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1
00:00:00,793 --> 00:00:04,423
Stealing Han's dishes, so we don't
have to clean ours at home is genius.
2
00:00:05,673 --> 00:00:07,473
And a little sad.
3
00:00:08,467 --> 00:00:10,507
You kidding? This is the greatest
thing that's happened to me
4
00:00:10,678 --> 00:00:12,258
since I got my period this morning.
5
00:00:13,805 --> 00:00:16,385
Max, Caroline,
you're stealing my dishes?
6
00:00:16,559 --> 00:00:18,769
Damn it, I didn't think
you could see up this high.
7
00:00:20,562 --> 00:00:22,362
And I didn't think
you could sink this low.
8
00:00:23,315 --> 00:00:25,105
Okay, stop, you're already
robbing me blind
9
00:00:25,275 --> 00:00:27,105
with your "I'm a waitress" scam.
10
00:00:28,361 --> 00:00:30,611
Sorry, but things have gotten
kind of messy at home.
11
00:00:30,780 --> 00:00:34,120
Yesterday, I had to take a shower
to shower off the shower I took.
12
00:00:35,618 --> 00:00:37,118
You two should get a cleaning lady.
13
00:00:37,287 --> 00:00:39,497
I have a woman I pay
to clean my apartment.
14
00:00:39,664 --> 00:00:41,634
She is expensive,
but she may charge you less
15
00:00:41,792 --> 00:00:44,092
if you don't also have sex on her.
16
00:00:52,051 --> 00:00:53,641
I'll look into it.
17
00:00:53,970 --> 00:00:56,430
My grandmother cleaned
the house free of charge.
18
00:00:57,015 --> 00:00:58,975
Of course she didn't have
a say in the matter.
19
00:01:01,978 --> 00:01:04,268
Let's just ask Sophie.
She has a cleaning service.
20
00:01:04,439 --> 00:01:05,689
We have to do something.
21
00:01:05,858 --> 00:01:08,648
Yesterday, I saw a roach
walk out of our apartment.
22
00:01:09,986 --> 00:01:12,196
Look. I'm gonna tell you
what I told that guy
23
00:01:12,364 --> 00:01:14,994
who asked me to use my butt
to smuggle opium.
24
00:01:16,326 --> 00:01:17,786
I'll do it!
25
00:01:19,746 --> 00:01:21,246
(THEME MUSIC)
26
00:01:21,498 --> 00:01:22,998
(CASH REGISTER RINGS)
27
00:01:31,382 --> 00:01:34,302
Be ready, Max. We have to leave as
soon as the cleaning lady gets here.
28
00:01:34,469 --> 00:01:35,849
It's housekeeper etiquette.
29
00:01:36,013 --> 00:01:37,973
In my old life, I go to spin class
and lunch with friends,
30
00:01:38,140 --> 00:01:39,930
but you and I will just go outside
31
00:01:40,099 --> 00:01:41,689
and watch the guy
who just got out of jail
32
00:01:41,769 --> 00:01:43,149
do pull-ups on the light post.
33
00:01:45,230 --> 00:01:46,770
Calvin's out?
34
00:01:48,776 --> 00:01:52,066
I'm not gonna leave.
I want to watch her clean up my mess.
35
00:01:55,448 --> 00:01:56,908
Yeah, baby.
36
00:01:58,201 --> 00:02:00,581
I've waited my whole life
to have a servant.
37
00:02:00,745 --> 00:02:02,455
I thought you were gonna be it
for the first few weeks
38
00:02:02,581 --> 00:02:04,631
and then I realized
you can't do anything.
39
00:02:05,501 --> 00:02:06,581
(KNOCKING)
40
00:02:06,626 --> 00:02:08,166
And even though Sophie
gave us a discount,
41
00:02:08,336 --> 00:02:10,796
the maid still has to call me
"Your Highness."
42
00:02:11,423 --> 00:02:13,763
Mostly because I'm pretty
"highness" right now.
43
00:02:15,593 --> 00:02:17,143
(POLISH ACCENT) Hi, girls.
44
00:02:19,098 --> 00:02:22,348
Here I am. Sophie from
Sophie's Choice Cleaning Service.
45
00:02:22,518 --> 00:02:25,098
Meet your cleaning lady Paulina.
46
00:02:25,271 --> 00:02:26,771
Paulina, meet the girls.
47
00:02:26,855 --> 00:02:27,805
(GRUNTS)
48
00:02:29,024 --> 00:02:32,114
She'd shake hands,
but she only has one arm.
49
00:02:32,819 --> 00:02:34,409
Sophie, she can hear you.
50
00:02:34,572 --> 00:02:36,322
So what?
I know I'm missing arm.
51
00:02:36,490 --> 00:02:38,370
It's not news.
52
00:02:38,533 --> 00:02:40,163
So she lost an arm.
53
00:02:40,326 --> 00:02:42,286
I lost my gold earring
down the garbage disposal
54
00:02:42,454 --> 00:02:47,134
but I was too afraid to reach into it
because, well, yeah.
55
00:02:54,550 --> 00:02:56,010
Don't worry.
56
00:02:56,175 --> 00:02:58,755
I have one arm but I clean
like I have three.
57
00:02:59,638 --> 00:03:01,598
I put on more makeup, then I start.
58
00:03:02,348 --> 00:03:04,638
I'm sorry. I didn't realize
when I ordered a cleaning lady
59
00:03:04,810 --> 00:03:07,150
I had to specify
I wanted one with two arms.
60
00:03:07,729 --> 00:03:09,979
You can't afford two arms.
61
00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:12,441
You said you wanted a good price.
62
00:03:12,610 --> 00:03:14,610
Half the arms, half the price.
63
00:03:15,653 --> 00:03:17,363
Is that how she lost
the arm, Sophie?
64
00:03:17,531 --> 00:03:19,531
You cut it off
so we could get a discount?
65
00:03:20,450 --> 00:03:24,250
Yeah, sure. I sawed off her arm
so I could save you ten bucks.
66
00:03:26,664 --> 00:03:28,134
I start in bedroom.
67
00:03:28,459 --> 00:03:30,039
Wait, before you do, one question.
68
00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:32,670
How'd you lose it?
James Franco situation?
69
00:03:32,837 --> 00:03:34,757
You had to cut it off to get loose?
70
00:03:35,966 --> 00:03:37,506
You're not saying no.
71
00:03:37,926 --> 00:03:40,006
You know what, let's not go there.
72
00:03:40,179 --> 00:03:42,719
You know, it happened,
it was in the past.
73
00:03:43,348 --> 00:03:45,138
I was trapped under this big truck.
74
00:03:45,308 --> 00:03:46,728
We get it.
75
00:03:46,894 --> 00:03:48,734
I drove over your arm.
76
00:03:52,566 --> 00:03:56,066
Hey, don't even bother looking
for my good jewelry in there
77
00:03:56,235 --> 00:03:58,525
because I'm already
wearing all of it.
78
00:03:59,073 --> 00:04:03,833
Oh, I'm jealous. I don't have arm
to wear cheap jewelry.
79
00:04:09,917 --> 00:04:12,747
Max, I feel bad for her.
See? This is why you leave.
80
00:04:12,919 --> 00:04:15,379
In case they show up with too much
makeup and not enough arms.
81
00:04:16,048 --> 00:04:19,678
Relax, she's tough.
Reminds me of a young me.
82
00:04:19,843 --> 00:04:21,683
Which means I better go
hide my pills from her.
83
00:04:22,096 --> 00:04:23,676
Max, don't leave.
She scares me.
84
00:04:23,846 --> 00:04:25,596
Come on, she's armless.
85
00:04:30,687 --> 00:04:32,687
Everything okay?
You need any help?
86
00:04:32,855 --> 00:04:36,185
I didn't get this far
in this business by taking help.
87
00:04:38,821 --> 00:04:41,871
Help me!
Can't you see I got one arm?
88
00:04:42,992 --> 00:04:45,412
Not gonna be a problem.
I would occasionally help my maid....
89
00:04:46,077 --> 00:04:48,407
-You're not interested.
-Lift!
90
00:04:48,788 --> 00:04:50,918
Lift, weak girl. Lift.
91
00:04:51,250 --> 00:04:53,210
Max, come here.
We need help lifting your mattress.
92
00:04:53,377 --> 00:04:54,707
Can you give us a hand?
93
00:04:54,877 --> 00:04:58,297
No! Leave it alone! Leave it alone!
Don't lift up the mattress!
94
00:04:58,382 --> 00:05:01,012
Ah, porno.
95
00:05:02,511 --> 00:05:05,721
Your mind is as dirty
as your apartment!
96
00:05:07,016 --> 00:05:09,096
Yes, it's porn. So what?
What's the big deal?
97
00:05:09,268 --> 00:05:11,348
It's just the body
in its natural form,
98
00:05:11,437 --> 00:05:13,607
spread-eagle on a motorcycle.
99
00:05:14,398 --> 00:05:16,068
Why is so much of it from the '80s?
100
00:05:16,233 --> 00:05:18,153
I like mustaches, okay?
101
00:05:18,317 --> 00:05:20,817
And it's multitasking.
I'm looking for my father.
102
00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:23,451
Stop looking.
Stop looking right now.
103
00:05:23,615 --> 00:05:27,535
Why are you suddenly embarrassed?
Porn Hub is your homepage.
104
00:05:28,202 --> 00:05:31,252
Is this a brochure for pastry school?
105
00:05:31,790 --> 00:05:34,250
Why are you hiding
a pastry school brochure?
106
00:05:34,584 --> 00:05:36,304
Your face is
a pastry school brochure!
107
00:05:39,088 --> 00:05:41,548
Max, it's great you're
interested in pastry school.
108
00:05:41,716 --> 00:05:44,256
-I don't know why you're embarrassed.
-Your face is embarrassed!
109
00:05:44,845 --> 00:05:47,305
Come on, I really think that this is
something we should talk about.
110
00:05:47,473 --> 00:05:49,483
Your face is something
we should talk about!
111
00:05:50,933 --> 00:05:52,853
You made the scary one mad.
112
00:05:53,312 --> 00:05:55,062
That was dumb move.
113
00:05:55,271 --> 00:05:57,151
Your face was a dumb move!
114
00:06:02,696 --> 00:06:05,316
Max? Max, you never came home
after you stormed out,
115
00:06:05,490 --> 00:06:07,950
so I brought you your uniform.
Max?
116
00:06:09,870 --> 00:06:11,370
I live here now.
117
00:06:12,288 --> 00:06:14,168
My new roommates,
the broom and the mop,
118
00:06:14,333 --> 00:06:16,793
don't sneak around
looking at my stuff.
119
00:06:17,627 --> 00:06:21,087
I got everything I need.
Whiskey, toothbrush, toothpaste.
120
00:06:22,173 --> 00:06:24,683
Well, maybe your new broommate
121
00:06:24,843 --> 00:06:26,853
will hold back your hair
when you drink too much.
122
00:06:27,012 --> 00:06:29,142
Which, from the looks of it,
will be in about an hour.
123
00:06:30,182 --> 00:06:32,102
Max, we really need
to talk about this brochure.
124
00:06:32,266 --> 00:06:34,806
Look, just because I have
a pastry school brochure
125
00:06:34,978 --> 00:06:37,558
doesn't mean I'm actually
gonna go to pastry school.
126
00:06:37,730 --> 00:06:39,070
Just like having
those porn magazines
127
00:06:39,233 --> 00:06:41,493
doesn't mean I'm actually
gonna ride around on a tiger
128
00:06:41,651 --> 00:06:44,281
performing unspeakable acts
with sailors, probably.
129
00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:49,656
Pastry school is the same as porn.
It's just a dumb fantasy.
130
00:06:49,826 --> 00:06:51,656
Pastry school is not like porn.
131
00:06:51,829 --> 00:06:55,169
There is nothing in this brochure
about a girl-on-girl croissant.
132
00:06:57,250 --> 00:06:59,380
That's good toothpaste.
133
00:06:59,836 --> 00:07:02,586
Please stop brushing your teeth.
We have a shift to do later.
134
00:07:02,964 --> 00:07:04,724
Okay, the Manhattan
School of Pastry....
135
00:07:04,882 --> 00:07:07,012
Your face is the Manhattan
School of Pastry.
136
00:07:07,177 --> 00:07:08,677
You know it isn't.
137
00:07:09,512 --> 00:07:11,512
Max, you could go here for real.
138
00:07:11,682 --> 00:07:15,062
Tuition is only $3,000 a year.
A lot, but doable.
139
00:07:15,226 --> 00:07:16,886
"A lot but doable"?
140
00:07:17,062 --> 00:07:20,692
Are we talking about pastry school
or fat guy at last call?
141
00:07:24,110 --> 00:07:25,190
(ELEVATOR DINGS)
142
00:07:26,112 --> 00:07:28,492
Here we are, Max.
Your dream starts now.
143
00:07:28,656 --> 00:07:30,486
What, the one where
I'm a black mermaid?
144
00:07:31,951 --> 00:07:35,831
Would you relax? We're just gonna
look around and get an application.
145
00:07:35,872 --> 00:07:38,922
See all that gorgeous equipment
you get to use if you went here?
146
00:07:39,375 --> 00:07:42,205
Finally you'd have a mixing bowl
that's not a hollowed-out watermelon.
147
00:07:42,295 --> 00:07:43,335
(KNOCKING)
148
00:07:43,422 --> 00:07:45,672
Can you help me?
She's holding me against my will.
149
00:07:46,841 --> 00:07:48,181
She's kidding.
150
00:07:48,343 --> 00:07:51,183
If you keep this up, young lady,
you are not getting ice cream after.
151
00:07:51,555 --> 00:07:53,305
Fine!
152
00:07:53,682 --> 00:07:55,182
Come on, here's the office.
153
00:07:55,350 --> 00:07:58,190
Whatever. Are we almost done here?
I got a court date later.
154
00:07:59,103 --> 00:08:01,023
-Hi.
-Hi.
155
00:08:01,355 --> 00:08:02,435
Hi.
156
00:08:03,524 --> 00:08:04,904
Hi.
157
00:08:06,028 --> 00:08:07,948
I'm not sure we're
in the right place.
158
00:08:08,112 --> 00:08:10,032
Are any of us, really?
159
00:08:12,533 --> 00:08:14,453
We'd like an application.
Could you help us?
160
00:08:14,620 --> 00:08:16,700
Oh, God, I hope so.
161
00:08:17,872 --> 00:08:20,672
I wasn't expecting something this
high-pressure my first day back.
162
00:08:22,043 --> 00:08:25,003
Let's just say I've been under
observation at the nuthouse.
163
00:08:26,298 --> 00:08:28,378
Okay, application.
164
00:08:29,091 --> 00:08:32,221
It's for Max, here. She was
very impressed by your brochure.
165
00:08:32,386 --> 00:08:35,256
Oh, pastry school. Exciting, right?
166
00:08:35,432 --> 00:08:38,232
I was a chef here once.
And then I wasn't.
167
00:08:44,357 --> 00:08:46,437
Oh, look.
Found the application.
168
00:08:46,610 --> 00:08:49,570
Wow. Really didn't think I was
gonna be able to handle that.
169
00:08:49,863 --> 00:08:51,413
Bebe, if you....
170
00:08:51,572 --> 00:08:54,492
Oh. Bonjour. Good morning.
171
00:08:55,326 --> 00:08:56,996
Uh...
172
00:08:58,246 --> 00:09:00,826
Chef Nicolas, these girls
are here for an application.
173
00:09:00,999 --> 00:09:04,709
Don't worry, I handled it.
Almost didn't, then I did.
174
00:09:05,586 --> 00:09:06,586
Nice work, Bebe.
175
00:09:06,879 --> 00:09:09,719
Oh, do I detect a French accent?
Oui?
176
00:09:10,384 --> 00:09:12,224
Oh, my God, I can't watch.
177
00:09:12,927 --> 00:09:15,507
French, indeed.
I'm chef Nicolas Saintcroix,
178
00:09:15,681 --> 00:09:17,771
owner and head chef.
Bienvenue.
179
00:09:17,932 --> 00:09:20,772
Caroline Channing.
(SPEAKS BROKEN FRENCH)
180
00:09:23,397 --> 00:09:24,767
Is it over yet?
181
00:09:25,148 --> 00:09:26,818
This is Max.
The application's for her.
182
00:09:26,984 --> 00:09:29,034
S'up, Frenchie?
You eat snails?
183
00:09:29,193 --> 00:09:31,363
It looks like Bebe
forgot the second page.
184
00:09:31,529 --> 00:09:34,369
Oh, boy, forgot the second page.
That's not good.
185
00:09:34,533 --> 00:09:36,623
I thought I handled it.
Didn't handle it.
186
00:09:37,201 --> 00:09:39,081
It's okay, Bebe. Breathe in.
187
00:09:40,205 --> 00:09:41,575
Breathe out.
188
00:09:42,540 --> 00:09:44,710
That's good stuff.
189
00:09:46,378 --> 00:09:47,958
She was quite brilliant.
190
00:09:48,129 --> 00:09:49,719
Then she wasn't.
191
00:09:51,091 --> 00:09:54,221
Here. Fill that out.
And the next step is the pastry exam.
192
00:09:54,385 --> 00:09:56,045
Applicants will have
to make a classic tart,
193
00:09:56,221 --> 00:09:57,971
bring them in tomorrow
for me to taste,
194
00:09:58,139 --> 00:10:00,429
and we will go from there.
Sound good?
195
00:10:01,225 --> 00:10:03,305
Whatever.
Maybe I'll think about it.
196
00:10:03,729 --> 00:10:07,319
Okay, well, maybe you will.
Nice meeting you both.
197
00:10:10,777 --> 00:10:12,567
Hope to see you tomorrow, chef.
198
00:10:14,905 --> 00:10:16,575
He called me chef!
199
00:10:18,284 --> 00:10:20,164
-Yay! Let's go get ice cream!
-No!
200
00:10:20,328 --> 00:10:22,998
You should get started on that tart.
It's due tomorrow.
201
00:10:23,164 --> 00:10:26,384
I got plenty of time.
Besides, pressure ups my game.
202
00:10:26,543 --> 00:10:28,133
I perform my best
when there's a gun to my head.
203
00:10:28,294 --> 00:10:30,134
Ask any of my ex-boyfriends.
204
00:10:30,672 --> 00:10:32,802
This is so not
how I prepare for tests.
205
00:10:32,966 --> 00:10:35,176
I studied three weeks
for a pap smear.
206
00:10:35,302 --> 00:10:36,182
(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)
207
00:10:37,678 --> 00:10:39,258
Don't worry, I got this.
208
00:10:41,182 --> 00:10:43,812
A tart's just like a cookie
with some pudding on it, right?
209
00:10:50,692 --> 00:10:52,282
(COUGHING)
210
00:10:54,571 --> 00:10:56,451
Max, what is going on in here?
211
00:10:56,615 --> 00:10:59,365
Turns out a tart's more than
a cookie with some pudding on it!
212
00:11:01,495 --> 00:11:04,285
You've been in here six hours.
You said you had this.
213
00:11:04,623 --> 00:11:06,833
I thought I had this!
Turns out I don't!
214
00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:08,040
I haven't even finished a shell.
215
00:11:08,210 --> 00:11:10,670
I didn't know there was a shell.
Did you know there was a shell?
216
00:11:11,212 --> 00:11:12,922
Everybody knows there's a shell!
217
00:11:13,090 --> 00:11:15,510
What the shell is wrong with you?
218
00:11:15,801 --> 00:11:17,841
I'm a tart who can't make a tart!
219
00:11:19,888 --> 00:11:21,928
You could've made
nine shells by now.
220
00:11:22,099 --> 00:11:24,479
I did.
They're all in here. Look.
221
00:11:24,643 --> 00:11:26,023
It's like shell-mageddon!
222
00:11:27,562 --> 00:11:29,152
Oh, screw it. This one's
gonna be there in a minute.
223
00:11:29,313 --> 00:11:30,443
Let's just get it over with.
224
00:11:30,606 --> 00:11:33,986
No, you can do this. Here.
This still looks ready to go.
225
00:11:34,610 --> 00:11:36,990
Look at me. Look at me.
I'm a waste of two arms.
226
00:11:41,451 --> 00:11:42,911
I can't make a tart!
227
00:11:43,202 --> 00:11:44,792
How's the tart coming?
228
00:11:47,331 --> 00:11:49,171
Han, you're not safe.
Leave.
229
00:11:49,500 --> 00:11:52,420
You haven't even finished the shell?
That's the easiest part!
230
00:11:53,254 --> 00:11:55,384
Han, this is your face.
231
00:11:57,341 --> 00:11:58,931
Well, I should get going.
232
00:11:59,094 --> 00:12:01,684
I didn't know she could take bitch
to the next level.
233
00:12:07,269 --> 00:12:08,939
I am so screwed!
234
00:12:09,104 --> 00:12:12,114
I finally found a situation
my boobs can't get me out of!
235
00:12:12,691 --> 00:12:16,401
Hey, Max. I have all
the faith in the world in you.
236
00:12:16,570 --> 00:12:20,280
But here's a tart from Stop 'n Shop
in case you want to hand this one in.
237
00:12:20,448 --> 00:12:22,828
No, Earl.
Max is not a cheater.
238
00:12:22,993 --> 00:12:24,913
BOTH: Since when?
239
00:12:25,787 --> 00:12:27,707
She is going to make her own tart.
240
00:12:27,873 --> 00:12:29,423
You, out.
241
00:12:31,208 --> 00:12:34,838
I am never gonna make this shell.
I can't even get it in the pan right.
242
00:12:35,004 --> 00:12:36,594
Max, that looks right.
243
00:12:36,755 --> 00:12:39,715
Oh, my God! I got it in the pan right
! I can do this!
244
00:12:39,884 --> 00:12:41,894
You did it! I knew it!
I helped you. We're besties.
245
00:12:42,052 --> 00:12:43,642
You're not safe. Leave.
246
00:12:50,519 --> 00:12:54,519
I'm telling you, Max, I've tasted a
lot of tarts, and yours is delicious.
247
00:12:54,857 --> 00:12:56,987
You are not the first man
to tell me that.
248
00:12:57,527 --> 00:12:59,777
The first man
to tell me that is in jail.
249
00:13:01,615 --> 00:13:03,775
Here he comes. Look at him.
Here he comes.
250
00:13:05,534 --> 00:13:06,794
Afternoon, ladies.
251
00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:09,290
Bien fondue, Eiffel Tower.
252
00:13:10,373 --> 00:13:11,543
Okay.
253
00:13:11,707 --> 00:13:14,207
Thank you for coming.
Shall we begin the tasting?
254
00:13:14,793 --> 00:13:16,053
This is exciting, huh?
255
00:13:17,338 --> 00:13:18,628
Uh...
256
00:13:19,798 --> 00:13:21,628
Keep it in your pants.
257
00:13:22,384 --> 00:13:24,604
And now for the tart.
It's Max's first ever.
258
00:13:24,763 --> 00:13:26,353
I ate a slice earlier and it was like
259
00:13:26,472 --> 00:13:28,982
(BAD FRENCH ACCENT)
having a little piece of heaven.
260
00:13:30,601 --> 00:13:32,601
Don't do anything you're doing.
261
00:13:33,897 --> 00:13:35,977
It's flaky, creamy.
262
00:13:36,691 --> 00:13:39,361
For a first attempt,
I am very impressed.
263
00:13:39,778 --> 00:13:41,398
Don't be. I made a tart.
264
00:13:41,571 --> 00:13:42,911
It's not like I cured herpes
265
00:13:43,072 --> 00:13:45,952
or invented a reverse microwave
to instantly chill sodas.
266
00:13:47,576 --> 00:13:48,656
Okay, Max.
267
00:13:48,827 --> 00:13:52,747
I will talk it over with my faculty
and we will let you know.
268
00:13:52,915 --> 00:13:55,165
I'll let you know.
269
00:13:57,254 --> 00:13:59,174
Nailed that.
270
00:14:03,634 --> 00:14:07,514
Max! Stop stealing my things!
You got a cleaning lady!
271
00:14:07,681 --> 00:14:10,101
Relax.
I am returning what I took.
272
00:14:10,267 --> 00:14:11,477
Here's your plates.
273
00:14:11,643 --> 00:14:14,103
Oh, and here's your ATM card.
I lifted it from your wallet.
274
00:14:16,230 --> 00:14:17,820
Oh, and here's your wallet.
275
00:14:18,857 --> 00:14:20,687
There was $40 in here.
276
00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:22,780
There sure was.
277
00:14:23,904 --> 00:14:26,624
At least give me back
my gift card from Sephora.
278
00:14:28,951 --> 00:14:30,791
Caroline, Han wants
his Sephora gift card back.
279
00:14:30,953 --> 00:14:33,293
Oh, that's not happening.
It's already on my face.
280
00:14:34,790 --> 00:14:36,380
Max, look,
it's from the pastry school.
281
00:14:36,543 --> 00:14:38,633
Whoo-hoo!
My acceptance letter!
282
00:14:38,836 --> 00:14:41,796
Lot of people talking about
my chili in that bathroom.
283
00:14:44,134 --> 00:14:46,474
Oleg, come here.
Han, Earl, stay.
284
00:14:46,635 --> 00:14:48,635
You guys are about to owe me big.
285
00:14:48,804 --> 00:14:51,604
I am gonna let you witness
something extremely rare.
286
00:14:51,765 --> 00:14:54,935
More rare than a sighting of Bigfoot
or a UFO or Han's penis.
287
00:14:56,562 --> 00:14:58,652
You held me here
so I could hear that?
288
00:14:59,816 --> 00:15:02,066
Behold, the rarest
sight of them all.
289
00:15:02,235 --> 00:15:04,985
You are about to see something
good actually happen to me.
290
00:15:05,154 --> 00:15:06,664
Listen to this.
291
00:15:06,822 --> 00:15:09,032
"Dear Ms. Black,
after careful consideration
292
00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:12,290
of our large pool of applicants,
we regret to inform you...."
293
00:15:13,955 --> 00:15:15,825
Oh, I guess I didn't get in.
294
00:15:21,004 --> 00:15:22,844
Looking back,
we probably should have insisted
295
00:15:23,005 --> 00:15:25,255
she read that to herself, first.
296
00:15:26,342 --> 00:15:29,182
I know why she didn't get in.
Her name.
297
00:15:29,346 --> 00:15:32,096
They saw the word "Black"
and stopped reading.
298
00:15:33,224 --> 00:15:35,274
That's why I didn't
get into law school.
299
00:15:36,019 --> 00:15:37,849
I also didn't apply.
300
00:15:39,605 --> 00:15:42,015
This is terrible.
I'm gonna go see if she's okay.
301
00:15:42,359 --> 00:15:44,529
Who does that French frog
think he is?
302
00:15:44,693 --> 00:15:47,153
He thinks he can have the time
of his life tasting my tart
303
00:15:47,322 --> 00:15:49,372
and then never see me again?
304
00:15:49,615 --> 00:15:53,235
He won't let me into his school?
Well, I won't take no for an answer.
305
00:15:53,452 --> 00:15:56,372
I am going down there right now
and giving him a piece of my mind.
306
00:15:56,538 --> 00:15:58,118
I am storming out.
307
00:16:00,293 --> 00:16:01,543
And I am storming back in.
308
00:16:01,711 --> 00:16:03,961
It is dark outside.
That school's not open.
309
00:16:09,802 --> 00:16:12,262
Hey, you.
Tart tease, we need a word.
310
00:16:12,429 --> 00:16:13,719
Oh, boy.
311
00:16:13,889 --> 00:16:15,979
What? You love my pastries
312
00:16:16,142 --> 00:16:18,732
and then regret to inform me
I'm not good enough for your school?
313
00:16:18,894 --> 00:16:21,944
Well, I regret to inform you
that I am good enough
314
00:16:22,106 --> 00:16:23,816
and I want to know why
you won't let me in here.
315
00:16:23,982 --> 00:16:25,902
Okay, uh...
316
00:16:26,068 --> 00:16:27,778
Your voice is
an anxiety trigger for me.
317
00:16:27,946 --> 00:16:30,406
I'm going to have to remove myself
from the situation
318
00:16:30,572 --> 00:16:31,992
and go sit in the hallway.
319
00:16:34,159 --> 00:16:37,079
Can you come with me?
You have a very calming presence.
320
00:16:37,871 --> 00:16:40,331
Thank you.
So few people think that about me.
321
00:16:40,500 --> 00:16:41,840
But I should stay with Max.
322
00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:43,920
No, I got this handled.
You can have her.
323
00:16:44,044 --> 00:16:46,004
This is the last time
you give me to someone.
324
00:16:47,966 --> 00:16:52,676
Max, your tart was excellent.
The problem was your attitude.
325
00:16:52,846 --> 00:16:56,466
You showed no passion
of wanting to be in this school.
326
00:16:56,640 --> 00:17:00,770
And that is why you didn't get in.
It seemed like you didn't want it.
327
00:17:00,937 --> 00:17:03,727
No, no, no,
that's just my attitude.
328
00:17:03,898 --> 00:17:05,108
I act like I don't want anything
329
00:17:05,275 --> 00:17:06,975
because I never got anything
I wanted.
330
00:17:07,152 --> 00:17:10,452
But I do want to go to this school
more than I've ever wanted anything.
331
00:17:10,613 --> 00:17:12,623
It's my fantasy and my dream,
332
00:17:12,781 --> 00:17:15,791
and please stop making me use
these horrible, horrible words!
333
00:17:17,119 --> 00:17:19,119
Just let me in, okay?
334
00:17:20,289 --> 00:17:21,709
Okay.
335
00:17:27,463 --> 00:17:28,843
Wait, for real?
336
00:17:29,965 --> 00:17:33,795
Yes. I needed to see if your passion
was as good as your pastry
337
00:17:33,970 --> 00:17:35,640
and you just showed me it was.
338
00:17:36,472 --> 00:17:38,522
I'm thrilled to have you
on board, chef.
339
00:17:39,142 --> 00:17:41,062
Thanks, chef.
340
00:17:42,644 --> 00:17:44,814
Bebe is having a panic attack
and needs to hold her lemon.
341
00:17:44,980 --> 00:17:47,190
Has anyone seen her lemon?
342
00:17:47,776 --> 00:17:50,146
Caroline, he let me in.
I'm going to pastry school.
343
00:17:50,319 --> 00:17:52,149
Everybody has to
call me "chef" now!
344
00:17:52,322 --> 00:17:53,572
You did it, chef!
345
00:17:53,740 --> 00:17:55,740
You're going to the pastry school
from the brochure!
346
00:17:55,909 --> 00:17:58,829
Aren't you glad
I looked at your porn?
347
00:18:00,829 --> 00:18:03,669
We're roommates. Both single.
Quelle surprise.
348
00:18:06,669 --> 00:18:10,209
So Max, once you fill out these,
you will be officially enrolled.
349
00:18:10,923 --> 00:18:12,843
And, of course, we will need
your tuition check.
350
00:18:13,009 --> 00:18:15,009
Yup. $3,000.
It's a lot for us.
351
00:18:15,178 --> 00:18:17,718
But if we make some cutbacks,
half-ply toilet paper.
352
00:18:17,888 --> 00:18:20,808
Who am I kidding?
No toilet paper, diner napkins.
353
00:18:22,227 --> 00:18:25,057
No, uh, tuition is $24,000.
354
00:18:25,688 --> 00:18:28,018
But the brochure said $3,000 a year.
355
00:18:28,191 --> 00:18:30,821
You misread it.
It's $3,000 a unit.
356
00:18:30,984 --> 00:18:34,284
There is eight units per year.
$24,000.
357
00:18:34,989 --> 00:18:39,289
It costs $24,000?
We can't pay that.
358
00:18:39,827 --> 00:18:41,747
Oh, my God, now I'm never
gonna be able to come here
359
00:18:41,913 --> 00:18:43,123
and I just admitted
I wanted to!
360
00:18:43,288 --> 00:18:46,038
I take back everything I ever said
about wanting anything.
361
00:18:46,209 --> 00:18:49,209
-Max, you can't just storm out.
-Your face can't just storm out!
362
00:18:51,713 --> 00:18:55,053
Look, I will do anything for
that girl to go to this school.
363
00:18:55,218 --> 00:18:57,138
In exchange for tuition,
I could work in the office.
364
00:18:57,302 --> 00:18:59,222
Bebe clearly needs someone
to help take the pressure off
365
00:18:59,388 --> 00:19:02,718
and who better than a mentally stable
Wharton graduate like myself?
366
00:19:02,892 --> 00:19:05,812
But I'll do anything.
I'll even wash your floors, okay?
367
00:19:05,979 --> 00:19:07,809
Although I'm sure there's
something better than that.
368
00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:10,570
But if you need me to wash
the floors, I will wash the floors.
369
00:19:10,732 --> 00:19:13,072
Really would prefer
to do anything else,
370
00:19:13,236 --> 00:19:16,236
but I'll do it, 'cause I'll do
anything to get her into this school.
371
00:19:16,405 --> 00:19:18,405
Please no floors.
372
00:19:19,616 --> 00:19:23,286
Okay, I will talk it over with
my staff and I will let you know.
373
00:19:23,621 --> 00:19:24,751
Oh, no, no.
374
00:19:24,913 --> 00:19:27,173
I've seen what happens when you
give people the "I'll let you know."
375
00:19:27,333 --> 00:19:29,673
I'm not going anywhere until
you let me know to my face.
376
00:19:29,836 --> 00:19:32,256
With your face.
Your beautiful, beautiful face.
377
00:19:42,557 --> 00:19:44,057
Max, we're not poor enough?
378
00:19:44,224 --> 00:19:47,104
You're starting a hobo
trash fire in our apartment?
379
00:19:48,354 --> 00:19:51,734
Yup. I'm burning my porn
and pastry school brochure.
380
00:19:51,900 --> 00:19:53,780
You know, all my fantasies.
381
00:19:54,109 --> 00:19:55,109
If I learned anything in life
382
00:19:55,278 --> 00:19:57,948
it's that nothing's more flammable
than my dreams.
383
00:19:59,281 --> 00:20:01,281
Are those my slipper socks in there?
384
00:20:01,451 --> 00:20:03,451
Yeah, those needed to die too.
385
00:20:03,994 --> 00:20:08,794
Well, while you were in our living
room hosting a Burning Man festival,
386
00:20:08,958 --> 00:20:12,798
I was at the pastry school getting us
a work-study arrangement.
387
00:20:12,961 --> 00:20:14,631
And....
388
00:20:16,798 --> 00:20:19,128
-You're going to pastry school.
-No way!
389
00:20:19,301 --> 00:20:21,431
Here you go.
Your school uniform.
390
00:20:21,804 --> 00:20:23,604
This is where my name's gonna go!
391
00:20:23,765 --> 00:20:26,475
My chef name, Conchita Bonfire.
392
00:20:28,102 --> 00:20:29,562
Thank you for this.
393
00:20:29,729 --> 00:20:30,979
And for everything.
394
00:20:31,146 --> 00:20:32,186
You don't have to thank me.
395
00:20:32,356 --> 00:20:35,686
'Cause with your new skills I'm gonna
use you like Kim uses Kanye.
396
00:20:37,487 --> 00:20:40,067
Or Kanye uses Kim. I'm not sure
which of them is winning.
397
00:20:41,281 --> 00:20:43,831
What kind of work-study
arrangement did you make for me?
398
00:20:43,992 --> 00:20:46,042
It's more of a work-study
arrangement for us.
399
00:20:46,203 --> 00:20:47,963
I'll be working in the office
helping out Bebe,
400
00:20:48,122 --> 00:20:49,832
so I'm working, you're studying.
401
00:20:49,999 --> 00:20:53,669
You're working at my school?
Mom!
402
00:20:57,173 --> 00:20:58,093
(CASH REGISTER DINGS)
403
00:21:21,948 --> 00:21:23,948
(English US - SDH)
404
00:21:23,998 --> 00:21:28,548
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