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1
00:00:06,200 --> 00:00:08,040
Oh, hey, Donna,
2
00:00:08,120 --> 00:00:11,720
about this little celibacy kick we're on,
3
00:00:11,800 --> 00:00:14,760
does that cover quickies,
'cause I could be really quick?
4
00:00:14,840 --> 00:00:18,520
Well, that's why I call you "the flash."
5
00:00:18,600 --> 00:00:22,120
That's why you call me the flash?
6
00:00:22,200 --> 00:00:24,640
I thought it was 'cause I was flashy,
7
00:00:24,680 --> 00:00:26,520
like an entertainer.
8
00:00:26,560 --> 00:00:28,160
Come on, one little one.
9
00:00:28,240 --> 00:00:30,600
You can even watch tv.
10
00:00:30,640 --> 00:00:33,320
Eric, we agreed to hold
off until the wedding.
11
00:00:33,400 --> 00:00:34,640
It's cleansing.
12
00:00:34,720 --> 00:00:36,600
No, Donna, giving up
cigarettes is cleansing.
13
00:00:36,640 --> 00:00:39,200
Giving up sex is reckless
and irresponsible,
14
00:00:39,240 --> 00:00:42,920
and I think it might cause cancer.
15
00:00:43,000 --> 00:00:45,880
Hey, Jackie, I know since you moved in,
16
00:00:45,920 --> 00:00:47,880
we agreed to give each other messages
17
00:00:47,880 --> 00:00:50,200
as soon as possible, and
in the spirit of that,
18
00:00:50,240 --> 00:00:52,160
your mom called last Tuesday.
19
00:00:52,200 --> 00:00:55,200
What? No, she couldn't
call. She's in mexico.
20
00:00:55,240 --> 00:00:57,360
They don't have phones there.
21
00:00:57,440 --> 00:00:59,320
Uh, yeah, they do.
22
00:00:59,400 --> 00:01:02,040
Why would we give them phones?
23
00:01:03,360 --> 00:01:05,680
My dad tried to get back
in touch with me once.
24
00:01:05,760 --> 00:01:08,040
Instead of calling, he just
left a six-pack on my car.
25
00:01:08,120 --> 00:01:09,560
How'd you know it was him?
26
00:01:09,640 --> 00:01:12,440
He was passed out on the hood.
27
00:01:12,480 --> 00:01:14,560
Well, I don't have
anything to say to my mom.
28
00:01:14,640 --> 00:01:16,840
She ditched me three months ago,
and that's all I need to know.
29
00:01:16,920 --> 00:01:19,440
Oh, man, that's really sad.
30
00:01:19,520 --> 00:01:22,440
It's like a mother and daughter divided.
31
00:01:22,520 --> 00:01:25,480
So, hey, what about
some second base action?
32
00:01:25,520 --> 00:01:28,360
What did I tell you about
talking about the bases, flash?
33
00:01:30,920 --> 00:01:31,800
Donna.
34
00:01:31,880 --> 00:01:34,080
He doesn't know why.
35
00:01:34,120 --> 00:01:36,000
Jackie, you should cut your mom a break.
36
00:01:36,040 --> 00:01:37,600
I think she's charming.
37
00:01:37,680 --> 00:01:39,040
If she calls again,
38
00:01:39,120 --> 00:01:40,600
just tell her I don't want to see her.
39
00:01:40,680 --> 00:01:44,000
Well, that's too bad
'cause I just picked her up
40
00:01:44,040 --> 00:01:46,040
from the airport.
41
00:01:46,120 --> 00:01:49,040
And here I am.
42
00:01:49,080 --> 00:01:50,480
Mom!
43
00:01:50,560 --> 00:01:52,440
Oh, I love making an entrance.
44
00:01:52,480 --> 00:01:54,000
Be a dear and go watch my luggage.
45
00:01:54,040 --> 00:01:56,280
Really? Thanks.
46
00:01:56,360 --> 00:01:58,160
What are you doing here? Who cares?
47
00:01:58,240 --> 00:02:00,400
Welcome to my driveway, pretty lady.
48
00:02:00,480 --> 00:02:04,000
I'm Eric Forman. Remember me? Big fan.
49
00:02:04,080 --> 00:02:05,960
Oh, right, my toy poodle
snowball almost killed you
50
00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:07,520
when you were 6.
51
00:02:07,560 --> 00:02:09,960
I was 13, but, yeah.
52
00:02:10,040 --> 00:02:13,400
Mrs. Burkhart, Steven
Hyde. Nice to see you again.
53
00:02:13,480 --> 00:02:15,320
Just thought I'd let you
know that Jackie and I
54
00:02:15,400 --> 00:02:16,640
are kind of dating now.
55
00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:18,920
Didn't you rob our house?
56
00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:21,560
Well, I was in there a few times at night,
57
00:02:21,640 --> 00:02:24,040
but I never took anything.
58
00:02:24,120 --> 00:02:25,560
Mrs. Burkhart!
59
00:02:25,600 --> 00:02:29,320
I thought I saw gorgeous, flowing hair
60
00:02:29,400 --> 00:02:31,320
on bronze shoulders,
61
00:02:31,360 --> 00:02:33,920
And I wasn't near a mirror,
so I knew it had to be you.
62
00:02:40,600 --> 00:02:43,000
Mom, why are you back?
63
00:02:43,040 --> 00:02:45,640
It got rainy in Cabo,
so I hopped on a plane.
64
00:02:45,720 --> 00:02:48,320
Wish I was a plane.
65
00:02:51,160 --> 00:02:54,440
Then she could hop on me.
66
00:02:55,920 --> 00:02:57,040
And by hop on me, I mean...
67
00:02:57,040 --> 00:02:58,880
Yeah, yeah, we got it, Fez.
68
00:02:58,920 --> 00:03:00,200
Wait, let me guess.
69
00:03:00,480 --> 00:03:02,960
"rainy in Cabo" is Spanish
70
00:03:03,040 --> 00:03:05,680
for "my rich pilot
boyfriend ran out of money."
71
00:03:05,760 --> 00:03:08,080
Don't be silly. I don't know any Spanish,
72
00:03:08,160 --> 00:03:12,640
Except for gracias amas tequila.
73
00:03:12,720 --> 00:03:14,160
I just missed you.
74
00:03:14,200 --> 00:03:17,560
Well, I didn't miss you.
75
00:03:17,600 --> 00:03:20,440
And there's the stomp and cry.
76
00:03:20,480 --> 00:03:22,040
See you guys tomorrow.
77
00:03:23,920 --> 00:03:26,120
Miss Burkhart, I know
you and Jackie are working
78
00:03:26,480 --> 00:03:30,800
through some difficult stuff,
but may I just say, nice tan?
79
00:03:32,320 --> 00:03:34,280
Yeah, it really makes everything pop.
80
00:03:34,360 --> 00:03:37,480
Yeah, I'm popping a little right now.
81
00:04:17,240 --> 00:04:18,880
Why don't we ever have tea?
82
00:04:18,920 --> 00:04:20,720
Well, this sounds like the beginning
83
00:04:20,800 --> 00:04:22,880
of a wonderful argument...
84
00:04:22,960 --> 00:04:27,040
Like the stuffing versus
mashed potatoes fight
85
00:04:27,080 --> 00:04:30,200
that turned into why don't
I ever take you on vacation.
86
00:04:30,240 --> 00:04:32,760
Why don't you ever take me on vacation?
87
00:04:32,800 --> 00:04:34,240
Oh, crap.
88
00:04:34,320 --> 00:04:38,720
Oh, Mr. And Mrs. Forman,
I don't know what to do.
89
00:04:38,800 --> 00:04:42,880
Not this again. Kitty, make it stop.
90
00:04:42,920 --> 00:04:45,960
Now be nice, Red. Her
mom finally came home
91
00:04:46,040 --> 00:04:49,120
from her cultural tour
of Mexico's many fine bars
92
00:04:49,200 --> 00:04:51,440
and cantinas.
93
00:04:51,520 --> 00:04:53,920
Why did she have to go
all the way to Mexico
94
00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:55,200
to drink all day?
95
00:04:55,280 --> 00:04:56,880
Why couldn't she be a good mom
96
00:04:56,960 --> 00:04:58,760
and just do it at home like you do?
97
00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:01,920
Well, that's a good question.
98
00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:05,480
And you need to sit down
and talk to her about it.
99
00:05:05,560 --> 00:05:08,360
You can do it here with tea.
100
00:05:08,440 --> 00:05:10,480
We'll have tea!
101
00:05:10,520 --> 00:05:12,040
No!
102
00:05:12,120 --> 00:05:14,760
Why does this always happen here?
103
00:05:14,840 --> 00:05:16,200
We're in a recession.
104
00:05:16,280 --> 00:05:18,120
There are vacant lots all over the place.
105
00:05:18,200 --> 00:05:20,680
Well, you can go stand in a vacant lot.
106
00:05:20,760 --> 00:05:24,600
We're having a tea party with crumpets.
107
00:05:24,680 --> 00:05:26,520
I'll find out what they are,
108
00:05:26,600 --> 00:05:27,920
and we will have them.
109
00:05:27,960 --> 00:05:29,920
Okay, but I don't know
110
00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:31,880
if I can look my mom in the eye.
111
00:05:31,960 --> 00:05:33,800
I mean, I never thought I'd say this,
112
00:05:33,880 --> 00:05:36,080
but there comes a point
when a person is too tan.
113
00:05:40,400 --> 00:05:42,320
Whoa, check out this new police academy
114
00:05:42,400 --> 00:05:43,560
they're sending me to in waukegan.
115
00:05:43,640 --> 00:05:44,920
It's got its own pool!
116
00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:46,960
Oh, man, if I'd have known
it was gonna be this nice,
117
00:05:47,040 --> 00:05:50,040
I'd have burned down
the old one a lot sooner.
118
00:05:50,120 --> 00:05:52,040
Kelso, I'm really going to miss you.
119
00:05:52,080 --> 00:05:55,400
Who's gonna take my
lunch money and tease me
120
00:05:55,440 --> 00:05:58,760
and pull down my pants in front of girls?
121
00:05:58,800 --> 00:06:02,040
I'll be taking over.
122
00:06:02,120 --> 00:06:04,120
Hey, you're still gonna
drive me up there, right?
123
00:06:04,200 --> 00:06:06,560
Oh, man, Jackie's got this
heavy thing with her mom.
124
00:06:06,640 --> 00:06:08,960
I know she's gonna wanna
talk about it a lot.
125
00:06:09,040 --> 00:06:11,320
So, yeah, I'll drive you.
126
00:06:11,400 --> 00:06:14,200
Hey, since Donna cut me
off, I took the money that
127
00:06:14,280 --> 00:06:16,360
I would have spent on a
romantic dinner for two
128
00:06:16,400 --> 00:06:19,240
and bought me a gross of bottle rockets.
129
00:06:19,280 --> 00:06:21,840
Take that, Pinciotti!
130
00:06:21,920 --> 00:06:24,080
Bottle rockets, all right.
131
00:06:24,160 --> 00:06:26,160
Fez, start running.
132
00:06:26,200 --> 00:06:28,080
No, wait. I got a better idea.
133
00:06:28,120 --> 00:06:29,960
After we drop him off,
134
00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:31,880
let's stop off at the dairy farm,
135
00:06:31,920 --> 00:06:33,800
scare the hell out of some cows.
136
00:06:33,840 --> 00:06:36,080
Ooh, I love cows.
137
00:06:36,160 --> 00:06:40,240
They're the one animal
I can run faster than.
138
00:06:40,320 --> 00:06:42,240
No, no, let's go before you drop me off.
139
00:06:42,280 --> 00:06:45,320
That big spotted one needs
an attitude adjustment.
140
00:06:45,360 --> 00:06:47,280
No, man, it's got to be at night.
141
00:06:47,360 --> 00:06:49,200
Look, I've launched so
much stuff at those cows
142
00:06:49,280 --> 00:06:52,320
during the day, I swear,
they recognize my car.
143
00:06:52,360 --> 00:06:55,560
I can't believe you guys
are going without me.
144
00:06:55,640 --> 00:06:58,600
Those cows will never know what hit them.
145
00:06:58,640 --> 00:07:00,840
And even after it hits them,
146
00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:04,360
they still won't know,
147
00:07:04,400 --> 00:07:07,400
because they're cows.
148
00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:17,600
Okay, here, Red, try this tea.
149
00:07:17,680 --> 00:07:20,400
It'll make you feel british.
150
00:07:20,480 --> 00:07:23,200
mum's the word, governor.
151
00:07:23,280 --> 00:07:25,360
Kitty, this is America.
152
00:07:25,440 --> 00:07:27,680
We bomb countries that drink tea.
153
00:07:27,720 --> 00:07:29,120
Well, that's because
154
00:07:29,200 --> 00:07:31,040
coffee keeps us awake all night,
155
00:07:31,120 --> 00:07:32,960
and we wake up in such a bad mood,
156
00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:34,240
we have to bomb someone.
157
00:07:35,920 --> 00:07:37,760
Ooh, ooh, I bet that's Jackie's mom.
158
00:07:37,800 --> 00:07:39,960
I still don't think we
should get involved in this.
159
00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:42,480
As far as I'm concerned,
this is between Jackie
160
00:07:42,560 --> 00:07:44,520
and her ditzy lush of a mom.
161
00:07:44,600 --> 00:07:47,960
Hi. You must be Red. I'm Pam Burkhart.
162
00:07:48,040 --> 00:07:50,840
It's Pam.
163
00:07:52,160 --> 00:07:55,720
You made tea. Oh, I love tea.
164
00:07:55,800 --> 00:07:57,840
So do I.
165
00:07:57,920 --> 00:08:01,880
Wipe your chin, honey. You got some drool.
166
00:08:01,960 --> 00:08:03,800
Thank you both so much for doing this.
167
00:08:03,880 --> 00:08:05,720
You know, when you are
as beautiful as I am,
168
00:08:05,800 --> 00:08:07,680
it's hard to know who
your real friends are.
169
00:08:07,760 --> 00:08:10,480
Oh, I'm sorry that you
have to go through that.
170
00:08:10,520 --> 00:08:12,480
I'm just hoping that Jackie and I
171
00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:15,040
figure out a way to get along.
172
00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:17,760
Well, you've got your low-cut,
getting-along sweater on,
173
00:08:17,840 --> 00:08:19,240
so...
174
00:08:19,320 --> 00:08:21,760
I bet that'll help.
175
00:08:21,840 --> 00:08:23,160
Hi, honey.
176
00:08:23,200 --> 00:08:24,640
Hi.
177
00:08:24,720 --> 00:08:27,480
And by "hi," I mean, not hi,
because I'm not talking to you,
178
00:08:27,520 --> 00:08:28,920
even though I'm talking now.
179
00:08:28,960 --> 00:08:31,480
So I'm just gonna stop
talking, starting now.
180
00:08:31,560 --> 00:08:34,520
Oh! Dang it. Starting now.
181
00:08:34,600 --> 00:08:36,760
And now.
182
00:08:36,800 --> 00:08:38,520
This is awkward.
183
00:08:38,560 --> 00:08:40,880
Why don't I tell a story
about something charming
184
00:08:40,960 --> 00:08:42,360
I did in Mexico?
185
00:08:42,400 --> 00:08:45,280
I'd love to hear it.
186
00:08:45,360 --> 00:08:47,200
There was this woman
on a beach in cozumel.
187
00:08:47,280 --> 00:08:49,120
and normally, I wouldn't talk to someone
188
00:08:49,200 --> 00:08:52,000
who had such bad skin, but she was selling
189
00:08:52,080 --> 00:08:54,480
the cutest hair clips, so here.
190
00:08:54,520 --> 00:08:56,920
You know, I'd tell you
that doesn't fix anything,
191
00:08:57,000 --> 00:08:58,800
but I'm not talking to you. Oh, shoot!
192
00:08:58,880 --> 00:09:01,800
Starting now!
193
00:09:01,840 --> 00:09:05,360
Yeah, nice try, Mrs. Burkhart.
194
00:09:05,400 --> 00:09:07,160
Damn, these are cute.
195
00:09:07,240 --> 00:09:09,240
Look, Jackie, when your
father got into trouble,
196
00:09:09,320 --> 00:09:10,800
I panicked,
197
00:09:10,880 --> 00:09:13,200
but that doesn't mean I
stopped caring about you.
198
00:09:13,240 --> 00:09:15,000
Jackie, if you seriously don't want these,
199
00:09:15,080 --> 00:09:16,920
can I have them?
200
00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:19,240
Look, mom, a good time to
tell me you cared about me
201
00:09:19,280 --> 00:09:21,160
was the day daddy went to prison,
202
00:09:21,200 --> 00:09:23,120
not two months later on a postcard
203
00:09:23,160 --> 00:09:25,800
from la Cantina Cucaracha in Guadalajara.
204
00:09:25,880 --> 00:09:29,200
Isn't it nice to get postcards?
205
00:09:29,280 --> 00:09:32,120
Okay, fine. Jackie, look,
I know that you've got
206
00:09:32,120 --> 00:09:33,560
hostile feelings towards me,
207
00:09:33,560 --> 00:09:35,640
but I'm your mother, and I love you.
208
00:09:35,720 --> 00:09:39,400
And I promise I'll never leave you again.
209
00:09:39,440 --> 00:09:40,760
I believe her.
210
00:09:40,840 --> 00:09:42,160
Me, too.
211
00:09:50,700 --> 00:09:53,900
Kelso, you leave for the
police academy tomorrow.
212
00:09:53,940 --> 00:09:55,980
Shouldn't you be packing
gasoline and matches
213
00:09:56,060 --> 00:09:57,980
so you can burn that one down, too?
214
00:09:58,060 --> 00:10:00,700
I don't need gasoline to burn stuff down.
215
00:10:00,780 --> 00:10:03,820
All I need is these two hands
and a lack of adult supervision.
216
00:10:03,900 --> 00:10:06,500
Anyway, I'm not going.
217
00:10:06,540 --> 00:10:09,260
I decided I didn't want to be a cop.
218
00:10:09,340 --> 00:10:11,020
But, Kelso, I thought
219
00:10:11,100 --> 00:10:12,940
you wanted to impress
the mother of your child
220
00:10:13,020 --> 00:10:14,860
and give your life a purpose
221
00:10:14,940 --> 00:10:18,300
and pull over girls
for speeding while foxy.
222
00:10:18,340 --> 00:10:20,420
No, I got my reasons.
223
00:10:20,460 --> 00:10:23,140
I mean, I don't want to leave
when things are going so good
224
00:10:23,220 --> 00:10:24,260
for me and Brooke.
225
00:10:24,300 --> 00:10:26,620
Plus, blue isn't a very good color for me.
226
00:10:26,660 --> 00:10:28,060
What, are you crazy?
227
00:10:28,100 --> 00:10:30,580
You take blue to a whole new level.
228
00:10:30,660 --> 00:10:32,740
All right, let's go blast some cows.
229
00:10:32,780 --> 00:10:34,620
Whoa. All you talk about is being a cop.
230
00:10:34,660 --> 00:10:36,540
You haven't focused on anything this hard
231
00:10:36,580 --> 00:10:39,140
since you thought you heard
your name on "Led Zeppelin II."
232
00:10:39,220 --> 00:10:41,380
It's in there.
233
00:10:41,460 --> 00:10:42,980
In "Whole lotta love,"
234
00:10:43,060 --> 00:10:46,660
he clearly sings, " Kelso lotta love."
235
00:10:46,740 --> 00:10:48,900
Kelso, I'm gonna make
sure you become a cop.
236
00:10:48,980 --> 00:10:51,580
Yeah, we're not gonna let
you throw your life away.
237
00:10:51,660 --> 00:10:53,500
I don't care about that.
238
00:10:53,540 --> 00:10:56,140
Look, I got a few things pending downtown,
239
00:10:56,220 --> 00:10:57,620
and I need someone on the inside.
240
00:11:03,540 --> 00:11:06,380
Jackie, just go see your mom.
241
00:11:06,460 --> 00:11:08,380
She chose you over golden sunsets,
242
00:11:08,460 --> 00:11:09,580
frozen margaritas.
243
00:11:09,660 --> 00:11:12,500
Man, why aren't we down there?
244
00:11:12,540 --> 00:11:14,540
Donna, you don't get her,
245
00:11:14,620 --> 00:11:16,900
because you'll never understand
the intoxicating quality
246
00:11:16,980 --> 00:11:20,260
of getting anything you
want with your looks.
247
00:11:20,340 --> 00:11:22,700
Look, she's just here till
she finds a new meal ticket.
248
00:11:22,780 --> 00:11:24,540
I don't believe that for a minute.
249
00:11:24,620 --> 00:11:26,460
I think she came back to be with you,
250
00:11:26,540 --> 00:11:28,380
not to find some lonely rich guy.
251
00:11:28,460 --> 00:11:30,060
Your mother is a lovely woman.
252
00:11:30,140 --> 00:11:33,220
Donna, Pam and I are gonna catch a movie.
253
00:11:33,300 --> 00:11:37,220
It's my first American date in months.
254
00:11:38,820 --> 00:11:41,300
Your mother is a gold-digging tramp.
255
00:11:41,340 --> 00:11:43,540
I can't believe my mom is going out
256
00:11:43,580 --> 00:11:45,540
with your Bob of a dad.
257
00:11:45,620 --> 00:11:48,100
Oh, what? He's not good enough?
258
00:11:48,180 --> 00:11:49,940
Oh, so you see it, too?
259
00:11:51,860 --> 00:11:53,940
I expected her to go
after a cool rich guy,
260
00:11:53,980 --> 00:11:56,500
like Jack Nicholson or a Bee Gee.
261
00:11:56,580 --> 00:11:59,380
You're dad is cheesy
and corny, like nachos.
262
00:11:59,420 --> 00:12:01,620
Well, then no wonder
your mom is after him.
263
00:12:01,660 --> 00:12:03,700
She'll touch anything from Mexico!
264
00:12:03,780 --> 00:12:05,780
Oh, hey, you take that back right now,
265
00:12:05,860 --> 00:12:08,140
or I will pull your hair really hard!
266
00:12:08,180 --> 00:12:09,980
Oh, yeah.
267
00:12:10,060 --> 00:12:12,740
Eric, not now.
268
00:12:12,820 --> 00:12:14,660
Look, I'm sorry, Donna,
but you cut me off,
269
00:12:14,740 --> 00:12:16,580
and I always thought it was lame
270
00:12:16,660 --> 00:12:18,500
when Kelso said that
girl fights were sexy,
271
00:12:18,580 --> 00:12:20,740
but now I can see he was very right!
272
00:12:20,820 --> 00:12:22,140
So you, hair pull, you, shirt rip.
273
00:12:22,220 --> 00:12:24,540
You'd better go talk to your mom.
274
00:12:24,620 --> 00:12:26,700
You'd better go talk to your dad.
275
00:12:30,820 --> 00:12:32,420
Hmm.
276
00:12:32,460 --> 00:12:36,260
I overplayed my hand there a little bit.
277
00:12:38,940 --> 00:12:41,980
*
278
00:12:43,500 --> 00:12:44,940
Hey, come on, buddy.
279
00:12:45,020 --> 00:12:47,340
Time to go to cop school.
280
00:12:50,140 --> 00:12:52,100
I don't believe this.
281
00:12:52,180 --> 00:12:54,020
I know. King-size pillows
on a twin-size bed.
282
00:12:54,100 --> 00:12:55,860
Why didn't I think of that?
283
00:12:55,900 --> 00:12:58,620
Man, he just split on us.
284
00:12:59,660 --> 00:13:02,700
Ow!
285
00:13:03,740 --> 00:13:05,460
yeah, he's definitely gone.
286
00:13:05,500 --> 00:13:07,540
I guess we'll just leave then.
287
00:13:13,140 --> 00:13:15,900
Oh, that's not fair. You
guys made leaving sounds.
288
00:13:22,460 --> 00:13:23,540
Oh, come on, kitty.
289
00:13:23,580 --> 00:13:26,340
Enough with the silent treatment.
290
00:13:26,420 --> 00:13:29,980
I didn't say that I liked tea
291
00:13:30,060 --> 00:13:31,860
because Pam is pretty.
292
00:13:31,900 --> 00:13:34,580
I said that I liked tea
293
00:13:34,620 --> 00:13:37,380
because you were kind enough
294
00:13:37,460 --> 00:13:41,140
and courageous enough
295
00:13:41,220 --> 00:13:43,740
to open my eyes to a whole new world
296
00:13:43,820 --> 00:13:46,540
of hot beverages,
297
00:13:46,580 --> 00:13:50,180
which is just one of
the millions of things
298
00:13:50,260 --> 00:13:52,820
that you have done to improve my life
299
00:13:52,900 --> 00:13:55,100
over all these years.
300
00:13:55,180 --> 00:13:57,740
So now I'm old.
301
00:13:59,020 --> 00:14:02,260
Mr. Forman, will you please
talk some sense into my dad?
302
00:14:02,300 --> 00:14:04,780
Last night he went on a
date with Jackie's mom.
303
00:14:04,820 --> 00:14:06,220
Oh, you hear that, Red?
304
00:14:06,260 --> 00:14:10,180
Looks like your girlfriend's stepn' out.
305
00:14:10,260 --> 00:14:12,780
Donna, Pam's just what
I've been looking for.
306
00:14:12,820 --> 00:14:15,700
I've loved pretty women,
and I've loved smart women.
307
00:14:15,740 --> 00:14:17,580
And I'm going back to pretty.
308
00:14:17,620 --> 00:14:20,020
Dad, don't you think
it's a little suspicious
309
00:14:20,100 --> 00:14:21,460
that she just got back
310
00:14:21,540 --> 00:14:22,980
and she's already latched on to you?
311
00:14:23,060 --> 00:14:25,020
I'm a very cute man, donna.
312
00:14:25,100 --> 00:14:28,260
Bob, this is clearly upsetting Donna.
313
00:14:28,340 --> 00:14:31,460
How can u date her?
314
00:14:31,540 --> 00:14:34,380
Yeah, how can you date her?
315
00:14:34,420 --> 00:14:36,940
What does that mean?
316
00:14:37,020 --> 00:14:38,020
What?
317
00:14:38,100 --> 00:14:39,620
You emphasized "her,"
318
00:14:39,660 --> 00:14:41,740
like there's something special about her.
319
00:14:41,820 --> 00:14:44,540
I just said what you said,
320
00:14:44,620 --> 00:14:47,380
but you must have missed it
because I was on my way outside
321
00:14:47,460 --> 00:14:49,820
to mow the lawn.
322
00:14:54,380 --> 00:14:57,740
Oh, man, I can't believe Donna is serious
323
00:14:57,820 --> 00:14:59,660
about this celibacy thing.
324
00:14:59,740 --> 00:15:04,060
Fez, how do you cope with not getting any?
325
00:15:04,100 --> 00:15:07,340
I think you know how I cope.
326
00:15:07,420 --> 00:15:10,020
When you don't see me, I'm coping.
327
00:15:12,060 --> 00:15:13,980
Hey, he tried to get away again.
328
00:15:14,020 --> 00:15:15,860
So I had to use his stun gun on him.
329
00:15:15,900 --> 00:15:17,820
Yeah, it didn't hurt, though.
330
00:15:17,860 --> 00:15:19,780
I've done it to myself so many times,
331
00:15:19,860 --> 00:15:21,820
I baly feel it anymore.
332
00:15:21,900 --> 00:15:23,060
Just get in the car.
333
00:15:23,100 --> 00:15:25,020
You guys can take me to the academy,
334
00:15:25,100 --> 00:15:26,460
but as soon as you leave, I'm gone.
335
00:15:26,500 --> 00:15:29,420
All right, Kelso, that's it.
I haven't had sex in weeks.
336
00:15:29,500 --> 00:15:31,620
Fez is a drought not seen
337
00:15:31,700 --> 00:15:33,980
since the great dust
bow, we are tightly wound.
338
00:15:34,020 --> 00:15:36,340
So you'd better tell us
what your real problem is,
339
00:15:36,380 --> 00:15:38,260
or we're gonna freakin' throttle you.
340
00:15:38,300 --> 00:15:40,100
I will tear you apart like a lion.
341
00:15:40,180 --> 00:15:43,500
Okay, look, I don't want to tell you guys,
342
00:15:43,580 --> 00:15:45,820
because I'm afraid you're
gonna make fun of me.
343
00:15:45,900 --> 00:15:48,900
Oh, Kelso, of course we're
gonna make fun of you.
344
00:15:48,980 --> 00:15:51,500
All right, fine. You know what?
345
00:15:51,540 --> 00:15:53,460
It's like I'm going to a new school, okay?
346
00:15:53,500 --> 00:15:56,980
And I'm worried that I'm not
gonna be able to make friends.
347
00:15:57,060 --> 00:15:59,140
First off, I'm so much better looking
348
00:15:59,220 --> 00:16:00,860
than everyone else.
349
00:16:00,940 --> 00:16:02,620
The only reason you
guys are friends with me
350
00:16:02,700 --> 00:16:06,140
is 'cause you met me before I blossomed.
351
00:16:06,220 --> 00:16:08,180
Man, you should be worried about something
352
00:16:08,260 --> 00:16:09,740
that could actually happen,
353
00:16:09,780 --> 00:16:12,340
like handcuffing yourself to a horse.
354
00:16:12,380 --> 00:16:14,540
Look, Kelso, here's the thing...
355
00:16:14,580 --> 00:16:17,420
You've stolen my stuff,
and you've burned my stuff,
356
00:16:17,500 --> 00:16:20,660
you've even groped my stuff.
357
00:16:20,740 --> 00:16:22,900
But I still hang out with you
358
00:16:22,980 --> 00:16:25,980
because you are a great guy.
359
00:16:26,060 --> 00:16:27,820
Come on, you're Michael Kelso, right?
360
00:16:27,900 --> 00:16:29,460
You're bulletproof.
361
00:16:29,540 --> 00:16:33,580
Damn it, you're right. I am bulletproof.
362
00:16:33,660 --> 00:16:36,100
All right, let's get going. All right!
363
00:16:36,140 --> 00:16:38,020
Hey, by the way,
364
00:16:38,060 --> 00:16:41,220
you're not actually bulletproof.
365
00:16:45,780 --> 00:16:47,700
Where do you think you're going?
366
00:16:47,740 --> 00:16:49,220
To the backyard.
367
00:16:49,300 --> 00:16:52,140
Unh-unh, I'm going to the backyard.
368
00:16:52,180 --> 00:16:53,420
Whatever.
369
00:16:53,500 --> 00:16:55,820
Oh, don't give me that dirty
look and say, "whatever."
370
00:16:55,860 --> 00:16:57,420
That is my thing!
371
00:16:57,460 --> 00:16:59,860
Oh, my God!
372
00:16:59,940 --> 00:17:01,900
Hot tub!
373
00:17:02,900 --> 00:17:04,820
Mom, what are you doing in there
374
00:17:04,900 --> 00:17:06,220
with that wet, hairy man?
375
00:17:06,300 --> 00:17:08,540
And why are you wearing a white swimsuit?
376
00:17:08,620 --> 00:17:09,900
It's winter!
377
00:17:09,940 --> 00:17:12,300
Bobby and I are just having a soak.
378
00:17:12,340 --> 00:17:14,020
Bobby?
379
00:17:14,060 --> 00:17:17,340
When did we get a hot tub, Bobby?
380
00:17:17,420 --> 00:17:19,300
Me and Pammy were out shopping,
381
00:17:19,340 --> 00:17:21,220
and I saw it, so I bought it.
382
00:17:21,260 --> 00:17:23,980
Even got the good one
with the euphoria jet.
383
00:17:25,140 --> 00:17:26,540
I love it in here.
384
00:17:26,580 --> 00:17:28,860
You know, if you put salt around the rim,
385
00:17:28,940 --> 00:17:30,780
it'd be like being in a giant margarita.
386
00:17:30,860 --> 00:17:32,220
Hey, what the hell, right?
387
00:17:32,300 --> 00:17:34,020
I have all this extra money,
388
00:17:34,060 --> 00:17:35,940
and Pammy here helped me spend some.
389
00:17:35,980 --> 00:17:37,740
Yeah, that's her specialty.
390
00:17:37,820 --> 00:17:39,700
Oh, you shut up about my mom.
391
00:17:39,780 --> 00:17:41,620
Thank you, Jackie.
392
00:17:41,700 --> 00:17:43,060
I wasn't defending you, ok?
393
00:17:43,140 --> 00:17:44,460
This is just really weird.
394
00:17:44,540 --> 00:17:46,580
Oh, can you both at
least put your hands up
395
00:17:46,660 --> 00:17:47,860
where I can see them?
396
00:17:47,940 --> 00:17:49,300
Enough, all right?
397
00:17:49,380 --> 00:17:51,220
I like Pam, and she likes me.
398
00:17:51,300 --> 00:17:52,660
We're both adults.
399
00:17:52,740 --> 00:17:54,580
So if you two can't handle it,
400
00:17:54,660 --> 00:17:56,020
that's too bad.
401
00:17:56,100 --> 00:17:58,620
Now go inside. You're ruining our soak.
402
00:17:58,660 --> 00:18:00,940
This soak is over.
403
00:18:01,020 --> 00:18:02,660
Then we'll go inside.
404
00:18:02,740 --> 00:18:04,660
Dad, are you naked?
405
00:18:04,740 --> 00:18:07,100
How else am I gonna try the euphoria jet?
406
00:18:14,260 --> 00:18:15,700
Okay, I know we both
407
00:18:15,780 --> 00:18:17,620
have different reasons
for wanting our parents
408
00:18:17,700 --> 00:18:19,180
to stop seeing each other,
409
00:18:19,260 --> 00:18:22,140
like I hate your mom,
and your mom's a tramp.
410
00:18:22,180 --> 00:18:24,700
But we have to join forces
and do everything we can
411
00:18:24,740 --> 00:18:25,620
to break them up.
412
00:18:25,660 --> 00:18:26,620
I'm with you, Donna.
413
00:18:26,660 --> 00:18:28,500
All the couples I've broken up before
414
00:18:28,540 --> 00:18:30,900
were just training till now.
415
00:18:30,940 --> 00:18:32,820
This one's not for popularity
416
00:18:32,860 --> 00:18:34,740
or to make another girl cry.
417
00:18:34,780 --> 00:18:37,860
It's for my beautiful mom and
your mayonnaise-lovin' dad.
418
00:18:37,940 --> 00:18:39,700
Ooh, how's it going, girls?
419
00:18:39,780 --> 00:18:41,140
Not good.
420
00:18:41,180 --> 00:18:43,540
We just saw Bob and Pam in a hot tub.
421
00:18:43,580 --> 00:18:45,460
Bob and Pam are in a hot tub?
422
00:18:45,500 --> 00:18:47,340
Pam's in a hot tub?
423
00:18:49,500 --> 00:18:51,460
There. You did it again.
424
00:18:51,540 --> 00:18:54,020
And this time, you didn't even say "Bob."
425
00:18:54,100 --> 00:18:55,900
Yes, I did.
426
00:18:55,940 --> 00:18:57,100
No, you didn't.
427
00:18:57,180 --> 00:18:58,540
Yes, I did.
428
00:18:58,620 --> 00:19:00,460
And you would have heard it, too,
429
00:19:00,540 --> 00:19:03,220
if it hadn't been for all that damn tea.
430
00:19:03,300 --> 00:19:06,220
You know, I fought a war to keep that crap
431
00:19:06,300 --> 00:19:07,660
out of this country,
432
00:19:07,740 --> 00:19:10,060
and you had to bring it into my house.
433
00:19:10,140 --> 00:19:12,940
And you call yourself an American, huh?
434
00:19:18,180 --> 00:19:21,100
ok. I'm all set.
435
00:19:21,180 --> 00:19:23,660
So here I go.
436
00:19:23,740 --> 00:19:26,100
Kelso, you're gonna do great.
437
00:19:26,140 --> 00:19:27,540
But, hey, just in case,
438
00:19:27,580 --> 00:19:29,460
I packed some extra cookies in your lunch
439
00:19:29,500 --> 00:19:32,420
to help you make friends.
440
00:19:32,500 --> 00:19:35,580
Oh, um, I ate the cookies
441
00:19:36,860 --> 00:19:40,700
try to find a friend who likes carrots.
442
00:19:40,780 --> 00:19:44,620
Ok. Well...
443
00:19:44,700 --> 00:19:46,460
Guess this is it.
444
00:19:46,500 --> 00:19:49,780
Hey, give those cows hell, boys.
445
00:19:55,580 --> 00:19:57,300
Hey, Kelso,
446
00:19:57,340 --> 00:19:59,700
I love you!
447
00:20:00,860 --> 00:20:02,100
Shut up!
448
00:20:02,140 --> 00:20:04,980
I love you, too, Kelso!
449
00:20:05,020 --> 00:20:06,580
You guys, quit it!
450
00:20:06,620 --> 00:20:08,940
I love you the most!
451
00:20:12,620 --> 00:20:14,500
We were just kidding.
452
00:20:14,580 --> 00:20:17,660
So was I. S-so was I.
453
00:20:22,940 --> 00:20:24,460
I can't believe there were no cows, man.
454
00:20:24,540 --> 00:20:28,380
Yeah, what are we gonna do
with all these bottle rockets?
455
00:20:33,820 --> 00:20:38,260
Fine, I'll be the cow.
456
00:20:38,300 --> 00:20:40,140
But this time, count all the way to ten.
457
00:20:40,980 --> 00:20:42,660
You got it, buddy.
458
00:20:44,620 --> 00:20:46,420
One. Ten.
32904
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