All language subtitles for Mr._Mayor_S02E02.Mayor Daddy.eng

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- Press conference today?
- No, actually,

I have to leave after the
morning meeting, for a luncheon.

I'm on a 30 under 30 list.

Wow, "Forbes" 30 under 30?

No, it's wrong time
of year for "Forbes."

You know, I was "Forbes" 30 under 30.

Okay, well this one is for women

who are making a better Los Angeles.

"The 'She Absolutely
Did That' 30 under 30".

Who sponsored this a women's magazine?

No, a brand of canned rosé

that used to be a women's magazine.

Well, this is an
impressive list of honorees.

You've got a Goop chemist,
TikTok appropriator.

Billie Eilish's veterinarian.

Her tarantula had a fungus, James.

Any idea if the mayor will be gracing us

with his presence today, Ms. Shaw?

I have a proposal to run by him.

Oh, I also need 20
minutes at some point.

And I need to show the
mayor some pants I bought.

I'm trying something new,
and I need him to be on board.

Okay, well, he's pretty tied up today.

He asked Kathy to clear
his morning for the I-Team.

And what are we, chopped liver?

You know, I never
understood that expression.

Chopped liver is delicious.
You get a three-foot baguette,

couple inches of chopped liver
on there, that's your morning.

Man, I love inside jokes.

- But I do not.
- Oh, this guy.

Sir, I don't know if
you saw my latest email.

The subject line was "Email from Arpi."

No, sorry, but speaking of the latest,

the I-Team and I are
working on something

and we can't wait to
get it off the ground.

Stop laughing, you're not part of it.

I am. You don't know everything.

The mayor and I are working

on a rapid transit solution
for Dodger Stadium...

It's a gondola from Union Station,

like at a ski resort.

Or a theme park.

Sometimes a gondola is
the fastest way to be

transported back to the parking lot

when your T-shirt's inappropriate.

Gondolas, okay.

I look forward to seeing that
in the year 3000 and never.

Actually, Arpi, we think it'll
be ready for the Olympics.

Tomorrow, James and I are
gonna take the helicopter

for an exploratory trip with
the director of city planning.

I should be wearing a leather
jacket for that, right?

Oh, you could wear a
ball gown if you want.

We're just excited to have
a mayor who will listen.

Do you need anything
before I take off, sir?

Remember, Salad Works is
the place that you like.

The Salad Mill is a
dance club for gentlemen.

Right. Hey, quick question.

I'm good at reading people.

Back at my billboard company,

I predicted so many divorces.

Was the morning meeting a little tense?

Yeah, sir. You may not get this

since Orly is an only child,

but when parents have a second kid,

the older one can sometimes

resent the attention that the baby gets.

And here at work, there's a new baby.

Oh, for goodness sake.

Are you talking about the I-Team?

And what, the rest of my staff's

a bunch of jealous toddlers?

Arpi shops at GapKids,

and Jayden is pretty afraid of haircuts.

You're doing a lot of special
things with the new kids...

inside jokes and helicopter rides.

It's so weird for me to
think of a helicopter ride

as special, but okay, I
will block off the afternoon

for some adult fun with my colleagues.

You cannot word it that
way in the public calendar,

- but thank you.
- I know.

And just to be clear, I don't
need that kind of validation

because I'm getting a trophy today

for being a really good girl.

It is such an honor to
be here with all of these

other amazing women
chosen by Boss Betch Rose.

I wanna thank all of the girlboss hoes

on the nominating committee

for recognizing the epic
work that our administration

has done for the less privileged.

On our watch, for the first
time in this She-llenium...

yeah, I said it...

the homeless count has not gone up.

Of course, there's more work to be done.

But thanks to my initiative

to turn all of the
abandoned Souplantations

into shelters for the unhoused,
we flattened the curve.

Curves flattening curves.

Am I right, ladies?

Oh! Oh, I'm sorry.

It's fine.

Usually people just keep
walking or skateboarding

or filming their
walk-and-talk for "NCIS".

- What's your name?
- Teri.

That is a really beautiful name.

- Okay.
- You know, Teri,

this city offers a lot of great services

for people experiencing homelessness.

And if you'd like, I can bring
you to one of our new shelters.

Sure.

Look at that. Isn't this beautiful?

Good Lord, I thought you were joking.

You really took us to a golf course?

Arpi, in my world, this
is a sign of respect.

This club is very special to me.

Listen to that. That
is the sound of planes

not being allowed within
10 miles of this course.

Yeah. I'll wait in the car.

Oh, come on Arpi. This is gonna be fun.

Come on, let's get you geared up.

Right behind you, sir.

Arpi, do you not see
the opportunity here?

Yeah, if this is at
all like "Caddyshack,"

we're gonna see gophers.

Will they be dancing
around like in the movie?

Probably not, I'm sorry.

No, when my college roommates
didn't invite me to go golfing,

they were gone for five or six hours.

We're gonna get a huge chunk
of alone time with Neil.

No I-Team in sight.

I promised myself I would
never pick up a golf club

unless I was breaking the windshield

of an unfaithful lover. But...

let's do this.

Make sure you tell them that
the mayor's office sent you.

Oh, here take this swag bag, too.

Wow. Pop Chips, an issue of "In Style,"

oh, and a coupon for a couple's massage

at the W Hotel in Miami.

So loved getting to know you, Teri.

Same.

Have so much fun!

Huh, so that's why "C" is for "corpse".

Well-played, Sue Grafton.

There you go. That's better.

My socks feel weird.

You can't take 'em off, Jayden.

We're just walking and
talking, and it's so hot.

Come on, don't do that.

Sir, while Jayden is dying,
maybe I can show you something.

This is a demo for an
app I've been developing

that tells tourists about the
history of their parking spot.

Wouldn't you pay extra
to park in the same spot

where Dr. Harry Dalton... as
played by Pierce Brosnan...

parked before he talked to
the army men in "Dante's Peak"?

Why can't I get internet here?

Because we're on a golf course.

Jayden, get up!

Good thing. I'm all analog, sir.

Do you know how much money diarrhea

cost the city every year?

That's why I want to tackle M.U.D.

Okay, stop. For several reasons.

It's evocative, I know. It's
gonna make a great hashtag.

Arpi, this is a private club.
We can't discuss work here...

What, then why would you bring us

to this hellhole of white privilege?

Hey, first of all, our
treasurer is diverse.

And I was just trying to do
something special with you guys.

You know, share something that I
haven't even shared with my tax guy.

And thanks to him, I made
negative $10,000 last year.

I have a bar! Sir, sir, sir!
I can show you my thing I made!

I told you to put that away.

There are no electronics on this course.

You looked at your phone.

Hey do as I say, not as
I do, Orly... Arpi, I mean.

Is there something on my neck? Ow.

What? You're sunburned.

Can't you guys not
even put on sunscreen?

I did. Don't yell at me
'cause you're mad at him.

Arpi, Arpi! Hey, don't ignore me!

I learned it from watching you.

- Ow!
- Oh, my God.

You guys are acting like...

- children.
- It feels spicy!

Well, you were right.

The staff is jealous,
and they're regressing.

On the ride home, Arpi
gave me the silent treatment

and Jayden got so worked
up he threw up as Go-Gurt.

Yeah, and now the other
kids have heard about

your golf outing, and
they're acting out.

What do you mean?

Valerie, that's not where
that goes, young lady.

Hey, Luis! That's not who we are!

All right, all right. What
are we supposed to do now?

We? Oh, yeah, sir, I
wish I could help you,

but I've decided to play
the role of "cool auntie,"

and just throw you under the bus.

- Dan, get the car.
- Where are you going?

I'm handling this situation
the way my father would've.

I'm going for a drive.

And when I get back, I
will be a little drunk

and ranting about how there
are too many TV channels now.

It's still true, by the way.

You know, I took a closer look

- at the brochure.
- Oh, my God, obsessed.

My picture is good though, right?

It was my idea to lean in that doorway.

Sure, uh, look,

I just didn't realize
that you got the award

for "flattening the homelessness curve".

Mm-hmm, not all heroes wear capes.

Although I did just
order a cape from ASOS.

Return it. Don't even open the box.

Look, I didn't necessarily
want to tell you this today,

but my team has been cleaning
up data from the past year

and the city's homeless
count was a mess...

- What?
- Look, I'm happy to share

the data inconsistencies with you,

because they definitely suggest

that the unhoused population went up.

Wow, I can't tell if you're
just desperate to convince Neil

that you're more useful than me,

or if you just can't
stand that I got an award

that isn't just for corporate sellouts.

Malala was on the same list with me.

Well, the creative exec who runs

her production shingle
was on mine, okay?

Arpi? Arpi, the I-Team
is trying to claim

that our homeless count was off.

Is this all how you consulting
groans know how to do?

Regurgitate things other
people have been saying forever?

Wait you agree with James?

No, Arpi, he's the villain here.

Oh, come on, I am a good guy.

I haven't said anything about

how that award misspelled "absolutely."

Oh, come...

The homeless count is never right.

L.A. doesn't have the
resources to recruit, train,

or equip enough volunteers
for a proper count.

So the city took a page from New York...

The "Flavor of Love" contestant.

You mean the city. New York City.

Okay. I'm starting to
feel this fifth can.

NYC conducts its homeless count

on the coldest night of the year,

when the fewest people
are actually on the street.

But since L.A. is never that cold,

DHS decided our count
would be on Oscar night.

The day L.A. moves
all the unhoused people

who live near the red carpet
to the city of Glendale.

And potential volunteers

are all stuck at home with Oscar fever.

Seriously, Mikaela, you
thought in the 21st century,

in Los Angeles,
homelessness didn't go up?

But, but I got a trophy...

And you "absotudely" don't deserve it.

I'll be on the roof.

Not feeling this ice cold rosé
through my stolen golf glove.

Wait a second. Teri?

Why... why aren't you at the shelter?

Um, I don't love shelters.
They're not that safe.

And the curfew so
early, it's dehumanizing.

But we got rid of the
Souplantation smell.

Oh, you really didn't.

I spent the night in one of
those shelters the other week

and I'm still like, "Where's
the Italian wedding?"

Around here, I know the other
people and the store owners.

Sometimes, when I buy
a coffee from 7-Eleven,

they throw in a bag of chips.

You know Lay's made a special
edition tuna casserole chip?

- Who voted for that?
- Okay.

But if you didn't want to stay,
why did you let me take you?

I mean, it seemed
important to you to help me.

Like maybe you needed
to "make a difference"?

No judgment.

No, I... I make a
difference. I got L.A. to put

Malin+Goetz products
in the mobile showers

on the Plaza, so...

Smelling like grapefruit and sandalwood

will definitely pay for my mom's meds

and get me my job back.

Well, I will make a difference.

I'm gonna earn that award.

You got an award? Hey, congrats!

What's it for?

Good for her.

Hi, honey.

Hey, Dad, do you know why
we have two Hulu accounts?

Uh, that makes it premium, I think.

Hey, while I got you, how do you imagine

you would react if you
suddenly had a baby sibling?

What? Dad, ew! What?

Oh, no, sorry, sorry. I'm
not having a person baby.

I have a work baby.

Her name is "The Innovation Team."

And I'm worried that my older
work children are feeling ignored.

- That makes sense?
- Like how Ceviche

started pulling her eyebrows out

after her sister Landline was born.

She's named after her
grandmother's phone.

Oh, so what did Ceviche's
parents do to fix it?

- She got eyebrow plugs.
- No, no, I mean, emotionally.

Oh, well, they spent
one special day a month

where she gets to decide what they do.

They call it Yes Day.

She usually picks
something like a piercing

or an ironic trip to a strip club.

And she's much happier now.

Let the kid pick what they wanna do.

Of course. Thank you.

Oh, I see why we have two Hulu's.

We were both trying to watch
"Normal People" in secret.

- No, no, I haven't...
- Bye, Dad.

I haven't watched... ah, who cares?

- Whatever we want?
- Yes, I'm serious.

Tomorrow, we will do whatever you want.

Seafood tower, in-office masseuse.

There's this married couple

who will make up a whole
musical just about us.

We wanna pitch our ideas to you.

You sure? 'Cause that
music couples sure had a lot

- of great looking wigs.
- No, she's right, sir.

But I will take the card

for the husband and wife make 'em ups.

I'm planning my cousin's
bachelor party, so...

Okay, listen up, everybody,

Tomorrow, my door is officially open.

Any City Hall employee can come pitch me

one new idea that will improve L.A.

Because you are all very special to me.

Ooh, it's like "Big Block of Cheese Day"

- from the "West Wing."
- Yeah, or "Shark Tank."

Ooh, that Barbara Corcoran.
Ha-chi-cha-chi, am I right?

Oh, thanks for coming in early.

No sweat.

I keep my sleep schedule two
hours ahead of time in case

- I ever take a trip to Chicago.
- Great.

Well, I spent all night
dreaming of new bold ideas

for how to solve the
homelessness crisis.

"Solve". Okay, hotshot.

Well if it's all a housing cost issue,

we can just raise the minimum wage...

To keep up with inflation.

We need to raise it to $47 an hour.

- What else you got?
- Okay.

Um, we could build more
single room occupancy units...

NIMBY. Angelenos don't
want 'em in their backyards.

Community boards block that
every time we try it. Next.

Then declare a state of emergency...

Those are just for show.

Don't give us extra funding or power.

Okay. Give everyone Equinox memberships.

And clear everybody out by
5:00 AM for "Best Butt Ever"?

Let them live on failed sitcom sets...

The kitchens don't work,

and it's hard to get rid
of Patti Heaton vibes.

Mattresses made out of thrown-out wigs

from Hamburger Mary's...

Ms. Shaw, we tried all these.

The quick fix solutions
never get anywhere

because the city won't admit
how bad the problem even is.

This is just so demoralizing.

I know it's a heavy issue,

which is why network comedy
shouldn't even go there.

Some problems have an easy solution.

I picked my haircut 40 years ago

and never looked back.

But others? You just got to be
in the fight for the long haul.

I'm gonna run for chancellor. Yeah!

Excited for the day, Mr. Mayor.

To keep you from playing
games on your phone,

I asked Orly to help me
change your lock screen.

- Gah!
- "Gah," indeed, sir.

Arpi, I want you to know that
I am fully committed to this.

Well, let's start with an easy one.

How many work hours a year

does the average Angelino
lose to preventable diarrhea?

Let's take a look.

No, no, no.

As you can see, there's
some historical parking spots

right here in your City Hall.
Go ahead and click on one, sir.

"This is where Bill Hollywood
came up with the idea

that movies should suck."

Okay, you know what, I
asked Bryce the intern

to help me with this,

and I guess he had some
fun at my expense...

"During the 1932 Los Angeles Olympics,

this is where Tommy Tomas
farted himself to death."

Bryce, I will be telling
Tulane about this!

Thus, I feel it is time
for the Hollywood sign

to be bigger so people can
read what those letters say.

Ah.

L.A. needs an official song.

Now, it'll have to be
proceeded by a warning

because I sing in a register
that can trigger seizures.

We gotta bring tourists
back into our hotels.

Couldn't agree more.

So let's make it a law
that no more relatives

can stay at my house, okay?

I'll consider it, Sophia.

I think the mayor should let
the driver choose the music.

- Okay.
- How's everybody doing today?

Good? So here's an idea.

We harness the energy of women
swiping me left on Tinder.

Luis, is this a real idea,

or are you just working
on your stand up?

Well, it's not getting any laughs,

so uh, real idea, I guess.

What else? What else?

Bumble? More like humble.

Hey, so I took a look

over the unhoused numbers that you sent,

and I think that they
might in fact be a mess.

Huh.

It's almost as if you're
saying that I was right.

Okay, don't test me, James.

Your mom's Facebook is public

and I've already saved a video of you

as the only boy in a tap show.

Okay, okay. Withdrawn.

Look, I get that the situation is worse

than when we arrived,

and I might not have
a quick fix for that.

but I think if we're going
to be persistent about it,

we first need to get
a real accurate count,

and I need the I-Team
to help me with that.

Oh, okay. Great.

But you do realize that if
we get a truly accurate count,

we're not gonna get any praise.

You know, if anything, it's
just gonna make people more...

More furious with us? Yeah.

I'm familiar with how
ugly social media can be.

I posted a picture of myself
in the cape that I bought

and I trended briefly
as "Lady Farquaad."

Wow, that's an old reference.

Well, don't worry. I got you.

Uh, I mean, we got you.

Well, thank you,

And I look forward to
working with you as well.

Ooh-whoo!

Sorry, I was watching the
"Saved By The Bell" reboot

on my phone.

Yeah.

Thank you, Stephen.

I'm not sure how dating
your mom would help the city,

but she seems like a lovely woman

I will certainly keep
her number on file.

Nice work, Stephen.

Chopper's on the roof, boss.

That's it! That's this
year's staff t-shirt.

Whoa, whoa. Where are you going, sir?

Arpi, I've been here for four hours.

I can't use any of these ideas.

It doesn't matter. It's Yes Day,

and you promised your children.

Jayden's not going to be 41 forever.

Okay, Kwapis, let's hear your pitch.

Great. Actually, I have ten pitches...

- You can do one...
- Four?

- One.
- 29?

- One.
- Fine.

I wrote it out.

"I get sad when we all fight.

I think siblings should
be nice to their siblings

and share things with them."

Sure. Yeah.

And that's your pitch for
the City of Los Angeles?

Yes, I say we invite all of
L.A.'s sister cities to visit

because then we can all share ideas.

Athens has dealt with smog
and hosting a recent Olympics.

Auckland is a leader in
gun control and green tech.

And Split, Croatia?

That's where "Game of
Thrones" filmed dragon stuff.

It is time that L.A. got
to know its 25 sisters

and they got to know their one brother.

Because L.A. is a boy.

Jayden that's actually
great. It's global,

and it shows our
commitment to new ideas.

And, frankly, unlike most I-Team ideas,

we could probably do it
by the end of the year.

Almost makes me want to
hear your other 28 pitches.

Idea number two, City Lizard.

It's like City Bike but with lizards,

for Angelenos whose moms
are lizard-reluctant.

Okay, thank you.

Teri.

Oh, how are you the
hardest part of my day?

Teri, I just wanted to apologize

for overlooking the
problems in the shelter

and to let you know that we're gonna get

a true, accurate count of
the unhoused population.

It won't fix everything,

but it's the first step
towards real solutions.

Cool.

So is this the part in your movie

where that KT Tunstall
song starts to play?

Yeah, you know what? I was lying before.

Teri isn't that pretty of a name.

Thank you for that.

- For what?
- You didn't patronize me.

I miss people feeling comfortable to be

low-stakes petty around me.

Oh, low-stakes petty is where I reside.

Can I tell you how much
I hate my sister's baby?

If you buy me Sweetgreen.

- Okay, deal.
- Okay.

So the second that I got this job,

she took her first steps, and apparently

it was "early for her age".

Okay, Vivian, I see you.

Also, she stays acting like
she can't pronounce my name.

She calls me G-boo.

That's not even close.
G-boo? My name is Mikaela.

Yeah, I'm also going to be needing

- a jasmine lemonade, G-boo.
- Totally.

- Good night, everybody.
- Good night!

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