All language subtitles for Mr._Mayor_S02E03.Trampage.eng

Yet again we're seeing
record-high temperatures

here in the Southland, Mayor Bremer.

Is it global warming or God
punishing Hollywood for its many sins?

Andrea, this heat wave
is putting a lot of stress

on the electrical grid.

We're all suffering.

Uh, but we all... we all have
to do our, uh... our part,

you know, to conserve energy.

Even... even here at...
at City Hall, we are...

Jayden.

Sorry. Well, we're
turning the AC off, uh...

during peak hours and
rolling blackouts have...

- It's too hot in there.
- The mayor is...

Yeah, rolling blackouts
have... have happened.

Anyway, do your part. Stay cool, L.A.

Thank you in advance for your patience.

The city's free cooling
center will be open soon.

The website said 10:00 to 6:00.

What I'm hearing is the website works.

But we did have a little
problem with our vendor.

The tent we ordered
is currently being used

at a For Your Consideration event

for "The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel."

I promise we will get it back

as soon as Tony Shalhoub
finishes the Q&A.

Mr. Tomás?

Uh, we have lukewarm bags
of water that were once ice.

Bad news... Shalhoub is taking
questions about "Monk" now.

They did 125 episodes.
That could take all day.

We got to get some kind
of structure down here now.

Okay, my guy's at the
warehouse, and he found a tent.

It's from the last
"Real Housewives" reunion

so it had some hair and blood on it.

- Hose it down, make it work.
- You got it.

All right, a solution is in the works.

Mikaela, you've been online
dating for a very long time.

I got to the end of Hinge.

Well, I joined this dating app, but...

You're getting mixed messages?

Like, you think you swiped on
a single guy, but it turns out

it's a couple looking for a third,

and at first, you're like,
"No way", but then you're like,

"I don't know, at least
everyone's being honest here."

No, actually, it's been going great.

Awesome, me too.

Yeah, I've been matched
with so many lovely ladies.

Cool, cool, being a man seems cool.

But flirting online
is just so different.

All this texting instead
of meeting in person.

Yep, I prefer to meet
women the old-fashioned way.

Selling candy bars while
they're eating outside

at a restaurant and their
boyfriend's in the bathroom.

See, I'm trying to find
something real here,

but I can't get out of
the small-talk stage.

All these women keep asking
me to tell them what street

I grew up on and my
mother's maiden name,

which seems a little weird,

but I just don't know
what's normal anymore.

- Mm...
- Yeah, please.

Oh, honey.

Wait, we're allowed to call him honey?

No. Absolutely not.

Sorry, it's just... it's a scam.

These are bots... you're
flirting with robots

that are trying to steal your identity.

Wait, there's nothing
wrong with robots, okay?

I've had a thing for that
Star Tours droid for years.

Oh, no. I'd like to see a
bot with a figure like this.

That's probably just a stolen image.

Yeah, that's the lady from the
sexy senior asthma commercials.

Now I have enough breath to blow a kiss.

Oh, Ventilify.

I'm on that, but it's
to inhibit hair growth.

Oh, this profile's
using a pic of her, too.

No, no, I've messaged with this gal.

- She's a flight attendant.
- No, that's the same actress.

She also plays a flight attendant

in the Delta Air Lines safety video.

So buckle up for fun

because fun is as good as on time.

Wait, I Googled her.

Her name is Angelica Masters, and she's

on the Champagne Chestnut
box of L'Oréal hair dye.

So many of these fake
accounts use her pictures.

I guess the algorithm
knows what it's doing.

She's basically a Chico's supermodel.

This is unacceptable.

They're toying with people's feelings.

I thought an actual woman wanted to know

the name of my first pet!

You know something?

I'm in a position to
do something about this.

And someone has to let
Angelica Masters know.

Are you sure, sir?

We really should be dealing
with these blackouts.

- Hey, Kathy.
- What?

Get... get Angelica Masters!

That was intense.

How'd you stay so calm back there?

Experience. Faith in the process.

I'm gonna duck into this
mini mart for a second.

You want anything?

I'll go with you.

That's not what I asked.
Do you want anything?

I want to see the choices!

Looks like they got some
cool stuff in the back there.

I'm seeing corn nuts, washer fluid,

fake Academy Awards for people
with common Western names.

No, I just want a cold drink.

Hey, Arpi.

Four Ladybug Luck scratchers coming up.

I think you're mistaking
me for another tiny Arpi.

Oh, you. I love that
you take time to joke.

I think we'd be friends

even if you didn't buy
lottery tickets every day.

Okay, fine. Now you
know my secret shame.

An emotional affair with
a convenience store clerk?

No. It's the scratchers, okay?

They're my thing. These
will pay for those.

Okay, see you tomorrow, Arpi!

I know they're a waste of money

and a regressive tax on the poor

but after a hellish
morning like we just had,

I need a little win...

or a loss... it doesn't even matter.

These keep me sane, so stop judging me.

I'm not judging anyone. Some
people need vices to cope.

Oh, but you don't?

What can I say? Some of
us are just well adjusted.

#BuiltDifferent.

Free ticket!

Are you at least being smart about this?

- What does that mean?
Scratchers are random.

Well, I read this article

that there are ways to game the system.

You know, buy in bulk,
chat up store owners to see

which locations are due to
hit, choose new games over old.

Well, shoot, I'm gonna have
to give those tricks a try.

- Ooh, is that cold?
- Yeah, I just got it.

Coping mechanism.

Look, obviously, I get
why they use your picture.

Well, it's been going on for a while.

I appeal to sex-positive seniors,

senior-curious millennials,
and meme-loving incels.

I just hate that my photo is
being used to catfish people

and that the name

of my favorite fish now
means something so dark.

Well, if you feel that strongly,

maybe we could team up.

Well, I happen to be in
town shooting a commercial

for the new Depends thong.

I suppose I could record
something later this week.

Oh, that's fantastic.

Uh, I'll... I'll have

my comms department get
in touch with your people.

Well, there is just one issue.

How do I know that you're not a bot?

Maybe send me a bunch of pictures

and have me click on all the stop signs.

Or we could meet in person.

Do you eat dinner?

Every night, except when
I fall asleep on the couch.

Great, I'll see you tonight.

I must say, though

while I'm not a robot, I am a machine...

in bed.

Morning.

Whoa, someone's in a good mood.

It's me. I had breakfast churros.

Why did I wait so long
to date women my own age?

Oh, because you're rich, sir.

I had a fantastic night with Angelica.

You know, when you're
with someone your own age,

you connect in such a different way.

Like about wills and stuff?

Like about our favorite books and music

and how all other
generations are the worst.

I'm telling you, I think this
could be something special.

Okay, so, just to summarize,

you've been on an app for one week.

You got catfished using
a picture of an actress,

but then you just met that
actress and took her out.

Where do you even take
a commercial queen?

I mean, she's already twirled
through a field of daisies.

Actually, we never even
left the hotel room.

- Are you gonna be a dad?
- Okay.

Gross/congratulations, sir,
but the office is not the place

to discuss your one-night stand.

I think you mean first-night stand.

If this were a one-night stand,

would we have been texting all morning?

Ah, I don't really
see a we texting here.

I see you triple-texting

in exchange for a thumbs-up reaction?

Yeah, so? What's
better than a thumbs-up?

Right, Jayden?

Oh my God, thank you, sir!

1,000 buckaroos.

Last night, I followed your advice,

and I hit it big on scratchers.

Oh, that's great.

You'd think so.

But around 4:00 a.m., I was still awake,

and I realized the
truth... you ruined me.

Mm, you know, I really
thought I was safe

from ever having this
conversation with a woman.

Turns out the best part of
playing scratchers isn't the money.

It's the... Wa-cha!

the unpredictability,
and you took that away.

Okay.

I guess I'm sorry that I
helped you win a bunch of money?

Your apology is like the Super Bowl.

Just because it's happening
doesn't mean I care about it.

What kind of sorcery is this?

Why... why am I mad you gave me $1,000?

Hey, Mikaela, are we coordinating

with the Beverly Hills Mayor's Office

about these power outages?

Yes, sir. They're encouraging
residents to evacuate

to the nearest Mercedes
S-, E-, or C-Class.

Anything about cell towers being down?

I'm hearing a lot of talk
about texts not getting through.

Oh, please don't tell me
this is what I think it is.

Well, just look at this, though.

I mean, yesterday Angelica
responded right away.

See? Look, question mark,
"Okay", "Can't talk right now",

"Driving" and then an
emoji with no mouth.

But today look at that. Nothing.

Sir, she's ghosting you.

Ghosting me?

Don't listen to Mikaela, sir.

This is standard cat-and-mouse stuff.

I go years without hearing from women.

Okay, maybe we can save this.
What have you texted her today?

- Whoa.
- Oh, God.

Did you copy and paste all the
lyrics to a Joni Mitchell song?

No. No, I... I typed them out.

And a voice memo?

It does voice memos?

Siri, search Angelica
Masters control-top pantyhose.

And you sent her a red heart?

Sir, the progression

is green heart, yellow heart,
purple heart, pink heart,

double-pink heart, then red heart.

A red heart is what you send to your mom

on, like, Mothers' Day or to your dad

when he sends you a
picture of fish he caught

and you don't know how else to connect.

God, what's wrong with me?

I'm being a total doofus.

And it's because of this thing.

I'm gonna go talk to her face-to-face.

- Oh, no, no, no.
- Yes, yes, yes.

Sir, I am gonna tell you what
I would tell any friend of mine.

Do not contact Angelica for one year.

You're being hyperbolic.

You need her to forget what you did.

Come on.

I am being as serious as
Nicole Kidman in a drama

where she cannot be Australian.

One year, minimum.

I'll set a one-year
timer on your phone, sir.

Is the old car horn ringtone okay?

No, no, no.

Ms. Shaw, did you see my memo?

Uh, yeah, you're mad at Tommy

because he made you
too good at scratchers?

Yes. You may have noticed the erasers

have been gnawed off
all the office pencils.

It was my doing. I...
I'm a little on edge.

Arpi, there's a Salvatore
for you on line one.

I will call him back, Véronica!

This is the time of day
I'd normally be scratching.

Yeah. Hey, I get it.

You know, when I'm overwhelmed,
I just take a Buzzfeed quiz.

Show me.

Omelet. "Despicable Me." Boxer briefs.

Tomato soup. A sunset. The blue dress.

The light-blue dress.
The strapless blue dress.

Boxer briefs. Butter pecan. Simba.

Done. And your ideal roommate is...

Olivia Rodrigo! Ooh, fun.

This does not float my barge.

Okay. Well, let's just
take another one quiz.

Which "Sex and the
City" character are you?

Easy. Magda.

- Oh.
- Yeah.

Yeah, this job is a killer.

I used to stress-eat,

but I've gotten a handle on
it through daily meditation.

I was just gonna do my app
if you want to do it with me?

I guess we could find a private...

Oh, right here.

Hi, I'm Coyote Dewitt.

Welcome to "The Mindful Minute."

Let's begin, as always, by
focusing on our "braadth."

Breathing in, stopping to notice

where the "braadth" goes in
and the "braadth" goes out.

Why does she say "breath" so weird?

That's supposed to be "breath"?

I thought Braadth was some new
god I was supposed to pray to.

3:00, everybody.

Oh. Oh, thank God.

No, no, no!

It's a brownout.

No!

I'm going to the break-room fridge,

and I'm gonna eat all
the food before it melts!

Oh, yeah. That'll get you there.

The stakes here may be too high.

I bit into this thinking
it was a lemon scone,

and it is very much a tuna melt.

This always makes me feel fantastic

for, like, 18 to 20 minutes

and then very, very sleepy and sad.

Hey, Arpi, I need a quick word.

Are you eating Valerie's birthday cake?

You know that her birthday
was, like, before Thanksgiving.

Yeah, we're stress -eating, sir.

Oh. First, thank you. You were right.

I'm much happier dating
a woman my own age.

When did I ever say that to you?

I may have imagined you
yelling it at me, I guess.

I don't know.

Anyway, look, the
youngsters are telling me

that I can't call a certain
special lady for a year.

Now, those aren't Boomer rules, right?

Boomers don't have a year to waste.

Don't lump me in with your
"Big Chill" generation.

I'm technically a Gen X preemie.

I think I should call her.

What? What?

I never called Salvatore back.

Arpi, have you talked
to Salvatore today?

Apparently there's a problem
with the cooling center.

This is what happens
when I'm off my game!

Hey, now.

Oh.

Uh, look-it, if Arpi calls, uh,
tell her that I had to go, uh,

deal with the heat at
the... you know, the place.

Hey, Dan. Get the car.

Oh, Braadth!

Why have you forsaken me?

Salvatore, what the crap is this?

Okay, hear me out.

The cooling tent that I
brought yesterday was a backup.

And they already booked it for today

for the roof of Soho
House because sometimes

the guests complain that
the pool is too heated.

So you put senior citizens
inside a damn clown?

Okay, continue hearing me out.

I called you earlier and said,

"Would you be okay with
a high-end bouncy house?"

And when I didn't hear
from you, I followed my gut.

I've been working on
not overthinking things.

This is my fault
because I was distracted.

How fast can we get rid of this?

Well, do we want no
injuries or some injuries?

'Cause those are two
very different timelines.

Ay, la madre!

Get your head in the game, Arpi!

Why does that one old guy keep jumping?

He's popcorning everybody.

What do you want me to do, Arpi?

I can't decide! Tommy, break my fingers.

I've read that extreme
pain can focus the mind.

Go for the pinky.

Look, do you remember when I told you

I don't have a secret coping mechanism?

I lied, I do, and somehow you
have made me feel guilty enough

that I want to let you in on it.

I'll do anything at this point

except therapy or Peloton.

Meet me at the corner
of Tujunga and Ventura

at 6:40 a.m. tomorrow.

Don't wear anything
baggy or with zippers.

Can I help you?

You're the guy who does
those E.D. commercials.

Gorgialis.

It's always nice to meet a fan.

What? No, no, no. I'm the mayor.

What are you doing here?

Me? What's the
boner-pill guy doing here?

I'm also an adjunct professor
of acting and pretend fighting

at Santa Monica Community College,

but sure, dude.

Brett and I are old friends.

We hit it off on a commercial
for a bathtub you stand up in

and reconnected after my divorce.

But, Angelica, you texted me.

And you didn't text me back.

So I texted the Trivago
guy and then Brett.

Hey, man, "Trivago Guy passed"

are my three favorite words.

Brett, do you mind if I have
a moment alone with Neil?

Why didn't you text me back
before coming over here?

I didn't realize you
were seeing other people.

Oh, honey, haven't you ever
heard the term "trampage"?

Why do people keep calling me "honey"?

And of course not.

I'm newly single.

And career-wise, I'm having a moment.

I want to meet people.

I want to expand my horizons.

A "trampage" is a rite of passage

for a sexy divorcée like me.

Oh, my God, I just don't
get how this works anymore.

I mean, did you know about
the different color hearts?

Only because I took a
great computer course

at the Learning Annex.

Turns out you can print
from your cell phone!

What?

Listen, I'm sorry if you felt misled.

For what it's worth,

this is also a big
disappointment for me.

I really wanted to do
some weird stuff with you

that Brett just doesn't
have the height for.

Thank you.

- That actually means a lot.
- Okay, bye-bye.

What is this, some kind of fight club?

If you don't know what this is,

you shouldn't be here, fish.

Okay, easy, Gretchen. She's with me.

Yeah, Gretchen.

I'm digging the "Lord
of the Flies" vibe,

but what specifically are we doing?

Everyone here collects a
special kind of pottery...

Rae Dunn ceramics.

It comes out in limited editions.

Five minutes after these
doors open, it'll be gone.

Yeah, 'cause I'll have it all.

Oh, you wish!

You usually get your
first taste by accident.

Someone gives you a
mug that says "drink."

Pretty soon you want a
plate that says "plate."

Then you discover the
desktop accessories,

and then they've got you.

On Tuesday and Friday mornings,

that manager puts out the new stock

and then I fight these
Karens to the death for it.

Look, just follow my lead, okay?

Keep your elbows up and don't be afraid

to snatch out some clip-in weaves!

Go, go, go!

That was...

satisfying.

Yeah.

I appreciate you letting
me see your secret joy.

Makes me feel less
alone in my weirdness.

So see you next week?

Nah.

I can't physically destroy
ladies with sassy haircuts.

Feels like cannibalism.

But I have enjoyed this
reasonably priced dance

with chaos and his sister, danger.

I just need to find
my own dirty hotel room

for our next ménage à trois.

Cool. Good luck with that.

Sir, can you explain
to me why the city's

Official Mayor's Office Twitter account

has been trolling the Gorgialis account?

A medication I'm also
on but for wake apnea.

You were right, Mikaela.

Angelica's on a trampage.

Oh, I love that for her.

Yeah, she was just using
me. And I humiliated myself.

Well, at least it was
with Angelica Masters.

My last date was with an
improviser who robbed me.

I don't know. I might text him.

I wasn't excited about her
because she's Internet famous.

I was excited because we
had so much to talk about.

I didn't have to pretend to
know who The Chainsmokers were.

Well, there's probably a lot of
women that you can do that with.

You just need to find one who
sees you as more than a jump-off.

Huh. Yeah.

Yeah, maybe it took a one-night
stand with Angelica Masters

to realize that I really am ready

for a mature relationship.

When do you want to meet my aunt?

Her name's Patricia, and she is mean.

Arpi, it's getting dark.

I paid for the hour,
Salvatore, and I need this.

Keep popcorning, Griffin.

Are you an older adult
who thinks he or she

is in an online relationship with me?

You're probably not.

Hi, I'm Angelica Masters,

and I'm not looking for
anything serious right now,

nor do I need your
social security number

or any other personal information.

Take it from me, Angelica
Masters will never ask

for your email or bank account password,

your bank routing number,
the name of your first pet,

pictures of your passport,

or any other personal information.

She is not interested.

And if Angelica Masters asks

for photos of your genitalia...

better send those... that could be me.

There is nothing is sexier

than protecting your
personal information

from online scammers.

So keep it sexy, L.A.

- Good night, everybody!
- Good night!

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