

Come on, it'll be bitchin'.
Max and Deke, making cakes.

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday,
with a special performance by Creed.

(MAKES GUITAR SOUNDS)

Okay, now stop, stop, stop.

I am trying to be
a good student,

so you just stay away from me,
you're a bad influence.

I know I nailed that speech
'cause kids at school

used to say it to me
all the time.

(ALARM BEEPS)

-Time to change your tampon?
-Yep.

Day two, serious flow.

Killer Fanny Pack.
Where's your tribal poncho?

Ah, keep my needles
in this.

You're a drug addict, too?

God!
You are irresistible.

It's, uh, it's insulin.
I'm a diabetic.

A diabetic pastry chef.

Wow, you're even more
self-destructive than me.

So, diabetes, how is that?

Disappointing.
I put in for syphilis.

Stop laughing.

I have to carry 27 juices
two blocks wearing this.

Why do you let the dog lady
talk to you like that?

She's my friend,
even in that shirt.

Well, there goes
another $12.

I have spent more money
dry cleaning this blouse

than I have on health care.

Health care?

You mean that box of Band-Aids
we got at the 99-cent store?

I just have
to look good tomorrow.

Today was mortifying.

They called me "Sad dog"
at the juice place.

"Sad dog,
your juices are ready."

Sad dog, pick up.

Can you take these to table ten?
I'm backed up on the booth.

Can you? I'm kind of just
sitting here a minute...

...enjoying not being
told what to do.

I get enough of it
at that school.

Look!

If you're gonna do
the martyr thing,

do it right.

Stick your hand
in boiling oil

or even more painful,

binge-watch Shahs of Sunset
on Bravo.

I need to talk to you
in the kitchen now.

Leave, someone's about to get
schooled about school.

This looks like it's going
to get dirty and ugly.

May I film it?

And if so, may I then
sell it on the Internet?

Look.

-You can't just do this for me.
-You're right. So, we're out?

No, we're not out, you said
you were gonna do this for me.

I know but you just said
I can't just do it for you,

and I agree.

-I mean, who was I kidding?
-Me. You were kidding me.

I went in there thinking I was
gonna use my business skills,

and whatever hope I had
of a flirtation

with Frenchie McFrench
went out the window

when he saw me wearing
that T-shirt that said,

"Don't forget to spay
and neuter me."

-Fine, I can quit. It's fine.
-It is, really?

No, it's not fine!

-Who am I kidding?
-Me. You were kidding me.

Well, you've gotta figure out
something there

to keep you interested because
you can't go to pastry school

just for me, and I'm not gonna
not go to pastry school for you.

Okay. You're right, Max.
Of course I'll do it for you.

I just had a bad day.
I mean, we both did.

You lost your man's briefcase
and your drugs,

and I lost my dignity
and a possible love interest.

Surprise!

See, that's how
it's supposed to go.

-We got you a new book bag.
-Yeah, and a new chef's jacket.

And a switchblade.

Yeah, 'cause we're not buying
another chef's jacket.

Max, you know
what this means?

That I got two surprises,
and you got nothing?

No, that everything's
gonna work out at that school.

I mean, in the blink
of an eye, just like this,

things can change
from bad to good.

Well, not totally good.

They still haven't
gotten me anything.

Caroline, you didn't
not get anything.

Here, your very own
pencil case.

But no pencils.

My pencil dealer got busted.

Oh. Thank you, guys.

I'm touched.
I was not expecting it.

Really?

'Cause you kind of
bullied us all into it.

So that's a 780 on verbal,

and a 780 on math.

And with my degree
in finance,

jackass-ing around the city
getting juice

could be seen
as a waste of my talents.

And as the valedictorian
at my graduation said,

and I'm stealing
from myself here...

"I've seen the future of finance...
and it's us."

So you want me
to get the juices?

Just for today, please?

Meringue cookies
are a simple way to practice

our pastry bag technique.

Interesting technique
you got going there, chef.

Dude, we gotta ditch
these deadbeat partners.

I'm stuck over there
with grandma.

No, I'm staying with
the big guy next to me.

He's not gonna get me in trouble.
He never talks.

Get outta here.

Go back to your own table,
Fat Albert.

Okay. I'm going back.

And the "Fat Albert" thing
was 'cause I'm black,

not fat, right?

'Cause I go to the gym
two, three times a year.

I hear talking,
but no baking up front.

No, no, no,
you only hear baking.

Just furiously
master-baking up here.

The meringue needs
to have nice peaks.

You are looking to make
moist, pointy peaks.

I like to pinch them.

Chef, seriously,
man-to-man,

we got a problem.

I don't think Max should be
stuck with that big guy.

He's not cool.

I was just over there,

and the only pointy peaks
he's interested in are hers.

Talkin' boobies here, chef.

Chef John, Chef Deke here
seems to think

you are sexually harassing Max.

(EFFEMINATELY) Oh, please.

If I was harassing anyone,
it would be you, chef.

I mean, come on.

-Be right back, Big Mary.
-You know it.

Where's my juice?
It's been an hour.

The mood swing elf
is getting them.

Look, I'm coming in there
to flirt with Chef Nicholas,

and when I enter,
I need you to say,

"Caroline, you look amazing."

No.

I actually physically
can't say that.

I would rather
walk in there and yell,

"I have crabs,
and three of them just escaped."

Call 911.
Call 911.

Something's happened
to the adorable mixed-race one.

Deke?

He's diabetic.
He needs insulin.

Has anyone here ever
administered a needle?

Administer means the same thing
as "shove it in," right?

Good, good, good, Max.
Come, come, come.

Okay, uh, his syringes
are in his fanny pack.

I've actually never done this
without Iron Maiden

playing in the background,
but I'll give it a shot.

Just put it anywhere
in my hot bod.

God help us.

Oh, I hate needles.
I can't look.

(BOTH GASP)

Get it together, ladies.

This is why I'm not allowed
to hold babies.

Max, I think you and Deke
should be lab partners

from now on, in case something
like this happens again.

-Is that okay?
-I guess if I have to.

Max?

I guess if I have to.

(SPEAKS FRENCH)

What, did you not take
your insulin on purpose?

I really wanted
to be your partner.

Bebe, I can't find a chef jacket
anywhere in here.

And I'm sorry, I know I'm not
supposed to wear one,

but I'm really cold, and I can't
walk around like this all day.

Maybe I can help.

You can't stand there
wet and cold.

-Take my jacket.
-Oh, no, no, no.

You don't have to--
Oh, that'll work.

I'm sorry about
the no shirt under,

but I just get so hot
when I'm teaching.

Yeah, hot. So hot.

(EXCLAIMS IN FRENCH)

I was just giving it
to Caroline.

I mean, she needs
something to wear, and...

And now, she has it.

Chef, I will see you later.

Caroline....

Max, I think I found something
to keep me interested.

This is weird.

So, I'm the good student now,

and you're the one sleeping
with the teacher?

We're not sleeping together.
Why, do you think he wants to?

I don't know,

but you better hurry it up
before Big Mary gets him.

(CASH REGISTER DINGS)

(English US - SDH)

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